#one thing about me is I’m addicting to changing my url | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

radixxsort · 1 year

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My intention in posting this is not to announce a return to tumblr, but rather, to provide a “where is she now”-esque update and most likely disappear back into the void.

Don’t worry – in the time since I last posted, I have been completely fine, and in all honesty, probably better after doing some of the work to unplug more compared to before. I am posting this to share my own experiences in detoxing from social media, in the hopes that someone finds even just one of these ideas useful. You don’t have to quit tumblr in order to benefit from this advice – I just personally don’t have much of a reason myself to try making tumblr work for me.

The main reason I joined tumblr in the first place was to try and find a sense of community, especially considering that I felt a void in terms of connecting with other feminists after quitting Discord due to privacy concerns with it as a platform. However, I haven’t been able to actually connect with people here on tumblr, and I think this is just a matter of the fact that I find it much harder to start and participate in conversations here. Additionally, I found that I was quickly falling back into old habits of obsessively scrolling through recent posts without really getting much from what I saw, just on my dashboard instead of channels in a Discord server. If there is enough demand for it, I might consider starting similar communities using Matrix or XMPP-based messaging services to allow for the sense of connection I had without the same privacy concerns as Discord – I would want to see if it’s possible to strike the right balance of allowing for a sense of community without falling back into the pit of eternal scrolling. On the one hand, I crave this sense of connection that I had on Discord, but on the other, I desparately want to make some sort of real difference that feels much harder to achieve over the internet. (If you’re interested in reading more about organizing over the internet and reclaiming our control, I recommend checking out this post of mine).

That being said, tumblr still has its things that kept me around for some time. I enjoyed having an outlet to write longer posts. In school, I was one of those students who always did well with essays, but didn’t actually enjoy writing them – having a tumblr blog, and even some other experiences since I left, have slowly shown me that I can enjoy writing argumentative and informative works when I actually get to choose the topic and I’m not stressed out from dealing with my poor time management skills.

The real thing that kept me around, though, was seeing well-crafted arguments from other users. Every so often within my dashboard, I would come across a post that articulated a specific issue very clearly or shed light on a novel perspective. On the one hand, it felt like these posts were Expanding my Intellectual Horizons and allowing me to Witness the Forefront of a Force of Change, but on the other hand, these hits of satisfaction would fuel my addiction and motivate me to slog through countless other posts that would be forgotten within a few minutes.

A short side note – if you’re like me and want to have access to YouTube for video tutorials that are genuinely useful, but you’re concerned about Google’s privacy practices and the addictive UI patterns, I’ll talk about my solution. I use Invidious (usually the yewtu.be instance, but there are many URLs that run Invidious) to watch YouTube videos without having as much of my information being set to Google, and a few browser extensions to cut back on distractions. I use Invidioucious to custom-tailor the UI and have these changes actually be consistently applied between browser sessions (specifically, I set the “other arguments” field to “&related_videos=false&comments=[]” to turn off related videos and comments), I use Redirector to automatically change any Invidious “popular” or “trending” feed page to redirect to a blank search page with no videos shown (I redirect both “*/feed/popular*” and “*/feed/trending*” to “$1/search$2” – note that in all of these, the quotation marks are not included in what you actually enter), and I use LeechBlock to automatically give me a 30-second delay in accessing the pages for YouTube channels on Invidious (blocking “*/channel/*”), since browsing through all of a channel’s videos is a way that I personally tend to fall down binge spirals. If you still want to use official YouTube instead of Invidious, then DF YouTube is a browser extension worth checking out for changing the UI.

During this stretch of time when I wasn’t on tumblr, I got back into reading. In the case of political theory, this allowed me to find a concentrated stream of the High Quality Takes that I only found in fragments here, often by going to the source in finding books that I saw frequently quoted. I was an avid reader as a child, but stopped reading as much in 2018 or so. I’ve read 41 books to completion in 2022 (with a few more I’ll probably finish by the end of the year). Most of that reading took place in May or later, and the majority was non-fiction – this was by far the most non-fiction reading I’ve done overall. I feel like this shift has had a distinctly positive impact on my mental well-being, by allowing me to become more informed without external distractions and by training myself to rebuild my attention span and think. I mention this so I can provide some advice for others looking to pursue this as well – the rest of this post is reading-related advice.

Firstly, I recommend knowing where you can get free books. You can definitely get far with resources like your local library or Project Gutenberg, which provides free e-book versions of books that are old enough that their copyright has lapsed. Also, as devastated as I was when Z-Library was shut down, I am not going to publicly endorse downloading books that were not properly authorized with regards to copyright, even though I personally think that copyright law is, to put it politely, a load of bullshit. (Whatever you do, though, don’t go to Library Genesis, unless you want to get eaten by the copyright monster or whatever…)

I’ve been developing a to-be-read list for a long time, probably a few years now. However, I found that even after I acquired a large hoard of free e-books through completely legitimate means and definitely not piracy, actually convincing myself to read them was a different issue. This brings me to my next piece of advice – know what format works for you and use that to your advantage. For a while, I tried getting back into reading just using my computer, only to find that it was an absolute slog. Reading dense text on a bright computer screen and hunched over my desk in an uncomfortable position doesn’t really work for me. I ended up purchasing a used Nook Simple Touch from eBay that cost me less than $20 USD, including tax and shipping, and its e-ink display and portability ended up being a fantastic match for my physical comfort.

However, I have explored other options for reading e-books without needing to purchase a new device, and I still had some good findings, even with the e-reader being my favorite. I tried using speed-reading software, which displays one word at a time at the same position, allowing you to read very quickly without moving your eyes. The fact that it is much faster, and in my case, a dark background with light text as opposed to the other way around, mitigated some of the discomfort in my eyes. However, I was unable to find software that actually saved my place in the book, and skipping to the place I wanted to read was a major pain because there was no function to skip a chapter at a time, so I had to hold down the arrow key to get to the specific place I left off at. There is probably software that does have this function, I just didn’t find it – even if there isn’t, this is still a good option for something you know you can read through in one sitting, such as shorter books and articles.

I have also tried reading in conjunction with text-to-speech software, and the combination of audio and visual input turned out to work well for me. This actually also allowed me to read at a much faster pace than one might expect – I usually gradually ramp up the speed in the text-to-speech software to 5 or 6 times the default speed, and I know that it’s working best when I feel myself fall into a rhythm with the way my eyes move through the text. Not only does this allow me to read faster while using text-to-speech, but I’ve found that it actually serves as “training wheels” to help me read faster without the text-to-speech. On a similar note, I recommend doing research on speed-reading techniques. There are many techniques that can be used together to do this, but the one that I think has helped me the most is learning to read with my peripheral vision and keeping my eyes towards the center of the page, mainly moving my eyes vertically and much less horizontally. To help with this, I recommend making sure that the overall column width of your e-book isn’t too wide, if you’re using a digital format.

#me

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genderisareligion · 1 year

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Recently told I have “tunnel vision” regarding my current world view. Lol. Probably because this person knows I’m a “TERF.” I really should change this url but the joke has a point that I still think should be said: “gender” probably works best where it belongs in languages like Spanish and not universally applied to the entire human species which has too much variation to try and categorize like that

When I tag my reblogs with things like “kill all pornographers” I’m aware that technically the word “pornographer” would include those people like couples who gladly film themselves fucking and post it and consent every time they do it. Do those people deserve to be dead for that? Nope. My point is that the rape crisis happening in and often because of porn is such an extreme crisis, to me on the ground here watching women right and left be traumatized by it, that I personally would rather the entire industry go away or at least go away until all it consists of is the privileged minority who really genuinely want to make sex on film their job. Never going to be my thing but go off I guess. My point is that men who get off on the pain and humiliation of women and children and feel no remorse are sociopathic and subhuman and should be separated from the rest of us normal people for our safety. Whether it be by death or prison or isolation on island somewhere lol I don’t care I just want people to wake the fuck up to how little the severely porn addicted and the billionaires churning this content out care about humanity.

When I say “kill all pornographers” I’m reflecting the amount of hatred men are showing us when they all but say “kill all women” in their porn. No, that’s not the message in all of it. But it is in enough (snuff porn is an entire genre) and there are enough enablers and those willing to turn a blind eye that it exists at all, and sue me for thinking it shouldn’t because it’s dangerous when there are real women dying constantly at the hands of men in real life, why do y’all need to watch it on a loop online too?

Like sorry for not being desensitized to women in pain? How is that “tunnel visioned”? I’m a former watcher of this shit because I thought being closeted was reason enough that I should just ignore the horrific shit I was constantly scrolling past and just get mine. That’s why I get on this and another blog and shit on the porn industry constantly. I’m no prude and I can speak from experience. I did all the rationalizing and the “she must be fine it can’t be real.” Then I did the research about how often it is real and critically thought about it all and made the decision to be openly critical of it. I know technically sometimes she really is fine. I’m wildly concerned about all the women who are paid to lie about being fine.

One of my favorite books is the S.C.U.M. Manifesto because so many people refuse to believe it was satire. When I say “Valerie Solanas was right” do I mean that her misandrist society exactly as she wrote it should be instituted tomorrow? Nope. She was right about how painful it would be for men to imagine themselves in our shoes for a day. They hate that book and KAM sentiment because they know they’re lucky as shit the tables aren’t turned and being afraid of a woman isn’t manly. She was right that people would take her literally and ignore the meaning, which as I read it was that something urgently needs to be done about male violence against females and the culture that upholds it.

Is it “tunnel visioned” of me to say sexism is defined as the oppression of males against females? Am I saying that I think females are incapable of mistreating males? LOL no. I’ve mistreated males. Females have often mistreated me. I am fully aware of all of these things and aware that there is a much worse pattern of male on female violence than there is the reverse. The FBI crime statistics on rape agree with me.

Idk man I’m just sick of “SWERF” and its cousin “TERF” and being told I'm biased or a bigot for wanting something drastic to be done about sexual violence. Dworkin really went the fuck off when she said

#shadow.txt

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blueprint-han · 3 years

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ex.

↪ so many what if’s. who would give you those answers?

— where in you stumble into your ex at a friend’s wedding, and the subsequent conversation leads to new hope blooming in your relationship.

pairing: chan x reader

genre: ex au; angst with a fluffy ending.

