#plus ive decided i wanted to write a book i have stuck on my head for the past 8 years and im heavily working on the outline currently

[bowdawn]

I know it's been a few weeks since I uploaded My Boy Potter. 

bUT

I'm working on it. 

And by working I mean waiting for me to sit down and write.

The next chapter is a big development on James and Lily's relationship and needs to be just right.

So hang on.

#also i was having a severe anxiety crisis over the fact that i needed a job asap as my freelas weren't enough #now i have a job and i actually have work to do so i can't work on my shit there #plus ive decided i wanted to write a book i have stuck on my head for the past 8 years and im heavily working on the outline currently

[mitchsmarners]

writing prompt masterlist #1

 Of course, there’s 75 million prompt lists out there but i figured there’s nothing wrong with making my own. Send me a category + a number + a pairing and i’ll write you a fic. Okay to reblog and use :) (x)

Fake/Secret/Etc Dating AUs:

my parents keep setting me up on blind dates but in reality I’m dating you and it’s so you help me get out of them

i hate commitment but my dad’s dying wish is to see me get married and you’re an old family friend i ran into at the airport on my way to visit him so hey let’s get engaged

you need a plus-one for your brother’s wedding so i’m going as a favor but there’s been a misunderstanding and now your whole family thinks we’re engaged

i’m mad at my parents so i ask you out because they wouldn’t approve of you and you’re well aware that i’m just using you but you agree because you find it funny but hey you’re actually super sweet

there’s this really creepy person hitting on me and i don’t know you but you pretending to be my partner completely saved my ass thanks how about i buy you a drink

we’re just really touchy friends and we get each other gifts all the time but everyone thinks we’re going out and we let them think that but why are you getting upset about me going on a date we’re not actually together? 

I’m sorry you always thought your love for me was unrequited but on to more important matters YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING SO YOU HAVE A DECISION TO MAKE YOU ASSHOLE!

Our mutual friend apparently has been waiting for us to get together and so they’re very angry/disappointed/upset when they find out that the reason we kissed last night was because we were black-out drunk

everyone thinks we hate each other and we keep that front up in public, so we have hilarious pretend fights and squabbles and pranks 

when we were little I accidentally mentioned that I had a crush on you but I always thought you didn’t hear me because you just looked at me weird and never commented but now we’re in high school and omg you just introduced me as your boyfriend/girlfriend/datemate wtf we never discussed this

friends to lovers aus

You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

 You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

Celebrity/Famous AUs

listen, you may be a famous (and extremely attractive) guitarist, but that gives you no right to practise on the electric at two a.m when we live right next to each other.

We broke up and I used my feelings to write songs and now I’m super popular and you want me back

we decided to make a fake vlog drama for our subscribers and they all think it’s real but jokes on us we end up actually liking each other

I run a prank channel and you were some innocent bystander I pranked for a video but then it turns out hey, you’re also famous online haha shit

we met and started talking but i didn’t know you were a rising star until i noticed cameras following me wtf

you’re a reporter and i think you’re super cute so i’ll only give you personal interviews to help your career and also get you to talk to me more

I’m a celebrity and I have a secret social media account and we started talking online and now we’re close friends but you want to meet up oh shit

I’m a celebrity and I may or may not be following your blog which is dedicated to me. reading your comments and tags are hilarious and very flattering and I’m somewhat smitten  

You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

wedding/kids/marriage/long term relationship AUs

we’ve been dating forever, and you just caught the bouquet at our friend’s wedding

remember when we were in high school and we swore that if we were still single at 30 we’d marry each other, well hey guess whose birthday it is

i’m a runaway bride/groom and you’re driving my getaway car

I suddenly bumped into you after years and wow you look good but holy crap is that a kid?? since when?

you had a breakdown because the baby wouldn’t stop crying and you kept saying how you weren’t ready and how you couldn’t do it

whenever my kid starts crying I just hand them to you and then they just stop and start smiling

“i’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually nevermind i agree, that shirt is horrendous”

i always tease you because that’s just our thing we tease each other but for some reason you snapped at me and are you okay? what’s wrong?

my in-laws despise me GREAT but around you they’re super nice so you don’t believe me

neighbours AUs

You always complain about how loud I am (whether it be TV, video games or music/musical instrument is up to you) and this is the first time you’ve actually knocked on my apartment door and given me a lecture there rather than giving me a phone call, but I’m not really listening because I didn’t  realise I had such a cute neighbour

you never open your door for children on halloween so i always pay the kids to smear your door with shaving cream

my printer isnt printing anymore and my papers are due tomorrow so im on my knees in front of your door begging to use your printer when the old lady from above passes us and thinks im proposing to you

we always run into each other on the stairs but we’ve never said more than hello but when we found out that we both hate the other neighbours, we became friends

i came home drunk and wouldnt stop knocking on your door. when you open i keep telling you to get out of my apartment

after a rough party night i find you sleeping on the stairs but since im still a little asshole all i do is put a blanket over you and a pillow under your head

Please help me, I know you have a kid and my sibling just dropped their baby on me where’s the button to put them to sleep?

I’m stressed and sleep-deprived, please let me pet your cat. 

I have really weird dreams and you have really weird dreams so now we’re in this contest to see who has the weirdest dreams.

Strangers/Meet Cute (or meet very NOT cute) AUs 

We were sitting next to each other in a public place and I saw a mosquito on you and my instincts just acted before my mind.

We mixed up our clothes at the laundry service and I have nothing left to wear and every thing you wear is too big/small for me.

We’re at a comic book store and if you tell me your superhero is better than mine I’m gonna have to punch you in the teeth.

There are no table left at this restaurant and you let me sit at yours since you’re alone.

I’m a single grown-up with busy friends but I want to go to Disneyland so I drop a message on a forum to find someone like me to go wear silly Mickey ears headband and stuff ourselves with cotton candy.

My computer broke down so I called an IT and now I need to find a reason to call them back so I delete important files and download adwares and do all kinds of stupid things. 

I almost dropped something and in my fumbling attempts to stop it from hitting the floor I accidentally projectiled it at your face and it’s a really nice face I’m so sorry

first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

 Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

college/high school AUs:

i went on a date with a boy who had plans to take me to dinner and drinks. but he lost his wallet at a pizza place so we just walked around the neighborhood, sat in the park and talked.

we’re in the same study group but we dont talk but you brought goldfish and im starving

we have the same notebook and we took the wrong ones home so i used your notes on my open book test

you were my elementary school crush but you moved away but somehow we end up miraculously going to the same college and i barely recognized you because holy hot damn you are more attractive than i remember?

I tripped over on my way to this party and I’m bleeding profusely from the grazes on my knees and you’re a complete stranger that pretty much jumped me the second I walked in the door to play nurse

ive had a crush on you for 3+ years and now youre going out with my best friend and i definitely havent locked myself in a toilet cubicle to cry

We’re in different debate classes and I was constructing a case on the board and I come in the next morning and you’ve replied to all my points really well?? But I don’t even know your name? And oh shit, we’re taking over the entire whiteboard, is that your phone number squeezed into the corner of the board there?

You have braces and I don’t and I keep forgetting you’re not allowed to have gum so every time I offer, you give this death glare

You sent me a text asking if I wanted to go to prom on the day of prom and I’m not in town

I’m a notorious goody two shoes and you look like you get into fights on a daily basis, so when you were in the library on the first day I was supposed to be a tutor, I assumed I’d be tutoring you. But, as it turns out, we’re both tutors, and the people we’re tutoring keep blowing us off to make out and we have to go round them up

we have a mutual best friend but they cannot find out how much i like you then they’ll tell you, but i need to find out if you’re single!

I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious 

You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close

soulmate aus

if one soulmate gets an injury, the other gets it as well.

Character A has a soulmate, but Character A died before they got to meet them. As Character A navigates the afterlife in their ghostly form, they discover that they can’t “move on” until they’ve met their soulmate.

 the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born

when you write something on your skin with pen/marker/whatever, it will show up on your soul mates skin as well.

You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or something

you have a compass on your wrist and it directs you to where your soulmate is

i usually think i’m having a conversation with myself in my head but it turns out we’re telepathically connected

everybody is born with a map “tattooed” on their forearm that’s centered on the exact location of where they’ll first meet their soul mate 

#writing #writing prompts #i did this instead of........ actually writing #eddieways feel free to reblog and/or send prompts

[mattygraygubler]

our campus: chapter 8 (tom holland fic)

summary: frat!tom and reader go to the same college and y/n is tasked with being his tutor, they don’t really get along at first (because i love reader and tom hating each other trope)

warnings: drinking, drinking, more drinking, mentions of sex

word count: 2.6

a/n: sort of a cliff hanger at the end???? we’ll see what happens! 

as always texts are bolded

for a list of characters click here

to be added to the tag list send me an ask !

masterlist

✰✰✰✰✰

You slowly opened your eyes and were immediately confused. You were in your room, but you felt someone’s arms around you. 

You drank almost an entire bottle of wine last night, so needless to say, you didn’t really remember anything. You didn’t think you slept with someone… But did you? 

The body groaned, but you still couldn’t figure out who it was because the lights were off and blackout curtains closed. You pushed their shoulder a bit and heard a british voice say “Whaa?” 

“Tom?” You asked incredulously. 

“Good morning, darling,” he said. His voice was raspy and low, so incredibly sexy. 

“What are you doing here? Why are you shirtless, where are my pants?! Did we- ohmigod tell me we didn’t…” 

“You don’t remember?” He asked and you shook your head, still very aware that his arm was around you and your legs were intertwined. “Relax, we didn’t have sex, love. We just hung out and then watched a movie and fell asleep.”

“Then where’s your shirt?” He laughed. 

“You’re wearing it. You were cold and wouldn’t let me leave the bed, so I gave it to you.” You bit your lip, very uncomfortable. It was one thing to sleep with someone and not remember it, but to spend the entire night cuddling? You weren’t a couple, who does that?!

“Oh. I’m sorry.” You said and sat up, untangling your body from his.

“What are you apologizing for?” He asked. 

“I mean… I’m your tutor, we’re just becoming friends, it’s weird for us to-to sleep in the same bed together and-” 

“Y/N, slow down. We’re friends. It’s really not a big deal, totally platonic. I mean, c’mon, you’ve never slept in the same bed as Kyle? Or Emily?” 

“No, I have…” “Then what’s the big deal?” He asked. 

“I guess there isn’t one…” You replied. Tom swung his leg over the side of the bed, stretching and getting his stuff together. You couldn’t help but watch his back muscles flex when he stretched. You wanted to run your fingernails along it. 

“I gotta take care of some stuff, I’ll see you later today?” He asked. You nodded. 

“Sure, I’ll see you later. Wait, Tom!” You said before he could walk out the door.  

