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orderforbrian · 1 year

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my personal hc is that martin forces jon to watch all of the films (extended version) like this:

[Start ID: 9 crudely drawn doodles of Jon and Martin from the Magnus Archives. Jon is a thin Persian man with shoulder length curly hair, a beard, and rectangular glasses. He's wearing a t shirt and sweatpants. Martin is a fat mixed Polish/Korean man with wavy hair kind of styled in a modern mullet. He's wearing browline glasses, a t shirt and sweatpants, and has a beauty mark under his lip. 1st image: Text says "Fellowship of the Ring (Extended Edition)" above Jon's head and he looks forward in horror. A line buzzes past him and cracks at the end, with the sound effect "glass shatters sfx". 2nd image: Jon attempts to get up but Martin's arm shoots in front of him. 3rd image: Close up of Martin from a downward angle, he looks down menancingly at Jon and says "Sit. Back. Down." You can see his breath as he says it. In the bottom corner, Jon has big dewy eyes that are pleading for mercy.

4th image: Martin is holding a crudely drawn gun to Jon's head as they sit on the sofa together, Martin has his other arm around Jon's shoulder and Jon looks mildly terrified and sweaty (mostly due to the impending film). 5th image: One half of Jon's face is shown, he apprehensively says "H-how long did you say this was...". 6th image: One half of Martin's face is shown and he blankly responds, "3 hours. I made popcorn...".

7th image: The film is presumably over. Jon looks deep fried, he has many creases under his eyes and his hair is a mess, an arrow pointing says his eyes are bloodshot. He proclaims with heavy sarcasm, "Wow! What a great movie!". He thinks to himself, "Jesus Christ, I'm glad that's over." 8th image: Martin smirks and says, "Hah! Just wait until the next one. It's a trilogy." In the bottom, Martin sits on the sofa with a fanged smile. Jon is laying on the ground in the Family Guy death pose with an artificially big butt. 9th image: Text above says "Return of the King (Extended Edition)". Martin has presumably made Jon watch all the movies at once. Jon looks like a husk of a dried corpse, he has creases all over his face and has a single hair sticking up from his head. Martin beside him says, "Yeah, that's one of the many interesting behind the scenes facts-". Jon exhaustedly replies "Cool". End ID.]

#i only drew all this bc we watched lotr for the first time #i had never seen it and leo has never watched it all the way thru (my adhd king)#so i think martin would nerd out about lotr #also he is samwise gamgee FR #cw gun #order up! art tag #jmart #jonmartin #the magnus archives #tma shitpost

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dukeofriven · 7 years

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Brevity Isn’t My Jam: Musings on Nerd Culture 2017 [An Adjuration for Compassion]

Watching the news flow out of SanDiego Comic Con I am realizing just how much Import Nerd Stuff there is that I used to watch but stopped caring about because it’s mediocre. It feels like 99% of what’s hip and mainstream in nerdom right now is stuff with great visuals, punchy dialogue, and no soul - bonus points for confusing cynicism and violence for mature storytelling. I stopped watching the Marvel Netflix TV shows after Daredevil Season 2 demonstrated that it had a lot to show about violence but nothing to say about it. I walked away from Game of Thrones a long time ago when I realized that great cinematography and great acting don’t make-up for a show whose real themes all end up being bleak, cynical, and rather juvenile - GoT smears a lot of mud on everything, but it’s a simulacrum of realism, not the real thing. Westworld? I enjoyed the first few episodes, but when I went away on a trip and came back the impetus to pick it back up again was gone. I knew what I’d get watching it: some pseudo-serious philosophic musing intercut with bloody violence and titivating nudity that in the end don’t actually mean anything.

