#i felt so trapped and stressed i cannot express how relieved i am
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December 12 - Part 4
Guys this part is ridiculously long and I am so sorry. I never meant to drag this out for this long and I just wanted to get it done. It’s important to the plot but I will be glad to get back to soft fluff. Anyway, hope you can enjoy this long ass read!
The spirits must have been on their side that day, for the impact of the Slime didn’t kill them outright. There was time to cut them free, and then he could hopefully use a warp totem to get them all out before the mine came crashing down upon their heads.
‘Just stay calm. You’ve trained with Marlon, you can do this.’
He held his sword aloft before him, then dashed in and cleaved the slime in two. Thus divided, it split into two smaller but still large slimes—Sam and Abigail were trapped in one, Sebastian in the other.
From the split also came several much smaller blobs, which eagerly latched onto Ashe’s legs in their fervent attempts to hug him. The more he cut the big one, the more smaller ones popped out and clung to him. In seconds, he had dozens of them weighing down his limbs; he couldn’t even move.
“No, please—let go!” He was begging, desperate, and he didn’t care. “Please!!!”
His friends were just one cut away from freedom, and they were just out of his reach. The quaking was unbelievable, and with the weight of the little slimes on his body he lost his balance and fell to his hands and knees.
And then came forth dozens of monsters from deeper within the mine; it was seconds that felt like minutes later that he was deafened by the sound of the ceiling and walls collapsing from where the monsters had fled.
A piece of the rocky walls dislodged and struck him on the back, knocking him flat down to the earth and pinning him there. The wind was knocked from his lungs, and his sword tumbled from his grip.
‘Is this it?’
It was impossible to get his breath back. The rock on his back crushed his chest more each time he tried. The larger slimes carrying his friends danced in a panic just out of his reach as more chunks of the walls and ceiling came crashing down around them.
‘I really just got us all killed by slimes... It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have ever brought them here with me.’ His head drooped, his cheek resting against the uncomfortably warm earth. For a brief moment, he could smell the forest. ‘I’m sorry guys… I’m sorry Shane... I'm sorry Mom… and Grandpa… Am I… gonna be reincarnated as a slime…?’
####
The world had gone dark, but now was swimming back into view. A clinical white ceiling greeted Ashe as he forced his heavy eyes open; his eyelids felt bruised. Actually, his entire body felt like it was just one massive bruise.
‘I’m… at the clinic?’
Gingerly, he sat up and looked around. The other beds in the recovery room bore Sebastian, Sam, and Abigail—all breathing. All alive. He sighed, relieved.
“…and that’s how I found them. Just like that.”
He heard Marlon speaking beyond the curtain dividers, and could faintly make out his silhouette along with Maru’s through them. They both spoke in hushed voices; Marlon was as composed and calm as ever, while Maru seemed to be borderline panicking.
“Thank Yoba that you did!” She wrung her hands anxiously. “Of course this happens on the one day Harvey’s not here.”
“Strange, that. He’s not one to leave town.”
“I know. But there’s a seminar being held in Zuzu City that he said he couldn’t miss.” The wringing intensified. “This is a worst-case scenario.”
“Were their injuries that severe?”
“No, somehow—bumps, cuts, scrapes, bruises, and Sebastian managed to break his foot. But I’m not—I’m only an assistant. I’m not qualified to administer any aid without Harvey present.”
“A bit late to worry about that now. Besides, you seemed to know what you were doing to me.”
“I mean—I have a basic understanding of first aid, but like I said, I’m not allowed to perform it without Harvey being here.”
Ashe’s shoulders slumped as he looked down at his lap. He’d gotten so many people involved in this mess. Gotten his friends hurt, and almost killed. Put Maru at risk of losing her job.
The curtains abruptly were tugged open, and he jumped a little.
“Oh—you’re awake!” Maru sounded relieved, though still anxious. “Thank Yoba. How do you feel?”
“Uh—f-fine,” he fibbed with a meek smile, “just fine.”
He looked to Marlon, and the smile faded. The old swordsman’s face was as stoic as it ever was, but he could see the disappointment in his eyes.
“Never thought you’d lose to a slime, of all things. I suppose there’s a first time for everything, though.”
Ouch. That stung.
Across from his bed, Sebastian began to stir, and Maru quickly rushed to her half-brother’s side. “Sebastian…?”
“Ugh…” He groaned and lightly pushed her face away. “Give me a little space, would you?”
“Oh, Sebastian!”
Without warning she flung her arms around him in a tight hug. “I was so scared! I thought you were going to die!”
“Fuck’s sake—why does everyone try to choke me—” He tried in vain to pry her off of him. “Why the hell do you care, anyway?”
“What do you mean, why do I care?!” She pulled back, an angry expression on her tearful face. “You’re my big brother, of course I’m going to care about what happens to you!”
A flicker of guilt flashed across Sebastian’s face, and he looked away. “… Half brother.”
“Oh my Y—like that matters! Geez! You could at least apologize for scaring me and mom half to death!”
“I didn’t ask you to worry ab—” He stopped mid sentence. “You told mom?”
“Well, yeah!” She curled into herself a bit. “I kinda panicked and… maybe called Jodi too. And Caroline.”
“Yoba damnit,” he rubbed his forehead, “it’s not Mom’s business what I do. It’s not any of our mom’s business.”
Maru poked her fingers together. “I know. Look, I’m sorry, but I just—panicked, like I said. Harvey’s not here, and I didn’t know what to do. Besides, they were going to find out eventually, and they’d be even more upset then.”
“Shit, our moms are gonna finish the job for the slimes.” Sam had been awake for a minute at that point, just lying there listening to things play out as he came to.
Same for Abigail, who pushed herself to sit. “Well, fat lot of good putting fake names in the logbook did,” she said in a deadpan voice. “It’s been nice knowing you guys. Any second now they’re going to come bursting in through the door.”
“Er, actually… they’re in the waiting room.”
“Great.” She looked to Sebastian and Sam. “Might as well get it over with.”
Looking somewhat apologetic, Maru stepped out to fetch their mothers. There was a heavy air hanging in the room. It was awful.
“… How did you know we were in trouble?” Ashe asked of Marlon, who was still standing off to the side.
“Rasmodius reached out to me. Apparently the Junimos asked him to help you, and he in turn asked me.”
To say it was surprising was an understatement. Ashe didn’t think that the little spirits cared all that much for him, especially not since he hadn’t done much to fulfill their requests yet—
Once again the curtains were yanked abruptly open. There stood Robin, and Jodi, and Caroline, all wearing the look of mother bears on the rampage in search of their cubs. Terrifying didn’t even begin to describe the aura radiating from them.
“What were you thinking—”
“You nearly got yourselves killed—”
“How many times have I told you how dangerous those mines are—”
Their voices all overlapped in their attempts to admonish their children. There was no doubt that they were relieved to see them alive and well—the fact that they were so incensed was proof of that.
The heavy ball of guilt weighing down Ashe’s stomach compelled him to speak above them. “It’s not their fault.” In that instant, all their heads snapped to look at him instead of their children, and memories of such reprimands by his own mother flashed in his minds’ eye. “It’s mine,” he continued, somehow managing to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. “I’m the one who brought them into the mines with me.”
“Wh—it is not your fault, Ashe,” Sam insisted emphatically.
Sebastian nodded. “We’re the ones who asked to come along.”
“And I’m the one who got us into that situation,” added Abigail. “You told us that it was dangerous.”
There was a long moment of silence—awkward, heavy, painful silence. It was broken by the sound of Harvey all but skidding into the recovery room, looking mightily disheveled and thoroughly winded.
“Dr. Harvey!” Maru was relieved, and quickly sought shelter behind him.
“Ladies—” Hastily he attempted to straighten his lopsided tie and glasses, “I understand that you are concerned for their wellbeing, but I cannot allow you to stress my patients out. Much less before I’ve been able to examine them myself.”
“How can you expect us to be calm about all of this?” Robin gestured angrily towards her son, who was lying there with a look that begged to be put out of his misery. “We’ve told them countless times how dangerous those mines are, and they still went in!”
Harvey chose his words carefully. “With all due respect… they may be your children, but they are no longer children. At some point, you have to allow them to make their own decisions. Even if they still live under your roof. If you don’t, then they will be pressured into doing things like this behind your back.” He cleared his throat. “Now, please. I need to be able to examine them myself. Maru, could you bring them back to the waiting room?”
His tone left no room for arguments, and they reluctantly followed Maru out of the recovery area and back to reception. The four in the beds were stunned.
“Uh… Thanks for sticking up for us like that,” Sam said as the doctor pulled his wheely stool over to Sebastian’s bed.
“Hm? Oh, there’s no need to thank me for that. I only did what I felt was in your best interests as my patients.” With a faint smile curling up the ends of his mustache Harvey started to examine Sebastian. “I only got a little bit of the story over the phone with Maru—what exactly happened?”
Ashe swallowed guiltily, and began to recount the misadventure to him before the others could. Harvey just listened and nodded his head, moving from examining Sebastian to setting his broken foot in a cast. For a mercy, it was a brief summary. “… and Marlon brought us here,” he finished in a soft voice, picking at the thin white blanket covering his legs. “That’s pretty much it.”
“Well,” Harvey scooted over to Sam, “we can thank Yoba that things weren’t any worse. They could very well have been.”
Ashe cast his eyes back down to his lap. “I’m sorry…”
“I didn’t say it to guilt you.” He smiled again. “Rather the opposite; there’s no need to dwell on what might have been. You’re all alive and safe now, and that’s what matters. That being said,” he swiveled around to Abigail’s bed, “it might be a good idea to stay out of the mines for the time being.”
“That won’t be an issue.” Marlon finally spoke again. “There was a massive collapse in the lower levels. Joja will want to close the mines to the public indefinitely.”
“Well there we go then.”
After a minute, it was Ashe’s turn, and he sullenly allowed Harvey to give him a thorough once-over. All he’d wanted was to fix up the community center; he didn’t want to put anyone in danger.
‘But that’s not really true. What I really wanted was something to distract myself from thinking.’ The community center was just a means to an end, an excuse. And maybe, just maybe… maybe he’d hoped something like this would have happened. Maybe he’d really hoped that one of these times he wouldn’t end up coming out of the mines.
As soon as that thought came into his mind, he physically shook it away, earning himself quite a look from Harvey. ‘That’s not true! Not even a little! I’m only thinking like this because I feel so guilty.’ He looked down at his hands resting on his lap. Abby had been right; he couldn’t keep carrying on like this. It was tearing him apart.
After a few more minutes, Harvey was satisfied that Sebastian’s broken foot was the most severe injury among the four. He still needed to set the man up with a pair of crutches and show him how to use them, but was content to let the rest filter out of the recovery area and towards reception.
“Ugh, I’m not looking forward to getting home…” Sam’s voice dripped with dread. “Even if Mom listens to what Harvey said, it’s still gonna be awkward as hell. She’s probably gonna want me to pay for my bill.”
