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m0ssybox · 2 months

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Day 1: Trope Subversion Bad Boy trope cuz I though it would be funny

@mcyt-aro-week

"Y'know, this is a bit pathetic of you, dont you agree?" Grians voice broke his train of though, though it wasnt much of a train and more of one cart going around and around in never ending loop of nothingness, and that analogy was quickly getting away from him. "No, Grain, I don't think pining from Mr. Goodytwo shoes is pathetic, totally don't, where could you ever get that idea?" That sounded like it had more venom than it needed to, but then again maybe he really needed that much venom, or maybe even more, who knows?

"Hey! No need to get bitchy, Im just saying, your trying to keep your 'bad boy' appearance while also going for someone who is the complete opposite." Grian shrugged, and Joel knew Grian thought it was pathetic, but grian didnt have much to say with whatever he had going on with the tall lanky kid, Mumbo or something, not important anyways. This time Joel didn't reply, instead just groaning and hiding his hands in his face. "This is terrible" He mumble into his hand. He could hear Grain laugh at this, but he mostly tried to tune it out.

Jimmy groan, flopping down face first on his, Tango, and Scotts bed, right next to the others. "I don't know what to do guysss" he practically whined, though it was muffled by him shoving his face in the bed. Jim felt a hand start to mess with his hair and groaned louder.

"I mean, I think the best thing to do it tell him?" Tango suggested, though it sounded more like a question, like he himself wasnt sure that was a good idea.

"Well yeah, but I don't even know if he likes me like that or is intrest in that!" He finally pulled his head away from the bed so they could hear him better.

"You'll never know untill you ask, Sweetie. Amd even if he isn't interested I'm sure he'll still want to be friends, mostly because he isnt that dumb." God, Scott always knew what to say in situations like this, because no offense to Tango but his advice is horrible.

"I guess thats true...when should I tell him?" Jimmy asked, rolling over to stare at the celling. Honestly he didn't even know how he would go about it, he really isnt sure how Joel feels about him, because sure they talk and Joel isnt particularly mean, hes actually quite nice to him, but that doesn't automatically mean Joel would be interested in a qpr.

"You could always met him today?" Scott suggested, though it didn't make much sense because last he knew, Joel spends his weekend with Grian, being 'bad boys' whatever that could mean for them, noone really knows anyways.

"I really couldn't, hes usually busy with Grian."

"Maybe hes not..?" Scott definitely did something, hes not sure but he didnt something to get Joel away from Grain.

Joel felt his phone buzz in his pocket and then heard a ringtone, indicating that it was infact Scott texting him this time, gosh what could that man what today. He rolled his eyes and grabbed his phone, quickly unlocking it and going to his messages with Scott.

Scotty boy: joel, are you prehaps busy right now?

Joel: Not really what do want now.

Scotty boy: how would you feel about meeting up? Like right now at the cafe near your house.

Joel: ig i could, why

Scotty boy: well mr.bad boy, I have something important to tell you, but if you reallyyy dont want to, Ig it could wait

Joel: ugh ill be there in 5.

Scotty boy: perfect!

"Bloody hell, what could he want now" He mumble under his breath, pocketing his phone before standing up and walking to his dresser to find clothes that would make him look semi presentable.

"Joel, whatcha doin'?" Grian asked, slightly confused on what was happening.

"Scott wants to meet up with me for some odd reason I dunno why." Joel answered, Shrugging on a pull-over and a pair of trousers.

"Uhh okay, have fun with that, Ill be here." Grian said, pulling out his phone, probably inviting someone over while he's gone. Joel let out a 'mhm' and made his way to the door.

"Scott, why are you dressing me up like some kinda of toy?" Jimmy waw beyond confused right now. All he knew that he and Scott where going a on a date, as Scott put it, to some cafe hes never heard of.

"You want to look good for out date right? And no offense but I dont trust you to dress yourself Jim" Scott replied, throwing some more of Jims clothes on the floor, which would need to be washed later because of that.

"I guess, but I can infact dress myself just find, I'm an adult y'know."

"You're an adult who doesn't know how to dress well."

"I disagree I think I look perfectly fine." Jimmy knows he looks decent atleast, not bad enough to where he has to get dressed by someone else.

"Oh shush and let me do this or Joel will never want a qpr with you." Huh, strange.

"What are you talking about with Joel?"

"What?" Well, now Scott was just playing dumb with him, god dose he hate when Scott dose that.

"Scott, you said something about Joel, why?" He wasn't going to stop untill he got answers...he might actually that seems annoying for both of them.

"I didn't. Anyways, hurry and put these on so we can leave."

Joel made it to the Cafe fairly quickly, which was expected because he lives fairly close to the cafe, and now he was just waiting too see whatever Scott wanted. He flinched a bit when he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned back to find Scott and Jimmy..? What in the world, why was Jim here.

"Hope we didn't keep you waiting too long, Jim was taking a superr long time to get ready." Scott said like it was nothing, sitting down across from Joel.

"Hello, Scott and Tim. I didn't know you were coming with Scott."

"I didn't know you were going to be here." Jim sat down next to Scott. Also, it was weird, why didn't Jim know he was going to be there, he assumed Scott would have told him, but he also didn't tell Joel Jim was coming so it wasnt fully outta the picture that he didnt know.

"So Scott...what did you need to tell me?" Joel asked, putting his hands in his hoodie pockets.

"Well, I may have lied, it was actually Jimmy who wanted to tell you something, just needed me to get you here so I'll be taking my leave bye, Ill be taking me leave." Scott Stood up, giving Jims hand a small squeeze and whispering something to him.

"So, Tim, what was it that you needed to tell me?"

"Well, uh maybe I had something to tell you and maybe its embarrassing so like dont judge me?" Jim's voice shook a little as he spoke, either from nerves or possibly fear, Joel didnt really know.

"I won't judge" unless it was something stupid, but Jim didn't need to know that.

"Okay, well I have to, y'know, like be your partner, if you'll have me" Joel was speechless, that was not on his bingo card for today, not that he was complaining.

"I, uh, yeah, I would like that too."

#mcyt aro week #smallidarity #joel smallishbeans #jimmy solidarity #aroace

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moltengoldveins · 5 months

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so I grew up an ace autistic kid in a nondenominational evangelical church who craved physical affection (because sensory issues) surrounded by troubled kids invited in from nearby non-Christian schools who made darn well sure I could never ever have a friendship deeper than a sidewalk puddle before they slapped the word lesbian on my forehead and called it a day. The teachers and youth leaders were no better, cause their assumption was that my dressing androgynously and my complete disinterest and discomfort with sex and boys was a Bad Sign and they dealt with it by Ignoring my actual feelings and desires and instead Insisting that I was Still Growing and would get there eventually, get married, and have a wonderful brood of children, because even if I wasn’t a Good Christian Girl yet, I was a good kid, and therefore that was what I aspired to be. because of this decade-long period of fear, loneliness, pain, confusion, and complete isolation, I have now decided I am going feral. Im gonna write a 400k+ four book series focused entirely around a qpr between two immortal women based on David and Johnathan, their relationship between their adopted son, who may or may not be a Christ analog, and how they save the world. They’re both aro/ace. No I will not elaborate. Furthermore, I’m gonna talk about the truly Idiotic assumptions made about women in the church and the horrific ways the evangelical and Presbyterian church treats women with autism and/or women who don’t want to marry. Why? Because I am Upset about the way the community of Christ is handling these issues, and lying down and taking it like the Ideal Wife is going to make the problem worse. I’m going to fix this problem with spite. And a crowbar.

