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freakrenaissance · 1 year

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FANFIC REC MASTERLIST!!!!!!!

It's gonna be quite the undertaking....it'll probably take me a few weeks...but I thought I'd use the remainder of Valentine's Day for a true labor of love.

Still plugging away!!! Thanks so much to all who have liked & reblogged this monster of a list! I won't stop til all my faves are saved here...these masterpieces deserve it! (Check the bottom of the post for the date/time of latest update)

I'm gonna start categorizing alllll the juicy fanfic I'm collecting, so it's easier for me & my tribe to finds what we needs.

The artistry. My goodness. The hellsite we're all addicted to doesn't always show us the goods (tags, searches...you're still left wanting), so, it's high time i created my own card catalogue

I'm going to tag all my lovelies, my faves, & try to categorize them accordingly. Bear in mind, I'm NOT Tumblr savvy, even though i've been on this site for YEARS, so if you take issue with anything, please, POLITELY let me know. Also, if you don't wanna be a part of my lists, feel free to shoot me a message, & I'll remove ya, np ;)

Enjoy!!! & Please, like, share & REBLOG!!!!!!!! & remember: HEED ALL WARNINGS! ALL FICS ARE RATED E, UNLESS OTHERWISE INDICATED

THERE BE BOTH SMUT & FLUFF AHEAD....IF YOU'RE HERE, YOU SHOULD BE OVER 18!!!!!!

Pedro Pascal Characters

Pedro is my love. Has been since before that dark day In King's Landing ...These are the fics that I can't live without:

The Mandalorian/Din Djarin

Fic Rec Lists:

Din - @amorevolousfaith

First Class to Tatooine - @mandosmistress

multi part fic that has made the wait for season 3 an absolute JOY! Fills in every gap in the most delicious ways

Look - @omgreally

one shot - Touch-starved din, making me weak

Dosed - @absurdthirst

one of my all time favorite sex pollen fics!!! sooo delish

Hard Candy - @ezrasbirdie

possessive, bodyguard Din. Need i say more?

You became all the things I wished for, all the things I hoped - @charnelhouse

This entire series! Domestic din at his FINEST

Shared (ft. Paz Vizsla) - @javier-pena

delicously depraved, & exactly where i wanna be. lil dark...mind your warnings. but, omg, what a fave,,,,i've read this so many times! lol

Tattoo My Heart - @mandosmistress

I loooove this fic! our favorite bounty hunter, getting all tatted up & being sexy...I've read this countless times...definitely a fave

i’ve flown too close to the sun - @charnelhouse

One of my all time favorite Din series! That's it. That's the rec. Go check it out immediately!!!

Tie Me Up, Hold Me Down - @mandosmistress

younger din, showing off his knot-tying skills. Dominant & delish

Ner Yaim (My Home) - @dindjarindiaries (G)

A rare bit of fluff. Domestic DIn is my jam...this is adorbs

Carry Me To Safety - @221bshrlocked

More of Din & a lil lactation. this is a series, & I highly recommend going back & reading the whole thing (I'm about to start it all over again) this gem has it ALL

Lord Mandalore - @babybugwrites

Teasing the king in public...ill advised :) Smut ensues. Sign me up!!!

Chemical Feelings - @absurdthirst

One of my all time favorite sex pollen fics! (I should probably just make a whole sex pollen list lol)

Bred - @absurdthirst

One of the best Alpha Din fics in the galaxy. Including shenanigans from our favorite lil baby green bean.

Stuck - @omgreally

Trapped in a small space with our bounty hunter. What's the opposite of claustrophobia? This is one of my faves to reread right here

Marcus Moreno

Frankie "Catfish" Morales

Take Care of You - @whiskeynwriting

Edging Frankie. Sooo perfect

View - @say-al0e

Long distance lovin with Frankie

Ezra (Prospect)

A Girl Walks Into a Bookshop (T) - @oonajaeadira

Bookshop owner Ezra. I think thats nuff said <3

Jack "Whiskey" Daniels

Oberyn Martell

Marcus Pike

Pizza Comes Third - @whataperfectwasteoftime

Marcus finds your nipple clamps at work...then dreams come true lol,,,i love everything about this gem

Good to Know - @221bshrlocked

New Boyfriend Marcus. Size & age difference kink...sooo sweet!

Javier Pena

Dieter Bravo

A Little Like Strip Poker - @mandosmistress

DIrty, & delicious Dieter at his FINEST! The first Dieter fic I ever read, & still one of my faves

Hubris - @javier-pena

A lil hate sex with asshole Dieter. I adore this (every) version of him

In The Script - @the-fic-baker

Running lines with cocky, asshole Dieter. Love this! lol

Measurements - @boliv-jenta

Working on set with asshole Dieter...Gotta go reread every part of this!

