#on the one hand i want this job so bad

[dashiellqvverty]

tummy is bothering me idk if it’s something i ate or job interview nerves

#also norovirus is going around which is not fun for my phobia. it is probably abt the interview tho #on the one hand i want this job so bad #on the other hand i’m not even scared i’ll do badly i’m scared i WILL get it and then #i’ll have to deal with quitting my current job and working full time and driving almost 40 minutes to and from work every day #i wish i could just find a perfect part time position to split w my current job #if i don’t get this one i’m gonna apply at aldi lmao #and probably finally apply at the local grocery store #it’s just like idk if they’ll want me if i can only do 2 days a week for like 4 hours a day lmao

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter. #he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point. #and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!! #hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do! #the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into- #one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT. #but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb. #I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time. #and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances. #and doesn’t want to hear any excuse. #but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment. #NOW. CHAPTER 17. #UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN #Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC. #IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!! #BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’ #WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM. #(​NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.) #and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through. #despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up. #like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him. #that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying. #just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner. #IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD. #and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore. #he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had. #and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT. #<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but. #eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind. #I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags

[daily-hanamura]

curls up into a ball and cries

#submission #OH I SEE #YELLLING WITH YOU ACTUALLY #yosuke's relationship with his father is such A Thing because it's so complex #on the one hand he's deeply frustrated and resentful about the move and he's had to bear a lot of the backlash because of his fathers job #on the other hand he doesnt really let any of that colour the fact that he still wants to be a good son and support his dad #that hes still sensitive enough to pay attention to when his father is having a bad time at wotk #and for all of yosuke's complicated feelings towards junes he just wants to help his father out however he can #yosuke's need to do right by the people around him!!!! #HE IS GENUINELY EVERYTHING TO ME #I HEAR YOU MAN I HEAR YOU I WANT TO THROW MYSELF AT THE WALL #also if you saw me accidentally post this without tags the first time... no you did not #hanamura yosuke #persona 4 #p4g

[fidgetspringer]

- Marten & Nohren -

#digital art #illustration #art #cowboys #original characters #my art #thought I might as well slap some colour on this now since i'll be away this week #i've got so many ideas floating around my head for story stuff I want to draw for these two #i've been writing them for almost a year now and i have a bunch of different AUs i'm excited to make designs for #the outlaws AU is one of my favourites though #excited to see how their designs change as i get more confident with drawing people #i'm not gonna info dump about them too much i think. I'll probably just let the story unfold trough the illustrations etc #cause idk if anyone's interested in the story stuff. i'm happy to answer if anyone asks stuff though #but the short version is that they grew up in the same town but didn't really get to know each other until later #Marten has a bad accident that leaves him bedridden for over a year while his father hides his condition out of shame #so Nohren takes a job as a hand at their ranch and figures out which room they're keeping Marten locked in #they become good friends and Nohren visits him in secret for almost two years while helping Marten regain some mobility #they take up the outlaw life after Nohren is seen with another man in town and decides he's better off getting out of dodge #Marten is torn about leaving the ranch behind but he comes along eventually #that's the very basic gist of it #they good kiddos #Marten #Nohren #Outlaws AU

[clonerightsagenda]

I wonder if Ling fucks around so much early in the comic (hassling the military's elite evil wizards, bumming food off people, getting arrested) because he has never actually had a chance to be a dumb kid before. He has grown up surrounded either by his clan who are depending on him to be their savior or enemy clans who are trying their best to kill him. People mistake him for older than he is; he has probably had to grow up very quickly. Amestris is a desperate attempt to raise his standing but it is also kind of spring break.

Then he gets possessed by the embodiment of self-interested hedonism but instead of getting to have a good time he spends several months in a creepy basement and then several months roughing it in the woods. When it's spring break and your dad makes you get a job.