⇥ warnings: themes/mentions of break up/make up, mentions of alcohol, please let me know if I miss a warning. please note that i, by no means condone any toxic relationships. this fic here with bang chan and Y/N is NOT an example of a toxic relationship or an implication of bang chan’s actions in real life. please take it as fiction.

word count: 3.3 K

type: one shot.

⇥ disclaimer: this fiction does not represent the activities of the real Bang Chan, nor is associated with JYPE in any form. Events are pure fiction. ♡

↯ note: I decided to merge your request with the prompt because it’s angst and guess who’s the queen of angst? You !! 😌 This was picked up from ex, as you can see and again your url ~vibes~ so uwu hope you enjoy it, this is my first time writing angst tho so please go easy on me. <3 Love you mom <333 ⇥ dawn.☀️

The dance hall’s fairly crowded when you take another shot of your martini, drowning in its essence as you make a desperate attempt to disconnect yourself from your vicinity. You wanna believe you’re drunk, though it’s not true in the slightest — you can still feel, hear, see everything around you clearly — the alcohol’s clearly not having its effect today. You wish, oh so dearly wish it did, because the man standing about two tables away from you really doesn’t deserve the attention you’re giving him right now.

The last thing you’d expected when you entered the hall to attend your friend’s wedding was to stumble right into the one man you’d been trying to avoid for the past two months. At that very moment, you cursed all the odds for making you face the man of your nightmares, the one who broke your heart.

Bang Chan.

Sure enough, just like when he’d dropped the news on you, all the butterflies in your stomach drop dead one by one, gloom and desolation taking over. The mere sight of him is enough to send you into a frenzy of confusion — you feel the flutter in your heart to know that he’s doing okay, but you can also feel that pit of sadness, anger and heartbreak mixed to wash over as one of the most conflicting feelings ever.

“O-oh, hi there, Y/N.” Chan had waved a hand and bowed down, but you shakily nodded your head, not bothering to give him any words of acknowledgement as you stumbled into the hall. How is it that you didn’t notice him until half the wedding was over? How could you forget that he was supposed to attend, because he was the bride’s friend alike?

Was it wrong that part of you still wished that you could be standing next to him, watching him as he introduced you to his friends, calling you “his girlfriend”?

You wondered what the look on Chan’s face would’ve been when you left his greeting hanging in the cold air like that. Was he broken on the inside too? Or did he simply not care? He’d been the one to end it, after all. He looks smart right now — adorning a luxurious black suit, his brownish hair slicked neatly to the side and parted. The delicate silver chain you’d given him on his birthday is oddly still on his neck — you promise yourself to not think about it much, because you know it’ll give you hope — and hope’s a dangerous feeling, at least for you.

When the music starts blaring through the speakers and the couple start dancing together, you sigh, straightening your posture from where you’re leaning against the shot table. Your friend has the prettiest smile plastered onto her face — it comes naturally to her, you figure, seeming as to how she’s married to the love of her life right now. They both seem lost — almost peaceful — as they stare into each other’s eyes. Soon, more and more couples join, until the whole hall is filled with everyone dancing on their heels, twirling and smiling and dancing gracefully. Everyone except you, of course.

You sigh, fixing the hem of your swan-white dress. Way to go for your mood to be ruined — all because you happened to stumble upon your ex boyfriend, and thoughts consumed you as a whole. Was it so wrong of you to wish that you could go back in time and change his decision? You’d moved on from this — you’d told yourself you’d moved on a month ago. You wiped him out of your memory — all the things that reminded you of him — but what if you’d only patched up the wound, not healed it in the slightest? What if the person who held the key to repair your broken heart was held by a person who you’d let go, and by all means, couldn’t reach out now?

So many what if’s. Who would give you those answers? He surely hadn’t, when all he did was just break it out to you over a meeting at the park that he’d fallen out of love with you.

You never understood what happened. It just started with the less frequent messages and meet ups, the excuse of always being busy, and that slowly morphed into him ignoring you for days, until one day he broke the news and ended it, on good terms. Or at least you thought so.

You sigh again, asking the bartender to lend you one bottle of the drink — which he does without question — before you walk over to the staircase that seems to lead to the terrace. Away from the risk of your eyes landing on him and your thoughts going all over the place again. If only you could walk away from the pit of emotions in your heart the same way. If only.

When you kick the almost rusted door open, the fresh blast of cold air that hits you makes you sigh in relief. You tuck several strands of hair neatly behind your ear, walking to the edge as you glance at the view. Leaning against the concrete, you let the lights coming from the night cityscape blur your vision, along with the faint, distant echoing of horns coming from the roads fill your ears. It’s a distraction, after all.

You pop open the cork of the bottle, letting the fizz bubble down before pressing your lips against the rim. One gulp, two, you then gaze up at the night sky. Rinse and repeat, until the whole bottle is almost finished. You ignore the void in your heart, filling it with the essence of alcohol and ignoring the feelings bubbling in it right now.

Chan was like a drug — so addicting and so hard to get rid of once you got into the habit of consuming it regularly. You wanted to reach out and hold onto those memories you shared with him — he was the first person where you let your heart do the talking, and all it took was a look at another person to change lanes, leave you alone in the dust of your crushed heart — only to come to the disappointing note that you’d lost those memories forever. They existed merely in a place you couldn’t reach, couldn’t see, but could only recall. It was pure torture to you, but you’d ignored it all for so long, certainly you could ignore it again.

“Need a refill?”

Your head snaps back in the direction of the voice. A familiar, one soothing voice that now brings pain to your heart, now threatens to bring back the wave of emotions you’d kept at bay.

Your eyes meet the hazel brown orbs, and not diverting from their strong, fierce gaze; you scoff, turning back around to stare off into the distance.

Chan frowns, tilting his chin as he tries to soothe the burn from your two reactions. He doesn’t back away though, because now he maybe understands what you felt like when it all fell apart, when he wrote your ending with a shaky hand.

He walks front to where you’re leaning against the concrete, silently drinking out of the glass he holds in his hand.

Should I say something? He thinks. He should, right? When you ended it, you did end on peaceful terms, even though your reaction felt like you were more affected by it. Even after three months, he still feels the warmth that flowed through him whenever he looks at you — you who clearly don’t want to speak to him. He feels crazy now, for wanting to let you go.

You hadn’t even bothered to curse at him that day — just looked at him with eyes that honestly pierced through his soul, and hurt him more than any of your words could’ve. But maybe that was what he deserved, right?

“Why did you come here?” You ask, swirling the almost empty bottle in your hand. Oddly enough, you don’t feel like walking away, feet frozen in position. You’d ended it on good terms, didn’t you? You’d promised to each other you’d be good friends.

“I noticed you were alone.” The man feels himself say.

“Didn’t you bring your girlfriend along? Isn’t she alone right now?” You counter, taking another sip of your drink. Again, the alcohol is having no effect on you. Why did your tolerance have to be so high when you needed it to be low?

“I-” He takes a deep breath, tilting his head to either side to relieve the tension in his neck. “Broke up with her. About three weeks ago.”

You only chuckle. Somehow, your feelings are strong when he’s away, but when the cause is right in front of you, somehow they fail to make an appearance.

“Did you come here so you could win me back?” You ask, straightening up as you avoid Chan’s firm gaze on you, and his face goes gloomier and gloomier with every statement you spew at him. But then again, who could blame you for being angry? You had every right to.

“No.” He shook his head, fixing his position so his shoulders are about an inch away from yours. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m alright.” You say, softening at the edges at his concerned tone. You don’t know why you’re listening to him and not going back into the hall, but your legs are still frozen in place, something in you, your heart, doesn’t let you move.

Why do you feel like it’s your first time meeting him all over again?

He’s your ex, a part of your life you’re supposed to forget. Instead, you’re here, reminiscing it with the very person who left you in the first place. The situation you’re bound in is so weird — you almost don’t know what to do — but nonetheless, you just stand there, ignoring the slight flutter in your heart — just like the first time again.

“How are you doing?” You give yourself the liberty to ask him that question — just to know how he’s doing. Just another way for you to answer your countless what if’s, another method to try and fill the void in your heart.

Chan sighs, straightening up himself before looking at you. “I missed you.”

At the simple admission, you soften around the edges some more. It was wrong, so wrong that you were giving him to permission to get into your heart again — but what if you never wanted him to leave in the first place?

Hope — the dangerous feeling — starts resonating through your chest. It’s the tiniest emotion, one you can’t quite sense, but still feel. You can feel yourself grow warm, feel his gaze burn into the side of your face as he awaits a reaction.

“I-I don’t know what to say to that.” You reply, tucking some of your hair behind your ear again, before curling it with your index finger. You don’t look into his eyes yet — you’re not so brave to do so — focusing your bored, almost sad gaze as you count all the lights flashing at you on a skyscraper. Anything to distract you from this feeling.

Chan notices your stare, and sighs again. He’s battling himself too, right now. Should I say it? He thinks.

“I-I’ll be honest and confess to you, okay?” Chan turns to face you properly, while you bite your lip, waiting for his next words. Oddly enough, you feel more nervous now than you felt that day when Chan ended it with you. It’s so weird to feel it all over again.

“I’ve missed you and… I truly regret what I did that day.” He runs his hands through his chocolate brown hair, which seems to look particularly soft today. It reminds you of when you’d casually back hug him when he was working, pecking the back of his neck as you’d comb your fingers through his hair.

“Chan, no.” You feel your voice crack, the sadness overflowing out of its cup, spreading to all your senses as you close your eyes, letting out a single tear.

“Y/N…” Chan places his hand on your shoulder. You don’t flinch.

“Y-You l-left me.” You feel your brain cloud over, having no control over yourself as the words start spilling out of your mouth, piercing Chan’s heart bit by bit. “Y-You l-left me when I thought you’d stay… And you left me alone.” You feel his thumb rub against the bare skin of your shoulder, and this time, you stare up, looking straight into his eyes.

“I loved you,” You stammer, inhaling deeply as you take note of Chan’s expression. Surprisingly, he’s crying too. The rims of his eyes are filled with tears, his whole face goes red as he tries not to violently sob. “I love you.” You correct yourself.

“But you left me. You left me when I thought all I had was you and - and, what? Three months later, you tell me you miss me? Is this because your girlfriend broke up with you? You wanna win me back?” You spew, slamming your hand against his chest as you shake in his arms.

He wordlessly pulls you into his embrace, and you don’t complain — you don’t know if it’s because of your brain being cloudy and your eyes being all itchy from crying, or if it was because you missed his hugs, but you feel yourself clutch onto the material of your shirt as you cry, cry and cry until you feel like your tears don’t remain.

