#rhys a few hours later: *actual despair*

[whumpflash]

Ashes, Ashes 7: Family Reunion

for Angstpril, Day 23: Failure

cw: knife whump aftermath, death mention

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The gashes scattered along the left side of his body still burned when the little sister came padding down the stairs. Rhys wasn't used to that; normally the worst of the sting was gone within minutes, not hours. He'd known something was up when Blue Eyes came downstairs with a knife he could smell the magic on, and the pain it had caused was…

(No. Don't say 'unlike anything you've experienced'. She'll just give you something new tomorrow anyway.)

…Not fun.

He was glad the little one, Nyra, had decided to pay him another visit. It meant his hope of acquiring her help wasn't entirely lost. The little show he'd put on—claiming he'd given up, admitting his helplessness—seemed to have gone a long way in pulling at her sympathies. Whether Blue Eyes agreed to her pleas to let him go or not didn't matter; as long as the self-proclaimed scientist thought he'd given up, an escape would be within reach.

He hoped the opportunity would come sooner rather than later, though. His shoulders were cramping from having his arms restrained behind him all the time, and the chill of the basement was starting to get to him. Not to mention the new horrors Blue Eyes would undoubtedly come up with as the days went on.

Rhys curled up on himself again once Nyra had disappeared up the stairs. Dreamseeking was difficult right now, but it would only get harder with every passing day. Blue Eyes gave him food and water, but the portions were human-sized, not designed to fuel a dragon's healing factor. He knew he'd only get weaker from here. More distracted. If he was going to send a distress signal, it would have to be now.

Dreamseeking was as ancient as the dragons themselves. A way to locate other dragons, to seek allies, hold meetings, meet with friends, all without leaving the peaceful solitude of one's cave, or the familiarity of one's clan. Under normal circumstances, reaching out to his siblings would be easy. He'd known them from hatching, he knew how to find them in a dream.

But Rhys didn't have his totem anymore. Trying to find a specific dragon was like taking a spoonful of sand from the beach and hoping you found a gold coin.

Almost impossible. Virtually pointless. 

(But it's the only option I have.)

He closed his eyes, and with great effort, cast his consciousness into the void.

It was like soaring through an empty sky, so high he couldn't see anything on the earth below, so high he could hardly breathe. (The closest thing I've had to flying for real in years.)

Rhys couldn't see anything ahead, in any direction. Without a totem, he was flying blind, praying that a miracle happened and he just-so-happened to bump into another dragon. At this point, he'd take any dragon.

Projecting out a signal, calling for his broodmates, took more concentration, more energy, but he tried anyway. Hoping against hope that his cry would find Carys, or Seren, or Rhiannon, or Emyr—

Brother.

A low voice echoed in his head, and he nearly dropped his concentration completely in surprise, the feeling like tumbling from the sky, but he caught himself, propelling onwards with a greater speed.

"I'm here!" he called out. "I'm here, I–I'm in trouble."

It was hard to place who the voice belonged to. When was the last time any of them had spoken?

Remain where you are.

He stopped, phantom wings cracking down against the air, though he knew his body was still that of a human's.

A speck appeared in the distance, steadily growing, splitting in two as it drew closer. Two. Two dragons, two allies—

A huge scarlet dragon, bigger than he'd ever had the chance to get, closed in on him, a slightly smaller orange one following behind.

"A-Anwen?" Rhys said. "Is that you?"

"Rhys," the scarlet one angled her head in acknowledgement, and he found himself grinning.

"Hells, you've grown! Bet Carys doesn't pick on you anymore."

He watched as his sister's form began to shrink and shift, shaping itself into that of a human female, her long red hair as bright as her scales had been. His heart sank when he saw her expression was more austere than joyful.

"And is that Rhiannon?" he said, brushing it off. Even if his siblings weren't happy to see him, they wouldn't let him remain a captive. He told himself he'd request a subtle extraction. Give the hunting girls a scare, but not hurt anyone. He didn't even need to come home, he just wanted to get back to freedom.

The orange dragon followed Anwen's lead, shifting into the form of a human male with a fiery beard and long, braided hair.

"It's Aled, now," his sibling said, wearing the same stony expression as their sister. "It's been a long time, Rhys."

"It… it has."

"And after all these years, why are you reaching out to us?" Anwen said, hovering closer to him. "You said you were in trouble?"

"Yes! Yes, I—"

"I see, you want to speak to us because you need something. How… typical."

"No, I mean, yes, I've missed you guys, but you have no idea how hard it is without a totem to—"

"You seem to have managed," Aled cut in. Where Anwen had gotten closer, his brother had hung back, arms crossed over his chest.

"Because I had no choice," Rhys protested. "I've wanted to talk to you all for years, and I've tried, but it never worked."

"Mm," Anwen hummed, raising an eyebrow. "How strange it only works when you are in need. Worry not, I take no offense. You may have bruised the feelings of others in the brood, but I have had no desire to speak to you."

Rhys tried to hide the way that comment stung. "Then tell those others I wish I could've said something."

"Perhaps." She rubbed her temple, and Rhys found himself doubting she'd even mention him to the others.

"So tell us, brother. What is it you need? What trouble have you gotten into this time?"

"I was caught by hunters," Rhys said. "I'm being held prisoner."

That got through to Aled, who at least looked concerned, but his sister seemed unmoved.

"Held prisoner? Then they haven't found a way to kill you yet, is that it?"

"No, they—"

"Have they been trying?"

"They've been trying to find my weaknesses. Our weaknesses." He took a breath, glancing at the endless sky below him. "One of them has been hurting me."

"You aren't too hurt to Dreamseek. Is it really all that bad?"

Anwen's callous words cut worse than Blue Eyes' knife. Couldn't she see he was serious? That this was more than a call to get him out of a petty argument or responsibility?

"They… they're going to kill me," Rhys said. "When they're done. I know it."

"And what would you have us do?" Anwen spread her arms wide. "Burn your prison to the ground?" She shook her head. "Nothing will ever be burned again on your behalf. You've caused our clan enough grief as it is."

"No, no, I don't need that," he said, the words tumbling out of him almost too fast to be coherent. "Just— just come get me. In human form, just tell them who you are, and they'll let me go. Please."

"And risk bringing hunters down on our family?" It was Aled speaking now. "We cannot."

"Am I not your family?" Tears threatened to form in his eyes, and he blinked them back furiously. "I–I don't need some grand rescue, I just want help. Even just one of you should be enough. Please. I don't— I know they'll kill me. I don't want to die—"

"I'm certain the humans of Crosswood Falls didn't want to die either. Goodbye, brother." Anwen's form distorted and grew, shifting back into that of a dragon, and she turned to fly away without another word.

His brother lingered behind, an almost sad look on his face. "We cannot help you, Rhys. Your choice was made twenty years ago," he said, then followed Anwen. And though Rhys did his best to chase after them, screaming their names, he wasn't fast enough without his wings.

He was groggy, coming up from the sky void, and the effort had left him with a massive headache. There were tears trailing down his cheeks, more building in his eyes. 

And as he stared at the concrete walls that caged him in, he couldn't find it in him to hold them back.

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@kira-the-whump-enthusiast @hold-back-on-the-comfort

#angstpril 2023 #fic #day 23 #failure #ashes/ashes #rhys: haha what a loser human. falling for my fake distress like that #rhys a few hours later: *actual despair* #whump #fantasy whump #nonhuman whumpee #emotional whump #abandoned #lab whump

[queencatherynerhys]

Tell Me You Love Me - TRR AU Part 3

A/N: I tried so hard to wait to post this, but I couldn’t. I love this chapter! I have been in a writing high these past couple of days! Let me just say how fun this was for me to write! It is the longest one that I have written so far, 4043 words! Crazy! I had fun with this emotional ride! I hope you do too! Thank you for all the love, encouragement and kind words!

Summary: Liam and Catheryne’s friendship have been strained by her revelation. Is there hope for them?

Song Inspiration: Tell Me You Love Me by Demi Lovato (can you tell that I’m a fan of her?)

Tag List: @captainkingliam @decisso @devineinterventions2 @madaraismtheroyalweisme @drakewalkerwhipped @laniquelove @drakesfiance @hhiggs @hellospunkiebrewster @alicars @mrswalkerreynolds @mfackenthal @simplyaiden-blog @hopefulmoonobject @blackcatkita @cocomaxley

Previous Parts:

Ruin the Friendship – TRR AU Part 1

Delicate – TRR AU Part 2

Panic starts to rise in my chest. Why the hell am I on boat? Where in the hell am I? I can’t breathe. Strong winds hurtle my hair, slapping me in the face. Water enters the ship and the terror from my impending doom engulfs me. Waves upon waves crash against my craft. I hang on for dear life against the railing, but to no avail.  I am thrown off violently crashing into the merciless ocean. I swim to the top for air only to be met by another violent wave submerging me underwater. I rise to the surface once more, locating my raft in the darkness. I catch a glimpse of the sail and I put all my energy into my strokes. The current is so strong. I’m almost there. The boat is within arm’s length. I’m almost there. I was about to grab hold when the current sweeps me underneath pulling me into its ruthless clutches. No, please, no. I scream with all the energy and breath I had left. I scream my pain and anguish. I am swept undersea, letting go of the tiny ember of hope I had held onto, I submit into my despair with open arms.

She jolts awake, breathing hard. Her head pounded, and she can feel the intense throbbing pain behind her eyes. She’s been in Hana and Maxwell’s apartment plenty of times that she knew where they kept their pain meds in their kitchen. She notices a note on the kitchen table with her name on it. She recognizes Hana’s elegant handwriting immediately. Hey Cath, Maxwell has headed into class and I left for work, but I made you some breakfast before leaving. You can find it in the fridge. You can also borrow some of my clothes just in case you want to take a shower and get out of your nasty ones. I’ll talk to you later. Love, Hana. Responsible to a fault, that girl, this is a trait of hers that she is grateful for. She took advantage of her offer and hopped in the shower. She took a long shower, staying under the stream water so long that her fingertips turned prune-y. She had hoped that the hot water would cleanse away all memory of the previous night. It didn’t.

She stepped into living room after getting dressed and checked the clock in the living room. It read 9:23am. He should be in class by now. She felt relieved knowing that she won’t have to face him…yet. I’m not ready. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to face him. She steps into the lively streets of New York City, slowly treading the path back to her apartment. She arrives at the flat she shared with Liam. The internal storm of misery and torment finally subside, leaving nothing but a scar tissue where her heart used to be in its carnage. She is numb, and she is actually thankful for that.

She makes her way to her room, passing Liam’s on the way. He left his door open. His usually very neat, making his bed every day before he left. Today was the exception, his room was a mess. Blankets and pillows strewn about as if he had a restless night. His uniform thrown on the floor messily, as if he woke up late. Her best friend was never the one to leave things disorganized. I wonder if he slept alright. Probably not. He found out his girlfriend was cheating on him, then I had to go and be a drama queen and tell him how I felt. Worst anniversary ever. Fucking whiskey! I should really learn to not mix anger with a bottle of Jack Daniels. She shakes her head to put a halt on her train of thoughts as she continues to make her way to her room.

She didn’t have classes today, so she had a few hours to herself before she had to get ready for a long shift. She decided to pour herself into her homework and finishing the papers for her finals to distract herself from Liam. It’s so difficult to do when she’s surrounded with pictures and memories of him. Every where she looks, there he is. He’s even on her nightstand. It was a picture of the 15-year-old version of them. She grabs the picture and gazes at it. She couldn’t stop herself from flashing back to that memory.

It was the first birthday she was celebrating after the death of her parents. Catheryne was two days younger than Liam, so it became a tradition to celebrate their birthdays together. For once in her life, she was sad that their birthdays were during the summer break. At least if she was in school she could be distracted with work, but there was no escape. She dreaded this day. She missed them. She missed their mini traditions; her mom was a great baker and always made her a cake, her dad would sing to his own version of the Happy Birthday Song with his guitar.

She had asked the Rhys’ to not throw a celebration for her birthday. For this birthday, all she wanted was some time alone. No friends to entertain, no fake smiles, no pity looks from everyone. “Liam, you can still throw yourself a birthday party. Don’t let me sour your special day.” She felt awful for ruining their tradition, but she just couldn’t do it this year. “Ryne, you are not souring anything. You’re my best friend and I can’t imagine not celebrating our birthdays together. So, whatever you wanna do, we will do.” She looked at him with grateful eyes.

