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johannestevans · 1 year

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the thing about navigating queer spaces is that like... i'm in very different spaces than i was a few years ago, i'm a lot more in-tune with myself, my needs and my limits

being Assigned Dad by my friends and loved ones: fun, delightful, full of affection, sexy even, adds greatly to life's enjoyment

being Assigned Dad by random strangers w whom i do not have a connection: honestly weird, sometimes an overstep of boundaries, often uncomfortable

like there's such a difference between being out w my friends or home and like... being The Dad about being ~responsible~ or getting things done, or making jokes about how i'm being dad-coded when i'm struggling to send an email bc i'm 97 years old, etc

like esp within the constructed family unit of an intimate queer gathering, it's positive in many ways and comes off as very loving, bc so much of it is based in recognising traits of mine and connecting based off them

when strangers assign me dad traits, or treat me as a paternal figure, like

so there's a sort of labour in some queer communities that's often dropped on the shoulders of butches and trans men and mascs - there's the stereotypical DIY and also acting as "muscle" for other queers

but there's also often an expectation that because we're the "men" in the community (whether all of us are men or not), we have to take a position of being steadfast, less outwardly emotional, less demanding, etc. we're sometimes expected to stoically take abuse and act as shields for other members of the community who are supposedly more likely to be targeted by cisheteropatriarchal violence, and it's also sometimes treated as like...

bc of expectations of a certain toxic masculinity, when we do show vulnerability or emotional, when we express desires to be cared for or treated softly, this is sometimes treated as a negative thing, something that makes us less attractive and less desirable, etc

as a gay man and particularly as a really obvious fruit, i'm cognizant that i don't experience this nearly to the extent of many more masculine trans men, mascs, and butches, and esp those who are primarily intimate with women and fems, but i do see it in my communities and i do experience a little of it

and absolutely like. i do position myself on the outside of groups when we're moving as a crew, i do tend to take the front or back of the group, i'm generally more on the lookout than others; i'm also dad-coded in my tendency to keep ppl to a schedule or en route, i'm good (but cold) in a crisis, etc

but idk, like... i'm not a community dad. i'm not everybody's dad.

there's a certain desexualisation that comes with that that i think makes me really uncomfortable? it's a combination of the label being desexualising, this idea of like... if i'm the "dad" in a group, i'm not being viewed as a sexual being in the context of that group, and it's not about whether i actually want to fuck anybody there bc i typically don't, it's more like

the idea of that aspect of my humanity being set aside, because i'm being reduced to my role as caregiver/potential caregiver to the group rather than in my entire being as a member of the same community

and also, yeah, it's the expectation of that sort of caregiving labour where like... i am so happy to help, so much of the time. i will help when and how i am able to. but i'm also physically disabled, have continuous issues w fatigue, etc, and when ppl continuously bring problems to me when they're perfectly capable of being self-reliant, that's really hard for me, i think

esp now i feel like i'm not being pushed into those dad-esque roles in the same way - a friend of mine might sardonically say "thanks, dad" when i'm being particularly rigid about something, but i'm just as likely to get a "thank you, daddy" when i'm either particularly stern or particularly nice, and daddy i think actually is a lot better even though i'm not a daddy

lots of thoughts, lots of feelings.

#musings

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thegreymoon · 20 days

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The Story of Minglan

There is no chance I will finish this episode tonight because tomorrow is a work day and I must sleep, but I was PROMISED a scene with Madam Zhang and Minglan just now and I have no self-control 😔

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Aww, cutiepie 🖤

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NOOOOO, GU TINGYE TURNED HIM INTO LUNCH 😭

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LMAO, idiot, you are sitting alone in the middle of the forest right in his line of sight and he's obviously looking for you.

What do you think looking away is going to do?

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Congratulations on the baby but condolences on having to fuck your worthless husband to get there 😔

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OH MY GOD.

KILL ALL MEN.

OK, Tingye, Changbai and Shitou can stay, but to the dumpster with the rest of them.

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LMAO, drag him, Changbai.

I also feel like he is making problems where there shouldn't be any.

Just get rid of the damn concubine yourself, OMG, and continue fucking your legitimate wife in peace.

But no, he wants the dramatics.

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LMAOOOOO, GIRL, HE IS YOUR HUSBAND!! 😅😅

I AM THINKING HE IS GOING TO BE A DIRECT PARTICIPANT!

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They are not being subtle at all, lol 🤣🤣

We get it, okay, a baby is coming to the Gu family!

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Oh, fuck off.

It's about time somebody told you to shut up.

And the worst thing is, there is no point to her ugly scheming and backstabbing. Her son is useless and can't function on any level, what is he going to do with a noble title even if he was to inherit it? He would run the entire family into the ground within a few years. If she just quit even now, both she and her son and all their descendants could live in wealth and splendour for who knows how long, but no. She is rotten to the core and just can't help herself.

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He is Sheng Hong the Second.

So weak and self-serving. He doesn't deserve his magnificent wife.

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She's finally being honest and if he has any brains he should listen and reassure her.

The truth is, as a woman, she is so limited and reliant on his whims. How can she trust him? He is asking too much of her too soon.

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OMG, set your ego down for five minutes, please.

She's a smart woman, of course she is. She's just trying to survive.

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Oh, shut the fuck up.

Right now, he reminds me of those men who run around screaming, "There is no gender discrimination anymore! Men have it worse!"

He's usually so smart and now he's letting his insecurity get the better of him.

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Drag him, Minglan.

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Oh, ffs.

Is he seriously bringing this up again? I thought he was better than that.

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I don't know about her, but you are seriously starting to get on my nerves.

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She should have smacked him harder. WTF was that entire scene, in front of other people, no less.

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I'm so tired 😑😑

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LMFAO

Definitely my favourite couple here.

They should give me a drama with just Xiaotao and Shitou being up to no good and stupid in love. And make it a comedy.

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Aww, TGCF flashbacks 🦋🌹

Luckily, Hua Cheng is a ghost and therefore already dead, so life is already over and done with and the banquet can now truly be neverending with his immortal god of a husband.

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LMAO, yes, Tingye, when are you going back to your wife's room?

You're messing with his love life too because Xiaotao is now mad at you both 🤣🤣

I love them so much 🖤

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Empress Dowager gets on my very last nerve.

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Oh, ffs.

Haven't we all already agreed that you should shut up forever?

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Oh, Tingye 😔

At least this will (hopefully) buy you some pampering from Minglan.

#the story of minglan #tsoml spoilers #tsoml ep55

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fuck-you-upmusicbracket · 11 months

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Bathtub Mermaid (Mili)

In the mirror that's covered in chalky steam/Touch me touch me/Kiss me to sleep/Cut me open and give me gills/So I can breathe

"This song fucks me up so bad you can’t even imagine. It’s about a mermaid who lives in a bathtub whose love has become twisted. It’s very clear that her partner is abusive. But she encourages it because it’s all she knows. She wouldn’t know how to live without it. In the song she’s practically begging to be hurt. It seems like her partner may be losing interest in her and that’s why she’s so desperate to get it back the only way she knows how. It’s heart-wrenching and disturbing and raw. It’s ugly but so real (it helped me come to terms with my own situation). I know I already put some lyrics in the previous section but there’s this one part that goes “just pull the plug” and it’s maddening to me. It works so well because it’s the phrase for ending life support, as well as just draining her bathtub. But the bathtub IS her life support! In general her concept as a bathtub mermaid is so so good since it’s so confining. Just like her relationship. That deprives her of any freedom she could have and makes her entirely reliant on her partner. All of the lyrics are so good but I can’t talk about all of them so that’s all I’ll say."

