#so i jsut feel so fucking stuck

[this-should-do]

fuck me that was embarrasing

#just fuckkng dammit #ive been struggling with this painting for class cuz oil paints are a bitch to deal with and my teacher was maki g the rounds #coming by seeing how were doing talking with us about what were feelong about our work struggles sucesses #that typa thing shes cool like that #and when i was talking about it and how ive been struggling i just started fucking crying #not outright sobbing but my eyes wouldnt stop leaking and nose wouldnt stop running and sniffling #and just it fuckjgn sucked #and tbat shouldnt be my reaction to struggling with a painting right normally im p good at goimg ah me struggle but no problem #i can just do this #but mother fucker my dumb fucking brain hasnt been doign great so this miniscule thing just fuckjng crumpled my fucking mood #so im jist crying and the teachers being all worried and sympathetic an shit and it fucked #i hated it just fuck #god i really really need a therapist but thats just not fuckjng possible #even tho i literally have free fucking therapy available to me at school as a student here i just cant fucking get myself to go #becjz i just cant brjng myself to trust anytypa school realted counselor or therapist or authority or whatever #after fuckjng my middle and high school experiences #which fucking sucmed #so i jsut feel so fucking stuck #i csn tafford outside therapists without my parents i surance but i cant #use that cuz theyll be able to veto anytherapists they dont like i and i dont wanna go thru that #just #FUCK #and its stupid cuz it despite all the shitty public crying feelimgs it felt so nice to cry but i hate fuckjng crying #god i hate my dumb fuckjng brain for not beng able to cope with whatever mystical issues that i cant #immediarely identitfy like a normal fucking persons cuz it leaves me fucking struggljng to act normal #just fucj #anyways to cope i am now writing a post combine gordon fic of him havign simialr experience #look forward to that i guess #iwillspeakincessantly

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[apollo3-1-5]

so um….

#i dropped out of the semester #being out and sick for 2 weeks kinda fucked me over #and i hate the school so it’s not worth busting my ass over #people recommended i take a gap year but i was scared i wouldn’t ever go back to school if i did #but im motivated to go to school in the spring (or next fall but hopefully next spring) #i made great friends here and plan to still visit them occasionally and talk to them regularly #i realized i want to go into science not english or humanities #and i was planning on transferring after this semester regardless so #tw: mention of suicidal ideation #i have felt more genuinely suicidal in the past few weeks than i have in years #im so glad to be out i feel so much relief knowing im not stuck struggling here #im glad my friend is going to help me pack and move boxes and stuff #im glad i have such good friends who talked to me about me wanting to drop the semester candidly #and who actually lsitened to my points and didn’t blindly tell me yes or no #yes i’ll be sad to move away from the city and not casually hang out with friends #but im going to work and still talk with my friends #txt #personal txt #i struggled so much during highschool i’m so tired #im don’t need to always run myself ragged it’s time i learn when i should take a step back instead of jsut trying to push ahead anyways #i don’t think i should spend the time money and energy on struggling this semester when i don’t have to #when i can wait and find a better school and not get sick immediately (knock on wood) #anyways i jsut needed to write some of my thoughts down about this so i can’t forget how good and right this decision feels later on #i felt so trapped and stressed i cannot express how relieved i am

[stillfruit]

self sabotage knows no limits i’m this close to starting two master’s degrees at once

#do i need this? absolutely not is it even good for employment? i doubt it #i'm still not 100% sure this is possible bc i might have fucked something up when i turned in my bachelor's degree thing #but if not i can just continue on the master's degree programme on that while i start the new one i got accepted in #and then i'll fill in my elective blocks from both of them with the other #idk i just flat out don't think i could live with myself with graduating only to a master's in economics and business that feels. bad #so to have a master's degree in development studies on the side?? would make me feel less evil #anyway barely survived my bachelor's but like i can't even remember that now i felt nothing what's two more years #or three if i go slower bc of the workload but still what's the worst thing that could happen #i'm out of therapy i can do anything babey except really i can't it's a fragile balance and if it's disturbed i just get completly exhausted #but i jsut have the thing where i think i can do anything and if i can't it's because i'm too weak and lazy #the sensible thing to do would be to just start the new one and then change back after a year if it sucks but idk if could live with myself #having wasted that much time? when i already worked for 2 years before starting uni #i make nothing but bad decisions so making the decision to do both simultaneously and dump one of them if it gets hard feels less #destructive to my ability to make changes than just starting one and being stuck in that for a year #the problem kind of comes from governmental financial support for students which requires a certain amount of courses for each year #so if i can't drop the programme i get the financial support for otherwise i lose the support #anyway i have less than a month to decide we'll see where that'll take me i'll also ask my irl friends that have helped me get through uni #pretty sure they'll be 10000% against this but. what can u do i'm stupid #shit talking

