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noladyme · 3 years

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Skip To My Lou, My Darling - Chapter 4, Hunted Hunter II

The road so far…

3 years after having said goodbye to him, Dean Winchester drops back into Lulu’s life – leviathans hot at both the Winchesters and Lulu’s heels. She skips town with the brothers, narrowly avoiding being eaten by a creature none of them know how to kill yet; and must now face her feelings for the eldest brother – feelings she does not completely trust.

Our story continues in season 7

Tag list (Let me know if you want to be added) @edonaspanca @wonderlandfandomkingdom

We made it to a motel outside Seward, and checked in to a room with twin beds and a pull-out couch. The woman at the reception gave me a hard look, as if she was seriously judging my life choices. As it was, I was questioning them myself.

Having taken small roads, it was well past time for lunch, and Dean’s eyes lit up when he noticed a combined bar and restaurant across the street from the motel. Inside, a young waitress pulled her shoulders back to perk out her chest, when she saw Sam and Dean enter. Clearly not having counted on me being with them, she almost seemed surprised when I followed them all to a booth in a corner; sitting myself beside Sam, with Dean across from us. Giving me a dissatisfied look; she quickly turned on a sweet smile, and pulled out a pad. “What can I get you guys?”, she asked. “What’s the biggest burger you have?”, Dean smiled. “That’d be our XXL-Whomper”, the waitress said. “Give me that with fries. And a beer. Whatever you have on tap”, he winked at her. She seemed enthralled by his gesture, and I didn’t blame her.

After taking Sam’s order of a salad and a diet coke, the girl turned to me. “And the lady?”, she said; her smile not reaching her eyes. “Cheeseburger and jalapeño poppers. Ranch on the side”, I muttered. “To drink?”. I considered ordering a row of shots, but halted myself. “Bud… or whatever you have”. “Coming right up”, the waitress smiled at Dean.

I looked towards the bar, where a tired looking tender was taking orders from truckers. “Considering a dance?”, Dean smirked. “Seriously, I could give you boost, and get you right up there”. “Maybe later”, I grumbled. I shifted in my seat. “I need clothes”. Dean shrugged. “You’re dressed”, he said, and looked over my outfit, consisting of my least favorite jeans – they were too tight – and t-shirt, under my jacket. “I didn’t exactly bring a spare set of underwear, when you kidnapped me”, I said. “And I don’t have any money either, so I’m thinking that laundromat we passed might be my next stop. Must be something I can snatch up”.

The waitress sauntered back towards us with our drinks; swaying her hips as much as possible. She set down the drink; leaning forward to give Dean full view of her assets – ignoring Sam and me completely. I supposed this was because we sat next to each other, and she thought Dean was available. Which he is, I reminded myself.

“You can’t go alone. And you don’t need to steal”, Sam said quietly, as the waitress walked away. “We have cash”, Dean said, and took a sip of his beer. I shook my head. “I can’t take your money”, I muttered. Dean smirked, and pushed a black purse across the table. “I snatched the other me’s wallet, while you were busy grabbing your jacket”, he said. “He won’t miss it”. I frowned. “Is he dead? The guy he’s possessing, that looks like you?”. Sam shook his head. “They don’t possess people, they become them… sort of”. “And they don’t die easily… We haven’t figured out how to gank them yet”.

I raised my brows into a worried expression. “That sounds disconcerting”, I said. Sam smiled at me. “We just have to steer clear of them for now”, he said. Dean reached out and took my hand. “You’re gonna be fine, Lou”. I snatched my hand back, a bit more abruptly than I had planned. Dean narrowed his eyes for a second. “I’ll check out the second-hand store down the street, then”, I said. “And the Walmart. I’m not wearing other people’s underwear”. Sam chuckled.

“How did you guys know to come get me?”, I asked, and took a sip from my beer. “We know a guy with a computer”, Dean smirked. “Apparently Sammy decided to ask him to keep track of you”. I shook my head. “No, that was Bobby”. Dean narrowed his eyes at me. “Huh… Well, he must have kept it up after Bobby died, because he called us. Said there were irregularities on your accounts. Like they had been logged into from a different computer, than the one you’d usually use”. I frowned. “That’s enough to have you kick down my door?”, I muttered. Sam shrugged. “These days, yeah. The leviathans have been tracking all our fake cards and movements”. “It’s why we’re stuck driving that suburban-mom nightmare out there”, Dean grunted with distaste in his voice. “I miss my baby…”. Sam rolled his eyes. “We figured they’d be coming for you as soon as they could find you. Maybe change into you, and get to us like that”.

“So, what happens now?”, I asked. “You’re still working a case. Ghosts don’t quit because leviathans decide to go on a rampage”. “We set you up in the motel; and then Sam and me go talk to the widow of the electrocuted guy”. Sam clenched his jaw. “We should probably take Lulu with us”, he muttered. “As long as we don’t know if they’re still on her trail, she’s safer around us”. Dean looked at his brother incredulously. “Hunting? No”, he said; and looked up at the waitress who was returning with our order. “Thank you”, he smiled at her; making the girl blush.

Once she was gone, Sam leaned in over the table. “It’s not hunting. It’s… groundwork”, he said quietly. “When was the last time groundwork turned out to just be groundwork for us, Sammy?”, Dean grunted. “It’s never safe out there”. “You think I’ll be better of in a motel room, on my own?”, I muttered. Dean smiled at me. “You have that .45 and your angel sword. That wallet I gave you has quarters for the magic-fingers. Knock yourself out!”. He took a big bite of his burger.

---

Two hours later we pulled up at a generic looking house, with a white picket fence. In the back of the car stood a bag of fresh clothes for me – but at the moment, I was wearing a black t-shirt, slacks and a grey blazer.

“This is so stupid, Sam. She should not be here!”, Dean grumbled. “She can hear you; and she’d prefer it if you didn’t treat her like a child”, I sneered. He turned and looked at me; his eyes ablaze, and the red stripes on his tie matching the redness of his flushed cheeks. “You, stay in the car”, he said menacingly. “Nope”, I smiled. He cursed below his breath, and got out of the car; Sam following him, after having given me an apologetic look.

I tried to open my own door, but couldn’t. “Child safety lock”, Dean called; before slamming his door shut. “Oh, come on!”, I yelled angrily. Dean waved at me, and walked up the small path to the house.

I rolled down my window, and put my arm out of it; opening the car from the outside. When he heard the door slam, Dean turned around, and gave me a frustrated look. Sam simply stifled a grin. “Shut it”, Dean grunted; as I joined them in front of the door.

Sam rang the doorbell, and a slight mousy looking woman opened the door. “Yes?”, she said. “Mrs. Harper?”, Dean said. “My name is Mick Green; and this is my partner – Doug Sandom. We’re with the insurance company”. The woman frowned. “I already talked to you people earlier this week”, she muttered, and began to close the door. “Ma’am, this is just to cross the t’s and dot the i’s”, Sam said; going full puppy dog in his expression.

The woman looked towards me. Dean clenched his jaw. “This is our… trainee…”, he muttered. “Joan Larkin, ma’am. I’m so sorry for your loss”. I stretched out my hand to shake hers. “Please, we’ll only take a moment of your time”. I smiled softly at her. She looked tired and sad, and I felt sorry for her. She stepped aside. “Please, come in”.

After some preliminary pleasantries, Mrs. Harper went into the kitchen for some drinks. “She has hair”, I whispered smilingly, from my seat between the brothers. Dean rolled his eyes.

Once the woman was seated in front of us, Sam smiled comfortingly at her. “I understand this is a difficult time, ma’am. We just need to clear up some things”. “Then – after – will you pay out his life insurance?”, Mrs. Harper asked. Dean smiled. “We’ll try to get things in motion”, he lied.

“Now, your husband died in the bathtub, as I understand?”, Sam said. The widow nodded. “It was the weirdest thing. One moment I’m grabbing him a towel in the hallway, and the next, he’s screaming bloody murder… and then everything smelled like boiled ham”. I winced for a second. Dean looked at me, and cleared his throat. “And… there was a toaster in the water?” Mrs. Harper nodded.

I looked over the room. There were numerous pictures of the woman herself alongside a burly looking man with a receding hairline. The widow took a handkerchief from her pocket, and patted her tear stained cheeks. “I know what this looks like. The police came by, and even they thought…”. Sam took a deep breath. “Ma’am, it’s not our place to judge; but were you and your husband having any issues? You mentioned your life insurance”, he asked softly. Mrs. Harpers eyes widened. “No! Not like that. We needed money, but I would never…”, the woman sobbed. “Rob was my world”. She blew her nose fiercely.

“Have you noticed anything weird around the house?”, Dean asked; his voice dark. “Any… cold spots?”. Mrs. Harper frowned. “Why would there be cold spots?”. Dean seemed surprised by the question. “Well, I…”. “It’s a normal insurance question, ma’am”, I intruded. “Cold spots may indicate electrical issues in the walls”. The woman’s eyes widened. “Really?”, she gasped. “Yeah, really?”, Dean muttered. I stepped on his foot. The woman looked around her, and shrugged. “I-i don’t think so”, she said.