Mr. Ben / SNL Pedro

Maxwell Lord

Joel Miller

"The Thief"

Pero Tovar

David York

'Aw, why are you shy now?' - @danidrabbles

I think this was the first time I ever read a Dave fic, & Omg, i was instantly hooked. So intense & delish

Javier Gutierrez

Chris Evans Characters

Oh, Chris. Yes, captain, my captain. It truly is America's ass :) These fics vary in their intensity...be forewarned. There's something very saucy about seeing the golden boy all tarnished ;)

Steve Rogers (AU)

Silent Whispers (i) - @bonky-n-steeb

Lumberjack Alpha!Steve. I need him to be real :P Completed trilogy!

Captain America

Curtis Everett

Ransom Drysdale

Ari Levinson

Lloyd Hansen

Andy Barber

Chris Evans RPF

Sebastian Stan Characters

The winter soldier is the part of a lifetime...but i'm still salty that the mcu stole him from once upon a time. He was a sexy ass mad hatter. gotta find all the jefferson fics!!!

Bucky Barnes / The Winter Soldier

honey, there is no right way (i) - @bonky-n-steeb

Sugar daddy, mob AU Bucky. This has so many layers of awesomeness, I can't even begin. Just go read it :)

nothing holding me back - @bonky-n-steeb

Alpha Bucky being sooo sweet & sexy! Roomies in Love!!!

A Proper Welcome - @navybrat817

More Alpha Bucky, with a special guest...this is one of my faves!

no sweeter innocence - @bonky-n-steeb

Another fave! Dom Bucky corrupting Tony's daughter....sooo yum!

Dinner and Diatribes - @darkficsyouneveraskedfor

A dark, regency AU for your pleasure..this is a stunning series!

Whiteout - @dilemmaontwolegs

Oh, to get stuck in a storm with Bucky Barnes...Let it snow, baby!!!

Make You Mine - @bonky-n-steeb

Alpha Bucky, all emotionally wounded...until he takes what he deserves. omg, I love this fic!

None Like You - @bonky-n-steeb

Football (soccer) player bucky, being all dominant in the locker room. this baby is delish. & i love his character in this!! It's a series...settle in :)

I'm a Fiend & You're All I Need - @bonky-n-steeb

Getting hubby Bucky to go harder...an embarrassment of riches lol Dominant Bucky deliciousness

Nick Fowler

Trust Me - @navybrat817

A lil Dominant Nick, with a sprinkle of feels. SO delish

Jefferson / The Mad Hatter

Oscar Isaac Characters

Mercy. I fell in love with this marvelous actor before i even knew what he looked like! I still can't believe he was apocalypse in x-men. & then you get a look at him?! Good gravy. Him & my hubby pedro together. My dreams have come true.

Poe Dameron

Santiago Garcia

Tom Hiddleston Characters

This one was a sleeper lol...out of nowhere he attacked me with those cheekbones & that accent....very friggin Loki

Loki

Jurassic Park Characters

One of my first fandoms EVER! I cut my teeth on dinosaurs, just like a normal kid....then things got nastay! lol Sometimes i'm in the mood for the OG, sometimes i want Owen & Claire. Here's a collection of my faves.

Owen Grady & Claire Dearing

Maisie Lockwood

Alan Grant & Ellie Satler

Ian Malcolm

Bridgerton

Doctor Who (These will mostly involve my river)

Right Person, Wrong Time - 11 x River Song - @mnemosyne-musing

Sugar Baby with Your Champagne Eyes - 12 x River Song @mygalfriday

Miscellaneous Characters:

My Love is Vengeance - Bruce Wayne- @charnelhouse

(more coming sooooooon. gtg back to orders, & i'm very tired. stay tuned for more updates!!!)

4:59am est 02/15/23 - started

10:00am est 04/06/23 - last updated

#fanfic blog #fanfic rec #fanfic masterlist #masterlist #the mandalorian #pedro pascal characters x reader #mcu fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #doctor who fanfiction

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fountainpenguin · 7 months

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Riddle's Traffictober - Batch 2

More of my Traffictober one-shots are up on my AO3!

Full series - Find full list and tags here

Batch 1 Post - Traffictobers 1 to 7

Batch 2 Post - Traffictobers 8 to 14

Batch 3 Post - Traffictobers 15 to 21

Below are T-rated Traffic SMP fanfics (one-shots) of various lengths. Give them a whirl if you think you may enjoy:

8 - “Dog Biscuits” (Link) - The strained relationship between a dog man and a cookie moth, both of whom have been making alliances with other people.

Double Life - Sharing souls with BigB leaves Ren super itchy, so they cuddle up together while BigB rubs him with itch-relieving salve. They try to talk things through, but it looks like they might be needing Scott's Relationship Ranch after all.

9 - “Grian's Room” (Link) - If Scar weren't overtaken by the red life mindset, he'd probably be more concerned that he can't feel the softness of Grian's blankets.

