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maddymoreau · 2 months

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My Thoughts on Poppy Playtime Chapter 3

Ollie is ADORABLE!!!! "No ouchies or lost body parts?" HE'S A BABY I NEED TO PROTECT!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!! (¬‿¬) I have ZERO evidence for this but my theory is he’s The Prototype.

I’m REALLY happy to see the phone Ollie calls the player on is identical to the one in Project: Playtime! It’s nice seeing stuff introduced in Project: Playtime finally appear in the main series.

( ⚆_⚆ ) ESPECIALLY DR. HARLEY SAWYER!!!! WOW THE TAPE FEATURING HIM TALKING TO THE PROTOTYPE WAS DARK!!!! I knew a man like Dr. Sawyer would be a sick and twisted individual since he created the Bigger Bodies Initiative.

Despite that I was NOT prepared to hear the joy in his voice to experiment on children. It was revolting.

This exchange:

Prototype: "You stick us. Beat us. Tear at flesh. Do you feel it?"

Dr. Sawyer: "There is a secret inside you, 1006. Valuable beyond all measure. I cut and prod and burn at it, and I get closer with each session . . . So speak, or don't. Fight, or give in. Regardless, I learn something new about you every day . . . (Laughs) It excites me!"

Prototype: "Thank you."

Dr. Sawyer: "You . . . thank me?"

Prototype: "Absolutely. I learn something new about you every day."

THAT FINAL LINE WHEN THE PROTOTYPE IS MIMICKING DR. SAWYER'S VOICE AHHHHHH!!!!

＿|￣|○ I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO DR. SAWYER SO BADDDDD!!!!!! He wasn’t around for The Hour of Joy but I hope he suffered.

Leith Pierre: "Normally I'd have Dr. Sawyer do this but he's uhhh . . . out, let's say. So you got me until they find his replacement."

(o ´ _ ` )o The contrast between how Dr. Sawyer speaks to the experiments VS Leith Pierre the Head of Innovation at Playtime Co.

Both dehumanize the experiments in different ways.

Leith Pierre can’t even bother remembering Catnap's real name. He puts on this fake friendly facade. Referring to Catnap as his Pal and Buddy. It's so disingenuous.

Especially when he asks, "Heya Theo! How ya doin' bud?" Pierre could care less about how Catnap feels. It's only when Catnap responds, "The Prototype will save us." That gets Pierre to finally drops the corporate spiel. Admitting to what this place is. Catnap’s prison.

No wonder Catnap worshipped The Prototype after being save when this is what he’s told about his horrific situation.

Leith Pierre: "THIS is your life now. Get used to it."

I absolutely LOVED all the new features for the Grab Pack. The air jet looked SO FUN!!!! Watching people desperately shoot the flare gun against smiling critters in a cramped space WAS SO INTENSE!!! The smiling critter's small growls and whimpers made me sad.

(ʃƪ 〃’▽’〃)♡ The horror in this chapter was INCREDIBLE!!!! While I had fun playing Chapter 2 I remember feeling disappointed by the scares.

CHAPTER THREE HAD ME HORRIFIED!!!! EVERY JUMP SCARE HAD ME FLYING OUT MY CHAIR, THE ATMOSPHERE WAS AMAZING AND AHHHHH THE HOME ORPHANAGE SECTION!!!!!

It reminded me of PT ∑(; °_°) Especially with the radio informing us that in Elliot Ludwig's house it was discovered he HAD THE BODY OF A CHILD IN A DUFFLE BAG!!?!?!?!?!?!

ALSO THAT ONE RADIO'S REVERSE MESSAGE!!!

"8-8-1995 I find your presence intrusive. After all this time you return. You come in here and yet you kill and murder. You pilate and destroy. Your presence was demanded 10 years ago and yet you didn't show up . . . 8-8-1995 You were supposed to be here. Why weren't you here? You missed the event. You missed the meeting. You missed the party. You have no right to be here . . ."

AHHHHHH MOBGAMES KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THE LIGHTING IN THIS SCENE!!!!!

I thought I was going to see MY BOY 😭💔!!!!!!

Huggy Wuggy is completely fine.