Abigail’s face fell at the thought. “Ugh, tell me about it. And we didn’t even get to bring back anything from the mines so we don’t have anything we can sell.”
Well, there was something that Ashe could do to start repairing the damage he’d caused. With the both of them lulling behind him, he pushed the swinging doors to reception open.
The mothers’ heads popped up at the sound, and the conversation they’d been having ceased at once. There was a sort of muted look on each of their faces, and Caroline and Jodi rose to give their kids what was a much-needed hug.
“Harvey’s helping Sebastian with crutches,” Ashe said to Robin, who had gone a bit pale when she saw that her son was not among them. “And, um… I’d like to pay for everyone’s medical bills.”
Surprise flickered across the faces of everyone in the room. He could see that Sam and Abby were opening their mouths to protest his offer, and so he hastily added, “It’s the least I can do.”
“Honey, the thought is appreciated,” Caroline put her hand on his shoulder, “but the bills are already taken care of. Just please, be more careful next time.” She turned to her daughter. “Let’s go, Abigail. We have a lot we need to talk about…”
One by one Ashe watched his friends file out of the clinic with their mothers. He did his best to put on a smile and wave them off; after all, they were able to leave on their own two feet (well, Sebastian on one). That was worth smiling about, wasn’t it?
“Are you gonna be okay?” Maru asked as he turned to pay for his own bill. “To walk home, I mean.”
“Yeah,” he nodded, still managing to smile, “I’ll be fine—”
No sooner had the door swung closed behind Jodi did it swing back open. “Ashe?” panted Shane, his face red from exertion and the cold of the evening air. He was still in his Joja uniform, which was disheveled from his haste to get to the clinic from the mart.
“Shane?” Ashe’s eyes widened in surprise as he turned to face him. They only widened further as the man strode forward and folded him into a gentle hug.
“Thank fuck…” he whispered in between breaths. He was shaking. “Maru made it sound like you were on your deathbed.”
“Oh, er—” Behind the counter, Maru fidgeted guiltily. “Sorry.”
A new lump formed in Ashe’s throat, taking the place of his voice so he couldn’t speak. It hit him in that moment just how differently things could have turned out, and how happy he was to see Shane again.
“I-I…” His chin quivered, and tears began to well up in his eyes as he brought his arms up to squeeze Shane back. “I-I’m sorry…!”
####
It was a slow walk back to the farm. Shane insisted on it, wanting Ashe to take it easy despite his insistence that he was just a little sore.
“Easy, easy does it,” the older man coaxed, helping Ashe up the front stairs—it was at that point that the pain really was catching up to him, and it showed. “I’ve got you.”
“Th-thanks…”
The stairs cleared, Shane held the door open for him. It was pleasantly warm inside the farmhouse, a welcome change from the bitter cold. Mr. Blue jumped over the back of the couch to greet them as they stepped inside, wending his way through both of their legs with audible purrs.
“I think he was worried about you.” Shane carefully nudged the orange cat out from around their feet so they could make it over to the couch. “Where do you keep your medicine and shit?”
With a wince Ashe let himself be lowered onto the cushions, the pain easing up just a touch when he did. “Uh… in the kitchen. Top left drawer next to the sink.”
“Okay. Sit tight.”
Ashe watched him root around in the drawer. “What are you looking for?”
“What do you think, dweeb? I’m looking for pain killers.” Shane looked at him. “You’re hurting pretty good, and don’t even try to deny it.” His fingers closed around what he was looking for, and he brought two small tablets back to Ashe along with a glass of water. “Here.”
“Oh, uh—thank you…” Ashe popped them into his mouth and took a sip of the water to help them down. “… I, um… I’m sorry.” He mumbled into the glass.
“You already said that, you know. Three times. On the way here.” Shane sighed and shook his head. “Seriously, what am I gonna do with you?”
“… I don’t know.” Setting the glass on the end table to his left, Ashe tugged his knees up against his chest and buried his face into them.
After a moment, Shane took the cushion next to him. “Ashe, what’s really going on here?” He asked. “There’s obviously something bothering you and making you not act like yourself.”
Silence. Then, “I miss her…”
“Your mom?” He wrapped an arm around Ashe’s shoulders as the farmer gave a tiny nod of his head. “I had a feeling. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I-I do, b-but… I-I’m scared that it’s gonna mess up your recovery somehow…”
“Bud, that’s not—those two things have nothing to do with each other. Seriously. And even if they did,” he gave a gentle squeeze, mindful of Ashe’s soreness, “I’m in a place now where I can handle it. And that’s got a lot to do with you. I’m not gonna force you to talk about it if you really don’t want to, but I’m here for you. You can lean on me for this.”
More silence. “I don’t remember what that’s like…” He sniffled, trying his hardest not to start bawling again. “I-I was taking care of Mom for so long that I forgot how to rely on others.”
“She was sick, right?”
“Y-Yeah. Cancer. I ended up taking her place at Joja so she could stay on their insurance.” There was another pause as he drew a deep shuddering breath. “I-I didn’t even get to attend her funeral. My b-boss wouldn’t give me the day off for it. It was the worst way to start the year.”
“Wait, this happened on New Years? This year?”
Ashe nodded again. “I-I didn’t really… y’know, have a chance to process any of it. Work, work work. And then I remembered Grandpa’s envelope, and… I came here. It was nice, having so much to do and people to distract me from… everything. But I can’t ignore winter no matter how hard I try…”
His voice broke, and the tears that he’d been trying so hard to hold back burst forth. “I-It’s not fair! She was all I had! I was all she had! A-And I was working so much that I couldn’t even be there for her most of the time! I had to watch her waste away from a distance! And now Joja wants to take even more way from me! It’s not fair! It’s not fair!!!!”
The room became filled with his anguished sobs, and Shane gently pulled him into another hug. “It’s not, you’re right. It never is.”
For what felt like forever, Ashe cried. He cried out the feelings that he’d kept pent up over the year. And when he had no more tears left to shed, he rested against Shane, completely spent.
“Did that help at all?” Shane’s voice was low and soothing as he brushed the bangs from Ashe’s face.
“… I don’t know…”
“That’s fine. It takes time.” He held him close. “Look, if you feel like you need to cry, come and cry on me. Okay? Doesn’t matter when or where it is.”
It took a moment, but Ashe nodded. He wondered if this was what Shane felt like when he was looking out at those cliffs on that rainy day…
#stardew valley#sdv#stardew#sdv fanfiction#stardew valley fanfiction#stardew fanfiction#sdv fanfic#stardew valley fanfic#stardew fanfic#sdv fic#stardew valley fic#stardew fic#sdv shane#stardew valley shane#stardew shane#sdv farmer#stardew valley farmer#stardew farmer#tw mourning#tw grief#remind me never to write a day this long again
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Week Three aka Love In The Time Of Shirtlessness
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Here’s What Happened Monday
DeMario returns. All the men vow to sacrifice their perfect hairdos for the opportunity to defend Rachel’s honor in battle but are obviously relieved when Chris Harrison asks them not to engage. DeMario told his Uber driver that Rachel is the girl of his dreams and he begs Rachel to take him back. Rachel says no. The end.
As always, the men have a sixth sense about effective ways to cheer Rachel up after emotionally tumultuous encounters with DeMario. Jonathan caresses her with gigantic Hungry Helper gloves. Alex does some sweet tricks with a Rubix cube. Will dunks a basketball on a four foot hoop.
WhaaaaaaaBye
Lucas tells Rachel that Blake eats bananas while watching him sleep. Blake tells Rachel that bananas are a carbohydratic violation of his ketogenic diet, and thus the lynchpin in Lucas’s lies. Neither man receives a rose at the Rose Ceremony. Lucas calls it “a sad day in paradise.” Blake is upset that he is eliminated over the drama he created. The two share the most fantastic exchange of drunken nonsense outside, including this golden sentence I will be stealing for future use: “Get back to your garbage clown life.”
The Group Date aka ELLEN
Rachel takes six of the men on a group date to a taping of The Ellen Show. Ellen expresses her distaste for tickling and Urkel, confirming that she has perfect opinions.
This date is an elaborate ruse to get the men shirtless and see how they would do in an elderly lap-dancing scenario. Alex excels. Ellen later challenges the men to a game of Never Have I Ever and Alex admits to peeing in the pool and sending classy nudes. Again, Alex excels.
Rachel tells Ellen she cannot get over how bad Fred was as a kid from their shared Dallas childhood. After the show, Fred tries to prove his manhood and asks Rachel if he can kiss her, which Rachel finds awkward. She decides to give Fred the boot, which is great news because Fred is now single and I happen to be in Dallas.
The One-On-One Date aka Horses With Better Hair Than Bald Anthony
Rachel takes Bald Anthony on a “rodeo” down Rodeo Drive, which is actually just two people riding sad street horses in the middle of Los Angeles. Bald Anthony claims that he is from Chicago and thus has never seen a horse before. At one point a bus of teenage girls drives by and recognizes famous Rachel, who giddy-ups her horse into a store for cover. She claims that horses in stores is a normal occurrence on Rodeo Drive, but I am skeptical and would sooner put my money on the producers paying off the shop owners to just go with it. Point in case: when one of the horses defecates on the boutique floor, Rachel quips, “So Beverly Hills!” like that’s to be expected.
Dead Eric
Dead Eric never felt that spark of love before he died in 1875 and he isn’t feeling it now with Rachel either. If I had to guess why, I’d guess it’s because Rachel is not a necrophile. Dead Eric vows to haunt her forever if he does not make the group date.
He also claims that Rachel “is playing a game until she gets what she wants to get,” which is, I’ll remind you, exactly the premise of this show. The other men accuse him of mal-intent and disloyalty to Rachel. With his hoodie pulled tight over his head, Dead Eric lashes out at his accusers. The response seems over the top, but yet some compassion is in order as none of us really knows what he’s going through. I’m sure decomposition is very stressful.
The Group Date aka Bodies In Some Foulness
Rachel lets some of her Bachelor girls lead the group date with the men. It is partially a trap. Any man who even looks at one of the other girls with a lustful eye will receive swift deliverance. Any man who divulges damning information about the other men earns immediate approval from the girls.
The first task of the date is to make Bryce the firefighter pole dance on the bus. Bryce is a terrible pole dancer. Kenny is an excellent pole dancer, as any Chippendale-turned-pro-wrestler would likely be. Taking advantage of the Kenny’s diversion, Raven asks Bryce and Lee who Rachel should avoid, and they both say Eric because Eric is dead.
The second task of the date is to make the men mud wrestle. I am skeptical that the substance they are in is mud. My guess is they used the horses’ leftovers from Bald Anthony’s date. The men are so topless and so muscular.
