#she's also the reason why i'm a week into this trip and i still haven't had some fucking nasi kandar

[imanes]

waaaaah my sister is annoying as hell. she keeps wanting to eat non-local cuisine which ok we don't have to eat Malaysian food all the time but I'm not gonna have butter chicken and room service every two meals. anyway i find this cute place right in front of the hotel and the menu is all in Malay so we have to google stuff but for some reason the entire responsibility for the process befalls on me?? like sorry i hadn't realized you left your skills to google some simple shit back at home?? she told me "i don't get it you have to order for me" oh hell no you're going to order for yourself and take responsibility for yourself I'm not your mom. also when she doesn't like the food suddenly it's my fault like we tried to go to a night market but it was raining so i could only get bomboloni before we dipped bc she had the most rancid energy and i was getting a migraine and then when we got back out she was like blablabla it's not even good etc etc. i should've stuffed her in the grab car and stayed at temonyong night market to have my satay skewers under the rain idgaf! anyway... next time I'm either travelling with my close friends or completely alone. tired to trying to have a good experience in a country with people who put zero energy into making traveling fun

#i love palak paneer but next time she's like why don't we have indian food I'm leaving her where she's standing #she can have dinner on her own if none of the menu I'm trying to have are to her taste #she's also the reason why i'm a week into this trip and i still haven't had some fucking nasi kandar

[wingedjellyfishflight]

Hunting Trip

"Have you even ever been hunting?" Ghost opens his mouth. "Animals, not people." His jaw snaps shut. "Yes, you can come with, but it's not like a mission. And you have to be nice. My dad and my brothers will be with us all week."

"I will play nice with your family, promise," he says, smirking down at you.

"I don't believe you when you say it like that, but I know it's the best I will get. You should be excited, though. I pulled really good tags. Moose, elk, and a black bear. I was not expecting the moose, or else I wouldn't have gone for the other two, but I can't turn down moose." He happily listens to you chatter away about the upcoming trip, your eagerness palpable.

"What will you do with the meat? And furs?" He doesn't really care, but he wants to listen to you talk.

"Oh, we have a guy that cuts it all up, and I'm old friends with a taxidermist. If I had more time, I would cut it up myself, but Captain said he can only give me one week, so butcher it is."

"Wait, wait, wait! You know how to cut up an animal? Why are you so bad at using knives in the field?"

"I hate using it against people. It's... too similar," you say with a small shudder before focusing back on the mission.

You catch a military flight back home three weeks later. You spend the trip curled up in the webbing and trying your best to nap after the week you had. Barely had time to clean up from the mission before you ran to the tarmac. Somehow, Ghost made it there long before you. Must be excited, you think, smiling up at the big guy.

Wrapping your arms around your dad and your big brothers doesn't feel like home, you realize with a pang. Not now that you are across the pond with the team. Price's gruff hug after a mission feels more comforting. Of course, part of it may be the glares they are shooting the "strange man" who walked in the door with you.

Introducing him isn't a disaster, per say, but for some reason, they had assumed you were bringing a woman when you told them a friend was tagging along. Luckily, tags haven't sold out since they assumed a woman friend wouldn't actually want to hunt, and you are able to get an elk tag for Ghost.

Your brothers mock him for living in a country without guns. The ribbing ends when he takes the rifle he is given apart for a thorough cleaning before putting it back together in record time. You know he is showing off and you also know that you won't have to clean the guns by yourself this year, which is a relief as your brothers and dad never seem to remember to clean them.

Your oldest brother talks about the moose he is going to get and the recipes he is going to make with it. You congratulate him on drawing a moose tag, too. He stares at you for a long moment before saying that he will be filling your tag and keeping the meat since you won't be able to take it all back.

"News to me. I got special permission and certification to bring back everything. I will be filling my tags and keeping what I get." Your brother looks like he's been slapped and opens his mouth to argue, but your dad steps in.

"Enough. You were supposed to ask, not make assumptions. She will be keeping what she kills, just as we have always done in this house."

The next morning, you wake up to see Ghost sitting and waiting in the chair next to your bed in the dark. The two of you sharing a bed had been an argument and a half the night before. It had only ended when you threatened to leave and stay at a hotel. You're more than capable of platonic sleeping, and you are old enough not to need to put up with their shit. It's still another two hours before the rest of the house will wake and three before you leave for hunting camp.

"Run?" You ask Ghost sweetly.

"Run," his deep voice responds. You manage good time, clocking in several miles before heading home, showering, and making breakfast. The bacon is finishing just as your dad ambles into the kitchen, dressed to go and yawning, but a smile on his face when he sees you cooking in the kitchen.

"You're up early, dear. Didn't need you to make breakfast for everyone," he says, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"Oh, I didn't. Bruvs are on their own. Asshats kept opening my door to look in last night. They're gonna oversleep, I'm sure," you say with a frustrated smile. Your dad chuckles and claps a hand on Ghost's shoulder in good spirits.

"Ready to put in some miles, son? Could be a long day."

"Lamb warned me. We did a short run so we wouldn't be too worn out be day's end," Ghost says politely. You shoot him a glare at the use of your nickname.

"Yeah, so we-" you try to interject.

"Lamb? Like what? Lamb to slaughter? That doesn't sound..." Your dad flounders on what to say.

Before you can salvage it, Ghost jokes, "More like a lamb sending men to slaughter. Your daughter can hold her own in the field." Your elbow to his side doesn't even slow him down.

"Field? You are consulting in the field now? It's too dangerous to be around all those amped up men, sweetie," your dad admonishes you gently as the three of you sit to eat a quick breakfast.

"Just sometimes. You know how much I love my desk, dad. If I didn't work out with Ghost, I'd get fat," you joke. You know your dad is skeptical, but he worries enough without knowing the true nature of your work. You miss the glance the two men exchange. Breakfast finished, you rope Ghost into loading the last of the gear with you, trying to keep him away from your dad.

It's only minutes before time to leave when you see your brothers stumbling out of the house to the truck. You make sure to sit between your middle sibling and Ghost. Annoyingly, your brother manspreads, squishing your legs over despite your protests. Ghost is nice enough to let you rest your legs against his, giving you a little more room. At least it's only a few hours to hunting camp. You made sure to bring your own tent and gear, so you and Ghost will be cozy the entire trip. You knew from the start that you didn't want your family to see your newly acquired scars, especially the burns on your back from last year's incident. Roasted pork had been permanently removed from your menu after that one.

"So, you two fuckin or what?" Your middle brother asks out of the blue about an hour into the trip.

"Or what," is your flat answer. No matter which is true, you're not one to kiss and tell.

"You ever hunted an elk before, boy?" You grimace at your brother's terrible mouth filter.

"Not elk, no," comes the answer from your other side.

"Oh, sheep? Antelope?" You try to intervene, but you're not fast or loud enough to drown out Ghost's answer.

"People." The rest of the ride is mercifully silent with your brothers seemingly absorbed in staring out the windows.

Reaching camp, you and Ghost work as a well-oiled machine. After so many months and especially after the time spent together in the last month in the field, you work silently and smoothly. You help your dad set up their tent, your brothers gearing up already to hunt instead. Between the three of you, camp is set in record time. Your dad begs off hunting, claiming he is going to take a nap after the early morning and long drive there.

Having pre-selected your hunting areas as a safety measure, the two of you set off into your designated zone. You let your brothers pick what they considered the prime area, hoping they would bag out early and give you time to fill your own tags. Luck is in the chilly air, though, as you see sign of a black bear not far from the trailhead. Stalking it, you realize it is stalking a herd of elk itself.

Setting up a shot can be difficult. It's even more so when you are hunting a predator. When you shoot your bear, Ghost takes down a big bull elk, too. You send him back to camp to grab your dad and get the animals ready to move. Your dad switches off with both of you to help pull the game back. You load them in the back of the truck and hug both of them excitedly, happy with the quick start to the trip. Two tags done and two to go. Your brothers have no such luck, and they are less than thrilled with your first day success.

You almost laugh when your brothers corner you later, demanding answers. "How could you bring someone like him?!" Your oldest brother is indignant.

"It's not like I work with fucking girl scouts. What did you think spec ops guys do?"

"You never said-" your brother starts.

"I said he was a coworker. The fuck do you think that means, idiot."

"All you do is push papers, course we assumed he did the same," your younger brother interjects.

"Whatever. He's here now. Deal with it and stop being rude to him," you growl out.

The next morning, you get up early and drive into the local butcher to drop off the elk and bear. You come back and set off on an all-day scout to find a moose. You find mostly older evidence of them around, but also spot another elk herd and sign of deer. Your brothers get one deer between them, and they celebrate as if it was a world record animal.

The third day, you roll out of bed antsy. "Run?" Ghost asks with a grin. "Run," you answer easily. This time, you push nearly ten miles before calling it quits. Coming back, sweaty, and flushed gets your brothers riled up. Your response is simple. "Keep your hair on, lads. We just went for walkies. Haven't been getting enough exercise in and eating too well with dad feeding us."

They both bristle at your casual use of British slang and storm off to hunt again, unwilling to even talk to you. Your dad shakes his head. "They'll never see anything crashing around like that."

"Nope. Dad, you take our section today. We are going to push further up and try to glass a moose, and we saw some good elk out our way." By the end of the day, you're tired, but you did find fresh sign, which is encouraging. Just as your dad had predicted, your brothers didn't see anything all day. Your dad, on the other hand, had opted to be picky and didn't take any shots, but saw many animals.

Day four, you decide not to go for a run. It could be a tiring day if you get a moose and have to haul it down. With that in mind, you stage extra gear partway up to be able to move a moose back to camp more easily. You finally glass the moose you've been tracking near mid-day, getting eyes on it for the first time. It's a huge bull, well over the minimum horn size. Your hands shaking slightly, you take the shot. The bull goes down after just a few steps. Processing it takes longer than any other game you've done, but with Ghost helping, you get back to camp not long after dark. Your brothers managed to shoot an elk today, and you celebrate with them, happy that they are happy.

That night, you wake up to a hand pressed to your mouth and a gentle voice shushing you in your ear. Another nightmare, you realize. Your whimpers had woken Ghost, and he covered your mouth before the screams started that would have woken up the entire camp. You thank him with a shaky voice, and he moves his sleeping bag next to yours, wrapping around you. It's what the team has done for months when in the field as a warm body next to yours staves off the screaming and whimpering. Though it doesn't help with the nightmares themselves.

You get up extra early and drop the game off at the processor before heading back to camp. Today is your last chance to fill tags if you want to bring the meat back, so you move fast tracking an elk herd. It takes most of the morning, but you manage to find them and drop a good-looking bull. Hauling it back, you are elated to have filled all of your tags in time.

When you reach camp, you see that your dad has finally gotten his deer, but your brothers were empty-handed again. They complain about not seeing anything. Unable to help yourself, you say, "Maybe if you didn't sound like a pair of trucks crashing through the woods, you'd see something." This sets them off. They think you are making shit up, again, and talking down to them.

You decide they are a lost cause at this point, but Ghost offers to show them a few tricks on moving silently through the forest. He jokes that he isn't as good as you, but he's good enough.

"That's just because she doesn't move. She just sits there waiting for someone else to do the work." Ghost just shakes his head, knowing he can't tell them any stories. Your dad watches you closely, realizing that there is something more going on here, but unable to pinpoint exactly what that something is.

The next morning, Ghost goes with your eldest brother, and you take your middle sibling into your section. You hope that separating them will help increase their chances of filling tags. Your brother pays closer attention than you'd thought he would, and his walking quiets tenfold. He keeps trying to talk to you until finally you snap at him.

"Please shut up. You can talk after you shoot something." Mercifully, he is quiet. You spot the elk herd you've been tracking and move him to set up the shot. He tries to silently argue about where to move to, but you glare until he follows your directions. He settles in and nearly spooks the herd, stepping on a stick as he shifts his body around. Thinking quickly, you almost perfectly imitate a young bull's call, which settles the cows and brings the bull closer to where the two of you are standing, looking for the challenging bull. Your brother successfully takes the shot. And he is ecstatic, whooping and hollering as the cows all take off into the surrounding forest, leaving you far behind.

You help your brother break the bull down for packing out. He looks a lot nervous at the size of one of the packs, clearly not looking forward to carrying it out, until you shoulder it easily. His surprise doesn't surprise you, though. Your brothers hadn't paid much attention to you after they moved out, and basically, none once you enlisted in the military. Upon reaching camp, you find that you are the first ones back. You help him load the elk into the back of the truck and make lunch silently. He looks like he wants to say something, but he never gets it out of his mouth. He spends the time simply standing around, thinking hard and barely interacting with you, though he is watching you closely.

When you hear heavy footsteps coming through the woods, you hurry to meet your dad, helping him drag his big elk back to camp. "Surprised you hauled it back yourself, old man," you tease.

"I've been dragging elk out of the woods for twice as long as you've been alive, girlie." The grin on his face couldn't be matched though when you load it up by yourself, waving him off. The last to return were not successful. It seems your older brother decided that he would show Ghost a thing or two and refused any advice or tips. Thus, he didn't see anything all day. You shoot a look of sympathy at Ghost. That couldn't have been easy to handle silently. He just rolls his eyes back at you, tapping his fingers on his thigh. You tap your fingers back at him and go back and forth in Morse Code. He tells you about how many deer your brother missed seeing sign of or scared off because he wouldn't shut up.

You share how your other brother did, and he smiles at the success you had with him. He tells you that you should take your older brother for one last morning hunt on the sixth day. Maybe you can make him shut the hell up.

Sighing out loud, you say, "Bro, I'll take you out tomorrow morning instead of Ghost. We will get your tag filled." Your brother agrees and mentions that he will show you how it is done, which makes everyone laugh at him.

"Bruv, we are filling your tag. I filled all of mine already. Seems I need to show you how it's done."

He sputters, and your younger brother adds, "It took us just two hours to find a herd of elk. She knows what she's doing, bro. Better hunter than me, for sure." This makes your oldest brother glower, but he finally shuts up.

In the morning, he tries to tell you what to do, and you finally tell him to knock it off after about twenty minutes. He growls, "I'm the oldest. I'm in charge."

You laugh quietly and respond, "Whatever, if you think age is all that matters, you're an idiot. Let's go, and if you want that deer, you'll listen to me. Ghost told me how many you missed or scared off by being too loud and cocky yesterday."

"He what?! Why didn't he tell me? We could have filled my tag yesterday!"

"Probably because you're being such an asshole to him." You shrug like it's the clearest thing in the world because to you it is. Grumbling, your brother follows you. Gradually, he picks up on your mannerisms and his walking quiets, but it still sounds like a moose shoving through a bush most of the time. You stop suddenly, and he nearly runs into you, not paying attention. Grabbing a bit of hair from a bush, you show him silently before walking on quieter than before. Slowly, sign becomes more frequent, and finally, you spot the deer herd. Your brother gets his deer, a big buck, and you help him break it down and load it into the packs. You add both hindquarters to one pack, and he complains that you're trying to load him too heavy. When you shoulder the heavier pack, he then jokes meanly that you're just showing off.

"Just give me that one. I don't want to have to switch off partway down because you're tired," he crows. You ignore him and set off down the trail, too annoyed to even respond to his rudeness. A grunt follows you as he shoulders his pack. At the halfway point, he is nearly wheezing with the added weight of the head on his pack.