Kissy Missy was so sad and adorable in this chapter. Seeing her stare at the picture and hug herself BROKE MY HEART ( o̴̶̷᷄ _ o̴̶̷̥᷅ )!!! She deserves the world.

Catnap acting like a child and avoiding school 😭💔

Miss Delight was a minor spoiler I knew about since people used her face in their thumbnail. However I was NOT prepared for her to act like a Coil-Head!!!!

Theodore being described as antisocial and having a peculiar relationship with an imaginary friend _(:ì」∠)_.

That “imaginary” friend being The Prototype. Who guided Theodore to help them both escape. Only for Theodore to get electrocuted since he was just a child who didn't know how to safely use a Grabpack.

The Prototype throwing away their chance to escape to save Theodore by bringing him to the staff. Showing The Prototype does care in some way.

Only for Theodore to be later turned Catnap.

THEN the player electrocutes Catnap the SAME way Theodore originally received his injuries. The Prototype comes to “save” Theodore once again but this time by making Catnap a part of him AND CATNAP ACCEPTS SO WILLINGLY (˃ ⌑ ˂ഃ )!!!!

It felt like I was watching a religious experience.

I love Poppy Playtime but I do think they show too much in their trailers. Dog day is a great example but even then his scene was *chef kiss*

All the smiling critters crawling inside Dogday as he desperately screamed in agony and for us to run away left me speechless.

I liked the detail of Dogday calling us angel. I'm excited to see all the AUs people create where we save him.

ALSO THE HOUR OF JOY WAS A BLAST TO WATCH!!!!!

I know Poppy is right that it was just senseless slaughter. How all that death didn't fix or help anyone. Especially when it didn't matter if those killed were innocent or not.

However imagining these characters being painfully experimented on and stripped of their autonomy. Going though years of hell and finally reaching their breaking point. It's hard to not feel good for them getting to release that anger. Even if I know it's wrong.

ALSO I GOT TO SEE MY SECOND FAVORITE CHARACTER BOXY BOO YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

THERE WAS SOOOOO MUCH HUGGY WUGGY IMAGERY IN THIS CHAPTER AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I'M GOING TO OVER THINK IT!!!!!! I HAVE NO THEORIES I’M JUST POINTING DETAILS OUT!!!!!!

When hallucinating Huggy Wuggy's face is on the employee training video:

“Join the Innovationists, where the bounds of science are continuously pushed. Or join the Counselors of Playcare, whose diligence and care for our children will help shape a brighter future, just you see.”

“Now every one of you has your part in that future, so should you come back tomorrow feeling unhappy for where you are, or what you’ve done . . . worry not, for your supervisor is here and happy to listen! And . . . should you come back . . . years later . . . your conscience finally getting the better of you. May you descend into the dark and the dust, finding all that awaits you are incomprehensible horrors . . . each hungry for your return, each eager that they might find you. Perhaps they’d smile at you from a shadow, their smiling mouths full of teeth and meat and plastic, watching and waiting patiently for their turn at a warm welcome. Or perhaps they won’t allow you such a time to figure your place in the world you’d left. A world that’s theirs now. Welcome home.”

The video transforms into a manifestation of the player's guilt. Not only for their involvement for whatever they did while working at Playtime Co. but for being gone and returning after ten years.

This is also paired with the player's possible guilt for killing Huggy Wuggy and their fear of him.

The hallucination version being a more exaggerated version of the Chapter 1 Huggy Wuggy vent chase.

When Catnap causes the player to later hallucinate:

Poppy: “Do you even know what’s real?”

Poppy: “No you don’t.”

THEN AT THE END OF THE HALLUCINATION IT SHOWS US THE DAY OF JOY!!!! Which is very odd when you consider two things. We've been told multiple times we weren’t there and during this scene we didn't know what the Hour of Joy was.

So the player hallucinating being in front of Huggy Wuggy’s podium during The Hour of Joy with a large Prototype hand reaching for us IS ODD!!!

ALSO THE TAPE IT SHOWS THAT’S WHERE HUGGY WUGGY WAS DURING THE HOUR OF JOY!!!!!!!

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!?!?!

