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#so it would be appreciated im sure by more than me

diorsluv · 2 days

Text

casual , part 11

“ but we’re ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( socialmedia!au )

yourusername

liked by luca.fantilli, rutgermcgroarty, and 111,103 others

yourusername ur favs are back 😈😈

tagged: luca.fantilli, rutgermcgroarty, markestapa, edwards.73, vivianliu

view all comments

username10 aww this is my fav type of post

username1 BUBBLES

→ vivianliu my fav powerpuff girl 🫧

→ yourusername buttercup 4EVAAAA

_alexturcotte 1/3 of these pics have some sort of suffocation going on… are you guys okay

→ yourusername it’s only 2 pics

→ _alexturcotte out of 6

→ yourusername turcs stop mathing please

→ _alexturcotte whats 9+10

→ colecaufield OH OH I KNOW THIS ONE

→ trevorzegras 21!!!!!!

username46 wheres my girl vivi 😔😔

→ yourusername shoe pic!

username21 the chaos is so endearing

_quinnhughes i thought u said vivian wasn’t going with u guys

→ yourusername SHE WENT ON A DATE 😏😏😏

→ yourusername but she didn’t tell us where it was so we went to subway and her big back was there w her pookie

→ jackhughes first date at subway 😬

→ vivianliu hey no it was our SECOND date

→ _quinnhughes second date at subway 😬😬

→ yourusername quinny dont act like u could do any better 💀

→ _quinnhughes i could

→ vivianliu oh 🥴🥴

→ yourusername EW

trevorzegras you need to invite me

→ yourusername no

→ trevorzegras why

→ yourusername ur icky 🤢🤢

→ trevorzegras 😒

username39 when do i get a friend group like this 😕

→ username14 have three hot, talented, very social brothers in the nhl with two that went to umich

markestapa ngl that card game was fire

→ yourusername thats what she said?? 😭

→ _quinnhughes that’s not how the joke works stupid

→ yourusername its the name of the game dummy

→ _quinnhughes oh

→ markestapa LMFAO

luca.fantilli we never hang out anymore 😔

→ yourusername YES WE DO

→ rutgermcgroarty luca’s right we never see u in the light of day

→ yourusername i’m at urs more than i’m at my own apartment guys

→ luca.fantilli u dont give us attention

→ yourusername 🫤🫤

→ luca.fantilli UR ALWAYS W UR DAMN BoyfRiEnD

→ rutgermcgroarty REAL WE WERE THE BOY FRIENDS BEFORE YOU GOT YOUR BOYFRIEND

→ yourusername you’re both so needyyy 🙄

rutgermcgroarty you have no good photos of me do you…

→ yourusername I DO

→ rutgermcgroarty prove it

→ yourusername no can do!!

adamfantilli the shoe game is fire

→ yourusername 🔥🔥🔥

→ adamfantilli 🥶🥶🥶

→ luca.fantilli 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

→ rutgermcgroarty 🥱🥱🥱

→ dylanduke25 😴😴😴

username71 it’s so cute how ur always together

edwards.73 stop teaming up with rut when we play card games

→ yourusername but you and i always compete against each other

→ yourusername it’s like.. our thing 😟

→ edwards.73 well maybe i wanna change our thing

→ luca.fantilli not possible bro u can’t change a “thing”

username93 luca, rut n mark r dressed up as powerpuff girls like TELL ME IM WRONG

lhughes_06 i don’t like this horsing around mess

→ yourusername stop speaking like an old man for the love of god you’re TWENTY.

→ lhughes_06 respect your elders

→ yourusername oh lukey it’s funny that you think i would

mackie.samo i shouldn’t have left i miss you

→ yourusername AW MACK STOP

→ yourusername we miss you too ☹️

rutgermcgroarty

liked by colecaufield, yourusername, and 100,004 others

rutgermcgroarty its national best friend day look its my best friend

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername it’s not national best friend day 😑

→ rutgermcgroarty then its my national best friend day

→ yourusername we live in the same country. two blocks away from each other.

