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im-notbean · 9 months

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Headcannons of; Quackity x Greek! Male! Reader

On god bro. I just really want somebody who speaks Greek on the QSMP. So in orderto cure this fantasy of mine I have now created this, sorry if you dont like the fact that Y/N is greek but I had to do it. Sooner or later okay-

⚠︎ Warning ⚠︎

Swearing

Some cultural things you might not understand

Might not be accurate to the cannon QSMP

This post has both Q!Quackity and CC!Quackity

Grammar mistakes

Characters might be a bit off to you

Mentions of Homophobia

Author kinda pools info about greek food-

If anything bothers you from above please, don't read!

CC!Quackity

・Your accent>>>>>>

・I'm sorry but he just loves it, especially when you pronounce certain words.

・Like saying yogurt and bread shit like that you know?

・If you say Alex in greek he gets scared- (Άλεξ [Álex] might not be accurate lol)

・Praise. Him. In. Greek.

・He get's so mad if you don't, goes full on Mexican on your ass-

・Quackity definitely respects your boundaries, so he'd ok with you not wanting to be public about your guy's relationship

・Especially with Twitter and shit (I refuse to call Twitter "X")

・Makes the funniest jokes and yall know those corny ass pick up lines

・Like "I wish you were my Xbox, cause I wanna play you all~~ night ♡"

・He definitely does those daily

・He can't cook for shit, so you have banned him from the kitchen

・It's always akward explaning that to your parents...

・Quackity loves it when you cook for him

・Especially Greek deserts (I'm just gonna fanboy over greek food for a hot minutes)

・Like tiramisu or like those almond cookies

・OR FUCKING BAKLAVA

・OR EVEN LOUKOUMADES

・Incase you don't know what I'm fanboying over, Tiramisu is an Italian dish so I'm not gonna go over it in much detail

・Basically a layered desert with espresso innit

・Baklava is one of the MOST iconic Greek deserts, it's layered with phyllo pastery, melted butter, and nuts!

・The most common are pistachios and walnuts by the way and theirs a layer of cinnamon-orange syrup pored over it once it is baked!

・Loukoumades are the Greek version of fried dough, their normally topped with honey, cinnamon, and walnuts.

・Anyway...

・He loves then sm

・If yall decide to make your relationship public, he wants you to decide how to do it.

・I personally believe you take over his stream one day as his "Special Guest"

・A cooking stream because y'know- it's iconic

・Your baking a classic greek disk.

・Gyro (Pronouced Yee-ro by the way)

・Basically Gyro is a dish that is a mix of lamb and beef (sometimes chicken too) that is made to fill pita bread.

・The sauce that is paired with is called tzatziki (it's really fucking good.) it normally has tomatos and onions and paied with greek fries.

・So your cooking the meat and stuff and Quackity just comes up behind you and you turn around right cause you know he's their

・So quickly, you bend down and kiss him.

・A little smooch before you kick him out th kitchen-

Q!Quackity

・You guys met on the train to the island.

・He tried talking to you but he seriously could not understand you, it wasas if you were speaking another language.

・When the government had paired people up, you didn't get a partner :(

・You also didn't really want an egg either, but you didn't mind babysitting them!

・Phil is so greatful for this-

・Quackity had heard about your egg sitting and decided to leave Tillin (I think i butchered this ngl) in your care

・Tillin loved you, she also liked the fact that she could understand you and offered as a translator.

・When Quackity came back he was surprised to see his own child translating what you were saying

・Once the new members joined you were assined partners with Tubbo (I am not sure if the new members have assigned parners ngl so...also are we getting new members today?)

・(Not even joking- ANYWAY LMAO)

・So y'know how Tubbo can get info out of Curchuro (prob butchered that again lol)

・You can do it also, sence your the only person on the server who can speak greek and not English he thinks the info he tells you is safe.

・You get Tillin to translate to Tubbo about what Curchuro tells you >:D

・Quackity learns about this and then he realized what the fuck is happening

・The he realized one day, you were gone.

・Along with the eggs.

・He never realized how much he liked you until you left...