"I need... to... stop..." he huffs. "This pack... is too... heavy..."

You wave at him to stop, and when he does, you walk around him and unhook the head from the top of his pack. Hefting it over your shoulders, you use the antlers to keep it in place at the top of your pack. "Let's go. We don't have all day," you call back to him. You can feel his stare as you hump down the mountain, moving faster now that he isn't slowing you down as much. Luckily, it's only a few miles to camp because you're exhausted after hauling so much on your back. Your dad scolds you that you should have sent someone back to get the rest of them to help, and you shrug it off.

"No sense in wasting time, dad. We got it down just fine." Happily, the three of them already have camp broken down except for the makeshift shower area. You've mostly avoided using it, just wiping down with a washcloth, but the deer head bled on your neck and down your back the whole way. "Ghost, can you help check me for ticks," you ask quietly as you strip off your gear before walking to the shower. Your brothers grumble about the two of you showering together, but you don't care as Ghost is the only one you trust to do it and the only one that knows why you won't wear tank tops very often anymore.

When you're nearly finished, Ghost convinces you to put lotion over your burn scars as they are flaring up from the lack of it in the last few days. He walks out in just a pair of shorts and shoes to dig through your pack, ignoring the suspicious stares of your brothers and their stares at his scarred torso. You manage to bite back the moan when Ghost swipes over the first scar, but not the whimper of pain when he brushes the second, which is severely inflamed. He whispers an apology and continues, knowing that you hate pausing part way when treating them, even if it hurts badly.

When you walk out fully dressed and he is still in just shorts, your brothers shoot him similar dirty looks. "Couldn't keep it in your pants a minute longer, eh?" says your younger brother angrily.

"You're disgusting! Havin sex with my sister feet away from her family," adds your older brother.

"Shut up, idiots. He was rubbing lotion on my s-back. I needed it done, and I can't reach the dry skin there easily," you growl at them.

"We know you're lying. You're disgusting. Can't believe you, seriously."

Your dad sees the stubborn set of your eyes and the hurt beneath. His sons have gone too far, he knows. "Knock it off, boys. You've been nothing but rude this entire trip, and I'm sick of it."

"But dad...!"

"Sugar, just tell them. You've been stepping around questions and hiding yourself long enough," Ghost's voice cuts through the air.

"You gay or somethin? Would make sense, but you know we don't care," your oldest brother says as he just can't help himself. It makes you mad enough to about face away from them and rip your shirt off angrily, showing them your back.

"No, bruv. He means I should show you why I couldn't make it on the trip last year. The things I hide by telling you that I consult for the Task Force rather than telling you that I am a member of the task force. I... I haven't wanted to worry you, dad." You nearly whisper the last in the complete silence that follows. Ghost rests a hand on your shoulder, watching their reactions carefully. Their eyes trace up and down the burns that mar the middle of your back and dipping down below the waist of your pants.

"You called from the hospital," your dad says finally. The pieces are clicking into place for him. "I remember hearing the beeping in the background, and you sounded... stressed."

"It was a long recovery. They had to harvest donor skin, but luckily, I got to be a guinea pig on a new treatment that sped things up," you say quietly.

"How did this happen? Why weren't we notified? You didn't let us visit or anything?!" You're surprised to hear your middle brother sounding upset. You take the time to fix your shirt, thinking about what to say.

"I was on a mission. There was a complication, and it bollocksed up the whole thing." You pause as you think back to it. "Anyway, I got caught under some burning shit and yea, this happened."

The glare Ghost gives you has you rolling your eyes at the intimidating man. "You forgot the part where you held a burning timber up to save someone and crawled out on your own, refusing to medivac until the mission objective was completed. I think that adds a few important details to the whole thing."

"And...what were you doing when this happened," your oldest brother demands.

"He was shooting anyone who tried to come near us. Saved my life, he did," you say with a grateful smile up at Ghost.

"So, you've been lying to us about your job and getting hurt, and what else? How do we know what to believe now? You only make it back here once a year, after all." Your oldest brother sounds betrayed, his tone accusing.

You just shrug and shake your head, ignoring his questions and accusations. "You gonna shower before we go, or can we break camp and head home?"

"Let's go. I want away from you as fast as possible," he sneers, turning away from you angrily.

"Fine with me," you say in a flat voice. You take down the last few tarps and drain the water with Ghost's help. The trip to the processor and back home is silent in the car, your dad and brothers thinking heavily on what they learned today while you and Ghost simply enjoy the peace and quiet. As soon as you get home, your oldest brother leaves, tires squealing as he takes off in his truck. You just shake your head, disappointed that he's still got his head so far up his ass after all this time.

You pack the meat from the butcher into coolers for the trip home to London. "You should probably call Captain and tell him to pick up another freezer or two," Ghost jokes as more and more coolers are filled and packed into the back of the truck you rented.

"I had three delivered while we were gone," you grin up at him. "Good thing I got my permission ahead of time. Captain is dying to try this stuff."

"You think they'll let you on with it all? It's more than I expected, and I thought I had a pretty good idea of what to expect," he says, a little worried.

"Oh, I grabbed bribe jerky from the butcher. They'll be excited enough not to care once I pass it around," you say with a knowing smile.

"You know the way to a man's heart, luv."

"Yes, ordnance and explosives," you quip with a loud laugh, making him grin down at you.

Telling your middle brother and dad goodbye the next morning is hard. They both hold tightly to you, and you nearly have to pry your dad off when you go to leave, his worries making him want to hold you tight and keep you safe.

"I'll be back next year, I promise. We probably will need to hunt extra, knowing how much the team will love this meat," you assure him with a smile, pressing a kiss to his cheek. You drive back to the air strip, happy to have ended things on a better note.

"So, yer dad is the dog's bollocks. Brothers are shite though," Ghost says as you drive away. You laugh. It's all you can do. When you show up with a pallet of coolers, the flight crew is ready to deny you until you hand over your certificates and small box of jerky to share between them. They eagerly call over the forklift to load the pallet, and you spend the whole trip listening to hunting stories from their childhood and telling your own with Ghost listening quietly at your side.

Captain Price is there waiting on the tarmac when you land. His eyes bulge when he sees how many coolers you brought back. "I take it the hunt was successful then," he teases.

"Yeah, just a bit. Bet you thought the freezers were overkill, eh?"

He laughs, "You know I did. Set them up anyway. Welcome home, kids," he says, ruffling your hair as he wraps you in a hug and gripping Ghost's arm in a friendly squeeze. You smile up at him, happy to be home with your team.

#ghost cod #cod #cod fluff #cod x female reader #simon ghost riley

[niningtori]

see me | chapter three: just out of reach

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

summary: after another failed relationship, you're ready to accept your fate as hopeless. choi beomgyu has other plans, though. or, beomgyu's your best friend's little brother and he's tired of you treating him like a kid.

genre: romance, angst, angst with a happy ending, best friend's brother au

word count: 2.2k

notes: it's my favorite person's birthday, so of course i have to post. i love beomgyu so much, y'all. also, i really do plan on making a masterlist soon i SWEAR. i just haven't yet :,). see end of work for more notes :)

beomgyu tries every trick in the book, but nothing seems to help. he tries lessening the gap between you physically to see if it translates to emotionally, but you just brush off every encounter like he's some fucking kid tugging on the back of a grownup's shirt.

he puts on the clothes that he knows suit him best, the ones that drive all the girls crazy, but the most you ever do is compliment him with "i like your shirt, beomie!" and ruffle his silky hair just like you always have.

he even tries lowering his already baritone voice and whispering seductively from behind you, but all you do is ask him if there's something in his throat and giggle as his breath tickles your ear. it feels like he's putting on an entire monkey show for a brick wall, that's about how unresponsive you are to his advances. he almost wonders how you even got into your past relationships in the first place because you seem so oblivious it hurts.

"quick, what else can i do to get her to fall for me?" he texts his friends in a crisis. the trip is over tomorrow and he's made no material progress. he looks to them for the millionth time this week and by now they're all thinking the same thing: it's hopeless. still, the more pitying ones, kai and soobin, tiptoe around that thought while yeonjun and taehyun tell him in no uncertain terms that this entire endeavor is fruitless. it stings, if he's being honest, but in a way, he kind of knows they're right. he's becoming increasingly less subtle, but you seem to be unmoved by every action.

-

"why don't we go to a bar tonight?" yijun suggests in honor of your last night of vacation.

"i'm in," jia replies with a smile.

you heartily agree and decide to dress yourself up a little more than usual. your self confidence has taken yet another blow from yet another unfaithful partner, so the act of putting on makeup and a pretty outfit does wonders for your confidence, but beomgyu is more anxious than ever when he spots you in the outfit you've chosen for the bar. you're always pretty to him, as cliché and insincere as that may sound, but he knows you'll be turning even more heads than usual tonight. he imagines a man piquing your interest right in front of him and it makes his stomach churn. no way in hell is he gonna let that happen —

— is what he says, at least. but some random stranger piquing your interest is the least of his worries now that you're actually at the bar. never in his wildest dreams did he foresee what is actually happening before him right now, which is you being pulled away with a dazed look on your face by none other than doyoon himself.

"what the fuck is he doing here?" and it sounds so much like his own inner monologue he almost thinks it was he himself who said it, but he turns and sees jia with her signature scowl and knows it was actually her.

"that's what i wanna know," beomgyu mumbles.

"who is that?" yijun asks cluelessly.

"that's doyoon," jia answers with venom laced in her tone.

"oh shit, the doyoon?"

"the one and only," jia sneers. "fuck it, i'm going to get her!"

"baby, no," yijun reasons incredibly patiently. "you've gotta let her make decisions for herself. let her do what she needs to do."

"what she needs to do is get her ass back here."

"don't you trust her?" he asks with a frown.

"when it comes to doyoon? nope. not at all." beomgyu flinches at this. he'd been there and heard firsthand just how desperate you were to keep a connection with doyoon after your breakup. there were countless times when he overheard jia scolding you for texting him even after he essentially ripped your heart out, set it ablaze, and stomped on the ashes.

"you shouldn't have to beg somebody to love you, you know?" he remembers jia reasoning.

"i know that, it's just — i just really love him. i don't know who i am without him," you said between tears.

"that's exactly why you don't need him," jia replied softly.

he stopped listening after that. his heart broke with yours for the first — and certainly not the last — time.

beomgyu can't take it. honestly? you haven't even been gone for very long, but when he thinks of the fact that you're out talking to doyoon of all people, he can't help but take a large gulp of whatever liquor he can get his hands on. he's very obviously staring at you talking to doyoon, but you seem without a care in the world if the smile on your face is any indication as to how you're feeling. he can feel the fiery alcohol bubbling up in his stomach as it churns at the possibilities of what could be happening between you two. are you letting him back into your life? does that sentiment even apply when his mark seems to have never really left in the first place? he doesn't know. if he thinks about it carefully, maybe he never wants to know.

-

"how are you?" doyoon asks with the charming smile you used to love so much.

"i..." you hesitate to answer. if you're being honest, you're not doing too hot at the moment and haven't been in a very long time. doyoon seems to take your hesitation as an answer in and of itself.

"yeah, i'm not doing so well, either," he says with a ghost of a smile.

"really?" you ask, head whipping up towards him before you can reel yourself back in. doyoon was always doing well, and even when he wasn't, nobody would be able to tell.

"really."

"why not?" you can't help but ask.

"if i told you my career is at a dead end, would you laugh and tell me i deserve it?"

"... i don't know."

"thank you for not knowing instead of just saying you would," he laughs. "you know, you're a lot kinder than i ever deserved for you to be." you're taken aback by this. you can't believe he's referencing your past relationship in a positive way. after your one-sided breakup, you tried to keep in contact with him in every way possible until he straight up told you you were being pathetic. his words, not your own. what you're even more surprised at, however, is how much you don't care. your heart doesn't seem to clench at the mere sight of his face, let alone at his emotionally provocative words.

"you know, i have no right to say this, but i'm going to, anyway. i'm sorry for what i did to you. really, i am. and if you ever want to get a drink with me sometime, i'd really like to make it up to you."

"i can't believe you have the nerve to say that to me," you counter without missing a beat, shocking even yourself. it only takes you about a millisecond to realize how much you mean it, though. doyoon is floored, to say the very least, but he regains his composure smoothly, just like he always does.

"i figured, but i still thought i'd ask. i know you have someone now, too. i guess it's shameless of me to ask." you stare at him quizzically. could he be talking about donghyun? he can't be. there's no way he'd know about him.

"what do you mean?"

"oh wow, i'm surprised he hasn't told you yet."

"wait, what? who?" you're a little tipsy, so his circuitous way of talking is making your head spin.

"well, if you don't know, i'm sure you will soon," he smirks as he locks eyes with beomgyu, who is currently glaring daggers at him from across the bar.

"i'll let you go," he sighs. "it was nice talking to you, even if you secretly want me to fuck off and never speak to me again." you actually crack a smile at this.

"you know what? it was nice talking to you, too."

you needed this. you needed some tangible closure and you finally have it. as you walk back to your party, you feel lighter than you have in a long, long time. you're finally prepared to fully let go.

-

the night sky is alight with white stars and the salty air is cool against your bare legs. the sound of waves billowing back and forth lull you into a trance, but your reverie is broken by the sound of someone stumbling behind you.

"beomie?"

"hi," he greets a little too loudly while plopping down beside you unceremoniously. you can't help but giggle at how drunk he is. what a cute kid, you think.

"what are you doing out here so late? you should be sleeping it off by now," you tease, nudging his shoulders with yours. you almost notice him lean into your touch, but you don't quite catch it.

"just wanna think," he says.

"about what?"

"a lot of things," he shrugs. you hum in understanding.

"you know, we never got to finish our conversation the other day. what's been bugging you lately?"

he pauses for a moment.

"i'm kinda hung up on someone, honestly," he admits with a lopsided smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes and you're genuinely stunned. he's never been particularly open about any girls he's been involved with, though there have been many based on what jia says. you'd be lying if you said you're not curious to know what kind of girl has the power to make the seemingly impenetrable beomgyu anxious, but you're mainly worried about how he's feeling.

"oh no, what happened?" you ask, sincerely concerned.

"nothing happened," he deadpans. "nothing ever happens. that's the problem." your brows knit in confusion.

"so you haven't made a move on her? why?" you can't fathom why beomgyu of all people would feel like this. he's never seemed to have an issue with getting whoever and whatever he wanted.

"i've tried, but i don't think she's interested in me in that way," he hints as nonchalantly as he can manage in his decidedly not-so-sober state. truthfully, he's not doing the best job at being discreet, either. but you don't notice a thing.

"i don't think that's true. i'm sure if you opened up to her she'd like you. you just have to be vulnerable and who knows? maybe she's interested but just doesn't know how to say it. she probably thinks you don't like her, honestly." his hazy eyes light up with hope. do you know you're the girl in question? are you both talking around the same point?

"you really think so?" he asks, heart racing. even through his drunkenness, he's putting the pieces together, albeit incorrectly.