It’s not that any of these shows are bad per-se - but they’re not great, either. They’re fine. They’re okay. It feels like the entire scope of Nerdom industries is just... biding it’s time, waiting for something to effect actual change, while everything else just sort of continues on, like Bilbo aging with the ring of power. HBO-esque blood dramas look and feel like this, super hero movies look and feel like that, indie hits all bleed into another. It’s why I watch a lot of cartoon shows - it’s like they’re ten years ahead on finding post-modern deconstructed narratives played-out. They’re not afraid to be sincere in their emotions, they’re not afraid to experiment in truly unusual ways. They’re not afraid to be kind. I struggle a lot with kindness. As an often-bullied, thinks-he’s-so-smart hey-there-faggot sort of kid, sarcasm and irony were my tools of survival, the shows I enjoyed often as sarcastic and ironic as I was - or, like with MST3K, a celebration of heckling itself.* But for irony to have any meaning it has to have some kind of sincerity to bounce off of, just as a deconstruction needs a construction to be a reflection of. What’s GoT a deconstruction of, exactly - Lord of the Rings? Our nearest filmic touchstone is the Jackson movies, which - like GoT’s - were incredibly violent. The biggest difference, besides their postive-versus-cynical tone, is that LOTR has far less female characters, but doesn’t treat them so brutally or disposable. Is that really what we needed in our lives? “Man LOTR was all-right but what it lacked was violence against women, especially sexual violence. And tiddies. I hope someone with an extremely dim view of humanity comes along and rectifies that on TV”** It was hip to be cynical when your reference point for fantasy films was 1985′s Legend and saccharine Disney flickers, but almost every fantasy film since Shrek has felt the need to acknowledge within the text that the conventions of fantasy are unrealistic: every fantasy movie seems to feel the need to reassure its audience that it knows better than to be a fantasy movie. Shrek came out in 2001, which means no teenager alive came of age in a time when animated movies didn’t have someone hanging a lampshade on the conventions of the genre and winking at the camera. In others words, none of them came up in a world experiencing any of those lamp-shaded conventions our cynical, deconstructive media is skewering in the first place. (Also, no one under 20 remembers the merchandizing world that existed pre-Pokémon, which blows my goddamn mind.) What has all that wink-and-a-nod cynicism done to our psyches? Preserved ironic teenaged detachment well into adulthood, certainly, which is possibly the only reason something so ridiculously juvenile as Frank Miller’s take on Batman can be enjoying such a renaissance. My point, which I’ve largely let drift away from me here, is that it is very hard to be kind when your instinct is to be cutting - to get a laugh from the crowd by bringing someone down rather than raise them up. The impulse to wander over into the AvClub and treat everyone to my rapier wit about how their crummy show sure likes stacking up the bodies is a strong one, but what’s that get me? I want to be kinder. I want to be better at it. For the time being if you hit my particular buttons (like defending your right to use noxious fabric softeners that can be smelt a block away and make scent-sensitive people physically ill) I’m going to get riled up and pissy - but I don’t want to be. There’s a Vonnegut quote, good for any occasion

“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.” that I wish was more in circulation. Take a look at the crop of today’s nerdy properties and what binds most of them together is the shared belief that kindness is so rare as to be miraculous. A brief, unexpected respite from the awfulness that is the default human existence is almost unbelievable to the rational mind. Kindness is the exception, not the rule - left to their own devices the people of Westworld will abuse robots with no thought to morality. The Fates in Westros do nothing but punish the hubris of anyone who acts with honourable intentions. Don’t know what is happening on Marvel TV, but it probably involves a lot of slow punching, corrupt politicians, and the most fleeting reprieve from grinding, eternal despair. The real world is awful enough as it is right now without all of our media feeling the need to double-down and reinforce the air of cynicism and disheartenment; nobody finishes an episode of The Walking Dead and feels upbeat about the future. I’m not asking for endlessly cheerful propaganda, but in the bad times our media should reflect the best of us, just as in good times it should check the hubris of gilded tunnel vision. Modern Nerd media has vey little to say about the modern: it merely holds up a mirror to the real world to reflect its worst elements. I get that every day from the news - I’d like my stories to be a little different. I’d like a world where ‘Cruel to Be Kind’ is only a great Nick Lowe song, not a mantra that demands that our only heroes be as morally compromised as our current crop of political leaders. I’m tired of a media landscape that tells me that kindness is a rarity: I want a landscape that repeats the opposite over and over until people stop thinking the former is true and start finding kindness in unexpected places - such as within themselves. The most adult movie ever made has no gore and no brutal violence against women in the name of realism or verisimilitude. It’s called My Dinner With Andre, where two theatre people sit and eat dinner for an hour-and-a-half and talk about the nature of happiness and spirituality. They talk about what it means to be human - and not a single horde of zombies needs to make an appearance for either of them to make their respective points. I don’t need GoT or The Walking Dead to be nothing but people having mature conversations - but I would like to kill the notion that watching people be awful to each other is some kind of profound or meaningful insight. It’s not anything but a choice the show made: the world is not inherently horrible just because it is in Game of Thrones. I’d like to kill the notion that kindness is a unicorn, and that stories are better when compassion is rationed and withheld from the audience (because they would find a surfeit unrealistic.)