Bryce and Brady, who I’m not convinced are not the same person, share a boring fight, followed by an even more boring fight between Dean and Dead Eric. Then Nacho Libre Kenny eviscerates sweet young Jack Stone and possible racist Lee. Alexis Waters cannot control her emotions. Bryce earns back his dignity lost to Kenny on the dancing pole by somehow beating him in the final round.
Covered in mud, the men look somewhere between the golden Adonis and the rock guy from Fantastic Four.
The Almost Rose Ceremony aka Dead Eric Again
In a bizarre and heated exchange, Lee reminds Dead Eric that Dead Eric has never experienced love but divulges that he, Lee, indeed loves him. Dead Eric responds that Lee has snake in his DNA. It’s a conversation I’m not entirely sure I followed.
In his alone time with Rachel, Dead Eric tells her he’s been running from his feelings his whole afterlife, and Rachel tells him to stop hugging her. She reveals that the guys were shit-talking him on the bus, and Dead Eric acts surprised before asking if they can return to hugging.
Rachel gives Dead Eric the group date rose, but later reconsiders when she learns that he has been questioning her motives. As we all know, the golden rule of this show is that the Bachelor/ette is infallible and that anyone who suggests otherwise is subject to beheading off camera. This does not concern Dead Eric as he is already dead. He gets to keep the rose wilting in his cold and lifeless hand.
Miscellaneous
The men on The Bachelorette are so much pettier than the girls on The Bachelor. The guys will shit talk each other behind their backs then go up and give each other hugs like they’re BFFs. The girls, according to postseason Instagram, spend every waking moment drinking Fireball in hotel rooms and genuinely vowing to never be apart again.
Rachel asks Bald Anthony if he’ll accept his rose and he responds “with pleasure.” I wonder if he works at Chic-Fil-A.
I can’t wait for next week.
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#The Bachelor#the bachlorette#theblogchelor#the blogchelor#rachel lindsay#bachelor in paradise#WHABOOM#blogchelorrachel
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Personal Life ramble: Personal Progress and Parents with mental illness
I am currently waiting for the umth time in the last couple of months for a response from my mother about our lunch meet up or whatever get together.
Back in early november, i was severely disappointed when she ditched our plans to binge drink all weekend and most of my other attempts at reaching out to her followed the same pattern.
I had messaged her a couple of days ago about wanting to get with her on lunch today. I have been having a rough couple of weeks and felt extremely isolated and cut off from everyone in my life. I figured since we literally live about 20ft away that i can possibly have some time out of the house and listen yo someone else for a little bit.
Yesterday evening, my husband and i had a very deep and contentious discussion on our future aspirations and intentions; our goals and plans that had left both of mildly drained from the experience. We had more growth in out relationship but it was exhausting to sort things out with such high emotions from the previous months.
My mother is making sounds like she is trying to back out of my invitation again today for reasons that i care not to mold over. It could be anything. From a depressive episode to suddenly going to a club to snort whatever. She has bipolar and is unmedicated so it is hard for me to scrutinize her impulses. However, time and time again it usually means cutting me from any and all activity in her life for 2 to 3 weeks at a time.
It has been this way for years. Greatly impacting my every decision since i had become aware of the patterns when i was an early teen resulting in stunting much of my life in order to mitigate the collateral her symptoms wrought whilst in her more intense episodes.
I study psychology and psychiatry on a 'casual' level as a way to equip myself with tools to cope or handle with how these ebbs and flows effect my relationship with her. However, i cannot convince her that anything is wrong. I had pushed for treatment in the past but she had only responded by taking activated charcoal in secret (cuz you know doctors are selling poison) or acting aggressively towards everything and refusing any sort of treatment.
Me reaching out within the last couple of years had no intention listed above but mere communication and connection. Most of you who have parents that struggle with severe mental illness know how difficult that can be. You could be having a pleasant conversation and then suddenly all communications cease and you're confused. Youre suddenly the devil or a thief or a liar or something to that matter causing you to sit back and wonder what had you done to be painted in this light?
In my experience, it can be as mild as disagreeing with them on their lunar spaceship theory and debate on the validity of people descending from moon aliens that bred domesticated dinosaurs in space arks. In hindsight, that sort of theory should have been a red flag and not an imaginative topic...
Regardless, im left worried. I sit here feeling like my attempt at reaching out to my mother to just visit with her (in a grey public place away from my sister and the houses) is going to make the list of futile attempt number x. I want to express the progress and other positive rhetoric that i have from my marriage or hobbies and maybe relieve my own contempt with stress in a pleasant outing.
Perhaps asking for that is too much. Honestly i dont know.
Having parents with mental illness is an upward battle. As soon as you think there is some recovery or some positive development the boulder rolls back down the hill. This leaves you, the child, standing at peak with your rock staring down at the mountain base wondering if you should roll down there too and help them back up. But your trapped with the understanding that if you go down to help them that all the work you had into pushing your own boulder up the face of the mountain would be undone.
#mental help#mentally ill#mentally unstable#mental instability#mentally drained#parents#parents with mental illness#frustrated#frustration#sadness#im sad#im sorry#up hill#up hill battle#mental health#mentally tired#mental heath support#i dont know#i dont know what to do#i dont know what to say#i dont know what im doing#i dont know how to fix this#i dont know how to cope#i dont know how to do this#personal
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“Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain
There are many ways to deal with pain. Sure, you could meditate to work through whatever is bothering you — science says it can relieve stress, improve focus, help you think better and, more positively, boost self-confidence, but sometimes chocolate gelato just wins. The indulgent dessert is not the enemy. It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists. Ignoring emotional discomfort will not just make it go away. Instead, consider embracing pain as these three women have.
“It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists.”
We recently sat down with Golden Globe-winning actress and producer Tracee Ellis Ross of “Black-ish,” New York Times best-selling author of “The Universe Has Your Back,” Gabrielle Bernstein and body-positive advocate and yoga instructor Jessamyn Stanley as part of a #WomanInProgress campaign with Motrin. Here are some highlights from their conversation about how learning to work through life’s most challenging moments — whether it’s at work, the gym or the dinner table — is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Q: What attracted you to this #WomanInProgress campaign?
Tracee Ellis Ross: We all experience pain of different kinds, big and small, physical and emotional, in our lives and our days. The way we often connect with pain is that it’s a stopping point — that it’s something you should run from. I really believe that pain is part of the journey. It’s often the beginning of when the blossoming happens. To me, it really speaks to the way I go about my life.
Gabrielle Bernstein: I think our painful moments in life offer us great opportunity for transformation and personal growth. When we hit bottom or a pain point, it’s an opportunity to pivot. At any given moment, we can look at those moments and say, “I’m not going to go there. I’m going to push this down.” But it will keep showing up. And I always say we have to show up for what’s up or it will continue to show up. Show up for the painful moments with grace and enthusiasm. When we say “yes” to those painful moments, we have a clear direction on how to get through them. It’s about having the willingness to feel discomfort and be brave enough to wonder what’s underneath it.
Q: Jessamyn, you’ve experienced a kind of pain that many women can relate to — that pain of judgment and self-doubt. It’s been a strong part of your journey. Can you talk to us about a defining moment?
Jessamyn Stanley: I never aspired to be a yoga teacher. I wasn’t even interested in practicing at all. The time that I started, I was going through a very difficult period of trying to understand who I actually was versus who I’ve been taught or thought I needed to be. That conflict created so much unhappiness in my life. So, yeah, I did use yoga as a conduit to get to a better place.
In that practice, it brought me to so many places of emotional and physical pain, and really the kind of conflict that you cannot walk away from. Being able to see myself on the other side of that was so empowering. Everything that I thought was wrong with me is actually awesome. If I had not been in that place of conflict, I never would have come to terms with that. So I actually think that pain is a gift in a lot of ways. If you allow yourself to be open to it, it can teach you so many things about yourself.
Q: Tracee, as a very physically active person, how does that resonate with you?
Ross: Most of my life’s most delicious or miraculous or joyful moments have pain in them. Looking at it as this way to face it and dive deeper is really where all of it happens. Pain is big and small, physical and emotional. I have trouble with my knees, for example. I ran track all through growing up. I love running. But I can’t run anymore. I used to feel so free — put my shoes on, go anywhere and run. But at that point, when I started having trouble with my knees, I could have decided “no more exercising.” But instead, it opened up this wealth of different choices and ways to continue moving.
The pain of disappointment is another example. A guy not calling, a relationship not working out. Or landing at a certain age, and thinking, “Oh, my life doesn’t quite look the way I thought it should look.” This is an opportunity to frame this that something is wrong with me or I need to do something different. It’s an opportunity to look at who I am, what’s important to me, what I want more of and what choices I need to make that work for me.
Q: When people fall, how do you inspire them to get back up and try again?
Stanley: This is something that comes up for me constantly As a larger black woman, I end up teaching a lot of larger people in general, especially people who are also marginalized. When someone first walks into a yoga studio, they might think, “I can’t do this.” And when they attempt it and something hurts, they might think, “Oh, this hurts. I’m not doing it right.” You have to encourage them, “No, you’re good. Keep going.”
And then they might fall — and it’s an epic fall that really hurts, and they think, “I’m not supposed to be here!” But you have to get back up. I say this a lot when practicing inversions. How can you really learn to stand up on another part of your body if you don’t fall down? You’re never going to learn to take the weight out of your head and put it in your shoulders if you don’t fall. Accept that it is supposed to happen. If you just allow yourself to have this experience, you will come out of it so much stronger and more powerful.
Ross: As you were talking, I was thinking about feasible goals. Expectations get me in trouble. It’s a dangerous trap for me. Optimism and expectation are actually really difficult for me. I think that’s where a lot of my hurt and pain has comes from because I had an idea that something different should have been happening. And so I’m faced with matching up with what I thought it should be vs. what it is. The fear and terror that comes in between because the reason that is I didn’t do enough. There’s so many things in life that we can’t control. That I can’t try hard enough to make happen.
This made me think of my experience with yoga. The idea of being quiet for an hour and a half, I thought, “Are you kidding me?! Why?” Not only “why” but also “that’s painful… to be alone and quiet — that’s awful.” And poses that looked so complicated. I gave myself permission to go for 15 minutes. I did the first 15 minutes of class, and I left my mat by the door so I that I wouldn’t feel embarrassed to leave. I worked my way up in 5-minute increments. I remember when I made it to my first hour and a half, how proud I felt of myself. I was like, “Oh, I did it!” And I don’t remember how long it took me, but I did it.
Q: What are some other tangible tips and tools for people who want to manage their pain in the moment?
Bernstein: Breathe into the pain. Sometimes, if you let yourself just experience a feeling for 90 seconds, that feeling can change. Often we want to do whatever we can to avoid feeling discomfort. We’ll go eat some ice cream or pick up the phone and call a friend or do something to get out of that feeling. The simplicity is to just allow ourselves to be present with the feeling and breathe into it. That’s a mini meditation unto itself — to breathe for 90 seconds into the experience and then let it go.
