How Deep My Love Goes, Chapter 10
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Prenuptial
Rava’s perched on the arm of one of the smaller chairs all the way across the office from Kendall in one of her little lacy nightgowns. He's already missed dinner and she doesn’t want to go to bed without him- again. Especially when he looks this incredible. He has his loafer-covered feet up on the desk with his sleeves rolled up and his top shirt button undone. He’s so focused and not noticing her staring at all.
He’s been on the phone for an hour and in his head for a week. Undistractable. It’s driving her crazy. She bites her lip as she looks him up and down. He’s looking at the wall as he sighs and leans back in the chair, running his hand through his hair. She’s jealous of him. She wants to do that. She notices her own chest rising and falling. Eventually he feels her gaze and looks over with a question in his eyes. He’s so wrapped up in the call that he doesn’t even clock the way she’s looking at him. He puts his hand over the speaker.
“Do you need me?” he whispers.
She tries not to say yes. She makes herself shake her head and smile at him. He shrugs and gives her a smile back before moving his eyes to the ceiling as he leans back further. She wonders what he would do if she interrupted him.
“No, come on, fuck off, he’s not gonna fall for that shit.” He pauses. “Sandy, he’s my dad. I know him. He’ll- He’ll see that coming a mile away. We’re not trying that.”
She listens to him taking charge and seriously wants him to hang up now. He glances over and sees her still looking at him. He sits up a little and half-smiles, mouthing, “What?”
She lets him see her look him up and down again. That little smile appears on his face and he looks behind him like she must be looking at someone else. She leans toward him and gives him the innocent look that always makes him drop what he’s doing, but he just shrugs apologetically and points at the phone. She drops her head back and sighs loudly with a resigned smile. She knows he’s busy. She stands up and starts walking out. He covers the speaker again.
“Hey,” he whispers. “Stay here.”
He needs a second to remember the balancing act. If she’s here and he stays on the call then it’s all set. She turns around and pauses, sitting back down for a minute.
“Okay. But seriously. How much do you think you can get me, Stew? It’s got to be something real. This is about to be everywhere. Takeover of the century.”
She can’t take it anymore. She slowly walks over to him and tilts his chair forward so he’s sitting up and tangles her fingers in his hair. She’s thinking about how it gets messy after she’s run her hands through it over and over from above. He looks up at her for a second, silently amused at how much attention she’s paying to him just because he can’t talk to her right now. He wonders if he should’ve just ignored her during his first year out of rehab and whether she would’ve asked him to come back right away. She steps closer and he brushes his hands over her hips.
“It’s not grandiose if it’s fucking true,” he says into the phone with a smile.
She gently tugs his arm in the direction of the door and he shakes his head. He reaches for the notepad on the desk and writes “Half an hour, I swear.” She smiles and rips the note in half. He gives her a partial smile, but she can tell he’s serious so she relents and backs away. He takes her hand to stop her and writes another note. “I’ll make it up to you at the wedding.” She sighs and he adds a heart, giving her another apologetic look. She kisses his cheek, stopping herself from taking the phone out of his hand and pulling him into the bedroom as she heads out.
She wakes up an hour and a half later to him carefully trying to climb into bed next to her. She opens her eyes and looks up at him wearily.
“Sorry- I was trying not to wake you up,” he whispers.
“What time is it?”
“Uh- if I lie to you, will you believe me?”
“No,” she mutters, pulling the pillow she’s holding closer to her. He gently tugs at the pillow to try to take its place. “Oh, you think you’re getting in here now?”
“Please? I’m sorry. I am. This won’t happen anymore after next week. I promise.”
“Mmhmm.” She hopes that’s true. “I don’t like going to bed without you.”
He’s touched but his head is still buzzing.
“I know. I don’t like it either. Come on, let me in there.” He pulls the pillow out of her arms and moves in to take its place. She’s so warm from being under the covers and it feels so good to have her hands on his back after sitting in the office chair for hours. Part of him hopes she’s still in the same mood she was in earlier, but she’s limp in his arms.
“Is this what it's going to be like?” She whispers.
“It won’t be.”