If nothing else, I’d like to end the notion that the best way to wind-down after a miserable day is to watch five nominally different TV shows that all have the same story: people are miserable and are capable of nothing but creating more misery.

_______________ *This is not entirely fair: outside of some real atrocious stinkers like Monster-A-Go-Go. MST3K always had an affectionate love for the cheesy movies it was showing; its humour rarely came from a place of malice or cruelty. That is why I prefer it to Rifftrax, which often comes-off as three grumpy old men getting cranky about having to watch a film that has people under the age of sixty in it.

**More than once George R.R. Martin has compared his works to LOTR, and every time has shown a remarkably poor understanding of LOTR, to the point that if you told me he hadn’t engaged with the work since he was fifteen I would nod my head and go ‘yeah that’s obvious.’

#Westworld #the walking dead #game of thrones #comic con #GoT #MST3K #Rifftrax #marvel #nerd #nerdom #nerd culture #media #george r.r. martin #kindness #long post #LOTR #empathy

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illtalktoyoureyes-blog · 7 years

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PODCAST BROS. AU

I. Bros being bros and podcasting about nerd shit.

II. The podcast has approximately four listeners, the most dedicated among them being Mike's mom. (Mike has repeatedly told his mother not to listen because it "makes him nervous.") This number fluctuates depending on the time of day, the weather, and the amount of disparaging remarks Dustin makes about the DC cinematic universe.

III. There is much discussion of comic books, superheroes, table top games, film adaptations, sci-fi and fantasy authors, ethics in journalism, cosplay, the Nintendo switch, what the hell is taking George R. R. Martin so long does he understand his readership will probably be dead before he publishes another book? and other topics salient to college-age nerds under the impression their dedication to their hobbies could someday pay their bills.

IV. Following in the illustrious footsteps of Matt Bessar, they live-stream their Saturday night D&D games. (Dustin: Hey guys, just wanted to give you a quick update. Mike's basement is still disgusting.") The results range from palatable mediocrity to hitherto unseen levels of chaos. The comments page would be a mess...you know, if people left comments.

V. Their first guest is an amazing, unbelievable get. El Ives has written four volumes of the Wizards of Gale series- a staggering, gorgeous epic chronicling the coming of age of a young psychically gifted warrior traversing a galactic wasteland in search of her true purpose-in the last three years. She's gone on national tours, topped sci-fi best-seller lists, and was proposed to roughly thirty-seven times at New York comic-con. Naturally, the dudes freak out, but Mike's is the most memorable melt down. He talks to himself in the mirror in a pre-interview hype session, he drops his note cards, stares for inappropriate lengths of time, and generally makes everyone ridiculously uncomfortable.

VI. After the stress of her tour, the casual atmosphere of the podcast (with the exception of the host who makes tense, terrifying eye contact with her before avoiding her gaze for the rest of the day) is a novelty El is reluctant to relinquish. This explains hanging around Hawkins ("You're welcome to stay at our place." Dustin volunteers before Mike can open his large, endlessly stupid mouth.) despite having deadlines, and interviews and a whole life in Manhattan. They take her to all their lame hang-outs and Mike dies several deaths due to sheer embarrassment (Humiliate Wheeler To Death Tour 2017!)