I do this visual meditation with people and tell them to envision themselves in the ocean right before a wave is about to crash on you. The only way to avoid being knocked down is to dive into the wave. So when you see the wave coming at you, you take a deep breath, feel the discomfort of whatever is up and then dive into the wave. Then you come up, feel that emotion again, and dive into the way. This is something that just came to me when I was in my own meditation practice trying to feel my feelings. All of a sudden, I started seeing the waves, and thought this is a beautiful image of allowing myself to be present in exactly what I’m feeling and dive into it. That creates a power to not be the victim of our emotions. We often feel very alone in our suffering. When we simply acknowledge that we all suffer — we’re all in it together — that in itself takes a lot of the pressure off.
Q: What does being a #WomanInProgress mean to you?
Stanley: So much of it is about understanding that this moment is just a moment. It is not forever. There is a tendency in my own life when I’ve come to a place where I’m like “I’m good here. I can stay here.” That’s just a plateau. Ultimately, there’s going to be a rise or a fall. Accepting that is coming is all about being a woman in progress. Accepting the ups and the downs is the reason that we’re here. It’s not about the destination, it’s about this journey til the very end. You should hope that it’s so interesting and dense and full of different kinds of hurt.
Bernstein: For me, it’s having the willingness to be uncomfortable so that I have growth all the time. I don’t mean to say that I want to be uncomfortable all the time, but just having the willingness to go through it and move through it. That’s where the progress lies.
Ross: I think we live in such a culture that is focused on perfection. And I love that the expression “woman in progress” opens up this idea that in a world that is so rigid there is space and willingness to be with the discomfort and to be with oneself and to have one’s own experience in the journey. It’s not how we see a woman on her journey, but it’s how we are in our journey.
The post “Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain appeared first on Under Armour.
http://ift.tt/2n74Qwh
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“Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain
There are many ways to deal with pain. Sure, you could meditate to work through whatever is bothering you — science says it can relieve stress, improve focus, help you think better and, more positively, boost self-confidence, but sometimes chocolate gelato just wins. The indulgent dessert is not the enemy. It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists. Ignoring emotional discomfort will not just make it go away. Instead, consider embracing pain as these three women have.
“It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists.”
We recently sat down with Golden Globe-winning actress and producer Tracee Ellis Ross of “Black-ish,” New York Times best-selling author of “The Universe Has Your Back,” Gabrielle Bernstein and body-positive advocate and yoga instructor Jessamyn Stanley as part of a #WomanInProgress campaign with Motrin. Here are some highlights from their conversation about how learning to work through life’s most challenging moments — whether it’s at work, the gym or the dinner table — is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Q: What attracted you to this #WomanInProgress campaign?
Tracee Ellis Ross: We all experience pain of different kinds, big and small, physical and emotional, in our lives and our days. The way we often connect with pain is that it’s a stopping point — that it’s something you should run from. I really believe that pain is part of the journey. It’s often the beginning of when the blossoming happens. To me, it really speaks to the way I go about my life.
Gabrielle Bernstein: I think our painful moments in life offer us great opportunity for transformation and personal growth. When we hit bottom or a pain point, it’s an opportunity to pivot. At any given moment, we can look at those moments and say, “I’m not going to go there. I’m going to push this down.” But it will keep showing up. And I always say we have to show up for what’s up or it will continue to show up. Show up for the painful moments with grace and enthusiasm. When we say “yes” to those painful moments, we have a clear direction on how to get through them. It’s about having the willingness to feel discomfort and be brave enough to wonder what’s underneath it.
Q: Jessamyn, you’ve experienced a kind of pain that many women can relate to — that pain of judgment and self-doubt. It’s been a strong part of your journey. Can you talk to us about a defining moment?
Jessamyn Stanley: I never aspired to be a yoga teacher. I wasn’t even interested in practicing at all. The time that I started, I was going through a very difficult period of trying to understand who I actually was versus who I’ve been taught or thought I needed to be. That conflict created so much unhappiness in my life. So, yeah, I did use yoga as a conduit to get to a better place.
In that practice, it brought me to so many places of emotional and physical pain, and really the kind of conflict that you cannot walk away from. Being able to see myself on the other side of that was so empowering. Everything that I thought was wrong with me is actually awesome. If I had not been in that place of conflict, I never would have come to terms with that. So I actually think that pain is a gift in a lot of ways. If you allow yourself to be open to it, it can teach you so many things about yourself.
Q: Tracee, as a very physically active person, how does that resonate with you?
Ross: Most of my life’s most delicious or miraculous or joyful moments have pain in them. Looking at it as this way to face it and dive deeper is really where all of it happens. Pain is big and small, physical and emotional. I have trouble with my knees, for example. I ran track all through growing up. I love running. But I can’t run anymore. I used to feel so free — put my shoes on, go anywhere and run. But at that point, when I started having trouble with my knees, I could have decided “no more exercising.” But instead, it opened up this wealth of different choices and ways to continue moving.
The pain of disappointment is another example. A guy not calling, a relationship not working out. Or landing at a certain age, and thinking, “Oh, my life doesn’t quite look the way I thought it should look.” This is an opportunity to frame this that something is wrong with me or I need to do something different. It’s an opportunity to look at who I am, what’s important to me, what I want more of and what choices I need to make that work for me.
Q: When people fall, how do you inspire them to get back up and try again?
Stanley: This is something that comes up for me constantly As a larger black woman, I end up teaching a lot of larger people in general, especially people who are also marginalized. When someone first walks into a yoga studio, they might think, “I can’t do this.” And when they attempt it and something hurts, they might think, “Oh, this hurts. I’m not doing it right.” You have to encourage them, “No, you’re good. Keep going.”
And then they might fall — and it’s an epic fall that really hurts, and they think, “I’m not supposed to be here!” But you have to get back up. I say this a lot when practicing inversions. How can you really learn to stand up on another part of your body if you don’t fall down? You’re never going to learn to take the weight out of your head and put it in your shoulders if you don’t fall. Accept that it is supposed to happen. If you just allow yourself to have this experience, you will come out of it so much stronger and more powerful.
Ross: As you were talking, I was thinking about feasible goals. Expectations get me in trouble. It’s a dangerous trap for me. Optimism and expectation are actually really difficult for me. I think that’s where a lot of my hurt and pain has comes from because I had an idea that something different should have been happening. And so I’m faced with matching up with what I thought it should be vs. what it is. The fear and terror that comes in between because the reason that is I didn’t do enough. There’s so many things in life that we can’t control. That I can’t try hard enough to make happen.
This made me think of my experience with yoga. The idea of being quiet for an hour and a half, I thought, “Are you kidding me?! Why?” Not only “why” but also “that’s painful… to be alone and quiet — that’s awful.” And poses that looked so complicated. I gave myself permission to go for 15 minutes. I did the first 15 minutes of class, and I left my mat by the door so I that I wouldn’t feel embarrassed to leave. I worked my way up in 5-minute increments. I remember when I made it to my first hour and a half, how proud I felt of myself. I was like, “Oh, I did it!” And I don’t remember how long it took me, but I did it.
Q: What are some other tangible tips and tools for people who want to manage their pain in the moment?
Bernstein: Breathe into the pain. Sometimes, if you let yourself just experience a feeling for 90 seconds, that feeling can change. Often we want to do whatever we can to avoid feeling discomfort. We’ll go eat some ice cream or pick up the phone and call a friend or do something to get out of that feeling. The simplicity is to just allow ourselves to be present with the feeling and breathe into it. That’s a mini meditation unto itself — to breathe for 90 seconds into the experience and then let it go.
I do this visual meditation with people and tell them to envision themselves in the ocean right before a wave is about to crash on you. The only way to avoid being knocked down is to dive into the wave. So when you see the wave coming at you, you take a deep breath, feel the discomfort of whatever is up and then dive into the wave. Then you come up, feel that emotion again, and dive into the way. This is something that just came to me when I was in my own meditation practice trying to feel my feelings. All of a sudden, I started seeing the waves, and thought this is a beautiful image of allowing myself to be present in exactly what I’m feeling and dive into it. That creates a power to not be the victim of our emotions. We often feel very alone in our suffering. When we simply acknowledge that we all suffer — we’re all in it together — that in itself takes a lot of the pressure off.
Q: What does being a #WomanInProgress mean to you?
Stanley: So much of it is about understanding that this moment is just a moment. It is not forever. There is a tendency in my own life when I’ve come to a place where I’m like “I’m good here. I can stay here.” That’s just a plateau. Ultimately, there’s going to be a rise or a fall. Accepting that is coming is all about being a woman in progress. Accepting the ups and the downs is the reason that we’re here. It’s not about the destination, it’s about this journey til the very end. You should hope that it’s so interesting and dense and full of different kinds of hurt.
Bernstein: For me, it’s having the willingness to be uncomfortable so that I have growth all the time. I don’t mean to say that I want to be uncomfortable all the time, but just having the willingness to go through it and move through it. That’s where the progress lies.
Ross: I think we live in such a culture that is focused on perfection. And I love that the expression “woman in progress” opens up this idea that in a world that is so rigid there is space and willingness to be with the discomfort and to be with oneself and to have one’s own experience in the journey. It’s not how we see a woman on her journey, but it’s how we are in our journey.
The post “Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain appeared first on Under Armour.
http://ift.tt/2n74Qwh
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Text
“Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain
There are many ways to deal with pain. Sure, you could meditate to work through whatever is bothering you — science says it can relieve stress, improve focus, help you think better and, more positively, boost self-confidence, but sometimes chocolate gelato just wins. The indulgent dessert is not the enemy. It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists. Ignoring emotional discomfort will not just make it go away. Instead, consider embracing pain as these three women have.
“It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists.”
We recently sat down with Golden Globe-winning actress and producer Tracee Ellis Ross of “Black-ish,” New York Times best-selling author of “The Universe Has Your Back,” Gabrielle Bernstein and body-positive advocate and yoga instructor Jessamyn Stanley as part of a #WomanInProgress campaign with Motrin. Here are some highlights from their conversation about how learning to work through life’s most challenging moments — whether it’s at work, the gym or the dinner table — is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Q: What attracted you to this #WomanInProgress campaign?
Tracee Ellis Ross: We all experience pain of different kinds, big and small, physical and emotional, in our lives and our days. The way we often connect with pain is that it’s a stopping point — that it’s something you should run from. I really believe that pain is part of the journey. It’s often the beginning of when the blossoming happens. To me, it really speaks to the way I go about my life.
Gabrielle Bernstein: I think our painful moments in life offer us great opportunity for transformation and personal growth. When we hit bottom or a pain point, it’s an opportunity to pivot. At any given moment, we can look at those moments and say, “I’m not going to go there. I’m going to push this down.” But it will keep showing up. And I always say we have to show up for what’s up or it will continue to show up. Show up for the painful moments with grace and enthusiasm. When we say “yes” to those painful moments, we have a clear direction on how to get through them. It’s about having the willingness to feel discomfort and be brave enough to wonder what’s underneath it.