“May I use your facilities, Mrs. Harper?”, Sam smiled. The woman shrugged. “There’s only the one upstairs; where Rob…”. She sighed. “Go ahead”. Dean downed his glass of water. “Do you mind?”, he smiled, handing Mrs. Harper the glass. “It’s been a long drive”. She nodded, and went into the kitchen, leaving Dean and me alone in the room.

“You, don’t talk!”, he hissed at me. I made a huffing sound. “I saved your ass. Just like when you were in Yankton”. He looked straight into my eyes menacingly. “Just, keep your mouth closed”, he muttered. I narrowed my eyes at him, and smirked. “Then, give it something better to do”, I whispered.

I only realized what I’d said, when Deans eyes widened, and his lips parted. “I’ll go wait in the car”, I croaked, and left the house as swiftly as I could.

I leant against the car, and took a deep breath. I hadn’t meant to say what I had – or maybe I had. Dean had talked about choosing to be together or not; but I didn’t know if he meant it, or felt compelled to mean it.

A few moments later, the brothers joined me outside; Sam looking questioningly at my flushed face. “You ok?”, he muttered. “I’m fine”, I whispered. Dean looked everywhere but at me. “Lulu…”, Sam began. “She said she’s fine. Let’s go”, Dean grumbled.

---

Back at the motel, I grabbed some clean clothes; and sprang for the bathroom – getting into the shower. I turned on the cold water, and let it flow over my body, as I took deep breaths to calm myself. I felt so embarrassed.

When I met Dean, I was a kid, just out of college; working my first adult job. Even as I had stood in front of him then, I’d felt a deep connection – one that seemed important, and older than time. Two years later, when he’d informed me that angels had put us together – and not true emotion – I’d been destroyed. I’d even decided that I didn’t care; that I wanted him in my life. But he’d made it clear the he believed what we had wasn’t real – and we shouldn’t be together. And I’d moved on – at least I’d told myself that I had. Now he was in my life again, not only as my protector; but also with the door to his heart ajar – as if he wanted me to step inside again.

But I didn’t know if I wanted him. Not truly anyway. Because if it wasn’t real, what was the point? But then, why did I flirt with him?, I asked myself. And in such a juvenile way?. I put my hands against the wall, leaning my forehead to the cold tile.

There was a knock on the door. “Lou, don’t use up all the hot water”, Dean grunted from the other side. “Taking a cold shower”, I called back. Crap! Shut up!, I told myself. “Sounds… refreshing. Sam’s grabbing dinner”. “Ok. I’ll be right out”, I croaked.

I got dressed in clean underwear, a tank top, and a pair of comfortable sweatpants; which made me look frumpy enough to be comfortable with being in a room with Dean alone. I stepped outside, and began drying my hair with a towel.

“Sorry I was riding you so hard”, Dean said quietly. I forced myself not to think up any jokes about riding. “I get it”, I muttered. “You’re the professionals”. I added the s to make the sentence about both of them, and not just him. He nodded. “Yeah… You did good though”. “I didn’t say a lot”, I whispered. “No, but you did get me out of a tricky question”, he admitted. “Caught me off guard, is all”. “Sorry”, I said.

He sat down next to me: “I’m trying to say thank you”, he muttered. “Welcome”, I whispered. “When is Sam back?”. Dean shrugged disinterestedly. “He went for Chinese. Hope that’s ok”. “It’s fine”, I said, and stood up to hang the towel over a chair.

I heard him stand up behind me. “Lou… are you uncomfortable being alone with me?”, Dean breathed. I didn’t know what to say; but turned half way around, and looked at him from the corner of my eye. “I’m not gonna… do anything”, he said. “Unless you want me to”, he added with a nervous smirk.

I sighed. “Look… What you said back on that road… It was just a lot”, I said. “I know”, he muttered. “But I meant it. I need you to know that”. “Dean… I don’t know what to do with that information”, I responded. “You told me what we had wasn’t real. And I didn’t care… for the longest time, I just didn’t care. Even after Pete…”. His expression grew sad. “But?”. I chewed my lip. “You didn’t come back for me. And I didn’t really have any way to get into contact with you. Bobby wasn’t exactly forthcoming with your whereabouts while you were with… Lisa”. He looked down. “She and Ben… they picked me up from the ground. Helped me regain sanity again”, he said. “But they were never mine. And I wasn’t theirs”.

Our eyes met, and his lips parted. I wanted to run into his arms – and I wanted to run out of the door. “Because of me…”, I whispered. “Yeah… because of you”. I took in a stuttering breath. “Because I was made for you. Forced upon you”. He shook his head in frustration. “No, Lou…”. “That’s what you said”, I breathed. “The perfect mate, right? All I need to do now, is wait for Michael to gain entry; and then get to the business of popping out a few Nephilim, isn’t that it?”. “What’s a Nephilim?”, Dean grunted. I shook my head. “Read a book”, I muttered.

Dean clenched his jaw, and put his hands on the back of one of the chairs, leaning against it. His whole body was tense; and everything inside me screamed for me to take him in my arms, and comfort him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I know you’d never say yes”. He shook his head. “It’s fine… It’s in the past”.

He ran his thumb over his lower lip, and chuckled to himself. “If someone had told me a year ago, I’d be alone in a room with you like this, I would have slapped them silly…”. “Why?”, I half smiled. He took a step towards me. “Because I wanted to forget you”, he said; letting go of the chair. “Up until Fate”. “When you found out you still had free will”, I whispered. “And what do you want to do with it?”.

He looked at me with warm eyes. They spoke of us, together. “Oh…”, I muttered. “You don’t…”, he said grimly, and looked down again. “I don’t know what I want. I’m… confused”, I admitted. “I want something real… Even if I choose you; is it really a choice? If I was made to feel the things I do?”. He nodded. “I get it… It’s was I was thinking back then”, he said. “But you do feel it… don’t you?”. “Yes…”, I whispered. “I just wish I believed it was real”.

He stepped over to me, and placed his hand on my cheek. I leant into it, and closed my eyes as his thumbs gently stroked my temple. I put my hand on his chest, and he leaned his forehead to mine. “Please believe”, he whispered through slightly parted lips. I tilted my head slightly upwards, and felt his warm breath against my face, just before his lips brushed mine. I drew in a short breath, and closed my eyes as we pressed our lips together; as in quiet understanding, that this was the time.

Deans arm snaked around my waist, and he pulled me close, and I felt him smile against my lips. I screamed at myself to accept it. Accept that what was happening between us was real emotion – true feelings – but his words from years before still rang in my head. It’s too perfect… You’re like made for me…

I pulled back. “I’m sorry”, I whispered. “I can’t”. He instantly stepped away from me, giving me space. “I’m so sorry”, I croaked.

Sam stepped through the door with a large paper bag. “Hey. Got food”, he smiled. I slid on my boots, and grabbed my coat. “I need some air”, I muttered, and walked out the door, closing it behind me.

---

I walked down the road; avoiding the streetlights as if they were spotlights searching for me. “Cass… if you’re out there… Please help me. I need to know the truth”, I whimpered to myself. As I’d expected, no angel came to my rescue. I was alone – and by choice.

My phone rang in my pocket. I looked at the screen, before picking up the call. “Pete…”, I croaked. “Hey, Lulu… You sound sad”, he said. “What’s wrong?”. “I’m… I don’t know. I miss…”. I didn’t know what to say. Bobby. Castiel. Dean. “I know, I miss you too”, Pete breathed. “Where are you?”. “Nebraska”, I said. “I didn’t know you had family in Nebraska?”, he said. “I don’t have…”, I began. “A lot of family, I know”, Pete said. “You don’t really have any family; do you…? You’re all alone in the world”. I shook my head, and stopped just before a ring of light under a street lamp. “What are you talking about?”, I said. “Who really cares about you, Lou?”. His voice became deeper – more gravely. It was Deans voice now. “No one really loves you. Not with their own free will, anyway…”. My breath hitched. “Who is this?”, I asked. “Someone who knows the truth… Your purpose in life. To belong to someone else… not truly your own. Do you think he would choose you if he wasn’t compelled to?”. “I-i don’t…”, I whimpered; tears beginning to stream down my cheeks. “Are you crying…? Of course, you are. It’s hard hearing the truth. I know what he really feels. He wishes he didn’t want you. He knows he’d never care if he wasn’t forced to”. “Why are you saying these things?”, I croaked. “To keep you on the line, so we can track your phone…”.

I hung up, and threw my phone down on the road; stomping on it until it broke into pieces.

I ran back towards the motel; seeing the station wagon driving towards me. It halted a few yards from me, and Sam sprang out of the driver’s seat. “Lulu!”, he yelled. “You can’t run off like that. It’s not safe…”. “They tracked my phone. They’re coming for us!”, I yelled, and threw myself into the passenger’s seat. Sam sprang in after me, and drove back to the motel.

Inside the room, Dean was seated on one of the beds, drinking from a bottle of beer. When he saw me, his eyes instantly diverted. “Pack up. They tracked us”, Sam growled. Dean jumped up from the bed, and grabbed his things. I snatched my new second hand backpack – filled with my new and old clothes – and all three of us ran out the door.

“Call Garth. Have him take over the case here”, Dean growled. “We go west”. “Where?”, Sam asked, as we were all seated in the car. Dean started the engine. “San Francisco”, he grunted; sending me a look in the mirror. It was just a second, but his eyes spoke a thousand words; some of which I knew where I’m sorry. You’ll never have to see me again. He sped down the road, and out of town.

