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whumptimebaby · 2 years

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If it all ends tomorrow (would you find me?)

CW: MCD, Plane Crash, Child Neglect, Broken Bones, Cussing

“Aaron Z. is terrified of flying. He happens to have a job that involves a lot of it, which really is something he should have considered before agreeing to join a boy band. If anything, the events of their 2002 tour confirmed that much.

But it’s 2003 now, and their company has them travelling the world to film ads, perform at events, and participate in fansigns. It almost feels inevitable, to him at least, that their plane would crash one day. He just never expected it to happen so soon.

He especially never expected it to take so much away from him.”

Links: AO3 | Full Fic Below Cut

There were very few things on the planet earth that could truly shake Aaron Z. to his core. Most of them were definitely not a part of his daily life, he didn’t exactly have to worry about alien invasions or waking up without a mouth, not under most circumstances. He had some bizarre fears, he could admit it, but none of them were part of the job, so to speak. Flying however, was.

He chalked it up to kids on the playground spreading horror stories about planes that went missing, or bragging about having relatives that died in a plane crash. He always thought that was a pretty messed up thing to brag about. He might’ve been a proud kid, but at least he was proud about things that actually happened.

It also just so happened that, on their tour the year prior, he’d heard about a particularly horrific accident that involved two planes colliding. Colliding.

After their first tour, way back in ‘97, he’d gotten used to flying. Robaire had made an effort to sit next to him whenever possible. He’d been mortified at the time, but in hindsight it was really sweet. For their entire second tour (‘99, one of the best experiences of his life), he was fine for most of the flights. He would inevitably grab the hand of whichever member was next to him when the plane took off and landed, and the boys knew to keep an eye on him during turbulence too. Their third tour, ‘02, was more of the same until those planes collided. He’d been so proud of himself for getting on planes too. 2001, after all, definitely wasn’t void of plane related tragedies. He’d really thought he’d overcome his fear.

The collision though, it really fucked him up. He was back to square one.

Currently, they were flying from New York to Paris for a promotional video shoot. Aaron Z. wasn’t sure exactly what they were filming, only that it was for a french television ad, and that Robaire was the only one expected to say anything. It didn’t bother him, if anything, he preferred to be in the background for that sort of thing. He could sit, or stand, and look pretty to the content of whoever hired them, but there was no way in hell he was going to speak in a language he didn’t know very well. No matter how many times Robaire told him his pronunciation was good, it still made him anxious.

Or maybe it was being in the air that was making him anxious. He’d already come down from a pretty massive panic attack, thanks in part to Taeyoung falling asleep on his shoulder. Turns out, when someone is sleeping on you, it becomes much easier to breathe along with them. Aaron Z. resented that the management team’s stupid advice about breathing worked.

It wasn’t going to be the end of his flight anxiety though. The tight feeling in his chest, the urge to open the window cover to check that the wings were intact, the near constant checking on the other members of 4*Town, none of it would go away until they were far away from the airport. It varied in strength throughout the flight. They were four hours in, and this was his fifth wave of a panic attack, soon to be sixth if the subtle shaking of the plane picked up into proper turbulence. He twisted back in his seat, careful not to wake Taeyoung.

Jesse had both of his earbuds in, eyes shut as he leaned against the window cover. Aaron T., seated in the middle, had tucked a blanket over his shoulders. He gave Z. a tired smile. Beside him, Robaire was nose-deep into a book he’d bought at the airport. It was a shitty romance novel (his words), but judging by how he’d devoured nearly half the book in the span of the flight, he’d probably only pretended it was an ironic purchase.

“You okay?” Aaron T. pulled his attention back.

“Huh?” It still took him a moment to register what he’d said. “Yeah, I’m managing.”

Robaire looked up, his eyes flickering to the screen that showed where they were in their flight. “Three more hours.”

He swallowed, nodding.

“You know we’re always here.” T. leaned forward, patting the space just below his shoulder so as not to disturb Taeyoung.

“You don’t let me forget it.”

He turned back to face forward, watching the screen change from their current location to an advert for the magazine that sat in the pouch in front of him. He’d caught a glimpse of the cover when he’d reached for the emergency guide at the beginning of the flight, something about cooking and home decor. He thought about flipping through it, but everytime he opened the pouch, he saw the safety guide, and it sent a jab of panic through him all over again.

Taeyoung jolted upright, suddenly alert, head turning fast as he frantically looked around. The motion sent Aaron Z.’s heart up to his throat. He must’ve shown it somehow, because once Taeyoung’s eyes settled on him, he started apologising profusely.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, you have to trust me, I promise I’m not trying to scare you, but I think we’re about to die.”

He blinked slowly.

“Taeyoung?” Robaire asked, “Take a moment, breathe, what’s going on?”

“We’re, I saw, it was real, I, I don’t, you were gone, the ocean, I—”

Aaron T. interrupted him, but Aaron Z. couldn’t hear it. Blood pounded through his ears, deafening whatever comfort the members were giving. Taeyoung was on the verge of tears. They were going to die.

A hand landed on his shoulder, sending a violent jolt of panic straight into the centre of his chest. He yanked himself away, wrapping his arms protectively around himself.

The hand was Jesse’s. He’d woken up, and was saying something to him, gesturing for him to lean back again. He obliged, and closed his eyes. Jesse’s thumb created well-practised circles at the base of his neck. He focused on the feeling the best he could. Jesse’s other arm wrapped around the side of the chair, and laid haphazardly around his waist.

He rose from his seat. For the half-second that he was in the air, he did not breathe.

His heart did not beat.

He did not move.

He slammed back down, his tailbone screaming as it took a beating from the chair.

Another jolt sent him forward, and he just barely had time to get his hands in front of his face to brace for impact. His forearms caught him before he could hit the chair in front of him.

He could hear again. People were instructing their kids to buckle in. Plastic clanked as trays were returned to their original, upright position.

They were 100% going to die. This was the end. He’d boarded a plane for an advert he wasn’t even necessary in, and now he was going to die. His parents were going to lose their oldest son. His siblings, the same ones who called him on his father’s phone to wish him a safe flight, were going to be at his funeral. Would they even find a body? He’d always imagined having an open-casket funeral.

The oxygen mask dropped down, bopping in front of him as the plane continued to shake violently. He got a decent hold on it, and yanked the straps over his head. Even with the mask on, he couldn’t breathe.

Taeyoung’s fingers snaked their way in between his. He’d squeezed his eyes shut, tears streaming down his pale cheeks.

“Holy fuck!” Aaron T. cursed after another rough slam. “Jesus fucking christ, what the fuck is happening?”

“Put your mask on.” Robaire instructed, yelling above the growing sounds of people panicking. “I’m not kidding Aaron, put your fucking mask on.”

“What’s a mask going to do?”

“Just put it on,” Jesse begged, “Don’t be difficult, please put it on.”

“Okay, okay—”

He lifted out of his seat again, staying in the air for a solid second.

He knew that this was it. He squeezed Taeyoung’s hand as tightly as he could. Another second passed, the only thing keeping him from hitting the roof was the seatbelt across his lap.

Taeyoung squeezed back. Aaron Z. choked on a sob. It was stuck in the back of his throat with the tears he couldn’t cry.

With unmeasurable force, he crashed headfirst into the seat in front of him. His lungs squeezed as he gasped. He waited for air to come, but the only thing that filled the cavity in his chest was pain. No matter how hard he tried to hold onto his consciousness, he slipped into complete darkness.

***

Returning to earth was the most painful thing Aaron Z. had ever experienced. He felt everything at once.

His head pounded. It was easily as bad as his stress migraines, probably worse. The rest of his body ached too. It was duller, more subtle, only spiking as he rocked. Breathing was a nightmare. He was certain he’d broken a rib.

Something, an arm, was wrapped tightly around him. The arm was freezing. He was freezing, and soaked, though now that he was tuned to just how cold and wet everything was, he could hear waves crashing against water.

He opened his eyes. The setting sun cast an orange glow across the water. The waves, though small, looked like fire.

Not too far off was an island. It looked close, but he recalled his mom telling him that water can mess with you that way. Cocky kids who tried to swim across the lake would drown. He wasn’t swimming though. The arm that gripped him so tightly held him against a piece of the plane. It was cold against his skin, but it was floating, so he didn’t have much to complain about.

Speaking of the arm, it was attached to a very pale, very awake, very stressed Taeyoung. He was staring at the island, his breaths coming out laboured and heavy.

“Tae?”

He flinched, holding him even tighter.

“Oh my god, Jesus I,” He took a breath. “Hi.”

“You can let go.” Aaron Z. gripped the edge of the debris. “I can hold on.”

The arm around him disappeared, and Taeyoung rested his head down on their metal floaty. “Thank god.”

“Are you okay?”

He scoffed. “Are you?”

“I mean, no, but all things considered it could be worse.” He paused. “What happened?”

“Huh?”

“Like, how did we get here?”

“Where am I starting from?” Taeyoung turned, worry creased his brows. “What do you remember?”

“Turbulence?”

“And?”

“You acting as a fucking prophet.”

He flushed. “Sorry.”

“No, no.” Fuck, he hadn’t intended to sound harsh. “Sorry, I’m just, this is just like a really shitty nightmare, and I, it’s hard to believe any of this is happening.”

“No, I understand.” Taeyoung swallowed hard. “I can’t really believe it either, and I was around for all of it.”

“What does that mean?”

“You missed a lot, after you went out I mean. The plane split.”

Jesus christ. He could picture it.

“We all got out, and we were together for a while, but one of the engines exploded and the water got rough, and we lost Robaire.”

Aaron Z. felt dizzy. This was not happening. Their metal floaty lurched over a wave. He clutched it tighter.

“Sorry, sorry, poor choice of words. He got swept away, I meant literally lost, we couldn’t find him, and then it got a bit stormy, and Aaron T. was hurt, like, really hurt, so Jesse was holding him up, and we got separated in the storm.”

“Jesus.”

“It was, yeah, it was not great.”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Huh?” Taeyoung blinked.

“Glad you’re alive.”

“God, don’t say that. Of course I’m alive, we’re both alive. We’re all alive, just separated.”

“Right, you’re right.”

He shut his eyes. “Damn it.”

That was the last of their conversation. Aaron Z. wanted to say more, to offer any sort of comfort, but what could he say? That everything was going to be okay? They were stranded, lost at sea with nothing but an island on the horizon and a piece of their plane to hold onto. There was no comfort to give, no distraction from the magnitude of what had happened.

They stayed silent until the sky’s oranges faded into the beginning of night. At some point, Taeyoung might have fallen asleep. Aaron couldn’t have known.

When his feet touched the sand, soft but solid under the water, he nearly collapsed with relief. He stepped fully, letting himself under the water temporarily as he pulled the piece of the plane closer to shore. Upon resurfacing, Taeyoung was up straighter, staring right at him.

As soon as they were both on their feet, and could stand comfortably despite the waves, they abandoned their debris floaty. Hand in hand and maintaining their silence, they trekked out of the water.

The sand was warm. As soon as it was between his toes, he knew he was done for. It was nearly involuntary, how fast he was on his knees, and then laying on his stomach. The cold began to seep from his outer layers, leaking into the sand as the lingering heat brought him back to a reasonable temperature.

Taeyoung joined him, sighing contentedly.

Aaron Z. rolled over to face him. “Can I check you for injuries? I’d wait, but we’re losing light.”

“Right, sure, but you have to tell me what to look for so I can check you too.”

As dance captain, Aaron Z. was expected to have a decent knowledge of first aid. Sprains were common, and he needed to know when they were bad enough to warrant a doctor’s visit. Aaron T. was bad for that. He had a habit of exaggerating the tamest of his injuries, but when he’d broken his collarbone at a dance practice, he’d hidden it for days before admitting that the pain was stopping him from getting sleep.

It hadn’t been a problem for Aaron Z. to learn basic first aid. As a kid, he used to skim medical books whenever his class went to the library, just in case something happened and he needed to know how to deal with it. To him, it was a completely normal experience to check the symptoms of various medical emergencies, just in case he thought he was experiencing normal things when he was really dying. His parents were certain he’d become a doctor.

His therapist had a field day with that one. He mentioned it in a passing comment after the events of their 2002 tour, and he could’ve sworn there were dollar signs in her eyes.

Regardless of how it came to be, his early… interest in medicine sure came in handy during dance practices, and it would definitely come in handy here.

He gestured for Taeyoung to sit up, moving behind him.

“Can you take your shirt off? Just wanna check for internal bleeding.”

“Huh? Oh, sure.”

Aaron Z. watched as he fumbled with it. “Any nausea? Headaches?”

“We haven’t had anything to eat or drink since the plane crashed, of course I have a headache.”

“Chest pain?”

“No, ah fuck.” He hissed. “Could you help?”

“With your shirt? Why? What’s wrong?”