She will never forget that birthday. She was awakened by the sounds of a strumming guitar. Liam walked into her room singing happy birthday. He didn’t have her father’s angelic voice, but it sufficed. What in the world is he doing? He finishes the song as she sits up on her bed. “Happy Birthday, Ryne.” Upon hearing her nickname, her eyes welled up. There were only two people in the world who called her by her nickname, her father and Liam. She misses her dad.

“Liam…” she was left with absolutely no words. “Is…Is this why you asked for my dad’s guitar two weeks ago?” asking him with her early morning voice. “Yeah, sorry I lied about my reason. I really wanted to surprise you. You don’t wanna know how many YouTube videos I had to watch to learn this simple song,” He says, sheepishly. She stared at him, awestruck at the effort he has put into this. “Oh, wait here, I have to get the second part to the surprise.” He ducks out of the room. There was a second part? How much work did he put into this? Her trance was interrupted when he walked in with a birthday cake in his hands. It was chocolate, just like her favorite, and it was topped with 15 lit candles. It didn’t look store bought so she asked, “Liam, did you make this?” She inquired her friend. “My mom guided me through it, but it was mostly me. Well then, make a wish.” She closed her eyes and thought of a wish, I wish to never forget this day or this feeling, and with that in mind she sends it to the universe with a blow of her candles.

“Liam, thank you, seriously, this means more to me than you could possibly know.” He grabbed her hands with his and replied, “You’re very welcome, Ryne, but the day is only getting started. Now, go get a shower and get dressed. I’ll be down by the beach when you’re done.” He squeezed her hand as he stands up to leave.

She met him down by their safe haven. She was so thankful that their little beach, the small place where she found peace, wasn’t a tourist spot. They had the freedom to run around, their parents never had to worry about them disappearing for hours when they go off on their explorations. She stood there admiring his tall physique, his blonde hair being ruffled by the summer breeze. She thinks to herself, He looks like a prince from a book when he stands there like that. I think if he desired it, he could be a Disney prince, he definitely met all the criteria. He had the biggest heart out of everyone I know. And not to mention he was incredibly handsome! She feels a stirring in her heart, something she’s never felt before, but she didn’t dwell on it. She walked up beside him and said, “So, what now?” He jumped when he heard her; he was so concentrated on the horizon that he didn’t register her presence at all. “Well, I have one more surprise for you, but we’re gonna have to travel there.” His eyes twinkled, just like it always did whenever they were about to embark on an adventure. “Liam, seriously you’ve done enough for today.” “I am not taking a no for an answer, Ryne, now follow me.”

They marched back up to the house. He instructed her to wait out front while he grabbed something. A few minutes later, he shows up with a bicycle in tow. “Is that Leo’s bike? Why is there a basket attached to it?” He holds up a picnic basket to answer her question. “Uhhh, why do we need to go somewhere to have a picnic when there’s a perfectly undisturbed beach right here where we can do the same thing?” He heartily laughs at her and replies, “Ryne, would you just trust me for once in your life and get in the back.” She shakes her head and hops on the bicycle’s pegs. Demanding, as always, somethings never change.

She wrapped her arms around him as he pedaled their way to an unknown location. After 6 miles, they finally get there. It was the memorial where her parents are buried. They weave their way to their tombstones. Liam sets up the picnic while Catheryne cleaned her parents stone and its surroundings, clearing it of twigs and leaves.

“Hi, Mom, Dad. It’s me, Catheryne,” she felt a little silly talking out loud, but she needed to be close to them. “It’s my birthday today. Liam is here with me. I just want to thank you for bringing me into this world. You’re the best parents a child can ask for. I miss you every day.” She allowed a tear to fall from her eyes as she knelt before her parents. Liam’s hand finds its way to rest on her shoulder. How can this simple gesture bring so much comfort? It’s as if his hand held her, preventing her from being blown away by the winds of her despair.

They sat on the picnic blanket, laughing and talking the day away. This isn’t how she imagined this day would go. She thought she would spend the whole day lying in bed, surrounded by her depression from the loss of her parents, but here she was with the only family she had left. Liam had given her the best birthday gift, and she couldn’t be more grateful for her best friend and his big heart.

They watched the sun set in the horizon. She basked in the last glimpse of the sunlight until it disappeared, signaling that the time has come to return home. He looked at her as she stood there, eyes closed, facing towards the sunset. She looks content and happy. I guess I did my part well. I’m glad to have given her this day. She deserves so much happiness after all that had happened with her family this year. He smiled with satisfaction. He hated to break that surreal moment, but he announced, “Hey, we should head back. It’s gonna get dark soon.” She opened her eyes, acknowledging him and nodding her reply. “Liam, thank you so much for this day. I…It…I’ll never forget it.” She felt embarrassed that she couldn’t find the right words that she was feeling. She admired him in the orange rays of the sunset. He looks like a dream in this lighting. The flutter in her heart and stomach came back. What is that? Stop being an idiot, Catheryne. Liam is probably looking at you like you’re stupid for looking at him with goofy eyes. Her best friend replied by giving her the softest kiss on her cheek. He lingered there for a moment. He pulled away, saying “It makes me happy to see you happy, Ryne, happy birthday.” With that, he walked away to get his bike leaving her all alone to her emotions. The flutter in her heart became an intense warm sensation emanating from her heart. The sudden realization of what her feelings had hit her like a bullet train, quick and sudden. I am in love with my best friend. I am in love with Liam Rhys.

Her loud alarm pulled her back to her reality. It was time to get ready for work. She places the picture back on her nightstand, facing down. She couldn’t bare to look at it anymore. Her birthday wish from that memory, was just that, a wish. Life clearly loved to remind her of her aching heart. She gets up from her bed to her vanity and put on her everyday make-up. She smiles at the mirror, hoping to cheer herself up, but even with effort her smile never reached her eyes. She sighs in defeat.

She grabs her shoulder bag and keys from the hook by her door and heads for work. She loves walking in the midst of the hustle and bustle of New York City. It is where she truly feels like she can disappear.

The mediocre dive bar she works at come into view. Before she entered, she inhales a deep breath steeling herself for the long night ahead. You can do this, Catheryne. Just take it one foot at a time. You can make it through this. She releases her breath and trudges forward, head hanging low. She walks back to the locker area, shoving her items in her locker. She lazily puts on her disgusting apron and puts her hair up in a bun. “Catheryne, stop standing there and gawking like an idiot and get out there!” Her asshole of a manager, Declan, barked at her. She pinches the bridge of her nose and closes her eyes as she uses her hand to lean forward against the lockers. You can do this. You can do this. Even as she repeats it in her mind, her resolve is slowly dissipating.

As if she didn’t have enough on her plate at that moment, life decides to pile on to her mess. “Hey, Ryne.” Hearing his voice made all the blood rush into her face. She balls her fist on her side, remembering the night before and all the anguish he . “I can’t do this with you tonight, Liam.” She whispers through gritted teeth before stepping out into the floor without looking at him. She is already frustrated with her boss. She can’t handle him, too.

She went about the motions of being a waitress. Her feet are screaming with pain from running back and forth to the kitchen and the room, handing and taking orders. Her emotional health is strained from the barrage of harassing customers. It was a busy night. It was a Friday after all. When she would get a break from the flow of customers she had to attend to, she would catch him looking at her from the corner of her eye, concern carved on his chiseled face. She was hanging on by a thread. She didn’t know how long she could keep up the feigned strength she conveyed to the world.

She is making her way back to the kitchen to pick up an order when a loud, rowdy customer stops her in her track. “Hey, doll, why don’t you and your purty self come here and let me tell you somethin,” This is the nature of her job, rude people mixed with alcohol is a concoction for disaster. She turns and makes her way to his table full of raucous men just like him. “Yes?” she replied politely, hiding her anger for his insulting demeanor. “I ain’t never seen someone as beautiful as you. I was wonderin’ if you’d like to come with me to my hotel after your done from here. I think I can blow your mind.” He is clearly drunk off his ass; his slurred country accent makes it difficult to understand him. She was fuming with rage at his insulting comment, but nonetheless she replies with a calm tone, “Thanks for the offer, but I must decline.” She turns to walk away when he slaps her right on the ass.

The tiny thread she held onto finally snapped. She whirls around, letting her anger fuel her. Before she even knew it, she slaps the rude man squarely across the face. Her hand stung from the impact, but it was nothing compared to the fury coursing through her veins. How dare he?! Disgusting, insulting, perverted bastard! The man stands up, hollering at her, “WHAT THE HELL?! I’LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THAT, YOU BITCH!” His hand recoils behind him, getting ready to take a shot at her

Liam watches her with careful eyes as she goes about this encounter. He has known her a long time, he can read her tells. He can read the anger that was hidden behind her smile and eyes. The way this man is treating her enrages him, but he tries to concentrate back to tending the bar. His work was halted when he sees Catheryne walking back to the man slapping him in the face, she was shaking with anger. What the hell just happened? His instinct to protect her guides him across the bar to where the conflict is unraveling. He steps in front of her, putting himself between them, his arm blocks the blow that he was about to throw at Catheryne. He retaliates by punching him hard on the stomach, and using momentum and rage, he punches the man in the face, knocking him out.

Declan comes out from the kitchen, witnessing the commotion that just happened. “What in the hell is happening? Liam! Catheryne! You insufferable morons! What the hell…” Liam stops him mid-sentence, “You know, Declan,” enunciating the syllables of his name, “you just may be one of the worst goddamned person in the planet. We quit!” He goes to the back to grab his and Catheryne’s belongings. He grabs her hand and pulls her, a little too violently, out of the bar back to their apartment.

When they arrive at their place, she finally speaks up, “What the hell did you do, Liam?” He is making his way to the cabinet where they kept the strong rum. He skips the glass and downs a gulp straight from the bottle. “Liam, what the fuck?! You shouldn’t have done that!” He couldn’t believe what she just said, and he stared at her with incredulous eyes. Is she really angry at me after I just protected her from that god-awful man?

Her body trembles from all the emotions racing within her. What just happened? I’ve never lost my senses like that before. Oh God, what is happening to me? Her feelings for Liam is ruining her. She watches as he sets down the bottle on the counter. She sees his white knuckles gripping the countertop. “What did you want me to do, Catheryne, hmm?” He speaks quietly, his tone almost felt like the calm before the storm. “I don’t know, Liam, but you shouldn’t have interfered. Now, we both have no jobs.” She responded, matching the tone of his voice.

“So, you’re saying I should’ve just let him hit you?! Is that it, Ryne?” his voice gradually rising in volume. “Well, I’m sorry that I couldn’t just stand there and watch him treat you like that. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be a bad friend.” Friend, there is that word again. Such a simple word, but it cuts through me like a double-edged sword. She paces across the room, grabbing the rum and consumes a considerable amount of it. She stomps athwart in their living room. Her panic, rising to the surface. He continues his rant, “I’m sorry that I all I wanted was to protect you!”

“We’re not in high school anymore, Liam, ok,” she snaps at him. “I’m not the weak, little girl you had to protect from her bullies! I can stand on my own two feet!” Her hands flail around her as she speaks, and her tears get the best of her, staining her face.

The storm has arrived as they both explode. “I don’t know what you want me to do, Ryne?! I just want to take the past couple of days and pretend it never happened! Then, we could continue just as the two best friends living in the city of dreams, happy!” He screams at her.

She has taken aback by the timbre of his voice. Not once, in the 16 years, that they have known each other has he treated her this way. Happy, is that what he thought our relationship was? “Happy, really? Liam, have you been really that blind all throughout this years?! I have loved you since we were kids. I fell in love with you when we were 15! Happy, isn’t the word I would use to describe this relationship.” All her frustration and anger poured out of her, she couldn’t keep them in anymore. I am so tired. I am so tired of hurting. She meets his eyes across the room and she let go, “I was miserable, Liam. I am miserable! My heart broke every time I saw you with other girls, wishing I was them, wishing you looked at me like the way you do with them! The anger I would feel towards them for breaking your heart scared me! I don’t know who I am anymore. I lost myself because of you, because of my love for you. I am so tired, Liam. I am tired of hurting. I am tired of crying myself to sleep. Loving you is more painful than when I lost my parents. I don’t know what it is about you. I tried so hard, Liam. I really did. I tried to stop my feelings for you, but clearly it didn’t work.” She laughs bitterly. She was done. She was done waiting for the day he’ll love her, too.