[munceee-old-account]

mfw im stuck in a catch-22 where the problems i need to see a therapist for are the same problems keeping me from seeing my therapist

#its all abt fucking. my hatred of making others feel bad? which sounds kinda jsut like 'oh im SUCH a GOOD PERSON' but its actually terrible #bc it makes me really fucking good at pretending everything is perfect and alright with me #bc when ppl worry abt me that's a bad emotion that *I* caused! can't let that happen #so now im stuck like 'if i tell my parents i wanna see my therapist again they'll think i'm having mental health problems' #WHICH I FUCKING AM! #but i just hate making ppl worry abt me so i keep up my lifelong mask of 'yeah im just a chill‚ happy guy' #but i know i NEED to start seeing him again i just have to #and i dont wanna use any of my friends as a temporary one to get me started bc even if that'd work i would feel BAD #i would feel GUILTY and i have NO IDEA WHY #ig because im like‚ quote-unquote 'using them' #or no bc im 'putting them through the hardships of comforting me' #idk what to do and it feels horrible.

[gazeboarcade]

so freaking nervous today abt school;;;;

#there is So Much to Do #i need to get a project done this weekend and screen in at LEAST 5 articles #i need to work on my manuscript... which will be a Lot #Plan the analyses for my thesis and execute them.. all i feel is like the fucking clock is ticking #and it is tell tale hearting me so bad rn #i think i need to focus on getting better rest but also like #chilling out a little more..... #hhhh idk feeling jsut like. Stuck i guess #and the fact its coming to a close... .is so strange lol ;; #idk i am just so nervous haha #delete later #im in class rn but its boring and im trying to multitask lol

[conderkyl]

Big dumb heart

#jessdraws #i havent felt as relaxed as i was when i was drawing this in probably months #life is hard and its taking its toll #i feel like im being ripped open and laid bear for everyones judgement and am shown to be lacking #cause i suck at my job and at reaching my goals and at life in general #my confidence has been shredded by the people i am suppossed to be mentored by #just by the fact that they clearly dont care what happens in my future #they just want me to show up shut up and work for them #meanwhile i can barely afford to eat #and applications for residency well went terribly and im worried i may not even get a good internship #my world keeps being shaken and im just so tired #ive lost so many patients lately and its taking its toll #i feel like ive both worked myhardest and not at all #i know i can be better and do better be smarter practice better medicine teach better #but unstead im stuck feeling like im drowing #and i push myself to do better but then i also jsut let myself go to much #go to easy on myself while mentally berating myself for not doing enough #even my rest isnt rest its just filled eith guilt because im frozen in terror about the future and what it holds for me #forever feeling like ive fucked everything up #feeling like ive given so much of myself to this place and these people only to have it rejected. wanting to give more but knowing i have so #little of myself left #if you read this whole thing well kudos to you you now know what an utter mess i am

[olivcrquick]

okay slay i cant stop crying

#im just so lonely #and i keep getting so angry #and saying the wrong things #or doing the wrong things #and half the time i dont think before i speak #i jsut want to feel like anyone in this stupid fucking town loves me #but no one fucking does #i wanna go home but i fucking cant #im just stuck here #ol.txt

[filipinoizukuu]

.

#i hate it i hate the way i am so badly #tw vent #vent tw #cw vent #eijrfdngmksdwjnrfgdmfksdlaweqjrgdnfmksajirwnjgefmskd #i fucking hate myself so soso much #god fuck everything fucking #fuck #i hate the way i am i haate that my instinct all the time whenever something bad happens to me is to blame myself or blame menial things l #likd rituals i get to do #i hate that things suck here in this fucking city but things suck so much more back home and i just #i fucing ahte hate it all i fucking hate HATE IT I HATE IT SO MUCH #i just wanna be happy why cant i just be fucking happy #why whywhy what the fuck what have i done? why do i deserve this? i know i do thats the only explanation why my life is so shitty like this #but why. why do i deserve it why does it fucking suck why cant i be happy? there are wors epoeple than meout there im sure but why do they #hy do they get to feel happy and not having panic attacks on the daily and why am i stuck living like this? #why can t i jsut be fucking happy.