“I think,” he glanced back, offering a meek smile, “I think my arm is broken.”

“Let me see.”

He held his arm out, and Aaron Z. carefully peeled his hoodie sleeve back. Taeyoung tensed, pulling away.

“Ow, ow.” His eyes squeezed shut as he breathed through it. “Sorry, here.”

“Are you sure? Don’t push yourself.”

“It’s gonna have to happen at some point, right? Better now so we can catch it early.”

“Let me know if you want me to stop.”

“Right, okay.”

He resumed, taking extra care around his upper arm. Swelling made the sweater tighter, and there was a subtle deformity to its shape. His arm was definitely broken, but the break was relatively tame, no skin breached. There was a chance it wouldn’t need surgery.

“What’s the diagnosis doc?”

“You carried me with this arm?”

He flushed, hiding his face with his other arm. “I wasn’t going to let you drown.” “You must have been in a lot of pain.”

“I was,” he admitted, “but letting you go would have hurt infinitely more, so thanks for waking up I guess. I needed that.”

Aaron Z. bit back a wave of guilt. Remorse could wait, for now, he had to do everything he could to make sure Taeyoung was okay.

“It’s broken I take it?”

“Yeah, it’s broken.”

“Splendid.”

He moved so that he and Taeyoung were facing each other. His eyes shifted to meet his as Aaron lifted a hand to his cheek. He leaned into it.

“We got this far. The most crucial part is over, we’re out of the ocean.”

“What do you mean?”

“When a plane crashes at sea, most people die of hypothermia, maybe dehydration, but we made it to land.”

“Right, yeah.”

“It’s thanks to you that we have a chance of surviving all of this.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” He bit the inside of his lip. “The ocean carried us here.”

“I more meant that you did good. You did everything right.”

He blew out a breath, chuckling to himself. “Wow.”

“What?”

“I just, for a while I couldn’t check your pulse, and I wasn’t sure if you were going to wake up, so I got thinking about if I could make it on my own, on the island I mean. I really thought I could do it if it came down to it, but I think that was some lame attempt at self-preservation, because really, how could I? Now that you’re here, and you’re you, it’s kinda laughable.

“I’m thankful you’re here is all. God, this is embarrassing, how was I so good at talking about feelings before?”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Aaron Z. encouraged, “have you ever been in a plane crash before?”

“No.”

“Then this is new for both of us.”

“Sorry.” Taeyoung tilted his head, a small frown toying at his lips. “You’re doing all this to comfort me, but you crashed too. Are you okay?”

“Don’t apologise.” He smiled encouragingly. “I’m as okay as I can be.”

Taeyoung looked past him, his eyes catching something. “Aaron, Aaron there’s smoke.”

Sure enough, a steady pillar of smoke rose from a small light further down the beach. It was tucked out of the way, obstructed partially by the treeline at the edge of the sand. A figure, very humanoid, was pacing back and forth. They were too far away to make out details, but it was abundantly clear.

They weren’t the only survivors who’d made it to the island.

“Should we…?”

“Are you kidding?” Taeyoung was already getting onto his feet. “There are three people that we should be looking for, and one of them could very well be at that fire.”

His throat tightened. He hadn’t thought about the other members in hours. It was a topic that he threw violently out of his mind before he could register what he was even thinking about.

Taeyoung led the way, trekking forward at a pace that Aaron struggled to match. As they got closer, the figure disappeared into a shelter. It was poorly constructed, but large. Massive palm leaves were woven together to create a roof, held down on one end by decent sized rocks, and up on the other end with branches, creating a right triangle. The whole thing was barely tall enough for the figure to stand under at its tallest point, but had plenty of room for sleeping.

“Hey!” Taeyoung called out, “Excuse me, were you in the plane crash?”

The person poked their head out, revealing a familiar blonde middle part. “Tae?”

He broke into a sprint, Aaron Z., close behind. Taeyoung collided with Jesse, his good arm reaching around his neck.

“I told you a fire was a good idea.” Aaron T.’s voice came from inside the shelter. Aaron Z. took a peek inside, waving to T. He was laying on his stomach, Jesse’s sweater draped over his bare back.

“T!” Taeyoung separated from Jesse, settling beside him in the shelter. “It’s good to see you.”

Jesse gestured for Aaron Z. to sit next to him. He reached his hands out over the fire, shuddering as the heat contrasted the cool night hanging on his damp shirt.

“You’re awake.”

He nodded. “You’re alive.”

“Astute observation.”

God, he’d missed him.

“Hey Z,” Aaron T. called, “the world couldn’t keep us apart for long. We really are a dynamic duo.”

“As if.” He rolled his eyes. “Only you could joke after surviving a plane crash.”

“Complain all you want, everyone knows you love me.”

“Whatever.”

“Excuse me!” Taeyoung grew a shit-eating grin. “We are a very loving family, tell us you love us.”

“I’m not going to do that.”

Jesse gave him a disbelieving look. “Saying that is only gonna make them try harder.”

“Daddy Jesse is right.” Aaron T. matched Taeyoung’s evil smile. “Say it.”

“I’m sorry,” he sputtered, “Daddy Jesse?”

Aaron Z. bit back a laugh. “What did you do?”

“No, Daddy is too generous,” Taeyoung decided, “he’s too old, definitely a grandpa.”

“You’re right, you’re right. Robaire gives off single dad vibes anyways.”

“Where does that leave me?” He was almost afraid to ask. “A kid, like us.” “I don’t want to be catagorized with you.”

“You’re the good kid,” Taeyoung nodded, “definitely the reason Robaire thought it would be a good idea to have more kids.”

“And we’re your twin younger brothers.”

“No wonder you’re so annoying.”

“You love us,” Aaron T. teased, “no use in pretending you don’t.”

“I stopped loving you when you called Jesse ‘Daddy.’”

“Hey!” Taeyoung sat up. “I didn’t call him daddy.”

“You called me a grandpa.”

“Grandpa is a little more accurate,” Aaron Z. admitted.

“Traitor.”

“You encouraged them.”

“Z,” Taeyoung drew it out, “tell me you love me.”

“This is ridiculous.”

He pulled out the puppy-dog eyes, pouting just enough that it could be passed off as genuine if Aaron Z. didn’t know better.

“I love you,” he mumbled.

“Yes!” He kicked his feet, giddy. “You all bore witness, there’s no taking it back.”

“Unfair,” Aaron T. sniffed. “You have cute privileges, it doesn’t count.”

“Actually,” Z. interrupted, “he has ‘just survived a disaster together’ privileges.”

“I can think of a few more people that could apply to.”

“Jesse?”

He covered his smile with his hand. “Yeah?”

“Love you.”

“You’re willing to tell the geezer you love him before you tell me? We’re the name twins, 2Aaron, they sell us as a package deal.”

“Stop asking, and maybe it’ll happen.”

“Taeyoung asked, and he got it!”

“That’s because I’m special,” he gloated.

Usually, this was where Robaire would step in. He’d pretend to be annoyed, tell Aaron Z. to “just say it,” and everyone would laugh.

The silence pricked his skin, eating him alive. Like lungs begging for air, he needed that void to be filled. When they weren’t five, they were too small, too vulnerable, too exposed.

He could tell that everyone knew it. They simply weren’t complete without Robaire.

Jesse got up, gesturing for Taeyoung to follow him. “Let’s go look for food. You didn’t see anything where you washed up, did you?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Cool, we’ll head down the other end of the beach then.”

Aaron Z. was about to ask if he should come along too, but Jesse nodded towards Aaron T.

“Check on him,” he mouthed.

Right. He could do that.

He watched them walk away, anxiety setting into his shoulders. Four was already too few. It was wrong. They’d just found each other again, if they were going somewhere, he should be going with them.

“What’s on your mind?” Aaron T. asked, “You look like an abandoned puppy.”

“Just worried.”

“They’ll be okay.”

“And Robaire?”

“He’ll be okay too,” he assured, “that bastard is good at everything, he’s probably leading the rescue team.”

“Ha.”

Concern momentarily laced his brows. “Z.”

“Taeyoung said you’re injured.”

“Yeah, well, our plane crashed.”

“He said it was bad.”

“Jesse took a look, said it wasn’t horrible, but he also looked like he was about to pass out, so—”

“Let me see.”

Aaron T. nodded his head back, and Aaron Z. made his way over. Carefully, he peeled Jesse’s sweater off his back.

It was bad.

It was really bad.

His back was streaked with red, angry, probably infected wounds. They varied greatly in severity, but the sheer amount of them was petrifying. The skin that wasn’t torn was hot, nearly burning under his touch. His right shoulder was charred black and peeling.

He dug his free hand in the sand, curling his fingers around it to stop the world from spinning.

“How bad is it really?” He spoke with an uncharacteristically serious tone.

“It’s uh…”

“Just tell me. I need to know.”

“You need help, like, hospital help, and you need it soon.”

“I thought so. It hurts like a bitch.”

Aaron Z. leaned back onto his hands, shutting his eyes for a moment. “Damn it.”

“Sorry.” “What for?”

“Shit, nevermind, pretend I didn’t say that.”

After covering him back up, he shuffled to lay down next to him. “Now is really not a good time for you to be hiding things.”

“Are you still going to therapy?”

“Once every two weeks, you?”

“Every thursday.” He was looking at the stars. “My therapist told me to stop apologising when I’m hurt.”

“I’m not going to lie, I didn’t think apologising was the problem.”

“What does that mean?”

“You don’t apologise for injuries, not around us. You just hide them.”

Aaron T. chuckled. “My therapist told me to stop doing that too.”

“I always thought it was a little concerning, but I couldn’t find the right time to ask about it.”

“You’re gonna have a field day with this one.” He rested his head on his arm, offering Z a smile. “You know my mom, right?”

Oh, he knew his mom.

“When I was a kid, I used to watch other kid’s parents go running over to them when they fell on the playground or something, so I used to play rough, like really rough, so that when I got hurt she would come over to me.

“But she never gave me the time of day, so I kept upping the ante. I was playing on the monkey bars one day, and I fell off, broke my ankle, hurt like a bitch, but she came over and held me, so I didn’t care. She took me to the doctor, and was super sweet, I was having the time of my life. She even signed my cast, and showed me how to use my crutches, and I thought that maybe things would be normal.” “T—”

He looked back up at the sky. “But that night, when I got up to get water, I heard her arguing with my dad. She complained about the medical bill, money was tight, you know? And she complained about me. I sat there like an idiot for half an hour, just listening to her talk about how she couldn’t believe CPS hadn’t taken me away yet, and how she’d have to treat me worse so they would get rid of her sorry excuse for a son.”

“Jesus, that’s…” He searched for the word. “Fucked.”

“Yeah, I stopped telling her about injuries after that.”

Anything he could’ve said died on his tongue. Aaron T. shuddered, his eyes squeezing shut for just a second.

“Can we… can we move on?”

Sincerity crinkled his eyes, the purse of his lips almost apologetic. Leave it to Aaron T. to somehow find it in him to apologise for… what exactly? Changing the subject? It wasn’t often he heard Aaron T. say anything bad about his mother, let alone admit to it affecting him in any way. If Aaron wanted to talk about something else, he’d oblige.

It was the least he could do. If it were him, he’d want the same.

“What do you think the local cuisine will be like?” It was a dull question, one that reminded him once again that the group was split up, but he knew Aaron T. could riff off it, so he asked anyway.

He didn’t miss the way he exhaled, relaxing into a smile. “I don’t want to stereotype, but I fear we may be living off of coconuts during our impromptu, unconventional vacation.”

He snorted. “Hopefully those wretched coconuts won’t be enough to ruin our surprise rest day.”

“I’m sure the sightseeing alone will make up for it, I hear deserted islands are beautiful this time of year.”

“Really? I’m looking forward to the salt water adventure package. I can’t wait to learn how to fish with my bare hands.”

“Please, that’s amatuer stuff, the campfire is where it’s at. There’s truly nothing like camping under the stars.”

“I hear stargazing holds a candle to sitting around the campfire.”

“Touche, you win this one.” Aaron Z. sighed. “You think they’ve found anything?”

Taeyoung rounded the corner, coming into view of the campsite. He waved his good arm wildly.

“I think we’re about to find out.”

“Z!” He called, his sprint not slowing until he was completely lit by the campfire. Aaron Z. got up to meet him.

“What—”

“We found Robaire. Jesse needs help.”

“Where?”

“There.” Taeyoung pointed to where he’d come from. “You’ll see them, we didn’t get very far.”

“Watch T.”

Aaron T. scoffed.

“Right, yeah, okay, will do.”

He broke into a jog, picking up the pace as he rounded the corner. His lungs still ached with every breath. As each foot pounded into the ground, a sharp pain flared in his side. He really, definitely had broken at least two ribs.

