#pizza slice tote bag

[geezerwench]

Woo hoo! Got my order from Tumblr @emporium !

🔹️

Do You Love The Colour Of The Sky socks, four very beautiful pizza slice Tote Bags (that hold so many groceries! I already have two. They're on sale!), ~and~ the Very Important Blue Internet Checkmarks pin!

🔹️

There needs to be a blue checkmark emoji.

🔹️

#tumblr shop #tumblr stuff #tumblr emporium #do you love the color of the sky #do you love the colour of the sky #pizza slice tote bag #very important blue internet checkmark #reusable grocery bag

[nicelytousled]

I'm so curious to see the inner workings of the Tumblr merch shop like I can't imagine anyone is actually buying these items

#who is buying a £30 tote bag with a pizza slice on it from tumblr dot com #who

[luveline]

PLS PLS PLS IM ON MY KNEES what about Remus with a sunshine reader? Like she comes around and is just so chatty and energetic and a much needed change of pace for our brooding quiet boy

Remus takes his earphones out the moment he sees you, but that's his secret alone. You barrel through the atrium to drape yourself over Sirius’ shoulder, meeting his smirk with a genuinely ecstatic smile before looking up at the others. “Hello, my favourite boys. Did you get dinner yet?” 

“No, babe, we were waiting for you. Sit down,” Sirius says. 

You beam and make directly for the chair next to Remus, though you could've sat with Sirius, or a little ways across next to the girls. “Hey,” you say, like he's the only boy you've ever wanted to speak with. James makes a knowing face behind your back. “What are you having?” 

“Remus doesn't believe in canteen food,” James says.  

“No kidding,” you say, still smiling, not even slightly put off by this nor Remus’ passive expression. It's not that he doesn't like you, the opposite, he just has a headache and he hates uni. You make it easier, a light in the dark. “What's not to like? Three quid for a slice of burnt pizza or five for a bowl of metallicy pasta. You couldn't get it any better.” 

“We'll go up to town,” Sirius suggests with a chuckle.  

“Let's order a pizza or something, they'll deliver in here, won't they?” James asks. 

You focus on Remus. “You don't like anything at all? The curry and chips is nice enough.” 

“It's not for me.” 

You nod appreciatively and let your tote bag fall from your shoulder into the crook of your arm. You rifle around and pull out a tupperware full of cut fruit, slices of banana, strawberries, blueberries, what looks like circles of pear. “We can eat this.” 

Remus could say no. He can't decide what's worse, saying yes or no, that is until you open the lid and put it between you both, offering to Sirius and James as well, and suddenly it isn't awkward at all, just something you've done. The pads of your fingers turn pink with strawberry juice as you tell him, “I was gonna put some tangerine in here but I keep getting super sour ones.” 

“They're out of season,” he says, fingers brushing yours as he takes a slice of banana. He swears, it zings. 

“I should know that. You know everything.” You leave a little strawberry print on the back of his hand, unnoticed, and he knows he's fucked when he lets it dry there in the shape of your finger. 

Somewhere between fruit slices and your chatter your chair grows closer to his, your knee pressed to knee without remorse, your elbow a whisper from his as you lean back in your chair. “So, bad day?” you ask. 

“What makes you think that?” 

You tap the space between your brows. He registers the gesture, nearly misunderstands, but eventually he relaxes the set of his brow and his tensed jaw. It's actually a relief. He hadn't realised he was doing it. 

“There,” you say, still smiling softly. “That's better. You'll get a headache, you know?” You sound genuinely worried. “It's not good to be so tense.” 

“Thank you,” he says. James and Sirius order a pizza on speaker across from you both, and, for fear you've missed it, he adds, “Thanks.” 

You needle into him with your elbow gently. “You're welcome. You're handsome when you smile.” 

“Not like you,” he says, “you're brilliant.” 

Your teeth peek out. His chest lifts, you look that happy, and when he smiles back it doesn't feel nearly as taxing as it usually does. 

#remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x fem!reader #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #marauders era #remus x reader #remus x you #marauders #remus lupin drabble #remus lupin blurb #marauders x reader #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin fanfic #remus lupin fanfiction #the marauders

[forestmorimori]

I had over 100 fanfics open but my web browser closed all of them ???? the only site left open was this

I've never even been on tumblr shop before ?????????

#do i have a virus ?? #have i been cursed ???? #did tumblr hack my phone ??? #why ??? #how ???? #RIP to my fanfics #might cry #tumblr #fucking pizza slice tote bag

[narcissisticmf]

the beach | sturniolo triplets x gn!reader

description: a day at the beach ft. y/n & the triplets.

trigger warnings: mostly fluff, subtle mentions of anxiety, etc. read at your own risk.

word count: 1.1k

The sun kissed the light waves upon the salty water as well as the glistening sand, it sparkled with the reflection from the sun's rays. You sitting against a beach chair under an umbrella, a bucket hat over your hair and sunglasses over your eyes.

Sweat dripped down along the bridge of your nose, causing the sunglasses to slip down. You found yourself constantly pushing them back up as you had an opened book in your lap, earbuds were stuck in your ears as the audiobook played; it motivated you more to keep reading.

Matt and Chris were in the water, splashing around together as Nick was building some sandcastles close to where you were seated. The sounds of their laughter made you smile to yourself as you continued reading.

The wind was blowing nicely, allowing just a sliver of a moment where the sweating stopped. You flickered your gaze up to watch the three of them for a minute. They looked so happy and free. It surprised you how such a simple place could bring out the most excitement in people.

"Y/N/N, are you hungry?" Nick was asking as you paused the audiobook from your phone, taking the earbuds out and closing your book.

"Yeah, I could eat," You shrugged, tossing your book into your tote bag that was sitting against the sand, beside your chair.

"Matt, Chris!" Nick called over the wind as his two brothers looked over. "Y/N and I are hungry! We wanna get something to eat! Are you coming?"

Chris gave Nick a thumbs up as the two of them started to get out of the water. They started walking towards you and Nick, grabbing a couple towels to dry themselves off.

.

With the four of you carrying your beach stuff back to the car, you tossed everything into the trunk before heading to the boardwalk, just beside the beach. It was still stupidly hot as you all tried to find a spot to get some food. There were tons of people around, but luckily they were all too busy doing their own thing to recognize any of you.

"I'm in the mood for pizza," Matt commented as you all agreed. "That place looks good," He pointed down the boardwalk to the left, an open, outdoor pizza restaurant. You all decided on going there and it wasn't long before you got your food.

You and Nick saved a table for the four of you while Matt and Chris ordered your food.

"It's so hot," You grumbled.

"I know, it's kinda disgusting," Nick replied.

You nodded in agreement as Matt and Chris came back with four slices of pizza and a large basket of fries for you all to share.

"We should go shopping after," You suggested and started eating your piece. Chris sat beside Nick and Matt was next to you; you and Nick were across from each other. "Mostly because the stores have air conditioning," You chuckled softly with your mouth full of food.

"I second that," Chris nodded.

The smell of popcorn and funnel cake filled the air, mixed with the saltiness coming off the beach. Despite how hot it was, you were relaxed being around your best friends. There was a cool breeze hitting you as you were under an umbrella, it put a short stop to the sweat that was dripping along the sides of your face and behind your neck.

.

Walking along the boardwalk again, you were going in store after store, mindlessly looking across the things they had for sale. Some of them were smaller-run businesses, making handmade clothes or trinkets. You were with Matt looking through some of the handmade jewelry one of the stores hand.

"This ring is sick.." You mumbled as you pointed to it as it was resting inside a box, with foam along the bottom, atop a wooden table.

"You should get it," He suggested as he was looking at the necklaces.

"Mm.." You hummed thinking about it.

Across the store, something caught your attention. You walked towards it, without informing Matt, and saw that there were crystal bracelets. You examined them and their style, seeing that they were very beautiful. You decided to pick out three of them for Matt, Nick and Chris.

For Nick, you picked green aventurine. You examine the meaning of the crystal and saw it meant confidence, vitality and growth, that screamed Nick to you.

For Chris, you picked obsidian. It meant protection and got rid of any negativity. That was something you wanted Chris to always have.

For Matt, you decided to get him amethyst which would get rid of any anxiety and calm the mind. He has always opened up to you about that, how anxious he would get from time to time, so you thought it was the perfect one for him.