“I’m so sorry…” Is all he can say, wrapping his arms around your shoulders as he tries to comfort you.

“I hate you, Chan. I hate you so much.”

Something in him shatters when he hears your words. He wordlessly mouths “Alright.” and doesn’t bother controlling his tears anymore, letting them flow down his cheeks and settle into your hair, not bothering to hold back the sounds of brokenness he makes either.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He pulls away, holding your chin to force your gaze into his eyes. “I shouldn’t have done that to you, it was so wrong of me. I regret it now, so much.” He curls his lips inwards, and watching him cry is soul-crushing. You should be hating him for leaving you, screaming, crying, but you hate yourself for reaching up to rake through his hair, sliding your hand down to his soft cheek before gently swiping your thumb against it. Wiping off his tears.

“We’ve already forgiven each other, right? It’s okay.” You take deep breaths to calm yourself down. Leaving him behind seems hard enough, but seeing him cry in front of you seems impossible. Are you still in love with him?

“I’m still sorry.” He mutters softly, gazing into your eyes as he takes hold of the hand that rests on his cheek. “I was so horrible to not know that I had you beside me all along, and instead I turned my back at you and left you. It was so wrong of me.” he breaks into tears again, and this time, before you can pull him into a hug, he grabs both your hands in his own. Holding them in between each other.

Yep, you’re still in love with him.

You look at him, absorbing all his features, and suddenly you’re thrown back to the first time he ever asked you out. It seems all too familiar — all too real. You find yourself holding your breath once again, waiting for what he has to say. He rests his forehead against your grasped hands, sighing brokenly as he speaks up.

“I won’t ask you to accept me again, Y/N.” He says as a matter of fact. He understands that the things that happened may not allow you to let him into your heart again. “I won’t ask you to date me either, because I know what I did isn’t that simple to forgive.”

Chan feels so stupid now. You were there for him all the time, yet he left you for someone else. You were beside him to help him when he felt desolated, but somehow he became a cause for your desolation. It shocks, confuses him and makes him seethe in turmoil.

“But,” he begins, holding his breath. “I still want to try. I wanna try being the person I couldn’t be when I was with you. I-I wanna change and win you back, b-but…”

“But?” You ask mindlessly, totally overwhelmed and dazed out by his honest words, the newfound emotion thrums to your chest. It’s love, for sure. But it isn’t that special kind of love, at least not yet.

“But I wanna do that only if you let me. It’s your choice, Y/N.”

Your eyes widen as you try to grasp his words, noticing how his warm hands holding onto yours still, only grow warmer and tighter.

“I r-really love you Y/N, a lot. And… well, I know you may not be able to make this decision soon. But please, just give it a thought?”

You shake your head, a soft smile tugging at your lips as you look up into his eyes again. They’re red and puffy by now, but they’re still gorgeous, they still remind you of the time you’d gently kiss over his eyelids whenever he cried like that.

You roll your eyes to the back of your head in deep thought, before tucking your bottom lip under your teeth and nodding. “Okay.”

“Okay…?” He asks, hopeful. You can almost feel his nervousness in the way his palms sweat, but you simply smile.

“We won’t date yet.” You said. “But I’ll allow you into my heart one last time. Don’t break it.”

And at your acceptance, Chan beams, feeling more tears roll down his eyes as he pulls you into a hug. This time, you don’t spare any restraint, wrapping your arms around your waist as you press your cheek against his chest. “Thank you, thank you, thank you…” Chan keeps mumbling and repeating, to which you only shush him gently, telling him it’s okay and he doesn’t have to thank him.

He still does. You only smile to yourself, and for the first time in three months, you feel somewhat at peace. There’s a long way to go — you have to adapt to this relationship, let your heart join back bit by bit and build each other’s confidence again. But you’re certain you can do it together. This story deserved a happy ending, and you were going to give it one, no matter how hard you’d have to try.

“Hey guys!” You hear someone walk through the door, immediately parting away and clearing your throats.

“Yes?” The both of you say at the same time, tensing up and then laughing at each other. If Chan’s tears were crushing, Chan’s giggles were truly healing. The way his eyes would scrunch up into the cutest crescents and his dimples would make an appearance always made you want to peck his cheeks. Now wasn’t the time though.

“Dinner’s being served, so Y/F/N told you to come downstairs.” The person at the door says, immediately running downstairs, as if to not interrupt your moment any further.

“Alright.” You laugh, taking Chan’s hands in yours as you intertwine your nimble fingers with his long, slender ones. “Let’s go shall we?” You don’t bother picking up the alcohol bottles, because you’ll be coming back here with your friends later anyways — they can be tended to later.

“Of course,” Chan pulls you along with him, running to the door — both the ones that lead to the diner and the ones that signified your new start.

Curse at me all you want, as long as you let it all out, and we can go back to how we were.

*:･ﾟ✧ find the other fics here !

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creepweirdo · 3 years

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OOOO @newyearknwwme tagged me in this cute little tag game 🥺🥺🥺❤️ it was so much fun ❤️❤️❤️ THANK YOU

(ALSO guys im so sorry for the lack of emojis i drafted this in word kjsadfljashdf)

why did you choose your url?

hahahhaha ive been in the habit of saving funny urls ever since tfatw came out jsdhflkjshdf and the “she lived she served cunt then she died” meme was making the rounds and i wanted a url based of that and surprisingly it wasn’t taken !!!! also i’m addicted to changing my url i need help-

any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

yeah ahahahahahah i have a cdrama/fandom blog @imaprettyboy and then i have a joji blog where i make gifs shkflahsdkjfhskdj lol i am not gonna promo it JKHDLKJH but omg im fighting with the blog at the moment bc my gifs are not showing up in the joji tag :((( it’s a calculated move against me i know it

how long have you been on tumblr?

since the start of 2015 maybe ???? i had another account but deleted it and started fresh on here at the end of 2016. LMAO it started as a twd and yuri on ice blog khjhfdlsh my blog archive is so funny sometimes i look at it and laugh

do you have a queue tag?

hhahaha noooo. LMAOOOOOO vee’s answer is pretty much the same as me sldfhlakjhd i only recently figured out how the even do it and i think i prefer to reblog a million things at once ,,,, however i have been known to schedule things every now and then kasdfhlkjhd

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i started this once bc i think i took a break from tumblr for like a week after i deleted my old one but i missed it AJHDKJAHSjfhkdjhlk

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

omg zuko limp wrist angry gay icon !!! i’ve had this icon for uhhhhh maybe like 2 weeks now ?? originally i think i found the screenshot in someone’s twitter replies but the other day i giffed and coloured the little scene and took a screenshot from that and now this one is a bit more RED !! but yeah leo @thisisagaysonlyevent sums it up when he described zuko as my main girl and yeah <3

why did you choose your header?

omg zuko limp wrist angry gay icon !!! but yeah !! it used to just be that screenshot but i giffed it the other day <3333 i love it so much sometimes i just stare at my blog and watch him move hahaha

what’s your post with the most notes?

oh hahahahah i think its an umbrella academy one about klaus being gay and not being able to drive LMFAO. i kind of hate the post KJHDLJHFJHDskjdh it was a notes grab i will admit

how many people do you follow?

as of 11/6/2021 i follow 389 people kjshdflkjshdfkjhd i used to follow like 1000+ ,,,,,, but i was always missing my beloved mutuals’ posts so i cut it down sjdhflh the only downside is that the dash gets really really dead certain times of the day

have you ever made a shitpost?

lmao i think it is my brand

how often do you use tumblr?

stop OMG skjhflkjhadskjfh this is so embarrassing ,,,, like a lot. its my main social media hahahah. i used to use instagram and tumblr equally but not so much anymore ,,,,

did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

LMAO vee’s answer to this made me laugh so hard bc SAME. i have never fought with people online for real but ive had dreams about it to HAAHHAHAHAH i’m crazy

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

hmmmm it depends – i don’t like the condescending or guilt tripping ones

do you like tag games?

yes i do and i appreciate every single tag ive had but im a terrible person and procrastinate them. ive got a lot in my drafts from like months ago which i will get around to one day im sorry <3

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

lmao this year ive learnt that SO MANY of my mutuals are famous kjshdflhsdf its actually so crazy i didn’t know people could have that many followers on tumblr KJKDLJSHFKJHF. also ahhaha vee said that she think im famous which sajkfhdljhdf i will say this year i’ve like doubled the amount of followers i had this time last year but servingcunt is still pretty niche underground if you know you know grungecore pickle rick kafkaesque et cetera et cetera

do you have a crush on a mutual?

im for real in love with all my mutuals <3 ily

last song i listened to

okay technically it’s the song vee put bc i clicked the link and it opened on my spotify web browser and started playing jkhsfljdhfk but the one before that is the new doja cat song – need to know !!!

my phone bg and lockscreen

LMAO ill put some screenshots LKJHFKJHD the lock screen and home screen really don’t go together ,,,, gemini moment

tagging

lmao only do this if you guys want to <333

@sluthonorific @highwarlockkareena @beefleef (even tho vee tagged you alreadyyy sjkfhjhs) @nicholasbraungf @thisisagaysonlyevent @roombagreyjoy @sharkentine @doctorfeathers @softpluto @bucxkybarnes @katsstratford

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

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Ah this came up at the perfect time for when I wanted to post something but not put too much thought into it; thanks for the tag @thelightofthingshopedfor!

1. Why did you choose your URL? It comes from a YA book that was one of my favorites as a kid, although why I latched onto that particular book for a url, I couldn't tell you. After a few years, though, artichoke has now become part of my identity and I do like to think I have many layers, so ... there we are.

2. Any side blogs? @charlotte--lennox is my personal journal side blog that I constantly forget that I have, lmao. I haven't updated it in months, but for better or for worse, it's still there.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr? On fandom tumblr, since 2018. On tumblr in general, I had a few blogs sporadically since like 2008.

4. Do you have a queue tag? Theoretically I do, but I don't have a queue lmao. I keep feeling like I should fill the queue up and put it to use again, but, idk something about it makes me feel a bit merpy.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? To participate in the Loki fandom and also to promote my fanfic.

6. Why did you choose you icon/pfp? Bc I love Chloe Bennett and low-key want to be her, and the ace flag background bc I enjoy being "out and proud" as ace on tumblr, since I'm not out anywhere else, heh.