→ rutgermcgroarty its an appreciation post 😕

→ yourusername rut sweetie i know u appreciate me u tell me every day

→ rutgermcgroarty NO I DONT

→ yourusername okay you show me every day

→ rutgermcgroarty WHY WONT U LET ME APPRECIATE U

→ yourusername p sure the boyfriend’s gonna get mad 😖😖😖😖😖😖

→ rutgermcgroarty whats stopping him from posting an appreciation post

adamfantilli ok whats the likelihood of him actually posting an appreciation post LMFAOO

→ rutgermcgroarty 0.0001%

username29 ooooo the bf’s getting called out

username27 AWW THE CREEPER HATS

username18 minecraft besties so aesthetic

→ yourusername girl he’s horrible he built an obsidian dick in my survival house

→ username6 oh……..

→ username30 😧

markestapa the way she’s barely at your shoulders LMAOOO

→ yourusername HEY NO I WAS CROUCHING

→ rutgermcgroarty stop trying to save face we know how tall you are

→ yourusername no one online knows my height they’ll never know if i’m lying or not 🤨🤨

→ mackie.samo you’re actually 7’6 yourusername

→ dylanduke25 or maybe she’s 4’6 💀

username14 guys what if the bf posts her but it isn’t ethan

→ username68 i’d cry

luca.fantilli best friends but u dont even have pics of her 🙄

→ rutgermcgroarty real best friends got no pics of each other 😔😔

→ luca.fantilli i have pics of u???

→ rutgermcgroarty but we’re men

→ yourusername isnt it supposed to be the other way around??

edwards.73 ik what ur tryna do

→ rutgermcgroarty do u tho?

_alexturcotte deliberate beef (?)

→ rutgermcgroarty perchance.

→ markestapa you can’t just say perchance.

→ mackie.samo you can’t just say perchance!

→ dylanduke25 YOU CAN’T JUST SAY PERCHANCE.

→ adamfantilli YOU CAN’T JUST SAY PERCHANCE!

→ luca.fantilli YOU 🫵 CAN’T ❌ JUST 😓 SAY 🗣️ PERCHANCE 🤷‍♂️

→ yourusername god what is this nonsense

lhughes_06 mhm 🤨

→ rutgermcgroarty i thought u supported my aspirations

→ lhughes_06 mhmm 🤨🤨

username45 are u trying to make ethan jealous

username89 one day they’re gonna get into an actual fist fight

next chapter notes ) so… i was going back over old chapters of feather and i realized they used to be SO short??? like why did i suddenly start making everything longer but for the sake of the plot and my sanity i’m ACTUALLY going to be reverting to my old ways this time (not lying!!!!) and it’ll be easier for me to get chapters out 😭

tags: @dancerbailey3 @hughesfein @loveforaugust @alwaysclassyeagle @love4ldr @inhoodmood @bunting58 @crazycat-ladys-blog @smoooore @bunbunbl0gs @lilasianmeat

#ethan edwards #ethan edwards fanfic #ethan edwards fic #ethan edwards x y/n #ethan edwards x reader #luke hughes #jack hughes #quinn hughes #mark estapa #dylan duke #mackie samoskevich #trevor zegras #alex turcotte #cole caufield #adam fantilli #luca fantilli #rutger mcgroarty

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capfalcon · 2 years

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"no cishets at pride" bro today i volunteered at a pride event for planned parenthood and literally the amount of ppl who are parents who r trying their best or supportive spouses or literally just ppl there was rlly heartwarming. not to mention i went with My best friend who's cishet and my biggest supporter and the person who's always validating my identities and trying her hardest to be a good friend, and a good ally, subsequently. so like no. cishets at pride. i feel like a lot of this whole thing comes from a place of trying to make queerness safe from certain parties, terfs will claim this, and so will ace exclusionists, etc etc. but like. while there is danger and fear and spaces that should be queer spaces, i will always want more people celebrating with us, talking to us, being a part of our community, than distancing themselves. so yes, my arms are open for parents walking up to our booths with their openly queer kids, my arms are open for the parents without their kid, trying their best to connect with the community that their daughter is a part of. my arms are open for the grandmother who signed up to be a volunteer with her kid translating for her. my arms are open, because that's what it's about.