・Quackity tried looking for you and the eggs

・But he never got far

・Tubbo also tried to help look for you, to no avail

・Not gonna lie, you and Phil got locked in a cage togther 😂

#im-notbean #dream smp #dsmp #dsmp quackity #quackity #qsmp #qsmpblr #qsmp headcanons #qsmp quackity #quackity x reader #x reader #y/n #x male reader #male reader #quackity x male reader #quackity headcannons #q!quackity #quackity x you #quackity x y/n

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365days365movies · 3 years

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March 15, 2021: Clash of the Titans (1981) (Part One)

This one’s personal…sort of.

Other than the fact that this is based on Greek mythology (previously well-established as one of my favorite subjects), this movie is, in a way, responsible for my existence. And that is because, according to legend, this is the film that my parents went to on their first date. And apparently, it went very well, because I came into being 10 years afterwards. So, yeah, this film is personal, like Dirty Dancing.

And also like Dirty Dancing, I HAVEN’T SEEN IT? I don’t know HOW I escaped seeing this movie. And that’s especially considering that I’ve seen the new one. And that movie was...not great.

Maybe not the worst film I’ve ever seen, but it’s definitely not a good movie. But OK, what’s this one about, exactly? Y’all ready for “The 365 Greek Mythology Hour” again? OK, then, here we go. SING IT LADIES

Clash of the Titans concerns the myth of Perseus, one of the greatest Greek heroes ever. Before Heracles, there was Perseus, son of Zeus. Yeah, Zeus, as he is wont to do, came down to Earth and had some good time with the princess of Argos, the beautiful Danaë. He came upon her while she was locked in a box by her dad, Acrisus, king of Argos.

Yeah, the Oracle at Delphi, ever the wisest, was visited by Acrisus one day, who wanted a son instead of a daughter. The Oracle spoke with Apollo (AKA huffed some of that SWEET SWEET ETHYLENE GAS), and told him that his daughter’s son would kill him. And so, he did the most logical thing: he locked her in a box. Yup. Dick. SPEAKING of dick, Zeus appeared to her in the open box as a golden shower. NOT THAT KIND OF GOLDEN SHOWER. I mean a literal shower of gold. Although...I wouldn’t put it past Zeus, of all gods. Dude was kinky.

So, Perseus is conceived, and Acrisus responds to this with his usual tact; he stuffs Danaë into a SMALLER box, and shoves it out to sea. She gives birth to a boy in the box, and the two eventually wash up on the shore of an island, where a fisherman finds them and takes them in. The boy is named Perseus.

Years go by, and Perseus’ mom is sought by his adoptive dad’s brother, and the king of the island, Polydectes. Polydectes is kind of a dick, and Perseus, now an adult man, doesn’t like him. The feeling’s mutual, and Polydectes has a plan. He holds a banquet, and forces all invited to bring a gift of horses. Perseus, being pretty poor, cannot bring this gift, but promises on his honor to bring whatever Polydectes wants of him, no matter what. And Polydectes asks for the head of Medusa.

Fuck.

Medusa’s one of your classic Greek monsters, a Gorgon. She’s one of Athena’s victims, formerly a vain temple priestess who was, well...raped by Poseidon, let’s be honest. However, since Athena’s priestesses were meant to be celibate, she was the one who ended up being punished. Fuckin’ YIKES. But OK, literal ancient gender politics aside, Athena cursed her with snakes for hair, and the ability to turn her victims into stone with a gaze into her eyes. Classic. And sure death for anyone who went after her.

So, Perseus is fucked. He’s gotta kill Medusa, and he doesn’t even have a way to get to her place. And that’s when he gets a favor from none other than Athena, goddess of wisdom and wartime strategy, as well as Perseus’ half-sister. I love Athena (other than the Medusa bullshit, obviously), and this is one of her most prominent roles in mythology. Well, that and the creation of spiders. That was also punishing a woman for her vanity, by the way. She has a type.

First, Perseus was told to find the Hesperides, nymphs of the dusk and dawn who would give him weapons. He got their location from the Greae, more colloquially known as the Gray Sisters. Weirdly enough, you may know them from Hercules, where they were combined with the Fates. They don’t have the future gimmick, but they do have that whole “sharing an eye” thing. Also, they share a tooth. Neat.

Anyway, Perseus takes their eye hostage, which makes them tell him where the Hesperides are. He goes to them, and they give him a bag to hold Meduga’s head. Then, the gods step in. Zeus decides to be a good dad for a change, and gives him an indestructible sword, and Hades’ Helmet of Invisibility. Hermes, another of Perseus’ half-brothers, gives him a pair of winged sandals to fly with. And Athena, technically Perseus’ patron, gives him a mirrored shield.