After All (Dar Williams)

I wasn’t worth the pain my death would cost/ so I was not lost or found

I am the daughter of a great romance/and they are the children of the war

"It’s about overcoming depression and finding meaning in family."

#fuck you up bracket #tournement #polls #mili #dar williams

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so-long-soldier28 · 2 months

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Idk if anyone's ever asked u this but what would ur life in tvd be like?! Including ur family ,career, friends, species etc lmao

oh ho ho, so this is certainly a thing i've considered

as someone who maladaptive daydreams all day long (whenever i'm not writing basically), trust me when i say i have an entire life planned out

in fact, the things i write frequently represent these daydreams, except i have an OC for them, whereas for writing, i am committed to the 'x reader' way

✨ including my readers in my world of delusion & fantasy ✨

but onwards and upwards…

species

first, I feel like being a heretic would be so fucking cool

like… vampire with witch powers, c'mon now… being the underdog your whole life and then rising to be the most powerful, it's gotta be redeeming

plus seems so fun

but personally, I think I'd stick to being just a witch, and I have a solid reason for this

now, being a vampire would be cool, too (and honestly I need to write more vampire reader fics), because I absolutely love the bloodthirsty, badassery of vampires

so if not a witch (bc I love the thought of being able to do magic), I would go with vamp second

I still hate the TVDU wolves. literally all of them. as someone who watches Teen Wolf now, I would LOVE to be one of those wolves, but as for TVDU, I still HATE those guys

being a hybrid doesn't sound too bad, although then both Klaus and Tyler would be all up in my business all the time, and that sounds awful

so no wolfishness for me

for species, I'd be a witch, but then I get turned into a vampire in my mid-20s

career

I need to eat, so I need to work

idk how anybody except Matt got by without a job

and like Matt, I work at the Mystic Grill, but I'm a little older than them, so I can bartend (even tho underage Matt does too)

I was going to Whitmore College, but dropped out (like I did lmao)

friends

Mystic Falls gang but in varying degrees of friendliness

most with Caroline, loving her bubbly personality; drift away from Elena when she gets tied up with the Salvatores; drift from Bonnie when she starts dating Jeremy, then drift further after the Kai debacle

also, the Originals

Kol has the title of the best friend; Bex is close, too

sometimes I'm so much of a Kolvina shipper that I can't split Kol & Davina apart, even tho I'm in love with Kol, too

Klaus is a frenemy; I like him when he's not murderous. he can be loyal when he wants to be, same with Elijah.

in fact, I liked Elijah in s2-era, but was also a little afraid. my crush fizzled out the moment I saw Kol, but then she & him became good friends instead (with both)

hooked up with Kol once or twice when he still lived in MF

friendly with Jo, but she's not really having it once I get with Kai

same with Luke and Liv... friendly, but Liv hates me after the merge

circa-season 7, I want to be friends with Nora & Mary Louise, but the MF gang works hard at keeping me away from them

amidst the chaos, I manage to get my way and befriend them anyway, earning their trust by being so close to Kai

when I die, I'm given blood by Nora, like in the fic I wrote recently, or Damon, who likes me enough to keep me alive and knows Kai would slaughter him if he ever came back and found out

seasons 7-8, I'm very much teaming on both sides, friends with MF gang and heretics, which is frustrating to MF gang (minus Caroline, who has become somewhat reliant on heretics for help with her pregnancy. + she always understands me anyway.)

frenemies

Tyler and Matt get their own category, bc I don't hate them, but they certainly piss me off

Tyler's just annoying in general, and I hate how he treats Caroline while he's away hybrid-ing

he gets better in s6 when he's trying to impress Liv & Caroline is over him. still not a friend, but less of an enemy

Matt, on the other hand, is complicated

he was my way into the supernatural bc we worked together

he had trouble keeping it from me bc vampires would always show up at the grill, and one time, he forgot I wasn't in the circle and ranted about vamps and wolves before he remembered

he and the gang still try to keep me out of it, despite my knowledge

but that all fails when Kol is undaggered, finds me alone, and we become friends

the fact that he actively hates vampires while hooking up with Rebekah bothers me, which causes tension between us

but he's stronger than he looks and loyal if he trusts you, so I try to keep him on my good side

family

my TVDU OC is the same OC I've had since I was 13 that I've slightly adapted for different fandoms

in TVDU, my parents are divorced; mom moved away, and toxic dad lives about 2 hours away while I'm in college

I hide whenever he comes to MF to visit

occasionally, my parents are dead like everyone else's

sometimes, though, I'm the older sister of other characters, but that varies per daydream

sometimes, I'm Tyler's older sister who is actually a wolf

triggered my curse young in life by accident, but didn't tell Tyler until he had triggered his own

sometimes, I'm even Matt's older sister, and he still spends every waking minute trying to keep me out of the supernatural

I've also used the Salvatore sister storyline with Kol, and Gilbert cousin one for both Kol and Kai

dating life

Kai, ofc

MF gang tried sooo hard to us apart, especially bc I'm a witch, but they lost that battle quickly

couldn't keep me from work, so whenever he'd come in for a drink and I was bartending, we'd talk

gained his trust through listening & he gained mine when I let him siphon

Matt and Damon first to realize we're friends, and know there's nothing they can do

fall into a relationship quickly

either beg Damon to spare him at the end of s6, or beg for his life in s8

had a crush on s2-era Elijah, but did a 180* and fell for Kol instead when he was undaggered

used as Kol bait when Caroline was Klaus bait, but despite a few hook-ups, never actually dated

became close friends & adore his relationship with Davina in NOLA

visit him there or wherever he is every so often

[I honestly never built a solid storyline around being with Kol or Elijah. (Elijah was my first favorite ever, and Kol's my second fave now next to Kai.) I entertain a world of delulu with Kol sometimes, but it lacks foundation.]

basically, he never died (obvs) and I move to NOLA with him (and he never dies there, too)

but I love both witch & vamp Kols, and both their actors, and I really should dedicate more time to delulu daydreams with them 😅

so, now that I've rambled...

species: witch, until Kai's death, then i become a vampire. however, if Kai doesn't die after s6, neither of us turn. (sometimes I'm feelin' heretic-y, sometimes not, what can I say?)

career: working at Mystic Grill; at Whitmore College for two years, but dropped out

friends: Caroline, Bonnie, & Elena first. Stefan & Damon post season 1 when Damon mellows out and I learn to trust Stefan. Kol & Rebekah, and I'm okay with the rest eventually (minus Finn).