"of course i do! i mean, you're a catch," you giggle and his heart flutters. "just be yourself and i'm sure you'll get somewhere with her. you can be so hard to read sometimes. maybe she just needs a little push?" the next second, your breath hitches as you feel warm lips latching onto yours. beomgyu is gripping your face with an intensity you've never known before. his lips are nice and warm, if a little chapped, while his eyes are scrunched shut with his long, dark eyelashes trembling in the moonlight. you gasp when he trails his hand down to the small of your back and he takes the opportunity to enter your mouth with his alcohol-laden tongue wrapping around yours. it's easy to melt into the feeling of pure heat with someone, especially when you're tipsy, so you do. you feel yourself melting further into his touch, but when he moans into the kiss, you finally register exactly who that someone is and push him off in a hurry.

"what the hell are you doing?!" you exclaim. you're panting now, face flushed and lips swollen, all thanks to him. he's absolutely fascinated by that fact. hypnotized, even.

"what do you mean?" he asks while blinking his big, watery eyes. he looks so innocent you almost can't believe he's the one who was snaking his tongue down your throat mere moments ago. oh. his tongue was down your throat mere moments ago. the thought itself has you sputtering out questions before your mind can quite catch up.

"w-what do you mean what do i mean? why'd you k-kiss me?"

"'cause i wanted to. 'cause i love you."

the world around you implodes and alarms blare in your ear. what the hell? you've only ever seen beomgyu as a good friend and maybe even a brother, but this? this was simply unprecedented. you would've never in a million years guessed that he harbored even a fraction of a non-platonic feeling for you. he must be drunk out of his fucking mind.

"i just love you so much," he slurs with his lisp in full effect. it's almost as if he can hear your thoughts and is intent on dispelling them.

you hesitate to reply and have the sorriest look on your face, so even in his current state he immediately understands that he misread the signs.

"beomie," you begin slowly and he winces. "i don't—"

"hey, i know. you don't have to tell me. i know," he says simply. "i was the one who misunderstood. you can forget this ever happened." he rises from your side and starts to walk away.

"beomie, wait!" you exclaim.

and, of course, he waits. you've always been able to gently twist his heartstrings in between your fingertips.

"yes?"

"i'm just.. i just don't want to lose you. you mean so much to me."

"you won't." and you never will. that's the problem.

you're at a loss for words, but he just smiles as if he already understands everything you can't seem to verbalize and it breaks your heart. why does it feel like he's the one babying you? with that, he turns away and resumes walking back to the house. you don't stop him this time. you don't have the guts to.

notes pt. 2: r u mad at me? i know i said this will probably be the final chapter, but there's so much more to say. i'm thinking there will probably be one or two more before i finally feel like the story has run its course. also, my pacing is so shit but i'm working on it <3 bear with me please! also, feedback is always appreciated! i'm a words of affirmation kind of gal.

#niningtori #see me #txt angst #txt fic #beomgyu #txt beomgyu #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu x you #beomgyu fic #txt #tomorrow x together #txt imagines #txt scenarios #txt headcanons #beomgyu imagines #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu headcanons

[kiwiana-writes]

I dont think anyone subscribes to you for t rated 5 +1s in your own au lol. Chop chop with those wip’s porn girl!

Well. Quite a bit to unpack here on an otherwise unassuming Friday!

#1:

#2: I actually track this stuff. Admittedly the E-rated percentage is a bit higher if you look at RWRB only, but overall...

#3: I think anyone who subscribes to me on AO3, or indeed anyone who follows the kiwiana-writes tag here on tumblr and sees all those fucking WIPs, knows that I like to write a bit of variety. That's not to say there aren't definite underpinnings of, like, themes and vibes that I return to over and over (which I can only assume are why people subscribe to me), but if someone only likes my college AUs, or only likes my post-canon stuff, or only likes my E-rated stuff, or only wants to listen to my podfics, they're probably going to have a much more successful time saving the tag search than subscribing to me at the author level. Or they've mastered the art of archiving and moving on without complaining about it, like I do when the authors I'm subscribed to write something that doesn't interest me. It's a useful skill! I highly recommend cultivating it.

#4: AO3 not giving series stats is and continues to be the bane of my life, but based on the number of people who subscribed to the OG actor AU, there's probably a significant chunk of people who aren't subscribed to me as an author and only want the actor AU verse stuff. And good for them! I LOVE that AO3 offers multiple ways to subscribe so you can get notified for the stuff you want (my kingdom for the ability to subscribe to individual pseuds, though.)

#5: This fandom is OVERFLOWING right now. Like, I can't keep up. You only want to read E-rated stuff? Awesome! Well over 100 E-rated fics have been posted in the RWRB bookverse tag just this week (it looks like most of the movieverse smut has also been tagged bookverse, but either way it's also very easy to find). Or go back to older fics and find some hidden gems—there's nothing an author loves more than for someone to come in and gush about a fic they wrote a year or two ago.

#6: You don't pay me, and I'm not subject to annual review. One of my favourite authors was talking this morning about how sometimes she thinks about taking a break from writing for RWRB because it's starting to feel a little rat racey, and that would suck for me personally because I love her stuff but god knows I couldn't blame her, because the (extreme minority but still exhausting) entitled comments and rudeness really do not help. Stop treating your favourite authors like content creators who owe you something new on a regular schedule, because that's a damn good way to ensure they don't want to create anything new ever again. Like... anon, you haven't even bothered to couch this in a compliment. The bar is ten feet underground and somehow you still managed to trip over it.

#7: Not to be all 'back in my day' but... well, back in my day, snippets and peeks into the universe of a remotely popular longfic were pretty much the standard lol. Nobody is forcing you to read them, I promise.

#8: I've posted two E-rated fics in the last two weeks.

#9: Honestly I just really want to reiterate #1 because what the hell lol. While pronouns don't equal gender, it's pretty reasonable to extrapolate from pronouns if you don't have any other info to go on—and of the three "main/standard" pronouns, the one most closely associated with 'girl' is the only one that ISN'T in my bio 🤦

#anonymous

[jennyandvastraflint]

No, actually, you know what I would write for Yaz/13/Mels? (WOULD being the imperative word here)

No fam, thasmin pre-flux. The Doctor is chasing through the Universe for the Division and doesn't tell Yaz anything and it is FRUSTRATING. And then one day she's like "You know what, we need a break. How do you feel about being my date to the wedding I'm about to crash?" And 'break' sounds amazing and did she say DATE? So Yaz agrees.

And then she has to deal with

The Doctor insisting on going as 'Sonya Khan' ("Deep cover, Yaz!" Yaz really doesn't want to think of her as her baby sister)

The Doctor staring longingly at: The bride. The groom. The random woman with the space hair who's there for like 2 seconds.

The bride getting up in the middle of the speeches and calling for the Doctor - who gestures at Yaz not to react despite the woman's pleas.

The TARDIS suddenly landing in the middle of the wedding reception

Some MAN coming out the TARDIS ("Is that... you?" "Long time ago, we need to make sure he doesn't realise who I am")

The Doctor dancing with the bride and the groom and basically anyone at the wedding but Yaz

The OTHER Doctor talking to her and oh wow it IS the Doctor it is HER and Yaz has thought she was exclusively into woman and WHY does she find him attractive anyway of all men this doesn't make sense also he's not HER Doctor but he IS and this is all too much. But he's nice. And a terrible dancer. (The Doctor is a terrible dancer too but Yaz knew that already). And he offers her a trip in the box, he might have some vacancies soon. (she declines for obvious reasons)

A woman arriving extremely late into the night, clad in biker gear and the Doctor going very still before basically flinging herself at the woman. The woman - Mels - flirting with her SHAMELESSLY despite meeting Yaz (and yes they are here as 'sisters' but honestly you don't react to sisters by flirting openly with both of them either even if they obviously aren't blood related)

Somehow ending up in the Doctor's arms for the one slow couple dance (How did that happen, they haven't danced at all that night and wasn't the Doctor practically making out with Mels just now? Also wow she is surprisingly not as terrible at slow dance)

Not making out with Mels but scoring her number "in case her and her girlfriend want to meet up sometime for tea or... other stuff" (she does not correct the girlfriend thing and it feels thrilling. Also she is pretty sure, Mels would have made out with her as well if she was a) a little more out the closet and b) a little more comfortable with making out with a stranger)

Being dragged behind some shrubs in the garden to watch mystery woman with space hair from earlier talk to other Doctor basically implying they are married and then disappearing and other Doctor getting into the TARDIS with the bride and groom and tbe Doctor being a mess from that point on and not getting better for a WEEK

After that week has passed: the Doctor commenting that she had always wondered why Mels hadn't killed her that night. "Turns out we were keeping her occupied." (Yes I know Mels claims not to have been at the wedding but COME ON. That didn't happen. Those are her best friends and her parents and she definitely does weddings. So she lied because she is embarrassed about not killing the Doctor earlier or we're deleting that dialogue or whatever)

Realising (after a LOT of probing) that the woman they spent the wedding with - the third woman in her life to make her realise that yep she's very gay - has killed the Doctor. Twice. But she got better so it's all good. "Keep that number, might come in handy."

Not getting a proper explanation for any of that either

Okay, yes, I know the Doctor wouldn't do this. (Also it does not really have enough Mels for my tastes but anyway). But we know she is going through it before Flux so who knows? She might? Just take a short trip down memory lane?

Also, yes, poor, poor Yaz. I know. But it would be delightfully chaotic, wouldn't it?

Okay first of all I'm so sorry I didn't read this earlier!

It sounds fabulous! Love me some Thasmin (also I realised right at the end the wedding was Amy and Rory's, not really quickly getting things today, are we)

Gosh, River, and Mels, and Rory, and Amy, great chaos for Thasmin. Absolutely agree it would be chaotic as fuck XD

Can't wait for you to write it! (btw I did read the hair braiding fic you suggested to me and it was most exquisite, fluffiest fluff <3)

#thasmin #thirteenth doctor #mels zucker #yasmin khan #river song #amy pond #rory williams #doctor who #ask

[omegothic]

opinion on ffxv after 75 hours of playing (and one hour of running in circles to level gladio's skill up) (still haven't played any of the dlcs but i'm gonna take a break or something for a few days because i severely neglected my university stuff and spent most of the last week obsessively playing this game)

i love this game. am i tired? hell yeah. would i want all these hours back? hell no.

the game is a mystery to me.

the sidequests are genshin impact open world quests level (which means that if i hear anyone talking, i'm pressing the skip button because i don't give a fuck). you listen to someone yapping about unimportant stuff and they make you collect the same shit over and over again. peak game design.

the main quests are good but the ending made me age 10 years in a week. there's NO NEED for these tragedies. boy you literally have the power of gods on your side and they tell you the only way to get rid of the big bad villain is to kill yourself? sounds like bullshit to me. also why even bother if there's only a few thousands people left in the world. you already lost, all this stuff had to be done 10 years ago to have any meaning. and there's no way the world didn't just implode or something when the sun stopped rising. the true ending is noctis getting spat out of the crystal and realising everyone is long gone because there's no sunlight.

the mentally ill hobo could have been more cooperative too geez. i'll be honest i like him much more than the six. and everyone's like "oh gods are helping you" no they hate me and want me to die for no reason. i'd rather join forces with ardyn and try to take them down. even if he did a lot of questionable stuff (cough- killed my bride -cough-cough- and her brother -cough- also kidnapped my friend and tortured him-)

the hunts are kinda fun when it's a big monster but when it's a bunch of goblins i'm like,,, why did you call me here? ngl i thought all hunts would be like the first one, it was truly cool. there was some kind of plot, some interactions with my friends, some stealth, the monster seemed really tough (meanwhile me, fighting the lvl 99 adamantoise 65 hours later: the ring of lucii go brrr-)

the dungeons are ass. i thought nothing could be as disorienting as daggerfall's randomly generated dungeons but they really managed to do a miracle with ffxv. although the dungeons in ffxv are not scary at all, that's the difference.

the open world is okay. there're some interesting places (when you first see the big mysterious creature in the lake you're like do i have to fight it?? can i get closer to it?? what is this??) and the nature is beautiful. altissia looks majestic but sadly there's not much to do. i appreciate the hard work tho.

using regalia was a delight. when you want to take a break and just look at the landscape you can just sit still with a controller in your hands and enjoy the ride. really therapeutic. don't drive at night when you're low level though... listen to ignis. ignis is always right.

the camp life is by far the best out of all games i've had an experience with. there's so many little details everywhere that you cannot help but adore your companions. it's the way every time you make camp you get a bunch of photos prompto took since the last break. it's the way your companions talk to you almost all the time and you truly feel like you are on a road trip with your friends. it's the way gladio calls you out on your bullshit and afterwards you want to bite his head off each time you talk to him. it's the way ignis cooks for the entire party and makes you help him sometimes. i just love the way friendship is portrayed here.

what was not as good is luna and noct's relationship. there was not enough of luna. yes she loves noct but why? yes noct loves luna but why? luna literally appeared in the plot for two minutes and then tragically died. i think it's really bad. also imagine not seeing your bride for 12 years, when you finally meet her again she immediately dies, then you spend 10 years trapped in a crystal, fucking die and then get to marry your bride. honey it's been 22 years since i last talked to you in person. i'm NOT marrying a random woman in the afterlife (no hate for luna, just this love story didn't seem convincing enough). hopefully i'm gonna see what they wrote in the dawn of the future soon (please pray so that my amazon package doesn't get lost 🙏)

the music is incredible. the woman who wrote the soundtrack is my goddess and i am a devout worshipper 🙏🙏🙏

so, why is the game a mystery to me? because no other game could make me endure 75 hours of boring side quests. i managed to play hogwarts legacy for 44 hours and i despised that game when i finished it. i despised it long before i finished it. but not ffxv. they could make me do all this boring stuff again and i would do it (not for free tho because i've got better things to do with my time 🤣)

i enjoyed ffxv a lot. it also made me depressed for a week because ending a game like that should be a crime. i think i'm gonna do a few last quests after that but there's not much left (and i'm not looking for more because if i think i am done then i am done). not sure how long episodes gladiolus, prompto and ignis are gonna take, but they're also in my plans (no ardyn tho, gotta go watch some playthrough). there's also anime and a film so plenty of content for me. and i am waiting for the arrival of my book 🫡

(noticed that there's nothing about the combat. well it's because i don't care. i don't like combat. i don't like it in any game. i prefer to flee)

#ffxv #final fantasy #final fantasy 15 #final fantasy xv

[marlo-noni]

Thank you @cynosurus for asking if I've ever written about my Mandarin learning journey, because I haven't, and I have stuff to say about it!

So, why and how did this middle-aged white lady learn Chinese? Here's the first part of that story, which focuses on why and how I started, and gets pretty introspective.

First of all, I was born and raised in the suburbs of Vancouver, Canada, and I've lived in Vancouver proper since 2003. We have a very large Chinese-Canadian population. As of 2009, about 30% of people in Vancouver have some Chinese ancestry.

I've always been really into languages. In my first year of university, I studied Latin, and the grammar was so difficult that I wasn't motivated to continue studying a dead language.

So in my second year, in 1999, I started studying Mandarin. I thought (1) it would be a challenge, (2) it's a very useful language to know in Vancouver, (3) I grew up around a lot of overt anti-Asian racism and wanted to combat that, and (4) I wanted to learn more about the Chinese culture that was always around me but that I knew practically nothing about. It also helped that my grandmother, always a free thinker, had been practicing tai chi since 1980 (the year I was born), and my grandparents went on a trip to China in the mid-90s and came back with interesting photos and stories.