3rd Life - Grian tries to shoo the very red (totally scary) Scar out of his room. Scar keeps touching Grian's blanket, in that early phase of 'trial and error'ing through the different sensations of being on red life. It's true what they say... Reds don't feel a thing unless it's the rush of a kill.

10 - “Canadian Idiot” (Link) - That one 'fic where a grumpy Joel gets a million platonic hickeys because Etho keeps aggroing on him

Double Life - Joel losing hearts keeps setting off Etho's fox hybrid aggro. They try to work it out, it goes very wrong, and Etho is very in his head and desperate to reel it in. Ft. bonus Bdubs and Impulse with their love heart crowns.

Also probably my favorite of the entire Traffictober series; I don't think we're gonna top this one <3

11 - “Get Your Fingers Burned” (Link) - Joel and Scar were once giggly friends. By noon, the boogeyman curse has them screaming and dueling above a lava pool.

Last Life - A dramatized retelling of the moment where Scar tried to get a boogeyman kill on his base partner Joel in Episode 2, not realizing Joel was the other boogeyman. Ft. bonus Firefly Hybrid Joel jealous of Scar's pecs, which a man with an exoskeleton will never get to have.

12 - “Like Newlyweds Do” (Link) - Bdubs, now soulbound to a man who's been walking around with 1/10th of his soul: "Dude you live like this??"

Double Life - Impulse comes clean about his chronic bed-sharing habits and he and Bdubs talk about what it means for Impulse to be simultaneously sharing souls with Bdubs and Skizz. Or... they try. Impulse keeps getting hung up on the whole unresolved betrayal arc from 3rd Life.

13 - “Scary Stories For Young Fox Hybrids” (Link) - [NW AU] - Skizz takes young Scar and Bdubs out on a Solo Skizz adventure to give their mom (Cleo) some space. They stumble across a wounded stranger in a game show studio.

Neighborhood Watch AU blends the roleplay and mechanics for the first 5 Life seasons into a single timeline. A battered Martyn, burned from his years in the Nether, is shocked to encounter "his" (soulmate's) kids in person for the first time.

14 - “Walking on Cluckshroom Shells” (Link) - Cleo lets themself into BigB's portal room with the spare key, looking for something they left when they and BigB broke up. Grian is there. He throws a little fit.

Double Life - Slice of life study on Grian and BigB's dating life in this world where time moves differently in the Between and Overworld dimensions and Grian bemoans the fact that it's time to go offline and he has to spend a month alone.

Thanks for reading! Enjoy!

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kitkatpancakestack · 3 years

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In response to this. I am replying in a new post bc I have the "no sense of brevity" flavor of ADHD so I know this is gonna get long.

@yramesoruniverse thank you so much for asking, as a matter of fact I do have some thoughts *cracks knuckles*

Let me preface this by saying I am not going to sit here and pretend I don't spend 90% of my waking hours ruminating on this. We all know what we're doing here. That being said, I have considered several variations on how I would love the 9-1-1 team to deliver this:

1. Let's call it the "Two Trapped Dads" scenario:

I implore you to consider the ANGST and POETRY of Buck and Eddie getting trapped somewhere, as civilians, and being forced to depend on each other in order to survive. The serve of this hypothetical scenario would be made more rich set in the context of them having had an argument, or just there being some kind of withstanding tension between the two that has been ignored and left to build to a nauseating degree.

(Side note: I love Buck and Eddie because when they fight it's never with any real animosity. It always stems from the terrifying magnitude of their Love for each other. It's not arguing, it's just them caring about each other very aggressively. Absolutely iconic.)

ANYWAY, in this scenario they careen into disaster over Christopher, as I see it playing out that for some reason they believe only one of them will be able to 100% make it out alive. I imagine the tension has been building since the guardianship bomb and Buck regresses to what he believes he does best, which is being a sacrificial lamb, which shoves their moment from 4x14 back into the forefront. It would force Eddie to not only seismically double down on what he said, but literally spell out to Buck what he means to Eddie, not just Christopher.

Example:

Buck: Obviously you're the one that's getting out, you have a son waiting for you.

Eddie: Screw that, you mean just as much to him as I do.

Buck: I'm irrelevant unless you're dead, Eddie, and there is no way I'm letting you die here today.

Eddie: You're such an idiot, Buck. How can you still not get it?

Buck: Get what?

Eddie: We're a family. All three of us. What did you think that whole will thing was about, anyway? Christopher and I . . . there's no us without you.

jfc someone stop me before I write an entire script, but I think you get the gist of this one.

2. Next we have the "Just-Tell-Me-What-You-WANT" scenario:

The Drama Queen in me is obsessed with this one. It would, unfortunately, require a significantly laid foundation between Buck and a love interest (Taylor ig? It's not important, tbh). Originally, I had this scenario flipped, but since we as a fandom have collectively established Eddie as the Pining Idiot in Love, we're gonna switch it up.