“Yes?” He turned back to look at you. 

“You’re, uhm… You need your sweatshirt back.” You started to take it off. 

“I’m only going down two floors. You look comfy anyway.” He said and smiled at you before walking out. 

You lied back down in bed, picking up your phone and checking the alerts. You scrolled through all the drunk texts from last night, laughing at a lot of them. 

♡girly girls♡

Em

GUYS

Al

whaaaaaat em

Em

GUYS GUYS GUYS

Iz

em what happened

Em

NOTHING HAPPENED

YET

CHECK THE WEATHER REPORT

You rolled your eyes and checked the weather report, unsure of what she was referring to. It was the first weekend in February, so you weren’t expecting your weather app to show you a 100% chance of snow starting in a few hours and lasting until Monday night. 

Em

THATS RIGHT LADIES

SNOOOOOOWWWW DAAAAYYYYYY

Al

Y/N we’ll be over at 9 to play games, iz you and i are goin to grab the booze, em youre in charge of food

You

what am i in charge of? 

Al 

dont you have homework? plus were using your room, we can take care of all the stuff

Iz

are we inviting anyone else?

Em

thank you for asking i would love to invite harrison

Iz

im fine with that if i can invite cal

Cal was the nerdy boy from delt who Isabelle was seeing. It was really low key, they’d only gone on a few dates, and things hadn’t gotten physical yet. 

Em

Y/N! invite tom and we’ll make it a total delt nite !!!

You

yeah ok ill invite him. were gonna be studying anyway. 

Al

wow i expected more push back

You

were friends now, it wont be weird. its not like its a quintouple date

Iz

it is if one of those delt boys has a gay sister

Al

not interested. besides i doubt more than 7 people can fit comfortably in Y/N’s room

You

fine ill see you guys tonight.

You hopped in the shower, putting on a pair of leggings and a cropped sweatshirt. You decided to text Tom. 

You

hey so it looks like its gonna snow i was wondering if we could work at my place instead?

also ive been told to invite you to our game night tonight

Tom

interesting, because i was already invited

what took you so long Y/L/N?

You

sorry i was in the shower

Tom

likely story

but yeah that sounds great ill see you in a few hours

A few hours. That’s plenty of time for you to put your glasses on, earbuds in, and really focus on your homework. 

* * *

You were pulled from your law reading by a knock at the door. You opened it, seeing Tom in a soccer tee shirt and gray sweatpants. His hair was wet and he ran his fingers through it. 

You hoped he didn’t see the fact that you bit your lip, but you couldn’t help yourself. He just looked so incredibly sexy. 

“You look... “ His eyes scanned your body and you immediately wrapped your arms around you, insecure. 

“What?”

“No, you just never wear stuff like this in front of me. You’re always so put together.” 

“Your point?” 

“You look cute, that’s all.” Tom said and walked into the room. He thought you were cute? No, you needed to calm down, he’s the biggest player ever, he didn’t mean anything. Just some accidental flirting. 

“I brought tequila, Harrison said it’s your favorite.” He said and dropped his backpack on the floor and put the tequila on the table where you kept your booze. 

“That’s sweet of you, thank you, it is my favorite.” “Really? I thought he was joking.” “No, why?” 

“You’re just… you’re really something else, Y/N.” He said with a laugh. 

You grabbed your notebooks and started the session, you checking his homework, him redoing the mistakes, and you answering any questions he had about the material. 

“You’ve definitely made an improvement,” you said as you finished reading his essay on the power shifts in England from the 1600s to today. 

“Thank you? I think?” 

“You’re welcome. You’re almost there, but you’re still not incorporating this source correctly.” 

“That’s because that source makes no sense. The writing is so convoluted, it’s mental!” 

“Then why don’t you find a new source?” You asked. 

“Well… I thought I’d be easier if I just stuck with this one.” Normally you would have rolled your eyes at that, but instead you found yourself laughing. 

“Read it again,” You said and handed him the library book he was using as his last source, “And if you still can’t understand it, I can explain it or we can just find a new source.” 

You grabbed your own book, Rage Becomes Her, which you were reading for your Women, Politics, and Public Policy class, and started highlighting right where you left off. 

You both got lost in your books, highlighting and annotating in silence. Every once in a while Tom would stop to ask you about a particular passage. 

It was another hour or so before you both heard a knock on your door. You got up to open it, and as soon as you did Emily burst into the room, Harrison right behind her holding three pizzas. 

“TOM!” Emily said and tackled him in a hug. “It’s so good to see you again!” “I didn’t realize you two had met,” you said and helped Harrison with the pizzas. 

“Just once,” Tom said with a laugh. He made himself comfortable on your bed instead of the floor, Harrison took a seat on your comfy chair and Emily made herself comfortable on his lap. 

“I better leave this unlocked,” you said. “I would offer you guys a drink, but Isabelle and Ally are-” 

“Did someone say something about a drink?” Isabelle said, pushing the door opened. 

“What’s up bitches,” Ally said and put a bottle of wine, svedka, prosecco, and a 30 on the booze table. 

“How long do you guys anticipate this storm lasting, because that is a LOT of booze for 7 people,” you commented. 

“Lighten up, babe, it’s not like we have to drink it all tonight.” Isabelle responded. 

“Better to be safe than sorry.” Ally said with a mischievous grin. They greeted the others in the room when you heard a knock on your door. 

“I heard there was a party happening here?” Cal said as he pushed open the door. You closed it all the way behind him so no one else could stumble in. 

After everyone introduced themselves to each other, Harrison said “So what does everyone want to play first?” 

“Oh, you’re new.” Ally said. “See, we kinda of have an agenda.” “Is that so?” Harrison asked. Emily kissed his cheek. “Tell me more.”

“Well the first time we had a snow day, we took turns picking our favorite games, and then we just stuck with that formula. First is A which means kings,” Isabelle said. “Then Emily, which means never have I ever. Then me, which means truth or dare. And then Y/N.” 

“And what does Y/N pick?” Tom asked.

“Y/N picks poker, of course. But most of the time were too drunk to get there.” Ally said. 

“Yeah I really got the short end of the stick there. It’s a good formula, though.” You replied and grabbed a deck of cards and a beer. 

“Let’s go, boys and girls.” You said. Everyone sat in a circle, the beer in the middle like you were worshipping it, and you spread out the cards in a circle around it. You saw Tom and Harrison exchange a look across the circle. 

“Something wrong?” You asked. 

“Well… Don’t judge us, but we’ve never played this game before. They don’t have it in England.” Everyone else laughed quietly at Harrison’s statement. 

“It’s easy. Everyone picks a card, and each card has an action assigned to it. Ace is waterfall,” You said. 

“Two is you, so you pick someone to drink.” Isabelle said.

“Three is me, so you drink.” Cal said as you went around the circle explaining the rules. 

“Four is floor, so the last person to slap the floor loses.” Emily said. 

“Five is guys,” Ally said. 

“Six is chicks,” You said and the circle started again. 

“Seven is heaven, so last person to touch the ceiling drinks.” 

“Eight is date, so you pick someone and whenever one of you drinks the other has to too, for the rest of the game.” 

“Nine is rhyme, so you go around the circle saying words that rhyme and the person who can’t continue the rhymes drinks.” 

“Ten is categories, so it’s the same as nine but with a category of something, like animals.” 

“Jack is never have I ever.” 

“Queen is questions, so the next person who answers a question they ask drinks.” 

“And finally, king is the ruler, so you make a rule that everyone has to follow until the next king is pulled.” 

“Make sense?” You asked. 

“Not one bit.” Tom responded. 

“You’ll get the hang of it, I promise it gets easier.” You said. “Al goes first.” 

“Why?” Harrison asked. 

“Gay goes first.” The four of you said in unison. The boys looked scared. They had no idea what they had gotten themselves into. 

“One last rule. First drink is a shot of your chosen poison. After that, you can drink whatever you want.” You explained as Isabelle gave each person a shot glass and the handles of hard liquor were passed around.

“Four,” Ally said and everyone slapped the floor except Tom and Harrison. Harrison realized first, so you watched as Tom downed the shot across the circle. He tensed his jaw after, which made you wet already. When he saw you looking at him, he winked at you.

Your turn was next, so you quickly pulled a card, a six, so you and the other girls did your shots and then began to pour yourselves your chosen drinks. For you, that was a second shot of tequila and then a rum and orange soda.

“Two.” Isabelle said with a grin. “I choose our kings sponsor, miss Alexandria Park.” Everyone whooped as Ally dramatically took a sip of her beer. 

“Five,” Cal said. The boys took their shots, except Tom who took a sip of his beer. 

“My turn then?” Tom said and drew a card. “Eight. Which one is that?” 

“Date. You pick someone and for the rest of the game whenever one of you drinks, the other has to too.” Cal explained. Tom looked around the circle, but you already suspected who he was going to pick. 

“Y/N,” he said. “Would you care to be my date?” 

“You’re exhausting, Holland. What, are you trying to get me drunk or something?” That shut him up, right as Harrison said ‘seven’ and everyone reached for the ceiling except Tom, who groaned and complained about having to drink again. 

Cal was the one who finally popped the beer and had to chug it. You put the cards to the side and everyone held up ten fingers, already ready for never have I ever. 

Things started off innocent enough, with Emily sharing that she had never peed in a pool. By the time you all went once and it was Harrison’s turn, he made things more interesting. 

“Never have I ever slept with more than 15 different people.” You and Tom were the only ones who clapped. 

Harrison rolled his eyes. “Jesus fucking christ, it’s like you guys were made for each other.” He commented. Your face got red, which Emily noticed, so she went quickly next. 

You finally lost, getting rid of your ten fingers before anyone else. You were always a bag of secrets, and Tom found himself learning more and more things about you he didn’t know. Like that you had a tattoo, or that you’ve gone skinny dipping, or that you’ve never had a gin and tonic. 

You were all wasted, that was clear. Isabelle was in between Cal’s legs on the floor, leaning her back against his chest. Ally was lying on the couch all by herself, upside down. Harrison was in your big chair with Emily on his lap, and you and Tom were on your bed, you lying on your stomach and him sitting against the headboard. 

“Isabelle, truth or dare?” Cal asked. 

“Dare,” she said, looking back at him. 

“I dare you to ditch your friends and come back to my room with me.” He said. 

Isabelle shared a look with all of you before saying “Sorry guys, I’m not one to turn down a dare.” They grabbed the half-drunk bottle of prosecco on their way out. 

“Al, truth or dare?” Emily asked. This went on until Ally passed out from drinking, still upside down. 

“We’ll get her home.” Harrison said. He picked Ally up as Emily collected their stuff and bid you and Tom good night. You both sat in silence for a few minutes, when Tom’s phone lit up. 

