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flowercrowngods · 3 months

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something so monstrous pt.2

(in which kas feeds from steve and triggers a bad migraine pt.2)

🤍🌷 read part 1 here this part gets really intense on the migraine. descriptions of immense pain, fever dreams, and vomiting, some body horror imagery bc pain can be fun like that

Time and space lose all meaning as Steve remains on the precipice of something that is too violent to be called sleep, but not harsh enough yet to be unconsciousness. Real sensations evade him as everything turns into pain immediately. Even the twitch of his finger becomes a thundering blaze of blinding pain shooting through his body and settling behind his eye until he is sure he will wake up blind.

The fear of that is everpresent, the blind spots too real to ignore every time it goes like this, and he imagines how they will grow. He imagines how they get worse every time until one day the pain inside his skull will be so immense it will take his eyesight in exchange for alleviation.

And even though it is unbearable, he opens his eyes whenever he can, just to make sure he can see still. It’s an added veil of terror that covers him whole and consumes him slowly but continually.

At some point he notices something cold and wet being placed over his eyes, adding another layer of darkness that is welcome, even if it leaves an imprint of pressure and sensation on his forehead that makes his skin tear around it, his skull cracking and caving in beneath the touch.

And still it helps a little, pulling him further toward consciousness but not further toward the pain itself. But Steve can only whimper weakly in response, six feet under a thick cloud of cotton-filled smog that even turns breathing into a chore, polluting his lungs with fear and horror and agony without compare.

He does fall into a fitful sleep at some point, grateful for the short reprieve, but it does nothing to alleviate his exhaustion.

It feels like his eyeballs are being pushed into his skull for what must be hours upon hours, and the pain is so unbearable, so horrible, that he's not at all surprised when nausea rises in his chest, his body responding to its current state with confusion and a hard-reset.

Steve keens, trying to roll onto his side, groaning at the flares of pain shooting up into his skull and down into his limbs. They only worsen the nausea and it's pure instinct that gives him the strength to sit up.

"Kas?” he whispers, swallowing thickly against another wave. "Bathroom?”

Instead of giving him directions or pulling him up to drag him there, Kas wastes no time. He gets up off the floor, approaching him with shuffling steps once more, and gently but quickly lifts Steve off the bed in a hold — firm, yet gentle — that brings another sting of tears to Steve's eyes. Pain and vulnerability and the need for everything to be over. That’s what makes him cry.

Still he manages to hold on, his head rolling onto Kas's shoulder, the skin of his neck blissfully cool against Steve’s overheated forehead pressing into him.

Make it stop, he thinks. Longs. Aches. It’s supposed to be over. It’s all supposed to be over now.

He whimpers again, and imagines that Kas is the one to softly shush him this time.

The coolness of Kas's neck is gone all too soon as the vampire sets Steve on the hard, uncomfortable bathroom floor. He doesn't go far, though, crouching down beside him and holding him up over the toilet. Steve can't see anything, but still he’s grateful that Kas left the lights off, the bathroom tinged in the same darkness as his bedroom.

Pathetically, Steve rests his forehead on the toilet seat, chasing the coldness of it as pain and nausea reach their peak. It’s disgusting, but be’s not strong enough to care. A whine breaks from him, and he wishes Kas would leave. Even though the cold hand on his neck feels good, and even though he knows he wouldn't be able to hold himself up right now.

I'm not weak, he wants to say. And maybe he does. But he can't recognise his own voice right now.

"Not weak, maybe, but pathetic."

No.

"You know you are."

Shut up. Go away.

It doesn't make sense for Mr Munson to suddenly be here with them, to stand in the doorway and watch his nephew, who is more monster than human these days, holding up the pathetic form of Steve, who is more pain than human. More smoke than human. More vulnerable weakness than remotely human.

Go away. Eddie? I want him to go away. Tell— Go ‘way.

The hand wanders, pulling Steve against cool skin again so his forehead rests against the toilet no longer, basking in the cold touch and the warmth of a body to hold him.

"Safe," Kas says, and Steve wants to badly to believe him. Wants Wayne to leave, wants everyone to leave and just let him suffer in silence and solitude like always.

Wayne starts talking again, but Steve can't hear him this time as he suddenly heaves and retches, throwing up what little he had to eat today. Over and over and over.

It goes like this for a long time. He has no idea how long. Has no idea where he even is anymore.

The world tilts a few times when he loses his grip, his arms buckling, his hands spasming and giving out, and still he never falls. Only ever feels the cold, damp skin of Kas’s neck.

Kas has to carry him to bed when he's done and on the brink of passing out again, and Steve doesn’t mind this time. Kas also hands him a glass of water or two before pushing him back to lie down again. That’s nice.

The wet cloth returns, and Steve isn't aware of his surroundings for much more after that.

——

The next time Steve comes to, he feels like he was freshly dragged through Lover’s Lake until his lungs gave out. His head is pulsing violently, his senses are sluggish and everything feels foggy. He has no idea where he is, the room pitch black around him as he lifts a lukewarm damp cloth from his eyes.

A soft groan falls from his lips as he stretches his aching, cramped limbs, rubbing his hands over his face and regaining the feeling in his body. Little pinpricks of phantom pain shoot through him, his mouth tastes like ash and his head protests rather violently against his pathetic attempt at sitting up.

He is disoriented and something about his vision is still messed up, something in the depths of the room not quite right and leaving him with a dizziness he can’t quite shake, followed by a wave of anxiety that something’s wrong with his eyes.

He blinks. Blinks again, finding more things in the strange room as he does, his sluggish brain slowly catching up and filling in the blanks.

It all comes back to him like a tidal wave when he suddenly finds himself blinking at a pair of red eyes, softly glowing and wide open.

“Kas,” he croaks, his throat absolutely parched.

One second he’s wincing at that, the next he finds a cool glass of water pressed into his hands before the eyes and the shadowy form they belong to retreat to the foot of the bed again.

“Thanks,” he murmurs, stalling as he takes a sip. Embarrassment rises in him, but he doesn’t want to apologise. The thought of that somehow makes the vulnerability that much worse, so he tries to ignore it. It’ll all be fine if they simply not acknowledge it.

He wants to ask for the time instead, wants to know how much the migraine took from him this time, but he knows Kas doesn’t really understand the concept of it all, let alone know the numbers.

