#please god tell me they immediately pick up Matthew from his appointment or I’m gonna fucking cry right now

[soup-or-who-lock]

Having reread CDTH and Mr. Impossible, am at long, long last reading Greywaren (buts it’s the middle of the night and I’m creating awful habits so I only read the prologue). Accidentally read the last sentence. Made a little squeaking sound free from inhibition. I’m not gonna breathe for 335 pages

#IM ALREADY LOSING IT #dreamer trilogy #literally going to sob reading this book I don’t know how I’m gonna get through it #I’m too emotionally fragile to read it too untethered you not #ronan ronan ronan oh my god I’m so scared for murder crab boy and so so scared for Adam right now and so sad for deklo #and sweet baby boy Matthew Lynch! bearing in mind I literally have finished mr impossible so idk what’s happening but it feels like #sweet baby boy Matthew has fallen asleep in some school office and Deklo was on his way to find love of everyone’s life Jordan #understandably but what about sweet baby boy Matthew!!! please god tell me that’s the next thought in Declan’s head after seeing Jordan #please god tell me they immediately pick up Matthew from his appointment or I’m gonna fucking cry right now #ten years ago this time I was reading the Raven Boys and becoming obsessed with these heathens. where will I be in another 10? #probably still crying over these beloved buffoons. probably still thinking abt Ronan/Adam/Gansey/Noah. probably still crying over everything #sigh #this post is for no one but myself #digital diary of nonsense

[princessconsuelapark]

my ultimate Sam and Dean are soulmates playlist | 61 songs, 3 hr 59 min

I started putting this together over my summer SPN re-watch, and I thought I'd share it with you all, so we can all cry over our Wincest feels together. It has all the usual cliché songs, and some of my own favourites. (Very country-heavy, so if that's not your thing proceed with caution.) I'm a writer, so lyrics are very important to me - I linked them for every song. All songs are individually YouTube linked, alternatively you can find the Spotify version above. I included some comments and explanations for all my choices, as well as quotes from the show. Happy listening! | Last updated: 18 November 2020

Carry On My Wayward Son by Supernatural: The Musical Cast // lyrics // Cliché and all that, but a good place to start.

Somewhere Only We Know by Lily Allen // lyrics // Even as children - as tumultuous and layered their relationship has always been - it was just the two of them, alone, in their own little world. I Found by Amber Run // lyrics // I found love where it wasn't supposed to be.

Fade Into You by Mazzy Star // lyrics // Unhealthily codependent Weecest vibes.

I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys // lyrics // Secrets I have held in my heart / Are harder to hide than I thought. Something's Gotta Give by Christian Kane // lyrics // Wanting to get out of town as a metaphor for Dean wanting to act on his feelings for Sam? Yes, please. Christian Kane being a country god? Absolutely. The fact that this man was actually on SPN as Dean’s freaking love interest, and Jensen and him got to sing together still makes me the happiest person on this planet.

Don't You Wanna Fall by Frankie Ballard // lyrics // So, I love the lines Fall down here where an angel should know better than / To walk around this world with me, because god, Dean so often thinks he belongs in Hell, and is terrified of forcing his little brother into anything he doesn’t want. But still, he can’t stop himself: Don’t you wanna fall? (Shoutout to any Destiel shippers out there, because what a perfect song for you guys too, wow.) Thinking of You by Christian Kane // lyrics // Dean, just before Sam leaves for Stanford. (Link is for the Leverage version, because I love that show, and because Eliot Spencer is an angel. Funnily enough, Alona Tal was actually in that very episode, and did actually sing this song - you can find that here.) Hold On by Limp Bizkit // lyrics // I'm waiting for you, I know you're leaving / I'll still adore you, you never need me. LOST BOY by Troye Sivan // lyrics // Thinking about little Sammy’s stolen college admissions guide. Arms of a Stranger by Niall Horan // lyrics // Some jealous!Dean, while Sam is at Stanford angst.

Walking Away by Lifehouse // lyrics // Silence is all we have to give / And the memories of a life I wish we'd lived.

San Francisco by Niall Horan // lyrics // Listen, it’s a song about pining and not being able to let go and love in San Francisco. I mean, where do you expect my mind to go? Stanford Wincest all the way. How Did You Know? by Jedward // lyrics // I don’t wanna hear a bad word about Jedward, they are good lads. It’s a cheesy song, but hey, I love it. Sam comes back. Well, here I am / I couldn't stay gone. Drive by Halsey // lyrics // All we do is drive / All we do is think about the feelings that we hide. And the California never felt like home to me line! So perfect. "We made a hell of a team back there." (01x01 Pilot) Belong by X Ambassadors // lyrics // This is where Sam belongs, really. Riding shotgun, in his brother’s car, on the open road. Link is a fanvid that makes me feel things. Go and watch it, because it’s everything.

You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol // lyrics // “Sam, you were right. You gotta do your own thing. You gotta live your own life.” (01x11 Scarecrow) Do the things that you always wanted to / Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do.

Big Black Car by Gregory Alan Isakov // lyrics // "Who was that?" "My brother." "What did he say?" "Goodbye." That soft, disbelieving, confused look on Sam's face when Dean tells him he's proud of him. When it turns out Dean loves him enough to let him go. It should make him feel happy and free, it should make him loathe his childhood, defiance should fill him to the brim. Instead it makes him run straight back to Dean. (01x11 Scarecrow) Hey Brother by Avicii // lyrics // Faith. (01x12) Link is a fanvid, because reasons. Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you / There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do. Sober Me Up by Frankie Ballard // lyrics // Sam always seems to make the world all fall into place. (Sort of 02x03 Bloodlust vibes?) But baby when you kiss me all the demons seem to disappear.

Always Gold by Radical Face // lyrics // “Killing this demon comes first, before me, before everything.” “No, sir. Not before everything.” (02x07 The Usual Suspects) And they said you were the crooked kind / And that you'd never have no worth / But you were always gold to me. Sold My Soul by Zakk Wylde // lyrics // Bit on the nose, but my god, how fucking real. (02x22 All Hell Breaks Loose: Part 2) Let Me Sign by Kirk Matthews // lyrics // "Well, then let it end!" & "I'm gonna take care of you." (02x22 All Hell Breaks Loose: Part 2) Follow You by Bring Me The Horizon // lyrics // “I mean, you sacrifice everything for me.  Don’t you think I’d do the same for you? You’re my big brother. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” (02x22 All Hell Breaks Loose: Part 2) Say Something by A Great Big World // lyrics // "I just wish you'd drop the show and be my brother again. Cause... just cause." (03x07 Fresh Blood) Take Me To Church by Hozier // lyrics // “This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? […] Dean’s your weakness. And the bad guys know it, too.” (03x11 Mystery Spot) Outlaws of Love by Adam Lambert // lyrics // "You're my weak spot. And I'm yours." (03x16 No Rest for the Wicked) Everywhere we go we're looking for the sun / Nowhere to grow old, we're always on the run / They say we'll rot in Hell, but I don't think we will / They've branded us enough, "Outlaws of Love". Wanted Dead Or Alive by Bon Jovi // lyrics // Well, I had to include this one, for obvious reasons. (03x16 No Rest for the Wicked) In Other Words by Ben Kweller // lyrics // Dean's going to Hell. Sam's not okay. In his eyes I see the fear. Real With Me by Cady Groves // lyrics // Dean is not dealing well with remembering Hell. Sam is upset that he's not opening up. And it was never about what you were not / But I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Devil's Backbone by The Civil Wars // lyrics // None of it matters. Leaving for Stanford, choosing Ruby, the demon blood, that he’s Hell’s chosen. Dean will always come for his brother, no matter what.   Stay by Florida Georgia Line // lyrics // Sam leaves. It's fucked up. "Hey, you, uh... wanna take the Impala?" Dean doesn’t trust him, not like he used to, but he would say anything to make him stay. (05x02 Good God, Y’all) Hotel Room by Calum Scott // lyrics // They die in a motel room. They find out they share a Heaven. Sam can't find the words to explain. He wishes Dean would just give him time. (05x04 The End) So I kind of wrote a ficlet about this...? Read it if you fancy. Here Tonight by Brett Young // lyrics // The Wincestiest Wincest song to ever Wincest. The lyrics! Sometimes they can just take a minute to sit on the hood of the Impala and watch the stars, Apocalypse be damned.