Perseus heads to the cave of Medusa, uses the shield, then goes up to her and cuts off her head. From her neck, for some goddamn reason, and golden sword pops out, alongside this guy.

Yeah, he’s not made out of clouds. He’s actually the, uh...he’s the result of Poseidon’s crime against Medusa. Fucked up, innit? Pegasus flies up to hang out with Bellerophon to kill the Chimera, and Perseus heads back to...actually, he goes to ANOTHER king who was a dick to him, and turns him into stone with Medusa’s head. Kings hate Perseus, seriously.

Perseus heads home after that, and goes through Ethiopia. There, he meets the King and Queen, Cepheus and Cassiopeia. Cassie’s gorgeous, but she tells Perseus that her daughter Andromeda is, like, WAY hotter, as beautiful as the sea goddesses. Which PISSES OFF POSEIDON (who is basically the villain of Perseus’ story, let’s be honest), and he send a sea monster named Cetus to destroy the kingdom, UNLESS they sacrifice Andromeda to it. And, because kings are assholes in this story, they do, chaining Andromeda to a rock. But, because Perseus believes that all women are queens, he goes to rescue her, and kills Cetus using all of his things. He weds Andromeda, and turns his romantic rival Phineus into stone using Medusa’s head.

Usually, that’s where retellings end, because there’s a recurring trend to Perseus’ story after that. A king is an asshole, Perseus whips out the head, asshole becomes statue of an asshole. However, there is that prophecy to contend with, about Perseus killing his grandfather. See, Acrisus basically retired by this point, and lived in the kingdom of Thessaly. But one day, he went to see some games, in which Perseus was competing in the discus. Well, wouldn’t you know it, Perseus isn’t great at it, and loses control of the discus, which hits Acrisus, killing him instantly.

Utimate frisbee, man. It’s dangerous.

There’s another version where Perseus uses Medusa’s head to turn his dad into stone, surprise surfuckingprise there. But yeah, after that the story varies. Sometimes he becomes a king, sometimes he doesn’t. He basically always marries Andromeda and has kids with her. Sometimes he founds a city of his own, sometime he doesn’t. And in one ending, where he’s lived to be an old king, he fulfills his ultimate destiny and turns Medusa’s head on himself. Geez.

So, yeah, there you go. That’s the story of Perseus. Let’s, uh...let’s see what the movie does, huh? This is another Ray Harryhausen joint, so I’m...tentatively excited for it. We’ll see how badly they mess up the myth, and whether or not it works despite that. So, ENOUGH of me lecturing you guys, huh?

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We begin approximately where most iterations do: King Acrisius (Donald Houston) has just cast his daughter Danae (Vida Taylor) and grandson Perseus into the ocean, containing them within a wooden chest in order to “forgive his daughter’s crimes”. Yeah, sure, OK, buddy. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

This also pisses off Zeus (Laurence Mother Fucking Olivier), who consorts with the rest of the Olympians on what to do to Acrisus. Said Olympians include Hera (Claire Bloom), goddess of marriage and women; Thetis (Maggie Mother Fucking Smith), goddess of the sea and leader of the Nereids; Athena (Susan Fleetwood), goddess of wisdom and strategic victory; Aphrodite (Ursula Andress), goddess of love; and Poseidon (Jack Gwillim), god of the sea.

Hera tries to defend Acrisus, noting his prior years of devotion to Zeus and the other gods. But Zeus ain’t HAVING that shit, and tells Poseidon to destroy the city of Argos in revenge. This is to be done by...releasing the last of the Titans? Which is apparently the Kraken. I mean...no, a thousand times no, but whatever.

This little tantrum is Zeus’ way of showing his love towards Danae, whose child Perseus is his. This is helpfully pointed out by Thetis, who seems...a little spiteful, as much as Hera is about Perseus. Seems like she’s stoking some fires. Hmm. She is Queen of the Nerieds, so she may play a larger role later on.

Beneath the sea, Poseidon readies himself to set loose the Kraken and destroy Argos, at Zeus’ command. Zeus, meanwhile, kills Acrisus by using a clay voodoo doll of sorts to strike him down. And that’s when Poseidon lets loose the Kraken for the first time. And the Kraken...

