#people surmise he's a young adult but that's about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angel-of-the-moons · 5 months

Text

Small Surprises

Moon Knight System (Marc/Jake/Steven) x Single Mother!Reader

TW/CW: Some mentions of past childhood abuse, cheating partner, mostly fluff

A/N: Like the Symbrock one I did, this one will be one whole fic with a few times skips here and there! This fic will also explore a bit more into the autistic side of Steven as a character, based off my own experiences with my autism, tics, habits etc! Also, once again, featuring snippets of the hobby headcanons done by @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction! (I love those headcanons so much they are canon as far as I'm concerned asdfghjkl)

Taglist: @chrishy973 @katitakenway @queerponcho

EDIT: Part 2 is out now!!! Read it here!

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

Another droll day at the museum, the same disinterested customers and more nagging from Donna. Honestly, Steven was lucky he got his job back at the museum--though he only surmised it was due to the fact nobody else wanted to work for Donna--but he was grateful for the extra income.

And it definitely helped provide a distraction from Jake's night activities for Khonshu, as well as Marc's from time to time.

But of course, even though it provided a distraction, it wasn't much of one.

That is... until the day a poofy mop of curls bounced into the gift shop, eagerly looking at the wares within with big sparkling eyes. The child couldn't have been older than four--maybe five--as she happily looked at the myriad of items available.

Contrasting to most of the little girls he's seen come in (which, were admittedly few) she didn't immediately run over to the cheap horse figures with the chariots or even the cat plushies.

She went right for things like the plushie scarabs, the statues...

This of course had Donna proverbially chewing her nails as she watched the unaccompanied minor scamper about the gift shop.

"I'm going back to do inventory," She warned Steven. "If she breaks anything, it's coming out of your pay, Stevie."

Steven ground his teeth when she called him that, and waited for her to walk away before muttering. "What little you do pay me, you bloody old biddy."

Steven fixed his name tag and walked up to the little girl, crouching next to her as her chubby little face scrunched in what appeared to be distaste.

"Hey there, poppet. What's got you upset, eh?" He asked, his big brown eyes meeting hers as she crossed her arms with a huff.

"They don't look right!" She complained.

"Oh? What doesn't look right?" Steven asked patiently, a warm smile on his face.

The child pointed to the small canvases and posters of the various Egyptian gods. Namely the ones of Bastet and Anubis, and in particular of the two, one of the canvases depicting Anubis surrounded by shrieking souls and flames.

He himself had raised a complaint with that depiction, as after his own time in the Egyptian afterlife (alongside Marc, and unbeknownst to them at the time, Jake) he knew the afterlife was not like that. While they hadn't met Anubis himself, they were guided and weighed by Taweret.

But he wholeheartedly agreed that the artwork of Anubis was entirely wrong, and frankly, offensive.

"'Nubis isn't like that." She said, stomping her little foot. "He's nice!"

Steven raised his eyebrows at her, tilting his head as some stray curls fell over his face. "Oh?" He asked. "Then tell me little one, how is Anubis?"

"He's--!" She scoffed, rolling her eyes in the typical fashion a child does when they feel like they're explaining something painfully obvious to an oblivious adult.

"He's a good dog-man." She says to him. "He doesn't mess with skulls n' stuffs! He's nice, he helps people who might get lost when they die."

'That's a hefty subject for a kid.' Marc's voice spoke.

"No kidding." Jake remarked. "Where are her parents?"

Steven meanwhile, was positively thrilled that one so young understood that Anubis, while being the god of death, was not evil. And... naturally this sent him into info-dump mode.

"Why, yes! Anubis is good." He held up a finger as the little girl looked at him, awe on her face that he understood what she was saying and was willing to actually talk about it.

"He guided souls once they left their earthly bodies." He explained, grabbing a small replica of an Egyptian temple front. "Once their hearts were weighed, if they were good, he would help guide them to the afterlife. If they were bad..."

"They got ate by the crocko-lion!" The girl finished with a gasp.

Steven suppressed the urge to laugh at how she described Ammit. Jake and Marc meanwhile, held no such compunction and were laughing their asses off.

"I like this kid." Jake said as his laughter died down.

"Yes! They did. But did you know they also had to be judged? Not just with the scales?" Steven grinned at her as she bounced on her heels, the palms of her hands rubbing on her coveralls as she listened.

"Now that subject is very lengthy...." Steven leaned over on the flats of his shoes and plucked a small book about the Egyptian afterlife and mythos and showed it to the little girl. The cover was emblazoned with raised gold print; with images of sarcophagi, and motifs scattered on the front and back.

"But it's always worth a good read." Steven continued. "Now, if you want to know someone else who sometimes assists those who've passed on?"

The little girl plucked the book out of Steven's arms, nodding, her eyes tracking the way his mouth and hair moved. Not once did she make eye contact, instead settling for staring at other features instead.

Steven could understand, sometimes looking into people's eyes was... oof. It was difficult and frankly sometimes it made him uncomfortable, made his palms itch and the hair on the back of his neck tickle.

He stood up, and walked to another shelf, the little girl trailing behind him, the book looking three sizes too large for her tiny body as her little light up sneakers squeaked on the waxed linoleum.

Steven reached down, then, and grabbed a plaster statuette of a familiar feminine shape sporting a hippo head and kneeled back down, showing it to her.

"This is Taweret." He beamed proudly.

"She's the nice hippo lady." The child peeped, staring at the statue with rapt attention.

"Yes! Yes, she is! Very nice." Steven chuckled. "But she's also the goddess of motherhood and children, did you know? She protects women when they have their babies, and helps them."

The little girl nodded, "Yeah, I read a thingy 'bout her! She's--"

"Victoria! Oh my god." A breathless voice called from the front of the shop.

The moment Steven lifted his gaze, he could feel his heart catch on his throat when he saw you. Even Marc and Jake went quiet as you approached.

You were wearing some faded-out jeans and a t-shirt with a faded band logo that hugged your figure very nicely. You had a backpack slung over your shoulders and the keychains dangling from it tinkled and clacked as you moved, rushing to scoop up your child.

Steven could easily see that Victoria got her looks from you, those gorgeous inquisitive eyes, her nose, hair texture...

Jake had to give him the mental equivalent of a slap to stop his gawking as he stood up awkwardly, wiping the hand not holding the statue on his jeans as he gave you what he hoped was a charming smile, but judging by your wariness, you obviously weren't thrilled at the sight of your daughter talking to a strange man.

Steven was about to speak up, but Victoria did so instead for him, not reading the tenseness in the situation.

"Steven's my friend!" She beamed, holding the book in her pudgy little fingers, showing you. "He knows about 'Gyptian stuff, too!"

Steven blinked, feeling a blush creep up on his cheeks as you looked at him, raised eyebrows. It took him a moment of awkward glancing away to realize Victoria knew his name because she read his name tag. He hadn't once said it to her. Hell, he only knew her name because you said it when you ran in!

"Ah... Yes. I work here, in the gift shop. Egyptology is a major... um." He struggled to find a word.

"Hyperfixation?" You sigh, the tension easing from your shoulders as you smile tiredly.

"Oh! Yes. I s'pose!" He said, blinking his big doe eyes at you.

"Yeah, Victoria is... well." You chuckle, propping the young child on your hip with practiced ease. "She's obsessed with the stuff! I swear, the stuff she can shove into her noggin with how much she knows of ancient Egypt, it feels like she was born in the wrong era, I'm telling you!"

Victoria smiled happily and snuggled into you, rubbing her cheek on the soft fabric of your shirt with a content hum, almost like a happy little cat.

You didn't pay any mind to her as she rubbed her face on you, instead conversing with the man in front of you.

"Ah... A little scholar to be, eh?" Steven laughed awkwardly.

"Hah, more like she already is one. With everything she knows, I swear she outpaces me in the IQ department." You sigh fondly, brushing a stray curl from your daughter's face.

Steven's eyes anxiously tracked your movements, how your fingers curled, the way your eyelashes brushed your cheeks when you blinked, the way your foot tapped on the floor...

"I'm surprised she talked to you. She's normally very introverted." You hum softly, raising those drop dead gorgeous eyes to lock with his before he awkwardly dropped his eyes to your lips whilst you spoke.

"But then again, if you started talking about this stuff with her, it's no surprise. I'm the only person she talks to about it because nobody else understands."

You noticed his Steven was looking anywhere but your eyes, and how he nervously licked at his lips, his fingers wrapped around the statuette in his hands tapping idly.

"Oh! She's a lovely little conversationalist. Rather well-knowledged as well!" Steven replied, looking at Victoria again, who grinned as she once again rubbed her face on your shirt.

"Honestly, she's more learned than half the adults who try to talk to me about Egypt." He huffed out a chuckle.

His eyes dropped to the picture of Anubis that initially offended the child. "We got into a little debate about how inaccurate those pieces of Anubis are."

"Oh, don't get her started on those inaccurate artworks... She despises them!" You laugh softly.

"Oh, I fully understand why! It's so offensive!" Steven gasped. "Especially to a culture! Anubis is not an evil god by any means!"

"Oh yeah, believe me... we watched a movie the other day and she had a meltdown because they made Anubis the bad guy. She was so distraught it took thirty minutes to calm her down." You smile with infinite patience at your little girl.

"Oh, poor little dear! But I can totally understand that." Steven smiled, finally locking eyes with you as he reached some level of professional comfort with you.

"Mommy, can I get em?" Victoria peeped, interrupting you before you could get another word out.

"Hm?" You hummed at her, raising an eyebrow.

"The book and hippo lady!" She replied, holding up the book.

"Hippo Lady?"

"Yeah!" She said, sounding a little exasperated, pointing to the statue Steven clutched in his hands. "Her! Tawar!"

"Taweret." Steven chuckled softly at her mispronunciation.

"Tawww--" Victoria frowned as she tried to get the word out. "Tawweret."

"Close 'nough. I'm sure she wouldn't mind." Steven smiled warmly, holding up the statuette.

"All right, all right." You laughed, following Steven to the counter so you could check out, having another nice chat about what he and Victoria discussed. He even tossed in a little keychain that held a preserved scarab beetle in epoxy, much to Victoria's delight!

What you didn't know as you left the shop, was how positively smitten he was with you already.

That was your first meeting with Steven Grant.

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

A few weeks crawled by, and every other day you were at the museum, letting Victoria lead you by the hand as she animatedly discussed what every object or picture meant, and you struggled to keep up, making mental (and a few digital) notes on what she was talking about. Of course, she insisted that after every tour, you stopped to say hi to her new "bestest friend" Steven.

You were thrilled that you found someone who operated on the same wavelength as your daughter, knowing that it was hard for her to make connections with other children, let alone adults. But Steven and Victoria took to each other like ducks to water.

And hey, he seemed harmless enough. Cute, too, beneath that mop of curls. You even started researching more just to be able to tag into the conversations between your daughter and her unlikely friend.

Today, you were at the local grocer and Victoria decided that she wanted to walk with you instead of riding in the trolley on her tablet like she normally did. You were happy, but ensured she kept her noise cancelling headphones over her tiny ears to make sure she stayed comfortable.

You had picked up a pack of steaks to examine the cuts when Victoria slipped your hand free of hers and darted off, squealing, "Steven!"

You almost dropped the steaks when Victoria darted down the aisle and wrapped her arms around the legs of the man she ran towards.

One minute Marc was looking at a box of matzahs, the next, he had a child clinging to his legs.

His whole body froze as he looked down, immediately going rigid as the little girl looked up at him, babbling something he didn't quite understand because of how quickly she was speaking.

He did make out the name "Steven".

"Uh--" He said awkwardly.

"I'm so sorry!" You say, hastily bringing the trolley up to the two. "She just got excited to see you, and..."

Your brows furrowed as you looked at him. He looked like Steven Grant, but he didn't feel like Steven Grant. His normally messy curls were combed back neatly, his flannel hanging open with the sleeves rolled up and T-shirt untucked from his pants. His big brown eyes were wide, looking at you with a face that simply pleaded "Help me".

"Uh..."

"I'm... Marc." He said in an unmistakably American accent.

"Oh. Oh!" You lean down and scoop up Victoria, hastily plopping her in the trolley, willing yourself to ignore her little wobbling lip as you messily search up her favorite video to watch on her tablet to prevent the simmering meltdown you could see just beneath her surface.

"I'm... I'm sorry. You just look like someone we know from the museum, and..." You sigh, rubbing your hands together as you cringed.

"Steven, yeah..." Marc said, giving a stiff smile in return as he dropped the box of what looked like crackers into his basket looped over his elbow.

"You..."

'Play it cool, Marc...' Jake's voice softly warned.

"We're, uh, brothers. Triplets. All identical." He spat out with haste.

"Oh! Well... That's... That explains the looks, huh." You smile, hoping to ease the awkward tension. His explanation didn't sit well with you for some reason, as to why he suddenly blurted it all out. But you chocked it up to him trying to explain to avoid upsetting Victoria.

"But, yeah. Um... Your brother, Steven? He and Victoria are like, best friends now. She looks forward to seeing him whenever we're at the museum." You chuckle softly.

Marc's eyes soften as he smiles, giving Victoria a gentle look. "Yeah, uh, Steven's told me about her. She's a smart kid, huh?"

"Oh, yeah. A real genius." You smile at her as she starts tapping away at her tablet, selecting one of her drawing apps and beginning to scribble.

"Sometimes I can't keep up with her."

"Hey, that's good. She'll go places." Marc replied.

Your smile falters a bit. "Yeah, if people will give her a chance..." You mutter.

Marc was about to ask what she meant, but he kept his mouth shut, watching as Victoria was engrossed with her tablet, her little feet wiggling and tapping on the sides of the trolley as she moved her mouth silently, mouthing words to herself.

"She's... Eh." You rub the back of your neck. "She normally doesn't come to the store with me. She says she can hear the lights buzzing and it upsets her, which is why she has to wear her headphones. I mean I can't hear the lights or anything, but all I need to know is that she can..."

"Yeah, Steven is the same way sometimes. It makes him twitch so he has to wear headphones when we go shopping..." Marc said, frowning.

"Yeah. That's something I'm kind of amazed about. Victoria doesn't really have any friends outside of well, me... and your brother? Steven and her are just... man, they're like two peas in a pod!"

Marc stays quiet as you smile fondly at your child, and he notes the relief in your expression as you recount that your child was able to finally connect with someone. It warmed his heart to know that Steven was able to socialize with someone who shared the same mannerisms, even if she was just a kid.

His eyes flicked down to your hands as you put your hands on your hips, and noted the lack of wedding ring and a ring tan line.

'Focus, cabrón.' Jake snickered.

"She's autistic. It was a pain to get her diagnosed, but we managed. I could tell she was different. Namely how she would act with fabrics." You sigh.

Now that grabbed both Marc and Jake's attention. If Steven were aware and co-fronting, he was sure he would be rapt as well. Steven explained the fabric thing to hime a few times, but being in the same body it was still hard at times to understand that Marc or Jake could feel one thing but Steven could feel another.

"Uh... Fabrics? You'll have to forgive me, but..."

"Oh! It's a sensory thing." You explain, rolling your hand. "With her, it's fleece, or satin-like textures. They irritate her and make her fussy. As a baby I never understood why she flipped out when I would put her little socks on her until the doctor explained it when she was older. But for some people it's cotton, or microfiber... The way Victoria describes it is that it's, uh..."

"Scratchy." Marc murmurs.

"Exactly!" You snap your fingers.

"Yeah, Steven is the same way. Though he's not like that with satin, he usually prefers cotton--the super soft kind? Or silk." Marc nods, shoving one hand in his pocket.

"Yeah... It's thankfully easy to shop for her, she prefers cotton and soft microfiber. It's why she rubs her cheek on my shirts or pants. Some people mistake it for being affectionate--and don't get me wrong sometimes it is--but usually it's a grounding thing." You sigh softly. "It helps her calm down."

"Ah... Sounds hard. What about her dad? He know how to handle it?" Marc asked curiously.

He immediately felt bad when he saw how your expression fell, and you glared at the ground.

"He skipped out on us while I was pregnant. I caught him in our bed with someone I thought was my best friend the day I found out she was a girl." You spit, angry and full of venom.

Marc cringed. "God, your best friend? In your bed? That's a whole extra level of degeneracy..."

"I know! Ugh! I swear, if he wasn't stronger than me I would have stabbed him that day!" You groan.

Marc rocks his head back in shock at the admission. "You were gonna stab him?"

"When you're five months pregnant, hormonal, tired, and sore and walk in on your fiancee doing the deed in your own bed? Yeah, emotions get high." You run a hand through your hair, smirking as you looked back at him.

"Grabbed the knife right outta the block and lunged at him. Chased em both half naked out of my flat."

'Shit, I'd be in love. That sounds sexy as hell.' Marc could just imagine the grin that would be spread across Jake's face at that.

Marc laughed, unable to contain himself, both at the retelling of your story and Jake's remark.

'You got problems, Jake.' Marc shot back mentally.

'Pot, meet kettle...'

'Touché...'

"So it's safe to say, he's out of the picture, huh?" Marc says, his laughter dying down into a soft chuckle.

"Oh yeah. Had his parental rights severed, and kicked his sorry.... well. I tossed him out and told him that my "best friend" could deal with him and his lazy antics, considering I pay for the flat."

"Yikes. Sounds like a real dirt bag."

"Oh yeah, he was. I have no idea what I saw in him, to be honest... And knowing that Victoria isn't "normal" like other kids, I feel like he would treat her badly, or... hurt her." You say, shaking your head.

"Hey, if he shows up and does that just call me." Marc grunted. "I hate it when people do that crap to kids. I'll knock his teeth down his throat."

The words slipped out before he could stop them, and the weight of them almost made them feel oppressive as glimpses of his abusive childhood shone through. The memories of his mother swinging her arm down, the crack of the leather belt, the red, bloody welts in his skin...

'Ay, hermano. Come back, don't think about that.' Jake's voice said gently, urging that door in his mind shut. 'That's not your life, anymore.'

Marc blinked and looked back up at you, his eyes locking with yours. And the concern on your face... he felt so undeserving of it. He wasn't sure why, but...

"Ah... I mean... Let's just say I have experience with that sort of thing. So I'm..." He struggled.

"No, no, I get it. My dad was a piece of shhh..." You cringed as the word almost slipped from you, casting a short glance to Victoria, making sure she couldn't hear you. "Er. He was bad. So yeah, I totally get you."

"Oh... Sorry, people get weirded out when I..." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Disassociate." You finish for him. "I used to do the same thing when it came to my dad. It gets easier once you're free of it, I promise."

The soft, sweet smile you give him was strong enough to make his heart jump into his throat.

'Wow...'

'Ask. Her. Out. Steven won't do it, so you do it!' Jake urged him.

Marc choked suddenly, coughing awkwardly to clear his throat at Jake's further commentary.

"You okay?" You ask him.

"Y-Yeah, I just... Uh..." He cringed again. "It's... allergies! I've been dealing with them since we dusted the flat, and... Yep. Allergies."

You chuckle softly at him as Victoria tugs on your sleeve and whispers in your ear.

"Oop, mama duty calls. It was nice meeting you, Marc." You grin, giving him a short handshake.

"Yeah... You too." Marc replied as you walked off, giving Victoria a wave as she peeked over your shoulder as you push the trolley away.

'Allergies? Smooth, Marc. Really smooth. How the hell did you ever bag Layla with romantic skills like that?' Jake sighed sarcastically.

'I swear Layla probably only married you for your dick, man. You're so BAD at romance.'

Marc knew Layla did love him, at one point but with all the drama of being Moon Knight, it quickly snuffed that relationship... They were still close of course, but they'd never open up to another intimate relationship again. Which was fine, none of them minded particularly.