She heads towards the door, leaving to stay at Hana’s for the weekend. He suddenly steps in front of her, blocking the way to the door. She tries to weave her away forward, but his broad physique compared to her petite frame always had her at a disadvantage. “I’m sorry, Ryne! I’m so sorry! How can I make this go away? Tell me, please! How can we go back to the way it was?” He pleads with her. “We can’t.” She simply stated. “No, I refuse to believe that!” He is trying so hard to hang on to his best friend, his confidant. He grabs her arms refusing to let her go. “There must be a way to fix this! There has to be! Tell me how I can fix this! Tell me how I can stop you from hurting.” She wiggles out of his hold, heading out the door. “CATHERYNE, PLEASE!” He is begging her to stay. “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” She loses what sanity she has left and yells at him, pouring all of herself and her love for him into her words,

“I WANT YOU TO TELL ME YOU LOVE ME, TOO!” She turns around to look at him. She didn’t need to stay to hear his excuse or whatever retort he has planned. She could see the answer written all over his face, and she finally accepted defeat and walked away.

#playchoices #trr #trr au #king liam #liam x mc #tellmeyouloveme #romance #angst

[darling-cas]

Whatever It Takes: Chapter 10

ACOTAR Figure Skating AU

Summary: Nesta firmly believes that if you want something, you have to work your ass off for it. And she wants a National title attached to her name. But when her coach decides that a change in discipline is what Nesta needs, she’s far from impressed. Now, instead of training as a ladies single skater, she has to switch gears and skate as a pairs skater. And her partner? Someone she can’t stand. Non other than cocky, flirtatious, former Men’s skater Cassian. Edited by @ilikebigbooks-and-icannotlie

Warning: NSFW

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

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“I’m not going back to skating.”

Nesta looked up from the book on her lap to raise an eyebrow at Elain. Those honey-brown eyes widened as she bit down on her lip, worry and nervousness coating her entire face.

There was a beat of silence as Nesta waited and Elain sighed.

“I…” She paused, taking a breath and picking at the frayed end of the blanket on her lap. “I want to go to school.”

Nesta would have been lying if she’d said the statement hadn’t taken her the slightest bit off guard. The agonizing look on Elain’s face had prepared Nesta for the worst. But if anything, she was simply taken aback. She hadn’t even know that Elain was looking into schools.

Watching Elain with a close eye, Nesta couldn't help but wonder if that was what had been on her mind all that time. If it wasn’t just her relationship, but the added stress of hoarding such a big secret that had caused her to be so out of it lately. If so, Nesta wondered why. Going to school was a good thing, and Elain would be the first of the sisters to do so. If it was something she truly wanted to do, Nesta would support and help her no matter what.

Elain lifted her gaze and looked at Nesta from across the bed, silently begging her to say something, anything.

“Okay.” Nesta simply shrugged her shoulders, going back to her book.

Elain blinked in surprise. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” Nesta flipped the page, though she wasn’t actually reading at that point. “If this is what you want, and it makes you happy, then okay.”

“You’re not upset?”

The confusion in Elain’s voice caused Nesta to look up, brows narrowed ever so slightly.

“Why would I be?”

Elain sat up straighter at the end of her bed, legs crossed under her. “Because I’m not skating. And I don’t want to skate again.”

Ah. That’s why she’d kept it a secret for so long.

Skating was who the Archeron sisters were. It had been a part of them for so long and was as big of a part in their day-to-day life as breathing was. To be an Archeron sister and not be skating… just last year that would have been unheard of.

Skating was what they believed in.

But as the two sisters sat on the bed, Nesta couldn't help but think about the past few weeks - past year, really. So much had changed. And slowly, it appeared that their lives weren’t only about skating anymore. Nesta was realizing that. There was skating, and there was more.

Feyre had Rhys. Elain was going to have school. And Nesta had… Well, Nesta didn’t want to think about what she could have.

“... if you don’t have fun, if you just think about getting the gold, you’ll lose yourself completely…”

“Apparently,” Nesta tried to keep her voice light as she fell back against the headboard, “there is more to life than just skating.”

The moment the words left her mouth, Nesta realized she truly believed them.

“Who are you and where is my sister?”

Nesta rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help the chuckled that flew past her lips, causing Elain to smile. Already, Nesta could tell it was as if a weight had been lifted off of her sister's shoulders.

“I think you really will do great in school, Elain,” she said softly, picking her book back up.

“Yeah?” Elain breathed and Nesta couldn't stop from smiling as she met her gaze.

“Yeah,” she replied, a silence draping around them as Nesta looked back down at her book, staring at the page but not reading it.

She meant what she’d told Elain moments before. There was more to life than just skating. It had taken her a long time to figure it out, and it wasn’t until Cassian that she realized how true that fact was.

Cassian. God, just thinking about him had her heart racing. Weeks ago, she would have hated herself for feeling that way. But after that kiss in the dressing room, a kiss she went to bed every night wishing could happen again and again, Nesta just couldn't deny it any longer, even if she wanted to.

Then there was the fact that Cassian punched out Tomas at the game a few nights ago. They hadn’t talked since then, but Nesta wanted to so fucking badly. She needed answers, wanted them, craved them. She wanted to know about that blonde at the bar. She needed to know what the look he gave her after he punched Tomas meant. Even if she had a pretty good idea, she wanted to heard the words leaving his lips. She needed it like she needed air. She needed him like she needed air, and that thought both excited and scared the living hell out of her.

Nesta sighed, running a hand through her hair.

She was exhausted. And she was done.

Because fighting the fact that she loved Cassian was exhausting. And she couldn't do it anymore.

“You should talk to him.”

Nesta looked up at Elain, only to find that deep brown gaze pointed at her, studying, watching.

But she didn’t reply. Because even if she did go to talk to him, what would she say? She wouldn't even know where to start. She had gone so long pushing feelings aside that facing them after so much time seemed like the most terrifying thing in the world.

She was Nesta Archeron - she didn’t do emotions or feelings.

But Elain wasn’t taking her silence for an answer. Not as she leaned forward and took Nesta’s hand in her own, giving it a squeeze.

“You’re allowed to be happy, Nesta,” she said softly. “You deserve it.”

What took Nesta by surprise the most was the fact that she almost believed what Elain was telling her.

And maybe that’s what pushed her - the thought of actually maybe being happy. Or maybe it was the look in Elain’s eyes. Maybe the fact that she really did want to see Cassian. Either way, not thirty minutes later, Nesta found herself standing outside his apartment.

And with her heart racing a mile a minute, head held high, eyes a storm, Nesta raised her hand and knocked on the door.

--------------------

Cassian would be lying if he said he wasn’t shocked when he opened his door.

He had been out with Rhys and Azriel, having a typical guys’ night. But he wasn’t feeling it - wasn’t in the mood to sit in a bar and have beer with his brothers. So after just a few short hours, he called it a night. He’d much rather get drunk off hard liquor in his apartment by himself anyways. There was too much on his mind lately for him to enjoy a night out.

And by too much, he meant Nesta.

He hadn’t talked to her in a few days. Not since he’d punched Tomas. Aside from the few practices they’d had since then, he hadn’t seen her either. Maybe he was avoiding her, maybe not. Either way, seeing her before him just then, looking so beautiful in just a pair a jeans and a sweatshirt, stole his breath away. He swore he fell in love with her a little bit more.

In love.

The words rang in his head as he stood up straighter, gripping the door.

He was in love with Nesta Archeron and it was going to kill him.

Nesta raised an eyebrow at him in question and Cassian realized they had been standing in the doorway in silence. Without a word, he stepped aside, wordlessly inviting her in.

He would let her say whatever it was she had to say, he decided, as he closed the door. Then she would leave, and he could drink his sorrows.

But turning around and seeing Nesta standing in the middle of his empty apartment did little to calm his racing heart. She looked slightly uncomfortable, but her eyes were full of intentness and something he couldn't place - didn’t want to place. But she looked at home - at home in his apartment with him - and the thought alone destroyed Cassian.

“Do you want a-”

“Why did you do it?” Nesta whirled around, hair flying over her shoulder, eyes hard as stone. “Why did you punch him?”

No beating around the bush, then.

“I’ll have a drink,” Cassian mumbled, running a hand through his unbound hair as he made his way to the kitchen.

But Nesta matched his every step, stopping just at the edge of the kitchen as Cassian poured his drink.

“Answer me,” she demanded, and Cassian paused. Her voice was hard, sharp. But it almost sounded like there was despair in it as well.

Cassian swallowed half of his glass, and turned back to her. “You’re not the boss of me.”

“You punched my ex-boyfriend,” she bit out. “I think I deserve to know the fuck why.”

Turning around, Cassian swirled his drink, leaning back against the counter. His heart all but leapt from his chest when he saw the determination, desperation, and slightest bit of desire written on her face.

“I told you I would kill him the next time I saw him,” he answered, trying to keep his voice as emotionless as possible. But it didn’t work.

“I thought you were joking.” Nesta’s voice was so soft in comparison to the hard edge it normally held that Cassian almost didn’t recognize it.

“Why would I be?”

“Why wouldn’t you be?”

The firm tone was back as their eyes locked, hazel meeting grey in an unbreakable hold. And Cassian knew in that moment that something had changed. Somehow, she knew. The way she looked at him, as if she were touching his very soul, almost had Cassian dropping to his knees, begging for her to take him then and there.

“He’s a scumbag.”

That was his only response. Because he was moments away from saying too much.

Frustration was starting to brew within her. Cassian could see it in the way Nesta drew her brows closer. She took a step into the kitchen, a step closer to him, and Cassian could hear the blood rushing in his ears.

If she kept looking at him like that, as if he held all the answers to all her questions, he would go insane.

“Yes,” she breathed, voice like ice, “but that still doesn’t explain-”

“He’s a scumbag,” Cassian repeated, gripping the glass in his hand tightly. “And the thought of him trying to touch you like…” Cassian paused, drawing in a shaking breath as his eyes held Nesta’s. “It makes me fucking sick.”

A general statement really, a statement that could have been said about anyone who had been through what she had. But Cassian was having trouble concealing his emotions, and whatever Nesta saw on his face caused her to freeze. Her eyes went wide, lips parting slightly, and Cassian was losing his damn mind.

“And that blonde at the bar?” Nesta spoke after a moment, eyes like storm clouds, voice tight.

Cassian couldn't suppress his humorless laugh.

“Exactly that, just a blonde from a bar.” Cassian didn’t dare break his hold on Nesta’s gaze, the words leaving his lips before her could stop them. “You consume my every thought Nesta and I can’t take it. So I got shitfaced and started making out with a random girl to forget you. But it didn’t work.”

He watched as Nesta’s breath hitched, her eyes never leaving his as he continued.

“I’ve tried to be your friend,” Cassian rasped, placing the glass on the counter as he took a step closer to Nesta, “and your skating partner, and even your fucking enemy. But it doesn’t work. I still…. You…. Your claws are in so deep it hurts.”

Cassian stopped just inches from Nesta, her eyes never leaving his. His heart stopped when he saw the look on her face, in her eyes. The hardness was still there, but it was being pushed back by understanding, desire, lust, love - and Cassian couldn't take it.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” She was so close yet so far, and Cassian just wanted to reach out and touch her.

“Like you feel something for me,” he whispered. “Because it’ll kill me if you do and it’ll kill me if you don’t.”

A beat of silence. A beat of silence where Cassian felt like he was dying. Then, Nesta laughed. A musical sound that had Cassian taking the slightest step back, just to get a better look at her face as his heart broke.

She was laughing at him.

But as he opened his mouth to speak, Nesta shook her head.

“You-” she took a step towards him, expression unlike anything Cassian ever saw in his life - “You are like a damn drug. And I’m addicted.”

Cassian sucked in a breath. He didn’t dare move, her soft voice washing over him as that gaze locked on his.

“Because I can’t stay away,” she continued and Cassian could see her walls coming down the slightest bit. Then she released a shaky breath, looking up at him through lowered lashes. “And I don’t want to anymore.”

Cassian felt his heart hit the floor as his knees went weak. Because he couldn't believe the words she was saying, couldn't let himself believe her. And yet, that didn’t stop him as he brushed his hand against hers.

“Nesta?”

“Cassian?”

The smallest smile was on the corner of her lips and Cassian could have died happily in that moment.

He didn’t dare breathe as he spoke again. “Can I kiss you?”