This is just speculation but perhaps the player's memories aren't as trustworthy as we think. After all we still aren't even sure who even sent us the letter or tape in Chapter 1.

"EVERYONE THINKS THE STAFF DISSAPEARED 10 YEARS AGO WE'RE STILL HERE FIND THE FLOWER"

It’s important to point out the characters from Chapter 2 made ZERO appearance during these hallucinations. Mommy Long Legs, PJ Pug-a-Pillar, Bunzo Bunny and the Wack-a-Wuggy.

Is the Huggy Wuggy imagery used because he’s who we encounter at the start of the game?

OR SOMETHING MORE AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

#Something something something the first key we needed in game was held up by Huggy Wuggy while on his podium.#So is The Prototype in the hallucination symbolizing he's the key to answering all our questions or am I overthinking everything asdnsf;alk #Rambling about my Poppy Playtime Self Insert -> I haven't decided what but something happened to my self insert to cause her memory issues.#She remembers small details from her time working for Playtime Co. but not the experiments.#So throughout the Chapters she's slowly unraveling the mystery of not only Playtime Co. but herself.#Everything story wise plays out the identical in all the chapters except one thing.#At the end of Chapter One instead of the box falling onto Huggy Wuggy. My self insert doesn't pull the box down in time.#Just as Huggy Wuggy is about to kill her. He finally gets a good look at her face.#Which she had hidden in the beginning with a mask + hat and hoodie because of the cameras.#As she ran and descended further into the facility she discarded her disguise.#Once Huggy Wuggy realizes who she is he stops trying to kill her.#Since there's not enough lore about the player's backstory yet I haven't decided why.#However whatever reason or friendship or connection they had she can't remember. Whatever it was causes Huggy Wuggy to not kill her.#During Chapter 2 Huggy Wuggy follows besides her. Helping when he can.#He can't help during the tests however since Mommy Long Legs considers that cheating. Mommy even is confused WHY he's helping her.#At the end of Chapter 2 when listening to the tape about Huggy Wuggy being the optimal outcome.#My self insert feels guilty and worries the only reason he hasn't killed her is because of what they did to him.#However the goof reassures her in his own odd way (pat on the head or a hug) that's not the case. In Ch. 3 he's with Kissy Missy and Poppy.#When Kissy Missy attacks my self insert he defends her (no violence just shoving and growling) but Poppy and I dissolve the situation.#Since Huggy Wuggy can't be protected from the Red Gas I imagine he has to wait with Kissy Missy and Poppy.#As for what history Huggy Wuggy and my self insert have to make him not be violent towards her I haven't decided.#The hallucination nightmare imagery remains the same. Although she feels comfortable with Huggy Wuggy now there's no denying he scared her.#Combined with her slowly remember her involvement and the guilt consuming her. Wondering if subconsciously she always knew.#I'm excited to delve more into their friendship and past. Although aggressive Huggy Wuggy is extremely smart.#Using the vents and escaping the facility. He doesn't act like a lost puppy or anything. He has his own agency.#Despite his hunger and aggression whatever their history is it's important enough he wants to ensure her safety.#Poppy Playtime #MaddyMoreauPost

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belethlegwen · 6 months

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Hell Of A Vision

So now that they're currently on a flight back to a place way too far away from me, I just wanted to make a post to say that myself and @adjacentperception just had an amazing six weeks together.

Originally going to be a two week vacation, their boss encouraged them to put in a form to work internationally from home so we could get a bit of a domestic snapshot for what things would be like if* (*=when) they move here.

It was incredible. It was beautiful. It vibed and meshed so easily, so well, for six whole weeks that the fact they have to leave even if only for less than a year feels cruel and stupid. We fit together, we had such an amazing time. I got to show them so much of what I love of my home, I got to introduce them to my immediate family and most of my friends. It was phenomenal.

I also asked them to marry me.

They said yes.

Of all the things I thought my silly writing could lead to, I never thought it could lead to something like this. I never thought I'd find someone who loves to write, who loves to write with me, who loves to play and create together in such a beautifully unique way. I've never been loved by someone so strongly, so completely, so expansively. We share our loves and our passions with each other and we fit together like puzzle pieces in so many remarkable ways.

