#so anyway that was my weekend. & now i gotta animate 4 class & started this as a warmup for that but then. i forgot to stop working on it

[f33itan]

💛⚜️Pᴀʀᴛ 1: Tᴏʀᴛᴜʀᴇ ɪs Gᴏʟᴅᴇɴ⚜️💛 (From my Wattpad)

A/N: Ok, this was something a mutual of mine said here on Tumblr, and I decided to write a oneshot about it. Might be very VERY slight angst, nothing bad enough to actually be put under that umbrella though, anyways, enjoy this, and ty for the reads! :)

CW: MENTIONS OF RAPE, DEGRADATION, AND MORE FOUL WORDS THAN USUAL. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

B/N: Your Mother's boyfriend's name

M/N: Mother's name

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

"Oi, Y/N! Go get me another pack of beer from the store!"

"Yes father!" Damn that pig looking bitch. I'm just some fucking girl, trying to protect her mom from this demon of a person! Heck, he's not EVEN a person! He's the devil himself!! Man, I wish dad was here...

When you were in about 7th grade, your real father got killed in a massacre a couple cities over. He was not only a police officer, but a great father and husband as well. He treated you and your mother amazingly, and you thought life couldn't get anymore perfect, but soon that all went down hill. After his death, your mother's health depleted and she felt empty inside. She needed somebody else to make her complete. She decided to call an old friend from high school, and next thing you know he moved in. He seemed like a nice guy at first, but soon enough he was beating you guys mercilessly, enough to leave large bruises and scars whenever you didn't do exactly what he asked, in your eyes though, it was more of an order. You hated being ordered around, but you hated your mother getting beaten around even more. It seemed like a blessing that he hasn't tried to rape her, but god knows what he'll do, he's unpredictable

With all of this happening, you decided to tell him you were doing some "extra curricular" classes in college, but what you were actually doing was taking the Hunter's Exam and learning nen. Your biological father was kind-hearted and fun to be around, but he was also strict and sometimes a bit harsh, though he always meant well. Before his passing, all three of you would go out on the weekends to train, exercise, or do something that would enhance your body power and brain power. Because of this, all of you were exceptionally smart, and bodies all well toned. Sometimes your excursions would be going to a park and practicing a sport, driving to the snow and sledding, skiing, snowboarding, and every once in a while going to another state to zip line, try animal encounters, or take a family friendly class in that state's heritage and customs.

Since you were accustomed to hard core training and events, you thought the Hunter's Exam was quite fun, and was a test to your skills. After that, you were scouted out by a strong nen user by the name of Biscuit Krueger. You and her had lots of fun training, and with her pushing your limits to the utmost best, you turned out to be a specialist.

(Whenever I imagine myself in Hunter x Hunter, this is always my nen type and stuff LMAO)

Your power was called, Black shadow. You could have up to 10 weapons on hand, completely subjected to doing your bidding. These weapons were linked to you through blood, and they were surrounded with a substance that appeared to be black mist. The weapons you most preferred to practice with and use were your katana, blood string, and scythe. You could also make a weapon yours by cutting a fingertip and letting the blood drip onto the weapon, altering the appearance then gaining that black "mist", showing that it was now yours. The downside to this technique was that those "shadows and mist remnants" were your sleep. The darkness in your mind and the shadows all around you were taken and used for that power. In turn, you were always tired, yawning, and had bags under your eyes. Another plus side though was that you had a nen created chamber that had every weapon you owned. A girl can have some fun toys, can't she? You had tools for torture (whenever you took an opportunity to try it), many varieties of weapons, and of course, more snacks. But unlike B/N, you didn't have just fatty snacks. You had regeneration potions, healthy snacks, and special nen created "snacks" to help with different things, which all of these you had collected through pulling some strings. Your mother was worried, but you said it was all just college things. Yeah, just college things..

Ill make that pig bitch pay for what he has done to my mother!

Feitan POV -or whats going on with him- :

"What time, is it.."

"8 AM Fei!"

"Shut up, green eyes, too loud."

"Oh Fei don't be rude! It's mean!"

"That's, the point."

"Oh wait, Shalnark, what this?"

"What do you mean?"

"This... gold string?"

"OI SHALNARK, FEITAN, COME ERE' REAL QUICK!"

"Phinks, what, do you, want-" Phinks just ignored his question and pointed to the TV.

This is Channel 12, reporting live from York New City Town Square. People all over the city are claiming to be seeing a string tied to their left ring finger, leading them to some unknown destination! What is this string? Who put it there?-

"AY AY IM ON TV! THE STRING THINGY JUST LEAD ME TO THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL AND NOW WERE DATING! SUPER AWESOME!"-

I apologize for the interference, but this string appears t be leading people to.. partners? Soulmates? Find out tomorrow morning, this is Amy Starwick from Channel 12, signing out.

"What. The. FUCK."

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOODNESS HOLY SHIT FEITAN YOU HAVE A SOULMATE!!"

"Nope-"

"YESS YOU DOOOOOOO"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP CHEERY BITCH-"

"No❤️" Since Feitan was on his last nerve with Shalnark, he decided to stomp over towards Chrollo in the main room, but Chrollo just chuckled.

"Wanna go find your soulmate? See if that things real?" Feitan just stared at the ground, lightly shifting his feet.

"Go ahead, I don't mind."

"Just, doing it, out of, curiosity."

"Mhm, curiosity, go find them." And with that, he was dismissed. Feitan wanted to say it was curiosity, but deep down he had this feeling there was something else, but what was it? It made his stomach tingle and he didn't like it one bit. He tried to ignore all of this, and just shrugged it off...

꧁꧂꧁꧂TimeSkip to Next Day꧁꧂꧁꧂

Your POV + some Feitan POV:

"Alright, today's the day, he'll be at his work, and on his break, i'll set the plan in motion.." Both me and mom don't like him, and I don't know about her, but I sure hate him, every ounce of him. The plan is simple: 1. Capture mom's boyfriend, 2. Take him to an abandoned building, 3. Torture him and get all of the answers I need, and 4. Kill him. His break is at 12, and he usually goes to get takeout every other Friday, what a pig. I'll give him a taste of his own medicine.

Time: 11:30 AM

Ok, I have everything ready. Fully energized to the utmost extent, Elixirs to bring him back in case he passes out too early, and- what? He's leaving for lunch early? PERFECT! You ran behind some buildings and hid in a two-way alleyway, waiting for him to pass by...

Here we go..

One..

Two..

THREE!

You covered his head with a sack, and took his phone out of his back pocket. Before heading over to your post, you laced the inside of the sack with some sleeping powder and pressed it against his nose and mouth. Within moments he passed out, and you typed in what you hoped to be his password, which was correct. Around 12:30, you were going to text one of his coworkers that he would be "going to a restaurant across town, and ditching work for a day, not wanting to see his stupid good for nothing girlfriend or his dumb daughter." You knew he called you both this because of going through his text messages when he wasn't looking or when he was sleeping. Little did you know that somebody was watching you from afar.

"Hmm... So, she, my, what do people, call it.. soulmate? Seems, interesting..."

Time: 12:00 PM

"Jesus, I new he was a fat ass but I didn't know he weighed this much!" You were tugging him from his legs through the back ways of York New. You wanted to find a secluded area, where once you were done with him you could just toss him somewhere for the birds and maggots to eat. After walking for what seemed like hours, you came across a set of abandoned buildings, specifically the one you laid out some extra things. A couple extra weapons, some towels, a change of clothes, a chair and some rope, a couple of flashlights, and of course, some snacks. Lucky for you, the douchebag you've been dragging around like a rag doll was still out cold, so you picked him up and tossed him on the chair, tying his wrists, ankles and neck to the chair.

"Maaannn, this is boring!! When the hell are you gonna wake up?!" As if on queue, you saw his eyes start to flutter open, and you immediately grabbed your box cutter. It wasn't a weapon used by your nen, but it was quite effective.

"What.. who.. wait- Y/N!? WHAT THE FUCK?! UNTIE ME NOW BEFORE I BEAT YOUR ASS!!" you didn't notice it, but Feitan was watching from the building over.

What, the fuck? Why she kidnap him? That pig? Why? Confusing, gotta keep, watching.

You shoved the box cutter into his left cheek, and you bathed in the glory of hearing his screams of pain.

"How does this feel, you bitch? Everything you've done to my dear mother, everything you've done to me, and heck, YOU WERE PROBABLY BEHIND MY DAD'S MURDER DURING THAT FUCKING MASSACRE!!" B/N noticed the tears in your eyes, and took this to his advantage.

"So what if I was? Both of your parents were pathetic anyways."

"NO THEY AREN'T! YOU'RE THE REASON WHY MY MOTHER'S LIKE THIS NOW! YOUR THE FUCKING REASON FOR EVERYTHING SHITTY THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME!!"

"Heh, hehe.. hahaHAHAHA! YOU KNOW GOD DAMNED WELL THAT ALL OF YOU ARE PATHETIC! WANNA KNOW WHY I GOT WITH YOUR MOM!? BECAUSE SHES HOT. AND SHE HAD GOOD MONEY FROM YOUR FUCKING DAD. YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA DO?! YOU KNOW WHY I TOOK OFF EARLY TODAY?! I WAS GONNA RAPE YOUR MOTHER AND MAKE YOU WATCH, THEN KILL BOTH OF YOU AND RUN OFF WITH ALL OF YOUR MONEY!! AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S IRONIC?! I DON'T HAVE ONE. SINGLE. FUCKING. REGRET. IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR DAD, YOU SOULDN'T HAVE HAD THE NERVE TO DO THIS, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED!!"

You couldn't handle this anymore, tears were falling down your face rapidly as you grabbed the duct tape and closed his mouth shut.

"I don't give a fuck about what you say.. I'm going to kill you here. This is your grave. Someday, I'll join you in hell, and when I do, I'll torture you again, and the Devil will laugh. You just watch and ducking wait you, you.. PATHETIC WORTHLESS PIG ASS SLOPPY ASS NASTU FUCKING BITCH!" With that, you grabbed a couple super worms in each hand and shoved them into his ears. Even with the duct tape, you could hear his screams of agony as the worms dug deeper into his ears. You then got our your katana and slashed him across the stomach, and shoved even more worms into that open wound of his. Quickly, you poured a large bottle of the elixir you had brought over him to keep him from dying so quickly. Box cutter still in hand, you carved small lines all over his arms and legs, then ripped off the tape to hear his desperate cries. You imagined he wanted to be dead, but you didn't care. His pain and you pain mixed together and you just started laughing. You through your head back and let yourself laugh. all of the pain this man has caused you and your mom will be repayed today.

But the pressure and stress was too much to handle. Your laughing of victory soon turned into screams and more tears, as you let yourself fall to the ground, not even noticing you didn't hit it hard, something had caught you, or someone..

What the shit am I doing?

Am I really going to kill him?

What's wrong with me?

What will mother think?

What would dad do?

What am I doing with my life?

You soon snapped out of all of those negative thoughts though, as you noticed something caressing your face lightly.

"Rest, now. He, won't die, so quickly. I'm, Feitan." You were a sniffling and crying mess, so all you could do was rush into Feitan's chest and cry. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around you and held you close. He had no idea what he was doing, for he had only seen this kind of skin on skin contact in movies. So, he did what those people in the movies did.

"Don't, worry... It's all, going to be.. okay."

Word Count (Including author notes, etc) : 2251

-Wrote February 3, 2021-

Unedited sorry about that lol-

Part 1...

#hxh #hxh oneshot #hunterxhunter #feitan #feitanportor #pov #feitanxreader

[zoppzoop]

3 and 27:))

Hello ma'am! Ily and imy!!!! I hope you're doing good!!

03: Do you regret anything?

Seriously speaking, not getting studying done sooner because of procrastination. And also not having talked to my parents about architecture sooner. I literally started thinking about it seriously day before yesterday after talking to mom and dad. But ehh i just gotta study hared now.

And non-seriously, not taking the chance and going to the stationery with dad to buy stuff lmao

I went with mom and got just one fineliner pen.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Tbh yes and twice. Or maybe thrice? Four times??? idk if one of them was a hearbreak or actually just a prank.

Anyways buckle the fuck up we're in for a story time and this is gonna be a stupid ride

Okay, first the 'prank' (now that i think about it it was definitely not a prank). i was in the 7th grade and this one dude from my class came up to me while i was boarding the bus to go home and handed me a piece of paper. And im here confused as to what the f u c k? The dude was kinda like in the competition for the top rank in class (we were very competetive, there were like 5 of us) so i was just confused. I got in the bus and opened the paper. And it had a bunch of stuffs that i dint bother reading because the first thing my eyes landed on was 'will you be the annabeth to my percy?' And (yes i was a huge pjo fan that the time) i got out of the bus and literally yote the paper in the trash (cruel, yes i know. But listen. The dude used to tease me by literally shipping me with another classmate (thats also another story) and GOD that was so fucking ａｎｎｏｙｉｎｇso yes i was angry. And i legit didnt like any of the people in my class. All of them were just,,,, nah. Sobyea next day he asked me 'so?' And i said ',,,so what??' And he's like 'whats your reply?' And i straight up said 'uh i threw the paper' and he just turned around and left.