family: divorced parents; mom moved and I stay away from my dad

frenemies: Matt & Tyler. s2 Klaus & Elijah. Finn, because I know he was mistreated by Klaus, much like Kol, and I want to be friends, but then he tries to kill his whole family, so I don't feel bad anymore. Then when Finn killed Kol in NOLA, he became a straight-up enemy. Also, I tolerate Alaric, but he annoys me daily in s6-8-era.

~~~

If anyone outside of this site read a single one of these sentences, I would be committed. I love fandoms / fanfiction, because all this stuff is perfectly normal to us. I love us as a community. Anyway, this was super fun to answer! 🥰 I'm sorry it took me so long!

#asks #tvd #the vampire diaries #when i was in ms/hs i did ALL of those tvd / hp / spn / pjo / twilight life quizzes ALL THE TIME #and this reminded me of that #also the last time i logged into quotev my screen name was kai and i was like 👀 bc i never got to s6 my first time watching tvd #so ig it's fate #idk what could've compelled me to pick that name #anyway thank you for the ask ily

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normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke · 3 months

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It's really frustrating when people, especially other disabled people, act like being unable to work and/or being on disability is a privilege. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt and say that most people just don't understand how disabled you actually have to be to be entirely unable to work, and how vulnerable and unsafe it can be, so I wanted to talk a little about my experience. I'm in the US so this post will be based on US experiences, feel free to weigh in with differences/similarities to other countries.

Qualifications for talking about this: I've been labeled "unable to seek gainful employment" by a functional capacity evaluation (FCE) and an "individual with most significant disabilities" by the Office of Vocational Rehabilitation (OVR). I don't have SSI yet but I have a hearing at the end of this month so hopefully it'll happen soon.

This post is going to be super long so I've put it under a cut to keep it from taking over the entire screen.

First of all, I want to talk about the level of disability you have to be at in order to be completely and totally unable to work. I spend about 10 hours each day lying down. During that time I can only do small movements, so something like lying down and crocheting or sorting or assembling objects would be out of the question. This alone is not enough to qualify me for disability as, according to my lawyer, I would be able to do work taking calls or writing. I also have severely limited cognitive energy and can only do complex tasks for about 2-4 hours every day. These two together are not enough to make me unable to work as I would still be able to take calls. The third thing that actually makes me unable to work is that I'm autistic and developed social anxiety as a result, meaning I wouldn't be able to do that taking calls job that my lawyer mentioned. He's still not 100% sure he'll be able to convince the judge that I can't work, that's how strict disability hearings are in the US.

Second of all, the process of getting disability and the challenges it presents. I have a lot of help day-to-day from my mom. She helps me fill out SSI forms, she takes calls from my lawyer, she drives me to meetings with him, she helps me get my powerchair in and out of the car. I would not have been able to do most of this process without her. Being reliant on other people to keep me alive makes me vulnerable to abuse, I can't leave home even when things are really bad because I have no where to go. Even when I'm on disability the pay is so pitiful that I likely won't be fully independent and will rely on financial support from my parents. And I'm one of the lucky ones. Not everyone has support at all. I'm almost 100% there are people who are too disabled to get disability because they don't have someone to help them complete the work involved. Some people don't have families who can provide financial support while they wait for approval for disability. People who can't work and don't have support are at very high risk for homelessness, hunger, and death. I've been trying to get SSI for 3 years and I would have been dead for at least 2.5 of those years without my parents. I am too sick to walk to a shelter or food bank, I would literally just die.

And none of this even mentions the increased risk of being targeted by eugenics and ableism because we don't meet up to the "respectable disabled person" standards, which I won't go into for the sake of not making this even longer.

I understand that work is hard, especially if you're disabled, but "I wish I was too disabled to work" is an ignorant sentiment. Being unable to work is a disadvantage. Being able to work is a privilege. Please stop acting like people who are unable to work have an easier time in life.

#cripplepunk #cpunk #madpunk #actually disabled #spoonie

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simulation-machine · 9 months

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Uhhh so apparently at some point during my first week back to school I got 200 followers? BONKERS. I think I follow like 900ish folks but am endlessly delighted that anyone would look at my pixel babies! <3 So, in celebration, here are some details of each heiress from the first Sims 4 legacy challenge I ever completed (the Autumnal Zodiac Challenge). It was a 12-generation legacy challenge and took me like 7 months to do since I was playing it on the normal lifespan. They are very much alpha, and from before I learned to clutter up my spaces.

In order: Calliope, Tallo, Alice, Harriet, Deborah, Marlowe, Hannah, Eleanor, Penelope, Tilly, Sinead, annnd Amser!

Calliope was the Aquarius generation, she liked yoga and hosted a weekly movie night with her best friends. Her husband was Akira Kibo, and they had 3 kids overall.

Thallo was the youngest child of Calliope and Akira's kids (who died while she was still a teen), and was the Pisces. She was bisexual, a hopeless romantic, with heterochromia. She loved dyeing her hair and painting, and had two daughters who absolutely loathed each other. Had a lot of romantic drama before marrying the only child of Gunther Munch and Liberty Lee, Scott Much-Lee.

Alice was your stereotypical hot-headed, high-energy Aries. She and her older sister fought nonstop until they were both young adults. She completed the athletic aspiration, so lived long enough to meet her first great-grandchild before kicking it. She only had one child.

Harriet (Taurus) loved gardening, cooking, and karaoke in fairly equal measure. Since she found being an only child to be quite lonely, she had four kids, two of whom were twins. Possibly one of the most peaceful generations of this legacy.

Deborah (Gemini) was one of my most favorite heiresses to play, since she had such a messy life that consisted of moving out to the big city on her own, cheating on her partners, having twins of her own, living in an apartment that required constant fixing-up, and making it as a freelance writer. She was also a total dog person, and loved spicy food. I don't think she ever missed a festival in San Myshuno.

Marlowe (Cancer) was the older twin, and aspired to be the perfect mom and housewife. She made a packed lunch for her kids and husband every day, had her family and friends over every Sunday for a tea party complete with three different types of pastries

Hannah (Leo) absolutely hated how smothered she felt by her mother and dreamed of being a singer-songwriter. Which, she was very successful as, and ended up being the first celebrity in the family. She had a one-night stand with a fan after a show and ended up pregnant, but had very little interest in parenting. She had a number of lovers throughout her life, but never married.

After a rough childhood in which she was more or less ignored and left to her own devices, Eleanor (Virgo) was the definition of self-reliant. She and her husband separated for a brief time due to him cheating on her, but they worked through it. She created a robot that helped her by cleaning the house and cooking while she focused on her science career.

Penelope (Libra) was another favorite heiress of mine! She was an internet celebrity due to her family blog. She loved taking pictures, and in fact had an entire wall in her Windenburg home covered in the family photos she had taken over the years. She loved camping, traveling to new hot spots, and spending time with her big family.

Tilly (Scorpio) was an actual genius who grew up to become a police detective, specializing in solving murders. She was a big fan of psychological thrillers and mystery novels, and upgraded every single appliance in their house. Her husband, who was her high school sweetheart, ended up cheating on her with her younger sister, which shattered her heart. She remarried a coworker when she was an elder.

