#sam winchester's hell trauma

[traumatizedsam]

Charles Bukowski, Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame

#supernatural #sam winchester #sam winchester's hell trauma #sam winchester edit #trmtzs

[serendipity0930]

oh don't mind me just doing my weekly scroll-through of the "post-lucifer's cage" tag on ao3

#sam winchester #sam winchester's hell trauma #lucifer's cage #I have an unhealthy love for that tag and post-s7 stories

[suncaptor]

I actually think it is very significant too that anything done to Dean in Hell he most likely did to others because he cannot PROCESS what happened to him without also going through the intense moral injury of what that must have meant for what he did to someone else. He can't actually tackle how he was a victim without potentially being thown into extreme guilt and dissolution of self.

#spn #incoherents #supernatural #dean winchester #dean #i am going to be very real right now but if i could choose between Dean's hell trauma and Sam's i actually would choose Sam's ☠️☠️ #the consequences for what was done to Sam are ON Sam. #Dean cant escape what he was used to do #granted i mean the reason why Sam ended up in Hell is because he was used for the apocalypse and his entire life etc etc #but hell trauma itself!

[sampilled]

AU where Cas only gets Sam out of hell long after dean is already dead.

Cas is so lonely, he sees no point in continuing to try so he goes on a suicide mission to get sam from the cage, he doesn't expect to succeed but he does.

he rebuilds his body around his mutilated soul.

no dean. no bobby. no no one.

they are each others everything, cas puts everything into trying to heal sam, theres only so much he can do but he spends every minute taking care of him. his new purpose is to care for sam, this is all he has!! hes not gonna give him up or let anyone take him!!

#dark sastiel is my fav and this is so good #one day i will write the fic #sam dealing with his hell trauma in a completely unfamiliar place. he thinks lucifer is essing with him by showing him dean dead at first #he basically turns into a husk of a person and most of cas' job is stopping him from killing himself to either go to dean or go back to the #cage but cas isnt gonna let him leave #sam winchester #supernatural #fic idea #sastiel

[sampegger]

do you guys think the writers would have taken it more seriously if it had been alastair around relentlessly tormenting dean in late seasons as opposed to lucifer with sam

#i'm just thinking #like obviously late seasons writers tend to be inconsistent with handling trauma in any case but #like when dean first came back from hell we actually spent a lot of time with it #and with sam yeah we had his hallucinations but late seasons when lucifer is a problem again we only really get like #sam talking abt his trauma with rowena once #and this isn't meant to be dean critical like it's not his fault the writers gloss over how they've put sam into a horror show all alone #i just know dean gets more attention than sam does late seasons and i'm wondering if ppl would've been more willing to deal w it #but also the thought of alastair being around late seasons haunting dean in the way lucifer does sam is kind of awesome #alastair possessing someone in the bunker hmmmmmmmmm #PLEASE add onto this with any thoughts on alastair being around late seasons omg #alastair reviving dean like how lucifer revived sam in beat the devil? #idk alastair was always so much cooler to me than lucifer was maybe thats why my brain is obsessed with this now #i guess maybe like. you could do this same thing with michael. but alastair just seems more interesting to think abt #and amara was around too i guess #but. idk let me have this #anyway #spn #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #alastair spn #lucifer spn

[ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty]

Huh just. Sam not really remembering anything from before the cage. He was there for how many years? his brain just simply would not remember. Like. The memories are there, he has a small idea of whats supposed to be in those mind blanks that he has but its just all fuzzy, like trying to remember your really early days in childhood. Dean would reference something from before standford era and Sam would just look at him with a completely blank face like. What the hell are you talking about, Dean? And Dean would just stare back with such an affronted look because how do you not remember that Sammy? I used to make fun of you all the time for that. And Sam would just be like dude I have no idea what you're talking about, and yeah anyways I just think it'd be cool if Sam actually had permanent damage from the cage

#look at me posting about s7 like its 2020 again #sam winchester #supernatural #sam and dean #dean winchester #spn s7 #supernatural s7 #Sams hell trauma

[jackexmachina]

Sam & Castiel The very touch of you corrupts.

image description: scenes from “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” “Heaven and Hell,” “99 Problems,” “The Man Who Knew Too Much,” “Meet the New Boss,” and “The Born-Again Identity” overlaid with the above quote from “Reading is Fundamental.”

4x07: Sam looks earnestly at Castiel, gesturing with his hand to encourage him to shake it. Castiel pauses before taking Sam’s hand.

4x10: Sam pleads in an attempt to stall Castiel. But Castiel lightly touches his forehead with two fingers and Sam collapses to the ground.