Especially not now. Not now that there's a cute single mom with and adorably--scarily--smart little girl on her hip to occupy those thoughts.

And that... was your first time meeting Marc Spector.

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

Now, meeting Jake was different. Completely different. You technically "met" Jake weeks after you met Marc and built a rapport with him.

One night, Jake was sitting in the window, munching on some saltines he'd spread with sunflower butter as he read some old knitting patterns in a book he'd picked up at a resale shop.

He thought he could knit something for both you and Victoria and have Steven give it to you, it would be a good way to start actually flirting, to hopefully open up that door for all of you.

But of course... well. He knew Steven was way too shy to ask you out on a date, and Marc was too chicken shit and awkward about the subject to bring it up himself.

And so, it fell upon Jake Lockley to find a way to get closer to you, two. He understood that many single mothers found it tricky to date, especially with a child like Victoria. It would require immense levels of trust to get past those walls you would have put up to protect both you and Victoria, especially after you'd told Marc about Victoria's biological father fucking your best friend the day of your ultrasound.

He could just imagine how your poor face fell when you closed your front door, hearing the ridiculously high-pitched, false moans and the squeaking of the mattress as that miserable excuse of a man was having his way with your supposed "best friend"...

All while your hands would have clutched the pictures of your unborn baby girl, tears bubbling up in your eyes as you screamed at them while they scrambled to cover their shame.

And then.... as you told Marc, you would have grabbed the knife and the rest was history; bidding goodbye to that cheating bastard and woman you once trusted.

You were strong, loving and oh so patient with your daughter and her needs. Jake found your whole being attractive, honestly. He hadn't seen you angry, but he just knew you were a badass if you wanted to be.

He chuckled as he picked up his knitting needles, and began to loop the soft, thick yarn through each line. He was sure to pick yarn that wouldn't upset Victoria and her sensory issues, so he picked the softest yarn he possibly could, selecting enough to make the both of you matching jumpers.

Victoria's would be a little big, to allow for comfort and her to grow into it as she wore it. He could just imagine how adorable she'd look with the sleeves hanging over her little hands, squirming and giggling as you two played together--

Jake's hands stopped knitting.

Shit. He had it down bad for you, too.

When he looked down, that's when he noticed the green laser pointed right at him...

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

You were there, simply cleaning up the mess from dinner as Victoria happily colored on her dry erase board, drawing the shapes and hieroglyphs she saw in the book Steven selected for her.

She had been quiet and engrossed in her little art project for so long that you jumped and almost dropped a plate on the floor when she squealed loudly.

"Mommy, it's Steven! Or Mister Marc?"

"Huh? What?" You looked around your flat, for some reason your brain told you to look inside instead our our the window where her little finger tapped the glass excitedly.

"No, there!" She insisted. "Over there!"

You walk over to her and lean down, looking out the window.

And sure enough, across the street, in the building across from yours, an apartment had the curtains open with the lights on.

In one of the windows, at a desk, sat a man. The streets were close enough together that you could make out some details. The shadow of a mustache being the first thing you zeroed in on, and then the immaculately slicked-back hair.

He looked like he was... knitting? This man, who looked like Steven and Marc. Marc and Steven both mentioned on different occasions that they had a brother named Jake, maybe this was him?

And wow! So close by, too!

Victoria waved her arms, trying to get her attention, but the man was so absorbed in his task that he didn't notice her try to get his attention. When her little disappointed sniffles could be heard, you snap your fingers.

"I got an idea!" You say, dashing to the end table by the front door and rummaging through the various keychains you'd accumulated. It was a guilty habit of yours, you found.

But then you pluck up the laser toy and run back to the window. It takes shaking it once or twice for the green light to illuminate, but when it does, you shine it directly through the window and at the man's chest.

Then, he looked up.

You break out into a happy grin when he spots the two of you, and Victoria giggles with unabated glee as she waves some more, her whole tiny body moving with every shake of her overly excited hand.

You see the man smile back and he waves at the both of you.

"Hey, baby, why don't we use your board to say hi?" You suggest, rubbing her shoulders.

"Yeah!" She giggles, grabbing the board and erasing her painstakingly re-created drawings from the book, and messily scrawled the word:

Hi :)

The man laughed and looked around until he grabbed a notebook, scribbled something with a marker, and held it up for you two to see.

Hello

You chuckle as Victoria hands you the board, knowing that your writing is neater than hers is, and with how excited she is, she was bound to mess up.

You quickly and clearly write something down and turn the board to face the window.

Steven or Marc?

He smiled at you and scribbled back.

Jake

Marc n Steven told us about you. Hi!

They've told me a lot about you, too.

"That's Jake, honey. Remember what I said? How Steven and Mister Marc look alike? He's the same way." You explain to Victoria.

"Oh." She sighs. Poor little thing seemed dejected that once again, she misidentified someone as her "bestest friend".

You lift your eyes as Jake showed what he put on the notepad next. It was a badly drawn cat with a happy face on it.

You can't help but laugh and grin, nudging Victoria to look at what he drew for her.

"It's a kitty!" She gasps, snatching the board from your hands to draw pictures for him.

You spent much of the evening that night with Victoria and Jake drawing pictures back and forth, writing messages until he ran out of paper.

That's when you put down your phone number and told him to text, to make it easier on Victoria.

Victoria, upon realizing this, dropped her board and snatched your phone, starting a video call with Jake and chattering his ear off. He seemed to take it in stride, engaging with her. Not on the same level as Steven, but something about how he handled it gave you the impression he had experience with kids, or even worked with kids.

He didn't talk down or dumb anything down for her, he spoke to her calmly and clearly like he would anyone else, and the fact he was so sweet was endearing to you.

He was even teaching her little words in Spanish. For some reason, she liked to repeat the word "cat" because she liked how it sounded, and it was "funny".

That was how you met Jake Lockley.

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

It was now half a year since you'd indirectly met all three "brothers" and quickly, the pressure was beginning to mount on them to reveal the truth to you as their crush developed more and more into full infatuation with you and your darling girl.

But they still hadn't asked you out, yet. They'd come close a few times, but it was never when Jake was in control so Marc and Steven backed down at the last possible moment. Every time Jake was in control it wasn't a "good moment" for them to propose a date with you. But now?

It was late in the year, the harvest festival being over with and the holidays around the corner with Christmas, as usual, dominating all others. Snow and ice encased everything. It came early this year, and Victoria couldn't be more thrilled. (She could build snowmen with her friends, Steven, Mister Marc and Mister Jake!)

You and Jake would text, and he gave in and told you that he, Marc, and Steven all actually lived together and he would "let" Steven or Marc use his phone so he could video chat with Victoria and you.

You didn't know the boys all shared the same phone regardless.

It was nice having a social life again, even if it was small. Outside work and ensuring a comfortable upbringing for your little girl, you'd forgotten how nice it was to have friends. Even if those friends consisted of three identical, quirky brothers who lived in the flat across the way.

The day was coming soon, for when they would have to confess to you about the true nature of their identities. And the three unanimously agreed that they would tell you about Moon Knight.

For your safety, and Victoria's. They didn't want you to agree to date them (if you ever would) only to find out they snuck out in the dead of night to do the bidding of some creepy ancient bird god who could frankly do with a wardrobe update...

They just didn't anticipate that day to be today. Of course, Steven would rather have broken the news to you over a nice dinner in the corner booth of a quiet restaurant. Or even on a nice walk through the park...

But no. No, it had to come out when you decided to pull out your phone and go through your texts or the day as Victoria sat in Steven's lap on the couch of your living room.

Jake had sent a meme earlier in the day, of a little cat wearing a sombrero and you chuckled. You sent a meme back in reply, of a snail holding some maracas on some drawn-on arms.

That's when Steven twitched when the phone in his back pocket vibrated and chimed with a silly little ringtone.

You blinked at him as he fished it out of his pocket, careful not to knock Victoria off balance as he checked it. He awkwardly cleared his throat and gave you a strained smile as he set it on the coffee table in front of you.

"You okay..." You say, eyeing the very familiar phone. They could just have the same model and case...

"Oh, yes, just an email alert, luv. Don't worry 'bout it!" Steven chirped, quickly shifting his attention back to Victoria as she practiced her reading from the book in her hands.

You squint at him suspiciously. Your finger hovered over the send button when you selected another silly little image...

But you decided to call instead.

That's when a song began to chime. One you recognized very well as Steven's favorite song...

♫"Lonely is a man,

Without looove~"♫

'God damn it, Steven! You forgot to put it on silent again!' Marc's panicked voice shouted inside their headspace.

'Ay, hermanito, not now!' Jake groaned.

Steven began to sweat profusely as Victoria handed the phone innocently to him, urging him to answer it, not making the correlation with the song, or your phone number...

Steven shakily held the phone to his ear and answered.

"H-Hello..."

"Steven." You deadpan, raising an eyebrow and tapping your finger on your arm.

'Shit shit shit shit.' Marc hissed.

'Busted.' Jake almost sang.

You look at Victoria, hesitant to interrupt her time with Steven, but you wanted answers. Why is it that none of the men ever agreed to all meet up in person to hang out? Why did you only ever see one at a time? Yes, work was a convenient excuse, but every single day?

And then there's the phone!

Yeah, you weren't letting Steven wiggle free from this talk, even as Victoria pouted and trudged back into her room to play with her toys.

You almost feel like a cop in a bad movie, the way you lean back with your arms crossed, almost like you were an interrogator in a police precinct.

Would this make you both the bad and good cop?

You felt so bad, knowing that this kind of behavior would only freak Steven out, so you relaxed your jaw and posture, leaning away from him and giving him breathing room as his sweaty hands began to pat nervously in the memorized tune of that specific song that was just playing.

"I'm not blind, and I'm not dumb... So start from the beginning." You sigh. "I don't want anything to come out and upset Victoria, but I have to know who I'm letting around my little girl."

Steven licked at his slightly chapped lips, taking his bottom lip between his teeth briefly.

"Okay..." He peeped.

'Just take it slow, Steven.' Marc urged him gently.

'I can take control, if you want.' Jake offered.

"No, that's too much right now." Steven muttered aloud, without thinking.

You tipped your head to the side. "What's too much?"

Steven jumped and covered his mouth, his big doe eyes wide as can be, like he's a little boy who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

He despised awkward situations like this. He could never tell what to say to keep someone happy and to avoid them getting angry with him...

"Steven, I'm not mad. I'm honestly confused. Please... Just... Tell me everything, okay? I just wanna know some things." You say, leaning forward to put your hand on his knee, your ever so patient eyes sweet and understanding.

Yeah, those eyes were his undoing.

"Do you know what Dissociative Identity Disorder is?"

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

Whatever you had originally expected to hear from Steven, finding out that he, Marc and Jake all shared the same body was a lot to absorb. Especially after Steven blurted out about their superhero alter ego that apparently did bidding for an Egyptian god?

Steven expected you to be mad, braced himself for it, but instead, he and his two headmates were knocked entirely off center when you made the remark that if Khonshu ever got to be too much for the boys, they should lock him in a room with Victoria and her never-ending questions.

That would shut him up for a little while, surely.

Another thing you weren't expecting was the date proposal from Steven (and of course Marc and Jake).

You hesitated, at first... But...

They were so kind and sweet. They already have shown so much care for you and your daughter... And you were honestly happy to realize that you weren't crushing on different guys, that your feelings were no longer awkward and conflicted.

Or wait, were you crushing on different men? Yes they were completely different identities, but they shared a body, and... oh, this was gonna take time to learn more about.

Your first date was for later that week. Steven informed you it would be Jake, taking you out, as he felt like a "bloody awkward fool" and was afraid of messing it up, and Marc was just as bad at those social situations.

But you agreed, and when the date rolled around, you and Victoria were bundled up, all ready to go to the charming little Italian restaurant somewhere in town where apparently Jake was friendly with the employees there.

Victoria skipped in the snow, struggling to match her pace with yours, making sure her footsteps were measured so her prints mirrored yours exactly as she walked on her little tippy toes.

As you approached where Jake had his car parked, he smiled, his mustache quirking up as he scooped Victoria in his large gloved hands, laughing when she dragged her fingers over his hairy upper lip, comparing the stache to a caterpillar.

You stifled a snort and covered your mouth as you watched Jake buckle Victoria into a booster seat in the back of his car.

"Where did you..." You blinked. You fully intended to run back to your flat and grab the booster seat you owned, but you were surprised to see Jake already had one. A rather expensive-looking one, at that.

"Ay, cariño, you didn't think I'd let the little chiquita ride unprotected, did you?" He smirked at you, his dark eyes glinting mischievously.

"But, I have one. You didn't have to..."

"Hey, if it makes it easier, I'll be happy to foot the bill." Jake hummed, leaning in to check Victoria's buckles as she played on her tablet, snow-caked shoes kicking lazily as she did.

Normally, Jake was insane about his car. He always made sure his fares cleaned their damn feet off before getting inside. But for you two he willingly made the exception.

"Now, c'mon mamacita." Jake grinned at you once more as he enabled the child lock and closed the door on Victoria's side. "We got lunch to get to, right?"

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

You couldn't remember the last time you were on a date. Actually wait, you could. The night you got pregnant. One of the only times Victoria's sperm donor was ever romantic with you, and he proposed the next morning after.

Yeah, you knew how that story ended.

But now it looked like a whole new book was being written right in front of you, as cliché as it all sounded.

Jake had treated you both well, engaging happily and drawing with Victoria on the activity mat the restaurant provided as you sipped your glass of red wine, watching; your heart was fluttering in your chest as you watched how happy she was interacting with them.

After a while, he went back out to his car and returned with a sparkly red gift bag for the two of you and you immediately felt your heart lurch up from your chest and into your throat.

He knitted the two of you matching jumpers. A mama cat and her kitten, of course, he managed to do it in an Egyptian style, much to Victoria's glee as she ripped off her regular jumper in favor of the one Jake made, immediately rubbing her face on the sleeve with a happy giggle.

You couldn't help but smile warmly as Jake helped her pop her head through the top, and you decided to slip yours on, yourself.

God, it was almost surreal how Hallmark it all seemed. Not one, but three men interested in you, a lonely single mother. All three men who adored your daughter and treated you both with respect. All three men, who shared the same body and nighttime secret.

And you found yourself falling just as hard, and somewhere in the back of your mind wondered if--if--you had met them first... would they have been Victoria's father(s)? Would they have rejoiced in your pregnancy? Gone to your appointments, held your hand in the delivery room? Would they have helped the doctors weigh and print Victoria for the very first time?

Your mind was knocked out of the what-ifs when your phone jingled, catching Jake's attention.

"Oh, it's Victoria's pediatrician. I have to take this." You sigh sadly, not wanting to step away from the cozy atmosphere in your booth.

Jake smiled at you and winked, "Go ahead and take it. I got her handled."

You smiled back, hoping the flush to your face wasn't as obvious as you feared as you got up and answered the call.

Jake continued to play and draw with Victoria, letting her explain how some of her learning games worked, what apps were her favorite, and who her favorite cartoon characters were.

Honestly, if anyone thought Steven was great with Victoria thanks to their same autistic traits? Jake was good simply because he was a natural with kids. Marc was, too, but he was a bit stiff and nervous. He needed to be eased into it just a bit more.

"Hey.... Psst. Mister Jake." Victoria whispered to him, blinking her big, bright, gorgeous eyes up at him.

"Yeah? What is it, gatita?" Jake hummed at her, grinning.

She waved her hand, urging him closer as she whispered conspiratorially, cupping her hand over his ear, "Look where Mommy's standing."

Jake lifts his gaze to find you among the crowd of people, where you stood on your phone, talking to the doctor about Victoria's upcoming appointment. He tracked where Victoria was pointing, and that's when he saw it: the mistletoe.

He knew immediately what Victoria was hinting at.

"That means you gotta kiss my Mommy." She whispered to him again.

"Oh, I do, huh?" Jake teased, poking her in the side. "And what if I don't?"

"Then Imma make you!" She squeaked and giggled.

"Oh, dear, then in that case I definitely have to do it, eh?" He chuckled.

"C'mon." Jake said, scooping Victoria up and holding her on his hip. "Let's go give another present to your wonderful mamá."

As they got closer to you, he caught the tail-end of your conversation.

"...yeah. Next Wednesday at 3pm. See you, then, Doctor Wilson. ...Of course! Happy holidays." You say cheerily, ending the call.

When you turned around, you saw Jake holding Victoria against him as he walked closer to you.

The sight really shouldn't have taken your breath away the way that it did...

But if you thought your breath was taken before? It was entirely robbed from you as Jake leaned in, wrapping an arm around your waist as he tipped his head down to kiss you, his mustache tickling your nose and upper lip.

You were so taken aback that you didn't hear the whooping and laughing from the workers of the restaurant as the scene unfolded in front of them, congratulating Jake.

Victoria squirmed and squealed and laughed and laughed, rubbing her face on Jake's leather jacket as your lips finally parted and your jaw dropped.

"What's the matter, mamacita? Cat got your tongue?"

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

God, dating those men was the best decision you ever made. Even with them being Moon Knight.

They were kind enough to always say goodnight to Victoria before they went about their business, giving you a soft kiss before whichever one was in control of the body departed.

You had only been dating a short while, it was now entering February and you were all spending more and more time together. Marc, Jake, and Steven had all spent the night once or twice in their own time.

Nothing sexual happened, but it was so nice to fall asleep with someone wrapping their arms around you. It was even better to wake up and see Victoria snuggled onto his chest, his arms caged around her protectively, flexing when she made any movements as his unconscious body ensured she wouldn't roll off of him and--god forbid--onto the floor.

It was a few days before Valentine's, and Marc had spent the day with you and Victoria. He had gotten much more comfortable around her, falling into a natural and gentle routine unique to them. Just like she had with Steven, and Jake. And above all, they handled her autism well.

Steven was exceptionally good at helping distract her during her meltdowns, whereas Jake could cradle her, singing little songs in Spanish as he rubbed her back. Marc would start by talking to her in a low, gentle tone, urging her to just breathe, and talk, explaining what was upsetting her and what would work best to help her calm down from it.

But right now, Victoria was in the midst of a battle against sleep.

"Don' wanna sleep." Victoria sniffled into Marc's jumper.

"I know, babydoll, but you'll feel loads better once you do, mkay?" He murmured quietly to her as he padded, barefoot into Victoria's almost obnoxiously canary-yellow bedroom.

"I can make some apple pancakes for you in the morning, hm? How's that sound?"

He dodged the minefield of toys scattered about and chuckled softly at the shelf where her little ancient Egypt memorabilia sat meticulously organized alongside her books and drawings on the subject. A half-finished paper sarcophagus lay on the desk in the corner, a project Steven had started with her two days ago that they intended to finish together.

Marc laid her down and she nodded, rubbing her eye. "Okay..." She mumbled in agreement.

Marc picked up the plushy scarab that Steven bought from the gift shop and handed it to her, tucking her in all nice and warm.

"There you go." He said softly to her, kneeling next to the bed. "Snug as a bug in... well. Blankets, right now, huh?"

He grinned when Victoria giggled groggily at his pun, squeezing the beetle plush she named "Digger" and snuggled under the blankets, her feather lashes brushed her cheeks as she began to drift off.

"See you in the morning, babydoll." Marc said softly, giving her a kiss to her forehead before standing.

His finger had just flipped the switch to turn off the lights in her room, so only the salt lamp dimly illuminated her bedside, when he heard her peep as she rolled over.

"G'night daddy."

He felt like his heart stopped beating as he shakily closed the door, dragging his suddenly very heavy feet through your flat as he made his way to your couch, the weight of that word landing on his shoulders.

He felt like Atlas, carrying the world on his back as he dropped down onto the chocolate brown cushions.

You walk over, having finished dishes from dinner, wiping your hands on a tea towel. Upon seeing his shell-shocked expression, you sit next to him in concern as he covered his face with his hands, his arms shaking and skin pale.