“Do you mind if I chill here for a while? I’ll stay on the couch if you want to go to sleep, but Harrison just said him and Emily want some alone time and her roommate is home.” 

“Of course, I don’t mind.” You responded. You stumbled off the bed, going to pour yourself another drink. 

“Ok, Y/N.” Tom said, moving so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. “Truth or dare?” You turned to look at him and saw a dark look in his brown eyes. 

“Dare.” 

“I dare you to kiss me.” 

#tom holland imagine #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #frat!tom

[littlebitoffanfic]

Aint Such A Bad Guy

Fandom: IT Character: Belch – Reginald Huggins Relationship: Belch/reader Request: I LOVE YOU! WILL YOU PLEASE WRITE MORE FOR BELCH??? Idk, him and the reader both have detention and he offers to driver her home but they end up on a date or something? I know you’ll do great! Leaning back in your chair, you signed loudly. This was completely unfair. You should be stuck in detention because of some jackass who couldn’t drive. The door to the room opened and in walked Reginald Huggins, also known as Belch. You thought you had been the only on in detention today, but when the teacher told him to take a seat, you knew it was going to be the two of you. You honestly didn’t know him well enough to have a proper opinion of him. You stayed out of the bad books of most of the people at school so you never really needed to deal with him or the rest of the bowers gang. Belch took a seat in the same row as you but three chairs away. You saw the surprised expression on his face when his eyes fell on you, but just assumed it was for the same reason you were surprised to see him. the teacher rose to his feet and said he had to go get something from his office at that neither of you were to leave. He walked out the door, leaving it open as he did so. Signing, you leaned back in your chair and looked out the window. It was raining heavily in Derry today. You had already got drenched running to school tomorrow, and now you were going to get drenched running home. You lived just outside of town, which was the main reason you had a car. No busses went by your house and your parents were often away for work so you were pretty independent. “What you in for?” A voice pulled you from your self pity, making you jump. “huh?” You turned to him, not fully catching what he had said. “Why do you have detention?” he clarified, thinking you hadn’t understood his question. “Oh, I was late.” You tell him, wondering why he was making small talk with you. Maybe it was because his friends weren’t here. “don’t you have a car? Did yah sleep in or something?” he frowned. “No, I was in an accident on my way this morning. I had to abandon my car just outside of derry and run in this morning. I was soaked when I got it. I explained everything to Mr Robertson but he said I still had detention.” You growled the last bit, annoyed that you hadn’t been given a little leeway considering you had never been late before. “That’s shit.” Belch agreed. “Why didn’t you just go home?” “I was half way between both. And my parents are away so I would have still had to walk back in.” You shrugged. “Still, if you were in an accident. How bad?” He asked. You couldn’t help but smile. He seemed genuinely concerned for you. “I wasn’t harmed. Some guy lost control in the rain and skidded. He scraped the side of my car and as I tried to avoid him, my tire blew. He drove away and I didn’t get his licence plate. I don’t really know how to change a tire in the pouring rain.” You leaned forward on the desk, dreading trying to get home. “I can give you a lift.” He offered, making you shoot up and stare at him. This was risky. You didn’t know if you could trust him at all, let alone in a car. But his friends were always in with him and he hadn’t killed them yet. Plus they were always hanging out the window and doing stupid shit without anything happening to them. But you knew he adored his car and spent every penny he had on it. You saw him lean back in his chair, as if he wanted the floor to swallow him. And, unless you were mistaken, there was a slight blush on his cheeks. “That would be great.” You smiled, surprised he was being so nice to you but deciding to give him a chance. The teacher came back just a moment later with papers to grade and the two of you fell back into silence. But this time, it was more conformable than before. Eventually, he told you both to go home and you gathered your things. Belch waited for you at the door and you both walked through the deserted corridors and out into the rain. You used your coat to cover your hair while Belch had on a hoodie so he pulled the hood up. It was obvious which one was his car because there was only a handful of cars in the lot. You followed him and waited at the passenger side till he unlocked the room and you both hurried in. “Where abouts to do you live?” belch asked as he started the engine. “Its hard to explain, ill give you directions.” You tell him and he starts driving. “Tell me when we’re near your car and I’ll pull over.” He changes the gear a little early and the car judders a little. If you didn’t know any better, you could have sworn he was nervous. Maybe it was the first time he had had a girl in his car. As he turned a corner, you saw a group of kids walked dangerously close to a puddle. “Don’t even think about it.” You look at him out the corner of your eyes and saw a smirk form on his lips. You let out a laugh, knowing he knew exactly what you were thinking and confirming it had been his plan. But he did avoid the puddle, to his credit. From that moment on, things loosened up between you two. He started joking with you and you laughed with him. He was actually incredibly funny and at one point, he had to guess the way because you were laughing too hard to talk. Soon you were leaving derry and on the way to your house. “Oh, its just up here.” You pointed out your car, which was sitting in a layby and Belch pulled in in front of it. The two of you get out the car and walk over to yours, the rain not as bad here because of the trees sheltering the two of you apart from the odd drops. Belch hissed when he saw the scratch on your car and he squatted down at the passenger side tire which was blown. “You got a spare?” He asked. “yeah, it came with the car, but I looked at it and it doesn’t look in good condition.” You opened your car and went to the boot. Opening it and pulling out the bottom, you showed him the tire. “Yeah, that looks in bad condition.” He agrees, leaning in to inspect it a little more. “I think ive got a tire that’ll fit your car at mine. Plus I know how to fix up those scratches.” Belch walked back to the scratches, his fingers running over them to check the depth. You stood for a moment, debating in your mind. But your pause was not unnoticed. “Look, I aint-“ He signed, walking over to you, looking defeated but you interrupted him. “Im sorry. Its just it took me so long to save up and get my car. I don’t know you that well.” You hated yourself as you looked at him. “I know. I aint that bad a guy.” He tried to defend himself, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking embarrassed. “I know.” You smile, seeing him perk up a little. You walked over to him, examining the damage as you did so. “My parents are away till Saturday and I cant get into school without my car. Do you think its possible to have the tire on before tomorrow or is that too soon?” “Nah, I can get it done tonight. I’ll drop you off and get the tire.” Belch couldn’t help but smile at you. Not many people gave him a chance. “Great. Here.” You held out the keys for your car to him. Belch stared at your keys before taking them like they were a lifeline. “Do you need me to come back out and help?” “no, its fine, I’ll not be back out for another hour.” He waved you off and walked back to his car. You followed him, smiling. -------------------time skip -------------------- You leaned against the bumper of your car, resting the bag on top the car. You didn’t want to put it on the floor because it was pretty muddy. The umbrella was resting on your shoulder as you saw the trans-am coming up the path. Smiling, you pushed yourself off your car as Belch pulled in in front of you. “You didn’t have to walk back.” He smiled as he got out his car. “I felt guilty. So I brought an umbrella so you don’t get wet and also some food in case you were hungry.” You took the bag over and rested on his bumper, opening it to show a good selection of pickings. You raised the umbrella higher to accommodate his height as you followed him to his boot and he got out a tire. It was almost identical to your original ones so no one could really tell unless they were inspecting them. He rolled it over to your car and used the repair kit in the back of your car to change the tire. You stood over him with the umbrella the whole time, protecting him from the rain as the two of you talked. It was so strange because the two of you got on like a house on fire, and yet you never noticed how much you had in common until now. “I’ll need a couple of days to get the right stuff to fix the scratches.” Belch dusted his hands as he got to his feet but it was little use, so he wiped it on his jeans. “Thank you so much. Here.” You dug into your pocket and pulled out some money. You knew how much tires cost and also wanted to give him something for the labour. “Let me know how much the starch stuff is.” “No.” he shook his head, turned, and walked out from under the umbrella. “Wait!” you laughed and ran after him, thrusting the money out again. “Just take it.” “I already told you. No.” he smiled at the way out laughed, but refused to take the money. “Take it.” “No.” “Fine, I’ll put it in your car.” You said with triumph and moved past him towards his car. Arms wrapped around your waist and you were pulled into the air, playfully. “Hey!” You laughed, the umbrella dropping to the ground as he lifted you off the ground and away from his car. “Im not taking your money, [y/n].” He was so close to you now, his mouth only inches away from your ear. But you played along. “Why not?” you giggle as he set you nearer your car. You turn around the second your feet touch the ground and before Belch had retracted his hands. There was a moment of silence as you stared at each other. Was it possible to fall in love with someone in an evening? You didn’t know. You did know that you had had a crush on belch when you were younger. A massive crush. But you pushed it to the back of your mind with thoughts it would never happen. You thought you were over it. But you weren’t. “Cause I aint such a bad guy.” He breathes, his eyes darting to your lips and back to your eyes. Droplets of rain ran down both your faces, but burning cheeks stopped them from being noticed. “I know.” You breathed and leaned up, pressing your lips to his. belch moved his hands from your waist to wrapped right around you, engulfing you. Your hands rested on his broad shoulders, gently moving them up and down as you enjoyed the kiss. Sure, you had been kissed a couple of times before. But not like this. Maybe it was the rain and how it made everything just that much more romantic, or maybe it was the way he kissed you back, like it was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He let out a mixture of a growl and a moan into the kiss which made you knees weak. Part of you wondered if he felt the same way. Had he only noticed you recently? Even just today? No, you knew that much. You had heard the teasing when you walked by, his friends saying he was in love with you. But that’s just what guys do, right? It just happened to be you. But maybe there was something more in the teasing? You felt the money in your hand which was now pressed against his shirt. Smirking, you got an idea and ever so gently slid your hand down and to his breast pocket before slipping the money in there before he had a chance to notice. In that moment, the heavens completely opened and the downpour made you jump, pulling back from his lips. Looking up at the sky, you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself. He seemed to understand the silent joke and chuckled along with you. “Wanna go for a drive?” He asks, nodding to his car. “Absolutely.” You giggle. “Let me grab my bag.” Running over to your car, you saw him walk over and pick up the umbrella, collapse it and put it in his car. As you grabbed your bag, you heard footsteps behind you so you closed and locked the door. But before you could say anything, you were being lifted up and carried to his car. “Why?” You laughed, loving how easily he picked you up. “if youre gonna insist on giving me that money, im taking you dinner and a movie.” He smirks as he opens the door and places you in the passenger seat. You took the moment to kiss him quickly before he left to walk around the car and to the drivers side. “Oh so it some sort of date?” You giggled, batting your eyelashes at him which dripped with water. He smiled. “Could call it that. Theres towels in the back seat.” He reaches back and pulls one forward to toss it at you playfully. “At least you’ll have something to brag about.” You giggled as you used it to try dry your hair a little. “Eh?” “Getting a girl all wet with one kiss.” You giggled as you winked at him. Belch had just been about to pull off, and your comment made him miss the bite of the car and it staled with a violent jerk forward. You let out laughter at his flustered face before crawling over to him and kiss him to calm him down. His hands instantly went for your wet hair, seeming to enjoy the feeling of it running through his fingertips. “Thank you. For everything.” You breath against his lips as he looked in your eyes. You wanted him to know you were genuinely thankful for everything and you weren’t just kissing him because you fixed your car. “Told yah. I aint a bad guy.” He smiled as you leaned back into your seat, pulling on the seatbelt as you smiled at him. “I know.”

