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my dogs mobility is slowing deteriorating. he's experiencing knuckling on his paws and from the hours of research i've put in he may have degenerative myelopathy and now we have to save a ridiculous money for testing. and my sister is still absolutely nowhere to be found, and i am YET AGAIN in a position where i am taking care of something that is slowing aging and dying in front of me almost singlehandedly. halfway through walks i have to walk behind him and lift his back legs for him so he can make it back home, when he pees i have to lift his leg for him. i'm constantly monitoring the progress of his cataracts and i administer his medications every morning and night. my parents can barely walk him due to their own disabilities and just like when i took care of my grandma, my mom & i are working together to keep something alive. when she takes him upstate she is the one who tries to walk him and her shoulder has become fucked up from it. i am yet again in a version of that fucking apartment watching something slowly age and then die in front of me. i am yet again without my sisters help or empathy. she could attempt, even just once a week, to come and help me to relieve me from being in such a hard, heartbreaking, triggering position especially since she knows what i've been through in the past. she lives 10 minutes away.

she's playing with her new dog in the mornings i'm getting up at 5:45 every morning because he walks so slow and needs so much patience and time that a 10 minute walk has turned into a 40+ minute walk. she's busy planning her wedding and i'm researching mobility aids and dog slings i can slide our elderly dying family dog into so i can walk him up and down the steps because his back legs have started to drag and he almost fell down 4 separate steps. and i'm the one that's overreacting? i'm the one who's being petty and holding a grudge, i'm the one who's in the wrong? she made a commitment to take care of him and then bailed when it became inconvenient for her and i'm the childish one who "destroyed" my relationship with her? i don't want a friendship or sisterhood with someone who so casually casts aside a slowly deteriorating animal. why should i speak to her? she wouldn't like anything i have to say.

i think it's fucking disgusting that she is able to so easily disengage and completely stop taking care of something so much in need of her help and for the second time in my life i am reminded to not be surprised that when our parents begin to age out she will most likely not be found. she wanted my grandmother in a nursing home because she didn't like going over to the apartment to take care of her. she "joked" for years that she'd put our parents in a nursing home too. the thing is, it used to be a "joke" but if you refuse to even help take care of a fucking dog, how the hell are you going to help me make sure our parents don't end up dying in a nursing home someday instead of helping me so they can live their lives out with dignity and grace? i believe now that those "jokes" were an indication of her character and i wasn't listening at the time. so now i'm listening to that, and because i am, i will continue to not speak to her.

if he has this, we are at stage 2 going into stage 3. now we have to save for XRs and CTs of his spinal cord. it can help us understand how bad the muscle atrophy is getting...but degenerative myelopathy can only be proven as an official diagnosis once a dog is already dead. they biopsy the spinal cord tissue after death to confirm diagnosis.

#if my dog is dead by her wedding i'm not fucking going #and i will not regret it even for a fucking second #for the rest of my life i will not regret it

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i'm actually very very excited for jerry seinfelds poptart movie

#this poptarts thing is gold jerry! GOLD!!!!

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miracle of miracles, i may have a date tomorrow or sunday idk yet

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i don't want to leave you 💔

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those moments when you're an inch away from someone's mouth and you're whispering to each other as your eyes are eclipsed by desire, no longer in focus, achingly consumed by tension

those moments when you feel the exact second that someone buckles and surrenders to what they're feeling

god bless

honestly those moments when you're an inch away from someone's mouth and as you go to kiss them they pull their head back and it makes you feel just how badly you want to kiss them

#love #intimacy

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i've said goodnight to the moon pretty much every night since i was a child

#she made fun of me for it once #but in a mean way not in a loving teasing way #she called it stupid and told me to grow up #i think i should have left her then