So, again, Buck would be progressing significantly in his relationship with [insert intentionally poorly-defined love interest here]. In the fallout of the guardianship scene, I can still see him struggling with how to untangle his Feelings about what Eddie said to him, and losing himself in the disingenuous familiarity of "Buck 1.0" (I am with Eddie in that I hate his software updates but it's canon material so there you go). The escalation of this hypothesis results in Buck contemplating taking the next step with Taylor or, more realistically, contemplating moving out of the city with her as she's been recruited for a promotion elsewhere. I could see Eddie coming over to Buck's place and them discussing this, because they discuss everything, and Eddie just getting more and more exasperated because Buck doesn't look happy but he won't stop and think, he's just barreling ahead as usual. And so Eddie calls him out.

I think it would be something like Eddie going, "What are you even doing? You obviously don't want this."

And Buck being like, "I'm not discussing what I want with you."

and Eddie just exploding, "What? What do you want, Buck? You never express what you really feel so just . . . what do you really want?"

And Buck just going fuck it and grabbing him and pressing years of want and need and love into Eddie's mouth and yeah *fans face* I'm FINE.

3. Finally, the "Wait-For-Me-To-Come-Home" scenario:

Ideally a season finale moment, paralleled to the other couples on the show. The episode would feature a series of calls relating to couples/families experiencing some degree of separation but always finding their way back to each other. At the end there's a montage of Bathena, Madney, Mavid, Henren etc. reuniting after some sort of contention and then it would stop on Buck alone in his apartment, sitting at his table identical to what we saw in Tsunami Pt. 2, completely overwhelmed by how quiet it is and how alone he feels. And maybe Buck is considering something he heard on one of the calls. Whatever the situation, it ends with him heading to Eddie's house and it's late, like two in the morning late, and the final scene is Buck knocking on Eddie's door looking wild-eyed and desperate and there's no dialogue, just them. And Eddie opens the door wider and steps back as Buck steps in and they just stand a breath's distance away, just staring at each other, and then Eddie closes the door and everything fades to black and *flings myself off a cliff*

Bonus: I call this the "Fever Dream" scenario because I dreamt it when I was, in fact, feverish and hallucinating after my second COVID vaccine:

Buck is out running an errand before going into work and ends up in a robbery situation where he obviously intervenes and ends up getting hurt. The episode would open with the 118 being unable to reach Buck and ragging on him, and the first call they respond to is, indeed, Buck on the verge of death. The rest of the episode would then show the sequence of events leading up to that moment and finish with Buck and Eddie in the back of the ambulance, and Buck just touches Eddie's face, or wraps his fist around the St. Christopher necklace hanging around Eddie's neck, and Eddie is Not Handling Things and then Buck flatlines in the back of the ambulance and jfjdsaldflja somebody stop me before I write a fic *flings myself off another cliff*

As you can see I haven't thought about this much at all. Also, you deserve a fucking award if you made it to the end of this.

I have buddie brainrot! They're actually ruining my life! I have lost control! I'm doing GREAT!!!

#buddie #somebody take my brain away from me #I would like to put it away for a few days and be free from this endless cycle of violence #evan buckley #eddie diaz #idiots in love smh #greatest love story of all time though #buddie meta #long ass post #speculation

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dyker-farmer · 4 years

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More bro fic.... angst fodder kind content.

Take that can away if you can

I never see Shane works that don't go all in for romance nor explore the more realistic ugly parts of recovery, and I kind of crave That TM. So let me have at it too with the self-insert whump mumbo jumbo; no romo version.

Set post-8 hearts event- not 10, jesus-, Farmer Uidelsib is two years or so in, full house built and married to Emily. They/them pronouns, same as me.

Diverges from then on, Shane-centric from an outside POV for the most part.

I also put it on Ao3.

[[MORE]]

A bitch bastard man and a bitch walk into a room... Chapter 1/2/3/4

"I think we should talk about this."

If the room was stifled before, this just causes the pin to drop, and the relative lull to shatter with it. I don't want a storm, but we can't pretend the sea's a slightly oversized pond if we want him not drowning in it- again, my mind supplies, unhelpful.

He's zoning out again, blurry eyes pointedly off me, preferring the turned-off TV.

Let's start easy. "Why did you come here, Shane?"

"I-I-" It sounds like an excuse building up and it bubbles out like a shaken can, "I don't- I shouldn't have-" he goes to up and leave, and we just can't have that.

I scrape my chair closer and grab his shoulder, same as before. Hopefully it's more placating than caging. "No, you should have. You did good. Seeking out, remember?"

He doesn't answer but stills.

"Like Dr.Campbell and Harvey said." I try again.