I love them so deeply and thoroughly and I feel like there's so many more ways I could love them.

They also make the best soups. The BEST. There was so much soup had here. They taught me to make biscuits and gravy. They made me their famous and incredible spaghetti, the very same spaghetti they were making the day they first messaged me.

We have a story we're working on that's coming together, and we're hoping to be able to post at least the first few chapters of it within the next few months if things go well. G/t, obviously, and we think some folks in the community will really like it.

I'm very excited to catch up on everything that I've been missing out on while I was in my domestic bliss over here, now that I have a big ol' pile of sadness to work through while we finalize on the big move together. Y'all have been putting out amazing stuff for G/tober and even before that! So many stories to hopefully sit down and read!

Anyway, I just wanted to share a little update on our lives and what's been going on with y'all <3 It's also helping me battle the sadtimes right now while they're on a flight and I've got an empty bed waiting for me.

Love you all, be safe, be kind, be you <3

~ Belle

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ms0milk · 3 months

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no new hymn this weekend (next ch's worth the wait) but i took a screenshot while i was formatting last week because i thought it might be cool to talk about the process of publishing a chapter!

there's plenty of steps besides writing to make it all aesthetically pleasing First! 1) While I'm writing, i have to prioritize making the first paragraph or two really enticing (i call it the "preview") since that's what'll be seen above the post break

2) i have to source the title font (alphabetic and numeric fonts have different sources and need to be coded separately boo), 3) before any of that i have to actually pick a title, a quote from the chapter, write a blurb for the masterlist, and 4) my favorite and most dreaded step: editing the header image!

I love the way clothing texture looks in paintings so for each chapter I use a different piece with the color and vibe that chapter is going for, and edit a few variations to test out above the draft. finding a suitable and detailed enough painting scan from 300+yrs ago is not easy :,)

4) I gotta type out my taglist right before hitting post or else some folks don't get notified! + i need to add the new tag requestors

5) review the chapter for any cws and make the content summary simultaneously as vague and as interesting as possible! 6) fill the navi bar with new links and queue up the whole thing for the middle of the night since I live in seoul and most of my readers live in more western time zones :)

this project has really kept me afloat for the past year+ I'm so grateful it's gotten so much sustained interaction! each chapter gets well over 100 notes which might not seem like much, i never could have imagined anything like it. each reader that joins me on this journey is so precious to me, thank you. i will keep working hard and i hope you all continue to love this story as much as I do, all the way until the end

#if you have any questions or thoughts i love to chat about this world!#drop me a love letter #a hymn to black water #please keep these two in your hearts over the next few chapters #our story will come to a close soon <3

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ahhhsami · 7 months

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Comments, man...

I don't complain much, but I gotta get this off my chest. If a fic you like hasn't updated and you're hoping for a new chapter, DO NOT go to the writer's other stories and ask for an update or status of a different fic.

Guess what, on AO3 all comments go to the same inbox. So comment on the fic that you're hoping to update. And even then, don't say "Hey is this abandoned?" "Update?" "When are you going to update?" etc. Be encouraging, say what you like about the story and that you're excited for the next chapter no matter how long it may take. Wish the writer well. Generally be nice about it. Put yourself in the writer's shoes and think about what you may want as a comment if you were working on a story of your own. Even keep it simple to "Really loved this and can't wait for it to continue." It's that easy.

As much as I appreciate the enthusiasm and the love for a story, I seriously recommend keeping comments related to the fic you're commenting on. It's pretty off putting getting a comment on a fic that you worked hard on and seeing that it's completely unrelated and about a different ongoing fic you have.

PS: This may sound crazy, but just receiving a positive emoji ❤️ 🥰 or "loved this!" would be more encouraging than being asked over and over the status of ongoing fics.

PPS: Think of it this way. If you have a task you have to do, if someone kept asking you when you're going to get said thing done over and over and over. Does that motivate you to do it more? Or would it just be grating at a point? You know you're going to get it done in your own time, yet instead you're being pushed to do it. And say you do, would that task be done to it's full potential or would being forced to do it result in the end outcome not being as good? But say someone is cheering you on and uplifting you while you're doing the task. That's much more motivating, right? It's not a one to one, but it's something to keep in mind.