7. Why did you choose your header? Because I made it when I was playing around in Photopea and it turned out kinda good, so I figured I'd use it. I only changed it recently; it was the cover art for Stars Hide Your Fires for months and months, which I loved bc Thor and Loki are so pretty and SHYF is, I think, ultimately my favorite fic I've written.

8. What’s your post with the most notes? My post+ post, lmao. I haven't looked at it in awhile but the last time I checked it was at like 77k. Relatedly, it's really funny how we all flipped out over post+ and then never heard anything else about it again; not sure if tumblr decided to kill it or not, but I do like to think that, if they did, my post (and all the lawyers who commented that I was right) had something to do with it. The headache of my notifications being held hostage for a few weeks should have accomplished something.

9. How many mutuals do you have? I have no idea - maybe like 12? Nah I'm sure it's more than that but I honestly don't know and wouldn't even know how to check.

10. How many followers do you have? I am up to 1730, which I feel really badly about, bc I did my follower celebration call for prompts at 1605 or something and since then I have gained followers and only filled three prompts so, yknow, not a great look. That being said, I'm also pretty sure a decent number of those followers are porn bots or inactive or otherwise blank.

11. How many people do you follow? 178, apparently, which feels like a lot.

12. Have you ever made a shit post? I constantly make shit posts, to varying degrees of success.

13. How often do you use tumblr? Every day; even if I don't post that day, I usually check in a couple of times to at least look at my notifs and a couple of dash pages. It's literally addictive.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog? Well yeah, I know I've gotten into it with people over wanky things; I do try not to be antagonistic if I can help it but, that said, sometimes it can't be helped. I've also had falling outs with people over who knows what (really, I don't know), and then there's the many people who've preemptively blocked me for one reason or another. So, yeah, I'm hardly popular around these parts lmao.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog” posts? Generally the fastest way to get me to not reblog something is to include some "reblog this right now, I don't care if it fits your blog or not, this is important" note, like, well I probably would have reblogged it but now I'm not going to.

16. Do you like tag games? I do, generally, but sometimes I'm tagged in things I don't really care to participate in (but I appreciate the tag!) and other times I'm tagged and I just completely forget to respond to it, so it probably seems like I don't like them, womp womp.

17. Do you like ask games? I kinda love them, but the last several I've posted haven't gotten any interaction (which is sad bc I used to get at least a few responses, and who are you 1730 followers, anyway?) so I'm less inclined to post them these days.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? I don't think anyone? I mean, I guess it depends on how you define tumblr-famous, though. When I think of tumblr-famous, I think of like, biggest-gaudiest-patronuses and vampireapologist and, like, badjokesbyjeff - those accounts that everyone knows. But then within fandom, there are some blogs that are more well-known than others, and I think at least a few of my mutuals are fairly well-known in the Loki fandom. Ymmv, though.

Tagging @gia-selene-baczewska, @izhunny, @bardicious, @eisenvulcanstein, @scintillatingshortgirl19, @epona610, @pennypaperbrain, @pennie-dreadful, @erdediekatze, @lazy-cat-corner, @illwynd, and anyone else who wants to, please consider yourself tagged :D

#tag memes #the charlotte lennox diaries

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rpbetter · 3 years

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I often see multis post that they want to make a new muse, at the same time as they're backed up on threads and asks, and they get their followers to "enable" them to make that muse in the post replies. What is your take on this? Is it a they-can-do-what-they-want situation, or is it reasonable to be annoyed when I see this? Or both?

Hey, Anon!

Both.

I mean, as usual, this is my opinion of an opinion-based matter. This isn't an equation that has an objectively right to wrong scale, it isn't actually hurting any living person or thing. But...it is incredibly annoying and can be hurtful.

They can totally do what they want, and much of the nature of genuine creativity is exactly that - the allowance of doing whatever you so desire. It's something I support rather adamantly, but it's also something I support trying our best to do responsibly and without being hurtful to anyone in a hobby that involves more than ourselves.

This isn't deciding to write another fic when you've not finished the previous four or five that others were interested in, or never finishing any of your original fiction, but continually starting new projects. While others might be enjoying those things as well, you didn't agree to interact with them. They're audience members, not participants.

When others are participants in a hobby that has to work both ways, it's different. Your actions do affect other, real human beings.

So, I totally feel like you've a right to be annoyed every time you see that happening. I do. I tend to unfollow people who do that repeatedly, as we're not pursuing the hobby in the same way. I'll argue all day that someone has a right to their, sometimes literally, eighty-plus muses they never develop or stick to, but that doesn't mean I want to engage with them as a writing partner.

For those of us who want long-term writing partners with the same, well-developed muses, this kind of thing just is annoying. As is everything else that comes with it.

As in...

They're constantly posting "talk me out of adding x" as code for "talk me into writing x."

No one actually wants to be talked out of it, which was probably more obvious to everyone else here than it was me for a little while lmao I tend to take things rather literally. This was, as one can imagine, not appreciated! Telling someone in total earnestness, "I really don't think that's a good choice. You're always saying how overwhelmed you are and just dropped multiple threads yesterday, so adding another muse is going to make you feel worse eventually. Don't do it! :)" is so not what they were looking for. As was evident by the return meltdown over how they could do what they wanted, like I said they couldn't or had any authority over what they're doing with their time.

It's an obnoxious bit of pandering for a foregone conclusion.

Have you ever seen anyone who posts that sort of thing not pick up that muse? I haven't. I've only seen muns who are legitimately on the fence about it asking others in private conversations or testing out the muse decide against it. The thing that makes this incredibly irritating is the attention-seeking and need to validate something they must know isn't a great choice, otherwise, they'd just do it. They're aware that they're behind on drafts, asks, and other things - aware that this is maybe a dick move when they owe everyone already. So, they're seeking "permission" with full knowledge that multiple mutuals are going to hop on that post with encouragement, even some of the ones being messed over by this choice.

It puts people in a bad situation.

Some of those people genuinely don't care, they just want to interact with any muse, and I'm going to be awful and say it - they don't care about totally interchangeable muses and have them themselves. That's fine, this isn't a problem for them. It is for the mutuals who are hoping that maybe if their writing partner gets into this new muse, they'll get a reply to their threads with that energy, or that they'll stick to this one and they can have consistent interactions with them. It is for the mutuals who feel pressured to respond positively because they fear not responding at all will make them seem like bad rpers.

One more thing playing into the counter logic excuse for shitty behavior of "it's just a hobby" is one more thing too many, and it does exactly that.

No one wants to be accused of being remotely too invested in RP anymore, of taking it too seriously, or having any emotional investment in muses, stories, or muns. Not accepting every choice someone makes that negatively impacts you with a grin on your face while you dump confetti on them for it just isn't a comfortable option for a lot of muns anymore. Honesty isn't a comfortable option. While the other option isn't either, it seems better than that mutual noticing you're the only writing partner who didn't hop onto that post with support any of the multiple times they reblogged it. It's only a hobby in which everyone can do what they want until what one wants clashes. Then, you're getting a callout for being addicted to RP.

And the way it tends to clash most is in having expectations of others. Ones that would be totally normal in any other hobby requiring interaction with other people.

Like not overburdening yourself at the expense not only of yourself but those on your "team." That's what is being done when someone knows they cannot keep up with themselves, but continues to add to the situation with new muses.

Not only are you no longer getting responses already while they're intending to add even more to their overflowing plate, you'll be dropped again when they have to "fresh start" their blog because they're burned out.

I have to put that in quotations because I don't know how it's a fresh start when you keep everything but the blog layout the same. All the muses and all the behaviors, including adding a new one despite not having the time or interest necessary to do so, is inevitably maintaining the problems that led to burnout. Dropping every thread, changing the URL, a new blog layout, new aesthetics, isn't fixing the issue even if it temporarily reinvigorates the mun.

The mun is definitely doing things that are not helpful to them, it's stressful and upsetting to experience burnout, but it's at least that mun's choice. Both to do it and to become defensive over fixing it, thus, never fixing it. It isn't anyone else's choice to be repeatedly dropped or ignored, though...unless they just keep sticking around for it.

Again, we're supposed to respect everyone's choices. That's fine when it really works that way, when it is truly everyone. But it's not an acceptable decision to see a multimuse of twenty or more muses and say that's your limit, that you've experienced too many muns who are serial muse-adders not being able to keep up with themselves, so you don't interact with these blogs. If one feels that way, they had better not put it in their rules or ever be upfront about this as a reason, when one is demanded, for not following back or interacting.

It's not acceptable to see a writing partner adding another muse after they've owed you for months, just wiped their inbox, and keep expressing being overwhelmed/behind and become annoyed. Let alone dropping them or explaining to them why you are doing so.

The only "acceptable" course of action is hoping that they totally forget you exist so you can quietly slip away.

I don't feel like that's especially fair or mature. It certainly isn't helping the communication problem we absolutely do have here in the RPC when only one party is allowed to communicate without fear of being labeled, rather ironically, as a bad RP partner.

While this problem seems to be most prevalent in more casual RPers, it's certainly not isolated there. I feel like it's necessary to say that I've had muns I both interacted with and were simply on my dash alike who were not on that more casual side who went from being multis to being muse collectors. Once they hit over fifteen of them or so, they stopped even bothering to try to refrain from picking up at least one muse from every new piece of media they consumed or were inspired by.

It was more annoying because they had been capable of writing truly unique characters they stuck to, and even if they were, with full and upfront admission before interaction, slower to respond, those responses were well worth any wait for the quality of writing and storytelling going on. That's so much worse than someone who was always at a lower skill level as a writer, didn't have a good grasp on characterization, and wasn't especially dedicated to anything. It's depressing and disappointing, but it's also not what you think you're getting into when trying to carefully pick who to write with. Like everyone else, my time to enjoy this hobby is far from twenty-four-seven as well. It's important to me to try to choose muns I'll work out with well so that neither of us is wasting the other's time. And that's what it feels like - the investment of time was a waste because their hobby became adding infinite muses, or rather, the idea of muses.

So, yes, while it is fully everyone's right to write what and how they want to (even if it amounts to not writing at all), it'd be nice if we were all as committed to doing so in a way that was adult enough to respect commitments we've made to each other as we are, as a RPC, to losing our minds when someone merely drops the words "commitments" or "respect."