Q: Jessamyn, you’ve experienced a kind of pain that many women can relate to — that pain of judgment and self-doubt. It’s been a strong part of your journey. Can you talk to us about a defining moment?
Jessamyn Stanley: I never aspired to be a yoga teacher. I wasn’t even interested in practicing at all. The time that I started, I was going through a very difficult period of trying to understand who I actually was versus who I’ve been taught or thought I needed to be. That conflict created so much unhappiness in my life. So, yeah, I did use yoga as a conduit to get to a better place.
In that practice, it brought me to so many places of emotional and physical pain, and really the kind of conflict that you cannot walk away from. Being able to see myself on the other side of that was so empowering. Everything that I thought was wrong with me is actually awesome. If I had not been in that place of conflict, I never would have come to terms with that. So I actually think that pain is a gift in a lot of ways. If you allow yourself to be open to it, it can teach you so many things about yourself.
Q: Tracee, as a very physically active person, how does that resonate with you?
Ross: Most of my life’s most delicious or miraculous or joyful moments have pain in them. Looking at it as this way to face it and dive deeper is really where all of it happens. Pain is big and small, physical and emotional. I have trouble with my knees, for example. I ran track all through growing up. I love running. But I can’t run anymore. I used to feel so free — put my shoes on, go anywhere and run. But at that point, when I started having trouble with my knees, I could have decided “no more exercising.” But instead, it opened up this wealth of different choices and ways to continue moving.
The pain of disappointment is another example. A guy not calling, a relationship not working out. Or landing at a certain age, and thinking, “Oh, my life doesn’t quite look the way I thought it should look.” This is an opportunity to frame this that something is wrong with me or I need to do something different. It’s an opportunity to look at who I am, what’s important to me, what I want more of and what choices I need to make that work for me.
Q: When people fall, how do you inspire them to get back up and try again?
Stanley: This is something that comes up for me constantly As a larger black woman, I end up teaching a lot of larger people in general, especially people who are also marginalized. When someone first walks into a yoga studio, they might think, “I can’t do this.” And when they attempt it and something hurts, they might think, “Oh, this hurts. I’m not doing it right.” You have to encourage them, “No, you’re good. Keep going.”
And then they might fall — and it’s an epic fall that really hurts, and they think, “I’m not supposed to be here!” But you have to get back up. I say this a lot when practicing inversions. How can you really learn to stand up on another part of your body if you don’t fall down? You’re never going to learn to take the weight out of your head and put it in your shoulders if you don’t fall. Accept that it is supposed to happen. If you just allow yourself to have this experience, you will come out of it so much stronger and more powerful.
Ross: As you were talking, I was thinking about feasible goals. Expectations get me in trouble. It’s a dangerous trap for me. Optimism and expectation are actually really difficult for me. I think that’s where a lot of my hurt and pain has comes from because I had an idea that something different should have been happening. And so I’m faced with matching up with what I thought it should be vs. what it is. The fear and terror that comes in between because the reason that is I didn’t do enough. There’s so many things in life that we can’t control. That I can’t try hard enough to make happen.
This made me think of my experience with yoga. The idea of being quiet for an hour and a half, I thought, “Are you kidding me?! Why?” Not only “why” but also “that’s painful… to be alone and quiet — that’s awful.” And poses that looked so complicated. I gave myself permission to go for 15 minutes. I did the first 15 minutes of class, and I left my mat by the door so I that I wouldn’t feel embarrassed to leave. I worked my way up in 5-minute increments. I remember when I made it to my first hour and a half, how proud I felt of myself. I was like, “Oh, I did it!” And I don’t remember how long it took me, but I did it.
Q: What are some other tangible tips and tools for people who want to manage their pain in the moment?
Bernstein: Breathe into the pain. Sometimes, if you let yourself just experience a feeling for 90 seconds, that feeling can change. Often we want to do whatever we can to avoid feeling discomfort. We’ll go eat some ice cream or pick up the phone and call a friend or do something to get out of that feeling. The simplicity is to just allow ourselves to be present with the feeling and breathe into it. That’s a mini meditation unto itself — to breathe for 90 seconds into the experience and then let it go.
I do this visual meditation with people and tell them to envision themselves in the ocean right before a wave is about to crash on you. The only way to avoid being knocked down is to dive into the wave. So when you see the wave coming at you, you take a deep breath, feel the discomfort of whatever is up and then dive into the wave. Then you come up, feel that emotion again, and dive into the way. This is something that just came to me when I was in my own meditation practice trying to feel my feelings. All of a sudden, I started seeing the waves, and thought this is a beautiful image of allowing myself to be present in exactly what I’m feeling and dive into it. That creates a power to not be the victim of our emotions. We often feel very alone in our suffering. When we simply acknowledge that we all suffer — we’re all in it together — that in itself takes a lot of the pressure off.
Q: What does being a #WomanInProgress mean to you?
Stanley: So much of it is about understanding that this moment is just a moment. It is not forever. There is a tendency in my own life when I’ve come to a place where I’m like “I’m good here. I can stay here.” That’s just a plateau. Ultimately, there’s going to be a rise or a fall. Accepting that is coming is all about being a woman in progress. Accepting the ups and the downs is the reason that we’re here. It’s not about the destination, it’s about this journey til the very end. You should hope that it’s so interesting and dense and full of different kinds of hurt.
Bernstein: For me, it’s having the willingness to be uncomfortable so that I have growth all the time. I don’t mean to say that I want to be uncomfortable all the time, but just having the willingness to go through it and move through it. That’s where the progress lies.
Ross: I think we live in such a culture that is focused on perfection. And I love that the expression “woman in progress” opens up this idea that in a world that is so rigid there is space and willingness to be with the discomfort and to be with oneself and to have one’s own experience in the journey. It’s not how we see a woman on her journey, but it’s how we are in our journey.
The post “Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain appeared first on Under Armour.
http://ift.tt/2n74Qwh
0 notes
Text
“Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain
There are many ways to deal with pain. Sure, you could meditate to work through whatever is bothering you — science says it can relieve stress, improve focus, help you think better and, more positively, boost self-confidence, but sometimes chocolate gelato just wins. The indulgent dessert is not the enemy. It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists. Ignoring emotional discomfort will not just make it go away. Instead, consider embracing pain as these three women have.
“It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists.”
We recently sat down with Golden Globe-winning actress and producer Tracee Ellis Ross of “Black-ish,” New York Times best-selling author of “The Universe Has Your Back,” Gabrielle Bernstein and body-positive advocate and yoga instructor Jessamyn Stanley as part of a #WomanInProgress campaign with Motrin. Here are some highlights from their conversation about how learning to work through life’s most challenging moments — whether it’s at work, the gym or the dinner table — is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Q: What attracted you to this #WomanInProgress campaign?
Tracee Ellis Ross: We all experience pain of different kinds, big and small, physical and emotional, in our lives and our days. The way we often connect with pain is that it’s a stopping point — that it’s something you should run from. I really believe that pain is part of the journey. It’s often the beginning of when the blossoming happens. To me, it really speaks to the way I go about my life.
Gabrielle Bernstein: I think our painful moments in life offer us great opportunity for transformation and personal growth. When we hit bottom or a pain point, it’s an opportunity to pivot. At any given moment, we can look at those moments and say, “I’m not going to go there. I’m going to push this down.” But it will keep showing up. And I always say we have to show up for what’s up or it will continue to show up. Show up for the painful moments with grace and enthusiasm. When we say “yes” to those painful moments, we have a clear direction on how to get through them. It’s about having the willingness to feel discomfort and be brave enough to wonder what’s underneath it.
Q: Jessamyn, you’ve experienced a kind of pain that many women can relate to — that pain of judgment and self-doubt. It’s been a strong part of your journey. Can you talk to us about a defining moment?
Jessamyn Stanley: I never aspired to be a yoga teacher. I wasn’t even interested in practicing at all. The time that I started, I was going through a very difficult period of trying to understand who I actually was versus who I’ve been taught or thought I needed to be. That conflict created so much unhappiness in my life. So, yeah, I did use yoga as a conduit to get to a better place.
In that practice, it brought me to so many places of emotional and physical pain, and really the kind of conflict that you cannot walk away from. Being able to see myself on the other side of that was so empowering. Everything that I thought was wrong with me is actually awesome. If I had not been in that place of conflict, I never would have come to terms with that. So I actually think that pain is a gift in a lot of ways. If you allow yourself to be open to it, it can teach you so many things about yourself.
Q: Tracee, as a very physically active person, how does that resonate with you?
Ross: Most of my life’s most delicious or miraculous or joyful moments have pain in them. Looking at it as this way to face it and dive deeper is really where all of it happens. Pain is big and small, physical and emotional. I have trouble with my knees, for example. I ran track all through growing up. I love running. But I can’t run anymore. I used to feel so free — put my shoes on, go anywhere and run. But at that point, when I started having trouble with my knees, I could have decided “no more exercising.” But instead, it opened up this wealth of different choices and ways to continue moving.
The pain of disappointment is another example. A guy not calling, a relationship not working out. Or landing at a certain age, and thinking, “Oh, my life doesn’t quite look the way I thought it should look.” This is an opportunity to frame this that something is wrong with me or I need to do something different. It’s an opportunity to look at who I am, what’s important to me, what I want more of and what choices I need to make that work for me.
Q: When people fall, how do you inspire them to get back up and try again?
Stanley: This is something that comes up for me constantly As a larger black woman, I end up teaching a lot of larger people in general, especially people who are also marginalized. When someone first walks into a yoga studio, they might think, “I can’t do this.” And when they attempt it and something hurts, they might think, “Oh, this hurts. I’m not doing it right.” You have to encourage them, “No, you’re good. Keep going.”
And then they might fall — and it’s an epic fall that really hurts, and they think, “I’m not supposed to be here!” But you have to get back up. I say this a lot when practicing inversions. How can you really learn to stand up on another part of your body if you don’t fall down? You’re never going to learn to take the weight out of your head and put it in your shoulders if you don’t fall. Accept that it is supposed to happen. If you just allow yourself to have this experience, you will come out of it so much stronger and more powerful.
Ross: As you were talking, I was thinking about feasible goals. Expectations get me in trouble. It’s a dangerous trap for me. Optimism and expectation are actually really difficult for me. I think that’s where a lot of my hurt and pain has comes from because I had an idea that something different should have been happening. And so I’m faced with matching up with what I thought it should be vs. what it is. The fear and terror that comes in between because the reason that is I didn’t do enough. There’s so many things in life that we can’t control. That I can’t try hard enough to make happen.