"Marc, sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I..." He said, his voice breaking.

You lean in, reaching out to brush a hand through his mop of curls, letting him take his time. Maybe Steven or Jake was trying to front? You've seen how taxing it could be on them when it happened so suddenly. One time Steven had seized control in the kitchen from Jake and he fell and cracked his head open on the counter! Poor Victoria cried when she saw how much he was bleeding, scared that he was dying.

It took a lot of hugs and kisses to convince her otherwise...

"She... God. Fuck." Marc swore softly, sniffing. "She--she called me daddy."

Your jaw dropped and you gawked at him. Was Victoria already so attached to him? To them? But then again, she's never had a father figure, before, either, and suddenly having not one, but technically three men in her life doing all the things a dad should do? You can understand why she would--hell, why you would...

He dropped his arms and you could see the beginnings of tears clump in his beautiful eyelashes, heavy weights of emotion settling deep in his chest.

He looked up at the ceiling, trying to blink the tears away. God, he didn't deserve all of this. He didn't deserve this... this domesticity. Guys like him just didn't get to have a life like that. Not with everything he's had to do as a soldier, a mercenary... in Khonshu's name.

He didn't deserve such a beautiful woman, or the idolized gaze of her sweet and innocent baby girl.

'You're too hard on yourself, Marc.' Steven said to him in their headspace.

'Yeah, hermano...' Jake murmured.

"Marc, honey..." You say, leaning in and adjusting your position, so your head lay on his chest. You spread your hand over his heart, feeling how it hammered in the muscle of his chest.

"I just... What the hell did I do to get this?" He asked softly, bringing his arms around you to bury his nose in your hair.

"Well, I think it all started the day a certain little girl wiggled free of me and ran into a gift shop..."

Marc chuckled, squeezing you tight.

"Would you want us to?" He whispered. "Would you want us to stay? Would you be okay with that? I know it's soon, and--and I'm not saying we move in or anything like that, but..."

"I think it would crush Victoria if I ever shoo'd you boys away, honey." You assured him, tipping your head up to give him a sweet kiss.

You feel the tension slowly bleed from his body and his expression softens into a heartbreakingly sweet smile, his dark eyes sparkling with a warmth that you haven't seen before as your lips parted.

"Then we'll stay. As long as you both will put up with us." He said to you, his voice so quiet you almost couldn't catch his words.

"How do Steven and Jake feel about her calling you daddy?" You smile slyly.

Marc grins and drops his head back with a laugh, listening to the bickering of his headmates as his anxiety ebbed away.

"Oh... They're arguing over who Vicky is gonna call daddy next."

"We need to think of nicknames for you guys so she doesn't confuse you." You laughed with him.

Your laughter was cut short when you heard Victoria's door click open, and out she waddled, blanket clutched in one arm, Digger firmly squeezed into the crook of her elbow and her thumb was in her mouth. She only sucked her thumb when she was frightened, or severely anxious.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Marc asked, shooting to his feet even before you could, at her side in a split second.

You joined him and put your hands on her shoulders, looking into her drowsy and not-entirely-awake eyes. "Did you have a bad dream?"

She shook her head, mumbling something around her thumb.

"What is it, kiddo?" Marc inquired next.

She pulled her thumb out of her mouth with a pop.

"There's a bird-man in my room."

#moon knight #moon boys #moon boys x reader #steven grant x reader #steven grant #marc spector x reader #marc spector #jake lockley x reader #jake lockley

853 notes · View notes

patricia-taxxon · 8 months

Text

I want to address what’s being said about me regarding my behavior as a teenager, because some of it is true. However, more of it is greatly distorted, and some of it is false. I won’t be reproducing the video that was made about me, the creator has acknowledged the misinformation present in it & has unlisted it, willingly ceding ground for me to give my own testimony. Some of it will require me to admit to things I am still ashamed of, some of it will require me to revisit a traumatic time in my life that I have mostly blocked out. The short version is that I believe I was being groomed at the same time and in the same place as many of the people who came out against me, and my ultimate goal is to find solidarity with those people and begin the healing process.

When I was 18, and just beginning to accrue an audience, I created a discord server. For a lot of external reasons, mainly spending my entire life up until this point being shuttled around different special ed schools, this ended up being the first real social circle I ever had. It represented the first positive attention I ever received from strangers. It’s a time where I made a lot of mistakes, it’s a time where I was gravely vulnerable. In all honesty, I was too young to manage a community of any kind, I was hot off the back of being desensitized in my adolescence by unrestricted access to early 2010s internet. I knew well enough to create special NSFW rooms, and was advised later to create further division by requiring users to self-apply for a special NSFW role to access those rooms This extra layer meant that the rooms wouldn’t even show up for people who didn’t have the role, which led to some believing they didn’t exist.

However, I did not intuitively understand the “meaning” of sexual content, I didn’t understand the baggage that came with it. I used cropped fetish porn as emotes and indiscriminately showed the source to anyone who asked, sometimes outside of the NSFW rooms, because I found niche fetishes to be amusing, and since it was “funny” and not “sexy” it didn’t have to mean anything. The worst consequence of this happened when I was first formulating the ideas for my video about youtuber Rags, and I discovered that his youtube avatar was cropped from a NSFW image he had commissioned of his feral dog fursona. I sent this image to just about anyone who seemed interested, and this included a then 13 year old. I’m going to apologize just like I did when this first came out, but I will not be pressured as I was then into assuming predatory intent in myself. I’m not making excuses when I say that I had been a legal adult for under a year and thought of it as just an interaction between two teenagers, a kind of interaction I had with many of my friends (and some adults) before I turned 18. It was a misunderstanding, *and* I hurt you, and I’m deeply deeply sorry.

There were some moderators besides myself, two were teenagers around my age, early adopters of the server who I felt I’d become friends with. One was a woman in her late twenties, who I won’t name simply because I’m not in the business of offloading my misery onto other people, but she knows who she is. She contacted me with a shower of attention & adoration, she left positive reviews for my albums when she noticed I was upset at their critical reception, she oversaw me as I posted my nudes in that server and later on my main twitter account. She encouraged this behavior in myself and others and participated in it too.

I want to make this clear, the bulk of the allegations against me boil down to punishing me for failing to surmise I was being exploited by the first social group I ever had. I jerked off in voice chats. I remember the day I started, I was surrounded by people older than me who were encouraging me to post my first nude pic in the self-nsfw channel, and I had to get hard for them first. I then considered this normal and did it often. At one point a 15 year old entered the room while I was doing it, and I went quiet until she left. I reconvened with this 15 year old recently, and she told me she only remembers being promptly told to leave. The claim that I “regularly jerked off in voice chat with minors” as if it were an orchestrated and habitual activity is an outright falsehood.

I remember posting my nudes on twitter in a fevered haze of dissociation and dysphoria after being goaded by other users in my discord server. I remember doing it again and again, so that it could maybe eventually feel normal. I was 18, going on 19. I had twenty to thirty thousand subscribers, I was hot off the heels of being given 150 bucks for making thirty minutes of music for a much bigger youtuber. There are others who were in that server who were similarly exploited, and I am not here to contradict those testimonies, but I was uniquely denied the ability to understand what had happened to me as grooming, because I was technically of age and I had the very beginnings of a youtube audience. However, 20k subs didn’t give me more power than someone over ten years my senior.

I was groomed, and just as I was beginning to understand what happened to me, the shame threatening to overtake me completely, I was slapped with the supposed news that I was the sole perpetrator of the entire situation that traumatized me so, that what I thought of as my first friend group all remembered me as a loathsome creep. The apology I wrote in abject panic was dissected and used as a cudgel against me in police-interrogation fashion, so I became afraid to say anything. A year and a half later, I made a post saying that I had been “groomed by a portion of my audience” and this immediately provoked a youtube video callout. I feel as if I have been beaten into silence and complicity, unable to form thoughts of my own regarding my experience. I am terrified, right now, writing this story that I firmly believe no one on earth will buy, because I have come to routinely doubt my own testimony.

Some accusations being made of me are so foreign that I have trouble piecing together what it could be referring to. I commissioned a NSFW size difference piece from dramamine, one where my lover is 11 feet tall, and I was pre transition at the time so I wanted a flat chest to help me feel feminine in my current body. It was wrongly tagged as “cub” (furry child porn) on E621, which I vocally protested at the time. This is the only thing I could point to as evidence for the claim that I commissioned cub porn of myself. I do not know how to convey the feeling of being flooded by accusations that require me to ponder what it could even be referring to, or to see my accuser insist that she’s receiving dozens of new horrible scoops on me without being able to see exactly what it is or what happened. I’m open to apologizing personally to anyone I ended up hurting in my adolescence who reaches out to me, I was a victim of grooming let off into a public space with a few thousand followers after all, but I’m not apologizing on behalf of people who might have heard something bad about me.

I am going to restate, my accuser has *of her own volition* unlisted the offending video & understands the misinformation she spread, there is nothing to gain from seeking her out and letting her know your opinion on the situation. I waited until this agreement was reached to make any statement at all for this exact reason.

I am staying offline for about a day after posting this, I am under a lot of pressure, I am very tired.

#bookmark

800 notes · View notes

catcas22 · 1 year

Text

The Truth about Saint Trina

I can’t take credit for much more than stringing all this together. I’ve heard bits and pieces of this theory suggested by others but this is my attempt to create a coherent narrative.

So we can establish that Miquella never grew to adulthood, having his development stunted by some kind of curse. This hardly even needs to be said, but I’ll cite my sources just because.

Remembrance of the Rot Goddess

Miquella and Malenia are both the children of a single god. As such they are both Empyreans, but suffered afflictions from birth. One was cursed with eternal childhood, and the other harbored rot within.

We can also establish with reasonable certainty that it is common for Misbegotten to seek treatment for their condition from Perfumers. We find a bunch of Misbegotten and Perfumers hanging out together along the main road in the ash-covered section of Leyndell. We also have the description of Perfumer Tricia.

Perfumer Tricia Ashes Description

Tricia was once known as a healer who dedicated her efforts to treating Misbegotten, Omen, and all those seen as impure.

When her efforts failed, she was their companion as they died, watching over them to ensure that they could pass peacefully, free of pain.

Trina’s Lily Description

A symbol of faith in St. Trina. Dulls the senses, preventing agitation.

Seems like an herb that calms the senses and eases pain would be helpful for a Perfumer attempting to ease the suffering of the Misbegotten, yes?

Hewg is a Misbegotten. Based off of the location of his hammer in the overworld, we can establish that Hewg lived in Leyndell at some point. Given the way the Golden Order is, he probably wasn’t there of his own free will.

We also know that Hewg once knew a spirit tuner who he feels deeply indebted to.

Hewg Dialogue

When asked about Roderika

"The girl you brought here... She's crestfallen, and can scarcely swing a blade, but she has a gift for spirit tuning. I saw another one like her, long ago. Their eyes share the same hue.”

After speaking to Roderika again

“I spoke with the girl. She has a gift for spirit tuning. So I told her everything I know. I'm indebted to a spirit tuner I met long ago. It was all I could do to honor her.”

I’ve heard some people suggest that Marika is the aforementioned spirit tuner. But... Come on. Hewg says that Roderika reminds him of the spirit tuner. Love her or hate her, the only thing Marika has in common with Roderika is her hair color.

Looking at it from Hewg’s perspective, he is clearly terrified of Marika, while his feelings toward Roderika (and possibly the other spirit tuner?) are more protective in nature.

Now, basically everything we know about Saint Trina comes from two item descriptions.

Sword of Saint Trina Description

St. Trina is an enigmatic figure. Some say she is a comely young girl, others are sure he is a boy. The only certainty is that their appearance was as sudden as their disappearance.

St. Trina’s Torch Description

Candle-stand torch that burns with a light-purple flame. The carvings depict St. Trina, but in adult form, somewhat unnervingly.

So we can establish that Trina is a person of ambiguous gender, feminine-looking but could also be a young boy. They weren’t around for very long. And the image of them depicted as an adult seems unnatural and unnerving.

One more thing -- Ranni comes to check out the Player character in Limgrave because she heard that Torrent was in the area.

Ranni Dialogue

“I'd heard tell of a Tarnished hurtling about atop a spectral steed. And upon looking into the matter, the talk, I surmise, is of thee.”

“I was entrusted this, for thee. By Torrent's former master. 'Tis a bell for calling forth spirits.”

Torrent’s former master was a spirit tuner.

Putting it all together:

As a young prince in Leyndell, Miquella sees the suffering of the Misbegotten and wishes to use his skills as a healer to help them. Marika, Radagon, or both tell him that treating Misbegotten is beneath his station and would be an embarrassment to the royal family. He either talks them into letting him go out incognito, or just straight-up sneaks out in disguise.

Under the guise of St. Trina, a humble Perfumer, Miquella does his best to ease the suffering of the Misbegotten. Specifically, he uses the soporific lilies that he originally developed to help soothe Malenia’s Rot-induced nightmares. During this period, Miquella/Trina treats Hewg, a smith “employed” by the Roundtable Hold. Hewg never learns “Trina’s” true identity, but remembers “her” kindness all the same.

Miquella eventually makes a clean break with the Golden Order and leaves to establish the Haligtree. He now no longer needs to hide his humanitarian work, so the St. Trina disguise becomes redundant, accounting for St. Trina’s sudden disappearance.

Some time later, Miquella is kidnapped by Mohg and disappears from the Lands Between. No one seems to have any idea what happened to him. When his half-sister Ranni hears that his spectral steed has been spotted in Limgrave, of course she zooms over to check out the rumor -- for a moment, she likely believed that her long-lost little brother, one of the few remaining members of her family that isn’t either dead, insane, or trying to kill her, had finally resurfaced.

Enter Shadow of the Erdtree, where someone who looks an awful lot like Miquella seems to be riding Torrent through the dream/spirit realm.

#elden ring #elden ring theory #miquella the unalloyed #st trina

243 notes · View notes

littlewestern · 8 months

Note

See what happens

Bingo! Sir topham hatt/ Mr percival

Oh boy, lol.

At the risk of being the boring adult in the room once again, this is another one that just doesn't do anything for me as a romantic relationship. Far be it from me or Sir Topham to get in the way of what is clearly a very loving and robust relationship between Peregrine and his darling wife.

(I mean, goddamn. Look at all those kids.)

That said, I do think their business relationship is one that contains as many weird facets and nuances as a romantic one, and that's why I find it so fascinating. If I thought people would read them, I have more than one fic idea involving these two just sitting down and talking over tea.

See, Hatt's a real hardass, especially in the bad old days. I think part of the reason he ran the NWR the way that he did for so long was because it *was* just him, his five pains in the ass, and the zero dollars he had to split between them. Anyone else might have sought out a business partner early on to help ease the financial and operational strains of running this kind of slapdash outfit. The way Hatt was doing business though, I think he didn't trust anyone else to see his vision and to let him make the decisions he felt needed to be made. Not having to answer to investors or business partners meant he could run his railway however he liked. At a certain point, though, I think this became untenable.

There's some question as to what their business relationship is exactly. I've seen it suggested that the Skarloey Railway is Mr. Percival's and that the NWR and the Skarleoy Railway have nothing to do with each other, but I prefer the idea that Hatt actually bought all the railways on Sodor and then ceded their operation to Mr. Percival (and later Fergus Duncan). Personally, I think it's tidier if Hatt's in charge of everything and is simply delegating power where needed. In either case though, Hatt is clearly the one with the raw captial, and Mr. Percival answers to him if not strictly in chain of command, then at least in spirit, because Hatt's is the biggest and the one setting the tone for how all the other railways on the island should comport themselves in advertising and operation.

For Hatt to go through all the hardship and trouble of bootstrapping his way to that position of power, and then to put that much of it in the hands of some other guy... I think that speaks to how much trust Hatt puts in Mr. Percival, and rightly so in my opinion. Mr. Percival runs a tight ship, has a great deal of faith in his engines, and doesn't take any shit when they start acting up. We can surmise from this that he and Hatt are very much of the same mind on how engines ought to be treated, and I think that was as much a determining factor in Hatt's decision to appoint Mr. Percival as his business acumen or service credentials.

Yeah, I could go insane about these two for a while, but I'll cut it here. This is a dumb shipping bingo, after all.

That said, if you really did want to make it shippy, I will say that Mr. Percival's history is left deliberately vague and there's no reason that he and Hatt couldn't have met while both working for the GWR in some capacity. Probably as young, unmarried men... Just a thought.

#ttte #shipping meme #ttte sir topham hatt #ttte mr. percival #mr. percival #sir topham hatt

22 notes · View notes

befuddled-calico-whump · 1 year

Text

Obedience

for Angstpril, Day 11: Self-Sabotage

cw: death mention, creepy whumper, manipulation, very vague noncon reference, adult language

previous ///// masterlist ///// next

×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×

Alexei was back in Uriah's office. Same chair, same cinnamon candle sitting cold on the desk, same shock collar weighing heavy on his throat, reminding him that he couldn't run; he was still a prisoner.

Even before the Tower, he'd been no stranger to electrocution, but the pulse the handler had dealt him had been especially strong. Lex was exhausted. Every muscle was sore, as if he'd been slammed against a wall, or thrown down a few flights of stairs, and there was a tremor in his shoulders that wouldn't go away.

Uriah Fox took his time coming in. A quick glance at the clock told him it was 3am, and Lex wondered if the CEO had been woken up when he'd turned on the handler.

Defective tool. Faulty weapon.

Fox had used the Tower as a threat, implying he had another chance to stay free of it, but Lex was still on edge. There was no way he'd escape punishment, even if he was still useful enough to stay out of the cell.

"Well well," Fox's voice came from behind, and Lex tensed instinctively.

Stop. It's no use here.

"I wasn't sure you'd actually come back. Color me pleasantly surprised."

(Surmise, demise, unwise.)

Lex watched him move around the desk, take a seat across from him.

"You said you wanted to re-evaluate."

"I did. I understand you're upset. Misleading you about Overkast was unkind of me, I'll admit—"

"Misleading? Lying."

"Let me finish." There was an edge to his voice that made Lex oblige, and Fox smiled at his silence. Like he knew he was holding his leash.

"I think we should start again. I'll offer you more transparency, and in return, I ask that you offer your services." Fox reached into the cabinet beside him, retrieving a crimson folder, opening it, spreading the papers inside across the top of the desk. Headshots. Codenames and personal details. Lex recognized the people in the photos; the same ones he'd encountered at the apartment a few hours prior.

"Each individual here has been Redlined," Fox began, using a term Lex was very familiar with.

It was what happened to a powered person when they committed a crime; a warrant was put out for their arrest, and worse, they lost any legal protection. Sometimes civilians would band together to hunt Redlined. On the occasion that they caught up with their quarry, there wasn't much left to bury. Lex was Redlined himself, along with plenty of his Neath acquaintances.

"What'd they do?" Lex asked.

"Broke contract with Titanium. They're unpredictable. Dangerous."

Dangerous. He thought of the round-faced woman, reading her book. The girl in pajamas. Even when Fox told him there would be a team, he hadn't mentioned the kid.

"And you want me to kill them?"

Fox sighed. "I want you to ensure that they can't run rampant through the streets. Whether that means killing them, or bringing them to me."

"What will you do with them?"

"They'll be dealt with by the company."

Dealt with. Locked up in the Tower, then. The book woman and the girl whose fire could rival his own. The skinny young man who'd stood frozen in the street. The woman with a red streak in her hair, who'd offered him her hand.

The Tower wasn't meant for people like them, it was for people like him. They wouldn't last a week.

"What happens if I say no?" Lex said.

"What makes you think you can?" Fox raised an eyebrow. "Well, you certainly can, but you know where you'll end up."