For the inevitable muse-collectors running across this:

Fiction is inspiring! That doesn't mean you needn't be inspired by anything, just that picking up or creating a whole other muse might not be the best way to follow this inspiration.

If you're considering another muse, but you find yourself already behind and/or overwhelmed? Try one of these instead:

create a plot based on it! Write up the idea and put it in your wanted plots/wishlist tag. Bring it up to partners you think might be interested in it as well, or seek out a crossover from that fandom

make it a new verse for an existing muse! This is as close as you get to creating a new muse without actually doing so, and in many ways, it takes even more creativity. How is your muse different in this AU than they are in canon, how are they the same? In the ways that they are the same, what similar events but done in a way that is natural/logical to this universe have happened to maintain that? Get really creative!

for either/both of these, make some moodboards and aesthetics with that energy while you're waiting on someone to take you up on these new things. Answer some HC asks or tag games using your new verse, or write an independent HC for the verse or plot

talk to writing partners who already love that muse about their new verse/your desired plot! No, not pressuring talk, just normal conversation between friends, but maybe they will be interested in starting a thread

simply be inspired to include some aspect of what you liked in an existent thread. A particular scene you could pull ideas from, the overall mood of a film, or the way something was written in a book - include that in your replies somehow! RP is creative writing, be creative

There are so many, honestly more organic, directions to take inspiration than bluntly adding a new muse. Especially when you're already overburdened, not holding up your end of replies, and/or not able to portray each muse as their own character properly.

Sometimes, it's not just not a great idea to add a whole new muse, and that's alright. There seems to be a serious problem with fomo going on with this whole issue, too. You're not going to miss out if you do not immediately add this character to your multi, and you're never going to fully keep up with what is trending anyway. Do it because you still want to write this muse in four months instead, they're obviously not going anywhere if that's the case, and they'll be a better developed, interesting portrayal for that.

And people do have a right to be annoyed when they feel sidelined by you seeing a shiny object and repeatedly pandering for validation in dropping them for it. Particularly if you're a mun who, further, expects everyone to be just as interested in every new muse you make as the last. As in, you're annoyed when you keep creating muses no one is falling over themselves to interact with, guilting, shaming, or outright demanding that this new muse is interacted with before they have access to the previous ones.

They don't have a right to be mean you to, but they have a right to be annoyed and to drop you. They even have a right to politely decline explaining this to you if they feel unsafe, or to politely explain it to you before they move on.

Absolutely everyone's right to pursue RP and every facet of it as they so please, but no one else has to like what you're doing.

If this response grates on some of you out there? Consider the other options you have, how you might be making others feel, and that it's actually completely okay to tell yourself no. You won't perish if you tell yourself no to taking on a new muse when you, honestly, should not! It'll be okay! Maybe, you just need to evaluate if there is another muse, or more than one, you should remove before adding one. Maybe, you just need some time to reorganize how you reply before you add this one. "No" when told to yourself can simply mean "no, not right now, it isn't a good time/situation."

#answered #anonymous #rp problems #rp advice #muse hoarding #burnout

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akkpipitphattana · 3 years

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Blog Tag!

tagged by @mgnetos, thank you tutu!!

1. why did you choose your url?

at first, i had it as my youtube name and then my name on archive of our own, and then i decided i wanted to keep everything pretty much the same and changed my url on here to it. the reason behind it is simply that i think there's a lot of places to find joy in the world, and finding it in small things and things you don't expect is really magical.

2. any side blogs?

nope, we post all our hyperfixations and shitposts on main and die like men

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

oooh boy. well, according to memories i made this blog in 2015, but i believe i made my first blog in like 2012/2013? so way too long sjkdfjdf

4. do you have a queue tag?

i'm not nearly patient enough or organized for that so no, and i apologize to all of my mutuals for the spams i will go on every now and again sdjfdf

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

my first one i started it because i was very involved in one direction at the time and i wanted to look at posts and make my own. this one i made because i was HIGHLY embarrassed of my first one and wanted to start posting out the fosters when i got into that. though, now there are definitely posts on here from way back that i'm embarrassed of sdfsdjf

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

it's pride month and i wanted to show off my flag colors as well as keep the queen in her spot while her season is airing. it's also my way of pushing the bi!yasmina agenda because yes she is

7. why did you choose your header?

antania showed me hers first and i told her how much i loved it, so she offered to make me one! i chose robbe and yasmina because they're two of my comfort characters and it ended up working out pretty well. very grateful to antania for making it for me since i lack gif-making skills and was gonna settlle for a simple black header with bi-colored hearts sjfddjsf

8. what's your post with the most notes?

this tiktok i posted about the broerrrs. and honestly? fair, nothing i've ever said or done will top the hilarity of that

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i remember i counted a couple months ago because i was curious and it was like 25?? and i've gained a few so let's say 30, and i love them all very dearly 🥰

10. how many followers do you have?

551 and i'm still confused as to why it's even that many sjdfjdf

11. how many people do you follow?

148, and i did do a cleanout recently so that's pretty accurate

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

yes, plenty <3

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

a lot sjfsdjf like i feel like i check in at least once an hour if i'm not preoccupied with something else (and even sometimes then sjfd), it's an addiction

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

uhhhh, i long time ago, yeah. it was when i first made this blog and was arguing about the fosters discourse, it was so not worth it sdjfssf

15. how do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

they're just annoying most of the time, i typically ignore them

16. do you like tag games?

yes! i love them, it always makes me happy when i see a mutual has tagged me in something and they're always so fun to do.

17. do you like ask games?

considering i rb just about every one on my dash, absolutely! and i love sending the asks as well :)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i have a few that i think are really popular in their respective fandoms, and some that have had posts go viral, but i don't think any of them are actually tumblr famous beyond that tbh

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

i have friendship crushes on like all of my mutuals sdfjdf but @earthlingeliott is obviously my wife and also @fatoudixon obviously has a special place in my heart 💙

tagging: @earthlingeliott, @fatoudixon, @tsjernobyl, @yasminasrobbe, @yasminaaitsomar, @nyttvera, & anyone else that wants to do it! also feel free to ignore ofc :)

#this was fun #tag games

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thedeviltohisangel · 4 years

Text

In The Air Tonight//1

She cherished her new last name. Cherished the memory of Bruce offering it to her. The memory of receiving it. Physically shedding the past and embracing her future. One filled with love and warmth and all of the things she had been raised to never want or need. But Bruce didn’t mind that she kept certain pieces of her old self intact. The pieces of her that enjoyed thrills and excitement and was addicted to adrenaline and walking the line between life and death.

masterlist is my url/writing

send me your thoughts on these two and what you want to see next

She was seething and he could tell. Felt it rolling off of her in waves every time he walked passed. It wasn’t that it was hard to keep her happy. It was just hard to keep her still.

“Would you mind at least trying to smile?” he asked gently as he completed another lap of socializing.

“No. It would look worse than my scowl.” He hummed and took another sip of his champagne.

“How can I make it better?” Over the years, Bruce had come to pride himself in his ability to discern what was bothering her. To figure it out and make it better in a way that left others amazed. It always made Alfred smile to watch the familiar intimacy that the two had built over time.

“Unfortunately, you can’t. It’s just one of those days.” They were few and far between ever since she had met him but they never disappeared. He reached down and gave her hand a light squeeze. Sometimes his affection was too much for her on these days. But she still needed to know he was there and understood and ready whenever she was. “Maybe...maybe even a solo kind of night.” She said it with no hint of her previous angst around the edges.

“Is that why it’s one of those days?” The date wasn’t lost on him. To Bruce there were happy dates he kept locked in his head. The day he met her. The day she married him. Her birthday. Alfred’s birthday. And then there were those that were melancholy. The date of his parent’s death. When he first donned the suit. When Wayne Manor burned down. But in the dark recesses of his mind were two dates he wished he could erase. Today was one year since Emilia had dove off the side of a building thinking she was following Catwoman. But it had been an illusion. He didn’t like thinking about it. About the way her body was mangled when he found her. The way his hands shook as he tried to assist Alfred. The way his tears stained her bandages as he cried and prayed and screamed for the days following.

“Yes,” she choked out as she blinked away the tears as she worked through the same memories that he had.

“Then you go solo tonight.” His eyes were molten as they landed on her. Bruce had worked hard to shove away the overbearing nature that he wanted to inhabit. He had sworn at her bedside that she would never leave the Manor again. That she could work with Alfred from the cave every night. Had fooled himself into thinking he could force her into becoming a housewife. He should have known the woman who gritted her teeth at the envelopes addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Bruce Wayne would never allow herself to be sheltered away.

“I love you, Bruce,” she whispered as she allowed herself to indulge with a kiss.

“I love you even more,” he whispered back, his hand coming to the back of her head so she couldn’t drift far and could kiss him again.

“Mr. Wayne, it’s unfair to keep such a beauty hidden away from the rest of us.” They were pulled from their cocoon by a party goer. Someone who did contract work with Wayne Enterprise she thinks.

“Sometimes we need a moment of solace from all the...revelers,” she said with the fake smile Bruce had asked her to put on earlier. There were some other words she would have preferred to label the party guests at but that wouldn’t have been very polite.

“May I steal you for a dance, Mrs.Wayne?”

“Actually, I-” Bruce started, stepping in to save her from her least favorite activity on a good day.

“This is one of my favorite songs, Mr. Irwin. You picked the perfect time to ask.” She returned the favor, squeezing Bruce’s hand before taking the other man’s arm and letting him lead her to the center of the dance floor. It wasn’t the first time, and certainly not the last time, that Bruce thought about how little he deserved someone like her in his life. Let alone as his wife. He watched her sway and spin and laugh while the entire room watched her. No one except him knew the true pain that was underneath her smile. Hidden in the polite conversation she was making. Needing to be mended over before she broke.

“Mrs. Wayne-”

“Emilia. Please.” She cherished her new last name. Cherished the memory of Bruce offering it to her. The memory of receiving it. Physically shedding the past and embracing her future. One filled with love and warmth and all of the things she had been raised to never want or need. But Bruce didn’t mind that she kept certain pieces of her old self intact. The pieces of her that enjoyed thrills and excitement and was addicted to adrenaline and walking the line between life and death.

“My apologies. Emilia, how does a man like Bruce Wayne snag himself such a fierce companion?” She smirked. It was a question they were asked often. The billionaire could have picked any beautiful girl he wanted. One who would devote herself to being a housewife. Drape herself in jewels and over his lap at every event. Have her legs spread for him once he got home. And understand that once her beauty faded, he would turn her in for a newer model.