#christianity #writing #autism #qpr #Spite #just a little bit #just a smidge #lemme know if you want more info about the WIP I have Tism I will gladly tell you more than you asked for

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explaining-homestuck · 2 days

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can you please explain quadrents (specifically moirailegince? i see alot of people dont seem to get it and id love to have a post to link back to when i explain it instead of having to go through homestuck)

Ah, tackling the big one first.

Homestuck itself has its own explanation of quadrants, which starts on Page 2392. However, I'll take a stab at simplifying the explanation here, although I may take direct quotes from the comic.

Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, [...] it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance [...] is still just [...] a single, linear concept.

(I guess I will be taking direct quotes from the comics.)

This concept of human love is generally represented with the symbol <3, or ❤️. However, trolls, in keeping with the Midnight Crew's full set of playing card theming, have four different types of romance, to fit the four suits.

<3/♥️, Hearts; <3</♠️, Spades; c3</♣️, Clubs; and <>/♦️, Diamonds.

This creates 4 Quadrants of romance, a term that is often used to refer to love and romantic entanglement.

Here, Nepeta's helpful diagram shows how these quadrants are related.

Hearts, the Flushed Quadrant, and Diamonds, the Pale Quadrant, are grouped as "Red Romance". These are the quadrants more associated with what we would possibly call positive feelings.

Meanwhile, Spades the Caliginous Quadrant (often called "Pitch"), and Clubs, the Ashen quadrant, are grouped as "Black Romance", more associated with negative feelings (to a degree, the divide isn't as simple as that.)

Furthermore, Hearts and Spades are Concupiscent Quadrants, and Diamonds and Clubs are Conciliatory Quadrants. These terms relate to the purpose of these quadrants within troll society: Concupiscent (which has meanings of sexual desire) Quadrants are related directly to the reproductive cycle of the troll species. Meanwhile, Conciliatory (meaning to placate of pacify) Quadrants, quote:

"would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards"

Note: this does not make them necessarily platonic relationships in troll society. Pale and Ashen relationships remain romantic, and there may possibly also be sexual elements (not that these are shown or implied in the comic, nor will they be theorised upon here).

The comic makes it clear that while many parallels can be drawn between troll romance and certain human relationships (for example, "frenemies" or "QPRs"), these relationships are different from troll ones, as trolls are driven by primal forces to engage in their 4 types of romance, in the same way we do with our one (This is, of course, a gross oversimplification of the vast spectrum of the human experience of attraction and possible lack thereof, but it's a fair rough analogy.)

Let us now move on to the first and easiest to understand quadrant:

♥️: The Flushed Quadrant

The Flushed Quadrant is (almost) exactly the same as human romantic and/or sexual attraction. For our purposes, ♥️=❤️.

While the trolls have no concept of marriage, and don't generally use the terms boyfriend/girlfriend, the term for a partner in the Flushed Quadrant is a Matesprit, meaning the two trolls have formed a Matespritship.

The given example within Homestuck canon at the time of a Matespritship was Dad Egbert and Mom Lalonde. Several other well known examples are Rose Lalonde and Kanaya Maryam, Latula Pyrope and Mituna Captor, and Jade Harley and Davesprite (during the Yellow Yard trip, before John's 15th birthday). Many others exist, as well as flushed crushes (Kanaya Maryam for Vriska Serket, Nepeta Leijon for Karkat Vantas, etc.)

Note: Humans can take part in Quadrant relationships outside of the Flushed Quadrant, though some trolls thought this impossible.

Next, we explain

♠️: The Pitch (Caliginous) Quadrant

The simplest explanation of Pitch is always "romance, but with hate instead of love". People often find that hard to understand, but it's a trope that appears throughout media. One of the best examples I've found is LEGO Batman and LEGO Joker in the LEGO Batman Movie.

However, it's much more than simply "hate love". A Kisemesistude is more akin to a fierce arch-rivalry, with a troll competing against their Kismesis to outfox, outsmart, or simply defeat them.

The given example for a Kismesistude is Jack Noir and the Black Queen. Another example is Vriska Serket and Eridan Ampora's black romance, which fell apart before they started the game, Marquise Spinerette Mindfang and Orphaner Dualscar's Kismesistude, which they were mimicking, or Terezi Pyrope and Gamzee Makara's relationship in the pre-retcon timeline.

Note: no successful Kismesistudes exist within the main body of Homestuck: Vriska broke things off with Eridan and likewise Mindfang with Dualscar, and Gamzee was physically and mentally abusing Terezi. All canon kismesistudes have either not budded, or ended with one of the two Kismesis dumping the other, or attempting to kill them. (John and Terezi doesn't count in this case, as its continuation only exists in the Epilogues, a dubiously canon source.) This does not, however, mean all Kismesistudes are doomed to fail.

There are also numerous Pitch crushes, such as Eridan Ampora on Rose Lalonde, Gamzee Makara on Dave Strider (or possibly the Insane Clown Posse, it's unclear) and the aforementioned John Egbert for Terezi Pyrope and vice versa.

Now, it wouldn't be a Homestuck post without an Intermission (possibly the first of several!)

🪣: The Bucket Intermission

I'll keep this short.

Flushed and Pitch pairings can, through undescribed processes, produce a combination of genetic material, which is then collected in a Filial Pail (bucket) by Imperial Drones to be fed to the Mother Grub, who then makes all the baby trolls from the gametes, probably.

Hussie also wrote a short paragraph about dominant and recessive genes which makes me think they know less about dominant and recessive genes than the writers of Metal Gear Solid, but that's not that important right now.

If a troll is unable to provide suitable generic materials, they will be culled by the drone, meaning finding concupiscent quadrantmates is a key goal for a troll's survival.

Anyway, back to romance, with

♣️: The Ashen Quadrant

The clubs symbol notably has 3 circles, which relates to the way this relationship (the most misunderstood one, in my experience) works.

Clubs relationships, or Auspisticisms, are formed when a third troll sees a pair involved in a feud, and decides to step in to mediate, becoming their Auspistice. The purpose of an Auspistice is not the mediate and grow a Pitch relationship, as it's often portrayed, but in fact prevent it from developing.

This is because trolls often feud with each other, causing possible Kismesistudes, but (conventionally) troll romance is monogamous in-quadrant, and having two or more Kismesis would be considered infidelity in conventional troll society, as well as that too many Kismesistudes can increase danger in troll society, and mis-matched rivalries can cause trolls to be stuck in relationships they do not like.

An Auspisticism is often defined by the attraction specifically of the Auspistice *toward* the rival pair, and their wish to mediate them. This is known as an Ashen Crush, much like above Pitch and Flushed Crushes.

Examples of known Auspisticisms within canon Homestuck are Kanaya Maryam between Vriska Serket and Tavros Nitram, Doc Scratch between Spades Slick and Snowman (though Scratch's intervention was more driven by accomplishing his own goal of having Slick kill Snowman), and Jade Harley between Bec Noir and the Peregrine Mendicant in [S] Collide, though this ended in failure.

Next, let's move onto

♥️🔁♠️: Quadrant Vacillation

Another known occurrence within troll society and its romantic framework is the Vacillation of two trolls between multiple quadrants. While canon only gives examples of Flushed/Pitch Vacillation, it's stated that this is but the most common type of Vacillation.