#rant #ao3 #archive of our own #i seriously appreciate the comments and love for a lot of my stories but it gets waring at times #fanfiction #got 4 comments in 3 days asking for updates/abandoned and it frustrated me. that is all #just feels like i'm being nagged honestly #I am working on multiple ongoing fics. I just don't post status updates on social media cause it's not needed.#Be patient and new chapters will come #personal

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reel-fear · 4 months

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people who still make Joey the ink demon despite canon steering far away from that being the case this is for you I am sending u kisses XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3

People who make Joey well-meaning, sympathetic, a lighter shade of morally grey than canon I am also sending u lots of love <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3!!

And people who generally steer wildly from the direction Bendy takes with its characters and has fun with it I hope to see more from all of ur aus and rewrites!!

#ramblez #batim #batdr #this is not me saying aus that don't do this r bad blah blah I just personally have a super soft spot for Joey being the ink demon #since I really like the idea storywise the symbolism of Joey becoming the ultimate monster of this story #joeys who also take a very sympathetic role who are more morally grey than canon also hold a special place in my heart #joeys who think what theyre doing is right not just for them but for their staff who genuinely care abt them who love them mwah #I just love to see very unique takes on these characters I kinda miss when it was only like chapter 2 so everyone had this wildly #different but very unique and fun takes on where we thought the story would head hell for a while we didn't know if Joey was evil or not #thats what spawned Encore it was originally just a collection of theories I thought would come true #esp since I dont think bendy is a particularly well written story its fun to see the fandom have such fun wild ideas on where to take #the concepts and idea presented in bendy that never really panned out into anything interesting or were discarded or retconned #yknow? I miss the days where the aus were wildly out of sync with the actual story when all we had was a few names a few tapes #and we all went wild making our versions of the story and characters and then got so attached to them we doubled down #when canon didnt deliver on em #umm oops this is long have a great new year folks! Get wild get weird with ur bendy aus and rewrites #lets have fun this year and take canon as optional bc lets face it Bendy isn't great but man is it fun and I care abt that way more than #the quality of the story tbh #it had great ideas and executed them uh badly! But idc bc I can stir those great ideas in my head all day and see others do the same <3 #anyways yeah thats it love ya guys have a great 2024 <3

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nyaifyz · 1 year

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CHAPTER 2

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK TOO LONG I WAS SICK

YIPPEE PINK SWAP AU

#chapter 3 coming out super soon #cuz this chapter was actually longer but i cut it short #YIPPEE #pink swap md au #murder drones #murder drones au #murder drones lizzy #murder drones story #archive of our own #wattpad

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vespertineart · 2 years

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I've never put my writing to the works, so here's an (generously long) excerpt of an Albedo (ben 10) x reader I'm writing!!

Albedo x GN! reader: For The Day It Might Not Work Out

CH 1- some ends can never meet

Loud tapping echoed through the walls of the small, yet oddly resonating room. Well, it's not exactly a room, just a three-walled area made of metal. Nonetheless, it calmed the boy sitting on its grounds. Albedo, the criminal crowned the second most dangerous threat to the galaxy,(to earth's views anyways) is now roaming freely in the streets of Bellwood. Even Albedo himself couldn’t manage to grasp the fact. When the news came out that he was free from prison, he swore he was the only one whose heart fell so deep into the pit of his stomach, to the point of falling dizzy.

The same can't be said about everyone that was in the room in which the decision was made. The most they were, were disappointed. Unlike Albedo whose mind was in a state of panic.

A little dramatic and unreasonable most would think, but Albedo had his reasons to be in such disbelief at Good News. To begin, his presence in a large box of metal asked a question that explained more about how he felt about being on earth than any way he was to put it: what was he doing here? He had no idea. All he knew was that as soon as he was given the opportunity of leaving the awfully green chambers of the Plumbers' headquarters, he ran as fast as he could, as far away as possible from Tennyson and his troop.