Sinead (Sagittarius) was a hot mess who loved clubbing, hooking up with random men, and traveling. She lived in Selvadorada, Sulani, San Myshuno, and finally settled down in Strangerville. She had three daughters with three different men, never married, and never wound up in a committed relationship. Btw, the first picture of a toddler wandering off towards the moon is of a baby Sinead, already demonstrating her wanderlust.

And finally, we have Amser (Capricorn). Ngl, she was my favorite. As the eldest of her siblings, she had a strong sense of responsibility starting at a very young age. Since her mother provided no direction, Amser was extremely self-disciplined, getting A's throughout her childhood and college years. She was a lesbian and had no interest in having her own children, having more-or-less raised her siblings, but she was a dedicated aunt and loved cats. She became stupid-wealthy, impressive since by this point the family was already crazy rich, and when she died she divided her assets amongst her siblings, niblings, and grand-niblings.

And that's it! I had a lot of fun with that legacy challenge, and have wanted to complete another ever since. I did several in Sims 3 and Sims 2, but for some reason seem to get a lot more easily distracted for Sims 4.

#autumnalzodiac #legacy challenge #sims 4 legacy #old legacy challenges of yore #dang i done hit 200 followers and didn't even notice!

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weilongfu · 1 year

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BohnDuen: We saw sweet dad!Bohn. What about protective dad!Bohn?

Bohn was definitely not a trained boxer like Ram, he was a brawler through and through. When not brawling with his fists, Bohn tackled verbal arguments (provided they were not against Duen) in much the same way, an unrelenting stream of attack that might occasionally leave him open, but often left his opponents, such as one Vice Principal Kat, stunned into silence.

"In a school where we are expected to trust our children to be educated fairly and equally, I cannot believe that YOU, the VICE PRINCIPAL, have elected to discriminate against my children because I have a husband instead of a wife," Bohn said as he leaned forward to look Vice Principal Kat in the eye in her office. "And that you would dare take out that prejudice on CHILDREN."

"Mr. Sirikarnkul, if I may-"

"No, you may not," Bohn cut in. "But please, let me hear your justification."

"We did not elect to discriminate against your children. Participation in the activity was reliant on drawing a picture of a family and the picture your children drew did not fit our definition within the assignment-"

"So now we have to argue about the definition of family?" Bohn crossed his arms. "Now you're going to tell me that any child who participates in your school must have a traditional family of one father and one mother, which further discriminates not only against children with queer parents, but also children of single parents, children who are adopted by family or non-family..."

"That is an entirely different issue-"

"No. It is the same issue. They are not a 'traditional family' which fits your definition. You simply change the definition to make yourself feel better." Bohn rolled his eyes. "But that's besides the point. My children will not be returning to this institution."

Vice Principal Kat coolly nodded. "That might be for the best, Mr. Sirikarnkul."

"And the Sirikarnkul family will also be withdrawing it's regular donations to the school."

"That-" Vice Principal Kat's eyes narrowed. "You can't."

"I can!" Bohn smiled, a wicked and horrifying thing that he hadn't used in years. "I am, in fact, currently that Sirikarnkul in charge of maintaining that regular donation on behalf of my family."

Vice Principal Kat's eyes widened and her face turned white. "Mr. Sirikarnkul, maybe we should both avoid making brash decisions... The contributions of the Sirikarnkul family have always been very thoughtful and helpful to our school..."

"Nope! I've made the decision. The decision is done and settled. Here's the paperwork." Bohn removed a set of papers from his briefcase and handed them over. "I hope you'll explain to Principal Lom what happened in full, but in case you don't, I've had my lawyers already send him an email."

"No... I really must insist that we discuss this again, perhaps after we've... both had time to reconsider..."

Bohn shrugged. "You should have thought about it harder before you acted in a bigoted, archaic, and idiotic manner." Bohn turned to walk away. "And for your information, any discussions with my father about the matter of the donations will be redirected to me. His attorneys have been well informed about the fact that I've taken over management of that and will not be of any help to you."

With that, Bohn walked out of the office as if he had not a care in the world. Out in the hallway, Call and Con sat quietly in their chairs, still just a little too short for their feet to reach the floor. Bohn tucked his briefcase under his arm and offered each child a hand.

"Daddy... did we do a bad thing?" Con asked as he took Bohn's hand.

"No baby, you didn't do a single thing wrong. Neither of you did." Bohn smiled down at his sons and sighed. "But the school did a bad thing. So you're both not going to school here anymore. Daddy will talk to papa and find you a nicer school. One worth the tuition money."

Call pouted. "But daddy, Prin comes to this school too."

"Tangmo does too..." Con added sadly.

"I'll remind you both that Prin and Tangmo both have two dads, if we're taking the both of you out of this school, there's no way Uncle King, Ram, Mek, and Boss will allow Prin or Tangmo to stay here either." Bohn stopped for a moment. "You know what, I'm gonna call them right now. You guys were supposed to be at recess right now right? Go get Prin and Tangmo. Let's all leave early and go get something really nice for lunch with a big dessert, hm?"

Con and Call's faces immediately lit up as they ran off to collect the two missing members of their group. Bohn pulled out his phone and started a conference call. "Hey, King... Mek... So how do you feel about switching your kids out of this shithole school?"

#my engineer #bohnduen #dad!bohn #prompt spam new year

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thequeenofsastiel · 2 years

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KinnPorsche Episode 14 Review-I found it all somewhat interesting and then VegasPete happened and I realized the rest of it didn't matter

The title says it all

Okay, let’s do this.

I found it strange that Vegas promised Porsche that he’d keep Pete safe, but didn’t try to get Pete out of the way before the extremely dangerous gun fight. Pete very easily could have died, and I find it confusing that Vegas didn’t try to protect him more, given his love for Pete.

I wish Porsche’s memory issue had been explored and explained a little more. Admittedly I don’t know how likely it is that discovering that your memories of a traumatic event were completely wrong could cause Porsche’s symptoms, though, so 🤷‍♀️

I love the way Kim comforted Tankhun after they were lied to about Korn dying.

I want to feel annoyed about Kinn grabbing Porsche’s dick during the gun battle, but the problem is that it’s completely in character. I absolutely believe that Kinn is so horny for Porsche that regardless of what’s going on around him Kinn will still feel the need to do something sexual with Porsche. Also I kind of feel like Kinn thinks that he might die so he might as well squeeze his boyfriend’s dick one last time.

Vegas’s feelings about Porsche are so all over the place. Like he sincerely wants to help him and then wants to cruelly kill him to torture Kinn. But I don’t think Vegas is particularly well adjusted or emotionally stable, so I suppose it makes sense.

The whole thing with Kim fighting a battle while Porchay is completely oblivious with his headphones on is an overdone trope imo and was a little tedious to watch. But to be fair I in general find fight scenes a little tedious, so I’m not comfortable definitively saying that it was objectively boring. Then again all art is subjective so I’ll just say that I found it boring.

Honestly I find all fight scenes boring. It’s just a bunch of actors jumping around pretending to shoot each other. The only fight scenes I ever find mildly interesting are ones in fantasy or sci-fi. It’s why I rarely watch action movies, and am only watching this show for the romances and a few of the side characters I like(Arm, Pol, Tankhun). The power struggles at the meetings I do find somewhat interesting, because I like the tension. But fight scenes themselves just don’t do it for me.

However, they did feel appropriate in this episode, regardless of how interesting I personally found them. It was the climax of all these issues between the two families, and necessary, imo.

The plot with Namphuenge is still silly to me. And literally the ONLY reason for that is that Porsche came to work for Korn entirely coincidentally. I get that the show wanted there to be an exciting meet cute, but I feel like they could have done it in a way that made it so that Korn engineered their meeting. Not Kinn just randomly coming across Porsche and getting his help. So I feel like that cut the emotion from the scene. I just kept rolling my eyes at the absurdity the whole time.