#it #reginald belch huggins #Reginald belch huggins x reader #Reginald belch huggins/reader #belch huggins #belch huggins x reader #belch huggins/reader

[sherlockxreader]

A Time Of Change - Chapter Three - The Fourth

Title: A Time Of Change Chapter Three: The Fourth Summary: Ava Bradford. Behavioral Analyst of the Miami Police Department. Or former Analyst after the events of the past force her to journey to England and take up a job away from the family she had created. Here, she struggles to keep to herself and her life quickly takes over as she readies for her future on Baker Street. Author: Alexa @alex-awesome1023 Words: 4023 (sorry, not sorry) Characters/Relationships: OC x Sherlock Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Past Physical Abuse, Nightmares Author’s Notes: Yes I know this Chapter is late but i haven't been around a computer to be able to write or post anything so that's on me. But im really excited for everyone to read this. Ive been reading and seeing positive feedback and i am overjoyed with the results especially with the tags!!! Can't wait to see more of your comments and feedback! LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Original Character Ava Bradford is inspired by Zoey Deutch. Enjoy!❤

Finally arriving to Scotland Yard, you were surprised at how big the building was. The precinct in Miami was barely four stories whereas this building practically engulfed that plus more. Taking a moment to look around at the surroundings as you looked at the sizable sign, the text shining as it read “New Scotland Yard”, you shivered from the cold. It’s going to take some time to get used to this London weather. Not being able to stay out in the chill for too long, you quickly walked into the huge building and headed straight for the receptionist desk.

“Hi um, I’m here to see Detective Inspector Lestrade, please.” You said to the receptionist while rummaging through your bag trying to find your ID and badge.

“Name.”

“Ava Bradford” Still typing away at her computer not really paying any attention to you, you handed her your identification when a commotion from the entrance caught your attention. You see two people enter, or rather storm through the doors discussing something in harsh tones. The woman, a young black woman with dark curly hair in her late twenties, was fuming, her face pinched into a scowl and lips pursed. The man was around her age, his hair parted neatly down the middle and his face equally mad. I don’t like the vibe they’re giving off. I can practically smell the stupidity and arrogance. As they walk closer you happen to hear their heated conversation.

“I’m going to kill him! That freak has got some nerve to do that shit in the middle of a press conference. Unbelievable!” She yelped loud enough for both you and the receptionist to look up.

“Oh Sergeant Donovan, are you going up to see Lestrade?” The receptionist asked with a hopeful tone. You had a feeling that she didn’t want to get up off her own ass to go show you where to go.

“I have police reports to give him, why?” She questioned unmannerly, looking to you for a moment with an interest and then complete ignorance like you were a child. Sergeant Donovan made her way over to you both as the receptionist gave you back your ID and badge.

“Would you take Miss Bradford up to see him please?” She asked and you heard the plead in her voice; you metaphorically rolled your eyes. I don’t need anyone’s help. Donovan’s heels echoed through the lobby, the noise echoing ominously, the nameless man still following behind just a step.

They stood with you at the desk, blatantly judging all five feet and two inches of your casual appearance. The man was practically drooling as his eyes trailed up your body and down again; you forced yourself not to gag.

You noticed that Sergeant Donovan was taking a long look at your scuffed pair of classic converse, laced up with polka dot laces. Her expression morphed from a dismissing glance to a repugnant smirk. You knew just then what she thought of you; she thought you were a kid, a teen and someone easy for her to bully. You knew that this was because of your short height plus the laces. Donovan herself was about 5’5 and him about 5’11 so it wasn't that big of a deal really, you were used to being to smallest in the room at 5’2.

“Sure follow me.” Donovan jeered with exasperation in her voice. The man behind her didn't say anything, he just started with a smug grin plastered on his face. They both walked a little in front of you guiding the way. As you three came to the elevator you stopped causing the two to look back at you in confusion. As you looked up at the silver death box, you felt you heart skip and your hand start to sweat. You cursed to yourself.

“Can we, um, take the stairs? I’m trying to work on my cardio.” You blurted out with a small chuckle trying to sound as calm as possible. They both looked at you with confusion and disbelief.

“I would just take the lift, it’s on the twelfth floor.” She insisted as the doors opened and both her and the man stepped in. You looked up at it once more with internal grievance. It’s not worth it Ava, just suck it up. You got it the elevator and were immediately filled with regret. As the two of them discussed what you assume was dinner plans, you decide to take your mind off the death box by figuring out more about the two officers.

Sally Donovan; works for the Metropolitan Police Service as a Detective Sergeant judging by her badge and attitude, she has a huge ego, very rude and hates to be told wrong. That will be fun. She has un-showered hair and worn clothes not more than a day old and is wearing men's deodorant. She’s had a night out. Dull… Seeing the name clip tag on the man’s pocket, you read him.

Phillip Anderson; works for Metropolitan Police Service as a police officer and forensic scientist. Snarky, stuck up, rude, loves to prove people wrong and a perv. He's got the whole package. he’s married going by the ring but I can't tell if it’s happy. A blue buttoned down shirt but un-showered. Taking a sniff, you are taken back by the strong powerful mixture of men's cologne and deodorant but you find that the deodorant, it’s the same as Sergeant Donovan. A colleague scandal.… How fascinating.

You giggled at your discovery and the drama that could come with it, causing both Donovan and the man, Philip, to look at you like you were insane.

“What's so funny that’s got you twisted in knots?” Phillip asked bitterly, his comment making you pause as you tried to figure out the meaning. I keep forgetting that I’m in London with people with British accents, weird being the only American sometimes.

“Oh nothing really. Ignore me.” You managed to say with a steady voice. You could feel your lungs tighten and burn from trying to keep your breathing steady, your heart quickening with nerves with every beep of the elevator letting you know that you've climbed a floor level. Reaching for your necklace, you took a deep breath to calm yourself and expel the anxiety within your core.

Finally feeling the box stop, you ushered towards the door rather quickly but not to the point of abnormality. You instantly felt better after getting out and you let the fresh air into your lungs with a deep breath. That wasn't so bad.

Donovan and Phillip pass by you without a second glance and you follow the two down the corridor to an office. You read the name on the door and desk laminate. Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade. As you walk in, you see a man in his late 30’s or early 40's with graying hair sitting at the desk drinking coffee, going by the smell. He looked up from his paperwork and flashed a weak smile.

“Hello, you must be Detective Bradford.” He said as he stood from his chair and reached to shake your hand. As you went to shake his hand, Donovan choked on the air.

“This ‘kid’ is the new Behavioral Analysis Detective!?” She barked, loud enough for the whole floor to hear.

“As a matter of fact, I am, Sergeant Sally Donovan and you should be quick to hold that tongue of yours considering the circumstances. I suggest you get back to trying to solve these suicides  instead of spending the whole night out on the town. And Mr Anderson, please try spending sometime with your wife and not with the other woman.” You raised your brow and shifted your eyes between the two then turning around to shake Greg’s outstretched hand. “Oh and by the way, not that it matters but I am twenty-five, soon to be twenty-six and I do not get any bigger than this, so watch who you call ‘kid’.” You added not even bothering to look at them as you sat in the leather chair across from Greg whose jaw was hanging loose.

You can almost feel the daggers going through the back of your head from both parties. Without saying another word, Donovan stormed off with Anderson in toe. “Your file said you were good but not like that.” You looked up to Greg, who sat there with wide eyes.

“Oh please they were open books as far I can see. It was obvious.“ You said in an uncaring tone with a quick smile, crossing your leg over the other.

“It wasn't obvious to me.” He sat down in his chair, still looking at you with bewilderment.

“That's because you weren't looking hard enough. Shall we continue?” You smiled politely at him as he leaned back into the plush of his chair, his coffee mug raised to his lips as he drank. Little did you know he was thinking of his old Consulting Detective friend and how he is going to love watching you make him squirm.

You and Greg, as he insisted you call him, his casual demeanor a surprise to you, had talked for a while about the case and of how things worked around the Yard. Greg was finishing up the paperwork to get you in the system as you sat on your chair, your phone in your hand as you looked at the weather around the area to pass the time. You wanted to know when it was going to snow, but as you looked at the weather radar, your phone buzzed, alerting you of a text. It was your sister Lyra.

You were about to read the text when a knock at the door pulled you from your phone. You looked behind you towards the source of the sound where there was a woman standing behind the door frame, poking her head into the room. “Mr. Lestrade?”

“Yes Natalie?” He turned his head towards the woman as she stood out from behind the wall, her hands fidgeting in front of her. Why is she so antsy?

“There’s an urgent call for you on the phone.” She said, still fidgeting with her fingers. You couldn’t help the deductions that began to pop in and out of your head. Young woman in her early-mid twenties. Telling by her body language she is uncertain and flustered. Why? Her clothes are flirtatious and womanly to show and hug her curves. Her makeup looks to be refreshed and she’s just re-applied perfume, a sickly sweet floral concoction, probably from a local pharmacy. She’s trying to show off, but to who? Her eyes are dilated and targeted at Greg, who is looking at the paperwork, slightly ignoring her presence. Final deduction; she has a crush on the Detective Inspector, a crush that is clearly not mutual. You beamed to yourself as you sit back in the chair.

“Ok, thank you Natalie, I’ll be right there.” He replied looking to her for a moment. You caught a glimpse of her face as she exited and retreated back to her desk. She was beet red. You turn your head back to Greg, who was standing from his desk. You stand along with him.

“So I think you’re pretty much set up and ready to go. You don’t have a lot of paperwork for now since it’s your first day and as for now you're on call until you get more settled.” He started walking towards the door.

“Ok, that sounds great. I can’t wait to get started.” You bubbled with a cheeky grin. You were so happy to be here and help people by doing what you did. “Thank you again so much for this opportunity Detective Inspector.” You added with genuine smile walking out the door with him.

“Please, call me Greg and no problem. Welcome to our division Detective.” He muttered over his shoulder walking toward the horde of desks. You turn around and made your way opposite Greg to the death box as you decided to be brave and take the elevator again. You feel Sally and Anderson’s eyes piercing your back as you headed towards the elevator. What is their problem?