You made an attempt to be as clandestine as you could, buying them without the three of them knowing. Once you did, you made sure to keep the small bag hidden from their view.

"Hey, what'd you get?" Chris asked as he saw you walking away from the register with a small paper bag.

"Just a necklace," You shrugged it off with a small smile.

"Nice," He nodded with a smile.

.

Back at their house in Boston, you helped them unpack the van, putting the beach chairs back in their garage and unloading the cooler, pouring the ice out of it. Once you all got inside and showered, putting on some comfy clothes, you were all in the kitchen sharing a couple sodas.

"Oh, I almost forgot.." You slipped out of your chair around the counter and went into Nick's room to fumble through your tote, finding the paper bag with the bracelets in them.

"Here, I got you guys something," You smiled and reached into the paper to hand them each their bracelets. "The meanings of the crystals are on that piece of cardboard on them," You informed.

They looked very happy and grateful that you were thinking of them during a small shopping trip.

"These are so cool, Y/N/N," Chris stated with a smile.

"Oh my God, I love it. I'm gonna wear it everyday," Nick grinned and pulled you into a side hug as you returned the gesture.

"Thanks, Y/N," Matt smiled, you could tell he was truly happy.

"Of course," You grinned, "I thought they matched you each perfectly."

You ended the day watching some movies with them in their living room, on the couch with some bowls of popcorn and other candies. It was one of the nicest days you'd had in a while.

.

a/n: hi, angels! so here on the east coast it's been absolutely fucking HOT and i hate the heat but it inspired me to write this cute little thing! there wasn't much of a plot, i hope you don't mind, i just wanted to capture some fun platonic stuff with the triplets! i love you all so much mwah! — angelina.

#smut #imagine #reader #x reader #edit #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets x reader #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x y/n #matt sturniolo x y/n #nick sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo x y/n #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo x y/n #sturniolo edit #matthew sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matt sturniolo #comfort #platonic #madi filipowicz

[gummygowon]

sage green | jeong yunho

word count: 633

request: congrats on 500 followers bestie‼️ may i request sage green + fluff/coffee shop au + yunho?

warnings: yunho and y/n are so stupidly in love with each other

author's note: you are so sick for requesting this babes (no you are not i actually died from the amount of fluff in here) hope you enjoy heheheh :D

it was absolutely ridiculous how often you visited the coffee shop that was conveniently located five minutes away from your campus and ten minutes away from your apartment. but who can blame you when the cutest man worked behind the counter.

"small vanilla iced coffee?" the cute barista asked, a warm smile on his face. oh did you mention that said cute barista knew your coffee order? that's how freakishly often you went.

an awkward giggle left your mouth as your cheeks warmed. "yes, please. i probably should take a break from all this cafiene"

you were too busy fishing your wallet out of your sage green tote bag to notice the cheeky smile growing on his face. "do you want to try something else without any cafeine?"

"excuse me?" you ask, the question throwing you off guard as you realize that this was out of your usual conversations with the barista.

"i can make you something without any cafeine if you prefer." he offers, the sage green sweater peaking through his coffee brown apron.

"sure, surprise me." you smile at him before sifting through your tote bag to look for your wallet.

"it's on the house, don't worry about it." the barista dismisses, shaking his head.

"are you sure?"

"yeah, don't worry your pretty head about it."

a slight blush forms on your cheeks at the word "pretty" and him using it towards you. he thought you were pretty? you were too wrapped up in the small win that the cute barista had some type of mutual feeling towards you that you didn't realize him visibly cringe at his words.

he meant to call you an endearing nickname or at least call you pretty but he didn't mean to say "pretty head". like who says that? head???

whatever, yunho tried to not think of the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to him just a few moments ago. he carried on behind the counter, crafting and perfecting your non-caffeinated drink.

after a couple of minutes, yunho called out your name for you to get your drink. even though he says your name every time you order, the butterfly feeling truly never goes away.

"what's the drink?" you ask before bringing the cup to your lips.

"take a sip and i'll tell you." he teases as he wipes down the counter, making his eyes look somewhere else before he dies from the bubbly feeling in his stomach that he gets whenever he sees you.

"oh my god," you gasp, "this is delicious! what is it?"

yunho heart beats ten times faster seeing you light up with excitement over something he made for you. "it's a uh s'mores hot chocolate. the sugar will keep you going for a little bit."

"it's wonderful! thank you..." you pause mid sentence realizing that you never knew the cute barista's name.

"yunho." he answers with a warm smile on his face.

"thank you, yunho." you finish, with a grin.

there was an awkward pause between the both of you. one of those, i don't wanna leave you but i don't know what to say type of situations.

"you, uh, wanna grab dinner later?" yunho quickly asks, his words almost slamming into each other from how fast he was speaking. "i know a pizza spot down the street and they have deals for two slices for a dollar on tuesdays."

"sure, yeah i would love to." you answer, the blush on your cheeks growing with every second.

"i'm off in thirty minutes."

"perfect, i'll wait for you then."

"perfect." yunho mumbles as he watches you walk to an empty booth. the sage green sweater he was wearing was making him sweat as he finally realized he made a move on you after taking such a terribly long time to.

who would've thought that the cute barista who knew your order felt the same way? ;)

#ateez fluff #ateez fluff oneshots #ateez fluff imagines #ateez fluff drabbles #ateez oneshot #ateez oneshots #ateez imagine #ateez imagines #ateez drabble #ateez drabbles #ateez x y/n #ateez x reader #jeong yunho oneshot #jeong yunho x reader #yunho fluff #yunho fluff oneshots #yunho fluff imagines #yunho fluff oneshot

[1800nosleep]

I'm so sorry you got dumped. I hope you're okay and taking care of yourself! Maybe an angst/comfort poly!lost boys? I'm really brain dead rn.. but could you make the reader male? Maybe he got injured, or beat up and you know David, Marko, Paul and Dwayne would actually be so pissed once they find out. Of course they'd want to make sure you're okay and comfort you in their own little ways but they're more concerned on karma for the son of bitches who dared to lay a single finger onto your skin.

OOOH, I love this idea!

Poly! Lost Boys being the best boyfriends

requested? yes

Oneshot

warnings; male! reader, can be read as gn! reader, reader getting beat up, death threats, blood, and bruises mentioned, the lost boys being a little overprotective, painkillers mentioned also.

You slowly stumbled to your front door as the lights inside were on. Confused you turn the key and open the door, walking in you spot a pizza box on the kitchen island. Opening the box, you prayed that they left you at least one slice. You felt a sudden pain in your stomach as one of the boys came up behind you and hugged you.

"Hi babe," Paul whispered in your ear as you quietly winced. "You smell like blood, are you bleeding somewhere?" You shook your head as you tried to escape the now awkward hug.

"I smell it too," Marko spoke up as he came closer to you. He took a whiff of your scent as he was in your personal space. Dwayne shook his head as he pulled Marko away from you. He looked up at Dwayne as Paul continued to smell you.

"Paul leave them alone, they clearly are uncomfortable," David said sternly. "What happened? I'm not one to usually agree with them, but you do smell like blood."

"Some assholes near the beach," you muttered. Dwayne looks over at David, as they all exchanged looks of concern. "They stole my tote bag and kicked the shit out of me."

"Well, let's get you all patched up, and then we'll see about finding those assholes," David said as he looked at Marko. Marko ran upstairs to the bathroom to grab the first-aid kit.

"So did you get a good look at them, love?" Dwayne says softly as he caresses your hair as Paul sits on the other side of you on the sofa. Marko comes dashing back down the stairs holding onto the first aid kit.

"No, they had bandanas covering their faces from their noses down," you wince as David softly lifts your shirt to reveal your bruised abdomen and a few scratches from the concrete. Your stomach is a mixture of dark and light reds and pinks.

"I'm sorry for hugging you like that, babe," Paul apologizes softly with a sad look in his eyes as he looks up at you from where he's sitting on the sofa. "It's fine Paul, you didn't know."

David grabs the hydrogen peroxide before grabbing a cotton ball and cleaning the scratches. Dwayne softly holds your hand as you wince at the pain of the stinging.

"We can't do much about the bruises besides painkillers and an ice pack but we will find those assholes, they'll never hurt you again, I promise."

plagiarism is a crime, so please do not repost anywhere.