A silence settles between them and it’s somewhere between welcome and uncomfortable. Just like everything that happens in Hawkins. It makes Steve feel like a ghost again, but this time he’s a ghost in the room, not just in his own head. He’s the one who’s out of place.

With a little sigh, he places the glass on the makeshift nightstand again and falls over onto his side. His head is mad at him for it, still feeling too fragile for sudden movements, but lying down feels better than sitting.

There’s a huff from Kas that sounds more amused than derisive, so Steve looks at him. Looks at the shimmer in those eyes before closing his own again, not wanting to be looked at right now. Not wanting to face it.

“You,” Kas says then, his voice quiet and without the edge of that animalistic growl. The sound of someone who’s not meant to speak at all. The souvenir of someone who was human once before Evil grabbed him and modified him to His liking.

“Me,” Steve says, an automatic response, just as quiet. He’s listening.

“How… How are…” Kas struggles, huffing in frustration at the words that refuse to come, but still it’s the most coherent Steve has ever heard him. It makes him sit up half way again; leaning his weight on one arm to focus all his foggy and cloudy attention on the vampire trying to ask him how he is feeling.

No more words come, though, the question half finished in the air between them. But somehow it makes Steve smile. Just a little bit. This feels important. And huge.

“My head hurts,” he answers truthfully, amused when Kas’s eyes snap back to his. To search them. To communicate something.

“Hurts?”

“Yeah. It will, for a while. Always does. Nothing to do about it, really.” He wishes he felt as indifferent to it as he sounds, but that’s just the tiredness clouding his tone. It’s fast approaching now that he knows he’s relatively safe. Now that he knows he can rest. His arm gives out and he slides, slowly this time, back to lie on the pillow. “But it’s not as bad. And the other pain is gone, so…”

So. He could go home now. He should, probably. Ignoring the weakness in his bones and the exhaustion in his every fiber. If he closed his eyes again right now, he could fall asleep. Still, maybe he should—

“Stay,” Kas says again, and Steve really should have figured. He’s not quite well enough to really fight him on that, though, so he shrugs.

“Fine,” he mumbles into the pillow, halfway back to slumberland already.

There’s movement on the foot of the bed, and before he knows it Kas has tucked him in again, draped across the pillows as he is. It’s still unreal, that, but Steve won’t complain. What’s even more unreal, though, is the image Steve gets of Kas curling up by the foot of the bed in a similar position. As if he still means to keep watch.

It’s ridiculous. A little weird. And sort of endearing.

——

The next time Steve wakes, everything around him is a little brighter, daylight fighting weakly to fill the room, but it stands no chance against the large wooden planks and thick curtains meant to block it out permanently.

He blinks away the heaviness, taking stock of his body. There is a crick in his neck and burgeoning cramps in his side and hip from the position he’s still in, and this head still is a pulsing, aching mess — but no more than usual.

He taps the pads of his fingers to his thumb before flexing his hands. Only then does he stretch the rest of his body and announce his wakefulness.

Opposite him, at the foot of the bed, Kas is already awake and still in the same position that Steve saw him last. Did he even sleep? Does he need that? Or has he just been staring at Steve, watching him, ready to carry him to the bathroom again for round two.

The thought of that makes his skin crawl.

“Hi,” he says to fill the silence that is all too inviting for his spiralling mind.

Kas grunts, but it sounds more like a hum. Sort of gentle around the edges. He doesn’t move, doesn’t seem at all fazed that they’re just kind of staring at each other. Steve swallows, not really sure how to go from here.

He fists the blanket and rubs the linen bedding between his fingers, feels the rough fabric catching on the callouses along his hands as uncomfortable seconds tick by. Still Kas doesn’t move.

“Listen, man,” Steve says at last, thinking back to yesterday’s events and the vampire’s sudden care. “Thanks, alright? What you did, that was, uh. That was nice. You didn’t have to do any of that.”

Another hum, and it occurs to Steve that Kas is back in his normal state, retreated back into his mind, hiding from the world himself now that it no longer needs him. It’s a strange thought, that Steve being hurt would be what brings him back. If at all. Maybe he’s reading it all wrong. Maybe it as just a coincidence, or maybe Kas tasted something in his blood that made him want to improve Steve’s physical state for selfish purposes. That’s probably more likely.

But it makes him feel even more wrong-footed than before, and it leaves him hyper-aware of the situation. Of their dynamic. Indifference and annoyance and… He doesn’t want it to change, doesn’t want some kind of debt between himself and Kas — especially not when Kas has no means to really settle it. But he also can’t feign some kind of gratitude when what he feels the most is mortification and embarrassment; and he sure as hell doesn’t want Kas to know that either.

So he throws back the blanket and gets out of the bed, a little dizzy at first, but he doesn’t care as he slips into his shoes and hurries out of the room.

He just wants to leave. Get out of here and go home, go back to bed and get over the mortification of having been seen like this. Of having been taken care of. By someone who doesn’t even like him. By someone who hissed and snapped at him one moment and then carried him to the bathroom the next.

“It looks like there’s nothing human left in him, but we do have data that suggest otherwise.” Owens’s words echo through his mind as he crosses the living room. “It seems to be in hiding, the Munson part of him; that’s our hope at least. That you can get him back out one day, make him win over the vampire part. It could be like a self defence mechanism, I guess. We hope he can still be coaxed back into the land of the living. How, though, we don’t know.”

Was this what happened? Has Steve’s weakness triggered the human part of Kas’s tortured brain to take over? No, that can’t be.

It seems unreal. Unlikely. Wayne telling him stories or Dustin talking about their campaign, that should have helped. Even Mike playing the guitar, or Robin rambling about something or other; all of that was much more close to who Munson was. Or used to be. Eddie Munson never struck Steve as someone who took care of people naturally. Someone who stepped in. He stepped up, sure, but only ever for the wrong reasons.

It makes no sense. So it must be wrong; just Steve’s exhausted brain grasping at straws. It usually does that, anyway. Nobody knows if Eddie is even still in there. Part of Steve hopes he’s not.

Just as he reaches for the front door, ready to just get out of here and pretend like nothing happened, he feels a presence behind him. Kas followed him out of the bedroom, standing in the doorway now with an unreadable expression. It's the blank one he usually takes on, but where before it was normal, it throws Steve off now. Maybe because he saw how Kas can look at him. How expressive his eyes can get.

He holds them, the red shimmer a little dimmer out here in the brighter living room.