#if youre not connecting to your Community in the larger sense then? whats the point #i have more empathy and compassion and understanding for the parents putting in effort to care about their kids #than i do about a gay public offical #or a lgbt politician or whatever #and even if its not their kids!!! even if they just wanted to look!!!! yes. our community is fun and loud and there's so much rich history #and if the way ppl connect is by coming to a pride event then im never gonna say no or be against that #i dont CARE if ur queer i care if you want to sit with me. if you will stand by me. if you will care about me.#if we are part of the same community.#also this is the part where i encourage you to donate to planned parenthood #and idk if this is. possible? but specifically California planned parenthoods #because california will protect people who travel here to get abortions and there will be a massive influx #so it would be appreciated im sure by more than me #thank u 💖#jordan talks

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sea-buns · 16 days

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there's this baby kitty in my neighborhood whose tail has been injured and as far as we know doesn't have any owners. we finally got her trusting enough to come up on the front porch and sleep, but the rush of power at being on higher ground must have gone to her head cuz she has since completely ignored us for 3 days while she stalks her terrorizer so hard he waits at her feet in fear of her weirdness. well i think the bout of ghosting us when we call for food time might be over cuz this morning there was a bird next to the front mat and she was screaming for sustenance. the thing is, earlier in the morning she was out there yelling but we didn't have time to feed her then. and we only saw the bird when we came back about an hour later so. either it was already there and we missed it or she said 'oh no food? i can trade u want trade? we share?' and ran to go find an offering. but also the bird she brought isn't one we really get at our feeders so this skinny little paperweight of a cat ran a fair distance somewhere and carried this bird that's the size of her head, if not bigger, back uphill, upstairs, through a patio gate, and gently lined it up next to the mat. not even on the mat. it was perfectly parallel but out of the way of where we walk. i maybe should have been more horrified than i was but frankly i've been missing her and i am flattered by the sentiment.

#weve gotten mutilated lizards before in past places we lived and that did bum me out #cuz when its something so messy it was always a jumpscare to open the apartment door and either SEE the dismembered parts of a lizard #or god forbid step on it before you see it #and that was back in florida where lizards are in abundance. and that is not the case here. here it is birds #i do appreciate how clean it was. like there was only a little blood on the concrete after we moved it #you would think she knew not to dirty the mat but still wanted us to know it was a gift #im fuckin charmed yall lmao #her name is daisy btw #named by my little sister who im learning is far better at names than i was and still am lol #sometimes she still names stuff butts but at least she tries and thats more than i ever did #sea rambles #does this count for cats of tumblr? or is that only for pics/videos?#idk ill think up a tag for her and use that cuz im sure there will be more posts to come #daisy bb

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thegoldenavenger · 8 months

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I just want u to know I've followed u for So Long even when I dropped out of marvel fandom and seeing scum villain stuff cross my dash from u almost gave me a heart attack but LET ME TELL YOU there's nothing better than an old fandom user suddenly hyperfixating on YOUR current hyperfixation and especially when it involves feelings about liu fucking qingge. Sing me every song of liushen and WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN u beautiful person <3

Ah ah!!!!! Ahhhhhhh

I'm glad you get this experience... everytime one of my old fandom follows and/or mutuals starts posting something I currently love after years of being in orbital drift I get like +300 points

Liu qingge makes me so uhh feral. I'm so surprised too I don't think he really lines up with my Type of character fixation but he's filling my head up SO SO much....

Have I talked??? About shen qingqiu saving liu qingge and his whole plan starts and ends at "someone who can help save me" (because he doesn't see these people as people yet, they're still just characters and he's a Hella unreliable narrator who bends over backwards not to have feelings wow) and liu qingge DOES! HE DOES HIS BEST he helps clear shen qingqiu's meridians, whenever shen qingqiu calls for him he SHOWS UP [sobs] like, liu qingge transforms from a tragic noble warrior who died before his time, for a story that has no place for him, someone who exists entirely for his sister (he's beautiful because his sister needs to be beautiful he's powerful so his sister can be powerful, he's killed off so his sister has motivation (LOVE that liu qingge is the dead woman trope btw) his death is placed at the hands of shen qingqiu so his sister can kick off the story's arc....) who's chronological first act in the story is pointing out the protagonist, whom he is always compared to! To a man desperately (unknowingly) trying to find his place in a story that has no room for him.