#poly lost boys #the lost boys #the lost boys 1987 #the lost boys x reader #the lost boys imagines #dwayne the lost boys #the lost boys dwayne #paul the lost boys #the lost boys marko #the lost boys david #poly lost boys x reader

[toomanyfandomsimfanvergent]

could you write a fic where Gareth tries to cook you something (I imagine he's bad at cooking but very good at baking) but burns it accidentally? he's very sad about it, with a pout and everything

Love this idea

Gareth Emerson x Reader

Gareth stares at the burnt pasta and pouts. Baking was so easy, so why was it so difficult for him to add sauce to noodles?

He jumps when he here's you come in from work, "Uh, hey babe!" He says with to much excitement. Something is up and you know it.

You pretend not to notice the smell of something burnt as you smile at him. He looks like he feels bad but also is nervous.

"Gareth," you say slowly and he nods, "what is going on?" You ask. He looks defeated. You get scared now.

"I tried to make you dinner but I burnt it," he pouts. You drop your tote bag and scoop him up in a hug. You would show him how.

"We can order pizza?" You ask and his face lights up. You walk him to the couch, so he can pout, and then you order the pizza.

You go back to sit on the couch with your pouting lover and he instantly cuddles into your side. He buries his head in your neck.

"Baby, it's fine. You still make the best brownies," you reassure and he let's go and crosses his arms. You can't help but giggle.

You get up to go find some cash for the pizza delivery boy and leave him to pout. After a few minutes the door rings and you pay the pizza guy.

You walk to the couch and set the pizza box on the coffee table. Gareth is still pouting. Smelling the pizza seems to cheer him up as he mumbles a 'thanks' and grabs a slice.

That's how you two spend the rest of the night. Eating pizza and watching re-runs of 'Fast Times at Ridgemont High'.

You had loved that movie. And Gareth would watch stupid chick flicks all day for you.

After a few hours of old movies, Gareth falls asleep on your shoulder. You drape a blanket over the two of you and click off the TV.

You then rest your head a top his and close your eyes. You could do this forever.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Requests are open! Check my pinned post for details!

#gareth the great #gareth stranger things #gareth emerson #gareth emerson x reader #gareth emerson fanfic #gareth emerson imagine

[dharma-divine]

Adult Swim (smut)

Word Count: ~6600

Pairing: Sam x (Mature Female) Reader

Summary: After a difficult divorce, you have been spending some quality time at your local pool to ease the stress of everyday life. It's a slice of paradise - getting to let yourself escape reality a bit, and with your irksome children and cheating ex husband off your mind, the only thing of interest to you is the gorgeous, suave lifeguard you've had your eye on all summer.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY!!! Sexual content, minors DNI

“Okay guys, I’ll be home later,” you call up the stairs as you step into your entryway, looping your wicker tote bag around your shoulder and slipping on your flip flops.

You hear the muffled, flat sound of your kids’ voices coming from above you, both of them having locked themselves in their rooms since this morning.

“Libby, you’re in charge today,” you continue, hoping they’re at least partially listening. “Make sure you guys eat your lunch that I put in the fridge. I should be back by dinner, but if not there’s a twenty on the counter and the number for the pizza place. Call me if you need anything.”

“Whatever,” your daughter mumbles as she opens her bedroom door and descends down the stairs, aimlessly scrolling through her phone until she reaches the bottom and looks up at you.

“Why are you wearing makeup? she asks, the glow from her phone illuminating her leery expression. “I thought you were going to swim.”

You frown, trying to hide your sudden nerves with offense.

“What, I can’t look cute at the pool?” you counter, grabbing your sunglasses from the top of your head and sliding them over your eyes so she can’t study you any further.

“I mean, I guess,” she utters, giving you a single look up and down before continuing to walk into the kitchen.

You do one more run through of your things — sunscreen, lipstick, a towel — when you hear Libby slam the fridge door, storming by you and back up the stairs.

“Conner, I told you to not touch my fucking lemonade!” she screams, and you hear the door to your son’s room crashing open, then some rustling and more yelling, before a sharp smack and the sound of your son’s cries.

You freeze, squeezing your eyes closed for a moment to try to tune out the sound of the chaos.

You have given up on trying to intervene at this point. Your attorney told you this would happen — divorce makes children act up. Even though Libby is 18 and Conner nearly 13, they fight like they are still little kids. You’ve tried your best to make the transition as easy as possible, having won the house and a portion of your now ex-husband’s income as compensation. You consider it an adequate deal for having caught him cheating on you with his assistant. Still, it’s been a hard change, especially with the kids having to learn how to split their time between the both of you. 

You hear Libby storm out of her brother’s room and slam the door to her own, signaling that the fight is over. You exhale the breath you were holding, grabbing the keys from their hook and heading out the door.

It’s probably the hottest day of the year so far,  and you immediately crave the cool water of the pool as you step into your car, the short skirt of your swimsuit coverup lifting so that your thighs touch directly to the scalding hot black leather of your seat. You wince, fixing the fabric to cover your skin before pressing the ignition and blasting the A/C.

You crank up the radio on your way, Aerosmith blaring as you pull into its busy parking lot. You find the closest spot and pull in, letting your A/C blow for a few more seconds as you flip down the sun visor above your head and give one last check of your makeup. You grab your lipstick from your bag, applying a second coat and touching up the corners with your fingertip, before tousling your hair and spritzing a bit of the perfume you keep in your center console. Once you feel ready, you flip the car off and grab your things, stepping out into the sunshine.

“Hey!” You hear a familiar voice call once you reach the entrance to the pool, and you look over to see that it’s Susan, the mother of one of Conner’s friends that you have taken a liking to since joining PTA at your kids’ school together. 

Susan wasn’t uptight like most of the parents who you volunteered with, and you loved gossiping with her. You two eventually started going out for drinks after every meeting, which has transitioned to chatting by the pool now that school is out for the summer. 

You smile, waving at her as you approach. 

“Don’t you look fabulous, is that a new coverup?”

“It is,” you beam, looking down at the bright blue fabric, just sheer enough that you can see the outline of your swimsuit underneath. “I got it on sale last week - it was a steal.”

You two chat as you make your way through the brief line that has formed at the check in desk, before making your way to your favorite spot to lay out.

You drop your bag on the ground next to you and unroll your towel, placing it neatly along the lounge chair. You bend down to grab your sunscreen tube from your bag, listening to Susan go on about how Chuck, her husband, wants to go to their lake house soon and how you’re invited. You pull off your coverup and begin lathering in the thick, white lotion, enjoying the feeling of it melting into your hot skin, the sweet smell of coconut wafting over you. You prop your foot onto the edge of your chair as you begin massaging from your legs, to your thighs, then up to your stomach and chest. You started doing a pilates class a few months back, and you’re pleased to notice how toned your body already looks and feels, your fingers pressing into your firm muscles.

You’re done with the other side of your body and about to attempt your back when you sense someone approaching you from behind, their shadow shifting in your peripherals.

“Need help with that?” a husky voice asks, and you spin around to see who it’s coming from.

To your delight, it’s exactly who you wanted it to be. You have yet to catch his name, but he’s been here nearly every day you come, his slender frame perched on the wooden highchair at the edge of the pool, his whistle dangling from his mouth and safety tube resting in his lap. He’s a young man, as most of the lifeguards here are, and you’re almost positive he went to the same school as your kids, perhaps having graduated a little before Libby since you hadn’t seen him at any of their assemblies in at least a few years.

He’s definitely handsome, and though you’d never admit it, you have stopped to admire him a few times when he’s on duty while you’re here, becoming especially enamored with the way he pulls his long, brown hair up and away from his eyes and into a ponytail or bun, the muscles in his slender arms flexed as he meticulously works to loop the tie around his hair.

“That would be great,” you blush at him, handing him the tube and giving a brief look up and down his frame, hoping he doesn’t notice behind your dark sunglasses.

He always has on the shortest pair of red swim trunks out of all the staff here, his tanned, slender= thighs on full display. 

He squirts a bit into the palm of his hand and you turn around facing Susan as you feel his hand caress your back. Susan lowers her sunglasses, raising her eyebrows in a cheeky look before beginning to spray herself with her own sunscreen. 

“I feel like I see you ladies here pretty often,” the boy says, and you feel his fingertips brush your hair to the side as he rubs into the back of your shoulders. “But I don’t believe I’ve ever introduced myself.”