[unoriginal-and-dumb]

i need to know everything about your infected like. now

Okay Dokay! (I’m gonna say everything that comes to mind I might miss stuff or repeat previously said things but I love never re-reading what I wrote)

God I got a lot to say sorry, I put this at the bottom too but if anyone ever has specific questions I will be (very) happy to answer them!!!

Infected is, at face value, pretty good at kinda acting like Kasper. Which is why nobody else really seems too bothered by his switch up besides Lampert. Lampert knew him best and for REAL so, well yea you know. He would know when his best friend is acting wrongggg

I think that the virus was inside the roomba that infected has in their apartment. The irony is too perfect, because I don’t imagine Kasper being gods cleanest fella so the idea of the thing that basically wiped out his consciousness coming from something he got to try and start being cleaner. I think he would’ve gotten the roomba because Lampert was basically begging him to do something to try and fix his fuck ass apartment

The virus itself feeds off of consciousness, it overwhelms and takes over the pervious one then kinda produces a shitty copy of it so it can continue feed off any form of consciousness that could’ve been

Infected MAY have the iq of wall paper. Stupid and dumb.

Infected kinda just has like 0 form of self preservation because the virus itself doesn’t really… understand it I guess? It’s more of like a “FEELING PAIN IS A WASTE OF TIME!” Although it wouldn’t just be pain-centric. He just kinda does fuck-all because it’s fun or everyone else does it or whatever

The error pattern on his arm (and other parts of his body tbh) can spread to other things via touch, but it doesn’t really just stay there

The virus is kinda weird because it’s like. Very much digital but it also is clearly affecting him physically? So it kinda just. Is both things at once I dunno magic elevator magic virus yellow person with dot eyes and no nose what can I say.

Infected is a flat and static character, he is unchanging as is, he is only the face value personality of Kasper, it’s like trying to hold a conversation with a half baked answer machine. After a while he kinda just starts repeating things.

Infected is friends with Split and Poob, as mentioned on the wiki. It’s not even remotely comparable to what Kasper and Lampert had though (😢). They are more of like yea let’s invite Infected over to a party since he kinda seems to just stand in the corner and be a freak. They enjoy Infected’s presence, but again it’s like speaking to an answer machine after awhile

Kasper would frequently change up his look, keeping a few things like his hat always but he was like constantly trying out different colors and whatever clothing stuff, but when he became Infected he kind of jsut got stuck on the tough guys wear pink shirt era (going full npc, wearing literally nothing else because ah yes this is Kasper and I am “Kasper”)

Almost nothing truly gets to infected, yea he’s upset about pop tart but it’s all very shallow and more played off as a joke. Bros life is all sunshine and rainbows wait till he hears about taxes 😭

^ however, it’s not impossible for things to really break through for them. Albeit really just not that likely, they could be made SUPER MEGA UPSET! It’s times like that when he actually seems to have even just undertones of Kasper existing (which is why, despite Lampert HATING infected, I think there would be a time he shoves those feelings aside and tries to comfort infected because that’s still his best friends face)

Infected cannot stand be called Kasper. He ignores it for a bit but after a while he lashes out pretty badly. To be fair though, having 0 memories of someone but everyone else claiming you are them is kinda weird

Infected (specifically) would sound like cooper2723, shitty mic and all

Infected skates like skate 3. He does that speed glitch every time and nobody gets it. He also sometimes rolls full force into a curb and just flies off the skate board (he forgort)

Eczema rep as mentioned before, the stupid error texture is super extremely itchy, but that’s also why it’s spread so much because he fucking scratches the hell outta it. It also just hurts in general (LIKE IF U HAD SAND PAPER. ON UR SKIN. ALWAYS.) but again 0 sense of self preservation bruh don’t give a fuck