(Cup, pup.) Lex swallowed, reaching out to pull the papers closer to him. How many times had he done this, before the Tower? How many files had he been handed, to familiarize himself with a target? But never someone he'd met, never someone who'd wanted to help him, however stupid that notion was.

Sarah McCloud. Codename: Spyglass. Twenty five, able to enhance her senses.

A danger.

Akeela Harris. Codename: Firebrand. Fourteen, pyromancer.

Fourteen fucking years old.

"You want me to kill a child?" He pushed the datapage back.

"Harsh way to put it. Apprehend."

"A kid."

"I didn't think Cinder cared about those details," Fox said, tucking the pages back into the folder. "I thought you followed orders. Indiscriminately."

"I don't hurt kids." He folded his arms, a gesture he'd honestly missed.

"You'd rather go back to your cell?"

Lex tried not to let his fear at those words reach his expression, forcing his voice to come out calm. "Thought you wanted to make use of me. Is one rogue team enough to make it worth it?"

"What are you suggesting?" Fox leaned back in his chair.

"I know how it works. Corporate loves using prisoners to do their dirty work." He mimicked Fox, leaning back as if he were capable of relaxing. "You wanted me for that, so why limit it to this one job? Surely you have other problems you want taken care of."

"And you think that's enough leverage to make me let up about the rogues?" Fox seemed amused by the notion. "Any prisoner in the Tower would kill to be in your position."

(Addition, commission, intuition.)

"But you chose me." His heart rate was picking up with every bit pushback from Uriah. Was it really worth it? Why should he risk going back to save a bunch of strangers?

"That looked bad."

"We aren't your enemies."

"Are you okay?"

Fuck.

To his relief, Fox chuckled. "You are bold. I can't say I don't admire that. And someone with your particular skillset can be hard to come by…" He put up his hands. "Alright. Say I indulge you. Are you planning on defying me every other mission? Attacking your babysitter?"

"No." Lex clenched his jaw. "I'll follow orders." He added, "No kids."

Uriah tapped his chin. "Fortunately for you, most of my enemies aren't children. Now you say you'll be obedient. How will you prove it?"

Lex looked up. "Prove it?"

"Yes. I'm not about to agree to your terms unless I know it'll be worth my while." He grinned. "Why don't you get down on your knees for me, Alexei?"

His breath caught. "What?"

"True obedience is without question. Or are you having second thoughts?"

Lex grimaced, getting up from the chair and moving to kneel on the floor, pushing away any shreds of damaged pride. It's been worse. I've done worse.

His pulse quickened as Fox stood, walking over to him. He placed a hand on his head.

"Good boy."

Lex said nothing, eyes glued on the ground, jaw clenched.

(Ploy, coy, annoy. Toy.) He swallowed.

Relief washed over him when Fox's hands didn't trace down his throat or fiddle with a belt buckle, instead taking a half-step back.

"Kiss my shoes," he said, "and we have a deal. I'll forget this little incident, and you can forget about the rogue team. Stay out of the Tower. Work for me."

I've done worse. It could've been so much worse.

Lex leaned forward, slowly lowering himself and planting his mouth on the leather.

"Shoes. Plural."

He fixed his glare on the floor, holding back from directing it upwards, at Uriah, then moved to repeat the motion with the other foot.

"Wasn't so hard, was it?" He lifted Lex's chin with the toe of his shoe, a smug smile on his face. "I'll arrange for you to have a room here. Life will be good for you Alexei, just wait and see. All you have to do is keep that obedience."

Lex stayed on his knees while Uriah circled around him, moving towards the office door.

"And remember who you belong to."

×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×

@whumpacabra @enteredin2eternity @kixngiggles @whumpsday @kiichu @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @shywhumpauthor @distinctlywhumpthing

#angstpril 2023 #day 11 #fic #self sabotage #wildefire #yeah Uriah is a controlling person and he likes to flaunt it #sorry lex 😢#whump #assassin whump #creepy whumper

38 notes · View notes

dailybrandonrogers · 10 months

Text

BRCU Timeline Ramble - How does ADATB impact where and when Stuff & Sam occurs?

In my BRCU timeline masterlist, I included this dotpoint as an extremely surmised overview of when Stuff & Sam takes place:

This theory came to me on a whim, however I think it holds pretty significant weight and I'd like to elaborate on it in this post.

As always, here's my timelines guide:

--------------------------------

What we know about Donna from Stuff & Sam and other "old-timeline" videos:

Donna & George "Grandpa" Hernandez have a history together.

Donna has a son to an unnamed father called Elmer, who would be "well into its 40s by now" during the events of Stuff & Sam.

What we know about Sam from Stuff & Sam and other "old-timeline" videos:

He is 38 in a video released in 2016.

He was an orphan, and remained in an orphanage until he was 17 due to his distrust and hatred for fathers. At 17, he was adopted by Donna, who was likely seeking to fill the void in her heart left behind from the abduction of her biological son (despite her concious efforts to distance herself from that connotation due to the painful memories.)

From some of these solid dates, we can infer that Sam was born around 1978. We can also infer that Elmer was born in the 1970s as well.

In Blame the Hero we see Donna Phitts depicted as a young adult in the year 1942. Legally, I'd say the absolute youngest she could be here is 18, estimating her birth year to be at the latest 1924. This would make her a minimum of 94 during the events of Stuff & Sam. Donna's age is something I'm happy to take hilarious liberties with as it's a meta running joke (eg; the disease and fossilisation jokes) and the storylines poke fun at the absurdity of this fact. This would put her in her late 40s/early 50s at Elmer's birth, which all things considered isn't *unfathomably* unrealistic anyway.

A Day At The Beach - 1.0 & 2.0 Explanation

The A Day At The Beach (ADATB) video was released on August 3rd 2018, which is also the explicitly canon date that video occurs as stated in Episode 5 of BtH.

The 22-minute ADATB video begins in the Old Timeline, and ends in the British Timeline due to the mishandling of the time machine, and historical interference by the Mingeworthies in 1865. This prompts the beginning of Blame the Hero in the British Timeline once he takes back the time machine from Helen Brownstein, convinces his 7yro self not to get a agang sign tattoo, and returns to 2033. As a side note, Blame's precessor debut video "Thugs Got Secrets" takes place in 2033 in the Old Timeline.

In Episode 5 of Blame the Hero, Blame is able to murder the Mingeworthies in 1865 before they manipulate Abraham Lincoln and rise to power. This action alone prevents the British Timeline from occurring from this moment forward. HOWEVER, we have not yet entered the Elmer Revolution Timeline. I have decided to establish this as another timeline: The Abraham Lincoln Lives Timeline. This is because Abraham Lincoln encourages Blame to stop the Mingeworthies from arriving in 1865 in the first place, which would also prevent Lincoln's survival of his assassination (and the people "winding up with civil rights" as he says.)

So now in the Abraham Lincoln Lives Timeline, Blame arrives in a normal 2018. His new actions this time ensures the Mingeworthies never make it to 1865 as they destroy the time machine he arrived in 2018 with. However, this also prevents Blame from returning home to 2033.

Now here's the important bit:

Main Character Blame's order of events across ADATB and BtH looks like this:

Buy a time machine off of craigslist

Travel back to 2018, the year where he, as a 7 year old, got a gang sign tattoo, and convince his 7 year old self to get a different tattoo.

Lose the time machine in the sand upon arrival in 2018.

Later find the time machine after it exchanged many hands in the possession of Helen Brownstein who tells him where his past self is ("the boy in the picture you're looking for") [[🌟🌟🌟]]

Successfully deter 7 year old self from getting a gang sign tattoo, but get a "disney channel bullshit" tattoo as a replacement due to Sam being the adult to sign off on it.

Create and enter the British Timeline upon returning to 2033 due to the mishandling of the time machine during the period he'd lost it for in 2018

Terrorist Bobby Worst's nuclear apocalypse occurs as the military has been eradicated by the United States of Britian's Government.

Be recruited by the Secret Society of Elmers to prevent the apocalypse by preventing the Mingeworthies from rising to power.

After preventing the aforementioned, be instructed by Abraham Lincoln to prevent the Mingeworthies from using the time machine in the first place.

Travel to 2018 and prevent the Mingeworthies use of time travel, but lose his time machine in the process.

Now at this point Phone Elmer (aka Eldest & Tattoo Shop Elmer) instructs Blame to steal the time machine from "the original you who came here to change his tattoo." Original Blame in this context is Main Character Blame at the point in the prior list order marked with [[🌟🌟🌟]].

The crucial difference is this:

Main Character Blame came from the Old Timeline in 2033, arrived in the Old Timeline in 2018, left 2018 in the British Timeline and arrived in 2033 in the British Timeline.

^ I call that Beach 1.0

Original Blame came from the Abraham Lincoln Lives Timeline in 2033, arrived in the Abraham Lincoln Lives Timeline in 2018, and then stays in the Elmer Revolution Timeline in 2018 (the physical altercation between Main Character Blame and Original Blame allows Tattoo Shop Elmer to access the time machine, leave the Abraham Lincoln Lives Timeline in 2018, learn about its origins, create plans with Hitler to invent a nuke that makes everyone look like Elmer, and return to 2018 in the newly created Elmer Revolution timeline.)

^ I call that Beach 2.0

The key thing to remember here is that the Elmer Revolution timeline starts the moment Tattoo Shop Elmer returns to 2018 to give the time machine back to the Blames, even though the Elmer Revolution and its nuclear apocalypse doesn't start until 2033.

Now because Original Blame chose to give up his time machine to Main Character Blame and stay in 2018, this is the iteration we see of Blame several months later in Stuff & Sam. As I've mentioned in previous posts, Stuff & Sam takes place in the latter half of 2018 and the first half of 2019 for this reason. I strongly believe the version of Stuff & Sam we watch takes place in the Elmer Revolution Timeline for this reason.

This also means Elmer goes from looking like this:

To looking like this:

In a matter of a couple months which is very funny to me.

I am going to make a follow up to this theory addressing some subsequent plotholes that relate to this arc and these order of events.

In the epilogue of Episode 20 of Stuff & Sam, Bryce Tankthrust is kidnapped by the Eldest Elmer who holds her captive and tortures her indefinitely. In a chronological meta video release order, the later Episode 1 of Blame the Hero reveals she once again broke the legs of the Eldest Elmer, but is still being held captive nonetheless. This is a plothole because at the time of Episode 1 of BtH, Stuff & Sam is nowhere near occurring, and won't occur until BtH events are finished. So... how... did... any of this happen...

What happens to the Elmer Revolution Timeline after The Eldest Elmer (his conciousness in an Elmer Drone Body anyway) is killed in 1942 and the New Timeline comes into effect. Does Stuff & Sam still take place in the New Timeline?

#brandon rogers #bryce tankthrust #brandon rogers bryce tankthrust #brcu #blame the hero #brandon rogers blame #bobby worst #stuff & sam #timelime rambles #donna phitts #brandon rogers elmer #elmer phitts #the Mingeworthies #brandon rogers sam #long post #LORD HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL #for anyone wondering this took me about an hour to type up and i had to revisit the end of ADATB to make sure i had my facts straight #can you tell i dont have anyone to talk about this to #timelineramblings

29 notes · View notes

twilightmalachite · 6 months

Text

Raison d’être - The Nameless Girl 2

Author: Akira

Characters: Shu, Mika

Translator: Mika Enstars

"Yer right. What the, this is scary… Ya can see Grandfather steadily agein’, but she looks exactly the same."

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: Airport (Lobby)

Shu: Anyhow. There is something unnatural, regarding the fact the two diaries were written at two different time periods a while apart.

Regarding a common character these diaries share.

The one named “MADEMOISELLE”, of whom through the description I surmise to be the same character… does not appear to have aged throughout the work, or rather, the diary.

She, MADEMOISELLE, is an odd young lady who never grows old.

No, perhaps I should call her a girl? She is an eternal, nameless girl.

Mika: That means—

Umm, what does that mean? People are supposed t’age, aren’t they?

Shu: Hence why I called it “unnatural”. There is no Count of Saint Germain—Biologically speaking, there is no such thing as immortality.

Mika: Saint Jer… m… Who?

Shu: A tangent like that would be long-winded, or rather, insignificant.

Occult enthusiasts will never admit it, but it’s nothing but a scam—No, it’s been long proven to be a myth born from blasphemy and misunderstandings.

Well, Grandfather too was a fan of the occult, so it could be possible this diary is his way of making a grand joke, but…

The diaries were also carefully accompanied with hand-drawn sketches and antiquated photographs where the face of the person in question, “MADEMOISELLE”, can be seen.

Here, see for yourself. She appears exactly the same in both of the diaries.

Mika: Yer right. What the, this is scary… Ya can see Grandfather steadily agein’, but she looks exactly the same.

Does she not grow old fer real…?

Actually, maybe I’m biased ‘cause her name’s “MADEMOISELLE”, but… She kinda looks like Mado-nee, doesn’t she?

It’s like she’s a personification of Mado-nee, or rather, a slightly grown-up version of her.

Shu: I am curious about that too. Mademoiselle, the doll that my grandfather entrusted to me, may have something to do with this “MADEMOISELLE”.

Mika: Ah, right. Mado-nee’s different from the doll that ya made, isn’t she, Oshi-san?

Shu: Yes. She is an antique doll given to me by Grandfather. She is not one I made from scratch, meaning there is much mystery surrounding her.

There are many points of ambiguity about Mademoiselle, such as who created her, how she ended up in my grandfather’s possession, and so on.

I am a bit hopeful we will be able to find out more about that here.

Through the process of putting together my grandfather’s past and discovering more about this mysterious girl named “MADEMOISELLE”.

Mika: Just who is she, really… I’m startin’ to get a little scared.

Shu: Fufu, even you, who fears not even ghosts, can feel scared, huh?

I feel intrigued, more than anything else.

Although it is quite the vulgar sentiment, much like enjoying gossip articles. I feel guilty that Mr. Raffaello is leading me down this path.

The depictions in my grandfather’s diaries show a deep love he has for this girl named “MADEMOISELLE”.

My grandfather was always angry and would complain about everyone, except only this “MADEMOISELLE”. He was like a devout believer, or an innocent small child spoiled by his mother.

Although I cannot be sure exactly what kind of sentiment it was, my grandfather—absolutely loved her.

Whether it was platonic love, filial love as a family, or heterosexual love, it was never stated.

Although Mr. Raffaello claims it to be heterosexual love, that my grandfather and “MADEMOISELLE” united as man and woman. And himself being born, as a result.

Mika: Ooh, meanin’ who Grandfather had an affair with was—

Shu: Yes. That would be “MADEMOISELLE”. Things are coming together.

Though there is the possibility my grandfather wrote “Diary (Nameless)” while in his thirties, not as a youth—

And it sends a chill down my spine to think that an adult at that good age had feelings for a younger, child-like girl…

Mika: Hm~… But if “MADEMOISELLE”-san doesn’t age, or in other words, is immortal, isn’t it possible she’s even older than Grandfather?

Shu: This is a matter of appearances. I would be ashamed for the world to know that my own grandfather was afflicted with a lolita complex.

Mika: Nnah~, but don’tcha like small children too, Oshi-san?

Shu: I just admire what is beautiful and artistic.

And I imagine, or rather, expect that it is the same for my grandfather as well. Nothing to do with the graphic male-female relations that Mr. Raffaello speaks of—

I believe my grandfather simply loved beautiful things, just as I do, and just that—That is what I anticipate.

No, I am heading to Paris in order to prove that. To the city my grandfather lived during the time period recorded in these diaries.

Nowadays, you can look up anything on the internet instantly… However, nothing beats visiting the place yourself to investigate with your own eyes and fingertips, firsthand.

Mika: Even still… Even fer the case for “Diary (Nameless)” which was written closer to the present day…

Grandfather was in his thirties at the time… That’s still one, two, three, how many decades back again?

Is it even possible t’find traces of what had happened so so long ago even if ya look for it?

Shu: No need to fear about that, as I have something in mind.

And I also have you to help me look, Kagehira. You may be a fool, but your instincts are good.

As Valkyrie, we two will work together and win the Funeral Contest.

Mika: Nnah~, I dunno, I feel like this is kinda indirect.

Shu: Hmph. Do you think art can be borne from a blueprint created by lines drawn at random, without laying down any guesswork?

Mika: …Well, fair enough. Sometimes ya jus’ wanna take it slow and easy concentratin’ on a sole work of art.

Shu: Fufu. At ES, we often get idiotic orders such as “create a performance in a week!” from those who don’t know how much time art requires to be made.

When in truth, don’t you think it is best to sit back and enjoy the beauty and intrigue, just as one would enjoy a full-length novel?

[ ☆ ]

← prev | story directory | next →

#raison d’être #raison d'etre #shu itsuki #mika kagehira #event #translation

13 notes · View notes

original-character-championship · 1 year

Text

Bracket G Round 1

Poll 13

Mirage (@theshrimpgod) vs. Eris Caroll & Mendacium (@kalopseance)

409. Mirage (@theshrimpgod)

any pronouns, but mostly he/they/it

This man can fit so much trauma inside him

Has never gotten a good night's sleep in his life

He just like. never sleeps.

He's so sleep deprived he forgets who he is or where he is or what's even going on

He even forgets what he looks like! which means he also can have Alternate Designs which is always fun! also, alternate names bc he forgets that too and sometimes remembers it wrong

I designed him based on the song Dr. Sunshine is Dead which is a *great* song so there's that!

spiraly pupils. you get it

A green dragon with yellow spiral eyes and yellow and orange spots along his body! He has a red frill down his back and curly horns. His wings are red, yellow and orange in a sort of gradiantish pattern? I don't know how to explain it well

410. Eris Caroll & Mendacium (@kalopseance)

she/her for Eris, any pronouns but mainly he/him for Mendacium

the weird dynamic of a protagonist and her narrator.

Eris Caroll is a 17 year old girl from a small village in England. Living in a bubble of isolation, disconnected from the world around her. The people she passes by and sees in her class every day feel like unfamiliar blurs as opposed to real people - frightening figures who only pose a threat. Terrified of emotional closeness, Eris Caroll closes off her heart.

This year, she will turn 18. Her loneliness grows more and more as she watches the people around her live on normally, growing up and becoming responsible adults. Thinking that the world is too scary and foreign for her to ever live in as an adult, Eris Caroll jumps from a bridge.

She awakes in a coffin of flowers. A voice echoes.

– 'Welcome, beloved protagonist.'

Mendacium is the deity and creator of the realm called Wonderland. Although several other entities reside here, they are all seemingly - to some degree, at least - under Mendacium's control or were created by him. The world, though beautiful and whimsical, is devoid of life except from that of illusions and puppets. Mendacium is a very whimsical and odd person, speaking in poetic ways and somehow being both very mature and sophisticated yet childish.

Eris mets Mendacium, and he reveals that he is the God of Death. When Eris asks if she is dead, Mendacium smiles and shakes his head.

'Why would you throw away a life so full of love, my dear?"

Contrasting Eris's fear of love and closeness, Mendacium has a disturbing deep obsession with the concept of love through an abstract lens. Completely unable to relate to it, Mendacium finds love to be a deeply confusing concept, one only understandable by mortals. Mortals blame death for taking their loved ones away, mourn their own love, survive through the hardest circumstances for love yet give up their lives when they lose love. Unable to understand the depth of the human heart, Mendacium observes the ways in which mortals refer to 'love' and surmises that love must be the primary motive to live, a need simply as necessary as food or air.

'I cannot allow you to throw away a life brimming with such love."