5x17: Sam tries to tell Castiel about the apparent prophet they’ve found, and puts a reassuring hand on Castiel’s shoulder. Castiel is still drunk, and he rolls his eyes a little.

6x22: Sam, Dean, and Bobby are surprised when Castiel disappears, but then he reappears in front of Sam. Sam looks confused and then his eyes roll back as Castiel lightly touches his temple. Then we see Sam in his mindscape, with limited memories, re-living this and shaking slightly.

7x01: In Crowley’s lab, Castiel sits on the floor, leaning against a small cabinet. Sam is crouched in front of him, with hands on Castiel’s knee and shoulder.

7x17:

#sam winchester #castiel #sastiel #4x07 #4x10 #5x17 #6x22 #7x01 #7x17 #*mine #ok listen. after the very anti blood freak agenda among the angels you simply cannot tell me this line about CORRUPTION is only about dean. #especially when in that episode he's all fucked up with sam's hell trauma specifically I mean come onnn

[samsrosary]

does anyone think about how dean going vegan/vegetarian after hell would be so interesting? idk. i just think if he came out so scathed he couldn't touch the food he used to eat every day that would be fucked up. i just think the dissonance between this guy who used to make fun of sam lightheartedly for not eating burgers or bacon or whatever the hell and this man who meekly asks sam over the phone to pick up a pie and a.... salad. for him would have been A Fun Watch

#dean winchester #im on planes nobody has even heard of rn #if sams allowed to be vegan from hell trauma why not dean? Send tweat #dictions #spn #supernatural

[traumatizedsam]

You'd do well to say yes to me.

—Ptolemaea, Ethel Cain

Version 2.0

#supernatural #sam winchester #sam winchester's hell trauma #sam & lucifer #sam winchester edit #ethelnatural #trmtzs

[blue-chimera]

When people write about Sam as if who he was when he was deep in the throes of an addiction to demon blood is somehow the "real" Sam and not a deeply disturbing departure from the Sam we saw in seasons 1-3, brought on by trauma piled on top of trauma

#might've had something to do with seeing his brother torn to shreds in front of him #and having to live with the knowledge that he went to HELL for sam #with being utterly helpless to stop it #and having that helplessness ground into his face over & over for a full year #before it finally culminated in dean's brutal death right before his eyes #and having even his suicidal attempts at self-sacrifice come to naught #before turning to something that he KNEW would make him monstrous in dean's eyes #and then struggling with his addiction alone while trying to justify it to himself #because he couldn't bear for dean to know it & see him as a monster (more than he already did just for using his powers) #and not being able to justify it except by denigrating dean (because demon blood could only be RIGHT if dean was WRONG) #ALL of it brought on by trauma & desperation rather than some intrinsic traits of sam's #ALL of it shameful to him & unlike him #spn meta #sam winchester #understanding sam winchester #spn

[quietwingsinthesky]

Cage Torture: Michael Edition + Sam being devotedly in love with Lucifer when he’s pulled out thoughts.

Because what if Michael was the one who turned his anger at destiny being thrown away onto Sam? Sam slips out of Lucifer’s grasp or Michael takes him away by force, but either way, he’s at Michael’s mercy now. And now, Michael can see that Lucifer isn’t the problem. Lucifer might have protested, might have asked Michael for another way out of the Apocalypse, but in the end, he was willing to do what they were always bound to.

No. Sam is the problem. Because to Michael, vessels are tools. Instruments of an angel’s will. Their goals are the goals of the angel possessing them, but Sam made a choice that wasn’t Lucifer’s. (There’s lingering resentment about Dean here, obviously there is.) Or, to be clearer, he made a choice that wasn’t Lucifer. He chose Dean.

Michael’s looking at this mirror of his brother, Lucifer who was cast out for saying he would love God above all else, and Sam didn’t play his part right. Sam chose Dean. Sam chose humanity. He was supposed to choose Lucifer.

He doesn’t love Lucifer enough, clearly. So. Michael fixes that. He rips Sam up and puts him back together, takes away pieces he knows Sam won’t need to play this role, (lobotomizes him, you might say, lmao) and when he’s done, and what’s left of Sam is terrified and utterly devoted to Lucifer, that’s when Michael gives him back.

(There’s a fundamental disconnect here between them. Lucifer values choice in a way Michael doesn’t. During the Apocalypse, he didn’t really believe there was any other path except the one they were on, but it mattered to him that Sam would walk it beside Lucifer of his own free will. And Michael can’t see how that’s important to him. It doesn’t matter if Lucifer wants this from Sam or not, he doesn’t want it like this, because Michael has removed Sam’s agency from the equation.)