Taeyoung was right. Jesse was crouching at the shoreline, waving him over like a madman. When he got closer, Aaron Z. made out Robaire. He was on his back, eyes shut, but relaxed. He looked at peace.

He looked dead.

“Is he breathing?” “He just stopped.”

He nudged Jesse aside. “I’ve got him.”

After leaning in to check for his breath (not breathing, not good), and then for a pulse (no pulse, not good), he placed the heel of his hand on Robaire’s chest. CPR was almost second nature to him at this point. He’d practised obsessively on those dummies they used in first aid training. He’d asked for one for Christmas one year, and somehow his parents had gotten him one. They really must have thought they were going to have a doctor for a son.

It took twenty eight compressions for Robaire to gasp.

In all honesty, Aaron Z. wasn’t expecting it to work. CPR doesn’t restart hearts after all, just keeps the blood flowing while you wait for an AED to arrive. To Aaron Z., that meant all the CPR did was prevent brain damage. He was no hero here.

Jesse was looking at him like he was one though. He flopped backward, blowing out air. “Thank God.”

Robaire started to sit up, but Aaron Z. ushered him to stay down. “Take it easy man. You’re on an island, you survived a plane crash, your heart stopped, and just started again.”

His movements were groggy, but he nodded regardless. “T. and Tae?”

“They’re back at our shelter,” Jesse said, “they’re okay.”

“Shelter? How long has it been?”

“About seventeen hours since the plane crashed, but that’s a rough estimate.”

That was news to Aaron Z., had it really been that long? He tried to recall what Taeyoung told him about the things he’d missed.

“Okay,” Robaire muttered, “okay.”

“Good to see you.”

“You too, I was worried.”

He couldn’t stop himself from making a face. “Why?”

“Is that so outlandish?” Robaire gave him a good-natured slap to the forearm. “Even if we hadn’t been in a band for years, you’re still afraid of planes.”

“Honestly, getting in a plane crash wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected, kinda feels anticlimactic after all that stress.”

“You’re funny.”

“I can be sometimes.”

Jesse got up, walked over a few feet, and tried to peer around the bend and back at camp.

Robaire watched him. “What?”

“It just struck me that we left T. and Tae alone together.”

Uh oh.

“Maybe it’s time to head in.” Robaire tried to sit up again. Aaron Z. braced his back with a hand, using his other to help him to his feet. He was shaking, and still soaked. The fire would definitely help.

They walked back in silence. It was easy at first. Even with the weight of Robaire leaning on him, he couldn’t help feeling at ease. Everyone was alive. The last light from the setting sun was gone, leaving nothing but the stars and half moon. With no light pollution, it was almost like he could see the entire galaxy.

The sand between his toes was still warm from the sun. He always loved the outdoors. He and Taeyoung often went hiking when they had days off. It scared the shit out of the boys, especially when they decided to go somewhere remote. He tried to always give them plenty of information about their routes and when they were planning on getting back, but even with all of that, he still knew that it freaked them out.

He couldn’t stop going though. Nature was something he adored. Maybe that was why this crash hadn’t felt so bad. He was with his second family and in his second home. It’s not like he was too far out of his comfort zone.

That peace faded quickly though. The campfire came back into view, and he realized how stupid it all was. He was on a deserted island, no food, no drinkable water, no way to get help. His family was at home, would they have heard the news by now? He wondered if the company would have called them, he hated the thought that they could find out any other way. His youngest brother was probably sleeping before the plane even crashed, would he know?

And yes, his bandmates were here, but that wasn’t something to be celebrated. If he could have it his way, they’d be home safe, sleeping, unaware that anything was wrong at all. Instead, they were here, and they were hurt. Aaron T. needed help, he really, really, needed help, and he’d completely forgotten about checking Taeyoung for internal bleeding and, now that he was thinking about it, he’d never checked in with Jesse either, he could be hurt, he could be dying and Aaron Z. could have done something to stop it if he’d remembered to ask earlier and, oh god Robaire’s heart stopped, it could stop again and—

“I should probably warn you.” Jesse pulled him from his thoughts. He was talking to Robaire. “T is injured.”

He stayed silent, eyes straight forward.

“It’s… not good. He can’t really move, it’s all over his back.”

Jesse’s nose twitched. Robaire kept quiet.

“Z, you got a look at it. What do you think?”

There was so much hope in his eyes. Aaron Z. nearly collapsed under it all.

“If we get rescued soon, he should be fine.”

“How soon is soon?” Robaire asked quietly, nearly a whisper.

“Within a few days.”

“Okay.” “Robaire!” Aaron T. yelled, waving him over. “And 4*Town becomes five once more.”

Taeyoung leapt up to join them as they helped him sit by the fire. Jesse pulled his shirt off as Robaire leaned into the fire, gesturing for him to do the same. They traded shirts, Robaire slipping the dry one over his shoulders and Jesse hanging the wet one up to dry.

“Aren’t you going to get cold?” Taeyoung frowned.

“I’ll be fine.”

Aaron T. whistled. “You’ve been hitting the gym. Your arms look good.”

He flushed. “Thanks.”

Taeyoung plopped next to Robaire, pulling Jesse down so they were all sitting next to each other. Aaron Z. sat opposite to them, on the sand in front of the shelter. He was careful not to block the view or heat from T.

“You’ve always had that kind of physique,” Taeyoung commented, “the first time I saw you without a shirt I thought you were a superhero.”

“No, no, you’ve got it wrong.” Jesse waved his hands quickly. “Z. is the one with a superhero body.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” He crossed his arms, suddenly self-conscious.

Aaron T. giggled. “Okay Mr. Basketball.”

“This isn’t a competition.” Taeyoung used his good arm to massage Jesse’s bicep. “You’re right, his arms are really nice.” “A whole one good thing came from getting injured, and it was getting fireman carried by Jesse.”

Robaire blinked. “He didn’t offer to carry me.”

“You were in a beef sandwich, you can’t complain.”

“Double hunkage,” Taeyoung exhaled.

Jesse leaned closer to the fire. “Why is this such a big deal?”

“It’s just a little surprising.”

“What, that I work out? We go to the gym together.”

Aaron T. chimed in, “That ‘my lips are dry, I need my chapstick,’ old man Jesse is ripped.”

“Oh god I don’t have chapstick.”

“The jokes write themselves.” Taeyoung pulled out his signature pout. “But we do the same reps, why are you so much stronger than me?”

“That’s actually a solid question.” Aaron Z. was aware of Jesse’s overworking problem, but he couldn’t think of a time where he could sneak out to work out more than he was supposed to.

“It’s not what you think,” he said quickly, “The 2002 tour put some things into perspective, so I asked my nutritionist to help me make a plan to prioritise strength instead of a particular look.”

“Ah,” Taeyoung drew the word out. “So what I’m hearing is, you started training to be a literal superhero. No wonder the fans have been swooning extra hard lately.”

“Have they?”

“That got his attention.” Robaire smiled.

Jesse’s already pink cheeks grew to a deeper red. “Shut up.” “Jesse’s acting funny tonight,” Aaron T. commented.

“Shy,” Aaron Z. agreed.

“It’s just a lot of attention.”

“You love it.”

“Our resident diva.” Taeyoung leaned into his shoulder. “His only crime? Wanting to be loved.”

“Pft.” Robaire rolled his eyes. “I think you’ve given him enough tonight to last a month.”

“And I’ll give him even more.”

“Okay, enough.” Jesse shoved him away, swatting the back of his head. Taeyoung whined, but broke into a giggle as soon as they made eye contact.

“I guess we know who Taeyoung’s newest crush is.”

“Excuse me?” He perked up, “What does that mean?”

Robaire tilted his head slightly. “You rotate who you cling to.”

“Do I really?”

“I thought it was on purpose,” Aaron Z. said.

“I didn’t realise.” Aaron T. yawned. “Hey Robaire?”

“Yeah?”

“Tell a campfire story or something, I’m getting tired.”

Aaron Z.’s heart skipped a beat. He ignored it.

“What kind of story?” “I don’t know, just something.”

“Nothing scary,” Jesse added quickly, “Probably not the best idea, all things considered.”

“A not scary campfire story, you’ve really left me with a lot of options.” “Make it up.” T. shut his eyes, waving lazily at Robaire.

“Okay, okay jeez.”

Robaire launched into a story about a fictional boy band who got deserted on a fictional deserted island. He wove the tale into a positive experience, telling of how they explored until they found a beautiful, cascading waterfall. They set up their camp there, surrounded by the towering trees and soft grass. After a good night’s sleep, they discovered a chest behind the waterfall, holding an indescribable secret.

Aaron Z. thought it was a little odd, but didn’t question Robaire’s creative genius.

“What do you mean ‘indescribable secret?’” Jesse was guiding a half-asleep Taeyoung over to the shelter.

“It’s different for each of the members.” “Mine would have a bed, I think.” Taeyoung hummed, stumbling as his feet caught the edge of the shelter. “Maybe just a mattress.”

Robaire chuckled fondly. “You might change your mind in the morning.”

“Hmm, maybe.”

Once he was laying down and comfortable, Jesse came back around to the fire. Aaron Z. got up too, moving to sit next to Robaire.

“I don’t know that a bed counts as a secret,” Jesse looked unimpressed.

“It definitely wasn’t what I had in mind, it was kind of a feeling, something they needed to feel.”

“My chest would have safety in it then, I think.” Aaron Z. said.

He’d expected them to laugh. He should have known that they wouldn’t move on before he was thoroughly prodded.

“You don’t feel safe?”

“No, I mean, yeah I don’t, I think it would be kind of stupid to feel safe after a plane crash, but that wasn’t really what I meant.”

They both looked at him expectantly.

“Fuck.” He covered his face with his hands. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“We don’t have to.”

“I know you want to.”

“Of course I do,” Robaire admitted.

When he pulled his hands away, he caught Jesse’s eye. He had the same look on his face that he always got when he was about to push someone's buttons. Somehow, he always seemed to know exactly how to push someone without breaching any boundaries.

“Keeping secrets I see.”

“I’m not falling for it Jesse.”

He batted his eyelashes. “Falling for what?” “Your weird psychological tricks.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You know full well.”

“What would the point even be?”

“I don’t know, malicious comfort?”

“Malicious comfort.” “Yeah, like—” He stopped himself.

“Like?”

He shot him a glare.

“Okay, fine, I’ll just go to bed.”

His heart picked up the pace, a pounding reminder that exhaustion was a symptom many people experience before dying. He tried to ignore it, but—

“Wait.” He grabbed Jesse’s arm as he tried to pass.

He waited, very patiently, as Aaron Z. tried to get his thoughts together. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk, I just, I know you, both of you, you’re chronic overthinkers, and I’m overthinking.”

“So?”

“If I get you thinking the same way, you’re not going to be able to sleep.”

Robaire put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about that, okay?”

“I don’t know…” “Talk to us,” Jesse insisted.

He hesitated, before taking a deep breath in. “What if you don’t wake up?”

“Hey.” He squatted, placing his hands carefully on his cheeks. “I will, okay? I’m okay.”

He chuckled to himself. “And Taeyoung? Aaron T.? Robaire, your heart could stop again, it stopped for a reason, right? I’m so scared that you’re gonna go to sleep, and I’ll have missed something, and you’ll die.”

Jesse’s grip on his face grew firmer. “You are not a doctor.”

“Huh?”

“You’re not a doctor. You don’t have to know everything, it’s not your job.” “Well yeah, but—”

“So you can’t fix it. You can’t fix whatever that plane broke in us.”

His throat tightened.

“There is no controlling what happens out here. There is no ‘I could have done more’ or ‘I should have done this,’ there are only the choices we make. If we could do more, we would. That’s just how a crisis works. If someone doesn’t wake up, there is nothing you could have done to change that.”

It was similar to the advice he’d given Taeyoung when they first reached shore, but hearing it with much more direct wording sent his head spinning.

There was truth to it, and that was the worst part. If there really was nothing he could do, what was there to blame? They sure as hell didn’t crash for a reason, so it had to be a mistake, but who’s? Who would be at fault if one of them…

No. It wasn’t a hypothetical he had to consider, because it wasn’t an option. Surely, the universe wasn’t that cruel.

But things happen to people all the time. He turned away from Robaire and Jesse and swallowed hard, trying to stop the tears that were starting to form in the inner corners of his eyes. His gaze fell naturally on the sleeping T-line. He counted the seconds between the rise and fall of their chests.

It was all so stupid. He shouldn’t be crying.

Robaire’s arms snaked over his shoulders, pulling him into his chest.

“You’re carrying too much,” he muttered into the top of his head, “let us take some.”

He shut his eyes, breathing in the smell of salt water, Jesse’s shirt, and Robaire. “Would it help if we slept together?” Robaire asked.

Heat hit his cheeks. “Pardon?”

“Very forward.”