I closed my eyes, and sighed. “Just get me to a bus station”, I said. Sam turned to look at me. “Lulu, no! We can’t do that”, he retorted. “I’ll be fine. Stay out of sight… I know the deal”, I grunted. Sam shook his head. “Look, we’ll find somewhere else. Go on lockdown…”. “They’re using me to get to you!”, I yelled. “I’m no safer with you than anywhere else; but you’re in more danger if I stick around”. “Lulu…”, Sam began.

“She’s right, Sammy”, Dean said calmly; eyes still on the road. “We’ll take you as far as Iowa. Get out of the state; and find a bus station”. Sam looked at his brother incredulously. “And then she just goes to San Francisco?”, Sam asked. “No”, I muttered. “I can’t put that on Raul… Not now”. Sam looked back at me. “Where, then?”, he growled. “Better if you don’t know. I’m a weakness”, I said. “You’re protecting me because you think you have to”. Dean looked at me again in the mirror. This time his expression read as disagreeing, but he didn’t say anything.

Sam grimaced in frustration. “I’ll call Frank. Have him wire some money”. He grabbed a map from the glove compartment. “Rock Port. We’ll take you there”, he grunted.

---

Five hours later I was standing in a bus station in Iowa; my backpack at my feet, and my head full of all the information the Winchesters could give me on leviathans. Sam handed we a wad of cash, a map; and a credit card in the name of Keith Moon. “Only use it in emergencies. They tracked most of our cards”. He pulled me into his arms, and held on to me tightly. “And this…”. He pulled a flip phone from his pocket. “There’s only one number on there. Jody Mills”. “The sheriff?”, I asked. “She knows how to get a hold of us if needed”, Sam muttered, and gave me the phone. “And remember what I told you about Borax”. “I’ll be fine”, I lied. He pulled me in for another hug; and I buried my face in his shoulder – having to stand on my toes to reach it. “Thanks”, I whispered, and pulled away from him.

Dean was stood a few paces away; looking at us. Sam wiped away a tear I hadn’t known was there; and I realized I was crying as well. Sam walked back towards the station wagon, and Dean came over to me.

“I’m sorry”, he said earnestly. “Seems all I do is steamroll into your life, and turn it upside down”. “My life in Kansas City wasn’t exactly picture perfect”, I replied. “And you had to, right?”. He shook his head. “I don’t care if I did…”, he breathed. “But you do… And I get it. Maybe some day you’ll…”. He let out a deep breath. “Just be happy, ok?”, he said. I tried for a smile, but it turned into saddened frown. “You too…”, I croaked. “I really wish…”. “I know”, Dean whispered.

I took his hand, and put it to my cheek. “If this was real, I’d kiss you right now”, I breathed, and looked into his warm eyes. He raised a brow at me. “If you’d just believe this was real, I’d have you naked in the nearest motel room”, he smirked. I glared at him. “Sorry…”, he smiled more softly.

“I’m gonna miss you, Fred”, I smiled. “Goodbye, Velma”, he replied. I leant in and kissed his cheek; when his arms folded around me, and he leant in to whisper into my ear. “Save a dance for me, Lou… I’ll lie awake”. He kissed my temple, and let go of me; walking away.

---

I went east for a while, moving towards Chicago; and leaving a trail of credit card receipts. At a diner outside Des Moines, the tv showed a news report about grave robberies in Seward, Nebraska. An insurance agent from the 60’s had been dug up, and for some strange reason, his bones had been burnt. Whoever Garth was, he wasn’t very good at covering his tracks.

On a bus towards Cedar Rapids, I noticed a car trailing behind; taking the same stops and turns as the bus. As I’d planned, they’d tracked me. At the next stop, I dropped the credit card in the lap of a guy who looked like he’d probably use a stolen card. I ran for the station’s bathroom, and hid out for a while; before going back outside, and hitching a ride south.

Nowhere, Oklahoma. The name sprang into my eyes as I looked over the map my giant of a friend had given me. It was tiny. Perfect. I’d needed to disappear, and what place better than a place where the name was literally an answer to where I was. Where is she? You’ll find her Nowhere.

I had to take several busses, and hitched another ride with a creepy looking trucker, who ditched me on the side of the road, when I wouldn’t put out. In the end, I made it to Nowhere. In my backpack I had my clothes, a bottle of ready mixed Borax, a toothbrush; and some drugstore makeup and hair dye.

With no motel in the town, I searched out the nearest bar. The eager looking bartender greeted me cheerfully. I asked about work in the area, and he instantly offered me a job as a waitress – his former one having skipped town the week before. “You don’t need experience. Just don’t trip over your own feey when you serve the beers”, my new boss had smiled. There was a small room above the bar; and I accepted a pay cut to be able to stay there.

I lined the windowsill and the bottom of the door with salt, and stuck my gun into the back of my jeans – before grabbing an apron, and getting to work.

---

3 months later.

The stretch of road in front of them looks like every other they travel. At least he’s back in his baby; who is purring beautifully from under the hood. His brother is there next to him, as usual – their relationship somewhat good at the moment. Having the angel reappear in their lives was a surprise; one that he’s not sure how to feel about yet; but he’s at least happy he’s alive. Counting out the Dick made of black goo; things would be all right, if something wasn’t missing.

There is a hole inside him – one that only one person has been able to fill – and she’s gone.

Sam’s phone rings, and he picks it up. “Yeah… Jody? Give me a sec…”. He presses a button. “You’re on speaker”. “Hey guys… I just got a weird call from someone claiming to be your friend”, the sheriff says. He frowns, and looks at the phone. “They give you a name?”, he asks. “No, nothing. She just said to let you know there was a Borax incident in Nowhere”. “Nowhere?”, Sam asks. “Yeah. Nowhere, Oklahoma. She sounded like she was in a rush. She said; Keith Moon went to Chicago. Velma washed floors in Nowhere, when a guy’s feet started melting… Does any of this make any sense to you?”. Dean and Sam send each other a look. “Yeah, it makes sense. Thanks, Jody”, Sam says, and hangs up.

Dean clenches his fingers around the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white. “She wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t important”, his brother mutters. “I know”, he grunts. “How far is Nowhere?”. “Oklahoma City’s about 10 hours away, if we skip breaks for food”. He steps down harder on the pedal, and the engine roars; speeding up down the road.

8 hours later they are standing in a bar in a small town about 40 miles outside Oklahoma City. A waitress brushes up against Dean with a bright smile, as she nabs a tray of drinks from a tired looking bartender, who is answering their questions. “No, sir. No deaths or accidents around here. Unless you count me losing my favorite waitress, as an accident”, the bartender says. He looks with tired eyes at the waitress, who is now on her way to serve some patrons in a booth. She trips over her own feet, and drops the tray on the floor. “Whoopsies!”, the young woman smiles. She bends down as seductively as she can, and looks over her shoulder at Dean. If it hadn’t been for... He dismisses the thought. The last time he tried to use a one night stand to get over her, he’d ended up a baby-daddy to a monster.

The bartender rolls his eyes. “Good help is hard to find”. He frowns at the man. “She go missing?”, he asks. The bartender shrugs in response. “I think she just skipped town with some guy…”.

Sam clears his throat in that worried way he does, when he thinks something is terribly wrong. Dean can’t help but feel the same way. “What makes you think she skipped town?”, Sam asks. “Well, she was a good enough girl, but she never seemed really happy here; you know?”, the bartender says. “Three days ago, she was helping me close up – washing the floors – when this guy comes in, and walks over to her”. “What did he look like?”, Dean asks. “Fedora, leather jacket…”, the bartender begins. “Too tight jeans?”, Dean interrupts. The bartender nods. “I went to put away some bottles out back, and when I returned, they were both gone”.

Sam’s eyes catch something on the floor. “Excuse me; but what is that over there?”, he asks; and points towards two foot-shaped markings on the floor. The bartender shrugs. “I have no idea. It was there when she left. Looks like something melted into the floor, right? I haven’t been able to get it off”. Sam goes over to look at the markings; and pokes at them with a pen. Dean joins his brother, and instantly recognizes the goo. He swallows hard. “Try Borax”, he says over his shoulder to the bartender. The man chuckles. “That’s what Velma always used”.

Dean turns around, furrowing his brow. “That was her name?”, he asks. The bartender nods. Sam stands up, and walks back to the counter. “Where was she staying?”, he asks. “Just upstairs”, the tender responds.

They go up to a small rom with a single bed, a wardrobe and a table. “What was that thing about what the guy looked like?”, Sam asks. “What does it matter?”. Dean frowns. “He was impersonating the ex… Pete”, he responds. “You worried she’d believe it? Go with him?”, Sam says. “She’s too smart for that”, Dean grunts, with a crooked smile. “But she might have tried to fight”. The thought of this sends chills down his spine. She’s smart, knows so much – but he doesn’t think she’s strong enough for a fight like that. He knows she’s not.