I think it also must have been in the zeitgeist in the 90s that Asian culture was cool, and white people wanted to appropriate it. I was certainly into J-pop and anime by then, and I actually wore a qipao to grad (Canadian equivalent of senior prom) that I bought in Chinatown. If you've seen or read Scott Pilgrim, which takes place in Toronto (which also has a very large Chinese population) in the 90s, that gives you a bit of an idea of white Canadians' relationship with Chinese-Canadians at that time.

I say all this just to make it clear that although very few white people in my community studied Chinese back then, and one of the reasons I started studying it was anti-racism, I wasn't some galaxy-brained politically pure being. I had good intentions, but I still lived in that time and did a lot of the same ignorant stuff other white people did. I had Chinese friends, but I cringe when I think of some of the things I said to them and did back then. It has been a decades-long learning process for me.

I'm also very lucky that my university (the University of British Columbia, aka UBC) has an extremely robust Asian Studies program. My Chinese* classes were very intensive - 2 hours long, 4 times a week, with language labs on top of that (I can't remember anymore how long). We got 6 credits per semester instead of 3 because it was double the coursework and class time of a regular class. Because I intended to minor in Chinese, I also took Asian Studies classes, including a general overview of Asian history (2 semesters long), modern Chinese literature in translation, and early Chinese dynastic history.

I studied Chinese in university for 3 years. UBC had two Chinese language streams - one for "non-heritage" speakers, and one for "heritage speakers". They interviewed all the students beforehand to decide which stream we should be in. Being in the non-heritage stream made it nearly impossible to minor or major in Chinese, simply because it takes so long to learn. I would estimate we were only at HSK 2, approaching HSK 3, by the time my third year was done. But the fourth year, the last year, placed all the heritage and non-heritage students together, and the fourth-year classes were reading Chinese literature. One girl in my class, who'd lived in Taiwan before and was the best student in our class, went to speak with a fourth-year professor to ask if she could take his class because she wanted to minor in Chinese. He basically told her it would be impossible. I can understand the university's dilemma, though. I don't know how they teach it now - if they've ever come up with a solution. I think now there are probably more non-heritage students who studied Mandarin in high school. That simply wasn't an option when I was growing up.

The other thing is that I wasn't a great student in university, because I hadn't yet been diagnosed with depression and wouldn't be until my 5th year (I was also working part-time, so I did fewer classes and attended for an extra year). University was slowly making my mental illness worse until I finally had a breakdown in my final year. So my first year of studying Chinese, I got pretty good grades, but by my third year (fourth year of being in university), I was getting C+'s.

So by the time I was done university, I'd say I was at about HSK 2 level, and it was time for me to start working. From then on, any Chinese study I did would be self-study, and like many people's hobbies, my interest waxed and waned over time. More on that in future posts.

(*)at that time, UBC didn't teach Cantonese, even though the vast majority of the Chinese diaspora in Vancouver spoke it. I think that's been historically true for most West Coast cities in North America, although that has been changing. So the only option at that time was Mandarin. Also, we learned simplified characters.

#me #mandarin #中文

[koreanbibliophilegirl]

I am so curious about bedrock bros persuasion fic. share? :eyes:

OMG ANTIMONY-MEDUSA???????? o_O

Oh gosh, umm okay!! Hehe😅 Soooooo, basically, it started bc I LOVE LOVE LOVE Jane Austen(I'm not into romance stories, but Jane Austen's humor, and the neat way she handled the romances had me hooked), and Persuasion is one of my favorite Austen works!

Unfortunately, the 2022 Persuasion adaptation wasn't very..... um. Yeah. You can guess.

So that got me thinking about the theme & story of Persuasion. A little wandering of the thoughts, and boom. Bedrock Bros Persuasion AU.

This is gonna get a bit long, be warned:

So basically, Techno's family fostered/adopted Theseus, and the two boys get very close. Except their parents unexpectedly die, and Theseus gets sent off to foster care again while it's arranged for Techno to go live with his uncle Schlatt and cousin Tubbo. Techno would rather stay with Theseus, but ppl tell him Theseus would have a better chance at adoption if he was on his own since he's 11, and Techno is 16. Plus, Schlatt is really busy and doesn't think he could raise another 11-year-old kid. Techno REALLY doesn't want to let Theseus go on his own, but ultimately decides Theseus would be happier with another family(either the foster system is better in this universe, or Techno doesn't know it sucks. I haven't fleshed this bit out very well yet😅).

Theseus takes it about as well as you'd expect him to, and their last few days together are filled with bitter, sour silence.

Timeskip to like 5 years later, at the start of summer. Techno is a 21-year-old college student who's back for summer break, in the small town where he lives. Tubbo talks about the new neighbors who moved in recently, they have two kids, and the younger one, Tommy, is Tubbo's age. They've become fast friends, and the next day, after Schlatt leaves for a week(?)-long business trip, Tubbo takes Techno to meet the neighbors, and, turns out this Tommy Craft kid is Theseus. Theseus- Tommy now- is very much Not Pleased, and since Phil and Kristin invite both Tubbo and Techno to dinner, things are pretty awkward between them. It does NOT help that Wilbur, Tommy's current brother, insists that he and Techno look alike(they do not) and that they're basically twins.

So things are really awkward for Bedrock Bros, especially since Tommy and Tubbo(plus Ranboo) hang out basically every day. Tommy bascially just ignores Techno. Techno is sad obviously, but he doesn't say anything, just silently accepts this is their dynamic now. He doesn't even feel jealousy towards Wilbur. A bit of envy maybe, but he doesn't hold a grudge. After all, he wanted Tommy to have a happier life, and Wilbur clearly makes him happy. He doesn't see any reason to be angry- though he does wish he could have been what Wilbur now is to Tommy.

Then one day, while they're out, Wilbur gets into an accident(I'm thinking car accident, but this fic is still in the plotting process so idk for sure😅), and since Kristin(successful businesswoman) is absent for a few days, Phil is the one to stay with Wilbur in hospital, and Tommy stays with Tubbo overnight. And subsequently, stays with Techno overnight.

Tommy's in a bit of shock. Tubbo is also scared, but he's significantly calmer, and is more concerned about Tommy. Techno, seeing how bad Tommy's doing, starts the comfort routine they had when they were brothers. (He has a different routine with Tubbo. Tubbo and Tommy are different people after all, plus, Tommy's routine is for Tommy alone.)

Later that night while Tubbo's not there, Tommy asks Techno why. He doesn't elaborate, just asks why. Techno thinks he's talking about the comfort routine, & replies that he thought it would help Tommy calm down a little. That's not what Tommy meant though. He meant, why did Techno send him away? (Since he obviously cared/cares about Tommy, if he still remembers their routine down to a T.) Techno replies that he thought Tommy would be happier elsewhere. And Tommy is happy- right? Tommy goes silent for a moment, then slowly replies that yes, he's happy- he loves his family, and the friends he made- but he's not sure if going away made him happier. Because he was already happy. He was happy with Techno, and was heartbroken when he was sent away. And that hurt never really disappeared, even after his new foster family ended up adopting him almost immediately, or after he found a new brother in Wilbur.

Then Tommy (FINALLY) tells Techno he missed him, and Techno tells him he did too. They hug, and after Tubbo joins them they set up blankets and pillows in front of the landline, staking out for the call from hospital.

Late that night/early next morning they get the call, Wilbur's gonna be fine, he's sleeping now.

So yeah. After Wilbur's discharged they all just hang out. Later when Techno is reading in the backyard Tommy comes up and sits next to him. Tommy tells Techno that he'd been thinking, and he doesn't actually wish things had gone differently, since they wouldn't have ever met half of their friends otherwise. Techno concedes he has a point, though he still regrets sending Tommy away. They sit there quietly, watching the summer sun slowly start to set.

...Aaaaaand that's about as far as I've gotten for now haha. I'm gonna have to flesh it out more/fact-check some stuff before I actually start writing it.

Thank you so much for the ask, I had a lot of fun writing this! Cheers💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Have this meme!

#Lilly gets an ask #tommyinnit #technoblade #philza #wilbur soot #tubbo #Lilly writes stuff #sbi #sleepy boys inc #sleepy bois inc #bedrockduo #bedrock duo #bedrock bros

[deusexmachinawitch]

3DOLC + ROE + 12 hr Movement Challenge (Birthday Edition!) - Results!!

Yesterday I finished my challenge because it was actually my birthday. So here are the results!

❥ Purple things of my favorite purple characters! (Kuromi, Gengar...)

I haven't receive anything yet, the problem of my birthday being on a Tuesday is that most of my friends couldn't hang out. Still, my Mom told me she was getting me a Kuromi silk pajama and I'm getting several Gengar things soon apparently. My best friend is really bad at hiding secrets.

❥ A Kinder Bueno birthday cake! and pizza, especially fancy true Italian one, heck I want a feast for my birthday!

I didn't get a Kinder Bueno birthday cake, but I got a HUGE black forest birthday cake decorated with the acrylic stand of one of my favorite Vtubers. Didn't get pizza yesterday but I did get fancy sushi. Still, I'm getting FOUR other birthday celebrations besides the one yesterday and one of them include pizza. I did get a feast though, I will explain down below.

❥ Any gift from any of my favorite fandoms (which is difficult)

Same as above, because most of my friends couldn't hang out, I won't receive most of my birthday gifts til the weekend or even further since apparently some of my gifts are imported.

❥ New Joy-cons

I will have them next week but one of my friends actually did gift me Gengar joycons, but I won't receive them until I see them. They told me that they got them for me just in case I was getting them.

❥ Spending my birthday with my favorite friends

This was the most unexpected parts. One, like I mentioned above, my friends organized several birthday celebrations for me according to their schedules. Two, actually I had a surprise birthday party at one of the branches of my job where they closed up a whole arcade just to celebrate my birthday. There was a huge black forest gateau cake, lots of food and people could play games while also chat. It was a really nice birthday but it was really unexpected and I admit I was really tired to enjoy it as the party progressed lol.

❥ Free beauty treatments

Got a haircut and a beauty treatment for free. I also got a masterclass for skincare with rice and wow, my skin is glowing!

❥ SP (lol, come on baby, be my gift)

This has to be the one of the things that didn't happen for some reason, didn't even get a greeting. It is a bit discouraging and I admit I got a bit upset for a moment, but it's fine. At least this makes me not focus on him but at the same time, it opened a huge can of worms among the people that know him and I have to clear the air a little. Not giving up, a bit heartbroken tho. I guess I can use this as the thing I choose for @starbursts777's challenge tho!

Still, like I mentioned before, I manifested my brother apologizing to me after 3 years of "no contact" on my part. Which this should show me that I am powerful.

❥ Improvement on my desired appearance (Birthday glow up!)

My reverse aging and weight loss is doing well! Plus, my skin is so snow white, I barely have any blemishes and my dark circles are fading! In fact, my eyes look so big and amazing, I look like a doll!

❥ Money, why not?

Just got a little money, but hey, didn't specify an amount!

❥ A trip somewhere???

Most shocking result as well but I got invited to go to Paris with all costs covered. I just don't know IF I CAN ACCEPT YET because it's in a fixed date so I have to discuss this with work for days off.

BUT HEY! I got the trip!

I got everything I wanted except the SP part, I think that I will give it a try and use this as the topic for the "7 Days Miracle Maker Challenge" that my friend @starbursts777 is hosting.

I'll rest a little from yesterday's party and then do my post for the challenge plus write down everything.

Thank you so much for looking forward to the results!

#law of assumption #loa tumblr #manifestation #loablr #loa blog #affirm and persist #loassumption #neville goddard #loa success #loassblog #3dolc x roe

[suekreandtheidiots]

Her own.

Location // Characters: Aberdeen // Hallie and Sofia

June 2006 - Craig Abbott is no longer among the living. A fact so painfully sad and true, but Hallie and Sofia still manage to share a nice moment, sharing some lovely thoughts.

Status/Notes: unfinished/I always loved the thought that Hallie and Sofia had a real connection back then. Sometimes, some girl talk is all we need in our lives!

***

The front door opened, and Hallie looked right into Sofia Abbott's face.

A friendly face, but undoubtedly weary, too; Sofia's grief was plain obvious. Hallie felt a wave of sympathy but decided to not address it. The three remaining Abbotts most likely had enough people going on about their unfortunate situation, trying to make sure that they were okay, while it should be so clear that none of them was okay, not right now, not in a few weeks, maybe not ever. The least thing Sofia needed was another shallow remark, Hallie figured.

"Hallie, darlin'." Sofia welcomed her with a bright smile. A genuine smile, despite it all, Hallie could tell.

She smiled back, giving Sofia a little wave with her hand. "Hi! I, uh, believe I'm a little early…"

"Well, if you're here to see Lance, you are. He took an extra shift in the hospice but he should be back by five, I think."

"Ah, wasn't sure about that and I couldn't get a hold of him earlier. Now I know why." Hallie bit her lip. "Well, I guess I can come back later-"

"Or you can wait? If you want?" Sofia offered, making a welcoming gesture towards the open door.

Hallie thought about the suggestion. Heading home only to sit around for a few minutes and to come back later really seemed like a bit of an unnecessary hassle, when she could also stay and have a little chat with Sofia. Checking in on the Abbotts had become somewhat of a daily thing anyway, Hallie saw no reason to make an exception today.

"Uhm, as long as I'm not a bother?" she answered with a smile.

"Oh, you're a welcome distraction, dear." Sofia laughed. "I've got cake, too. Ali played chef earlier."

"What? Ali baked?"

"What can I say, we're all grasping for straws these days." The line was heavy with meaning, but Sofia uttered it so casually that it made Hallie wonder if the woman was trying to play it cool for her or if she really felt as alright as she sounded. "And that cake actually turned out amazing, there's just too much of it to eat all by myself. Come, dear. Come on in."

Hallie stepped into the house's hallway, still trying to wrap her head around the mental image of young rising football star Ali Abbott standing in the kitchen, possibly in a cute little apron, waving a whisk around… or whatever one needed to whip up some decent cake batter; Hallie wasn't particularly experienced in the fine art of cooking and baking herself. The house smelled delicious, though, Ali had apparently done a great job indeed.

"I am just looking through some old pictures for the funeral service." Sofia told her as she was guiding her through the hallway to the living room.

Wow. Hallie thought. That had to be tough.

"How's that going?" she asked, dropping her bag next to the door as she entered the living room. When she did, she almost tripped. The sight of dozens of photos spread on the floor took Hallie by surprise and she supressed a gasp.

Well. Apparently, that was how it was going.

"I'm biased, of course, I love them all." Sofia said. "You know what? It's really great that you're here and have a moment to spare, I can use a girl's creative opinion. My sons aren't exactly helpful in these matters."

"Not even Ali? Now that he shows some talent in the creative field, too?" Hallie laughed, crouching down to take a closer look. Dozens of Craigs in front of her, yet they all longed for just one. The real one.

"To be honest, I haven't even asked him." Sofia admitted, offering Hallie a cushion to sit on which she gratefully accepted. Sofia sat down next to her and went on. "Ali is not doing well. Of course he is trying to just keep going, but he hardly ever talks these days."