This occurs because troll relationships are incredibly malleable. To quote from the comic again:

In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities.

This is stated to be a key reason for the existence of the Ashen and Pale quadrants, to prevent such infidelities. Auspistices are intended to be able to stabilise these turbulent relationships, but failure to uphold this role can lead to more instability and chaos within the mixed relationship.

Equius Zahhak and Aradiabot are shown as the key example of Vacillation, caused by Aradia's distain of the former for his rudeness and the fact he planted a chip inside her robot body that would make her love him, and Equius's attraction to the latter paired with his somewhat fetishisation of the caste system (a story for another time). Vriska Serket and Tavros Nitram's relationship is also mentioned, with Vriska's continued mimicking of Mindfang pushing her to meld Tavros into a fitting Matesprit, while at the same time expressing distain for his unwillingness to broach a relationship, and his wimpish behaviour. This is also further complicated by Tavros genuinely being attracted to Vriska, but too scared of her to commit to a relationship, and their Auspistice Kanaya Maryam's flushed crush on Vriska also, leading to her slacking her duties so to speak.

And now, we move onto the final quadrant, the specifically requested one:

♦️: The Pale Quadrant

Pale relationships are called a Moirallegiance, in which two trolls are Moirails. This quadrant can be liked to soulmates, but with a more platonic (yet still romantic) lean.

Moirails, also called Palemates, exist with the purpose to calm down and pacify their Pale partner. Trolls are (said to be) inherently an angry, violent species, with some being dangerous to themselves or society if left alone. Pale attraction exists for a troll of such tendencies to find a partner who can pacify them (positively), and for even-tempered trolls to seek out those who would benefit from their assistance.

A perfect Moirallegiance is said to consist of two trolls who mutually pacify and assist each other, whose emotional profiles fit together well, helping them to form other relationships in different quadrants with ease.

Moirallegiance is often confused by trolls for platonic friendship, and vice versa, and furthermore, Flushed attraction may be confused for Pale. The Flushed quadrant is said to be "more red" than the Pale one by Eridan Ampora, and likewise the Pitch quadrant "blacker" than the Ashen one, as one might expect from their describing colours.

The most well known Moirallegiance in Homestuck would of course be Meowrails, Nepeta Leijon and Equius Zahhak. Others include the Draconian Dignitary and Bec Noir, Karkat Vantas and Gamzee Makara, and Feferi Peixes and Eridan Ampora (although Eridan held a Flushed crush for Feferi, similar to the one Kanaya held for Vriska during her Moirallegiance with her).

Finally, the an important thing that Moirail can do for their partner, in cases of both dire need of calming down, and a lighter gesture of aid, is the Shoosh Pap, performed by Karkat Vantas to Gamzee Makara to calm him down from his murderous rampage at the end of Act 5 Act 2. Karkat says:

IT'S JUST A TROLL THING, HUMANS WOULDN'T GET IT.

You would think this is everything, and it almost is, but Hussie's explanation forgoes one particular part of troll romance that is only later elaborated on by Karkat:

♥️♠️♥️♠️: Group Vacillation

Um.

You see.

Do you get it?

I think the diagram is clear enough.

Ok, we're done here.

Edit: it is worth noting that this system of quadrants is actually quite limited, both in terms of actual occurrences in the comic, and how it is often portrayed in fanfiction and fanworks, as (due to its time of writing) does not take into account polyamory in the same quadrant.

Edit 2: Redrom also has nothing canonically related to "pity". Saying "I pity you" to a Moirail or Matesprit in place of "I love you" is not a normal thing for trolls; it's based in a model that exclusively Karkat Vantas came up with and talks about, because of his repressed emotional state; he believes there can only be two emotions, hate and pity, and all other emotions are derived from the two. It's not an accurate representation of the workings of troll romance, only a reflection of his state within the comic.

If you want to know *all* about *all* canon examples of *all* four quadrants, or explanation of the other species's versions of romance, those will have to come at a later date. I could also probably make diagrams. But that will have to do for now, I'm afraid. If you find any inaccuracies that aren't about the spelling of Moirallegiance, (trust me, even the comic doesn't know how to spell it), please let me know! I can also probably answer any questions or clarifications in any reblogs, asks, or replies, but they won't necessarily be this extensive.

(Oh and also if anyone wants me to explain that one gif from the section, I can do that too. You know the one.)

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doomsdayradio · 9 months

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heyo!

i consume all my interests critically and acknowledge when they or their creators have issues please for the love of god leave my blog if you think i cant watch/read/wtv something while also acknowledging its problematic elements🙏 i dont need you to come in my ask box and inform me a piece of media is problematic if im consuming it im probably well aware of the issues with it or the creators and i wont defend them

also the masses need to understand if i post anything related to shipping alastor hes still aroace in those my romance favorable aroace in a qpr ass is just having fun please be normal about aspec people in general

➙ info about us

⤍ poker, chorus, or fate

⤍ they/he, genderqueer aroacespec mspec lesbian

⤍ medically recognized c-did system

⤍ autistic, adhd, dyscalculia

⤍ cluster a, b, + c

⤍ physically disabled (pots)

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⤍ current interests/hyperfixations ; hazbin hotel, i'm the grim reaper, honkai star rail

⤍ special interests ; music, psychology, my ocs, hazbin hotel

⤍ other interests ; fnaf, madoka magica, studio investigrave games, analog horror

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⤍ words words words !! ; original posts

⤍ emoji tags ; which alter posted/reblogged

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⤍ a ; angelic tag

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⤍ @demi-and-awkward [main]

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⤍ @fishinabirdcage [vent/trauma blog]

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⤍ @polyfragcultureis

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⤍ @narcissisticpdcultureis

➙ frequent fronters

⤍ 🧋 ; they/it/mint/nova+ ; host, npd + hpd symptoms holder

⤍ 📻 ; he/she ; host, persecutor, bpd symptoms holder

⤍ 🌃 ; he/it ; co-host, soother

⤍ 🎶 ; coffin/thou/they/she+ ; co-host, homicidal thoughts holder ; @cantharellarius

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⤍ 🎰 ; he/wing/they ; relationship manager

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➙ dni

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⤍ 'narc abuse'/demonize pds

⤍ radqueer, transid, shipcourse in general

⤍ (pro)tulpas, endos interact with caution (i interact with any syscourse stance, i only won't interact if they have my syscourse stance in their dni)

⤍ believe cdds can be nontraumagenic / want to demedicalize polyfragmentation

⤍ believe ramcoa isn't real

⤍ zionist / pro-israel

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analoceits · 7 months

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hey, pss, anyone wanna help beta read my tss fics? i want someone who decent at giving constructive criticism and likes tss and thats it

here are some short fic summaries of my current wips if any catch your eye

froggy throat - moceit sic fic <3 pattons sick and trying to hide it but janus helps

raven wings - after the orange thing logan gets!! raven wings!! hes like oh rad then the childhood trauma slams into his chest. he then tries to hide it. gonna be 3 chaps and end up analoceit [with a side of remus in a qpr with jan and vee.]

love bites - analogical. logan is human and virgil is a vamp and theyre roommates. virgil has some fucked up complexes about this then!! oops!! lo comes home one day a vamp. and traumatized. has a lot of hc vamp lore

silver & wolfsbane, ft. other bad coping mechanisms from logan - analogical werewolf fic. i think the title says enough

cold blood; cold snow - anxceit [platonic or otherwise]. thomas cant lie and virgil decides to investigate. he starts by asking everyone but deceit. this is a good plan.

anyway yea!! dm me if you wanna beta them

#sanders sides #tss #ts sides #sasi #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #moceit #analoceit #analogical #anxceit

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powerpolyculeshowdown · 1 year

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Canon Polycule Showdown:

Round 0

(vote on your favorite! check the descriptions if you don't know them)

Meet the contestants!