Guys, the Kraken looks...actually, I’ll spoil his appearance later on. The Kraken destroys the city, and Zeus kills Acrisius. So much for the goddamn prophecy that explains why Acrisius did what he did, but fuck me, I guess. Danae and Perseus, meanwhile, have safely arrived on the shores of the island of Seriphus, at Zeus’ insistence. There, Perseus grows from child into a fine young man, with Zeus always watching over him...and with Thetis and company always watching over Zeus. Interesting.

The adult Perseus (Harry Hamlin) lives happily on the island, much to Perseus’ delight. Thetis, on the other hand, asks about her mortal son, a young man named Calibos (Neil McCarthy). Apparently, Calibos is a bit of a monster, and while he’d been set to wed the princess Andromeda, he’s also managed to kil all living things on the island that he’s been given, save for a single winged horse named Pegasus. Hence...he is to be punished.

Calibos, by the way? Entirely original creation of the film, and there’s nobody like him in Greek mythology. Anyway, Thetis is crushed by this, and decides to exact revenge of both Perseus and her son’s would-be fiancee, Andromeda. She pledges to open up Perseus’ eyes to grim reality, and does so by placing him in the kingdom of Joppa, where Calibos was originally set to rule alongside Andromeda.

Here, in an amphitheatre, he encounters a mysterious masked and robed figure, who quickly reveals themselves to be Ammon (Burgess Meredith), a poet and playwright. Apparently, Ammon wears his disguise to scare off trespassers. He tells Perseus that all of Joppa is in a tizzy about a curse of some kind, and that the story of the fallen kingdom of Argos is a famous legend.

Ammon tells Perseus to go back home to Seriphus, but Perseus tells Ammon that he’s promised to restore his mother’s old kingdom, and decides that Joppa would be a good start. Despite his drive, though, Zeus is pissed off at Thetis for plopping Perseus down unprepared. He tells the other goddesses to give him gifts to help him claim the kingdom of Joppa as his own. This includes a helmet from Athena, a sword from Aphrodite, and a shield from Hera. I mean...OK, that’s super goddamn weird, but OK.

After Zeus leaves, the goddesses rightfully complain about Zeus’ constant womanizing, but note that he probably doesn’t remember Danae at this point, is is most likely acting out of stubborn pride for his “handsome son”. Their words, not mine.

In Joppa, Perseus finds the gifts by the statues of their grantors. The sword from Aphrodite is adamantine, like the original myth, and slices through marble without a blemish. The shield from Hera...talks. Yeah. The shield bears the visage of Zeus, who tells him that the weapons are gifts from the gods, and that the helmet from Athena turns the wearer invisible. I mean, fuck Hades, I guess, but OK. Technically Athena did give the helmet to Perseus, so OK.

Armed with his new gear, an invisible Perseus immediately takes off to see Joppa, sans his sword. We only see his footsteps in the sand as he leaves, which is legitimately a VERY neat effect, and I’m not sure how they did it, but it’s neat as hell. Off to Joppa, a vaguely Phoenician/Persian kingdom, despite the fact that the original Joppa, or Jaffa, is a port city in Israel.

There, he meets a soldier, Thallo (Tim Pigott-Smith), who tells him of the situation. Since Calibos fell to Zeus’ wrath, Andromeda rejected him, allowing any suitor to try for her hand, whether they be royal or not. To do so, they must answer a riddle. If they fail to answer, the would-be suitor is burned to death. This is lorded over by Queen Cassiopeia (Sian Phillips), while Andromeda (Judi Bowker) lives in the tower of the palace.

Which is why Perseus IMEDIATELY uses the helmet to go into her room that night! CLASSY, PERSEUS. There, he sees...a giant vulture bring a cage to Andromeda’s balcony. No idea where in the fuck this is going, but that’s a damn good looking vulture. God, I love Harryhausen.

Anyway, the vulture is here for Andromeda’s soul, which leaves her body and goes to sit in the cage. The vulture takes off with it, al as the invisible Perseus watches on. He takes this opportunity to touch Andromeda’s face in her sleep (stop, Perseus, for the love of Zeus), then decides that winning Andromeda is his destiny. And so, his simpin’ journey begins.

The next day, Perseus asks Ammon how they can follow the vulture, who has apparently headed to the marshes to the “marsh lord”. To follow the vulture, Ammon suggests that they find and capture the last of the winged horses, known as Pegasus. And we’ve officially lost the track of Greek mythology at this point. Shit.