He adjusts to the side of your frame, just enough so he can meet his eye with a turn over your head. He reaches out his hand.

“I’m Sam.”

“Hello, Sam,” you smile, grasping his hand with a gentle shake.

You introduce yourself, as well as Susan, who gives him a polite smile.

“I’m gonna go get us some drinks from the snack bar, I’ll be right back,” she promptly says to you, and you barely catch her giving you a teasing look over her shades as she walks away.

Your heartbeat quickens once you’re alone and Sam gets back to work, maneuvering around the strap of your swimsuit to get the middle of your back.

“So SPF 50, huh?” he says, clearly trying to strike a conversation. 

You give him a funny, amused look when he peers over at your face again.

“Yep.”

“Excellent choice, you don’t want those sunrays melting you away,” he says, rubbing in a white streak on your side. “We have some regulars here that, to be honest, look like leather couches. It would be such a shame for you to waste your beauty like that.”

You can’t help but giggle at his comment, because it’s true. Just a few feet away sits a group of younger ladies you see here frequently, their skin bronzed from laying out for what you assume is hours a day. While you admit it looks good now, you always make comments to Susan about how they’ll regret that in a few years.

But wait — did he say your beauty?

Was this his way of flirting with you?

No, you tell yourself. You’re old enough to be his mother. He’s only being friendly with you.

You’ve been dolling yourself up in the hopes he would maybe notice you, the thought of him even saying hello seeming like only a daydream. Now, you feel him run his hand along the small of your back, pressing in a few light circles with his fingertips, and you’re convinced that you’re living your wildest fantasy. The touch is so delicate it sends a chill through your body, even in this heat. There’s no way it can get better than this.

“That should be good,” he finally says, and you hear the cap of the sunscreen lid click closed.

“Thank you,” you smile, quickly turning around to face him again, and realize it may have been a bit too quickly.

To your regret, you didn’t realize he had sat on the edge of your chair at some point to apply the rest of the sunscreen – he’s quite taller than you, and likely had to use it for leverage to get the entirety of your back – until he nearly collides with your chest when he stands back up, the sudden movement leading him to grab your waist in order to steady the both of you. 

“Oh,” you gasp, squeezing his arms as you regain your balance. “I am so sorry-“

“No, no,” he laughs, releasing his hands from you promptly. “I startled you, that’s my fault.”

You giggle, cupping your hands over your mouth to hide your embarrassment. You can tell the encounter has him blushing too, but his genuine laugh makes you feel a bit less mortified.

“It’s alright,” you blush, grabbing the sunscreen tube from his hand.

“You know, I think I went to school with your daughter, Libby is it?” he asks, and you’ve never been so happy to change the subject.

“Yes!” you exclaim, stuffing the sunscreen back in your bag. “I thought you looked familiar.”

“She must’ve just graduated, right? I believe she was a sophomore when I was a senior.”

“She did,” you beam, the butterflies in your stomach ceasing to let up.

“Well, congratulations to her. Anyway, I’ll let you get to your sunbathing, I’m on duty in five. I’ll see you around, Mrs.-“

“Oh-“ you cut him off, feeling some mix of continual embarrassment and pride before making the correction. “I’m now Ms., actually. My husband and I recently split.”

“Oh,” Sam heeds with a raise of his brow, and to your surprise, you see his lips quirk up in an apparent attempt to suppress a smirk.  “My apologies, miss. I hope things are going alright.”

“They are,” you assure, flashing a toothy smile back at him.

“Great. I’ll see you around then,” he grins, before turning around towards the lifeguard station on the opposite side of the pool.

You watch as he switches spots with a curly haired boy who promptly pulls off his rescue tube and hands it to him. Sam climbs up the ladder, plopping down in the seat and adjusting the umbrella above him to his liking.

You almost don’t catch it, but he gives you a small wave once he’s settled, and you smile at the fact that he still notices you from afar. You wave back, before scooting onto your own chair and comfortably situating yourself, your legs sprawled out in front of you. You close your eyes, enjoying the feeling of the sun hitting your skin.

After a few minutes, you open your eyes to see Susan coming back from the snack bar.

“Piña colada?” she offers, extending a plastic cup filled with creamy frozen cocktail mix, a maraschino cherry sat atop and a pineapple slice on the rim.

“Yes please,” you beam, gladly taking it from her.

Your first gulp tastes almost entirely of rum, and you wince at the sting in your throat. 

“God,” you gag, mixing around the slush with your straw. “Did you get an extra shot?”

“Maybe,” Susan smiles, happily sipping hers. “Maybe two.”

“Listen -  I wasn’t planning to get wasted today,” you laugh before taking another sip. “I told the kids I’d be home by dinner.”

“I just wanted to loosen you up a bit,” she says with another devious smile. “So you can finally make a move on Sammy over there.”

You nearly choke on your drink, giving her a bewildered look. 

“That is absolutely not happening,” you state, setting down your drink on the ground next to you.”

“Oh, come on,” she teases, reaching over to lightly shove at your shoulder. “He is gorgeous, and with the shit you have been through lately you deserve something fun.”

“Susan,” you whine. “He’s half my age, and barely older than Libby- they went to school together! He just told me he remembers her.”

“I think it’s sexy,” she grins, clearly not being convinced. “And don’t act like I haven’t seen you eye fucking him every time we come here.”

You purse your lips, shaking your head to try to deny her, but you know it’s no use.

“I’m gonna go to the restroom,” you say, taking a cheap route to avoid any further meddling from her.

You hear her snicker as you lift yourself off of your chair, leaving so quickly that you don’t even think to grab your towel or coverup, or flip flops for that matter.

The concrete is hot from the sun, so you walk around the tiled perimeter of the pool, the water splashing over your feet as the children playing inside jump and splash around.

You’re about halfway across the length of the pool when you look up at the large lifeguard chair, Sam still perched atop it.

“Come to join me?” he jests when you’re in earshot of him.

“I’m afraid I’m not CPR certified,” you joke, stopping once you hit the very corner of the pool.

You look out in front of you, at the large expanse of white hot ground between you and the women’s restroom. You brace yourself to scurry across, when Sam's voice once again calls from above you.

“That’s gonna burn. Here, borrow mine.”

He motions below him, to a pair of black flip flops that sit beside his chair.

You gladly walk over, stepping into the plush foam, the backs of the sandals sticking out at least an inch or two beyond your heels.

“You got some big feet,” you joke, and you hear him chuckle a reply as you trek over to the restroom, the oversized sandals squeaking with each step and making it a bit hard to walk.

After you’ve relieved yourself, you step over to the dingy mirror, checking yourself over once more before having enough of the humid, sticky feeling you get in every public pool restroom.

You’re exiting the restroom when you hear the voices of two young girls gossiping in what must be the lifeguard’s office.

“I was gonna try to ask him out myself, but I think he’s into older women,” one says, causing you to stop in the tiny corridor that separates the restroom exit and office, holding your breath so you can hear better. “Have you not seen how he flirts with Mrs. Nelson? And not to mention that one lady that’s here today…”

You blush hard, assuming that she’s referring to you, but you also feel a hint of jealousy knowing that you’re not the only woman Sam gives attention to. The other girl giggles, but you step away before you can hear her response, hoping they both notice you as you walk past the office and back into the sunlight.

Sam says something to you once you approach his chair, but you choose to ignore him, sliding off his shoes and placing them back where you found them before turning around and walking to your seat.

You hear him call once more but again you refuse to acknowledge it, pattering along the wet edges until you reach your seat again.

“What happened?” Susan asks as you slump back into your seat.

“I’m an idiot,” you groan, grabbing your piña colada that’s already started to melt and taking a big gulp. “He apparently gets it on with a million other women, it's ridiculous to think he takes any special interest in me.”

“Of course he’s a little player, that’s not surprising,” she says, grabbing a magazine from her bag. “All men are, no matter their age.”

“You’re telling me,” you scoff under your breath, rolling your eyes at the thought of your ex.

“But that still doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun,” Susan argues, but you dismiss her idea with a wave of your hand, wanting to forget about him, and every other man, for a moment.

You lay back in your chair, letting the heat wash over you, and you finally begin to relax.

A few hours later the sun is beginning to set. You glance at the clock on the wall to your right and read that it’s five till seven, which also means it’s five till your favorite time of the day - adult swim.