I Hold On by Dierks Bentley // lyrics // “Sam, it’s okay. It’s okay, I’m here, I’m here. I’m not gonna leave you.” (05x22 Swan Song) Dean believes in his brother, and I’m a sucker for pick-up truck metaphors Lifeboats by Snow Patrol // lyrics // The look on Dean's face when he hugs Sam, when he realises that Sam's back, that he's alive. (06x01 Exile on Main St.) Potentially also some Purgatory vibes. Wild Horses by The Rolling Stones // lyrics // The moment Sam turned up on his doorstep, there was no question he'd choose him. Choose him over Lisa and Ben. Choose him over everyone. “But the minute he walked through that door, I knew. It was over. You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing I've ever seen. And as long as he's in your life, you're never gonna be happy.” (06x06 You Can’t Handle The Truth) Heavydirtysoul by twenty one pilots // lyrics // “Pick one... Sam’s soul or Adam’s.” “Sam.” (06x11 Appointment in Samarra)

H.O.L.Y. by Florida Georgia Line // lyrics // Oh, this song. A bit of religious irony and whatnot, but my god. The lyrics are everything. You're the healing hands where it used to hurt immediately makes me think of how Dean helped Sam turn the pain from his scar on his palm into “stone number one, and build on it”. (07x02 Hello, Cruel World) I mean, Sam can't even tell what's real anymore, but he trusts his brother. Blindly and with everything he has, because that's who he is. But then there’s also Dean making his promise in the church, and Sam choosing him over dying in 09x01 (I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here). God. Just. I love this song for Sam and Dean.

Through The Dark by One Direction // lyrics // "We'll figure it out, okay? Just like we always do." (08x23 Sacrifice) Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park // lyrics // Sam is okay with sacrificing himself. He is ready to die. When my time comes / Forget the wrong that I've done. Demolition Lovers by My Chemical Romance // lyrics // “There is nothing, past or present, that I would put in front of you... I need you to see that." (08x23 Sacrifice) Okay, but look at the lyrics, and try and convince me this song is not about Sam and Dean. Love Will Tear Us Apart by Fall Out Boy // lyrics // "You wanna know what I confessed in there?" (08x23 Sacrifice) TALK ME DOWN by Troye Sivan // lyrics // The look in Sam’s eyes changes, his face falls. "How do I stop?" He chooses Dean like he always does. (08x23 Sacrifice) Brother by Kodaline // lyrics // “Come on. You and Dean? That’s something special, don’t you think?” (09x08 Rock and a Hard Place) Link is a gorgeous fanvid, go watch it and cry. Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons // lyrics // Dean really messed up this time. Gadreel fall out stuff. Sam breaks up with him in a motel car park in Wisconsin. (09x12 Sharp Teeth)

better off by Jeremy Zucker & Chelsea Cutler // lyrics // "Something's broken here, Dean." (09x12 Sharp Teeth) & "No, Dean, I wouldn't." (09x13 The Purge)

I Can't Go On Without You by KALEO // lyrics // Sam taking Dean’s body home, laying him on his bed, drinking by himself in the dark. (09x23 Do You Believe in Miracles) I Won't Give Up by Noah Guthrie // lyrics // "I am going to save my brother." (10x01 Black) Sam never gives up on Dean. Brother by NEEDTOBREATHE ft. Gavin DeGraw // lyrics // “I never even said thank you, so…” “You don’t ever have to say that, not to me.” (10x04 Paper Moon) Link is another beautiful fanvid, because I can’t help myself. Sittin' Pretty by Florida Georgia Line // lyrics // Sam's sunshine and he’s endless planes of warm skin, soft long hair, and sometimes Dean looks at him. Really looks at him. (No, okay, but the Chevy line really made it for me.) Blood Brothers by Luke Bryan // lyrics // "I don’t need a symbol to remind me how I feel about my brother.” and "The two of us against the world!” "What she said.” (10x05 Fan Fiction) I don’t know, country songs just make me think of Sam and Dean, okay.

I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Daniela Andrade // lyrics // “This is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t…” (10x18 Book of the Damned)

Golden by Fall Out Boy // lyrics // Dean is so so broken. “No, there is no other way, Sam. I’m sorry.” (10x23 Brother’s Keeper)

Church by Fall Out Boy // lyrics // This whole song screams Sam and Dean to me, and initially I thought of Sam’s Wall breaking down, but then I got stuck on the lines And if death is the last appointment / Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room / I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom and that’s so clearly Dean killing Death, unable to murder his little brother in the end, because his devotion to Sam runs too deep. (10x23 Brother’s Keeper) In which the SPN writers and Pete Wentz really should get together and discuss over-the-top religious imagery. You are doomed but just enough. Right Back Home by Lifehouse // lyrics // “We are home.“ (11x04 Baby) Be There by Seafret // lyrics // "Bring him back. Bring him back and take me instead." (11x17 Red Meat)  You're my way out / You're my way through / And I can't, I can't / Be without you.

Only the Brave by Louis Tomlinson // lyrics // “I need him, he needs me.“ (11x23 Alpha and Omega) With or Without You by U2 // lyrics // The absolute poetic tragedy of 12x09 (First Blood). The way they don’t even have time to really look at each other after six weeks apart, that they are both ready to die for each other without a moment of hesitation.

I Won't Mind by ZAYN // lyrics // “I'm good with who I am. I'm good with who you are. Because our lives? They're ours and maybe I'm too damn old to want to change that.” (14x13 Lebanon)

Fine Line by Harry Styles // lyrics // "Just us.” (15x19 Inherit the Earth)

#spn playlist #supernatural playlist #sam and dean playlist #wincest playlist #sam and dean #wincest #sam x dean #spn #supernatural #wincest quotes #wincest song recs #this is how i'm coping with the show ending okay #leave me alone i'm sad #spn s15 #my post #sam winchester #dean winchester #15x20 #the epic love story of sam and dean

[hotchxprentiss]

Maybe Baby: Chapter Three

Ao3 Link

Series Masterlist

Summary: How Emily dealt with her pregnancy. 

Word Count: 2.2k

Chapter Warnings: angst, fluff, pregnancy stuff, mention of abortion

A/N: This is more of a filler chapter on Emily’s pregnancy. The next one will follow what happened in Chapter Two. 

1995

“Emily! How have you been?”

“I’ve been good, Pam. Just feeling a little nauseous.”

Emily met up with her old high school friend, Pam, at a brunch spot in D.C.

“Oh gosh I’m so sorry. Do you wanna just wanna hang out at your place? I don’t want you to get sick out here,” asked a concerned Pam.

Emily could feel her stomach turning and nodded at her friend’s question. The pair made their way to Emily’s apartment and ordered takeout. The two of them talked about college, their family, and most importantly, their love life.

“So, is there a special man in your life? Perhaps a woman?”

“Wait what do you mean Aar- Agent Hotchner left? He was just here two weeks ago?”

Emily stared at her mother, waiting for an answer. 

“He gave me his resignation letter last week. Turns out the FBI didn’t need an interview and hired him right away. Why are you asking anyway?”

“Oh nothing I’m just wondering where he went that’s all. He suddenly just disappeared.”

“He seemed quite excited to leave. I mean I don’t blame the man, it’s the FBI. Although, I am quite upset that we lost a great agent. Hopefully all goes well with his career.”

“Yeah, me too. I’ll just go upstairs now.”

Emily rushed to her room and clutched her pillow once she laid on her bed. Tears were streaming slowly down her face. As it turns out, Emily grew extremely fond of Aaron after the day they spent with each other. She appreciated his kindness and how gentle he was with her. Unfortunately they never really got to talk or spend more time together. Now he was gone and she had no way of communicating with him. Maybe it was for the best. 

The raven haired woman chuckled at Pam and shook her head. 

“No one as of now, unfortunately. Gotta focus on my studies first,” she replied, not wanting to mention Aaron. 

“Same here, boo. College is just too much right now.”

The two of them continued their chatter until a doorbell signaled the arrival of their food. Once they paid and set up the dining table, Emily’s mouth watered at the sight of the orange chicken, which was typically not her favorite of the bunch. However, the smell of beef and broccoli caused her to gag and rush off straight to the bathroom. The contents of her stomach filled the toilet and Pam rushed to the bathroom to pull her hair back.

“Thanks, Pam.”

