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manawari · 10 months

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"Love" as told by Kim Gongja and Raviel Ivansia (1/?):

“I will value your judgment over mine. I will weigh your advice heavier than my principles. I will not value myself the most. I will follow you. But in return.”

I looked at the lady’s face. With our hands clasped together, the distance between us was very short. Her red eyes. I knew them to be the same color as her heart.

“Please treat me the same way.”

“……”

“If you do something wrong, I’ll tell you that it was wrong. What I really think, what I see, what I feel. I’ll confess everything to you without a single lie. However, it cannot be one-sided. If I give you my heart, how shall I breathe? I’ll end up choking and dying. Only if you give me your heart will I be able to live.”

I gripped the Lady of the Silver Lily’s hand a little more strongly.

“If you want to see me go mad, please go mad with me.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“If you brought me here to make me give up, you were wrong, milady. I didn’t fall in love with you because your heart isn’t ugly.”

The Lady of the Silver Lily paused very briefly. Love. It was because of this word. My face became hot when I said it out loud, but I didn’t think to hesitate.

“It’s only been one day since you came to love me. My teaching is brilliant.”

“Does it matter that it’s only been a day? Would it have been better if I loved you for a year? A thousand days? Do you want me to return after that?”

“……”

“I can see what kind of people you despise. And what you despise is the same as what I hate. I can see what scars you wear and how you are hurt. I love the way you live. Because, you and I, we live the same life.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I had never said something like this to anyone else. I wasn’t used to it. But I wanted to keep the person in front of me. And I wanted the Lady of the Silver Lily to keep me. I wanted us to share one life and have each other.

“I love you as much as I love myself. I wish you could love me as much as I love you.”

These were my true feelings.

And the only method I knew was to exclaim it with all my heart.

“I will definitely make you love me. I won’t tell you to abandon the crown prince. Even if I don’t ask you to, you will abandon him one day.”

“My heart is…”

“Yes. But it doesn’t matter if your heart is held hostage by the world. If that’s the problem, I’ll free you. But if you still love the crown prince, then I’ll become an even better person than he is and stay by your side.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I whispered in the Lady of the Silver Lily’s ear.

“The two of us are regressors. The only two in the world.”

I knew that my face was red. But I said what I had to say.

“There will be a lot of times that only you and I can enjoy. During those times, I’ll give you such breathtaking memories that they will make your memory of the prince fade away. I’ll try my best.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“…You are arrogant. I am satisfied with living my life.”

“I suppose you are. I feel the same way. Still, I want to help you. Is it arrogant to want to help the one you love? Then, I’ll become an arrogant person.”

The Lady of the Silver Lily closed her lips. She, too, was trying to help the prince in her own way. Whether or not she admitted it, the two of us were alike.

“What do you want from me?”

“When the world ends this time, please stay with me.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“And, if it’s possible, I would be grateful if you could make me fall deeper in love with you. It would be wonderful if I fell so deeply, foolishly in love with you that I could never escape.”

“Is that what you’re requesting from me now?”

“It’s all right. I’m easy. My heart beats wildly even if Your Ladyship just holds my hand.”

The Lady of the Silver Lily looked at me like she was dumbfounded.

“How shameless… Fine. I told you that I would teach you about love, so I shall make good on my promise.”

The Lady of the Silver Lily grabbed my hand. It felt soft. Her hands were bare. The touch of her hand was wrapped around my right hand. Last night, my heart pounded from the memory of the Lady of the Silver Lily’s perfume.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Good. Do you remember the first lesson I taught you about love?”

“Love starts like a bitch…”

“Well done.”

The Lady of the Silver Lily’s hands cupped my cheeks.

Then.

“I’ll be your first bitch of a lover.”

The moon swallowed the light.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Raviel.”

Thump.

“Raviel Ivansia.”

[The immersion toward the character is deepened.]

[Currently, your immersion rate is 62%.]

I simply whispered the name of my beloved lover. Yet, my heart jumped, I couldn’t breathe, and the face of the man in the mirror blushed. Even I could read my expression with ease.

“…I really love her.”

It was amazing.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“I don’t like it when the person I love tries to take everything upon herself. No, I hate it. I would want her to step up when I’m tired, and when she’s tired, I’ll bear her troubles.”

“We’re only in a fake relationship.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m serious.”

“…Don’t you feel insulted?”

“Aha. Your Ladyship doesn’t know me yet.”

How could a person be so lovely? I smiled a little.

“I’m a positive guy. Do you think I’ll be depressed or get an inferiority complex just because we’re in a fake relationship? Far from it; I think of it as an opportunity. Anyway, you will come to love me.”

“My goodness. Where is this confidence coming from?”

“It’s because you’ll spend time with just me. Until you tell me that you’re [tired of me], I won’t give up no matter what.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I wanted to love her like crazy.

“Are you crying?”

“No.”

“You’re lying.”

“Yes.”