And then we became enemies-ish and literally fought hand-to-hand once (i was kicking so hand to foot i guess?) But ye that happened. And then a bunch of more stuff happened and by the time my dad was gonna get a promotional transfer to another place half the class became like one big group of friends and we became pretty good friends in the end.

Now lets talk about the dude who i got shipped with. I got teased for a whole year and like we were all pretty good friends right? So i didnt mind it in the beginning but then it got too overwhelming in the middle and it literally made me hate every single one of them. But then it got subdued and we decided we'll maybe date? And we didnt exactly say that out loud but he used to walk me to my bus (okay so the bus system at my old schoom was like a few buses were inside the campus and a few were outside. His was inside and mine out, so he used to walk me there. And then one day he said lets hold hands (and we did it was cute and we held hands and walked to my bus for like 2-3 days but then had to stop bc people started teasing us, we didnt end it on bitter terms btw. He used to have like taekwondo practice int he last period and we usually had english then so while going to the buses i used to give him my notes for the day.)

And like a few days later we realised that sure this is nice but he was gonna move schools soon and i legit wasnt that interested in relationships at the time so we 'ended' whatever that was. And on his last day when he dropped me off to my bus he asked me if i had a phone so we could keep in touch and i didnt have it so i said no and he was like 'hmm okay, bye take care' and left. And then his best friend stayed behind and jokingly said 'ah you broke his heart'

Yea okay two down two to go.

Third dude was in my bus and in my class and the friend group which was made up of half the class and wow i feel bad about everything w/ everyone now lmao

Anyways this was in 8th grade. So we were pretty good friends because we were in the same bus and class for the past 3 years now and considering my dad's profession thats a long time in the same place (its usually just one year) and ye so we were pretty close. Everyone in the bus used to olay team up games like charades and stuff

(ah shit i remember a fifth one in the colony damn i hate this)

Anyways number three, so we used to talk a lot. I'd gotten instagram by this time for art stuff so we talked there a lot. Like we sent each other memes and he got my weird and cursed meme shit and also got into anime and bts a bit to understand what the fuck i was saying. And he used to get teased because middle schoolers and junior highschoolers are stupid kids in those terms so ye there was a lot of teasibg which i tried to instantly shoot down because i didnt want a 7th grade repeat when there were chances of dad getting transfered soon coz i want good memories of the place y'know? So ye that happened. And i found out last year (in 11th grade and after dad got the transfer (i started 10th grade after the transfer) and apparently he got teased because he did actually like me and me shooting all that stuff down was literally just a rejection itself so that happened.

And number 4 was a similar thing but way more stressy because last year some random dude hit me up on Instagram and im here confused as to what the fuck? Ｗｈｏｍｓｔ？ and he says he's a friend of the first dude, second dude and the fourth dude (all of them are in the same coaching institute and 1,2 and 4 were also in my class in the past right. They were 3 of the 5 who were in the competition for top rank) and he legit says he wants to talk to the girl that two of his friends fought over and i'm like sir WHAT the Actual ＦＵＣＫ. because in the begining they were good friends in class right? And they had some unknown falling out and im like bitch literally WHAT the FUCK. So he brings up proof and shut because i didnt believe him and fuck off he also broght in another classmate who knew and im here losing my mind because the actual fuck you motherfuckers. Anyways apparently since i didnt like 4 back, he had his heart broken so eh. It was literally a 4 year old thing which those idiots were fighting over even now like dude the hell???

So ye that happened and a whole gc was made and shit was solved and cleared out blah blah freindship rebuilt yadda yadda bullcrap i got so tired by now that i literally am still kinda ignoring everyone rn. (half the reason why i deleted ig was because its distracting and half bc i wanna ignore them all lmao)

Anyways number 5 was in my colony and also in my bus when he used to go to the same school (he shifted to a boarding school later bc some stuff happened w his dad which is a whole another wild thing) and ooh he was also my neighbor! We used to go and play badminton in the clubhouse (literally all the kids of our age group and older used to go there. And after badminton when it was like 7:30 or 8 we used to just sit around in a circle and play truth or dare or red hands or kabbadi or literally anything we could think of. Fun times ngl.) So ye he was on a trip home on a long weekend i think and we ended up cycling around the colony, just us two hanging out. And we were talking and this one girl who he told me was his crush when he was still in school came up and he then told me that that was actually a codename thing he and his friend created and that was their codename for me and he also said he was over it now and i was just there completely shook because i honestly thought he hated me in the middle somewhere lmao. And he said he was just annoyed because another mutual friend of ours in the colony told him that i had a crush on this other guy like one house away from mine (my best friends house was in the middle lmao) (anyways that mutual frined the traitorous mf i truStEd her (actually i'd already confessed to the dude and got turned down i legit wasnt even that invested so it wasnt a big deal. I just wanted to kinda get done with this crush thing once and for all. He turned me down politely. He's a sweet guy he used to be there i the club after i was done with my coaching stuff around 7:30 and then us two played till like 9. It was nice) so ye he told me about his crush on me which lasted a few months??? and that he was over it and i also told him that i'd gotten the rejection from my crush a loooong time ago and he's like huh cool. and ye we kept cycling and talking ab more random stuff till it was time to head home .

ｗｈｅｗ ANYWAYS THERE WAS A LOT TO UNPACK HERE. Anyways- sjdvskdb thanks for the ask this was a wild ride down memory lane. I didnt even remember half the shit till it came down to it.

#also this just reminds me how i used to be at around the top in my class and the coaching at the old place #but here im just #ehhhhhh below average #i kinda idk.... stopped trying??? #i legit dont know what hapoened to me i ised to be such a good student dude #i miss those smart big brain days. #i even had a ongoing fic with like above 100k readers on wattpad back then #i peaked in 8-9th grade ngl #lish.answers

[bakusoftie]

getting shitfaced with tape daddy, DANKi, Mina “best girl” Ashido, and shark boi

you know I just had to include the entire bakusquad 🥰 because they ALL smoking some shit

😁 tape daddy sero 😄

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG FOR SOMEONE TO REQUEST SERO

Okay so,,,Sero is basically a canon pothead cause 1. This boi is always smiling so he gotta be high 2. He radiates crackhead energy

Sero tells you that he only smokes because of his “anxiety” but,,,let’s be honest it’s the only way he knows how to survive U.A. anymore

He buys his shit from crackwhores in the support class who grow that shit themselves (present mic might have caught them but let them go after he “confiscated” the evidence)

One day, your tape daddy invites you for some Fortnite and Chill 😏

And there he goes with his rainbow bong again (it is his most prized possession and he would kill a man if anything happened to it)

He thinks it’s funny watching you cough your entire left nut out of your throat but then he starts coughing because of how hard he was laughing and now you both are just crying and whEEzing while the tears run down y’alls faces

such chaotic energy

Soy sauce boy will use his quirk to suspend himself off the roof and try to spooderman kiss you but you’re so out of it that you collide your face into his and now his nose is bleeding and he is WHEEZING AGAIN

hanTa

baBy

you’re getting blood on my Gucci Supreme rug

Y’all end up just laying on the floor at 4:20am, thinking about the reason for life and what happens after death and if the birds work for the bourgeoisie then is tokoyami a traitor ?!?

He gets sleepy and makes a hammock out of tape for the two of you to cuddle in

it wasn’t very sturdy tho

⚡️ danki ⚡️

first things first, this gif killed me 🤤 damn do you gulp pussy like that

uh

ANYWAY

Denki is pretty well-known to be a dumbass crackhead

Except he doesn’t need crack because all of his brain cells are already dead (There are only 2 brain cells in the bakusquad and the first one is all bakugou but sero,mina,denki, and kiri have to share the other one)

This boy gets high on the regular I mean sero is his best bro

kaminari prefers getting high by eating edibles or brownies tho because he’s a little pussy whose lungs can’t handle smoke all that much

he thought you two could play some mario kart and chill out and it would be a fun little date in the dorms

until you find a baggy of gummy edibles and y’all decided to inhale that shit

YALL GOT FUCKED UP

like

when I mean fucked

I mean ‘let’s sneak into shinsou’s dorm and steal his voice changer thingy and make some prank calls’ fucked up

first of all, never disturb shinsou while he’s sleeping because he will bitchslap the both of y’all so hard y’all’s momma feels it

you first started with calling Endeavour (you just asked shouto and he delivered and told y’all to ‘make the bastard cry if you can’)

oomf

Y’all used All Might’s voice and

“IT IS I, ALL MIGHT! CALLING TO ASK YOU...”IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY BROKEN? wELL yOu bEtter gO cAtcH iT [insert denki wheezing].”

for some reason, denki goes from being a really happy and jokey high to calming down and being unusually quiet

he’s what you call

“fake woke”

like he’ll go on and on about how we need to save the turtles and use metal straws as he takes a drinks from his plastic straw

he drinking La Croix 🤢

he talks about how the moon landing is fake and how you two are side characters in an anime like what ?!?

like he just quotes Shane Dawson Conspiracy Theory videos

“Uh What’s up you guys, Here’s Danki with another spooky conspiracy about how Midoryia was given All Might’s quirk and will be the next symbol of peace”

“Kami...that makes no sense. You can’t give other people quirks”

“What if...you ate their hair tho?😳”

“Denki...sTOP”

maybe he real woke 🤭

🌸 alien queen 🌸

this beautiful ball of sunshine

this gorgeous piece of cotton-candy

my wife

uwu

okay back to the h/c

Mina doesn’t get high a lot but when you hang out with Sero and Kaminari, you’re bound to get shitfaced

She only likes doing it as a group or with someone else

It’s just more enjoyable to her to be in that state with someone else

She feels like it brings friends closer together in a way

Which is why when you agreed to get high with her, she was so excited

she brought anything she could think of to make this a comfortable experience like snacks and drink if you get the munchies and the best movies to watch when you’re high like ‘Shrek’ and ‘Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle’

she has such a big fat lesbian crush on you

she just wants to be closer to you and spend all her time with you

she also really hopes you don’t get overwhelmed by the amount of pink of her room

You knock on the door of your cute pink crush and nervously hoping for the best tonight

maybe

if you’re lucky

you and her will 😏

cuddle 🥺

She opens the door so fast that you swear the door hinge cracked but you couldn’t think about that when Mina had the brightest toothy grin on her face as she pulls you into her comfy room

“I hope you like Shrek”

“I love Shrek”

um

is it too soon to ask you to marry her?

because she thinks you’re the girl of her dreams

she sits you down on the hot pink and black couch of hers and starts rolling the blunt as the movie starts to play

you were so hypnotized by her tongue coming out to lick the sides of the blunt in order to close it and apparently you were staring so hard that she noticed because you saw her already pink face flush into a dark red

you two are so cute

uwu

let’s go lesbians

When your hand touches hers as she passes the blunt to you, you honestly think you felt electricity connect your fingertips as it burned and shocked you at the same time

Mina is such a giggly high

it’s so fucking adorable

especially when you both are sent into a fit of laughter when she says donkey reminds her of denki and you responded with ‘denkey’

you both get tired after the second movie and start to move closer to each other for warmth and

you couldn’t help but notice how sweet she always smelled and how her eyes are so unique and beautiful

she could help but notice the light blush on your face and think if it was there because of all the laughing or if it was because of her

neither of you were sure who leaned in first but before you knew it, you were kissing the girl you’ve had a crush on for so long, you only wish you had the guts to do it when you were sober

you both got the cuddles you wanted and fell asleep in each other’s arms with peaceful smiles on both of your faces

🦈 shark boi 🦈

do you expect this manly boi to be the kind of person to 420 blaze it?

not at fucking all

he just seems like the person to not care about all that stuff

like ‘say no to drugs bc drugs are unmanly as fuck’

but

he 420 blazes it like every other weekend

it’s better to do it in moderation unlike sero, who is in a constant state of cloud nine

kiri’s mood doesn’t really change much when he’s high because

he’s already a smiling bundle of light

but

when kiri gets high

he kinda overshares 😳

“Y/n... have I ever told you that you have the tightest ass out of everyone in class like you could suffocate me between those cheeks and I’d die the happiest man on earth”

he’s so wild wtf

like he’ll go to tell you about his middle school insecurities to busting it down to Baby Shark

someone tell this man to stop referring to himself as ‘Daddy Shark’ blease make it stob

he is so flirty too like

“Baby let me show you why they call me a Riot 😏”

“Didn’t you come up with that name yourself?”

he is so sensitive tho so don’t be too harsh because he will start crying at the littlest things

don’t show him any sad movies while he’s in this state unless you want to be kept up all night with him ranting about how ‘Black Widow deserved better than what Marvel did to her’

did he lie?