Hallie could hardly picture a version of Ali who wasn't an extraordinarily lively, happy and chatty little fella. "That's so sad."

"I'm trying to give him some room and let him come to me, you know? Lance as well. It hasn't been easy. To be honest… I don't always know what to do, or what to say to my sons." Sofia swallowed hard and for a few seconds it looked like she was lost in her own thoughts but she eventually snapped out of it. "Oh dear. I'm rambling again, love, I'm sorry."

"No! No, I mean, it's fine." Hallie answered quickly. She appreciated Sofia's honesty. So much, now more than ever.

It was one thing she had always loved about the Abbott family - they told things as they were. No false modesty, no sugarcoating, no glossing over things and no unnecessary drama either.

"That must be so hard for you." she went on. "I mean, I have no idea at all what you're going through, I just… I'm so sorry."

"Aw, nah." Sofia waved it off. "Nothing you should be worrying about."

"I am, though! I mean, I have known Lance for quite a while now, he's my best friend, and I don't always know what to say to him, either. If- if that helps?"

Sofia turned her head and looked at her, and after a few moments, the corners of her lips curled up into a warm smile. "You know what? I think it does."

Hallie felt another tremendous wave of sympathy for Sofia but decided to let the subject go for the time being. She bit her lip and nodded at the photos. "So what's with all of these?" she asked.

"Well, I need some nice photos. We have collectively decided that we're going to turn the house into a… well, let's call it 'Craig shrine'. We're going to create a walk down the memory lane of some sorts. Put up the photos, all his favorite items… so everyone can say their goodbye in their favoured surrounding."

"Like a museum of memories, but more rock'n'roll!" Hallie mused, and she could picture it right away. She liked that idea a lot.

Do not mourn the dead, but celebrate the lives they had lived.

Hallie had no idea where that thought had just come from, but it definitely sounded like something Craig would have agreed with.

"Exactly!"

"Collectively decided, you say?"

"Well, it was Lance's idea but Ali and I loved it. I have talked to Craig's old friends, too, they supported it as well. It's simple, but it's good. He'd love it."

"And what kind of photos do you want to put up?"

"The good ones."

"You might want to narrow that down a bit." Hallie laughed, looking through the masses of Craig portraits and snapshots in front of her. They all looked pretty charming in one way or the other. Not always flattering, definitely not, but they showed Craig as he was - a chaotic and loveable force of nature.

One image in particular caught her eye now. It had to be a fairly old one because it had the characteristic slightly red tinted look to it that many older photos developed over time. It showed a much younger version of Craig and Hallie just realised that she had never seen any pictures of him from back in the days. Craig looked clearly like Craig, but so different at the same time. He was sitting in front of what looked like the old Capitol building, posing for the camera with a light smile and the typical metal fork.

Hallie carefully picked the image up.

"That one's nice!"

"Oh, you tell me." Sofia instantly agreed. "Wanna know what this is?"

"Sure!"

"It's from February 28th, 1984 - the day I met Craig for the first time."

"No way!" Hallie gasped. "That's how it started? That is what he looked like? Did you take this?"

"Oh no, his friend Cyril took it, and he gave it to me a while later. But yes, that is how it started, that is what he looked like." Sofia smiled.

Hallie just remembered the day she had met Craig for the first time, about five years ago. He had looked young, younger than most dads she knew, but he had still looked like a dad, somehow. She remembered the encounter very fondly; Craig had managed to make her feel welcome and her shyness had eased so quickly as he was talking to her like he was talking to an old friend. The little crush she used to have on him for a while was very innocent, Hallie could tell from her nowadays perspective, but it was bound to happen.

It's strange. Hallie thought. Those Abbotts really have a way of knocking you flat, when you least expect it. Her thoughts wandered to Lance for a moment. One way or the other.

She looked back at the picture in her hands. "Gosh, he was a fox." she gasped out.

Sofia let out a hearty laugh. "Pretty much what I thought. He was beautiful. Not at all my type, but gorgeous. The shabby attire just added to it, for reasons I could never quite understand."

Hallie knew all too well what Sofia meant. Some people can simply pull shabby off, and Craig was quite obviously one of them. He had to be in his very early twenties on the picture. If she were to meet that guy, she'd immediately fall for him, too, Hallie was sure of it.

She also wondered if Lance had ever told her about the way his parents had met, but she couldn't recall anything. She had sure been curious, but the opportunity to ask either Sofia or Craig themselves had never really presented itself until now.

"Don't get me wrong." Hallie started. "It's just… I mean, I always wondered what would bring the two of you into the same place."

Sofia gently took the photo out of Hallie's hands, stroking the slightly tattered rim. While she looked at it, her expression changed and Hallie could tell that she was reliving that particular memory once more. Not because she had troubles remembering the details but because she did remember them, and because it was a much happier place than reality could ever be these days.

"It was a Whitesnake concert." Sofia eventually said.

"Whitesnake?! Oh god." The story would be very eighties, Hallie thought to herself. As eighties as it can get.

"I didn't really care about the music, I just went to keep my then-boyfriend company. Left the concert hall to get some beer. Stood in an endless queue for what felt like hours… and all of a sudden, there he was." Sofia smiled. "Smiling at me from one of the little standing tables. Gosh, I don't even know what happened to me in that moment. I wasn't able to take my eyes off him."

"That's so cute!"

"Hallie, I tried, believe me, but I just couldn't. I couldn't help it. I was entirely aware that my boyfriend was inside the hall, and I felt a little bad for staring but truth is that I had never seen a man that gorgeous before. When I saw Craig Abbott, I saw… life. It was like I suddenly saw the life I was missing out on at the time."

"Oh my god, and he wasn't even your type." Hallie breathed out, entirely taken by Sofia's voice and the way she was telling the story.

Once again, her thoughts wandered to Lance. The way she had fallen for him was so different from the way Sofia had fallen for Craig all those years ago. Sure, Lance and her had only been twelve years old when they met; one could most likely not expect a rush of impure thoughts at only twelve. But even now that Hallie was so sure about her feelings, there still weren't any actual… flying sparks. Or anything of that sort. She sure had her moments when she wasn't able to peel her eyes off Lance, his face especially, but she blamed that on his pale blue eyes, as they had always fascinated her, after all, even when she wasn't trying to become his girlfriend.

Hallie tried to find the right words to address what was going on inside her mind, without giving it all away.

"So… you knew right away? That Craig was the one for you?"

Sofia put the photo away, smiled and let out a little sigh. "Well, at least it dawned on me that night that Ethan, my boyfriend, wasn't the one. All those other things… well. It's a little more complex."

"But it does happen, doesn't it? Love at first sight, I mean?"

"You know, Hallie, I believe that the thing we usually refer to as Love At First Sight is actually just attraction at first sight. That happens all the time, sure."

"People keep talking about it, though. That they knew right away, once they laid eyes on their partner. That they were the one for them. And I always figured that those moments are the real deal, you know? Can't get any more real than just knowing, right?" Hallie looked at Sofia for a few moments, and decided against adding something along the lines of 'I always wanted that for myself.'

"That's all easy to say in hindsight, don't you think?" Sofia laughed. "Sounds more like a fantasy to me, though. A nice one, sure, but the reality of a relationship - it's a little different than that."

"What do you mean?"

"Falling for someone is easy. Attraction is a thing. What's much more important, though, is the way someone makes you feel. The way they treat you in the long run. Don't you think?"

"I think so...?" Hallie shrugged, looking down at her hands in her lap.

"Craig and I were a good match, I give you that." Sofia chuckled, giving the impression that she had picked up the slight disappointment in her voice. "He was incredibly cute and funny, he had charmed me right away. To answer your question, though - no, I did not know that he was the one for me. How could I have known? I'm not psychic."

"Huh. When you put it that way?"

"I had a good feeling about him, though. Craig being the way he was made our start a lot easier. I mean, one usually doesn't go on dates with someone they can't stand."

"Makes sense." Hallie nodded. "Think I see what you're getting at."

"If it had turned out that Craig and I hadn't gotten along as well as we had, though, I wouldn't have stayed with him, just because things started so well between us. Just because of the idea of us."

"I see. That really makes a lot of sense." Hallie's thoughts now wandered back to her ex-sort-of-boyfriend, Simon. Three weeks of whispering sweet nothings to each other… and that had already been it. What had felt like love at first sight had turned out to be nothing at all.

"Craig had a way of making me feel like I belonged." Sofia went on. "It's hard to put into words. He never took me for granted. He made me feel like spending time with me was the greatest thing in the world. He was so in love with our boys, too, and he never made a huge deal out of the things that many other, older men got squeamish about. Craig never felt threatened."

"Threatened?"

"Well, I was a little older than him, after all. I had studied veterinary medicine, had a promising career that I had never even considered giving up, even when Lance and Ali were born. I always made my own money, I was my own woman and never the average stay-at-home-wife. Men of my time usually did not like that a whole lot, to say the least."

"I think they still don't." Hallie made a face. Well, there were exceptions, though. She could think of at least one.

"Craig loved every bit of it and he always encouraged me to keep going. He was happy on his own, because he had made the right choices for himself, even before we met. It wasn't all… how do you young folks say? It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows but we were good together. And knowing that I was one of the people in Craig's life who made him even happier fills me with joy and gratitude. It sounds cheesy, I know."

"No, it sounds wonderful."

"Look, Hallie, it's none of my business, of course, and you are still so young; you will meet a lot of people in your life. Times have changed, too, I know that. Speaking from my personal experience, though… you are so smart, creative and so, so kind. You may want to look out for how a person makes you feel. If someone makes you feel like shite, let them go. If someone makes you feel great about yourself, keep them around."

(... to be continued!)

#idiot writing #hallie henderson #sofia abbott

[critterfloozy]

Summer Wildflowers Reveals and Recs!

I did less for wildflowers than typical this year - it's the first time that I haven't written more than one fic. Mostly because I'm still gearing up for Critter Gen Week (next week!). But I still enjoyed reading through a lot of them, and here's a couple that I enjoyed. Created with the reccing template I created, small plug small plug small plug

Vicissitudes by firefright (1818, General) Pairing/Characters: Essek Thelyss & Verin Thelyss, Background Caleb/Essek Warnings: none

When Verin and Essek were small, perhaps not even eight yet, their mother took them into the sealed vault that lay at the heart of their den to show them their history. Recced because: I enjoy it when Verin is allowed to have some complicated feelings about Essek's growth, and this delivers

mask of many faces by SongOfWizardry (1638, Teen) Pairing/Characters: Dairon & Essek Thelyss, Beauregard Lionett & Essek Thelyss Warnings: None

Long after the Xhorhaus, a (disguised) Essek runs into an (undisguised) Expositor Dairon. Recced because: Literally and figuratively written for me! I love the little subterfuge and tension between Dairon and Essek, and the amount of double speak going on between the two.

driftwood and light by Windward_wings (3220, General) Pairing/Characters: Fjord & The Mighty Nein, Beauregard Lionett & Nott | Veth Brenatto, Jester Lavorre & Kingsley Tealeaf, The Mighty Nein & Original Character(s) Warnings: None

Tavi's lived in the Driftwood Asylum in Port Damali for as long as she can remember, and there have never been any other tieflings besides her. And today, there are two of them, talking with the Headmaster, and that's how everything begins to change forever. Recced because: It's everything I would want for orphanage heist - the POV character is darling, and the fic is very sweet.

Just Swim Towards the Storm by CitizenMocha (2603,Teen) Pairing/Characters: Fjord & Nott Warnings: None

Fjord takes first watch and Nott picks at her wounds. Recced because: The characterization is just right - both funny and allowing for depth underneath

fata morgana by quanshi (burningdarkfire) (1877,Teen) Pairing/Characters: Astrid Beck/Jester Lavorre Warnings: None

An attack on the Tide's Breath leaves Astrid and Jester stranded, together, alone with their secrets. Recced because: It's got a great dynamic between a serious mastermind Astrid and a trickster Jester. I also love the little bits of worldbuilding in the background of this AU.

And then there's mine:

Sick Leave (2518,General) Pairing/Characters: Caduceus Clay & Kingsley Tealeaf Warnings: None

Kingsley sends Caduceus a message when he's feeling ill. He's the only one Kingsley trusts. Author's note: The prompt was for soft Caduceus and Kingsley, and the Writer's Corner suggested some hurt/comfort to help achieve that dynamic. I think this is the first hurt/comfort I've written? It was fun thinking of reasons why he wouldn't just cast cure disease without making it too serious, plus letting Kingsley have some post-fever/post-migraine euphoria, which is a trip (I got the post-fever version after my last covid vaccine).

#Critical Role #Critical Role Summer Wildflowers #Caduceus Clay #Kingsley Tealeaf #Astrid Beck #Jester Lavorre #Fjord Stone #Nott the Brave #Verin Thelyss #Essek Thelyss #Dairon #beauregard lionett #The Mighty Nein #Fic Rec #CR fic recs

[xxblackballoonxx]

Electric: Chapter 21

Modern John Shelby AU

This fic is being posted simultaneously on FanFiction.net and Ao3. Classy smut warning beginning with Chapter 5.

Welcome to the second part of Electric! Make sure you catch up on Part 1 (Chapters 1 - 20) at the masterlist link below. Let's get back to John and Gemma.

Chapter 20 Electric Masterlist

Electric

Chapter 21: Atlantic

Three weeks after returning to Birmingham from London, Gemma sat in her flat on a rainy day, with Julia sitting on the floor next to her.  They were preparing for Gemma's trip to New York, confirming travel details and documents that may be needed.

"You still haven't told John exactly who you'll be seeing in New York, have you?" Julia asked, looking over at Gemma.

Gemma bit her lip and shook her head.  There really wasn't a reason to not tell John. It was more that she didn't want to face the idea of John being in Small Heath while she was on the other side of the Atlantic, dealing with a part of her own past.

"I will. Tonight." Gemma finally said with a sigh.

"You know he'll be alright with it if you are, yeah? But are you also sure you want to do this? See Nick again?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. He was a huge part of my life, a huge part of my career really. The band is finally getting the chance they've always deserved, and I know them better than anyone. I don't want personal history to get in the way of me supporting talent that I believe in."

Julia nodded and watched as Gemma's eyes faded out to another place. She'd heard the stories about Nick Stanton. Incredibly talented, so close to have hitting it big in the late 2000s. Still making albums and playing locally. Never Sleep Records had finally caught on after years and years of Gemma pitching the band to everyone she knew. 

"Tell John tonight. It'll be a lot easier for you to go if he knows the full truth and you have his full support. If there's one thing about that man I know for sure, he loves you." Julia said with a smile.

Gemma nodded with a grin, thinking back to the week before when they had invited Julia and a few of John and Finn's friends over for dinner. Julia and Isiah had hit it off, despite Julia protesting that she was too old for him (to which Isiah had made her swoon with a compliment). Julia had hung out with John and Gemma together several times by that point, but she could tell something had changed between them after the Eden opening. They were more settled into each other. 

"Now, practice with me how you're going to tell your loving, hotter than fuck boyfriend that you're going on a work trip and will be seeing your former ... boyfriend? Love interest? Complication? Who is far less loving and far less hot." Julia stated.

Gemma rolled her eyes and laughed at the comparison of John and Nick. And Julia was right. They were night and day in every single respect.