“Not like that,” he corrected quickly, “Cuddling or something, just being close, that way if you wake up, we’ll be right there, and you’ll know we’re okay.”

Or he could wake up and they’d be dead in his arms. He chose not to voice that though.

“Yeah actually, that would… that would be nice.” “We’re not going anywhere,” Jesse said.

“You can’t know that for sure.” “Maybe not.”

He scoffed.

That’s how he ended up as the middle spoon. It still took him a long time to fall asleep. Even though he could hear everyone breathing, they could stop at any moment. Trying to silence the paranoid voice in his head was useless. No matter how much he reasoned with himself, he still spiralled into his feelings.

He wanted to shake them awake, and beg them to keep their eyes open. It took an exhausting amount of effort to keep himself from moving. It took the sun rising for him to finally feel the heaviness of his eyes, the dull ache from holding so much tension, and the brain fog that came from not sleeping. Even despite that, he couldn’t give into it until Taeyoung stirred. He shut his eyes quickly, careful not to give away that he was still awake. That much was enough for him to disappear into whatever nightmare his brain would conjure from this whole mess.

***

“Z! Z, wake up.”

Somebody was shaking him. His heart kicked into overdrive as his eyes shot open.

It was Aaron T. shaking him, he discovered quickly. Everyone else had evacuated the shelter. He counted them.

Aaron T. beside him, Jesse at the side of the camp, Robaire next to Jesse, Taeyoung—

What the actual fuck?

Taeyoung was running circles around… something. A mound of fur. A mound of fur that kept swatting at him. The sky behind him was a menacing grey, probably rain clouds. He was calm, all things considered. Aaron Z. knew he was reading the creature's body language, doing his best to predict whatever the… thing was gonna do next.

“What is that?” He tried to keep his voice level.

“A mountain lion,” Aaron T. replied, exasperated. “There are fucking mountain lions on this island. Where the fuck are we?”

“That looks like a cougar to me.” Robaire said.

“It’s both actually.” Taeyoung kept his attention on the big cat. “I think you’d know it by Puma, Z. That's what they’re called in your part of LA.”

“Jesus christ, Tae you’re playing with it.”

“It’s stressed,” he reasoned, “I can’t get it to follow me, I think it feels threatened.”

“So what do we do?”

The puma lashed out, charging forward suddenly with a low hiss. Taeyoung leapt back, his arms up.

“Tae,” Jesse warned.

“Don’t move,” he said, “it’s okay, it’s just stressed. If we hurt it, it will hurt us.”

The large cat turned slowly, teeth bared. Aaron Z. froze.

“Hey!” The puma’s attention was brought back to Taeyoung when he yelled. “Pretty kitty, let’s go somewhere else.”

It huffed, rearing onto its hind legs to swat with both front paws. Taeyoung dodged cleanly.

“It’s gonna hurt you.”

“It would have already.”

Robaire shifted, uncomfortable, “Isn’t it trying to?”

“If it wanted us dead, we’d be dead. It’s just trying to scare us off.”

“So let’s go.”

“T. can’t move.”

Aaron Z. felt Aaron T. grow tense beside him. “Leave me behind.”

“What?” Taeyoung faltered.

“I’m toast. Dead meat. Leave me here.”

“That’s not funny.” “I’m not joking.” Jesse took a step, probably unconsciously, but it drew the puma’s attention. “We’re not leaving you here with a cougar.”

Taeyoung tried to warn him. “Jesse—”

But the puma charged, paws flying. Jesse stumbled back, but the cat was faster. It knocked him down, teeth bared. His hands came up to cover his face, taking the brunt of the puma’s first swipe.

Aaron Z. saw red. He was moving before he had the conscious thought to help him.

He bodychecked the puma, lungs screaming as his broken ribs came into contact with it. The cat turned, howling as it tried to shoo him away. Robaire yanked Jesse from under it.

“Duck!” Taeyoung yelled.

So he did. He dropped to the ground in time to miss the puma leaping at him, but it didn’t stop running. It bolted toward the shelter.

For just a moment, he saw Aaron T.’s eyes go wide. The image fried itself into his brain, the significance of it yet to be clear. It was absurdly clear, the way his lips drew tight, his shoulder lowering for just a second.

Then the puma tore through the shelter, not missing a beat as it thrashed its way through the roof. The leaves fell, and with them, the thick branches that created the one solid wall of the shelter.

Aaron Z. could only watch as it appeared from the rubble, the fur around its mouth and claws matted with blood. It hissed at them, and took off into the forest, disappearing into the thick wildlife.

“T?” Robaire called urgently. He practically threw himself at the remains of their shelter. Aaron Z. followed close behind, pulling back the leaves and sticks as fast as he could. Aaron T. resurfaced, coughing. He’d somehow ended up on his back. “That was eventful.”

“Did it hurt you?” Aaron Z. pushed his hair out of his face.

“Aside from stepping on me? No.”

He could feel himself start to shake. “You look horrible.”

“I bet you look worse, you look like you’re about to faint.”

Robaire finished clearing the rest of the debris away. “No, no, you’re really pale.”

He raised a hand to his cheek. “Am I?”

“Let me—” Aaron Z. fought to keep himself from hyperventilating. This was not happening. “Let me help him, I need space, let me see.”

Robaire backed up.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Aaron T.’s eyes were dark with concern. “You don’t have to panic.” “What—” “There’s nothing you can do.”

“Aaron—”

“Stop, just stop.” He shook his head, “we’re wasting time, I don’t, can you all come here?” Aaron Z. was hardly aware of Robaire slipping an arm around him, let alone Taeyoung helping Jesse cross the clearing.

“Please let me try to help,” he begged, “whatever the puma did, I can try—”

He scoffed, “The lion isn’t what did this, I was screwed as soon as that plane crashed, fuck, this sand is so itchy.”

“But—”

“You knew it too, you’ve known all along, you’ve always had really good intuition.” “Maybe he could help,” Taeyoung said, “it can’t be worth giving up, right?”

“I’m gonna be fucking pissed off if you don’t listen to me.”

Jesse cut in, “It couldn’t hurt—”

“I don’t have time,” he snapped, “I just want to spend it with you, please let me have this.”

“But if I could do something,” Aaron Z. said, “if I could help, you wouldn’t have to.”

“I’m dying Aaron. I don’t see any fucking rescue helicopters.”

He went quiet. Aaron T. was right, he had known it. He couldn’t argue, despite every ounce of him working to find another avenue, anything to give them just a little bit more time.

There was nothing. He wasn’t a doctor. He couldn’t fix this.

The other members were staring at him, waiting for him to admit it. Why was this his job? He was starting to resent his early obsession with medicine. Aaron Z. was no grim reaper. Not once had he wished to be the one to decide when to give up on someone.

Nobody else was going to though, and he really did already know. It wasn’t fair to waste T.’s time on the account of his own grief. He had to…

He swallowed hard. “You really never give us a break.”

Aaron T. rested his head back, sighing. “Thank you.”

“We’re with you.” Jesse’s voice was thick, almost husky.

“You better be, we’ve been in a band for how long? It’s only common courtesy.”

Taeyoung laughed, his voice wet with tears. “Of course.” “Don’t cry.” He frowned. “This isn’t sad.”

“Of course it’s sad, you know I hate goodbyes.”

“We’re just reminiscing and stuff, no goodbyes necessary.”

He sniffled. “I cry when we reminisce too.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” Aaron Z. bit the inside of his cheek. “Do you need anything?”

“Just your undivided attention, and maybe a massage.”

“T.” “I’m serious, your fingers are magic.”

He adjusted so that Aaron T. was laying with his head in his lap. From this angle, Aaron Z. had full access to his unburnt shoulder, which he kneaded carefully.

“You know, I think this is fate, 4*Town was too powerful with five members, it only makes sense that the universe would take one of us out.”

He was met with silence. “C’mon, at least humour me.”

Robaire crossed his arms, eyes narrow. “It’s not 4*Town without you.”

“Maybe you’ll rebrand to 3*Town then.”

“T.”

“Z? Can I ask for a favour?”

His heart forgot to beat. “Anything.”

“When you make it out of here, can you call my mom and tell her that I forgive her?”

“Huh?”

“I know I wasn’t wanted, but she did her best, even if she hurt me. She doesn’t deserve to live without knowing that I forgave her. I don’t want it to eat away at her.”

That bitch didn’t deserve it.

“She’s my mom Z.”

“Okay.”

“You’ll call her?”

“I’ll call her.” Aaron Z. leaned his head back, as though gravity would keep his eyes from getting teary. “You know we love you, right?”

“I had a sneaking suspicion.”

“No, you know it, right? You really, really know it?”

“You’re my family,” he said simply, “the family I found, and I really have…” Aaron T. blinked a couple times, a tear breaching his ducts and crawling down his cheek. “Fuck, you’ve got me crying now. I was… you all really make me happy. I didn’t really know what it felt like to have someone care about me, you know? Not until you all… thanks for taking me in.” “God damn it,” Jesse muttered, “this isn’t fair, you can’t ban crying and then say shit like that.”

He smiled. “You’re sweet, super-grandpa.”

“As if.”

“Robaire?”

He sat up a little straighter. “Yeah?”

“Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, okay? We all know you do, you really don’t have to. You might be 4*Town’s leader, but you’re not invincible. I know you’re going to try to go back into leader mode once everyone is safe, but there are people to do that for you, people who didn’t just survive a plane crash. Please, let yourself recover.”

He nodded slowly, shutting his eyes.

“And Jesse?”

“Mhm?”

“You don’t have to play hero, it’s okay to take breaks. You’re worth more than the hours you put in, so much more. You have to find yourself outside of what you can give.”

He shook. “I’ll try.”

“Good, that’s good, Jesus fuck my back hurts, Tae?”

“T,” he said with a certain fondness.

“My man.”

“Ha.”

“Have fun, okay? Keep exploring, go on more hikes, see everything.” Aaron T. reached a hand up. Taeyoung took it. “I’ll be there with you, you’ll take me. Show me everything, and stop pretending negative reviews don’t bother you.”

“You’re such a sap.”

“You and me both.” Aaron T. looked back, offering Aaron Z. a weak smile. “Hey.”

He tried to match T.’s tone. “What wisdom are you about to bestow upon me?”

“Vulnerability is hard,” he said, “but it’s necessary. Just because you got branded as the stoic one doesn’t mean you have to be stoic around us. You’ve got a really great set of people around you, and I promise you they’re waiting for you to open up. I wish I got to know you more.”

“T…”

“It’s okay, you weren’t ready. From the parts of you that you offered me, I know you’re pretty great.”

His free hand balled into a fist. He used it to cover the bottom half of his face.

Aaron T. let out a breathy chuckle. “Glad I got that all out, I was worried for a second.”

“You’ve always been a fast talker,” Robaire remarked.

“You’re funny.”

“I try to be.”

He went quiet. Aaron Z. waited for him to say something.

“T?” Taeyoung squeezed his hand.

Anything at all.

“Sorry,” he blinked a couple of times, “it’s… not easy to focus, I think I have to go soon.”

Except for that. He didn’t want to hear that.

“We’re here.” It seemed to be the only thing Jesse knew how to say. “We’re with you.”

“You guys really are the best.”

“You make us better,” Robaire insisted.

His eyes closed. “I thought you were really cool to begin with.”

“I’ll never forget the meeting where you were introduced.”

“Ha!” His whole body shook with laughter. “I thought they were going to fire me on the spot.”

Taeyoung smiled just a little bit. “They should’ve known better than to leave us alone with access to water balloons and juice.”

Robaire pinched his brow. “You have no idea how many strings I had to pull to keep you two from getting kicked out before we debuted.”

“Thanks Robaire.” Aaron T. mimicked an elementary schooler, keeping the perfect amount of brat in his voice.

“I remember being really surprised when they told me you were an acrobat,” Jesse said, “I mean, we met because you tripped up the stairs, I couldn’t believe that you could be so uncoordinated during day to day life, and then pull off a whole gymnastics routine like it was nothing.” “It only got more confusing!” Taeyoung added, “You got clumsier with age.”

“That’s confusing?” Aaron Z. raised a brow. “I thought it was so weird that he can’t swim.”

“Oh my god, yeah, Toronto ‘02 was strange in itself though.”

Jesse chimed in, “You’re lucky I carried you to the island.”

Aaron T. huffed. “Actually, I started taking swimming lessons after that.”

“You probably should have done that before nearly drowning in the hotel swimming pool.” Aaron Z. advised.

“Hey, I got myself four knights after that, small price to pay for being treated like royalty.”

“I don’t know about anyone else, but I was trying to treat you like a small child.”

“A toddler,” Robaire corrected. “Yeah, that’s more accurate.”

Aaron T. sighed. “I love you all so much, you’re such pieces of work.”