“It’s no problem. You sure you’re okay? Are you sick or something?”

“Probably just caught a bug. There was one roaming around my hallway at Georgetown. You should probably leave before you catch it.”

“Are you sure, Em? I can stay here to make sure you’re okay.”

“It’s alright, Pam, really. Besides, your brother’s wedding is in a few days. I would hate to see you miss out on that.”

Pam thought about it for a while and hesitantly nodded at her friend’s statement. 

“Just make sure to call me if you need anything, and I mean anything at all, okay. I love you, girlfriend,” Pam smiled and blew a kiss. 

Emily blew one back and locked her apartment door. She went to her bed and decided to sleep the rest of the day.

~

“Oh fuck.”

Emily woke up to a pounding headache and immediately reached for the water bottle on her night stand. I didn’t even drink yesterday. Soon enough, she felt bile rising from her throat and rushed to the toilet. Emily wiped her mouth and began thinking. No one else reacted to the bug like this. I hate my immune system. She went back to sit on her bed and that’s when realization hit her.

“Shit.”

~

Emily headed over to the nearest pharmacy and picked up three different pregnancy tests. She needed to be sure her instincts were correct, or hopefully wrong. She quickly paid for her things and went back to her apartment to finally get an answer to her question. 

The tests were all laid out on the bathroom counter and she set a timer for three minutes. Please, be negative. Please, be negative. Please, be negative. The timer went off and Emily took a deep breath before she took a look at the tests. All of them were positive. Her knees gave out and she began sobbing on the floor. 

Emily knew right away that Aaron was the father. She hadn’t been with a man for months before their one night stand. There was no way she could tell him, with her still being angry at him and not having any clue on how to reach out. Emily was aware that she had no right to be upset with Aaron. It was a one night stand after all. But with the way he treated her, she thought he at least cared for her, too. He still left without telling you, she told herself. 

She then thought about what happened to her at fifteen, when she got an abortion with the help of Matthew. The truth is, Emily has always wanted to be a mother, but she knew she couldn’t handle taking care of a child at that age. 

Now, she was given a second chance. She was aware of the consequences of keeping it. She was still in college and wanted a career that could cause her to travel to various places, not to mention being in the FBI could put her and her child at risk. But those thoughts were pushed aside when Emily imagined herself carrying her own baby in her arms. She swore she would protect her child with her life. 

At that moment, Emily’s decision was already made. She was going to finish college and pursue a career in the FBI, all while being a mother and not having the father in the picture. 

~

3 Months Later

Emily was now five months pregnant with her baby. Once she informed her mother, they stopped talking for a while until Elizabeth finally gave in and wanted to be part of her grandchild’s life. In her mind it was her way of making it up to Emily after not being there for her when she was younger. 

Emily graduated college and put her career on hold until she gave birth. She wanted to focus all her attention on the pregnancy so that she and her baby are healthy. 

Pam eventually found out about her friend and even offered to drive Emily to every single doctor’s appointment and wherever else she needed to go. She even came along with Emily to help her find a bigger apartment since her current one was not suitable for a baby.

At one of her appointments, Emily’s gynecologist told her that the sex of her child could already be determined. She quickly informed the doctor that she wanted it to be a surprise and wait until their birth. 

After the appointment, Emily headed over to her mother’s house for a quick lunch. Elizabeth and her daughter started spending more time together and she hoped that they could move on from the past and start anew. Emily was reluctant at the idea at first but eventually gave in because even with what happened before, she loved her mother and wanted her baby to grow up with their grandmother. She arrived at the house and was greeted by her mother at the door.

“Emily, dear, how was the appointment? Is my grandchild a boy or a girl?” Elizabeth asked while hugging her daughter. 

“Hi, mom. And yea it went well. I decided to wait until I gave birth to find out the sex.”

Elizabeth frowned at her statement but then remembered it was Emily’s pregnancy, not hers, and that she was the one to make all the decisions. She then changed her frown to a smile and hugged her daughter once again.

“I’m extremely proud of you, you know. And I’m sorry for not saying it enough. You are an incredible daughter and I’ll be sure to remind my grandchild how amazing her mother is. I love you, sweet pea.”

Emily tried to control her tears but due to her hormones, she started sobbing into her mother’s shoulders. ‘Sweet pea’ was what Elizabeth called her when she was younger. 

“I love you too, mom. God, I’m sorry for the tears,” Emily laughed. 

Elizabeth gave Emily a kiss on the forehead and led her inside.

~

After lunch was over, Emily drove back to her place and received a call once she got settled on her couch. 

“Hello, is this Emily Prentiss?”

“Yes, this is her.”

“Congratulations, Miss Prentiss. I just called to inform you that you got the apartment on Greene Street. Are you still up for it?”

“Oh my god, yes of course! Thank you so much!”

“I’m glad to hear it. Would you be able to stop by tomorrow at noon and fill out some paperwork?”

“Tomorrow is perfect. And thank you once again.”

“It’s no problem at all. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Have a nice day.”

“You, too.”

Emily did a little happy dance on her couch, keeping in mind her small bump. 

“Well, my little one, it looks like we got a place now. It’s just gonna be the two of us for a while. Mommy loves you so much and she’ll do whatever she can to make sure you remember that.”

At the end of her small speech, the exhaustion caught up on the soon to be mother and she fell asleep. 

~

4 months later

Emily was now close to her due date and ready to pop. With the help of her mother and Pam, she was already moved into her new apartment. Pam and her went baby shopping a few times, buying a crib, clothes, diapers, a stroller, and little toys. Even though there was another room dedicated to the baby, Emily decided to have the crib be placed in her room to keep them closer to her. Everything was all set up, the only thing missing was the baby. 

Emily was walking over to the kitchen when she felt something wet dripping down her legs. She looked down and realized her water broke. She immediately called Pam while grabbing her go bag. 

“Hey, Pam, my water just broke. Can you please drive me to the hospital? I’m starting to cramp and I don’t think I can make it to my car.”

“Shit, okay, Em, I’m close to your apartment. Just give me a few minutes. Baby Prentiss is about to make their appearance!”

Emily smiled at her friend’s enthusiasm and hung up after saying goodbye. 

“Ow, fuck,” she cried. 

Emily came to the conclusion that her painful cramps were actually contractions. As the last one was over, Pam used her keys to unlock the door and helped Emily out to her car. 

“Are you ready for this, Em?” Pam asked as the two of them were buckled in. 

“At this point, I’m ready for everything. Let’s have this baby.”

~

“Mom, it hurts so much,”

“Shh shh, I know sweet pea. Your baby is almost here.”

Emily called her mother in the car and never in Elizabeth’s life did she move so quickly. She met Emily at the hospital and checked her into one of the rooms. She and Pam stayed inside to comfort her. 

“She’s right, Em. That just means Baby Prentiss is gonna make their appearance soon,” Pam said while holding her hand. 

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation and the doctor came in. 

She went over to examine Emily again to see if she was ready to give birth. 

“Miss Prentiss, it looks like you’re about ten centimeters dilated. I’ll go ahead and call in the nurses to set up.”

Once the doctor left, Emily started panicking. 

“Oh god no, I’m not ready. What if I’m a bad mother? What if my child hates me?”

Elizabeth stroked her daughter’s hair and said, “Emily, dear, listen to me. You will never be a bad mother. I saw how you were during this pregnancy. Your child will be extremely lucky to have you as their mother. I know you’re going to love them unconditionally.”

Emily teared up at her mother’s statement and squeezed her hand. 

“Thanks, mom.” 

The doctor returned with a few nurses and everything was set up right away. 

“Alright, Emily, when I tell you to push, I want you to push as hard as you can, okay?”

Emily nodded at her words and prepared herself for one of the most painful experiences of her life. 

“Push!”

Emily pushed with all her strength and laid her head back on the hospital bed. 

“I’m gonna need you to push again, hun. Just one more after this and you’ll finally meet your little one. Push!”

She pushed again, indescribable pain on the lower half of her body. 

“One more, Emily, you can do it. Push!”

Emily pushed to the best of her ability and felt relief at the sound of cries that filled the room. 

“Congratulations, it’s a girl.”

She smiled at the announcement and watched her mother cut off the baby’s umbilical cord. The nurses quickly cleaned her up and wrapped her in a pink blanket. The baby was laid on Emily’s chest and the new mother placed a soft kiss on her daughter’s head. 