#so sam loves Lucifer. he loves him. and it is terrible. #I mean Lucifer does want Sam to love him. whether as a deity above him or as an equal or. both. (he can’t see the contradiction there.) #but not like this #and when Sam gets freed he has to deal with the lingering effects of this #being torn away from Lucifer is agonizing #and even though Michael’s the one that did this. all of the pain *is* connected to Lucifer. the fear is connected to Lucifer. #so sam is again left with ‘Lucifer tortured me’ #and it’s not true but. that’s the only way he can explain what’s happening to him #maybe exacerbated by if like. Dean & him share hell trauma stories. and alistair gets thrown in there. #teacher and torturer. of course Dean felt devotion towards him. like a father. like a god. #and so sam connects the dots. alistair torture Dean -> Dean felt a connection to him #Sam loves Lucifer -> Lucifer tortured him #see what I’m getting at? #samifer #spn #sam winchester #lucifer spn #michael spn #cage thoughts

[suncaptor]

I am also obsessed with like. How Alastair is personally involved with Dean in terms of deep job satisfaction and Dean being an Important One. but meaningfully Dean doesn't mean much to him. Like he is a job to break. He is something Alastair just. Succeeded at.

But also To Dean He's known Alastair longer than anyone. He feels completely fundamentally shaped and changed by Alastair. Which is like. As opposed to Sam and Lucifer where Lucifer had overtly romanticised and has personal reasons wrapped up in Sam, Alastair is more just, working in the mechanisms Lucifer created. AND to avoid pain and to be taught Dean DID need Alastair's personal approval. So Dean has all these incredibly complex feelings for someone who he isn't really that significant to in comparison.

So he's like. Reflecting back this sort of position John's filled. And it's so interesting in that Alastair had probably also even known John longer than Dean has. Alastair knew John first.

#everyone throwing tomatoes at me like can you be normal about supernatural hell trauma #spn #incoherents #supernatural #dean winchester #alastair #tw abuse #torture #john winchester #john #dean #oh also regarding Sam i do think Sam could relate to feeling this way though neither of them would ever admit it and for Sam it just. isnt #as much a reflection of Lucifer but his denial and treatment. Sam is like. Lucifer LITERALLY says theyre made for each other. #meanwhile Alastair probably just feels like he made Dean what he is. im going to post that im so normal

[batcavescolony]

S4 E8 Supernatural

Careful what you wish for, literally. Them being teddy bear doctors and the bear gaining sentience and automatically having an Existential Crisis cus the world is horrible. The amount of Disney stars on Supernatural, Calum Worthy was in this one. Sam wants Dean to tell him about hell, but Dean doesn't want to. Dean isn't handling it well, and he's leaning heavy on the alcohol.

#sam winchester #dean winchester #supernatural #supernatural s4 #batcavescolony watches supernatural #batcavescolony watches #i understand dean though i dont think telling SAM would help cus then hes gonna feel the need to protect him cus he went to hell for sam #and while it helps to tell your trauma to someone safe trusted person the other part is for it to be your choice. i dont think dean can tel #his baby brother something like that without trying to save sam pain. #but maybe the third party but how the hell are you gonna tell a therapist this shit? `i went to hell and was tortured for decades` ? #that wont end well #so a third party whos not sam or gonna throw him in a phych ward. which kinda limits the options

[serendipity0930]

I love writing religious sam fics (esp childhood based ones) because I get to play a fun game of "how much of this is me and how much of this is sam"

#like I'm writing one rn that's kinda like #religious-ocd-like #(I am not diagnosed with ocd so I'm hesitant to say that it is #but it is in that vein of thinking) #and I can fully just pull from my own experiences where I would panic because I forgot a prayer and refused to sleep until I remembered it #or would cry because some random guy committed tax fraud and I thought he was going to hell #its the little things in life #tw religious trauma #I think #just in case at least #sam winchester & religion

[jackexmachina]

Godstiel ~ you will bow down and profess your love to me, your lord, or I shall destroy you.

#sam winchester #sastiel #castiel #meet the new boss #spn #*mine #7x01 #I mean what could he possibly have been about to say other than 'I love you'? as he is maybe dying of hell trauma? #on the show where people only verbalize their love when they're about to die?

[sbd-laytall]

#look I just have a lot of thoughts about them #heroes who can't accept the fact that they are heroes #both of their relationships with anger is so fascinating #Matt being the Devil of Hel's Kitchen and Sam being possessed by the literal devil/being the boy king of hell #Sam having demon blood in him and Matt thinking of himself as a demon to the people around him #being trained to fight from a very young age and having to deal with that trauma #lawyer and pre-law college student #look there are so many parallels it's killing me #truly my blorbos #frank castle #the punisher #matt murdock #daredevil #castiel #castiel supernatural #sam winchester #supernatural #spn #gifs are mine #my post