And maybe it's the blankness in those eyes, or the lack of judgment in Kas's every action, but whatever it is, it makes Steve let go of the door and turn to face Kas properly.

"Why'd you do it?"

The vampire inclines his head. Listening. Always listening. Steve doesn't know how he never noticed that. It seemed so primitive before. Like how a dog will react to its owner speaking, but never process the words. Kas processes, though. So Steve keeps going.

"Why'd you... You kept saying that word. Safe. Do you, uh. Do you know what it means?"

Slowly, his eyes growing a little less blank, Kas nods.

Steve looks around the cabin, swallowing thickly, still feeling so out of place in here, still feeling the need to run and leave it far behind. But something makes him stay. Makes him want to understand.

"You wanted me to feel safe?" Again, Kas nods. "Why?"

There is hesitation there, and Steve wonders if it's because he doesn't want to tell him, if he doesn't know the answer, or if he doesn't know how to answer. It's a loaded question, maybe.

"Pain," he says at last, his voice barely discernible from a growl, but somehow Steve seems attuned to it now. Maybe because he listens now. Because he wants to know. To understand.

He waits, watching as Kas struggles for more words once more. Just like last night.

"Know... Know... pain. Know.” He taps his temple with a clawed hand, and Steve's heart falls, his chest aching with realisation.

Right. He would. He would know pain like that. If what the doc says is right, if what Vecna taunted them with is right, if every working theory the kids have is right, then… yeah. Kas would know. He’s know something about pain. More than any of them. Pain so intense it splits you apart from yourself.

"Shit," Steve whispers more to himself than to the room, crossing his arms in front of his chest to hug himself and keep from digging deeper, keep his heart from falling further, and keep the horror at bay.

He doesn't want to imagine the kind of torture Kas went through. Is still going through, if what the doctors say has even more truth to it. If Munson is still in there, still suffering because human minds have a way of holding on to pain — Steve knows soemthing about that, too.

"I'm sorry," he offers. It's all he can offer. In the end, it’s all that’s left.

And still it's so lame. It's not enough.

But Kas just nods again, a pained shadow of a smile appearing on his face. Something transpires between them in that moment, Steve can feel it, but he can't really define it. Maybe some kind of understanding. Some kind of safety.

"I gotta..." he starts, motioning to the door behind him. "I gotta go. Will you be fine? Did you have enough, y'know, to drink?"

Another nod, and the smile widens a little. Looks a little less pained this time.

"Good," Steve says, stuffing his hands into his pockets, lifting his shoulders to his ears, trying and failing to seem casual in the face of those glowing eyes. "I’ll– I'll see you around, yeah?"

And then he's out the door, his head spinning and aching, his steps heavy with the weight of whatever has changed between him and Kas in the past twenty-four hours.

... sooo. part 3 anyone?

🤍 permanent tag list gang: @skiddit @inklessletter @aringofsalt @hellion-child @stobin-cryptid @hotluncheddie @gutterflower77 @auroraplume @steddieonbigboy @n0-1-important @stevesjockstrap @brainvines @puppy-steve @izzy2210 @itsall-taken @mangoinacan13 @madigoround @pukner @i-amthepizzaman @swimmingbirdrunningrock @hammity-hammer @stevesbipanic @bitchysunflower @estrellami-1 @finntheehumaneater @goodolefashionedloverboi (lmk if you want on or off, for this story or permanently) 🤍 tagging for this work only: @forestnymph-666 @little-trash-ghost @jupitersgonemissing

#steddie #steddie fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #kas eddie munson #kas takes care of steve fic #this part is downright short for me lmao #dio words #something so monstrous #i have a lot of things to say about pain and monstrosity but instead i just juxtapose them with an actual monster #and then bend the understanding of humanity around that instead #if the tag list doesn't work pls lmk some of these tags be looking wonky on mobile #the end of this is super rushed but 1) steve is still disoriented n weak 2) the mortifying ordeal of having been taken care of must be fled #3) too many thoughts too many realisations and things rearranging overwritten by the need to leave #so pls know it’s intentional and real life is abrasive like that sometimes hdhdh

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sea-buns · 9 months

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wow... what a season. it feels weird to say that this little 6-episode side quest, in all of the 19 seasons of d20, is one of my favorites they've ever done but it just is. it had all the stakes and humor and drama that you could possibly want, all balanced with an incredible cast of players. the table chemistry was excellent, the characters were so perfectly themselves, the TROPES were OFF THE CHARTS!

i can't quite remember the last time i finished something and ached so sharply for there to be more. i just know I'm gonna be thinking about this one for a long time

#i didnt delay watching the ep like i normally would so i feel like ill end up delaying making posts about it instead lol #i dont WANT to. i have lots of thoughts id like to share. but also once i get started putting them to words im gonna get WAY off track.#lots of revising will need to be done.#the adhd is strong with this one.#v excited to continue collecting cool art and fanfics tho. ever since trw ive been on the verge of picking up writing again #and i fear the worst for my already terribly hectic behaviors when it comes to hyperfixation consumption #dimension 20 #d20 #mentopolis

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utilitycaster · 1 month

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You know what's interesting to me? For all people keep claiming at every juncture that perhaps Bells Hells will come around on the gods and see the harm they do (which, as discussed extensively, is, half the time, simply not intervening) not only have they never done so, but also they never quite cross the line into saying the party should join the Ruby Vanguard or aid them - and indeed, they defend against it - so what does this achieve? It feels like they're asking for a story in which the party stands idly by, which isn't much of a story nor, if I may connect this briefly to the real world, a political stance anyone should be proud of.

That's honestly the frustration with the gods and the "what if the Vanguard has a point" conversations in-game. What do we do then? Do we allow the organization that will murder anyone for pretty much any reason that loosely ties into their goals run rampant? The group that (perhaps unwittingly, but then again, Otohan's blades had that poison) disrupted magic world-wide, and caused people who had the misfortune to live at nexus points to be teleported (most, as commoners, without means of return). While also fomenting worldwide unrest?

Those were the arguments before the trip to Ruidus; with the reveal of the Vanguard's goals to invade Exandria, the situation becomes even more dire. Do you let the Imperium take over the planet?