Later that night after supper, Gemma sat next to John on the sofa in the Shelby living room, the TV on low as they enjoyed the peace. Finn had gone out with Carolyn, and Gemma fidgeted, linking and unlinking her fingers as she thought of what to say. And how to say it.

"What's going on Gem?" John asked casually, taking one of her hands in his.

He'd noticed that she'd been more and more nervous as the week went on and had initially chalked it up to her work trip. But then he realized she'd told him very few details about said work trip, and he began to suspect there was something more to the story.

"So, you know how I'm going to New York. Well, the thing is ... the band that I'm going to represent ... is Nick's band." Gemma mumbled, looking down as she picked at the sleeve of John's shirt.

He took a moment to breathe and process. Gemma had told him about Nick early on, but never really gave much detail. He'd put together bits and pieces and came to the conclusion that Gemma had been in love with Nick for a long time and it was a messy relationship. Nick also seemed to be a large reason why she took the job at Church Street Records.

"You haven't really told me much about him, but I've heard enough to know that he was a really important person in your life for a long time. Are you nervous? Scared?" John asked softly, pulling Gemma into his lap.

"Both, I guess. But more nervous and scared that it's going to be a problem for you." Gemma whispered.

"Gems, hey, look at me." John replied, gently tilting her face up. The look in her eyes saddened him.

"I love you. I am with you. That's not changing, love, I promise. I trust you and I know that you've decided to take this on for good reason." John continued.

Gemma nodded and leaned her head against John's shoulder. Julia could not have been more correct. Everything about John was different from Nick.

"I know ...and I know I haven't talked about him much. It's been strange to me, to think about talking about him when all I want to do is focus on you and me."

"Would you feel better if you told me a little bit about him?"

Gemma thought for a minute and then nodded. She sat up straight, the feeling of John's arm around her waist comforting and safe. She knew she'd have to talk about it eventually.

"Nick and I met years ago at a show one night, years ago now. I was 17, he was 20. He was playing with another band I knew. Something happened when our eyes met, kind of like how it felt when I met you. Like something big was happening in my life and I could feel everything changing. I did everything I could for him. Promo, working his shows, selling merch, sitting in on recording sessions. I was his personal cheerleader in a lot of ways. It's always been a very ... complex relationship."

John nodded his head and watched as Gemma went back to picking at the cuff of his sleeve. Her fingers brushed over his and he took the opportunity to link his fingers through hers, catching the small smile on her face as he did so.

"I know there's more." He said quietly.

"I've always loved him. Hated and loved him, most times. He was … is so frustrating. I used my work with him as the basis of my resume, the experience got me my first paying jobs in the industry. And I know I don't owe him anything for that. But it became complicated ... when we were together, at a show or in a studio, it was perfection. Everything about us was in sync. But outside of that, it was messy. He's dated more girls than I can count, always coming back to me in between them. But never committing. Never putting anything on the line for me. And it got to a point where I couldn't do it anymore. So I stopped working with him altogether over a year ago. Hadn't heard from him since. Funny, how they get a record deal offer now."

Gemma looked up at John, his eyes cloudy with the thoughts of someone treating her in that way. 

"Are you sure you want to do this? See him again? I trust you completely, I just don't want you to get hurt."

"He asked for me, personally, according to Julia. So did the rest of the band. It's something I worked at for years, trying to get them signed, for them have a bigger platform to put out the music I still really believe in. I want to do that part of it. Interacting with him outside of the business aspect ... I don't know yet."

"You do what you feel is best for you, yeah? If you want to meet with him, to maybe put some things to rest, I think you should do that. If you don't want to, it’s ok to just let it stay in the past."

Gemma wrapped her arms around John's shoulders, pressing her body against his. She sighed with relief as John returned the hug, holding her firmly to him. 

“I’ve got you, love. I'm not going anywhere." John said, his voice low and comforting in her ear.

"Thank you, J." Gemma whispered back.

************************************************************************

John cooked her breakfast at her flat the morning of her flight, attempting to settle her nerves before he drove her to the airport. She stood in the kitchen doorway, watching the muscles in his back move as he flipped a pancake, his bare skin both tempting and comforting to her.

"One order of American pancakes for my favorite American girl." John said with a cheeky smile, turning to hand her a plate piled with pancakes and bacon.

"I sincerely hope my favorite Brummie boy is going to help me, cause there is no way I can eat all of this." Gemma replied with a laugh.

John picked up two forks and followed Gemma into the lounge, both of them sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. He let her take the first bite of pancakes, her eyes lighting up.

"These are really good, J. Best batch yet." 

"I've been practicing on Finn, but I think he's had his fill."

John watched Gemma laugh again and put his hand on her bare thigh, taking in the feel of her warm skin under his hand. She continued eating but gave him a naughty look, her eyes focusing on his bare chest while she took another bite.

"We should plan a trip to New York sometime, I'd love to take you there." Gemma said.

"Tell me when and where and I'm there, darlin'." John replied.

Gemma nodded and thought to herself about how easy it was, to mention a trip to John and know that he would be interested. That she knew he would go anywhere she asked him to. 

An hour later, John sat on the bed as Gemma paced back and forth across the room, packing last minute items that she needed. A familiar item of clothing was in her hand and he couldn't help but tease her.

"Is that my hoodie that you're putting on right now?" John joked.

"It absolutely is, and it is absolutely coming with me." Gemma replied, looking over at him.

John reached out and pulled her between his legs, his hands running up underneath the tank top she had on below the hoodie. He felt her shiver as he touched just below her bra, and he grinned deviously.

"Not fair for you to do this to me right before I leave.” Gemma mumbled into his shoulder.

"Can't help myself. I won't be able to touch you for several days." 

John watched with satisfaction as Gemma looked down at him, her desire for him so easy to read. She put a hand against his face, eyes locking for a moment before she kissed his cheek and then put her lips just below his ear.

"I'm all about reunion sex." She whispered against his neck.

John burst out laughing and she smiled, sinking into him further. Her fingers ran across the chain he wore, closing her eyes as she memorized the sound of his laugh. The smell of his cologne drifting over her. The feel of the chain against his skin.

A few hours later, John stood with Gemma in the departures entrance at the Birmingham Airport. He had the handle of her suitcase in his right hand and rubbed her back gently with his left, watching patiently as she pulled out her passport. He was determined to remain calm, even though the thought of Gemma flying across the Atlantic was enough to send him into a panic spiral. She will be fine, he thought to himself.

“Have everything?” John asked quietly, pulling her into a hug.

“Hope so. Everything but you.” Gemma replied, looking up at John, her eyes flickering with worry.

“It’s going to be fine, Gems. Promise ya. Let me know when you get on the plane and when you land, ok?” 

“Of course. I love you, John.” 

“I love you, too.”

John leaned down and kissed Gemma quickly before hugging her one more time. He pulled back and reached up to his neck, unclasping the chain he always wore. Gemma watched as he pulled it out from his shirt and draped it around her neck, moving her hair gently to the side. She put her fingers up to the chain and then touched John’s cheek as he looked down at her.

“So you know that I’m always with you, love.” John whispered. 

Gemma smiled and wrapped her arms around his middle, her head resting against his chest as he slowly rocked her back and forth for a few minutes. Finally, she sighed and stepped back, taking the handle of her suitcase from him.

“Check the front pocket of your carry on, but only when you get on the plane. Left you a surprise. I’ll see you soon, Gemma.” John said with a smile. 

“I’ll see you soon, J.” Gemma replied. They’d agreed to not ever say goodbye.

John watched and waited until Gemma was to the front of the security line, he could just barely see her over the crowds of travelers. He took a deep breath and turned to go back to the parking lot, where he would sit until he knew Gemma was on the plane. And then it was off to The Garrison, to occupy himself until she safely landed in New York.

Gemma had kept her word and didn’t look in the front pocket of her carry on until she got on the plane. She unzipped the pocket and found a bag of her favorite British snacks with a note from John.

In case you need a reminder of Birmingham. Or get hangry. Maybe both? I love you. - John

She smiled at the note, touching the chain around her neck. It was the most John thing in the world, to sneak a bag of snacks in her bag and write a cute note with it. He was everything she had ever wanted in a partner. The complete opposite of Nick Stanton, in every possible way. And yet, she could hear his voice from across the Atlantic. She could only hope that she would hear John’s voice even more loudly once she was back in New York. Back with the only guy who she'd ever really loved before John Shelby came into her life. 

#john shelby #modern john shelby #john shelby fanfic #joe cole #john shelby imagine #modern peaky blinders #john shelby fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders #electric

[handonshipper]

Drawn to Love: Chapter Two

Summary:

Klaus Mikaelson had made a lot of enemies over the centuries. Because of this, his daughter, the 17 year old tribrid named Hope, had to move from place to place. Now, she moved to Mystic Falls and started attending Mystic Falls High, where she meets an attractive Landon Kirby who was assigned to be her tour guide. She had sworn to herself not to make connections, but that seems to be easier said than done

Ships:

Hope/Landon, Freya/Keelin, Finch/Josie, MG/Lizzie

Characters:

Hope Mikaelson, Landon Kirby, Freya Mikaelson, Lizzie Saltzman, Josie Saltzman, Keelin Malraux-Mikaelson, Milton Greasley, Finch Tarrayo, Nik Malraux-Mikaelson

Other reading location:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33830149/chapters/86393698

Previous Chapter:

https://handonshipper.tumblr.com/post/685990148790435840/drawn-to-love-chapter-one

Landon frowned, watching how quickly she got up when the bell rang. Based on how often she moved around, she couldn't possibly be that concerned with her attendance record. Which meant she just didn't want to spend another second sitting here with him. He sighed softly and grabbed his own bag, dumping out the trash on his tray.

"You do know we have history together now?" He said catching up to Hope. "If your disappearing act was an attempt to get rid of me." His tone was playful, indicating he was joking but deep down some part of him meant it. He was disappointed that the first girl he was into didn't want anything to do with him.

Hope's face faltered. "It's not you. I'm just not the best person to be around, Landon. The people I care about have a tendency to die on me. And I don't want another name on that list of people I lost"

Landon's eyes softened, now realizing her hesitation must be related to whatever happened to her parents. He offered her a small smile. "It's just a short walk to history class. Or do you think I'm suddenly going to trip over a trash can and fall to my death?" He joked. "Tell you what. Since you think you're cursed, why don't we prove the curse wrong? I'll spend two weeks hanging out with you. And if in two weeks I'm still alive and haven't been in risk of dying, then you have to admit you're not cursed and...let me buy you a milkshake sometime." He smiled looking at her. "What do you say?"

"That doesn't prove anything" Hope said with a soft sigh.

"Sure it does. It'll prove that not everyone who gets close to you ends up dead." Landon reasoned with a small smile.

"And what if you do die?" She looked at Landon. She didnt want to lose someone else. But it was also hard for her to push him away

"If I do die, then...I don't know. I guess I'll have to haunt you from beyond the grave." He joked. "But you have nothing to worry about. This is Mystic Falls. The biggest danger here is dying of boredom." He chuckled softly.

Hope sighed softly. Clearly he never looked up the town history. They must have really done a good job at covering it up. "If you say so. Look, I'll play along. For now. But you are not going to die because of me" she said firmly.

"I know I'm not." Landon grinned. "See? You're already believing there's no curse." He said playfully as he reached the history classroom. "Now all that's left to do is enjoy the two week countdown."

"I wouldnt say that. And I didn't say I would get close to you. You can talk to someone without getting close enough for them to die too. I hope at least"

Landon looked at her, curiosity and sympathy reflecting in his eyes. "You really believe that don't you? That everyone who gets close to you ends up dying." He sighed softly. He wished he could help her. And not just because he really wanted to get closer to her. Rather because he couldn't imagine what it was like for her, living with those thoughts. "I guess I'll just have to work extra hard to prove you wrong. And you know what? Even if I do die, at least I'll die having spent time with you. That's a plus in my book."

Hope looked at him curiously, walking alongside him in thought. "Yeah. I do believe it. I do like talking to you though. More than I should. Though I don't know why that would be a plus in your book. I'm not anything special" Besides being a tribrid. "Nothing worth dying over'

Landon exhaled softly and gave her a small smile, wishing he could take out the obvious pain in her heart. He wished he could ease her burden and make her happy. There was no logical explanation for why he cared so much. But he just knew he cared for her more than anyone else he had ever met. Though bullies and abusive foster families certainly didn't help that.

"I like spending time with you too. I don't know all of why exactly besides the fact you are interesting. But.... there's something about you that makes me want to know more about you. I'm willing to take the risk that your curse of losing people is real. After all, aren't you supposed to take chances in life?"

The tribrid was silent as they continued to walk to the history classroom. She went inside and took a seat at the desk towards the back, unable to help her thoughts that were going through her mind. She wanted to get to know him. There was some unexplainable pull she felt towards him. She wanted to be his friend and just talk to him. But was it worth the risk?

When Landon Kirby took a seat beside her out of all of the seats in the classroom, the tribrid couldnt help the faint smile that formed on her face. Without thinking of the consequences, without worrying about what was to come, she spoke "I'll see you this afternoon at the Grill. Even if they don't want to go out, I'll stop by"

An eager grin spread across the face of Landon Kirby at the thought of her wanting to see him. Perhaps he could help ease her mind over her fear of losing people. She seemed like such a nice girl that did not deserve to be burdened with these thoughts and feelings. She deserved to be herself and enjoy life while it lasted. After all, wasn't that what life was supposed to be about? He felt happier spending time with her than he had in a long time because of how his several foster families and classmates treated him. But around Hope, he felt like anything was possible.

After school, Hope was picked up by her Aunt Freya, and she looked out of the window, thoughts circling through her mind. She did not want to mention her attractive tour guide to her aunt because she didn't want her aunt to ask questions about him. Hope doubted anything would come out of this. After all, she didn't see herself jumping into a relationship after what happened with her brief last one.  Logic screamed at her not to just easily trust this new stranger in her life. Not after everything she had been through. So why did she feel a strong desire to go tell her aunt to bring her to the Mystic Grill?

She remained all the way silent till they got to their new house before she got out and headed off to her room. The movers had arrived while she was gone, and things were brought to her room for her to unpack. But Hope currently had inspiration for art, so she ignored most of her belongings and went straight for the art easel. She carried it to the spare room that they weren't using and began setting it up as an art room. She got enough set up for now before setting up her easel and canvas. She then began to paint, a vivid image in her mind.

It was her and Landon at lunch, though the two of them were a silhouette. She supposed it resembled the way she was unsure about their connection and whether or not it was able to continue. There was a lot of mystery between them. And the more secrets that would be unraveled, the more vivid the two characters would become. She supposed Landon may become a clearer, more vivid image with various colors once she knew more about him. If she allowed herself to get to know him, which was still a debate. But with all of the secrets about her and her family and even her own last name that she would need to keep from him, whether he was trustworthy or not insured that her side would remain a silhouette even in her own mind.

Eventually, she came downstairs, taking Nick into her arms from his position on the floor. She held onto her cousin with a small smile, wanting to spend some time with him. "Where's Keelin?" the tribrid asked finally as she looked around.

