#she's known about the possibility! fuck

[asyourshadowfalls]

people who don't understand how long distant friendships can be healthy and safe really infuriate me. sorry babe you don't even know how to navigate a streaming site without getting ads if i don't give you a pay by play, i get that you're a dumbass when it comes to how people can be digital yet safe. but fucking hell throwing away a 10 year relationship over your fears? rooted in truly thinking i must be a dumbass who didn't do my due diligence in checking all the details of a person who's been my friend for 3 years. if i were a petty bitch i'd tell her how fucked it is that as she believes im going into a dangerous situation is when she's okay with stepping back and losing my trust? like yeah because that's the right thing to do when youre worrying about someones safety. also petty x2 would be saying how i kept my mouth shut beyond initial complaints when she was in toxic relationships because i knew i needed to be someone she felt safe coming to when she finally got to the point of leaving.

#fuck #god i needed to rant #it just boggles my fucking mind #like im fine with her thinking my choice is absolutely stupid AND with her telling me that #i expected that #but going no contact for over a week after telling her the news? #“sorry i forgot cause i was coming home from mexico” #babe that aint a 10 day trip home #and you know what N has adhd too so yeah he has also forgotten to respond for days at a time #but when i drop a bomb like moving out of state #you bet your ass he'll be remembering the need to respond before being reminded by me 10 days later #although to be fair ive never dropped a bomb like that on him #but we've had many breaks in convo between his and my forgetting but when its something that he cares about ofc hes reaching out #and thats the point #anyway if only she still read my tumblr lmao #i just don't get how she seems to not even know who i am and what processes i went through to make this choice #shit was like a year in the making #she's known about the possibility! fuck #petty x3 would be telling her that if she had followed through with our plans to move in together when her lease ended #right at the perfect time of when i would have to move out #well then id still be here. but no she did what was right for her and her boyfriend #which obviously frustrating but i fucking respected it #personal #liz #she just sent me a snap #im curious but no #i refuse #ill check it in 10 days lmao #its been 40 minutes but im back baby #i just remembered that she even knows that i was “catfished” when i was like 12

[vvienne]

I literally woke up in the middle of the night like God will dark rise is so fucking screwed. The line that’s like. “Everyone wanted to kill the Dark King.” What’s the part where he looks at Violet helplessly, haunted, almost pleading for mercy? But of course he reveals nothing of substance to anyone. Elizabeth is too young to understand but the reader knows what “Her relationship with that boy was…unnatural” can mean. Tying him to bedposts? Failing to strangle him? What else? Never not even once seeing beyond a mythological identity Will himself didn’t know he had? What did he think was the reason? That he was just intrinsically hateful? Of course he says nothing. Of course Violet can’t trust him- he’s given her nothing as painfully real as what she’s given him. So he gives her the sword hoping at least he can die at the hands of someone he loved, but even that doesn’t work out - she gives the sword to a Visander still furious at SARCEAN. The pattern continues; no one looks at Will, who vomits when he realizes what’s happened to James, Will who is much of a liar and killer and sneak as Elizabeth accuses but nonetheless wants to be different. Even when he doesn’t remember his own past. There’s no way out for him that doesn’t hurt. Hope this obsession passes soon given the one and a half years of waiting required for book 3

#dark rise series #dark heir #rarely does a cliffhanger pain me so much #bc rarely am I ever THAT invested in a plot I am sad to say #nona the ninth was so cathartic in of itself I’m content marinating before alecto #BUT PACAT ONLY EVER GIVES EMOTIONAL CRUMBS #have any of these bitches ever known peace fr #maybe this is what reading princes gambit and not immediately having the follow up might’ve been like #honestly it’s possibly damen and Lauren just generally had less problems tho #more than his relationship even with James. will/Violet is perhaps the genuine source of like. I WISH HED GIVEN HER A REASON. #the narration that describes Violet as Will’s star in the night…….. like fuck fine #will can’t reach any level of genuine intimacy with James bc the mess of fraught noncon dynamics is this massive unspoken horrible thing #wills identity is personal w James in a way it is with no one else but James is so fucking oblivious of undercurrents it comes unbalanced #and will knows it. but (as far as we know) violet isn’t reborn has no history with sarcean the dark king she’s literallt just Some Guy #and that almost makes it worse???????? that they are so loyal to each other even as he’s keeping a massive secret? #they weren’t dated or destined to entangle the way will is w characters like James and Katherine #and I think that makes his rship with Violet possibly the realest and truest experience of trust and love will has ever had #like it’s nothing bro. truly she knows nothing about him other than his lies of omission and her faith in him goodness which may or may not #beiltimately justified. but that was probably as honest and close will ever got to anyone. and him to her.