😤 and i oop

you need to tell him how manly and strong and special he is just to get him to sleep

he will be out like a light the moment you run your hands through his spiky hair

he’s like a vsco girl on whiteclaw lmao sksksk

#mina ashido #mina ashido x reader #kaminari denki #kaminari x reader #sero hanta #sero x reader #bnha x reader #kirishima eijirou #kirishima eijiro x reader #bnah #bnha #mha #im tired

[inkskinned]

literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips

source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole

just say “professor” either ur using the correct title for a person (will make them feel good) or you’re giving them a bigger title on the assumption they deserve it (which will make them feel good) and also prevents having to ever i mean ever use their names

talk at least 1 time a week in each class, aim for 1 time a day. even lecture classes. i fucking hate talking in front of more than 5 people, so what i would do is prepare a question about the hw/etc (even if i didn’t need it answered) to ask the professor after class so they saw me and got used to me and saw i was invested in their class. about 89% of teachers - if they see you try, they will pass you. i mean it’s literally that easy. i know people who went from like a c- but because they legit tried, their grade got bumped up to a b-. 

if u have to bring a laptop, pre-download the required material/screenshot it, and then turn off your wifi. it’s too easy to not listen.

physical writing will always give you more information recall over typing.

nobody cares about stupid shit anymore trust me they don’t remember that you were accidentally locked in a towel out of your room bc they have their own dumb shit that happened.... in college all the “cringe culture” turns into “god i wish that were me” culture ... wear ur onesie to a party trust me you make +800 friends and 799 of them will be girls telling you you’re adorable and they’d die for you

about locking urself out.... if ur like me and can breeze past post-it notes placed in obvious areas, don’t be a dumb bitch and rely on post-it-notes. while most schools offer 1 free lockout, dont rely on it - it once took 2 hours before someone could get to me. i was in a towel, which meant no phone. so like. anyway, what i do now is i put something on the handle of the door i have to open/unlock. i can’t just open the door w/out the thing falling down and making a loud “you dumb bitch unlock the door before u shower” sound. 

this works for all important don’t-forget it things. other obstacles i’ve used to remind myself to do something include: putting a chair with my wholeass posterboard in front of the door, an entire printer with a single piece of paper that just read “for the love of god check to be sure you have that essay”, and a recycling bin i kept forgetting to empty. guess what bitch finally emptied the bin once it was between me and a swift exit!

no offense and like the whole “it’s the best years of your life!” thing is great but in reality everything goes better scholastically when you treat it as “i came here to win, not to make friends.” i still did make friends, went to parties every weekend, was popular enough i’d be invited to several on one night - but i came there to win. when i put my scholastic life and my mental health first, i went from a 2.0 to a 3.98. yes you can, bitch.

you’re spending the money. don’t squander it. trust me when i say i know plenty of people who breeze through, bc you often can. but like. don’t. challenge yourself bc like. talk about an investment.

if you hate your major, change it. don’t make your life something you can’t stand. on that note, do NOT agree 100% to a track until you have at least some experience in the field. i cannot tell u how many ppl i know who got their whole masters/phd program done, walked into their new profession, and were like, Oh Fuck, I Can’t Live Like This.

college literally offers so many free things and if you’re not taking advantage of them whenever possible i get it but like. try to take advantage of them. this is everything from your gym (which probably has free classes dude) to clubs to like. sober events. these sober events are so ... fuckin good dude i’ve made mason jars with little plants in em... bee aviaries... candles.... go to the free stuff

oh ps on free stuff i wanna say about 4 of 5 days there’s free food on campus just look for things like job fairs, presentations, or discussion groups. also while you’re there at the job fair like. u know, go to the job fair in earnest

i took off 2 years to work and also to just. recover from my bullshit. and it took me 6 years and 3 schools to get my bachelor’s. it wasn’t easy but bitch i lived. there’s no such thing as “too long” to graduate if that’s truly what you want to do.

if on the meal plan, eat as clean as you can the first week. then introduce each part of the cafeteria’s possibly-food-poisoning-creating foods one at a time. give @ least 2 days between each experiment so you know for sure if you get sick what caused it. i literally never eat meat at school but you can still get sick off of unwashed lettuce/salad dressing that hasn’t been refrigerated properly/weirdass things you won’t even think of. this prevents like. dying in a public bathroom.

white loaf bread can be gross & boring. discount bakery section for your slightly chewy artisianal bread needs. if overstale, either toast it or dunk it into water and microwave it (unless u got an oven. use the oven if u can)

steal as many apples from the dining hall/events/etc as physically possible just do it they keep FOREVER and @ some point you’ll be like. fUCK i need a nutrition. ps if you’re keeping them in ur backpack (i wouldn’t keep more than 2) make sure to wrap w/a few paper towels so if you drop your bag you don’t get apple mush

write it all down bitch. “i’ll remember it” no you won’t. unless you are capable of remembering every idea on this list and in order, you won’t remember it. in general, if you write something 3 times, you will recall it correctly at least 80% of the time. i also read it out loud to myself, bc, you know, auditory recall

DO NOT just put your assignment at the top of your notes, unless you’re 100% sure that will work for you. in most cases, it’s much better to have a planner/agenda/place you expect to look for assignments. +7 points if you lie to yourself about deadlines and move them all up.

like not to sound too much like a DARE ad but like. if you don’t like it/don’t want it, don’t fuckin do it. the idea that “there’s nothing to do if you don’t party” is such bullshit. like i promise if you’re like “i am a grouch and want to stay in and binge netflix” about 45 ppl will show up in pjs like “bitch fullscreen it, im a grouch too.” there’s also like. the chance to just.... not overindulge. on wednesdays i have “wine wednesdays” where we sit around and drink a glass of wine while we do our hw. it’s chill and friendly instead of like. drink until u vomit. don’t feel like you either gotta slam the breaks or the gas pedal, is what i mean.

PLEASE know the signs of alcohol poisoning/overdose. most schools have a “Safety Always Matters Most” policy, which means that you can call for help w/out getting into trouble. if you think someone is in danger, act. this also goes for making sure ppl get home safe even if they’re just incapacitated, not poisoned. step in, dudes.

also just. notice when ur starting to rely on stuff too much. i’m super easily addicted to things, so i keep a healthy distance from liquor. i don’t let myself “drink to feel better” bc that’s a scary, scary thing to link to feeling better. if you or somebody u know starts drinking all the time/gets anxious if they don’t drink/drinks in the daytime .... get help. schools have counselling services for a reason.

you’re gonna get a cold/flu of some sort in the first 2 months just brace for it. in the meantime, drink vitamin c, try not to touch too many handles, and when people say “there’s something going around” believe them.

watch kaplan nike just do it 

if you can teach it, you know the material. a super good way of knowing if you studied the right way is to try and teach the material to a stuffed animal/imaginary class.

“i don’t know how to study” bitch me too the fuck. this is usually bc we’ve been taught that studying is just sitting down and staring @ ur notes. it’s not. it’s different for everyone, and you need to understand it’s 99% preventative care. if you don’t go to the class or do the homework, studying is going to fucking suck, bc you’re learning the material all at once for the first time. the place you should consider “studying” is “i’m confident in 70-90% of the material, but need to review.” do not let yourself fall behind .... just go to office hours and ask questions if ur not getting something. studying should feel like you’re remembering what you already knew but kinda forgot, not like you’ve been blindsided.

the whole “writing it down in ur own words” while u have been told this 700 times it really helps bc it means u gotta translate it through your own understanding. if you can’t, and it’s not bc the material seems too obvious to you to state in another way - ask yourself if you don’t understand the material. chances are u are missing a bit of info.

i know it’s like A Thing that Some People do but i never had the mental health points for it but i know some people just take 15 minutes after every class to review their notes. since i’m 100% early to every class ever, obnoxiously so, i try to do it before class. having the last class’s notes up in my head super helps. like. put down the phone i know you’re socially anxious me too but review those notes. chances are if u start flipping through pages other ppl will too. this is also fun bc as soon as you start this whole thing, at least one person will be like “is there a test?” no bitch there’s no test but im gonna be ready when there is!

literally so much of success is fucking posturing i could link about 800 peer-edited studies that show that when a student is expected to do well (and knows they are), they do well. like i literally didn’t change my appearance at all, never bothered to look nice (once winter hits i wear 67 layers all the time), but when i showed up after my 2 years off from school, i presented myself with the whole “i came here to win” vibe and people... really respected me? i mean in hs i remember ppl saying shit like “yeah, well, you aren’t gonna have the homework”. by the time i was in college i had an honest-to-god conversation which included someone being like “so tell me what you’re overachieving at right now” like they just expected it from me. wild.

i live by “bite off more than you can chew, and then CHEW IT” but it’s probably unhealthy. the truth is that i have a lot of energy all the time (lmao adhd!!!) and i used to get told i was “trying too hard” and for a long time (still???) i didn’t (i don’t?) know what that was, you know, bc i had a D average, clearly i wasn’t trying. it turns out i was just. putting all my energy into stuff that wasn’t making me happy like toxic friendships etc. when i decided “nope, all this energy is for me and my schoolwork”..... uhhhhh suddenly i was a golden child and everyone praised my try-hardness ... it’s a fuckt up system tbh

take at least 1 class just for fun. i try to do that every semester. it helps break up all the requirements. if you’re like an engineer and got no time or credits left to spend, try to audit your fun course.

make ur advisor love you i don’t care what it takes make them cupcakes show up to thank them i dONT CARE just do it 

the library isn’t always the best place. if i start getting anxious bc i pavlovian train myself that library=work, i find a new place to go to do hw. try to go outside if you can!!! not like where i live bc like it’s snow all the time but try. a little green really really really helps depression. 

if you’ve been in the same “Studying” place for 1 hour and haven’t done anything the chances are Something Isn’t Right. first, look @ ur body. are you not focusing bc of some pressing physical need? sometimes just taking a shower and coming back helps. are you uncomfy? are you too comfy and going to sleep? if body okay, look @ the material. do you not understand it? do you just need to switch to a new topic for a little bit? can you find a youtube video that will help you better understand it? make notes on what you don’t get so you can ask in the next class. if it’s not the material, it’s not ur bod, check the Actual Space. sometimes just getting up, going for a short walk to a new place, and trying it there actually? really works? if none of this is working.... try ur brain next. hardest to reset bc like, what, turn it on and off again? i use things like caffeine, a short workout, a nap, or a podcast all to just... give me a little boost. 

don’t be afraid to leave. i mean this about class, friend groups, and the college ur at. just get up on outta there if ur not feelin it. i cannot recommend “drop the class” enough. even if it’s a required course see if u can switch the times if u hate the professor day 3 it’s not gonna get better just get the fuCK out

don’t nap in the same position u go to sleep in, nap upside down w/ur head away from ur pillow. don’t ask me why but it works to 1. fall asleep faster 2. make sure u sleep okay at night and 3. wake up less annoyed 

on that note don’t ever do anything in ur bed in a sleeping position unless it’s genuinely sleeping in it. body will get confused. just sit up, lazybones.

when/if the library has those therapy dogs during finals week.... just go pet them make the time for it

ask before hugging people, but don’t expect a “yes”

get a backpack that fits and doesn’t hurt ur back u fuckin hippie idc how cool it is to wear ur backpack super low just don’t do it it’s not worth it

the tutoring center is a fucking goldmine.... free essay edits my dudes

bring a fan dorms are always hotter than u expect

switch dorms if u can if u realize ur in the wrong room/wrong roomate like just don’t bother with nonsense

when in doubt, follow preschool rules. tell ppl when they did something cool, just ask when u need help, and be confident even in your mistakes, because at least u tried

#anyway

[dfwemelie]

October☠

Song: This is Halloween-Citizens of Halloween Town

October 1st, its 12:04 and Apex season 3 comes out today. I'm super excited for it. Besides Juilan, I dont know any of my other friends that play Apex. Adam, Allon, and Eugene hate it but that's fine. I dont really care. I enjoy it and that's all that matters. Aiden has declared himself as my knew bestfriend and that makes me happy. Kaylie and I dont talk anymore so it's kind of a good change. Not saying I'm replacing Kaylie, I just wanna talk to Aiden more often. Allon and I are doing good. I miss him. He wasn't at school yesterday and womt be here today. Sucks but cant do anything about. I'll be able to see him tomorrow so its whatever.

Started off October as a semi-good day. I was sad about Allon not being here but hes coming back to school tomorrow and I'm excited. Jordan Hyman called me a hoe so that was kinda not fun but it's fine I guess. I slept from 7-9 and idk why. I was just really tired but not tired enough to sleep the whole night. Around 8 Allon texted me hes going to bed so I'm gonna talk to him tomorrow.

October 2nd, today's been a pretty good day. I got to see Allon and I was real happy about that. Gage and I are back to being close with eachother again. He makes me so mad but god damn I love him so much. I got my braces done again. They are dark blue to match my homecoming dress.

October 3rd, happy mean girls day and national boyfriend day. Not much happened today. I got breakfast. I took 2 tests and I'm pretty sure I passed both. They were both pretty easy. I've basically texted Gage all day. That's it lol

October 7th, I got my nails done and my homecoming mum yesterday for homecoming. I'm really excited idk why. Today was an okay day, nun bad or good.