#Ling 🤝 Greed: born with a job #I love him bc he is one of the most cutthroat characters #the kid gets exactly what he wants crawling over a pile of bodies to do so #but I have no clue what he might have wanted personally for himself #selfish selflessness... #Mei has that epiphany that hey the philosopher's stone is bad and maybe the emperor shouldn't get near it #Ling's like nope hand it over #I'm already carrying the lives of thousands of people at all times what's a few more #now time to skip town before someone asks me about all the soldiers I ripped apart with my bare hands #similarly Mei gets a lot more storytime on personal interests and desires #and probably gets the better ending for herself imo #kat reads fma #I am not actually to this bit yet I am just thinking

[hecksupremechips]

The fact that Junpei proposed to Akane in ztd just baffles me every time I think about it like. He doesn’t know anything about her. They were friends for, what? A year? When they were kids. And Junpei never even knew she was an orphan or that she had a brother. Given just how important Aoi is to Akane and the massive role he played in her life, it’s very telling that Junpei doesn’t know about him. He also doesn’t seem too interested in Akane as a person. He only likes the idea of her, of sharing a bed or taking a shower together, but when she actually starts talking about her interests such as the titanic, he thinks she’s talking nonsense and only plays along when he doesn’t know what else to say. He also has this image of her as a damsel in distress (partially because Akane puts up an innocent persona to avoid suspicion) and he wants to play an action hero who protects her from seeing the scary dead body, completely oblivious to the fact that she put them there, that she wants that bastard dead. And how much does he come to terms with the truth after the nonary game? He feels betrayal, resentment, but he still proposes to her. He still spends his life chasing after her. He still puts himself and quark in a potentially dangerous situation in order to see her again. Junpei doesn’t have his shit together at all, he refuses to accept that the girl he liked as a kid isn’t perfect and has changed, has changed without him

#zero escape #junpei tenmyouji #my god this man. he really needs to get standards🙄 #im very conflicted about the choice to have him propose to akane cuz like on one hand #it really emphasizes just how not well adjusted junpei is and it sets the stage for how he is in vlr #and like i wouldnt want him to have his shit together in ztd in regards to akane he doesnt move on until after vlr #at least in that specific timeline anyway #but on the other hand the game just does suuuch a bad job with the proposal like its treated as cute #when it really fucking isnt its absolutely pathetic that junpei wants to propose to her after everything thats happened #and in general the scene where they get engaged just fucking sucks lol its so weird #i hate it so much goddddd i am not cheering when they get engaged i am seething with rage #cuz theyre ruining their lives cuz they dont fucking love each other or know each other!!! RAWRRRR #oh junpei you fucked up little man just let me. hold your hand 😩

[pointsfortrying]

Ah lads here we go again. Chat, who's going to tell them

#dungeon meshi spoilers #<- for the beloveds #head in hands #when characters are written well (complex) but ppl Neeeed to be able to 'they're a bad person' bc they did a bad thing #failing to realize that literally EVERYONE has done bad things--- #the characters have depth! thats whats compelling!!! #yes this is bc the anime reached toshiro and we are once again seeing the waves of 'i hate shuro he's an awful person' raghhhhhhh #i fucking love laios he's an incredible character but raghhhh #chat they (fandom) don't know about the microaggressions #grahhh cultural differences and arguably clashes of nd bc i can see toshiro also being nd but even if not raghhh #yes toshiro should have handled things better but also laios should have and its wrong to baby either of them raghhh #also toshiro hasnt eaten or slept in days and is all over the place at this point and Laios Even Acknowledges It raghhhhhhhhhhh #raghhhhhhhhhhhh #ghhhhhhh knows that the later scenes will probably hopefully make some ppl better understand but its going to ten ten trillion years to get #there and raghhhhhhh #oh boy i cant wait to see th fucking. racisms. #ghhhhhhhhhh #me when idrc ab toshiro but the sheer scale of hate directed towards him makes me want to blorbo him out of spite rahhhhh #<- me when i have been in situations where im both laios and toshiro and it sucks from both sides #and thats! the! point!!!!!!!!!!!! #you can hurt ppl you care ab!!!!!!!! #grahhhhhhhh #the cultural part is one that just. grah. #ryoko kui does such an incredible job establishing and showing that different cultures exists and just the fandom ignoring that gh. #also stop calling him shuro raghhh <- thats a pet peeve one but god as someone who's irl name has been made fun of #So many times bc it's not 'local'. #ghhhhh laios ily but the panel where you were going 'HUH? SHURO? NICE TO MEET YOU EVERYONE THIS IS SHURO :D'. pain and agony #ryoko kui has absolutely been there before as most asian ppl when white person #<- this was me just having a moment bc goes into tag and sighs. #toshiro you're an asian side character standing in the way of the blorbo mc and blorbo yuri you never stood a chance.....

