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ashercate-marablanchett · 1 year

Text

𝐏𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 2

Warnings: Idk just talking about body and weight. Fainting

Word Count: 2,205

"Alright. You should have the syllabus out you got at the beginning of the year. You can choose two books that are in the A-level curriculum. The Crucible by Arthur Miller or 1984 by George Orwell. Choose wisely. It will be half of the midterm." I didn't get the English syllabus. "Well, finished early today. You may leave." The whole lot fleed. Ms. Blanchett sat at her desk flipping through tons of paperwork.

"I'm sorry Ms. Blanchett. I don't have the A-level syllabus." I unwedged myself from the sharp desk my legs have sorely been cut on. Her eyes snuck across the top of her classes that dropped low on the bridge of her nose, towards me. "You must've misplaced it. Or did you use it to roll your fags Shiny boots?"

"No actually. I didn't start at the beginning of the year. If you didn't realize by now." I mocked her rather bold tone. Maybe she didn't like what I said. Or how? She straightened up walking along the width of her desk. She sat on the edge of her desk before me crossing her legs at the knee. "Aren't we a little gutsy? You're Asher Mara yes? Any relation to Rooney Mara?" Her arms crossed as well after she adjusted her specs.

"Yeah, that's my sister, unfortunately." I split my hair from the back pulling it to the front of my chest. I often fixed and fidgetted with it in times of stress. This was a stressful moment. She laughed under her breath coving her mouth with her hand. "Hardly. Shouldn't be a misfortune. You should be glad. Your sister's graduating class was the first one I taught. She still has all the piercings you have?" She stood back up turning around. Her hands rushed through a metal wire bin on her desk searching for something. It was a piece of paper. "Here. It's the syllabus. Have you given any thought to what you would like to read?" She handed me the paper as I shoved it into my bag. "She has even more haha! And thank you. I might read 1984. I've read Animal Farm so I'd expect one of his classics to be good as well."

"You've read George Orwell's work? I never imagined you'd be into the classics. Have you ever read The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde? It's about a corrupt young man who somehow kept his youthful beauty, but a special painting gradually reveals his inner ugliness to all. You might enjoy it. Here, take my copy." She spun around to the back of her desk pulling out a small book from her shelf. She came back to me extending her hand out. "Thank you very much Ms. Blanchett. I'll return it very quickly." My hands shook trying not to let the slick cover slip from my shaken hands.

"You're quite alright Asher. If you like it, keep it and if you don't then you can return it." She smiled promptly like she was almost uncomfortable. Maybe I was reading into it too much. That's what it felt like. Maybe I was overstaying my welcome. I put the book in my open bag also looking at my watch. I'm going to miss my train.

"Again thank you very much, Ms. Blanchett, I have to run or else I'll miss my train home." I started to zip my back, slowly shuffling my boots along the laminate. "Alright, then Miss Asher. Get home safe. I'll see you tomorrow." I scurried along the desks making it to the door. "Bye!" I waved my small hand like a limp noodle. I'm an idiot. God, why did wave that furiously? Goddamnit!

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My Oyster card was almost out of cash. I forgot to text Rooney this afternoon about transferring me the cash. I'll ask her tonight. I was at the metro going down the stairs to the station. My knees were cracking with every step I strode. Until my leg had other plans. It points to the left hitting the beam of the railing. I crashed onto the platform landing on my knees. God did it hurt. It felt as though I just kneeled on broken glass. It burnt. I was becoming anxious that there were others behind watching my catastrophe. I lunged from my bloody spot on the ground. Racing to the shuttle. I didn't realize it until I sat down and noticed I was bleeding heavily. My off-black sheer tights were damp in a cartoon-like ruby colour. Huge rips were on the top of my kneecaps where the pool of blood was flowing. It was a weird sensation, to tell the truth. It stung while it felt cold. It ran down my calf like cold water, every little tense of my muscle made the stinging come. It was sensual. That might sound odd to some, but the sheer fact of the adrenaline as my body tumbled out from my stance made me feel...I don't what word to use. Alive? Perhaps that's not the word but that's not what I want.

Ms. Blachett gave me that book, I started to read the first few pages. Even a few sentences sounded familiar.

'The studio was filled with the rich odour of roses, and when the light summer wind stirred amidst the trees of the garden there came through the open door the heavy scent of the lilac, or the more delicate perfume of the pink-flowering thorn.'

It was written beautifully. The words melted off the pages, I had no idea why I thought this book was so interesting. Or it could have been the fact Cate gave it to me. I had to admit Cate is pretty hot, especially for the run-of-mill English teacher.

My stop came quicker than usual, I was so mesmerized by my book that I almost missed my stop. I got up from my seat forgetting my legs were cut up. I startled myself until I came to remember what I did. Now the blood was dripping from my boots into my socks. I'll have another pair of ruined socks in my drawer tonight. The apartment complex we lived in was five blocks away from the metro station. The rain was heavier than this morning. My boots squeaked along the cement and my blazer was soaked. I don't have another one. I know I'll be in shit tomorrow out of uniform again. The cement stairs were like an uphill battle, my knee ached. I opened the door going up the carpet stairs, there were probably 50 or so tenants in my building. None we've ever met, however. We are hermits. Especially Rooney was, we weren't sisters or anything. We were identical in our characteristics and sometimes in our appearance, but since she's a lawyer she had to hide her tattoos and had to remove some of her piercings, unfortunately. She looked badass, now she has to act badass in a pantsuit. Rooney was in the kitchen making something in the pan. Her hair was pinned in a bun as she was hooking her septum ring back in. That one was her favourite piercing. She always puts it back in after work.