And do the arguments against the gods even hold up? If Ludinus is so angry at them for the Calamity, what does it say that he destroyed Western Wildemount's first post-Calamity society for entirely selfish means? (What does it say about the validity of vengeance as a motivator?) What does it say that Laudna told Imogen she could always just live in a cottage quietly without issue before the solstice even happened? (Would this still be true if the Imperium controls the world?) What does it say that when faced with a furious, grieving party and the daughter she keeps telling herself was her reason for all of this, Liliana can't provide an answer to the question of what the gods have done other than that their followers will retaliate...for, you know, the Vanguard's endless list of murders. (That is how the Vanguard and Imperium tend to think, huh? "How dare your face get in the way of my boot; how dare you hit me back when I strike you.") She can't even provide a positive answer - why is Predathos better - other than "I feel it", even though Imogen and Fearne know firsthand that Predathos can provide artificial feelings of elation. Given all the harm Ludinus has done in pursuit, why isn't the conclusion "the gods should have crashed Aeor in such a way that the tech was unrecoverable?"

Even as early as the first real discussion on what the party should do, the fandom always stopped short of saying "no, Imogen's right, they should join up with the people who killed half the party," it was always "no, she didn't really mean it, she just was trying to connect with her mother." Well, she's connected with her mother, and at this point the party doesn't even care about the gods particularly (their only divinely-connected party member having died to prevent the Vanguard from killing all of them). So they will stop the Vanguard; as Ashton says, the means are unforgiveable. As Laudna says, it's not safe to bet on Predathos's apathy. As Imogen says, she's done running; the voice that she used to think of as a lifeline belongs to someone she doesn't trust. So I guess my question is: if they're stopping the people who are trying to kill the gods (and defense of the gods isn't remotely their personal motivation)...do you think the next phase of the campaign is Bells Hells personally killing the gods? Reconstructing the Aeor tech and hoping none of their allies notice? How does this end? Does your ideology ever get enacted? Or is this entirely moot and pointless and the story ends with Bells Hells saying "well, I'm really glad we stopped the people who [insert list of Vanguard atrocities from above]; none of us follow the gods or plan to, but honestly, the status quo we return to is preferable to whatever nightmare Ludinus had concocted in his violent quest for power and revenge"?

#i've got a lot to do today so I think I'm done posting but #cr spoilers #i called that this particular cohort of fans had empathy only for those like them and were terrified of player agency like. 18 mos ago #and i have never been proven wrong. zero analysis just a constant demand that everyone coddle their feelings and confirm their biases #literally will straight up fabricate lore and cry you're disrespecting a pretend person for not including it in your considerations #absolutely SHIT understanding of actual lore. utter incapacity to follow a logical throughline to its conclusion #it's like. wow. wonder why you're so focused on hypocrisy and you overreact to the word selfish #the reason they hate or fear orym (they say they don't...but that just means they want him to go to a reeducation camp instead of die)#is bc i think they are truly terrified of the idea that people can not just hold opinions that are against theirs but stand fast by them #easier to stan the villain because then they die and you can feel wronged and betrayed and wallow in a sense of continual victimhood #than to like a character who might last long enough to call you the idiot and asshole that you are #but it's also funny bc literally if orym weren't there in the latest convo the conclusion is the same.#ashton's had the same opinion of the vanguard the whole time (and it's not positive) but that's not under scrutiny #probably bc it doesn't allow people to be ghoulish in the most cringeworthy way possible

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fisheito · 3 months

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i told myself that yakuei only had one position then i proved myself (sorta) wrong

my fave face here:

#technically... if they were boinking in outer space... a lot of these would be the same position #makes a rotate-y gesture with my fingers #what is yakumo's kabedon if not a vertical missionary #so i've half proven myself right AND wrong! i'm net neutral in outer space broskis!!!!!#zizz-asdf if ur reading these tags i'll have u know that u inspired me to Do the Research1 #like. 5 garu riding eiden? no. it can't be. does yaku do one specific thing with eiden 5 times? *tries to write it down*#i can't quite... what's the word for that position...uhhhh #ah forget it i'll just draw it out #<- that was the process of creating this. collage? 😆#THE MATRIX OF YAKUEI BOINKINg POSITIONS (under construction)#when u about to be semi-normal and make a spreadsheet but ur sexcabulary is stunted so you resort to visuals instead #legit opening up every intimacy room and skipping thru sections to get as complete a picture as possible #wondering... where are yaku's feet planted in this one. (skips to 8minute mark)#ah! there they are. theyre not supporting his weight in this one *draws it*#while drawing crimson phantom room 2 my brow was furrowed and i was mentally narrating #[and this one i affectionately call.. rectal exam - professional misconduct Grounds for Termination)]#surprised they str8 up havent done classicdoggstyle yet. is it because he's a snake? garu should teach him #also surprised that there's been no Light SSR for yaku yet. come on!! Light mode on the double!#uhhh i think the only repeated positions were freestanding (choco liqueur r2 and dark nova r2)#and standing AGAINST! THE! WALL! (choco liqueur r5 {interior} and shadow lineage r5 {cave})#wait. *throws papers around* i swear they did missionary more than once. was it only ocean breeze???#i know with the intimacy rooms they gotta modify the positions into certain angles to make it...look...better #but seriously? only one missionary out of the lot of them? despite the aesthetic tweaks??? how can that ........#*tosses more papers around with increasing befuddlement* WHERE IS MY PURE 100% VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM #sighs as all the papers lie scattered on the ground #dude... i don't know anymore..... this is beyond my scope #now that i see how evenly spread out the positions are...#i BET the devs have SOME SORTA CHART tracking yaku's positions. now THAT'S a funky office corkboard!#yakuei #nu carnival eiden

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sciderman · 7 months

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I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with so much Iranian hate and drama <:[

oh anon. hate to break it to you (a lot of people make this mistake) but iran and iraq are two entirely separate nations.

and also i think reducing it to the words "hate and drama" kind of doesn't cover it, anon.

#i think if people were. just a little bit more informed. then maybe people would see that the people from this region are humans actually.#so anon. please. like... look at a map and do some reading maybe. if you care just a little.#i'm sorry anon but i'm a little bit at a loss for words over this message. like it rendered me speechless for a little.#but it's so common in my life that i've been called iranian and i constantly have to correct people on it. c'mon man.#i mean i have SO many iranian friends even though iraq and iran you know. aren't exactly bedfellows. politically.#but those politics don't really follow me. like in my day to day. iraqis and iranians in the uk of this generation. are again.#pretty divorced.#but it's kind of really frustrating that people Without Fail make this mistake over and over.#it's like how people just refer to “africa” as a whole. instead of recognising there are seperate nations there and.#it's not just a homogenous “other”#please. there are humans there. it's not just “foreign”.#i don't know if you're american anon but i see it a lot that anything outside of america is just “foreign”#and i mean #even as a brit. americans are constantly surprised i'm british because they forget anything exists outside of america.#i think it would be so so so so sexy of you anon to take a look at the globe tonight. give it a spin.#look at the world. it's so full and so beautiful and there are So Many Nations.#i'm going to look at my globe tonight too. i have a really cool old one. it spins so good.#and i'm going to pick some countries i don't know a lot about and do some reading about them. for funsies.