Smoky eyes stared back at him. Eyes filled with so much emotion that it almost broke Cassian completely to hold her gaze.

“Yes,” Nesta exhaled.

Cassian’s heart shattered when he heard just that one word.

He took a slow step towards Nesta, so close to her, but not close enough that they were touching. His eyes never left hers, his gaze loving and heavy with lust, while hers was wide with anticipation and filled with desire.

Resting a trembling hand on her cheek, Cassian barely heard Nesta’s breath hitch. He ran a thumb across her cheek, lightly licking his bottom lip as he did so, before bringing his other hand to rest on the other side of her face.

She was so soft, so beautiful beneath his hands, and he couldn’t take it.

Heart pounding, Cassian closed the distance between them, his lips meeting hers with a kiss. It was gentle, slow, their lips gliding together as one. Nesta was warm and smooth, her hands resting on his chest and gripping his shirt for dear life. She tasted like toothpaste and cherries and it was so perfect. Cassian never wanted to let go. And it broke his heart to do so.

Panting, Cassian pulled back, but didn’t step away. He rested his forehead against hers, trying to calm his breathing. Her hands were still on his shirt, his sliding down to rest on her hips.

“Cassian.”

Upon hearing his name, which sounded so tender and loving, so unlike how she had ever said his name before, Cassian pulled back, opening his eyes to look her.

What he saw utterly broke him - ruined him. The love and want that shined through those stormy eyes made Cassian want to fall to his knees and cry at her feet.

Whatever expression was on his face caused the smallest smile form on Nesta’s lips. She lifted a hand from his shirt to his cheek, her palm brushing against the stubble on his face.

She didn’t say anything, didn’t need to, for it was all on her face. And yet, Cassian was still taken by surprise as she brought her lips to his once more.

That time around their kiss was more forceful, more demanding, holding more want and need and love and Cassian couldn't think straight. Not as Nesta pulled him closer, moving her hands until they were buried in his hair. The feeling of her body pressed against his, her softness against his hardness, it undid him. And as Nesta traced his lips with her tongue, causing Cassian to groan, he opened his mouth to her and her tongue collided with his. He lost all sense of self.

Everything that wasn’t them seemed to blur.

He gripped Nesta’s hips tight, pulling her flush against him as their noses brushed. Nesta’s hands traveled from Cassian’s hair down to his chest before making their way under his shirt. The skin on skin contact caused him to jump slightly, and as Nesta rolled her hips against his, Cassian couldn't help the warmth from stirring in his groin.

Every nerve and cell in his body begged him not to, but Cassian had to. He had to pull away, just the smallest amount. He had to ask, had to look in her eyes, had to know she wanted this as much as he did.

“Nesta.” Cassian’s voice was raspy, breathless as he spoke. “Are you sure?”

Her eyes never left his. She didn’t so much as blink as she held her head high, a small smile on her kiss-swollen lips.

“I want this,” she said, so sure of herself that Cassian couldn't breathe. “I’m sure.”

“What is it that you want?” He asked, barely recognizing his voice, because he needed to hear her say it.

And Nesta didn’t back down, didn’t shy away, didn’t lock up her heart as she looked at him with lust and love clouding her expression.

“You.”

Cassian moaned, the word hitting him deeper then she would ever know.

His lips found hers once more, the kiss real, open, raw, as his hands moved around her waist and down her ass before lifting her up. Nesta’s hands found their way back in his hair, legs wrapping around his waist as Cassian carried her to his bedroom.

They never once broke the kiss. Not as he kicked the door closed behind him. Not as he placed Nesta gentle on the bed. Not as he crawled on top of her. And as Nesta moved to rid him of his shirt, he helped, throwing it across the room before he claimed her lips once more.

His hands moved past her ribs, brushing her breasts before he stopped at the hem of her shirt, playing with the fabric between his fingers in a silent question. Nesta gladly answered as she moved to help him remove it, throwing it across the room with his own.

It didn’t take long for her bra to follow.

Cassian paused, chest heavy as he stared down at Nesta topless before him, and suddenly his heart was in his throat. She was so unreal, so ravishing, and Cassian needed to do right by her. He needed to go slow, make her feel good, worship her like a queen-

“You going to sit there gawking at me all night?”

Cassian chuckled as Nesta give him a smug smile. Because it was so Nesta and it was so them and Cassian knew it was right.

She reached up, hand resting on the back of his neck as she guided his lips to hers once more. Cassian kissed her back with as much love and passion as she was giving him, his hand traveling up her stomach, past her ribs, light as a feather as he reached her breast, taking it in his hand.

Nesta moaned into his mouth, the sound sending waves of pleasure through him. But Cassian still mumbled into her lips. “Is this okay? Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Nesta panted. “Yes.”

She rolled her hips against his, as if to prove to him that she was truly alright. The sensation had Cassian moaning into her neck, his hard length in need of friction as much as she was.

He kissed the column of her throat, nipping and flicking the sensitive skin with his teeth and tongue, before trailing down between her breasts, across the plains of her stomach, lower, lower.

“Okay?” Cassian glanced up, his fingers toying with the band of her pants.

“Okay.” Nesta didn’t so much as blink as her hazy gaze tracked his every movement.

With a breath, Cassian slowly started to pull off her pants. Nesta lifted her hips and legs to help him, and then all that was left was her underwear. And as Cassian looked at her, desire covering every inch of his face, they also came off.

Cassian slowly kissed the inside of her thighs, her scent washing over him. He heard Nesta’s ragged breath and he glanced up at her flushed face, placing his hands on each thigh before gently pushing them part. And she let him, hands clenched in the sheets.

The first lick of his tongue caused Nesta to moan long and loud above him. She was so wet, so ready for him, that it caused Cassian to roll his hips against the bed as he tasted her. And continued to taste her, kiss her. He sucked and licked until she was a mess under him, moaning, arching, writhing with each stroke of his tongue.

The view he got in return of her naked body was the most divine thing he had ever seen.

His finger soon replaced his mouth and Cassian stroked her slowly and steadily before pushing one finger in. The contact caused Nesta to arch deeply, a groan flying past her lips.

“That’s it, sweetheart.” Cassian moved so he was over her again, placing sloppy kisses on her collarbone, across her chest, adding another finger as he continuously pumped in and out.

She was so tight, so hot, the noises she made loud and long, and Cassian honestly couldn’t think past Nesta. He was so achingly hard and all he wanted was her. To be inside her, to fill her - he needed it like air.

“Cassian,” she called, nails running up his arms as she moved her hips against his fingers. Her breathing came out in small gasps as his fingers continued to move in and out until he could see how close she was, feel it as her legs quaked around him. Then she was over the edge, crying out as her release rocked her, Cassian working her through it until she was panting heavily under him.

And as he took in the woman under him, sweat lightly coating her skin, chest heavy as she gazed up at him with storm-cloud eyes, he didn’t think his heart could handle the love much more.

“You,” he breathed into the night. “Gods, Nesta-” he broke off, at a loss to express all of the emotions he was feeling in that moment.

The smug smile she gave him in return was enough to make his heart burst. “You sure know how to make a girl feel special.”

Cassian chuckled before leaning forward, bringing his lips to her ear.

“I know exactly how to make you feel special.”

He felt Nesta shiver beneath him as he ran a hand along the side of her face, capturing her lips with his own. The kiss was all tongue and teeth, all want, and need, and heat, and passion. Nesta ran her hands down his back, stopping at the band of his pants before dipping below just the slightest bit.

“Are you sure?” He mumbled into her lips.

“Cassian.” She pulled back enough to look him in the eyes. “I’ve never been so sure.”

Cassian believed her, and he couldn't breathe.

With a nod, Cassian helped Nesta remove his pants, and the boxers underneath, until they were past his hips, his ankles. Until he was naked and reaching for a condom.

He never once took his eyes off of Nesta as he placed himself above her on shaking arms. Not as she reached up and touched his cheek, fingers light as a feather. Cassian had never felt like that in his entire life - he’d never been that nervous and excited and happy.

Lining up with her entrance, Cassian pushed in.

“Fuck.” He couldn't help but moan deeply as the same sound flew from Nesta’s lips.

She was so hot and tight around him as he moved out before pushing back in. She was so perfect as her lips met his in a sloppy kiss, her hands roaming over every inch of his chest as they moved together.

His only thought in that moment was Nesta. The only thing that mattered was Nesta. He was on fire, his blood singing. He needed more of her, needed it like the air he breathed, moan after moan flying past his lips.

Then, Cassian brought a hand to her lower back and lifted Nesta’s hips before he thrust sharply, hitting the spot that had her crying out his name.

“Fuck. Cass.” The sounds that followed from Nesta’s lips were sinful.

“I love being inside you, Nes,” Cassian mumbled into her neck, hitting that spot again and again as he moved his hips against hers. “I love it. I love - Fuck, Nes.”

“Cass, don’t you dare-” Nesta gasped sharply, nails digging into his shoulder hard enough to draw blood - “dare fucking stop. Please, Cass.”

It was the please that did it. Cassian dropped his hand from her back, causing her to fall on the bed again. He brought said hand down between her legs, stroking her in quick circles as he went harder, faster. He could feel her tighten around him, and with one final cry - a cry that sounded like his name - he felt Nesta come again, a blissful expression on her face. An expression that Cassian would never forget as long as her lived, as her stroked her through her climax, as he pounded into her, drawing out those sweet sounds as long as he could.

He continued to thrust deep and hard as Nesta pulled him roughly down to her level, crashing her lips against his. He could feel his orgasm building and building, as he pulled out and pushed back in. And as Nesta bit down on his bottom lip, a wave of complete and utter bliss washed over him so intense that he could barely breathe, rocking through him with such a force it was almost a struggle to stay on his elbows.

A glorious haze took over as they both laid there for a moment, panting heavily, until Cassian pulled out. He disposed of the condom before crawling back into the bed, pulling Nesta into his arms, never wanting to let her go ever again.

Silence filled the room as Nesta cuddled into Cassian’s side, resting her head on his chest as Cassian started playing with the ends of her hair.

“You’re not going to go back to hating me after tonight, are you?” He teased, voice raspy, though he wasn’t sure if he would actually be able to handle her answer.

“No,” she breathed, rising up on her elbow to look deeply into Cassian’s eyes. “I could never hate you. Not now, anyways.”

Cassian rolled his eyes at the teasing tone in her last statement. But even so, there was a smile on his face. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her closer, unable to believe that Nesta Archeron was curled into his side. Unable to believe that, somehow, he had gotten that lucky.

“I’m glad,” he whispered, placing a kiss on her forehead, “Because whether you like it or not, you have a piece of me. And I’d rather you not destroy it.”

Nesta softly kissed his chest. “As long as you take care of the piece of me that now belongs to you.”

Cassian felt his heart swell. “I’ll guard it until my last breath.”

A beat of silence passed before Nesta spoke up again. “And don’t you dare tell anyone I said that. Or I’ll burn off your balls.”

Cassian laughed, loud and deep. God, he loved that woman so much.

“Your secret's safe with me,” he said, with so much love and adoration in his voice. “All of you is safe with me, Nesta Archeron. Always.”

#whatever it takes #nessian #feysand #elucien #elriel #nesta archeron #cassian #feyre archeron #rhys #rhysand #elain archeron #Azriel #lucien #lucien vanserra #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #acotar fanfiction #acotar au #sarah j maas #figure skating au #hockey au

[lady-therion]

Homecoming: Part 1 [Nessian]

Summary: Cassian really misses his feisty mate.

(Post-bonding. Post-ACOWAR.)

A/N: Because y’all know this precious overgrown bat baby would straight up sulk (like whine-at-the-door-and-paw-at-it sulk) if Nesta was gone for too long.

***

   He missed her.

   That was all. He missed her.

    “So write her a godsdamn letter,” said Azriel, dancing along the edge of the sparring ring. He’d been on the receiving end of Cassian’s fists all morning and had yet to be reprieved. “It’s only been a week, Cas. We’re all getting tired of your moping.”

    “Who says I’m moping?”  

   “Everyone,” his brothers said in unison.

    Cassian turned to scowl at Rhys, who had been sharpening his sword on a nearby bench. “Yes, everyone,” he added smugly. “Feyre, Amren, Elain...”

   “Elain?”

    Azriel smirked. “The actual word she used was ‘cranky.’”  

   “I am not cranky.”  