“Do we have a name?” one of the nurses asked. 

Emily thought about names for a few months. She settled on one for a boy and another for a girl. Now that her daughter was here she could finally use the name she came up with 

“Her name is Charlotte Natalia Prentiss.”

#hotchniss #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #hotch x prentiss #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

Andy Warhol Arguments

PART TWENTY-NINE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: vomiting, periods, mentions of parent death, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 5.9K

Summary: Ella feels the stress of her new life in Philadelphia.

Rubbing at his eyes, Jess shut the alarm clock off and furrowed his brows when he saw Ella wasn’t next to him. Her side of the bed was cold and didn’t look nearly as disheveled. But the anxiety at her absence quickly subsided as he walked out into the living room. With papers strewn around on the coffee table in front of her, Ella had spread out on the couch with no blanket, despite the Autumn chill in the air. She was still in her dress from the day before, and it was twisted around her form, riding up her thighs. Mascara was smudged around her eyes. Jess smirked, then went over and began shaking her shoulder gently. The light was soft through the gray curtains, and the sky was overcast. Even still, she squinted as she stirred awake, confused at her location.

“Elle? Wake up,” Jess said, coaxing her out of her groggy state. “Jeez, how late did you stay up?”

She sighed, sitting up and gathering herself. “I don’t know. I was grading essays for at least a couple more hours after you went to bed. But I couldn’t keep my eyes open, so I was just gonna rest for a little while. Obviously, that was naive of me.”

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to her cheek before going to put on the tea and coffee in the kitchen.

“What time is it?” she asked, stretching her arms high over her head as she stood up, her skirt falling around her knees again. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to wake herself up and shake off the throb pulsing behind her eyes.

“Seven,” Jess replied, filling the coffee pot up with water.

Ella nodded, relieved. Her first class wasn’t until nine. At least she would have time to shower off her makeup from the day before, and brush her teeth. The taste in her mouth made her grimace; she couldn’t believe she’d fallen asleep without brushing her teeth. It was almost time for midterms at school, and the students in the art history class she was a teacher’s assistant for had just turned in their first major essays. Overall, they were pretty decent. But, she was also never one to shy away from the red pen. Shuffling the stacks of paper on the table into neat rectangles, she stifled a yawn.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” she said, coming to lean against the island. “I’d probably scare the undergrads if I showed up like this. Thanks for waking me. I would’ve slept forever if I could.”

“I know.” Jess turned on the tea kettle and faced her. “You gotta take it a little easier. I think that vein in your forehead is bound to pop, the way things are going.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, Mariano. The concern is appreciated but not necessary.”

“You’ve slept a total of, like, seven hours in the past three days,” he argued.

“Hypocrite,” she scoffed, making for their bedroom again to get fresh clothes.

“Nihilist,” Jess retorted, calling after her. He would’ve worried about the volume of his voice so early in the morning, but he could already hear Matthew and Chris talking through the walls.

Ella chuckled breathily, half-heartedly. “I’m not the one who hung Nietzche above our bed.”

.   .   .

Despite Ella’s time at Luke’s, she had never mastered making breakfast. Or cooking in general. Baking came natural and easy, her pies a hit at every single holiday and gathering she brought them to. But she burned the toast, didn’t fry the bacon long enough, couldn’t get the pancakes just right. Jess, however, had somehow picked up cooking skills between sighs and snide remarks. He and Chris took turns making breakfast sometimes, when everyone didn’t just resort to cereal. It was common knowledge in the apartment, though, that both Ella and Matthew were best away from the kitchen in the morning hours.

As Ella reemerged from the bedroom, her hair damp and braided, her simple black dress loose and comfortable, the smell of the scrambled eggs Jess was making hit her in the face. Pepper and butter and orange juice mixed in, Chris on the couch flipping through the news channels on the TV sat opposite, Matthew at the counter talking with Jess. With everyone up so early, it made sense Jess would make something. She wondered sometimes if it was nostalgia which drove him, serving them food as Luke did his customers. And, of course, he lived above the business he owned just like his uncle. Ella had pointed out the irony to him more than once. After all, Ella knew just how much Jess looked up to Luke, even if he would never admit it in so many words.

Her stomach did a flip instead of growling as it usually would have, as the ache in her head pounded with the beat of her heart. It made her want to sigh audibly, but she bit it back. The only silver lining of the morning had been not bleeding through her dress and onto the couch, her period having shown up at some point in the night. Cramps were already twisting her insides, nauseating her.

“Did you hear what Bush did last night?” Chris asked, head perking up when he saw her enter the room. He held a coffee in one hand, the liquid pale from copious amounts of milk and sugar.

“Please don’t tell me,” she said tiredly, hopping onto a stool next to Matthew. “I can’t handle his idiocy this morning.”

“I’ll spare you, then.”

“Thank you so much.”

Matthew chuckled breathily at them, sipping from his own mug. He was clean-shaven again, having stayed at the apartment for the first time in several days. Still, they did not know the name of the mysterious girlfriend.

“He’s never that nice to me,” Matthew said, his words a joking sigh.

Ella shrugged. “He owes me for covering his ass when he pissed off that spoken word lady last week.”

“Not my fault,” Chris chimed in from the couch, defensive.

“Right, so when you told her she wasn’t as important as the other woman, that wasn’t your fault? Someone else said that?” Ella prodded, eyebrows raised skeptically.

Chris sighed heavily. “I didn’t say that. She just heard me wrong.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Ella chided.

Scoffing, Chris turned his eyes back to the TV and said nothing more. Ella snorted at his petulance, facing ahead where Jess stood over the stove. With a spatula in one hand and the handle of a frying pan in the other, she was reminded again of their days at the diner. Of a lonely morning when Luke had an appointment and Ella had gotten into a fight with her father. It was the first time Jess had made her breakfast. A wistful look crossed her face, and she was lost in thought when Jess put her tea down in a mug in front of her.

“Earth to Eleanor,” he said, waving a hand in front of her face. “What, thinking about Emily Dickinson again?”

“Close, but no,” she replied, blinking herself out of her daze and taking the mug with both hands. She blew steam from the top and shot him a small smile. “Thanks, cutie.”

Rolling his eyes, Jess went back to the stove with a flushed face. He didn’t have to look back over to know she had a teasing grin on her lips. Since their ride to California, she’d been poking at him with the nickname. He thought she would let it go, but then he remembered who he was dealing with. And though he wouldn’t admit it, as he blushed, it was growing on him just a touch. Besides, he knew it was due retaliation for ‘honey,’ which he still used on a daily basis.

“You want toast with these eggs?” he asked, hoping his face would cool down sometime soon.

Biting the inside of her cheek, Ella shook her hand. “No thanks, actually, I’m good without either. Just tea is fine.”

Jess’s brows furrowed immediately and he looked up from his work, tilting his head at her. “Really? You sure?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, I’m not hungry.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. Getting a good look at her, he thought she was paler than normal, though it could have just been his imagination. Lack of sleep probably wasn’t helping her pallor, anyway.

“You might be hungry later.”

“Well, I’ll come back here for lunch. Four hours isn’t so long,” she said, her tone light against his puzzled gaze.

“Okay, Stevens,” he said suspiciously, but then let the subject drop. It was strange for her to skip breakfast, sure. But it was also strange for her to stay up half the night grading papers; perhaps she was just having an off day.

Her eyes lingered on his a little longer, but she kept her emotions masked beneath a complacent smile. Eventually, Jess focused back on the eggs which he was apparently making for himself. Matthew had a plate in front of him, and Chris had already scarfed his down.

“Oh my god, guys,” Chris piped up from the couch again.

Ella suppressed a groan; he updated them on various happenings from the news every single morning. The information was rarely relevant to anything.

“What?” Jess asked flatly, putting the eggs on his own plate and setting them down across the counter from Ella. He leaned against the tiled surface as he ate.

“There’s like three people in Berkeley with mad cow disease,” Chris answered, a shocked look on his face. Ella had no idea how he kept up so much energy, and could be so consistently amazed at the world around him. It was a little exhausting, but endearing nonetheless.  

She scoffed. “Good thing I couldn’t afford it, then.”

Jess nodded knowingly as he chewed.

“What?” Matthew asked.