[absolutebl]

Tagged by @pose4photoml Thanks doll!

spell your url with song titles and then tag as many people as there are letters

A - Amnesia by VIXX

B - Back to Me by The Rose

S - She's the One by Monsta X

O - On My Way by Epik High +

L - Lonely Street by Stray Kids

U - Unfamiliar by H&D (BAE173)

T - Trap by Henry +

E - Eoeo by Uniq

B - Bad Love by Hynn

L - Love Poem the Kingdom Cover (BTOB, Ateez, Stray Kids)

#memes gonna meme #asked and answered #kpop #lots of b sides and lesser known ones this time #VIXX #that MV is killer living up to their kings of concept monikers until the last breath #the rose #she's the one #monsta x #i love it when they do ballads #epik high #talk about kings still kinging #Lonely Street #stray kids #JYP gotta lay of the damn autotune with these boys it's a fucking crime #Trap by henry #still one of the greatest bops to ever bop #hynn #love poem #possibly the greatest cover ever #K-pop

[hecksupremechips]

God every day I think about Akane’s breakdown in door 3 because there really is no correct way to interpret that and every possibility makes me crazy. Like she sees this fucked up corpse whom Junpei (and the player, depending on how they play) believes is their friend Snake, but she knows that it’s Guy X. It’s a man she very intentionally put in the game for this very purpose, so that he could die horrifically and be displayed for everyone to see. And she has a full mental breakdown over being trapped in this room with the corpse, being trapped by Junpei, to the point where she rips out her hair and starts bleeding from how much she bangs on the door screaming to get out. And fuck, there’s so many possibilities like

Akane could be feeling genuine terror over the sight of the body, and with that remorse. She made this happen, she wanted this to happen, and now she’s forced to quite literally watch the damage she’s caused unfold. She can detach herself from his murder easily in other timelines where she doesn’t have to look at it, and she can sleep easy knowing that her hands are technically clean because she didn’t do the literal killing. But she can’t do that here, and she has to face the fact that not only did she happily cause this death, she failed her mission. She isn’t going to survive, and now this man is dead for nothing and everything is her fault

On the other hand, her entire breakdown could be completely fabricated in order to keep playing the role of the damsel in distress who is so innocent that the very sight of blood drives her to insanity. The interesting part about this is that if she could fake such a horrific breakdown, just how much of her personality a facade? We know she wants revenge, for everyone from Cradle to feel even an ounce of the pain she and so many others went through, but we don’t get to see the extent of how much she feels this way. We never hear directly from Akane about her feelings on any of the original organizers, just her note about her desire to punish them. She hates them, but does she see their deaths as a necessary evil, or does she feel joy and satisfaction at watching them go? It’s absolutely horrifying not knowing, not being able to see her true feelings, not knowing just how real or fake she is, the extent of her madness. Perhaps she doesn’t even know that herself

IN OTHER WORDS, it’s fucked

#zero escape #akane kurashiki #the truth lies somewhere in the middle im sure #but god both possibilities are so tasty #personally i think her reaction is fake to an extent like i think she does feel at least some joy over the murders #shes doing a good deed and ridding the world of evil #but i think that this is a rare moment where she actually thinks for a minute about what shes done and how its fucked #like shes never truly present in the moment she can never fully grasp the severity of the trauma #and i kinda want to believe that this route is a bit unexpected for her #like she had to have known it was a possibility but its entire existence relies on junpei betraying the others #and i think that she was ready to write it off as a rare possibility so she didnt worry about it too much #because the only thing holding junpei back from choosing door 3 is aoi saying that picking it would require leaving people to die #and akane has nothing but her trust that junpei is good and wouldnt do something so horrible to rely on #but then it happens and she cant handle the uncertainty she wasnt ready for ANY of this to happen #not only did junpei betray the others he betrayed HER in so many ways he doesnt realize #he did what he thought was good for june but its exactly the opposite hes not only damned her #but he trapped her in a room with the disgusting corpse that she put there and everything throws her off #and she has to confront that even junpei is unpredictable and is capable of evil and that she herself has fucked up so much #she cant escape this without literally STEPPING INTO the entrails of someone she killed #and its all just too much and she completely loses it #so yeah for me its less a mental breakdown cuz she feels bad for murder #but more a breakdown because shes been betrayed and caught off guard and has a brief realization of how terrifying her actions are #those may sound the same but they arent please guys please :( #as you can see im very normal about this and good god 999 is so fucking good