This made me think of my experience with yoga. The idea of being quiet for an hour and a half, I thought, “Are you kidding me?! Why?” Not only “why” but also “that’s painful… to be alone and quiet — that’s awful.” And poses that looked so complicated. I gave myself permission to go for 15 minutes. I did the first 15 minutes of class, and I left my mat by the door so I that I wouldn’t feel embarrassed to leave. I worked my way up in 5-minute increments. I remember when I made it to my first hour and a half, how proud I felt of myself. I was like, “Oh, I did it!” And I don’t remember how long it took me, but I did it.
Q: What are some other tangible tips and tools for people who want to manage their pain in the moment?
Bernstein: Breathe into the pain. Sometimes, if you let yourself just experience a feeling for 90 seconds, that feeling can change. Often we want to do whatever we can to avoid feeling discomfort. We’ll go eat some ice cream or pick up the phone and call a friend or do something to get out of that feeling. The simplicity is to just allow ourselves to be present with the feeling and breathe into it. That’s a mini meditation unto itself — to breathe for 90 seconds into the experience and then let it go.
I do this visual meditation with people and tell them to envision themselves in the ocean right before a wave is about to crash on you. The only way to avoid being knocked down is to dive into the wave. So when you see the wave coming at you, you take a deep breath, feel the discomfort of whatever is up and then dive into the wave. Then you come up, feel that emotion again, and dive into the way. This is something that just came to me when I was in my own meditation practice trying to feel my feelings. All of a sudden, I started seeing the waves, and thought this is a beautiful image of allowing myself to be present in exactly what I’m feeling and dive into it. That creates a power to not be the victim of our emotions. We often feel very alone in our suffering. When we simply acknowledge that we all suffer — we’re all in it together — that in itself takes a lot of the pressure off.
Q: What does being a #WomanInProgress mean to you?
Stanley: So much of it is about understanding that this moment is just a moment. It is not forever. There is a tendency in my own life when I’ve come to a place where I’m like “I’m good here. I can stay here.” That’s just a plateau. Ultimately, there’s going to be a rise or a fall. Accepting that is coming is all about being a woman in progress. Accepting the ups and the downs is the reason that we’re here. It’s not about the destination, it’s about this journey til the very end. You should hope that it’s so interesting and dense and full of different kinds of hurt.
Bernstein: For me, it’s having the willingness to be uncomfortable so that I have growth all the time. I don’t mean to say that I want to be uncomfortable all the time, but just having the willingness to go through it and move through it. That’s where the progress lies.
Ross: I think we live in such a culture that is focused on perfection. And I love that the expression “woman in progress” opens up this idea that in a world that is so rigid there is space and willingness to be with the discomfort and to be with oneself and to have one’s own experience in the journey. It’s not how we see a woman on her journey, but it’s how we are in our journey.
The post “Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain appeared first on Under Armour.
http://ift.tt/2n74Qwh
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“Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain
There are many ways to deal with pain. Sure, you could meditate to work through whatever is bothering you — science says it can relieve stress, improve focus, help you think better and, more positively, boost self-confidence, but sometimes chocolate gelato just wins. The indulgent dessert is not the enemy. It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists. Ignoring emotional discomfort will not just make it go away. Instead, consider embracing pain as these three women have.
“It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists.”
We recently sat down with Golden Globe-winning actress and producer Tracee Ellis Ross of “Black-ish,” New York Times best-selling author of “The Universe Has Your Back,” Gabrielle Bernstein and body-positive advocate and yoga instructor Jessamyn Stanley as part of a #WomanInProgress campaign with Motrin. Here are some highlights from their conversation about how learning to work through life’s most challenging moments — whether it’s at work, the gym or the dinner table — is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Q: What attracted you to this #WomanInProgress campaign?
Tracee Ellis Ross: We all experience pain of different kinds, big and small, physical and emotional, in our lives and our days. The way we often connect with pain is that it’s a stopping point — that it’s something you should run from. I really believe that pain is part of the journey. It’s often the beginning of when the blossoming happens. To me, it really speaks to the way I go about my life.
Gabrielle Bernstein: I think our painful moments in life offer us great opportunity for transformation and personal growth. When we hit bottom or a pain point, it’s an opportunity to pivot. At any given moment, we can look at those moments and say, “I’m not going to go there. I’m going to push this down.” But it will keep showing up. And I always say we have to show up for what’s up or it will continue to show up. Show up for the painful moments with grace and enthusiasm. When we say “yes” to those painful moments, we have a clear direction on how to get through them. It’s about having the willingness to feel discomfort and be brave enough to wonder what’s underneath it.
Q: Jessamyn, you’ve experienced a kind of pain that many women can relate to — that pain of judgment and self-doubt. It’s been a strong part of your journey. Can you talk to us about a defining moment?
Jessamyn Stanley: I never aspired to be a yoga teacher. I wasn’t even interested in practicing at all. The time that I started, I was going through a very difficult period of trying to understand who I actually was versus who I’ve been taught or thought I needed to be. That conflict created so much unhappiness in my life. So, yeah, I did use yoga as a conduit to get to a better place.
In that practice, it brought me to so many places of emotional and physical pain, and really the kind of conflict that you cannot walk away from. Being able to see myself on the other side of that was so empowering. Everything that I thought was wrong with me is actually awesome. If I had not been in that place of conflict, I never would have come to terms with that. So I actually think that pain is a gift in a lot of ways. If you allow yourself to be open to it, it can teach you so many things about yourself.
Q: Tracee, as a very physically active person, how does that resonate with you?
Ross: Most of my life’s most delicious or miraculous or joyful moments have pain in them. Looking at it as this way to face it and dive deeper is really where all of it happens. Pain is big and small, physical and emotional. I have trouble with my knees, for example. I ran track all through growing up. I love running. But I can’t run anymore. I used to feel so free — put my shoes on, go anywhere and run. But at that point, when I started having trouble with my knees, I could have decided “no more exercising.” But instead, it opened up this wealth of different choices and ways to continue moving.
The pain of disappointment is another example. A guy not calling, a relationship not working out. Or landing at a certain age, and thinking, “Oh, my life doesn’t quite look the way I thought it should look.” This is an opportunity to frame this that something is wrong with me or I need to do something different. It’s an opportunity to look at who I am, what’s important to me, what I want more of and what choices I need to make that work for me.
Q: When people fall, how do you inspire them to get back up and try again?
Stanley: This is something that comes up for me constantly As a larger black woman, I end up teaching a lot of larger people in general, especially people who are also marginalized. When someone first walks into a yoga studio, they might think, “I can’t do this.” And when they attempt it and something hurts, they might think, “Oh, this hurts. I’m not doing it right.” You have to encourage them, “No, you’re good. Keep going.”
And then they might fall — and it’s an epic fall that really hurts, and they think, “I’m not supposed to be here!” But you have to get back up. I say this a lot when practicing inversions. How can you really learn to stand up on another part of your body if you don’t fall down? You’re never going to learn to take the weight out of your head and put it in your shoulders if you don’t fall. Accept that it is supposed to happen. If you just allow yourself to have this experience, you will come out of it so much stronger and more powerful.
Ross: As you were talking, I was thinking about feasible goals. Expectations get me in trouble. It’s a dangerous trap for me. Optimism and expectation are actually really difficult for me. I think that’s where a lot of my hurt and pain has comes from because I had an idea that something different should have been happening. And so I’m faced with matching up with what I thought it should be vs. what it is. The fear and terror that comes in between because the reason that is I didn’t do enough. There’s so many things in life that we can’t control. That I can’t try hard enough to make happen.
This made me think of my experience with yoga. The idea of being quiet for an hour and a half, I thought, “Are you kidding me?! Why?” Not only “why” but also “that’s painful… to be alone and quiet — that’s awful.” And poses that looked so complicated. I gave myself permission to go for 15 minutes. I did the first 15 minutes of class, and I left my mat by the door so I that I wouldn’t feel embarrassed to leave. I worked my way up in 5-minute increments. I remember when I made it to my first hour and a half, how proud I felt of myself. I was like, “Oh, I did it!” And I don’t remember how long it took me, but I did it.
Q: What are some other tangible tips and tools for people who want to manage their pain in the moment?
Bernstein: Breathe into the pain. Sometimes, if you let yourself just experience a feeling for 90 seconds, that feeling can change. Often we want to do whatever we can to avoid feeling discomfort. We’ll go eat some ice cream or pick up the phone and call a friend or do something to get out of that feeling. The simplicity is to just allow ourselves to be present with the feeling and breathe into it. That’s a mini meditation unto itself — to breathe for 90 seconds into the experience and then let it go.
I do this visual meditation with people and tell them to envision themselves in the ocean right before a wave is about to crash on you. The only way to avoid being knocked down is to dive into the wave. So when you see the wave coming at you, you take a deep breath, feel the discomfort of whatever is up and then dive into the wave. Then you come up, feel that emotion again, and dive into the way. This is something that just came to me when I was in my own meditation practice trying to feel my feelings. All of a sudden, I started seeing the waves, and thought this is a beautiful image of allowing myself to be present in exactly what I’m feeling and dive into it. That creates a power to not be the victim of our emotions. We often feel very alone in our suffering. When we simply acknowledge that we all suffer — we’re all in it together — that in itself takes a lot of the pressure off.
Q: What does being a #WomanInProgress mean to you?
Stanley: So much of it is about understanding that this moment is just a moment. It is not forever. There is a tendency in my own life when I’ve come to a place where I’m like “I’m good here. I can stay here.” That’s just a plateau. Ultimately, there’s going to be a rise or a fall. Accepting that is coming is all about being a woman in progress. Accepting the ups and the downs is the reason that we’re here. It’s not about the destination, it’s about this journey til the very end. You should hope that it’s so interesting and dense and full of different kinds of hurt.
Bernstein: For me, it’s having the willingness to be uncomfortable so that I have growth all the time. I don’t mean to say that I want to be uncomfortable all the time, but just having the willingness to go through it and move through it. That’s where the progress lies.
Ross: I think we live in such a culture that is focused on perfection. And I love that the expression “woman in progress” opens up this idea that in a world that is so rigid there is space and willingness to be with the discomfort and to be with oneself and to have one’s own experience in the journey. It’s not how we see a woman on her journey, but it’s how we are in our journey.
The post “Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain appeared first on Under Armour.
http://ift.tt/2n74Qwh
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Text
“Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain
There are many ways to deal with pain. Sure, you could meditate to work through whatever is bothering you — science says it can relieve stress, improve focus, help you think better and, more positively, boost self-confidence, but sometimes chocolate gelato just wins. The indulgent dessert is not the enemy. It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists. Ignoring emotional discomfort will not just make it go away. Instead, consider embracing pain as these three women have.
“It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists.”
We recently sat down with Golden Globe-winning actress and producer Tracee Ellis Ross of “Black-ish,” New York Times best-selling author of “The Universe Has Your Back,” Gabrielle Bernstein and body-positive advocate and yoga instructor Jessamyn Stanley as part of a #WomanInProgress campaign with Motrin. Here are some highlights from their conversation about how learning to work through life’s most challenging moments — whether it’s at work, the gym or the dinner table — is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Q: What attracted you to this #WomanInProgress campaign?