His sister doesn't need him for motivation any longer because Luo binghe isn't interested in her. He no longer serves the narrative purpose he was supposed to have. And he can't even serve the narrative purpose he's trying to fill because there is simply no room.... in the story. For him.

He's not anyone's fated soul mate, he no longer has a narrative purpose, he isn't a lead, he isn't a love interest. The things he does do... he finds shen qingqiu's fans, he clears shen qingqiu's meridians, he flies shen qingqiu around, he spends years fighting against a demon lord to retrieve shen qingqiu's body but like.... you could cut those pieces out pretty easily. From the story. Because he's not supposed to be there.

#kamchats #the thing his presence DOES do #is make it so yue qingyuan doesnt throw himself onto luo binghe's sword for no reason #like im pretty sure if lqg was still dead at that point yqy probably would have uh come out worse #and dont get me started about how thats uh.#thats probably the one thing original shen qingqiu would have appreciated more than anything else wtf???#im so sad hoo hoo #sqq keeps calling lbg the protag #but lqg is the one who is pulled after sqq bc #narrtivelt speaking... sqq is the protagonist in lqg story..........#lqg story centers around sqq now.... bc lqg wouldnt HAVE a story without sqq saving him #please helpme im so emotional

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supercutszns · 4 months

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rotten to the touch; luke castellan

series masterlist

wc: 3.2k

pairing: pre-tlt luke castellan x f! reader

synopsis: you’re pretty sure you’re an awful person. you’re pretty sure luke castellan is too. and you’re pretty sure you want to make out with him.

warnings: reader is flawed & not the greatest, luke is ... a little dark🫣, small mention of blood, swearing, lots of making out but no explicit nsfw, a bit toxic, & no more more ‘i can fix him’ or ‘i can make him worse’ it’s ‘he can make ME worse’

notes: this is… sluttier than my usual stuff so it’s not as good but i’m trying, feedback is appreciated! also i wonder what cabin we think this reader would be in, let me know where you’d place her im curious :) maybe i’ll write more of her in the future she’s interesting!! and thank you for 100 followers i am so grateful<3 designated song for this fic is crush by ethel cain

You are a miserable, wicked, asshole of a person, and everybody knows it. Including you.

It’s unclear to you why you turned out this way—every reason to blame never satiates the fury searing your insides. All the campers hate you. The counsellors, too. Even Chiron looks down on the viciousness inside you. You are Camp Half-Blood’s black sheep; a mean, bitter person with no love for the people around you. And it’s not just for show. You know you’re rotten. You know the anger will never go away.

It’s evident in the things you think about other people—the way you pick them apart in your head, toss them aside, because they just don’t see it. This miserable, unforgiving world, with children sleeping on wooden floors because the people who created you think you disposable. Because they can just make more of you. More, more, more, until one of you comes out rotten, born of all the ugliness they have inside them. You are the worst parts of Godly blood. The wrathful parts.

Everyone hates you. Everyone hates a person with an unquenchable anger.

But everyone loves Luke Castellan.

He’s a saint at Camp Half-Blood if there ever was one. Handsome, generous, kind. Goes out of his way to help out the new kids and gives them homes in his cabin. He’s the best swordsman in camp by a mile. Shit, you’d even love Luke Castellan if you didn’t know any better.

But you do, and you don’t, and it’s complicated, okay?

Because there’s something you know about Luke Castellan that nobody else does: he’s miserable and wicked, too.

You see it in his eyes sometimes. The way they look at you at dinner, when you’re picking at your food away from anyone else at your table. Something familiar rises in them, and your stomach twists. His body tenses whenever someone mentions his father, but the smiles he flashes are so charismatic nobody notices. But you do. It’s exciting.

During sword practice, he quips back and forth with the kids and laughs whenever they take a jab at him. He’s light, easy, carefree. But you see how he holds back, the tension in his shoulder, the way the arc of his sword never fully finishes. So you wait until everybody leaves and he’s alone, with the training dummies and the setting sun. And you. Hiding.