They begin searching the room for any clue as to where she might have gone, or the leviathan might have taken her. “Dean…”, Sam says. He joins his brother by the bed. There are what looks like dried blood on the sheet; which has been shredded. He swallows hard. “She might be…”, Sam begins. “Don’t”, Dean says. “She’s not…”. He feels a mixture of rage and sorrow build up; just as it did when Bobby… But this is different. Bobby was a hunter. Lou… He brought this on her. They used her to get to him.

He turns around, walks over to the small wardrobe, and slams his fist into the door – the wood of it breaking from the sheer force. “We’ll find her”, Sam says quietly. “At least give her a hunter’s burial”. Dean closes his eyes, and lets out a deep breath.

“Uhm, fellas’?. The waitress is standing outside the door; holding up a phone. “Is one of you John Osbourne?”. Dean opens his eyes. “Why?”, he calls. “I got a phone call here for you. Some lady…”. She smiles sweetly at him, and bites her lip, as he nabs the phone from her. She walks down the stairs again, swaying her hips.

“Hello?”, Dean breathes. “Dean…”. He lets out a sigh of relief. Her voice still makes his heart leap, and sends warm waves of joy through him. “Lou…”. Sam’s eyes light up. What?, he mouths. “Are you ok?”, Dean asks. “I’m… yeah”. “There was blood… I thought…”. “Just a scratch. I found someone to stitch me up. Don’t worry”. He can hear the smile in her voice, reminding him of the face she’d make every time he kissed her. Except for the last time… “Where are you?”, he demands. “I can’t tell you. You know that…”. She sighs. “Dean, I left something there… I didn’t know what to do with it”. He frowns. “What?”. “In the wardrobe… There’s a box”. Dean gestures towards the broken wardrobe door, and Sam goes to open it. He grimaces in confusion, as he pulls out a cardboard box; which seems to have some weight to it.

“Don’t open it around anyone…”, she says. Dean closes the door to the hallway; and walks over to the box; which Sam has placed on the bed. Dean gently opens the lid of the box, and lets out a short breath. Sam’s expression is one of pure marvel.

“Can you… get rid of it for me?”, she asks. “How the hell did you manage this?”, Dean asks, as he looks down into the box; meeting the eyes of a fedora hat wearing head. “I picked up some tricks along the way”. This time he hears her smirk; that annoying, yet endearing expression that always sends heat straight to… Another time, another place, Dean, he thinks to himself. He clears his throat. “We’ll take care of it”, he says quietly. He closes his eyes, and sees her face in front of him. “Please tell me where you are, Lou…” “No, Dean. I’m sorry. You and me… I can’t. Not if it’s not real”.

He clenches his jaw. “What are you gonna do now?”, he asks. “You wouldn’t like the answer…”, she responds. He opens his eyes. “No, sweetheart. That’s not an option”, he grunts. “You’re way out of your league there…”. He hears her chuckle. “A few salt and burns here and there for practice”, she says. “I’ll be fine. And you can focus on the leviathans”. “Lou, no!”. Sam looks at him questioningly. He looks at his brother with hard eyes. “Kick their asses for me, ok?”. “Lou!”, Dean yells. She’s hung up.

He throws the phone on the bed in frustration. “What happened?”, Sam mutters. “Where is she?” Dean lets out a deep breath. “Lou’s on a hunting trip… and she won’t be home in a few days”.

---

#dean winchester #dean winchester x oc #dean x oc #dean winchester fic #supernatural fic #supernatural #sam winchester

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swiftlydnp · 5 years

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Hey! So this is my fic for the Fall fic exchange @b99fandomevents written for @amazingsantiago (I was so nervous when I got you cause you are such a great writer and I wonder if you'll like this fic I really hope you do) . You gave me amazing prompts but I chose this one " Jake and Amy go Halloween costume shopping with baby" (in honour of peraltiago baby 2020) So here it is:

Every day is magical when I'm with you

Jake opened his eyes to see a pair of similar browns looking into his own and the mess of curls which matched his. He immediately had a goofy grin on his face and called out "Hey Emi! Good morning baby". Jake beamed at his 3 year old daughter. Her name was Emijila but they called her Emi for short. It was also fun because it kinda sounded like Amy.

Amy was still sleeping. After all this time, Jake's heart still skipped a beat when he looked at her. She looked so peaceful before Emi literally pounced on her mother to wake her up. Amy groaned in sleepiness but after seeing that it was her, her face turned into a smile and she excitedly began to talk to their daughter.

Jake couldn't believe this was his life. He watched them for a while with a grin on his face then checked the time on his phone and saw that it was only 7am. They both had the day off so there was no rush. They had stopped setting alarms (Amy hadn't but it was only one instead of her usual three), they didn't need to, their sweet angel served as an alarm for them every morning.

They were going costume shopping that day so they had to hurry through their daily routine with Emi behind their backs nagging them. She seemed like a mini Amy sometimes. Emi was very excited for costumes shopping. It was her first time going trick or treating.

They had breakfast (Jake made pancakes) and they were dressed and ready by 10am. "Come on Amy, or all the good 'stumes will be gone", Jake said haughtily. Amy rolled her eyes but followed him nevertheless.

They were going to a shop named 'Abracadabra' as per Jake's insistence. Amy had no idea what they were going to be in for. She originally wanted to go to a sensible store like Walmart or Target like a normal person but of course, Jake didn't do normal. He had spotted the shop while in search of a suspect and was so intrigued by the name that he practically begged Amy to go there.

Back when they were brainstorming costume ideas, Jake had come up with the idea of dressing Emi as Holly Gennaro claiming "she'll look so cute in a red blazer and she's already got the curls". Amy had stared at him in exasperation and shouted, "You're not gonna dress up our daughter in the outfit I wore for our die hard themed sexcapades!!!" The last word was whispered. Jake eyes widened and he immediately had looked ashamed of himself muttering a "I completely forgot about that part".

Unsurprisingly, Jake had had another idea. "So what if we dress her up as female John Mcclane", Jake had said excitedly. Amy immediately had made a face at that.

"Hey don't be so backwards Amy!", Jake had said dramatically.

"I don't think that kind of costume will be available in a shop.", Amy had argued.

"I'll just make it here at home then all we need is a vest and a toy gun!", Jake had said gleefully.

"Okay first of all that's gross and secondly,she doesn't know what Die Hard is yet. She'll not know what's she dressing up as", Amy had tried to explain.

"And whose fault is that?!?!??", Jake had demanded.

Amy rolled her eyes and said,"I'm not letting you show our three year old child a movie filled with gratuitous violence."

They had continued to argue well after that and had only stopped when Emi woke up.

And now here they were at the costume shop and going through several different costumes. Emi suddenly tugged at her mother's hand and lead her to a section and showed her what costume she wanted. Amy almost teared up. It's a Hogwarts uniform. When Jake catched up with them, he looked at the costume and grinned widely at their daughter's choice. "She's definitely a mini version of you, Ames.", Jake said lovingly. Amy smiled back.

They were both remembering a time when Jake used to read Harry potter to Emi back when Amy was pregnant with her. They also showed her all the Harry potter movies when she was 2. It wasn't a surprise she chose this costume. Amy was so happy her daughter shared her interest.

Still she asked, "You want that, Emi?" She nodded excitedly. They took a closer look at the costume. It contained a full set complete with a wand, a Gryffindor scarf and the Hogwarts uniform.

"It's perfect! She'll look just like Hermione because of her curls Jake.", Amy exclaimed.

" The curls which she got from me! She is an extreme cutie who is carrying forward my legacy.", Jake said smugly.

"Well she got all her smartness from me so she's carrying forward my legacy too Jake.", Amy retorted.

"Well with your smartness and my hotness l always knew we'd make a great baby together.", said Jake.

"You always knew?", Amy asked incredulously.

Jake's eyes widened. "I mean uh- not always.", Jake sputtered.

"Hey, it's okay I knew you were deeply in love with me from the start.", Amy said fondly.

"Well you can't deny it.", Jake said effectively ending their banter as they looked at each other fondly (read: literal heart eyes).

They paid for the costume. As they walked out of the shop, Jake continued their earlier conversation, "Well you also can't deny how cute our little Emi's gonna look in this costume".

"Yeah she's gonna get all the candy.", Amy paused a little before adding,"Jake you know you can't steal her candy, right."

"I can't promise anything"

"Jake..."

They continued bantering as they got into the car and were interrupted when Emi suddenly started giggling. They stopped abruptly to look at her and her infectious laughter made them laugh too.

"So...where to next?", Amy asked after the laughter had died down.

"We're totally gonna bag up all that candy,Ames."

"You really think it's gonna last until Halloween."

"Who said anything about Halloween, Ames. We're just off to buy my daily stash."

Amy rolled her eyes fondly. Typical Jake.

As Jake began driving, Amy began talking to Emi and she was listening in rapt attention as if she understood every word. Looking at them, Jake smiled to himself. His two girls. He was one lucky son of a bitch.

Author's note:

So I hope you liked it! I really don't know how it turned out so criticism is very well appreciated. Lastly, I'd like to thank @b99fandomevents for hosting this. I really enjoyed writing this. :)

PS: Emijila is pronounced 'Emi-hi-lya'. Hope you like the name

PPS: here's the ao3 link!