Down in the lobby once more, you made your way out the door, thinking about what you could do to pass some time. You had thought of going back home and unpacking but then your aunt popped up and you realised that you still hadn’t seen her yet. She was going to kill you for not seeing her right away. As you waved down a taxi you noticed that a police car had pulled up in front with haste. You furrowed your brow with confusion until you heard someone call your name out with urgency behind you, the pieces falling into place as you turned to see Greg coming out of the building.

“Ava!”He had his coat on and was approaching you fast, his face creased and plastered with worry and seriousness. Something is up. Another murder.

“Where?”

“Brixton, Lauriston Gardens and this one left a note. Will you come?” He continued, not bothered by the fact that you knew it was another suicide.

“Are you kidding me? Three, now four impossible suicides and all the same cause and now a note. Is it my birthday already?!” You blurted out not waiting for him to respond. As you both get in the police car , you hear a chuckle coming from him. “What?”

“Nothing, you’re just going to really like who is coming to help with the case.” He added from his side of the car. You were too immersed in your own thoughts to really bother asking him who the mystery person was but your answer soon came when you realised where you were headed; Baker Street.

“Let me guess, it’s the great Sherlock Holmes? That's your help?” You said mockingly in a British accent. Greg seemed to be amused and mocked hurt at your awful impression.

“He’s a consultant and a genius. He can be a real pain to be around but he’s a great man. Maybe one day he might be a good one.” He implied not breaking eye contact with the road. You didn't exactly know what that meant, but the look on his face told you that he wasn't lying. This Sherlock keeps getting more interesting as the day goes on. At leased you get to pop into see Aunt Martha.

As the car stopped you turned your full body over to Lestrade and asked with a pleading look. “Can I go in with you?”

“Uh, sure?” His eyes narrowed with confusion as to why you wanted to go in or why is was necessary to ask but he didn't argue. Both of you get out of the police car and you basically hopped out with joy. He couldn’t believe that you were so much like Sherlock that it scared him a bit. You looked up at the building opposite yours and you notice the man at the window on the second floor, looking at you. Your head tilted in curiosity as to who it was, or more like as to why he was looking. Pulling your sight away from the window, you followed Lestrade inside.

He didn’t bother to knock, which struck you as odd, and he bounded up the stairs taking two at a time. You stayed downstairs to see if your aunt was in but before you could, you heard footsteps coming from the stairwell. It was an old woman in her seventies she was wearing a purple dress that tied in the middle and a newspaper, a similar style to that of Mrs. Turner. You loved that color and knew from the family pictures that Lyra had shown over the years who the woman was.

“Aunt Martha?” She looked up from her skirts, which she was holding lest she tripped on them, and caught your figure at the bottom of the stairs. She paused in her stride before recognition made itself apparent on her face, her eyes brightening and a smile appearing upon her lips.

“Ava! Hello love!” She asked as she came closer to you pulling you into a loving hug. “How are you dear? How was the flight? Would you like something? Tea maybe?” Aunt Martha pulled back from you, her face now washed with concern over you. “I’m alright thanks. The flight was good long, but good but the train ride was tiring. But I’m working right now so I dont have much time to talk but I just wanted to see you and tell you I was here. I only got here a couple of hours ago.” You said with a cheeky smile, holding her hands in your own. The last time you saw her was three years ago at a Christmas dinner. It was the first time the whole family was together and knowing that the Bradford family had English heritage, you couldn't help but think how lucky you were to have a family like this one, knowing how bad some kids could get it. You of all people should know. You always loved the English language, everything was always so beautifully said even if it was an insult.

“We’ll just have to catch up next time then won’t we? I hope Mrs.Turner is treating you well. Has she told you about Sherlock yet?” She asked, with her hand over her mouth trying to hide the giggle.

“She mentioned him to me not even five minutes into the flat. The old women seems to get a kick watching your flatmate.” You laughed out, your aunt tries to hide her laughter with a playfully stern grin, lightly hitting your arm with the newspaper she had with her. “Be nice.” When her giggles couldn’t be contained you both laugh like school girls. Hearing footsteps coming down the stairs, you both quieted but still smiling like mad men. Seeing that it was Lestrade, he gave you a look to let you know that it was time to go. You nodded at him letting him know you got the message. “Ok, Aunt Martha I have to go but I will be back. We can have tea later.”

“Alright love. Be safe.” She waved at you as she headed back up the stairs. You were heading out the door you heard a yell from up stairs, the deep baritone of the voice rumbling through the walls with its volume.

“Brilliant!” It was a voice filled with excitement and you smiled as you closed the door on your way to the crime scene.

----------------------------------------

You arrived at the crime scene with the knowledge of the victim given to you from a text in Greg’s phone. Jennifer Wilson according to the credit card found at the scene. Some kids found her not too long ago when they were ...Why kids be here of all places?

You headed up stairs without waiting for anyone, passing Sally at the entrance, ignoring the sneer she sent your way. A couple people from forensics tried to get you to put on a blue contaminant prevention suit, however you refused and stepped past them anyway, much to their annoyance.  Like I’m going to mess up the scene. Idiots. Half way up, you realized that you didn't have any gloves and knowing what you do about Anderson, he would surely have a fit upon seeing your gloveless hands. You would prefer not to have to talk to him for more than necessary. Getting to the bottom of the stairs, you hear Sally’s voice come in over the radio that was left on the table. “Freak’s here. Bringing him in.”  

“Freak?” You asked yourself, feeling an old pinch in your chest. Hearing Sally call someone that just made your blood boil. Nobody should be called a freak in any circumstance.

You heard Anderson come out of the room upstairs and, looking up the stairwell, you catch the look of pure disgust on his face as he furiously walked down the stairs, passing you without so much as a glance. You followed him out but kept to the shadows of the doorway. You watched as a very tall man with ebony curls and a belstaff coat approached the building. You couldn’t help but stare. He was... beautiful. You knew who he was by his cheekbones, it was the consultant. Mrs.Turner was right. Those cheekbones could kill. Turning your attention towards the table of forensic gear you could still hear Mr. Holmes talking to Anderson.

“I'm not implying anything I’m sure Sally came by for a nice little chat and just happen to stay over.” The deep mellow voice said making you freeze and your eyes go wide with realization. You covered your mouth to try to stop the bubble of laughter in your throat but it was no help. “And I assume she scrubbed your floors going by the state her knees.” He finished making you burst. It was loud and you knew that everyone could have heard it but you didn't care. You had tears in your eyes from holding the full laugh back. Oh my god, I can't believe he said that out loud!

Grabbing a pair of gloves you bounded up the stairs, wanting to get a look for yourself before this consulting detective came in. You entered the room seeing the body laying face down. The first thought that came to your mind was less a thought and more of an obvious statement. Pink.

[Sherlock point of view]

After Sherlock deduced Anderson's affair with Sally, he heard a burst of laughter from the building, smiling at the fact that someone else knew. With John close behind, the pair entered the building, meeting Lestrade at the door.

“I can get you two minutes.”

“I may need more.” Sherlock replied going toward the kitchen area.

Looking towards the staircase he caught a glimpse of a beige coat and strange pair of polka dotted laced converse. Narrowing his eyes at the sight, he put it off, assuming that it was nothing of import. Lestrade was by the table and he held out a suit of the most ghastly blue to Sherlock, waving it a little for him to take.

“You'll need to put this on.” He handed one to John as well and seemed taken aback by the new presence. He looked at Sherlock with raised brows, then to once more to John then back again. “Who is this?“ He asked bemused and pissed off.

“He’s with me.” Imbecile.

“Yeah but who is he?” He pestered putting on a blue cover up.

“I said he’s with me.” Sherlock turned his head like a whip and glared at Lestrade.

“Fine. At least put one of these on.” He asked which Sherlock, in return, ignored. I heard the frustration in his sigh, huffing my breath in humour.

“So where are we?” Sherlock asked as they made our way up the staircase.

“Upstairs. Jennifer Wilson according to her credit cards, we're running them for contact details. Hasn't been here long, some kids found her.” Lestrade informed the two in front of him as they reached the room, stopping when they saw someone hunched down near the lady in pink. She was… an anomaly, as Sherlock had immediately thought. There was no other way to describe her he found.

Her small stature, childish laces and mundane appearance were all boring to him. Insignificant. Nevertheless, there was… something. But what? She’s obviously in this line of profession, expertly prodding at the body, turning the victim’s collar inside out and over again. Now there’s an interesting thought. The collar could indicate rain and wind, even snow if she came from the north, which would mean - oh, the girl’s traveled. She had moved from one side of the body to the other, now getting a view if her face, he could seem to pull his eyes away. She was different and interesting enough for him to be absolutely... captivated.

TAGS

@cipherwheeldecoder

MASTERTAG

@white-chocolate-mocha-fan

@mandapanda8

@mbfnc

@sunskittlex

[phanscenes-blog]

i got tagged by @helloawkwardcutie so thank you aaa

nicknames: dont really have any

gender: female

star sign: scorpio

height: 5’3 i think idk im short

sexuality: hella gay

time: 18:11 (6:11pm)

birthday: november 20th

favorite band: always has, and probably always will be, paramore

favorite solo artist: i love @emmablackery so much

song stuck in head: doctor who theme bc watching it rn

last movie seen: oh god idk i think it was sing (im such a child)

movie i want to see: definitely wonder but i still need to watch guardians of the galaxy 2 and wonder woman (im so behind)

last tv show i watched: like i said im watching doctor who right now

why did you create your blog? bc i just recently got fully into the phandom and i had some fanfic ideas so i decided to write them up and share them with the world (phanscenes)

what do you post/reblog? dnp, gay and any really important things

last thing you googled: my wattpad so i could link it omfg

other blogs: nope, this is my first

why URL? literally bc my fanfics describe the scenes that occur before and after dan and phils videos

i follow: 364, mainly phan accs

followers: 130 omfg thanks ive only been on here like just over a month

average hours of sleep: 8, but i always need more

lucky number: 6, idk why it just always has been

instrument: i used to play the drums so woo and piano as long as i have the key notes on 

what are you wearing? white paramore hard times shirt, grey harry potter hoodie and black leggings

dream trip? canada bc gay and equality

dream job? gender therapist bc trans* people deserve help and support

favorite food: chicken tikka, i couldnt live without it honestly

favorite song rn? tell me you love me by demi lovato or burned out by dodie

top 3 universes? i dont know what this means aaaa

last book i read: @emmablackery‘s book feel good 101, which im still reading bc i want it to last (also i dont have the time)

i tag (this is random):

@dailyphan @snowdangel @festivephilly @phanfiction @danhowellscreenshots @philscurls @philfreckles

plus anyone else can just do it :)

[raygoodwinbaphotographyjournal3]

PHOT301 - Mileage May Vary - An Evaluation

The first portion of this project has gone already? Those people weren’t lying when they said it’ll go fast once third year comes around. And this evaluation marks the end of PHOT301, which is the early stages of the FMP, featuring all of the research and planning of ones project. Although this is only the beginning for what I finally titled ‘Mileage May Vary’. This project is the culmination of a majority of previous works all the way back to my access course, which started in 2016. The seeds of MMV were planted all throughout my tenure at university, with elements from PHOT103, 104 and 201. 