“I hate lies. It’s all right to joke, but don’t tell me any lies. I won’t lie to you, either. I won’t lie to you with words, gestures, nor glances.”

“Are you crying?”

“……”

“If you don’t want to talk, you have the right to stay silent. I won’t press you. I won’t push you. We can wait slowly until the other person wants to talk.”

“Yes.”

Thank goodness.

Thank goodness that I had fallen in love with her.

Thank goodness that I became someone who could love her.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

In the middle of the ballroom, we faced each other.

I moved my feet.

The Lady of the Silver Lily also stepped forward.

In the place where dozens of shadows fluttered, under the white chandelier, we kissed, unable to say who had moved first.

We needed no words.

Around us, voices of astonishment sounded. We ignored them. The band who had been playing music in the ballroom stopped. The ladies and gentlemen stopped dancing and stared at us. Still, we ignored them.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I’m happy to be with you.

It would be an exaggeration to say I lived this life just to meet you, but it isn’t a lie to say I’ll live for you. What a relief. I could say that without a single lie.

“Are you crying again?”

I could be that sort of person.

“Let’s make a promise.”

I could be a person who cares for someone.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The Lady of the Silver Lily grabbed my hand and pulled.

“Let’s go.”

“Ah. Yes.”

After making the ballroom fall into shock and fear… we left.

We just left.

No matter how or why, no one could stop us.

Maybe they could have stopped me or the Lady of the Silver Lily individually, but it wasn’t possible when we were together. If we wanted to leave, we left. If they still stood in our way? Fuck ’em. How could they stop the regressor couple?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“I see. So you will be able to summon me, too.”

“You’ve died with me nine times, so I can summon nine different Raviels.”

“I forbid it.”

“All right.”

I never intended to summon the Lady of the Silver Lily in the first place. No matter what the circumstances were. But her voice and words cut off the possibility for good.

Love was a sacred promise and a contract.

We were writing our own laws, rules for just us two.

“I’ll add one more thing to your punishment should you betray me. Dispose of that skill.”

“I will.”

Then, I chose my next words. She was the one I loved. She was the one who would love me. She was the person I had to treasure and treat cautiously the most in the world.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Don’t die even when it’s an easy escape. You are my lover. You can’t be someone who throws away his life carelessly. Even if you don’t think you can escape death, struggle until the end.”

I was silent.

I was engraving the promise I made with her in my heart.

“I won’t.”

“Tell me what you want from me.”

“When I ask you to trust me, please believe in me.”

“I will always trust you.”

The carriage rattled. Using that slight vibration as an excuse, the Lady of the Silver Lily and I drew closer. Our lips met.

From that day on.

We became each other’s love.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Are you still all right?”

“Raviel.”

I was scared.

“I love you. I love you, Raviel…”

“I know.”

“Even if I’m born again, I’ll still love you. So, so that I can never forget you, don’t let me forget you even if I die…”

“I know.”

Our lips met.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Are you listening?

I am happy because of you. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to let go of the time I’ve spent with you like this.

You said this before. That you would ‘write a diary starting today.’ You said that you would show me all of your days. Those words, were they lies?

You said, ‘I will learn music.’ I wanted to spend a quiet evening listening to you play. Was that wish really a lie?

I want to see your days. I want to say goodnight to you. Your days will surely make me smile, and evenings with you will be happy. I want my smile and your happiness to overlap.

I don’t want to kill you.

I don’t want to lose you.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Look at me.

Look at you beside me.

You’re a dumb person. You’re also naive. I wondered how you survived in the world with such innocence, but I soon learned that you had died thousands of times.

You had many reasons to abandon your innocence. There were few reasons to keep your naivety. To you, who did not throw away your innocence despite the many reasons and kept it when you didn’t need to, I simply say:

I love your innocence.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You alone cannot protect yourself.

I alone cannot protect this world.

But if it’s the two of us, you and I, we can do anything.

I’m also afraid. Killing you is terrifying.

Staying beside you, even though I know I’ll be hurt, is hellishly frightening.

But my fears will not stand in my way of being with you.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Listen.

This is the scar you left on me.

-Gongja.

Don’t forget.

-…Who are you calling for?

Never. Don’t forget, even if you die.

-My lover.

The man who offered me his heart.

-The man to whom I will offer mine.

You, in this place.

You live in my heart.

-Have a safe trip.

-……

-I’ll be waiting for you.

Are you listening?

Can you hear it?

Gongja.

I love you.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The Lady of the Silver Lily smiled a little.

“It’s troublesome to be proposed to like this. I love your voice. Do you understand? If you don’t say it yourself, I won’t listen. So, you have to come back to me quickly.”

My heart pounded.

“I’m going to kill you. I’ll kill you over and over until you come back. If you can come back by seeing my scars, I’ll show you them as many times as necessary.”

“Milady…”

“So look at my wounds and suffer. Look at the scar you left on me. Look at it again and again. There are traces of you there.”