   “An understatement if there ever was one,” Rhys drawled. “I think what sweet Elain actually meant was: insufferable ass.”

   Cassian growled.

   “Right. Because you acted like a godsdamned ray of sunshine when Feyre handed herself over to our enemies in the Spring Court.” He bared his teeth. “How did it feel knowing your mate was in danger and all you could do was wait? Because I sure as hell feel like shit and am in no mood for this today.”

    Rhys’ violet eyes remained cool, but Cassian could detect a flicker of guilt that almost made him feel sorry. Almost.

   “Point taken,” said Rhys. “I apologize, brother.”

   “So do I,” said Azriel.

   Cassian sighed.

   It had been Rhys’ idea for Nesta to travel south to strengthen their ties with the mortal realm, which was now horribly fractured thanks to those treacherous wyrm-queens. As emissary, it would have been Nesta’s duty to go. But Rhys always believed in having a choice, so he gave her one.

   Of course she decided to go. Of course Cassian understood the importance of her going. She wanted to do something for her people. She wanted to see the world. And deep down, he could never blame Rhys for granting her that wish in the first place.  

   But that didn’t mean Cassian had to like it, especially since it meant that she would be gone indefinitely.

   “Mother knows Nesta can take care of herself,” he went on. “Hell, if she were here, she’d be the first one to kick my sorry ass all the way to the Rainbow. But this…this isn’t easy for me.”

   He already failed her once—the memory still horrifically fresh despite everything that happened between them since. There were some nights where he could still hear her screams as Hybern’s men forced her into the Cauldron. He would wake up on those nights in a cold sweat, unable to be calmed by anything except his mate’s arms.

   He had seen over half a millennia of death and destruction, had been the harbinger of both himself, but never had he been so overcome by such breathless rage and sheer terror as he was in that moment. They laid hands on his mate...had violated her beyond imagining...and he had been completely and utterly helpless to stop it.  

   Never again.

   “She’ll be all right, Cas,” said Azriel. “Mor is with her and so is Lucien for whatever that’s worth.”

   Cassian shook his head. “That’s not the point.”

   The point was that he made a promise to protect her, and he didn’t like breaking promises twice.

***

   Several weeks passed and Nesta still hadn’t returned.

   Cassian could still feel her though, much to his relief. He knew she couldn’t cross the bridge of their bond too often; not with so many enemies nipping at her heels. Still, he could feel her—her warmth burning inside him like an eternal flame.

   He noticed it most often when his moods grew so black that even he couldn’t tolerate himself.

   Sometimes, it felt like a flare—as though she were chastising him from afar for behaving like a prick. Sometimes, it felt like the glowing embers of the firelight at their hearth, soothing him like nothing else after another grueling day at the war-camps. Other times, it blazed and smoldered, and he knew without words that she longed for him as much as he longed for her.  

   Thank the Mother she also sent him letters, though they were few and far between. The first one came shortly after his quarrel with his brothers.

   Dearest—

   I wish I could write more, but there are eyes and ears everywhere. Your family tells me you’ve been acting like an insufferable ass. I wrote them back asking if they only just noticed. Is my absence really all that unbearable? I promise you: I am whole and safe and healthy.

   So stop sulking. You big, ugly brute.

   N.

   It was the first time Cassian had laughed in days. He looked at that letter for hours, marveling at her elegant hand, no doubt trained by a slew of governesses by the time she was out of swaddling. It made him more than a little self-conscious about his own blocky chicken scratch, since he hadn’t learned how to read or write until Rhys’ mother taught him.

   Sweetheart—

   What can I say except that this big, ugly brute misses you? And yes, it’s unbearable. Almost no one says anything nice about my hair now that you’re not here to braid it! But in all seriousness: I want you home. I want you in our bed. I want to do all the wild and filthy things I said I would do once we became mates. Do you remember? If not, I’ll make damn sure to remind you. Thoroughly.

   Stay safe. Come back to me.

  C.

   He watched the paper vanish, only to return a few moments later.

   It was the same letter he just wrote, only with a note added to the end.

   ‘I’ll make damn sure to remind you.’ Is that a promise, my dear Commander? Or a threat?

   Either way, I’ll come...

   N.

   Never was Cassian more sure that he had mated himself to an actual goddess.

***

   Another several weeks passed and Nesta still hadn’t come home.

   But rather than sink into despair, Cassian threw himself into the one thing he was good at: violence. Needless to say, his legions bore his relentless ferocity with varying shades of bitterness and a little more than fear.

   “Take a timeout, Cas,” Rhys drawled. “I mean it.”

   This, after an evening of drilling that had their soldiers practically begging for the Mother’s mercy. True, Cassian’s training had been nothing short of brutal, savage, and unyielding. But Illyrians were nothing if not resilient and cunning bastards—and Cassian was the prince of them all.  

   “There’s still more to do.”

   “There’s always more to do,” said Rhys. “But at the pace you’re setting? We’d be lucky if our men can stand let alone fly at first light.” He turned to him, gaze softening. “Be honest. How bad is it?”

   “Bad.”

   It seemed like a lifetime ago when Cassian made some jest about Rhys’ mating bond chafing at him. Now having experienced it himself, he realized that it didn’t really chafe as much as it burned a fucking hole through his mind, fraying layers upon layers of rational thought. It took every ounce of willpower he had to keep himself in check...and sometimes even that was not enough.

   “It’s not an uncommon reaction,” said Rhys. “Especially among new mates.”

   Cassian swallowed.

   Some mates didn’t leave each other’s sides for weeks, months even, after they consummated their bond. Nesta left mere days after the tenuous thread between them snapped into place.

   “Have you called out to her?”

   He had—his mental cries ringing like a bloodsong in his ears. But the wall that held Nesta’s thoughts remained cold and silent, surrounded by freezing mist. Nothing could penetrate it, no matter how hard he tried. All he could hear was the echo of his own desperation. A primal howl that longed to be answered.

   Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?

   “I tried. There’s nothing.”

   Her letters had stopped as well. The last one unnerved him so much he nearly flew to the mortal continent himself—orders be damned.

   I’ve had quite enough of the mess these traitorous queens left behind. The matter of their succession is a thorny one. I pray we all won’t bleed out by the end of it. Vassa plans to host a summit at her palace to end this farce once and for all. Lucien is suspicious of anything that breathes. Morrigan even more so. I myself wouldn’t be surprised if the whole affair was crawling with assassins.

   My love, I’ll have to tread very carefully now. I’ll send word as soon as I can.

   N.

   That had been ten days ago, and still no word had come—from either Nesta, Lucien, or Mor.

   “If anything happens to her, Rhys…,” he said, clenching his fists hard enough to draw his own blood.  

   In truth, he didn’t know what he would do...save tearing the world apart to find her and wreaking bloody vengeance on anyone who did her harm.

   “It’s a good thing the Archerons are so formidable then. And hardy.” A reassuring hand on his shoulder. “She’ll come back, Cas. You’ll see.”  

   It was a long moment before Cassian nodded.

   “I know she will.”

   She has to.

***

   The next few days passed in a gray blur that held no meaning for the General Commander. Crops of fresh recruits had arrived from the neighboring clans, gawking and gaping at him as he stalked through their ranks, his Siphons pulsing bright and deadly at random intervals.

   “I heard he killed a Hybern commander…”

   “I heard his mate killed Hybern herself…”

   If the days were miserable, the nights were their own kind of agony. He tossed and turned, his fitful sleep lanced by the same nightmares. Nesta screaming. Nesta sobbing. Nesta broken and bloody. Nesta, Nesta, Nesta.

   Where are you?

   Then suddenly…

   I’m here.

   Cassian shot out of bed, nostrils flaring as he took in that unmistakable scent. The scent of wind and rain and thunder and lightning. The scent of storms and the clash of steel. He scrambled out of his tent, not even bothering to don his full armor before spreading his wings and darting straight for the camps.

   A small crowd gathered in the main pavilions, Rhys and Azriel among the circle. A familiar flash of gold told him that Morrigan was also there, giving them her full report. The Fox, however, was nowhere in sight. And his mate...where was his mate?

   I’m here, I’m here, I’m here...

   He could feel her then, his heart beating wildly as the thread between them went taut as an anchor.

   There.

   She was standing apart from the rest of the group, speaking softly to a squadron of Illyrian females—one of the few that had been allowed to continue their training despite the odds.

   He dived for her, landing so hard a small crater had formed in the bed of canyon rock. But none of the surrounding gasps or murmurs reached his ears as his vision narrowed to the most beautiful female in the world.

  She turned to him then and his breath hitched at the sight.

   Blue-grey eyes widened on a face that was partially sooty, as though she had walked through fire to get here. Her Illyrian leathers gleamed in the moonlight, the scales worn and muddy but not beyond repair. Tendrils of golden-brown hair escaped from a crown of braids, falling on the bare skin of her neck that captured most of his attention.

    He wanted to say something clever—romantic, even. But he had never been good with those kinds of words and besides, the words didn’t come. Once again, his mate had rendered him speechless.

   She marched toward him, her pace so quick and purposeful that he wondered if she was preparing to strike. Instead, she yanked his face down to deliver a kiss that seared his very soul, her tongue demanding entrance, her body giving off the not-so-subtle heat of her arousal.

   He growled into her mouth as he embraced her, wrapping his wings around her to shield them from the catcalls and dirty jokes. She molded herself into his arms, almost grinding on him as he broke away to trail eager kisses down her cheek, her jaw, and finally to that lovely, lovely neck. Impossibly, she held him tighter.

   Nesta...

   I’m here. I’m home.

   Then she leaned in to whisper in the shell of his ear.

   “Care to remind me of what I’ve been missing while I was away?”

   He grinned. “Well...I did make you a promise, didn’t I?”

***

Thank you for reading, my loves.

Other chapters be found in the Masterlist in my Bio / I am Lady_Therion on AO3

#nessian #nesta x cassian #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #sjm #sjmaas

[azrielsiphons]

Shadows and Darkness: One and the Same (ch. 13)

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This fic is meant to be read in connection with my Azriel-centric prequel stories. I would highly suggest reading those first to get the full reading experience of this fic. 

Trigger warning: graphic violence and blood. 

Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Like, reblog, comment, do fun tags, all the things!

They remained at the docks beneath the moonlight and the night sky that had always brought them comfort until it bled orange and yellow and red, wrapped in one another’s arms as their hearts raged and tumbled against the Mother’s plans for them in this War. 

And it was only the beginning.

The following morning Lena woke up in Azriel’s arms before the sun had even risen. The night before, he had offered to fly her back to her old room at the House of Wind, but she had said no, that she wanted to stay with him.

So they had gone back to his home on the outskirts of Velaris, washed the Hewn City off of them, and laid down in each other’s arms, clutching one another tight as they caught the few hours of sleep they could afford.

Lena turned in Azriel’s hold carefully, smiling as she caught sight of his peaceful face. A small thrill of pride shot through her as she remembered how he used to sleep before they were together — fitfully, his brows drawn together even in his slumber. It was only when they were together that he seemed to sleep peacefully.

She raised her hand, gently tracing the sharp contours of his face. Even in his sleep, his shadows flared at the feel of her skin on his.

Silently and stealthily, she slipped out of his hold. His breath caught once, but otherwise he didn’t react. Lena grabbed her clothes from the day before, slipping them on and giving Azriel one last glance before easing out the front door into the dark.

~~~~~

The sun was just breaking when Lena approached her brother’s town house. With a deep breath, she reached out with her mind, tapping on Rhys’s mental shields carefully so as not to startle him.

She was surprised to find him already awake. He jumped on the other end of his shields, but a second later she felt him push back his acknowledgement of her presence.

About a minute later he stepped out the front door, hair askew and violet eyes blinking. She had always known that she and Rhys looked alike — everyone had told them so their whole lives after all. But in that moment it really hit her that now that wasn’t true. The scar marring her face made their features look strikingly different. Yet another thing separating her from her only remaining family.

Rhys looked a wreck, and he didn’t try to hide it. Not with Lena.

“I thought I would be the one coming to you first,” he said hoarsely, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe.

Lena swallowed, pushing down both her anger and shame over the events of the night before. “Can we talk?” she asked softly. “Somewhere else?”

Rhys hesitated, looking down at his sister worriedly. He started when he realized he was towering over her. He reached behind him to shut the door and took the two steps down to the street so they were on the same level.

“There’s actually something I wanted to show you,” he said, running a hand through his messy hair. “I didn’t know if I should though, I didn’t want to upset you, but… well, I've already upset everyone so—”

“Rhys,” Lena cut in gently. His eyes, twin to her own, snapped up to look at her. A piece of her soul seemed to fracture as he looked at her that way. Utterly broken. Her heart swelled knowing that despite their screaming match the night before, he still trusted her enough as his sister to be so vulnerable with her. “Whatever it is, you can show me. I promise, it won’t upset me.”

He chuckled humorlessly. “I’m not so sure about that.”

“Why?”

There was a pause. 

“Because it’s your grave.”