If Korn really sent Thee to protect Porsche and Porchay then he clearly didn’t care that much as he didn’t replace him when he realized Thee was unreliable.

Porsche becoming leader of the minor family is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. I can only assume that Korn has ulterior motives, because there’s no way he can genuinely think that Porsche would be a good leader. Porsche has literally no experience, he’s not remotely ruthless enough, and, I’m sorry, but I just don’t think he’s clever enough to be an effective leader. He’s lovable, he’s kind, but he’s not smart enough to do that.

And perhaps that’s Korn’s whole plan. Porsche will be entirely reliant on Kinn, and, if they break up, Porsche won’t be able to challenge him. If he was able to beat Kinn, I think it’s likely that it’d be pure happenstance.

What I DO find less believable is that Porsche would accept Korn’s offer. He didn’t really want to be a part of that life in the first place. His one goal all along has been to protect Porchay. Becoming leader of the minor family puts Porchay in even more danger. I just can’t buy that Porsche wants power so much that he’s willing to do that.

I don’t really care enough about Porchay and Kim to comment on their scenes this episode, apologies to those who are fans of them. I just feel like Kim has been too erratic in his behavior towards Porchay for me to feel any investment in their relationship. If I was Porchay I would drop him and look for someone who would treat me better. But Porchay is young, and spent a long time looking at Kim with hero worship. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if Kim was able to win him back.

I suppose the final boat scene was cute enough, the problem is that I don’t really care about Kinn and Porsche all that much anymore, and spent the whole time hoping that the scene would end so I could get more VegasPete.

Which brings me to my favorite parts of the episode.

VegasPete

Oh, VegasPete

My love.

My conflicted, conflicted love for them.

Everything about their relationship flies in the face of all that I know is good and healthy and consensual. But it hits me right where I’m the most vulnerable emotionally. They’re deeply, violently kinky, and that just does it for me, and no amount of trying to talk myself out of loving the two of them together has worked.

So I’m just gonna do what Pete did, and give into that love, and try desperately to not feel guilty about it.

Now that we’ve established my conflicted feelings, let’s talk about them.

I adored that Vegas got so soft when he saw Pete. That he couldn’t remotely bring himself to hurt Pete. Even when Vegas pinned Pete down, he didn’t do it violently. And he let Pete hit him repeatedly. I don’t believe for a second that Vegas couldn’t have fought him off if he wanted to. He let Pete express his rage. Perhaps one could interpret that as Vegas being submissive, but I more think it’s that Vegas was willing to do anything to get Pete back. And I don’t think Pete was being dominant. I think Pete was fighting the part of himself that had fallen for Vegas, that needed Vegas. He was trying to prove to himself that he was strong enough to not love Vegas.

But he failed. And I believe that was demonstrated later in the episode, when he left the main family behind, and ran after Vegas, calling himself Vegas’s pet, and Vegas his owner. He allowed himself to be entirely vulnerable, and saying he was hungry was his way of begging Vegas to take care of him. He gave in completely, and it was beautiful to see. I had tears in my eyes watching it. The way Pete screamed and wept when Vegas was shot was fucking heartbreaking.

Sidenote, no fucking way Vegas survives that many shots in the abdomen with the medical technology we have today. Even if he was brought to a doctor right that second, there isn’t a chance in hell he’d survive that.

The way they kissed and snuggled at the end was adorable. If they aren’t the focus of season 2 it’ll be a fucking crime.

It’s hard to judge this episode, tbh, because the rest of it pales in comparison to the VegasPete bits, at least for me. I’ll try to separate the two once again.

The VegasPete segments get a 10/10

The rest gets a 6/10

#KinnPorsche episode 14 #kinnporsche spoilers #kinnporsche review #my reviews #vegaspete #KinnPorsche

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thatsnotmygunflash · 7 months

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1, 12, and 24

1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

My mother died when I was six, so I quickly learned how to be not only a better sister, but also taught me how to be a mother and a wife as I picked up all the pieces of my family and tried to keep us together. It made me very independent and probably too reliant on myself over others.

Four years of high school theater taught me a lot about myself and how to approach the world in new ways. It taught me not to let embarrassment stop me from doing things that I love or that others might perceive as silly. It taught me how to speak in public and manage my time wisely. It helped me learn to work in big groups and to appreciate everyone around me and how they contribute. It taught me love can be fleeting, but it will always stay with me.

Overall, I think the thing that shaped me the most is my mistakes. Feeling lost, broken, and unloved had been a part of me for so long that when I finally found someone who could prove me wrong, I almost ruined it. I learned I was selfish to the point that my feelings with the only ones I was considering, and I didn't wanna be that person. Because of this, I am constantly working on trying to pull myself out of my head and learn to live in the real world more.

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

Never limit yourself for the benefit of others.

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

The first thing that always comes to mind when I'm asked this question is winning the eighth-grade poetry slam in front of my entire grade like it was the highlight of my whole life. I still have the paper crown they gave me. And the notebook I wrote the poem in.

#thanks for the ask!

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ghostoftheyear · 7 months

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I am one of those weird old ladies on tumblr who's still into fandom and doesn't have kids.

And there's reasons for both of those. But I kind of wanted to talk about the kid thing for a bit.

I don't know much about my genetic history, since I'm adopted. I'm sure I could find out, but at this point it's not really an issue anymore. I do know that I have lymphedema and PCOS, both of which are probably hereditary, and the latter of which would have made it more difficult to have children anyway (though it didn't stop me from getting preggo in college, when I was 18 and irresponsible). The lymphatic system issue isn't really that bad in terms of health, it just makes my legs look gross and means I need to wear special compression stockings. Fun! Idc, I've never been too concerned about my appearance to begin with. (Though "cankle" jokes still hurt, and I hate that I can't wear boots of any sort.)

But I think I've known even since I was young that I didn't want children. I didn't play with baby dolls, I didn't imagine future kids' names, or how many I'd want. I always found it all a bit off-putting. I used to say "Maybe once I find someone I want to have children with." And that was generally enough.

Because I knew myself, and even in my twenties, I knew I wouldn't be able to care for another human being in the way they needed. Especially a vulnerable young one whose care would be crucial. I had a hard enough time helping my dad when he was recovering from hernia surgery. I still feel bad about that and I wish I could apologize to him retrospectively. I'm not even as responsible with my cats as I should be. Why should I be trusted with the life of another human being, one who is reliant entirely on me to make sure they're fed, cleaned, cared for physically and emotionally?

I might make a good parent, but I sure as hell wouldn't want to try it alone. And since I've been on my own since 2001, well.

What I'm trying to get at here is that you don't have to have children to have a fulfilling life. You shouldn't have children because you think you're supposed to, or because someone is pressuring you into it (family, friends, society as a whole). You should have kids when and if you're ready, and not before. And you certainly shouldn't have kids if you intend to raise a future you. Out of some sense of legacy.

I don't know how to end this so have a picture of my cat.

#about me #pam rambles #strictly my own opinions

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daisy-blooms · 1 year

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Daisy, and the name that I won't say.

Hi, this is my introduction I guess. I've never really used tumblr before, but I've always heard that the people here are unhinged. It was probably worse before they banned pornography. Anyways, I'm Daisy, y'all. I'm a semi-closeted trans woman currently attending a private Christian university in Tennessee. I live with my homophobic/transphobic/xenophobic/slightly racist parents under a different name that won't be said. I'm at a point in my life where I'm really trying to think hard about what it is I actually want to do.