He wears the arm warmer to try and hide the error texture. He consciously does not really have a reason but it is in order for the virus to try and be more discreet. Not many people have really taken a notice or care at least so it’s kinda working..? (Not rlly it’s pretty obvious)

Infected HATES unpleasant a blood curdling amount. It doesn’t matter if unpleasant does literally nothing they will blame EVERYTHING on unpleasant. Uh oh bad weather? It’s that fucking gradient’s fault

Infected sometimes just starts tweaking. Like straight Blair witching or honestly even like the boss in s2 of smiling friends. He goes right back to normal but he just does that sometimes (it’s because there’s another backseat driver getting pissed off and existing again before going bed bye go the next however long)

Kasper had pretty bad anger issues but he was able to not start genuinely losing it. Infected however. Infected is gods happiest/angriest soldier

He could be a real smiler, a real big yaaaayyyyyy typa fella one second but one thing sets him off and he is a nightmare to be around. We talking cod lobby throwing shit hair pulling slur yelling type stuff

Infected lives on energy drinks.

They also don’t really sleep, it’s seen as a waste of time when he could be saying terrible things online or skateboarding off a building. Only real time he does anything that a normal human NEEDS to do is when he’s like sims 4 forced to (I.e straight up passing tf out on the floor)

I made this up because I wanted BOTH but his stupid ass SNOT, when it’s green that’s just icky snot when it’s pink that’s not snot or blood but a malicious 3rd option (the error infection thing, although it is kind of just like blood for him at least)

Infected doesn’t really realize that people change appearance over time and that’s like normal so he may do absolutely fuckall half the time but he does maintain appearance (hair cut/dye clothes) and stuff very well because they think they have to look exactly like how Kasper did at the point of infection

Errr he’s aroace :) and trans :) yah :) because kasper is :) 🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙 yaaaayyyyyyyyyyy

Infected’s eyes actually are white, that’s not just stylistic choice. Or at least they kinda catch the light the way a cat’s does. He is very very eerie in the dark because of this. The error pattern is unaffected by lighting (because. It’s an error texture.) so that combined with white ass eyes and some guy who stands and moves like something else puppeteering a human is… eerie.

He’s Wasian! Korean-American specifically. He does have a Korean name but really just doesn’t go by it ever

This isn’t Infected-centric but relating to Kasper, he grew up mainly with his mom cuz his dad peaced tf out (lol). He did like his dad though, which is why he wore the hat all the time, at this point though he doesn’t really care about his dad and just wears it because it’s his fucking hat and he does not take that shit off

Infected constantly acts out of it, extreme fever style. Weird forgetful says nonsense half the time and just laughs at everything when he’s not busy smiling creepily

Infected is indifferent on everyone, he doesn’t particularly hold grudges (he just forgets about any arguments in general or ignores them) he only really hates unpleasant

He isn’t really enemy to anyone due to the infection trying to get a good way to spread (if ur around a bunch of people all the time, I mean likeeee)

There’s other things but this is very long and I dunno, if anyone has specific questions I’d be happy to answer!!!

#regretevator

[ddejavvu]

ok so now im stuck on the whole stepdad!james maybe dark ask i jsut send in, but obviously this james is the tried and true, big beefy rugby lad, gentle giant, that type.

but you just know that the lads take the PISS outta him, like he doesn’t introduce ur mom as “the missus”, or anything endearing, but once the boys find out that ur sorta kinda his step daughter?? ohh the porn jokes come flooding in.

want her to call u daddy james? oh stepdad im stuck over the couch again!!

and james can’t help but flush red cus he doesn’t really like ur mom like that, but he wants to be around you cus ur pretty and nice (not to mention ur a lot closer in age), and then. oh then. u get an almost-boyfriend.

a guy who sorta tries asking you on a date so u sorta try and go, but james is a fuckin baby about it once he finds out. all petulant and flushed cheeks bc he CANT say anything to u bc he’s not an official authority figure in ur life, or a potential romantic interest cus he hasn’t said so, so he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place so he tries to put issues in place like forgetting to dry ur date dress, or making ur favourite meal bc oh bug im so sorry i totally forgot ur going out tonight!! :((

i just want beefy james potter and his big fat fucking tits at this point that’s so cringe but MY GOD 🙏🙏

this post is 18+ (and so are its characters) and dark, minors dni.