~~~~~

Lena’s hair whipped around her as she and Rhys touched down where he had winnowed them to in the Illyrian Stepes. Her hands hovered over the multiple knives on her person on instinct, though it was clear the two siblings were alone at the base of the mountain.

Rhys raised a shield around them protecting them from the snow, wordlessly signaling for Lena to follow him. She did, keeping her eyes trained on her brother’s back as he led them through the woods. She could hear a rushing river in the distance.

The realization of where they were hit her like an arrow to the chest. She gasped, bracing herself against a nearby tree.

Rhys turned, his eyes downcast as Lena took several deep breaths. “We’re almost there,” he said softly. “We can turn around if you want.”

“No,” Lena gasped. She stood tall, inhaling deeply. “I can do this.”

The corner of Rhys’s lips quirked upwards as he nodded, turning once again and making his way through the snow.

Lena half expected to see her mother’s blood stains still in the snow as they walked upon the exact place where she had been murdered. Where Lena had been powerless in those chains as Wren’s head was severed from her body. In the back of her mind, Lena could still hear her own screams.

But there were no blood stains. Those had been washed away centuries ago. The pain and the memories of Wren’s death and Lena’s failure remained though.

The snow crunched beneath him as Rhys knelt down before two small stones buried in the ground. Lena flinched as she realized one of those stones was for her.

“When Azriel and I found you,” Rhys began, his voice lower than Lena had heard it in a long time, “Or rather, when we thought we found you, it was like a nightmare. I couldn’t stop screaming.”

Lena flinched, willing back the tears before they could freeze on her cheeks.

“I kept reaching out with my mind, trying to find you, trying to find Mother, but all I could feel was… silence. Unending silence. It kept ringing in my head. Azriel, Cassian, Mor… they tried so hard to help me. And they did, of course. But I never could explain the silence to them. In here.” He looked up at Lena with a grim smile, tapping the side of his head.

Silence of a different sort fell over the siblings then. Lena felt the words dancing on the tip of her tongue, but insecurites and fear told her to stay quiet. But this was Rhys — this was her brother. No matter how pissed she was at him, and she still was, it was Rhys for Cauldron’s sake.

“The moment the blade fell,” she began hoarsely, walking over and kneeling beside him, “it was like something snapped inside my mind. Everything was so loud at first and then… nothing. It was the worst thing I have ever felt.” Rhys was utterly still beside her.

“What did she say?” Rhys asked, despair coating his voice. “Before she died, did she… did she say anything?”

Lena felt a flash of pain cut through her very soul as her mind flashed back to that horrible day in that very spot.

“No! Please, please let her go!” Lena screamed, thrashing against the burning blue chains cutting into her skin and stifling her magic.

“Look at me,” her mother begged. Tears streamed down Lena’s face, freezing on her cheeks as the snow and wind whipped around them. She was shaking, sobbing, trying so hard to reach into that well of power inside her only to feel nothing as the chains cut into her wrists. “Don’t be afraid,” Wren said calmly, an ever constant in a storm of fear. “Don’t be afraid, my sweet. You must be strong. You are strong. Tell Rhys—”

Her head fell into the snow with a thump.

Lena’s scream could be heard miles away, piercing the dark of the night that held nightmares alongside dreams.

“She told me to be strong,” Lena whispered, forcing herself to look up and meet her brother’s eyes. “And she told me to tell you that... that she loved you.”

A choked sort of sob made its way out of Rhys’s throat. Lena reached out and grabbed his hand tightly.

“If I had come to meet you sooner—”

“Don’t go down that road,” Lena snapped. “There are plenty of ifs we could cry over. But none of them matter. What matters is that we’re here now. Together. Fighting against those who would do harm to our people. I can’t think of anything that would make our mother more proud of us.”

Rhys squeezed her hand tighter, glancing at her sidelong with a weary smile.

“She would be proud of us, wouldn’t she?”

Lena chuckled. “She would hate that we drink as much as we do, but yeah, she’d be proud of us.” The two laughed together before yet another heavy silence fell over them. “You know I… I didn’t mean what I said last night. When I compared you to him.” Rhys flinched at the reminder of her words — at the way she had likened him to their father. “I was just angry and I wanted to hurt you. It was unfair of me and... I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” he admitted. “For all of it. I should have figured something else out, but I just… I made a bad call.”

Lena nodded. “Yeah, you did. But what’s done is done. And us being unified has to be the most important thing now.”

Rhys nodded, looking back at the headstones before him. Lena followed his gaze, smiling softly when she realized they were unnamed. Rhys had kept this place a secret.

“She always wanted you to be High Lady,” Rhys said. “So did I.”

Lena smiled despite herself. “I think she’d like the one you got though.”

Rhys laughed at that, a light coming into his eyes at the mere mention of his mate. “You know Feyre retrieved Mother’s old ring from the Weaver’s cabin.”

Lena gasped, shoving his shoulder in shock as he laughed. “No she didn’t. How the hell did she do that?”

“I’ve still yet to fully believe it myself.”

“Damn. Mother really would love her. Your mate is as mad as the rest of us.”

“Danger prone, I think you mean.”

“That, too.”

The two laughed once again, Rhys standing to his feet and helping Lena do the same. “So are we alright?”

Lena looked back down at the graves. “Yes, Rhys. We’re alright. Always.”

“Good. Because you and me… we need to be okay. I know we butt heads and that’s just who we are. But by the Mother, Lena, I... I lost you. We all lost you, we all came here and visited this grave over the centuries because we thought you were dead. And I'll never pretend to understand what you went through in Hybern. But I promise I will always listen and I will always care.”

Lena blinked back the tears threatening to spill over. “You know that goes both ways, big brother,” she whispered. A flash swept across Rhys’s eyes. “I knew Amarantha quite well. So if you need to talk to someone who can understand the nightmares the way the others might not be able to… I’m here.”

Rhys nodded quickly, looking away from her. “We should probably get back.”

“Right.” Lena held out her hand, forcing a smile back onto her face. Rhys took it, his darkness gathering around them as he prepared to winnow them back to Velaris. At the very last second before they were swept away, Lena said, “You know Mother knew about Azriel and I for months, right?”

“What?”

Lena’s laughter was fortunately louder than Rhys’s curses as they landed on the streets of the Velaris as the city rose with the breaking sun.

~~~~~

Lena and Rhys parted ways shortly after arriving back in the city, he off to have a long talk with Mor and she off to find Azriel. She briefly considering reaching out to find him with the mating bond, something they had yet to actually do considering they hadn’t made it official, but decided against it at the last second.

After a quick visit back to his home to see that he was gone already, she assumed he was already in the woods by the lake waiting for Feyre to train with him. She winnowed there a heartbeat later, her boots sinking into the sand at the edge of the water. Azriel laughed as she frowned, picking her feet up out of the mud with a squish.

“I don’t remember the lake being this big the last time I was here,” she murmured, shaking her boots out.

“Well it has been a few centuries and we’ve had some rain lately so…”

Lena narrowed her eyes at her shadowsinger, who only continued to smirk. “It is too early for me to deal with your sass.”

“Not too early for you to sneak out on me though,” he retorted with raised eyebrows.

She huffed, walking over to her mate and looping her arms around his neck. His hands immediately fell on her waist, his shadows surrounding them.

“Sorry I disappeared on you. You just looked so peaceful and I wanted to talk to Rhys first thing this morning.”

Azriel tensed. “How did it go?”

“Good,” she said honestly. “He actually took me to my grave. And our mother’s, too.”

The shadows flared as darkness skirted across Azriel’s face. “And you’re alright?”

“I’m fine. I needed to see it. I needed to go back there. To... where it happened.”

Azriel opened his mouth to say something else, but right at that moment Feyre winnowed above the lake, banking right and sailing — right towards them.

“Shit,” Lena cursed as she and Azriel both knelt just in time to avoid Feyre running right into them. “Backflap, Feyre, backflap!”

It was no use though as Feyre sailed right into a tree. Azriel and Lena both winced.

“You alright there, High Lady?” Lena called out. Azriel pinched her side and she yelped looking up at him incredulously.

“Be respectful,” he whispered, winking at her bewildered expression.

Feyre groaned, pulling herself up to her full height and spitting bark out of her teeth. “Sorry to interrupt,” she said miserably, rolling out her shoulders.

“Well you two clearly have some work to do,” Lena said with a grin. “I'll leave you to it.”

She leaned up, giving Azriel a chaste kiss on the lips before letting her darkness gather around her and winnowing off.

Azriel stood staring at the place she had left for a few seconds after she was gone. It was only when Feyre said, “Awww” that he looked over at her and told her they would be doing an extra set of her extension exercises just for that comment.

~~~~~

For the next two days, Lena was back and forth between training with Cassian, who was still quite annoyed that she could kick his ass and had vowed to figure out her tricks, helping Rhys and Mor craft various letters and try to find new locations for the High Lords meeting, and catching moments with Azriel when she could.

There was also drama going on with Feyre’s sisters and Lucien, but that was the last thing Lena wanted to be bothered with. Even though every time she did see Nesta, the eldest Archeron sister seemed to want to speak with her, but never actually said a word. Lena would worry about that later though.

Helion had also sent Lena a personal letter along with his agreement to the High Lords meeting asking how she was. Apparently, he expected her to come to the meeting as well, but considering he was the only other High Lord who knew she was the face behind Hybern’s weapon and the reason why she wasn’t really dead, Lena doubted Helion really had an interest in anything apart from the dramatics her presence would create. That and he was also trying to get she and her mate to join him in his bed — but that was another discussion altogether. One that Azriel had been in no mood to discuss when she had brought it up the night prior.

“You want to what with Helion?” he had asked incredulously, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and his shadows scattering.

Lena rolled her eyes. “I didn’t say I wanted to, I was just letting you know the offer was there. The same offer he had for you and Cassian, and you and Mor and Cassian, and Mor and Cassian, and undoubtedly Feyre and Rhys as well.”

Azriel had snarled, tossing his toothbrush and grabbing Lena by the waist and laying her down on his bed, his lips hovering over her neck. “I just got you back all to myself, I don’t plan on sharing you anytime soon.”

And that had been that. Though Lena still considered it an option to be discussed at a later date.

As it were, she and Azriel were sparring beside the lake as they waited on Feyre to finish up with Cassian. Lena never stayed for flying lessons, it was too painful for her to watch, but it was fun to watch Feyre crash a couple times before the lessons officially started.

Lena lunged, her blade missing Azriel’s side by an inch. He was behind her a heartbeat later but she winnowed behind him, her teeth hovering over his throat.

She could feel his eye roll even though she couldn’t see him. “I thought we said no winnowing.”

Lena laughed, kissing his neck before stepping away and sheathing her blade. “Yes well I don’t play fair.”

“Oh I know,” he said, his expression going dark as he scanned her head to toe, undoubtedly thinking of the way she had teased him with her mouth relentlessly the night before. She only winked as Feyre winnowed before them. “Aw, no crash landing today?” Lena asked, poking her lip out.

Feyre glared, flicking Lena’s arm. Lena narrowed her own eyes as Feyre revealed her wings. She couldn’t help the pang of longing that shot through her as she looked at the massive wings. Azriel watched his mate intently.

“So what are we working on today?” Feyre asked, oblivious to the way Lena was staring at her wings.

“Hopefully not running into any trees,” Lena said, that forced smile back on her face a heartbeat later.

“You know you two really are perfect for each other,” Feyre muttered. “Lena why don’t you stay today?”

Lena tensed. “What? Why?”

“Well Rhys and Cassian have both told me how great you were at flying. And you said Azriel trained you later in life too, I just thought—”

“I don’t fly anymore,” Lena said quickly — too quickly. An awkward silence fell over the trio. Azriel’s eyes never left Lena’s.

“Okay,” Feyre said slowly. “I didn’t mean to press. I just thought you might have some tips for me. But it’s fine, really.”