VII. This is the thing. The thing is this: despite the fact that they've been doing this for like, four months, and no one is even really listening Mike is still absurdly nervous on air? Lucas and Dustin are naturals and Will chimes in when he really wants to make a point (he's often drowned out by the intensity of Dustin\Lucas debates but whenever he manages to incline his chin toward the mic and deliver his statements in the softest, least antagonistic voice ever created, his points are salient and logical and even occasionally border on poignant) but it take s Mike at least fifteen minutes to get comfortable uttering opinions he has no trouble voicing off air. It's disconcerting and weird, and he's envious of the casual way his friends interact on air. They're natural, as if there aren't any disparities between their on air personalities and their real life ones. They're completely comfortable, Mike has to calm down, close his eyes, remember his pre-air inspirational speech, really center himself before he can engage in way that's even close to natural. (Even then, his voice is a touch too high, his sentences come out blunt and semi-intelligible, and his jokes feel more like passive aggressive indictments of other people's moral characters than "ha ha" funnies. These delightful and attractive flaws are only exacerbated by the prolonged presence of one of his literary heroes who, in addition to being funny, clever, sincere, brutally honest, and genuinely down for anything re: appearing on a D&D role-playing channel with four losers, has the audacity to love Ray Bradbury and Farscape as much as he does. It's the fucking rudest.)

VIII. To make matters worse, she loves his friends. Lucas is the most charming mother fucker alive (dude has a certificate!) and Mike hates him for the ease with which he makes El laugh so hard she cries. He then hates himself for hating Lucas, up until the asshole does it again and El looks happier than a ten year old who was just informed she gets to live at Disney Land. Witnessing the vast depths of El's joy is probably the purest experience Mike ever has. Said joy is a product of Lucas recounting any number of stories starring himself as the witty, amazing, bad ass of their high school tenure. So, dilemma. She and Will exchange book recommendations, karaoke Fridays at Lester's is forever altered the moment she and Dustin duet on a gentle, soul-melting rendition of Head Over Heels (they're terrible singers, but the power man, the subtle emotive, power) and Lucas, Lucas is everywhere, buying her drinks, and talking about how there are certain paragraphs in book three he wants to live in, and complimenting her buzz cut, and constantly and at all times making her laugh so long, and hard and with her entire body and it's so fucking unfair Mike can't actually-

IX. In local news, Lucas and Dustin are living in a shoebox across the river from Mike's house. Will is over so often he is repeatedly mistaken for a piece of furniture. He has his own shelf in the fridge (the middle), his own snacks in the cabinet (fig newtons are more than fruit and cake) and coconut shampoo he's neglected to take home and which is become the official property of the estate. Dustin likes to think of his abode as a sovereign nation, wants desperately to draw up a constitution and design a flag. Lucas likes to think of his casa as a Dustin-free zone, and is disappointed upon opening his door and finding reality has very much crushed his hopes and dreams. There is very little sleep, the occupants are lucky to claim several consecutive hours of unconsciousness. Instead, there are twitch marathons, Netflix binges, LOTR re-watches, and intense, lengthy debates over the merits of Zack Snyder being shot into space verses the efficiency of simply setting him ablaze.

X. Will is fond of lying on the couch, or on the window seat or on the floor next to Lucas' mattress and telling him all the ideas that his ridiculous brain ushers forth when he can't sleep. Lucas gently reminds him of the graphic novel he's kind of, sort of, a little bit working on-the thing he starts last year and politely but stubbornly refuses to show him any more pages once Lucas becomes a living, breathing reminder that Will could maybe think about possibly publishing it because It's Good. To be fair, saying the words aloud, letting them take shape in the air is almost like working on it. It's very, very close.