“Oh,” Ella said casually, taking another sip of the tea. She wished it was green, but Jess would almost certainly have more questions for her, about whether she was getting a migraine, if she drank that. Already, she could see him trying to get her to stay home. And she simply couldn’t flake so close to mid-terms. “When I was a kid, I always wanted to go to Berkeley. Maybe because it was the farthest place I could think of. But I’d never been there. And after finally making it to California, I’d say it’s a good thing the tuition was too insane for me to handle.”

A bark of a laugh came from Chris. “Yeah, you’re too pretentious for anything but the East coast.”

“I am not,” she retorted, not even turning around to face him again. “Maybe I’m just too much of a realist for that hippie bullshit.”

“More like a stick-up-your-ass killjoy, but sure, I guess realist is another way to put it,” Chris said, with self-satisfied lilt in his tone.

“Fuck off,” she shot back lazily. Both Jess and Matthew watched on in amusement, as they had grown accustomed to doing, while she continued. “You’re just pissed you’re not deep enough to understand true art. All you can wrap your brain around is ABBA and Andy Warhol.”

“Andy Warhol was an American treasure!”

Ella finally turned around to see Chris shooting daggers at her. “Andy Warhol was a sellout! I have a whole book about him; you can borrow it!”

“Oh, well, if a book says so,” Chris mocked, feigning belief.

She laughed. “It’s too early and there’s just not enough time for me to explain to you how wrong you are. I gotta get to class. Professor Stanton wants me to go over her presentation with her before.”

Getting down off the stool, she rushed behind the counter and gave Jess a long kiss goodbye. Her feet felt heavy in her black oxfords as she went over to the door, donning her peacoat from the rusty rack and grabbing her bag.

“See you for lunch at noon?” she asked, throwing one last look at Jess.

He nodded, gave her a reassuring smile. She seemed frazzled and uneasy. “I’ll be here, Daria.”

“Just checking, James Dean.”

“Bye, Ella,” Matthew said.

Ella gave him a little wave and rolled her eyes when Chris was silent from the couch, pouting over her slight to his god, Andy Warhol. “Fuck you very much, Chris.”

He yelled an cheerful obscenity back to her as she raced out the door, the old bronze clock down in the main room of Truncheon chiming half past eight.

.   .   .

By lunch, her headache had progressed to a full-on migraine, but she still had one more class and office hours to attend to, so she was pressing on. The day was chilly, a faint drizzle misting her as she trudged up the sidewalk back to Truncheon. She made a note to herself to grab an umbrella before leaving again; at least it hadn’t started pouring on her walk. Her old shoulder bag was dragging on her tired frame, packed to the brim with books and papers. The green fabric was faded to almost gray, as she had been lugging the bag around since high school. But it had yet to rip or fray, and she’d added a few patches to the front at some point during college. What wasn’t broken, she didn’t intend trying to fix. Why waste the time?

She was glad to be met with the familiar smell of old books as she reentered the small publishing company. Matthew was reorganizing shelves to his preference, silent and analytical. Hanging her bag and coat on the hook by the door, she ran her hands up and down over her own arms in an attempt to warm up. The tights she wore were thin and cheap. Chris was nowhere to be seen, which Ella was almost grateful for. As much as she enjoyed the two guys, Jess was the only one she wanted in the moment. And though what she really wanted was to lean her head on his shoulder and fall asleep, an hour for lunch up in the apartment, as they had every day, would have to do.

Sluggish as she ascended the stairs, Ella felt a gnawing hunger in her stomach, but was nervous to eat. With the cramps ripping up her insides, she knew whatever she downed might just come back up. Jess was already upstairs, reading at the counter, when she opened the door to the apartment, and he looked up with a tiny smirk as she walked in.

“Hey, Daria,” he said, marking the place in his book and tossing it aside.

She shot him a weak smile of greeting and made for the fridge, scanning the various homemade leftovers and takeout boxes. Jess came up behind her, peering in over her shoulder. At his closeness and his aroma of pine, she breathed a sigh of relief and stopped what she was doing. Just having him near made her feel better instantly, knowing she would come home to him at the end of the day.  A mixture of emotions welled inside her, rising up in her throat. Shutting the fridge door and spinning around to face him, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and enveloped him in an embrace. His arms twined around her waist instinctively, but he let out a surprised chuckle.

“Hey.” Her voice was muffled against his shirt and when she pulled away, Jess thought he saw a fond sorrow in her eyes. She pressed a kiss to his lips.

He tilted his head at her when their lips were separated again. “What was that for?”

Ella shrugged. “No reason.”

Soon, they sat next to each other at the island with a container of cold lo mein split on two plates in front of them. Breaking the comfortable silence, Jess set his fork down and turned to her, a hesitant look on his face. He had held off telling her as long as he could stand; he could rant about it forever, but still didn’t want to say a word.

“Liz called me earlier,” he began, watching her glance up from her plate, where she pushed her food around, noncommittal.

She raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Um...she’s pregnant.” Jess ran a hand over his mouth and sighed lightly.

Her eyes perked up in surprise. “What?”

“Unfortunately, it seems TJ’s incompetence in everything else didn’t extend to his reproductive skills.”

She snorted a half-hearted laugh and trained her eyes on him carefully. “Are you okay?”

He nodded. “I’m fine.”

“Okay, chatty Kathy,” she said, taking a sip of her water and then facing him fully. “But, how do you feel about it?”

“Honestly, Elle?” he asked, his tone dejected. He didn’t quite meet her gaze. “I don’t know. Jimmy’s got a stepdaughter. Now, Liz is gonna have a new kid. It’s...I don’t know. I just hope she doesn’t binge-drink quite as much as she did with me.”

Ella furrowed her brows.

“I was five weeks early and I weighed something like four pounds. She says she doesn’t remember most of being pregnant,” Jess explained, a bitter tinge to his words.

“Jesus Christ,” Ella muttered, shaking her head slightly, not in disbelief but in simple sadness for him.

Jess shrugged dismissively. “But, hey, now she’s gonna get a second try. I’m sure the next one won’t be as much trouble as I was.”

“Hey,” she said firmly, bringing a cold hand to his cheek, stroking his skin affectionately with her thumb, “it was her fucking fault.”

“I know,” he said quietly, suddenly struck by her blunt tenderness. It filled him up, but made his insides flutter. “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.”

“Alright,” she whispered, waiting a moment longer before she dropped her hand back from his face. “But if you do-”

“I know,” he repeated, light to disguise the pit in his stomach.

“Good.”

.   .   .

Bowie played softly on the record player and Ella sat up against the wall behind the bed. She was still in her black cotton dress, though she had let her hair down from its braid, hoping to relieve some of the pressure behind her temples. A dull ache was constant in her lower stomach, occasionally tightening to a sharp burst of pain. Her breath was slow and steady, as she hoped to relax her muscles. She wrote against the thick stack of paper in her lap, only a few essays left. Maybe she could actually get a chance to sleep a sensible amount. She’d been at it since the moment she got upstairs at three in the afternoon, and her eyes were dry and hot in her skull. Rain pattered against the window on her left, the pane fogged up from the cold day.

A creak sounded in the room as the door opened, and she peeked down at her watch. It was nearly six; she hadn’t realized how much time she’d spent sitting in the same position, staring at the endless pages of Times New Roman. Jess walked in with socked feet, a crease of concern between his brows as he strode over to the bed.

“Hey, you almost done?” he asked, sitting down on the end and running his hand up and down the back of her calf.

She bit the inside of her cheek as she finished scribbling a comment on the side of a page. Then, she looked up at him with an exhausted, pale face. “Sort of. I’ve still got a few to go.”

“Why don’t you take a break?” Jess asked. When their work day had ended at five-thirty, he’d come up to find her pouring over the assignments. It was clear she was concentrating hard, and he’d silently come over and placed a kiss on her forehead in greeting before leaving her to her work. The worry had not left him in the hour he’d been sitting on the couch with a Barker novel in his hands and an old sitcom on the TV. “We ordered pizza. Half mushroom.”

A smile formed on her lips, less strained than it had looked all day. Mushroom was her favorite on pizza. “Maybe in a little while. I don’t finish what I need to, and they could definitely replace me with another TA.”

Jess scoffed in disbelief at her unfounded fear. “Where else are they gonna find a Lily Briscoe nihilist who dresses like it’s 1994?”