He slashes through them and spears through their heads. You see it, the gnashing of his teeth, the sweat curling down his cheeks. There’s something there. A chasm he’s hopeless to fill.

Before you know it, you’re going out of your way to catch him training alone. It’s creepy, you know, and awful, you know, but the more you watch him the more you see a sort of violence scabbed under his skin.

Whenever you see him now, the feeling you get is entirely foreign to you. It’s almost . . . longing.

Wherever she is, you’re pretty sure Aphrodite’s having a cosmic fucking laugh. And you’re sure she’s laughing double tonight.

The Aphrodite cabin is hosting some secret party for the older counsellors. You’re definitely of age to be a counsellor, but you’ve never been made one because that would probably make half the campers drop out. Chiron and Mr. D don’t know what to do with you. You’re sure you’ll be kicked out of camp soon for good.

But you’re here anyways, for a reason you don’t want to admit, and you stay tucked in a corner as the world around you mingles. Luke is on the other side of the room, lovely as always, laughing with a few other counsellors. He brings a drink up to his lips, and you have a startling thought of what it would be like to kiss him. And you’re fucked. You’re so fucked. Because for the first time in your life you want something tangible, something real. You want to hear him and feel him and pry him apart, and a part of you wants him to actually see you, see all the awful things that might make you the same. You feel like a teenage girl with a crush, and it is infuriating.

An Aphrodite girl comes up to you with a foolish smile. “Hey, sorry, you want a drink?”

“Fuck off, you idiot,” you snarl.

You wait for her to leave. She doesn’t. “You know, you don’t have to be so mean all the time,” she says evenly. “If you’re here, you might as well enjoy it. So yes, I want to give you a drink.”

“Have you ever thought that I’m not being mean? Maybe I just am.”

You glare at her. She looks you up and down. “Sure,” she shrugs, walking away. There’s a vivid picture in your mind of her falling through a hole in the cabin floor. It doesn’t soothe you, but at least the fantasy is there.

The night drones on. You’re sick of the smells and the laughs and the heat. And you’re sick of yourself. You can’t believe, underneath all your sourness, you came here to stare at a boy you barely know, and you don’t even know why. He’s fascinating, and you resent him, and he’s also beautiful. But he’s looked back at you all of three times tonight and you’re sick of the way your skin crawls when he does.

Leaving the cabin brings the relief of the cool night air, and the singularity of your body. You are the only one who feels this rage. You are the only one who hates.

To stave off your discomfort you walk around to the back of the cabin, to the crest of the hill facing the water. The stars above twinkle at you in spite. There’s a bitterness in your throat you want to wash down with something worse (maybe you should have taken that drink), but you know it won’t matter. Nothing matters. Those stars and whatever they hide are apparently the only important things in the universe, so why should anyone care about anything?

They stars only get brighter. It’s probably their goal to piss you off. You grunt, “Oh, fuck you,” to them. It’s not enough, never nearly enough to expel the rotten part of you. “Fuck you. Fuck off!” You groan at the sky. Nothing happens. Until:

“I’m guessing you’re not having a fun night.”

You whirl around. It’s hard to see in the dark, but whatever light is left catches a long scar on a cheek. Your stomach knots.

“Yeah, me neither,” Luke Castellan says, hands in his pockets as he meanders towards you.

Even when he’s close enough, you don’t say anything. If you do, you’re afraid it’ll be something ugly. Like I kind of want to make out with you. Are you awful too? I need a lobotomy.

The thoughts almost make you laugh. Been a long time since you’ve been funny.

He nods at the sky. “Those things don’t talk. You do know that, right?” He’s still so captivating, so self-assured, even when there’s no one around but you.

“Gods, you’re the worst,” you scoff. You really mean it, so you can’t look him in the eye.

“Then why have you been staring at me all night?”

It catches you so off-guard that you whip back to face him. He has an eyebrow raised and the itch of a smile that makes you burn with shame. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

He shrugs, leaning against the cabin wall. “I’m not stupid. You’ve been brooding in the corner watching me the second you came in.” He cocks his head to the side, adding, “Actually, you stare at me all the time. At meals and stuff. I really hope you don’t think you’re being subtle.”