For two hours, from seven til nine, all the kids are forced out of the water and you get to enjoy it alone — well, save for the maybe five other adults that use the time to get their laps in.

“Are you not staying?” you ask Susan when you notice her begin to pack her bag.

“Not tonight, Chuck wants me home early to help get the kids to bed. He’s gotta be up at six tomorrow morning to fly out for a business trip.”

“Oh,” you frown. “Well alright then, goodnight.”

“Goodnight!” she smiles, lifting her bag to her shoulder and slipping on her sandals. “Let me know if there’s any updates with Mr. Pool Boy.”

You blush as she begins to walk away. 

“Don’t worry about that, there won’t be.”

You hear her give a teasing laugh, tossing her head back as she walks away, and you avert your eyes back over to the lifeguard chair. You hadn’t paid any attention in hours, but you hate to admit that you’re slightly disappointed to notice that the person occupying the seat is no longer Sam, but rather a slender blonde girl.

You sigh, silently cursing at yourself for caring at all, as you make your way to the tiny metal ladder at the edge of the pool. You turn around and carefully step down, until your body weight is lifted by the water and you push away, wading in it for a few moments as your body adjusts. The water is a bit cool, but pleasantly so, especially after how hot today has been. You push your body so that you’re floating on your back, shivering at the feeling of the water seeping through your hair and to your scalp. 

After relaxing for a few moments, you kick off of the wall and begin swimming down the length of the pool, pushing the water past you with brisk strokes. You allow your mind to clear as you do this, letting the current that rushes past your ears take with it all the worry and stress you’ve been feeling recently. Swimming has become an escape for you, a moment of zen amongst all the chaos that has ensued in your life. You yearn to go back to your days of being young and single, of not having to worry about children or to be tethered to a dejected relationship. 

A euphoric sense of freedom drowns any negative thoughts away when you swim, carrying your mind to a blank, liminal space, empty of any emotions or feelings. It’s therapy, getting to unwind like this and forget things for a moment, and you yearn for your next moment of peace each time the whistle blows and those galling children come hurling back into the pool.

You begin to slow down when you’ve reached the 4 foot mark, your working limbs slowing to a halt, your feet finding the solid bottom of the pool.

You’re panting lightly, running your fingers through your soaked hair, when you hear the water splash quietly behind you. You whip your head around, a bit startled since you hadn’t noticed anyone on this side of the pool, to see a figure emerging from under the water right in front of you.

With his hands pushing his soaked, dark hair away from his face, you quickly realize that it’s Sam.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he smiles cheekily, his eyelashes flitting away crystal droplets.

He runs the curve between his thumb and forefinger against the scuff under his nose and past his chin, giving you a quick look up and down as he does so.

“I thought you left,” is all you can think to say, and you blush at how flattered he looks.

“You were missing me?” he quips, and in that moment you remember that you’re supposed to be upset with him.

“I thought you had ran off with Mrs. Nelson, or another lady twice your age,” you snap back, running your fingers along the surface of the water absently.

You see Sam freeze, clearly caught off guard by your accusation.

“Woah, woah, woah,” he derides, his eyebrows furrowed. “What? Where did you hear about that? Nothing is happening with me and Mrs. Nelson. How-do you even know who that is?”

You shrug coolly, trying to fight the smirk that creeps onto your lips. “Just heard some gossip by the bathrooms earlier.” 

“Well, believe me,” Sam assures, and you jump when he reaches out to your hand that is still gliding along the water. “There is not a single person here that I am interested in more than you.”

You do a poor job of hiding your blush, flattered by his genuine tone.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” you dismiss, pulling your hand from him.

Before you even try to move away, Sam reaches for you again, a little more assertively this time, though his touch remains gentle.

He pauses a moment before pulling you toward him, and you can’t help but oblige. Within a moment you’re inches from his face, close enough to see the specks of dark honey in his irises.

“You don’t think I can handle you?” he asks, his eyebrow quirked.

His eyes dance with mischief, and you feel a nervous flutter in your chest. You glance over at the lifeguard chair that’s now only a few feet away from you, just to find the girl perched atop it absently scrolling through her phone. 

“Don’t worry about her,” Sam whispers, turning your chin back towards him with the tip of his finger.

He keeps it there for a second, his eyes training on your mouth. You can’t help but do the same to him, watching his pink lips spread into a crooked smirk. You’re still so close to him that you can see every droplet on his face, his puffs of breath brushing against your cheeks.

“Meet me in the parking lot in ten,” he orders when you don't answer, his hand dipping below the water and finding your waist. “I’ll have my lights on - it’s a dark blue Camaro. Okay?”

He gives your hip a squeeze before releasing you, and you nod up at him submissively.

“Okay.”

He turns around and reaches for the edge of the pool, the muscles on his back flexing to lift himself out of the water.

“Hey Julie,” you hear him call to the girl in the chair, just as you begin swimming back to your own spot in hopes to avoid any judgy looks from her or anyone else around you. “I’m gonna take my break - be back in a bit. Don’t miss me too much.”

~

It took you all of three minutes to gather your things and book it to your car. You slide into the driver's seat, not bothering to even turn the engine on as you once again pull down your visor and touch up your hair and makeup. You wish you hadn’t even gone in the pool now that your eyeliner has smudged a bit under your lashes, but with a bit of buffing out with your ring finger you manage to still look presentable, especially since the sun has finally dipped below the horizon and everything around you has a fallen into a deep, dark shade of blue.

You let out a sigh, butterflies dancing around your stomach. You felt like a teenager, sneaking off with a boy your parents didn’t know about. You never did anything mischievous like that when you were younger, and you hope this occasion isn’t the start to some sort of crazed mid-life crisis. If you heard of any other woman fooling around with a boy half her age, you’d find it ridiculous, but you can’t help but find it exhilarating. 

You mutter some words of affirmation to yourself before stepping back out of the car, leaving your things behind in the passenger seat. You had put your coverup on before leaving the pool, but a shiver still runs up your spine when a cool breeze wisps by you, penetrating your still wet swimsuit from underneath the thin fabric.

You’re not exactly sure which direction you’re supposed to be going, and you hope you don’t look too suspicious as you glance around the parking lot, eyeing every dark colored car. A few other people are leaving the pool, so several headlights are illuminated within the lot, and you begin to panic that you won’t be able to find Sam - or worse, that this was all a big joke he’s pulling, and he‘s actually still back in the lifeguard’s office, gloating about how easy you are.

Just when you think you should turn and go back to your car, the brights of a car to your left flick on and off. You jump, your head swiveling to see what car it’s coming from. Sure enough, it’s a Camaro, and when the lights turn off you see Sam in the driver’s seat, arm wrapped around its thin steering wheel as he peers out at you with a slick smile.

You blush, hurrying to the passenger side.

“What kind of gentleman are you, not opening the door for me?” You quip as you pull yourself into the leather seat and shut the door. 

Instantly, the smell of cigarettes and weed hits your nose, with hints of a woody cologne and chlorine lingering behind it.

“I’m sorry, gorgeous,” he grins, sitting back in his seat as you get comfortable, his eyes heavy as they rake along your body. “I figured you wanted to keep this inconspicuous. Let me take you out on a proper date one day, and you’ll get all of my chivalry.”

You shake your head at him, a smirk quirking your lips as you nervously play with the hem of your coverup.

At least he had the decency to also get a little dressed before leaving the pool - an oversized white t-shirt with lifeguard and a bold red cross printed across it hangs loosely from his frame, its sleeves cut to the point that the armholes nearly reach his hips, his entire side still fully exposed.

“So how are the kids?” he asks so casually, it’s as if you’re longtime friends, a bigger, sleazy smile spreading his lips. “All tucked in, ready for bed?”

“Hopefully,” you reply, deciding to play along with his game. "I left Libby in charge."

The mention of them makes you remember your plans for dinner, and you glance over at his radio to see that the time reads 7:35. You’re not exactly sure how long this will take — you’re not even sure what this is — but you hope the kids have taken it upon themselves to order the pizza, considering you most likely will not be home in the next hour.

Sam nods, following your look to the radio and flipping it on, turning the knob to a soft volume. "I Want To Know What Love Is" by Foreigner is playing, conveniently fitting the tension building between you.