Lena bit her lip, wanting nothing more than to winnow away.

Azriel took a step forward. “Lena—”

“You have to imagine them as an extension of yourself,” Lena spluttered, her eyes firmly trained on Feyre’s wings. “You keep thinking of them as this extra thing attached to your back, but that’s not the case. Your wings are you, you are your wings. If you continue to think of them separately, you’ll never have true control over them. Let the air do most of the work for you. Feel it deep within the membranes and move with it, never against it. And trust yourself. Don’t overthink it. Flying is…” she hesitated, staring into nothingness as Feyre and Azriel watched her intently, “Flying is like being one with the sky. Like being one of those streaking spirits on Starfall. Let yourself enjoy it. Enjoy every damn second of it.”

Lena took a deep breath, finally looking back over to the pair. Feyre’s mouth was agape, and Azriel’s face was unreadable. She smiled, gulping as she turned to her mate. “You should tell her about the Nephelle Philosophy.”

A heartbeat later, she was gone.

~~~~~

The next morning, Azriel and Lena showed up at Rhys and Feyre’s doorstep at the same time as Cassian. Azriel had mercifully not asked Lena anything about her wings when they had finally come back together the night prior. He could tell when she was being pushed too far. So instead of asking, he had only kissed her deeply and held her tighter. She would open up when she was ready.

Cassian narrowed his eyes at the couple as they stood hand in hand before the townhouse.

“Why are you two here?” he asked curiously.

“Feyre isn’t up for training today,” Azriel said simply. He held up the tin can of pain relieving salve they had brought. “We brought this.”

Cassian rolled his eyes. “Mother’s tits, you two are a ‘we’ couple now, aren’t you? ‘We brought this for Feyre,’ ‘We like this restaurant,’ ‘We don’t drink that much anymore.’” He scoffed, pushing past them and banging on the door.

“We are not a ‘we’ couple,” Lena protested. “And you know maybe if you actually confronted your feelings instead of fighting fire with fire at a certain pretty female we all know, you wouldn’t be so inclined to tease us.”

Cassian’s glare would have sent men running. But Lena was no man, so she only smiled right back at him, winking while Azriel sent up a prayer to the Mother that his mate and his brother wouldn’t kill each other.

Feyre opened the door a heartbeat later, and Lena caught sight of that very female she had taunted Cassian with the mention of as well as the other Archeron sister in their dining room.

“Mind your own business,” Feyre muttered without any real bite as Cassian asked why the hell she wasn’t training that morning. “And could you fly Nesta up to the House of Wind please?”

Cassian growled as Lena waggled her eyebrows at him. Feyre led the trio into the townhouse towards her sisters. Azriel pinched Lena’s rear before she could say anything vulgar and she yelped, making Cassian laugh deep within his chest.

They stepped into the dining room where Feyre’s sisters were finishing up breakfast. The two males instantly stiffened, which made Lena roll her eyes and step around the table, grabbing a muffin for herself. Cassian glared at her as she moved the basket closer to Nesta so he would have to reach over her to grab one. She gave him a look that said, ‘oops.’

“Morning ladies,” Lena said with a grin, hopping up on the counter. “Azriel, Cassian, grab a muffin. They’re delicious.”

Cassian mumbled something under his breath that made Azriel glare at him for the briefest second. A moment later he reached over Nesta’s shoulder and grabbed a muffin for himself. “Morning, Nesta. Elain.”

Lena grinned as Nesta’s nostrils flared, but that grin fell away as Elain peered up at Cassian, blinking. “He snapped your wings,” she said ominously, her voice small. “Broke your bones.”

The room went silent for a split second.

“It’ll take more than that to kill me,” Cassian said with a smirk that Lena could tell was forced.

“No it won’t,” Elain said simply.

Lena turned her eyes to Elain, cocking her head to the side with the muffin halfway to her mouth. She had heard the middle Archeron sister had gone a little mad from the Cauldron, but this didn’t seem like madness, it seemed like—

Elain gasped softly as her eyes landed on Lena, the two females meeting gazes in a flurry of sparking magic.

“Wings of night so easily torn,” Elain murmured, staring at Lena as if in a trance. “Shadows and darkness, one and the same.”

Lena smiled grimly. “Sorry dear, I’ve heard that one before. You’ll have to give me something new to keep me interested.”

“Traitor.”

The word clanged through Lena like death itself. The muffin fell from her hand to the floor as she jumped down from the counter, stalking towards Elain, laying her palms sparking darkness flat on the table. “What did you just say?” She hissed, eyes ablaze.

Nesta was on her feet a second later. “Don’t speak to her like that,” she snapped.

“Traitor,” Elain whispered, not perturbed in the slightest as she stared up at Lena. Azriel was by Lena’s side at that point, eyes darting between his mate and Elain. “You let them brand you. It’s on your skin and in your bones. Traitor. And yet they still look for you… he still calls out for you—”

Lena knocked over a chair as she stormed out of the kitchen, Azriel hot on her heels. She whirled around on him before getting out the door. “Don’t follow me,” she hissed, eyes blazing. “Stay with her.” Her eyes snapped back over to Elain and it was then that Azriel realized Lena wasn’t mad at Elain per se, but rather… unnerved.

Scared. Lena was scared.

“Lena,” he said under his breath, catching her hand in his own tightly. “What is it? What’s she talking about?”

Silver lined her violet eyes. “Something I tried to bury long ago.”

That was all she said before winnowing away.

~~~~~

Cassian was the first to come to her. He flew down from the House after dropping off Nesta, his brown cheeks unusually flushed as he touched down on the bridge over the Sidra at Lena’s side. He was silent as he leaned against the railing next to the female that had always been the sister he wanted.

“Want to talk about what that was back there?” he asked softly. Lena smiled to herself. Cassian came across as an arrogant brute, but at the end of the day he was one of the kindest and most thoughtful souls she knew.

“You heard what I said to Azriel back there.”

“Yeah, yeah. You had a terrible past and did terrible things. We all get it.”

Lena rolled her eyes. “Always so sensitive, Cass.”

“She called you a traitor.” His words cut through the air like a knife. “What did that mean, Lena? Do we need to be… concerned?”

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she exhaled. Cassian waited patiently.

“Several centuries ago, shortly after Hybern took me,” she began, her voice shaking despite her best efforts, “I was sent to Vallahan on a mission. A terrible mission I’ve tried to forget. And while I was there, I—”

Lena stopped suddenly, her back straightening as she whirled towards the mountain behind her. Cassian’s guard was up a moment later, his eyes wide at her reaction.

“What is it?” he asked quickly, every bit the Commander he was.

Lena was silent, cocking her head to the side. She closed her eyes, breathing in the air. A moment later she opened them, rage dancing across the violet.

“They’re here.”

“What?” Cassian asked, his siphons flaring. “Who?”

And then Lena did the last thing Cassian expected. 

She flared her wings out wide.

Her darkness had materialized the wings behind her so quickly that Cassian didn’t even have time to blink before they were there in all their glory. He stared in shock at the wings of pure, glittering night spread wide behind her, his brow furrowing at the white slashes he found there.

But before he could take in the sight fully she was in the air, flying like hell towards the House of Wind. He cursed at how fast she flew, his own wings flaring behind him.

He felt it a second later. The bell that one of the priestesses must have rung inside the library.

Someone had broken into Velaris yet again.

~~~~~

Lena had never flown so fast in her life. But she couldn’t slow down, not for a second. Not when she could feel it deep down in her bones.

They were in Velaris.

The Ravens.

She knew their magic — she knew it all too well. It had tortured and coerced and inflicted all sorts of pain on her during her time in Hybern. If such things as demons existed, Lena knew that the Ravens were of such an ilk.

Her back and shoulder muscles screamed in pain as if knives were digging deep into her skin, but that was the least of her worries.

Her wings were on fire. She hadn’t used them since —

No, Lena scolded herself, folding her wings in tight despite the pain as she shot straight into the library. You don’t have time to think about them now. Later.

She briefly wondered what the hell Cassian was thinking as he undoubtedly chased after her. She had felt the library’s bell moments after she had shot into the sky. He and Rhys would be right behind her.

The Ravens were coming for Feyre. Or Nesta. Or both. And Lena didn’t have the time or forethought to winnow near the House or the library and then run in. It would have taken more time, time she didn’t have. Not when that vile magic was seeping into her bones.

Lena was in the spiral of the library seconds later, her wings folded in tight as she dove straight down the middle, letting her instincts guide her. She noted in the back of her mind the running priestesses all around her, the faelight winking out in the wake of the swirling black winds rippling off of her.

She hadn’t let her power loose like this in… a very long time.

She knew there was a creature at the base of the library. She had heard all the stories, but she didn’t care.

The monster and the Ravens would soon come to know that she was the nightmare in the dark.

Rage, pure and unending as the night itself, coursed through Lena’s veins. How dare they come into her home, which she had just gotten back. How dare they come after her brother’s mate, her High Lady. How dare they turn a sanctuary into a place to fear.

She let that rage rush into her bones. She let it consume her, blocking out the pain of using her terrible wings as her eyes turn from violet to glittering night.

Hybern had turned her into a weapon. And now their creation would be their downfall.

Lena paid no mind to the pain in her knees as she landed at the base of the library. Feyre was just ahead of her, her eyes shut tight as the Ravens stared behind the two females in shock.

Lena didn’t bother turning to see the monster, she didn’t even give it a second thought.

She flung two knives in the space of a heartbeat, each embedding themselves in one of the Raven’s shoulders. They screamed, falling to their knees.

“Lena?” Feyre asked in a shaking voice.

Another creature of the night, the monster whispered into Lena’s mind. These are mine, my child.

Lena whirled on the creature known to destroy men’s minds with their own nightmares.

She stared straight into its eyes, never ending abysses whispering of death itself. She didn’t even flinch.

“No,” she said fiercely, her voice never wavering in the slightest. “They’re mine now. Thank you for saving her.”

She could feel the creature’s shock in her mind, but she didn’t care. The Ravens were ahead of her screaming in pain and terror, both on their knees.

Cassian landed a heartbeat later. As Lena marched slowly towards the Ravens, her eyes never leaving them and her magic billowing promises of pain all around them, he grabbed Feyre, covering her eyes with his hand.

Lena noted him leading their High Lady away, but she continued to stalk towards the Ravens.

“Please,” one of them cried out, “we only did what he asked—”

Lena cut off his ear with a knife made of solid darkness. He screamed.

She felt Rhys before she saw him, her brother’s magic colliding with hers and threatening to tear the world apart at the very seams if either of them wished.

She pushed him back with a hand, not even looking in his eyes as he tried to take her kill.

“Get into their minds,” she hissed, her voice like something of another realm. “And then they’re mine.”

“They came after my mate—”

“I said they’re mine.”

Rhys had the good sense to look unnerved. His eyes glanced at her wings in utter shock, but as the darkness swelled around them, he couldn’t make out the slashes of white across the membranes.

The Ravens begged for mercy as Rhys broke into their minds and stripped every bit of their identity away from them. They slumped to the ground moments later, broken but still breathing.

Lena’s next knife went straight to the dark-haired male’s groin. As he screamed, she reached out and ripped the fair-haired one’s eyeballs straight from their socket. Their screams were horrible, and Rhys could only stare as Lena’s teeth flashed white through the darkness.

She was smiling.

Blood coated her person, spraying on her face as she ripped the Ravens limb from limb. Just before they died from blood loss, she plunged an arm into each of their chests and ripped out their very hearts.

Rhys flinched.

Lena laughed terribly as she watched the now dead males fall against one another on the floor. She tossed the hearts behind her to the monster that had also been watching silently.

She turned to her brother then and he realized that the female before him — this was the weapon he had only heard stories of, that he thought he understood.

Lena, as if in a haze of murder and violence, lifted her thumb to her lips and licked the blood there, slowly, almost sensually.

“Huh,” she mused in a daze, staring at her blood soaked hand, “I would have expected them to bleed black.”

~~~~~

Lena took off into the sky first, her darkness fading into something calmer as they emerged out of the library and into the light, but still telling of a neverending rage.

Rhys wasn’t afraid to admit that his sister terrified him. His primal instincts warned him not to let her near his family or his mate, but then he remembered with a start that Lena was his family.

And yet somehow wholly separate from them.

Lena landed first, her knees buckling as her wings dragged on the cobblestone behind her.