"Yeah… Yeah." Deep breathing. "I. Don't know." He searches for my face, not quite past the nose. I nod, ushering him on. "It's. Stupid." I frown and my eyebrow goes higher than before and he immediately doubles down. "I know- positiv' reinforchment and all that shit! But… It's hard." A tired hand wipes the most of moisture off his face, before it goes back to wriggle with the other on his lap. "It's so fuckin' hard. Didn't even last two seasons!-"

I cut him off. "Two seasons is a lot! One and a half too. Last time, you'd tried to go cold turkey on the spot. We know what that got us." Sea foam in the mouth and a shared cold in the early spring, on top of a Joja lawsuit. "Shit's hard, like you said. You lasted one and a half this time. Next time-"

"Why the fuck do you always think there's gonna be a next time."

This time, I still. My laidback demeanor mirror his, but so does the cold anger creeping in and tensing both our backs.

"Because. There is going to be a next time. And another after that. And another. Same way there's been next times before this one now."

What's left unsaid we don't touch.

All irritation floods from him like it's just pointless to keep it in anymore, and his forehead goes to thunk softly against the wooden surface he leaned on before. The table muffles his next words a little.

"I can't… keep doing that." I don't peep. "I can't keep rolling back down and then up and down, and up, and down. I- I just can't, Garcia- Uidel-"

"I'll drag you there." I shrug.

"But you shouldn't have to!" His voice raises and make the boards vibrate where his skin's still pressed. "You shouldn't have to-to fuckin'-" he sniffles, the following words drowned out in held-back sobs. "Fuck damn it, you- I said I- I wouldn't be a burden anymore!"

He's crying out loud now, open sorrow and no walls left. Out of all the things you could stick on the not-so amiable man sulking straight from bed to Jojamart to Stardrop Saloon to bed, you probably wouldn't think of "extreme scare of bothering anyone". Yet it's all here in how he collapses silently in the mattress, wake without a sound, keep his head down the whole time he crosses town, tries to merge himself in the fake-nice blue of the shelves at work, then corners himself right between the chimney and the bar on Emily's side, stuck in-between two sources of warmth that can never touch him unless he swings one way or the other. And he doesn't a lot, still keeping to himself strictly. You probably wouldn't think either of how dreamy he gets, hidden in his alcove but seeing everything from there.

When Harvey nerds out about classical, jazz and electro swing music down the bar to me, trying to catch me up on my fuzzy memories of arts history and the implications of breaking codes in the tempo and the leisure of each instruments; of how each note gets a specific response from the brain if done right, and can make up for caffeine deprivation in miraculous ways, when there are no more chances to push back the dread of midterms season at doctor school.

When Elliott, boisterous and drunk, arm-on-arm with an equally inebriated Leah, calls out to the whole place to hear out his latest soliloquy, and drags on the words too much, but with a voice that carries it well, all flamboyance and no limits, as his hair floats around him in a crown and he reigns over the room like a kind lion- Description all intoxicated words from your chicken man truly, not mine. I always get too caught up in the pendulum of Leah's braid and her crooked smile to quite appreciate his theatrics. But the recital rings clear, and everyone applauds the performance- because hey, you applaud a drunk guy showing off the prowess of not tripping a single word in a ten minutes tirade, but also because it really is that good! Everyone, even Shane, whose hands zipped to under his armpits the moment our eyes crossed and I met his pink cheeks with a clairvoyant smile.

Hey, what can I say. Dude's a sapiosexual. Hence why we'll never and cannot bang. That, and, uh, the being lesbian thing.

But all this is closed off and not for anyone to see behind see-through fogged windows, like those kitchen cabinets, when you can make out the piled plates all resting against the cold surface precariously, bound to crash and shatter the moment you open them.

It took a good wrecking ball of a fake-oblivious polite faced stranger and my incessant, hot pepper poppers-powered pestering, to even just crackles the glass.

The rest was all done out of his own volition. He can't see that because alcohol is a depressant, and guzzling it down leads to blurry concepts made softer always and pretty much lush in brain, and when he's off the thing, and that's rare, he instantly goes from not there to thinking he's everywhere, soiling everything and giving nothing.

His sobbing doesn't relent, and he whimpers issues of "trustworthy sack of shit", "not being worth the fucking shrink's money", "not being worth his aunt's troubles", "not being worth Jas". At some point he goes to grapple with his hair, and tugs brusquely once, then twice, then I have to reach for his wrist to make him stop, which he snatches back as soon as I make contact. But he doesn't grab anything to pull or pinch or punch again, so that's good. I stay on standby beside him, but don't touch him. He rasps more condemnations, struggles to breathe enough through the phlegm spreading in his respiratory system, and I start reenacting the steps to stop a hyperventilation in my head, and the first aid for choking, when he begins to cough violently, his entire frame upset with the movement.

He takes the tissue box i nudge with insistence toward him, and ends up spitting mouthfuls of mucus mixed with some bile in the basin under his feet. Most of it is clear and smells of fruits, not beer, so I'm not too worried. When I go to stabilize him by taking his shoulders, he grasps at my wrists to stop me- but let them stay here, while he clings. The tremors get to me now, and I remind myself that this is good, this is before the cliffs and him finding refuge to burst open, not glassily stare at the weeping clouds as he blabbers on the meaninglessness of his life.