[arts-i-enjoy]

AHHHHHH

#this post brought to you by: me #i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses #i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP #like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready #anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT #and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk #and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message #even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL #AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!! #i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year #i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17? #ive had a good well paying job since i was 18. #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job #which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind #so theres no point staying here. #i might never have this kind of job security again. #but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something #on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now #on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT #but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to #richard started yelling and swearing el oh el #might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible? #but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option #the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going #idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks #this is why i want to get out of here #also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about #not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey! #if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!

[crowcryptid]

Stuck at a red light and I could count 16 cranes all making new condos and apartments. Maybe a few of them are offices but they looked like apartments.

Filled me with a new sense of dread

#I’m just. head in hands. you guys have no idea. I’ve been here my whole life and it has never been this horrible here. traffic. #there was definitely more than 16 that’s just what I was able to see #Yes just keep building luxury apartments and making an already horribly planned out and overcrowded city even more crowded 👍 #if this shit was actually planned out it wouldn’t be so bad #but it was not. intended. to have this many people. #what I want to know is who the fuck is actually living in them #yeah we got a lot of people from high wage states working remotely here in the past 3 years #but surely it can’t be THAT MANY????? #like. this is a city with no industry outside of money laundering and being a servant to rich ppl and tourists #wages are in the dirt here. even with a degree most jobs will refuse to pay a living wage #you will make more in pretty much any other state fl wages are abysmal #who is renting these #edit: I should mention that building more housing is not a bad thing it’s just that. these aren’t for normal people. these are for the rich #the regular ppl are getting absolutely eaten alive here. I would know I’m one of them. #and the roads just can’t support this many people. my commute has gotten 10-15 mins longer #just this year. distance hasn’t changed. there’s just that many more cars

[aeide-thea]

thinking abt like. if you introduce someone to something you're into and they're like, wow, that's so awesome, you're probably tickled that they dig it and are seemingly a kindred spirit at least that far; if you then introduce them to another thing you're into and they're again like, wow, that's so awesome, you're probably still pleased but also perhaps guiltily wondering whether they know any other adjectives; and if you introduce them to a third thing and yet again they're like, wow, that's so awesome, you're probably asking yourself, was any of that affirmation actually real or is this person just so reflexively accommodating that they've been turning off whatever independent critical faculties they possess in order to play a better yes-man???

(for values of 'you' that primarily mean 'me' obviously)

#just thinking a lot this week abt like. on the one hand i SO deeply need people to be kind and exhibit a readiness to be pleased #and i'm so relieved and grateful when i encounter that energy #but like. on the other hand i need to feel like i actually meet your standards‚ not like you don't HAVE any? #like. if a golden retriever wants to be pals it means nothing. if a cat wants to be pals it means everything #and like. if we're being honest i'm very very very picky abt. everything. i was going to specify areas but. it's all of them. #i just try not to actively be a dick abt it to anyone's face bc i think that's really important #(and like. i did a slightly less good job of hiding that in certain ways this week than i probably endorse so i'm thinking abt that) #(like i think the problem is that it always feels v important to be clear abt my tastes/Who I Am bc i want to be Understood) #(but like. sometimes ppl just aren't the sort of people who are going to Understand me and i need to get better abt cutting bait) #(and prioritizing courtesy abt their tastes over clarity abt mine in those cases) #idk. have very extremely not resolved the tension between my various values here #basically like goldilocks i need everything to be juuuuuust right which like. perfect IS the enemy of good and i know it!! #but at the same time like. it IS better to be alone than to be with people who chafe you raw. #but maybe eventually if you let them sand you into a new shape it'll be good? but. feels bad to be sanded. #anyway. strongly suspect this is not actually a coherent post i'm very sleepytired #this week was really really challenging and left me with a lot of food for thought. also some pie

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

analyzing hermes, emet-selch, the ancients and ascians, how they're written, and the fandom's reaction to them be like hm. emet-selch's role in this fuckery is compounded by the fact that his backstory as a genocide survivor is incongruous with his ruling a huge genocidal colonialist world power in the present da [ANTISEMITISM BLAST]