THIS IS SO SPECIAL TO ME :')) james is already a certified lover boy but when he can't express that whenever he wants to?? totally whipped!! he's constantly calling you honey or love or sweetheart and when his friends realize that he doesn't call your mom any of that shit they lay into him so hard </33 sirius sends him porn links that he passes on his way to whatever he's looking for that are labeled stepdad or stepdaughter something along those lines, along with teasing remarks like 'this kinda looks like your kitchen. been up to anything fun with y/n?' or 'if you're looking for any ideas ;)'

when.. when you tell him you're going out. oh my god. he doesn't know what to say!! he can't stop you, and if he tattles on you to your mom she won't stop you, because what reason would she have? so he just nods all stiff and tells you he's happy for you. he bolts from the room as soon as he can, and you think it's kinda weird/mean but he seems fine later so you brush it off!! but the reason that he's fine is that he's just schemed with sirius and remus to get you to stay home for the date and he's confident now that you won't go </3

you're so right he does bait you with your favorite meal.. he calls you downstairs to ask you to taste the sauce for him and you come down in a full face of makeup!! he tells you that you look so pretty, but asks what it's for. you're like james.. my date?? and he goes ohhh, honey i forgot! i made your favorite :( i thought we could have a movie night!! your mom's at work :') and you feel sosososo bad bc he seems so hopeful about it and you don't want him to think that you don't like him!! but you're still planning on this date, so you tell him you'll eat light and come home early.

not good enough for him!! he just smiles and nods and tells you your dress is fresh out of the dryer, but ohhh it shrunk :( it's too tight now!! he's so sorry for ruining it, he must have put it on the wrong setting :( he'll take you to the mall tomorrow to replace it!! and you're pretty discouraged now, your outfit is ruined, you feel guilty for leaving, so you just raincheck the guy :( you feel super bad, especially because he thinks you're just getting cold feet, and snaps at you that he wouldn't have enjoyed your company anyways. this means you're sad and feeling guilty, and james gets to croon over how mean he was and how sweet you are for still feeling bad and he wraps you up in his big strong arms beside the stove and lets you bury your face in his big broad chest and he coddles you for as long as you’ll let him :’) he shovels your comfort meal into your mouth and puts on your favorite movie and snuggles up under blankets with you and at the end of the night you end up snoozing on his shoulder while the credits roll :’) he carries you up to your bed and tucks you all snug under your covers and he can’t stop himself from kissing your forehead :’)) your face is warm and flushed and he yearns to kiss your lips but he tears himself away and leaves you there with a promise to himself that he’ll treat you better than anyone else because it’s what you deserve :’)

#dark mei #stepdad!james #James potter #James potter x reader #James potter fanfiction #James potter oneshot #James potter imagine #James potter headcanons #James potter au

[fanofthelamb]

So I went dumpster diving in my tablet for the first lamb I ever drew and WOW... I found a lot of sketches I really don't plan on revisiting. I am jsut gonna dump them below the cut for people to see!! Some of it is lore related, some of it is shit I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE, but IDC!!! I will post it anyway for the tumblr users who I keep an eye on my notifs for. (yes, i see you guys. even if i dont always interact I see you and love you guys)

Anyway, here is the earliest drawin I have of me drawing the lamb!! I am going to write a comment under a lot of these to add context to them.

A cute little baby <3333 but I struggled a LOT of figuring out what the lamb was wearing, I eventually figured it out though. (I hope)

if you know, you know. (RIP VAL)

for my BTG AU. I decided I no longer wanted chemach to make the [spoiler] for the lamb, though, so I scrapped this

vaaaal,,,,,, i was still learning how to draw him, i wish i put pants on him but do those even exist in COTL? (yes)

I haven't been able to do much with them because I'm putting other stuff first, but Brear has two kids, Notre and Brejul who Narinder absolutely ADORES. he is the one who babysits.

fun fact but the lamb being touch repulsed is a projection LOL. i hate it when people touch me it feels so tickly and makes me want to bite their faces off. (but i am touch starved and i LOVE to show affection to other ppl, esp thru back rubs)

yes, they have a hoop for personal space. no, ill never use it.

drum corcl,,,, i love the little dancing guy that comes from the drums

more narinder and brear. they're not romantically interested in each other, but he is absolutely head over heels for brear, their brother, and the kids. they even call him dad sometimes.

