I absolutely LOVE when Donna tells 14 “why don’t you do something completely different and have some friends?” Because it always felt like Ten had the feeing of loneliness hanging over him***. While we see it somewhat with other Doctors, we see it with Ten a sh*t ton more than any other Doctors.
We see it in the infamous “I just want A mate! A mate!” in Partners in Crime to Donna, as well as the heartbreaking “they’ve all got someone else, and that’s fine” in Journey’s End that we all know and get murdered over.
As well as when he tells Jackson Lake that he no longer travels with any companions because in the end all the companions he travels with “break my heart” in The Next Doctor which nobody ever acknowledges even though it’s one of the most heartbreaking things Ten says. Whenever people bring up the heartbreaking things Ten had said, they almost never include that.
But in terms of him not wanting really to have any friends, we see in Voyage of the Damned after he loses Astrid and everyone else he’d become close with on the Sto Titanic, he tells the only other person in his friend group that survived (the dude with the “degree” in Earthonomics) that he’s “better off alone”. (Especially since Astrid had taken up his offer to join him on the TARDIS and then sacrificed himself).
And in Planet of the Dead he tells and acknowledges when Christina brings it up that they would make a perfect team, but that he “travels alone” because he can’t take losing anyone else.
And in contrast to when he says that he now “travels alone” in Voyage of the Damned but then switches tone when he’s reunited w/ Donna and not only changes his stance bc he already knows Donna, but because we see that while traveling he keeps on talking aloud and then looking up and we see it sink in that he’s struggling being alone and he truly just wants “a mate”. (And to be honest, when he tells that man that it’s cuz Martha had left him not too long ago, and he just lost Astrid a few hours prior. But by that time, he’d “only” - which oh my god, is that heartbreaking - lost Rose (once), lost Astrid via her sacrificing herself, and lost Martha via her leaving him for her and her family (which once again, he understands completely, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt)).
But once we get to Planet of the Dead, he lost Rose twice, lost Donna, Martha left him (and tho he totally, 100% understood and respected her decision, he still did lose her), he lost Astrid, he lost Jenny, he watched River sacrifice herself, and though he didn’t know her well, he A) knew that she would be important to him later on, and B) gotten to like and respect her, and of course, he can’t stand having to sit by and watch anyone die, whether he knows them or not. When we get to Planet of the Dead, he’s made himself believe that he’s better off alone because he can’t stand losing any more people. He’s lost wayyyy to many people in a span of just a few years, and his hearts understandably can’t handle any more loss. And!!!!! In Journey’s End, Stavros makes the Doctor think of everyone whose sacrificed themself for him. Which then hangs over his head and (understandably) breaks his heart and kills him. When Stavros points that out, Ten’s faced with remembering all those people - from the very start (1x02) to one of the most recent episodes with the stewardess - and it hits him like a brick, and then Rose tells him that Harriet Jones sacrificed herself for him earlier that day, and it just destroys and kills him.
He’s lost so much more than most people can handle. The amount of loss and heartbreak he went through would kill most people, and like he told Donna in The Star Beast losing her killed him. We see in The End of Time Part 2 when he asks Joan’s great-granddaughter if Joan was happy in the end and her great-granddaughter says “yes” she then asks “you?” and the Doctor’s expression just tells it all: no.
And losing Rose? The one person he believed in? Over all the gods and Demi-gods he’d met? It killed him and tore his hearts into a billion pieces.
Losing her again? He didn’t survive that. While he was able to comfort himself because he was able to give her the life she deserved and wanted, and Tentoo could spend the rest of his life with her (which is the complete opposite to when Ten days in The School Reunion that she can spend the rest of her life with him, but he can’t spend the rest of his with her), it didn’t help to mend both his hearts. That comfort couldn’t piece together the billion pieces his hearts were in.
Martha leaving? Tore him apart.
Losing Astrid? Tore him apart.
Losing Jenny? Tore him apart.
Watching River sacrifice herself? Tore him apart, watching helplessly while someone - and! someone who he knew would later be important to him - die.
Hell, losing Madame de Pompadour? That hurt.
***I’m just using “he” pronounce throughout this because I’m talking about Ten specifically, who presents as male, even if “he” is not totally correct.
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021 | CHARACTER ASSASSINATION: August the Egotistical [1x02] -- follow the link below to listen!!
(TW: References to su*cide and casual dr*g use)
Margaret and Anton are going negative for an episode to "assassinate" August once again for his behavior in Season 1, Episode 2 of Young Royals. While breaking from the format of prior episodes out of sheer annoyance with the character, Margaret references a popular Australian pop-punk band, and Anton makes a series of unfortunate jokes whose cringe is self-inflicted.
Check out our Instagram @peopledonttalkabout for all pod-related announcements and updates!