[yusufstits]

thinking about nile having nightmares and not being able to sleep post london and then being very tired during the day and taking naps on whoever's around

#like. my heart aches for her thinking about what she's going through after london #debating whether it's safe to contact her family and knowing she'll outlive them and could put them in danger if she does contact them #her friends completely ostracizing her after she came back to life #(once again. what the fuck they should have been so happy??) #so she's completely separated from her former life and is dealing with that loss #the trauma of killing and being killed #like given that she had nightmares about the man she killed in afghanistan i imagine she would also have nightmares a #about the people she killed during the rescue #and this would bring up a lot of complicated emotions and possibly a bit of identity crisis/self reflection on her being a marine #all of this plus being dropped into a group of people who've known each other for hundreds of years + mortal andy - exiled booker #anyway... she is going through a Lot #but: going back to “tell us” i think they would try to take care of her #and talk about her nightmares #(but also. there might be reluctance from nile to share or joe/nicky/andy to ask when she wakes up gasping #because what if she dreamt of quynh. like that's a whole other dimension - do they want to hear about it because it means she's alive #or do they not want to think of her dying over and over. i imagine nile would wrestle with this at first) #ok i got off track the point is. nile taking naps on andy nicky and joe and being comforted. i think that would be nice for her and everyon #there is a lot happening emotionally and andy has to heal physically and they all need to heal emotionally #so. naptime #sorry these tags are so long lol i had more thoughts than i thought #the old guard

[deltaruminations]

i feel like the combination of “high degree of rationality, supernatural level of persistence, and dangerous disregard for his own and others’ safety” + “insatiable craving for the unknown” + “deep devotion to a person whose whereabouts and fate are a mystery and who is impossible to track down except MAYBE through extraordinary means” is a fascinatingly volatile cocktail of traits to give a guy. like the first two things on their own are kind of a bog standard Science Villain doing unethical experiments and having a good time getting all his Science Villain enrichment needs met but add the last thing to it and now he has Emotional Problems. now the unethical experiments aren’t even fun for him they’re just desperate compulsions in an attempt to cope with heartbreak. you gave him a little friend to love and then took her away and now he’s digging up the floorboards thinking she might be under there because he doesn’t know what else to do about it. you can spray him with the squirt bottle and tell him people are going to trip on the holes and get hurt but as long as he thinks she’s under the floor or in the walls he’ll keep digging until the house falls apart and crushes everyone inside. kind of a fucked up thing to do to a guy you made tbh

#i’ve been thinking a lot about the possibility of creator-creation conflict LOL #like gaster is the one known character who would be able to look at dess’s disappearance and realize #’oh. that’s a plot device. the Creator sacrificed her to the Narrative. that’s Fucked Up.’ #if deltarune is in some way a reparative fanfiction… is it… a Save Dess fic… #like in deltarune’s theoretical ‘base game’ was she meant to never be found? is that why he intervened? is this what Don’t Forget is about? #$ headcanon zone

[heyitsphoenixx]

.