“I love you too.” Aaron Z. focused on every detail of the smile that followed, from the hint of his dimples to the scrunch of his upper cheeks. He memorised the freckles that littered his face and neck. Part of him wondered if Aaron T. looked at them the same way he looked at the stars. He always thought clusters of freckles looked like galaxies.

Jesse spoke. “You sure are getting treated like royalty now though.”

“No kidding,” Taeyoung butt in, “affection with no hesitation from Aaron Z? I could only dream.”

Robaire shot him a look. Aaron Z. shrugged as nonchalantly as he could.

“He’s always had a soft spot for T. though,” Jesse pointed out. “You tend to get pretty close to someone when you’re branded as one unit.”

Robaire tilted his head. “But the fact that you two don’t argue speaks a lot about how compatible you are, doesn’t it?”

“We bicker over stupid shit though.”

“So do married couples,” Taeyoung said.

“I guess so.”

A natural silence fell between all of them, but Aaron Z. itched to fill it. He ran his fingers gently through Aaron T.’s hair.

Nobody spoke. He could tell it was getting harder to maintain a normal conversation. The lull brought with it a haunting ache. His pain was deep, sitting right at the base of his throat. The backs of his eyes felt hollow, as though there was a cavity they threatened to sink into.

Everything hurt. He thought that waking up after the plane crash, feeling each of his limbs as they rudely announced they were, in fact, still attached, would be the most painful thing he could ever experience. Now, his soul flared with searing, red, fresh pain, accompanied by the physical pain he was already feeling. The whole thing was so unbearable, he thought he may as well be dying instead.

There was no more desperation, no more hope to hold onto, just the howl of a distant wind. As the first of his tears landed in the sand, the first drops of rain hit the back of his neck.

“Is it raining?” Taeyoung asked. His voice wavered.

“I think so.” Robaire’s came back as little more than a whisper.

“What a great vacation,” he could almost hear Aaron T. say, “What, with the weather and our unconventional landing. I think I might have a word with our trip organiser.”

He looked down at him. There was something he knew he needed to do, but he wasn’t ready yet. For now, he could pretend that he was just sleeping, that there was no reason to worry about why he hadn’t added to the conversation for the past couple minutes. He was just resting his eyes.

Jesse was incapacitated, eyes red and narrow as he stared into space. Aaron Z. assumed he must have looked pretty similar. Taeyoung was resting his head on Jesse’s shoulder. He shook with each breath, holding himself with his intact arm. Even with the beginnings of rain, it was clear his cheeks were tearstained.

And then there was Robaire. He was uncharacteristically void of anything. Aaron Z. was always confident he could get a read on him, he wore his emotions on his sleeve, but this Robaire was impenetrable. He couldn’t help but wonder if he felt a sense of responsibility for this. He was their leader, he put immense pressure on himself to make sure everyone was safe and okay. Maybe he wasn’t thinking anything at all.

“You’re bleeding!” Taeyoung exclaimed suddenly.

“Just the cougar,” Jesse muttered.

“You can’t hide shit like that.” Aaron Z. surprised himself.

He glared. “I was a little preoccupied.”

“It looks bad,” Taeyoung said.

“I don’t care.”

Aaron Z. gaped. “Excuse me?”

“Could you honestly tell me that you would?”

“I could tell you that you can’t die on us, if that changes anything.”

“Please don’t argue.” Robaire closed his eyes, reminiscent of when he got headaches. “Not right now.” “Sorry,” Taeyoung said.

“What happened, Jesse?”

“It got my arm, it’s not bad.” “If you feel faint, or nauseated, or feverish, please tell me.” Aaron Z. held eye contact with him.

He looked away. “Okay.”

When the silence returned, it became all the more clear that a storm was coming. The rain hit the remains of their shelter, pattering loudly as the heavy drops hit the leaves. The distant sound of wind grew louder.

“We need to move.” Robaire said.

“Yeah,” Aaron Z. muttered.

Taeyoung, poor kid, looked gutted. “So soon? I mean, is there a chance we can stay?”

“It’s gonna get really cold really fast.”

“It’s just,” he fiddled with the sleeve of his hoodie, “T.”

It was time. He got another good look at his face. Aaron T.’s features were relaxed, peaceful, the calm amid the storm. Even though he knew he had to, and he knew what he would find, he still hesitated to press two fingers on the side of his neck.

Thump. Thump.

For a split second, he thought he was somehow feeling his own heartbeat through his fingers. There was no way.

He leaned down, bringing his ear down to Aaron T.’s face.

A soft, warm breath hit his cheek.

Aaron Z. laughed.

He leaned back, unable to control the fit of laughter that so unceremoniously tore out of him. He’d surely startled the other members, but he couldn’t help it.

He was alive. They still had a chance.

They still had a chance.

He could make it.

“Z?” Jesse tested.

“He’s alive.”

“What?”

“He’s alive, he’s, he’s breathing, he has a pulse.”

“Seriously?”

Taeyoung broke into a full sob, burying himself in Jesse’s arms as soon as he offered an embrace.

“He’s alive?” Robaire checked, “Really alive?”

“Check for yourself.”

And he did, a grin breaking out as soon as he felt it. Privately, Aaron Z. was relieved that he hadn’t just gone crazy.

Jesse glanced between the two of them. “Really?”

Robaire nodded.

“Dramatic asshole,” Taeyoung’s voice was muffled, “going on about how it was his time and all that. I can’t believe him, he’s gonna get such a kick out of this.”

***

It didn’t take long for the storm to chip away at their morale. It was freezing, really fucking freezing. Aaron Z’s clothing was completely soaked through. Even huddled with the other members, there was no warmth. They’d lost it all a long time ago.

The initial rush of excitement faded as soon as further implications settled in. Aaron T. was unconscious, possibly comatose, and that still wasn’t good. It was better than dead, for sure, but not good. His pulse was steadily growing weaker.

The sun had set and risen once since the storm started. He hadn’t slept. He hadn’t moved beyond his vaguely scheduled pulse checks. Every muscle was stiff from the wet and cold. He felt like a corpse.

Their attempts at conversation had long died out too. Nobody was in the mood to chat. Even if they were, Aaron Z. didn’t have the energy to participate. He was down to basic functions, and that was being generous. The rainwater was fresh, and he’d ingested enough accidental mouthfuls that he wasn’t thirsty, but he had no business not feeling hungry.

The wind buffeted from behind. He’d taken to pretending the wind burns brought him some warmth. It was bearable that way, listening to the howl and pretending it's beating was a blanket.

It was exactly that reason, the sheer volume of the wind, that Aaron Z. didn’t hear the helicopter. He didn’t know it was there until Robaire pointed it out.

“Holy shit.” He’d sat up straight. “That’s a helicopter.”

“What?” Jesse snapped his head up, following Robaire’s line of sight. Aaron Z. did too.

The poor helicopter was fighting for its life in the storm, but it was there nonetheless.

Robaire leapt to his feet, Taeyoung and Jesse close behind. The three waved their arms, trying to catch the helicopter's attention. Aaron Z. stayed with Aaron T., but joined them in calling out.

“We’re here!”

“We need help!”

“Hello!”

And then. “We see you. We’re waiting for weather conditions to permit landing. We’re here to rescue you.”

The crackly voice from the helicopter’s speaker was a heavenly sound. He repeated the words in his head.

We see you. We’re waiting for weather conditions to permit landing. We’re here to rescue you. Soon, a second helicopter appeared, keeping a safe distance away. Then, a third. It was difficult not to get giddy.

Taeyoung collapsed into the sand. “Thank god.”

Jesse hit the ground too, maybe a little bit too hard. That wasn’t good.

“Jesse?” Taeyoung rolled over to face him.

Robaire knelt next to them. Aaron Z., as gently as he could, lifted T.’s head from his lap.

“Z.” Taeyoung’s voice was laced with panic. “Z.”

“I’m coming.”

He sprinted over, ushering the other two to back up. He fell into autopilot, checking for a pulse and breathing like he’d done far too many times over the past few days. Both were present, and to his relief, Jesse stirred after a couple more seconds.

“Jesse?” He gently adjusted the collar of his shirt.

He mumbled something incoherent.

“You fainted,” he explained, “you’ve been out for fifteen, twentyish seconds.” “Hm.”

“Stay down, rest until you feel a bit better. Don’t try to get up.” He turned to Robaire. “Make sure he doesn’t try to get up. I’ve gotta…” “Yeah, go check.” He kept his pace as neutral as possible as he approached the place he left Aaron T. Somewhere inside him, anxiety stirred itself into the mess of emotions he’d been fighting to tame. Something was off.

He knew before he checked. As a kid, he’d asked his father how to tell if someone was dead, or just sleeping. He’d said that unconsciously, you can hear people breathing, so you just know. It’s something you just know.

He checked anyway. He pressed two fingers into the side of his neck. Aaron T. was cold, but that didn’t mean anything. They were all cold.

He waited to feel something.

…

He waited.

…

Maybe he was doing it wrong. He tried a different angle.

…

Another?

…

Maybe he’d gotten the sides mixed up. He was incredibly low on nutrients, he could be a little out of it. He tried the other side.

…

Who was he kidding? He’d been doing this for hours, he’d done it right the first time. He tried that again.

…

His hands were shaking, maybe that was it. His hands were shaking, that was why. He leaned in to listen for his breath.

He listened. He waited to feel it. He waited for that same warmth.

It didn’t come. It never came.

Fuck.

This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. They’d had another shot. He’d stayed with them for a whole extra day. The helicopters were right there.

They were right there.

They could have an AED on board.

He wasted no time starting chest compressions. Footsteps flurried towards him.

“Z! Z, what’s going on?”

“What does it fucking look like?” “What happened?” Taeyoung asked.

“I really need to focus.”

“Sorry, sorry.” “C’mon Aaron.” Aaron Z. paused to breathe air into his lungs. “We’re so close.” “The helicopters are landing!” Robaire announced.

“Tell them we have one unresponsive, no pulse.” Taeyoung stayed hovering nearby, but called over his shoulder, “How’s Jesse?”

“Jesse’s fine,” Jesse retorted.

He pounded down at his well-practised pace. “We’re going home soon. You better be coming with us.”

The sound of the other members became distant, almost as if he'd entered some kind of auditory tunnel vision. The rain washed it all away, pouring down his back, eerily similar to the cold drip of chills. Ironically, he felt himself come alive again. After some time, he began to warm up, sweat mixing with the rain that beaded his forehead. It was cruel that he could do everything in his power to keep Aaron T. from reaching the true point of no return, and find himself more revived than him. It was like he was leeching any remaining life from him.

A hand tried to pull him back, and he thrashed.

“Z!” It was Robaire, he was behind him.

He kept going, he had to keep him ready for the AED.

Another hand. He shoved it away with his shoulder.

“They're here, they're ready to take over.”

Aaron Z. looked up, meeting the eyes of a person in a bright orange jacket. Her bangs were plastered to her forehead. She gave him a kind smile.

And then Robaire’s arms were around him, pulling him back. He was too exhausted to object.

He watched them take over CPR. He watched them set up the AED. He watched them administer the first shock.

Aaron T. jolted once, remaining limp.

Another person, clad in an equally hideous orange jacket, watched the machine for any signs of life.

“Nothing.”

He sat there, and watched. Robaire didn't leave him. He didn't dare move, he didn't want to mess anything up, all the while they cycled through those steps. CPR, “clear,” shock, jolt, wait, repeat. At some point, one of the helicopters left with Jesse and Taeyoung. He supposed it should make him feel better, but he didn't want to be very far away from them, let alone let them disappear in another aircraft during a storm.

He couldn't think about that too much though. He couldn't take his eyes away from Aaron T. A part of him wished this was all happening with more grace. The dark grey sky was not the right backdrop for someone like T. It was another injustice.

Robaire squeezing him was the only indication that he'd missed something. He felt the breath catch in his throat.

“Time of death,” The girl with the kind smile said. She wasn't smiling anymore.

No.

“13:27.”

No, no, no no no no no.

This wasn't happening. This was some cruel, twisted, anxiety induced dream. He was still on the plane. He was dreaming. He would wake up and tell everyone, and they would laugh. He would laugh too, because it was ridiculous. Aaron T. would pretend to be offended because he was the one to… yeah, but it would all be a good natured ruse. Robaire would comfort him, and he'd act annoyed, but after a dream like this he would need it.

But everything was too real. Robaire’s failed attempts to muffle his sobs, that god forsaken rain, the search and rescue person who pried him away from the only thing that was normal, the hands that prodded him as he was checked for injuries, the questions he was asked and the hollow shell his voice had become, all of it tied him to reality.

It couldn’t be right. It couldn’t. Had it really been twenty minutes since the search and rescue team took over? That was how long they were supposed to try for. Would it really have made a difference though? Someone guided him toward one of the helicopters. Robaire sat on the blue, uncomfortable seats. He was shaking, clutching an ugly silver blanket. It looked like tinfoil. Aaron Z. had been given one too, but he was hardly aware of it hanging off his shoulders. Somebody else was holding it up for him.