“Well, it’s been like this every night… the kids missed you at dinner,” she sighs. He feels guilty. But she’s not awake enough for a whole talk and she misses him. She puts her face in his chest. “Waystar doesn’t love you as much as I do.”
He kisses her forehead.
“No?”
“No.” She knows it’s cute talk but she hopes he gets how true it is. The fear of essentially losing him to the company isn’t new, but it feels sharper right now. “When are you getting up, in an hour?” She asks.
“It’s- well, five hours.”
“Ken!”
“I’m sorry. It’ll get better, I swear.” She wraps herself around him and he feels her sulky energy. He wishes she could understand better and she wishes he could, too. “I love you,” he says in a lighthearted way, looking into her eyes and giving her a smile that he hopes will charm her.
“You love conference calls.” She’s smiling a little despite herself. He’s relieved that it seems to be working.
“No one loves conference calls.”
“I think you might,” she mumbles.
…………..
The flight to England is long. Rava sips her sparkling water as she gazes out at the clouds, becoming pink as the sunset approaches. Kendall and Stewy sit on the couch right across from her poring over documents and tweaking clauses and making calls to Sandy that seem like they come every twenty minutes. Jess is attentively taking notes on everything they say. The kids have finally calmed down and are quietly coloring with the two nannies. They’ve been climbing all over the chairs by their mom for the last two hours and she’s glad for the break. Everyone on this side of the jet has been working hard.
Roman, on the other hand, is sipping scotch in an armchair across the floor and scrolling on his phone. Kendall glances up at him from under the brim of his baseball hat and looks back at Stewy, who shrugs.
“Uh, Rome? You want to come look at this?” Kendall asks.
“Oh, I’m allowed to look?” Roman responds sarcastically.
“Y-yeah, no one ever said you aren’t. Are you reading the emails I’m sending you?”
“All 36 of them.” He rolls his eyes.
Kendall and Stewy don’t look amused. Stewy gives it a try.
“Are you serious about this, dude?”
Kendall shuts his eyes. Wrong thing to say to Roman.
“He’s taking it seriously,” Kendall confirms.
“Speaking for me, thank you, big brother,” Roman says in an annoyed tone.
“Well, aren’t you?” Kendall shoots back.
“Of course I’m fucking-“ He sighs. “Look, you guys don’t need me for this, and Sandy thinks I’m a joke, so, honestly? Yeah, I’m not sure this is going to work out.”
Kendall immediately sits up and leans toward him.
“Rome… you already signed. You can’t back out now. You know everything.” He pushes himself up and walks over to Roman. “Come on. We’re in this. Yeah?”
“I don’t know, maybe I’m with Dad.”
Stewy drags his hand down his face and Kendall’s breath catches.
“Maybe you’re with Dad?” Kendall says with disbelief. “What, you were fucking with me? Double agent? What is this?”
“No, I didn't tell him, obviously. I just- maybe Dad has more to offer than you guys. He takes me seriously.”
“He takes you-“ Kendall looks at the floor for a defeated moment of realization. “What did he offer you?”
Roman looks guilty and defiant at the same time.
“Your old job.”
Kendall scoffs.
“My old job? Division President? So, what, you want my leftovers?”
“Roman,” Stewy interjects. “This is a pointless conversation because we already have you signed with us.”
“Oh, what are you going to do, get me in trouble?” Roman taunts.
“Bro,” Kendall says in a disappointed tone of voice. He thinks fast. “I mean… this is your chance to do something new. Not just do what I did.”
“You think I’m just doing what you did? You know, fuck you, I’m not gonna screw it up like you did-“ Roman mocks, “’Oh, Dad, did I do a good job? Dad, look at me, I was nice to the business whatever guy and I think he thinks I’m cool-‘“
“That’s enough!” Kendall says authoritatively.
Roman rolls his eyes and Kendall takes a deep breath. He sits down next to Roman and looks at him. Roman makes a face and leans away.