“I’m sorry about what happened…” he says says, soft and genuine now, his hand smoothly reaching from the radio to grip your thigh. 

His touch sends a chill through you, your skin prickling in goosebumps that he can surely feel under his fingertips.

“It’s alright,” you reply, your hand resting over his. “I’m a lot happier now.”

“I’m sure you are,” he hums, leaning in closer as his hand travels further up your thigh. “You deserved so much better than that.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, but you lean into his touch, until you’re once again inches from his face. You run your own hand against the soft skin of his exposed side, your fingers caressing the narrow ridges of his ribs. His eyes flick to your lips, before scanning up the rest of your face.

“You deserve to be fucking worshipped.”

You can’t wait any longer — his words make you melt. You pull him into you, your lips crashing together. The kiss becomes heated almost instantly, your tongues taking no time to intertwine, his arm slinking around your waist to pull you even closer to him. 

He releases his lips and plants kisses down your neck, gripping at the flesh of your hips through your coverup.

“Take this off,” he orders, tugging at its hem, briefly before lifting himself off his seat and over the middle console.

He falls back into his backseat, sitting back and spreading his lap open, inviting you to follow. 

You do as he says, lifting yourself up so you can swiftly pull it off of you, tossing it to the side and climbing over to him as smoothly as you can, your knee pressing against the console to stable yourself.

He meets you halfway, leaning forward to grab your hips and pull you into his lap so that you’re straddling him, his lips once again finding yours.

You continue making out as his hands find the tie to your bikini top, pulling it loose with one swift move. It hangs loosely from your shoulders, and you hesitate before letting the straps dip from your shoulders, the dainty garment falling into your lap.

Sam’s eyes gleam once he takes in the sight of your bare breasts. He massages one in his palm, his hand warm against the cool skin that’s still damp from your swimsuit. He leans towards the opposite one, looking up at you with wide doe eyes before pressing his lips against your hard nipple. He swirls the bud with his tongue, the sensation sending tingles through your entire body. You let out a whimper when he gently nips at it, before soothing it with a kiss. 

You run your hand up the nape of his neck, gripping at his hair that’s also still a bit wet from earlier. You begin grinding your hips against him as his mouth pays respect to your other breast, and to your pleasure you feel him harden underneath you. His hand travels from your breast down your stomach, until his fingertips brush against one of the frilly ties on the side of your bottoms. Before you can think, he pulls you off of his lap and to the seat beside him, his arm guiding you down gently. You shiver when your bare back hits the cold leather. 

He adjusts himself so he’s sitting up, still between your legs, his hands once again finding the strings laced at your hips. The knots loosen easily, and he takes no time to pull the fabric away, the cool air hitting your soft, sensitive skin. He leans back over your body, one hand sinking into the seat at your side, the other one still lingering between your legs. He presses a gentle kiss to your collarbone, his eyes flicking up to you.

You can’t see what he’s doing, but you gasp when you feel his fingers press flat against your heat, gliding against it with ease.

“You’re so wet,” he hums, pressing another kiss on your neck and sucking gently.

You let out a soft moan, your hips gyrating to increase the pressure. He runs his fingers up and down your slit, just barely brushing against your clit. The teasing has your head spinning, and you decide you want to play with him too, your hand running over the crotch of his tiny shorts. You can feel him straining against the fabric, and you hear his breath hitch when you run your palm against it. The tie of the shorts brushes against your hand, and you pull it loose before lowering your fingers down to your own heat, briefly moving Sam’s hand aside so you can rub against yourself. When your fingers are coated in your own wetness, you hold Sam’s eye contact as you reach your other hand to pull at his waistband, dipping your slickened fingers past it and finding his length.

His eyelids flutter shut as you begin pumping him, the prettiest sounding whimper escaping his lips.

“Feel good, sweetheart?” You hum, and his lips perk in a blissful grin. 

His fingers go back to pleasuring you, his thumb honing in on your clit before letting another finger dip into your entrance. His synchronized rhythm feels heavenly, and pretty soon you begin to feel the pressure building deep within you.

He slips in another finger after a few moments, the sound of your wetness and heavy breaths filling the humid air of the car. Trying to fight the urge to let the sensation overwhelm you, you hook a thumb on his waistband and pull down his shorts, his length springing out and slapping gently against his abdomen. He takes this moment to adjust his position, pulling his soaked fingers out of you and stroking himself. 

“Can I fuck you?” he asks softly as he hovers over you.

“Please,” you beg, your fingers finding your clit to further stimulate yourself.

He falls forward so you’re chest to chest, his forearm looping under your neck to not fully crush you with his weight. He uses his other hand tie guide his head to your entrance, sliding it along your slit a few times to get you used to the added pressure. He presses a deep kiss to your lips before finally thrusting into you, and you let out a crying moan into his mouth.

“You alright?” he asks, pulling out of you.

“Yeah,” you giggle, a bit embarrassed by your expressive reaction. “I’m just not…used to your size.”

You know his pride swells at the comment, but it’s true. Your ex doesn’t hold a candle to him.

“Alright, I’ll go slow,” he says, before kissing your forehead softly.

The action is so sweet and genuine, you nearly get emotional at the thought that you haven’t been cared for this much in ages. The sentiment quickly escapes you though, as Sam plummets back into you and pleasure courses through your body.

Somewhere amongst the thrusts and moans and intertwining of limbs, you get the chance to switch positions, with your weight now rested on top of him. Though you have to duck your head to prevent yourself from hitting the ceiling, you sit up, his length buried deep inside now that you’re fully acclimated to the intense stretch. You begin rocking yourself back and forth, up and down, pressing a hand against the door behind him to give yourself more leverage as your breasts bounce with each movement. You fall back into him when your legs begin to grow tired, letting him continue to thrust up and into you as the warm pressure once again blooms inside you. 

Sam reaches his fingers to rub vigorously at your clit, the intense sensation building more and more inside of you. You feel his own rhythm begin to deteriorate, his thrusts more shallow as you’re sure he’s about to reach his peak too.

“Come inside of me,” you tell him, to which he gives you a bewildered look.

“Really?”

You can only nod your assurance, reaching your peak with one last thrust. The waves of pleasure wash over you, your vision blurring into stars. A moment later and Sam is following your lead, and you feel him fill you up completely, warmth dripping down your thighs. You guide him through it, pressing his face into the crook of your neck as you both twitch and jolt with shared pleasure.

“Oh my-,” he pants once he’s come down. "God."

He pulls out of you, and you do your best to make room for him to lay along the expanse of the seat with you. “That was amazing, really. The best I’ve ever had.”

You both take a minute to calm your heart rate, then Sam sits up and m inspects the mess you two have made.

“Should we go get you a-?”

“Oh,” you laugh, immediately knowing what he’s referring to. “Babe I had my tubes tied years ago, I will not be welcoming any more children in this lifetime.”

“Well, that’s fun,” he breathes, earning another genuine laugh from you.

“Yeah, I guess now it is,” you quip, and he gives you a playful wink before bending down and pressing a kiss on your knee.

He bends further to the floor below to retrieve a beach towel, which uses it to clean the both of you up.

“So you’re planning on being a regular this summer, right?” he asks once you’re both just about redressed.

“I do, I think swimming has become a favorite hobby of mine,” you say genuinely, still working to tie one side of your bottoms even though you suppose it doesn’t matter now that you’re going right back to your car.

Sam smiles at your answer.

“Then I hope to see you again soon, and perhaps do this again?” he offers, the inflection of his voice hinting that he partially expects you to reject the offer.

You bite at your lip for a moment in contemplation.

“We’ll see,” you grin. “Be a good boy and I’ll think about taking you up on that date. I have to say though, it makes me nervous, you know with the age gap and all...”

He smiles bigger, pulling you into him for one last kiss.

“Age is just a number, mama. I’m up for the challenge.”

#i'm baaaack besties #first posted fic of the YEAAAR? #so sry #more coming soon <3 #ilysm #sam kiszka #sam kiszka fanfic #gvf #gret van fanfic #greta van fleet

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Nobody seems to be talking about this little bastard

I see him everywhere. He haunts my dash more than every blazed post combined. He's on shirts, sweaters, tote bags, hats, you name it. Him, and a melty slice of pizza. Is this the best tumblr has to offer?