#b99 fandom events #b99 fall 2019 fic exchange #peraltiago #peraltiago fic #hope you like it #brooklyn nine nine fic #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn nine nine #b99

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

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when’s the last time you ate a pickle? It’s been a few years since I’ve actually eaten one, but I like to have one on the side sometimes with my sandwich cause I like to squeeze out the juice and dip my sandwich in it. It’s quite delicious. what’s that you’re listening to? An ASMR video. was the last thing you drank a coke or pepsi product? Nope. how many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears? I only have my earlobes pierced. what are your pets names? Princess Leia.

do you need to take a smoke break right now? I don’t smoke. have you ever had a pet bird? Nope. honestly, do you think that you’re going to be an overprotective parent? I don’t plan on being a parent at all. what was the last kind of chips you ate? Probably Doritos. It’s been awhile. tell me the birthdates of everyone in your top friends. would you rather have ice cream, freeze pops, or popsicles in the summer? I like freeze pops, or Otter Pops as I call ‘em. It’s been a few years since I’ve had those or any ice cream, though. what kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? We’re not on bad terms or anything, but we’re not friends either. We drifted apart. We do have each other on Facebook and Instagram, though. I’ll “like” some of the things he posts sometimes and he’ll like some of the things I post sometimes, but that’s the extent of it now. have you ever told a stranger that their barn door was open? No. what color are your toenails right now? They’re not. when was the last time you clipped your nails? I pick/clip at my nails and the skin around them quite often. Like, a few times throughout the day. I don’t know what’s left to pick/clip at, but I do it a lot. :/ does your mouse have a wheel to scroll with? I have a track pad that’s built into the laptop. what is your biggest accomplishment in life? Blah. click on a myspace bulletin and scroll to the main bottom - what’s it say? what is one thing that you really wish you could understand, but don’t? Myself, really. I don’t know why I can’t get it together. Why I put off certain things. Why I don’t take care of myself very well. The list goes on. what were your grades on the last report card you recieved? I got all As my last semester. what temperature do you like to keep your room at? I don’t know the temp, but I like to keep it cool. I’ve had 3 fans going all summer and even now as well because it’s still warm here. It’s starting to cool down and it feels nice at night and in the morning, but it’s still warm during the day. Still need my fans all day and we’re getting into mid October. Sigh. what’s your favorite department in lowes? I don’t go to Lowes often. Actually, last December was the first time in I don’t even know how long. what is the brightest object you can see by just looking around the room? My lamp is bright. have you ever been tutored or tutored someone yourself? I’ve been tutored. would you rather wear necklaces, bracelets, rings, or earrings? Bracelets. pretty, bright, fake jewelry or boring, plain, real jewelry? I used to be really into accessories and I’d wear a lot of stuff from Claire’s and Hot Topic. I liked to matching my accessories with my outfits. It was cute, but inexpensive stuff so I was able to get a lot of it. Of course, real jewelry is beautiful and I like that as well. I have some plain piece and some with stones. I don’t wear jewelry anymore for some reason, though. Well, except for recently when I started wearing beaded bracelets. I don’t know why I stopped. where did you recieve your last receipt from? Walmart. what was the last thing you said outloud (singing doesn’t count)? “It’s warm in here.” is everything you have on actually yours? Yes. when was the last time you wore a band-aid and why? A few weeks ago cause I got a cut on one of my fingers. do you like ketchup or mustard better with your corn dogs? I mix them together. do you ever just randomly drive around when you’re upset about something? I don’t drive. you look at the clock and it’s 4:44 PM, what do you do? Uh, nothing? What’s significant about that time? a trip to california, the bahamas, new york, wisconsin, utah, or canada? I’d love to visit the Bahamas, New York, and Canada. what would you do if you discovered that you had a 7 year old kid? Well that’s impossible, so. I’m pretty sure I would know if I did, though. moon sand or play doh? Playdoh. what was the last act of creativity you displayed? I made a few beaded bracelets recently. I don’t think that’s all that creative; though, but *shrug* do you like the way your hair looks right now? Ugh, no. do you ever find yourself just writing/typing out your feelings? That’s exactly what I do in these surveys. if so, does that make you feel better? It’s nice to have a place I can just ramble and vent. who’s house were you at last, besides your own? My aunt’s. any big plans for this summer? Summer is overrrrrrr. :D are you missing school yet? I don’t miss it. play guitar, drums, keytar, xbox, sims, sing, or take a dance class? Play The Sims, ha. what’s your favorite department in wal-mart? Apart from the food, I like looking at the decorations during Halloween and Christmastime. I used to like looking in the makeup department a lot, but I don’t wear makeup much anymore. have/would you ever run track? No. do you honestly believe that someone will waste their time reading this? Some people like reading other people’s survey answers. I do. do you like your teeth? No. the last male that you texted just confessed his undying love for you do you still speak to him? Uh, that’s my younger brother... are you in a hurry to grow up? I was never in a hurry to grow up. I wasn’t the kid who couldn’t wait to be an adult. Even at 30 I’m still not ready, but time keeps going whether you’re ready or not. who was the last person you were in a vehicle with other than family? I haven’t been in a car with anyone other than my family in years. does piano music tend to calm you down? I don’t use that as a way to calm down, but I suppose it probably would help at least a little. It is nice to listen to. do a 180, then turn back around and tell me what you saw. Nah. do you actually pay attention to the lyrics in a song before you add it? Sometimes, but usually it’s just if I like how it sounds. Then I’ll listen to it closer. how many people can you think of that you know named christopher? One. how far away are the people you miss most? 3 of them passed away. I don’t know where the other is. what’s something you need to get done soon? I’ve been needing to do a lot of things for a long time. what is the most repulsing smell you can ever recalling catching a whiff of? Public restrooms can smell pretty rank sometimes. :X your best friend tells you they’re moving. believe it or think it’s a joke? Uh, I’d sure hope my mom would be joking if she said that. I’d be like, “So, we’re moving?” who’s pool did you last swim in? It was a friend’s boyfriend’s pool. is your best friend awake right now? Yes. are any of your friends or family members out of town right now? Not anyone in my immediate family. I don’t know where every single person in my extended family is, I have a large family. your grandparents just died in a plane crash, what are you doing? I’d be devastated to say the least. what website did you last visit (and no, myspace doesn’t count on this one) Well that’s good cause it wasn’t Myspace. Haven’t been there in over 10 years. Anyway, apart from this one it was Google. if i came to your house, could i find any kind of chocolate? There’s brownies. There may be chocolate ice cream bars, too. do your parents allow smoking in your house? Nope. does everyone in your top friends really deserve to be in that place? what size bed do you have? Full. would you rather frolic through a field of daisies, sunflowers, or daffodils? “Tiptoe through the tulips...” lol. do you remember the last time that you colored a picture and what did you draw? I don’t draw, but I like color. I last colored something earlier this year. last person you left a voicemail for? I don’t like voicemails. what is the last thing you charged? My phone. who was the last person to upload a picture with you in it? My aunt. have you ever held a snake? Nooooooooooo. what did you last use tape for? I don’t remember. what was your score last time you bowled? I don’t remember. The last time I went bowling was several years ago. do you remember your cubby hole number from kindergarten? No. Actually, I’m not completely sure they even had numbers... I feel like they had our names. Awwww that made me so nostalgic and kinda sad. I miss those days. :( do you like peas? No. is your current status update and mood accurate on what you’re doing? I haven’t posted a status on Facebook in a long time. describe to me the nearest stuffed animal to you. There’s 3 on my bed: a small dog squishmallow, which is a super soft and squishy stuffed animal, a big giraffe squishmallow, and a regular giraffe stuffed animal. what is the last cd that you listened to in a vehicle? I don’t remember, it’s been years. do you ever wear sleep masks when you sleep or shower caps when you shower? No. I kinda want to get a cooling eye mask, though. what would you like to drink right now? I’m good with my Starbucks Doubleshot. zebrah print, cheetah print, cow print, polka dots, or stripes? Polka dots or stripes. could you tell me exactly what pets everyone in your tops friends have? when is the last time you ate pudding or yogurt? Several years ago, not a big fan of either one. do you like raisins? Yeah. do you tend to drink lemonade often? Nope. It’s been years since I’ve had lemonade. would you rather go to a beach, and amusement park, or a water park? Beach or Disneyland/World if I got to pick the amusement park.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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voldiebuns · 5 years

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HalLUDOween!!

So last weekend I went to HalLUDOween, aka Ludo's one night only, first time in six years concert! They're my favorite band and since I didn't think I'd ever get to hear them again in concert, of course I had to go. Even if it was in St. Louis, an approximately 11 hour drive from home lol But @biffelderberry and I figured it would be worth it, and it so was :D

We started out early Friday morning since it was going to be a long drive and we had to pick up a rental car since neither of our cars was up to such a drive. Of course we found out like an hour into the drive that the model we got had had a recall put out that very morning, but thankfully we didn't have any problems with it. The drive was actually not too bad, despite being so long and being mostly a drive through boring wilderness. We'd put together an approximately 13 hour playlist, so we had plenty of music to sing along with. And we made lots of stops at Taco Bell so I could get their potato tacos bc I'm apparently obsessed lol I ended up eating Taco Bell for every meal Friday, which was probably not a good idea, but it tasted fucking awesome.

(Me, left, and Biff at the beginning of the drive.)