"She's making sure she has her position at Mystic Falls Hospital" Freya replied

Hope nodded, a wave of guilt crushing her insides. It was her fault that they needed to move. If her family hadn't insisted on her needing protection, if she hadn't accidentally caused a problem at her last school, Keelin wouldn't need to search out for a new job, no matter how easy it happened to be for her to transfer job locations. (She suspected Marcel or Rebekah's talents were involved despite Keelin's request to earn it for herself).

"Alright. Do we know what we are going to do for dinner?" Hope asked, holding her cousin in her arms.

"Not yet," Freya replied. "We might go out tonight since we haven't gone shopping yet."

"I heard the Mystic Grill was a good place to eat"

The witch nodded. "I'll keep that in mind. We could go once Keelin gets back"

A faint smile formed on her face as she kissed the top of Nik's head before setting him down. She loved her little cousin but only ever spent time with him sometimes while she was with Freya and Keelin. She didnt want him to end up dying too if she could help it. After all, Hope Mikaelson felt as though she was cursed to lose everyone she got close to. Which was why she had no idea why she was humoring this teenage boy's request.

Soon enough, Keelin came through the front door and pulled Freya into a kiss, a smile on her face before she slowly pulled away. "Everything is ready for me to get started on Monday. Until then, I'm all yours" she said with a small smile as she looked at her wife before turning to face Hope. "How was school?"

"It was school, I guess. Nothing exactly exciting"

"Hope wants us to go to the Mystic Grill for dinner" Freya informed Keelin

The werewolf nodded a little. "Well we should probably get going then. Before its time for Nik to go to sleep" She picked up her son and carried him outside to the car before putting him in his baby seat.

Hope climbed into the car and sighed softly, thoughts going through her mind. "I started setting up my art room" she informed them with a small smile. "I still have a good bit to set up, though. Both in the art room and my bedroom. I'll work on it once we get back to the house"

She didn't call it home. In her mind, her home was New Orleans. A place it wasn't safe for her to be at. A place full of memories of the small time period she was able to be with both of her parents. Throughout her whole life, she had only gotten to know her dad a brief time when she was seven and then when she was fifteen. Any other memories, she was too much of a child to be able to recall them.

"Have you started on any art pieces?" Keelin asked curiously, knowing art was a deep passion of Hope's.

"I have actually. A painting including silhouettes. I still need to work on some parts of it once it dries."

"She was in there since she got back from school" Freya told her wife as she reached the Mystic Grill. She parked and got out before getting their son

"Well, I'm sure whatever art piece Hope was working on looks great, based on the paintings I have seen in the past." Keelin said. It wasn't an optimistic compliment or encouragement. It was based off of what she had seen in the past, which was some of the best art work she had ever seen in her life.

"Thank you" Hope said with a small smile as the three of them began walking to the restaurant. 

She turned the handle of the restaurant door and opened it before w g inside. Nearby was the host station that was vacant but not for long as the host soon rejoined his station. They approached the Host Station, and Freya spoke up. "Table for three and a highchair for the little one please"

"Alright, take a seat wherever you'd like, and I'll bring the highchair over.'

"Thank you" Keelin said, and they walked over to a table, a highchair being brought close behind them.

Keelin set Nik down in the highchair with a small smile, and the three of them took their seats. The tribrid was lost in thought as her mind drifted to her tour guide and his insistence to spend time with her. It was hardly the first time someone was interested in her, boy or girl, so why was she having trouble pushing this one away? Especially when she knew what happened with her first and only love interest so far in her life.

Roman Siena.

He had betrayed her. Peaked into her mind and found out secrets she had kept hidden. Her mother's location. He was the reason her mom was dead. But... so was she. If she had never kidnapped her mom to lure her dad back home, she would still have her mom right now. Instead, she would never see her again. Not until she died for good at least.

Ever since her mother's death, she had continued blaming herself, thinking of everything she could have done differently that would have prevented it. And when her father died shortly after, she began thinking the same line of thoughts for him. He died to save her. And Elijah died alongside of him. She was supposed to be worth it. But she wasnt. And she kept messing up the lives of her relatives of them having to take care of her. They didn't get to live the lives they deserved because of her.

And now this boy could end up dead just like her parents. Just like her uncle. His life could be shifted off course and he could get hurt. Loving a Mikaelson would only get you hurt or killed. Even being friends with one would end up causing him to suffer. And Hope didnt want that. She barely knew him, but she knew that she did not want him or anyone else to get hurt because of her.

"Hope? You came" A recently familiar voice tore her out of her thoughts and memories as she looked up quickly at Landon Kirby.

A smile formed on her face despite her best efforts. "Landon. Uh, Landon, these are my aunts Freya and Keelin, and my cousin Nick.  This is Landon. He was my tour guide at school today."

"It is nice to meet you, Landon"  Freya said with a kind smile as she looked at the teenage waiter that had arrived at the table, wearing his blue Mystic Grill uniform.

"Yes it is." Keelin agreed with a nod, noticing the smile on Hope's face, caused by the mere presence of this boy. "Do you have classes with Hope?"

"Two. We have history and English together." Landon said, looking at her. "Its nice to meet you. Is there anything I can get for all of you?"

"I'll take a salad and some water" Freya replied

"I'd like a burger and fries" Keelin said, looking at him.

"Same" Hope said. "With a glass of water and a milkshake"

"Peanut butter blast, whipped cream on the bottom?" The waiter questioned as he recalled her telling him about it.

The tribrid's eyes lit up as a smile stretched across her face. She couldnt help it, even though she was insistent on keeping her distance. He remembered what she had said. She wasnt used to being around people and talking to them. And she hadn't expected the few that had to really care much about what she said. But in today alone, he had proven otherwise more than once.

"Yes, that's the flavor I want. Thank you" she said, unable to help her rush of happiness at the simple fact he remembered her flavor.

Landon smiled back at her, feeling relief at the sight of her smile. It only gave him more hope that she actually liked being around him. "Alright, I'll be back shortly" he said and went to get their drinks ready so they could have it while they wait.

Hope tore her gaze away and caught sight of her aunts' expressions. "Okay I know what you're thinking. But its not a big deal. He was just a tour guide"

"Just a tour guide? It didn't seem like that. You usually barely talk to anyone" Freya pointed out with a small smile Hope blushed a little. "He might have also sat down at my lunch table, and I talked to him a little. It's not a big deal" 

"You're blushing" Keelin noticed, "but if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine. We are just glad to see you are making friends"

Hope's gaze lowered a bit, the tribrid falling silent as she thought about everything. She looked up as the milkshake was put in front of her. "Thank you" she told Landon, giving him a small smile.  "You're welcome" he said before leaving the table since everyone had their drinks. He continued working, walking back over with their food once it was ready. 

Eventually, it was time for them to leave, and Landon looked at Hope. "I'll see you tomorrow"  Hope gave him a small smile. "See you tomorrow' she said softly and picked up Nik out of his highchair before carrying him out of the restaurant and to the car. 

What if she was making the wrong choice by appeasing him with his  two week proof? She was the tribrid. The only one of her kind. A first born Mikaelson witch with a terrifying amount of power. What if she hurt him? Or what if someone sensed her power and came after her again. The Hollow was bad enough. Dahlia. Everyone that had already been after her. What was next? And would she survive? Would her aunts? Nik? Her tour guide? Everyone could get hurt because of her. And that was the last thing she wanted

Those thoughts remained in her head as they arrived at their house. The tribrid headed upstairs, thoughts going through her mind, clouding her mind too much for her to want to finish her painting. She looked over at the wall in her bedroom with a single painting on it. The only painting she had made with her father. As much as it hurt, she didn't want to get rid of it or keep it stored away. 

After putting Nik to bed, Freya walked over to her wife and wrapped her arms around her. "I think we might have scared Hope off of spending time with that boy, Landon" "She'll come around" Keelin said, looking at her. "No one wants to be alone. Whether she gets involved with him or just ends up becoming friends with him, it's obvious she already cares about him. That doesn't just go away"

"I know. I hope you're right. But we both know how she feels about getting close to people" "I know we didn't see much of him, but he doesn't seem the type just to give up because she is a bit distant"  Keelin said and tugged her closer, pressing her lips to Freya's. Her wife deepened the kiss, not wanting to let her go. Eventually Keelin pulled away and pulled her a little towards the bed "Now come on, lets get to bed. We have things to do tomorrow" 

The witch and the werewolf got in their bed, and Freya lifted Keelin's hand to her lips and kisses each fingertip, a smile on her face. Keelin  grabbed Freya by the waist and pulled her close. Her lips stumbled into the witch's, bruising as the intoxicating taste of her filled the werewolf's mouth. Freya was glad she had Keelin in her life and did indeed hope that Hope let herself be happy as well. She pulled away eventually with a smile and laid with her wife, peacefully falling asleep.

#handon fanfiction #legacies fanfiction #legacies fanfic #handon fanfic #legacies #handon #hope mikaelson #landon kirby #freelin #freya mikaelson #drawn to love #drawn to love chapter two #keelin malraux

[my-castles-crumbling]

Ok so I’m the same anon that keeps popping up asking about gender (the one from last week also asking about being on the ace spec) well anyway I’m going away with some friends for a few days. These friends aren’t like my best best friends (key information for later)

Anyway these two friends always refer to me as a girl. Like all the time!!

“Hey girls, …..”

And it’s so annoying, especially bc sometimes I doubt my genderqueerness. It just makes me upset and I know I have no right to be upset bc they are assuming my gender bc I’ve given them no reason to assume otherwise, it’s just it gets me a bit frustrated at them.

So, I’m going away with them now for a few days and I’m thinking maybe I should tell them how I feel about them always referring to me as a girl.

A few problems arise with that however, firstly, I haven’t told anyone about my gender crisis’. Preferably I’d like to come out to a more trusting friend first, like some of my closer friends who know I’m bi. (These two friends don’t know that about me)

Secondly, I have no idea how they would react! They seem open minded sometimes but the very first time I spoke to one of them she said “society these days are too much” literally referring to the lgbtqia+ community. So there’s that.

Any advice? Should I tell them I’m bi for starters, see how they react with that and then talk about gender if it goes well?

Or should I make a subtle comment about like how people should try to be more inclusive with language etc - that way i don’t need to out myself, especially as I’m not ready for that conversation at all as I’m still working it all out.

Ahhh

I just want to feel better, bc everytime they say “girls” it makes me sad.

——

Other than that… thank you so much for helping me!! I think I’m closer to working out my gender now. Ever since you told me I could be genderfluid things are making more sense. Just one more question… could the genders I be fluid with (idk how to word it) be agender and demigirl?? Or does that make no sense!!

Thank you again 💜

Oh my god, "Hey, girls" always gives me the biggest ick! I think it's important to say: it's okay to feel upset about it, even though you haven't said anything. Though I think you're right in saying it's not really their fault, it also sucks to be misgendered.

Okay so with these friends, I think you might be right to feel them out a bit first before you say anything about your actual gender. In an ideal situation, you could just tell them, but since you're not sure how they'll react and this would be your first people coming out to, it would be nice to make sure it's a positive experience.

However, I think you should say something about them referring to you as a girl, before going on a trip with them. But you don't have to get deep into your gender if you don't want to. I'm imagining a conversation like:

You: Hey, I noticed you say things like "hey, girls" a lot. That makes me uncomfortable. Do you think you could not do that?

Them: But why does it matter? Aren't you/we girls?

You: It's not really important what I am, it's just that I'm more comfortable if you say something like "Hey guys" or "hey everyone." You're my friends and I wanted to make sure you know what makes me feel comfortable, because I know you care.

And now it's not as much about your identity, and if they argue, it makes it seem like they don't care about you. Also, I think their reaction to this could be a hint about their reaction to you actually coming out.

Last, as far as what genders you could be fluid with- it could be any genders! What you said makes sense to me, but if it makes sense to YOU, that's most important!

<3

#ask #asks #ask cas

[sunrisesunsetqueen]

Fictober Day 1: “It’s not too late, let’s go.”

Alright this is my first fic so be nice. I'm trying this out for Fictober but this part of a much longer fanfic centering around Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, my OC Willow Howard. This is a small piece in their timeline and it is before they "meet" Eddie. all of the other fics for this month will focus on different vignettes in the timeline of my larger story. (BTW Willow is plus sized and she is black. if you don't like it, don't read <3)

Word Count: 1752 TW: Insecurity, Menstruation, blood (only a little, nothing graphic), body dysmorphia

November 1985

She goes to lock the last door. Having pulled a double, Willow was exhausted from the stress of a release day at the comic book shop, and it didn't help that Max had called off again for the 3rd time this week. She was constantly concerned about her but at this moment, she didn’t care. Her feet and her back hurt from running around all day, standing up to check people out and to restock shelves that would quickly run out after she was done.

It also didn't help that she was on her period and the heaviest day of it as well. She felt every ache and cramp that her body had to offer her, so much so she thought she was going to cry when she got to take a five to go to the bathroom and replace her products. All she wanted was to go home, shower, and just lay still in bed. 

It was about 9 pm on a Saturday, which was usually the time that she would be over at Steve’s house, watching a movie with friends or just relaxing together, but because the shift went on longer than she wanted and her body felt like it was trying to kill itself from the inside, all before noon, she called him to cancel during her fifteen.

“But Will, you have to come, I haven't seen you all week” Steve whined. This was the longest time they had spent away from each other by themselves. Only stolen kisses before they would clock in and a few hugs during their breaks which were always around Robin or the kids or customers, never when they were alone. 

“I know, I know, but Stevie I'm so tired and my body is killing me, and I've had the worst cramps of my life today. I just can’t handle being around them right now. I promise I will make it up next week” It hurt Willow to even say no to spending time with Steve or the kids, but all she could do was maybe drive to her house, before she passed out on the front lawn, let alone be around the kids and put on a fake smile.

“I love you, I'll talk to you tomorrow, baby” She hung up the phone before he got a word in to protest. She didn’t want to be disrespectful, but she was exhausted then and now that she was leaving at the end of the night, she felt even worse. 

When she got to her house, she trudged through, dragging her body where it needed to go. When she got to the kitchen to grab a cup of lemonade, she saw a note on the refrigerator door that read:

“Willow,

We left to go visit Aunt Ivy in the city. She tripped and hurt her hip…again. Your dad and I will be back tomorrow afternoon. We left some money on the counter for food tonight.

Love you Honey,

Mommy”

She looked at the note her mother had left and huffed out. It's not that her parents leaving for the night was upsetting because she did want to be left alone, but it just felt like she had been abandoned by another person today, which she found annoying. Was it justified? Not really but with her emotions being out of whack due to her period, she took it as a small grievance she had.

She set the note down and walked off to the bathroom, completely forgetting the reason why she went into the kitchen in the first place and headed to the bathroom. When she turned on the lights to look in the mirror, she saw herself for the first time today since she clocked in. Her curly hair was in a mess in her scrunchie. Her eyeliner was much more smeared than it usually was and her face looked drained. It probably didn’t help that she barely had anything to eat or drink all day because she was running around catering to everyone else's needs. 

She touched her normally chubby, round rosy cheeks that now looked a little slimmer due to being dehydrated. She rubbed her eyes before trying to take the scrunchie out of her hair which took a lot more effort than it was worth. She started to tear up. The day had truly been draining and terrible. 