October 8th, today was a pretty good day. I got a 97 on my chemistry quiz, not sure about my algebra one but whatever. At lunch Allon surprised me with a black teddy fresh hoodie and omfg I was so happy. I've been wanting one for ages and hes actually so amazing. Also after he gave it to me we hugged and he KISSED ME. We didn't talk about it or anything, just acted like weve dome ot before. Before the bell rang for 7th period he had to go to class and I needed to stay after so before he left we kissed again. Yeah yeah no big deal. Hes great. I dont deserve him. Tomorrow hes not gonna be at school or have his phone cause of this fasting thing and I'm sad cause I'm gonna miss him. Fuck I already do. Hes gonna be here Thursday tho so I'm happy bout that. Also friday is a half day and I'm excited cause I'm getting my hair. Then its homecoming and Michael's party. Very busy weekend.

October 10th, I cried 4 times today

October 11th, Today was a half day at school. I was in history for 2 hours. Adam jokingly told our teacher I needed to go to the bathroom when i didnt and I had a whole mental breakdown. I was laughing and crying. Then I went to english for 2 hours, it was normal lol. After that Meme picked me up and dropped me off at my hair Appointment. It went well. It's not that ugly ass green blue anymore. After that I went to Michael's house, which I just came back from, and I had alot of fun. It was a party for Hirams return and Dawson, kewann, Issac, and Cameron where there. We fucked around outside and watched Terrifier again. Cameron kept stealing my phone cause I kept stealing his butterfly knife Michael gave to him. I missed hanging out with Cam, we def have to do that more. Hes hella funny. Tmrw I'm not gonna have my phone or xbox until homecoming so that's gonna be fun. I gotta clean. My parents kept saying they are taking us somewhere tmrw morning which makes me nervous. Anyways, ima take a shower.

October 12th, Homecoming. Cried twice over the fact that Gage looked happy with his girlfriend. The way he looked at her killed me inside

October 14th, went to work with mom. Hated it. My legs itches.

Horny teenager things

October 21st, I like the pain. It distracts me from what's going on in my head

October 24th,

Dear Misty. I cant explain to you how much I loved and cared about you. You meant everything to me. My lil baby fire breathing dragon. I hope you are in a better place right now and I hope you arent suffering anymore. You will always be in my heart. I miss you so fucking much already. I havent had the heart to take you out of your cage since I found out. It's just too painful. I told my mom and she kept asking me if I was okay. I'm fucking not but I tried to keep it together and tell her yes. This fucking hurts. I havent lost a pet in 5 years, I forgot the emotional pain and torture it gives. You were one of the lights of my life. If there was an animal heaven I hope you found Meeko up there. He was my big thicc boy. I'm gonna miss you so much. One day I'll get a memorial tattoo for you. You meant so much to me. I'm sorry I wasnt a better mom to you. I love you baby.

Misteria Meine Jones Beane

Feb 28. 2018- Oct 24. 2019

[lizziethereader]

a bunch of 11 questions tags

I was tagged in a few 11 question tags over the last few weeks and am finally getting around to them. I hope you don’t mind me putting them all together in one masterpost under the cut. 

thank you so much  for tagging me @anassarhenisch, @thereadingchallengechallenge, @books-are-portals, @maddie-mux and @bibliophilecats! I really do appreciate getting tagged even though it takes me a while to doing the tags. 

I’ll put my own questions and the people I’m tagging up here and the answers to all your questions under the cut ;) 

my questions: 

1. What are you looking forward to most when it comes to the upcoming holidays? (whichever holiday you want to refer to) 2. Have you been to a concert lately? Which one?  3. Which piece of media (book, movie, video, etc.) are you looking forward to consuming next?  4. If someone wrote a fictionalized (and heavily embellished) novel of your life, which genre would you like it to be? 5. What’s the last song you had stuck in your head?  6. What’s the weather currently like where you are? 7. How many open tabs in a browser is too many? (asking for a friend) 8. Are you good with money? (if so, teach me your ways!) 9. What’s the coolest thing a teacher of yours has ever done? (I wanna become the cool teacher, so I need to do some research, haha) 10. If money, space and time didn’t matter, which animal would you like to have?  11. Share a random fact about yourself! (please?) 

I’m tagging @bookvoyage, @lilymaidofgallifrey, @dreamingofreadinggoals, @aliteraryprincess, @flamingmirrorbookish, @the-forest-library, @manuscripts-dontburn and @thelivebookproject (no pressure though)  and anyone who just feels like doing this, of course! 

sooo, let’s get crackin! 

here’s @anassarhenisch‘s questions: 

1. Celtic rock, yes or no? 

I have honestly never listened to it... I’m not averse to give it a try though!

2. What’s the last book you quit reading?  quit as in abandoned? I don’t really do that... The last book I finished reading was ‘Big Mouth and Ugly Girl’ by Joyce Carol Oates

3. What’s your favourite fall activity?  baking and drinking cider! (yes you can do that all year round, but it just feels cozy, right?)

4. Do you believe in ghosts?  I’m probably a ghost agnostic. I don’t know if they exist but I’m not saying they don’t

5. When’s the last time you went to a circus or carnival?  There’s this big children’s festival in my town for two weekends every August and there’s always a circus, too. They did a special performance for all the volunteers who help with the festival and I went to that. So, long story short, like 2 months ago?

6. What does your favourite shirt look like?  hmmm good question. If we’re talking about T-shirts then it’s probably my Portal shirt. 

7. Do you like eating fish?  hahaha, not at all actually! I rarely meet other people who don’t. But yeah, I actually don’t like any seafood. 

8. Who’s your favourite artist?  oh man, this is a very difficult one! I’m not sure I can name a favorite. I like just being in awe of a piece of art (be it a painting, piece of music or something else) and I wouldn’t say I have one person I like better than all the others. Sorry for the lame answer!

9. Do you have any celebrity connections?  none whatsoever (that I know of) 

10. Are you a sports fan?  only equestrian sports and even then I don’t need to see every event there is. But I do enjoy watching the occasional tournament

11. How comfortable are you embarrassing yourself in public?  NOT AT ALL. Good thing I became a teacher then, eh? :P 

next up: @thereadingchallengechallenge‘s questions: 

What are you currently reading?  I just started reading Children of Blood and Bone!

Favourite snack?  I can’t pick just one, so: popcorn, macadamia nuts, chocolate covered raisins and all things chocolate :D

Do you set yourself a reading list or pick books by mood?  half/half. I have some types of books to read each month (1 poetry book, 1 classic, 1 nonfiction book) and then choose one of those based on my mood. And then I randomly select 3 books from my tbr. Those are always a surprise! 

Have you travelled anywhere so far this year?  Yup. I went to Germany 2 times (to a theme park), flew to London for book shopping and musicals twice, and went to Budapest with two friends for a weekend 

Reading anything spooky before Halloween?  Not really. I’m not a spooky books (or movies) person. 

Binge watching anything at the moment? I just finished binge watching Star Trek Discovery yesterday but I’m sure I’ll find something new soon. 

Who’s the author you’ve read most?  Douglas Coupland, apparently

What’s your favourite season and why?  Spring! Everything is getting warmer and greener again, my depression gets better and things are just generally looking up (usually)

Are you looking forward to any new releases?  I don’t think I’m waiting for anything at the moment...

What’s a quote you love?  “No, we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars” from Oscar Wilde’s Lady Windermere's Fan

Recommend a book?  With pleasure! It Devours! by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor 

then we have @books-are-portals‘s questions: 

1. First thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “waffles”?  the amaaaaazing waffles at my town’s children’s festival each year. Also Leslie Knope 

2. Have you ever knitted anything? What was it?  When we learned to knit in school I knitted a scarf but I haven’t knitted anything since and I’m not sure I still could

3. What’s been the weirdest book you’ve enjoyed?   idk, what’s a weird book? Welcome to Night Vale is purposefully weird, if that counts? I’m not sure I’ve read any proper weird books...

4. Pick a random book from your shelf and recommend a film based on that book.  book: Tin Man by Sarah Winman - movie: Third Star (totally different storyline, but similar vibe, maybe?)

5. Top 5 clothing items.  - not really clothing but my riding boots (I love them. They fit me perfectly and weirdly give me so much confidence??)  - my new Pikeur breeches (yup, riding stuff again)  - the black business dress I graduated in (both High School and university)  - my Dirndl (you gotta have one if you’re Austrian :P )  - my (fake) leather jacket because it makes me feel cool  not sure this is an accurate list since I don’t really think about clothes much... 

6. Name the first song that comes to your mind based on your current read. Why that song?  hmm, I’m only 50 pages into my new book, this is very difficult! maybe ‘Battles’ by Hudson Taylor? The lyrics just seem to fit and I have a feeling the book will be harrowing, which the song definitely is. 

7. Would you rather visit the Moon or Mars?  I kind of want to go to Mars and see if Curiosity Rover is alright. 

8. What’s your favourite scent?  top three: freshly cut grass, new tires (I know, this one is weird), and the smell of tress like cedar, fir, and pine 

9. What’s the last thing you ate? Was it good?  kinder Schoko Bons and YES. 

10. Name 3 positive things you’re good at.  don’t do this to me! uhmmmmm reading? singing? maybe cuddling cats? 

11. What’s the strangest word from your first language(s)?  Well, I don’t really know what would be strange to you but I’m really fond of ‘oida’. It’s sort of an exclamation that can be used in a lot of different ways and its meaning depends on how you say it. So it could mean you’re really disappointed, angry, shocked, disbelieving or it could just mean something like ‘dude’. I love it and use it way too often considering it��s sort of lower class slang, I guess. 

aaaand here’s @maddie-mux‘s questions: 

1. First fictional crush?  I’m not entirely sure. Maybe Ziegenpeter from Heidi? :’D 

2. 11 authors (dead or alive) who you would want to spend a night in a haunted house with?  oh no, that’s a) way too many people and b) not something I would ever want to do 

3. Kiss, Marry, Kill - authors  I don’t really feel qualified to answer this. I don’t really get into people as much as I get into their characters and fictional universes. Doing this with real people feels weird, too, because I don’t want to do any of those actions with anyone.... I’m sorry to cop out of yet another of your questions!

4. One author whose books you automatically buy, of no matter what?  either of the Green brothers

5. Favourite fictional place?  maybe Night Vale? But not because I want to live there, just because it’s so wacky. 

6. Kiss, Marry, Kill - characters  this one is easier!  kiss: Poet from Trick (before he is spoken for, of course, I’m not a home-wrecker!)  marry: farmer Oak from Far From the Madding Crowd  kill: there’s so many to choose from! but I really really hate Aaron from The Knife of Never Letting Go!!

7. Favourite place to read?  on the go 

8. 11 characters who you’d take for an eternity on a tropical island?  nope nope nope - there’s nobody I would want to spend eternity with 

9. Hands down, all time favourite book and why?  you should be ashamed of yourself! you know most readers can’t answer this question :P (well, I can’t anyway)

10. Favourite fictional nonhuman animal character?  is it too basic to say Black Beauty? 

11. Fiction or nonfiction?  both! I read more fiction, but I wouldn’t want to live without nonfiction in my life! 

last but not least, @bibliophilecats‘ questions: 

Your favourite word from your first language.  I’m gonna use one of my previous answers for that and say ‘oida’ just because it’s so fun and versatile. Do you know ‘oida’ in your part of Germany? 

And your favourite word in any language.  Not sure I’d pinpoint it as an absolute favorite, but I quite like ‘alas’ because it sort of embodies my view of life, haha 

Name 5 positive things about yourself.  5?? It took me 10 minutes to come up with 3 for one of the questions above! Unbelievable...  - I try my best to keep an open mind  - I try to also get my students to do this  - but I also like to question things  - I’m not blind to my shortcomings  - and I do want to become a better person, though I need to put more effort into it 

And now 3 things you are good at (I kept that one from @books-are-portals list because self-love is important)  I am NOT coming up with more because I am absolutely unable to do so. Sorry! (yes, I have issues, I know)

What’s your “Patronus”-memory, i.e. the happiest moment in your life?  ooooh good one! maybe the day I got my degree and graduated from university. (because leading up to this point my mental health was so bad I wasn’t sure I’d live to see that day...) 

Recommend a book which you think I should read.  maybe ‘Welcome to Night Vale’ or ‘It Devours!’? 

Do you set yourself a reading list or pick books by mood?  both! see above for a more detailed answer

Did you make friends on tumblr that you met (or want to meet) in real life?  I would love to meet quite a few of you! (sadly I haven’t, yet)

Last book you read that was completely outside your normal reading preference. Why did you pick it up and did you like it?  Probably the Kite Runner? I picked it up because sooo many people and many of my friends love it. I, however, did not. 

Favourite christmas book?  I haven’t read many so far, but Dash and Lily’s book of Dares!! 