#personal vent incoming to just get off my chest don't be weird about it #i've known since i was a kid that my dad was overtly abusive but #just in the last 3-5 months i've learned my mom was and currently is almost just as abusive #but she's just covert about it instead #all of my adolescence was about surviving my dad who was so obviously a monster that he was almost easier to deal w in a way by comparison #this is. what an utter mind fuck #there's also like. no member of my family that i can turn to for help #bc they're either just as bad or my mother has ruined any relationship i might have w them over time #and i also fear being a burden #so i'm making a plan to get out but god it's overwhelming thinking about doing it all alone #and the thought that it might take years to actually get out or get healthy #she's kept me isolated from any support for so long #and im afraid any family that could possibly help wouldn't fully understand or they would be just as bad as her #and it feels impossible to progress at all bc im living w her and literally filed as her dependent on taxes #like ik this is gonna be the hardest thing to escape in my life and i've already escaped a lot #but this time i have to largely on my own #is v scary #and she's conditioned me to believe that i can't make any right decisions on my own without her #and that anything i do is always 'backwards' #makes it that much harder to make a clear plan #her work schedule is so inconsistent that it makes getting therapy online (since i don't have a license or car yet) nearly impossible #to do it without her or my brother listening #that i've just felt trapped for years #but. i can Tell i'm getting better now and rapidly. more than i've been for a v long time #so the process is just beginning and i think even she can tell #which is also dangerous #but ik i can do this its just the amount of time and effort and organizing behind her back and doing it alone thats v overwhelming #but anyway #we stay silly

[zemnarihah]

my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....

#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth #she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her #directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her #and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because #you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple #days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and #she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends. #and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only #give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i #didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she #says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do. #i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was #really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think #for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe #since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why. #i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a #fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if #i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person #to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a #conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a #hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend #group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.

[dmclemblems]

Honestly people in the fandom always say Faerghus is the least progressive of the three, but they’ve honestly been the most progressive? People say Edelgard’s way is the best future for Fodlan because of the Crest system, but it’s... really not. Faerghus has been steadily working to dismantle the Crest system for years in Hopes, and in Houses it’s something Dimitri plans to formally work on (and doesn’t get the chance to yet in Houses until after the war because of what happened in the five year timeskip) in the future.

Also, the class system was being fixed as well in this regard, and the whole “outside of Fodlan’s border” thing was being worked on by Lambert and only came to a temporary halt because he was murdered for attempting change (outside of TWS, TWS had help in the form of other Faerghus nobles who didn’t like the change Lambert was attempting). Dimitri would have continued Lambert’s efforts sooner if he could have, but as the prince/not yet king he couldn’t, and then the war happened for five years so even when he came of age he wasn’t able to take the crown yet.

When it comes to hiring people and whatnot, Dimitri has Dedue as his “vassal” as far as Duscur hating background NPCs would call him and what Dedue tries to insist he is. Dimitri is already trying to get people from outside of Faerghus as well as commoners into high positions. He can’t officially do a whole lot as the prince, but in his ending he does fix Faerghus.

In Hopes, he’s actively working on the power system for the two years and they’re succeeding rather quickly, both with the Crest system and the disparity between royalty, nobility and commoners. The only reason Faerghus wasn’t able to do that sooner in Houses is because Dimitri wasn’t the king yet, and when he became king it was during a war so it was a bit less “official”. There was no formal ceremony for it until after the war.

If Edelgard felt the need to use war to get rid of the problem, it means Adrestia wasn’t able to solve that problem internally on its own, and the Alliance wouldn’t have done so either with the roundtable, so when the Alliance becomes part of united Fodlan under Dimitri or Byleth (depending on the route), that fixes the Alliance’s issue with it, but ultimately Faerghus had a better progression of the Crest system and the class system overall.

Also, the whole thing about Rhea not allowing outside influences isn’t true at all. Shamir, Cyril, Petra and Dedue were at the Academy even if for different reasons, but Rhea didn’t have to hire a foreign mercenary or bring in a foreign orphan. She didn’t have to let Dedue in considering he was from Duscur and everyone basically knew loads of people hated Duscur (and she could’ve easily reasoned that it would cause problems and drama with him there, whether she thought his people were responsible or not. Even if she knew 100 percent he wasn’t involved, she could’ve tried to turn him away when Dimitri brought him in, reasoning that it wouldn’t be good to have someone people would be suspicious toward). She didn’t have to let the princess of a foreign land come to the Academy.

That’s important because the Church is closest to Faerghus out of the three lands and has the most power over Faerghus, but it’s Faerghus that’s progressing toward a weaker Crest system the fastest. Rhea definitely is trying to keep Fodlan’s borders relatively closed up from threats, but she doesn’t disallow people from outside of Fodlan to enter it (and she lets people in right where she lives, so she obviously isn’t worried that any of these people are going to try to kill her/anyone from the Church). Fodlan just has more security in place, and Claude is under the impression it’s just too much security if he wants Almyra and Fodlan to be more openly friendly. It’s true that Rhea’s past experiences led her to keeping Fodlan from advancing as much as it could have, but she’s not completely disallowing people from outside of Fodlan to enter it.