“He earns her.” But instead of all of that, Bruce had found her. Found her in the mountains. He thought the League kept her around for her beauty. Assumed she was some sort of concubine for al Ghul. Brutally, he learned otherwise.

“Is that the secret?”

“It is no secret. Shouldn’t we all prove ourselves worthy of the companion we seek? Whether it be through physical gestures or emotional connection?” She supposes he got his wife through material gifts. How dreadful.

“Excuse me, but I believe this is our song.”

“Is mind reading another skill you’ve happened to pick up lately?” Emilia smiled genuinely as her husband spun her in a grand circle and pulled her so close she thought they might become one.

“Can only read yours.”

“Well, you have my gratitude.”

“Yeah?” She recognized the glint to his eyes instantly, his hand sliding further down her back.

“Even though coming with you on your plane that day means speaking to strangers and laughing at things that are not funny, I would not take back a single moment.”

“Even the bloody ones?” His tone was softer as his words got more serious. Bruce couldn’t deny that her being with him brought her danger even if she was more than capable of defending herself in the face of it. You never wanted to be the reason your loved ones had sadness behind their eyes. Normally, she was a rock. With and without the mask. You’d never know she was human under all her stoicism. He never wanted to, or felt he needed to, treat her like she was made of glass. He was honest and blunt and didn’t pull his punches when they sparred on the weekends. Maybe he should stop assuming her strength.

“If I was not bloody with you then I would be bloody alone. I much prefer the company.” She smiled up at him and it felt like only the two of them were in the room. Her life was always complicated and always would be. Being with Bruce Wayne wasn’t the reason for her tumultuous inner thoughts or nightmares. They were a part of her. Having him brought more light. Chased some of the dark corners away.

“Look in the sky!”

“I wonder what’s going on!”

“Someone get Jim Gordon on the phone!” They both looked in the direction of the pointed fingers and saw The Bat Signal in the sky. Emilia turned back to say goodbye to her husband and assume her position as host, Mrs. Wayne.

“Go.” Her face transformed into shock as the word came out of Bruce’s mouth.

“But-”

“We agreed you’d go solo tonight. Nothing changes that.”

“Bruce, that signal means you and all these people-”

“Will be politely asked to leave as soon as possible.” She kissed him with a newfound exhilaration. “Now go. Alfred will be your eyes and ears until I can get down there.” After indulging with one more kiss, Emilia walked out of the gala before picking up her pace towards the library. Her fingers found the three keys with ease and she slipped behind the bookshelf as quiet as a mouse.

“Evening, Mrs. Wayne.”

“Evening, Alfred. What am I running into?” She started shedding her dress and jewelry as the butler pressed a button and a clear wardrobe rose from the water.

“Bank robbery with hostages.”

“Normal robbers or are they in clown masks? Exploding penguins? Riddles?” Nothing was ever simple in Gotham. She had learned quickly that everyone had a gimmick.

“Not yet,” he replied. “Is Master Wayne joining you tonight?”

“No, Alfred, we have guests.”

“How’s it going? She complete recon yet?” Alfred looked to his left as Bruce came jogging into the cave. He was undoing his cufflinks and rolling up his sleeves, out of breath from his hustle to dismiss the attendees and workers so he could make it down to the southeast corner.

“Yes. I’m not that slow,” she teased over the speakers.

“How many? What kind of weapons? The hostages-”

“Bruce. I’ll cut off comms if you don’t breathe and keep quiet.” He dropped his head and stayed quiet so she knew he had heard and would obey. But Alfred noticed the slight tremor to his hands, the way he was tapping the ground with his foot.

“Why did you agree if you were going to kill yourself with worries, Master Wayne?” he asked as he pressed the button to mute their microphone.

“The way she was looking at me, Alfred...I…”

“Love leaves us powerless sometimes. Particularly when faced by the person we give it to.”

“4 hostiles, 20 hostages. 2 of them children.”

“Weapons?”

“Fully automatic. Be home in time for a sudsy shower, don’t worry.” Bruce didn’t even have time to apologize to Alfred before she was throwing a stun grenade and gracefully falling from the window of the bank. She appeared to the goons in flashes. Gone before they had a chance to get their bearings on her appearance. She took down two before the effects of surprise wore off, the third leveling his gun at her and the fourth at a hostage.

“Alright, Mrs. Batshit, you pick your life or the boy’s.”

“Shoot me.” Bruce had been silent, doing his best to relax, but her words startled him slightly. He had seen her get out of the most dire of situations but she was standing perfectly relaxed, the gun leveled at point blank range. “Pull the trigger.” And he did. And nothing happened.

“She counts her bullets well, doesn’t she?” Alfred mentioned with a jovial smile.

“Need her to start counting my lives,” Bruce replied as he exhaled. Emilia used their moment of confusion to toss a dagger behind her, piercing the the hand of the final hostile and letting the child break free as he howled in agony. Her leg kicked high and knocked the gun from the one who was planning to shoot her, her fist following him to the ground and succeeding in knocking him out. She turned to finish the fourth but saw he was on his knees as if he was waiting for her. As if he was bowing to her. “What’s this?” Bruce muttered as he pressed to turn up the volume.

“I am honored to be in your presence, my Lady.”

“Remove your mask.” It wasn’t a thug as she had been expecting. But rather a woman. One she knew well. One even she feared. “Shiva.”

“I’ve come to bring you home.” Bruce had many questions as he watched the moment unfold in front of him and had to bite his tongue to prevent them all from tumbling out.

“And if this is my home?” Emilia asked, her hand moving to grip the bo staff that was strapped to her back. Shiva wasn’t who they sent to negotiate. Not with her words anyways.

“Then you know what I must do.” It was at that moment the police breached the bank and their guns were pointed at the two of them.

“Emilia, get out of there!” Bruce called out as her and Shiva seemed in no rush to move from their current positions.

“I look forward to our next encounter, my Lady. Being responsible for your only defeat has taken me far.” It was meant to anger her and would have succeeded in initiating their next death match if it wasn’t for Bruce calling out in her ear. Emilia grappled up through the skylight and out of sight before anyone knew any better.

“Get me everything you can possibly find on that woman, Alfred.”

“Yes, sir. What do you think this means?”

“The past has come for her. And they aren’t taking her.”

#bruce wayne #batman #bruce wayne fanfiction #batman fanfiction #christian bale #ben affleck #robert pattinson #batman begins #the dark knight #the dark knight rises

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parva-noctua · 3 years

Text

30 Questions Tag

tagged by @anotherobsessedfangirl thx sweetie!

name/nickname: Since my first name's been on my blog for a while anyway, I might as well tell it: Alina. But most people here still know me as "parva (noctua)". This also brings me to my nickname, because "parva noctua" is Latin and means "the little owl". My favorite grandpa used to call me "owl" when I was little. That's one of my strongest memories of him. And my best friend still calls me "Kleines" sometimes. Best translation to English is "peewee", I guess, though "Kleines" isn't meant to be negative) How you call me is up to you. For me, every name's okay.

star sign: Taurus

height: 5'6" / 168 cm

birthday: May 15th

favorite bands: among many others Silbermond, Sunrise Ave, Radio Company, Queen, Måneskin (just to continue the new tradition :p)

time: started 2:40 pm. finished (with lot of breaks) 9:23 pm

favorite solo artists: That's even more difficult to answer^^", but definitely a lot of Hip Hop and Rap is involved (there is good stuff!) One of them is Curse, I still listen to a lot of his tracks. Maybe he is my all time favorite, even though I still love Everlast and Fiva a lot, too.🤔

song stuck in your head: Wanna be your slave by Måneskin (Well... xd)

last movie you watched: "Catching Fire"

Dream Trip: Road Trip to travel all across Germany and maybe some neighboring countries. But for this, I need to lose my fear about driving^^"

Last Show: "Grimm" on DVD

When I Created This Blog: This one must be three years old right now. There was another, I created... 7 or 6 years ago, when a friend showed Tumblr to me.

What I Post: Changes from time to time, a lot stuff's deleted, because I felt bad about Tumblr at the time and even considered to leave for good. But here we are today, still here, still posting "this or that." and weird rantings.

Last thing I googled: Bed frames, industrial style (comparing prices, looks and feautures) Due to some changes at home, my mom and I started painting and renovating some rooms.

Other Blogs: None

Do I get asks? Some of friends, but not many. But I love every ask and try to answer all of them. So if you wanna know something, just send me an ask (even if you didn't send one before 😊) It would make me very happy to interact more with all of you!

Why I Chose My URL: just go back to first question ;)

Following: 31 (fandoms, friends and art mostly)

Followers: Tumblr says 431 (varies from week to week) I guess, most of them are bots, because there are a lot of... x-rated pages in my notifications now and again. And most of my posts get 5-20 notes. Three years ago, there were a lot more - especially during the #ringsy or #toris "era" xd Sometimes I miss "good ol' times", but things change and what remains are some funny, some weird, some sad, some freaky and a lot of happy memories.

Average Hours Of Sleep: 5-6 during the past few months (rarely restful and refreshing) In the daytime, I felt sleepy and dumb - it's slowly getting better now. Lately I get up to 7 hours of (better) sleep.

Lucky Number: 5 due to my birth month and 9 (love the shape)

Instruments: This user is absolutely not musical, but loves to warble her favorite songs. I remember one day in improv theater (behind the mixing console): One of the younger groups performed to music and I was quietly humming/singing along to the song. The guy next to me (an intern, too) just said: "Just stop it already!" Me: "What's the matter? I know, I can't sing. I'm just one of those singing-in-the-shower people. It's just for fun." Him: "So what. You can't sing, so don't."

So if you're one of those crooked-voiced people like I am - shut the fuck up. Just kidding! Screw party poopers like.... let's call him Carl.

What Am I Wearing: Right now some blue long sleeve shirt and jeans. In general: mostly casual, spiced up with a lot of hoodies xd

Dream Job: I did a BA in Social work, focusing on Drama in Education/theatrical pedagogy . Loved improv theatre, but never had the guts to pick up where I left off^^"

Favorite Food: Nearly all kinds of soup, cheese and mixed up leftovers, tbh. There's nothing better than that.

Tea or Coffee: Tea lover, but addicted to morning coffee

Nationality: German.