Rover 75 - Mamiya 6 IV - Cinestill 800T

PHOT202 is where my work took a turnaround. That whole project was a massive mistake: start to finish. It had the right intentions from the get go, and was meant to let off where Alienated Spaces left off. However, I felt alienated about a project about alienation as I was trying to convey something that had dwindled over time. This lead to me leaving anything contextual behind and focusing purely on taking images for the sake of images. It was during this time of making images without any substance, I thought of a project that documented cars that managed to escape the 2009 Vehicle Scrappage Scheme. Annoyingly, this thought came to me when I was a good way through PHOT202 and wasn’t able to go through with changing an entire project, but I wanted to keep hold of it for a summer project, which then turned into my third year work.

The summer time isn’t a conducive time of year for my to be working, as I find the harsh sun and long days uninspiring and the weather is always too hot. That may come across as whiny, but it is just how I feel about the summer. I managed to get one measly shoot in before university started again in September, yet it was interesting to see where my head was at, in terms of composition and creating images. This managed to lead me into a practice that as mostly self lead, but also included an amount of research to back up what I am doing. Although, I piqued up my reading on hauntology, and came to the realisation that it has been omnipresent without my knowledge since the very early days of the degree. Hauntology is something that took me a long time to get my head around, as the first interaction of it was convoluted. However, with much more reading on the internet, and Mark Fisher’s writing made it a lot easier to grasp the spectral haunting of our society. Fisher has always been an accessible writer to me, and makes somewhat complex theories by making them link into something contemporary, which I find a lot easier to digest. I found Derrida’s original text about hauntology was difficult to take in and only made me hate it. Fisher does a good job in making some palatable without dumbing it down. 

The other aspect that informed my practice was governmental data about the VSS. Thankfully in 2014, the government released the numbers from the scheme, which detailed how many vehicles were scrapped between 2009/2010. However, there are some detailed discrepancies with the data as it was all taken from different sources, and those sources were each and every dealership that received candidates for scrapping. Despite this, it was interesting to see the ‘reality’ of the numbers regarding the vehicle scrapping. Perhaps in the final stages of MMV, I should look at the highest number of scrapped cars and document them.

Shooting the project was potentially the easiest experience as of yet. The process of finding subjects was mainly walking the streets of towns and cities. There is no way to gauge what one is going to find as its impossible to know what cars are on what street, with the only way to know is to find out. Finding the right subject was a form of trial and error, with a lot of the cars mainly on the streets now won’t be affected by the VSS as they didn’t exist. Some models did however, but the date on the registration plate would place it after the scheme. The technical aspect was no problem either, as I am now fully proficient and reliant on shooting film for personal projects. 

There also wasn’t many issues regarding shooting apart from the exposure issues, which was down to me, and the same roll being slightly damaged by the processing provider. These can be overcome by making sure the equipment is in place, and changing where I process my film for colour. Whilst that may cost slightly more and take longer, its the peace of mind knowing that it probably won’t be damaged by a rushed process.

 Volkswagen Type 2 - Canon EOS-1 - 50mm F1.8 STM - Kodak Ektar 100

Taking the photos was a breeze, as I knew what I was looking for and taking. Although, what is included in the photographs has varied over the course of the project. It started with composing the majority of the vehicle in frame, but after talking to Jack Latham, it seemed like a good idea to focus more on the details of the car. I was including things like scrapes and dents, as this shows that it has been used and knocked over the years. But, I was featuring these points whilst the vehicle was mainly in view. I have mixed these together instead of limiting myself to one kind of composition. 

One thing I would improve upon is shooting more medium format images for the higher fidelity of negative. I only shot one roll of medium format during these stages of the project, and this was the roll of which I had a shutter speed issue and the roll of soiled by MyPhoto. One thing I would like to experiment with the Cinestill CS41 kit, which allows one to develop colour film at home, with the same process as B&W. This makes it a lot easier to develop colour, as it is a finicky process with tight tolerances with temperature. I also decided to disregard shooting black and white, as I wanted to document the pragmatism and realism of the vehicles. 

The photo book is something that I feel my work lends itself to, as it can contain a narrative bundled together in a handheld package. At this stage, I didn’t want to produce a self published book as it is still the early stages of MMV. However, I did want to make something that contained these elements, but had a level of experimentation to it. This is where the ‘zine’ comes into fruition; although I am not sure what to call it, as its a mix of a photo book and work in progress documentation of what I want to create further down the line. I made the online/PDF version on Canva, as it is a free and powerful tool to create graphics and documents. Once I knew what images I wanted and how to display them, it was rather easy to create. The cover was the most challenging aspect to this, as I knew I didn’t want to just have a photograph on the cover, and I wanted to resurrect my graphic design work. For this, I utilised one of my images and editing it with GIMP, a free alternative to Photoshop. The cover contains semiotics to the entire project: cars are the sole image on the cover which reflects on the project’s subject, which is coloured red to signal the Labour government’s scheme and the bitmap effect was to give the illusion of newspaper articles about the scheme/news. This is a style that I would like to go back to and hopefully keep using for the next portion of the FMP. 

Being informed and influenced is something that I written about being somewhat difficult for me. Whilst I do digest photography on a regular basis, only some of that actually makes an impression. I can appreciate a nice photograph, but it rarely gets my creative juices flowing. Although once in a blue moon I will stumble across a practitioner that just gets me. Once of those is the little known Vlad Tretiak; a Russian based photographer with a partial social media following. His work manages to intrigue me in a technical aspect as he shoots medium format at night time, as well as the subject themselves. I have always had a fascinating with anything Russian and Soviet related, and this manages to meld in my love for cars. Chris Dorley-Brown was tuned into me by Jack Latham, and Dorley-Brown’s work focused on the portraits of motorists stuck in traffic during the summer of 1987 in East London. I rarely enjoy photographs containing people, but it made me think that my work as portraits of the cars themselves. I also was inspired by Franck Bohbot, who I looked at during PHOT104′s Economy project. These practitioners, as well as the contextual research of hauntology has spearheaded me into a well informed project, which after PHOT202 was much needed. 

Citroen Berlingo Aftermath - Canon EOS-1 - 50mm F1.8 STM - Kodak Colour Plus 200

Where does this lead me for the final stage of the FMP? With all of the now previous work, I feel as if I have a good project on my hands and that I can take it far. It feels as if I am finally undertaking a project that I am actually enjoying to shoot to produce, in addition to not feeling like it’s died as soon as it has been handed in like previous projects. The premise of this project was on my mind for a while and I am happy that I can finally undertake it, and take it into the future to wherever it will take me. What I have produced is something that I am proud to have my name to, and it has garnered some good feedback and constructive criticisms. The work flow shall continue after PHOT301, and any film started before, and hasn’t been finished before the deadline shall be used for the second portion of the FMP. With the continuing stages of MMV, I plan to still use the compositions of full car and close up detailed shots, but I would like to incorporate the numbers/statistics of the cars that were scrapped - possibly even photographing a selection of the most scrapped vehicles from the government spreadsheet. The prints will also progress, as I plan to print at least A0 for Free Range and accompany them with a layflat ‘coffee table’ style book, detailing an edited down selection of all vehicles photographed during the project. Technically, I would like to utilise more medium format and find a more uniform visual aesthetic in regards to tones. This would mean possibly shooting one type of film and edit them accordingly. Although I would like to use some expired film to add to the hauntology of the photograph, as well as using a film stock that co-exists with potential vehicles in frame. If multiple stocks are used, I shall to the best of my ability edit them so they are visually similar with little difference between them. 

I feel that this has been the most enjoyable project to date, as it has been totally up to me with what I do, instead of interpreting a brief and making my work fit it some how. With this, I have been totally free to create what I want to create in a professional and informed manner. I am looking forward to seeing what the future brings for this project. 

#PHOT301

[elvesofnoldor]

lmao im kind of afraid of talking to my profs from major thesis project course about my project, cause im THIS CLOSE to going off on both of their stuck up faces. I didn’t want to talk about this on this blog for at least a month now cause i know its gonna turns to 30 paragraphs and everybodys gonna hate me for that. but i have to talk abt this now cause i gotta cope lol!!! 

i s2g everybody in the class knows that they have been anything but helpful when it comes to supervising our project, and their suggestions are usually so subjective af. The fact that they structure a 4th year THESIS course with full year course load into ONE TERM is already hazardous as it is, they literally failed several people’s mid term progress report presentation on ARBITRARY TERMS (i passed, fortunately, but my grade was not pretty). it was twenty fucking five present of people’s overall grade, and it’s not like people didn’t meet the very VAGUE guideline they provided for this presentation--which is just to show them what we have done so far. It was a progress report, and I’ve talked to several people in class about it, we all agree that we are not supposed to be graded on WHETHER OR NOT THEY LIKE OUR WORK OR NOT, they are supposed to grade us on how much we’ve done. In their feedback for me, they makes suggestions of what i should have done and it’s like??? well you didn’t tell anyone what you wanted from this presentation, so are we supposed to just KNOW? Also, they literally could not muster a convincing reason for FAILING PEOPLE in the class on that mid term presentation!! and 5 fucking people went to the department head about their shit experience in the course, and if worst comes to worst, i WILL be the sixth person to go the department head. 

last time i talked to one of them--frances-- about my project, she obviously didn’t like my unfinished rough cut of my short film, and decided that it was garbage based on that. Like i didnt do sound editing, colour correction--ANYTHING yet, i just put together some raw footage!!! she hasn’t even SEEN the entire thing, and I’m drawing inspiration from a director with very volatile and strange visual style and editing! A director that she obviously isn’t at all familiar with!!! (its wong kar wai, btw) SHIT even some of his films are hard to appreciate if you are not used to his kind of cinematography, and he’s a internationally acclaimed director that shoots his films on A. BUDGET, with PROFESSIONAL ACTORS WHO ARE MOVIE STARS, professional cinematographer and a decent sized crew of professional people, AS WELL AS BOUGHT EQUIPMENT THAT PROBABLY DOESN’T BREAK ALL THE TIME. Whereas im a film student shooting with no crew, no help from my goddamn profs that are supposed to supervise our projects, and shitty ass equipment that does not WORK sometimes (it’s such a thrill to work with audio equipment because oh bOY sometimes the shotgun mic just doesn’t record for no reason lol).