Made it to the hotel around 8 maybe. There were two guys from Chicago in the check in line in front of us who we think may have been there for the concert as well, but the cool part was when we went down to breakfast in the morning, we met two other ppl who were there for the concert! They were from Wisconsin and California, so it was cool to talk to them for a bit about how much we all love Ludo and were so happy we were getting to see them again. We'd planned to use most of Saturday to explore St. Louis, since we'd come so far anyway. We'd wanted to do a ghost tour, but that didn't end up working out, but we did do a few other cool things. We went to an antiques store where we couldn't afford anything, but it still had some really interesting stuff. Then we went over to Grand Street, which I gather is kind of the popular downtown street. We ate at Lulu's Local Eatery, which is a small, hippster-y vegan place. I got the mac n cheese and Biff got the sliders, both of which were fucking delicious. Also very filling, which was a little disappointing bc we'd hoped to share the carnitas loaded tots after lol After that we went to a nearby comic book store. The owner was super nice and we talked to him about Ludo a bit (I was wearing my Ludo shirt) bc apparently everyone in town knew about this concert lol He'd had some other ppl in earlier who were going, I think from New York? Or maybe Arizona. We basically spent the whole weekend hearing from ppl in town about ppl coming in from out of state for the concert. Anyway, after that we did a little more walking around, mostly bc we wanted to look at all the pretty trees, and then went to Walmart to pick up some food (they have a So Delicious cashew milk chocolate cookies and cream ice cream that is to die for!). And crosstitching stuff bc Biff wanted to do an AO3 inspired bookmark design, and I thought it sounded fun as well. Also got some face masks bc why not. Which actually turned out not to be the best idea... When we got back to the hotel, I tried out my clay mask and it didn't go well. I did put a little too much water in it, but I don't think that accounts for how I apparently had an allergic reaction to it. Seriously, when I took it off, I looked like I had a rash all over my face. Thankfully my makeup skills were enough to cover it up, but I did end up sitting with a cool cloth on my face for awhile just to be sure the only reaction was the rash. Here's a picture of me post concert with half my makeup wiped off (the red side was waaaay better than when I first took off the mask):

So got ready, blah blah blah. And then it was time for the concert!! Costumes were encouraged, but since we didn't actually bring any, we just dressed up. My outfit of the night, which I loved bc I'd been waiting for an excuse to wear that crop top:

We took a Lyft to and from the venue since we didn't want to deal with parking or driving back at who knew what time. Which was probably a good thing bc the whole area around there was packed. More so for the second show, where the lines were literally down the block, but even for the first show. Bc of my trying to deal with a sudden allergic reaction rash, we were running a little late, so we got there like halfway through the opener. He was pretty good from what we heard, so I'll probably look up his music at some point. We had assigned seats in the balcony, which I was really glad of even if they cost more than GA down below. We would have had to get there hours early to get a good place there and would have had to stand, which I really am not up to for long amounts of time. But our seats were actually really good and we had a fantastic view of the stage. Except for the railing being right at eye level lol Since the concert was Halloween themed, they of course had some Halloween elements for the stage and their costumes. There were a couple of big, glowing blow up ghosts on either side of the stage. When the show started, about a dozen ppl came out in sheet ghost costumes and ran away around for awhile until it was just the band and they took off the sheets to show they were wearing skeleton onesies. Which I really really want one of now tbh.

Here's the vid I took of the intro. It was honestly so so awesome to see them in concert again. The first and only time I saw them before was in 2011, which was right before they basically broke up (ie they all just drifted away to other things and the band was no more). They did pretty much the song set that I'd been expecting, though there were a couple of things they sang that I hadn't expected. (They'd done a poll on twitter with Topek, Girls on Trampolines, and a couple of others, so since Topeka won I wasn't expecting them to play Girls on Trampolines.) And they did my top three favorite songs of theirs! Including Andrew going solo on my absolute favorite, Horror of Our Love! I took a vid of that too of course, which you can prob hear both Biff and I singing along to. They ended the concert with a cover of the Ghostbusters theme song and having a bunch of kids come out to throw candy to the crowd, which was a fun way to end it. There was no new music, aside from the two covers they did, which I think all of us had been hoping for. Even though we knew it was unlikely since the week before was the first time they'd all been in a room together in years. Still, the music and the experience of being part of the crowd was just as fantastic as last time. So yeah, the concert was amazing all around and totally worth the ridiculous drive :D After, we went down the block to the merch store, bc there was definitely no way I was leaving without something. We stood out in the cold for an hour waiting in line, which was fine except for the couple behind us was being really critical of the show and really annoying. We found out the reason it was taking so long was that the band was in the merch store talking to fans and signing stuff and taking pictures, which I hadn't expected. Of course their handler started telling them they needed to leave basically as soon as we got up to the front of the line. But! They were being pretty slow about it bc they wanted to keep talking to the fans, so Matt, the drummer, ended up at the door at the same time we were and he gave us hugs! He also said thanks for coming again, which made it sound like he recognized us? But idk. Anyway, as awesome as that was, the best part was apparently the girl behind us really wanted a hug from him and we were the last ones he hugged before leaving. Vengeance is sweet :D Anyway, I ended up with a t-shirt and a poster for the concert, plus a couple smaller ones from previous tours that they were giving away for free. There was a really cool tree print that I wish I would have gotten, so I hope they put that up online. There was a vinyl of the last CD as well that I wanted, but I really didn't feel like I could justify that as well. Maybe they'll put it up online too.

We took a Lyft back, which was a bit of an experience bc we had to cross the street to get to our ride and some asshole apparently was tired of waiting in traffic and tried to speed around while we were in the crosswalk. He stopped in time, but Biff really thought he was going to hit me :/ But we made it back to the hotel safely and met the lady from breakfast again. We ended up talking to her for awhile, which was fun bc she's been following the band for a long time and is apparently knows them personally bc of that. Sunday morning we slept in a bit bc we'd been out so late. We were both very glad we had decided not to drive home that day lol We went back out to Grand Street and had lunch at Lemongrass, a Vietnamese place there. I got the tofu summer roll and sesame tofu, and the sesame tofu was seriously good omg. After that we did some more walking and went to a bookstore we'd seen on Saturday. It was really cool and had a pretty fantastic variety of stuff spread out over three levels. We met a local Ludo fan there (we were both wearing the shirts we bought) who hadn't gotten to go to the concert and talked to her a little. Afterward we went over to the St. Louis Art Museum since they were supposed to have a textiles exhibit that sounded really interesting. We didn't end up finding it, and we only got to stay about half an hour before they closed, but it was still really fun. Plus they had some gorgeous views out front, some beautiful fall maples, and a statue of, apparently, Saint Louis.

We thought about going to the zoo after that, since it was literally across the street, but they were having some Halloween event and there were hundreds of small children everywhere. We decided that wasn't something we wanted to deal with lol So we went and picked up lunch from Fred and Ricky's Plant Delicious Foods, a lttle vegan grab and go place, instead and took it to eat at the hotel. The food was pretty good, though probably the best part is that I found out they ship nationwide, so I can order from there sometime if I want. Which is nice bc we really don't have many vegan places here. Monday it was time to leave. Because the drive home was long and we had to get back before the rental place closed at six, we got up at 5 am to head out. It wasn't too terrible, but we were definitely still tired. And I fell coming down the stairs with my suitcase and bruised my ass. It still hurts :/ Drive home seemed longer than the one there, probably bc I didn't really want to be going home lol It's so interesting how every time I go away for a fun weekend, it hits me when I get back how much I hate living at my house and in my city and in Texas in general. So I guess good motivation to try to find a way to move out sooner rather than later. So the weekend was fantastic! There were a few other places we would have liked to go, like the City Museum and some more vegan restaurants, but overall we hit some good places and had a lot of fun. Plus just the landscapes up there were so so pretty. We don't have trees like that in Texas lol But we're definitely thinking of going back to St. Louis sometime to see some more stuff. And maybe see Ludo again, if this concert was a sign of things to come! But of course it coudn't be all good. My throat was feeling a bit scratchy on the way home Monday, and by Tuesday I was pretty sick. Thankfully I had the whole week off plus Monday and Tuesday this week (I'd been hoping to go to a Star Trek meet up this weekend, but I couldn't afford it after all). I'm hoping I'm well by the time I go back to work, but it's been kind of a sucky way to spend my time off! But still worth it for Ludo lbr :D

(If you want to see the food pics I took, they’ll go up on my food blog: @foodandmind)

#Ludo #Ludo Rock #HalLUDOween #Night of the Living Ludo #personal #literal GPOY #image heavy #long post

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never-2-far · 3 years

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Remember that day when we walked hand in hand to the movie theater?

Smiles on our faces.

Love in our hearts.

Remember when you recorded me singing and told me it was that most beautiful sound in the world?

Remember when we walked hand in hand after getting new phones?

You made a slow motion video blowing out a dandelion.

You told me to make a wish.

I wished we'd be together forever.

Remember when we walked hand in hand when I needed a break from running and couldn't breathe and you told me to "shut up and man up"?

Remember when we walked around town doing Pokemon Go stuff but you were ashamed to be seen holding my hand anymore because too many people knew who and what I was?