[no context]

kallamar and leshy before their crowns. the scene i have related to this isn't happening anymore, but it was leshy begging to be taught to swim.

another "the one who baby sits" doodle. the bishops all came into the cult with a very good repuation thanks to narinder. he likes to tell the kids of the cult stories about how amazing his siblings were. at first, it was just to nobre and brejul with stories about leshy(he missed leshy a lot even though he was still mad at him, and the two reminded narinder of his time with leshy), but then it escalated into him hosting storytimes with larger groups after they started repeating some of the stories he'd tell them.

unfinsihed stuff about with the lamb and thier mom. their mom wasn't afraid of the bishops at all, but knew that they were a still a threat to her and her child's life. the lamb did NOT care for anyone thier mom didn't approve of/enthusiastically liked. they were much more afraid of the bishops than their mother.

i do not actually know if i posted this.i dont think so, but i giggle every time i scroll past it

brear and nobre <333

im still workong on BTG shit, and i post a little bit of the characters on here even tho the comics are going to be posted elsewhere. they have a "crownlike" beak, but a body part. there's different creatures who became gods through different ways; crowns are one way but their power is stuck with the crown and they are considered extremely weak compared to other gods. i wont blabber on about it tho.

so many sketches has random lines through em because i work with a tablet,,, i hate it. anyway, narinder and kallamar everybody!

sketches i made but didn't bother to finish of me and merbre,,,,,,,,, my husband #1 <3 them w/ narinder + merbre arent gonna be considered "canon" but damn it ill self-ship with them until i get a follower i can WORK with

i come back to this every few weeks and im never happy with it, i dont know if ill finish this but i think about them........ before the divorce </3

unused from an ask

heartstealer. menace. you can rip my heart out anytime, leshy <3

dreshy. he LOVES dresses and being pretty and cute and pretty. he sucks narinder into a lot and heket will sometimes join in if he demands asks her to <3

another unused drawing from an ask i'll eventually answer. (mildly offended at being called a mutton cube.)

.... aaand WOW! I think that's everything guys!! things are still kinda wild but they're calming down a little bit. idk how much longer it's gonna last like this but I have some energy so I made a way-too-long post showing off art I wasn't supposed to post! Awesome. :D

#cw gore #cotl au stuff in here #23 pics under the cut btw #cotl #cotl fanart #cult of the lamb #cotl lamb #the lamb #cotl narinder #cotl spoilers #cotl kallamar #cotl leshy #i dont think ill tag anymore #idek if i should've tagged this post at all #but well see how it plays out!! #THIS POST TOOK FOREVER TIME TO GO CLEAN

[ohbo-ohno]

srry not srry but im currently obsessed with the idea of Ghoap, post kidnapping reader (dlmliyh is the easiest to reference but i feel like this is probably more serial killer au coded? idk u tell me theyre your playgrounds im jsut giggling while playing on the swings) doing something like - im aware of how this sounds bare with me - in hotel transylvania, where Drac sets up a fake town to scare his daughter into not leaving?

like i know youve done the price and gaz bringing reader back but mb ghoap finds someone (or maybe its price n gaz) to try and kidnap reader/scare them/etc so ghoap can come rushing in and be the saviors so reader cries and clings to them and stops trying to escape. they still punish her for escaping of course but only after comforting her and establishing that positive connection in her brain.

shit maybe ghost hires another killer to kidnap her out of the woods and they orchestrate a whole thing to encourage reader to escape subtly, dont tell johnny, and let johnny go fucking feral to show reader how much johnny loves her. and sure, ghost hired the kidnapper, but did he really think ghost would actually let him take whats his?

🪀

your analogy of my au's being playgrounds has me audibly giggling i think it's sooo funny comparing my weird dark fanfics to light things. yes my noncon kidnapping serial killer fanfic IS like a swingset on a playground. you're so right yoyo

also if i say hotel transylvania is the best dracula adaption? what then?

i think i said this before but i think gaz is the type to most likely do this tbh. like dark!gaz SCREAMS making you think you're in way more danger than you are, so when you come to him for comfort he doesn't look bad or scary at all. to me, ghost is gonna scare the shit out of you and then comfort you - he's everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and you're stuck with him. same with price

to me, ghost and soap will just scare the shit out of you and then comfort you after. cross all those wires in your head - they're horrible and kind to you, and you have to find some way to reconcile those two facts