The fact that the Church is closest to Faerghus makes it easier for Faerghus to be able to sway the Church if even necessary at any point to let the change gradually kick in.

Also, I’m not saying Claude didn’t or couldn’t help enact change in the Alliance, but that Faerghus had begun progressing its future long before Claude was even living in Fodlan. It just came to a temporary and screeching halt when Lambert was murdered by TWS who also had help from some angry baby nobles that didn’t like the thought of change. In other words, Faerghus was already heading toward that future before the Alliance was too.

tl;dr faerghus is the good shit and they’re all about that change and all the great stuff and they gonna do that shit peacefully and sylvain is a huge part of that and here in this house we love him for it even if it’s bc his dad is a dummy dumb and made both his kids have to suffer bc of the system to make sylvain so intent on changing it like bruh why’d u have to go and do that but don’t get me started on miklan bc i care him and hopes made all my headcanons a reality

also tl;dr faerghus is the good shit and they’re all about that change and i want dimitri to run my country too but then again that might be awkward bc imagine saying u have the hots for the president of ur country like man what a thought

#Three Houses #Three Hopes #Faerghus #yaaaay faerghus for saying fuck the class system u can move up in the world REGARDLESS of birth #and REGARDLESS of social status and REGARDLESS of religion and we don't even have to go to war for it!!! #we still have Sreng to worry about OH WAIT we have Sylvain and he's a Smooth Talker he can deal with that #no need for Crests when you have Sylvain who doesn't even have Crest Babies that he passes anything down to #oh no Almyra might attack the former Alliance territories oh right we have Claude he's gonna take care of that from inside Almyra #don't need Crests and nobles to take care of Almyra at the border either! #it gets me when ppl actually say Edelgard waging war was the 'best thing for Fodlan' like LMAO BRUH #Dimitri literally wipes out everything Fodlan was with the power/class systems and starts them anew during his reign #change started in Faerghus not with Edelgard's war. if she talked to Dimitri beforehand she would've known that #i.e. a war wasn't necessary to achieve any of that stuff bc Dimitri did it anyway and Faerghus had been working on it anyway #and when I say Faerghus I mean all the people in power were working toward that future and didn't care about the systems in place #ALSO they always say Lambert was making extreme decisions and the like so it's entirely possible that had something to do with it #He was trying to become more friendly with places outside Fodlan and there's no indication he actually cared about the system #and based on how people reacted to him bringing about sudden and powerful change it proves that just #doing it without slowly phasing into new things wasn't how Fodlan needed to be. they needed gradual change #people who took part in helping with Lambert's death were people who felt his decision making was opening up Faerghus to danger #the point is that Lambert had good intentions and very good plans but he tried to push it all into the system too fast #which tbh checks out perfectly with the way he's been described as a person in both games personality-wise #obviously killing him wasn't the answer bc he was trying to go about change peacefully but again it was too fast and people reacted #basically Lambert was already starting the change Claude wanted but a few nobles stuck sticks in their own asses and got angry abt it #anyway i love faerghus it's also nice and cold there and i would never have to deal with the heat again #DCB Comments

[blujayonthewing]

on the one hand I think an interesting direction to take melliwyk getting increasingly stressed and overtaxed and frantic would be for her behavior become increasingly careless and reckless, but the problem is that a part of why she's been Like This is that I don't want any of the Important Things she's trying to figure out to spin out of control

#the stakes are high enough that I'M too stressed about fucking things up to play too much into 'she's cracking under pressure' :') #justin got to play out zhartook struggling to process trauma with a really narratively cool PC-and-DM-controlled Loss Of Control #in the form of tying his first circle of the moon elemental wildshape to an uncontrolled emotional response #for melliwyk there isn't anything really Like That? I guess I could work with the DM to script a longer sleep incident but #that's not really the same-- for one thing zhartook becoming an uncontrolled fire elemental was An Encounter; both solvable and over quickly #for another thing melliwyk sometimes not being able to be awakened for longer stretches of time is a known possibility #(the mechanics behind the premise that if I ever couldn't make a session my character could just be asleep the whole time) #it's not CLEARLY tied to stress and it's not really actionable on my part or the party's #in theory-- or in a scripted show or written story-- it would be a chance for the party to pick up for her #after which she realizes she really doesn't have to put so much on just herself without asking for help #in PRACTICE I feel like it would just be really annoying for everyone lol #I dunno! she's definitely pushed herself more and slept less #but again I as a player don't wanna push 'your wizard isn't long resting' too far either :') not really fair to everyone else... #there's a necronomicon that's probably cursed but the benefits of attuning to it anyway aren't extremely clear? #I MEAN it definitely HAS benefits but they're not anything urgently useful right now #alas I continue not to be creative or intelligent enough to roleplay a chaotic wizard gnome #about me #my OCs #melliwyk