Rajan/Wolfgang/Kala

Status: Canon

Description: Rajan/Kala is analogous to an arranged marriage slow burn, Wolfgang/Kala is analogous to forbidden/star-crossed lovers. And rather than choosing between them, the love triangle is resolved with polyamory.

Lito/Hernando/Dani

Status: Implied

Description: They do everything together, they moved in together and Dani literally called them her home. Besides that, Lito and Hernando are definitely dating, but it's maybe more a qpr with Dani, since Lito is canonically gay. But Hernando may be bi.

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thegoldenduckie · 2 months

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Can you please do more of star analogical, still obsessed with those designs they’re so beautiful

OF COURSE ANON ✨💜💙 ✨THE STARRY QPPS!!

#sanders sides #sanderssides #sanders sides fanart #logan sanders #virgil sanders #queer platonic analogical #qpr analogical #qpp analogical #analogical #asks #my art

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 1 year

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Cold Comforts: Cracking Ice

I imagine that you get a lot of asks so apologies if this one adds to an endless list of them. I have this sanders sides concept in mind where Patton was not the one who caused the original creativity to split nor was Patton morality during this time and it was Logan; but because Janus had left before it occured and Virgil, Remus, and Roman didnt really exist yet, no one knows about this. But because Janus can pick up on lies (including lies of omission), he quickly pieces together the truth. No idea how you'd work that into a story of any kind (if that was something you would want to do), just thought it would be neat to at least share. ax3-e0n

hey !! i don't have a super specific request, but i'd love some qpr content from you if you don't mind !! any ship is fine, but i love qpr dukeceit, analogical, and moxiety ^^ - anon

I really loved Cold Comforts (that fight did break me but in the best way possible) and I would love to know what happens in the aftermath. Like how do they actually reconcile and make up for what was said? - anon

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: self-esteem issues, implied/referenced rsd

Pairings: none

Word Count: 3293

At first, there is elation.

Roman blinks awake in the ruined corpse of a dying tower, covered in cobwebs and layers of dust. He blinks, bits of it falling into his eyes. A phantom warmth rests on his cheeks and in his befuddled state, he thinks it might be the sun.

"Shh, little one," he hears from eons away, "it's alright. I'm here now."

He blinks again and the phantom warmth grows stronger, coalescing itself into hands on his face, thumbs gently stroking his tears away. He's still crying, lips still trying to form comforts from nothing. He blinks again and the blob in front of him focuses.

"L-Logan?"

"Hello, little one," Logan whispers, "it's okay. I'm here now."

Here.

Hands. Warm hands. Warm hands on his face, cupping it like it's something precious, like he's something precious. Warm hands that brush away his tears and a warmer voice that says it's okay. I'm here now.

"You're here?" His voice, cracked and dusty from overuse. "Y-you're really here?"

"Yes," says Logan, smiling and reaching up to run his fingers through Roman's hair, "I'm here. I'm really here. And so are you."

"Don't do that, Princey," comes another voice, one that appears over the edge of the shell too, "you scared the shit out of us."

"Language, mister," comes yet another, "but he's right, kiddo. You really scared us, there."

"Being scary is my schtick, Ro-Bro," says yet another, "don't do it without me."

And, just when Roman's heart feels fit to burst, the last voice sighs and reaches into the shell too. "Not that this isn't very touching, but I think we'd all be better off outside this very scary tower with no stairs."

He blinks dumbly as yellow-gloved hands reach for him, fitting carefully around his shoulders and gently pulling him to sit upright. Logan's hands shift down to his elbows, helping to get him out of the dust-caked blankets. His head pounds. He feels dizzy.

"Slow, you jerks," Virgil's voice mutters, "he's just been like that for who knows how long and he's been crying."

"Here," Logan says softly, only for Roman's ears, "lean on me. I've got you."

And oh, isn't that surreal, to have Logan's arms wrap around him and be leaned against a broad chest, to have another set of hands at his back and to be helped down from his dusty perch. His limbs feel discombobulated, disconnected, and he flails a few times before he figures out how to hold on too. Logan is patient with him, though, and helps him over to a chair that Remus conjures and sits him to face the sun.

"Here," says Patton, handing him a glass of water, "try and drink that, okay, sweetheart?"

Oh, he realizes belatedly, I'm being taken care of.

At first, there is elation.

They came. They actually came. They wanted to find him and so they searched for him, they found their way up a tower that he did not design to be found. They sought after him because they noticed he was gone and so they chose to come and find him. They are here because he was not there.

At first, there is elation.

Then, there is only dread.

They're going to want to know what happened. He's going to have to explain what happened. They're going to want to know what happened and why he ran so far away and why he started to fade and all of this is going to go away. He's going to have to tell them about the argument and all of the horrible things he said and he's going to watch all of this care fade away into disappointment.

Because they will be. Disappointed.

Roman, you never learn.

Roman, we've been over this.

Roman, you know better.

Roman, how could you be so cruel? Roman, you should think about the things you say before you say them. Roman, I expected better from you. Roman, you're supposed to be better than this. Roman, Roman, Roman, will you ever stop being a disappointment?

This, right now, this is the last he will be able to have this comfort with no strings attached. It will be the last time he's able to ask for something and have it be given, the last time he can feel as though they're doing it because they want to.

And even now, he can hear their voices.

That's such a mean way to think about it, Roman. I wish you wouldn't think we don't know what we're doing when we comfort you. What, did you think it was just something we did?

And, how selfish of you, Roman, that you wouldn't tell us what happened because you thought we wouldn't want to comfort you after we knew what you'd done. Maybe you should have told us right away, then we wouldn't have this problem in the first place. Logan was right.

And, this is emotionally abusive, Roman, you know that, right? Being so dramatic and playing the victim and guilt-tripping like this even though you did something wrong too. Manipulating us like this is wrong. You know it's wrong. We'd be more inclined to forgive you if you weren't being so awful about admitting that you're hurt by something.

They're here and they came and Roman wants nothing more than to run away again.

"Whatever you're thinking," Remus's voice cuts in, "stop it. Stop being mean to my brother."

Roman startles and a moment later, he has a lapful of Remus. Remus buries his nose in the crook of his neck and squeezes tightly, their hearts pressed against each other's ribcages. It's uncomfortable, it's awkward, and Roman loves it.

"I was so scared," comes the whispered confession, "when you started Fading. I thought I was gonna lose you again."

"I'm sorry, Re, I didn't mean to, I swear—"

"I know, Roro, I know."

"I just—I had to go—"

"Easy," Virgil's low voice rumbles, a hand settling on his shoulder, "breathe, bud. It's okay. You're okay. Remus isn't mad at you."

"Y-you're not?"

"No, Roro, I'm not mad at you."

The part of Roman's brain that isn't screaming softwarmsafebrothercomfort shies away at the way Remus says you.

Right.