#alien #green alien #little green man #shirt #tumblr #tumblr ad #ads

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

i am literally so tired of dining hall food i need a home cooked meal ASAP 😭😭 would literally kill for vampy to make me some gourmet shit rn

AWWWKWJWKEJWJW

you: I had a slice of cold pizza today

vampy, running to his car with giant tote bag full of ingredients and pots: I’M ON MY WAY

[eyes-like-a-pisces]

I wanna meet one person that would buy this pizza slice sweatshirt and alien tote bag

[thelost-in-time]

On a similar note about the scary Pikachu ads 😨I’d rather get the ad selling the Alien Tote Bag or the Pizza Slice Shirt. Do everyone gets these ads or are they personalized?

I get those ads too, so I am gonna take a guess and say we all get the same ads.

.

How are you doing? You keeping well? Getting enough rest, eating something and staying hydrated?

#thelost-in-time answers #thelost-in-time answers: genshinparty #thelost-in-time: about genshinparty

[orabatcom3]

With this insulated tote bag, delicious pizza is always within reach! Its generous size accommodates most pizza boxes, ensuring everyone gets a slice of the action. The durable design withstands even the most enthusiastic pizza parties, while the fun pattern adds a touch of whimsy. No matter the occasion, this tote makes transporting pizza easy, stylish, and most importantly, delicious.

[shop-cailey]