Much to Eris's confusion, Mendacium refuses to let her die, insisting that it is a waste to throw away a precious life with such love. Through his own desire to vicariously understand the human experience, Mendacium pushes Eris forward to fulfill the role of 'protagonist' in his tale. His pre-written story of growth, a stage where the actors take their roles in a tale of a young girl, too scared of intimacy to reach out to anyone, and her journey to learn how to make friends and find happiness. As Eris continues on through this path he has set for her, she unravels the mysteries behind the true nature and purpose of this Wonderland, and grows to understand more about its supposedly-soulless residents and its enigmnatic creator.

why you should vote for them:

- weirdass found family dynamic. grim reaper and his gay mean adopted daughter. eris calls him 'old man' - unreliable narrator and his angry disgruntled protagonist sick of all his metaphors and symbolism - check out their spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L1T7MlWZB3rYxOX9yIKAw?si=e0d1a0e07f7242df - they're both utterly unable to understand why each other is unsatisfied with their existence. both eris and mendacium see each other as having something utterly unnatainable, a life that lacks the causes of pain for both of them. theyre both selfishly fascinated by the other's dissatisfaction - they're each others imaginary friends - simultaenously the most emotional heartwrenching dynamic but also the funniest one ever - imagine instead of getting therapy you get a weird insane author to try fix whatevers wrong with you by inserting you into his fiction But hes also the grim reaper - this: https://f2.toyhou.se/file/f2-toyhou-se/images/43590443_umX36h4qaITGqfF.png

Eris is a short pale girl with very light blonde hair in two low pigtails. She wears a light blue hat with symbols of flowers on it. Her pigtails are tied with two dark blue bows. She wears a cropped light blue jacket and a white shirt with a symbol of a pink heart on it. She wears pink trousers and blue shoes. She has grey eyes, and very subtle freckles.

Mendacium is a very tall androgynous figure. He has long flowing white hair, the bangs of which cover empty eye sockets. Over his cheeks and nose is a rainbow-coloured gradient blush. He wears a top hat with black and white vertical stripes. He also wears a grey bowtie and tall grey high-heel boots. He wears a shirt with vertical black and white stripes underneath a large black overcoat which has several moving and blinking eyes along the bottom edges. He wears black trousers, and a long flowing cape; the outside of the cape is black, while the inner side is a rainbow pattern resembling a colourful galaxy. He has skeleton hands.

#oc championship #tournament poll #round 1 #bracket g #409 mirage #410 eris caroll & mendacium

15 notes · View notes

yuikomorii · 2 years

Note

At the end of a long and somewhat uneventful day at school, the bells of Ryotei Academy sounded and floods of students excitedly stormed out the halls, ready to greet the morning after a night of studying and listening to lectures in class. The young boy, curious about the esteemed place of scholarship, surmised that one of the students might know his way back home. They had to, right? Not only would they be closer to his age compared to the busy adults crossing the streets, but also they seemed less likely to pose a threat to a mere child. Once Yui stepped outside, a young Ruki greeted her with a tug at the fabric of her blazer in an attempt to get her attention.

“Excuse me, miss. I’m quite lost… and I need guidance on where I must go next. Everything about this area is so frightening… The carriages that transport themselves without a horse, the little black boxes people have glued their eyes to, ugh! I can’t fathom any of it!” He pouted in frustration. “Won’t you please help me?”

(( Ahaha, I couldn’t resist having little Ruki meet Yui 🏃‍♀️ ))

(Now that the classes are over, I can finally go and take a na——)

Eh?

*turns around*

….!

(N-No way!This person... it’s obviously Ruki-kun!But I don’t get it, how on earth did this even happen…!?)

Uhm…

(Carriages that transport themselves without a horse and little black boxes people have glued their eyes to….? He’s most likely talking about cars and phones, right? Yet, this only makes this situation even more complicated!)

(Ruki-kun doesn’t remember anything and he truly is just a child now… I still don’t get how exactly did this happen but one thing’s for sure; I definitely should stop overthinking and try to find a solution instead!)

S-Sure! Uuh… Do you perhaps recall how you got here, or at the very least any other important details?

*smiles gently and offers hand*

(That nap can wait; right now, my main focus is on helping Ruki-kun, and if he doesn't remember anything, I will try to take him to the Mukami brothers. Hopefully, they'll know what's wrong with him...)

// Haha, I was going to send an ask since I wanted Yui to meet little Ruki as well (precious baby boy), but I couldn't think of anything therefore I’m really glad you sent one instead 👉🏻👈🏻

#yui komori #diabolik lovers #ruki mukami #answered ask

83 notes · View notes

tea-with-evan-and-me · 1 year

Note

I just want to give my honest opionion about the Evan-Haley situation: I think many are used of Evan being in toxic relationships and now that he’s with Haley, many are happy because she seems sweet and not toxic, but I think people also need to keep one foot on the ground. I’m not doubting the nature of their relationship and I’m not invalidating what they have because they could be on their way to becoming serious. There’s no denial here. My opinion is that a lot of people seriously overromanticize what they have. I see many on social media already calling Haley Evans soulmate. How they belong to each other because they both make the same silly, goofy faces, being a powercouple, how he has find his person and already talking about kids and marriage and that it was fate between them... I’m not even that fast about drawing conclusions when it comes to my own relationships. She's an actress and by being in the industry and hanging out in the same circles, it's normal that she has a better chance of dating him. Saying she’s his soulmate which I think is verly early to assume whether they’re soulmates or not. A soulmate is all about how that person feels connected to the other person and nobody knows that because nobody’s in Evans mind or heart. I think it seems that people who talk like that are more focused on having a similar vibe and aesthetics and don’t have much experience to understand that the longevity of a couple goes beyond that. There are many different levels of building a relationship and there’s a lot of nuance when it comes to dating. I also think that a lot of arguments (that are pro or against Haley) are coming from people that could be young and don’t have a lot of experience in the dating department and see things very black and white. The fandom has always been attached to Evan so they want to know more about his love life. I never heard of Haley until she was linked to Evan. I also don’t want to be a hypocrite and all of a sudden become a fake Haley fan. I don’t think I have to praise every woman that comes near him, yet it looks that that is what a lot off people expect you to do and will attack you if you state your opinion about this matter, even when you do it in a respectful way. I never became a fan of Halsey when they dated and sure hell was never a fan of Emma. Before the Sags, Haley was at 1 million followers on her Instagram account and the minute the news broke out that she hooked up with Evan, her followers went up to 2.1 million followers. I’m sure those new followers aren’t really fans but are there to possibly catch a glimps of Evan. The sightings about them bringing in the PDA are cute, but I just think some people need to relax for a bit until more stuff comes out about their relationship.

i think you have to learn to take these things with a grain of salt. even if it's sort of silly and makes you roll your eyes, i am sure nearly all of these people who are rushing to marry off haley and evan are literal children - teenagers on twitter who don't have the benefit of knowing how meaningful relationships unfold in the adult world. they were already in my ask box asking why they hadn't formally announced their relationship, or spent haley's birthday together, and were speculating she was flying out to meet his family.. like, two weeks after they supposedly met. it's not realistic, any mature person understands these things take time; there's no reason to get into a tizzy over some people posting evan and haley making goofy faces and surmising this means they are soulmates. this fandom also romanticized his relationship with emma, so... there's that. and of course, there's no reason anyone has to pretend to like haley if they don't! we're all here because we're fans of evan's, not his significant other(s). if you love haley, wonderful! if not, that's completely fine. sometimes i think people forget that you don't have to choose between loving and hating her, you can literally just not have any strong feelings one way or the other. i know very little about haley outside of surface level things, i don't love nor hate her. i am just happy she seems like a sweet, cheerful person who presents no reason to dislike her. that's good enough for me.

4 notes · View notes

doctordonovan · 1 year

Text

❀ || maeve && doctor mary donovan

maeve’s relationship with her adoptive mother, mary, is a very complicated thing that can be surmised by simply saying: mary loves her, but it’s not an easy relationship. maeve will always be more her legacy, her prodigy, above being ever her daughter.

before retiring at a surprisingly young age, partly due to her cancer and partly as said in the show: ❝ you’re a geneticist too? ❞ ❝ retired. I got out when I heard there was a new doctor donovan in town. ❞ maeve is a genius && mary is clearly proud of the scientist she has become, of the fact she could retire safe in the knowledge the woman she raised would continue her work, would keep on carrying the mantle of ‘doctor donovan’ for her.

mary was at one time, a brilliant young woman surrounded by male scientists. not quite a genius but by no means unimpressive. she fought tooth and nail her entire life to prove herself even when she shouldn’t have needed to.

motherhood, or any family outside of her marriage to joe, didn’t appeal. her work is her life and has been from the moment she first decided who she wanted to be. even just joe convincing her to marry him was a process that took five years of them living together.

fostering maeve was, at the start, more for joe than anything. he was from a large orthodox family and had always dreamt of kids - spending a long career as a high school history teacher ( adored by years after years of students ). he’d be the more hands on one, he’d promised, and it was a promise he would keep. from the moment maeve entered their home teaching her sign language to get around her seeming refusal to speak && pushing her into activities he thought would be good for her ( the harp and swimming especially ).

so where’s the issue? the moment mary realised how smart little maeve was, their relationship shifted. it went from nurturing to always pushing her to do better, be better, accepting nothing but perfection. ❝ genius is work. thousands of hours of work ❞. she never quite viewed maeve as a traumatised little girl who desperately needed acceptance or love… she was a project.

there’s a reason maeve, both as a child and adult, refers to her simply as ‘mary’. never mum even if though she occasionally calls joe ‘tate’ in private moments with him before bobby happens / joe passes. mary was always a mentor, a coach, and once maeve had left university even almost a friend - but never especially warm or satisfied.

whilst maeve has justified issues with her father too before he dies when she’s still in her coma, the fact she’s never had a strong typical bond with a mother figure ( her birth mother giving her up after a year of handing her to any and all relatives who’d watch her, mary raising her as she did, a multitude of failed foster families ) is part of why she’s so terrified of motherhood. if the people who were meant to love her for herself never could, what happens if she can’t bond with her children either? or, if she can, would it just prove that she’s been right her entire life about being too hard to love?

#𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // headcanons #𝗣𝗥𝗘 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪: // work is the best antidote to sorrow #cancer mention tw #parental death tw #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // mannerisms #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // ... yeah #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // my poor daughter #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // no wonder she's so love starved #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

1 note · View note

the-king-andthe-lionheart · 3 years

Text

The Fundamentals of Gendrya

So I just want to establish the possible foreshadowing Arya and Gendry have that hints at a possible romantic relationship in the future, as well as the romantic undertones present in their story. I’m not really going to focus on symbolism in this meta (although it will come up a couple of times in a minor way), as that will be a focus for future meta. This is only meant to establish the fundamental basics.

First I want to say that when I’m talking about the romantic possibility of Gendrya, I mean future Gendrya, as in once Arya is older. However I will posit and say that because we are viewing this in the world of Westeros (in a pseudo Medieval world that GRRM exaggerated and sensationalized from real Medieval sources as well as rumor) and because GRRM has established he has no problems with placing his younger characters in romantic or sexual situations (see Mercy TWOW) I think it would be remiss to think GRRM would not take Arya and Gendry here if that was his plan all along. After all, there is plenty of precedent.

This also leads me to remind everyone that Gendry is not an adult when he meets Arya, and the age gap between the two is one of the least egregious age gaps in the books as most of the age gaps are between adult men in their 20’s and 30’s with 12-16 year old girl’s. I think a lot of people think of the age gap as Arya being 9 the whole time and Gendry being 16, but this is in fact wrong. According to the timeline, Arya and Gendry meet at the beginning of 299 AC, right around Arya’s 10th birthday. In 299 AC Gendry was only 13/14 years old. He was born in 284 AC and is not the same age as Robb and Jon, like Ned surmises. Gendry is just big for his age, and it’s highly likely Gendry doesn’t even know how old he is. When Arya and Gendry separate in ASOS Arya is almost 11 while Gendry is 14/15 years old.

Regardless, this is fiction, and doesn’t reflect real world morals. So what I’m getting at is that if anyone disagrees with this meta because of their ages I suggest you don’t read any further.

Foreshadowing

Our first hint of foreshadowing happens in Arya’s very first chapter:

She frowned down at them with dismay and glanced over to where her sister Sansa sat among the other girls. Sansa's needlework was exquisite. Everyone said so. “Sansa's work is as pretty as she is,” Septa Mordane told their lady mother once. “She has such fine, delicate hands.” When Lady Catelyn had asked about Arya, the septa had sniffed. “Arya has the hands of a blacksmith.” - Arya I AGOT

This quote is later followed up with:

[...] “I ruined that gown Lady Smallwood gave me, and I don't sew so good.” She chewed her lip. “I don't sew very well, I mean. Septa Mordane used to say I had a blacksmith's hands.”

Gendry hooted. “Those soft little things,” he called out. “You couldn't even hold a hammer.” - Arya VII ASOS

In the same book Lem Lemoncloak says this to Gendry:

“You must be a lackwit, boy,” said Lem. “We're outlaws. Lowborn scum, most of us, except for his lordship. Don't think it'll be like Tom's fool songs neither. You won't be stealing no kisses from a princess, nor riding in no tourneys in stolen armor. You join us, you'll end with your neck in a noose, or your head mounted up above some castle gate.” - Arya VII ASOS

At this point Arya is indeed a princess, but Lem also makes an obvious reference (to the audience) to the Knight of the Laughing Tree, which I think we can safely say was Lyanna. The fact that Lyanna is Arya’s literary mirror, tells me we can connect Arya to Lem’s comment, not to mention the inclusion of “princess” just kind of seals the deal. We also know that Arya is the spitting image of Lyanna and Gendry the spitting image of Robert Baratheon. I think it’s worth noting also that after Acorn Hall, Lem takes it upon himself to make sure nothing untoward happens between Arya and Gendry (he thought Gendry was taking advantage of Arya after they wrestled) as he starts sleeping in between them, which is seen in Arya V ASOS when they are at The Peach. Lem saying “Don’t think it’ll be like Tom’s fool songs neither” is also interesting because at Acorn Hall we specifically get Tom singing a love song directed towards Arya and Gendry.

Speaking of Lyanna and Robert being reflections of Arya (in both appearance and personality) and Gendry (in appearance for the most part) this is said in Eddard I AGOT:

We were meant to rule together. If Lyanna had lived, we should have been brothers, bound by blood as well as affection. Well, it is not too late. I have a son. You have a daughter. My Joff and your Sansa shall join our houses, as Lyanna and I might once have done."

Now this quote may be referring to Sansa and Joffrey, but I do think it’s foreshadowing for Gendrya and this is just a misdirect. After all, Joffrey is not Robert Baratheon’s son by blood, but Gendry is, even though he is illegitimate. To me this also sounds like a promise. When you think about it, the story truly begins at the Tourney of Harrenhal with the events that broke the betrothal between Lyanna and Robert, so it would be very cyclical for the ending to do what the beginning could not, binding a Stark and a Baratheon together in marriage.

There are also several references about Arya marrying an apprentice/blacksmith:

“[...] Or if it is marriage and children you desire, tell me, and we shall find a husband for you. Some honest apprentice boy, a rich old man, a seafarer, whatever you desire.” - Arya II AFFC

We also have a comment made by Jaime:

“Not all,” said Jaime. “Lord Eddard's daughters live. One has just been wed. The other...” Brienne, where are you? Have you found her? “...if the gods are good, she'll forget she was a Stark. She'll wed some burly blacksmith or fat-faced innkeep, fill his house with children, and never need to fear that some knight might come along to smash their heads against a wall.” - Jaime I ADWD

Now I know what you are going to say, that Jaime is referring to Sansa possibly marrying a blacksmith or innkeep, but if it weren’t for Jaime’s thought’s in the middle towards Brienne, you’d never guess which Stark daughter he is referring to because Sansa was only just recently married as well. Also it’s Arya who is associated with a blacksmith (Gendry) and a fat-faced innkeep (Hot Pie). So while Jaime is referring to Sansa here I think we are meant to actually look at the reality behind this and reverse the foreshadowing back onto Arya, because it wasn’t Arya who was recently wed, that was Sansa. It’s also Arya who is legitimately trying to forget she was a Stark (Sansa isn’t trying to forget, she is only pretending to be Alayne to ensure her protection) and like I mentioned it’s Arya who had a blacksmith and future employee at an inn as companions for two novels. So I think it’s a foreshadowing switcheroo. And I think it’s also worth mentioning that while Jaime sent Brienne out to save Sansa, Brienne spends her whole journey almost exclusively hearing news and following leads about Arya.

There is also a reference in Brienne VII AFFC that makes mention that Arya may marry an apprentice boy:

Gendry was the closest thing to a man grown, but it was Willow shouting all the orders, as if she were a queen in her castle and the other children were no more than servants.

If she were highborn, command would come naturally to her, and deference to them. Brienne wondered whether Willow might be more than she appeared. The girl was too young and too plain to be Sansa Stark, but she was of the right age to be the younger sister, and even Lady Catelyn had said that Arya lacked her sister's beauty. Brown hair, brown eyes, skinny...could it be? Arya Stark's hair was brown, she recalled, but Brienne was not sure about the color of her eyes. Brown and brown, was that it? Could it be that she did not die at Saltpans after all?

“One day that little girl [Willow] will make some man a frightful wife,” Ser Hyle observed. “That poor 'prentice boy [Gendry], most like.”

Willow is very obviously a Arya stand-in which makes this specific quote about Arya and Gendry, not Willow and Gendry.

Arya IV ASOS has the strongest case for future romantic Gendrya. Not only does Gendry follow after Arya and invite her to look at the forge, Gendry opens up to her about his life right before he was uprooted, and does this:

Gendry reached out with the tongs as if to pinch her face, but Arya swatted them away.

Gendry is being playful and open with Arya during most of this scene in the forge, teasing her in a manner that verges on flirting, telling her a story about his past, laughing and having fun with Arya. And then this happens:

Gendry put the hammer down and looked at her. “You look different now. Like a proper little girl.”

“I look like an oak tree, with all these stupid acorns.”

“Nice, though. A nice oak tree.” He stepped closer, and sniffed at her. “You even smell nice for a change.”

“You don't. You stink.” Arya shoved him back against the anvil and made to run, but Gendry caught her arm. She stuck a foot between his legs and tripped him, but he yanked her down with him, and they rolled across the floor of the smithy. He was very strong, but she was quicker. Every time he tried to hold her still she wiggled free and punched him. Gendry only laughed at the blows, which made her mad. He finally caught both her wrists in one hand and started to tickle her with the other, so Arya slammed her knee between his legs, and wrenched free. Both of them were covered in dirt, and one sleeve was torn on her stupid acorn dress. “I bet I don't look so nice now,” she shouted.

Gendry compliments Arya’s looks and scent, only for Arya to think he’s teasing her about her appearance due to her intense insecurity when it comes to highborn conformation (Gendry’s laugh when he first saw her didn’t help matters in her insecurity even though Gendry most likely only laughed out of being startled at her transformation). This insecurity leads Arya into getting angry and starting a wrestling match with him. This wrestling scene also directly follows Jaime and Brienne’s very sexually charged sword fight, and could also be interpreted as foreshadowing a romantic and potentially sexual relationship in the future, like theirs did, when they are older.

Now I’m not saying that I think Gendrya is going to go NC-17 in the books, but I do think it’s likely to go PG-13 by the end of ADOS, considering we have precedent that GRRM has no qualms about writing these types of things as I mentioned above, and we know Arya is going to be 12 in TWOW and may be at least 14-15 when the series ends depending on how much GRRM can spread out the timeline in the next two books. But considering the amount of stuff that needs to happen, I think the next two books will span 2-3 years before the epilogue begins.

Then there is the love song GRRM specifically wrote for Arya. A song that has only appeared in one chapter, Arya’s chapter:

“My featherbed is deep and soft,

and there I'll lay you down,

I'll dress you all in yellow silk,

and on your head a crown.

For you shall be my lady love,

and I shall be your lord.