[just-another-bored-killjoy]

she sent me a follow request to my decoy account 😭😭 where'd she get my id from why does she know my name😭😭 why does she know who i am and why does she give a damn etc etc😭😭😭

#oversharing on tumblr part unknown #i changed my pfp from tennant to me in my good account and followed her for there #now we wait and see whether she follows me back to my faggot account #WHAT THE HELL MAN #i had a good plan made i would talk to her about sports or some shit then ask for her id #BUT SHE DID IT FIRST WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING MY FULL FUCKING NAME??(not possible actually she must've known my name no other way) #oh lord i am overreacting

[wookgerine]

Love that they take Bella with the gym with them all the time

#*p #What does she even do while she's there #Do they make her work out too #doing little dog squats. idk how a dog would do that how about a dog plank that is possible my dogs love doing that #i've made this exact post before haven't i #i think i probably even said that exact same thing. well without those tags #they take bella to the gym a lot so not my fault #wait. how do they even get her in the gym #why is that allowed #i 've never been to one but i would assume most don't let your dog come with you. did they have to go ask for special permission like #hey i'm famous therefore let me take my dog in the gym with me. said dog is known for peeing on things but ignore that #i need to go write my homework and stop talking about wayv's dog going to a gym. my midterm is next week and i feel like i am stupid #well at least i am confident i won't be the most stupid person in my class #do you think that's enough words yet #it's like i'm writing an essay and am trying to say one thing but repeat it in three different ways and in as many words possible and #wondering why i exist just to write an essay. but that is also just my stream of consciousness #now on to the real reason of this post: i opened this and tell me why i was MOMENTARILY VERY BRIEFLY light headed at the sight of his chest #i'm so confused did the asexualism just leave my body #hmm #no i think i'm good i still don't want to fuck him #crisis over #...i think

[furashuban]

Okay but the fact Hilda remembers what her dad looks like just shatters my heart

#hilda spoilers #hilda #bonnie talks #like she had time to know him before he left AND must've not been as long ago as i initially thought #OR... she could've known his face through photographs thats also likely mayhaps #Look truth be told i'm still absolutely fucking terrified of getting to learn about her dad and him being in the show #-and possibly learning about Hilda's origins #i ALWAYS have #but one part of me can't help but feel fascinated now and it's a part of me that nonetheless still feels weary about sdfgdsfgw :'>

[portablenetworkgraphic]

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#mom says that the reason she didnt comfort me while i was having one of the biggest meltdowns of my life was cus i wouldnt tell her what was #wrong and i clearly was capable #like i hate to tell you but just because im technically capable doesnt mean i can communicate easily #im too upset to be able to communicate my thoughts to you about why im upset #she literally told me that its annoying when i cry and scream without telling her whats wrong #she said and i quote I could ask anyone in the world and all of them would be annoyed by this #she said if i just said Sorry i cant calm down i cant talk right now that would be fine like hello? is that not fucking obvious? #i said wouldnt this (being a more concerning thing) make you more sympathetic and she said no it just makes me more annoyed and this is the #normal response #she said even when normal people are throwing up and retching they can communicate whats wrong #that im just pretending to not be able to talk to her to manipulate her and that im being disrespectful by intentionally getting louder and #more disruptive #my parents are convinced i do things on purpose to guilt trip them all the time and i dont understand it because theyve known me for #my whole life and thats the most out of character thing i could ever possibly do but they wont even consider that im not doing that #i asked her why she didnt believe me when i said i wasnt manipulating her and she said I do believe you! when did i ever say i didnt #i dont understand. shes convinced that every normal person behaves like her #and the worst of it is i know shes trying her best and yet still refuses to acknowledge the fact that #I DONT FUCKING MAKE MYSELF MORE MISERABLE ON PURPOSE! #she doesnt seem to understand that overreaction can be conscious and still unavoidable #like yes its not like if i tried i absolutely couldnt calm down and talk to you #but thats not helpful! i dont WANT to try because i am screaming so hard that mythroat will be sore for an entire day! #because i am upset! #i am too upset to care that i can tecxhnically stop #i just dont understand why its so hard to believe im not manipulating her when im genuinely upset #i dont understand why she looks at me like a loose screw. something annoying but not something worth fixing #its always bad enough to warrant anger and never bad enough to warrant a solution #because im crazy but im fine and im not disabled at all