“Same place they’d find another Kerouac wannabe who knows close-up magic tricks,” she quipped coolly, going back to her work. Her patience was wearing. No matter how much her mind was screaming for a reprieve, she simply needed to finish. Some strong fire burned within her, forcing her to be productive or suffer intense guilt.

He gasped in mock offense. “Low blow, Stevens. The magic phase was not my best, I will admit. But, it was really only to impress a certain waitress.”

“Well, when you talk to her, tell her I think she should raise her standards,” Ella replied, not looking up from the paper.

Jess sighed in frustration, taking his hand from her leg. When she got into her working zone, one he recognized well from high school, it certainly took some effort to get her out. But rarely was she quite so irritated. “You’ve barely eaten anything all day, Eleanor.”

“Didn’t realize I was under surveillance, Jess.”

Rising from the bed again, Jess rolled his eyes. “The pizza’s gonna be here in fifteen minutes. You don’t come out, and I’ll tell Chris how much you hate jazz. You’ll have to face his wrath.”

“I think I can handle him,” Ella said flatly. Still, she didn’t lift her eyes from the writing.

“You’ve been warned,” Jess chagrined, shutting the door behind him gently.

.   .   .

The growling of her stomach ultimately forced her out of the bed, the stack of papers left on the nightstand with the red pen neatly atop it. She decided she didn’t need anymore arguing with Chris for the day. And the hungrier she got, the worse her headache was. Searing pain radiated all the way through her brain, but she tried to quiet it the best she could. She hadn’t experienced a migraine in a long while, but remembered how to power through it. It was better to at least attempt to eat, she decided. She hated the odd dichotomy of the nauseating cramps and the intense hunger.

A smug smirk formed on Jess’s face when she opened the door, stifling a yawn with the back of her hand.

“Oh, look. Judas,” Chris said from his spot in the armchair, still offended from the morning’s Andry Warhol argument.

“Not my fault you can’t handle the truth,” she replied, going over to the fridge and grabbing a ginger ale. She didn’t know whether the ginger ale soothing stomach trick worked with period cramps, but it was worth a shot. She popped it open and took a few sips before placing it on the end table near the windows and flopping down on the weathered green couch next to Jess.

“Your stomach okay?” he asked, an eyebrow raised at her choice of drink.

She shrugged dismissively, her face wan. “I’m fine, Mariano.”

“You sure you’re not pregnant?” Chris teased, glancing at Jess. “Apparently it’s in the water.”

Jess swallowed dryly at the reference to his mother’s news. Both Matthew and Chris had overheard snippets of the phone conversation.

“Believe me, I’m not,” Ella answered, running her hand through her hair and sweeping it over one shoulder. The back of her neck was hot beneath it.

“But how could you know?” Chris continued, a mocking twinkle in his blue eyes.

As she shot him a withering stare, Ella’s lips turned up in a thin, sardonic smile. Her tone was cold and venomous. “One guess. I’m sure it’ll come to you, Einstein.”

After a moment with furrowed brows, realization crossed his features and his eyes widened. Chris blushed and said nothing more. Jess snickered at him and brought an arm around Ella, unphased.

Goosebumps rose on her skin at his touch, as she leaned her head on his shoulder. A slight sigh escaped her lips as she allowed herself to slacken against him, seeing the Frasier rerun playing on the grainy television across from them. Matthew sat on Jess’s other side, working on something which looked like an inventory sheet. She could certainly identify with his workaholic side. He leaned over and told her the pizza would be there any minute. Nodding, she put a hand on her anxious stomach and shut her eyes. She hadn’t felt the fatigue weighing her down fully until she gave into it, suddenly worried she could fall asleep at any moment.

Jess looked down at her, a crease of concern reappearing between his brows. Frowning, he took in her flushed face and placed his hand to her forehead. Though he couldn’t be sure, he thought she seemed feverish. “You feel warm.”

“The heat’s on. Our room is stuffy. I’ve been in there a few hours. Really, cutie, I’m just tired,” she said shortly, not opening her eyes and shifting to get more comfortable. His skin was cool against hers. It wouldn’t have surprised her if she was running a slight temperature. Sleep deprivation and her period both sometimes caused a tiny fever for her separately; it would be less than a shock if together they’d had a bit of an effect.

His eyes lingered on her doubtfully, but a knock then sounded on the door. Jess dug in his pocket with a free hand to find a few crumpled bills, handing them to Matthew, who went to greet the pizza guy. In a few minutes, they were back in their respective spots with grease-splotched paper towels, holding cheap pizza. Matthew and Chris were deep in a debate about the acts to book for the following week, and were throwing around the idea of an open mic night. Jess didn’t have much to say on the matter, instead watching as Ella ventured a few bites of her slice and kept her eyes on the TV, trying to ignore his watchful gaze. Not even Luke had ever been so concerned over her well-being, insofar as whether she had something she could potentially spread to customers. Only her mother stuck out as a caregiver in her life, and of course, no time in recent memory. It was just Jess.

“You’re staring, Romeo,” she snapped after a while, realizing he wasn’t going to quit.

“Thought I was a Mercutio?” he asked through a mouthful of pizza.

Scoffing, annoyed, Ella felt the mixture of both hunger and discomfort mingling in her stomach again. “Not tonight. Remember how much Romeo stared?”

“It rings a bell. But I also haven’t read that since ninth grade English.”

“You did reading for school?” she asked doubtfully, snorting a laugh.

He nodded. “I had gold stars plastered all over my forehead.”

“Oh, yeah, I can just picture it,” she said, taking another bite, almost finished with her piece. “Romeo and Juliet sucks anyway.”

“Once again,” he said, shaking his head at her in feigned disappointment, “so blasphemous.”

“And still, you can’t keep your eyes off me.”

He shrugged. “Sad but true.”

She chuckled, about to retort in the easy way she always could, but instead there was a shift in her features. Her freckled cheeks drained completely and tinged to a slight green. Saying nothing, she put the back of a hand to her mouth and she hopped up, rushing towards the bathroom. Not running, but definitely rushing. Her movements were silent but swift as she shut the door behind her with a slam. Chris and Matthew didn’t even notice until the sound rang out in the apartment. Jess sighed heavily, going after her. Pressed up against the door, he could hear her gagging.

“Eleanor?” he asked, knocking.

Knees grounded on the blue tile of the bathroom floor, Ella found she couldn’t reply through her breathless retching, bent over the toilet bowl. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes and her nose began to run.

“I’m coming in,” Jess said resolutely.

Ella would’ve cursed at herself if she’d been able, realizing she had forgotten to lock the door in her race to make it to the toilet. Before she could protest, Jess took her hair in one hand and began rubbing circles on her back with the other. His touch was deliberate and gentle, and almost made her want to cry harder than she already was, her entire body radiating embarrassment.

“Fuck, Jess, get out,” she pleaded through bouts of vomiting. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, I can see that, Linda Blair,” he deadpanned, not moving from his spot.

Eventually, the swirling in her stomach stopped, and her breathing became regular again. She flushed and immediately went to the sink to splash cold water on her face, rinsing her mouth out and brushing her teeth thoroughly. Jess watched carefully from where he sat on the edge of the blue tub. She wiped her face with the hand towel and threw it back down next to the sink in frustration. Her body was strained and tired, and she sat down heavily next to him when she was finished. She brought her elbows to her knees, holding her chin in her hands.

“You okay?” Jess asked, tucking some hair behind her ear to expose her cheek. He pressed the back of his hand against it, noting how hot she still was. The puking probably hadn’t helped, though.

She cleared her throat. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Nothing for you to be sorry over,” he replied lightly. “I mean I’m sorry for getting on you about not eating. I just thought you were working through meals like you used to in high school. I didn’t know you felt sick.”

“I’m not sick, Jess.”

“Eleanor, you were just puking your guts out like two minutes ago,” he said, eyebrows raised. “And I’m pretty sure you have a fever.”

Ella sighed, sniffling though the tears had stopped involuntarily streaming down her cheeks. “When I was a kid, I used to run a temperature when I didn’t sleep enough. And the whole Exorcist routine is because of my period.”

“Really? Usually, you seem like you feel okay when you’re on your period.”

She chuckled. Most of the time, they had sex every night when she was on her period. The hormones were often a pleasant experience in her case. Such bad cramps hadn’t afflicted her since before she’d started the pill at age fifteen, either. “I usually hardly even have cramps. But I got on new birth control this month and stress can also make things way worse. Sleep deprivation, too. I don’t know. The perfect storm.”