Favorite Song: All time fav: "100 Jahre (years)" by Curse. Current: "City Grown Wollow" by Radio Company

Last Book I Read: 1. finished re-read: "Supernatural - Heart of the Dragon" and 2. nearly finished: "The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes".

Top 3 Fictional Universes I Would Like To Live In:

1. "Grimm", actually. I like the idea of Grimm's (and other's) Fairy Stories being real in this kind of way. Wesen, creatures (apparently human) only visible for Grimms. Sure it's a potentially dangerous world to live in, but it's also truly fascinating and full of surprises. I mean, a vegetarian Blutbad (Bad Wolf) doing Pilates for a peaceful "let's not let this get out of hand, I just had the carpet cleaned" lifestyle. And I also like the idea, that there's more in the world than meets the eye.

2. An "The Three Investigators AU" with bit less of stereotypes, though. The german radio plays of "Die Drei ???" is kind of a cult for so many generations since 1979. For 42 years now there are the same three voice actors for Justus/Jupiter, Pete and Bob - and I guess, that's part of its success. Adults, teens and kids grew up and grew old with them, learning about friendship, courage and not giving up. Three friends, a salvage yard and cherry pie. Actually it's sort of a time capsule: Forever 18, forever holidays full of adventures: Solving riddles, having fun, catching "the bad ones". There's always a solution, always a story with kind of a happy ending. It's a safe space, a short peaceful time-out for me and so many others out there.

3. "Harry Potter Universe" because of similar reasons as in No. 1 (just don’t let talk about JKR here).

tagging everyone, who wants to 😊

#tagged #fun #okay... let's move to fantasy world #personal stuff #parva plappert

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blueprint-han · 3 years

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at eleven night, find me ↠ hjs.

genre: sorta platonic au? ; fluff, just petting Jisung’s head as he falls asleep on your lap 🥺

⇥ warnings: none at all.

wc: 1.3 K 🤡 (sighs why am I like this)

⇥ disclaimer: this fiction does not aim to represent the activities of the real Han Jisung, nor does it represent JYPE in any form. Events are pure fiction. ♡

type: drabble

network tag: @stayverse @districtninewriters @inkidz

part of: the url drabble game; requested by @sleepylixie (requests for this are closed now!)

↯ note: okay so fair warning, I wrote this in 2 hours at midnight whilst I was sleep deprived, so if it’s bad that’s why. :(( Hops you like it though, and I’m willing to redo it if you didn’t <33 🥺😔🥀 ⇥ dawn.☀️

The annoying rooster that popped out of your antique clock did it’s usual routine at 11 pm, though it was surprising of you to anticipate the loud shrill of the bell when it did so. You weren’t even sleepy, just on edge with wanting to meet your friend after a long time.

You’d admittedly missed Han Jisung, your best friend a lot. His presence every evening beside you, his cute pouty eyes and the way he’d fill his cheeks with food, making him look like the sweetest, cutest squirrel. He wouldn’t let anyone touch his cheeks, but he’d make an exception for you, especially because he’d secretly love it when you’d cup his cheeks and swoon over how adorably red he’d turn when he was shy.

There was no wrong happening that kept the both of you separated this week, just that you were busy with your thesis and he was busy with his music assignments; and overall the week had reduced you to a tired, grubby state. You so desperately wished to just let go, relax and have a fun time — and it was going to happen soon enough, you figured. Han Jisung had every which way of making you laugh, even if he did basically nothing.

How did you meet? It wasn’t a very special entrance, you just found that he sat alone at lunch, decided to approach him, talked to him for two days and viola, best friends. It sounded too good to be true on paper, but something about Jisung just… clicked. You shared mostly the same interests, and even if you didn’t, neither of you were unwilling to try new things. It was one hell of a wild experience to be with Jisung. Or Sungie, as you called him.

The lighting of your room was practically dim — owing to the “cozy” effect you were trying to create. Warm light splayed through the lamp placed on the wooden table — an antique one again, because you were a huge fanatic of antiques. The air smelled oddly of cinnamon and apple pie. Everything was just perfect — now you just needed one person to step through that door.

“Y/N!”

And almost like it was fate, a heavy weight threw itself on your back, scaring the shit out of your senses as you shrieked loudly.

“Agh!... Wha- Jisung!”

You slapped his arm, causing him to recoil in shock as he rubbed the area, a pout on his lips. “What?”

“Couldn’t you’ve rung the doorbell?”

“Couldn’t you’ve remembered to lock the door?” Jisung said, walking around the couch to plop down beside you. He’d changed his hair color, gone from a dirty ash blond to a jet black that complimented his skin tone more according to your preference. You’d had no time to keep up with yourself, let alone Jisung, so you figured you’d missed quite a lot of stuff.

His eyes still sparkled the same way, but his eyebags had gotten more prominent, and he seemed dull, like he’d missed out on days of sleep. Which you were sure he did. His hair fell over his eyes, however, masking how tired he truly was, but you could see through the mask very, very clearly. You also took a moment to admire how pretty he was, because admittedly, Han Jisung was drop dead gorgeous.

You succumbed to the temptation of running your fingers through his hair, strands soft on your skin as Jisung yawned at the action, the sound oh-so-pure and delicate. Tucking them behind his ears, you splayed a gentle smile on your lips as you watched Jisung take your hand in his.

“How was your week, love?” Jisung asked, leaning into the backrest of the couch as his eyes were close to fluttering shut, more because of the way you were running a thumb across the back of his hand.

“It was okay, I guess.” You shrugged, reaching for the glass of water that was on the center table, relief running through you when the cool water rushed through your throat. You didn’t even know you were dehydrated, figuring that you were most likely distracted from Jisung’s arrival. “You look sleepy.” You pointed out as a matter of fact, noticing the way Jisung’s eyes were barely peeking out over his heavy, drooping eyelids.

“Yeah, I had to stay over at the studio a bunch of times so I’m sleep deprived, you could say.” His voice was raspy as sleep threatened to consume him when you reached out, lacing your hand through his hair again. You weren’t quite sleepy yourself, because you tended to be more of the night owl. Jisung looked absolutely ethereal in this lighting, honey caramel skin almost glowing in the faint light, accentuating his features.

It was always a common habit for you to run your hands through his hair and vice versa. You never remembered who picked up the habit, or when you picked it up, but it soon became an addiction to have Jisung’s fingers massaging your scalp slightly. And it was the same for him.

“Hey,” You slid a hand underneath his head, his warm cheek resting against your palm as Jisung opened his eyes only lightly to look up at you. “You’re gonna end up with a sprain if you fall asleep here.”

“But I haven’t talked to you in so long…” He murmured, nuzzling into your touch as he yawned yet again, and your heart fluttered in your chest. In all honesty, you didn’t know if your feelings for Jisung diverged from platonic affection, or if it was just your mind, and honestly, you didn’t really care either.

All you knew was that Jisung was here, you were here, in this moment, together. That was all, and that was enough.

The boy was taken aback for two seconds when you silently pulled him down, letting him rest his head on your lap before he got an idea of what you were implying. Throwing his legs on the couch Jisung snuggled into a warm, comfortable position. One of your hands tangled into his tresses again, while the other one was intertwined with Jisung’s slender, shorter fingers.

“Mmh,” He hummed in content, placing a soft kiss onto your thigh which led you to shiver. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, baby.” You immediately replied, not an inch of hesitation in your voice.

“Tell me about your week then, love.” Jisung murmured, and you chuckled. Anyone could see how far drifted into sleep he already was, and honestly, a part of you loved how adorable he got when he was sleepy. Sleepy Jisung was more clingy, more whiny, and made your heart swell so much faster — it was almost unreal. He was just plain adorable.

You were tempted to ask him if he’d even stay up to hear the whole story, but nevertheless, you began reciting your hectic week, filled with all the fun memories, the stressful ones, the sad ones, all of them. At times you raised your voice, which jerked Jisung awake, but he’d just hum in content before falling back asleep, which would in turn only make you coo over how cute he was.

Jisung couldn’t help it either, your hands in his hair and your soft hand engulfing his own was admittedly too much for him to keep his eyes open. It was such a soothing feeling, at this place he felt his heart at peace. Relaxed. He could banish any negativity from his mind just by hearing your voice, now.

When you finished, Jisung was huddled into a ball, having fallen into deep slumber as you continued patting his head. The gentle smile that always found itself when Jisung was like this creeped back up to your lips, your eyes fluttering close as you simply took in the delicateness of the moment.

It was almost midnight now, and even though you and Jisung had barely talked, you felt as though you’d communicated for years, simply by hearing each other out. Your friendship wasn’t the kind that could be found anywhere — it had to be made, and a part of it was gifted. It was the best gift, really.

Because when the clock struck eleven night, you knew you could always find him, no matter what.

↯ note: 🕯️ ignore me this is just a small prayer that tumblr doesn’t make me battle the tags yet again 🕯️ may the tumblr gods be in my favor atleast this once ;-; 🕯️ ⇥ dawn.☀️

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buzzyglovehorn-enthusiast · 3 years

Text

Got tagged by @parttimereptile and @to-catfish-a-bottleman a few days ago for this ask game, thanks.

Why did you choose your URL?

I used to play french horn. At the end of every year for my high school band, usually the older kids would come up with awards for everyone involved and I believe when I was in grade nine @to-catfish-a-bottleman crowned me the buzzy glovehorn enthusiast. Because you know. To play french horn you put your hand in the buzzy horn like a glove.

Any side blogs?

Yes I have one, it started as just the blog where I'd put stuff if I was like. Sad or felt like I was posting too much here and now it's still those things but to a lesser degree, with the addition of things I'm reblogging to save and I'll actually be able to find them later because of how infrequently I post there. It's funny because I've never explicitly told anyone the URL and my mutuals keep finding it by accident and it's kind of like a game for me to see how many of you have actually found it.

How long have you been on tumblr?

Yikes I'm not sure, I think this blog has been around since like 2017 but I definitely had one before that where I made one Harry Potter post and then lurked for the rest of it's existence. No interaction with anything. That was weird and I genuinely have no idea what the URL was.

Do you have a queue tag?

Definitely not I hardly queue anything except for things with my birthday in them (tagged it's my birthday, so I guess that could count) and that one post for the ides of March. Anything else you get the pleasure of seeing them whenever I decide that I am logged the fuck on, and that's your problem <3

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Why do I do anything. Honestly I don't remember starting this blog so I don't know. It just popped into existence one day and here I am.