Favourite christmas movie?  I’ve always loved Miracle on 34th street but I haven’t rewatched it in years so I don’t know if it hold up

#tag thingy #huge 11 questions tag masterpost #haha #thank you for tagging me!!!

[preyed-llama]

Broken Goodbye

Summary: Roman dreamed of the stage and of Virgil. Virgil dreamed of being with Roman. Sometimes reality seeps in and reminds us that they must remain dreams.

Genre: angst

Ship: Prinxiety.

Warnings: homophobia, course language, no happy ending (tell me if i’ve missed any) 

Virgil should’ve fought more when his parents said they’d join him to the show. Nothing good could’ve come out of it. Virgil gazed up at the stage as anxious thoughts filled his head. His parents sat next to him, they seemed disappointed with the show. He tried to ignore them and focus on the show. 

Roman was spectacular as ever. He moved across the stage with the grace of a king. He delivered his lines with so much emotion that Virgil could feel a lump in his throat when Roman started to shout and cry. He curled his fingers into a fist as he forced himself to relax. He could hear his parents whispering, insults and judgments as usual. Roman’s character’s name had been mumbled. 

The show felt painfully long with his parents right there. They made their way out to the lobby. People stood around talking to the actors. The room felt stuffy as he tried to hang behind his parents. 

“Virgil!” A voice rang out through the crowd. Still regal and powerful. Virgil turned around to see Roman racing towards him, he was still in his prince outfit. A red sash hung over his white tunic. His dark blonde hair had been dyed to hide the red streak he’d put through it a year ago. Virgil barely had time to react when two arms wrapped around him. “I can’t believe I actually did it.” 

Virgil felt like screaming and shoving him away. His parent’s were right there! What was Roman thinking! Instead he let out a forced laugh. “Yeah yeah, Princey. Another play to put on your college application.” Roman tensed and stepped back, his hands staying on Virgil’s shoulders. 

His eyes flickered to the right before he moved away from Virgil, hesitantly releasing him from his grip. “Uh, yeah. I must get into the perfect college. A brilliant actor like me deserves nothing less.” He said with a painfully forced smile. “Well, I must be off to help the crew. Alas, I’ll see you at school on Monday. Goodbye.” Virgil felt like grabbing his hand and kissing the disappointment off his face, but he could feel his parents’ eyes on his back. After a stiff nod and an awkward smile he turned on his feet. 

His smile dropped before his parents could see as anxiety churned in his stomach. The three of them walked out to the car. He could feel the weight on his shoulders. He knew the conversation was coming. He couldn’t escape it. 

The moment they sat down he could feel it all crashing down. “So...” His mum said as she shut the door. “Is there something between you two?” She asked, her voice edging on disgusted. 

“N-No. Of course not. He’s just my friend.” Virgil tried to argue. 

His father cut in, harsh as ever. “You don’t hug your friends, that’s for girls and fa- gays.” Virgil swallowed an looked down as his father continued. “The theater is no place for a man.” 

“Stop it, Gerald. I trust our son.” Mum said as she looked over her seat to Virgil. “I’m glad you’re not a... a homosexual, son. I don’t know what I would do if my only son was one of those freaks.” 

Dad huffed, “He wouldn’t be our son then, and he shouldn’t expect a place in the house. We don’t accept freeloaders, he knows this. We’d send him to Paige, she’d send him to the christian school nearby until that sin has been forced out of him.” 

“Of course, Gerald.” Mum said kindly as she turned to face the road again. The music played through the radio as Virgil stared out of the window and tried to breath properly. He couldn’t have another panic attack, not here, not in front of them. In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. He forced himself to repeat the cycle, even as tears slid down his cheeks. He couldn’t cry in front of them. 

By the time they got home, Virgil had calmed down and his parents had moved on to talking about wild animals that posed a threat. Virgil slipped out of the car and hung back as they unlocked the door. He waited until they were out of view before he silently moved up to his bedroom. 

He pulled his pillow close to his chest and stared at his phone. Ideas filled his head. He could escape and run to Roman’s house. Fall into his arms and never have to see his family again. That was a great plan, except Roman’s family wasn’t rich like his, they wouldn’t pay for those psychology appointments, and his family was planning on paying for his college. Plus he couldn’t intrude on Roman’s family, the single mother had enough trouble trying to look after Logan and Roman. Adding another mouth to feed would do no good. 

He could tell Roman and they could be more discrete, but they thought they were being discrete anyway. He could steal money from his parents and run away, then he’d be a thief, liar, and disappointment. He could break up with Roman, secure his spot in the family, and lose his boyfriend in the process. He could try to convince them to love him, even if he were gay, but... No that plan could never work. He’d be shipped up to Aunt Paige before he even finished his argument, and then it would be goodbye Roman and goodbye a loose sense of security. 

The weekend was not going to be enough time to escape the problem. He burrowed his face into his pillow and fought back tears. He was not going to cry about his parents. 

Monday rolled around far too quickly, in Virgil’s opinion. He crawled out of bed and got dressed before he stumbled down to his parents. “Son, we don’t want you to hang out with that Roman fellow.” Virgil stilled and looked up at his parents who were watching him expectantly. 

“Uh... why?” He tried to sound nonchalant as he made himself a sandwich. 

A cup was set down followed by his mum walking close. She smiled and gently made the sandwich that he was probably going to ruin thanks to his shaky hands. He shoved his hands into his pockets as she gathered his lunch. Curiosity overwhelmed his senses, she hadn’t made a lunch for him since he was... 10? 

His mum handed him a bag with his lunch before she kissed him on the forehead like he was ten again. “You’re our son and we love you, we don’t want to see you get hurt. Please? What about that fun guy you had to work on the project with? He seems like a bag of laughs. Hanging out with someone so friendly would do you some good.”

“Patton sits with Roman and Logan.” Virgil pointed out. 

His mum thought for a second before she spoke again. “Well then maybe you should see if he could-.” 

“Stop, Mary.” His dad growled. “Stop babying the boy. He needs to toughen up. Virgil. You need to get your grades up. You will go to the Library and study or we’ll take your phone away.” Virgil nodded and darted out of the room.

He walked to school twenty minutes later, it felt like someone had filled his lung with liquid cement. The gates seemed larger than usual. The school seemed both louder and quieter, like broken earphones. He numbly went through his classes. They all seemed unimportant. He spent his breaks with Roman, Logan, and Patton, although his nose was constantly buried in a book he needed to study as Logan helped explain things he didn’t understand. Roman and Patton talked loudly about the play. 

Roman sat down next to him and wrapped his arm around Virgil’s shoulder, he read the passage Virgil was on before he continued to talk to Patton, his arm still around Virgil. Virgil had stopped reading the moment Roman sat down as tears threatened to spill. He turned quickly and kissed Roman, he instantly regretted it when Roman started to kiss back. Why couldn’t he just have rejected him? Why did he have to return the kiss? 

He didn’t realize tears had started to spill until Roman moved back and wiped them away. He flinched back, his back bumped into Logan who had zoned out the moment Roman had sat down. Logan snapped back into reality in time to see Roman and Virgil mutely staring at each other. 

“I’m sorry. I’ve gotta go.” Virgil mumbled as he collected his stuff and started to run away. 

A hand wrapped around his wrist. Roman’s worried eyes stared at him making him desperately want to fall into his chest and hide away from the world until people understood them. People accepted them. “What’s wrong, my darling. What horrifying monster must I slay?” 

Instead of giving in, Virgil ripped his wrist out of Roman’s grasp. “Cut it out, that stopped being cute when we were 12.” Virgil shot back. Roman seemed to step back, a look of hurt flashed across his face before it hardened with determination. “You’re no Prince, Roman. You don’t have crown or a kingdom. You’re just a frea-.” He cut himself off before he turned and ran. Roman seemed to be rooted in the spot. 

The library was cold and quiet as he found a seat near the back. The books were hard to focus on. His thoughts and emotions were all over the place. He couldn’t get the look of hurt on Roman’s face out of his head. How could he have placed that emotion there in the first place? It wasn’t right. He should be the one wiping that look off of Roman’s face. He should be kissing the tears away. He should be protecting him. 

He buried his face into his hands and gave up reading anything else. The world seemed to be mocking him. People moved around. There was a couple a few tables down excitedly editing something as they sat close. He looked away and focused on the three books he was meant to be studying. Maths? Too complicated, he needed Logan’s help on it anyway, that wasn’t going to be an option now. Biology? Definitely not now, or here. English? Well the book would be an optimal choice... if it wasn’t a romance book. He started to doodle in his art book. Break would be over soon, no need to make himself suffer. 

He got halfway through mindlessly drawing when the bell rang. The rest of the day rolled by slowly with him hiding from his friends. By the end of school, Roman had had enough. He grabbed Virgil’s hand and pulled him off to the oval, where no one would be for at least thirty minutes. He stopped under one of the trees on the far side and hesitantly released Virgil’s wrist like his boyfriend was a wild animal who would run the moment he could, which wasn’t entirely far off. 

Roman leaded against the tree his body was clearly trying to mimic a relaxed look. Virgil wanted to hug him. They’d kissed under that tree before. No one was looking and they had kissed and cuddled, talking about their future together. Virgil desperately wanted that future. He wanted to live with Roman. He wanted to fall asleep next to him every night. He wanted to be with Roman. Tears started to flow before he quickly wiped them away. 

“Please, my darling. Tell me what is bothering you.” Roman said carefully as he kept his distance from Virgil. 

Virgil couldn’t look up. He couldn’t face Roman. It wasn’t okay. He wasn’t okay. “I-I... Roman... I’m s-sorry.” He let out a breath and an straightened up. He wasn’t going to let his last moment with Roman be so pathetic. He wiped his tears away and looked at Roman’s face. “I’m sorry. My parent’s suspect. If they find out, I’m away from you... from all of you. They’ll send me away, cancel my college fund, or kick me out of the house.” 

Roman’s face flashed with anger before he held out his hand. “Come here my prince. You can live with Logan and I, our mother already adores you.” Virgil shook his head and glanced to the side, out over the field. 

Tears threatened to fall again. “I can’t... I need that college fund, and your mum is struggling enough as it is... It isn’t right. I need the appointments and the medication and the money. I can’t ask your mother to hand over that. I can’t be another struggle for the family. I can’t ruin another family.” 

“Virgil, you won’t.” 

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Roman, think for a second. Would you really give up acting? Would Logan really give up his science obsession? Would you give up your safety and your luxuries for me?” 

“Of course I would.” 

The world was too small in that instant. His chest was too heavy. It was all too much. “Shut up! You have a life on the stage! Don’t you dare tell me you’d give that up for me. Don’t tell me you’d give up all you have just to keep me there. I’m not a charity case, Roman. You shouldn’t give up your dream for me. Don’t you dare tell me that all you want is me!”

“Virgil... I-”

Virgil looked him dead in the eyes as tears streamed down his cheeks. “No! Fuck you! I’m not taking that away from you! Your mum did that for your dad and look at where she is now! You have a dream. You always told me that your dreams were before everything.” 

Roman had started to cry at some point. He stepped forwards, his arms stretched out. “You are in my dreams. Every one of them. Every one of my dreams contains you, right there.” 

“Well you aren’t in mine.” Virgil lied. They both knew it was a lie. It was so obvious and painful to say. Virgil couldn’t bring himself to look at Roman. It felt wrong. Dirty. He wasn’t worth this. God had given him a gift, and now he was throwing it away. He wasn’t going to get into heaven anyway, might as well prepare for hell. 

Roman wiped away tears as he watched his boyfriend. Virgil seemed to be trying to disappear. “Well... We’re just have to be more discrete. No harsh punishments for that that they aren’t aware is happening.”

“Roman...” Virgil breathed out, it felt like a punch to the gut. “I... I can’t that that risk..”

“But-”

“Roman... I lov- I’m sorry. We’re over.” Virgil turned and raced away. Roman was silent behind him. Heartbroken? Maybe. Relieved that Virgil was gone? Possibly, he was a good actor after all. His thoughts stopped when he heard Roman sob out his name. He couldn’t take it. It was all over. Everything he wanted, gone in a few minutes. 

taglist: 

@headachechris @apologetically-anxious

special tag to @paradoxicalpatton because although they didn’t ask to be tagged, they wrote an angst fic, so fuck you. I’m tagging you in this. Suffer with us. 

[9pcentrash-blog]

Soft Kiss | CollegeAU Chen Linong

Notes: So I used to write these scenarios things for other groups when I was like freaking 12 or 13 when I had the writing skill of a bad middle schooler and the relationship experience of nothing but really cliche romance animes. But now I’m 18 so let’s see how this goes lol. Also my first scenario writing in like 4 years pls go easy on me. Would very much appreciate feedback cause I’m not sure this is good or not asdfghjkl. 