This is… very alive.

I ought to be glad.

I let him come down at his rhythm, counting the pulses of his wrists as I feel mine numb with the blood circulation slowed down under his hold.

When he's back with a mind, I count to three, then let go. His arms flop back down, on his lap and hands dangling between his tighs. He blows his nose again.

"I'm so pathetic…"

"Yeah sure, and I'm a serial prom queen."

Instead of jabbing back and forth, we get interrupted by a soft mewling. Both of us turn to the door, that's opened slightly to let in Eryza, the pitter-patter of her paws on the stone flooring the only sound for a moment…

As we both stare in revulsion at her jaw, a single line of vomit dripping of it.

Shane puts his head down in shame, not even having the strenght to hide further.

"Sorry."

"Nah, 's okay. She's already trash, anyway."

Eryza edges closer and rapidly tour around our legs- going back to Shane's feet twice, her whiskers tickling his exposed ankles. Purring loudly, she completely ignore my chastizing as I threaten to make her diet periwinkle-based to counter-act her literal potty mouth, and she scampers to do who-knows-what in the rooms.

"Your vibes are rancid, do you hear me?? Rancid, girl!" I call after her. "I swear to Yoba, Shane, your aunt might as well have brought me a raccoon."

Turning back to him, I can see the short-lived humor of the situation was, well, short-lived. I sigh.

It's late. We're both tired. Tomorrow is sunday. It's cool. We've got time.

I don't sit back down right away. First, I put a hand down on the nape of his neck, that slides to the top of his scalp, right where he'd tug. My quota, remember?

He sniffles some, a few teardrops make their way to the planks, unheard. We stay like this for a moment.

He doesn't shake me off, but in the slow tandem his body takes, rocking lightly from back to forth, I can tell it's enough, for now.

I sit back down on my chair.

I lean on the hand I'd put in his dark purple strands before, smelling cedar wood and pine trees. I don't assume. My farm has plenty of those to stumble through. And even if he went back to the cliff, another time again. I do that too. With my own cliffs back at not-home, but close. There's a sense, in staring down what couldn't take you.

Like visiting a scene crime that you've narrowly escaped from. And pride too. And the thrill of asking- "what if again? What if this time?"- and okay, I can see why it'd be worrying to have him go there a thrice time on his own late in the evening.

But last time was fine, the one before was made fine, and he might need a bitch for a friend right now, but not a watchdog.

His forehead is back against the table.

Three fingers massage my temple. I don't know how much he'll even remember tomorrow, but it's worth the try, always.

"Shane, dude, look at me." He doesn't.

"Dude."

Still doesn't budge. I knock the wood lightly.

"Yo, punk, my eyes are up here." I joke.

He snorts, or maybe he sniffles, and his chin's now resting on the table, peering through the forgotten drinks to watch me. His hands are hidden, probably still clutching his midsection. If I went on a rollercoaster toasted, I'd probably look the exact same.

"I told you before that you literally couldn't be a burden."

He snorts for sure this time, derisive. I knock wood again. "Don't look away from me when I talk, young man. Rude ass punk."

"Bitch." He throws.

"Bitch bastard man." I send back. "Anyways, as I was saying. If I choose you're my dumb of ass to keep around, that's me, that's my decision. You can't burden me if I choose the hard mode package and roll with it. So stop it. I literally told you before, it's not about you not making efforts or burdening people, it's about people who want to deal with you, out of free will."

"Freaky."

"Oh shut up, you dramatic himbo wannabe."

"A what now?"

"Internet slang. Gotta admit you're closer to a dad bod type, but the energy's here, according to many."

He shuffles, self-conscious. "Y'don't need to remind me…"

"Oh hush you, you're perfectly fine. And Elliott would eat his dumb little lobster and pomegranate toasts off that belly if you'd grow out of your own shell and let him."

He sputters unintelligibly, red as a fecking pepper. Good. Flustered is better than self-depreciating.

But now he's pulled on his hood and the strings all the way out, and resumes to chanting me to fuck off, so that might be a good call for a break.

"I'm gonna change and clean up, you need anything? Do you think you'll go back to the ranch, or stay here for the night?" It's happened before, but you can count them on the fingers of one hand.

A long silence follows and I allow myself a quick look in the mirror. Yeah, we're skipping a shower tonight, but the simple hairbrush will not do. I look like a bird's nest that the birds fought in to know who'd keep the children when bird 2 takes off and bird 1 is left to mourn the empty space that'll never fill up the same again and the good times that won't be- wow, trauma lane much, not now, cowpal. First we buckle up our current rodeo. I walk back to the main room, now pajama-clad.

"I've got the beds for the possible kids up there, don't ask me why Robin put so many there, we're two people in a house, and I can lend you a Tee if you want."