Remember when we walked around outside fighting because you saved those videos. You saved them. You made up some lame excuse. You got caught. And you couldn't just man up to it. It wasn't the cheating. If you knew me...really knew me... you'd know it wasn't the cheating. It was the hiding and lying.

Remember when we walked around the house fighting because I was done. I couldn't take anymore hiding and lying. You once said you had a public life, personal life, and private life. And I was part of the personal life. That's why your private life was off limits to me. But that still doesn't make sense. Unless I was something to hide.

Remember when we walked to the gas station at night for drinks to drink away the pain that the relationship was over? We pretended like things were okay. Like maybe we could fix it. Remember when you got so drunk that night that you started yelling? Remember when I said I regretted that second chance?

Remember when we walked?

Remember when...

Remember?

"Your remind me of a peach, it makes me feel fuzzy inside"

"One week"

"Mist of water causes dew drops to form in his hair"

Remember?

Remember when it was easy? When you still wore your mask and I wore mine? Neither of us stepping on eachothers toes because we wanted so badly for everything to be perfect.

Well here's a new one for you that you don't remember.

You don't remember all the times I cried myself to sleep because you didn't want a boyfriend. You wanted a mystical unicorn. The best of both worlds.

But you assumed I was crying over us.

You don't remember all the late night conversations with my little sister where I needed advice and her to remind me you were damaged once and just need extra love but not with you around because you wouldn'thave understood.

But you assumed I was up cheating on you.

You don't remember how scared I was after my attack that I didn't want to leave the house.

But you called me a wimp, told me it was my fault for looking the part of a weak victim and forced me into workouts with you so that "next time you'll stand a chance"... not there won't be a next time...but next time I'll stand a chance... btw.. that was pride day downtown. I was attacked because I was alone in the open and the kid was homophobic and admitted not knowing what "it was" and that "it" had to go. I wasn't attacked because I looked weak. I was attacked because I looked queer. I was attacked getting diapers for YOUR son and my someday stepson.

But you called me weak.

You don't remember me donning caked on concealer to hide the broken blood vessels in my face after you choked me out for trying to get you to stay and actually fucking talk to me about where our relationship was even going..but no.. you wanted to go spend hours at a friends house I didn't know without a message or call to even know if you were safe. But you called me the problem. I wanted to talk. You chose violence.

You don't remember me crying to myself on the couch because every fight led to you physically hurting me and them retreating to their room to ignore it instead of help someone obviously being physically abused so they could deny ever witnessing abuse if it was ever brought against you.

You don't remember me paying for an online therapist because I don't handle face to face well and me trying to work out my own baggage and problems because you had so much on your own plate that I knew I knew I KNEW! That I was overwhelming for the already chaos you lived in. But you kept saying you loved and needed me. So that meant fixing me so you could breathe easy. But you pushed and pushed at every corner and instead of getting better, my therapist told me she thought I was getting worse.

But you called me sick and unstable and told me I needed to talk to a therapist.

I was talking to one. And she didn't condone our relationship and saw it as mentally damaging. But damn if I didn't love you.

You don't remember me breaking down at Pride. Crying into not only Dani's arms but also Drag king and his wife about how you were and how you were almost the reason I wasn't at my first pride. By the way... Dani is the one who told the performer exactly how you treated me. They only asked me to confirm what she was claiming. They consoled me, gave me their numbers if I ever needed and escape. And that was that. Earlier that day you went to get your uniform in CLT for being a KB trainer. You told me to wait on the lobby cause they didn't need to know you were with someone like me cause it could jeopardize the job. I waited for half an hour listening to the sounds of you and them joking and laughing and giggling. That's when pride popped up on my instagram. Showing it was going on at the exact moment. You took me to pride. Sure. But you walked around promoting your job to any transguy you saw like we are weak and need it and left me to wander alone.

Jokes on you. That's how I met him. Wandering around near the Drag Queens he called chosen family and I now call family too. He bumped into me..it hurt... and I apologized for getting in his way. He told me I shouldn't be the one apologizing when he hurt me. Funny... my therapist told me I needed to stop apologizing when you hurt me because I didn't force you to kick, punch, choke or throw things at me, you chose to. We may have been fighting.. but you CHOSE violence.

You don't remember me and Dani seeing him at the afterparty. You don't remember me saying hi to him again. You don't remember me rejecting him and pointing to the red and silver woven ring on my hand I wore since the day I proposed to you even if you laughed in my face and told me you'd never get married again. I wore it because maybe someday you'd change your mind.

You don't remember him saying okay and sorry for hitting on me because he had no intentions of chasing someone already taken.

You don't remember me walking away from the guy because yeah he was cute, but my tattooed punk was hotter.

You don't remember me arguing with myself that you were definitely in New York and your Google location was lying about you being elsewhere "17 minutes ago"

Funny... I hate that number now.

You don't remember me tearing apart the room for clues. You don't remember me finding notes. You don't remember me telling Dani "no I can't do that" when she told me to just break it off because they wouldn't let you kick me out if I did. You DON'T remember me making a second facebook account because if you could hide your life, then I was going to too.

But she was "just a friend" to you.

You don't remember me taking photo after photo in outfits I felt handsome in. You don't remember me reconnecting with old friends and them regrowing my confidence YOU destroyed. You don't remember me connecting with Mr. Pride because he knew Scott and Stacy personally and in my mind that meant he was okay because to them you were like a son. You don't remember me forming a new friendship where I talked about you constantly and how great you are. Never once did I mention the worst of the worst. You don't remember me falling to pieces in messages to him about how it had been over 3 years and I felt like marriage was not going to be our end goal. He told me to stop being silly and that it sounded like you loved the hell out of me and I was just reading into things too far. You don't remember the man you trash talked so badly and accused me of cheating with actually just being a friend who was rooting for us.

But you saw everyone else in my life as a threat. Friend or family. I know.. because you once accused me of cheating because you hear me tell my mother "I love you" on the phone but she was sick and her voice sounded too low to you to be my mom and you accused me of having a random guy under "momma" in my phone.

You don't remember when I gave up. Not really. You remember when I walked out. But you don't remember when I gave up. You were too obsessed with playing videogames hours every night to meet some silly made up quota after working all day. It was never us time, only you time. I had to be quiet. I couldn't even cough without you glaring. I couldn't move around OUR ROOM unless the camera was off.

I went back and watched one of you streams you did while I was at work one night. You called me your roommate. Said "yeah she's pretty chill" Fahl said "wait she?" And you coughed really loud to cover it and went back to chatting about living with 3 roommates that were annoying as hell.

You don't remember me making plans to hang out with friends and claiming I was at work. You never let me go anywhere but Walmart and work. You tracked my jogging route once. Timed it. Said I should have finished 4 minutes sooner. Asked me who I was "sexting" those 4 minutes. Didn't matter. You'd already cheated on me. That's why the accusations came so easily to you. The guilt was eating you alive. You don't remember me being excited to get away from you for a few days like you did in "new york".

Only it was 4 friends at a concert.

You accused me of being a whore and asked me if I liked being the slut at a metal concert and how I probably let a dozen dudes run a train on me. Then when I reached towards you with a simple hand gesture to tell you otherwise you jumped back and told me to "keep your slutty std riddled hands to yourself you fucking whore"

4 friends. A married cis couple. A gay trans dude. And a gay cis dude. They slept in their own room.

I bunked with my female friend in another.

I don't like women.

But you accused me of so so so much.

We weren't even together anymore.

So why did it matter to you?

You don't remember my anger when you told me I wasn't ALLOWED to tattoo the concert date on my skin. It was my first real concert. My first real road trip. My first real friend outting as an adult with friends I MADE instead of your roommate and her friends.

You don't remember me tattooing my foot anyway because we were not dating. You didn't have a say over my skin even if we were. You assumed it had to do with him, it didn't at first. But now.. it marks the day I freely got to enjoy something for myself without anyone else telling me what to do or say or think or feel. It was exhilarating.

You don't remember so much, because you focused on so much else. You chased after trends instead of the human standing in from of you begging for your love. You chased after others instead of the heart of the human that stayed by your side through your anger. You chased after popularity and false identity instead of the human who loved you for you in all your ginger haired, cheesy grinned, dorky giggly laugh self.

You chased everything else around me.

I guess that's how you chased me away.

Remember when you told me you loved me and I said it back? Remember how you told me it was all or nothing and I had to drop everything and move across the US for you or find someone else because you didn't have time to see where things went anymore. You were too old for courting games. You told me if I really loved you that I needed to move in with you and that your roommates would have to just live it with cause they'd "love me" .Remember how I did? I packed what I owned into a duffle bag and made the trip. Remember how 2 years later you told me you hadn't intended for me to actually stay. Only visit. Because you didn't see a future with me?

I remember.

What you don't remember is not your memory but mine. A day I sat on my bed as a teenager after a breakup crying while my mother consoled me and told me that when someone really loves you they don't give you ultimatums. That if anyone ever handed me an ultimatum to trust my gut because your gut knows the truth. Now I remember why my dad used to say my mother was always right. Without you I wouldn't be where I am right now.

When people ask me if I hate you I tell them no. I love you. I always have and always will. We shared a few sweet years together. I wouldn't take those back for anything. I look into my sons sleeping face and smile thinking about how without you, he wouldn't be here. I look at my husband and boyfriend cuddling eachother next to me exhausted from another night of consoling a crying 3 month old and smile. Tap then with my foot because once again they're hogging thr blanket. It makes me laugh that two grown men can use so much blanket between them. Without you.. I wouldn't have them.