XI. Eventually, Mike realizes that contrary to initial reports, he's actually jealous of two people. Yes Lucas making El laugh is fairly fucking infuriating, but so is the knowledge that Lucas is trying so hard to make someone laugh, and that that someone (for reasons he is painfully, intimately familiar with) is NOT him. Pre-graduation, post-two a.m. silent, sexuality-specific realization that takes place in an Arby's parking lot, Mike and Lucas are the most accurate visual representation for best friendship that has ever, or will ever live. Their bond is unshakable, the stuff of Census Bearu legend, the canniest, most argumentative, absurdly affectionate, gleefully contrary pairing so robust and unrelenting it caused even the most patient members of their tight-knit Indiana State study circle to routinely throw up their hands and avert their eyes, yelling, "That's enough! Put it away!" One sunny, late-fall afternoon, they're picking up the thread of an ongoing Alien vs. Aliens debate (Lucas: I'm so glad your mom's not here to listen to her son humiliate himself like this. It would break her heart.") which has ascended to the intensity level that warrants standing very close and screaming as though they are not standing very close, when quite suddenly, they are no longer arguing. The discovery of another item in a long list of things they are hopelessly good at when they combine their talents, takes up the entire afternoon and most of the evening. The surprised, but strong, and ultimately righteous sense of joy\awe is conflated by the subdued, giddy knowledge that what has been in the past for Mike a rare and somewhat lackluster experience, and for Lucas, a little less rare but equally mediocre 'event' currently feels like the wide expanse of potentiality specific to scientific exploration. So there's that.

XII. It doesn't last too long, when he allows himself to think about it Mike abjectly refuses to liken the duration of the event to anything stupid, like a metaphor about supernovas. That would be dumb. And crass. And in poor taste. Plus, he hardly ever thinks about it ever, so there's that. Anyway, Mike dropping out of Indiana state and returning to the cocoon of his mother's basement is a completely unrelated event that never ever needs to be recounted, not even for posterity, except to say that it's unrelated to anything going on in his life at the moment. And it's okay, because he and Lucas are still ridiculously close friends and it's never even awkward except for the few occasions wherein Mike succumbs to jealously, before becoming confused about exactly whom he's jealous off. After he figures it out, he's moody and distant and the podcast gets Weird in only the way Mike can make it. El is confused, 'cause once the dude stops staring and actually says a few words to her, he's kind of cool in this completely doofy way. Lucas eventually plops on the end of Mike's bed, allows Mike to put his dirty, uncivilized sneakers all over his fairly expensive pants and makes a fumbling preamble that might as well be called Intro to Awk Con. It goes okay. Mike's just tired and Lucas co-signs with a sigh, and a story about his sister, and they talk around it because it's still-they-can't-There's grumbling about the complete absence of something that could even be mistaken for a fan base, and Dustin's rants, and a general consensus on the awesomeness of El and they both feel better after that.

XIII. Lucas might have a supremely underdeveloped thing for Will? It's like, super embryonic, not even worth thinking about much less trying to explain out loud to Will's face while he stands there looking cute and curious and hesitant about the stupid notebook he's been doodling in for like a year, even though what little bits Lucas has seen of the novel that Will's mortified about having written is so good he'd buy it tomorrow if Will would only deign to finish the damn thing. Yeah. So El hangs around Hawkins, after slaving away in his emotional garden wearing a wide-brim hat and too much sunscreen, Mike manages to grow the courage necessary to ask her to dine at his mom's house (yes, his mom has had El over for dinner roughly a thousand times, and yes her laugsana with the signature sauce has become one of El's favorite dishes, but owing to the fact that Mike has spent ninety-five percent of those roughly thousands of evenings in his room melting down and wishing he was a person who could handle this shit, they don't actually count.), Will finishes his summer drawing course at the learning annex, because his phone storage is unable to contend with the sheer volume of photos he takes of and with El in the last couple of weeks\months (?) Dustin gets Instagram and instantly gains a thousand followers, and Lucas comes to the conclusion that's actually amazing at this podcast thing? Like honestly, he's very talented. And he's never taken one communication course!

XIV. El heads back to New York, promising to visit when she can. Mike admirably hides his heartbreak, and gallantly takes his frustration out on a pacman machine during their afternoon at the arcade. (Mike Wheeler: Frustrated Bisexual) A couple months later, they all receive signed copies of the next Wizards of Gale book with special messages scribbled on the inside covers. A couple of weeks before that, they post their El interview, and the site it takes Dustin two, painful, sleepless weeks to build experiences a significant amount of traffic for the first time in its uneventful little life. Everyone freaks out and facetimes El who's mid interview on the Teresa Watkins show, and that's how they attain their first television interview. (El: I'm sorry, this is so unprofessional. Do you mind?)

XV. Bros being bros, podcasting about nerd shit. (Dustin: How were you received by the dudebro cheeto dust contingent? I assume they're treating you well? They're super classy individuals.)