Words: 2.7k (haha I need to chill)

okay so i get nongnong is the soft shy boy but I think we can give him a lot more credit to think he'll take some initiative.

not saying boy would be full ‘in charge’ but I think he can really be confident in his feelings once he's confident in himself

SO i wrote this because there are too many ‘soft boy nongnong doesn’t know how to relationship’ or ‘too shy to tell you how he feels uwu’

welp im here to show a little more forward but still sweet nongnong

so buckle up cause i got real into this

okay, nongnong would probably fall in love with you from a far or being he's met you in group settings but never really had a one on one conversation with you

but he sees how cute your mannerism is when it comes to how you laugh with your friends or how you light up when you talk about something you're really passionate towards.

he notices these cute things about you just by watching 

he's w h i p p e d

'h o w can someone be so cute???' he's probably thinking

you and him have mutual friends like zhangjing and yanjun

yanjun being nongnong's roommate and you having to study english with him that’s how you guys meet

yanjun introduces you guys

at first, yeah nongnong thinks you’re cute and all but doesn't have that big of an impression on you

but his interest peeks when you spend the day 'studying' with yanjun

and by ‘studying’ I mean you guys only studied for the first hour before ordering food and started playing video games

nongnong hears yelling from outside his bedroom and he walks in to you guys playing mario cart and eating pizza

"wow yanjun" he says with a hint of pain in his voice

you both stop to look at him

"you guys dare to play my mario cart and not invite me???"

so obviously nongnong joins in on the fun

and while you guys play he starts to see how you are, beside from your brief introductions 

he realizes just how cute you are when you’re having fun

to your adorable reactions as you jump in your seat when you get hit with a shell or how antsy you get when yanjun dares to pass you into 1st place

in the end you constantly beat yanjun for first while he gets second and nongnong is just content with his stable 5th or 6th place because seeing your little victory dance and teasing of yanjun as you win everytime is enough for nongnong to feel like he's won

cause w o w he never knew he could come across someone as adorable as you

okay but that's just the surface of you guys path's crossing

you and zhangjing are best friends

but zhangjing and nongnong always get food before their history class so they can cram/get hw done last minute

zhangjing eats your food whenever he comes over your place

that damn freeloader

but you'll never actually stop him, rather you see opportunities for future food purchases from him.

so you're hungry as heck one day after class and you have no money

that's when you see your best friend rushing into one of the food places on campus

"hey zhangjing!!! buddy do you have any money on you :) "

"what why??"

"remember MY leftover pizza you ate in my fridge last weekend? :))))"

you pull out the receipts and he cant find an excuse so he reluctantly buys you food

you guys meet up with nongnong after and you recognize him

I mean how could you not

he wasn't that talkative but he was a sweetheart from what you remember

*cough* and not to mention was pretty cute *cough*

"oh hi y/n!"

nongnong lights up when he sees you

"you guys know each other??? dont you just stay inside all day, how do you know peo-”

you step on zhangjing foot hard enough so he can feel it but not hard enough for him to scream

and cue the explanation story of how you guys met to zhangjing

suprise zhangjing is good friends with yanjun too and grew up together

suprise suprise its a small world and you guys decide why not all of you hangout cause mutual friends?

the four of you then started to hangout

often had study sessions or more mario cart races as 4 people and you and nongnong got closer

nongnong, getting to know you fell in love with you even more and just really loved being around with you even tho you guys never spent time alone.

time was always spent together with either yanjun or zhangjing and he doesnt think he has any courage to even be in the same room with you alone

yanjun and zhangjing have figured out nongnong's painful obvious crush and try to help him out

zhangjing as your best friend definitely approves of nongnong cause at least he's a good kid unlike the flirt yanjun is

but anyway yanjan and zhangjing have enough of pinning nongnong and tell him he should just confess or you and his relationship will never change

he knows but he's scared

he's never dated let alone have his first kiss

he thinks its sad cause he's in college but relationships were never something he really sought out till he meet you

he never had his heart quicken so fast for someone, feel his stomach in constant knots or felt lost for words like this until he meet you

you caused all these bubbly feelings in him and he couldn't stand it, he had to tell you

nongnong decides to ask you to come over and hangout that weekend

yanjun gets kicked out but its okay cause him and zhangjing decide to hangout and spam nongnong cause they want all the updates

“yo 10 bucks he kisses her” zhangjing says while they wait for nongnong to text back

“pfft he won't do it”

“wow, doubting our nongnong”

“yeah I'm not even sure he'll go through with telling her”

“oh, if you're so sure how about raising the stakes and buy me whatever meal i want if im right”

”you’re on”

little does yanjun know, zhangjing is your best friend and he knows you

so you actually have a thing for nongnong too you’re just better at hiding it

like nongnong, you fell from the little interactions and observations

you thought it was endearing to see him always try and lighten up the mood when someone was down

or how he'd remember little things like yanjun and zhanjings favorite foods or drinks so he could get some for them when they seem to be down, eventually even doing this for you too

he gave you thoughtful advice and help when you needed it from someone besides your best friend

overall he was someone you wanted to depend on and fell for each and every time you saw him

when he asked you to hang out alone you're shocked

‘h o l y  c r a p  I've never hung out with him alone what do I do???’

you're a nervous mess but you don't want to pass up this opportunity

so you say yes

that weekend you get to his dorm and at first its very awkward

but nongnong tries super hard to lighten the mood by telling you funny stories about yanjun or doing silly things

you guys break out in laughter after listening to nongnong's story about how yanjun got a girls number only to give him a Chinese take out number and when he asked again about the ‘wrong number’ she gave him a different take out place

“I can't believe he asked again after she gave him a fake number the first time!” you laugh

“you gotta admit though it's clever she had another take out number on hand for the 2nd time”

you two are a mess of giggles and have closed the space there was previously between you 2 on the couch when you first got there

you didn't know when the two of you got so close but you and nongnong had your legs and arms brushed up against each other

every so often you would lean into nongnong's shoulders while you were in your laughing fits

and nongnong took notice to the distant and could literally feel his heart popping out of his chest

you obviously noticed the distance as well cause oh boy his smile from this close and his laugh humming in your ears made it feel like you were gonna die from how much it filled you up with this warm feeling

up close you notice little things like the cute mole right below his nose or the sweet but minty scent that probably comes from his shampoo or cologne

you both kinda come to a calm and eventually stop laughing

your eyes meet and that's when the heat rises into your cheeks and the butterflies in your stomach run loose cause his gaze into your eyes is so gentle looking

“hey y/n”

you die a little inside cause you've never heard him ever call out your name so softly like that

its timid and delivered sweetly like it was something fragile on the tip of his tongue but had a hint of fearfulness to it.

“y-yes” catching you off guard

he catches his breath

“I like you”

you kinda look at his serious expression and you're a little too shocked to say anything

nongnong sees the shock in your face and starts to panic

“oh god um- I didnt mean to scare you or anything but i just couldn't wait any longer to tell you cause you looked so cute so i just had to tell you- but it was so abrupt what was I thinking, you don't have to answer or a matter of fact you can just pretend this didnt happen if you wan-”

“I like you too!”

his panic halts and you see the visible red as his face heats up

“you do????”

“yes, I've actually liked you for awhile now”

cue nongnong's redness to increase tenfold and he breaks into that signature smile

“so does that mean if i asked you to be my girlfriend you'll say yes???”

you giggle out a ”mhm”

 and he's so happy he pulls you into a hug and you both break out into giggles

f i n a l l y  he could hold the big cutie that you were and call you his

nongnong holds you for quite some time while telling you how cute you are and goes on to list what makes you adorable

“the way your voice perks up with you get nervous or the way your giggle sounds so cuteeee” he goes on and you're heavily embarrassed

“nongnongggg please noooo” you're blushing so hard from the compliments you might actually die

he then lets you go and stops with the listing before he brings a hand to your cheek.

he runs circles with his thumb against your cheek and smiled ever so brightly

“im sorry its just- I've fallen so hard for someone as precious as you.”

man you're seriously gonna die from the sweetness of this boy

you then proceed to spend the rest of the night talking about when you started to like each other and finding that personalness you guys missed out on cause you never got the chance to hangout alone until today

later when you get ready to leave for the night nongnong stops you outside his door

“wait y/n before you go, can I hold you for a bit?”

u m  y e s

but in reality you just nod yes shyly before he pulls you into a hug where his big frame just sallows you up

hes so warm and sweet smelling when your face kinda presses into his chest

it’s the sheer definition of comfort and warmth and you never want to leave

once he lets go you wince a little cause the pleasant feeling of his embrace disappears

but before he entirely pulls away he plants a little kiss on your forehead

“goodnight y/n”

you say the same and you walk off literally stumbling and disoriented cause he's so precious your heart cannot comprehend it, you’re soft from this precious boy

nongnong probably texts yanjun and zhangjing in a group chat later that night

’guys i did it! I told her and now we're dating!!!’

zhangjing: ‘okay cool but did you kiss her???’

linong: ‘on her forehead i did’

zhanjing: ‘IT COUNTS, I CALLED IT’

yanjun: ‘FUCK'

yanjun’s wallet is then screwed

anyway after all this your relationship takes off

it starts out a little awkward but you guys start to adjust in time

Nongnong is constantly shy as heck when it comes to pda and holding your hand and thats all he can handle in front of other people

he can barely do that tho when yanjun and zhangjing constantly tease

but even though he's not blatant with his affection in public he’s still someone who tries to give subtle touches

to quick back rubs if you're walking side by side to when your arm rest on tables while you study he’ll lightly squeezes them while you work

he's tends to have trouble knowing what right words to say if you're upset or mad but is a great listener

he doesn't tend to get upset as easily as you would but when he does its a pretty big deal to you

he tries his best to not let any of his ill emotion get to him or let it out on you

and he tells you how he feels but often is really reluctant to talk unless you give him lots of convincing

he even likes to put on a smile for you like he's okay but you can tell he's not

he lets it build up so when he spills to you his feelings he tends to cry and holds on to you like his life depends on it

It’s hard for him to always keep a happy face so he really values these times

your touch and warmth calms him down when he breaks down like that

his affection maybe hard to convey in public but he lives for your embrace when it's just you 2

at first he always asked if it was okay to hug you or hold your hand

he wants to make sure you're comfortable

but you guys get to the point where he doesn't have to ask but naturally he just intertwines your fingers with his or cuddles up to you when you'd be sitting on the couch or his bed alone together

now kissing is a different story

at first he could only give you kisses on the forehead or your temple

progressively he started getting bolder sneaking pecks on the cheek or even lips (he apologized probably the first time he randomly kissed you on the lips but you gave him a quick kiss back and he died)

he constantly gives soft pecks because long kisses aren't something you have done yet

until one day

you're sitting on his couch watching a show when he nudges you a bit

you look at him and he moves in to plant small kisses on your forehead, to your nose your cheek and then softly your lips

doing this makes you giggle and he loves it to bits

Nongnong is gentle with kisses

kissing you so delicately like you'll break under his touch

he plants a soft kiss on your lips doing it again and again and again before the soft but fleeting kisses stop and he just doesn't pull away while kissing

he keeps his position and presses his lips onto yours just as delicately but it's far more passionate then the quick kisses from before

you're a little shocked cause you wouldn't expect him to kiss you like this but nevertheless it didn't stop you from kissing back

he presses into your lips slowly and tenderly while bringing his hands up to cup your face

the kiss is long but never rough just soft and sweet

you pull away and he's dazed before he can really comprehend what he did

“oh.” slips your mouth

“oh?”

“that was uh…”

“was it bad?”

“no it was good, um really good”

he lights up

long soft kisses are now your new killer 

especially when you’re caught off guard he tends to do them the most

He usually doesn’t try to get you flustered but he wants to do it once in a while

so he loves how flustered they get you because of the kisses and definitely plans on doing them more

so ultimately this boy is definitely gonna be the death of you

#nine percent #idol producer #nine percent scenarios #idol producer scenarios #chen linong #nongnong #chen linong scenarios #idol producer imagines #nine percent imagines #chen linong imagines #9% #9% scenarios #9% imagines #Lmao i feel like this is a mess #and has no real ending #but i hope its still cute!!!

[hueman-blog]

Answering Personal Questions

I made a user I follow, @razzledazzlefoshazzle , answer all of these on his blog. I’m feeling guilty so I’m gonna do it too. I know none of you asked but HERE GOES MY PERSONAL INFO!!!