You huff. “Okay, if we’re really being honest here, you started that! You do it too! All the time!”

His hands shot up like he was being arrested. “Hey, I never said I minded it. A guy’s . . . just gotta wonder. What’s up with you spying on me when I’m training alone, anyways?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You watch me when there’s nobody else around. I’m not blind. It’s weird. If you want tips you can just ask me. Or if you like what you’re looking at, at least be upfront about it.”

You speak before you can take in that last sentence, or the way his smile took pride in itself when he said it, or how embarrassed you should probably feel. “You didn’t answer my question about why you started staring at me first.”

The anger (shame) blinding you made you forget how close you are to him right now. Close enough to touch, but not enough to see. But almost there. Almost.

“People think you’re mean,” Luke says after a moment, his dark eyes probing you. The words curl out of his mouth slowly, like he’s choosing them all with care. “You’re rude. You never listen to anyone. You judge everything. They all think you’re awful.” Again, he looks you over. “I’m not so sure.”

“If I’m awful, then you’re awful,” you spit before he can say anything else.

He just shrugs. “Well, I guess that’s why I’m not sure.”

It’s irritating, his calmness. He has the same anger you do. How come he can just . . . shove it down? You try to unearth any fury in his eyes, but it’s too far back. Simmering. “Jesus,” you mutter, “You’re worse than me.”

He looks genuinely taken aback by this. His scar deepens when his brows wrinkle. “What?”

“You’re a pretender—that’s what you are.” It’s your turn now, to step closer, to make his skin crawl. “Look at you. Everyone loves you. You’re this perfect golden boy and you’re sweet and attentive and whatever the fuck but you know it’s one giant lie. At least I’m honest, but you just sit pretty and act like you don’t have that . . . thing that I have. Resentment. Insanity. Whatever you want to call it. We’re the same, but I’m the only one getting shit for it.”

Now, you are close enough to really see him. The patterns on the wood behind him frame the vision of his ever-shifting face. You realize that this, like most things are to Luke Castellan, is a challenge. You also can’t remember the last time you saw him lose one.

But when you play, you play to win.

“You don’t know that,” he dares.

“Oh, I do. You’re rotten, Castellan,” you sneer, index finger jabbed into his chest. You can feel his heartbeat if you concentrate. “And you’re not owning up to it, so you’re also a coward.”

However scathing you look, it isn’t enough. If anything it only makes Luke’s manner more playful. Nothing feels playful anymore. Everything, inside and outside of your mind, feels like constant, exhausting war. Maybe that’s why you don’t slap his hand off you when it wraps around your wrist, keeping it pressed to the middle of his chest. His heartbeat thrums through you.

He tilts his face towards you, grinning, “Then why do you want to kiss me?”

All right. What the fuck. It feels like you’ve been electrocuted.

“What the—what are you talking about?” You blunder, but he knows, of course he knows, because there’s something between the two of you that has been formed and understood by eye contact alone. He can probably read your mind. As much as you don’t want to admit it, you’d like to read his just as much.

He cocks his head. “I mean, you did call me pretty,” he teases, and it’s almost endearing. “You’re pretty like this too.” His other hand comes up to your face, and you’re surprised you don’t flinch when his thumb gently smooths the crease in your eyebrows. “Don’t call me a coward, heathen. Then we’ll both be embarrassed.”

The nickname makes you want to fight, but the touch makes you dizzy. “You don’t want to kiss me, Luke,” you say with all the control you have, which, right now, is increasingly sparse.

“You’ve gotta stop telling people what they want,” he muses. The hand on your wrist traces further down your forearm. The one on your face snakes around your hips. “One of your more disagreeable qualities.”

His words fan over you. That fire simmering in his eyes has finally come to the surface.

“One of?” You challenge.

“You let me make out with you and I’ll give you a whole list.”

You snort, hoping it hides the shortness in your breath. “What a charmer you are.”

His lips brush yours. “Well, that’s what makes me so rotten, isn’t it?”