XVI. Oh, and Hopper is El's manager\literary agent? Okay? Okay.

#weird occurrences #I'm fairly certain this will be story number iii.

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fenton-bus · 6 years

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PODCAST BROS. AU

I. Bros being bros and podcasting about nerd stuff.

XV. Bros being bros, podcasting about nerd stuff. (Dustin: How were you received by the dudebro cheeto dust contingent? I assume they're treating you well? They're super classy individuals.)

XVI. Oh, and Hopper is El's manager\literary agent? Okay? Okay.

#modern woe aus #outlines and outliers #stand by goonies: the extraterrestrial #Hellscapes for Kids!#in media res #junior mystery inc

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magnaturbaestinurbe-blog · 6 years

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PODCAST BROS. AU

I. Bros being bros and podcasting about nerd stuff.

XV. Bros being bros, podcasting about nerd stuff. (Dustin: How were you received by the dudebro cheeto dust contingent? I assume they're treating you well? They're super classy individuals.)

XVI. Oh, and Hopper is El's manager\literary agent? Okay? Okay.

#featuring: Newberry Award-Winning New York Literary Darling El #Slowly Realizing He's Found His Vocation Lucas #Mike Wheeler: Frustrated Bisexual #Benevolent Taste-Making Nerd Lord Dustin #and Coming To Grips With The Fact That He Possesses Actual Talent Will #outlines and outliers #ordinary stuff #junior mystery inc.#Stand By Goonies: The Extraterrestrial #in media res #modern woe aus

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orderforbrian · 1 year

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what's funny about the jmart LOTR poll is that i obviously cant add 100 layers of context into each option (plus its really fun to read people delving into their headcanons!! i like reading them all) BUT i have more personal hc for jmart :3

i think neither of them would've even known about the series until the FOTR came out in 2001 - placing them about early high school. So theyve definitely changed from being kids!

I think they both went to see the first movie, Jon liked it overall but it was hella long and if he has to sit and watch any sequels, he may as well cut his losses and read the books at his own pace instead. Martin watched and was like omfg i LOVE this and started to read the books so he could compare them to the next films.

I think for both of them it was a chore to read, Jon moreso than Martin (afterall he's mister poetry and prose). I think Jon would, like the films, think it was too long with unnecessary detail (aka describing the food and surroundings for 10 pages) but Martin likes world building like that to compare to the films and imagine the setting. I also think Jon would read a book series if it was good enough! He would want to know what happens next in a story, I think it's separate stories by the same author that gets him bored. But he'd probably get fed up with the books and end up reading the plot synopsies on Wikipedia or something (bc no way in hell is he going to sit and watch RotK for 4 hours). Meanwhile Martin is like watching the extended versions and getting all the behind the scenes lore too.

So when they start dating, Martin is like "WHAT DO YOU MEA N YOU NEVER WATCHED ALL THE FILMS, THEYRE SO GOOD" and then obviously makes jon watch all the extended versions with him (at an easy pace, he'd be nice lol but i like goofing it up in a comic for a laff) while he spouts off behind the scenes facts and any consistencies/inconsistencies with the books. jon is just like oh my sweet nerd boyfriend, i love him <3 but also this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and i will never watch 10+ hours of this with you ever again. Jon would say he likes the movies after watching them but was a little bored since he already read spoilers about what happens LOL

and finally when they were both younger, they both:

1. had gay awakenings to the first movie (i personally think jon's was arwen and martin's was aragorn)

2. attempted to learn Elvish ONLY only because its hilarious and cute to me if s1 martin tried to curse at jon in Elvish under his breath and jon responds in Elvish to him - this embarrasses him extremely but martin is also like YOU KEEP FUCKING AROUND SIMS, YOURE GONNA FIND OUT (i wanna marry you).........and also bc i made art i'll post later

ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK i like saying all these silly things about jmart

#order up! art tag #i got shit to say yknow #not really art tag but i know i'll want to find it again to reblog with the elvish comic LOL #jmart really has me writing paragraphs on how they would enjoy LOTR the autism is at its peak today huh

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