200: My crush’s name is: Averi 
199: I was born in: Place? Lancaster, PA, USA. Year? 1999 
198: I am really: Bored and unmotivated 
197: My cellphone company is: Apple 
196: My eye color is: Brown 
195: My shoe size is: 8-9 Women’s US 
194: My ring size is: Idk, something little 
193: My height is: 5'4" I’m little 
192: I am allergic to: Stupid people 
191: My 1st car was: Never had one 
190: My 1st job was: Cashier at California Tortilla (a fast food Mexican franchise around D.C.) 
189: Last book you read: Cradle and All 188: My bed is: My safest place, my true home, and also too empty 
187: My pet: Doesn’t do much 
186: My best friend: Is my girlfriend 
185: My favorite shampoo is: Shamu 
184: Xbox or ps3: Deck of cards 
183: Piggy banks are: Cute decoration, inefficient coin collector 
182: In my pockets: I’m in pajamas 
181: On my calendar: Work, as that’s the only thing in my life scheduled. Also a haircut within a few days 
180: Marriage is: Great for legal benefits, stupid for expensive ceremonies 
179: Spongebob can: Please end soon it turned idiotic long ago 
178: My mom: Is abusive (sorry to bring the mood down) 
177: The last three songs I bought were? Who buys songs anymore?? 
176: Last YouTube video watched: History of the World 
175: How many cousins do you have? On my dad’s side, 8. On my mom’s side, no idea 
174: Do you have any siblings? An older brother 
173: Are your parents divorced? Nope 
172: Are you taller than your mom? Probably not 
171: Do you play an instrument? Nope 
170: What did you do yesterday? Absolutely nothing just like every day

[ I Believe In ] 
169: Love at first sight: Nope 
168: Luck: Yes 
167: Fate: Nope 
166: Yourself: Not really 
165: Aliens: Yeah there’s gotta be some life out there 
164: Heaven: No 
163: Hell: No 
162: God: The Flying Spaghetti Monster? Hell yes. Be boiled for your sins 
161: Horoscopes: Nope and frankly if you do I find you uneducated 
160: Soul mates: No 
159: Ghosts: Nah 
158: Gay Marriage: Believing??? In love,??? And commitment??????? Between two people???????? Obviously! 
157: War: Never 
156: Orbs: I believe in Orbeez 
155: Magic: No it’s just science we can’t explain, or illusions we can’t see the entirety of

[ This or That ] 
154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 
153: Drunk or High: Music 
152: Phone or Online: Online on my phone 
151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 
150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 
149: Hot or cold: Hot 
148: Summer or winter: Summer 
147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 
146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate 
145: Night or Day: Night 
144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 
143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight 
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 
140: Mac or PC: Mac!! 
139: Flip flops or high heels: Flip Flops 
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and sweet are opposites now?? I guess sweet and poor 
137: Coke or Pepsi: Fruit Punch 
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 
135: Burried or cremated: Cremated 
134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 
133: Coach or Chanel: Money to spend on actual useful things 
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who??? 
131: Small town or Big city: Big City 
130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Both suck, but I’d choose Stiller 
128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure. My feet are too ticklish 
127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast USA 
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas, I don’t like being the center of attention 
125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 
123: Yankees or Red Sox: What is a sport? How do??

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 
122: War: What is it good for? Absolutely nothing 
121: George Bush: “Mr. President, what are your thoughts on Katrina?” “We’re gonna find her. And we’re gonna bring her to justice.“ 
120: Gay Marriage: Its a marriage between two people in love. Celebrate, but don’t go broke in one day 
119: The presidential election: Media and rich people control it basically, and I’d rather it be an actual democratic popular vote. Trump is a clown and should have never won 
118: Abortion: Its a woman’s right to choose. Personally I think the world is overpopulated anyway and more people should adopt rather than try to conceive 
117: MySpace: Never had one 
116: Reality TV: Scripted, not reality 
115: Parents: Good or bad, they influence your whole life because they were there at the start. Mine went bad and ruined me 
114: Back stabbers: Oh I love them- what?? They suck. No one should be betrayed like that 
113: Ebay: Never used it but it got the ball rolling for Amazon 
112: Facebook: I only use it to message/call my friends, and to see unlimited amounts of dogs 
111: Work: It’s a necessary evil 
110: My Neighbors: Quiet, the only one I met was a total bitch though 
109: Gas Prices: I don’t drive 
108: Designer Clothes: C'mon people there are way better uses for your money 
107: College: Shouldn’t be expected of teenagers 
106: Sports: Boring, overhyped, the players overpaid 
105: My family: Worthless, judgmental pricks 
104: The future: Uncertain

[ Last time I ] 
103: Hugged someone: Sunday (3 days ago), when my friend picked me up from work 
102: Last time you ate: Italian ice about 1.5 hours ago (8:15pm) 
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: A month ago 
100: Cried in front of someone: A month ago maybe?? 
99: Went to a movie theater: Many many months ago 
98: Took a vacation: A year ago 
97: Swam in a pool: Two years ago? 
96: Changed a diaper: Never 
95: Got my nails done: My 16th birthday I think (almost two years ago) 
94: Went to a wedding: Eight years ago? 
93: Broke a bone: Never 
92: Got a peircing: I was 14 and got my ears pierced (almost 4 years ago) 
91: Broke the law: Never 
90: Texted: A minute ago

[ MISC ] 
89: Who makes you laugh the most: My friend Brad. He’s so inappropriate but his jokes I cannot stop laughing at 
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Not paying bills other than Internet 
87: The last movie I saw: Coraline 
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Moving to California 
85: The thing im not looking forward to: Paying for rent in California 
84: People call me: To friends: Lys. To family: Alyssa. To my girlfriend: Lyssy. To everyone else: annoying 
83: The most difficult thing to do is: Get up out of bed every day 
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Nope I do not drive 
81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer 
80: The first person i talked to today was: My friend Jessica 
79: First time you had a crush: Preschool, this boy in my class Marshall 
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Myself 
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Yesterday, idk? 
76: Right now I am talking to: My phone in the way of typing 
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Survive hopefully. I also wanna be a flight attendant 
74: I have/will get a job: Have a job as assistant manager of an arcade 
73: Tomorrow: I’m going food shopping and seeing my annoying cousin Barbara (she has two boyfriends and they both treat her like shit. It’s not poly it’s just cheating) 
72: Today: I actually made a meal that was nice 
71: Next Summer: I’ll be living in California 
70: Next Weekend: I have to face my parents for the first time since February. I hate it 
69: I have these pets: A ball of moss named Mo 
68: The worst sound in the world: My girlfriend crying 
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: My father 
66: People that make you happy: My girlfriend Averi 
65: Last time I cried: A few weeks ago?? 
64: My friends are: Averi, Raven, Jessica 
63: My computer is: My phone 
62: My School: Is nonexistent 
61: My Car: Is also nonexistent 
60: I lose all respect for people who: Hate on others for no reason 
59: The movie I cried at was: Toy Story 3 
58: Your hair color is: Black 
57: TV shows you watch: None 
56: Favorite web site: Tumblr usually 
55: Your dream vacation: California 
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Once I got constipated a few months ago for 48 hours. I screamed 
53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium 
52: My room is: Either super messy or super clean. Right now messy 
51: My favorite celebrity is: Jacksepticeye 
50: Where would you like to be: In my girlfriend’s arms on a beach 
49: Do you want children: Right now I don’t think I ever would but if I ever did I’d adopt 
48: Ever been in love: Yes I am now 
47: Who’s your best friend: My girl 
46: More guy friends or girl friends: Girl friends 
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Sleeping 
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: AVERI 
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Stalin did 
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Nope 
41: Have you pre-named your children: I did with my ex. Never again 
40: Last person I got mad at: My grandmother 
39: I would like to move to: California 
38: I wish I was a professional: Sleeper [ My Favorites ] 
37: Candy: Swedish Fish or Nerds 
36: Vehicle: Volkswagen Beetle 
35: President: Biden 
34: State visited: California 
33: Cellphone provider: Cricket 
32: Athlete: Me, running from my responsibilities 
31: Actor: Eddie Redmayne 
30: Actress: Anna Kendrick 
29: Singer: Laura Jane Grace 
28: Band: Against Me! 
27: Clothing store: Thrift shops 
26: Grocery store: Safeway 
25: TV show: Adventure Time 
24: Movie: Wall-E 
23: Website: Pornhu- I mean Tumblr 
22: Animal: Red Panda 
21: Theme park: Disney World 
20: Holiday: Christmas 
19: Sport to watch: Extreme Chess Mega X 
18: Sport to play: How Late Can I Get Up Before Concerning My Family 
17: Magazine: :enizagaM 
16: Book: The Underneath 
15: Day of the week: Saturday 
14: Beach: Any beach 
13: Concert attended: Fall Out Boy x Paramore 
12: Thing to cook: Pasta with alfredo sauce 
11: Food: Bacon egg & cheese on a bagel 
10: Restaurant: TGI Fridays 
9: Radio station: Night Vale Community Radio 
8: Yankee candle scent: Ass 
7: Perfume: Averi’s 
6: Flower: Averi 
5: Color: Orange - the color of Averi’s voice 
4: Talk show host: John Oliver 
3: Comedian: Bo Burnham 
2: Dog breed: Corgi 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Hell yeah I wouldn’t lie to you

[chickenfetus]

softly whispers all for the flower ask

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with

chickens/eggs

lance lol

cereal….. everyone in class is stealing my trademark…

water

memes

bleeding heart: what makes you heart go mushy?

fuck,,, my fav characters?? and if i like someone then them i guess? but rn my heart belongs to 2d

bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?

mm it changes?? right now its either this cover (its in japanese) or this song (english but its a tad bit scream-y)

evening primrose: what’s your sleeping playlist (give me 5 songs)?

its all soundtracks from anime lmao,, 

from kimi no na wa’s soundtrack we have this, this and this 

from free!’s ost we have this song that killed every mh shipper lol 

and lastly, not from an anime ost, its shelter 

none of these actually help me fall asleep but i like them,, hell i dont think theres any song that can help me fall asleep

forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog who isn’t following you?

miyu//keis does this ensure it doesnt show up i hope it does i recently followed them while lurking in the mi//sawa tag lol theyre a good graphic person??? idk what theyre called;;

daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?

the succulent things but i wouldnt be able to care for it bc i succ (perfect match)

calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?

im a sunny day and rainy evening person… ok maybe sunny day if im not directly under the sun because i do enjoy the sun’s warmth rainy days are nice too,, only if im indoors.. rainy evening is perfect,, as long as no bugs can get it im safe and secure and chill

foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?

blue!!!!! is sky blue a shade

lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?

a cat…..

love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?

ok ive had dreams every night this week but now i cant re oh wait i do remember last night’s dream but only the lame part,, ok so i dreamt i had a 4* hina on bang dream..,,, i dreamt of another thing but i forgot :-( the 4* was indeed a dream though sad i havent gotten a single 4* yet lmao my luck is awesome oh but i did get a 5* and two 4*s on enstars so thats cool

daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?

cotton candy,, has flavours????? 

cookies and cream!!

i like water juice

painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?

none??? i guess i paint when i have to although i rly wanna paint but im just a lazy fool

tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?

i dont use make up i am a youngin also what does the second question say i dont understand

waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?

neither lmao i have a fear of butterflies and bees… bees fear me i fear bees its mutual fear i like cats better but i like dogs too

sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?

yes,,, i was gonna ask if it was even possible to have a favourite but then i remembered i do actually one although its more of a jellybean thing its poifull!!

sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?

mermaid bc i wanna live in the water

sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?

ok i just finished acca so naturally i still think abt it and jean called nino his ‘partner in crime’ so nnow i want one (a partner in crime i mean not a nino but thatd b cool 2)

sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?

yes i havent been in a pool in like 3 years oh boy,, breaststroke is the easiest lmao i forgot how to do any of the others

windflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why you like them

softshouyous, well i followed her bc she talks in her tags so thats one thing,, shes also super nice?? and helpful!!! a good friend and mutual!!!! im also comfy enough with her to like,, be sarcastic and we can shame each other freely.. without worrying abt offending one another,, theres also the fact that she understands me (ok this may b what i like 2 think and falen actually doesnt get me but its COOL) idk man i just love her,,, my bud whens our one year friendsivary i gotta search that up :0

(i almsot forgot to do the rest go me anyway) next is,, youhavebeentraceyd bc shes one of my first mutuals (sorry to the one who was actually my first) who i actually talked to!!! we both watch daiya and i didnt rly follow anyone who liked daiya previously and oh!! we had the same notps LOL i love tracey’s art and hell i think she dragged me to mochi hell kudos to u tracey idk i jsut enjoy her presence on my dash and get v excited to see her art on there we may not talk as much anymore but i still appreciate her a lot!!! bless u tracey and thank you!!! (for being alive i wish u all the best in life)

alpacarara i like her bc shes basically my tumble mum,, the mum i actually talk to and ask for help/advice she gives good advice too and shes v approachable,,,,,,, a v good friend,,,,,, u r appreciated by me,,,, yes........... shizu chan also appreciates ur existence momther,,,, thakn u 4 all youve done 2 helpme a good pal.... bless u,

clearly these r  getting hard bc my mind is goddamn empty rn but ill manage,, kacchan whose url is not spelt like that but thats ook bc one day it will be but now im starting to think i shouldnt leave it as that bc someones bound to stumble upon this extra post in the kacchan tag goddammit,, annYWay i like kacchan bc theyre friendly! and also v relatable,,,, theyre also kinda scary but thats ok bc its the good kind of scary idk man kacchan is just, great?? we dont talk but thats cool bc ik we’re still friends even if we dont have full blown convos!!!! id b 2 nervous 2 talk 2 them not bc theyre bad or anythign im just a ??? a bad conversationalist and also v lazy ok  thats besides the point i like kacchan bc kacchan is kacchan so??? theyre a good friend and we tag each other in things and i like that friendship its a good type of friendship,,, idkdkdk?? theyre just. chill not literally chill but just chill. this doesnt make sense anymre gomenasorry

lAST ONE uh hhhh every one of my mutual’s blogs why i like all of them?? bc theyre not problematic!! they post good content trademark and r lovely even if we dont talk much!!! i love everyone period

golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?