Honestly ive been really fucking depressed bc of this project, well im depressed in general but there is also this fucking project that makes it worse but its fine lol, and bc of that i had a hard time even touching the project. I reshoot two core scenes last Sunday and that’s all i fucking did. We are supposed to present our WIP for final feedback this week before presenting our work for real next week, and obviously im not ready since i can’t edit this film i just can’t. Every time i opened the editing program, and started editing i just couldn’t do it after a while cause i felt like no matter what i do its gonna be horrible and i will get a bad grade on my final project. I started to doubt my script, i started to doubt everything, and i couldn’t edit anything after Frances basically passed final value judgement on a VERY ROGH AND WIP version or something she doesnt like or yet to understand. And its stupid, but because of that fear of not achieving what i wanted to achieve, i couldn't do much editing. After I talked to Frances 1-2 weeks ago, i accommodated by planning to make a video essay to give context to the short film i will be screening either fucking way. I was gonna do a paper before deciding to concentrate on shooting the film. Frances straight up told me that i shouldn’t even show this film, she’s like “do you want to show people this?”, yes bitch i actually do, and how do u know its gonna be shitty when it’s NOT EVEN close to finished??? 

im just ranting here so i can calm myself down a little before going to see her today. I had good experiences in three of her classes before (got all As from them), PLUS she WROTE my reference letters for grad school, so i dont really want to end up in her bad book; but i know shes not the best prof and i took issue with how she structured her courses before (dude i learned NOTHING from screenwriting class, cause she just goes through the processes of writing a ten page screenplay and that’s fucking it. it doesnt matter i got an A from that course i just didnt learn much). Believe me, i was raised to not question teachers’ teaching methods and authorities, and if i take issues with profs and teachers it’s usually because they have done something seriously wrong. I dont think they gonna budge on giving me a better grade for mid term, but at least i want her to know what my main argument is in the video essay, just so i know if she has any constructive criticisms to give, because there is no point showing her a slightly updated version of the rough cut lol. im gonna have to muster all the strength i have to at least make the video essay by tomorrow morning to show to the class, and maybe a good clip from the film. Jesus Fucking Christ, i actually need this course to graduate cause its a 400 level 4th year course. Even tho i dont think im gonna fail i kinda want a decent grade for this course lol. 

#long personal post #long post for ts #not spn #yolanda talks #me for ts

[leighasnotebook]