“I’m sorry,” Robaire said, hesitating for a moment before searching for Z.’s eyes.

“Me too.” He sat next to him, abandoning his tin foil blanket to join Robaire under his.

He leaned into him. “You’re warm.”

Aaron Z. pulled the blanket tighter around them.

***

He was getting sick of his hospital room. There wasn’t enough light, it made him drowsy, and it smelled of hand sanitizer.

He was the first to get cleared to leave his room without a nurse, go figure. His doctor was impressed with the accuracy in which he explained his symptoms. He’d gotten lucky, with a mild concussion and five broken ribs, he was by far the least injured and the only one who didn’t need surgery.

His nurse, Madison, was wonderful. She gave him updates that he really wasn’t supposed to have. It was thanks to her that he knew anything about the other members at all. She spoke to him like they were friends, and he figured they were a similar age. Madison had admitted to knowing he was a member of 4*Town, but said she preferred other styles of music. That almost made it easier.

Taeyoung was the only member he’d gotten to see since arriving. Their first conversation was one of the hardest he’d ever had.

“Did he make it?”

He’d only managed to shake his head.

Each visit got easier though. The crash took up less and less of their conversations, especially after their families stopped by. They were given magazines, snacks, and most importantly, phones. He’d asked his nurse about whether it was okay to text, and she assured him that they were far enough away from anything it could affect.

He opened the chat between him and Taeyoung again, as he’d done at least twice in the last five minutes.

Taeyoung: theyre taking me for surgery now!! i was told 4 hours ish so ill txt you when im awake :)

Taeyoung: come visit after!! or else

Aaron: See you then!

His nurse poked her head in the door, frowning when she saw him on his phone. “Put that away. Staring isn’t going to make it go any faster.”

“Hi Madison.”

“Hi Aaron.” She slipped in, shutting the door behind her. “I have updates.”

“Do tell.”

“Jesse’s just come off anaesthetic, they’re waiting for him to wake up.”

“He’s not awake yet?”

“I mean literally just, I walked by his room on the way here. He’s technically conscious, but the surgery was long, he’s pretty out of it.”

He sighed, relieved. Jesse’s surgery was the scariest one he’d been conscious for, easily the one with the highest mortality rate out of the three. Turns out, he’d had some pretty bad internal bleeding in his legs.

He was still angry with himself for sleeping through the entirety of Robaire’s open heart surgery. He hadn’t even known it was happening until it was over.

“Was the surgery successful?”

“They sounded optimistic. It’s looking like he’ll make a full recovery.”

He flipped his phone shut, putting it on the tiny plastic table next to his bed.

“Ready for the second piece of news?”

“Shoot.”

“As of ten minutes ago, Robaire was cleared for visitors.”

He sat up. “Really?”

“His parents are still two hours away.”

“Can I go?”

“Keep it brief.” He practically flew through the door, only stopping to grab his phone.

Madison called out after him, “304.” “Thank you, thank you, you’re the best.”

“Take the elevator!”

And he did, travelling two floors down. He’d grown accustomed to the help he got from the staff. The people working on the third floor already helped him get to Taeyoung’s room without much fuss from the public.

One of the nurse’s, Dustin, gave him a funny look once he stepped through the elevator doors. “Where are you going?”

“304.”

“Oh? My patient?”

“I heard he was cleared for visitors.”

“Word travels fast apparently, follow me.”

He did as he was told, a hint of anxiety clawing in his throat.

Dustin knocked on the door. “Robaire? You have a visitor.”

“Come in.”

Aaron ducked in, awkwardly waving to his friend. He looked…

He looked bad, but significantly better. He was clean, for one. It almost looked like a stylist had come through.

“Z.”

“Robaire.”

“They won’t tell me anything.”

Dustin looked between the two of them. “Welp, I’ll be down the hall. You’re with Madison?”

Aaron nodded.

“She knows you’re here?”

“Yeah.”

“Just making sure.” He shut the door.

Robaire waited a few moments. “He hasn’t stopped talking about her.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m sensing some sparks.”

“Good to see you’re still a massive romantic.”

He rolled his eyes. “As if.”

“Madison tells me a lot, you know.”

“About Dustin?”

“About Taeyoung and Jesse.”

“Are they okay?”

He sat on the end of his bed. “They’re alive, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Good to establish, but I was hoping for more detail.”

“Taeyoung is in surgery right now, they’re setting his arm. Jesse’s coming off anaesthetic, he had some internal bleeding.”

“And you?”

“Broken ribs and a concussion.” “Lucky bastard.”

He chuckled. “I hear you had heart surgery.”

“Mhm.”

“Wild.”

“You’re telling me. I don’t even remember getting here.”

“You feeling okay?”

Robaire shrugged. “Wish I was allowed to walk around.”

“You know that’s only partly what I meant.”

“I’m managing. Processing I guess.”

Something sparked in his chest, like a steel hatchet striking a piece of flint. “Any word from the agency?”

“Dustin said some lawyers stopped by.”

“Shit, why?”

“They’re suspecting foul play.”

Nausea, a feeling he’d become quite accustomed to, sent his head spinning. “What?”

“Apparently there’s evidence that suggests it was on purpose. Somebody did this on purpose.”

“There were kids on that plane.”

“I know.”

It was overwhelming. He rubbed his temples.

“I’ve been trying not to think about it. I’m sure our manager will be here soon to talk about it.”

“That’s a lot for you to take on.”

“Mark of a leader.”

“You can say no, you know.”

Robaire shook his head. “I could, but not knowing is worse.”

He was doing it again. It was the same as the pandapocalypse. “Just, maybe don’t shut us out this time.”

“I don’t think I could if I tried.”

“Oh?”

“Trauma’ll do that to you, I guess.”

“You should have your parents bring you a phone.”

“Is that allowed?”

He grabbed his phone from his pocket. “I’ve been texting Tae.”

“Can I send something?” “I’m sure he’d be happy to hear from you.”

Aaron handed the phone to him, watching as his thumbs darted around the keyboard. Robaire handed it back. He took a peek.

Aaron: Hey Tae! It’s Robaire, Z tells me you’re in surgery right now. I’ve been convinced to try and sneak a phone in, so I guess we’ll be able to text, but I wanted to say that it’s good to hear you’re okay. I can’t wait to see you again.

Aaron: <3

“Snooping are you?”

He glanced up for a moment. “No.”

“Hm.”

“Do you have paper? I’m going to leave you my number.”

“Are you going?”

“No,” he assured, “I just don’t want to forget.”

“I’m pretty sure I know your number.”

“I got a new one with this phone.”

“I don’t think I have paper.”

“Oh,” he said, “I’ll have Madison deliver it then, maybe it’ll give Dustin a chance to talk to her.”

His eyes sparkled. “Ten bucks they end up together before we’re all out of here.”

“Twenty bucks Madison has no interest in him.”

“Ouch, just say you don’t believe in romance.”

“Whatever, I just think she’s taken.” “Oh?”

He smiled, “She’s the kind of girl who could have anyone she wants.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for your nurse.”

“Not even close. You’d be head over heels though.”

“What makes you say that?”

“She listens.”

“The way to my heart. Why did you end up with this seemingly perfect nurse?”

“What’s wrong with Dustin?”

“He follows too many rules.”

“Sounds like you’re a match made in heaven.”

“I was worried about you, you know.”

His brows furrowed. “Why?”

“Dustin wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“I mean, it’s not like I was injured that badly.”

“I was more thinking about what we talked about on the island, the night before the cougar.”

He tried to pull the memory to the front of his mind. “What are you talking about?”

“The whole sleeping thing. I just figured it would be hard for you to sleep.”

“I haven’t really been sleeping,” he admitted, “Not since they told me about your surgery.”

“You must be exhausted.”

He was. He really was. The moments when he was talking to people were great, but they only lasted so long. He could only reread the same trashy gossip magazine so many times before he got lost in his thoughts. They were a bad place to be lost in.

“Not really.”

Robaire’s brow raised, skeptical. “Does your doctor know?”

“No.” “Maybe they could put you on something.”

That was a no go. He was not going to let them drug him into sleep. He could miss something, he could, someone could, what if they couldn’t wake him up in time? Someone could crash, he could miss it. He could miss someone’s last moments. He could wake up to a fucking puma again. He could wake up back on that god-forsaken island.

“Maybe.”

“Are you actually going to ask, or are you just saying that?”

“You’re not my dad, Robaire.”

He flinched.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“No, I’m sorry.” Robaire shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I should trust you.”

Maybe not in this case, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to say that.

“Robaire—” “You did well, you know? I don’t know if you’re worried about that at all, but you did. I think you handled being on a deserted island better than the rest of us.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You were incredible.”

He felt his cheeks flame up. “What’s with the flattery?” “I’m just a little in awe. Waking up on the beach and seeing you there, I just, it was safe. I really appreciated you telling me what was going on, because I was very lost.”

“It’s just what I would have wanted someone to do for me.”

Robaire glared. “Take a compliment.”

Aaron scoffed.

“Can you promise me something?”

“Maybe.”

“Try to sleep?”

He really didn’t want to.

“Please? I know it’s not really fair to ask, I can only begin to imagine how hard that is, but I couldn’t stand anything happening to you.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me.”

“You need sleep. You look horrible.”

“I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to sleep again.” He tilted his head a little, frowning. “You’ll try though?” Something about Robaire made it hard to say no. That was a general rule of thumb when dealing with the other members of 4*Town. It took a supernatural amount of strength to say no when he asked for something, especially when it came to any kind of health. He was doomed as soon as he asked.

“I’ll try.”

The relief was evident in the way his whole face loosened. “Thanks. Really, thank you.”

“You’re in leader mode.”

“I know,” he said, “you’re still stoic.”

“Touche.”

“What’ve you been thinking about?”

“T.”

“Me too.”

“I don’t know how to come back from this.” “There’s no coming back,�� he said simply, “it’s never going to be the same. No use pretending that it will.”

He paused, taking a moment to shove the little hints of sadness away. “I could drink to that.”

“I could drink, period.” “First rounds on me.”

“I’m starting to think you might be a literal God-sent angel.”

“Ha.”

“Do you think the gift shop carries any books?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t been down. I could ask Madison?”

“Have her pick something, I want to get a feel for the kind of person she is.”

“Why?”

“For Dustin, of course.”

“Right, of course.”

He leaned forward to shove him. “Go sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

“You sure?”

“Trust me, I couldn’t go anywhere even if I wanted to.”

Aaron pulled him into a careful hug. “Say hi to your parents for me.”

“I will.” He left him with promises to send Madison with some of the things he’d been gifted so that he had something to do while he waited. Leaving Robaire’s room, he felt significantly better. Dustin, who was sitting at the nurses station, waved as he walked past. He made his way back to the elevator.

At least, he was, until a conversation caught his ear.

“I don’t know why his mother was his emergency contact. She seemed really annoyed that we called.”

He froze. Two people in hospital attire were chatting, their voices slightly hushed, as though they weren’t supposed to be speaking.

“Really?” The other person said, “Is she in a different time zone or something?”

“I don’t know, she didn’t say.”

“What did she say?”

“She asked why we were calling, and I told her that her son had been in an accident. She was completely unbothered.”

His whole body tensed. He couldn’t move.

The other person sounded scandalised. “No.”

“It gets worse. I told her that he’d died, and you know what she said?” “What?”

“Good riddance. It’s about damn time.”

…

Good riddance.

It’s about damn time.

“Put her on the phone.”

“What?”

“Put her on the damn phone,” Aaron demanded, “She deserves to regret making him miserable, she, he was, he forgave her. She deserves to rot knowing that her son was better than she’ll ever be.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t—”

“I’m not asking. He might have put up with her, but I won’t. That bitch—”

“Aaron?” Dustin appeared around the corner. “What happened, why are you yelling?”

His eyes stung with tears, his voice catching in his throat. “He needed her. He deserved to be fucking loved, and she pulls this shit?”

“Who?” Dustin mouthed to the two hospital employees. “His mother. His own fucking mother.”

“Oh.” “She’s not worth it, she really isn’t, but he cared. He cared so much about her opinion and it sucked. She made him wilt, and no matter how much we tried to make him realise that she was human dogshit it never changed anything. I could never give him that.”

He clutched the wall for support. The two gossipers clambered over to him as he collapsed. He curled into himself, praying they would just leave.

“I couldn’t, I couldn’t give him that. All he wanted was love, and I couldn’t give him that.”

He curled tighter.

“It’s not fair,” he sobbed, “it’s not, it’s not fair.”

