#ordinarilyfickle

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

Love is hope . Is it. It is infatuation I think. Love is despair. Love is ache. Love is that which makes us feel the lack of everything else . Love is balm.but is it. I find it to be torture. The blind leap of faith you want to take but always scared about the aftermath. About being the one ridiculed cause one always leaves and the one left is shattered with denial and confusion. so much confusion. Love heals . It does heal for a few weeks it does . But it also leaves . It leaves out of nowhere leaving you disorientated and the ache .oh the aching.the tears. Oh god the tears . Clutching the heart as we believe that us where it hurts the most and crying in the pillow.love is a fools errand ,do they say that. I don't know but i think it to be true. It is foolish to be willing to go through all the other emotions and suffer just for the one single overrated emotion. To be so scared yet so hopeful. Wanting nothing to do with it .yet never ceasing to hope for it. Romanticism and love.we confuse the two I guess. Despair and longing is it any different . I wonder and keep on repeating the same mistake or maybe it is the way of life and not necessarily a mistake. Kind of like us buying apple products despite their crazy antics to make us spend all we earn and we endorse it just as more. Life is all about making mistakes and repeating it on loop until we figure it out and then avoid everything to repeat the same mistake and in doing so we go through the exact motion of making another mistakes . Just another hamster on the wheel.

#ordinarilyfickle #spilled thoughts #quotes #bookworm #writing #free spirit #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #nature #111 #888 #pronoia

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

Loved, (sadhowaguylovingmemakesmefeelthisalive)

I am finally loved. By a guy romantically just the way I needed. Pure , unadultered, ardent love. And what's awesome is that I have learned to believe in that love and accept the love and reciprocate the love with same if not more ferocity. I have arms holding me when I feel sad. I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel blessed. He loves me and only me. He understands my irrationality. He waits for me. He picks me up. He holds my hand and never let's go. His kisses are so sweet. His hugs are gods gift to me. I love him . I know how to express it and he is happiest with me. I am content with his love. I am at peace and no longer feel incompetent and depressed .

#ordinarilyfickle #spilled thoughts #quotes #bookworm #free spirit #writing #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #nature #love #dandelions #manifesting #starvedforaffection #haha #loved #blush #not sad anymore #foundahandtohold

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

#outlander #ordinarilyfickle #highlander #scottish #netflix #claire fraser #17thcenturylove

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

Why is it always , 'imagine loving someone and them loving you back ' and never,

"Imagine someone loving you and you loving them back "

#ordinarilyfickle #spilled thoughts #quotes #bookworm #free spirit #writing #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #nature

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

It's amazing how having a lingerie image gets you shit ton followings everyday

#spilled thoughts #ordinarilyfickle #bogus #fucking hilarious

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

I hate this unbearable aching I have within me,clawing at my innards for all it is worth but never breaking the surface outwards. It hurts and I don't know why it hurts and how to make it not hurt this much. All I know is it hurts.

Or maybe I do know why it hurts and how i can make it stop but

Idk

Ugh

I hate it

#ordinarilyfickle #spilled thoughts #quotes #bookworm #free spirit #writing #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #nature #111 #888 #ithurtsalot

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

#ordinarilyfickle #spilled thoughts #quotes #bookworm #free spirit #writing #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #nature #angel #111 #888 #where your eyes linger #virginset

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

I know I am all you can think about!

Worry not you are on my mind just the same.

#ordinarilyfickle #spilled thoughts #quotes #bookworm #free spirit #writing #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #nature #111 #888

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

I can't give up right before my miracle.

#ordinarilyfickle #spilled thoughts #quotes #bookworm #free spirit #writing #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #nature #111 #888 #miraculouslyabundant

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

I had to get it off my chest

I needed to let it go

I had been holding the candle for a whole year

And the flame had destroyed the skin I had

Chipping at ut one cell at a time

Rendering my sensesation to irratic thumps

So I did

Only I didn't do it as I had planned to do it

And now I still have this anxiety creeping up

Waiting for that very flame to relit itself at Aby given second

I exhaust myself with all this duplicitous mindset

Needing to set myself straight every few hours

I am holding on tight to the spirit of this merry Christmas to shine the way forward for me

I don't expect any balm for the flame licked palms

I just need to let it go

I need myself to be able to let it go

Building an altar for living is so not the way to be.

#words words words #bookworm #free spirit #quotes #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #spilled thoughts #ordinarilyfickle #writing #nature #spilled journal #healing #self talk #merry chrismas 2022

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

I owe myself a major glow up before I let go of this plane,

I can't die only being a basic

Not that I am a basic

Ain't no bitches have nothing on me

Or my ass

Still I need to be a pretty bomb before I kill myself .

Here to ticking it off the list.

- go get that glow bitch

#ordinarilyfickle #spilled thoughts #quotes #bookworm #free spirit #writing #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #nature

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

A letter , me to myself

I am sorry

I am ashamed

I am sad

I am furious

I am scared

I am learning

Day after day

Again and again

Looking at the positive

Straing at vastness

Dreaming of woodlands and clover leaves

Knowing my Web of fantasies

Knowing my Web of sorrows

Knowing myself

It's a solace

And a curse

Tear stained and smile crooked

It's all a process

As the day turns to night

Summer makes way for autumn

Sun hides to let the snow peek

I smile to let my soul shine

I cry to let my soul ache and sooth in itself

Wrongs are piled up

No doubt

There's still a year sans two months to tip the scale

And may the universe be with you and may you have the wits about you to be able to let the universe find you

I love you

I will learn to love you

I will make you worthy of love

I will let you feel what love is

I will.

#ordinarilyfickle #spilled thoughts #quotes #bookworm #free spirit #writing #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #nature #lostallsenseofrationality #inmajorneedoftherapy #oralovedsoul #orjustacottageinanisland #scotlandworkstoo

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

#outlander #ordinarilyfickle #highlander #scottish #netflix #claire fraser #17thcenturylove

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

I dont get where this sudden urge to love you comes from.

Furthermore the intensity of it

The all consuming slow building inferno inching it's way outward

I almost give in

Almost ready to lose all inhibition and get your attention

As it is , my defense mechanism shines through

And I find myself crouched within myself as if I could just not be anymore

Disappear

Then letting the tentacles of longing imbibe all my nerve endings

I clutch myself and cry

The tears calling out to some sort of sorcery perhaps

Willing this need to pass

Wishing I could be a normal person and deal with emotional distress rationally

Oh well

#ordinarilyfickle #spilled thoughts #quotes #bookworm #free spirit #writing #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #nature

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

i don't get this attracting the energy and vibrations you desire shit. if i am feeling fucking fantastic i will be up in the clouds if i have abundance of everything i wont be sitting around moping and crying myself to sleep every night. when i cant barely function as it is you tell me to increase my energy and vibrate at a level i can just dream of and if i dont i am stuck at this constant despair state. thankyoufuckingverymuch!

#ordinarilyfickle #writing #free spirit #coffee #infp thoughts #nature #bookworm #spilled thoughts #quotes

[a-sadfuckingbitch]

Elusive love

I keep on searching

The moment I find it

Or atleast I think I do

My hands turn to Midas touch

Except for gold I turn it all too sand

-just another stupid fucking bitch

#ordinarilyfickle #spilled thoughts #quotes #bookworm #free spirit #writing #naturelovin #coffee #infp thoughts #nature