There’s hardly time to unravel if that’s a question or a statement because you grab a fistful of his shirt and he kisses you. Your heart detonates. It is not rotten in the slightest.

His body is warm and firm. You smell the cabin wood and the drink on his breath. It all matters, and none of it does. You’re warm everywhere as he wraps both arms around your back, and the way he kisses is, unfortunately, exactly how you thought he would. Your hands are tentative in his hair. So is your mouth on his. But Luke is so deliberate in the way he kisses that you know he’s thought about this, too. It makes you all the warmer.

His hand takes your jaw and tilts it up. You know your neck is shaky with breath, and you’re pretty sure he’s admiring it. You don’t complain when he presses a kiss to your jaw, then another one, like he’s testing the waters. “You’re so nice like this,” he mutters almost to himself, thumb running across your neck. “If only people could see you.”

“Then they’d see how mean you are too, no?” You huff. “You don’t want that.”

Another kiss to your jaw. “Not yet, sweetheart.”

Whatever feeling is harbouring in your body right now, it’s so fulfilling it almost makes you uncomfortable. You want to reject it. You’re not supposed to want things. Worse, you’re not supposed to get things. Luke starts marking a path down your neck and you are so determined to enjoy this that you’d kiss a fucking baby if someone asked you to. You might as well be a saint.

He bites the pulse point on your neck, sure to leave a mark, and a shudder rips through you. You’re pretty sure the bastard starts laughing. You hit his shoulder in retaliation.

“Easy, heathen,” he reprimands in your ear, and you know he’s still smiling.

“Don’t—don’t call me that.” You hate that you start to smile, too, and that your stomach burgeons with butterflies when he pulls back to look at you.

He touches the corner of your upturned mouth, kiss-bitten and red. His expression is boyish. “Hard to when it makes your face do that,” he goads. “I thought it was impossible for you to smile.”

“Be quiet.” You thread a hand through his camp necklace and bring him closer. You can almost taste his mouth on yours, but he sweeps past you at the last minute.

He gently tugs your earlobe with his teeth and whispers, “Yes ma’am.”

Fuck him. Seriously. You might have to.

It’s a tangle of teeth and hands and smiles kept hidden, as you slip your fingertips beneath his shirt and he does the same, and you’re both angry and greedy and incredibly destructive, but it doesn’t matter yet. Now you’re just teenagers fooling around at the back of a party, and it’s the first good thing either of you have had in a long time. Luke leaves you gasping whenever his mouth hits certain places, maybe too many places, and he teases you accordingly. “So sensitive,” he taunts, pressing his knee between your legs so he can see you squirm. You rake your nails through his scalp and he tilts his head back to groan. It shuts him up for a while.

He bites your neck until you say his name. You trace lines on his stomach till he takes your hand in his own. You’ve been hungry for something your whole life, and you finally have something to sink your teeth into. For better or for worse.

After Hades knows how long, laughter floats out from the front of the cabin. Sounds of feet tripping over each other and muffled goodbyes. You pull away from Luke, chests heaving together. His hair is wild, his shirt crumpled, and he looks entirely satisfied with it. Smug little shit. “Party’s letting out,” you mutter.

“What a damn shame.” His hand rubs your jaw, and it’s too tender a gesture so you angle your head away to peek over the side of the cabin. You barely pay attention to the kids straggling back to their bunks.

“Is now the time you tell me all my horrible qualities?” You ask once you’re ready to look at him again.

He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Actually, I came up with more since I said that so I’m pretty sure it’ll take more than one night.” He fakes a wince, “Might have to spread it out for a few days.”

You roll your eyes, “Oh, you ass.”

“I’ll give you one for starters.” You feel like a tornado when he kisses the juncture between your jaw and your neck. “Your hands are too cold.” They’re tucked underneath his shirt right now, pressed against his back. You don’t move them. “And,” he adds, “you’re incredibly crass.”

“Thanks, dipshit.”

“Thank you for proving my point, heathen.”

The commotion at the front gets louder, and you know your time to go undiscovered runs short. “You meet me again tomorrow, and I start telling you the rest?” He raises his brows.