He knew they were hovering nearby, but he was too tired to care. Let them witness whatever he was doing, maybe it was a divine punishment for assuming Aaron T.’s mother could be anything other than the selfish person she was.

He deserved so much better.

The elevator dinged. “You’ve done enough,” a voice hissed, “go find Dr. Williams.”

“Who gave you the right—”

“That is my patient.” Oh. It was Madison. “Go, before I find her first. You might want to get your story straight before I have the chance to report you.”

Footsteps pattered off. Madison squatted next to him. “Oh Aaron.”

“She didn’t deserve him.”

“She didn’t.”

She helped him to his feet, guiding him back into the elevator.

“Your room has more privacy,” she insisted.

He didn’t say anything for the whole walk back, nor did he say anything once he was back in his room. Instead, he sat on the floor next to his bed, burying himself back into his knees.

“Can I get you anything?” She asked softly.

“No.”

“Okay. Do you want me to leave you for a while?”

He nodded.

“Alright. You know how to call me if you need me.”

She got up to leave.

“Wait.”

“Yes?”

He took in a deep breath, and looked up. “Could I take something to help me sleep? I uh, haven’t been.”

She nodded. “I’ll ask your doctor.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

She shut the door, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Nothing was going to fix this. No amount of doctor visits, no amount of therapy, no amount of time could mend the way he’d been bent out of shape. The thought terrified him. He was always going to have a piece of him missing. He wanted to believe he would end up okay. The remaining members (god, he hated thinking that way) showed great promise in their physical recovery. He wasn’t sure he could handle losing anyone else.

But that was inconceivably far away. For now, he could only sit on the cold hospital floor, crying like the storm and shaking like the turbulence, waiting for the first part of him to heal.

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elsanna-shenanigans · 3 months

Text

December 2023/January 2024 Contest Submission #1: A Piece of Me Left in You

Words: ca. 4,400 Setting: modern AU Lemon: no CW: some violence, plane crash, minor character death, nudity

Day-0: Fifteen Seconds

It began with a shudder.

A low-pitched mechanical whine rousing Anna from her mid-flight nap. Raising the shades, a gasp escaped her lips as she observed the sky blackened like dusk. The increasing vibration failed to wake the other passengers, nor did the seatbelt sign - its ominous chime echoing their fates.

Her eyes widened at ash drifting from the sky, grey clumps streaking past the window. The PA system crackled a pre-recorded message:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please return to your seats and fasten-”

A violent lurch evoked gasps of terror. Anna fumbled with the buckle. Right before a muffled thwump reached her ears. Flickering flames reached her eyes a split second before she could comprehend the plane’s engine spewing fire, right before it gave one last mighty belch.

Then, silence.

Anna’s limbs flailed as they plummeted like a brick. Her ears popped from the descent, doing nothing to deaden the screaming around the cabin. Frantic commands on the loudspeaker competed with the passengers’ panicking cries in volume.

Brace! Brace! Brac-!

In the instant it took for Anna to lean forward, she’s torn from her loosely buckled seat belt by the impact. A tidal wave sucked her through the gaping fuselage, along with whatever was tangled around her wrist. The current dragged her downwards with her flimsy yellow companion as seawater filled her insides. Her face turned blue fighting the unmet urge to breathe. Someone’s hand closed around a fistful of her hair, before yanking the ripcord. The life jacket’s sudden ballooning dragged her to the surface, and her lungs strained as she swallowed mouthfuls of saltwater and air in a desperate bid to survive.

“Fuck, fuck,” Anna swore, clinging onto the life jacket. Waterlogged eyes unable to comprehend the smouldering devastation. Nostrils burning with smoke. Ears ringing from the noise and pressure. A sudden surge sent her into another flailing panic, only for the figure’s firm hands to pull her away from the swell.

“Stay still!” the voice commanded, dragging her onto a fuel-soaked foam plank.

Lungs heaving, Anna gasped a sputtery no no no as the other woman darted back beneath the waves. Seconds ticked by like hours, before she surfaced again, muttering, “Everything’s fucked off to the deep end-”

Anna stared at her with an open jaw, similar blue eyes dilated in shock, seaweed clumped onto her blonde hair. Chest pulsating with exertion. Two solitary figures bobbing on an ocean littered with burning fuel and shredded wreckage.

“We’d better leg it before the sharks come,” the other woman pointed towards distant shadows meandering in the water, “I don’t think we can get past the surf but it’s worth a shot.”

Her words shot through Anna’s deafened ears.

“Can you swim?”

Anna shook her head.

Without warning, she’s hauled off the plank towards what appeared to be a landmass in the distance. A visceral scream of terror vacated Anna as she’s dunked beneath the waves again, but this time she found assurance in the woman’s steady strokes. Clutching onto her belt for dear life, Anna allowed the tides and her swimming to pull her onto the shore. It’s not until she spat out a mouthful of sand, that Anna realised this stranger might’ve saved her life.

The adrenaline wore off like a steep fall from a cliff, and she slumped face-first onto the black sand.

Day-1: A Day

The acrid stench of smoke still burned in Anna’s lungs when she woke. Pale sunlight filtered through the sparse jungle canopy, and a distant rumble shook the ground beneath her. Every muscle and joint within her screamed once she tried to get up, and there was that voice again.

“Slowly, love-”

Groaning, Anna pinched her forehead, “This isn’t real.”

“Oh, this is very real,” the english-accented voice insisted, “this is as real as it gets now.”

Anna turned to the blonde woman, dressed in a plaid shirt and jeans. Tending a makeshift fire pit with smouldering coals adding to the smoke in the air. And that awful smell.

“What is that stench?” Anna complained, sniffling at its source.

She pointed at the smouldering volcano, rumbling in the distance, “Plane must’ve sucked in all the ash and died. Were you with anyone?”

Anna’s eyes widened, before she shook her head, “No - how about you?”

The woman stared at the coals for a good twenty seconds.

“My parents,” she whispered, tossing a branch into the flames, “My brother, his wife and his children.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry-”

Her voice shook, “Well it’s no use now, innit? They’ve fucked off to the bottom of the ocean!”

The blonde bolted up, wielding a pole with a sharpened tip. Her eyes were reddened, but there was a gritty determination in her stoic face that lent strength to Anna’s bones.

“I’m off to score some fish, no idea how long they’re going to take to find us,” she snarled, before pointing the stick at Anna, “there’s a rock pool with fresh water nearby, make yourself useful.”

As the woman stomped towards the beach, a sudden surge of helplessness welled up within Anna, like she was tethered to the only lifeboat on a sinking ship; about to be severed from her.

“Wait, wait - I didn’t catch your name!” Anna called out.

The voice called back, barely audible over the rumbling volcano.

“Elsa!”

Limping through the trees with a Garoupa impaled on her makeshift spear, Elsa gawked when she saw Anna weaving a basket on the jungle floor.

“Wait, what on earth did you do with this place?”

In the few hours Elsa was away fishing in the surf, Anna had transformed the sparse camping ground. She’d thatched together palm fronds with vine, creating a makeshift canopy. There was fresh water brimming in a broken, hollow log. Still clad in her soaking white dress, Anna sat cross-legged on a bed of palm fronds, while lengths of vine lay coiled beside her. And, what was that fragrant smell? Her mouth watered at the sight of skewered yams cooking over her coals. The sweetness in the air barely beset the looming stench of sulphur.

Anna rose to her knees, face clouded in worry.

“Did you see anyone coming to get us?” Anna asked.

“It’d be a miracle if I could see anything beyond a mile,” Elsa mumbled, laying her fish to roast, and wringing seawater from her blonde hair.

“That means they can hardly see us either,” Anna lamented, cupping her head in her hands. The silence after Anna’s words seeped with despair. A snivel reached Elsa’s ears, and it was all it took to soften her heart.

“C’mon, love, don’t give up,” Elsa whispered, kneeling by Anna’s side, “look at everything you’ve done while I was gone-”

The uncertainty clouding over Anna’s head sent a tremble through her mudstained hands. She looked at the woman’s blue eyes narrowing with grief. Despite the unfamiliarity, the untamed roughness of their surroundings and the violence they’d endured. The prospect of comfort from another stranger proved too much to resist, and Anna found herself slipping into Elsa’s embrace. Immediately, the sheer comfort of being held swept away all their fears into the ocean. If only for a moment.

“I haven’t had a chance to thank you,” Anna whispered into the damp fabric of Elsa’s shirt, “for saving me.”

“You saved yourself,” Elsa retorted, pointing at Anna’s deflated yellow life jacket, torn apart and fashioned into a water carrier, “but I will accept your yams as gratitude.”

Famished from a day in the sun, Elsa watched as the girl carefully scraped charred bits off the yam and smashed it onto a banana leaf. She mixed in flaked pieces of Elsa’s catch, and the steaming meal presented a tempting sight - even if they were starving. Devoid of cutlery, Elsa couldn’t help but reach out with bare hands.

“Wait,” Anna quipped, reaching for an empty coconut husk, into which she had ground some berries, “these are pepper berries. I fed some to the squirrels just to be sure.”

“You had the time for all this and to pick spices?” Elsa wondered, watching her sprinkle pepper on their meal, “I spent half a day out and caught one fish.”

“Fair trade, since I can’t fish for fuck. Dig in!”

Accustomed to a lifetime of mild English cuisine - the sudden rush of tropical spice spreading through Elsa’s mouth turned her face red. It’s hot, but at the same time it left her salivating, and it made her want more.

“Mm, spicy,” Anna commented, quenching her lips with coconut water, straight from a smashed-in husk. She handed the coconut to Elsa, and in that brief second, their fingertips touched. Their eyes met, reddened lips revealing the exact same unspoken words between two strangers, caught by sudden adversity.

What would I do without you?

Day-2: Thirty minutes

“We’d better keep an eye on that thing,” Anna whimpered, eyes lofted toward the smoking volcano in the distance. Even from the beach, they saw the craggy black summit spewing flames and spreading its soot across the sky.

“I am keeping an eye on it,” Elsa remarked, “the only question is - what happens when Mount Karen inevitably explodes and rains burning lava on us?”

“Assuming they don’t come for us, we’d have to get off this island in a hurry then,” Anna said, her voice trailing off as the realisation dawned upon her: only one of them could swim.

“Well, even if we made it past the surf, what then? If the volcano doesn’t finish us off, the sharks will.”

Anna’s voice broke under the strain, her words sputtering quicker and quicker, “I’d rather get mauled then roasted. Besides, there’s probably a better chance of getting rescued from the sea than a burning island-”

Alarmed by the growing intensity of her voice, Elsa spun around and grabbed her by the shoulders.

“I’m not leaving without you, Anna.”

Shaking her head, Anna found enough presence of mind to mutter, “Don’t do this, I can’t ask anything more of you.”

“But I can,” Elsa smirked, cradling Anna’s elbow, “And right now I’m asking you to learn how to swim. At least you’ll stand a chance against the sharks.”

Without waiting, Elsa motioned for Anna to follow her to the waterline. The girl took a few cautious steps into the tide, its calm coolness threatening to expunge what little she ate. She shut her eyes, and the memory of seawater entering her lungs stole all the colour from her face.

“What, now?”

“Yes, now,” Elsa ordered, unbuttoning her clothes and draping them upon some driftwood, “C’mon, love. Just thirty minutes, and we can call it a day.”

Seeking a distraction, Anna’s attention fell upon the pale, radiant skin undressed before her. Blood rushed back to Anna’s face as her eyes roved along Elsa’s curves. Black sports bra and panties. Toned muscles hinting her past life as a university swimmer. She bit on her lip as thoughts surfaced in her mind, ��D-do I have to take off my clothes too?”

“Unless you want to end up soaking wet again.”

Anna hesitated, before pulling her dress over her head and laying it next to Elsa’s clothes. The sight of her naked, lithe figure didn’t go unnoticed. Elsa’s glance dipped, following the unbroken trail of freckles running down her collarbone and along the sides of her breasts.

“Staring is rude,” Anna sneered, drawing Elsa’s attention back to her eyes, “I have a husband back home, you know-”

Fishes swam around their ankles as they stood knee-deep in the water. Elsa frowned, trying to shake off that simmering feeling in her chest, “W-why aren’t you wearing a bra?”

“Where’d you think I got the wire to make your fish hooks?”

“Right.”

“Right, you have thirty minutes, then.”

Day-4: An hour

That was how long they took in a chorus of frenzied squealing and scurrying about before Elsa finally caught that wild chicken.

“No, no wait!” Elsa shrieked, as the squawking bird flapped feathers all over them, “What do I do with this thing now?”

Giggling at Elsa’s exasperated face, Anna yelped, “Kill it!”

“I don’t know how to kill a chicken!”

Stepping forward, Anna ended its life with a swift tug at its neck, and the bird flopped dead in her arms.

“Oh my god,” Elsa panted, heaving from the exertion, “that took us way too long.”