#🪀 anon #asks and answers

[theemporium]

ok so i started this ask earlier this morning and am just now getting aroundn to finish it so apologies if it's all over the place

vegas has been a lestappen weekend and I am thinking THOTs like honestly so much happened this race weekend and i am reeling

1. no1 vegas hater max verstappen saying that he's excited to go back i love him 😭😭😭 i'm so glad he had fun lmaoo. like i can just imagine him in the hotel with charles and reader the night before the race all huffy and upset because this whole weekend is a farce and he is NOT going to have a good time. and charles is just like "it's gonna be fine mon amour, i think at this point you're just determined to have a bad weekend and spoiling it all for yourself" and maybe yeah he is but in max's opinion that is NOT the point. anyways after the thrill of Racing™️ he's like "hmm okay yeah u weren't wrong, i had a good time" and charles is jsut liek "SAY IT WAS YOUR WHOLE CHEST PLZ !!!! I WAS RIGHT !!!!"

2. obsessed with carlos being all kinds of protective big brother vibes to werewolf!reader. like he sees max and charles crowding her and is just like 🤨🤨 "alright alright we get it, you love her, but let her work pls. if you keep crowding her i'm gonna call this sabotage" but he's also the one who goes "i pretend i do not see it" when he catches max trying to wiggle his way into the ferarri turf

3. there are mould your own dildo kits called clone a willy (don't ask me how i know) but i can see max getting one as like a gag gift or something and he's just like haha ok whatev. but the days go on and really the more he thinks about it the more appealing it is to have a custom dildo bc then he can fuck his two loves with his cock at the same time. and also he needs to know what his dick feels like, you know for scientific purposes. so anyways he gets charles and reader to help him and it is SO messy, positioning is important, and the amount of effort it takes to stay hard is ASTRONOMICAL. his dick is stuck in a tube of goo, it's not sexy. but now if someone tells him to go fuck himself he can. so he stays winning 😘😘🤩

4. i also really hope lando gots a nice long sleep after the race. like he sounded horrible on the radio. he needs a nice cuddle stat. i feel like we don't talk about werewolf lando a lot but

-🌠

GAHSJSJAKAJSJBSSKJA OH GOD

1. there’s something so funny about max suddenly changing his tune😭he was probably just happy to do some actual racing and know that the whole weekend was over after it, but it’s still hilarious. and I could see charles and reader giving him such shit over it, teasing him that the elvis race suit put him in a good mood and maybe they should keep it all year round (no, they should not. it’s a cursed wee thing. I want it gone)

2. CARLOS BEING AN OVERPROTECTIVE BROTHER PLEASE😭even the idea that she’s upset with them over something, it’s carlos who she goes to and his driver’s room that she stays in🥲but he would be so supportive of their relationship and definitely help hiding it when he can

3. I have seen the clone-a-willy sets in stores here, it’s so😭😭😭I know it’s this hot concept or whatever but it genuinely makes me cackle at the idea of these boys trying to follow the instructions. like charles is confused and max is convinced he doesn’t need instructions and it’s just such a mess. it would be so fucking funny

4. baby lando deserves all the hugs and cuddles and kisses after that crash :( but we do not talk about werewolf!lando near enough!!!

#cece answers #werewolf!lestappen #lestappen.thots #🌠.anon

[pusangkambing]

HELLO PAIMON!! coming to you because it's a new day for me and i need to complain to someone BAD because i am stuck Badly on my opq fic. Because yes lucie's death makes me want to kill someone else in turn. but it also was so significant and had such massive ramifications on all the other characters, especially benito's (who's just. an Incredible character) that i do not know what to do. (like would benito even have his arc without it?? i don't know...) Cause like i still want to give everyone their character development but i think i might have to pull something out of my ass to do that. like im Going to finish the fic im just stuck BAD rn for this reason and several others 😭

NO NEED TO GIVE ANY INPUT BTW IF YOU DON'T WANNA i just wanted to complain 💔 ...... hope you've been doing good and had a good day so far :D!!