His face softened sympathetically. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re insane.”

“Oh, well how could I possibly take that the wrong way?” she quipped through slight laughter.

“You’re working so hard, you’re literally making yourself sick,” he explained. “Not that you’re gonna listen to me, but I really think you should ease up if you don’t wanna have a stroke before you’re thirty.”

Again, she sighed, straightening up and averting her gaze. “I just...if I’m working as hard as I can, I’m not worrying as much about losing my spot in the graduate program.”

“Why would you lose your spot?” he asked, his brow crinkling. Maybe he shouldn’t have laughed her off so easily before.

“I don’t know. I just worry about it. Anything’s possible,” she said.

And he could see her mind was off somewhere other than Philadelphia. It was back in Stars Hollow, on the night when her mother had died and she’d lost everything out of the blue. Pieces fell into place, and all of a sudden he understood. Why she had been staying up late and editing papers more heavily than she needed to and running herself ragged only halfway through the semester. To Eleanor, nothing was permanent, nothing could be counted on. The feeling wasn’t lost on him, considering he had a new fake daddy pretty much every year as a child, but he hadn’t even seen a semblance of stability in his life until moving to Luke’s. He remembered how different it was not having to worry about losing the apartment for unpaid rent or having all of his possessions stolen by some deadbeat his mother had inexplicably allowed into their lives. But Ella had lived in a home that had a least a decent amount of security for fourteen years before the rug was pulled out from under her. That was the difference, and it was an important one.

“Elle?”

“Hm?” She lifted her eyes, slightly glassy, up to his.

“No matter what happens with this grad school thing, or after, anything is not possible with me,” he said in earnest. “Because I was yours the first time I saw you five years ago. At this point, I can say with complete certainty that’s never gonna change.”

Breathing out a long breath through her nose, Ella couldn’t help the smile which bloomed on her face. Before, he’d said he fell in love with her that night in the gazebo. Maybe he had been holding back so he wouldn’t scare her, though the time he’d asked her to run away with him and told her he loved her hadn’t exactly been his most restrained moment. She didn’t know. And, the idea that it had actually been the minute when they’d met all those years ago in the diner was so preposterous in her realist mind, she had to tease him at least a little. “Love at first sight, huh? Time has really made you soft, Mariano. The Hemingway, too.”

“I’m serious, Stevens,” he continued, though a smirk tugged at his own lips. “And, for the record, there’s no way in hell they’re gonna kick you out of that program. They’re lucky you even accepted their offer. Please, just take a fucking sick day tomorrow. Watch Stephen King, and drink green tea, and eat peanut butter out of the jar.”

A moment passed between them, and finally she gave a slow nod. “Fine. But only because you asked so nicely. And because this is the most disgusting I’ve felt since that time I drank my dad’s tequila.”

He chuckled, bringing an arm around her shoulder and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. “Good. By tomorrow night, you’ll feel like one of the living again.”

Leaning into his side again, she was so utterly relieved. A weight she didn’t know she had been carrying lifted from within her. The nerves and the worry weren’t gone, but for the first time, perhaps ever, she truly believed Jess. She trusted him so completely it shocked her. They weren’t the same people they had been when he’d run away to California. But they still fit together exactly right. And it wasn’t going to change. She pulled away from him, placing a hand on the back of his neck and running her fingers through the ends of his hair affectionately.

“I love you.”

For a moment, Jess’s breath caught in his throat and he thought his heart would explode from joy. But, instead, his grin grew more genuine. “That’s nice, but I kinda figured.”

She rolled her eyes, giving his shoulder a playful shove. “Such a jackass.”

“So I’ve heard,” he replied easily, then took her hand in his and squeezed it. “I love you too.”

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[licenselesswriter]

The One Who Stayed CH12

Maya wakes up the next morning to a note on Lucas bed.

- Left you to breakfast in the oven, please eat it, I'll call you tonight - she reads and slowly gets up.

She walks to the kitchen and checks the oven and finds a plastic bag inside. She looks inside the bag and finds a burger, she put the burger close to her nose and smell it - Let's give it a try - she says and gives it a tiny bite. It took her a few seconds and a chill on her spine - My God, I Love that man - she says and gives the cold burger a massive bite.

She walks to his living room and leaves her burger and a cup of coffee on the coffee table. She turns on the TV and starts to watch half of The Incredibles 2. around 30 minutes later, her phone starts to buzz, she looks at the screen and was surprised by a name of her past.

- Odd for you to call me - Maya says before biting her burger again.

- Come on, it's not like we hate each other - Josh says.

- True, but it's not like I'm in the best terms with you or the Matthews Clan - she replies.

- Yeah, I heard a bit about that - he says before taking a deep breath - I was wondering that maybe you will be interested in telling me your side of the story during dinner? - he asks.

- Bold of you to assume that I would go with you for dinner - she replies with a smug on her face.

- You can pick the place and I will pay for everything - he offers.

- Looks like all those years in the old empire show you how to treat a lady - Maya says.

- You talk like I'm some kind of animal - he replies - Well, in certain aspects, I am - he adds.

Maya wasn't able to suppress a laugh - Fine, I'll go to dinner with you, after all, I'm still very fond of you - she says.

- Awwwww you're gonna make me cry, is 8 ok for you? - he asks.

- Yeah, but tomorrow, I have something tonight - Maya lies.

- Oh, ok, cool, see you tomorrow then, send me your address tomorrow - he says and finishes the call.

Maya put her phone down and keep watching The Incredibles 2.

Lucas shows up with Lily by the hand knocking a door he and his daughter knew very well. Fastly the door opens to show a blonde woman who smiled when she saw his son and his granddaughter.

- How is my favorite granddaughter? - Mary Friar says while she gets on Lily's vision with her arms open.

- Hello Grandma - Lily says and hugs her tightly.

- Are you sure it's no problem for you to take care of her tonight? - Lucas asks her.

Mary just looks at Lily - How dare you - she says in a joking tone - Lily, why don't you make ourselves a favor and check what's in the fridge? - Mary asks her granddaughter who runs to the kitchen.

- Pecan pie? - Lucas asks and before his mother was able to answer, they both heard a loud "yaaaaaaaay".

Mary walks to his dinner table and picks up a blue box - This is for Maya - she says and gives the box to her son.

- She's Gonna Love you even more now - Lucas says.

Mary just laughs and caress her son's cheek - It's ok, I Love her too - she says - Now go - she adds and put a kiss on her son's cheek.

Lucas just kisses her mother in her cheek too - Thanks Mom - he says, hoping to be on time for his appointment.

Thanks to traffic, he was a bit late but no more than 5 minutes. He turns down his car and gets his jacket from the back seat before locking his car. He checks his pockets and pulls the invitation from his back pocket and jogs a little to avoid being run over by a cab.

- How can I help you? - the bouncer asks Lucas before he gives him the invitation.

- Lucas Friar - he says and he was fastly checked on the list.

Lucas walks into the museum and the first thing that he saw was the incredible big installation in the middle of the spiral of the Guggenheim. He starts to go up, looking at all the pieces in exposition and was greatly surprised to see the evolution Maya had along the years. He stops half the climb and takes a seat in front of her cubism era.

- It was obvious that I will find you here - Lucas heard at his back, making him immediately turn.

Of course, what he saw, wasn't of his liking, but nothing he can do to fix that - Joshua Matthews - Lucas says putting his hands on his pockets.

- You know, I've always known you had something for Maya, but from there to actually divorce my niece, that's some balls, Friar - he says, clearly trying to piss him off.

- Clearly, you don't have the whole story - Lucas replies with his fakest smile, refusing to deny the feelings he has for his best friend - Well, it wasn't nice to see you Josh, but I still expect you to visit your grandniece on her birthday, ask Riley for the details - he adds before try to walk away from him.

- Don't worry, I will ask them to Maya when I take her to dinner - he replies, making Lucas stop for a second, enough to make him smile - What, no comment on that? - he asks while Lucas keeps walking from him - What a waste - he says when he notices that Lucas disappear in another section of the exposition.

Being a bit slow thanks to her clothes, Maya shows up to watch the show - What exactly you're plotting? - Maya asks Josh, while she misses her shorts and tank top fiercely.