He's anxious, chewing his thumb. "Emily won't mind?"

"She's out, sleeping at Haley's tonight. Girls' night and sisters catching up. It's important for her energy flow and karmic balance. Plus, you know she wouldn't mind, she likes you."

That makes him blush more, covering up the alcohol damage enough. I take note, but don't comment. Things for later. They pile up tonight.

"I- I can't go back to the ranch like this."

"You could. Marnie knows better than act as if you're doing this for fun, now. She'd have to understand. But you don't have to." I reassure him when agitated pupils jump up to me. Let's keep that ongoing panic attack at bay. "Either way, I won't mind."

I sit back. Stretch my arms between us. Catch his worrying hands into mine. Give him a squeeze. Tense appendages don't squeeze back, but don't pull back either. That's half a win. He stops torturing the poor things, and unfold with visible effort, like a crumpled up paper flower put on water. His head shakes, and I can't tell if it's conscious, him speaking with himself or trying to shake off a thought, or just a reflex. He visibly forces his shoulders to relax.

"I'm… not bothering you?" Righteous. Seeking vocal positive reinforcement, like a pro.

"Nope." I pop out the 'p'.

"... I think I'll, uh, stay for tonight."

My hands shoot into the air. "Woo! Sleepover, baby!"

I don't catch his hands curling back on themselves, trying to capture that leftover warmth in the late summer night.

--- to be continued.

#panic attack cw #emetophobia cw #alcohol cw #suicide cw #stardew valley shane #stardew valley farmer #sdv shane #sdv farmer #☆writing☆#1!Dow Farm #Farmer Uidelsib #♧Shane

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opisasodomite · 7 years

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Answer all of them. That's right you bastard, every damn one. We're gonna overload this site with the cuteness that is your relationship. Happy goddamn Easter.