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flareboi · 2 months

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what if purple never calls him dad

#what if the word ‘dad’ is something purple doesn’t like.#what if it carries a bad connotation for them and a bitter reminder for mango.#family doesnt always have to look like one thing yknow? i dont think those two would have a traditional dynamic in that way #maybe purple does consider him their parent. they just dont call him ‘dad’ unless its in third person #and theyre fine with that and so is he #king is his father figure yes but he’s also a mom. a big brother. a sister. their dynamic just isnt captured in purple calling him ‘dad’#maybe his name is the best way they can say it. the best way they can appreciate him #because for purple a father is someone who hurts you. someone who leaves you #i think ‘purple calls him dad on accident’ is a cute idea #but honestly it would make more sense if they called him mom on accident instead. or if it happened when they were afraid. not comfortable #(this is presuming orchid is his mother and navy his father based on the pronouns used in the react vids iirc)#because why would purple refer to someone he sees as a parent with the title of the one that presumably did not raise them?#and on mangos end #i think u can kinda tell who in this fandom has never lost a loved one in how they characterize him #guys. grief doesnt leave. it never leaves.#you just learn to live with it!!!#mango is not okay just because he has a new kid to take care of. i would know this my bio mom passed and i have a stepmother!!!#she does not fill that void and i do not expect her to because it cannot be filled. but she brings a lot new to ease the pain and is a #wonderful part of my life #the same thing here #mango will never ever just .. go back to how he was #he will never be the same since gold died. and thats okay #purple will not change that. they will merely add something new #their dynamic can be beautiful and nontraditional and a showing of how grief can change you #it doesnt have to be ‘replacement dad and replacement son’#its so much more #oke. tag rant over #fett rambles #ava #uhh should i tag the chars

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dragon-spaghetti · 3 days

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Hey so I just looking at your huskerdust kid art and I was wondering who gave birth to the kids?

Literally up until recently I just kept saying it was left up to interpretation, and tbh that still stands!! In the 'canon' of the au me and albo have created revolving around this, the answer is husk, but if that's something other people are uncomfy with and would rather say they just spawned into existence then I personally am fine w that 💖

(I am coming at this as a trans masc myself to be very clear, with husk being trans in this au)

#drag replies #hazbin hotel #huskerdust fambly #i have many feelings on this whole thing #and a lot of it is personal exploration about myself not wanting kids but I honestly don't want to get into that publicly lol #but yeah!! we've been having a lotta fun in DMs discussing this whole thing #like there's so much you guys have No Idea #this has become a whole emotional story line exploring internalised transphobia and toxic masculinity etc etc #this should have been a one word answer and instead you got this I'm sorry anon LMAO 😭

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coochiekrab · 7 days

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um, i really wanted to say that I liked your answer about kuri's complicated relationship with gender. I really relate with it and I never thought somebody would be able to write something like what I go through. thank you

i feels it too anon

#this is specifically me and not something kuri feels but on top of feeling alienated from womanhood by not having female rolemodels growing #up i also feel like so much of my relationship to femininity or the lack thereof depends So much on my weight as well #as well as my sexuality #im fat and it makes me feel not womanly #and instead i feel like it masculinizes me #i dont know if i like it. but leaning towards butchness makes me feel more.....defended. protected #i get scared that if i ever lost a lot of weight that i wont know who i am anymore #if ill feel like a Fraudulent butch #if i feel like being thin feminizes me #and at the most extreme end it makes me wonder if i lost a lot of weight would i still even be a lesbian??????/LOL #and i mean Extreme extreme end here #can you have imposter syndrome for gender when youre cis #<<<not and egg moment leave me alone #sorry word vomit lol #thank you anon

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toffee-and-tandoori · 11 months

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#mick schumacher #michael schumacher #f1 #i'm having a lot of feelings that i can't adequately put into words so here's this instead

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learnelle · 1 month

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*internally screaaaaming whyyy didn't I start this assignment soonerrrr*

#Okay in my defense I had my B2 exam which merited an official extension for this assignment #BUT I should have started it at the end of March </3 #I'm always like this for the very final assignment :'( It was the same last year and the year beforehand #It's like I either submit my work super early (semester 1) or minutes before the deadline (semester 2)#And I was meant to have an intense workday today and I got hardly anything done because I felt so paralized from starting #((S0 instead I just ate a lot all day ><)#Can she write 1500 words in 2 days? Plus make two pretty diagrams? We will soon find out

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seventh-fantasy · 7 months

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galaxy-brained mlc take of the day: mlc is wuxia, yes and maybeee not exactly? it very much is a wuxia aesthetically, but it's actually - conceptually - xianxia story in the core. (this is different from suggesting that it is a xianxia show.) however xianxia can (or should) be considered a subgenre of wuxia, not its own separate distinct genre despite the idea of 仙 xian being fundamentally at odds with the idea of 侠 xia, because they both stem from the same belief. (as seen in mlc, it works with the conventions of traditional wuxia aka li xiangyi the sigu sect leader, to get to the real bits of xianxia concept aka li lianhua's story.) so, mlc is wuxia through and through, inside out. send tweet 🫡👍

ok wait I can explain

so, this must be premised on the understanding that any discussion of "仙 xian/deities" in this context is only as its abstract idea of living a life distanced, detached from worldly, human woes instead of the possibility of immortality existing in mlcverse. (if you think about the deities in xianxia stories being basically human beings who have cultivated themselves into immortality.)

this is the explanation of xianxia as a wuxia subgenre (古仙武侠) in the baidu article of wuxia genre:

武侠中的侠，是脱胎于墨家“以天下为己任”的使命感；而仙侠的侠，通常是传达着“能力越大，责任也就越大”的朴素精神。侠乃入世，仙为出世，道教阴阳的无情大道（无情指寻求自我的不断体悟，以达精神的成仙，非没有感情之意）与武侠江湖的有情众生，即是矛盾也是循环，象征着太极之道，这也就是为何古仙武侠也属于正统仙侠流派的原因。

rough tl:

the xia of wuxia is born from the mohist ideal of bearing a sense of responsibility for the world

while the xia in xianxia focuses on the idea of "with great power comes great responsibility"

the idea of 侠 xia is secular. the idea of 仙 xian is beyond the secular - it is to pursue a life of suppressing/taming your own emotions (it does not mean to be completely removed of the ability to feel. it's a pursuit of self-realisation that makes one attain the status of a "deity" spiritually.) 仙 xian is then inherently at odds with wuxia jianghu's deep empathy and connection with the secular world, but it's also connected back to it. this is why 古仙武侠 is considered to be a part of the wuxia genre.

the relationship between xian and xia is conflicting because the former is all about distancing yourself from worldly issues while the latter necessitates an active effort to do something about them.

but it also means that both wuxia and xianxia acknowledge this weight of human emotions and connection to the world. it's just their respective responses and the outcomes they want that they differ in. what is the ideal person? wuxia says it's to be someone who can propagate and execute the ideal of doing something about this weight of your connection to the world, while xianxia says it's to learn to be at peace with that connection, and it's ok to not do anything about it actually - which might even be harder than trying to do something. (and focusing on your own cultivation can be a good thing for the world, in fact.)

with this, I hope it sounds less absurd that I'm connecting mlc's story to the concept of xianxia. lxy's life was a traditional wuxia archetype. (I've already harped on enough about how he fits into the quintessential mohist model of a xia leader.) what happens after, aka his journey as li lianhua, is the real story of mlc. it's a breakdown of that quintessential wuxia hero. it is a story in which the main conflict faced by the protagonist is to struggle with all the worldly woes including his own past and the cases' victims, in defense of the serenity he has found in the past 9 years. it is a natural battle to fight for someone such as llh because as long as you're still human, you will face the implications of human connections and the innate feeling of compassion and urge to do something about it (part of this, I guess, manifests physically in bicha breaking him down and the resistance to cure).

and relating that to an excerpt from an article discussing xianxia in relation to wuxia:

武侠剧的精神内核也是仙侠剧的精神内核，而“仙”实际上是实现新形式的“侠”的手段，由此扩展了“侠”的深度和其实施的时空范围。武侠之中的侠义精神，可以强调其自在，更强调其是自为的，前者是需要逐渐成长和觉醒的。然而对于高于人的仙而言，作为上位者的“侠”之精神，则应该是内在自觉且自为的。

rough tl:

the spirit of wuxia dramas should also be the spirit of xianxia dramas. xian should in fact be another way to bring out and explore the idea of xia.

the spirit of xia in wuxia can be an emphasis on the spirit of freedom, and even more so, the idea of agency and autonomy. the former is gained through growth and awareness. but for xian aka people who occupy a realm above the people on the ground, the xia spirit they embody should manifest in their inner awakening and agency.

it goes without saying that nobody is a deity in this show, and never will be. only in ep 40.5 it came so close to possessing that otherworldly, surreal edge, but that's all to it. deities do not exist in the mlcverse.

but but. it's interesting to point out in the ep 3 flashback when lxy walked through town in the aftermath of the sigu sect vs jym battle, commoners were heard describing it as 神仙打架百姓遭殃 when immortals fight, commoners suffer. of course they didn't mean it literally but figuratively, that those people of wulin jianghu are high above, detached from the people on the ground. which is. contradictory to the idea of 侠 xia to begin with. so... it could even be interpreted that li lianhua living the spiritually "immortal" life embodied the xia spirit even more deeply than he did as li xiangyi the sigu sect leader, the "immortal" in the eyes of the commoners. actual immortals do not have any real attachment to the people, but a cultivated "immortal" does and is destined to feel and learn to deal with it over and over like llh did. it all comes back in a circle indeed.

#莲花楼 #mysterious lotus casebook #lhl #lhlmeta #my posts #dear diary it's (only) day 45 since completion and the symptoms are getting worse #i can imagine at this moment someone putting a hand to my forehead and ask me if i'm ok #not sure if this conversation about wuxia/xianxia genres is welcomed at all but ANYWAY. i just have a lot of feelings about cn stories #i'm discussing the genres in what i think are its barest forms rather than referencing to the ways they've manifested in popular fiction #esp since i'm not as familiar with many of the classic works on a personal level #AND there are so many other elements in play in these genres!!#personally not a fan of that definition of xianxia being 'stories about mythological figures like deities monsters demons etc'#just having deities monsters etc does NOT make it xianxia. that's just 玄幻/神话 fantasy/mythology(!!!)#an interesting distinction i learnt is that mythologies like 后羿射日 and 沉香救母 could be considered as proto-xianxia #simply based on the idea of xianxia being about deities + a sense of heroism #but they would still very much be classified as mythologies instead of xianxia. there's just a lot of overlaps i guess?#went down this rabbit hole a little and just word vomitting as I go. i may not be 100% right or accurate in my interpretations so.

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sleepanonymous · 9 months

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AMPED UP: SLEEP TOKEN

(source)

Anonymous Brit metal cult big on peering down the rabbit hole…

??? (UK) 1 Aug 2018

“WE EXPLORE THE DEEPER RECESSES OF THE MIND…” HIM

Sleep Token are a band shrouded in mystery. The London metallers’ mix of high-tech riffs and dreamy soundscapes have earned them a good name for themselves since forming last year, but if you want to give them credit for it, you must do so to the masked, anonymous face of their enigmatic frontman, known only as Him. Him declines to reveal specifics about the ancient deity the band worship, Sleep, but he’s more forthcoming about his own artistic motivation.

“There exists a considerable body of art that explores the deeper recesses of the human mind,” he explains. “Sleep Token serve as a means to explore this on an individual basis. The music is a representation of one individual’s deepest and most fundamental emotions and desires. This is what people connect to. They see themselves in this individual, and the music becomes about them.”

Easy-going fare this isn’t, but there’s no denying it’s pretty captivating. Sleep Token have played fewer than 10 times (they refer to their gigs as “rituals”), but they’re already Download alumni. The industrial-ish thrust of new single Jaws, meanwhile, continues their philosophical, lyrical path. “Our jaws are the tools we have to rend apart,” Him explains. “They show our concealed aggression, and take something once hidden and burst it apart. You don’t know someone until you have seen them destroy something. Jaws is an exploration of the frustration which accompanies the sense that someone close to you is hiding their true self.”