Half of him knew he made such an impulsive move out of earnest for freedom. The other half...? He couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or straight-up spite, but either way, it cost him an abundance of crossroads, the consequence of not understanding traffic lights, getting lost, and an empty stomach. And now, he's here, in a street from a part of Bellwood he's never seen before. But, it's not like he ever memorized any certain places from Bellwood, to begin with; he simply came across an area and proceeded to never see it again...except for the burger shack. He was lucky there were so many branches for it, but all for naught. This street is eerily empty, barren of stores, greenery, or lights, even...

The white-haired menace sighed heavily as he stood up from the dusty ground. Was this revenge? he thought, Did the universe finally get its chance to reign all its pent-up displeasure onto me by forcing me to be aware of reality? Although it's inevitable anyways, the white-haired boy wasn't any bit ready to come out of his shell yet. He wished he still had more time in that mind-isolating bubble of his–alone. [...]

#ben 10 albedo #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 alien force #ben 10 ultimate alien #rook blonko #ben 10 kevin #ben 10 x reader #albedo x reader #y/n x character #archive of our own #ben 10 gwen #this story is made just so albedo can experience everything about being a human cause he deserves reassurance <3 #yes that means y/n gets to kiss the beautiful menace #i haven't published it yet cuz idk how saving works so I'll finish the whole chapter first then publish it :)#n e ways i hope u like this

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cream-and-tea · 1 year

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LAY ME DOWN. chapter seven excerpt. unedited. featuring: agnes taking some time to explore her new surroundings and reflect on her old ones. blasphemy. implied homophobia. religious trauma. mild injury.

[Transcript under the cut]

hiiii! we’ve had pallas’s existential gender ponderings so it’s only fair that i post something that features much more heavily in the plot: Agnes And The Ongoing Sexuality Crisis! now go and listen to hallelujah (in your arms) by semler at least 50 times to accurately recreate the experience i had writing this chapter <3

TAGLIST (ask to be +/-). @vellichor-virgo @nicola-writes @doctormoss @gerbermatter @cactusprincewrites @houndmouthed @muddshadow @just-wublrful @midnights-melodiverse @corkywantstowrite @paradisiacalshroud @andromedatalksaboutstuff @kingsinking @lungs-and-gills @lychniscitrus @phantomnations

This isn’t the first time she’s dreamt of girls.

Agnes considers that fact as she pulls everything out of the chest sitting at the foot of the bed (spare bedding mostly, sheets and quilts and pillowcases— multiple of each—and at least one heavy coat). They’ve never felt like that before though, clear and cold like water running over her skin, so obviously there. Most of the time she doesn’t even remember the other ones, just the feeling of them, waking up part ashamed and part euphoric (the euphoria always wore off long before the shame).

Agnes checks under the bed, then opens and closes the drawer on the end table, scoots it over to peer behind it, not really sure what she’s looking for. Secret passages maybe? Hidden traps? Something to let her know what the rules are here.

There are, in her experience, at least three kind of rules in the world: the kind that people will tell you up front, the kind that they expect you to just know about and act surprised when you don’t, and the kind that they never say out loud but you can feel somewhere in your bones must be followed at all costs (We don’t talk about how Agnes sees ghosts and we don’t talk about how Agnes thinks about girls both fall into this category). Normally it takes her way too long to figure out which are which, she can’t afford to do that here where everything is already so confusing.

Pallas would probably know all the rules, if she can find them, if they don’t make her brain explode when she does. Pallas had seemed to know everything about whatever this place is. What would they think of the girl in her dreams? They’re a weird and very sharp sort of person, she thinks, not really anything in particular at all. A why more than a what. If they weren’t definitely going to murder her if she looked at them wrong she would ask about that.

There’s nothing in the desk but pencils, pens and a stack of notebooks. There’s nothing under the rug or behind the dresser filled with clothes that all look her size. The bookshelf is half full of titles she doesn’t recognize. She’s too weak to climb up to and push aside the strange painting of a human-faced deer full of arrows that hangs over the fireplace. When she limps her way to the bathroom the tub is still full and stagnant from when she filled it the night before but her clothes have mysteriously vanished from their crumpled pile on the floor.

Agnes sways, then sits on the edge of the bathtub to appease her screaming ankle. She swings one leg into the water, hoping that will somehow help the pain, presses the heels of her hands into her eyes. “Okay. Okay okay okay.”