Well, with Ammon’s help, Perseus captures Pegasus and rides him through the skies. Meanwhile, in Corinth, some dude named Bellerophon is just having a stroke, I guess, because he’s totally fucked now. Whatever. The next day, the vulture comes back to Andromeda’s place and takes her soul to the marsh. But this time, Perseus and Pegasus follow them.

In the marsh, the marsh-lord and riddle-maker is revealed as Calibos, who is still in love with the beautiful Andromeda. As she cannot love him, he provides to her another riddle to give her would-be suitors. In tears, she memorizes the riddle and its answer, Calibos touches her uncomfortably, even as Andromeda asks him to lift his curse and show pity. But he refuses, in pain from his love. Jesus, this movie should be called Clash of the Simps, goddamn.

Perseus was watching the whole thing, though, which Calibos immediately figures out when he sees Perseus’ footsteps in the dirt. As Perseus goes through the swamp looking for Pegasus, he’s found and attacked by Calibos. Calibos, by the way, is a guy in pretty solid makeup in close-up shots, and a Harryhausen model in far-away shots.

The two struggle, the helmet is lost in the swamp, and Perseus draws his sword. But we suddenly cut away to see the daily ritual of the presentation for Andromeda’s would-be suitors. Perseus steps in, having survived the attack from last night, and offers his hand to Andromeda, who recognizes Perseus from a dream. She gives the riddle, which is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. Here, I’ll prove it.

In my mind’s eye, I see three circles joined in priceless harmony. Two, full as the moon; one, hollow as a crown. Two from the sea, five fathoms down. One from the Earth, deep under the ground. What is it?

Any guesses? Anybody?

NO MATTER WHAT YOU FAIL. Because the answer is Calibos’ ring! HOW IN THE SHIT WOULD ANYBODY HAVE GUESSED THAT? It’s a golden ring with two pearls on it! WHO KNOWS THAT SHIT? I call complete bullshit, and the only reason that Perseus knows it is because he spied on this last night! Also, because he cut off Calibos’ hand, and made him renounce his curse, which is...never really specified, now that I think about it.

With that, Perseus has both Andromeda’s and Calibos’ hands! HA! Calibos is not as amused, as he preys to his other Thetis, at a temple of hers. He demands that Thetis take revenge on those whom Perseus loves, specifically Andromeda and the city of Joppa itself. He demands justice, but Thetis identifies this correctly as revenge. All the while, Perseus declares his love for Andromeda, and they seal their union with a kiss and ritual.

During this ritual, in which Andromeda and Perseus are essentially married, Queen Cassiopeia, LIKE A DUMBASS, says that Andromeda is more beautiful than the goddess Thetis herself. Yeah. BAD FUCKING MOVE, especially because she said that IN FRONT OF THETIS’ FUCKING SANCTUARY. At least that dumbass move was kept from the original story.

Well, Thetis tells Cassie that she can only atone for her stupidity in one way: sacrifice your daughter to the Kraken in 30 days. Later on, Perseus speaks with Ammon to figure out how they can defeat the Kraken. Ammon suggests speaking with the “Stygian Witches”, who I’m assuming are our Grey Sisters for the night. However, according to Thallo, they have a taste for human flesh. Still, Perseus is going, as are Ammon, Thallo, and Andromeda. But not Pegasus.

Well...shit, man. That changes a few things, huh? But that’ll be addressed...IN PART TWO! See you there!

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canmom · 3 years

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watched the mandalorian s2.

definitely strongest when it was just doing one-off genre pastiche/fleshing out the grungier parts of the setting than when it was trying to do grandiose lore tie-ins. swung wildly between ‘this is quite impressively shot’ and ‘lmao seriously’. the kerberos-esque nazibots were especially un-compelling designs - none of the design sense that characterised the stormtroopers with their weird white helmets.

that 'what if ahsoka but her actress is literally a terf and also she never expresses even 1 emotion’ casting was tragic, what a waste. by contrast, i’m sorta wondering if i should watch breaking bad since the ex-breaking bad actors in this show like the guys who play moff gideon and mayfeld did particularly well in the roles; the refinery episode is a decent contender for strongest one in the series thanks to that canteen scene which depended entirely on intense acting from mayfeld and the extremely-‘nazi officer’ imperial guy, as well as a rare moment of vulnerability from the protagonist.