In the way a soldier dons his armor before a fatal fight, Roman takes a deep breath and carefully pats Remus's thigh. Remus lets him go, confusion written on his features as Roman stands up and begins to lower the tower's room to the ground. It settles on the earth with a low rumble and one of the walls finally caves, leading out into a familiar field of rolling grass. He walks out into the sunshine, the warmth settling over him like boulders. He allows himself one more moment to clutch his hand to his side before he turns and faces his executioners.

"I'm sorry," he begins, "for being so dramatic. I didn't mean to Fade and while I know that doesn't change anything, and I'm not trying to use it as an excuse, I hope that the knowledge that it wasn't done purposefully makes it a little better. It might be wrong of me to hope that, but…I do. I didn't mean to affect the videos or Thomas or anything of that nature, and you have my deepest and sincerest apologies that I let my—my tantrum get this bad."

He looks at Logan. His hands twinge in pain.

"Logan, I apologize for wasting your time. I apologize for being unreasonable and bull-headed and ignorant. I didn't mean it when I said you weren't useful and I didn't mean to imply that you don't know what you're doing. I know I can come off as arrogant and overconfident and I'm sorry. I've been trying to work on it but clearly, I haven't been trying hard enough. I'll do better. I promise."

With a heavy heart, he glances over at Remus.

"And I know…I know you weren't there, but I'm sorry to you too. I—at one point during the argument, I called you a menace and nothing but a problem to be vanquished. I'm sorry."

Remus stares at him. "Ro, you don't have to apologize to me for shit. I know I'm a menace, that's my whole fucking point. And you definitely don't have to apologize for being hurt. You just said you didn't do any of this shit on purpose and I know you. I know you'd—well, you'd rather kill yourself than destroy Thomas's videos and the Imagination. Don't apologize for being hurt, okay?"

"But I—"

"But nothing," Janus says smoothly, "you were hurt, sweetie. And we didn't make you feel like you could come to us. That's not your fault."

"None of us were there for the argument," Patton adds, "so we can't judge that part of it, but you don't have to apologize to us for the rest. You're—you're okay, sweetheart."

"You're dramatic," Virgil says, hands in his pockets, "but at least you're honest about it."

Janus scoffs something that sounds suspiciously like honesty's overrated but Roman's focused on Logan.

Logan, who's watching him carefully, so carefully, slowly reaches up and adjusts his glasses. "Roman, I…"

He trails off before he can finish his sentence. A lump appears in Roman's throat and he swallows, bowing his head and waiting for the blows to strike. He'll take them, he will, whatever comes with what Logan will say. He'll do it right this time, just accept them and nod and try to move on with it. He'll lick his wounds on his own in his room like a reasonable person and everything will be fine.

"Wow," he hears Remus scoff, "you really made him fucking perfect, didn't you? Bowing his head waiting for absolution and everything."

"What? What the heck are you on about, Remus?"

"This. This, his whole 'Good Creativity' thing."

"Yeah, I got that much, why're you saying we did it?"

"The Split. The whole get-the-bad-out, leave-the-good deal. The reason Thomas has two Creativities. I'm all the stuff you didn't want and so there he is with all the stuff you do."

There's a pause. Part of Roman wants to raise his head and see what's going on but he forces himself to wait.

"Remus," Janus rebukes with a gentleness reserved for only his partners, "the Split wasn't done so neatly. It wasn't like parts were selected for each of you."

"Yeah," Patton says, "and also, I didn't happen until after the Split. I think Thomas's whole Morality thing started in the aftermath of it. I wasn't around when it happened."

"I remember it," Virgil says, "but that's only 'cause J brought you and me in when we were all really little and he'd, like, just left. It was me, you, and J trying to figure stuff out and then Logan had Patton and Roman."

"Oh. Shit. Sorry, I, uh…"

"No, it's okay. We don't really know a lot about the Split anyways."

"You're all good, bud. Hey, whoa, c'mere."

There's the telltale rustling of someone being pulled into a hug and Roman knows Janus and Virgil have wrapped their arms around Remus. His heart screams for a moment in envious rage before he stamps it out with equal fervor. He's thankful Remus has two attentive and supportive partners, and he'd sooner fall on his sword than take it away from him.

He knows what that's like.

"Roman," Logan's voice comes from in front of him, much closer in front of him, "Roman, I'm sorry."

He raises his head, heart in his throat, as Logan reaches out and cups his face again.

"I'm sorry too," he says again, "I didn't—I shouldn't have said that you were unwanted. Or that you weren't capable of seeing reason. Or any of it, none of it's true. I just—I was so angry. I wanted to hurt you."

He swallows. "You did."

"I know. I know I did, Roman, I know I hurt you, little one. I—I'm sorry I hurt you. You're not unwanted, I promise. I want you. I want you quite badly."

The earnest way Logan says it threatens tears at the corners of his eyes. "I'm sorry too."

Logan smiles, his own eyes slightly wet. "I forgive you, little one, I forgive you."

Relief sags through him and his legs almost buckle, smile breathless as he stares at Logan. It's okay, it's okay, it's all okay. Logan chuckles, letting him go, a familiar teasing grin taking shape as he ruffles Roman's hair.

The sudden release of the dread is almost strong enough to make him miss the way Janus is squinting at Logan's back.

"J-Janus? What's wrong?"

Janus's mouth presses into a thin line and he carefully extricates himself from Remus and Virgil, not taking his eyes off of Logan. "There are three types of lies."

Logan stiffens.

"Lies of commission, which are outright fabrications," he continues, walking closer, "lies of character, and lies of omission."

"Uh, okay?"

"Logan," and Roman wants to flinch at how cold Janus sounds right now, "you're lying."

Virgil scoffs. "What, he's lying about being sorry?"

"No, he's lying about the Split."

"He didn't say anything about the—oh, I see. I get where you're going now."

"Roman," Logan says, looking back up at him, "Roman, it's okay. We're okay, now, I'm sorry."

He reaches for him but Roman edges back. "What is Janus talking about?"

"Roman, I'm sorry—"

"What is he talking about?"

"Yeah, Logan," Remus says, making Logan whirl around, "what is he talking about?"

"Our dear darling Logan," Janus says, taking a step closer, "is withholding what he knows about the Split. Which is interesting, because as you'll recall, the Split happened after I'd left, before Virgil was formed enough to have sentience, and before Patton manifested. And, of course, before either of the twins existed."

Virgil frowns. "Wait, but that means that Logan, you…"

He trails off and his eyes widen as the implications of what Janus is saying sink in.

"…Logan?" Patton sounds small. "What do you know about the Split?"

"I—" Logan turns around and faces Roman again— "I didn't mean it, I'm sorry, it wasn't—I didn't—please, just listen to me—"

"Oh, we're all listening," Remus growls, "and why're you only talking to Roman? Did you forget I got Split too? Or are you all too happy that happened?"

"That's not what I meant, I didn't—no, that's not why I—" Logan glances frantically at Remus then back to Roman— "just hear me out—"

"You've said that a few times," Virgil says, voice hardening, "and you've yet to actually say anything."

"Roman—"

"Don't fucking talk to him!"

Logan flinches at the force of Remus's shout. Remus forces Logan to turn around, getting right into his face.

"Talk to me," he roars, "tell me what you thought you were doing, tell me why you won't look at me!"

"Because it worked with you!"

Silence.

Remus staggers back from Logan like he's been stabbed, Virgil already standing between them.