Title - Hey Future Leigha ;P

So.. I'm broke as fuck. I can't even seem to get a job. A job at a place I dont even like but need. I barely even made it home from internship at the humane society in Indy. I am on BELOW empty. I tried to sell a galaxy s4 at disc replay to get me by and they wouldnt even take it because apparently theres something wrong with it. So that was dissappointing as fuck too. I've been forced to borrow money from my mom who I STILL live with. So apparently I dont even have the abilty to be independent right now. Sure Im in school but I cant even afford to put gas in my tank to get there and I still owe 1000 dollars or more to my school. I dont even know where Ill work after I get my certificate. Thats right.. CERTIFICATE.. not a actual degree. Still. I stupidly decided to get a credit card a few years ago and now I'm maxed out and cant afford to pay it off. I at least have gotten on a payment plan that will make the interest 0% and make my monthly payment lower. My phones fucked because I broke the goddamn screen on it. So no one can even call me unless its on the house phone and I'm not home all the time AND its a cordless that apparently has fucked batteries in it because it just shuts off after like 10 - 15 minutes. I shouldve never even gotten a stupid "smart" phone. All its done is make me feel guilty about the extra money my MOM is spending for it on the bill. And it is way more fragile than a flip phone. Sure the extra shit on it was fun but I dont even need it. I dont care if Im "stuck" in the old times. At least it was reliable. I have grown up in my life with a nice place to live and nice things but that just isnt me. I know when I live on my own I wont live in a nice place and I wont have nice things. Its as if Ive been blindfolded to my actual lifestyle to the point where I agreed to getting nice things. Things Id never be able to afford by myself. After my car got totaled I got a 12k settlement which I had my dad take care of because he wanted to take it to use to get me a new car. Well he decided to get me a fucking expensive newer car.. the accident happened oct. 1st 2013.. I ended up driving a rape van (huge burgendy van with bars on the windows) to and from Ivy Tech and work for about half a year or more before my dad decided to take out a loan for a Toyota Camry 2013! Why on earth would you opt to get me a expensive car like that when I cant even afford gas or live on my own!? Now Im fucked because I cant pay the car payment.. my dads paying it which makes him think for some reason that its his vehicle. No on the contrary it was his decision to spring for a newer car of which I am entitled to 12k of. so yeah now I have a investment in something I cant even use because the insurance is insanely high and I cant afford it. Sigh Im just so fed up with all of this bullshit. If I could sell everything I have right now and just start new, that would be ideal. Sell the fucking Toyota, use the money to pay off my credit card bill, pay off school and maybe have enough to secure a place for me and my dog to live. Because I am not a goddamn straight woman who has a boyfriend to pay for half of everything. I feel like alot of girls live with their boyfriends and get off easy. Well thats not an option for me is all Im saying. I can barely even find a lesbian whos responsible and even has enough income to hold up their half of living expenses.. I cant say shit about that right now since Im in the same boat but still. Even when I do (which I usually do) have all my resources I still cant find a responsible GF. Either way Id still be dependant on whoever I was living with to keep my place. Even if they were a roommate. Which I guess would be the same financially if it were a significant other providing half. anyway.. Ive been trying goddamn hard to get a job. I signed up for Rover.com to watch dogs or walk dogs for people but IDK if my background check came back clean. which it should because I spent extra money so that it would be. Beyond all.. I am seriously just fed the fuck up with trying to manage all of the bullshit that I have to. It feels like I need 3 of me to accomplish all the shit in front of me. I am overwhelmed I guess is what that means. I feel so useless in the world. The only thing keeping me from spiraling into a severe depression is the fact that Im going to school for something that I love doing. Knowing that in a month and a half Ill be graduating is whats keeping my head up. Other than that.. its my friends and animals that hold up the rest. Some days I for real just want to get drunk and say.. FUCK IT ALLLLL. which is kind of what im doing right now.. but guess what? my box of cheap ass wine is almost gone so this will be a short lived release until im fucked again.. and cant even go to a party I was invited to go to on sunday. Im writing very unhinged right now. I need a goddamn stupid dumb job. And Ive been trying to get one for months. Now its even harder without a cellphone. "hey yeah just call my house phone and let me know about that job" just doesnt jive well with me because ITS A FUCKING HOUSE PHONE.. better than nothing but its real fucked trying to get a job when you cant answer your phone bc you dont have one of your own. gaaaahahahahaha fuckckkckck Im just so fucking stressed. I feel like I cant accomplish anything with the materials I have right now. Even if I had some money.. Got a full tank of gas and paid off my monthly bills I still wouldnt just magically have a job. Even if I got my phone screen replaced. Goddamn and Ive tried going into places but apparently Im a dumbass and come at the wrong times. Sigh.. just. fucking. schedule. me. for. a. interview. its not that hard. Theyre like "oh yeah were hiring" but other than saying that sentence they are so fucking unhelpful. "oh did you apply online?" uhh duh yeah I did you fuck. Why in the fuck would I not fill out an application and expect an interview. Fuckin assholes.. like I get it.. youre busy. but hey you wanna know what would ease that? If I was working right now and could take some of the work load off. Everytime someone would call about a job I would be so informative and supportive because I know what its like. Plus if I ever feel like Im overworked- which is alot of the time at those quick turnover jobs- I WANT the person inquiring about a job to get the job. Why? because I need them to take some of my workload off. Thats how it happens at pizza hut at least. you start with a bunch of people and then they dwindle down to where everyone is being over worked and more workers are needed as to not kill everyone who still works there. sigh.. I dont even want to work at pizza hut again but at this point I will take any fucking job I can get. I am being nickeled and dimed.. just like that fucking book I had to read in school. Given, all of it was brought upon my by my own past hand. I cant do anything about the past and its legit my past self just going crazy on a credit card that has me so fucked right now. After I get these cards paid off I will NEVER EVER EVER have another credit card again. I cannot be trusted with it. Great that I know that now that Im in debt out my ass. Yeah yeah and I have this theory that I learn things in life by trial error.. and guess what.. IVE FUCKING LEARNED.. and now that I have im still super fucked. Usually my trial error didnt cause me this much detrimental pain and suffering. usually it was like touching a hot stove and it was over with. but no.. this has been a very slow stinging burn that wont let up. I know.. I know that I will have to kill myself working my ass off and not having any shred of a life to get out of this hole. but the thought of it just really really makes me sad. Not saying It makes me not want to get a job. because NO WAY I need a job ASAP like yesterday. like if someone walked up and would pay me 20 dollars to eat a worm I would. Because it would spare me the shame in asking my mom YET AGAIN for gas money. God I am so tired of asking anyone for ANYTHING. Its the last thing I want to do in fact. Theres only so much you can ask of someone before they decide they wanna say nope.. youre on your own. and you know? Im surprised my mom hasnt told me no yet. Shes really really helpful. I think she understands me but also just wants me to get a job already so I wont keep borrowing from her. Which is understandable completely.. and thats exactly what I want too. At least i dont just sit around getting drunk and stoned all day in my pajamas. Im actually trying here. Theres nothing more that I want to just have a steady income. I dont care what kind of shit I have to drudge through to get to that point. I am so able bodied and ready to sweat and work and give myself away to a corporation for money. But guess where Im going to get the gas money to get to that job? FUCK IF I KNOW lol. goddamnit. I have really done it this time. How did I let it get this bad? How did I let myself fall so far? I dont even have anything else to sell to disc replay and the only other things I have to sell are all my paintball equiptment.. and I dont even really know how I would go about doing that. Craigslist? idk. I am flailing..... my wings are clipped and i cant fly. I have maybe a few dollars in change right now. Man how I used to just throw it in a jar willy nilly when I had a job. Not touching it at all for months and months. and now its all I have. FUCK. my rope is covered in kerosine and its been on fire for months. Someone in this world needs to cut me a fucking break and give me a job. Just 1 fucking person to say "you got the job, heres your uniform, come in monday at 8". I have been able to keep my hope through the worst of situations in my life. I feel it wearing reaaally thin right now. I almost had to walk miles just to get home today. you know its bad when you cant even afford to drive home. When youre just waiting for your car to give out and its screaming "i need gas!!!" You actually make it home and you get out of the car and hug it and praise it. Thank you. Thank you so much for holding out on me. I will get you gas as soon as I can I promise. Its like if you were traveling by horse and didnt have any water or grains for it to sustain itself but it powers through for you. I feel like a huge bum slacker bitch. Like I shouldve worked harder. done this done that. And maybe I wouldnt have ended up in this tight situation. The only thing in this world that is mine is my body and my animals and the relationships I have with my friends. I'm going to call Pizza hut right now. Ive been trying to fucking get this interview scheduled and they keep being little bitches over the phone. Not this time. I wont let it happen. "oh were in a lunch rush" dude. no. Fuck off. lol. Not this time. BRB. ya okay same old shit.. OH the hiring manager isnt here. Okay I understand but why dont you ACTUALLY give them my name and number and HAVE them call me. I know I know I will call the HIRING MANAGER on monday. See? its just a let down. I will call monday and demand an interview. I am more than qualified for your dumb job. anyway.. I know my friends and family will always be around to help me out. But I am a very stubborn person and have always wanted to do things my way and on my own. asking for help is something that I hold as a last resort. In the situation im in I am at my last resort time. It takes money to make money. money for the gas- to go to work- to get the money- for the gas- to get to work. Thats a 2 week process in itself. once I get past that threshold Ill be more self-sustaining. GGaaah! Please.. UNIVERSE! Im begging you!! Give me a job! Please please please please please! I need to get back ontop of it all. Hold out hope... hold out hope... crunching gears inside me trying to keep that train moving. GO. keep the rusty gears going. Keep swimming like Dory says. I feel like im trying to keep swimming but im in a puddle barely sustaining life itself. Gasps of water into my drying gills every couple seconds. All the while "hold out hope, just keep swimming" goes through my head like a mantra. I go from being super hopeful and positive to super hopeless and negative. Sometimes I'm just on this mid-line pergatory where I dont know how to feel or how I should feel. I know that a lot of people deal with hardships like me. Usually just pushing all their feelings down day to day thinking.. eh ill figure it out. Somethings got to give in for me. things will be different and get better soon. This isnt the end of the world. Im not dieing.. yet. But there are times where no matter what your troubles.. you cannot just push it down anymore. You have to sit there and stare into the eyes of a skull and think.. things are going bad. This isnt how it should be. I shouldnt feel like this. Something is wrong in this equation because its not equaling out right. So here I sit. In my familiar place where Ive faced a lot of things in life. In the garage. (wow a disc replay commercial just came on the radio.. how ironic... fuck u guyz lol). Ive dealt with sooo much in this garage. Most of my epiphanies have happened in here. Most of my hardships. At least in my adult life. And when I wasnt in Terre Haute. Always staring at stuff in here. Listening to the radio. Smoking cigarettes. Drinking. Thinking. [insert link to In The Garage by Weezer here] I cant even explain the range of feelings Ive felt in this garage. Love, lust, loss, depression, happiness, worry, anxiety, calmness, anger, thoughtfulness, perceptiveness, desire, turmoil, empathy, regret, sickness, healthiness, Ive felt hot and cold, bad and good, and at the end of the day when I sit here. It feels so familiar. It could be anywhere. but in this little box on the planet is where all these things have opened up like a bud. So many conversations with friends, on the phone, in person. Oh so very telling and depending on if there was snow, dead leaves, flowers, or sun outside the dynamic would change ever so slightly. And as friends have come and gone, people have died or were born, this has been a constant place for me for the last eight years. After I caught a big fish, built a snow fort, or made a drunken dancing video to missy elliot this place stayed the same and was always here. I feel like im confessing a love affair between me and my garage right now.. but I wanted to express my gratitude to these four walls which I believe have absorbed a lot of the things I am talking about right now. I remember when I first started to dwell in this garage. I was still drinking and smoking on the down-low. Didnt want my mom to know. I would listen to the radio and write just like Im doing now except it was often in a notebook. Its the only way for me gain solace in my life sometimes. Love often drove me to worry as I listened to deftones, linkin park, or staind or anything that came on x-103. Id just scribble on page after page I would stop caring if it was legible... That shear fact that id stop caring in general was all I wanted. I wanted to release all my cares into a song or a feeling or a writing. What do I want? who do i need? who AM I ? Sometimes I never know. I dont know things alot. as much as Id like to believe I have every little thing under control.. I never have it all. this isnt to say that its a negative thing. Sometimes you simply cannot wrangle every little thing into a place you think it belongs. often things are flying like kites with brittle strings. they break off and float out of bounds yet still connected just not within reach. Its definitely angering at times. you think.. why cant i keep my shit in check? but if you think about it. maybe it was never "your shit". I really think its better to not stress over things that blow away. Youre in a spot you let shit fly and it ends up gaining its own separate current without you. You cant always be strong enough to keep everything where you want it. It doesnt work that way, you cant control everything. HELL sometimes you cant control anything. and I know how that feels. shit. right now I could still be walking on the side of the road away from my broken down car. holding up my thumb trying to get home. you cant hold everything down with a thumb tac or a bad attitude. things will happen and ya you probably could have avoided some things but I think things happen for a reason. Maybe to teach you that you in fact are not in control. That things are or arent just black and white. Reppercutions.. actions that lead to situations that you have to handle. Its all apart of one thing. you... its you. hah. I mean you make choices.. and theres always a second and third happening. In my case.. it makes me feel like im unintelligent when I make a choice and it causes something bad. Ex. If I were to have to walk home today.. my mind would have been full of .. "well thats because I didnt have enough gas" Well why didnt I? because I didnt have the money. Why didnt I? because I dont have a job. Why dont I have a job? because Im an irresponsible entitled person. I act like the world will bend to my whim when it doesnt work that way. When weve all got the same probability of things going our way. Why should I think I'm any different? why? because of all those times I made it home when my gas tank was below E? what about those times when I didnt get so lucky? that time my car stopped on a highway and I was late to work and I got fired? Its just this numbers game in my head. Will it be okay or not. I never know but my brain urges me to believe yes. youll be okay. and when im not i think well.. It was about a 50/50 that this would happen and I knew that deep down.. so I cant really be too mad right? lets just walk a few miles and get what i deserve. meanwhile I think about everything I could have done that wouldve lead to a different outcome. ya hmm. maybe if i had a job.. id have gas in my tank.. and this wouldnt have happened. maybe..hmm just maybe..? You know when you drive down a highway and you see a person walking it? You can gaurantee that that person is thinking... how could I have avoided this? That person is me that person is you. Walking on the grass on the side of the road.. looking at all the trash people discard from their car windows. Really slows your mind down when youre walking where you normally drive through. You see people zoom by who will get to their destinations on time. Who had the money and intellect to just buy some gas. We all have our days when were in the gutter. When I have mine, it forces me to slow down.. to really look at my life. Why did this happen.... why am I stuck and fucked like this again. Even though I magically made it home today on my below E tank I still see this as a wake-up call. It brings me back to the times when I didnt make it home. I felt like a lost dog. and ya I know.. poor me.. first world problems. Oh man Leigha had to walk 5 miles to get home because she ran out of gas in the automobile that she has available for her to drive 24-7 usually. And dangg. she even had a full meal before this walk.. poor her. I know I know. Its totally crap. Its not like I almost died or was starving and in a desert left to die. In reality, on this planet I am lucky. I am a lucky person. But to say that we still dont have our problems would be to say that anyone with a roof over their head was flawless. It makes me realize that yeah, first world problems are nothing to those in third world countries. But I shouldnt feel invalidated if I have room to improve my life. Everyone in this world has room to improve their lives. I am not solitary in this one bit. in fact I feel like I am unaware of tons and tons of stuff in life. Theres so many times when I just simply dont know something. Makes me feel like I dont know anything about anything sometimes haha. its like "oh you didnt know about this?!?!" uhhh no I didnt. Should I have? Woops? am I squandering my priveledge to learn about things I should know about? When it comes down to it. I am never done learning. I am never done growing as a person. I am so ignorant to so many things simply because I have never been exposed to them. I cant walk the earth acting like I have a grasp on everything when I dont. I dont know what anyone else goes through day to day around the world.. I cant compare my life to anyone elses if I've only lived my own separate life. I can relate to people of course but I do not think that anyone can fully understand how something feels unless it happens to them. sure ill say "oh yeah Ive felt that before" or "I felt like that when... etc etc" but I dont know how it feels through someone elses eyes, in someone elses shoes. What Im trying to say is that I have had some really really hard times. Personally I feel that they are HARD TIMES. For me and maybe me only. Maybe others would look at these "hard times" and laugh and say "HAHAH you think thats hard?". But that being said this is how I feel and it cannot be undermined by anyone. Beyond all these technicalities that I decided had to be stated, right now I feel as though I have entered the abyss. I feel like Im in a place that is neither here nor there. I am a real nowhere man who has no real nowhere plans. I used to want to get a tattoo that was the symbol for "nobody". It was a onyx or something I dont remember the spelling. For a long time I thought I was nobody. I thought I would just bend to the whim of anything or anyone. And at the time, I thought that was just me. Me was nobody since I felt like everybody but nobody at the same time. Then I thought.. hmm I dont think I should get this tattoo because what if someday I become somebody. And im glad that I didnt get that tattoo because I AM somebody. I guess there are sometimes that my past self is right about how my future self will feel. I feel like everyone is usually thinking about the future. How they will be, where they will live, what they'll be doing and who theyll be doing IT with (bow-chicka). And do you know what I think? I think that everyones present self is the best link to that future self. OBVIOUSLY. but think about it like this. You .. RIGHT NOW.. can have a serious effect on your future self. Not just with succeeding and blah blah blah boring shit like that. Listen. About 6 or 7 years ago I made a video of myself talking to my future self. I completely forgot about that video. I came across that video one day and HEY it was ME! I didnt remember it AT ALL. and as I watched it it really really felt like my past self was talking to me. it was SURREAL AS FUCK. and on point! Ever since that day I have been making videos to my future self. Even stating in the video that I know Im going to just be drunkenly watching this video. Which usually is also on point! hah. But I strongly suggest that more people do the same thing. maybe just check in with your future self every now and then and say hey. what the fuck is up?! I hope you arent broke as shit and running out of gas. haha. its actually pretty comical the stuff youll begin to find your past self saying to you. I think documenting your life is a really good thing. You can learn so much just by sifting through your past experiences that youve written down or video taped. Right now for instance I feel like I need some guidance. So I think I will revisit some of my past selfs videos and make another one. You talk about how youre doing and how youve fucked up and tell your future self about all of it. Then in a year or two guess whos giving you pointers? YOU! haha its really actually hilarious. who'd of thought that it would be what you said to yourself 2 years ago that would set your world straight. I think I should go revisit my videos now. I need some guidance. :D In other news. not doing so well right now. This writing has definitely helped. Leigha Horvath- Signing off. ;*