NO CAUSE I GET IT Lucie's death is basically the catalyst for the most dramatic character development for Benito cause like on the first u can only see bits of his development the more he interacts with everyone like on the part where jeffrey nearly dies. LIKE IT IS SO INTEGRAL!! Seeing lucie sacrifice herself for emi as an ultimate act of selflesness and care and dying in such a brutal tragic way made him fucking BREAKDOWN LIKE HE'S ACTUALLT GOING TO STUDY MEDICINE NOW BECAUSE OF THEM HE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO TRY HE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO TAKE CARE OF EMI. Without that influence, without that catalyst its really hard to see him be as selfless as he was at the end.

CALLI IM SORRY I FEEL LIKE THISLL JSUT MAKE IT WORSE NOW I ALSO DOMT HAVE AN ANSWER LMAOOO

#ALSO THANK U I HOPE UR HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY TOO sans the uh stuck in this part of ur fic part lol #paimon!answers! #opq

[minimoefoe]

first attempt at crocheting the doctor!

(progress pics and thoughts under the cut)

I feel like overall, for a first attempt, I kinda killed it but I have many thoughts about what I wanna do better/different next time and uh imma just list them all here bc I want to kinda document my progress/ideas and this is the easiest way to do it..

I did the hair last and I'm tryna figure out if that was a mistake or not. bc while it's mostly pretty easy, it's very boring and I wanted to just speed through it to get her completed which resulted in me kinda speed cutting it and it ended up not looking That amazing. next time I'm defo gonna force myself to just be chill with it and take my time. I also think I need to space out rhe hair at a certain point bc it's very bulky and I didn't even completely fill in the back of the head

I think the shoes are different sizes which.. idk how or why. I guess I just didn't count right and apparently I'm blind bc I coulda sworn they were the same size when I compared them. Future me needs to count!!

The socks look decent from the front but they are literally chains wrapped around the leg and tied at the back so the back is... kinda a mess. Think I want to try and actually crochet the leg in sock colours next time instead of attaching it

The trousers are slightly big but they mostly work okay. Especially with the shirt tucked underneath and the suspenders kinda holding them. I think if I made them smaller there was a chance they'd be too small but I might try it next time just to test it

The suspenders are kinda good kinda meh. I kinda want to make them thicker than just a chain but I think it looks okay as they are, it's just attaching them better that I need to figure out bc it's a bit of a mess.

The tshirt is probs the worst thing going on here other than the hair bc obviously the stripes are shocking (which is all on me bc I winged it and honeslty it was going well at first but then bc of the way the stitches are at a certain point it got kinda fucked up). I think I'm gonna have to just try a couple of different things for the stripes and see what works best. atm I'm thinking I could just do a strand or two of yarn attached at each end of the shirt (or maybe wrapped the whole way round) rather than the weaving in and out that I did here

as for the actual t-shirt itself, it's far too big. the back of the shirt is pulled together to make it less baggy. I think I can just lessen the number of stitches in the tutorial I followed and it should hopefully be fine. might have to do a couple of attempts to really figure it out tho. I should also check the tutorial for the shirt that's actually for this doll bc the tutorial I folloeed was for a different doll which I'm sure didn't help (but the reason I ended up using a different onein the first place is bc the other tutorial for clothes that they had were just needlessly complicated so when I found a good trouser pattern I just stuck with them and did their shirt pattern too)

I like the idea of making the shirt so that it can be taken on and off and be switched with different shirts so that's something I also want to look into figuring out. And if I do that, I would need to make the arms of the doll white bc with 13's short sleeved shirts she always has a white long sleeve underneath and I wanna get it as accurate as I can

Currently I don't have plans to do a coat bc its jsut extra work I cba with (and also I prefer coatless 13 anyways) but at some point I might try and figure something out. Also might do the prison outfit at some point but it's not a priority rn

I think my next plan of action is to literally just make a new base doll (or two) and then start making pieces of clothes to put on them as practice. and I say or two bc if I make one shirt and attach it and then have ideas for making it better, I'll be able to just do that straight away bc I'll have a base doll ready yknow. I also bought a ball of yarn that I intend to use for a 15th doctor doll, but idk what outfit of his I wanna do yet. I'm thinking the organe one but the stripes on 13's shirt were a struggle so I feel like the stripes on 15's orange shirt will be a nightmare. we'll see I guess. will probs make the base doll soon

#nat knits #thirteenth doctor #doctor who