"I…I didn't know it would Split," Logan says shakily, "I—I just talked to Creativity and I—I said—"

He swallows.

"I said that there were parts of him that were liked and parts that weren't. And that it…it made sense for them to be…be…"

"Be what," Virgil asks when Logan doesn't finish.

"…be separated," he says weakly, "but I just meant that he should know the difference! Not that he should Split!"

"Oh, Logan," Patton mumbles, "what did you do?"

"What did you mean," Janus asks sharply, "when you said it 'worked' with Remus?"

"Creativity asked what—what the bad parts of him were and so I said that people didn't like when he was loud and messy and scary and then when I—when I came back the next day, there was a—"

Logan's breath catches and he swallows.

"I was only a child, I didn't know that this would mean—"

"There was a what?"

"…a baby. A baby Side on a rock that had been wrapped in a black and green blanket."

Janus's breath catches next. His hand finds its way to Remus. "That's how I found you. You still have that blanket."

"He—Creativity was still there when I got there but he was—he was Fading. He was almost completely transparent, and he asked me if—what I would do with the parts of him I didn't want."

"So you just fucking left me?"

"I was a child! I was panicking, I didn't know what to do, I told him I didn't know what to do, but then he kept on getting more and more frantic, asking me what I was going to do with you and he—he fell apart!" Logan's hands fly up to tangle in his hair. "He fell apart and shimmered and—and when it was over…"

His hands slowly leave his hair as he turns to look over his shoulder.

"Roman," Patton finishes, "when it was over, there was Roman. You Split Creativity into Bad and Not Bad and what was left of Creativity when he removed all that he could label Bad was…Roman."

"No fucking wonder Princey's got so many issues."

"Roman," Logan says, turning fully to face him again, "Roman, please, I didn't know, I was—I was a child, I didn't mean it, I didn't know this was going to happen."

He reaches out, almost stumbling towards him.

"You're wanted, you're wanted, I promise, you're wanted," he rambles, "I want you, I want you, do you hear me? I want you Roman, it's okay, I want you—"

A low rumble and a thunderous crash as the remains of the tower collapse to the ground. The earth shudders.

Over Roman's shoulder, a doorway appears. The door swings open to reveal the Mindscape. Janus muffles a quiet curse as Virgil stands taller.

"C'mon," he says, urging Patton and Janus toward the door, "we gotta go."

"Just let me—"

"The Imagination is ours," comes Remus's voice, low and dangerous, "and it is somewhere you do not want to be right now."

"Logan, come on," Patton says—they've already made it through the door, "just—give them space for now."

But Logan stubbornly reaches for Roman one more time. "Roman, please. Please, little one."

Roman silently opens his arm and gestures toward the door with a blank expression.

The earth rumbles again and a deep cracking sound echoes off of distant cliffs.

Logan swallows and goes to the door. Roman doesn't turn to watch him. His gaze doesn't move from the middle distance until the door shuts and vanishes.

Then he opens his mouth and screams.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #roman sanders #roman angst #roman sanders angst #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #logan sanders #possibly unsympathetic logan #patton sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #janus sanders #fic

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khalaris · 5 days

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For the writers Ask: 5,6,9,10,11,13,15,16,23 👀 (if you want to of course)

Yooo, Kris coming in here with ALL the questions! 😆 Thank you for asking, these are a lot of fun :)

5: What is your go-to way to deal with writers block?

I wish I had some sort of guaranteed way of getting over writer's block, but really, when I'm not feeling it, I usually just do something else for a while. And when I do write, it's more bullet points of ideas or sometimes random little moments, lines or scenes that might turn into something later but most often just clutter up my file haha.

6: Do you have a motivational cycle? (As in phases in which you barely write and phases in which you write so much holy shit)

It's not a cycle as such. I feel like my writing motivation is very dependant on my general stress level. So I'm pretty motivated at the moment, since I just had 3 weeks off and managed to relax a lot and completely forget about work for that time.

Also, I'm not even going to pretend my motivation isn't heavily impacted by how readers react to my stories. That's honestly been a bit of a sticking point for me recently, because out of all the people who read my last couple of shorter stories only a handful actually liked them and I'm wondering if it's because the stories were mostly focused on secondary/minor characters or if my writing was just crap. (ok so I know one of them wasn't that good, which is why I've put it in my hidden collection for now to be reworked later) But even then, I try to just go no fuck you I can write whatever I want! and keep going. (that's directed at myself btw, not my readers :D)

Well, that's a lot of text just to say 'no' haha.

9: What genre is your favourite to write?

Gotta be Hurt/Comfort, right? I love reading that stuff and I love writing it. With straight up Fluff being a close second.

10: Do you read and write similar stuff or are there differences?

Very similar. The biggest difference is probably that I can't write all the things I read.

11: What kind of relationships do you like writing best? (Family, platonic, romantic, etc.)

I most love writing relationships that aren't easy to categorize or that blur the lines.

A relationship between two characters that is full of trust and love and intimacy, but there's no romance or sex involved. Or a developing qpr between three characters, all of whom have kind of a different view of what they are and how they work. Or the two guys, one of whom is ace and the other is straight and aro, still getting into a committed relationship. Or the former couple, who still love each other, but who are in their own way grieving their former relationship that just didn't work out.

And since I love writing about emotional self-discovery, that also often plays a large part in those relationships. Like for example, I always write Moritz as aromantic, so while at first glance it seems like his and Ernstls relationship in Die Welt... is a 'normal' romantic one, Moritz is very much confused about a lot of things that are happening and that are perhaps expected of him and he has a long way ahead of him in discovering his own feelings and what they mean.

13: How many WIPs do you have open?

Too many. Let me go look.

Errrr, it's 19. That I'm at least occasionally actively working on. That's not counting random ideas or even all my almost-finished Münster stuff. Yeah, definitely too many.

15: What is the weirdest thing you had to look up for writing?

I once spent a lot of time looking up the organizational structure of the Austrian/Viennese police in the 80s and today and all I got was the certainty that Tatort script writers don't have the slightest idea how those things work and are just making up anything they want XD

16: What is something you didn't have to look up but is still weird to know?

There was a scene in one of my Münster WIPs where I waxed poetic about headphones and tube amps and DACs and digital vs analog for several paragraphs. And then I had to edit out all of my audiophile ramblings.

23: Is there a project you want to talk about?

Hmm. I do have this Coffeeshop AU idea that I've written a few snippets for already. It features one of the relationship dynamics in question 11 (the ace guy and the straight aro guy). I love the whole set-up tbh, I think it works really well.

The backstory is basically, that Moritz used to do all sorts of odd jobs, never anything for long, but then he met Claudia and realised he wanted to give her a stable home, so he opened a coffee shop. Bibi used to be a detective, but with no Sonderermittler Moritz to help her back to her feet and no Ernstl to actually recruit her for the team, she was discharged from the police because of her drinking problem and ended up working for Moritz (whom she knew from one of his odd jobs) and basically running the coffee shop for him. Ernstl meanwhile also never went to work for the police. Instead he lawyered his way up to district attorney. He likes to spend his lunch breaks at a certain coffee shop where eventually Moritz crosses his path.

I feel like this is going to be a long story, although not as monstrously ambitious as Die Welt in unseren Händen. Unfortunately I don't have the time or mental capacity to really get into it in the forseeable future. It also still needs a lot more plot. But yeah, I'm looking forward to writing this story one day.