i am more of a Disaster in the kithcen

bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?

u guys shld b surprised yall even exist (if i am the True Parent)

if not,, then itd b u guys r with me and my partner in crime,, who is actually a real person,,,,,, be shocked idk im just trying t o make it clear that in the event i do get married id surprise myself bc me/?? have a good and lasting relationship????? impsossible 

peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?

they shouldve told me to stick with cereal

prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?

doe s lance count

september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?

was this supposed 2 say sunrise,,,, anyway sunrise i guess bc im a morning person (when i WILLINGLy wake up by myself) on hot ass days sunset bc then i wont b sweating 24/7

bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?

yEAH LOL i wake up early on weekends bc i want to and i have to wake up early on weekdays so,,, i prefer not to sleep later than 12am bc i am Fear and in the event that i do sleep later than 12 its bc im talkin 2 a friend i like a lot

marigold: what’s your favorite tea?

water tea english breakfast,, havent had that in awhile tho

peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?

i have non

hyacinth: do you name your plants?

i have nnone but i dont even nickname my pkmn so 

lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?

depends? on the tme??? if its late at night id rather b asleep and cozy if its in the day then maybe.. .. .

poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?

i like all of my food plain and dry (cereal) unless its noodles,, i need my noodles iin soup

dandelion: any special talent that you have?

drinking water

#softshouyous #asks #this got long #tHANK U FOR ASKING i did it!!!! #its been so long #since i properly answered one of ur asks memes #feels good

[maxi-pope]

Are you weak as fuck? Let me tell you why, young blood

*climbs through your window at 2 am with a giant bag of hot cheetos, three chimichangas, and some chocolate milk* 

i forgot i actually have this really cool story about the word “weak” and the advent of its place as part of our current repertoire of slang

i was there in the room when the word was born. literally.

...i mean, that it actually did happen in a room over the course of a few weeks (not it literally being born...like a human being or anything...)

it was the punchline to this inside joke between two dudes (12 years old at the time, since this took place when they and i were both in 7th grade. so 2007 to be exact) named Stanley Speed and Steven Harter. 

i’m pretty sure i can use their names since the way the joke and all their jokes or stories were told was with an amount of attention-whoring, especially on Stanley’s end. 

so anyway, we were all in this class together called Teen Living, which is like a Virginia Beach version of home economics. sort of. it lasted two semesters, in which the first we spent time completing rotation in these virtual learning-modules. stuff about elementary environmental biology and science. it’s where i learned about acid rain, i think. i still have no idea why it was the other half of a class that’s, in theory, about learning how to be an adult. how to “adult” as a verb -- cooking, cleaning sowing. but that’s what were doing apparently.

i had this class i think as the last period, so we would all come in with a lot of anticipation. tired, but also super ready to climb up to the ceiling and through the vents to get the fuck out of this class and to the buses if we had to.

we’d sit at our stations with our partners, drudge through these virtual lessons and videos from out of the late 80′s for about an hour and a half, and then we’d have to stop about ten minutes or so before class actually let out -- time we spent waiting at these little circular gray linoleum tables, sometimes in silence....but MOST of the time, listening to Stanley and Stephen talk.

it was kind of weird, because they were actually talking just to themselves. like it was very much an A and B conversation -- but it ended up also very much being like a little show. a palate-cleansing spectacle.

 their conversations, in this small but open space were hard not to listen to, spatially, but also because they were very entertaining. 

it was kind of acknowledged that we were eavesdropping, but they didn’t care -- it turned into a sort of performance, and when they told a joke, the whole class (which was about 18 people or so?) laughed. sometimes we actually interjected, with an opinion or correcting comment, or exclamation (”Oh, yeah! I so that happen, too!” or “Woah! You were there on Saturday?”). 

But mostly we just listened -- eavesdropped -- like a live-studio audience to a late night talk show.

Stanley was the host and Steven was his straight-man/sidekick. Stanley was animated and excitable, where Steven was quieter, given more to responding to Stanley than offering much of his own to the conversation. Laughing with Stanley. 

I remember him the most for how red his face would get. I eventually would associate his face with the classic poetic image of “rosy cheeks”. He’d laugh so hard he couldn’t breathe sometimes.

Anyway -- so one day, towards the end of that semester, before we would officially switch with the other class going through the home/kitchen portion (sewing and cooking) before us, we were all sat down out our tables. tired. ready to go home. waiting for 4:24pm to hit the building. and Stanley/Steven start telling this story about a mutual friend of theirs. 

Someone who apparently was kind of “dopey”, since they were pretty much roasting the kid. They were telling this story, or relating something that had just happened, some funny exchange where the punchline was “I was generally weak”. Something that kid said which was silly but which stuck with Stanley for that very reason. I can’t remember the exact context or story itself, but the word as we know it, or the phrase it originally started as, had nothing to really do at first with explicit funniness. It something someone said offhand, something that kid said when he actually meant to say something else entirely. 

So, when Stanley first told the story, both he and Steven were cracking up over it. Like, really dying. I don’t think all of us were as taken with it immediately. But then, when we came back after the weekend (since he told that story on a Friday) he brought it up again. And again. And we were all laughing. It grew from a two-person inside joke, to a meme before actual memes and gifs as we now know them. It was like headlining news script in constant circulation, a collective event that kept coming back to the fore, happening over and over again. Some days later he told Steven about how he told some more friends in gym about it.

(To be honest, he brought it up so often that it got annoying to the rest of us in class. He’d bring it up and we’d turn our heads away, retracting from the conversation party we weren’t really invited to in the first place. 

....It was weird, because the closer we got to switching to the other portion of class, the less funny his jokes were.)

Anyway. because of how funny it was (not so much to us, the initial audience anymore) and the convenience of just saying “generally weak” or “weak” to bring it back up..........within like two weeks or so, it spread from his circle of friends to the whole school. I’d walk down the hall and hear people saying it. Kind of confused, because again even though I immediately knew where it came from, it was being used out of context to the original joke. 

It was being used as reference but without actual reference to its source, if that makes any sense.

And then it spread further. EVERYBODY started saying it. It became the most used word of that year, from what I remember. And.....very annoying (At the time).

Annnnnnnnnnnd that’s the story of how I saw a word come into popular usage before my very eyes.

Here;s a little bit of trivia:

1.) there was another thing Stanley actively tried to have catch on, after seeing how well and fast “weak” became what it was.... literally just “22′s” said very emphatically. kind of like an ad-lib. another inside joke sort of thing, but it died pretty fast in the class. it got tired quick.

2.) also, Pharrell is Stanley’s first or second cousin. They kind of look alike. So I believe it.

....aight. anyway. Gotta go. Love ya. Goodnight!

*evaporates and passes out of window as purple mist*

*deliberately left all that trash on your floor from my snacks for you to deal with*

#slang #how words come to be #i've always been fascinated with how words are created #especially slang #so the fact that weak happened the way it did in a class of mine #something that i was vicariously a part of #has always been sort of a weird almost profound experience #i like telling the story when i can

[mydarlingdumbdiary]

March 27th, 2017

10:15pm 

Firstly, “Good as Gold” by The Apache Relay is an amazing song and I don’t know why it took me so long to find it. It’s much better than Katie Queen of Tennessee and Don’t Leave Me Now. A million times better in fact. Not even on the same level really. It has a similar sound to the others, but everything about it is just better. The other two were good for awhile, but I got tired of them and ended up deleting them from itunes. I’d just always skip them when they came up on shuffle and I feel like if you do that to a song enough times then what’s the point of even having it? Katie Queen is super cute though, I might re-download that again someday. I like that in Good as Gold it says “Good for you, turn your back on Tennessee, you know whatcha you gotta do” because I feel like it’s kinda a nod to Katie Queen. Maybe they’re about the same girl, but like a before/after thing? That’d be cool. So yeah, I’m going to be listening to this on repeat for at least the next couple of days, if not weeks. 

Not much else to report. Work was slow today, but it was nice to get back into a routine and feel somewhat productive. I’m going to look into dance classes around town. It’s too late to do it at cabrillo, but I’m sure I could find something somewhere. I kinda wish I would’ve just signed up at the beginning of the semester. Too late for that now, though. I’m also gonna look up dog walking/sitting jobs bc I need dogs in my life pronto. Honestly, rule #1 of mental health, keep dogs around me always or else I’ll die. That was just a rookie mistake on my part and it needs to be corrected immediately. In my defense, I did think the whole foster dog thing was going to work out, but I did not know how much work actually goes into that kinda stuff. Which makes sense, but still. I thought I could just walk in and choose a dog to foster and then bring it back. I kinda want to start volunteering there again too, so I should look into when their next orientation session is. I wish I didn’t have to go through training again, but I definitely need to bc I’ve pretty much forgotten everything by this point. Training’s not that hard though and it’s worth it to be able to play with dogs whenever I want to. Yes, I’m doing this. Why have I not been doing this the whole time I’ve been home?????? I know better than that. A life without dogs is no life at all. 

Also I’m calling SSU tomorrow to find out if I missed the deadline for commencement. I decided that I actually do want to walk in May so fingers crossed I didn’t drop the ball on this one. 

Also, I think I’m liking my hair more? It’s still missing something, but I’m coming around to it. I think it needs more layers. I like that kinda messy choppy short hair look, I just don’t know if it’d look good on me. I’m waiting until Wednesday to make a decision on if I should just let it grow out again or if I should go somewhere else to see if they can fix it. I promised Bobbie I’d wait exactly a week after I got it cut to make a decision and that I wouldn’t try to fix it myself. I need to face the facts that I am not good with scissors. Some people are great at cutting their own hair, but I am not one of those people. Also, I just shouldn’t have bangs. They do not look good on me. Honestly though, this is not the worst thing I could have done to myself with scissors, especially when feeling depressed, so I still count this as a win. I just want it to look cute though. Being cute and sad is so much easier than being awkward and sad. I’ve been trying out the Dodie half bun look though and it is quite a Look. I might start wearing my hair like this all the time. I just strive to reach that level of adorable. I definitely would not have cut my hair short if it wasn’t for that video. I was all happy with my long hair, bragging to everyone about how I was never going to make the same mistakes and cut it short myself again, and then Dodie posted that video and I was like oh my god no short hair is the cutest thing in the world I need that now. Oh well, it’s spring and my hair already does feel lighter. I think I will make an appointment to get it fixed up a little more. I don’t just want to wear it up all the time until it grows out, that’s boring and a drag and just makes me feel more awkward about it. I want to get it how I want it to look and be able to wear it down whenever I want to and look super cute all the time. 

I thought this post was going to be like three sentences, woops. But good news! I’ve written in this for four days straight! Consistent therapeutic writing? Making plans for productive things I’m going to do to make me feel better? Long term solutions for things instead of just temporary distractions? Being honest about how I’m feeling? What, that’s crazy. It’s so weird being productive after you’ve been depressed because you’re just like why was I not doing this the whole time? Was I sleeping? How much time went by? But I really do think I’m on the upwards mend now. I’m talking to Bonny on Wednesday and even if I’m in a really good mood and feel great when I’m talking to her, I’m still gonna be honest about how shitty I was feeling before. Because I always do this where I talk to someone when I’m okay and then I don’t tell them about the not okay stuff bc I don’t want to ruin my okay mood or bring them down, but then when I’m done talking to them everything just comes back to me anyway and I’m like cool, you could’ve talked about that to the person you were literally just talking to. At least I’m in the better part now, where I can say yes, I was feeling like shit, but now I’m feeling better and this is why. It’s so much easier to talk about it in the past tense than when it’s happening, which I guess is another thing I need to work on, but hey baby steps. Let’s just focus on keeping myself in the better part right now because that’s what matters the most. 

Okay, to do list for this week:

1. Call SSU about commencement 

2. Research therapists (I’ve been avoiding this one for awhile)

3. Look up dance classes in town 

4. Register for next animal shelter orientation

5. Look up dog walking/sitting jobs online 

Also:

-be super honest when you talk to Bons on Wednesday 

-possibly make hair appt. for this weekend? -> actually show them the pictures on your phone this time! 

-wear your hear in Dodie top bun (insert trademark icon) to maximize cuteness

-keep writing in this every day! 

-focus on getting better, not worse 

You don’t need to prove to anyone how terrible you’ve felt before. It’s not a competition and even if it was, why would you want to be part of something so terrible? You don’t need to cover up how you’re feeling or lie to make others feel okay. All you need to do is focus on being as honest as possible because that’s really the only thing that matters.