Right now I am studying as an art major and English minor. But that's not super important to me. The only reason I'm attending college is because somehow I am getting paid to do it. My father works at the school I go to, so I get my tuition wavered. I have a couple scholarships as well, so since I live at home, all of that money goes straight to me. I'm also working two part-time jobs while I'm not studying or procrastinating. Basically, I'm doing fine financially, for now at least. I'm trying to take advantage of every opportunity in life to make money at the moment. My goal is to save up enough to move across the country to some state that's more friendly to people like me once I graduate.

In order to do that, I've had to do some pretty gross stuff. My attending college, and more than likely my housing situation, is entirely reliant upon the fact that I uphold my role as my parents youngest child, the son my mom gave birth to twenty (twenty-one in September) years ago. I had a therapist at one point, but that quickly became too expensive for a legal-dependent young college student without any personal health insurance. I have lied to my family and friends for more than two decades now. Again, as that name that I won't say. It eats away at a girl. Especially when it's over something so trivial as skirts and heels versus cargo shorts and sneakers.

I am at the precipice of the rest of my life. I am only one year away from being able to do what I have planned for about eleven years now. I feel like a lot of queer people can imagine the feelings going on in my head: elation, relief, fear, frustration and freedom. It's a lot for someone who never learned how to manage them. I have successfully turned every stress-relieving hobby that helps me relax into a way to make money or a waste of my time.

I do not know why I am here. I do not know why I am typing a Tumblr post right now. But it has helped me think about my situation and where I am at in life. It all boils down to surviving one more year while being called a name that I won't say. If I can do that... the only name that will matter will be the one that I picked a while back from a field of transgender flowers: Daisy.

Yours honestly, Daisy S.

#queer #transgender #transfemme #artist #writer #college #mental health #the long con #escapism

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the-cat-chat · 2 months

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March 2, 2024

Self Reliance (2023)

Given the opportunity to participate in a life or death reality game show, one man discovers there's a lot to live for.

JayBell: I think this movie has a great premise, especially for a comedy. I like how the movie uses this game as the trigger to get Jake Johnson to live and feel again and stop accepting isolation as his status quo. I like how the game motivates him to gain closure on past relationships. On the surface, the potential for a good movie is definitely there. I unfortunately think it does fail in execution.

My biggest issue is the behavior of his family. I guess their dynamic with Jake Johnson's character is supposed to be funny, but it just makes them unlikable overall. I get that they think he's lying or genuinely having a mental break, but doesn't that mean they should be more concerned instead of flippant? Instead of trying to get him real help, they bring in this lady with the sole purpose to prove themselves right and him wrong. The whole movie I was just waiting for a satisfying "I told you so" from Jake's character in the finale. But their reaction in the end is also flippant in a way. I think it would have been actually funny to have Jake's character play bits from his episode in the show to his family in the finale.

The romance just doesn't do it for me in this one. Anna Kendrick does a fine job, but the big "twist" for her character is kind of stupid and makes her character seem a bit mean spirited or even clueless.

Finally, the "ninjas" in the game appear too often to give messages to Jake Johnson's character instead of trying to kill him. That just breaks the tension because they feel like less of a threat overall.

P.S. It's crazy that Jake Johnson's character doesn't even ask for a contract or a lawyer or even bring it up or anything. I get that it's an underground game but it's wild that he accepts the terms without any real contract that states he gets money at the end of this ordeal. I would've liked some more clarity before he agrees to the game in the first place.

Rating: 4.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I just wanted to preface this review with some facts.

First. Back in the day- God strike me down- I thought Jake Johnson was so hot. Ok. I watched Let’s Be Cops too many times. Ok. Maybe it’s bc I thought he was cute and funny. Looking back the answer IS CUTE and FUNNY. Bc Self Reliance Jack Johnson is HOT. Ok. Dear Lord pls pray for my soul bc if I find one more man over forty hot I’m going to cry myself into a mental breakdown.

Second. Anna Kendrick. Somehow when I hear her name I think YES. She’s so funny. And I forget shhhee is funny. But I somehow forget every movie she’s been in. Twilight. Mr. Right. Pitch Perfect. The Voices!!!! And Scott Pilgrim. A Simple Favor?? NOW THAT THATS A HUGE VARYING SPECTRUM OF GOOD TIMES? Ok and none of those prepared me for this.

Finally. The premise. Awesome. Entertaining. Would you play? Blah blah blah.

Okkk. First. His family. Annoying. That’s all I’ll say bc if I acted like this and my family reacted like that. Wow. Okkk. Bc they should be concerned. Either he is nuts or people areeeee trying to kill him.

Second. The fact that the whhhole time I couldn’t decide is he nuts??? Or the game’s real. Which I get is the point but it drove me up the wall. And it’s a clever idea and then how he’s working through past trauma and then how you have to understand to survive and be self reliant on your own and all that good jazz with the point they are trying to make through his character. But it’s soo bizarre I don’t even care about the message of it.

And I’m just gonna leave it here about the money part. $145,000 over 200 and something months. Bc it’s a million Greenland $ and not US currency. I’d scream and sue. Like I’m am wanting to scream and sue right now. Uuuugggghhhh. That reallly just made me be entirely done with it all. And I get it he grew blah blah blah. I’m done. Totally done.

Rating: 2/10 Cats 🐈 (And yes 1 whole cat is bc I think he’s hot preknocked out tooth) I’m sorry.

#movie #movie review

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milkywaystarboy · 5 months

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it's so weird ending a relationship you've been in for multiple years. introduced them to family, they took your last name, you thought that this was a fixture. immutable.

change happens regardless. it's a hard realization to come to, that you're not the same people you were and that as such you're not a good fit as a couple any more. honestly, the new understanding of myself that i gained over the years is what made it harder to accept the change that was happening and act on it.

i have learned that i'm autistic with a pda profile, i have adhd, i'm part of an o.s.d.d. system, and i'm chronically ill/physically disabled. the process of setting aside time for myself to unpack *all* of that trauma; the effects those things have, individually and comorbidly, on me and the way i exist in this world; it has been one of the most tumultuous times of my life. and when i needed support - when i was stumbling through all of this, knocking my knees on half-submerged memories and desperately trying to patch up old wounds - i received none from my spouse.

it's not fair to say that neither of us tried. they tried to engage me as i was drifting, that's true. and i tried to find ways to bridge the gap and offer solutions to the problems they placed before me. however, they ultimately didn't accept the solutions. it was too much reliant on them, they said; too much work on only their part, and it was bad and scary to try to communicate. alright.

((i try not be bitter about how easy it was for them to work through trauma so they could have sex, but when it came to working through trauma to communicate effectively with their spouse, that was asking too much. i try very hard not be bitter about it, and i usually fail every other day. but sometimes i don't. that's progress i think.))

in unmasking my autism, i have also unmasked us as a whole system. skill regression leading to doubt of identity and ability, do i even know what it is to love? to love romantically? have i always been in this much physical pain? especially with a pda profile - pathological demand avoidance, or pervasive drive for autonomy - realizing that i've been in fight or flight mode for my entire life with no reprieve is both exhausting and relieving, in a way. i understand many things better now, and i can take steps to care for myself better, be true to myself. but it's not without its struggles.