- I will tell you tomorrow, at dinner - he replies and walks from Maya in direction to the entrance.

Maya takes the stairs to save time and finally reaches to Lucas who was drinking a cup of wine.

- Should I explain? - Maya asks him.

Lucas just looks at her and softly caresses her cheek with one of his fingers - No - he simply replies - Even when as a friend I totally hate that guy - he starts, making her smile - It's up to you who shares your dinner table - he adds and takes another sip of his glass.

- Bummer - Maya says and stands next to him, grabbing his arm with hers - I was expecting you to turn into a territorial alpha male - she says before guiding Lucas through another section.

- Please, I'm not an animal - Lucas replies, feeling how his tension releases a bit to her touch.

- I've heard different - Maya flirts with him.

- Maybe one day you can tell - Lucas flirts back, making Maya blush - Oh, the tables have been turned - he says and separates from Maya to sit in front of one of her paintings.

- Like that one? - Maya asks him.

- I've always loved your work Maya - he replies - I'm happy that you're getting the exposure you deserve - he adds.

Maya sits next to him and lets her head rest on his shoulder for a few minutes - Hey, Lucas? - she calls him.

- Yeah? - he asks back, still looking at the paint in front of him.

- I know it's not one minute to midnight, but and glad you're sitting here - she says and delicately caresses his hand.

Lucas stays in silence next to her and lifts her hand to softly kiss it.

The next day, around 2 in the afternoon, a brunette woman was getting into her third consecutive hour watching a folder on her desk.

Thankfully, she was saved from boredom and starvation by her mother, who knocks on her office door with 2 McDonald's bags.

- Busy? - Topanga asks her daughter.

- Only with my own mind - Riley replies, making Topanga give her a sad smile.

- I warned you - Topanga says and sits in front of her daughter.

- Sue me for having hope - Riley defends herself.

- I'm not here to fight with you - Topanga says opening the box of her big mac.

- That Smell delicious - she says and takes one of her mother's fries, a second before she attempts to hit her hand - I'm better now - she jokes.

Topanga smiles. This kind of situations makes her forget the mess it's been happening the last 5 months - May I ask you something? - Topanga asks Riley.

- Well, you bring me lunch, so I don't have any reason to refuse - she replies opening her burger.

- In what moment everything falls apart? -  she asks and Riley put her burger down.

Riley take one of her fries and slowly eat it - It was probably after Lily's born - she confesses.

- Please tell me you're not putting this on your daughter - Topanga warns Riley with a menacing tone.

- What? No! - she fastly exclaims - It's just... - she takes a pause and takes a sip of her sprite - I felt overshadowed for him, Lily wanted to be with him all the way, he's an excellent vet and an excellent husband, he was there when I needed him - she tries to explain - Remember what happened with Uncle Josh and Maya? - she asks her mother.

- Yeah, big mess - Topanga answers.

- Did you know that Maya went to Lucas before Me to try to solve that? - she asks this time.

Topanga just keeps a deep silence.

- He grows to excel and I grow bitter - Riley continues - And it wasn't only Maya, Farkle too, and I was supposed to be his best friend - she adds.

- So, you did it because you wanted attention? - Topanga asks, losing her appetite.

- Worse - Riley replied, feeling a solitary tear fall through her cheek - I did it because I knew he would never do the same - she adds, Topanga looked at her like she was a monster - I know, I know, it's something awful, and trust me, I really regret it - she says feeling more tears fall through her cheeks.

They both stay silent after Riley's confession, the food it's gonna be throw in the trash since both women lost their appetite

- What about the Gardner kid? - Topanga asks Riley.

- What about the Gardner kid? - Riley asks to herself - He knew since the beginning that what we had was sex, and nothing else - she says and takes another of her drink - I do feel bad for him, if that's what you're asking, I've done a lot of wrong things in the last 2 years, I've lied, manipulate, abuse, cheat and hurt everyone close to me, and tried to blame everyone except me - she says breaking down in front of her mother.

Topanga felt horrible to see her daughter cry, but above all, she knew she drags herself into that position. She looked around till she finds her purse, she looks inside and grabs a pen - Then you know what you have to do - she says and offers her pen to her daughter.

Riley denies - Don't worry, I have my own pen - she replies and starts signing the papers on the folder.

It surprised her when she looks at herself in the mirror, he still has a certain effect on her, and for much she wanted to deny it, she was excited about that.

She takes one final look at herself in the mirror before picking up her phone and gets herself an Uber.

40 minutes later she arrived at one of her favorite places on the whole earth. She walks a few minutes when she finally saw him, tight black jeans, a white long t-shirt and a jean jacket, dreamy as ever.

- Honestly, I didn't expect Coney Island - Josh says while takes a bite of his muffin.

- This is a place nobody can ruin for me - Maya says with a grin on her face.

- How did you assume that I'm bad news? - Josh asks her, offering a bit of his muffin.

- How was the last time we saw each other? - she asks back.

- Touché - Josh replies with a confident smile - So, we're we going? - he asks getting up from a bench - And if you say McDonald's, I'm gonna kill myself - she adds, making her laugh.

- Don't tempt me, Joshua Matthews - Maya says before starting to walk south from Starbucks.

A few minutes later, they both were sitting on Totonno's.

- Ok, pizza, not bad - Josh says while he looks around.

Maya looked at him, really tempted to walk to a McDonald's - What exactly you want to know? How did I turn into the whore who steals Lucas from Riley? - she asks while a waiter walks to them.

- That's a start - Josh answers and then look at the waiter - Bottle of red, and meat lover’s pizza, medium, please - he says.

- Pepperoni onion's and a Coke, medium too, thanks - Maya says to the waiter who fastly returns to the back with their orders.

- Yummy, pepperoni onion - Josh says with a sarcastic tone.

- Just in case you try something funny - she replies with a grin.

- Fair enough - he says and looks at her - Now, please tell me, how you end up breaking up with my niece? - he asks.

Even when Maya felt a bit weird in the beginning, it took Josh a few minutes to take her back to the times where they incredibly comfortable with each other.

A good 40 minutes later, Maya finished recapitulating her side of the story - So, that's it, at least my side of the story - Maya finishes after sucking the sauce off her fingers.

Josh smiled at her - It's a good story, a really good one - he says and then gets dangerously close to her, making her get a bit away from him - But I have some spoilers about that story, care to listen to them? - he asks, piquing her curiosity.

- If that's the chip you want to play, do it - she dares him.

- Your ex-fiancé will come back, and you will travel with him to London, for 3 months, and then you will have doubts about coming back to the States - he says with a confident smile on his face.

- Are you high? - Maya asks him - Why in the world would I want to travel with you to London? - she asks. When she notices the smile on his face, she knew he had something under his sleeve.

- Because the people of the Tate Modern are very impressed with your work, and they would Love to have you there - he reveals.

  Almost an hour later, Maya walks into her apartment, surprised, she finds her kitchen clean as a whistle and someone inside - Trust me, Lucas, nothing happened with Josh - she says before she enters into her kitchen to find her other best friend, eating half of a pecan pie with a fork and a cup of coffee - That's mine - she says.

- Well, I ate half of it - Farkle replies with a superior smile on his face.

- You're lucky I Love you - she says and take the fork from his hand and start to eat half of her pie.

- Really, not even a hug? - he asks her.

- You ate half my pie, so I can offer you a handshake - she says with a smug on her face.

- Come here you idiot - Farkle says and hugs the blonde beauty.

Maya laughs with joy and hugs him back - Welcome home Farklestein - she greets him.

- Thank you, I'm glad to be back - he says before walks to Maya's coffee maker and pours himself another cup.

- You're not gonna ask? - Maya asks him.

- About? - Farkle asks back.

- The mess we all are? - she asks.

Farkle just laughs with superiority - Bold of you to assume I don't know everything - he answers.

- Do you know everything? - she asks.

- No, but I get the big picture - he replies and takes a sip of his cup.

- Not gonna judge me? - Maya asks him, playing with the pecan pie.

- You're one of my best friends, my job is to Love you unconditionally, not to judge you - Farkle answers.

- I'm really glad you're back Farkle - she says and takes a bite of the pie.

- I know - he replies.

#GMW #Lucaya #Lucaya Fanfic #Broken Lucas #OoC Riley #Lucas x Maya #The One Who Stayed #I'm not even a bit sorry for this