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i mean really

#sometimes i think ... like oh maybe it was simply a case of me caring for her more than she cared for me #that seems to keep happening to me #but no #that phone call proved that i wasn't crazy or imagining it or being too forward or forcing anything #she's just entirely afraid of commitment and wants her cake and to eat it too #and it's like fine ... i don't even have THAT much of an issue with her polyamory #i think the issue is she sucks at communication #she wanted to make things more serious with me but only in theory. in reality she knew she would not be able to commit to me #and instead of Literally Just Saying That so i could bow out gracefully #she decided to string me along with promises instead #which really fucks with the head like she had me thinking i was imagining some parts of what we had in terms of how deep it was #and i don't use ''gaslighting'' lightly so i won't but i'd say she came pretty close to it #i was fine with her polyamory at first because it wasn't serious. #she then pushed me towards becoming more serious with her using empty promises #i'm glad she finally fucking admitted it. i just wanted her to say it. cuz i know we both know it's true #but i'm the type of person who is not actually going to say it for you to let you off the hook #i kept her on that hook for like a fucking year now. you want me to answer texts but can't answer to your past behavior? no. #you're not going to pick & choose which parts of me are worthwhile and which aren't. i won't let you. #and she knew that which is why she just kept lying to me AND herself about her nonexistent emotional maturity #she played me SPECIFICALLY because she knew i knew my own worth at that time #and she knew if she was honest i would have left a solid 6-8 months sooner than i did #and they all saw how she acted at that party. they know exactly how that shit blew up in her face and i fucking laughed and i'd do it again #i do not walk away from people or cut people off without very solid very specific reasons #the universe took care of it for me. we're barely friends now and that's fine with me in a lot of ways #go grow some more. develop a clearer understanding of yourself. your needs and your wants. and how to differentiate between them. #and leave me tf out of it #like i don't even have any interest in being her friend or in her life lmao

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When you're The Slayer and there's a new, potentially dangerous threat in town you need to investigate, but also you make time to stop and chat with the local vampire who used to be your nemesis but has lately just been a nuisance, and who has certainly not been hanging around your house all night, he was just out for a walk.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: S5E5 | No Place Like Home

#buffy

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Gertrude Abercrombie (1909-1977) (American)

Untitled 1940

(Room, Woman's Profile, Letter And Door)

Linoleum Cut

6 15/16 X 4 7/8”

Private Collection

© 2020 Estate Of Gertrude Abercrombie

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source

“The world taught woman nothing skillful and then said her work was valueless. It permitted her no opinions and then said she did not know how to think. It forbade her to speak in public, and said the sex had no orators. It denied her the schools, and said the sex had no genius. It robbed her of every vestige of responsibility, and then called her weak. It taught her that every pleasure must come as a favor from men, and when to gain it she decked herself in paint and fine feathers, as she had been taught to do, it called her vain.”

-Carrie Chapman Catt, 1902

#i removed the prior reblogs so as to not clutter in the notes #the original quote is amazing. it's heartbreaking to have it sullied by the broader scope of her beliefs #however. the heartbreak matters much less than the impact of what she did in the south #i provided the second sourced open letter because it gives more clarification #to say ''she only said it because she had to win over men in the south!!!!!'' ONLY MAKES IT WORSE. ONLY MAKES IT MORE DANGEROUS #so no. despite how true the original quote was in regards to female socialization -> this must be called out #sidenote..while i hate that the same woman has to bring this back up to her university decades later #i love the full circle of having her be like ''yea i said it and i'm saying it again only now i'm a fucking attorney to boot'' #as a sophomore when she initially made her statement she was most likely a teenager and she only strengthened her resolve in adulthood #radical feminism #female socialization #misogynoir

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he’s so real

#''i don't think you can return an item for spite ...''. #seinfeld

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SEINFELD (1989–1998)

#i think it's crazy that they were so good together but they never even showed us them actually together 😂 #seinfeld

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this is literally that one jerma bit

#i giggle EVERY time it zooms into the m&m #i do the same in the pez dispenser when they focus on tweety sitting on the seat #seinfeld

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i always loved the way they loved

#seinfeld

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#i am 30 so this is Very Relatable #once again i am george #seinfeld

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me and my blunt against the world

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