The prospect both repulses and excites you, although perhaps they’re hand-in-hand. You tentatively reach up to trace the scar on his face. A faint, jagged line that holds scripture within it. His eyes flutter shut for a moment. “Even though I’m rotten?” You ask, and there’s an echo of mischief in your voice, too.

He’s got a strange expression when he looks at you. “That’s not true.”

He leans down, angles his head to kiss you. It’s slow, but bitter, and he bites down on your lip until you’re pretty sure there’s blood. “Luke,” you murmur, and he kisses you softer. You lean into him like a hapless, lovesick fool.

After you part, he loosens his grip on you. The bumbling campers have gotten louder. He stares at you, and you see the chasm in his eyes again, brimming with fire. Same as yours. You know you’ll see him tomorrow.

He says, “You’re not rotten. You’re right.”

And damn it, you really do believe him.

#perrie’s fics #luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo x reader #pjo series #pjo tv show #luke castellan smut #pjo #heroes of olympus #charlie bushnell #i like sexy evil people making out okay.#maybe will make a part 2 to this series because i’m just so fascinated by their weird little dynamic but we’ll see #i kind of hate this but WE MOVE ANYWAYS!!

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ed-recovery-reminders · 1 year

Text

(somewhat tw: block the tag #not recoverer, if you don't want to see posts that go into my mental state as somebody still trapped by this hellish disorder)

Part of me wants to recover, and part of me wants to relapse badly... staring at the timer on my screen that says '51:00:50', I think the relapsing is winning right now. In part because I feel horrible right now because I ate too much - and all of it after 5pm. All I ate before 5pm was a single cup of coffee that made my head spin, at break at work. Possibly because I barely ate the previous couple of days.

All the same, why am I doing this to myself? Why am I punishing myself for eating slightly more than what should be a normal intake (granted, in rather unhealthy form) by saying 'okay now we must not eat'? What am I getting out of this? Why?

It's like I only just realised, this is an addiction. I'm starting to lose the reason I even started with this whole problem, and all I'm left with is the addiction and the compulsion and the need for control. I want to be healthy. But I can't shake the feeling that I have to be somehow 'bad enough' to get healthy, even while my brain is telling me girl you're already underweight why are you trying to lose more weight. Honestly, I've almost certainly decided to seek help for this before the month is out, it just depends when.

My brain is a mess right now. This is worse than it's ever been before, because I have the chance to be more controlling than ever. ...And also actually seeing the nice little numbers (I do so love numbers and graphs!) trot nicely down as the days go past is positively euphoric.

It's like I'm sort of seeing the danger here, but also, it's - I don't want to call it fun because it's not, but yeah, it's euphoric. To perhaps borrow a drug name... it makes me ecstatic.

And also, I'm aware enough as a nursing student of what to look out for in case things go too far and I urgently need medical help. I'll be fine; don't worry about me, in case anyone's reading this. (Genuinely.)

And if you are reading this - please go get a glass of water (I'm gonna get one as soon as I hit 'post now') and make sure you're eating properly, and please get enough sleep. I love you. I want you to take care of yourself, and if there's anything I can do for you, please tell me.

,,,,,,,

I intend to only rarely use this tag (#not recoverer) but while I deliberately didn't want to associate it with any of the actual tags, I also wanted to just vent, I suppose, but in a way that could be triggering for others more so than my vent tag. If this will be a problem for you, please block the tag.

#not recoverer #please note that in my timezone it is past 10pm so things are slightly worse than they might otherwise be in more sane hours #and anyone who knows my main blog? i think it goes without saying that you don't mention any of this to anyone else who knows me?#(this is literally bc im pretty sure the one person who would most be bothered by it isn't following this sideblog)#(and at risk of sounding cold or uncaring also i would like to mention to those who know me that i would not like comment on this post #please and thank. i mean encouraging me to eat more or smth is very unlikely to help bc i am stubborn and stupid.#i appreciate it usually but at this point i think it would make it worse. i love and appreicate you!#and if you wanna be praying or generic good wishes or whatever do feel free! but no specific tips pls and thank you if that makes sense #love you <3 )

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