Writer ask game

#ask game #answered asks #tatort wien #writing #thanks for asking <3

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qpr-culture-is · 8 months

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heyhey! how do I explain to someone what a qpr is? because I've tried and people just don't understand 🥲

usually I just go for "a relationship that doesn't fit the labels of romantic or platonic. usually it involves elements of both as well as things that are entirely new"

there's also my dessert analogy that may be helpful!

compare different kinds of desserts as different attractions

for example:

cake is romantic attraction and platonic attraction is pie and qprs can be different combinations of cake and pie- creating an entirely new kind of dessert/relationship

#qpr

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chronically-enthusiastic · 9 months

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The Ending of Good Omens S2: An Ineffable Analysis

So I wrote this analysis of the ending of Good Omens S2, and the duck situation... Its quite long, my apologies... Unless you like reading long essays, in which case enjoy!!

The Ducks

Before we begin, I would like to take a moment to acknowledge the ducks.

Throughout both the book and the show, there has been a running theme. Ducks. It all began back in the 1990s when Good Omens was published. Around the start of the book, Crowley attempts to use the analogy ‘Like water rolls off a duck’s back’, except he has a lapse of memory. He struggles to find the word to complete this simile. The conversation moves on after a few lines, Crowley apparently resigning to not ever reach the satisfying end of the thought. We read the next two pages and forget that anything ever happened.

DUCKS! Two pages later we are interrupted by this remark from Crowley. This short joke made it’s way into the television programme and has since become the recognised epitome of humour.

On July 28th, Good Omens Season 2 is released on Amazon Prime. In Episode 1, Crowley and Shax are seen on a bench. Crowley remarks that one should not feed bread to ducks. He is asked what, if not bread, one should feed ducks. This question is ignored.

The Ending

The Kiss

The kiss is something that lends itself to be analysed. I would like to begin by quoting part of something Mr Gaiman talked about on Tumblr. He said “I don’t think kissing scenes have much to do with love… Crowley’s kiss is about a lot of things but it's not to show they're in love: if you haven't got it by then you'll never get it.” This is vitally important to recognise, in my opinion. I do read Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship as not purely platonic: it is my belief that they are in the middle ground between a romantic and platonic relationship. The general name given to this is a Queer Platonic Relationship (a QPR for short).

FROZEN PEAS!

“Frozen peas, that’s what you should feed ducks.” Thus the joke returns, and the appreciation for ducks and duck humour is doubled. Duck!! No, seriously, duck, I’m throwing a book at you.

I agree with Gaiman. The kiss was never about romantic love. Crowley was frightened of what a world without Aziraphale would look like. He was gripped with fear about him leaving. He needed to do something that could convey to Aziraphale just how he felt, why, exactly, he could not face life without him. And they have been on earth for so long. They know how humans work, how they express love. In kissing Aziraphale, he attempted to not only remind him of humanity’s capacity for love, but to reinforce that they are on their own side. They are more human than ever before. They understand people in a way that angels and demons never will. And in showing that they are more human than them, Crowley is telling Aziraphale that the beings in heaven and hell will never understand him as well as Crowley does.

We also see evidence of this throughout their lives in other ways.

Crowley calls Aziraphale 'angel' much more frequently than is absolutely necessary. You see, it must be acknowledged that Crowley understands human culture. He instructs Shax on complex human interaction, such as sarcasm. There is no way that he does not know that ‘angel’ is a term of endearment for humans. He understands this, and uses it for perhaps that reason.

Yet there is another perspective to be looked at here. We have already seen how Crowley might use human behaviours to persuade Aziraphale, but what if in this case he is using them to remind himself of something.

It is true that Aziraphale is an angel, the literal meaning of the word. What if Crowley uses this term to remind himself that Aziraphale will always be an angel, no matter how much Crowley wants otherwise. It is a reminder to himself that despite what he may want, how far he is willing to go, Aziraphale will never stand down from his position as an angel. We have seen how they have discussed being on their own side before. It is always Crowley who initiates the idea.

Despite knowing this, despite reminding himself of the fact near-daily, he has the courage to ask once more if Aziraphale will leave them for him. And Aziraphale says no. We see the pain on both of their faces as they realise the real implications of him saying no. And we must remember that this is not the first time Crowley has asked this of Aziraphale. He knew that there was a real chance of him saying no: he has said it before. Yet that time Aziraphale denied him because he wanted to save earth, he was on humanity’s side. This time? This time Aziraphale is saying no so that he can go back to heaven’s side.

"You could be an angel.... my second in command."

The heartbreak and pain they, Crowley especially, must be feeling is ineffable. Crowley laid his heart bare for Aziraphale. He dared to hope, to be optimistic, and it didn’t work. How will this affect him in the future? Will he allow himself to be vulnerable again? I don’t think so. It will take Aziraphale apologising, coming back and confessing too, to let Crowley be vulnerable again. But even then, will that be enough? Only time and Mr Gaiman will tell.

Aziraphale’s Point

After watching Season 2, and having our hearts broken by Aziraphale, it is all too easy to put the blame on him. But honestly? I think he has a point.

Crowley explicitly states “We don’t need heaven. We don’t need hell. They’re toxic!” And while it is true that they don’t need them, the rest of the world is deeply affected by them. Aziraphale understands this, Crowley, however, does not.

I’m not entirely sure what Crowley’s stance on saving the world is, but it’s certainly not the same as Aziraphale’s. Crowley has shown that he has a tendency to run away from the big problems. He suggests going to Alpha Centauri instead of preventing the apocalypse in S1, and again in the infamous S2 ending. So given this information, we must call into question who is correct.

Aziraphale is technically the person trying to achieve the best outcome for the most people. He is going to be in charge of heaven, and believes that he can make a difference in the system, even if it means sacrificing his own happiness and life with Crowley. (Whether or not this will actually be the case is yet to be seen, but I am going to discuss a little further into that later.) He wants to use the new position to do actual good, not the ‘Good’ heaven is obsessed with. We could read Crowley’s actions as selfish: he is potentially sacrificing the lives of everyone on earth so that he can be with Aziraphale. In fact, we see him acknowledge that that may well be the fate of the earth: “Earth will be just as dead if heaven causes it as it would be if hell did.” (or something to that effect).

Is Crowley being selfish here, or just pessimistic? Perhaps he is wanting to leave Earth so that he doesn’t have to worry about that, leaving the humans at the mercy of the wills of the powers up above and down below. But equally, perhaps he truly believes that nothing can be done, and so is faced with the choice of going away with Aziraphale or being subjected to whatever hell will do with him after the second coming. Good Omens has taught us that there is no black and white, just shades of grey. Therefore, I cannot be an absolutist about who is in the wrong. However, I also feel that it has taught us to hope, to believe in the possibility so we can act in the best way possible.

I think that Aziraphale is right to want to make change. He has an opportunity here, given to him by the Metatron, to do something to prevent the second coming. He is not running away, and is sacrificing his own happiness to do what he believes is best.

But beneath all that, the part of me that just wants them to live happily ever in a QPR as soon as possible is inordinately angry at him for not running away with Crowley. The message? Saving the world is important but I need you to be happy.

Aziraphale’s Communication

Whilst I mostly agree with Aziraphale’s motivations, some time must be spent analysing his communication. There are many problems with it, and I think when analysed it will bring to light some of the more nuanced and less good parts of why he chose this path.