I'll always keep you warm and safe,

and guard you with my sword.

“And how she smiled and how she laughed,

the maiden of the tree.

She spun away and said to him,

no featherbed for me.

I'll wear a gown of golden leaves,

and bind my hair with grass,

But you can be my forest love,

and me your forest lass.”

Now we know this song is about them because when Tom O’Sevens is singing it, he winks at Arya, and later Lady Smallwood specifically says to Arya “I have no gowns of leaves”. The song specifically mentions yellow – a Baratheon color – and depicts the free spirited “Maiden of the Tree” who wants love on her own terms, which sounds like what an older, flowered version of Arya would want if she fell in love.

Romantic Undertones

Arya’s Crush

As she passed the armory, Arya heard the ring of a hammer. A deep orange glow shone through the high windows. She climbed to the roof and peeked down. Gendry was beating out a breastplate. When he worked, nothing existed for him but metal, bellows, fire. The hammer was like part of his arm. She watched the play of muscles in his chest and listened to the steel music he made. He's strong, she thought. As he took up the long-handled tongs to dip the breastplate into the quenching trough, Arya slithered through the window and leapt down to the floor beside him. - Arya IX ACOK

It’s very subtle but this paragraph tells us everything. Arya unintentionally reveals in this quote that she watches Gendry blacksmithing enough to know that the world falls away when he’s in his element. She watches the play of muscles in his back and notes how strong he is and even attaches poetic language to his work. Arya has a crush on Gendry. It’s not acknowledged and it’s likely she doesn’t understand it herself, but this seems to be the truth of it, especially with the way GRRM worded this. I don’t know how many times I’ve read a romance where the protagonist studies their love interest while watching the “play of muscles” in their back or their arms. It’s also interesting to note that Arya always mentions specifics about Gendry’s looks and notes details about him:

He blinked at her, startled. Strands of thick black hair, still wet from the bathhouse, fell across his deep blue eyes. "I'd hurt you." - Arya II ACOK

"It's me they want," Arya whispered back. His ear smelled of soap. "You be quiet." - Arya II ACOK

When she spied Gendry, his bare chest was slick with sweat, but the blue eyes under the heavy black hair had the stubborn look she remembered. - Arya VIII ACOK

"She's not alone." Gendry rode out from behind the cottage wall, and behind him Hot Pie, leading her horse. In his chainmail shirt with a sword in his hand, Gendry looked almost a man grown, and dangerous. Hot Pie looked like Hot Pie. - Arya II ASOS

Now most of these I’d normally chalk up to the author just being descriptive, but if that’s the case, why don’t we know more about Hot Pie’s looks, who Arya spent nearly a year with at the same time as Gendry? Why does she take special time out to describe Gendry so much? Honestly I think part of it is to keep reminding us that Gendry is a secret Baratheon bastard, but that doesn’t explain the first quote about Arya watching the “play of muscles” in his back and noting how strong he is. So I think it’s a combination of GRRM wanting to remind the audience that Gendry is a Baratheon and to also subtly show us that Arya has an innocent crush on him, but doesn’t know or acknowledge that this is the case out loud.

Their Mutual Jealousy

Starting after the events of Acorn Hall in Arya IV ASOS, it’s obvious that something shifts in Arya and Gendry’s relationship. One aspect is that Gendry can no longer ignore that Arya is indeed a highborn girl after seeing her for the first time dressed up as one. He knows what class differences will mean for their friendship. And another aspect, is that Gendry acknowledges that he may be romantically interested in Arya, or at least acknowledges the potential for those feelings to emerge in time. And because of this, combined with their class differences, Gendry knows that if he follows Arya to Riverrun where her mother and brother are, he would end up watching Arya grow into someone he could romantically love, only for her to be torn away from him due to an arranged marriage. Both of these aspects play a factor in why we see Gendry become more outwardly scathing towards highborns in the chapters following this and why his behavior seems to become one rife with jealousy.

In Arya V ASOS the Brotherhood Without Banners travel to The Peach and both of the above aspects I spoke of are present in this chapter:

"You don't even know what a brothel is."

"I do so," she insisted. "It's like an inn, with girls."

He was turning red again. "What are you doing here, then?" he demanded. "A brothel's no fit place for no bloody highborn lady, everybody knows that."

And when Gendry protects Arya from a pervert by saying that she’s his sister, this is what goes down:

"Why did you say that?" Arya hopped to her feet. "You're not my brother."

"That's right," he said angrily. "I'm too bloody lowborn to be kin to m'lady high."

Arya was taken aback by the fury in his voice. "That's not the way I meant it."

"Yes it is." He sat down on the bench, cradling a cup of wine between his hands. "Go away. I want to drink this wine in peace. Then maybe I'll go find that black-haired girl and ring her bell for her."

Arya doesn’t really understand the intentions of the pervert, despite knowing of sex, and is confused on why Gendry would say that he’s her brother, but when she asks him, he takes it the wrong way since he is already so sensitive about their class differences at this point in their story. That last paragraph is what makes this exchange really interesting though. Why would Gendry say this, when it’s already made clear and established in this chapter that Gendry has no intentions of sleeping with any of the girls, even when it’s offered to him for free? He is very obviously lying to try to get a rise out of Arya and the only way this makes sense is if we put it under a romantic lens.

Then we have this:

Arya whirled and left him there. A stupid bullheaded bastard boy, that's all he is. He could ring all the bells he wanted, it was nothing to her.

Now considering Arya’s defense mechanism (the mechanism that has her calling things or people stupid when she’s hurt or feeling inadequate by them to try to make the pain and hurt not seem so severe) the fact that she calls Gendry a “stupid bullheaded bastard boy” and proclaims Gendry ringing the bells of any girl was “nothing to her” tells us that it matters to her and that she’s upset. This is further reiterated in Arya VIII ASOS:

Arya wished she had another crabapple to bounce off his face. "My father had honor," she said angrily. "And we weren't talking to you anyway. Why don't you go back to Stoney Sept and ring that girl's stupid bells?"

So here we have Arya mention this three chapters later, likely weeks if not months later. If Arya didn’t care about Gendry ringing “all the bells he wanted” then why is she still so hurt and jealous? She’s obviously been stewing about this for a while.

In this same chapter we also see gems from Gendry that clearly proclaim that he’s still plagued about his class differences to Arya. It also clearly shows that Gendry is jealous of Edric Dayne once Arya befriends him, especially since she befriended someone highborn, like her, who just so happens to be a boy who we know has nearly the same coloring as Rhaegar Targaryen, which evokes the history repeating motif that is present in Arya’s arc of the Rhaegar/Lyanna/Robert love triangle.

"You have a knife," Gendry suggested. "If your hair annoys you so much, shave your bloody head."

He doesn't like Ned. The squire seemed nice enough to Arya; maybe a little shy, but good-natured. She had always heard that Dornishmen were small and swarthy, with black hair and small black eyes, but Ned had big blue eyes, so dark that they looked almost purple. And his hair was a pale blond, more ash than honey. - Arya VIII ASOS

And

"My lady?" Ned looked embarrassed. "I'm Edric Dayne, the . . . the Lord of Starfall."

Behind them, Gendry groaned. "Lords and ladies," he proclaimed in a disgusted tone. Arya plucked a withered crabapple off a passing branch and whipped it at him, bouncing it off his thick bull head. "Ow," he said. "That hurt." He felt the skin above his eye. "What kind of lady throws crabapples at people?"

"The bad kind," said Arya, suddenly contrite.

Gendry continues to encapsulate “ours is the fury” during Arya’s whole exchange with Edric Dayne.

I do want to add that I know Gendry’s class issues have always been there, and it’s definitely been made even more apparent to him during the War of the Five Kings during his time in the wartorn Riverlands with Arya, so it’s not exactly that far-fetched that Gendry may become even more sensitive and/or bitter about it. However, this extremity of his behavior only happened after Acorn Hall where he saw Arya looking like the highborn girl she is. And while I do believe part of Gendry’s increase of bitterness about their class differences does have to do with potential romantic feelings, I also think it has to do with Gendry also coming to terms with the fact that Arya’s family is also directly responsible for the carnage they have seen and experienced (even though he doesn’t blame Arya, as she seems to be one of Gendry’s exceptions when it comes to his dislike of the nobility). If it weren’t for the blatant flirting on his behalf in the forge at Acorn Hall and the jealousy, I would honestly chalk it up to Gendry trying to reconcile his own trauma and anger regarding highborns, including Arya’s family’s sins, but alas, that is not completely the case.

Post Separation

When Arya is kidnapped by the Hound and witnesses the Red Wedding, Arya contemplates where she may go and this crosses her thoughts in a very romanticized light:

She could stay with Hot Pie, or maybe Lord Beric would find her there. Anguy would teach her to use a bow, and she could ride with Gendry and be an outlaw, like Wenda the White Fawn in the songs.

But that was just stupid, like something Sansa might dream. - Arya XII ASOS

The fact that Arya follows this thought up with “that was just stupid, like something Sansa might dream” tells us specifically what type of fantasy this is. Arya isn’t fantasizing about an adventure, she’s fantasizing about love and romance, considering those are the types of flights of fancy Sansa always loses herself in. Now Arya isn’t outright rejecting the possibility of romance here, because there is more to that second paragraph:

But that was just stupid, like something Sansa might dream. Hot Pie and Gendry had left her just as soon as they could, and Lord Beric and the outlaws only wanted to ransom her, just like the Hound. None of them wanted her around. They were never my pack, not even Hot Pie and Gendry. I was stupid to think so, just a stupid little girl, and no wolf at all.

She rejects the possibility because she remembers that Hot Pie and Gendry abandoned her as soon as they could, and that all the Brotherhood did was use her, according to her perspective on the matter. And her perspective is entirely skewed because of her abandonment and low self-esteem issues, as well as not fully understanding the class issues as she honestly didn’t think that bringing Hot Pie and Gendry to Riverrun and Winterfell would cause any issues with their friendships, which is understandable for a kid to think. Especially one that hadn’t been in the highborn world for the past year and a half. In fact, Medieval children in the real world and in the books, weren’t reprimanded for playing together regardless of class, usually the highborn children played with the children of those who worked and lived within the castle walls, from other lords children to stewards children to the helps children. It’s just something children did until they reached a certain age where it just wasn’t allowed anymore. So it’s only natural for this not to really factor into Arya’s plans.

When Arya is about to walk into the House of Black and White, Arya comforts her fear with a memory of Gendry:

Suddenly she was somewhere else . . . back in Harrenhal with Gendry [...] - Arya I AFFC

Which indicates that Gendry is still very much on her mind at this point. I think it really says something as well that Arya takes comfort from a memory at Harrenhal of all places. I think this indicates how much comfort she took from their friendship. I also think she doesn’t think about Gendry with the Brotherhood to take her comfort because while ASOS has the most romantic foreshadowing for them and the two shared some nice moments, it was also the start of them truly fracturing, or so her unreliable narration interpreted it as. After all, she actually thought that Gendry was making fun of her looks at Acorn Hall, and she thought Gendry didn’t want to be her friend anymore as he “abandoned her” for the Brotherhood. So while Harrenhal was awful and they had their disagreements there, Arya still felt reassured with his companionship and likely found it uncomplicated in comparison to her other problems at the time.

When we next see Gendry in Brienne VII AFFC we see a drastically different Gendry. While Gendry has always been guarded and sullen with a chip on his shoulder, with little love for the nobility, this change is drastic enough where it’s unsettling to read at first. Not only is Gendry just flat out rude in a very mean way but he is filled with rage. Gendry joined the Brotherhood because he liked how they handled justice, but under Lady Stoneheart there is no justice and he doesn’t seem to mind. His beliefs have shifted as well.

And though his eyes had been that same deep blue, Lord Renly's eyes had always been warm and welcoming, full of laughter, whereas this boy's eyes brimmed with anger and suspicion.

Septon Meribald asked if he might lead the children in a grace, ignoring the small girl crawling naked across the table. "Aye," said Willow, snatching up the crawler before she reached the porridge. So they bowed their heads together and thanked the Father and the Mother for their bounty . . . all but the black-haired boy from the forge, who crossed his arms against his chest and sat glowering as the others prayed. Brienne was not the only one to notice. When the prayer was done Septon Meribald looked across the table, and said, "Do you have no love for the gods, son?"

"Not for your gods." Gendry stood abruptly. "I have work to do." He stalked out without a bite of food.

Gendry was at his forge, bare-chested beneath his leather apron. He was beating on a sword as if he wished it were a foe [...]

What would a knight be doing working at a smithy? "You have black hair and blue eyes, and you were born in the shadow of the Red Keep. Has no one ever remarked upon your face?"

"What's wrong with my face? It's not as ugly as yours."

Lord Renly was ahead of her, her sweet smiling king. He was leading her horse through the trees. Brienne called out to tell him how much she loved him, but when he turned to scowl at her, she saw that he was not Renly after all. Renly never scowled. He always had a smile for me, she thought . . . except . . .

While some people chalk up Gendry’s behavior as a result of trauma about what he experienced in the Riverlands, and I don’t deny that is a factor, I don’t believe it’s the only factor because we didn’t see Gendry like this post Harrenhal or even with the Brotherhood in ASOS. Yes he embodied “ours is the fury” at times and was jealous and bitter, and rude at times as well, but he wasn’t flat out cruel to people, nor filled with rage and vengeance. The Gendry before Arya was taken would never have led Brienne to Lady Stoneheart for the slaughter after she tried to save everyone in that Inn against Rorge and Biter and co. We can also see another difference in Gendry:

Lightning cracked to the south as the riders swung down off their horses. For half a heartbeat darkness turned to day. An axe gleamed silvery blue, light shimmered off mail and plate, and beneath the dark hood of the lead rider Brienne glimpsed an iron snout and rows of steel teeth, snarling.

Gendry saw it too. "Him."

While there is no emphasis on the “him” when Gendry sees the Hound’s helm, it’s an abrupt and emotionless statement. It’s one word without emphasis but it conveys a lot. Gendry recognizes the Hound’s helm and it’s apparent he’s not happy, thinking that it was indeed the Hound for a minute. And while I’m trying to avoid discussing symbolism, I just can’t ignore how the lightning that cracked in the south could also be symbolic of Gendry’s true mood. He is, after all, a bastard Baratheon, connected to the storm, the fury - thunder and lightning - as well as sharing a connection to the god, Thor in our mythology. This lightning could symbolically be linked to Gendry’s anger and vengeance. So why does Gendry act like this when he sees who he thinks is the Hound again? He had no issue with the Hound during his trial by combat, so what changed? The Hound kidnapped Arya. And while he knows Arya didn’t die at the Red Wedding, he and the Brotherhood aren’t entirely sure if the Hound sold Arya to the Lannister’s and if she is now Arya Bolton. So it makes complete sense why he would have issues with the Hound. In fact I think a lot of this behavior we are seeing from Gendry is the direct result of the Hound kidnapping Arya and not knowing if she’s dead or being brutally raped and tortured in the North.

Why do I think this? Because this behavior began between Arya being kidnapped in ASOS and Brienne VII AFFC. Only a few to a handful of months have passed since then. This, I believe, is the inciting incident. Another reason why I believe Arya is the reason is because of what he is doing. He is staying at the Crossroads Inn, one of the last known places Arya was sighted, and he’s helping take care of orphaned children. Arya took in strays as well and cared for them, like Weasel. And considering how Gendry in ACOK wanted to leave Weasel and Hot Pie and Lommy behind, it’s interesting to see that he’s helping by taking in strays himself now, as if he thinks he may be able to atone for not saving Arya. Another reason is because the Brotherhood is actively searching for Arya as well. She is ever present on their minds. So yes, I believe part of Gendry’s change has to do with losing Arya, which goes to show how much he really cared about her. Not to mention (a tiny bit more symbolism, oopsie!), Gendry’s stay at the inn, waiting for Arya to return (I believe Gendry and the BWB are hoping that Arya is alive and will return to the inn) is a romantic aspect to the mythology of Weyland the Smith and his Swan Maiden/Valkyrie, and the aspect about the Brotherhood + Gendry searching the realm for Arya is also a romantic Cinderella motif, hence why I feel Gendry’s behavior here is supposed to have romantic subtext.

Extra: Another interesting aspect that I think foreshadows this future relationship is the meaning of Gendry’s name. Gendry is a nickname type of surname for a person who has inherited his family estates from his father-in-law, deriving its origin from the Old French word “gendre,” which meant “son-in-law.” And as we know if Arya and Gendry married when they were older, Arya wouldn’t be taking his name, but he hers, due to her higher status. So by marrying into the Stark family, he would be inheriting from his father-in-law Ned so to speak, even if it’s just inheriting the surname.

So this is everything I’ve compiled so far about Gendrya, that relies on just their foreshadowing and romantic undertones in the texts we have available but I’m positive I’ll be adding more to this list once TWOW officially releases. However, I still have a lot more to share that focuses on their symbolism and motifs throughout the story, so I’m definitely not done making Gendrya meta, far from it and I can’t wait to share it with you all!

And if anyone is interested in Arya’s and by extension Gendrya’s Cinderella motifs, you can find it at this link: A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.

#arya stark #gendry waters #gendry baratheon #gendrya #asoiaf

349 notes · View notes

ficforthought · 3 years

Text

On being SO DONE with M*sha, a rant a decade in the making!

After giving this some thought I'm going to go ahead and give my opinion on Misha and yesterday’s situation in public for the first time ever. I was going to just post on Twitter but since this has been 12 years in the making I have exceeded the number of tweets I can put in one thread! There’s A LOT in here, so my summary is also long. I'm aware that I will lose followers over this, I'm not looking to offend anyone but it will inevitably happen. I wish anyone leaving all the best as fellow human beings.

TL;DR - having kept quiet for so long I’ve finally reached my limit and it’s all come bubbling out. I’ve never been a fan of Misha, I’ve been ambivalent for the most part, but have never criticised him in any hateful way, that's not who I am, but after all these years of putting up with his bullshit, attention seeking and troublemaking I am DONE. Deleting his tweet containing the word Wincest and replacing it with an APOLOGY just to pander to his Minions and save face is the straw that broke the camel's back. He has consistently pushed his ship on not only fans but on other actors (despite Jensen's discomfort, and him having repeatedly made his feelings known on it), he has stood by while his Minions/Hellers have harassed, victimised, doxxed and sent death threats to people based on their FICTIONAL ships. He has pandered to their gatekeeping, constantly demanded attention in obvious and not so obvious ways, and to the best of my knowledge never criticised their actions even though he's aware of it in a very real way. Some of his Minions have now taken their shit into The Boys fandom and created negativity for Jensen before the guy has even got a foot through the set door, and how is that supporting one half of your ship?

Misha has claimed to be a victim of targeted harassment from Wincest/brother fans (not only shippers) yet his fans have said and done the most despicable things on his watch, all in the name of what he must think is entertainment, or even his idea of a ‘joke’.

Any respect I had for the man based on his humanitarian work has gone because I can only take so much hypocrisy. He and his pandering because of a desperate attempt to be woke and wholly inclusive (which is actually impossible, no matter how good intentions are) are beyond pathetic. Whilst I have never seen why people think he’s so great I have friends IRL and online who genuinely adore the man, yet they have been shocked and upset by his contempt for half of the fandom that made him somewhat famous. It's disgusting and I'm not scrolling by any more. Misha, I hope to never see you on anything J2 related in future because none of us need that kind of negativity, *especially* not J2. Be gone, foul fiend!