She went to the kitchen to grab a cup of water and chugged it because having a headache and then crying would only lead to a migraine and she couldn’t let her day end that bad. She walked back to the bathroom and began to slip her clothes off and turned on the water for the shower. When she gets down to her underwear, she notices that she has bleed through them. Her eyes started to well up, but she wiped them away. 

“It's okay, it's just underwear. I can clean them and wash or just throw them away, it's no big deal, it's no big deal” she tries to calm herself down. Once the water is warm enough she hops in the shower and cleans herself off of the sweat, grime, blood from today. The warm water feels nice on her skin, relaxing her muscles. She takes her time in the shower, wanting to savor the feel of the water, she sits on the floor of the shower.

She's probably in the shower for 45 minutes before it starts to get cold, the warm security water slowly turning to a chilling rain. She gets out of the shower and dries off and puts another pad on as she gets dressed in a pair of sweatpants and one of Steve's shirts that she stole from his house. The soft cotton only has the slightest hint of his scent left, but the feeling of it makes her feel safe.

After she gets dressed, Willow looks into the mirror again but the full length one in her bedroom. She looks at her body, picking out pieces of herself that she hasn't been insecure about herself in a while. Looking at how bloated she looked, touching her cheeks again and seeing how drained she looked. Her hair was a mess, her small coily ringlets were wet and dangling in front of her face in a mess. She hasn't been able to take care of her hair at all in the last 3 days, nor has she felt like it. She puts it up in one of her scrunchies, deciding that it is a tomorrow problem.

She begins to cry, thinking insecure thoughts of how she's perceived, of what everyone must say about her all day; what they say about her when she’s with Steve. She touches her thighs and hips. Her arms and her stomach, they all felt like too much, too big for what she thought Steve deserved; what she thought he wanted. 

Insecure and anxious thoughts fill her head as tears start to stream down her face. She goes to lay on her bed, tired of picking herself apart to nothing when she hears the phone ring. She reaches for it and picks up the phone blindly. 

“Howard residence” she answered, not caring how she sounds.

“Will?” Steve’s voice is soft and sweet. He knows that something is up just by her attitude.

“Oh,” She wipes her tears even though she knows that Steve can’t see her. “Hi” she responds softly, she can’t help it, but she also doesn't want to concern Steve even though her attempts are failing.

“Baby, are you okay? You didn't call me when you got home. I was worried about you, plus you don’t sound okay. Honey, what's wrong?” Steve says with so much concern and care in his voice.

Willow can’t help but burst into tears when Steve asks 'what's wrong?’ The second that he asks her all the defenses she's had up all day come crashing down.

“I–I had a terrible day. I dropped 2 boxes of comics and they spilled everywhere. Max called off so I worked all day. I had to close. I'm on my period and everything hurts. My feet hurt, my back hurts, my head hurts, my uterus is trying to kill itself. I bleed through my panties and my body feels weird and I look dead and my parents left for the night. And I haven’t seen you in so long and I didn’t want to come over because I love the kids but they're so loud sometimes and I couldn’t handle that, but you were there and I wanted to spend time with you, but I was going to be late anyway an–and” Willow rambles as quickly as Robin does on a regular basis. Steve’s heart breaks for her. His poor girl had a terrible day and she's all alone with her thoughts. 

“Honey, would you like me to come over?” Steve says calmly

“What about the kids? Are they still over there? You're still hosting, I don’t want to bother you”

“You’re never ever bothering me. And I don’t care about the kids, I care about you. They can go over the Wheeler's for the rest of the night. Nancy and Robin can babysit them.”

“Okay…only if you want”

“I would want nothing more. I've missed you so much this week”

Willow blushes. She knows that Steve loves her and cares about her, but something about her saying he would want nothing more than to see her after she sat and picked herself apart thinking about how Steve views her even though none of it was true, makes her feel warm inside.

“Will, have you eaten, yet?”

“No…”

“When did you last eat?”

“One…” She whispers on the phone

“Willow!!” Slightly upset that she hasn't taken care of herself but knowing that she was probably too busy to do it.

“I'm sorry, time got away from me!” 

“Well how about this? I can come and pick you up and then we can grab a pizza and some ice cream…and I can bring you back here so you can sleep in my bed with me and I can cuddle you all night until you feel better. How does that sound?” 

“Are you sure it's not too late?”

“I promise It's not too late, let's go, I'll come and pick you up at 10.”

Willow smiles ear to ear. “Okay, I’ll see you soon. I love you, Steve Harrington”

“I love you too Willow”

#steve harrington #stranger things #fictober23 #Steve harrington x OC!Willow #Steve Harrington x OC #stranger things fanfiction #steve harrington fanfiction #stranger things fic #stranger things fluff #steve harrington fanfic #I promise that Steve will be more in the full plot #i forgot about this being the first day #i will try harder #stranger things fanfic

[ferel6]

This gets INCREDIBLY LONG, so a little tl;dr here for you: I decided to become a healthy volunteer for clinical research studies in order to fill a hole I thought I had in my fetish dreams, but got addicted to being a test subject. Because it was SO MUCH FUN.

I'm not on here much because this is a secretive place for me (much like a lot of you) and I don't have a lot of alone time.

I just got back from a trip recently and haven't been able to parse my feelings about it. I need to share my fun experiences with SOMEONE because not many people in my life appreciate the feelings I have for them like a lot of you will.

Clearly, by the reposts and likes, I have a medical fetish. Strongest for EKGs, blood pressure cuffs, catheters, oxygen masks. But also for most things medical related. I have ton of equipment that I've used on myself and others.

My wife is a wonderful supporter of anything that turns me on more and has been a fantastic patient for me. But she doesnt have the appreciation for medical equipment, she doesn't love the feeling of a mask over her nose and mouth, the light touch of wires across her chest, like I do.

As I've gotten older, I've needed to figure out more about myself and why I have these feelings. I've always liked being the patient, always wanted to be the experiment.

An idea came to me while I was involved in biometrics screening at work and I wondered why I had never thought of it before: why not volunteer as a healthy subject for clinical research?

I dove head first into it, checking out all the available research programs in my area (there were a lot), but what I began to realize is I didn't just want to be pumped full of experimental drugs and to find out what they do (even though most of those studies would involve the equipment I enjoyed). I wanted something more...basic. Something less experimental, but more intimate.

I found the perfect study, one that still required vitals monitoring (my reason for interest), but also helped further science in a way that interested me personally. A venous occlusion and distension study that looked at the effect NSAIDs have on veins to potentially help patients with Periferal Arterial Disease (PAD). I was nervous to tell my wife about it (just as nervous in fact as when I told her about my fetish initially). But she was perfectly OK with it, mentioning that clinical volunteers are a needed commodity.

With that, I sent off a message to the clinical research coordinator. And I waited. And waited. And waited.

It took about a week of nervous anticipation before she responded with a phone call. She explained the procedure, how they would measure the volume of my arm, hook up an IV retrograde into the forearm, wrap blood pressure-like cuffs around my wrist, forearm, and bicep to force the blood out of my arm for the occlusion portion. Heartrate would be monitored via a 3-lead EKG, BP would be taken periodically on my other arm, as well as continual BP measured via a device wrapped around my wrist and finger called a finometer. She asked if all that sounded ok.

Yes. 1000% yes.

We set up an appointment for a few weeks later and my sex drive went into overdrive at the prospect. My wife was a bit wary of this at first, but eventually warmed up to the idea and reaped the benefits of my overactive imagination.

The day of the experiment, I drove to the medical center, walking briskly past all the patients milling about the general hospital area, past the cancer center, and on toward the cardiac and vascular institute. God, it was such a rush feeling like I belonged there, but for a fun reason, not because I was sick. That sterile hospital smell, the sounds, the lights, the doctors and nurses passing me in their scrubs, going about their business.

I arrived outside of the clinical research floor and was immediately met by the clinical coordinator, no time to get my bearings, no more sitting and waiting. It was finally go time.

She whisked me past receptionists, then past equipment strewn in the hallways, doors leading to open rooms with beds in the middle, until we arrived at "my" room.

I tried not to stare as we entered. It was REALLY HARD. My quick glance took in the table in the middle of the room, the racks of monitoring equipment on the left wall, baskets with wires and tubes hanging out the tops, a large ultrasound machine to the right of the table, a roller tray with what I knew was an IV kit as well as several other syringes in sterile packaging.

I followed the coordinators instruction to sit and fill out my pre-procedure paperwork while she went over all the things that would happen to me (like I needed to hear it again, I'd read the paperwork at least 20 times throughout the prior weeks). Then she took my height and weight, and listened to my lungs and heart. I was a nervous wreck, so my heartrate was a bit high. She chocked it up to dehydration and got me a cup of ice water. Next we measured my arm volume by dunking it in a long tube of water and noting the displacement. Then I was sent to the bathroom before the start of the procedure while she retrieved the other members of the clinical team.

I had a few precious moments to myself in the cramped room once I got back to take everything else in. The computers by the back right corner. The windows out to look over a helipad, as we were on the fourth floor. Just how much juicy equipment lay on the racks on the far wall. None of this was helping my heartrate to slow down.

The coordinator came back in with a tech in tow and told me to hop up on the table in the center so she could get baseline BP, and get me hooked up to the EKG and get my IV placed.

I padded over after taking my shoes and socks off and used the stool to sit down on the table. The tech began wrapping the oh so familiar dark blue cuff around my right arm, while the coordinator pulled over the tray with the syringes and IV kit. At the coordinators request the BP cuff inflated as I sat there trying to calm my thumping heart. She remarked a mostly normal BP, much to my surprise, 125/85, only slightly on the high side for me. She had me lay down and we took it again two more times! God it felt amazing to just have someone so interested in my blood pressure.

The fun was just beginning, though. The coordinator took my left arm in her hands and pulled it over to the tray. Getting gloves on and cracking open the IV kit, she set about cleaning my arm and wrapping a band around my bicep, a steady stream of questions about my family, my job, and answers to my questions back. General banter while she looked down at my arm with such scrutiny, poking the inside of my elbow to confirm a good vein, then a quick jab as the IV entered and was dressed in a flash. I've had flu shots that hurt more, she was such a pro.

The banter continued as she dug around in a bag for three sticky electrodes, tenting my loose tshirt to reach just below my left side ribs, and my left and right shoulders. The tech helped her get the wires attached and I soon turned to see the delicious green line on the screen spiking up and down to a fair 110 bpm. The coordinator remarked again about my higher heartrate, but I informed her it was probably just nerves from my first visit and that I had a naturally high heartrate (I usually sit in the high 80s).

We continued onward, another male tech coming in, as well as the lead clinical physician who would be doing the ultrasound on my arm during the occlusion and infusion. They all busied themselves with various tasks, noting my HR, my BP, or prepping the occlusion cuffs.

The primary clinical physician asked if he could bring in a student intern, as a petite asian girl, probably half my age in her first few years of college shuffled in from the hall. "Of course" was my only response, the more the merrier. Good GOD was I trying so hard not to be turned on by all the extra staff and the entire situation.

Things moved quickly from here. The techs wrapped a cuff around my wrist, my forearm underneath the IV, and around my bicep.

The coordinator lifted my arm up and gave me a roll of gauze to squeeze. After squeezing for a few seconds she said "Five, four, three, two, one, cuff one up" and with the signature puff of air, the cuff around my wrist inflated, incredibly tight. "Five, four, three, two, one, cuff two up", and the second cuff on my forearm tightened, pushing the pooled blood in my forearm away even further (the pressure felt so odd on the retrograde IV at my elbow). "Five, four, three, two, one, cuff three up", and with that the last cuff around my bicep inflated, tighter than I'd ever pumped up a BP cuff during my own play, cutting off circulation to my entire left arm.

The tingling started in earnest as the coordinator told me I could relax my arm and the primary physician set about my forearm with cold gel and the ultrasound probe. I thought perhaps I'd lose more feeling in that arm, but I could feel the lightest touch from the physician, the push and pull of the probe as he clicked keys to zero in on the veins he was looking to image. He talked quietly with his intern, pointing to the screen, to my arm. She would nod and note things as well, also motioning to whatever they saw on the monitor.

The rest of the techs also milled about, the coordinator asking for time to be marked and noting my heartrate. I'd forgotten the monitor, as I was so focused on my left arm. Turning my neck I saw my HR had shot up to 144 bpm! My BP was also much higher as well topping at 155/100. Guess having an extra arms worth of blood rushing around my body sure changed my biometrics.

We waited for some time, taking new baseline statistics of my body's functions. 10 minutes passed, me simply lying there with my arm going numb, the continual squeeze of the finometer on my finger giving me an indication of my pulse.

Next up the coordinator sidled up next to my head, dragged the tray back over and set about getting the first syringe ready. She informed me there were 50ml, separated into 5 different syringes. "They may have doses of Ketorelac, or it may simply be saline, based on randomized trial".

As she began the first infusion, the primary physician and his intern were back on the ultrasound, probing and watching the spot where the IV entered my arm. I could feel the gentle caress of the probe as cold liquid filled my veins, again surprised at how much I could still feel despite 15 full minutes of cut off circulation.

The coordinator hooked up the next syringe and asked how I was feeling.

"I'm great!" I replied promptly.

"Alright, there's four more of these, so just let me know if the pressure gets to be too much in your arm."

She hooked up the next and pushed the plunger slowly down. My arm felt cold now, the liquid going in fluctuating between warm and cool, an odd sensation. The physician continued talking to his intern. The techs and the coordinator would talk amongst themselves as well.

"See this here as it's infused"

"Which one is that, the second?"

"We're on 17 minutes"

"Heartrates up, BP is a little higher as well"

"Still doing OK? I'm going to start the next, just let me know if it begins to be too much."

It was...so much. All of it. A pleasant buzzing whir in my mind, like ASMR but stronger, dominated my brain. All I could do was feel the sensations of my body and listen to the researchers as they talked about my body's functions and what they were doing to me like I wasn't a person to them. Like I was this enigma, this puzzle that needed solving. Just a subject, an experiment for them to run.

Once the infusions were all in place, and another 5 minutes had passed, the cuff was released and warmth and stabbing pins and needles filled my veins and arteries again.

More vitals were taken to confirm changes in my blood pressure, but after the release it was simply a matter of cleaning up. And just like that it was over.

I was cleaned up, given a meal card to use at the cafeteria, told how much my help was appreciated and sent on my way.

I've just come back from my fifth time (first time back since the pandemic), some of the studies have taken place in the MRI center (MRIs are relaxing and I love the idea of my brain being scanned).

And now i just feel the looming emptiness inside. There is so much anticipation and excitement each time I set up dates to go be a research subject. So much feeling. And when I'm there, when I'm being worked on and monitored, when I'm being watched over and dolled upon, I feel so good and right.

It's addictive, like a drug. I want more. I want to go back every week so they can poke me with more needles, watch my heartrate take off at the inflation of a cuff.

Anyway. If you've read this far, congrats on seeing a bit of my not so normal psyche. Glad there are plenty of people out there to volunteer who, like me, don't mind the uncomfortable and invasive parts of medical advancement.

If you think you can control yourself (I actually did a pretty good job in the end of keeping my lust under control), you may want to consider being a healthy volunteer as well. It's definitely an experience you'll never forget.

Feel free to ask questions and such, I'll answer them when I can.