it scares me that my adhd makes me forget about people. that if i don't talk to them actively, every day, they fade from the forefront of my thoughts. i know that without the expectations that society puts on us, i could not speak to someone for years and come back to find them and feel the same as if nothing had changed. still view them as a friend; still fall into the easy pattern of comfort and familiarity. but other people aren't like that. they assume that because things have gone quiet, the relationship has eroded.

it has taken work but i have made a few steps towards bein more present for the people i care about. sendin an emoji or a simple message, just to check in, to let them know i thought of them. am always thinking of them. it feels like stepping against the tide. wading upstream. it feels like working against what is natural for me but if it's what i have to do to keep the people who still care about me then i will do it.

i think about the videos i sent to my ex about autism and what pda is, how it affects my interaction with the world. i didn't have the words before this year to describe what was going on or ask for help, but as soon as i did, i tried to communicate it. i don't know if they ever watched any of them, or cared to understand them. i know there were things i could have done better... but there were things they could have done better, too.

we ended things mutually over a month ago. it is so hard to watch them be easily and happily affectionate with their boyfriend and girlfriend. it hurts to see their last name changed to his on their packages. it makes me bitter to realize thks is what they've had the whole time, while i've had nothing. ((i am less better about it with each day that passes; is that progress?)) it stings to feel like i'm the one expected to apologize and admit i fucked up, while they keep piling accusations on me and never admitting to their own mistakes.

but every day, i heal a little bit. i am shown that i deserve the things i desire and that there are people who will give it to me. people who communicate with me wholeheartedly and honestly, to the exhaustive degree required by my nature. i believe a little more that i can find true contentment.

#ventposting here bc i don't wanna do it anywhere else but wanna get it off my chest #i'm okay i jus wanted a place to dump all this #i don't blame them any more than i blame myself but sometimes it feels like the opposite is true for them #anyway. anyone got any good coming of age stories for people in their late 20s?#i'm turnin 28 soon n it really feels like i'm turnin 18 all over again

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anyasmcm · 5 months

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December 5th - 11th research

Observational research:

Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (DHMIS) Red Guy:

Red Guy from DHMIS is a character whose face is concealed by his red, stringy face. In his character, his inability to show facial expressions manifests itself in his skeptical and detached outlook on life. He expresses himself through gestures and tone of speaking, which is typically monotonous. Even when he finds himself in dangerous situations, he remains indifferent. It's unclear whether his behavior comes from being unable to express himself in a similar way to his friends, Yellow Guy and Duck Guy.

Red guy is such a unique character to me because his expression and appearance are devoid of personality. This is not what I want to do with my piece, but I instead want to conceal and present personality in my work. I want my appearance to represent aspects of me. However, he's a great model for how someone appears or presents themself when they only have gestures and tone to rely on.

Atlas to the Heart by Brene Brown:

I read a little bit of the Google Books preview of Brene Brown's book, and her writing on the feelings of being stressed and overwhelmed was really interesting. I liked her comparison to anxiety as "being in the grass" and overwhelmed as "blown".

It made me think about the space we provide for space in conversation and the indicators that we use to communicate we need that space. Some people get quiet when they need space, others lash out to push people out of that space, and others just avoid communicating to maintain their space. I feel like the easy part is getting that space, but it is so difficult to communicate that you need someone to enter your space to help you out, such as "being in the grass".

This led me to think about a video I watched from Khadija Mbowe on finding a definition for love. They define love as "a space of mutual creation where the desire is to nurture the spiritual journey of everyone in said space". I think in communication and life in general, we often struggle to find that space and nurture that space continuously. However, I think its so difficult to attach a definition to love, even Khadija's definition doesn't cover it entirely. I think their definition is great for platonic and familial love, but when it comes to romantic love it is an entirely different thing.

“Love is never any better than the lover. Wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly, stupid people love stupidly, but the love of a free man is never safe. There is no gift for the beloved. The lover alone possesses his gift of love. The loved one is shorn, neutralized, frozen in the glare of the lover’s inward eye.” - Toni Morrison, The Bluest Eye

So in relation to Brown and Khadija, how we communicate and create that space for ourselves is so reliant on communication. Something I struggle with a lot is how to properly communicate, especially in relation to love. I also watched this video on love without attachment, which made me think about how certain behaviors we do when we are in love are manipulative and self-centered, rather than working on nurturing the space for that relationship, like Khadija says.

This wasn't really anything that led me to have any identifiable lightbulbs in relation to my work so far, but I'm just kinda brewing on all of this at the moment.

Active research:

I decided to put myself out there and branch some of the research I have been doing in Capstone into one of my other classes. I am taking Images of Science in Literature with Professor Dayal, and for my final project I am going to make a 3-4 min mockumentary about communication. The project is due on the 14th and I am doing filming Monday (Dec. 11th) evening, so I do not have the finished product yet. However, I do have a rough plan for the inner workings of the project, which I will post below. This doesn't mean that I haven't been working or thinking about things specifically for this class, but I figured that this would be a great chance to experiment with my work in a setting that forces me to establish a new form of communication alongside having to perform in front of people/share my work with people. I will post the finished mockumentary on my Tumblr (unless the file is too large) when I complete it.

Establishing How I Will Communicate The plan: People: 2 - Me, Anya, and my neighbor Sam. (Possibly a 3rd person to help with filming) Goal: Sam will attempt to understand what I am trying to communicate with him without having any prior knowledge of how I will communicate to him. If Sam fails to understand what I’m communicating, it’s not a matter of restarting or re-scripting, the goal is to have this remain as genuine and true as possible. IT WILL BE AWKWARD! Layout: There will be 3 separate parts to this mockumentary. 1: The interaction - Shot first

These shots will be exclusively Sam interacting with me and attempting to understand what I am saying. 2: My Interview - shot 2nd

These shots will fill in between the interaction shots and give some insight onto my character (or none at all) 3: Sam’s interview - shot 3rd

These shots will fill in between the interaction shots and give some insight on Sam’s experience with the creature. These shots will try to be as genuine as possible with limited scripting. The goal of this layout is to ensure there are mockumentary elements in the film, but also that there is some insight provided on Sam’s end so he can share what he is experiencing. Editing: I haven’t thought much about the editing, but I’d like to watch some of What We Do in the Shadows for inspiration on mockumentary style filming. I may need a 3rd person to help with the filming, in which case it’ll probably be a VA&T peer so there can be close-ups and things like that. I can also edit close-ups in After Effects, but I think there is something about having a physical person behind the camera to do close-ups that makes it feel more ‘mockumentary-like’.