(that episode is also interesting bc it creates a discomforting moment of triumph where the protagonists manage to bring a shipment of explosives to the Empire and are greeted by cheering and congratulations... the music and framing treats this release of tension just as triumphantly despite the episode rapidly going to underline that the Empire are actual, definite fascists. I presume the effect was intentional.)

I also very much enjoyed the bit at the end where you have two mando girls + cara dune (space cop but she has the arms) + fennec (sneaky sniper girl who has robot abs now! and her interactions with dune, they knew what they were doing there huh...) shooting up a spaceship full of stormtroopers. cara’s getting her own show so maybe they’ll indulge in more of that.

the best part of this series is how they handle the like political sense of a power-vacuum empire in decline and a ‘new republic’ that’s not painted as automatically The Good Guys, even if they’re not half so bad as the Bad Guys. sure, it’s in large part Western tropes - post civil war setting and everything! - but it does a considerably better job of establishing the political stakes of the big conflict in Star Wars and the general like socio-economic sense of ‘how this universe works’.

a lot of their set designs seem to be, well, ‘what if an asian country but in space’ - I think we’ve seen fantasy Vietnam (in season 1), fantasy China (ahsoka’s episode), and fantasy Cambodia (the refinery one) at least! this tends to lend the settings a level of visual interest and verisimilitude but well, orientalism innit. that said, there’s a pleasing variety of settings and climates (bearing in mind the maxim that in Star Wars, a planet is basically a small island...) realised mostly very impressively in Unreal. seriously it’s hard to believe a game engine was capable of this in real time.

alas, outside of that, there sadly doesn’t seem to be much like, inventiveness aesthetically - the details tend to be very well realised, but they’re riding a lot on the coattails of the art direction of the original trilogy. most of their new spaceship and vehicle designs are just boxes - Boba’s ship Slave I (the name of which is conspicuously not mentioned!) has a noticeably much more interesting design in terms of shape language than our protagonist’s for example. we don’t even get anything as cool as the wading paddy field bot from Fantasy Vietnam in the first series.

this is a shame because like, what else are you watching Star Wars for? definitely not the plot lmao

another conspicuous lacuna is well, the Droid Issue. the early episodes of this season make a lot of jokes out of the mechanic character speaking dismissively about droids in a pseudo-racialised way reminiscent of the way people talk about servants irl, and of course, in the fiction it’s written as straight-up slavery right! like they’ve just been like, ok, westerns, but we move over all the really grim racialised facets of characterisation to aliens and robots instead - following in the footsteps of Lucas obviously, though the Mouse’s version is at least willing to not make the human cast 100% white.

(incidentally the ‘human supremacy’ component of the pseudo-Nazi pseudo-Confederate Empire’s ideology in Star Wars, while rather implicit in the casting, is also never addressed explicitly, perhaps because it would raise troubling questions about our ‘heroes’... when a fascist goes on a rant in this series, as happens a few times, it will only be to emphasise their greater ability to impose order through violence and sneer at fools who think they want ‘freedom’, a villain characterisation which definitely doesn’t rock the boat too much in America!)

there’s a very similar tension in a Tatooine episode where the Tuskens are given a relatively sympathetic portrayal for the franchise, but which very nakedly fulfils the role of Native people in the Western pastiche, much like the Reavers in Firefly. (this approach to the Tuskens is something the old EU also did - c.f. KOTOR - but afaik this is the first time they’ve appeared on film to do anything but yell and shoot at the protagonists.)

as much as like, the protagonists are, refreshingly, definitely not necessarily good people - mando-san clearly cares about one little green kid and will shoot p much anyone else, dune’s literally a cop, etc. - it’s weird to see this huge facet of the setting just continually pass without comment or get played off for jokes. like idk, you gotta like... do something with that guys? but obviously you’re not, because you’re the Mouse, and you want to steer the most profitable course.

speaking of the most profitable course, Boba’s back again. i don’t really know how they treated him in the old EU, beyond a vague sense of ‘guy was harder to kill than a water bear’. that said, of his portrayal here, there’s an amusing irony in the chain of

boba fett, generic bounty hunter #12, is a fan favourite character design despite his rather ignominious showing in the film

an entire faction is created to be ‘guys in the boba fett armour’’

elaborate mythology and imagery created around ‘mandalorians’ as a semi-monastic order of soldiers which holds up as a core part of ‘star wars’ despite various retcons and modifications

boba fett finally comes back, but he’s considered to not be a true mando by the other guys now

sadly, the episode he’s first reintroduced is one of the worst in the series, just a really contrived, drawn out fight scene against stormtroopers with no tension whatsoever which ends with a hilariously dumb twist - definitely one of the most videogamey episodes. but hey, i guess a certain videogaminess is kinda what we’re watching this for, it’s literally filmed in a giant game engine room!