Tracee Ellis Ross: We all experience pain of different kinds, big and small, physical and emotional, in our lives and our days. The way we often connect with pain is that it’s a stopping point — that it’s something you should run from. I really believe that pain is part of the journey. It’s often the beginning of when the blossoming happens. To me, it really speaks to the way I go about my life.
Gabrielle Bernstein: I think our painful moments in life offer us great opportunity for transformation and personal growth. When we hit bottom or a pain point, it’s an opportunity to pivot. At any given moment, we can look at those moments and say, “I’m not going to go there. I’m going to push this down.” But it will keep showing up. And I always say we have to show up for what’s up or it will continue to show up. Show up for the painful moments with grace and enthusiasm. When we say “yes” to those painful moments, we have a clear direction on how to get through them. It’s about having the willingness to feel discomfort and be brave enough to wonder what’s underneath it.
Q: Jessamyn, you’ve experienced a kind of pain that many women can relate to — that pain of judgment and self-doubt. It’s been a strong part of your journey. Can you talk to us about a defining moment?
Jessamyn Stanley: I never aspired to be a yoga teacher. I wasn’t even interested in practicing at all. The time that I started, I was going through a very difficult period of trying to understand who I actually was versus who I’ve been taught or thought I needed to be. That conflict created so much unhappiness in my life. So, yeah, I did use yoga as a conduit to get to a better place.
In that practice, it brought me to so many places of emotional and physical pain, and really the kind of conflict that you cannot walk away from. Being able to see myself on the other side of that was so empowering. Everything that I thought was wrong with me is actually awesome. If I had not been in that place of conflict, I never would have come to terms with that. So I actually think that pain is a gift in a lot of ways. If you allow yourself to be open to it, it can teach you so many things about yourself.
Q: Tracee, as a very physically active person, how does that resonate with you?
Ross: Most of my life’s most delicious or miraculous or joyful moments have pain in them. Looking at it as this way to face it and dive deeper is really where all of it happens. Pain is big and small, physical and emotional. I have trouble with my knees, for example. I ran track all through growing up. I love running. But I can’t run anymore. I used to feel so free — put my shoes on, go anywhere and run. But at that point, when I started having trouble with my knees, I could have decided “no more exercising.” But instead, it opened up this wealth of different choices and ways to continue moving.
The pain of disappointment is another example. A guy not calling, a relationship not working out. Or landing at a certain age, and thinking, “Oh, my life doesn’t quite look the way I thought it should look.” This is an opportunity to frame this that something is wrong with me or I need to do something different. It’s an opportunity to look at who I am, what’s important to me, what I want more of and what choices I need to make that work for me.
Q: When people fall, how do you inspire them to get back up and try again?
Stanley: This is something that comes up for me constantly As a larger black woman, I end up teaching a lot of larger people in general, especially people who are also marginalized. When someone first walks into a yoga studio, they might think, “I can’t do this.” And when they attempt it and something hurts, they might think, “Oh, this hurts. I’m not doing it right.” You have to encourage them, “No, you’re good. Keep going.”
And then they might fall — and it’s an epic fall that really hurts, and they think, “I’m not supposed to be here!” But you have to get back up. I say this a lot when practicing inversions. How can you really learn to stand up on another part of your body if you don’t fall down? You’re never going to learn to take the weight out of your head and put it in your shoulders if you don’t fall. Accept that it is supposed to happen. If you just allow yourself to have this experience, you will come out of it so much stronger and more powerful.
Ross: As you were talking, I was thinking about feasible goals. Expectations get me in trouble. It’s a dangerous trap for me. Optimism and expectation are actually really difficult for me. I think that’s where a lot of my hurt and pain has comes from because I had an idea that something different should have been happening. And so I’m faced with matching up with what I thought it should be vs. what it is. The fear and terror that comes in between because the reason that is I didn’t do enough. There’s so many things in life that we can’t control. That I can’t try hard enough to make happen.
This made me think of my experience with yoga. The idea of being quiet for an hour and a half, I thought, “Are you kidding me?! Why?” Not only “why” but also “that’s painful… to be alone and quiet — that’s awful.” And poses that looked so complicated. I gave myself permission to go for 15 minutes. I did the first 15 minutes of class, and I left my mat by the door so I that I wouldn’t feel embarrassed to leave. I worked my way up in 5-minute increments. I remember when I made it to my first hour and a half, how proud I felt of myself. I was like, “Oh, I did it!” And I don’t remember how long it took me, but I did it.
Q: What are some other tangible tips and tools for people who want to manage their pain in the moment?
Bernstein: Breathe into the pain. Sometimes, if you let yourself just experience a feeling for 90 seconds, that feeling can change. Often we want to do whatever we can to avoid feeling discomfort. We’ll go eat some ice cream or pick up the phone and call a friend or do something to get out of that feeling. The simplicity is to just allow ourselves to be present with the feeling and breathe into it. That’s a mini meditation unto itself — to breathe for 90 seconds into the experience and then let it go.
I do this visual meditation with people and tell them to envision themselves in the ocean right before a wave is about to crash on you. The only way to avoid being knocked down is to dive into the wave. So when you see the wave coming at you, you take a deep breath, feel the discomfort of whatever is up and then dive into the wave. Then you come up, feel that emotion again, and dive into the way. This is something that just came to me when I was in my own meditation practice trying to feel my feelings. All of a sudden, I started seeing the waves, and thought this is a beautiful image of allowing myself to be present in exactly what I’m feeling and dive into it. That creates a power to not be the victim of our emotions. We often feel very alone in our suffering. When we simply acknowledge that we all suffer — we’re all in it together — that in itself takes a lot of the pressure off.
Q: What does being a #WomanInProgress mean to you?
Stanley: So much of it is about understanding that this moment is just a moment. It is not forever. There is a tendency in my own life when I’ve come to a place where I’m like “I’m good here. I can stay here.” That’s just a plateau. Ultimately, there’s going to be a rise or a fall. Accepting that is coming is all about being a woman in progress. Accepting the ups and the downs is the reason that we’re here. It’s not about the destination, it’s about this journey til the very end. You should hope that it’s so interesting and dense and full of different kinds of hurt.
Bernstein: For me, it’s having the willingness to be uncomfortable so that I have growth all the time. I don’t mean to say that I want to be uncomfortable all the time, but just having the willingness to go through it and move through it. That’s where the progress lies.
Ross: I think we live in such a culture that is focused on perfection. And I love that the expression “woman in progress” opens up this idea that in a world that is so rigid there is space and willingness to be with the discomfort and to be with oneself and to have one’s own experience in the journey. It’s not how we see a woman on her journey, but it’s how we are in our journey.
The post “Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain appeared first on Under Armour.
http://ift.tt/2n74Qwh
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Text
“Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain
There are many ways to deal with pain. Sure, you could meditate to work through whatever is bothering you — science says it can relieve stress, improve focus, help you think better and, more positively, boost self-confidence, but sometimes chocolate gelato just wins. The indulgent dessert is not the enemy. It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists. Ignoring emotional discomfort will not just make it go away. Instead, consider embracing pain as these three women have.
“It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists.”
We recently sat down with Golden Globe-winning actress and producer Tracee Ellis Ross of “Black-ish,” New York Times best-selling author of “The Universe Has Your Back,” Gabrielle Bernstein and body-positive advocate and yoga instructor Jessamyn Stanley as part of a #WomanInProgress campaign with Motrin. Here are some highlights from their conversation about how learning to work through life’s most challenging moments — whether it’s at work, the gym or the dinner table — is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Q: What attracted you to this #WomanInProgress campaign?
Tracee Ellis Ross: We all experience pain of different kinds, big and small, physical and emotional, in our lives and our days. The way we often connect with pain is that it’s a stopping point — that it’s something you should run from. I really believe that pain is part of the journey. It’s often the beginning of when the blossoming happens. To me, it really speaks to the way I go about my life.
Gabrielle Bernstein: I think our painful moments in life offer us great opportunity for transformation and personal growth. When we hit bottom or a pain point, it’s an opportunity to pivot. At any given moment, we can look at those moments and say, “I’m not going to go there. I’m going to push this down.” But it will keep showing up. And I always say we have to show up for what’s up or it will continue to show up. Show up for the painful moments with grace and enthusiasm. When we say “yes” to those painful moments, we have a clear direction on how to get through them. It’s about having the willingness to feel discomfort and be brave enough to wonder what’s underneath it.
Q: Jessamyn, you’ve experienced a kind of pain that many women can relate to — that pain of judgment and self-doubt. It’s been a strong part of your journey. Can you talk to us about a defining moment?
Jessamyn Stanley: I never aspired to be a yoga teacher. I wasn’t even interested in practicing at all. The time that I started, I was going through a very difficult period of trying to understand who I actually was versus who I’ve been taught or thought I needed to be. That conflict created so much unhappiness in my life. So, yeah, I did use yoga as a conduit to get to a better place.
In that practice, it brought me to so many places of emotional and physical pain, and really the kind of conflict that you cannot walk away from. Being able to see myself on the other side of that was so empowering. Everything that I thought was wrong with me is actually awesome. If I had not been in that place of conflict, I never would have come to terms with that. So I actually think that pain is a gift in a lot of ways. If you allow yourself to be open to it, it can teach you so many things about yourself.
Q: Tracee, as a very physically active person, how does that resonate with you?
Ross: Most of my life’s most delicious or miraculous or joyful moments have pain in them. Looking at it as this way to face it and dive deeper is really where all of it happens. Pain is big and small, physical and emotional. I have trouble with my knees, for example. I ran track all through growing up. I love running. But I can’t run anymore. I used to feel so free — put my shoes on, go anywhere and run. But at that point, when I started having trouble with my knees, I could have decided “no more exercising.” But instead, it opened up this wealth of different choices and ways to continue moving.
The pain of disappointment is another example. A guy not calling, a relationship not working out. Or landing at a certain age, and thinking, “Oh, my life doesn’t quite look the way I thought it should look.” This is an opportunity to frame this that something is wrong with me or I need to do something different. It’s an opportunity to look at who I am, what’s important to me, what I want more of and what choices I need to make that work for me.
Q: When people fall, how do you inspire them to get back up and try again?
Stanley: This is something that comes up for me constantly As a larger black woman, I end up teaching a lot of larger people in general, especially people who are also marginalized. When someone first walks into a yoga studio, they might think, “I can’t do this.” And when they attempt it and something hurts, they might think, “Oh, this hurts. I’m not doing it right.” You have to encourage them, “No, you’re good. Keep going.”
And then they might fall — and it’s an epic fall that really hurts, and they think, “I’m not supposed to be here!” But you have to get back up. I say this a lot when practicing inversions. How can you really learn to stand up on another part of your body if you don’t fall down? You’re never going to learn to take the weight out of your head and put it in your shoulders if you don’t fall. Accept that it is supposed to happen. If you just allow yourself to have this experience, you will come out of it so much stronger and more powerful.