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The theme music for People Don't Talk About... Young Royals is a dynamically-modified version of a selected portion of "The Lowest Place on Earth" by REW<<.
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SH 1x2 Coda-Fic: Appearances Can Be Deceiving
so uh, whoops? That ReWatch & Coda Writing thing last year didn't quite happen? BUT HEY. It's never too late. Or something like that.
HAVE SOME DOROTHEA 💜
#DotDeservedBetter
The Frays’ apartment was ruined.
That had been part of the plan, Dot knew, making sure there was nothing left for Valentine to track. She hoped it had been done because the plan was working.
She set up the glamour, ignored the way her body still ached, despite the healing. It'd linger, for awhile. She'd been used to working through that, years ago.
She knew she'd adjust again, soon enough.
She hated that she knew that.
And then there was Luke, at last...
Without Clary.
He looked at her with his cop face, his Shadowhunter face, as if the past twenty years had never happened, as if he still lived on the other side of that wall the Nephilim had built, placing themselves on one side and everyone else on the other.
He looked down on her, as if she was the one who couldn't be trusted, as if she was the one who'd lost Jocelyn, who'd failed Clary. He look at her as if they hadn’t spent the last decade trying to convince Jocelyn it was time to stop hiding the truth from her daughter, as if all those late night conversations and high-fives over report cards and arguing over who got to keep Clary’s latest artwork to put on their fridge had never happened.
He had the nerve to warn her about Magnus, as if he wasn't the one who'd pulled a gun on her and taken away the only thing she might have been able to use to help Clary, to track her, to be there for her after her parents had failed her.
Dot had thought of them as family.
She should have known they didn't feel the same.
Once a Shadowhunter...
But Clary hadn't been raised a Nephilim, didn't know, couldn't know what was happening around her.
None of this was Clary's fault.
Clary deserved better, and Dot was damn well not going to be yet another person to abandon her.
*
Magnus wasn’t any better than Luke had been.
Well.
He was armored and armed, pretending he didn’t care, wouldn’t care, pretending he couldn’t imagine why Dot did, couldn’t possibly understand why Dot was risking herself for a Shadowhunter.
She knew him better than that, had known him too long to fall for the flash and fire of his reputation.
She remembered him from before, before all of this happened the first time, back when they’d had their fling, drinking and dancing the nights away almost a hundred years ago. Even then he’d had his masks, had pretended to care more about his parties than his people, but it had been a long time since she’d let him fool her. He had a soft heart beneath his sharp wits, and he was always willing to reach out to strangers, to risk himself for friends, for family.
She remembered him slipping a diamond ring off his finger to tip a cigarette girl whose make-up only barely hid the black-eye she’d gotten from somewhere, a finger lifted to his lip with a shhh, so she’d know not to tell anyone.
The poor girl had kissed his cheek, a smear of lipstick as her breath had stuttered, and Dot was sure she’d been a half-a-heartbeat away from bursting into tears.
They’d never seen her again, but Magnus had gotten a postcard two years later, a simple thank you written above a familiar red shade of lipstick pressed against the cheap paper in a kiss.
He’d almost cried, and he’d never quite forgiven Dot for being there when it happened, had clearly never meant for her to see that glimpse behind his walls, had never wanted her to know how much it meant to him, that thank you.
She remembered him during the Uprising. How he’d run himself ragged protecting as many people as he could, how he’d drained himself dry night after night for anyone who asked, and half of those who didn’t dare.
She wondered if he was afraid he couldn’t do it again, afraid they’d lose too many if he failed.
She wondered if he knew he would, at some point, be pulled back in again, and was holding his power in reserve, just in case.
She couldn’t begrudge him trying to get them all out ahead of it this time, but she’d never have imagined she’d ask him for help and he’d say no.
He never said no.
(If it hadn’t been this, hadn’t been her, hadn’t been because of Valentine, hadn’t been for Clary, she might almost have been proud of him.)
She wondered why he felt he had to hide himself from her, of all people, or if maybe he just thought if he let it out at all he wouldn’t be able to tuck it back in again, wouldn’t be able to keep himself in control for all those people he was hiding away from the Circle.
He’d always had to guard that soft heart of his, or it would have been bruised too much for even him to bear.
He asked her to come away with him, but he didn’t really mean it. He knew she’d turn him down.
He knew exactly why Dot couldn’t go with him.
She thought of the Warlocks she’d seen slipping through the Portal when she arrived, thought of how tired Magnus’ eyes looked in the dawn light on those rare mornings when his glamour slipped, and she supposed she knew why he wouldn’t stay behind, too.
For just an instant, before he flicked his fingers and backed away, before he left her alone, she thought she saw the shine of regret in his eyes.
But he’d made his choice.
And so had she.
She hoped they both could live with it.
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