“Under me, you will be COO,” Kendall starts. Roman looks doubtful. “You will be. You have my word. You also have a piece of paper. Have I ever lied to you?” Roman opens his mouth. “Okay, after, like, age seventeen, have I ever lied to you about anything- important?” Kendall sighs. It’s time to get painfully real. “You saw what Dad did to me. We had the press release ready for my announcement, you know that. He’d been planning it for a year and a half. Eighteen months of meetings and planning and strategizing with me, and- and he still took it back.” He swallows. “None of this should even be happening.” He pauses again to center himself. The wound is still fresh and Rava can tell it hurt him to say out loud. She instinctively leans toward him. “You know, if anyone gets this feeling of wanting what he’s saying to be true, like-“ he looks away for a second- “-more than anything in the fucking world- it’s me.” Roman meets his eyes and takes in his brother’s sincerity. “But you can’t fall for his shit. Whatever he’s telling you, it’s not true.” He emphasizes his last phrase. “Believe me.” Roman takes a moment and thinks about his choice.
“Well, if I choose him then I have a shot at the top job. So, that only makes sense for me.”
Kendall looks panicked but he’s not giving up.
“He’s never going to give it to you. Rome, come on, man. You can’t trust him. You can trust me.”
Stewy shrugs.
“Ken’s right,” Stewy confirms. “Logan’s fun on the battlefield, but only if you have the right army. If it becomes him versus you alone, Ro-Ro… you’re fucked. And you know that.”
Roman scrunches his face and Kendall, Stewy, and Rava look at him with almost desperate expectation.
“All right, stop fucking staring at me.” He waves them off. “Let me think.”
Stewy stands up.
“No, Roman, we need to know if you’re in.”
Kendall puts his arm out.
“No, it’s okay.” His gaze lingers on Roman for a second. “Let him think.”
He turns back to Stewy and Rava and he sits back down, this time next to Rava.
“I knew he was a bad idea," Stewy whispers to Kendall. "Can’t believe you talked me into this. After the way he voted at your last special board meeting?"
“Yeah? Remind me, how’d you vote there again?” Kendall whispers back resentfully.
"Abstaining is not the same thing, Ken."
"Oh, no? Funny it had the same effect." Stewy sighs and gives him an irritated look before going back to his armchair. Kendall suddenly feels insane for allying with two people who didn’t support him so recently. He looks at Rava for reassurance.
“You want to go in the other room for a while?” She asks, wanting to keep things as low-key as possible while they’re all stuck on the plane together. He nods. Stewy returns to the documents and Kendall and Rava walk into the next compartment over and close the door for a moment of quiet.
“Yeah. Fuck. This… shouldn’t even be happening,” he repeats. He’s nervous and she wishes he weren’t thinking about the rescinded announcement. She winces at the memory of their first talk at Logan’s birthday party. He sits on the couch and she falls in next to him, as close as she can get.
“I know. It’s going to be worth it,” she tries, without knowing if it’s true. She considers how to make him smile. “If it’s not, you know, it'll be a lot of drama,” she says. “You could get a reality show going at the studio. Business Bros. I bet it would sell.”
“Yeah. Funny. Okay.”
“Well, don’t worry, you would be the star. Obviously,” she says knowingly. She winds her arms around the back of his neck and he looks at her. "I'm fucking with you. I know this is rough. I hope he comes to his senses." Kendall sighs and nods.
"Can I even trust either one of them?" He asks. Rava checks to see if that's a rhetorical question. It's not.
"Honestly?" She feels a little guilt but she doesn't want to lie to him either. "I don't know," she says truthfully. "I want to say yes."
"Yeah. Me too," he answers. He drops his head back onto the couch cushion behind him. "Well, you’re gonna have to change the title. I am not a bro.”
“No, of course not,” she teases as she fingers his baseball cap with one hand and the sunglasses hanging off his t-shirt with another. He wants to let her distract him and meets her eyes.
“Hey, I’m a trendsetter. Have you seen the articles about this?” He picks his head up and gestures to his hat.
“Yes, I do nothing but Google your fashion influence in my spare time.” He laughs a little and she puts her hand on the back of his neck and plays with his hair for a moment. The door opens and Stewy pokes his head in, immediately rolling his eyes at the scene.
“The soon-to-be traitor wants to talk to you," he says to Kendall.
“What- did he say that? He’s actually turning? He’s- he’s going to ruin our collective future to get a worse position than the one I’m offering him- that he doesn’t even deserve? What the fuck-“
Stewy puts his hands up.