OK, so to the too long part. Please be aware that these are my opinions as a fan of the show, of Sam and Dean, and J2, not only as a shipper. I can separate canon and fanon, and can view canon from a gen or shippy PoV. Whether you agree or disagree with my opinion let me be clear that I do not condone constant bashing and hate of a person or character so this isn’t the start of a regular thing for me. It's possible to have an opinion and not show the same vitriol that has been following this man around for years, and that’s what I’m doing. I've not posted this to prompt more negativity, it's simply to get it off my chest and make it clear how I feel. I stand by my philosophy of ship who you want to ship, enjoy it, but don't force it on other people and don't be a dick about it…hmm, that kinda sounds like familiar behaviour, though, does it not?!

I have ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE with other people liking Misha, Cas or Destiel when it’s for the love of the characters and the ship. What I *do* have an issue with is people who are the true definition of a Heller. I don’t see that as a generic term, don't be ignorant and think I do because I know the difference between actual ship fans and the crazies, both ships have ‘em and I want no part of either of their venom. If you are reading this and class yourself as a Heller then you are part of the problem so run along and as you are all so fond of saying, 'get help' and take your bestie king with you.

I’m stating my opinion in what I feel is the most mature way I can, because unlike many people on SM, I am an adult and can act accordingly, with forethought and without resorting to temper tantrums and bullying of other people to get my point across. I am able to tell the difference between reality and fiction, I don't tar everyone with the same shipper brush and I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinion, but as we know opinions are like arseholes, we all have them and sometimes they stink. Unlike some, for the most part in life (online and offline) I *do* stand by what I say and don’t backtrack or delete things to appease the masses. I have spent a lot of time writing this out to be as clear as possible without being intentionally hateful. Bear with me jumping between actor and character where relevant, at this point they're conjoined. I will say this before I go any further, it doesn’t end well for Misha, I don’t mince my words and if you don’t like seeing facts and opinions laid out, this isn't the post for you.

I’ll say right off the bat what most of you have surmised - I’ve never held Misha (or Cas) in high esteem but I have never *hated* on him. I have shared mild criticism of his actions and opinions on Cas over the years but never, I feel, in any way that has made me feel I have something to apologise for. I have said several times I've been unhappy about Misha crashing con panels, taking attention away from J2 when at those cons *most* people paid their hard earned money to see the STARS of the show they love, first and foremost, and anyone else is a very nice bonus. The odd appearance here and there crashing a panel is fine (and Misha isn’t the first or last person to do it), maybe take up a few minutes then leave, but when someone commandeers an entire panel, that's just not on. It's not only selfish, rude and attention seeking but also disrespectful to other actors, fans and to the organisers who work hard to make sure everything ties in to give us the best con experience we can have. Everyone gets their turn on stage, there's no need to try and hog any more of the limelight, Veruca Salt style. Oh, and if you’re reading this and not getting that reference, (a) you shouldn’t be on my blog because you’re far too young, (b) look it up, and if you still don’t get what I’m saying… well then please refer to point (a). Thank you, kindly!

There was a time in Kripke's era where Cas was - I feel - intentionally used as a pawn by the writers to divert *canon* from the ‘questionable’ relationship between Sam and Dean, i.e. Wincest focus. Prior to that people (other fans) lightened up and just accepted the fact that Wincest had been there since day one in terms of the writing of the show and the fandom. All the cast and crew knew - J2, Kripke and JDM in particular - and made light of it, never judging, never shaming and often encouraging it because they understand it’s a fun part of fandom. Wincest was present enough to be part of the not so subtle subtext, as I said people just accepted it. Kink tomato was alive and well, so was ‘don’t like, don’t read’ and we all just scrolled over things we didn’t like without turning everything into a personal vendetta and excuse for bullying others who didn’t share our views. When the angels came into the plot I think most of us Wincest fans gave the Dean/Cas innuendos the small laugh they deserved and then turned back to the focus of the show which was the brothers, as it had always been intended. Misha, however, milked those moments as much as possible which was amusing at the start but got old *very* quickly, not just for fans (shippers and non shippers alike), but for other actors, in particular Jensen who is on record MULTIPLE times showing his dislike for Destiel. He told people outright that's not how he was playing the relationship between the two characters and CATEGORICALLY said "Destiel doesn't exist" but did it end there? No, it did not because neither fans or Misha let it go, in fact Misha only pushed more, goaded fans into flogging the same dead horse as much as possible. He’s never stopped, not even when there was so much discord in the fandom, a huge wedge was driven into it because of ships, which IMO he heavily contributed to.

Fast forward to over a decade later (a decade, seriously man, let it fucking go!) he didn’t even stop when Destiel did partially go canon. I have never doubted that Cas loved Dean (Sam, too) because in SPN lore angels are made to love, even rebellious ones. I, along with many others, liked that about Cas because who doesn't love a rebel, especially one rebelling for very good reasons, and because of those two wonderful men? Sam and Dean allowed him to see beyond what he'd been brainwashed to believe his entire existence. The fact is that although the nature of that love changed for Cas, it never did for Dean and was CANONICALLY UNREQUITED because Dean was incapable of loving anyone else as much as he loved Sam. All that mattered to Dean, even when he saw other characters as "family" was still Sam…ALWAYS Sam, every step of the way. Again for those who have too much Misha shaped wax in their ears, that’s canon. Whether people choose to see that love platonically or romantically is up to them, soulmates don't always have to be romantic, either way, brotherly love won out above all else on the show. No amount of Misha screaming ‘hey look, Destiel!’ changed that, but it sure didn’t stop him trying, did it?

So now that the obvious has been stated, here's something else we all know - never once in all of the years on the show did Misha drop rallying of the troops to his precious, ego stroking ship. Never once (that I am aware of) has he called out his Minions and Hellers on their continued harassment of everyone involved in the show and other fans despite the fact that they have bullied, victimised and wished bodily harm, rape and death on people who don't see their ship and because didn't get the ending to the story that they wanted. Not once has Misha shown any remorse for the trauma his "fans" have caused, and I’m taking REAL trauma, here, not the kind Twitter stans see as ‘triggering’ - people have been driven to close SM accounts, attempted, and in some cases succeeded in taking their own lives. These Minions have openly mocked Jared’s struggles with depression and anxiety, and Misha - who claims to be friends with J2 and be supportive of them in every way - has stood by and let it all play out, knowing full well some of the goings on, if not the full extent of how toxic these people are. We know he sees things being said online, and I have absolutely no doubt he spends time online searching his name for things that are relevant in some way to him in an effort to insert himself into a current conversation, or even start one so that attention is on him. Gotta stay relevant, somehow, right, Mish?

He has actively encouraged bullying by his actions of enabling the behaviours above, both by the flogging of the aforementioned dead horse, AND by not objecting to unacceptable behaviours. Remember when Minions and Hellers were slating J2, particularly Jared, for not posting on SM about BLM and other topics? Yeah, he didn’t ask them to stop doing that, either, even when he was tagged in things along the lines of ‘If Misha can post why can’t J2?’ etc. There have been some token protests, con vids I've seen have show his 'objections' which IMO have been done in a very tongue in cheek way, meaning that those people who needed to be pulled aside and told to change their ways just carried on, because their evil overlord didn’t explicitly explain it in terms a three year old could understand that bullying and forcing your opinion on others is WRONG. Not all of his cult are young and impressionable, not by a long shot, but many of the more vocal and vitriolic ones are.

As a father himself I wonder what Misha would do if he found out that his kids were behaving in ways his Minions are? I’m aware they’re young, but kids are cruel and bullying doesn’t just happen online. Even at whatever age they are, would he laugh it off the way he appears to have done with all of this fandom toxicity? Not bloody likely! I wonder if he’s as desperate to gain the approval of his family, friends and colleagues as he appears to be for that of his Minions/Hellers? I would certainly hope so, but that question can only be answered by Misha, himself, and I can and will not presume to speak on someone else's behalf on things in their personal life. For the record I would never presume I know what J2's answers would be on anything, however I do feel that after 15 years I have an accurate gauge on what kind of people they are so would be confident that any opinion I had on a matter aligns with their morals and ethics. As much as J2 have shared of themselves with us - willingly and under no pressure to do so, I might add - we don't *know* them, but we know enough to have an informed opinion. I can’t say the same for Misha because based on the behaviour he’s repeatedly displayed, things I've heard about from other fans as well as people I know IRL who have had direct dealings with him through cons or GISH (including some very actively in the early days when it was GISHWHES) he just hasn’t seemed like a person I wanted to follow on SM. I’ve never watched any of his solo panels, though I have watched ones with both or one of the J's, mostly being left irritated because of his behaviour. Watching the J’s put up with that shit is painful, and it’s a testament to how good they are as actors that they managed to hide at least some of their disdain for as long as they did. Microexpressions give them away, particularly Jensen, and they certainly have faces I have spent many years watching closely. Beautiful faces to go with beautiful souls, both of them! <3

I have precisely ZERO interest in Destiel as a ship, very little interest in Cas as a character anymore (though I did like him in the early days,and his relationship with Jack in late seasons) so I have absolutely no reason or desire to follow anything Misha does. That said, I've obviously been peripherally aware of some things he's been involved in because of friends, from things I’ve seen on SM and general fandom stuff. Despite the things I've already mentioned about his behaviour, up until now I have been able to maintain a level of respect for him as a person because of the humanitarian and charity work he's done. He seems like someone who really does want to change the world for the better and I am in full support of that fact, so much so that I have supported TWO campaigns relating to him. I bought one of the Super Good t-shirts for the campaign he did with Michael Sheen (a true angel!), the SPN/Good Omens x-over to help homeless charities, and I chose the design with text only and not artwork of Michael and Misha on, basically because I didn’t want to be wearing something with Misha’s face on it and I make absolutely no apology for that, whatsoever. I also bought Alex's #TheEndHasNoEnd shirt, which some of the profits went to Random Acts who do great work, so again, despite not liking Misha I still willingly contributed for a cause bigger than me, and to support Alex, who I absolutely ADORE. I'm aware that Stands aren't popular with some of the fandom, however since most of the cast of SPN are happily affiliated with them then I don't feel it's my place to either judge, or to discuss topics I know next to nothing about. But I digress, as a decent human being I have shown support tangentially to a man who I don't care for out of respect for the work he does outside the fandom. Telling you this isn’t to paint myself in a good light - I don’t need your approval, I’m a big girl, unlike some I don’t need constant validation! - only to provide background on how I’ve actively *not* hated on Misha.

Now though, any respect I had for him has come to an abrupt end, the events of the past 24 hours has seen to that. Whilst I have been annoyed at his behaviour in regards to shipping, I don't feel it's ever gone this far, or at least not that I've seen first hand. This man has, IMO, contributed to so much toxicity in the fandom by way of things I've mentioned before, he's claimed - without actually saying the words - that Wincest fans weren't interested in him as a character when he came onto the show, and hasn’t felt included because of the fans’ love of the brothers. Um, hate to break it to you, love, but when you come onto an established show that is about two people, and you’re a *guest star* you can’t expect everyone to love you. Some characters we as individuals do fall in love with straight away (Bobby, Charlie, Crowley and Rowena are good examples for me), it takes time to establish a dynamic, so if that’s how he felt then it was incredibly naive of him as an actor to expect instant acceptance from anyone. Also, why wait until after the show finished to bring it up AGAIN … oh wait, yeah, that would be to step back into the limelight in a way intended to garner sympathy from Minions and INTENTIONALLY piss off bro fans and Wincest shippers alike? How fucking self centred, desperate and disrespectful do you have to be to shit all over the finale of a show that for the most part accepted you and kept you in paid work for 12 years? Well, Misha Collins levels of all of those things, obviously.

So, on the topics of self centred, desperate to stay relevant, attention seeking and being oh so needy, the tweet yesterday from Amazon mentioned Castiel. He wasn’t tagged in it, so I refer to my earlier comment about searching online, because how else would he have possibly seen that? It’s possible someone sent it to him, I appreciate that, but if we go off past behaviour it’s not any stretch at all to believe that didn’t happen. So, once again, having seen the tweet he took it upon himself to - oh so predictably - turn it into something relating to Destiel. When I saw it I immediately rolled my eyes and thought ‘here we go again’, but then also had a little smile because I really liked the fact that he explicitly mentioned Wincest, therefore seeming to accept that his poor old dead horse wasn’t the only one in the race. I actually mentally tipped my hat to him then because it appeared that he’s matured enough to acknowledge by name the ship that predates his inclusion on the show. Great, I thought, this is a positive thing in a sea of negativity surrounding the man and his sunken ship, because what followed was Wincest trending in the US (it may also have been other countries as well but I had to sleep!) … largely due to the fact that Hellers were responding to it, calling him out on mentioning the dreaded ‘W’ word. I’ll repeat that because it’s been a rare occurrence up to that point… the Minions were actually disappointed with their overlord for mentioning another ship. We all know what they think of it and I for one, don’t give a flying fuck about their opionion. Ship and let ship, it’s all fun (or meant to be) so we have different tastes, that’s life kiddiwinks, deal with it. I mean, you really don’t have much of an example set for you when your king has proven several times over to be one of the biggest obnoxious brats out there, but just give it a try for your own sakes, yeah? Awesome, good on you, besties!

An unexpected development - to my joy and that of other Wincest shippers - them doing that got the topic trending, only *kept* trending by the fact that were all coming online asking why it was trending. Wincest shippers barely lifted a finger, we just flooded each other’s timelines with lovely content and basked in the Hellers - and Misha - shooting themselves in the foot, which was awesome. But did the vitriol stop? No. Did he get the attention he so clearly craves? Yes. Was it in the way he wanted? Fuck no, so poor, emotionally wounded baby backtracked after seeing that his name was trending alongside Wincest because that’s *so* not what someone narcissistic to do it in the first place, wanted.

Now here’s where I could easily have just moved on with an unusually fond chuckle, giving him an ironic pat on the back and a ‘thanks, Misha’ for being the one to instigate hours of fun, but once again his despicable behaviour made that impossible. It’s been more than obvious for many years that he cares more about what his fans think than anything else to do with the show and the fandom in a larger sense, but to delete the tweet and APOLOGISE for daring to be so insensitive to the snowflakes’ delicate sensibilities for mentioning Wincest in the first place was absolutely disgusting. Stating , “I used a term that I had never really given any thought to other than, "that's a thing?! Yuck." is not only complete and utter bullshit, it’s pandering of the highest order.

We all know he has referred to Wincest on multiple occasions, so to say he hadn’t thought about is a flat out lie, which IMO is an insult to everyone, not just Wincest shippers. Does the man have no self respect at all, why would you contradict yourself in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Instead of either ignoring all the people calling him out, or addressing it with another tweet saying ‘yeah, that happened’ or something similar he chose, I repeat, CHOSE the route of claiming he didn’t realise he was being offensive to people who felt ‘triggered’ by him using the word Wincest. He basically shat all over an entire ship and large sector of the fandom in an attempt to appease his own fan base which consists of a lot of children (or those that act like children) who have no idea what RL is like.

Once again, he’s reinforced the idea that if you shout loud enough at someone just because you don’t like something they said, they will back down and apologise for something even when there’s nothing to apologise for. If he wants to be such a role model then he could easily have pointed out that a fictional ship doesn’t condone RL incest, any ACTUAL trauma people have suffered because of RL situations, and made an effort to make sure people understand that. He COULD have used it as an opportunity to do some good in the fandom by encouraging people to build bridges, to accept that people are entitled to their beliefs and that sometimes we see things differently but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat others with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY because of it. Instead he YET AGAIN chose to show that he cares more about what Minions think of him, keeping them onside to constantly stroke his unbelievably fragile ego in everything he does.

It is my understanding that Misha is big on (or claims to be big on) putting positive energy out into the world, treating people with respect, helping others and accepting people for who they are, not who you want them to be… all this after YEARS of consistently practising what he preaches only when it suits him. He sends out a message that it’s perfectly OK to bully, to spread hate, to draw attention to yourself at the cost of others, to throw colleagues and friends under the bus and at the same time use them to further your own agenda and get hits for your YouTube channel. Is this really the legacy he wants to leave? Is this an environment he wants his own kids to grow up in as well as future generations? Is this what he thinks is a valuable contribution as a human being? JFC, the arrogance, hypocrisy and the need for constant validation this man exhibits is nothing short of cringeworthy… actually it’s beyond that. It’s deplorable behaviour, it’s not new, and he will continue to act like this for as long as he’s being enabled and this harmful cycle needs to end.

I have friends IRL and online who are (now, possibly, were) big Misha fans, who have supported him from either the beginning of his run on the show, or since they started watching, and this is how he repays this behaviour? He’s willfully alienating decent people (including multishippers) all to make himself look good by being seen to do everything he can not to offend people. Spoiler alert, you DID offend people, you continue to do so time and again and we’ve had enough. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be such a perpetual people pleaser, but let me say it’s not doing you any favours in any way, shape or form.

Misha, you are *not* a role model, you’re *not* someone to look up to when you can't live up to the ideals you preach. You’re spitting in the face of people who have supported you even after some questionable things in the past, who gave you the benefit of the doubt because we’re all human and we all make mistakes. The key to growing as a person is not to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, understanding *why* what you said and/or did was a mistake and making a concerted effort to make changes. I don’t ever see you doing that, you will continue down this path of only caring about Minions under the guise of caring for people in general. You are transparent, you are sad and despite the fact I’ve never particularly liked you, I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to get involved in the drama. Well now I have spoken up and I’m saying you’re a disgrace, you have no respect for other people and nobody is fooled anymore. If it hadn’t been this tweet it would have been something else, but I for one am glad it happened so soon after the show ended so we can finally be rid of the limpet-like behaviour. It’s over, let it go for the sake of what dignity you might have left, for the sake of your family and friends and for the sake of anyone who isn’t capable of seeing through your ‘it’s a joke’ mentality.

You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Misha.

For anyone who made it to the end of my ramble, thank you. This has been a cathartic exercise and I’m drawing a line under it now, I don’t think I could possibly make my thoughts any clearer. I urge you not to get caught up in any petty squabbles with his Minions, let’s celebrate J2 and other cast and crew members who have shown us all respect and who I am proud to call part of the SPN family. There’s always one member of the family who needs to be frozen out for the good of everyone else.

#ficforthought speaks #sorry not sorry #i spent way too long on this #purging the poison

235 notes · View notes

eijispumpkin · 3 years

Text

On Allegory, Imperfection, and Inadvertent Subversion: A small essay about Akimi Yoshida’s Banana Fish and Salinger’s “A Perfect Day For Bananafish”.

In the story of Banana Fish, Yoshida references Salinger’s short story “A Perfect Day For Bananafish” (which henceforth shall be addressed as “Perfect Day” simply for ease of reading) several different ways, both in-universe and out. It is exceedingly evident that the character of Ash Lynx is heavily based on Seymour Glass, and one might surmise that Banana Fish is an allegorical retelling of “Perfect Day”, especially given that in the original story, Ash Lynx dies of what is arguably a “passive suicide” – that is, when faced with an injury that isn’t immediately fatal, he chooses to bleed out rather than seek help, which when framed as a suicide, parallels the much more violent and sudden suicide of Seymour Glass.

However, this surface-level allegorical reading ignores a very important variable in the story of Banana Fish, namely the counterpart to Ash’s Seymour: Eiji’s Sybil. While Ash and Seymour share many similarities (both are traumatized, troubled geniuses with partly-Irish roots who grew up in New York City), the similarities between Eiji and Sybil are very few. Eiji does symbolize a world of innocence to contrast with Ash’s world of horrors, but unlike Sybil, Eiji is an adult with agency of his own, and though he retains some of Sybil’s childlike innocence and is able to connect deeply with Ash as a result of it, Eiji’s agency and decisions ultimately change the narrative and its meaning.

That is to say, by introducing Eiji as an imperfect Sybil, one who has agency and can actually provide Ash with understanding and support of the kind that Seymour never got from Muriel or others around him (and which Sybil, being three years old, was in no way equipped to provide), Banana Fish directly subverts “Perfect Day”’s original message of cynicism in the face of a material world unconcerned with the horror of lost innocence and its resulting isolation.