But while Jaws looks to expose the darkness that lies inside us, when it comes to the hand’s own identities Sleep Token are steadfast in their belief that art comes before aesthetic.

“Art has become entangled with identity,” Him says of the band’s anonymity. “The aim is to provide something people can engage with without being obstructed by the identity of its creator. The true identities behind Sleep Token are irrelevant. Our identity is represented through the art and music itself.”

SLEEP TOKEN’S SINGLE JAWS IS OUT NOW. THE BAND PLAY READING & LEEDS FESTIVALS – SEE THE GIG GUIDE FOR INFO

#sleep token #vessel sleep token #vessel #lost media #(kind of)#sleep token interview #vessel interview #interview #found on twitter #but the quality is ass #i cannot read the interviewer's name #nor the text in the top left of the vessel pic #i imagine a lot of people would have trouble reading the article itself #so i transcribed it the best i could #i wonder when vessel started calling himself that #instead of just him #10/10 name upgrade tbh #the way i wanna dissect his words like biology class #standing here with a scalpel shaking my head #politely saying “i disagree sir!”#also how about that small insight into vessel's obsession with mouths huh?#as if i am not insane enough over jaws as it is #send help lol #also this interview isn't 100% factually accurate either #vessel and ii released thread the needle in sept 2016 #so sleep token had been around for at least two years

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lovesickeros · 1 year

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ive been thinking about what characters would know sign language, bc despite never being mentioned i can't imagine teyvat wouldn't have an equivalent version.

alhaitham (partially deaf/goes nonverbal) obviously and by extension kaveh (kinda hard to chew out your roommate when they cant understand you), but also collei (goes nonverbal when triggered) would have been taught by tighnari (who knows it bc its useful for communicating silently w other rangers)

#sagau #genshin sagau #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin #self aware genshin impact #alhaitham #tighnari #kaveh #collei #albedo absolutely knows it as well (he taught klee when she saw him signing one day and thought it was neat)#klee signs when shes really excited bc she knows if she starts talking no one will understand her bc shes talking too fast #amber knows it (similar reasoning to tighnari but she also works w kids a lot. probably taught collei a bit of sl during her time in mond)#cyno (same reason as tighnari + amber and again. helps 2 communicate w collei)#diluc & kaeya know it (they learned it as kids and thought it was super cool. used it like a super secret language between the two of them)#diluc uses it more practically now but still goes nonverbal sometimes and kaeya just Knows and immediately switches to sl too #lisa + by extension razor (lisa would have prob learned it in sumeru like alhaitham and is trying to teach it to razor)#mostly to fill in gaps of words hes doesnt know yet. so if he wants to ask for something but doesnt know the word he can sign it instead #childe. which may be surprising. taught by skirk probably but only barely. just enough to get his point across when he goes nonverbal #bc hes absolutely traumatized by his time in the abyss and is not handling it well!!#honorable mentions r ei + miko + zl #yoimiya + yelan + yanfei #baizhu + noelle #me?? projecting onto the characters by making half of them go nonverbal for x reason????? yeah :)#if u see me adding tags look away!!!#n e way do you think there would be different versions of sl for each nation bc........#i mean teyvat only has one universal spoken language (paimon mentions it bc traveler had to learn it)#so would there even be multiple sign languages?????#maybe bc asl + bsl are different but.

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whollyjoly · 6 months

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Hi Em!! Thank you so much for putting together such an amazing ask game 🩵 I hope you’re doing well. Would you mind answering 1, 4, 17 and 25? Take care 🩵

hello hello my dear!! its been my absolute pleasure seeing everyone spread the good vibes, so im glad people are enjoying this 🥰

im sorry its so late, but here are my answers!

1 - what is your fav part about being in the fandom?

i wrote a super sappy and long answer here, but basically all of YOU is what makes this fandom the most fun to be a part of!

4 - whats a moodboard that you just want to live inside of?

ohhhhhhhh so many?? the moodboard creators in this fandom are fucking TOP TIER and i love all of them so much!! but here's a few that come to mind:

this christmas babe and gene moodboard by @footprintsinthesxnd is so comfy and so cozy and they deserve nice christmases okay!!

speaking of christmas moodboards, @onlyyouexisthere has this incredibly aesthetic board for some of our fav boys around christmas time, and i just want to live inside every single one okay??

this speirs moodboard by the one and only @xxluckystrike is so beautiful? like i love the combo of hard and soft edges (the bandage + the smoke + the chess), since i feel like that dichotomy isnt something thats always shown with speirs, but feels so true with his character. anyways i want to walk through a museum with blood on my knuckles and smoke in my lungs after looking at this okay

and of course, this chuck grant moodboard by the incredible the amazing YOU @sweetxvanixlla was one of the first things i saw and loved in the fandom for grant?? the beach vibes, the light blues, the carefree energy, it all is so perfect. and i was like "holy SHIT this is good also now i too love grant" so i can thank you for that 🥰

bonus from @the-cinnamontography-is-amazing that i cant stop laughing at it

17 - your fav fanwork about an underrated character?

oh i was HOPING to get this because there's this one fic i love SO MUCH and i just!! want to scream about it from the rooftops!!

Come In From The Cold by rebelsquad (T, 24k) is a Smokey-centric Coffee Shop AU, and it just warms my heart in all the best ways. First of all, Smokey is an incredible narrator, and I love how the author captures his voice in this so hard!! I also just love that it centers around some of the more underrated characters (Smokey, Alley, Shifty, Tab, Skinny, and Popeye), but also has great interactions with the regulars as well! The found family vibes are just *chefs kiss*, and it is also the perfect mood for winter ✨ I cannot recommend it enough!!

25 - what colors do your mutuals most remind you of?

i dont even know why this turned out like this? but i went full vibes ✨

@sweetxvanixlla - midnight blue feels so right for you, my dear. starry nights and deep blue velvet cushions, something steady and calm but sparkles in just the right light. a cup of herbal tea on a tuesday night, and the thrum of a quiet city hums beneath your tongue. theres something so quiet and still about the night, that moment when people are talking and you dont have to participate, you just sit and let their words flow over you, enjoy their presence and energy and that feeling is midnight blue.