You sent me this just to torture me damn you Nicole 1. Have you met your soul mate?Well that term is cheesy as hell but I literally can't imagine anyone more compatible with me than Act and I love him super lots so... Yes? I guess?2. Favorite color when you were younger, and now?I used to really love green partly because Irish but now I'm all about the purple because I am the Byzantine emperor3. Do you wear eye-shadow? What color?Get anything away from my eyes I am terrified of anything makeup related near my eyes even eye shadow4. Are you in love right now?YES5. In your opinion, is love at first sight real?No but the fact that I literally saw Act's OkCupid profile and immediately thought wow what a cool dude sure says a lot about my judgment lol6. Are you an optimist, realist, opportunist, or pessimist?I guess I consider myself a realist? Like things aren't either wholly bad or good and I do believe you can advance if you take opportunity but ultimately you are limited based off of your circumstances like wealth race status and mental health, stuff like that. 7. First kiss details? (If you haven’t been kissed, reply how and if you would like to be.)lol I'm going to do both first kisses because I really wish my first was actually Act. So it's high school and no other gay kids existed ooexcept my friends friend. We start dating because duh gay. We go to a school concert and I'm like trying to be cutesy and romantic so I tell him, because I'm dying of heat in the winter because Florida, "if I had do be overheating at least it's with you~*~" and then cue kiss. He was an ugly dude but damn did he know how to kiss.My first kiss with Act was actually damned passionate. We meet up after talking for months for the first time. I drove six hours from Tampa to Savannah and we meet and hang out all day right. It's all very simple and very chaste. We go hang out at my hotel afterwards though where we pretend we don't know what we wanna do. So we start cuddling... My god I've never felt such electricity from someone touching me. He says he's wanted to do that all day as we just hold hands. I then ask if we can kiss. We lean in gently and it's awkward but feels so good...We didn't do anything else except make out but it was great.8. Do you own stickers, an stationary?No but Act taught me calligraphy and I really should learn it again and get some nice stationary for fun.9. What’s your aesthetic?Uh... Colorful pants? That's all I guess lol 🤣10. Do you wear dresses, and skirts?Nah11. What is your hair like?Resistant to change. I have blond and wavy hair but no matter what I do it always wants to lie flat on my head so I've given up doing fancy stuff with it and just do some decent styling.12. Does time go by fast or slow to you?Too damn FAST when Act is here and too damn SLOW when I'm bored to death.13. What time do you go to bed? What time do you wake up?This question assumes I have a regular sleep schedule.I guess normally I fall asleep around 2 and wake up at 10 though.14. Favorite sweet food?Hmm... Lately I've kinda become an endless cheesecake eater. That and cookies or ice cream.15. Tea, coffee, or hot cocoa?I would die without coffee but tea is also good. 16. Space, Ocean, City, or Forest?I'm a forest gay.17. Favorite game as a child?Video game: the Legend of Zelda: Wind WakerBoard game: this weird version of chess called stratego? I would always play it with my mom lolOutdoors: uhhh baseball? If by baseball you mean hitting a ball and not having to run lol18. Comfort book?It's hardly a comfort book because it's the embodiment of Angst™ but the only book I can just open and read a bit of is Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami. The narrative voice and theme of adolescent identity crisis really kinda got to me when I first read it. I still identify heavily with the characters and love the surreal, almost cerebral tone.19. Princess, Fairy, Mermaid, or Unicorn?I'm a forest fairy boy thanks 20. Do you fall in love easily?Lol very much so. I met Act in person once, and we were just chatting one night on the phone and he was translating "Now I See the Light" from Tangled from Swedish into English and it just hit me: this super nerd is the cutest and most interesting guy I've ever met, and has a beautiful voice and personality. 21. Favorite word?Apparently. It's quite versatile and always has a ring of sarcasm to it.22. Describe your life in 3 words.AHHHHHHHHHHH (grad school), Act, Nicole 23. Do you dance? Slow dance?lol nope 24. Do you wear fake nails, or paint your nails?Nah 25. Has anyone ever confessed to you?I'm literally the confidante of both of my best friends (Act included) so yes26. Do you lie?Yeah. White lies though, I can't stand being deceitful unless I'm trying to avoid something unpleasant for me or anyone else. Like I'll say I'm going to bed but really just want alone time or I'll say I need to get home instead of I really don't want to be in social situations right now.27. What makes you smile?Thinking about my boyfriend :)Otherwise it's my super cool friend @stained-glass-rose That jerk 28. Have you ever cried in a book or movie?Duh. I sob at any emotional scenes 29. When and who was your first crush?Hmm that's hard to say really. The first super super deep one was with this guy Chaz in high school, my best friend at the time. He and I had 6/7 of our classes together and spent every day eating lunch with each other. During the summer he would ask me to come over every day and after I came out he got even more physically affectionate with me. During freshman year English class we watched a shitty version of the Odyssey and he just rested his head on my arms and napped there. It was super super gay for me. We still suspect he was probably attracted to guys.30. Marriage or kids?Marriage without a doubt, it's legally convenient and frankly I like the idea of a nice commitment thingy. Kids I'm gonna need a long time to think about because I'm an anxious and depressed mess who can hardly handle himself and is afraid of getting a pet even. I like the idea of giving a sweet kid a good home but I'm worried I'm not up for it. We shall see. 31. Are you superstitious?Not at all. Tbh I find ghosts, magic, superstitions, and all that to be completely silly.32. Who’s your 3 am thought?Take a wild guess lol(Act~)33. Do you like candy? What’s your favorite candy?I have a horrible sweet tooth: I love mostly fruit flavored candies like skittles and twizzlers and life savers especially.34. Favorite holiday?Christmas because winter :p35. Favorite season?WINTER I AM A FURNACE36. Cat or dog person?I love dogs so much they are my life's goal. I've always had one until I moved away.I used to be meh about cats, neither liked nor disliked them, but now I'm appreciating them and their personalities which are so much different from what I'm used to with dogs. They're beautiful and elegant and dumb and adorable creatures all at once. I still don't think I want one though but when a cat lets me pet them I feel Blessed™37. Are you quiet or loud?I'm quiet if I don't know you and I never shut up if I do38. Favorite time period? (80′s, 60′s, etc.The 80s would've been great if Reagan wasn't president and AIDS never existed. The music, aesthetic, movies, and all that are some of my favorite enduring things.39. Favorite fashion fad that went away?Skinny jeans. I'm very disappointed because absurdly tight pants are my go to fashion choice40. The best dream/ worst nightmare you’ve ever had?I have weird nasty horror nightmares but the freakiest one was a weirdass realistic one.TW: Sexual assault, pedophilliaMy worst nightmare involved my old roommate that me and Nicole used to live with. An old friend's friend contacted me and asked to hang out in the dream. I agree and he's on his way over: while he's out in my living room I hear my roommates door close and I find graphic pictures showing the dude into those diaper kink things and somehow this made me certain he was gonna hurt her.I burst out of my room and try to open her door only to find he's locked it and assaulting her at that exact moment. He then mocks me through he door as I desperately try to get in and stop him.God I was so scared for her and Nicole from that point on41. Worst fear as a kid?... To be honest it was (and still is) being raped or kidnapped and molested.44. Do you flirt?With my boyfriend :p45. What’s your style?I have none I'm a giant spastic nerd 46. Do you blush?Not often anymore but I get bashful when flirting with Act or when he gives me an unsolicited compliment. Also Nicole's mom called me and him adorable while we were being cute and me and him both blushed lol47. Do you feel everything, nothing, or you don’t know what to feel?I feel numb a lot of the time but I think I'm able to feel some things again. I still don't feel like I feel as much as I should48. Are you a crier? Do you smile?I'm not as much of a crier as I used to be but I can still break out at the slightest touch if I get in an argument or stressed.49. First love?Act.50. Last love?Still love Act :p

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