It was as Rhys rushed to hold her up that he saw what the white slashes on the membranes truly were.

“Lena,” he said hoarsely, mouth agape in shock as his blood turned cold.

He had no words. Lena cursed as she saw the sympathy and pain in his eyes. She shoved him off of her none too gently, standing to her feet.

The blood on her hands streaked his jacket. She couldn’t find it within her to give a damn.

Her wings were still out as she stood shakily to her feet, darkness continuing to ripple off of her. She burst through the double doors to where the rest of their family was waiting for them.

The conversation came to a terrible halt as they all turned to look at the two heirs of the Night Court.

Azriel was before Lena in an instant, his hands on her face, staring deep into her eyes — no longer full of night, but dull and broken.

His thumb traced her cheekbone, smearing the blood there. She looked up at him with unseeing eyes.

“They’re dead,” she said simply.

Cassian cursed over Azriel’s shoulders, and Lena briefly looked down at the blood dripping from her hair into the carpet below.

Azriel had no words. He felt like he was looking into the eyes of a ghost. This wasn’t his Lena.

“Your wings,” Mor choked out, covering her mouth to hold back a sob.

Lena smiled at them all grimly, blood spots staining her normally perfectly white teeth. She looked more like a monster of the Middle than fae in that moment.

“Surprise,” she whispered before passing out in Azriel’s arms.

Everyone stared in horror as Lena’s wings slumped behind her, the stark white of the brand harsh against the dark membranes.

For on each of Lena’s wings, stained as a brand, was a single word that told more of her terrible history they would never truly understand.

TRAITOR.

~~~~~

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #azriel #sad oats #that's that #sorry it took so long to update but this is a long one!!!! #what do you guys think??? #drop in my asks and inbox and give me thoughts and ideas #i know this chapter didn't have a ton of lazriel/azlena in it but i hope yall still enjoyed it #next chapter is a dooooozy #lots of new OCs!!!! #and a PLOT TWIST HELL YEAH #also the wing thing will be explained AT LENGTH #what do you guys think it is? #why the word traitor? #who could have done it ? #what was elains vision for Lena all about???? #ALL WILL BE EXPLAINED #please reblog and comment and all the things #i love you all thanks for reading you're all so lovely and wonderful #k bye now

[illyriantremors]

Beneath the Stars Chapter 21

Chapter: I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII XIII XIV XV XVI XVII XVIII XIX XX

AO3 Linkage

Summary: Christmas brings about new beginnings for all, and for the first time in Feyre's life, hope. Final chapter excluding epilogue and bonus chapters.

Chapter 21

I woke up three days later on Christmas morning to a house full of people I’d never expected would be there again. For a long time I stayed in bed nestled under the covers staring at the little stars I’d painted on my ceiling. When I heard mom yell at Nesta downstairs that she was letting the bacon burn, I smiled and pulled the covers over my head.

At the end of a very long, taxing day at the hospital, mom had driven me home. She went to her apartment only long enough to get some clothes before returning. I was going back to the apartment with her after Christmas was over to spend the holidays with her, but once break was over, she was breaking her lease early and coming home so I could finish out senior year with as few road bumps as possible.

Nesta and Elain stayed too, though they were going back to their respective homes at school the day after Christmas. Too much grading and research they’d missed out on from taking emergency time off.

“I made French Toast,” Elain said, setting a delicious looking plate in front of me when I sat down at the table. It was hard passing the living room knowing dad wasn’t going to be sitting in his chair. We hadn’t even decorated the house. Neither of us had felt like it.

“It looks amazing,” I said. My sister beamed at me.

“Nesta - what did I tell you about the bacon!”

“Fuck all if I care.”

“OH!” Mom threw down her towel and stomped her foot. I broke out into a laugh. “You think this is funny, Feyre?”

“Actually, yeah, I kind of do.”

Nesta threw her head back and cackled. She mussed up my hair on her way to the cabinets for something or other and whispered, “I knew you were really on my side.”

Elain sank into the chair next to me trying to hide her grin behind her large coffee mug.

At noon, we drove to the hospital. Dad mostly slept, he was so heavily medicated. Part of me was grateful we didn’t have to talk. I was angry and sad for him all at once, but dealing with mom was enough for now. I didn’t think I could handle both of them at once just yet.

But watching him sleep and knowing he would live brought me some small comfort. It would be hard and we would all have to help him fight, not just me anymore, but he could do it. Every time I thought about him slipping away again and never coming back to me, I broke out into tears. That night finding him on the bed and screaming my head off was going to haunt me for a long while yet.

It was one of the biggest reasons I asked mom if I could see my own therapist. After spending the better part of a year resurrecting myself from the dead only to keep finding myself in pockets of despair, not always knowing how I got there, I decided it was time I needed help. I couldn’t keep fighting on my own anymore.

And mom was home. And my snarky sisters actually felt like real sisters for the first time maybe ever. And my first semester grades were halfway decent. Things were really looking up, especially when it came to -

My phone pinged. Rhys was waiting in the parking lot for me.

Should I come up?

Nah i’ll meat you outside.

Yes, darling.

…

*meet

Prick.

But a handsome prick whom you love for helping you read and write better.

It is your only talent.

Feyre, you wound me. I have many other talents as your lips well know by now.

That remains to be seen.

A slew of shocked face emojis flooded the next text and I smiled as I put my phone away and put my coat back on. We’d been at the hospital sitting with dad for well over an hour. Nesta never complained once about the time nor dad’s silence.

“Is it time already, Feyre?” mom asked.

“She’s in luuuuuv, mom,” Elain crooned, giving me heart eyes. “Time waits for no one when you’re in love.”

“This is the young man who was waiting with you when you came in with your father?”

She addressed this question to me.

“Yes, yes it is.”

“At six in the morning?”

My cheeks blushed and I lowered my head, pretending to straighten my hair to hide the redness. “Mhm.”

“It was Winter Formal the night before,” Nesta said. “So naturally, Feyre was up late.”

“You’re one to talk, Nesta.”

We glared at each other hotly. Mom simply said, “Well I hope you’re being safe. Both of you.”

“Oh my gosh, can we not?!”

“Bye honey,” she said with one of those mom smiles that took way too much pleasure in embarrassing the crap out of their kids. “And don’t think we aren’t going to talk about this Rhysand when you get home tonight, which you will do at a reasonable hour.” She kissed me on the cheek and spun me towards the door. “Have fun!”

“Yeah, got it, thanks!”

I ran out to Rhys’s car and flung myself into the front seat. “She’s awful!” I screeched, buckling myself in. “She wants to talk about you and I and, I think, about sex tonight when I get home. I haven’t had to have the sex talk with my parents since… well I can’t remember the last time!”

Rhys chuckled. “So she’s being a good mom again then?”

I sank into my seat with a sigh. “Yeah, she is. Heh.”

We smiled and sped off towards Rhys’s house. Morrigan showered me with her presence the moment I was through the door. I was the lone exception to the family-only rule today given that I wasn’t staying for the entirety of Christmas vacation while I went with mom and life had been kind of hectic. Rhys convinced his dad I needed a break.

“Feyre - hey!” Rhys’s dad came in from outside wearing a grilling apron and holding a metal spatula. A delightful mix of barbeque and herbs wafted in from the outdoor deck. Thank goodness for California weather for letting us get away with a barbeque in the middle of Christmas.

“I brought you this. Merry Christmas, sir.”

I handed over a small package wrapped in tinfoil. I think it took him by surprise. Rhys eyed me curiously as his dad opened it.

“Oatmeal cookies!”

“I told you she’s a knockout, dad,” Rhys said, coming to put his arm around me.

“You barbeque for Christmas?” I asked.

“Every year. Family tradition.”

“Rhys, get out here and help your old man for a second. Give Feyre a break from looking at your sorry face too much.”

Rhys whistled. “Well, I see where you and Mor get it from.”

“Hey!” Mor bumped into me and pulled me toward her. She was a physical one, Miss Morrigan. “I resent that. Come on, I got you a present!”

“You tell me you resent me by getting me gifts?”

“Shut up.”

She traipsed toward the tree and removed a small, flat rectangular package from underneath it and handed it to me.

“Well open it!”

I tore the wrapping paper off and discovered a simple wooden frame containing a picture - one of me and Rhys. It was from when we went camping together. Early morning judging by the faint yellows and pinks cresting the skyline along the trees. Rhys and I were nestled together in our sleeping bags up on the hill I’d found him on when Mor kicked him out. She must have woken up extra early to get this pic on her phone.

“I can’t believe you have a picture of this! Morrigan, this is magnificent. I could kiss you.”

“Please do, Feyre. I’d love to see my cousin’s face. He says you’re a good kisser. I can’t get him to shut up about it.”

“Just talk about how lovely Azriel’s tongue is. That’ll shut him up. How thick and hot and skilled it is, among other things I’m sure-”

“Feyre Archeron!” Morrigan blushed the deepest shade of scarlet I’d seen on her yet. “I shower you with gifts and look how you betray me.”

“You know it’s true.”

“What’s true?” Rhys asked, coming back in from outside.

“Nothing!” Mor shouted. Rhys cocked his head curiously and came up behind me, murmuring wickedly in my ear.

“What did you do to my cousin and how do I get in on it?”

I laughed heartily, much to Mor’s dismay and shoved the picture at him. “Look what she gave me.”

Rhys was startled when he saw what was held within the frame, but he broke into the most beautiful grin afterward and nuzzled into my neck. “A night I’d very much like to repeat now that I can kiss you, darling.” His lips descended onto my neck.

“Oh you two are pigs.” Morrigan huffed herself outside while I turned around and laughed myself silly into Rhys’s chest.

“That really was a wonderful night,” he said.

“It was. You know, I don’t think I’d have made it had it not been for that night. That entire trip, really.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was the first time in forever I’d felt like myself again. That I’d felt happy with friends.” I paused a moment, playing with the buttons of his shirt, finely pressed as always and today cherry red Christmas, before continuing. “I asked my mom about seeing someone - a therapist.”

Rhys’s brow flicked up in surprise. “Did you now?”

“Yeah, it’s time, I think.”

He took my hands and led me to the couch where we could sit down. I crossed my legs and sat sideways next to him.

“And how do we feel about that?”

“Good. A little nervous. But I think could have used this ages ago. I’m ready.”

He flicked me lovingly on the nose, a gesture only he could ever get away with, before tucking my hair behind my ear. I leaned in to the touch. “I’m proud of you. You’ve made a lot of progress and you’re kicking ass.”

“It doesn’t always feel like it.”

“Sometimes it won’t, but the important thing is you’re trying and hopefully sometime soon you’ll have more days of ass kicking then you do days you don’t.”

“You speak from experience?”

“Actually…”

Now it was my turn to be surprised. Rhys blew out hot air nervously before meeting me square on.

“I called Tamlin.” My jaw plummeted. “I thought that might be the reaction.”

“When?!”

“Last night. I told him I had talked to you and that it would be nice if we could move on in peace. He seemed grateful that I had called. I don’t think we’re ever going to be friends again like we were as kids, but… it’s nice to know we can pass each other at school now and not feel like we have to hate each, even if we don’t… well.”

Sliding into his lap, I kissed him slowly sending all the love and considerable warmth I felt about him into his lips. It was a chaste kiss. A sweet kiss. A kiss that said I love you.

“What was that for?” Rhys said, a little breathless when we broke apart.

“You’re not the only one who’s proud of someone today,” I replied. Rhys hummed low in his throat. “In fact,” I said sliding my fingers down his chest until I was dangerously close to his waistline an inch above his pants, “I’d say we’ve earned ourselves a reward.”

“My father is not more than sixty feet from this couch Feyre,” he said, but he chuckled over every word.

“You have a basement. Use it.”

Rhys stood scooping me up as he went. “As milady commands. Though you really should have told me about this doing it in public kink of yours before we started dating. I would have taken out an insurance policy given the risks.”

“Pft!” I scoffed. “Why? Scared you won’t be able to perform under pressure? Maybe I should take out the insurance policy. High risk of disappoint-”

His lips cut me off as his bedroom door opened. “Rhys?” his dad called from outside. We closed the door, pretending not to hear, and descended into his room in a chorus of hushed snickers and reckless kisses.

It was the most hopeful I’d ever felt.

The End

xx

#myfic #beneath the stars #beneath the stars: a feysand fic #bts #feysand #feysand fanfiction #feyre #rhysand #acomaf #acomaf fanfiction