MON - 03 JUL - MIXED FEELINGS

HAPPY - BUT - SLIGHTLY - TIRED

WHEN - PUTTING - REAL - EASY 2

LUXOR - TENT - BY - MEMORY -

NEXT - WEEK - BUYING - TRUE -

ANOTHER - $59.95 - NOT EVEN -

WITH - $10 DISCOUNT - AGAIN -

BUT - NOT - GOING - WITH YES -

SHORTER - SMALLER - WHITE -

SO - DIRTY - FAST - AND - THE -

GIGANTIC - FLOURESCENT -

LIGHTS - GO - INSIDE - THIS -

MIAMI - IS - STRANGE - YET -

FASCINATING - BRICKELL AS -

MARY BRICKELL - VILLAGE 4 -

BRICKELL - FAMILY - BOUGHT -

HUGELY - 2 - PROFIT - LATER -

TODAY NEAR - BISCAYNE BAY -

NOT - LIKE - INDIAN - OCEAN -

AQUA - THE - MALDIVES FOR -

INSTEAD - OF - SHARING THE -

LOCAL - BEAUTY - BUT - 2 YES -

PROFIT - THE - PATH - FR - THE -

UNDERLINE - ENDS - SW 13 ST -

ON - SW 1 AV - THAT - SMALL -

PATH - L SIDE - OF ANOTHER -

PUBLIX - MY L - NOW - TRUE -

ANOTHER - PARKING - AREA -

VERY - DARK - STABBING OF -

CAR - OWNERS - LIKE - YES -

SHOOTING - OF - XXX ROCK -

ROCKER - VERY - DARK - AT -

BRICKELL - 4 - THEY - HAVE -

THE - RICH - AND - NOT AND -

THE - POOR - ARE - TRULY -

ARRESTED - BY - MIAMI FL -

POLICE - BY - THE - WAY AS -

LKE - OTHERS - US - POLICE -

WORK - 4 - BUSINESSES - AS -

THEY - ARREST - THE - POOR -

JUST - LIKE - ENGLAND - FOR -

THE - RICH - RULE - OVER THE -

POOR - BIBLE - BEST - WE YES -

BECOME - LIKE - SHADOWS - & -

OUR - HARVARD - LAWYERS - 2 -

ARM - US - WHO - WE - TRUST & -

MY - TOKYO MALE SCIENTISTS -

2 - PERFECT - OUR - WEAPONS -

TECHNOLOGY - 2 - REMOVE FR -

EXISTENCE - ABDUCTION - OF -

KIDS - WOMEN - USA - WORLD -

WE - GOT - THIS - SO - DON'T -

FEAR - BIBLE - 'UNLESS - THE -

LORD - GOD - GUARDS - THE -

CITY - THE - WATCHMAN YES -

STAYS - AWAKE - IN - VEIN -

UNLESS - THE - LORD GOD -

BUILDS - THE HOUSE THEY -

LABOR - IN - VEIN - WHO -

BUILD - THEM' - I - THANK -

GOD - 4 - BUILDING -TENTS -

MINE - IN - JESUS' - NAME -

LOVE - MY - TENT - I - FEEL -

SO - GOOD - INSIDE - WILL -

NEVER - GO - BACK 2 LESS -

THAN - 7 FT - LONG - 6 FEET -

WIDE - AND - WISHED IT WAS -

5 FT - HGT - BUT - 4 FT - YES -

GOOD - ENOUGH - MY - BLK -

PORTABLE - TOILET - WHEN -

SITTING - HUGE - SPACE YES -

ABOVE - ME - SO - THOUGH -

I GOT - MY - TENT - IN - THE -

STORAGE - UNIT - DIDN'T FL -

GET - MY - BACKPACK - YES -

COOLER - IN - THERE - I HAI -

FORGOT - ABOUT - THEM SO -

TODAY - 9:06A - GOT - THAT -

AMERICAN - SAMOAN - GUY -

HE's - ACTUALLY - NICER FL -

THAN - I - THOUGHT - ROSS -

DRESS - 4 - LESS - $9.99 THE -

LARGE ORANGE - SLICE YES -

HUGE - INSULATED - BEACH -

TOTE - BAG - 2 - KEEP FOOD -

DRINKS - COOL WHEN THEY -

DON'T - GIVE - HOURS TRUE -

IT - WET - MY - BIG - ROSS -

$14.95 - RUG - ALL - OF - IT -

LEAKED - MAJOR - AND XO -

RIGHT - AWAY - THREW - 2 -

ICE - CUBES - MELTED - SO -

FAST - NICOLE MILLER YES -

THERMAL - BAG - LASTED -

LONGER - BUT - LEAKED 2 -

MAJOR - SO - 04 JULY - AS -

WE - DIDN'T - GET - MUCH -

FOOD - 4 - LUNCH - THEY -

BROUGHT - PIZZA - ONLY -

4 - HOBOS - THERE - ME -

CERTAIN - CAESAR's - FL -

CHEESE - THOUGH - YES -

AT - DOWNTOWN - MIAMI -

WHERE - I AM - LOTS - OF -

GIGANTIC - FLOURESCENT -

LIGHTS - UNLIKE BRICKELL -

DARK - PARKING - 4 - POOR -

EASY - 2 - KILL - THEM - AT -

NIGHT - WITH - STABBING -

SO - NIGHT - NO FOOD FR -

ANYWONE - 9:30P - I WAS -

BATHING - SPONGING MY -

BODY - LOVE - NEW DOVE -

ANTI - STRESS CHAMOMILE -

AFTER - LOTS - OF - LARGE -

FIREWORKS - SOUND - SO I -

PUT - WHITE - $6.95 SMALL -

RUG - IN FRONT - OF ME AT -

BACK - AND - THE - WHARF -

STARTED - THEIR - FREE FL -

LOUD - FIREWORKS - AND I -

SAW - WHILE - ON - MY MAT -

MY - R SIDE - LARGE - CUTE -

FIREWORKS - 15 MIN - REAL -

PRETTY - WHERE - I WAS - & -

GOVERNMENT - CENTER -

PARK - MOSQUITOS BITE -

NO - FIREWORKS - SO - I -

JUST - FINISHED - BATHING -

MY - FOOT - ON - THE - RUG -

SITTING - ON - MAT - LARGE -

TENT - FACING - FENCE - AS -

STEEL - SO - MY - R SIDE - A -

HUGE - VIEW OF FIREWORKS -

15 MIN - UNTIL - 10P EDT - SO -

NICE - THE - BEST - VIEW - AS -

I - SLEPT - SOON - DIDN'T -

KNOW PRIEST AND THEIR -

GIRL - GROUP - CAME - AS -

USUAL - AT - 11P - DROP - A -

BROWN - BAG - HUGE - YES -

SOURDOUGH - BREAD AND -

NOT - BOLOGNY - DONUTS -

TWINKIE - 2 WATERS - AND -

CHOCOLATE - SNACKS - SO -

NICE - JUST - ORDERED -

READING - GLASSES - 4 -

BROKE - LAST - ONE AS -

MILD - MAGNIFICATION -

STARTS - AT - 0.5 - THUS -

ORDERED - USUAL - YES -

POPULAR - 0.75 - HOPE I -

GOT - RIGHT - MY - NEW -

OCEAN - BLUE - BACKPACK -

16 HRS - ICE - CUBES - AND -

NON-LEAKABLE - CHECK'G -

IT - TODAY - ICE CUBE $1.85 -

9TH ST - PUBLIX - EXCITED -

SO - SHARED - MY - 1ST YES -

FIREWORKS - AT - MIAMI FL -

THE - WHARF - USUALLY -

THURS - SUN - 4P - 1A/3A -

WEEKENDS - 12P - 1A/3A -

MEMORY - BUT THEY WERE -

OPEN - MON - TUES - 4 JULY -

CAN'T - WAKE UP - 4A - FOR -

THEY - CLOSE - 3A - 2 DAYS -

5A - 2 WAKE UP - IS BETTER -

WELL - HOPE - U HAD - YES -

A - GREAT - 4TH - OF - JULY -

UNITED - STATES - AGE 246 -

THIS - NATION - JOINS - YES -

OTHER - NATIONS - IN QUITE -

EVIL - MURDERS ROBBERIES -

CHOOSE SMALL COUNTRIES -

OF - EUROPE - AND - ALWAYS -

VISIT - ASIA - B - SELECTIVE -

GO - 2 - MANY - DO EXPLORE -

BUT - I - CHOOSE - FRANCE -

REGION - OF - BRITTANY - 4 -

THEIR - SEA - NEARBY - AND -

APPLE - TREES - THE - WEST -

OF - THE - REGION - TRULY -

MY - CHATEAU - 1500 - YES -

CAN'T - WAIT - -AND - 4 USA -

ASHEVILLE - NC - NORTH -

CAROLINA - SNOW - THE -

MOUNTAINS - TREES AND -

SMALL - WATERFALLS - 2 -

BLUERIDGE - MOIUNTAINS -

LAKES - HORSES - ESTATE -

STABLE - VANDERBILT YES -

CASTLE - MEMBERSHIP - W -

BILTMORE - ESTATE - BRING -

YOUR - HORSE - ANUAL $299 -

10% - OFF - HOTEL - INN AND -

STORE - TOUR - CASTLE AND -

MORE - 2016 - BY - SELF MAG -

SAFEST - CITY - 4 - WOMEN -

HAPPIEST CITY EAST COAST -

AMONG - TOP 10 - OF - BEST -

CITY - 2 - LIVE - PANORAMA -

TOWER - APTS - STORAGE & -

SWIMMING - POOL GROUND -

PET - SPA - AND - HOTEL - 2 -

SOLAR - BLDG - BECOMING -

TALLEST - BLDG - 2 - POOLS -

CONDOS - STARTS - $2 MILL -

MILLION - CAN'T - WAIT - SO -

MY - PLANS - IN - FUTURE -

JESUS - IS - LORD - SWEET

[headless-angel-writes]

Summary: Reagan, a genius at her workplace, must deal with domestic chaos while her inept father moves in with her.

The characters belong to Shion Takeuchi

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47268742

Fanfiction: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14234494/1/I-m-not-a-fvcking-plumber

Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/1344280009-i%27m-not-a-fvck1ng-plumber-single-part

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Reagan is exhausted. Things at Cognito had not been easy since her father, Rand Ridley, collapsed and was forced to retire. She was taking over his job now, without neglecting her own. She deserved a promotion. Or a salary increase or a new tote bag, at the very least. 

But of course, any of those things were too much to expect. The only thing she got out of it was her asshole father staying with her. His mother kicked him out of the house after he lost his job and now she was the one who had to take care of all the shit.

And what a load of crap. Reagan found her father lying on the couch, drunk and wearing pajamas, surrounded by all the trash he generated while she was away. For God's sake, she wasn't the neatest person in the world, but Rand was on another level. Tiredly, she headed towards her kitchen; she was starving.

While she was heating up a slice of Pizza in the microwave, she noticed how her sink faucet was dripping. Oh, shit.

"Dad," she called from the kitchen, "could you fix that leak?”

"I'm not a fucking plumber, kiddo!"

Reagan rolled her eyes. She picked up her plate and went to sit next to Rand in the living room. He was watching TV, where a group of terraplanists were defending their views. How stupid. Just another issue brought on by her father that she would have to deal with in the future.

She tried to forget about it and focus on her dinner. Then, her eyes fell on the wall where the television was. A wet spot was protruding from the ceiling and almost reached the floor. Again, oh shit. She let out a sigh, her damn house was falling apart.

“While you're here rent-free, could you help me paint that wall?”

Rand let out a sarcastic laugh.

"I'm not a fucking painter," he said and took a long sip of his beer.

The only thing Reagan could do was let out another sigh. She didn't have the energy at the moment to fight with her father. She would have to find a way to work it out on her own. However, that could wait until tomorrow.

Finishing her less-than-nutritious dinner, she got up from the couch to set her plate down on the stove. 

“Whatever. I'm off to bed. I have work to do tomorrow.”

The man didn't answer. Reagan didn't take it personally. She was used to his manner. She walked towards the stairs, she was sure that she would fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Her hand went toward the switch trying to turn on the light. It didn't work. Oh shit, for the third time.

"Would you make yourself useful for once and fix this?" Reagan shouted.

As soon as she said it, knew what his answer would be. 

“Damn it Reagan! Don't you get it?! I'm not a fucking electrician!”

Could she have expected any other kind of response from him? Anyway, she was exhausted. Tomorrow she would find a way to fix everything without his help. She always did.

..............................................................................................................................

Rand returned home after making a fuss in front of the White House. If he kept bothering like this, he was sure JR would soon give him his job back. He was surprised when, upon entering the house, he found Reagan putting on her makeup in the living room and dressed to go out. Weird, his daughter seldom had plans after work.

That was not the only thing that caught his attention. A quick glance made him notice that the damp stain was gone and the wall was showing its original color again. He went to check the kitchen and the light in the stairwell. Everything was working properly. Also, the garbage was gone and there was a fresh lemon scent in the air.

"House looks good kiddo, did you hire someone?"

Reagan shook her head, while adjusting her red dress.

"Not exactly."

He raised an eyebrow. Her daughter was a freaking genius in engineering, but a totally useless in domestic matters.

"Then, what happened?"

She looked at him, or as close to as she could manage, and gave him a half-smile.

“Do you recognize Cognito's new intern, Brett Hand?”

"Oh yeah, the moron that JR hired."

-Well, I asked him to help me with home repairs. He said I could pay him back by either shagging him, or baking him a cake.

Wow, Cognito's glory days were long gone. Now they were really hiring shameless perverts. In older days, perverts would try to hide a little bit. 

"What a shitty guy, but at least he knows how to work. Did you have any cake left over?"

This time, Reagan looked him straight in the eye. It was too awkward to hold his daughter's gaze.

“Don't you understand, Dad? I'm not a cake-baking whore.”

Rand opened his mouth in surprise, processing her words. Before he could reply that she indeed was some kind of "whore", Reagan walked out of the house without looking at him.

..............................................................................................................................

Reagan laughed loudly as she headed for her car. She loved pissing off her father in any way possible. He deserved that kind of treatment. Hopefully that would teach him to be a little more cooperative at home.

Brett, after she whined to him about it over lunch the day before, told her that he would be happy to help her with any necessary home repairs. Not asking for sexual favors in return, of course. He was too nice to think of such a thing and was willing to help without expecting anything in return. All because of his need for everyone to like him.

She decided to invite him out to dinner to express her gratitude. Reagan hated to admit it, yet she was starting to feel a strong affection for Brett. She was shocked by it, but she couldn't help it, he was nice and very charming. Plus, he genuinely cared about her well being.

Who knows, perhaps one day having a more intimate relationship with him would become a reality.

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Hello!

This is my first Inside Job fanfiction. I love this series and I've been wanting to write about it for a while. This is based on a stupid and very old joke, I once saw a Johnlock fanfic with the same theme and I thought why not?  Sorry if it's a bit OoC, it always happens to me when I start a new fandom.

Next time, I’ll write something exclusively about Breagan <;3.

Thank you so much for reading c:

Ciao!

#reagan ridley #brett hand #rand ridley #brett x reagan #breagan #inside job netflix #inside job fanfic