Ross: As you were talking, I was thinking about feasible goals. Expectations get me in trouble. It’s a dangerous trap for me. Optimism and expectation are actually really difficult for me. I think that’s where a lot of my hurt and pain has comes from because I had an idea that something different should have been happening. And so I’m faced with matching up with what I thought it should be vs. what it is. The fear and terror that comes in between because the reason that is I didn’t do enough. There’s so many things in life that we can’t control. That I can’t try hard enough to make happen.
This made me think of my experience with yoga. The idea of being quiet for an hour and a half, I thought, “Are you kidding me?! Why?” Not only “why” but also “that’s painful… to be alone and quiet — that’s awful.” And poses that looked so complicated. I gave myself permission to go for 15 minutes. I did the first 15 minutes of class, and I left my mat by the door so I that I wouldn’t feel embarrassed to leave. I worked my way up in 5-minute increments. I remember when I made it to my first hour and a half, how proud I felt of myself. I was like, “Oh, I did it!” And I don’t remember how long it took me, but I did it.
Q: What are some other tangible tips and tools for people who want to manage their pain in the moment?
Bernstein: Breathe into the pain. Sometimes, if you let yourself just experience a feeling for 90 seconds, that feeling can change. Often we want to do whatever we can to avoid feeling discomfort. We’ll go eat some ice cream or pick up the phone and call a friend or do something to get out of that feeling. The simplicity is to just allow ourselves to be present with the feeling and breathe into it. That’s a mini meditation unto itself — to breathe for 90 seconds into the experience and then let it go.
I do this visual meditation with people and tell them to envision themselves in the ocean right before a wave is about to crash on you. The only way to avoid being knocked down is to dive into the wave. So when you see the wave coming at you, you take a deep breath, feel the discomfort of whatever is up and then dive into the wave. Then you come up, feel that emotion again, and dive into the way. This is something that just came to me when I was in my own meditation practice trying to feel my feelings. All of a sudden, I started seeing the waves, and thought this is a beautiful image of allowing myself to be present in exactly what I’m feeling and dive into it. That creates a power to not be the victim of our emotions. We often feel very alone in our suffering. When we simply acknowledge that we all suffer — we’re all in it together — that in itself takes a lot of the pressure off.
Q: What does being a #WomanInProgress mean to you?
Stanley: So much of it is about understanding that this moment is just a moment. It is not forever. There is a tendency in my own life when I’ve come to a place where I’m like “I’m good here. I can stay here.” That’s just a plateau. Ultimately, there’s going to be a rise or a fall. Accepting that is coming is all about being a woman in progress. Accepting the ups and the downs is the reason that we’re here. It’s not about the destination, it’s about this journey til the very end. You should hope that it’s so interesting and dense and full of different kinds of hurt.
Bernstein: For me, it’s having the willingness to be uncomfortable so that I have growth all the time. I don’t mean to say that I want to be uncomfortable all the time, but just having the willingness to go through it and move through it. That’s where the progress lies.
Ross: I think we live in such a culture that is focused on perfection. And I love that the expression “woman in progress” opens up this idea that in a world that is so rigid there is space and willingness to be with the discomfort and to be with oneself and to have one’s own experience in the journey. It’s not how we see a woman on her journey, but it’s how we are in our journey.
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“Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain
There are many ways to deal with pain. Sure, you could meditate to work through whatever is bothering you — science says it can relieve stress, improve focus, help you think better and, more positively, boost self-confidence, but sometimes chocolate gelato just wins. The indulgent dessert is not the enemy. It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists. Ignoring emotional discomfort will not just make it go away. Instead, consider embracing pain as these three women have.
“It’s important to know that whatever you resist persists.”
We recently sat down with Golden Globe-winning actress and producer Tracee Ellis Ross of “Black-ish,” New York Times best-selling author of “The Universe Has Your Back,” Gabrielle Bernstein and body-positive advocate and yoga instructor Jessamyn Stanley as part of a #WomanInProgress campaign with Motrin. Here are some highlights from their conversation about how learning to work through life’s most challenging moments — whether it’s at work, the gym or the dinner table — is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Q: What attracted you to this #WomanInProgress campaign?
Tracee Ellis Ross: We all experience pain of different kinds, big and small, physical and emotional, in our lives and our days. The way we often connect with pain is that it’s a stopping point — that it’s something you should run from. I really believe that pain is part of the journey. It’s often the beginning of when the blossoming happens. To me, it really speaks to the way I go about my life.
Gabrielle Bernstein: I think our painful moments in life offer us great opportunity for transformation and personal growth. When we hit bottom or a pain point, it’s an opportunity to pivot. At any given moment, we can look at those moments and say, “I’m not going to go there. I’m going to push this down.” But it will keep showing up. And I always say we have to show up for what’s up or it will continue to show up. Show up for the painful moments with grace and enthusiasm. When we say “yes” to those painful moments, we have a clear direction on how to get through them. It’s about having the willingness to feel discomfort and be brave enough to wonder what’s underneath it.
Q: Jessamyn, you’ve experienced a kind of pain that many women can relate to — that pain of judgment and self-doubt. It’s been a strong part of your journey. Can you talk to us about a defining moment?
Jessamyn Stanley: I never aspired to be a yoga teacher. I wasn’t even interested in practicing at all. The time that I started, I was going through a very difficult period of trying to understand who I actually was versus who I’ve been taught or thought I needed to be. That conflict created so much unhappiness in my life. So, yeah, I did use yoga as a conduit to get to a better place.
In that practice, it brought me to so many places of emotional and physical pain, and really the kind of conflict that you cannot walk away from. Being able to see myself on the other side of that was so empowering. Everything that I thought was wrong with me is actually awesome. If I had not been in that place of conflict, I never would have come to terms with that. So I actually think that pain is a gift in a lot of ways. If you allow yourself to be open to it, it can teach you so many things about yourself.
Q: Tracee, as a very physically active person, how does that resonate with you?
Ross: Most of my life’s most delicious or miraculous or joyful moments have pain in them. Looking at it as this way to face it and dive deeper is really where all of it happens. Pain is big and small, physical and emotional. I have trouble with my knees, for example. I ran track all through growing up. I love running. But I can’t run anymore. I used to feel so free — put my shoes on, go anywhere and run. But at that point, when I started having trouble with my knees, I could have decided “no more exercising.” But instead, it opened up this wealth of different choices and ways to continue moving.
The pain of disappointment is another example. A guy not calling, a relationship not working out. Or landing at a certain age, and thinking, “Oh, my life doesn’t quite look the way I thought it should look.” This is an opportunity to frame this that something is wrong with me or I need to do something different. It’s an opportunity to look at who I am, what’s important to me, what I want more of and what choices I need to make that work for me.
Q: When people fall, how do you inspire them to get back up and try again?
Stanley: This is something that comes up for me constantly As a larger black woman, I end up teaching a lot of larger people in general, especially people who are also marginalized. When someone first walks into a yoga studio, they might think, “I can’t do this.” And when they attempt it and something hurts, they might think, “Oh, this hurts. I’m not doing it right.” You have to encourage them, “No, you’re good. Keep going.”
And then they might fall — and it’s an epic fall that really hurts, and they think, “I’m not supposed to be here!” But you have to get back up. I say this a lot when practicing inversions. How can you really learn to stand up on another part of your body if you don’t fall down? You’re never going to learn to take the weight out of your head and put it in your shoulders if you don’t fall. Accept that it is supposed to happen. If you just allow yourself to have this experience, you will come out of it so much stronger and more powerful.
Ross: As you were talking, I was thinking about feasible goals. Expectations get me in trouble. It’s a dangerous trap for me. Optimism and expectation are actually really difficult for me. I think that’s where a lot of my hurt and pain has comes from because I had an idea that something different should have been happening. And so I’m faced with matching up with what I thought it should be vs. what it is. The fear and terror that comes in between because the reason that is I didn’t do enough. There’s so many things in life that we can’t control. That I can’t try hard enough to make happen.
This made me think of my experience with yoga. The idea of being quiet for an hour and a half, I thought, “Are you kidding me?! Why?” Not only “why” but also “that’s painful… to be alone and quiet — that’s awful.” And poses that looked so complicated. I gave myself permission to go for 15 minutes. I did the first 15 minutes of class, and I left my mat by the door so I that I wouldn’t feel embarrassed to leave. I worked my way up in 5-minute increments. I remember when I made it to my first hour and a half, how proud I felt of myself. I was like, “Oh, I did it!” And I don’t remember how long it took me, but I did it.
Q: What are some other tangible tips and tools for people who want to manage their pain in the moment?
Bernstein: Breathe into the pain. Sometimes, if you let yourself just experience a feeling for 90 seconds, that feeling can change. Often we want to do whatever we can to avoid feeling discomfort. We’ll go eat some ice cream or pick up the phone and call a friend or do something to get out of that feeling. The simplicity is to just allow ourselves to be present with the feeling and breathe into it. That’s a mini meditation unto itself — to breathe for 90 seconds into the experience and then let it go.
I do this visual meditation with people and tell them to envision themselves in the ocean right before a wave is about to crash on you. The only way to avoid being knocked down is to dive into the wave. So when you see the wave coming at you, you take a deep breath, feel the discomfort of whatever is up and then dive into the wave. Then you come up, feel that emotion again, and dive into the way. This is something that just came to me when I was in my own meditation practice trying to feel my feelings. All of a sudden, I started seeing the waves, and thought this is a beautiful image of allowing myself to be present in exactly what I’m feeling and dive into it. That creates a power to not be the victim of our emotions. We often feel very alone in our suffering. When we simply acknowledge that we all suffer — we’re all in it together — that in itself takes a lot of the pressure off.
Q: What does being a #WomanInProgress mean to you?
Stanley: So much of it is about understanding that this moment is just a moment. It is not forever. There is a tendency in my own life when I’ve come to a place where I’m like “I’m good here. I can stay here.” That’s just a plateau. Ultimately, there’s going to be a rise or a fall. Accepting that is coming is all about being a woman in progress. Accepting the ups and the downs is the reason that we’re here. It’s not about the destination, it’s about this journey til the very end. You should hope that it’s so interesting and dense and full of different kinds of hurt.
Bernstein: For me, it’s having the willingness to be uncomfortable so that I have growth all the time. I don’t mean to say that I want to be uncomfortable all the time, but just having the willingness to go through it and move through it. That’s where the progress lies.
Ross: I think we live in such a culture that is focused on perfection. And I love that the expression “woman in progress” opens up this idea that in a world that is so rigid there is space and willingness to be with the discomfort and to be with oneself and to have one’s own experience in the journey. It’s not how we see a woman on her journey, but it’s how we are in our journey.
The post “Black-ish” Star and Panel of Influential Women Discuss the Power of Pain appeared first on Under Armour.
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