"Hey-hey. How was school?" Rooney grabbed the spatula flipping whatever concoction she was making.

"Nice shirt. You stole it from my room again." I plobbed down on the kitchen bar stool in the island. My backpack took the seat beside me sitting heavier than I was.

"First of all you little thief, this was my Siouxsie Sioux shirt. I didn't know you know who this is. You haven't answered the question. How was school?" Rooney's hair was cut sloppily. It looked like she cut it herself. It was an inch above her eyebrow unevenly.

"I do listen to Siouxsie and the Banshees, it was from you most of my music is from you know and school was fine. We got a new level A English teacher. She's cute." Rooney slid to the fridge grabbing a glass jar of maraschino cherries. Her socks looked comfy, she slid around the laminate flooring like she was on ice. "Someone else showed me them also when I was young. I should be pretty fucking proud. Here. They're your favourite." 165 calories. Do I chance it? 4 calories for one. Maybe just one. One won't hurt me.

My strength wasn't strong enough to open the jar, Rooney leaned against the counter beside the stove watching me struggle. "Small fry? Here. Give it." She snatched the jar from my hands cracking the lid effortlessly. "You're extremely weak Ash. We need to book you a doctor's appointment. Let's see what days I'm free." She turned and stirred the fried hash around. "No, no, no. I am completely fine, I'm tired. I'm just gonna take these cherries and go to my room." I picked up a fork in the drawer, whisking the jar away to my room.

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My blazer was soaked. I draped it on the radiator making sure it dried for tomorrow. I took off my uniform entirely. My skirt was pinned with bobby pins. It was medium but felt like an XL. My white button-collared shirt fit me nicely, it was slimming. I watched in the mirror the way my body moved under my shirt. My legs were perfect, my kneecaps bucked out like they were trying to escape. They were cut up and bruised. Peppered with dried blood around the wounds. I had to shower, but that can wait. I needed to clean my room. It was screaming in desperation. All of my vinyl was scattered all over the carpet. I was on a maniac mission last night. I wanted to feel like I was at every concert in my room. Bowie, Siouxsie, Cigarettes After Sex, The 1975, Phoebe Bridgers and of course Depeche Mode. I had to have it in alphabetical order. I had boxes upon boxes full of vinyls. 1 box was from the states, and the 2 box was bought here over time living here with Rooney. Rooney has also had some of her vinyls gone missing since I was here.

"Fuck...I have to. It's the greatest hits." I flipped the vinyl front to back. Siouxsie & The Banshees Once Upon A Time. It had all of their greatest hits. I began to undress turning up the volume on my record player.

'I heard a rumour, It was just a rumour, I heard a rumour. What have you done to her? Myriad lights, They said I'd be impressed. Arabian Knights, At your primitive best.'

I threw on my fuzzy pyjama pants and an off-grey hoodie. I sat in my desk chair with my legs up on the desk. I was trying to multitask, that's not my strong suit. I was trying to open my bag while cracking the window. I found my book and the syllabus Ms. Blanchett gave me. My ashtray was hidden under my laptop. I dragged it along the black wood of my desk seeing I still had half a cigarette in there from this morning. My lighters were hidden in the cup holding all of my pens and pencils. My fingers twitched flicking the roll of the lighter. I couldn't wait to crack open this book again. I awaited anticipation. I didn't finish my cigarette before I opened the book.

With the music, on top of me, I was trying to focus to read the following sentences. My brain was being warped. My head felt like it was detaching from my neck. Like I was floating away into the open window.

"Awe fuck-..." My eyes became disco ball. White sparkles fly around my room. My head went back looking up at my ceiling. This sort of thing happens often, one day I'm on top of the world, and the next I'm tumbling over into my carpet. I couldn't tell what will happen. The sentences on the page went a blur, it was a mess. I began to shudder at the cold instantly rushing through my body. I arose flipping the page, the page hit my skin sharply, causing the cut down my thumb. My eyes doubled. The blood drained out onto the white carpet under my desk. My heart was beating in my ears. A headache was coming and going. I turned trying to make it to my bed. I didn't. My legs gave out hitting my shoulder and my head on the floor. I wanted my body to freak out, but I couldn't make my pinky move. My vision was going dark. I couldn't even speak. My time was running thin.

"Ash! You forgot the lid!" I heard Rooney yell. Her feet were going up the stairs. She was a couple of feet away, you could tell. She's going to freak out. I thought my hands were under my body but it wasn't moving. She was at least half a foot away. I went to yell to her but it came out as a low squeak. Don't come in, don't come in Roon.

"Ash! Asher! What happened?! Asher! Can you hear me..." Rooney came in bending her knee. All faded to black after.

#cate blanchett #fanfic #rooney mara #wattpad #wattpad story #thin$p0 #paperweights

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