The Lady of the Silver Lily reached out her hands and grabbed my neck.

“You are the only person in this world who can kill me.”

Gently.

“You should know that I’m the only person who can kill you.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You were born as the daughter of the Duke of Ivansia. You had a sad mother and lived a sad life. Your husband was decided before you were born, and after you were born, you dedicated your life to that person.

You are a white flower.

You are called the Moon of Ivansia, you were called the heiress, and I called you Your Ladyship.

“You’ve arrived.”

“……”

You are standing in the hallway. In this hallway, in the dark night, you are like a lone island in the sea. An infinite sea surrounded you. I heard the crashing waves.

You are not Heiress Ivansia, not the Lady of the Duchy, nor Your Ladyship.

“Raviel.”

The white flower smiles.

“I was waiting, Gongja.”

I love you.

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I ran and hugged her.

“Raviel.”

A million words were suspended in my mouth.

I could say [I’m sorry].

I’m sorry I left you a permanent scar.

I’m really sorry.

I could also say [thank you].

Thank you for trusting me, thank you for waiting for me, and most of all, thank you for loving me.

For loving someone like me.

But what I wanted to say was not an apology, nor was it words of thanks. This wasn’t the first time I apologized to her, and this wasn’t the first time I would be grateful to her.

In this moment, the night we reunited, I didn’t want to apologize or thank her.

‘Something I’ve never said before.’

I wanted to present her words that I could only say to her once. I wanted to give her an utterance I would only say one time in my whole life. My first. My last. I wanted to dedicate my time to Raviel Ivansia.

So. Therefore. That was why.

I took Raviel’s hand.

“Let’s get married.”

A marriage proposal.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Raviel slowly nodded.

“I am called many names. I received the epithet of the Silver Lily from the emperor. The empire calls me by my title, Heiress Ivansia. But my name, Raviel, will eternally belong only to you.”

We kissed.

Deeply.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“This is the world I live in. I am loyal to this empire. My world and my nation needs to recognize my marriage. Even if you are a commoner here, you are my lover, and every citizen of the empire must accept you.”

“All right. But can we expect everyone to react well…?”

“It’s fine, Gongja,” Raviel said composedly. “Citizens who do not recognize you will die by my hands.”

What do I do? She was too cool. I was falling in love again. I wanted to fall in love with her again and again.

“I understand. Let’s have our wedding in your world, Raviel. But I also have a condition.”

“Speak it.”

“Breaking the engagement with the prince is necessary, but you shouldn’t be the one to initiate it. I won’t be able to forgive anyone who speaks poorly of you when they know nothing.”

If anyone tried to point fingers at my beloved, I would break that finger. If anyone gossiped about her, I would cut off their tongue. If anyone besmirched her, I would kill them.

I wasn’t kidding.

I’d give them a taste of hell.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Husband…?”

Raviel’s eyelashes fluttered. Her shoulders shrank a bit.

‘What the heck is this reaction?’

I didn’t know it at first since Raviel kept a straight face, but I soon realized it. No way. Maybe? Could it be? No, this wasn’t possible, even if it was the end of the world, but…

“Raviel. Are you embarrassed right now?”

“Mm…”

Raviel mumbled.

“It’s insanely adorable. My man is…”

Her embarrassment infected me in an instant. This was crazy.

My face turned red, and my lips were dry. Still, my head worked just fine. At this time, it would be best to counterattack by saying [Raviel is the cutest person in the world]. I could return all the damage I’d received from Raviel so far. But I couldn’t do that. I felt so flustered I thought I would die.

Instead, I compromised.

“Husband.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Raviel covered her lips with a white napkin.

“You thought of me.”

“Yes.”

“Gongja. You’ve already helped me. The people of the world won’t know this, but you’ve saved this world from destruction. You’ll continue to save it in the future. Isn’t it all right for you to do what you wish, even a little?”

“No.”

I shook my head firmly.

“I’ll be with you all my life, Raviel. For the rest of our lives. I don’t want to obsess over [what I’ve done for Raviel]. I don’t even want to think about it. I want to give you more things, things that are more precious than anything I’ve done for you before.”

“……”

“I want it so that meeting me would be the greatest fortune in your life. I hope that being beside me will be your greatest happiness. I want to mean the most to you, Raviel.”

“…It’s not a matter of fortune or happiness.”

Raviel stood up from the table.

She slowly approached me and bent down.

“You are my one miracle.”

Our lips met.

#this is an example of an author who knows what is romance and how to write romance 🤌#i hardly feel anything when it comes to that genre (only to cringe and abandon it) but this? THIS IS A GEMSTONE #these two could be mistaken as shakespeare's characters #they are the SUICIDE/REGRESSOR COUPLE #putting this as (1/?) since i haven't finished reading the novel yet #sss class suicide hunter #sss class revival hunter #kim gongja #raviel ivansia #ravja

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