@xxluckystrike - girl, you are golden. warmth and positivity and laughter that itself is a kind of music, just as much as the songs you love and share and make art for. its the type of gold you feel on a late summer day, echoing up from the passenger seat of a convertible as you drive with your friend across a rolling field of wheat, of corn, of wildflowers. there's soda in the cupholders, and the carbonation matches the bubbles springing from the bottom of your lungs. sunny, summery, golden.

@malarkgirlypop - pink. the snap of a piece of bubble gum, the sugar rush from a strawberry lollipop, the pop of a bright shade of lipstick, quirked up into a smirk. your presence is loud and beautiful like the sound of a boombox atop a vespa, zipping through a busy beachside pier and delighting everyone who hears. pink is the feeling of just being yourself, unashamedly and wildly, and reveling in the wake of your energy.

@panzershrike-pretz - green, but that vibrant green of the sun hitting a park just right, and there's almost a glow, or a halo, across the field. it's the kind of green reserved for grass stains, made after the first spring day that's warm enough to go and spend time outside. it's the color of collapsing in a cackling heap after goofing around with your friends, and they're laughing because you're laughing because they're laughing. what are you laughing about? it doesnt matter, maybe its nothing, maybe its the cow chewing away on the green grass in the distance. no matter, because it is joy.

@footprintsinthesxnd - idk why but lavender is the immediate thing that comes to mind? something calm and soothing and steady, a breath of fresh air, walking through a field with the sun on your neck and the smell of the purple flowers filling the air. a gentle breeze ripples across your fingertips. it's quiet, but not silent, and the lavender doesnt break in the wind - it bends, and the flower seems to brighten in response. your energy is the deep breath that is taken after that moment - content and at ease.

@blood-mocha-latte - so this might not make sense outside my head but...that color a candle flame gives when reflected off a marble statue. something in the liminal space between warmth and cool, between hard and soft, between cold creams and whites and bright oranges and yellows. the ethereal quality of walking through a gallery alone, silent save for the feeling welling up from each piece of art you pass. the tiles echo this soft color, the flickering candle makes the shadows across the paintings dance, and one can't help but want to explore further, to linger with the treasures you've created.

@ronsparky - sky blue, but not the crayola sky blue. the sky blue of an early morning on the top of a mountain, mist obscuring pieces of the horizon and you could convince yourself you are the only human on the planet. a sky blue that rivals on being crisp and soft, that suggests unlimited possibility if you just reached your hand out a little farther. one can't help but feel that every small, new thing from this view is a joy - and its a feeling so wondrous and contagious that you cant help but spread it to those you interact with. the sky shifts, ever so slightly, but the color follows you down the mountain.

@georgieluz - red, but not quite. a bird flitters into view from where you sit on a bench in a forested park. its winter, and the trees feel bare and lonely. surprisingly, the bird isnt a pigeon - it's a vermillion flycatcher. the bird stands out triumphantly against the monochrome sky as if a beacon, or a challenge to some higher power that says i am here. its bold, its singular, and one cant help but admire the sheer presence of this small vermillion creature. but when it opens its beak and sings, the trees dont look so lonely any more.

@next-autopsy - you know that color when a fire burns down, and the embers are glowing with a deep mahogany? the edges of smoke dont obscure the color or heat from the coals, it only seems to make them more ephemeral. its a mesmerizing color, its the feeling where you want so desperately to stretch out your fingers and know what that heartbeat of fire feels like, and although the burn doesnt completely dissuade you, you still pull your hand back. the dancing mahogany glows a little brighter, then dimmer, as if in time with your breathing.

@onlyyouexisthere - the words "pale green" dont quite do justice to the vibes your presence gives off. the softest pale green? cashmere, the color of mint leaves reflecting morning dew? maybe that's the closest, the feeling of looking out over a snow-brushed hill, hands warmed by a mug of silver needle tea, wrapped in a cozy cashmere sweater. something comforting but crisp, familiar but fresh, nostalgic but new. something pale green.

@land-sh - one time, i was on an airplane flying across the arctic. it was the middle of the night, and i looked out the window and slowly, over the course of two hours, watched the sun rise. the sky started as a pitch black, stars breaking up the endless void, and slowly, one color at a time it lightened into a blindingly bright day. but there was a moment, about 37 minutes in, and im pretty sure everyone on the plane was asleep. outside, all i could see was this deep, vast purple. it felt like there could be anything and everything beyond that color, and i was the only in the universe who would ever see it. idk why, but thats the color and vibe that comes to mind when i think of you.

@coco-bean-1218 - see, i thought about chocolate brown for you before i even realized that its just your username. but maybe its more than chocolate, maybe something closer to chestnut. you're that feeling when you walk through an orchard, it's november, and although the sun is shining its the kind of sun that seems to make everything more crisp than warm. as you walk through, there's a small crunch under your shoe - a chestnut. there's a deeply satisfying smell in the air, something woody and comforting, and you just want to get lost in the rows upon rows of chestnut brown dotting the branches and littering ground.

@samwinchesterslostshoe - okay so bear with me on this one - slate gray. the slate gray of a city on a rainy day, clouds and sky and sidewalk almost blending together into one entity. you duck into a coffee shop you never would have noticed if not for the weather. at first, you think the walls are just reflecting the color from the outside, and you feel a lonely pang. but then, you notice it - art, stickers, little notes of love written in sharpie and tucked in the space between tables. they stand out among the walls, and the absence of color makes their presence even brighter. and the coffee? so good. it's the best you've ever had, and you realize the coffee shop is just like the walls - you find beauty you never would have noticed without the slate gray of the sky.

....so i have no idea if any of this makes sense outside of my head, but here we are. if i missed you i am so sorry!!!

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

okay okay i am sorry this is so long-winded. i am in fact, a long-winded bitch.

but thank you so much for asking this, and for just being such a wonderful part of our community! i hope your day goes super well!! 💕💕

#did i go overboard on the colors #yes i did #but this is also my way of showing how much i appreciate you all and thanking you for just!! being great!!#seriously it means a lot how much people were excited to and wanted to spread positivity #it would have been really easy for us all to just be angry and upset by the words of a coward #but instead we were like nah fuck that and chose joy!!#and i just!! love that for us!!#so this is my way of saying hey #thanks #i think you're neat #ask game #positivity ask game #band of brothers #bofb #i copy and pasted this into a word doc to see how long it is and its six pages what the fuck #em speaks

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