Costume: Ghillie Suit and Dunks Unpacking the background of each: Ghillie suit: used to blend in with the environment – my suit is green and brown so it is used in forests and leafy/grassy regions. Concealing is a huge part of it – staying hidden. Dunks: basketball shoes turned into skateboarding shoes. 1985 marketing: “Be True To Your School” – dunks were made to rep schools/school colors. Became a staple in skateboarding after the dunk was neglected and was affordable and cheap for skaters. SHOWS THE ADAPTABILITY OF THE SHOE AND ITS ACCESSIBILITY. Bottles: Bottles are merely things that hold something which humans want to consume. It is for this reason that they are discarded after their contents are consumed. They also can litter the street and be found all over the city in highly populated areas. Bottles also have attached meaning, through things like the Health Warning Statement on drinks containing alcohol or caffeine content. They also have attached meaning through advertisements, specifically Coke and Sprite. Both drinks are extremely present during the holidays, such as the LeBron “Wanna Sprite Cranberry?” meme and the iconic Coke polar bear during the holidays. While that meaning may not be consciously aware to us, who typically focus on the contents of the beverage rather than the surrounding meaning, the way they are advertised or consumed creates that meaning. If someone sees a Coke ad with smiling, happy families, they could deduce that Coke makes you happy and gives you a sense of belonging (which isn’t the case). If someone sees someone sitting on the sidewalk with a bottle of alcohol in their hands, they can deduce that alcohol makes you sleepy, depressed, isolated, or some other assumption.

Background: The creature I will be acting as originates from a culture of concealing itself in a very specific environment, but its recently acquired dunks represent its desire to adapt, change, and absorb the culture surrounding it. Essentially, the creature sticks out like a sore thumb in an urban environment, but its incorporation of dunks into its attire shows a desire to be part of the environment it finds itself in and also to understand what that represents in its environment. The creature typically moves by crawling on the ground, but also making quick movements from one place to another, to conceal itself from others. However, after entering the environment it finds itself in, the creature understands that the urban jungle is not a place it can conceal itself among foliage. The creature walks curiously, but also cautiously, as it navigates this environment. The creature uses popular culture as its main device for communication. Its experiences in the city have led it to view bottles, which it can find on the street or in the trash, as its main communication device. After consuming human culture, it perceives the advertisements and appearances of these beverages as a way in which it can express its emotions or what it is feeling.

Gestures/Expressions: I want to establish base gestures that the creature uses to communicate. These gestures originate not from a historical or cultural context, but rather my understanding and creation of this creature. If there are similarities found between the gestures/expressions and those of other cultures or human culture, it is not intentional. That’s not to say that these gestures and expressions that I create are devoid of human influence, since I myself am a human. I just want to express that they are derived from my understanding of this creature I have created. The creature is struggling to learn how it can adapt itself to fit within an urban environment. A lot of the communication it used in its environment at home is now out-of-place in an urban setting. Therefore, when the creature tries to communicate, it has to assume the position it would while in its home environment, since it has not found a way to communicate in an urban environment. That’s not to say the creature is not adaptable, but it does not have the context to create new language in a foreign environment. The list below of gestures was generated using ChatGPT. I wanted to ask what basic forms of expression I can use to cohesively communicate with another person. I used the framework of the expressions it gave, such as a greeting or a farewell, but I want to avoid using the gestures it recommends since they are based on human-expression rather than a different species. Here is the convo: https://chat.openai.com/share/6de156d2-42d9-426a-ae92-158f445707e0 I will say that by using human expressions as a framework for creating these gestures, I am embracing human interaction and not creating an entirely individual and separate form of communication. I also am limiting the creature to this framework of communication, which means the creature itself may appear unintelligent, or limited in its ability to communicate. The intent is not to limit its intelligence or create a lens of being ‘lesser’, but rather to display the creature’s struggle to enter and conform to this new environment it finds itself in.

Gesture 1: Greeting [Coke bottle] Gesture 2: Farewell [Not sure] Gesture 3: Expressing Gratitude [Wine bottle?] Gesture 4: Showing agreement [Water bottle] Gesture 5: Disagreement or negotiation [Pepsi bottle] Gesture 6: Confusion [Squished soda can] Gesture 7: Approval or appreciation [Hennessy bottle???] Gesture 8: Disapproval or dislike [full soda bottle] Gesture 9: Requesting attention [Energy drink?] Gesture 10: Expressing sadness or empathy [Blue Moon bottle wrapped in paper bag]

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srlkiller · 6 months

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ive realised that my self esteem & just general ‘sense of self’/love for myself is so awful & low.. horribly dependant & reliant on something or someONE else these days & i absolutely fucking loathe myself for ittttttt bc im beyond self aware.. yet ive jus never been loved my entire life by even my own parents to be shown that im worth a singular fuck so the bar is so low for humans… i seemingly will jus allow the fucking worst bc i guess subconsciously that’s what ive always been taught/shown/drilled into me by my parents to believe that i deserve? wen i know it’s not at all bc literally NO ONE deserves to be treated like shit by another human being. i have trouble saying the words no to other people. i have a lot of trouble just standing up for myself these days.. especially the lonelier i get, the more isolated i have become & older ive gotten. i found comfort in being alone & definitely got to know myself sm better.. then i went thru horrible shit all over again & lost myself completely.. all over again.. & haven’t been able to rebuild myself back up since then.. ive only gone downhill.. over & over & over. i know that I AM the only one that inevitably can help myself & save myself.. i have to do the work & put in the effort etc etc but it’s so hard with absolutely ZERRROOO support system of any kind & feeling like you have nothing & no one.. not one family member.. not one pet.. nothing at all anymore. everything has been ripped from me, taken by force or by death itself. I’ve been broken sm times but now that ive finally been able to let someone in again on some kind of romantic level.. im terrified.. so im letting them jus walk all over me which is the total opposite of who I am & everything i stand for, emulate as a woman & my whole fucking energy as a being. i don’t recognise myself at all so ive totally seperated myself from whoever this is.. the body, the mind.. the soul. i numb every feeling n thought i can.. whenever i can. but wow just having this huge surgery & putting my body under such duress & jeopardy was lowkey such a wake up call bc wtf?! IVE NEVER DONE NO SHIT LIKE FHIS BEFORE FOR ANYONE ELSE?!?! AND FOR WHAATTTT?!?! HE HAD THE PERF OPPORTUNITY TO DO EVERYTHING FHE RIGHT WAY N STILL FUXKED IT UP TO SATISFY HIS OWN SELFISH NEEDS.. so wtf am i doing? what am i doing risking myself for someone like that… i look stupid, feel stupid.. & could get left at any minute which would send me spiraling for someone who is quite frankly… not even close to what i need in a man or what ive ever wanted. im simply cheating myself out of a great self help story.. as i turn 29.. i reach my last year if my 20’s & I’ll b damned if i waste that shit on some young dumb n full of cum mf who doesn’t even give a fuck ab my health in any capacity who is probably lying n doing god knows what behind my back anyway… I seriously just need to put myself first.. just try.. I need to try. bc remember when I did? how proud I was? how it worked? it’s always worked. time to start writing goals n writing shit down again.. as we start approaching this date n it gets closer n closer.. on the 25/11/23 I’ll be 29 yall. it’s the 13/11/23 today. 11 days to get things in order. my goals don’t even need to be big I jus need to get things ‘in order’… ‘ready for 29’ sounds like a cool lil title.. as my bday is pretty much leading into the New Year anyway it’d b cool to get a lil head start on others too. like the needles into my head for alopecia which I have an appt for jus before my bday.. lashes n brows I have that appt for.. i needa get my actual hair done somehow.. before nye!! change my piercings to cold & possibly get another?! more tattoos!! coverup of the Drake matching one for sure. Look into studying pharmacology or some other career pathway course.. possibly something with units I’ve completed already at uni?? i need to write a list.. basically is what I’m saying as some things are more easy fix small goals that are appearance self care based, some are medium level, some are mental, some are spiritual, some are academic, some will take

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