“At least we don’t have to worry about dinner today-”

Having ventured far inland pursuing the chicken, the sun had sunk over the ash-draped horizon when they reached the beach. Elsa watched closely as Anna methodically stripped its feathers and drained it for roasting. She took care to stud clove buds all around the meagre bird, and stuffed its end with a handful of floral-smelling spices. As the bird cooked over coals, the smouldering fragrance was like walking into a perfumery, a tea house, and a barbeque - all together.

Looking up from tending the fire, Anna remarked, “Sky looks like it’s clearing.”

A few rays of golden sunset peeked through the soot-lined clouds, but Elsa’s eyes were fixed on the girl crouched before her. Without realising it, she’d completely forgotten her usual routine of scanning the horizon endlessly for ships and planes. For the first time in four days.

“Where’d you learn all this?” Elsa asked.

“Grew up on a farm in Texas,” Anna answered, portioning the chicken with leftover fish and yams, “I learnt about spices from a college botany course.”

Elsa stared at her smoky-charred meal wrapped in a banana leaf. She couldn’t resist stuffing her face the moment the smell of roasted meat hit her. A medley of flavours flooded her mouth. At the tip of her tongue, she detected Cardamom, Clove, a hint of Anise and copious amounts of pepper. More fragrant than spicy, the taste sent her head into a spin.

“I think I like this blend better than yesterday’s,” Anna remarked, chicken juices running down her hands.

“And I could hardly care, after everything you’ve done for me so far-” Elsa scoffed.

“For us.”

Elsa turned to the girl, red hair fluttering with the sea breeze and gleaming in the dim sunlight. Her heart clenched when she saw Anna wipe a tongue over her lips, but told herself it was just the spice’s heat. The sky darkened again. Anna paused her chewing. The flickering flames lent an otherworldly glow to the girl’s freckled features, and Elsa found herself drawn deeper into the unusual silence which had befallen her. Alarmed by the sudden tear trickling down Anna’s cheek, Elsa shifted closer, placing an arm around her.

“No, no it’s alright, they’ll come get us soon-”

“It’s not that,” Anna argued, curling her fingers into Elsa’s, “oh god, it’s so stupid, I’m going to sound like an idiot if I say another word.”

She could feel the quickening throb of Anna’s pulse in her palm. Her own heart raced. Burying her face into Anna’s hair, she inhaled the scent of her copper hair, a mix of the sea they’d been forced into, and the spice that knit them together. Squeezing Anna’s hand tight, Elsa searched her mind for something that could coax more words out of Anna.

“We might be dead tomorrow anyway, so you might as well-”

Anna looked over her shoulder at the Volcano, which had fallen silent. Her lips trembled, words perched on the precipice.

“I’m stuck on an island, god-knows-where, no hope of rescue,” Anna sighed, wiping her cheeks, “but I haven’t been this happy in a long while.”

The words flew through Elsa’s ears as she pondered a response, before realising she really knew nothing about this girl.

A deep breath, before Anna confessed, “I discovered my husband cheating on me a month ago-”

“Oh my god, Anna.”

“It sounds so petty and trivial, telling this to someone who’s lost her family-”

Anna’s words brewed a potent mix of grief, empathy, and desire, manifesting as a thumping noise behind Elsa’s ears. She brought the girl’s fingers to her lips, and kissed them, savouring the taste of spice on her skin.

“It’s not until you’ve lost everything, that you’re free to do anything.”

Day-6: A Week

A muffled boom jolted Anna awake. Lurching upright, she snapped her eyes to the Volcano’s peak spurting glowing lava upon its slopes, before resuming its smouldering fury. Seconds ticked by as she watched in the dawn silence, as though the slightest breath would trigger an eruption.

“Mount Karen looks grumpy today,” Anna whispered towards Elsa’s sleeping spot.

Her heart sank at the silence answering her.

“Elsa?”

A feeble whine. Before Anna lurched over, outstretched arm falling upon the shadowy mound of Elsa’s sleeping body. She gasped as it came away with cold sweat.

“Oh my god, Elsa,” Anna shrieked, pressing a palm to her forehead, burning like the volcano.

She strained to hear the murmuring, before making out the words, “I don’t feel so good today-”.

Fumbling with a coconut shell, Anna spilled water on herself as she brought the husk to Elsa’s lips. A groan escaped her as she struggled to sit upright.

“I got stung by an urchin while fishing,” Elsa whimpered, in between sips of coconut water, “felt like shit but I thought I’d get better-”

“You should’ve told me,” Anna chided, cradling Elsa’s warm head to her bosom.

“What good would that’ve done?” Elsa whined, “I’m so terribly sorry, Anna. But y-you’ll probably have to take up fishing today.”

In an instant, all the buried fears within Anna’s chest boiled over. The fear of being stuck alone; or even worse, the fear of losing this woman - the singular source of comfort and life and hope to make it out. It all crashed upon her head. Instead of tears, this time - there was only a fierce determination to set things right.

“Wait, just wait, I’ll be back-” Anna assured, before scampering into the dawn mist. Hours crawled by as she combed her memory and the forest floor for anything that could alleviate Elsa’s illness. All the while circling back repeatedly to ensure Elsa hadn’t passed out.

“Stop, please stop,” Elsa complained, powerless to stop Anna from forcing down another mouthful of coconut water, “Stop whatever you’re doing, I’ll be fine.”

Despite her frail pleading, Anna refused to let up her intense search, until the sun was high in the sky - and the volcano resumed its grumpy fireworks.

“I knew this tea grew wild in the Pacific,” Anna muttered, breaking ginger roots into a coconut set upon coals, already simmering with a floral fragrance. She sprinkled more buds, before stirring the brew, bringing to life a spicy, woody scent. Elsa’s eyes widened at the smell. She shifted closer, inhaling the steam, and letting the aroma spread across every aching muscle in her body.

“Drink while it’s warm,” Anna whispered, wrapping a leaf around the husk. It only took a sip for the spicy, soothing warmth to fill her insides, touching her every pore with a golden glow.

“That’s some good stuff,” Elsa murmured, ginger tingling on her tongue, “try some-”

“No, it’s meant to help you get well,” Anna cooed, pressing a damp hand to Elsa’s head.

Her bones still ached with fire, but she pulled Anna’s palm against her cheek. Rough, calloused skin rubbing against the pale smoothness of her own. She blinked once, trying to suppress the aching hole in her heart this girl so easily filled.

“M’love, I feel better already.”

Day-7: An Eternity

“Elsa, Elsa! Wake up! Now!” Anna screamed, shaking Elsa awake. Sweat bathed Anna’s face as a forest fire swept towards them like a typhoon, driven by the morning breeze. Ash and burning twigs rained down, and a towering wall of flame blazed around them, threatening to cut them off from the sea.

“What-” Elsa murmured, watery eyes unable to comprehend the inferno. Unwilling to wait for an answer, Anna yanked her upright, hauling the woman onto her feet. They took two steps before tripping over onto the blackened jungle floor.

“C’mon!” Anna shrieked. Driven wild by the maddening fear of losing Elsa, she scooped her into her arms. Staggering with a warm body, Anna made a bare-footed dash through the undergrowth, barely reaching the tree line before her strength gave out. As she dropped Elsa on the sand, Anna turned and recoiled from the sight of Mount Karen’s slopes scrawled cherry red with lava, spewing flaming brimstone on the jungle.

A sputtering noise caught her attention. She took a few seconds to comprehend something as alien as a helicopter hovering over the beach.

“Hey! Hey!” Anna screamed, hoarse voice drowned by the blades and the raging inferno. She started hopping and waving her hands, white billowing dress sticking out before the smouldering carnage. A rescuer descended from a rope, holding out a harness.

“No, no! There’s another woman, she needs out now!” Anna insisted, shielding her eyes against the downdraft blowing sand everywhere.

“We can only fly one person at a time, we’ll come back for you-”

Without hesitation, Anna directed him to Elsa’s body, still mumbling incoherently. In the seconds it took to hitch her up, Elsa stirred awake, reaching for Anna. Amidst the maelstrom of sand, smoke, ash and fire, their fingers found one another.

“Don’t go,” Elsa pleaded, right before the helicopter whisked her away, tearing apart the fragile bond they’d found in catastrophe, and the chance connection of two distant souls. Hands clasped together, Anna watched as Elsa’s body disappeared into the horizon, leaving a void in her heart, and the burgeoning doubt if she’d ever see that blessed Englishwoman again.

Epilogue: A Year

The bland meal of fish and chips tasted like nothing in Anna’s mouth, and she resisted the urge to douse it with more malt vinegar. Still, she feigned a smile when the shopkeeper cleared her plate.

“Hope your meal was fine, love.”

“It’s lovely, thanks,” Anna lied, pointing across the street, “which house is she at again?”

“Number seven. You can’t miss it, there’s a lavender bush out the front.”

She thanked him, pausing at the door when he mumbled, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

Stepping outside, Anna pulled up a scarf as wind bit into her face. It’s a long walk beneath the darkened sky, and she flinched each time thunder rumbled. But eventually she’s standing before the lavender bush with her heart in her throat; Dr E. Williams neatly engraved in gold on a red letter box. A deep breath, and her eyes fluttered shut, before she retrieved a box from her satchel and laid it at the doorstep of the brick townhouse. She’d barely turned to leave when a voice stopped her.

“What’re you doing here?”

Anna froze at the sight of Elsa approaching, stethoscope peeking beneath her grey coat, paper bag filled with groceries. Dark rimmed glasses. Her blonde hair had been tied back into a bun, and she looked a year younger than before. The sight spilled all the words of the English language from Anna’s brain.

“I…I came to leave you a gift-”

“No!” Elsa exclaimed, voice crackling with fury. Her jaw clenched with rage, “You don’t get to do this to-”

“I’m sorry, ok?” Anna pleaded, raising her hands, “I know you’re the private sort, you’ve never granted any interviews, just disappeared off the planet and moved on, while I’m just - look, I just don’t want to forget what you did for us alright?”

Elsa’s gaze softened, she looked at the cobblestone pavement, waiting for Anna to continue.

“And this sounds terribly selfish, but I don’t want you to forget me either.”

“It’s not that,” Elsa interrupted, hefting groceries in her arm, “I just - wait, can we talk inside? It’s freezing.”

The fragrance struck Anna the second she stepped into Elsa’s modest apartment. Immediately, she traced the source to a collection of tiny bowls on her mantlepiece, each filled with clove, anise, pepper, cardamon - all spices she’d used on the island. Another picture frame mounted scraps of her life jacket, fish hooks, the torn hem of Anna’s white dress she’d used to bandage her wounds. Above that was a photograph of the iconic moment they reunited on the Oprah show, and a Daily Mirror tabloid cover with the gaudy headline:

FREAK AIR CRASH DUO ESCAPE FROM HELL ISLAND. “IT WAS BLOODY AWFUL” - SAYS YORKSHIRE NATIVE.

Worse still, covering the walls were portraits of Elsa’s parents, her nephew’s watercolour paintings, photos of her brother and herself as children holidaying. The crash robbed more from Elsa than Anna could imagine.

“I hope you understand,” Elsa commented, watching Anna’s eyes rove the walls, “after all the funerals and lawyers and moving away, I tried so hard to forget everything that’s happened. After a year of trying I realised it was impossible. So I gave up trying to forget. And I focused on remembering.”

Anna turned to see Elsa’s lips shuddering, trying to hold back the tears. The woman came within a foot of her.

“I can’t forget,” Elsa’s voice shook, chest heaving beneath her white blouse, “I can’t forget someone like you.”

“Oh my god, Elsa, you should’ve said something-”

“What was I going to say?” Elsa complained, rifling a hand over her hair, “You seemed fine with all the interviews and book deals and lectures and-”

“What do you think I was trying to do?” Anna argued back, “All these months I felt I left a part of myself on that island. A piece of my heart that could never be mended no matter how much I tried to help other people with my experiences. What I was really missing, was-”

“-You.”

The gravity of her confession sent Anna tiptoeing forward and crushing her lips into Elsa’s. She staggered backwards beneath Anna’s weight, colliding with the kitchen table and crushing Anna’s gift packaging, revealing a humble spice rack, with jars of the same spices on her mantlepiece. Lost in the urgency, Elsa’s hands toppled a jar, spilling ginger powder upon her tear-stained fingers.

Shaking from venting her pent-up desire, Anna cupped Elsa’s face in her hands, heart clenching from the utter longing filling her eyes. The woman touched a quivering finger to Anna’s lips, before surrendering to her desires and leaning in once again.

Amidst the heat of their kiss, and the gentle breaths on each other’s spice-lined lips, Elsa heard Anna whisper.

“I don’t think I could ever forget you either.”

#elsanna #December 2023 contest #prompt: spice #submission #cw: violence #cw: plane crash #cw: minor character death

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