There is a moment where Crowley states that he said no to hell, and Aziraphale responds with “Well of course you did. You’re the bad guys”. I think that this line really speaks to the way that Aziraphale sees the world still. He uses the word ‘you’re’, not ‘they’re’. He still sees himself and Crowley on opposite sides of the line. After all of their conversations about the nuance of good and bad, how they are on their side, this idea is still entrenched in Aziraphale’s thinking. Let’s take a second here to think about the future.

For a proper character development, we need to see Aziraphale overcome this. He has been pretty stagnant in his character throughout the story so far. We saw Crowley undergo some significant development in that final episode. He finally admitted his feelings, and spoke about what was actually on his mind. So we know that they are both on a character arc. Surely Aziraphale will have a moment like this? There was not one in S1 or 2, therefore it is safe to assume that this will come in S3. I think that in S3 we will see Aziraphale finally recognise that the structural Good and Bad is not the right way of looking at things, and this will lead to a character change that will allow him to do what he must to stop the second coming.

Aziraphale also doesn’t lead the conversation with the fact that he can make a difference. He leads it with “We can be together, in heaven. It can be just like old times, except nicer”. There’s a lot to unpack in this line. To Crowley, ‘nice’ has never been something he aspires to be, at least not openly. He seems to despise the idea of ‘nice’, as evidenced by “I’m not nice. I’m never nice. Nice is a four letter word.” He has also just shown that he does not want things to go back to the way they were before, which Aziraphale seems to have not listened to. In this scene, Aziraphale seems to fundamentally misunderstand where Crowley is coming from. He does not address anything that Crowley says, apart from perhaps “Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever.”. But even in this he comes across as a little dismissive, and maybe a little patronising? And it still doesn’t address Crowley’s proposition.

There is the question of whether or not Aziraphale is really in control of his actions in this scene. The Coffee Theory suggests that the Metatron drugged the coffee that he offered to Aziraphale, making him obey him. However, this is not my belief. To say that Aziraphale is not in control of himself here is to misunderstand the conversations he and Crowley have previously had, and to undermine his character. Yet, I do not think that he was aware of everything the Metatron was doing.

The Metatron

We are first introduced to the Metatron in S2 when Crowley is looking at the records in heaven. He is introduced as someone more concerned with the appearance of heaven than how it is actually run. We see him as cruel, and unmoving in his positions.

The next time we see him on screen is when he enters the bookshop, having just ordered a coffee. He interrupts the conversation without introduction, immediately asserting authority. No one, apart from two characters, appears to recognise him. This is intriguing because the archangels should have known who he was. Why this is, I do not know.

Two characters appear to recognise the Metatron. The first is Saraqeal. This is not confirmed, but judging by the lack of shock and indignation contrasted with their other angelic counterparts, we can assume that they do recognise him. Neil Gaiman said on Tumblr: “Paul Chahidi wasn't available when we were shooting. It was a pity. We had some secret things for Sandalphon to do. Saraqael did some of those things, and not others.” What are those secret things, we must ask ourselves? Is one of those the recognition we see from Saraqeal? And what will these secret things mean?

The other character is Crowley. The Metatron asks him directly who he thinks he is, and Crowley answers correctly. This is very interesting for a few reasons. Why does the Metatron ask Crowley of all people? Perhaps to establish power - he knows who knows who he is, he is proving his omniscience so as not to be questioned later. And how does he know that Crowley knows?

Anyhow, I digress. The point is that from the moment he walks in, he establishes his power and makes everyone else feel shameful. As a person who is admired by the angels, this is an interesting move to make. It makes the angels feel as though they have slighted him in some way, and so will feel compelled to make it up to him - remember that Aziraphale is an angel too (we established this previously in the essay). He then reinforces the idea that they have done something wrong by demanding the archangels leave, but keeping the lowest angel present. This makes the archangel Uriel question if they have done anything wrong, and the Metatron purposefully gives a vague answer so as to maintain power. This display of power is interesting because it is not the people he is exerting power over who are his target. His target is Aziraphale.

The aforementioned tactic is done to impress his power into Aziraphale. His intention is that Aziraphale will feel less power because of this, therefore more willing to do as instructed. The Metatron’s next manipulation tactic is to ignore Crowley. He knows Crowley is not one to stick to the rules (“Ah, well, always did want to go his own way. Always asking damn fool questions, too.”), and will likely help Aziraphale see the truth. The Metatron needs Aziraphale to be convinced before Crowley can tamper with his plan. Therefore, he ignores Crowley, both making Aziraphale feel more important, and making Crowley feel less powerful. He then removes Airaphale from Crowley and onto neutral ground. This is a known technique in manipulation. The conversation then ensues in the restaurant across the road.

During this, the Metatron describes the characteristics he sees in Aziraphale that would make him a good replacement for Gabriel. This flattery is intriguing because they are not characteristics necessarily seen in Aziraphale. He then pulls out the Crowley card, saying Aziraphale could reinstate him. He obviously knows about their relationship, and so is trying to assure Aziraphale that he can still have everything he wants, yet if he knows that then surely he will know Crowley’s response. The Metatron is giving Aziraphale false hope so as to convince him to join him in heaven.

The thing that I think is most vital to understand is that Aziraphale never explicitly says yes. Infact, at the end of the conversation Aziraphale asks for more time to think it through, which is answered with a ‘yes, of course’, yet followed with a ‘Why don’t you go and tell him the good news?’. This is a way of making the manipulated feel as though it was their idea, that they said yes, whilst in reality it was the manipulator all along.

The final straw is how he enters after the ‘breakup’ scene. Crowley walks out, and Aziraphale’s life is left in tatters. After this scene, he is left the most vulnerable and broken we have ever seen him. And that insidious Metatron walks in and acts as if Aziraphale had the moral upperhand. After all that hurt and pain, the Metatron is the one to bring some comfort, to pat Aziraphale’s back and say “Ah, well, he always did want to go his own way.”. Of course Aziraphale is going to follow him now, he has given Aziraphale an opportunity he almost couldn’t resist before, and now the main thing that tied him to Earth is gone. And the Metatron knew EXACTLY what he was doing. He knew that Aziraphale saying all this to Crowley once he’s been mostly convinced would be enough to tear them apart. He knew their weaknesses and exploited them in order to get exactly what he wanted.

So we know that the Metatron manipulated Aziraphale - the evidence is blatantly there - but the question is why? Every manipulator has a goal, what is the Metatron’s? To answer this is to speculate about Season 3.

Why?

The Metatron manipulated Aziraphale into getting him exactly where he wanted him to be. But the question is why? Aziraphale is not the obedient servant he would find in Micheal, Uriel, Saraqeal, or Sandalphon, nor is he as easy to get on side. The Metatron knows that he has knowingly gone against the will of god before, and so why is he deciding to reinstate him, higher than before?

I think that the Metatron is afraid. He knows about the partnership between Crowley and Aziraphale, we have already established that, but why might this be a threat to him?

We saw the power of the miracle with Gabriel, it was enough to raise someone from the dead 25 times. And Crowley acknowledges that this is likely because it was performed by both of them, together. And the Metatron is scared by this, of what the ineffable husbands can do together. And so he orchestrates a way to separate them. The idea of keeping your friends close but your enemies closer is pertinent here. If he is as threatened as it is made out that he is, then having Aziraphale directly beneath him at all times might just protect him.

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