To understand what this means, it’s important to first understand the meaning and context of “Perfect Day” and the circumstances in which it was written. “Perfect Day” is a story written first and foremost as a critique of American materialism in the wake of WWII; Salinger echoes the concerns of the Lost Generation before him, in a way, by really driving home the alienation from modern adult life felt by those who were exposed to the horrors and traumas of the battlefields in wartorn Europe, only to return home and find a culture completely removed from it all. Seymour Glass is a stand-in for Salinger himself—Kenneth Slawenski, in his 2010 biography of Salinger, notes that on returning from the European theater, Salinger “found it impossible to fit into a society that ignored the truth that he now knew.”

If that sounds familiar, good, because it should! This is precisely the motif of “Perfect Day” (as well as some of Salinger’s other work featuring members of the Glass family, such as Seymour’s younger brother Buddy, which, as an aside, is a name that might stick out to Banana Fish fans. Whether this is an intentional reference or a coincidence, I can’t say for certain, but given the depth of other references within this allegory, I��m inclined to think it’s intentional).

As a quick summary for those who may need a refresher, “Perfect Day” is a story about a deeply traumatized man who feels isolated from the rest of society because of the weight of the horrors he has been exposed to. Muriel Glass, Seymour’s wife, is the epitome of this: she represents the materialistic culture that Seymour feels so alienated from, always talking about brand-name things and luxuries and upward mobility. Seymour rejects her company in favor of playing the piano for children and spending time on the beach, where he tells three-year-old Sybil Carpenter a story about bananafish, fish that gorge themselves on bananas in holes under the sea until they’re too fat to escape the entrances to these little banana dens, and then they die. Instead of dismissing this story as something bizarre, Sybil claims she sees a bananafish in the water, which endears her to Seymour, until she leaves, at which point he returns to his hotel room and shoots himself in the head.

In “Perfect Day”, this interaction (between Sybil and Seymour) is the center of a set of dualities. Sybil represents the state of childlike innocence that Seymour longs to return to, and because of her innocence, she can “understand” him in ways that the material adults like her mother or Muriel do not. Seymour’s isolation is a product of his society and the lack of support and understanding for traumatized veterans returning from war, and it shows in the way that adults his age cannot connect with him, and he cannot connect with them. This disconnect between worlds is what eventually results in Seymour’s suicide—he can fit neither in the world in which he wishes to be, nor in the one in which he must reside, and it ends in his death.

The question is, then, how does this relate to Banana Fish?

As mentioned previously, Ash Lynx is a very clear parallel to Seymour Glass. He’s a young man faced with immeasurable trauma from which he believes he can never recover, and there is a clear motif of duality in his entire character arc: his world (one of violence and trauma) versus the “normal” world (where innocent people who have “regular” lives may reside). Like Seymour, Ash feels trapped in a world he can’t escape, knowing “the truth” that he knows, about the horrors that people are capable of.

It follows, then, that Eiji Okumura is a parallel to Sybil Carpenter, who represents childlike innocence and a world that Ash longs to be part of but can’t reach. And to an extent, this is true: Eiji is sheltered and innocent, comparing real-life to TV shows and being completely unexposed to kidnappings, drugs, guns, and violence. However, there is a sharp contrast between Eiji and Sybil, one that fundamentally changes the relationship between Eiji and Ash and makes it radically different from that between Sybil and Seymour:

Eiji is an adult, and as such, he has agency of his own.

Unlike Sybil with Seymour, Eiji can make his own choices and face Ash as an equal. Where Sybil is a child who runs back to her mother after playing with Seymour at the beach, Eiji actively and consistently chooses to stay with Ash, over and over. He even explicitly tells Ash “you are not alone”, which is a huge and direct contrast to the message of inevitable, devastating isolation from “Perfect Day”. Whereas Sybil’s innocence serves as a reminder to Seymour of what he’s lost and cannot regain, Eiji’s innocence is a beacon of comfort and companionship to Ash. Eiji is someone with whom Ash can relax and be playful like a boy his own age, as noted by Max and Ibe watching them interact.

This communication and connection are present between Sybil and Seymour, but in a very different way. Seymour prefers to play make-believe and tell silly stories to kids, because he went from being a wide-eyed innocent to being traumatized and longing for a place to belong, and Sybil as a child represents what he wishes he had, while the adults around him (most notably Muriel, his wife) are a world he doesn’t understand that feels false.

This is not the dichotomy of worlds that Ash faces. Ash faces a world of trauma and suffering that he sees himself as trapped in, and a world of peace and security that he thinks is beyond his reach. Where Seymour yearns for a return to innocence, Ash yearns to escape his pain, and the combination of this subtle difference with the effect of Eiji’s agency and the narrative structure of Banana Fish results in a subversion of the themes in “Perfect Day”.

Banana Fish is a long-form narrative, while “Perfect Day” is a short story. Part of the inherent structure of a long-form narrative is character growth and development, which for obvious reasons is much less prominent in short stories. As a result, Eiji’s impact on Ash is clearly visible over the course of the narrative, and it becomes impossible to declare that Ash is firmly rooted in the world he sees himself as trapped in. By the end of the story, even Ash wavers on this assertion; although he ultimately succumbs to suicide, a narrative choice that been criticized ever since its publication, in the moments leading up to his stabbing, he does believe that Eiji is right, or at least right enough that he wants to see him one last time (this is ambiguous and open to interpretation, of course).

Why did this narrative choice spark so much controversy and outcry from fans? Not every story that ends in tragedy is criticized as poorly written for it; examples range from Shakespearean tragedies to “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story”, a film in which the entire cast dies in the climax. Yet just about all fans agree that it fit the narrative. Clearly, then, it is possible to craft a story that ends in death and tragedy but still feels well-written. What makes Banana Fish different?

I would argue that the answer lies in this imperfect allegory. By creating a Sybil-esque character that can interact with the Seymour-esque character as equals, can stay with him, and can listen to him and support him through his grief and pain, Akimi Yoshida inadvertently turned “Perfect Day”’s message on its head. The tragedy of “Perfect Day” is Seymour’s isolation. By giving Ash a warm, compassionate relationship in which he is assured over and over that he is not alone, Yoshida upturns this entirely.

Ash is led to believe in this dichotomy mostly by his isolation. He believes that since Eiji is in mortal danger as a result of being special to him, he needs to send Eiji to safety, i.e. somewhere far from him and far from the reach of those who would hurt them both. This isn’t a miscommunication issue or anything of the sort; this is Ash being afraid for Eiji’s life; Eiji isn’t averse to returning to Japan itself. Eiji is averse to returning to Japan without Ash, as he mentions when he talks about how Ash could be a model, and tells him about kami. In establishing this as a consistent tenet of Eiji’s character, Yoshida ensures that Ash is not isolated in the same way that Seymour was.

In addition, Eiji can move freely between both worlds set up in Ash’s perceived dichotomy, a motif made explicitly clear when Eiji leaps the wall to freedom and light at the beginning, leaving Ash (and Skipper) behind in captivity in the dark. Despite this escape from the world of violence and crime, Eiji returns of his own volition and stays with Ash, experiences his own fair share of horrific traumas, and still leaves in the end to return to his world. This makes it clear that the dichotomy is less stark than Ash is led to believe, unlike the repeated validation of his isolation that Seymour receives, and is another reason that the ending of “Perfect Day” is inconsistent with the ending of Banana Fish

A quick sidebar: Banana Fish has no real Muriel, but if pressed, I would posit that the closest parallel to Muriel that exists is Blanca, whose main purpose in the narrative seems to be to reinforce to Ash that he can’t escape the world he feels trapped in and longs to leave. But where in “Perfect Day” Muriel symbolized the materialism of American society after WWII, Blanca has no real established reason to be so invested in keeping Ash down, and in conjunction with the fact that despite his own traumas, he can retire peacefully to the Caribbean, his role in the story falls to pieces entirely. Where Muriel represented a lifestyle that Seymour fundamentally could not reach, thereby reinforcing his isolation, Blanca is supposed to parallel Ash to a degree, but his words to Ash do not match his actions whatsoever.

Therefore, if anything, Blanca’s assertions serve only to strike a contrast with Eiji’s (and Max’s, to an extent, since Max and Eiji both agree that Ash can escape this and they want him to heal). Moreover, Blanca’s relationship with Ash is that of a mentor and a student, a relationship that is shown to be fundamentally unhealthy, given that Blanca willingly worked for Ash’s abuser, a mafia don who he knew trafficked children. Some argue that Blanca was blackmailed into this service, but given that Blanca chose to betray Golzine at the end and work with Ash with seemingly no real provocation or change in his relationship with Golzine, this supposition seems flawed. Blanca’s assertions about Ash and his ability to forge bonds and leave his world the way Eiji does, and indeed the way Blanca himself does, are simply incorrect, and the narrative itself provides us all the tools we need to realize that Blanca is wrong, even without the extended context of a parallel to Muriel Glass.

Returning to the main issue at hand, i.e. that of the imperfect allegorical connections between Sybil and Eiji, and the dichotomy between worlds that Ash perceives, it’s clear that in creating a positive, nurturing relationship between Ash and Eiji rather than a one-off encounter, Yoshida inadvertently created a story about connections rather than isolation. Ash’s attempts to keep Eiji safe from harm by sending him home are countered by Eiji’s assertion that he only wants to go to Japan if Ash comes with him, which is a kind of selfless devotion that reaches through Ash’s isolation until he decides that he won’t try and separate himself from Eiji anymore, which is a massive blow to the dichotomy of his supposed two worlds. This is the narrative acknowledging that both worlds can coexist.

Not only this, but also Eiji, who has his own trauma—he’s kidnapped several times, shot at, drugged, sexually assaulted, attacked with a knife by a drugged friend, exposed to several deaths, shot at people in fights himself, and ultimately nearly killed by a gunshot wound—despite all of this, Eiji is still allowed to exist in the world of peace and regularity. Eiji’s innocence is sharply tempered by traumatic experiences, and he can still walk between worlds. If Eiji, Max, Ibe, Jessica, Sing, Cain, and Blanca can all experience traumas, why is Ash the only one who cannot escape? Is there some kind of magical bar of “too much” trauma, like an event horizon on a black hole?

Obviously, no.

So it comes to this: Essentially, the reason that the ending is so controversial, and why I personally believe that the open ending of the anime is an improvement to the original story, is that the allegory between Banana Fish and “Perfect Day” falls apart because of Eiji’s agency. Ash wants to protect Eiji, and to protect Eiji’s innocence and light, because he feels that it’s beyond his own reach, but Eiji forges a bond with him that is rooted in mutual respect and care, and in doing so, undoes the devastating, painful isolation that led to Seymour’s suicide. This is why Ash’s death can feel so hollow—it doesn’t follow the pattern of “Perfect Day”; after the entire story is about Ash’s bonds and those who love him unconditionally, it feels almost like a shock-value plot twist tacked on, rather than a tragic inevitability.

I don’t believe that Yoshida intended Banana Fish to be a subversion of “Perfect Day”. I believe she meant it as a one-to-one allegory, and this is why she kept the ending as Ash choosing death. However, due to the changes in themes because of the characters and their relationships, Ash is not isolated in the profound way Seymour was, and his death is therefore not nearly as impactful.

#this is 2600 words i am so fucking sorry but also im not sorry im just verbose #banana fish #banana fish meta #asheiji #ash lynx #eiji okumura

270 notes · View notes

whump-town · 3 years

Text

With Enough Time

No warnings

No pairings

Jessica was three years old when Haley was born and she was entirely underwhelmed by the squirming, worm-like creature her father handed her. Ugly, she surmised, after a single glance and the wrong shade of pink to ever be considered the playmate Jessica needed in her new best friend. Never mind the screaming. Jessica had never heard a thing scream so much in her life. Yet she felt mildly curious about this little thing her parents, at least, seemed to love.

She was seventeen when Aaron Hotchner walked meekly through their front door, head turned to the ground as Haley chirped along about nonsense. Again, she turned her nose to this new addition to her family. Snubbed the idea of this person she found entirely inadequate to play a role in her circus. His face a shadow of bruises new and old, dark eyes looking everywhere but her. And like their parents who had been enraptured with the wrinkled, mangled baby they loved so dearly Haley held tightly to the black and blue boy Jessica decided she didn’t like one bit.

But she does grow to love them.

Not before the age of fourteen for Haley. Between three and fourteen Jessica endures years of listening to her baby sister cry about every single thing. She ruins fishing with her deep sobs. For the worms cruelly impaled on hooks to die a sorrowful death either torn apart or drowned. For the fish having holes torn in their faces. Jessica just liked tossing the fish back but they couldn’t do that anymore because Haley would cry and cry and cry until they stopped. So Jessica shoved her down with force and a temper she’d not yet learned to control, chased her with mud-covered hands until Haley cried more. By fourteen the crying had stopped and they’d both started to become people, not yet adults but individuals with opinions and thoughts they liked to air. Bedtimes to stay up past whispering about the things they saw or how mad they were at an injustice they felt they’d suffered by their parents.

Jessica found a confidon, a best friend in that mangy little girl she’d only ever found mildly interesting. She learned to braid hair with Haley, the younger girl sitting in her lap for hours until Jessica had formed two uneven braids. She screamed herself hoarse fighting over t-shirts or pants Haley would swipe. Stole Haley’s shirt in return, envied the way she looked or how people talked to her versus the way they never seemed to notice Jessica. Cried in her furies over the nonsense fights they’d get into. Slammed doors in her face. Called her awful names.

All to stand as her protector that first day she saw Aaron Hotchner in their house. Her jaw set and her eyes never leaving him.

But she already loved Haley and it wasn’t all that hard to learn to love someone she loved.

He reminds her of the puppy Haley brought home when she was nine. A tiny thing that hadn’t lived for very long but would follow Haley everywhere she went. Whimpering outside her door at night because Roy forbade it sleeping in her bed and yet every morning when Roy left for work Haley would sneak it in. Swaddling its shivering form in her blankets and holding it to her chest like a baby. It was sick the entirety of its life, they took it to the vet but there was just nothing to be done. Haley managed to keep it alive for a year much to everyone’s dismay. She bottle-fed it when it couldn’t or simply wouldn’t eat. Took her socks and filled them with rice and corn to make heating pads she could pop in the microwave and tuck around it.

It still died but Haley gave it her all.

She didn’t cry when it happened. It was sort of strange. Jessica got up because she heard the commotion and followed her parents into Haley’s room. Greeted by the sight of the tiny puppy in a shoebox, wrapped in the blanket Haley always held him in. There wasn’t a tear in her eyes, she had already accepted its death a long time ago. Roy had hugged her, tried to soothe a sadness Haley knew wouldn’t subside just yet. She would cry some hours later, once they’d buried it, but only softly to herself.

And when Aaron Hotchner limped into their living room, extended a trembling hand to their father Jessica wondered just where Haley acquired her love for the doomed.

It hadn’t occurred to only Jessica that once again they might watch one of Haley’s muses die. Aaron already moved like a snuffed-out candle, whisps of smoke thinning out.

But it wasn’t Aaron that died.

Jessica gets a call from the hospital and feels the adrenaline flood her body, her breath held as she waits for impending doom. The last phone call Haley made was to her and she had been a mess, sobbing in a mix of frustration and fear. They’d all been thrilled when Aaron took the job that would station him home once again but none of them had the hindsight to know it would end them up in this position. Haley and Aaron divorced. A serial killer trying to kill them. As much as that scared Haley, she thought it would be Aaron. She knew her own life was in danger but she knew Aaron, she’d loved that man for over half their lives, and she knew his life was the one really in threat.

How long could he really live away from them? As it stood he’d stayed on the couch frequently, preferred it to his lonesome apartment. And Haley knew she should impart some heavy boundaries but she’d watch him pace the porch before ringing the doorbell. Fighting up a smile and the energy needed to make Jack feel safe, to make Jack think his dad was still the same. Happy and confident and ready for whatever extravagant play Jack’s little mind could come up with.

Not long.

That’s what she’d seen in the hospital, a long sleek black coffin and having to explain to Jack why daddy isn’t coming home this time. He didn’t have long.

They all thought that. He’d become reckless after the divorce. Haley knew that would only become exasperated by her and Jack’s distance.

And now one of them is dead, just like they knew would happen, and the other not in the state to make an identification.

Haley is strong but Jessica can’t imagine having to ask her to identify Aaron’s body. So, of course, she agrees to do it. She doesn’t want to do it either. She grew up with him and in every way that Haley was her baby sister Aaron had become her stupid kid brother. He’d tackled her in the backyard, the two of them fighting over something senseless. He was the first person she called when she got drunk at a college party and knew she was no longer safe. He’d cried in her arms when Jack was born. She loves him. He’d meant the world to her too.

“You son of bitch!”

Head supported by a mound of pillows, jet black hair against bright white, it’s Aaron they find. Not Haley. The beaten black and blue boy from her childhood with his sad unfocused eyes laying there held together by bandages and machines.

Aaron had come to them once beaten so badly he could hardly stand. Haley and their mother did what they could. Abiding by the one thing he’d asked of them before collapsing, eyes rolling into the back of his head and falling into Haley’s arms. No hospital. It had made Roy livid. Jessica had never seen him like that. By all means, Roy is a kind soft man. Jessica hadn’t even heard him curse until that day. Pacing back and forth and shaking his head, angered but knew better than to say anything. Couldn’t shout or speak his mind, not when Aaron laying so close. He was already in rough enough shape, he didn’t need Roy scaring him on top of it. A ragdoll. Roy had whispered his heated thoughts to Jessica, the boys just a damn ragdoll to that man. She never understood how Roy could love Aaron the way he did and yet become so angered with Aaron for things beyond his control.

He’s a ragdoll now.

Limp and dazed as Roy grabs him by throat, shaking him and screaming.

They’d come to identify his body. To take Haley home and console her because no one should lose their spouse that young. She’d still loved him. Maybe that’s how Jessica should have known this would end because Haley had sobbed when the papers went through. She’d been inconsolable and Roy had been glad.

He’d never really loved Aaron.

Not like they had.

Jack screams when Roy grabs Aaron, startled and still too confused to understand what’s happening. He sits up in his curl of blankets, swallowed by his father’s suit jacket still settled around his little body.

Roy is blind to it, succumbing to his rage and his grief. That his daughter should die and the little bastard who only ever made her cry should live. “You son of a bitch! You--” Roy hits him. Aaron’s hardly standing, eyes hooded as he stumbles to stay on his feet. He’s leaning over himself, shaking and crying but he doesn’t fight back. He just takes it.

“Stop it!” Jessica pushes her father back. Surprising them both with her strength. “Stop it!” She stands between the two of them, the line drawn and Roy won’t push through her. He won’t. “Leave,” she shouts and she knows she needs to lower her voice. To calm things back down but her own heart is racing and she’s not thinking all that clearly anymore. “Get out.” She meets Roy’s eyes one more time, watches him glance at Aaron before turning. Leaving. Storming out in a fury but leaving his chaos behind.

Aaron’s on the floor when she turns around. He’s laying there pale skin against the chilled tile. Dark eyes hooded and too disoriented to move. One trembling hand reaching out and the other curled around his ribs. “Sorry,” he whispers. Repeats himself again, whispering frantically to her. He pulls his bandaged hands up over his face, trying to protect himself. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” His blood spills over the floor, smeared from his body’s struggle.

Jessica crouches down, covers his hand with her own. “Aaron,” she says. “Aaron, you’re okay.” He lays there on the floor, shivering under the lights. Jack screaming, wailing himself hoarse. Aaron’s too pale, bloodshot eyes empty.

It doesn’t seem entirely true to say she hasn’t come to simply identify him, as well.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #jessica brooks

35 notes · View notes