I think of my house and my car and my job.

I wouldn't have any of it if our paths hadn't crossed. I look at myself in the mirror. Bags under my eyes, 5 o clock shadow forming from lack of shaving, misshapen brows, sore muscles, aching chest... but I'm happy. I'm starting to see the man I want to be in my own reflection.

I wouldn't be where I am had we never met.

Joseph C. F.

You were a treacherous and winding path in my journey of life. So many lefts and right and ups and downs I nearly lost my way. But it's the path that led me to where I am.

And for that... I still love you.

Ps...remember when you kept writing poetry long after I was gone? I never stopped reading. I was never 2 far.

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aminah-hime · 7 years

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So I’m a bit bored today, so I decided to answer 45 questions for lolitas! I got these from Livejournal, so if anyone knows the original source, feel free to tell me!

1. Please tell us your Hand Name (name that’s used ONLY in internet.) and hometown. PinkyMaggie! I’ve rarely had the experience of someone calling me by Maggie since my real name is in my description ^^” And my hometown is Miami! 2. About how long is your history as a Lolita? Two years and a half! Oh how time has passed! :O 3. What first motivated you to do Lolita fashion? I really liked the overly cute style of it which was something I never saw before! It’s also my first step into fashion! 4. After knowing Lolita fashion, have you had any time-gap or resistance till you actually started to be Lolita? Definitely! I discovered lolita when I was 13, but only started wearing it when I was 15. 5. Please define your Lolita style as much as possible. (eg. gothic Lolita, sweet Lolita, white Lolita…. Etc). I wear sweet lolita, from OTT all the way to casual! I prefer Angelic Pretty and mainly prints from 2010 and earlier. 6. About how many Lolita friends do you have? I have a few lolita acquaintances, but no one who I’d call a friend yet ^^” 7. What is the best thing about doing Lolita? It gives me a way to express myself in ways I could never imagine! While lolita is seen as a fashion with “little variety” because of its rules, there is still a ton of creative ways to wear it! 8. Conversely, what's the worst thing? I think the drama and hate that’s in the community is what brings the fashion down. I’ve seen people who want to start wearing it get turned off due to sites like cgl and Behind the Bows. 9. Which Lolita Brands do you like? Angelic Pretty!!!! That’s an easy answer! ^o^ But I also like Metamorphose and Moi meme Moitie as well. 10. What was the first Lolita item that you’ve owned? While Bodyline’s Bunny Cinderella skirt was the first lolita piece I ordered, the Squirrel Party JSK in pink was my actual first lolita piece I owned in person. 11. What is the “must have!” Lolita item? Petticoats!! A good one at that! It’s really looked over, but it’s vital to lolita! 12. Do you wear drawers? An odd way of saying bloomers, but I don’t. I just wear plain short shorts under my dresses ^^ 13. Do you have any favourite Japanese music? Ohhh gosh is there a lot ^^” Malice Mizer is the band that originally got me into lolita, but I also love Lareine and Kyary Pamyu Pamyu! 14. Where do you particularly visit as Lolita? Now I don’t really go out much both in lolita and in general, so I’d say to meets and conventions. 15. About how many times per week do you dress as Lolita? I rarely do, but I’d say once a week when I’m in the mood. 16. Please tell us about one embarrassing episode from the time when you were just beginning Lolita. Well the first time I wore lolita, I decided to do a bittersweet coord with Squirrel Party for Halloween. It ended up with me wearing a black Walmart blouse underneath with really cheap black accessories. And I didn’t have a petticoat! I went to school wearing it, and the kids there kept asking if I was trying to become Japanese. 17. What's hairstyle and color that you think Lolita would suite the most? I don’t have a preference with color as long as it isn’t neon, but I love pigtails! Specially the ones Maki tends to wear. 18. Have you ever thought of stopping Lolita? The reason? I don’t think I have, but I really hope I don’t! 19. Please tell us your heart's bible as a Lolita. (anything like a book, magazine, CD, idol...) Gothic & Lolita Bible! Mainly those from around 2006-2008. They feel so nostalgic to me despite not being from that time period. 20. Do you own a doll? Tell us your feelings about her intensely! I used to own Blythe and Pullip dolls, but I sold all of them ;-; I hope I can get the AP collabs with Pullip and Blythe dolls again. 21. What kind of make-up do you wear when you wear Lolita clothes? Pink eyeshadow with black eyeliner and false lashes, pink blush, and pink lip gloss. I’ve just started wearing make-up, so it isn’t much ^^” 22. Have you ever secretly changed clothes in a train station bathroom on Lolita day-out? Nope! 23. Are you composed when doing Lolita all by yourself? I’ve gone out in lolita all by myself and I would say so. I just pretend that I’m the only person there. 24. How much do you spend in your Lolita clothes& accessory monthly? I’d say around $200? I like to sell a lot of my stuff as well, so it’s a constant flow of money. 25. What is the most expensive Lolita thing you've bought so far? How much was it? My first release Sugary Carnival JSK and headbow in lavender all together, including shipping and SS fees, came to $250, so pretty much retail price. 26. So far about how much has the expense been for Lolita goods? I’m going to say $2,000...which really sounds like a lot for being in lolita for less than two years and being a student. I certainly know that a big chunk of that money came from my internship last summer. 27. Lolita outfit really costs money. How do you raise money to cover the cost of Lolita? Like I said before, I sell a lot of my stuff in exchange for newer lolita purchases. My old doll collection was worth around $300-$400, and I put all the money towards lolita. I had a summer internship last year where I earn quite a bit of money in a month (around $1,500). Thankfully, I’m doing the internship again this summer, so I’ll have even more money! :D 28. Have you ever bought from an online store? If so, please tell us its good and bad points and some advice for the future. If not, please tell us why not. Yep! All my lolita is from online shops! The good thing is is that you can find pretty great deals for cheap brand. The downside is that I haven’t experienced walking into a lolita shop in person. 29. Even if you sort of want to keep it a secret, please clandestinely tell us about a private manufacturer that is the best. I literally do not understand this question, so....NEXT! 30. Is there a brand and/or an item that you think, "I could never get it! But I unreasonably want it!"? AP’s Carnival in sax! I highly doubt I’d ever be able to get it because it’s so rare and expensive ;-; But then again, I have found some pretty rare lolita pieces for a cheap price. 31. What do you think about people who only do Lolita at music-lives or cosplay? You can really see the date of this question lol. I’ll assume this will be for lolitas that only wear it to conventions, and I don’t have a problem with it. Some people just don’t have the opportunity to wear it out. 32. From what age to what age is it acceptable to do Lolita? Do you think that there's a state in which someone must graduate from Lolita? (you can answer as ‘never graduate’) You can start lolita at any age! I started fairly young, and there are lolitas who are younger than me! There are also lolitas who are pretty old as well. If the person feels like the time is right to quit, it’s ultmately their own choice. 33. Is there a Lolita fashion or behavior that you think "I don't want Lolitas to do this!" about? Never talk behind someone’s back while pretending to be their friend...*cough* most embarrassing behavior *cough* 34. Is there something you think "Lolita has to be this way!" about? Uhh not really. I mean the only thing I can think of is the rules. Every fashion has its own rules, even if they can be bent. You wouldn’t wear jeans and call it lolita, but you get away with not wearing a blouse. 35. While doing Lolita, has something changed from earlier than you did Lolita? I think the amount of Bodyline and offbrand has drastically increased. Now that I know how to find secondhand AP, I’ve been wearing it a lot more lately. 36. Do you go to school/work as Lolita? My school has a uniform policy, but I wear it whenever I can! 37. Do you wear Lolita clothes as casual wear? Sadly, no ;~; 38. Do you have a boyfriend (or husband)? Do you understand each other? Nope! I’m a single potato~ 39. What do the people around you think of your doing Lolita? Do they accept it? Yeah for the most part they accept it. My friends think of it as cosplay, though, no matter what I say ^^” 40. What Lolita has impressed you the most up until now? Ohh boy....Takulu, Maki, Kaya, Lunie-chan, Princess-Peachie, Lovelylor, Shelbycloud, Mintyfrills, and a TON more! 41. Have you ever made your own Lolita clothing or/and accessories? If so, what was the best item that you’ve made? I’ve made my own accessories! The best thing I have made was a cute, pastel bracelet with a mint star charm ^-^ 42. If you have an ideal Lolita outfit or coordination, please tell us. I like have 2-3 color combinations in a coord (like pink, sax, and lavender). I really like cardigans and a poffy petticoat. Really cute, fluffy pigtails with a headbow + hair combs is also nice. Matching accessories, socks, and shoes obviously! 43. Is there a motif that you think “this is a symbol of Lolita”? The classic bell/a-line shaped dress. Petticoats have always been a defining factor to lolita for me. 44. Would you want to dress your children as Lolita? I’m going to be honest and say that I would love to! Only if you choose to, though. 45. What's your image of the ideal Lolita? Someone who truly enjoys their clothing and are happy inside and out!

#personal #lolita questions #feel free to do it as well!

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