Why did you choose your profile picture?

I used to have plastic dinosaurs all stuck to my walls. I didn't have a pfp so I took the shittiest resolution picture known to man of one of them and bam. There's the iconic dinosaur you know and love today.

Why did you choose your header?

I went to a con with @to-catfish-a-bottleman and we saw a bunch of skeletons playing risk. Iconic. Blog worthy. I couldn't resist putting them on there and they're probably here to stay because I'm resistant to change.

What's your post with the most notes?

Not sure specifically, but some of my greatest hits include Problem Pasta, the restaurant that only played songs from the Gnomeo and Juliet (2011) soundtrack, rocks are good for holding, there's a fine line between too much outfit and not enough outfit and I'm gay so I have no idea where it is, etc. Most of the ones that get any traction tap out around 20-25 notes and I'm fine with that, considering the way that I embody the meme that's like "heartbreaking: man thought 2 or 3 note post was really more of a 5 or 6 note post".

How many mutuals do you have?

Kind of a lot, actually. I don't know what the actual number is but I. Am addicted to making friends. Thanks

How many followers do you have?

102, but it feels like every day I meet another ass bot so not actually 102. A large number of them are blocked. 9 on my other blog but 4 of those are blocked too. To everyone who can read this: thank you for not being a bot/sending me unsolicited dicks. I really appreciate it.

Have you ever made a shitpost?

Define shitpost. Most of my posts are shit posts, but in the kind of fandom sphere I've made a bunch for different books I've read and immediately forgotten that will, not often, but occasionally get notes.

How often do you use tumblr each day?

It varies. I haven't really been active lately (hey, I'm still alive!) but when I am, I do end up on here for hours at a time. Often.

Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? Did you win?

I don't think so, I don't like discourse or arguments.

How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

I hate them. If it's reblog bait it will be ignored, I promise.

Do you like tag/ask games?

I do, and fun fact about me before I moved rooms I had my bed up against the wall and I'd write the questions on it in pencil so I'd remember what I was responding to.

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Babe I don't know. If they're on my dash they're on my dash. We're all just distant acquaintances waving at each other, sometimes rapidly cycling through various disguises and telling me So Much about things I know nothing about. I don't know who half of you are anymore. That's fine.

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Yeah I'm actually pretty into @to-catfish-a-bottleman . Nobody tell my girlfriend

Thanks guys, hope you feel like we're best friends now. Feel free to say I tagged you in this if you want to do it.

#in case its unclear. theyre the gf #its been a few days since i got tagged to do this #thats fine though #ask game

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knoepfchen · 3 years

Text

Thank you Alex, my fellow “I have a URL that no longer really fits the fandom I’m in but I’ll be damned if I change it now” TOG AU conspirator, @meet-the-girl-who-can, for tagging me in this!

I enjoy “end-of-year reflection” a lot actually, but I’ve not really gotten round to it much in previous years, and so I’m making the best of my planlessness this year. (Also it’s Theodor Fontane’s birthday tomorrow, and I believe it’s what he would have wanted.)

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2020. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love! <3

The Old Guard found me at a strange little time in my life. I lost my job earlier this year and decided to take it as a clean break, try to go back to university and take it from there. The Old Guard came out the day I got the acceptance letter from my uni, which was great – but also meant I would definitely be starting all over again, and find myself in a long-distance relationship after years of living with my partner. I guess what I’m trying to say is, when I randomly saw the film on Netflix and pressed play, I was in a bit of a mental and emotional limbo from all the uncertainty suddenly going on in my life, and I latched onto the ideas of immortal love and the only true difference we can make is through acts of kindness like a baby koala to its mother. I wrote my first TOG fic a day later, and what a ride it’s been since.

I’ve read fics by and spoken to so many amazing people in the past couple of months, but I think they’ve all already been tagged (because I’ve been reading these posts like the morning paper) and so I will cop out of tagging on this one. (If you haven’t been tagged and want to do this, feel free to use me as your tagger though – I mean it when I say I love reading these posts!)

5 - a slow landslide AND what i wouldn’t gif

I can’t pick between the two so I’m including them both. This is probably surprising to anyone who’s read both because they could not be more different if they tried, but that’s exactly the problem – I like them equally, but for entirely different reasons. (I also wrote them really shortly after one another, and so it’s quite hard to disentangle them in my mind.) But because while I think I personally just want to read the same fic with the same topic from the same authors over and over, the fics I write sure are all over the place in tone, theme, setting and relationship tackled, and nothing has made me happier than seeing people read and enjoy both :)

4 - i am lost, in the robes of all this light

Writing Andromaquynh fic can be a bit demoralising if you also write Joe and Nicky – and I don’t mean this as a dig at all, it’s just that that part of the fandom is smaller and so there’s less people reading/commenting/leaving kudos – but I really like how soft this one got. My friend somewhat rightfully pointed out to me that it’s basically an atonement fic because I felt guilt for writing an absolute angstfest of a witchhunt retelling beforehand, but if you can’t guilt trip yourself into writing fix-it fics, who can you guilt trip?

3 - and you smiled, because you knew.

This is the first thing I wrote in this fandom, and it’s a silly idea (five times Joe proposed and one time he didn’t) executed with a degree of serious introspection I’m not sure the trope is made for. Looking back, the narrative voice is off, the tense I used for flashbacks questionable, and the imagery quite literally all over the place, but it also has some of the best lines I’ve ever written and it introduced me to @avaniesque, who has taught me so! much! about history and been a wonderful beta whenever I forayed into historical settings with the guard, so I can and will not complain about it. (She’d tell me to shorten that sentence, too.)

2 - we that are true lovers run into strange capers

Okay so. For my brain, writing this fic was a little like going to my favourite fast food restaurant every day for a month. It was a strangely addictive endeavour, occupying most of my waking thoughts and causing my Spotify Wrapped to look like a fever dream, but it was also the most fun I’ve had writing anything, ever. By all rights, it should have been a hot mess, (I guess it kind of is, but by the time I noticed it seamlessly transitioned from rom-com to corporate heist it was too late) but that’s the way of self-indulgent fic! I still read the comments on this fic when I have a bad day, because everything about it is my happy place.

1 - not sleepy enough to give it up

I was tempted to put this here just because it’s the last thing I’ve written, and the last thing I’ve written is always the momentary best thing I’ve written. But more than that, I think this is the first time I managed to actually write the fic I intended to write; a fic that, reading it, feels exactly the way I imagined it would in my head. I don’t usually reread my own work, but I’ve reread this one a couple of times for non-editing purposes, and I still love it.

#tag games #my fic

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coffeeandchemicals · 3 years

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(okay, last tag game, sorry for spamming everyone). Thank you @passivenovember for tagging me! This looks like fun.

Name/Nickname: Kellie - no nickname, I was never cool enough for one

Gender: She/Her - but gender is weird, I dunno, the more I think about it the more, I’m like, I dunno.

Star Sign: uhhh, Pisces? Is that was this is?

Height: 5′7″ - some days I wish I was taller, some days I wish I was shorter

Time: 1:18 pm

Birthday: March 2

Favorite Bands: oh this is tough, they tend to cycle depending on my mood. Right now: The Cure, The War on Drugs, New Order, The Decemberists, Echo and The Bunnymen, The Lumineers, Future Islands, The Black Keys, Said the Whale, Lord Huron, and more that I can’t think of...

Favorite Solo Artists: to be honest, I don’t really differentiate between bands and solo artists... The only solo artists that I can really think of (that probably still have bands) are Billy Idol and Dan Mangan. TBH, I have loved Billy Idol for more than half my life...

Song stuck in my head: Psycho Killer by The Talking Heads

Last Movie: Enola Holmes - super cute

Last Show: I’m re-watching Black Sails, the character development in that show is pretty fantastic.

When did I create this blog: I think July of this year? Or maybe June?

What do I post: Mainly fanfic stuff, but that changes depending on what I’m fixated on... When I start school in January, I may subject you all to my musings on chemical engineering. Or I might not, because, honestly, who wants to read about that.

Last thing googled: Stargate - because I couldn’t remember Amanda Tapping’s character name. I love Stargate SG-1, but it has been probably eight years since I’ve watched. My hubby and I were trying to find it on a streaming service to watch again and it wasn’t there.

Other blogs: No... I still don’t know how to run this one

Do I get asks: Rarely! But I love them when I do! That hit of dopamine is fantastic

Why I chose my url: Because I’m a chemical engineer addicted to coffee... Although my anxiety has recently made me switch to decaf.

Following: 292

Followers: 70 and I appreciate every single one

Average hours of sleep: Insomnia is making me get around 5? But then I’m usually awake every hour because of nightmares... so that is not great.

Instruments: None! I wish I could play something though - like the violin or harp, that would be amazing, but it would require too much time, money, and energy. I’m just too old.

What am I wearing: Sweatpants and hoodie - the usual lounging clothes during winter in Canada

Dream job: This is tough. Like so tough. Because I’m so apathetic right now. Dream job that I could actually get - working in a gas plant, using my brain but not having to make major decisions. Dream job - book reviewer or editor? because reading and writing is amazing, but I don’t have enough original ideas to be an author.

Dream trip: Ugh, Scotland for sure. And the rest of the UK. Then the Scandinavian countries, Eastern European countries and Russia.

Favorite food: Coffee? Cheese?

Nationality: Canadian - but my ancestors came from Ireland and Scotland (Clan Fraser!)

Favorite song: It changes so often! But, right now, probably Lullaby by The Cure - it’s just so creepy and eerie.

Last book I read: Hot Dog Girl by Jennifer Dugan - I was excited about it because it’s a queer YA novel, but I was pretty disappointed in it.

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: Oh.... This is super tough. Possibly the Stranger Things Universe because the ‘80s is amazing (but then I’d have issues with the homophobia and misogyny and would probably be dead in the first five minutes). Maybe the Harry Potter universe - because magic and Scotland. Or in the American Gods universe, but like, as someone’s sidekick, just so I can observe stuff but not be part of the actual events?

Tagging: @thursday-knight @redplaid-on-redplaid @jameslee-k @introvertia @nblesbianbenhanscom @taylorinthetardis @hexlikesramennoodles

but no pressure! Only if you want to!

#tag game #sorry for doing so many of these at once #getting on the computer was difficult #and now I'll probably go sleep #because insomnia

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