“I don’t know. You talk to him. Be the big brother. Or kill him.” Kendall gives him a look. “Quickly, obviously, lovingly. Just kill him. We cannot have this, Ken. I’m allowing him to be involved for you. So you’d better fix this.”
“You’re ‘allowing-?’“ Kendall decides there’s no time for that argument and focuses on fixing the problem instead, standing up and striding back into the main cabin. Rava follows close behind to watch it unfold. He sits down next to Roman, drumming his fingers on the side of the seat and looking at him expectantly.
Roman waits a minute.
“Am I going to get fucked here?” Roman asks genuinely.
“No,” Kendall answers right away.
“I’m fucking serious, if you and Stewy fuck me and shut the treehouse door like when we were kids I am actually going to hire a hitman.”
“Right. Well, no hitman necessary. You can trust me.” Roman looks at him. “We’re not fourteen, Rome. This is real. We have a window here to make shit happen. It’s our time. Let’s do this.” Roman scrunches his face and looks out the window. Kendall tries another tactic. “And- I mean, don’t do it for me-”
“Well, obviously not.”
Kendall brushes it off.
“-do it for yourself. I mean, COO, Rome. Better than Division Prez. I’ll find a place for Frank where you don’t even have to see him. Or- me, mostly.”
“Yeah, this isn’t about you.” Kendall tries not to show how glad he is to hear that.
“Okay-? Well, then even better. So? You’re in?” He smiles cautiously. “Does Waystar have a new COO?”
Roman makes himself look at Kendall. He’s worried but he likes the sound of his new title, the excitement in Kendall's eyes.
“Fine.”
Stewy breathes a sigh of relief and walks over to the jet’s bar cart.
“Fuck you, if something happens-“ Roman warns.
“It won’t,” Kendall assures him. “We’re good.”
…………..
Kendall looks into his soda and glances up at Rava. The welcome drinks are well underway and standing together with no one else around seems to be the safest route. No leaks.
“So, Frank said the Canadians called me ‘the calamari cock ring,’” Kendall laments. A laugh escapes Rava’s mouth despite her effort to stop it. He looks at her ruefully. “Oh, that’s funny?” She turns back to being serious.
“No. I don’t even- what does that even mean?”
“Probably not deep respect for my leadership skills,” he sighs.
“Well, they’ll just have to see,” she insists.
“Or I’ll never get the chance.”
“Don’t say that. Sandy said it’s a given.”
“Let’s not forget that Sandy’s rivalry with Dad started before I was born. So, you know, I don’t think I’m a dealbreaker for him.” His eyes flit over her shoulder and immediately back to her. “Uh, fuck. It’s Dad. Approaching.”
The first interaction since he was fired. She closes her eyes and rubs her temple.
“Of course it is. Just what you need. You want to leave?” She asks.
“No. Uh- or- no- I- I’ll talk to him. I’ll be right back.”
She shrinks back into the crowd just in time for Stewy to appear at her side.
“You see this?” He asks, gesturing to the pair. “This is some fucking classic manipulation. What do you think he’s offering him? Another try, more money, his old job?” He turns to Rava. “He wouldn’t just take his old job back, would he?”
She sighs.
“Over the possibility of CEO?” Their eyes meet for a second.
“Yeah,” Stewy nods. “No, he’s good.” He checks his phone and shuts his eyes. “Ughhhh, Jesus fucking Christ. Did he talk to anyone else about this?”
“Uh, why?” She asks, not knowing whether she should answer that.
“Press leak. We’re going to have to expedite. Ken?” He calls as Kendall walks back from his talk with Logan and Stewy pulls him aside to tell him the unfortunate news. Kendall looks very worried when he returns to Rava.
“I have to go see the sibs before they find out. Sorry, I just- this really is the last time we’re gonna be okay all together.”
“No, it isn’t,” Rava insists. “But yeah. Go.”
…………
The morning of the wedding, he’s standing in front of the mirror and putting his jacket on when he turns around to face her, energy up, nerves up. His attention is on business and it makes her want it back on her.