Things she knows: This is a library in a forest a long time after libraries stopped being something people thought about (her mother is dead). This library is supposedly full of people like her and people like Pallas (her Papá is gone). It’s going to teach her about what she is (her mother is dead). It’s not going to be easy (her mother is dead). She shouldn’t tell anyone her name (her mother is dead). The Library is supposed to save the world. (her Papá is gone). There are doors in trees that lead to tunnels that lead to here and things that look like dogs but aren’t and people that can bend blood and flesh and a Director who’s office sits in the void with a sword hanging above it in suspended animation (her Papá is gone and her mother is dead her Papá is gone and her mother is dead but somehow she is alive alive alive).

Things she doesn’t know: How exactly The Library is going to save the world. What The Library knows about the men in white. Where the men in white could have taken Papá. How these people can teach her about ghosts. How this place stands untouched in a forest that consumes everything around it. Why the girl in her dreams was asking her to find her. Whether or not there will be people her age here. Why the dogs and the Director and the librarian remind her of what the men in white did to her mother. Where her clothes went. If she’ll ever see Pallas again or if they’ve left her for good. If God hates her or not. Why there’s a sword in the Directors office. If there’s a place she can get food. If there’s any point to the deer painting or if it’s there just to creep her out.

The closest thing they’d had to art on the walls back home was a wood-burned etching of the Virgin Mary that sat propped on a shelf above the kitchen table. Papá had made it for Mother for some anniversary and it really was very beautiful, dark line’s swirling across polished cedar. Her mother loved it and Agnes loved it too, there was something mesmerising about how the natural whorls and grain of the wood mixed with scratchy charcoal dark swirls. She’d liked the way the Mother of Gods eyes were ever so slightly downcast, as if she wanted to look at you but couldn’t quite bring herself to. Agnes could relate to that. And then one night when she was thirteen and everything seemed awful forever she’d gone to bed late after too little time spent with Mother and too much time wandering with the ghosts and dreamt that the carving had come alive.

Mary had still been the colour of wood in the dream, but soft to the touch, human and wrapped in flowing fabric. Agnes had been standing barefoot and bareshouldered in the middle of the kitchen and Mary had knelt in front of her very very close and Agnes had used to clumsy hands to move the veil from her hair and the Blessed Virgin's hair had come loose around her face and she’d put her carvedgirl hands on either side of Agnes’s face.

Then Mary had said nos diligimus, quoniam ipse prior dilexit nos and put her lips close to Agnes’s and Agnes had woken up screaming like someone had doused her with boiling oil.

This, obviously, woke her parents, but she’d been too sick with horror and shame to lie so instead had sobbed out everything into Papá’s shoulder. Then Mother had begun to talk in the high and strung out way that there was something very, very wrong and Papá had sent her to sit on the steps outside in the gnawing February air where she’d pressed her hands to her ears and her snot-streaked face to her knees, trying to block out the sound inside while a dead woman and her barely-there son had pressed to either side of her, trying to be comforting but really only making her colder.

She felt about the same then as she does now, half-awake and shuddery and like she could make one wrong move and the world would collapse in screaming fire around her, well-worn prayers buoying in her heavy head, bits of wood carried along by a torrent of floodwater.

Oh Lord, what’s happening to me.

Oh Lord, why why why why why.

#listen ok. listen it was so hard to decide which warnings to put at the top of this one #how dare i say can i accurately sum up ‘so one of my first Gay Awakening moments was with the wood burned carving of the virgin mary my pa #rents kept in our kitchen. yeah it was kind of hot. yeah it scarred me for life’#i think i did well considering the circumstances lol #and yes despite this being in chapter 7 agnes will take the majority of the book to admit she likes girls #not that i blame her but babygirl. sweetheart. pls take a moment and sit down and think #it’s so funny bc for the entire story pallas is like i am so Brooding and Traumatized #i have Secrets That Must Never See The Light Of Day i am lying to myself at all times #meanwhile agnes is operating at a baseline repression level they can’t even DREAM of #it’s the growing up catholic <3 #wip: ghost story #creme does a writing

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