[taptrial2]

when you get so mad about how people treat mabel pines you have to journal about it

#exoticbutterstxt #AND YET FORD IS THE FAN FAVORITE. FORD IS A GREAT CHARACTER BUT HE FUCKING SUCKS #look. ford is great. he's an interesting character. #he's got layers. HOWEVER #literally everything about weirdmageddon was his fault #withholding information from his family for a start. except for dipper who was FOLLOWING FORD'S WORD TO NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THE RIFT #EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WAY SAFER TO JUST WARN EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE ABOUT IT #THEN WEIRDMAGEDDON WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED #ALSO PEOPLE BLAME MABEL FOR SOMETHING SHE COULDNT HAVE POSSIBLY KNOWN WOULD HAPPEN #SHE WAS ALSO LITERALLY BEING MANIPULATED BY A FUCKING DEMON #AND HAD THE WORST DAY OF HER SUMMER THUS FAR #AND JUST FOUND OUT SHE WAS GONNA LOSE HER BROTHER TO SOME RECLUSIVE DICKHEAD WHO'LL NEVER LET HER SEE HIM AGAIN #BECAUSE OF HIS OWN FUCKING TRAUMA HE REFUSES TO ACTUALLY DEAL WITH. AND INSTEAD CHOOSES TO REPEAT HISTORY WITH DIPPER #TRYING TO ISOLATE HIM BECAUSE OF HIS OWN FUCKING IDEAS OF ISOLATION BEING BETTER FOR ONESELF AND THEIR SMARTS #FUCK #im still pissed off and im not sorry about it #yes ford not dealing with his misc traumas and instead isolating himself and thus #trying to make others conform to his 'ideal' #(and also hurting people in the process out of selfishness) #makes him an interesting and layered character. its a good flaw #BUT PEOPLE DONT RECOGNIZE IT AS A FLAW. #WHICH MAKES ME WANT TO BREAK A BLOCK OF WOOD WITH A SINGLE KARATE CHOP

[pussy-ache]

#bpd #i have a lot of feelings about this. unsurprisingly lmao. #there’s a mixture of shame and embarrassment #i cannot be mad at my teenage self. she did not know what she was doing. she tripped right into this without any idea. #but i am a little ashamed. yea. #it’s also a little heartbreaking and i cried so much reading this study it took me a couple hours to finish it #what’s ironic is that its actually my greatest fear to hurt the people around me with this. i’m literally terrified of this #and i have every right to be #since apparently it’s been clinically proven that anyone close to me :) will experience :) psychological distress :) #and being in a relationship with me:has a possibility of HURTING someone #the pedestal wasn’t imagined. #except it has a clinical name. not pedestal but ‘’splitting’’ #his gut was right and i’m glad he trusted it. #i’ve known about the concept of the ‘’FP’’ for years now but i was always too ashamed to admit to it because it’s … so obvious #and so fucking embarrassing #that to admit to this being a thing for me was to admit that i had the disorder itself and i wasn’t ready for it at the time #and it also makes me afraid for what this means for the friendship itself and i wasn’t ever ready to tackle that either #to know that the roots of our friendship rests on THIS is just …. so heartbreaking to me… #to love someone that much and to find out that it’s all like. this manifestation of my mental illness is kinda horrifying tbh? #like 15 years of solid ground turning to quicksand under my feet within fucking seconds #and now i’m left with this immense love that feels so …. unhealthy. a symptom of mental illness. #it was all a symptom of my fucking mental illness. #what do i DO with that? where do i PUT that?