“Okay. How does it look, am I ready?” He’s so serious, so focused, so buttoned up and put together. So… She leans forward and rests her chin in her hand, slowly looking him over in the most exaggerated way possible, raising her eyebrows when she reaches his eyes. He shakes his head and smiles and can’t look at her.
“Uh-huh. Seriously.”
She laughs and continues staring. “You look… great.” She returns to checking him out in the most obvious way she can and he shifts under her gaze.
“Okay. Stop it.”
She smiles.
“Am I making you nervous?”
He chokes out a laugh.
“Yes. Yes, you- yeah, you do that.”
“That’s very cute,” she giggles a little and he shakes his head and turns and walks towards the cavernous closet. “Okay, but I can watch you walk away,” she calls after him.
“Yeah, fuck you,” he’s laughing and she can’t stop.
“When, tonight?”
She’s not kidding. He walks back out with a new confident energy, coming right over to where she’s sitting and bending down to put his face an inch away from hers.
“If you’re lucky.” His voice is deep and it makes her shiver. She holds his tie and looks up at him. He smirks at her. “I like you like this,” he says.
“Fuck you,” she breathes out.
“When, tonight?” He says mockingly, smiling as he walks out of the room to the sound of her laughter.
He chuckles as he goes down the hall. She hasn’t been like this since she was pregnant with Iverson. He remembers always being exhausted and happy about it. She never let him be. “Come home for lunch,” she’d text him while he was at work. “You looked sooooo good this morning, I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“I’m feeling a little objectified,” he’d tease her. It made her want him more. Once in a while he’d make an excuse to go home for an hour and give her exactly what she wanted. She’d grab him as soon as he’d walk in the door.
“Mmm- tonight you have to let me- mmm- sit on the couch for like, one hour-“ He’d try to say in between kisses. She’d make no promises but sometimes she’d watch him when he fell asleep on the couch at 7:00 PM and kiss him so softly that he would barely wake up. The memories combined with his nervousness about today make him turn around in the hall and hurry back to the room. She had a feeling he’d be back and she’s ready for him. He walks right into her arms.
“Okay, actually, I don’t know if I can do this. I- I can’t believe it’s on me, and- fucking- today.” He looks down and sadness hits him. "Last night was so nice with them, like, real. Hasn't been like that since we were kids, I just- I don't want to be the one to ruin that. This is..."
“Well, they know it's... part of the game?" She replies halfheartedly. She knows how badly he wants to believe that the whole sibling relationship changed because of one moment, but she knows they'd have returned to sparring regardless of what he does today.
"You're quoting Dad?" he smiles sadly. She touches his arm and tilts her head to look into his eyes.
"Anything to make it better," she half-jokes.
"Yeah, I mean, it has to be done. I don't know, maybe they'll get past it someday. Shiv and Connor don't even care, right? And Roman's with me. So..." he sighs. "I don't know if I can actually deliver this letter to Dad."
"Yes, you can.” Part of her wishes they could run away and not deal with Logan ever again, but she knows her husband. She leans back just enough to look into his eyes, wild and worried. “You deserve this. Go get it.”
He looks at her and nods seriously as he works on steadying himself. She remembers something.
“But before you go, Iverson drew something I think you’ll want to see,” she smiles. She takes his hand and leads him over to the nightstand where the kids’ drawings are. He looks down at a picture of a stick figure with dark hair wearing a cape and a tie flying by some tall buildings. Rava gives him a sweet look.
“What- is that-?” She keeps smiling and he looks at her uncertainly, hopefully. “Is that me?” He might cry.
“He’s been reading your old comics in the study,” she shrugs. “I told you you were a superhero.”
He blinks back a tear. “Can we get a fridge that magnets stick to?”
“Or we could just have it framed,” she smiles. “You know he thinks this even though he has no idea what’s going on at work. No matter what happens, this is who you are to your son.”
Kendall feels like he’s melting into a puddle.
“Okay-“ He gestures to himself. “Now I’m… this, when I’m, you know, I’m supposed to be made of steel right now,” he chuckles. She holds his hands again.
“I love that you’re not made of steel. That's why the company's going to be better off with you in charge.”
“You think?” He asks genuinely.
“I know.”
Chapter 11 💗
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