anyway they’ve announced like 3 spinoff series because this will literally never end and glob help us, I’ll probably watch them too at some point if people say they’re any good. Dave Filoni is really ascending in the ranks of the Mouse at this rate, perhaps because he still seems to get good reviews in contrast to the film series. he seems to make TV that’s consistently ‘tropey but well executed and fun, with occasionally a few sparks of being genuinely affecting’ which is probably the best one can hope for from the Mouse. (part of me feels a need to say like, i realise i can be called part of the problem continuing to watch and discuss these franchise shows lmao but well, that’s how it is :/ i guess i find it easier to discuss their narrative than their structural role in capitalism or w/e)

#star wars #eternal disney franchise hell

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hitchell-mope · 5 years

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(After “how far we’ve come”)

Uma: just to make sure you don’t get any funny ideas

(Iron chains wrap around Mal’s wrist and burn white hot against her skin. Mal cries in pain. Swiftly followed by her friends screams of dissent)

Uma: I do so love an audience

(In the pipeline jay and Ben are frantically attacking the grated door)

Jay: c’mon c’mon c’mon CMON!

Carlos: hey hey hey. If this is what she wants shouldn’t we let

Evie: Uma can’t win. Not like this. It’s gotta be fair

Gil: magic.

Ben: what’s that buddy

Jay (getting an idea): magic!

(He extends his right hand and summon the sceptre to him)

Jay: god I hope this works. (He waves the sceptre above his head. Ben shields Gil. Evie shields Doug and Dizzy. Elsa shields Carlos). BOMBARDA!!!!

(The grate opens in an explosion of rubble. Jay stalks out, his skin hair and eyes turning bright gold)

Jay: LEAVE HER ALONE

Uma: oh look. The noble hero on the white horse come to save his friend the dragon. I never would’ve guessed

Jay: I’m not a hero. And I’ll tell you why. A hero gives a choice. I’m delivering a threat.

Uma (scoffing): ha! I highly doubt any of you are in a position to threaten me

Jay: wanna bet shrimpy?

Uma: eeeeh...I’ll call your bluff

Jay: if you kill Mal. Your life won’t be worth living.

Uma: it already isn’t.

Jay: then I’ll make it worse. If you kill my best friend. You’ll stay here with your mother and that (he points st Harry) on the island. Forever. Gil and the rest of your crew will get to go if they want. But the barrier is permanently closed off to you. If you kill MY BEST FRIEND. You die here. Alone. Knowing you failed. Just like you always have when you try and best us. We’re all better then you are. And you know it. Your weak. Just like the jellyfish your mother gorges on

Uma: you wouldn’t.

Jay: try me. Because I assure you I will

Mal: Jay...please. Just go. Go home

Jay: not without you

Uma: why

Jay: why what?

Uma: why are you defending her after what she did

Jay: A. I don’t like you. B. You’d probably do the same for that

(He points at Harry)

Uma: she deserves this

Mal: she’s right I do.

Uma: ha! You heard it here folks. She admits it!

Jay: you don’t though. You’ve suffered enough in the past 72 hours than anyone should

Mal: and it’s my fault. I killed those people. I poured shrimp on Uma. I deserve this

Uma: ooh hoo hoo. Those words are beautiful. I’m really going to enjoy this

(She starts to squeeze the aorta. Mal screams in pain. Evie poofs in beside jay and punches Uma in the face)

Evie: it’s my fault

Doug (in the pipeline): oh god

Carlos: oh dear

Dizzy: fucking hell

Uma (wiping a fleck of blood off her chin): what?

Evie: it’s my fault it was me I’m the reason Mal dumped shrimp on you.

Carlos: Evie you don’t have to do this. And Ben let go of Doug!

Ben (holding a struggling and kicking Doug): ‘fraid I cant do that C.

Doug: LET ME GO LET ME GO

Evie: Doug honey I’m fine. Please. Trust that I know what I’m doing

(He stops struggling)

Doug: ok.

Evie (turning back to Uma): my mother made me rip Mal’s heart out and give Carlos’s location when we were eight. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done. She was pissed off and looking for someone to hurt like she was

Uma: and she found me

Evie: if there’s anyone to blame it’s me

Uma: ok

(She drops Mal’s heart and pulls out Evie’s. Doug screams and is flattened by Ben. The chains stay in Mal’s wrists)

Uma: don’t think you’re off easy. You’re the one who did it. But one things still puzzling me. Why. Why would you defend her. She must hate you.

Evie: she does. And she’s annoying. She’s a bitch and half. She never cleans her side of the room. And she tried to kill me yesterday because I brought Ben here when jay Carlos and I knew that’s the last thing she wanted. And she’s my family. She’s the closest thing I have to a sister. And everyone loves her back home. And if you kill her. (Chuckles sinisterly). I will help jay make good on his threat to you

Ben: you guys stay here. Look after Doug. Cripes I hope this works.

(He sputters away in a wisp of royal blue smoke)

Merida: god it’s like reverse sardines in here. And did the 17 year old king just say “cripes”?

Carlos: yes. And yes.

Doug: was it really necessary to freeze my feet to the floor?

Elsa: yes

Ben: Uma. Please. There’s gotta be a better way. Come with us. I’ll give you your chance. You’ll have your say. Please just don’t kill my friends. Please

Uma: silly king. You’ll give me my chance. Oh well. Not a chance

(She cackles and squeezes Evie’s aorta)

Doug: NOOOO!!!!

Gil: put me over there

Elsa: what?

Gil: please. I can help. Please

Merida: something’s telling me only I’m going back.

(Elsa poofs Gil over to the ship. He promptly tackles Uma and sideswipes Harry in the stomach knocking the both of them to the ground and pinning them there)

Gil: go! Now!

(Jay puts the girls aortas back in the respective chest cavities and poofs him them and Ben to the pipeline)

(At the limo)

Mal: get Gil!

Evie: what!

Mal: just do it

(Evie poofs Gil over to them)

Carlos: are you sure this limos big enough for all of us.

Jay: don’t sweat it hon us two are in front

Carlos: nice

Jay: Ben might have to sit on Mal’s lap

Bal: I’m ok with that

Evie: I can sit on Doug’s lap if that helps.

Jay: whatever

Gil: ooh what’s that

Ben: Mal it’s your book (he summons it to him) here you go

Mal: wow. That’s very impressive seeing as you’ve only had magic for

Ben: I think three days.

Mal: I actually quite like magic on you. I just wish you hadn’t got it the way you did

Jay and Ben: we can’t change that now

(Mal’s tackled by a screaming Uma who grabs her by the throat and starts choking her)

Uma: YOU DON’T GET TO WIN EVERY TIME

Evie: WELL SHE DOES TODAY!!!!

(She kicks Uma in the face knocking her off Mal. Evie grabs her sister and pulls her into the limo)

Mal: that was

Evie: exhausting

Carlos: exhilarating

Merida: weird

Dizzy: the most fun I’ve had in years. Look. My scissors have blood on them. Innit cool?

Carlos (to devie): awwww your new daughters a homicidal psychopath. You must be so proud

Devie (completely seriously): yes. We are

(Jay chortles)

Ben: hey. E. Can I have a look at that list you made?

Evie: ummmm. Ok

(She hands him the paper. Mal, who’s resting her head on Ben’s shoulder, takes a look at the title)

Mal: “kids to get to safety in case my bitch of a sister goes feral again and tries to sink the island into the sea”. Long. But appropriate given the circumstances as to why you made it

Evie: I can change it. The title

Bal: oh you will

Jay: dizzy Gil. You two ready for your first look at Auradon?

(In the alleys)

Uma: that ice bitch had to get here somehow. Here we go

(Huma stalks over to Elsa’s carriage)

Harry: good day sir Uma and I are camandering this vessel

Uma: He means commandeering. Harry do your thing

(The first mate punches out the steward)

Harry: I can kill him if you want

Uma: nah. Keep him. Well need him to get through

(In the limo)

Merida: you know. I’ve got the weirdest feeling we’ve forgotten something

#disney descendants #mal bertha #jay son of jafar #jay is mal’s person #uma daughter of ursula #zendaya!mal

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