#ffxiv #ffxiv hermes #emet-selch #i have Posts in Me to write up about the subject but like you can maybe immediately start connecting some dots here lmao #hermes and the ancients lie at the intersection of A Lot of Shit That is Very Important to Me #the vast majority of it having to do with gaslighting in various different forms #one of those posts is going into how his story reminds me eerily of what Questioning Things in an abusive evangelical environment is like #and how the fandom instantly jumping straight to OH SO YOU THINK THE ANCIENTS SHOULD HAVE BEEN GENOCIDED IS THAT IT #YOU THINK THEY SHOULD BE INFANTILIZED AND CIVILIZED BY THE SUPERIOR MORALS OF YOUR OWN CULTURE IS THAT IT #and start throwing around words like 'sympathizer'; if you say 'hermes was right about some shit actually' #'what we see of the ancients' society is full of inexcusably horrific shit which does not get a pass for ~different values~' #smacks strongly to me of evangelical crybullying in the name of Cultural Sensitivity #and how people use 'well it's not my business what other cultures think is right or wrong' as an excuse to throw up their hands and #disengage from actually learning about or supporting the people in those cultures who know and are working within it to fight bigotry #amazingly enough 'racism and misogyny and queerphobia are bad' is not an idea exclusive to western cultures lmfao #your job if you engage is to seek out those people--across the spectrum of opinions and relationships to their culture's issues! #they're not a monolith!--and spread that information; and listen to what they ask of you when they tell you what kind of help they need #but that's complicated; and takes time and care and thought and effort and connecting to marginalized people #talking over activists and victims of the societal issues they live with; and telling them they're the same as colonizers; is easy-peasy #like i cannot stress enough here that hermes Is an Ancient. He Lives Here. He Knows His Society and Thinks About It a Lot #He Wants to Salvage It and is Specifically Fucked Up About Feeling Like He Can't Trust People Around Him for Input #WoL doesn't barge in and start telling the ancients what's what; they find the person who Cares and back him up that he's not crazy or alon #anyway there's a lot here but it is uh. a Lot. the ways in which the game blends up christianity and judaism here. #including the fact that between the two; the default cultural values and dynamics align more with christian associations of Conformity #(the game is by japanese creators and i feel like that's A Factor too; but there are Eerily Accurate evangelical things going on here) #and people cape for the ones who are Most Evangelical about it + the one whose Compelling Aspects are all antisemitic as fuck tropes #whereas the brown guy who grapples with his faith and worldview; who questions and challenges and argues with others in his ethnoreligion #and tries to look for perspective and deeper meaning + Improve Society Somewhat; gets torn apart in the worst faith possible by the fandom #ffxivtag #warning: worm grass

[parallaxabomination]

my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard

#i wish i had something for myself rn #but i come home so exhausted i cant even focus on art #everything has been burning me so thin #i keep talking down my own art now. i keep refunding clients. i honestly want to give up on everything #people tell me i do a good job but i dont see it. i dont see an artist whos worth anything right now. #i dont know if thats a phrase #i have a early morning shift tomorrow and i cant fall asleep #i want to just rest but im so restless #i dont want to put pressure on anyone besides myself bc i feel like a huge burden #if i do so #everyone else should be having a good time #so i feel like a bummer to take up their emotional space and time #i appreciate the kindness people have shown me recently #i know i work hard. but im still so broken over everything #i just havent felt like an artist since it happend #he left a bigger scar on my ego than i thought it would #and every time i voice it i feel someone is out to end me for it #but at the same time i feel completely unnoticed and unheard #i dont expect anyone to see me as me #i just feel this lump in my throat now. this weight on my hand #they say kind things but im so hurt inside i dont see it as truth right now. i dont see anything worth admiring #they say such sweet things and i want to accept them so bad because my heart needs it #but i cant help but feel the words die as they reach my ears. im just too hurt i cant see it #i cant see the truth in my work all i see is someone else's desire in their commission #as long as they are happy. as long as they are satisfied #thats all that matters #i dont feel important enough to be apart of the process anymore #i dont feel worthy as a person or artist #i just feel less than nothing and that no one will care

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about #but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were #and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat #as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like #a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain #it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot #i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds #i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh #political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore #they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get #but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk #i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers #here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now #it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths #i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how #burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that #i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up #could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan? #to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me #coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage #you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao #i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now #bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will #i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail #also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e #no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it #i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course #idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do #anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand #shai speaks

[lucky-draws]

why am i like oh no maybe i post maria too much when i literally spent 2021-2022 posting nothing but ocie. well i will unlearn my misogyny and post even more maria

#in 2023 i posted no art except for maybe one banger and a handful of bad sketches #rn im like oh god i want a JOB but also kind of enjoying the extra time for art that unemployment affords me. such is life #i really need to get back into writing though i haven't been reading enough:/ i have ideas but sitting down k to write is so much scarier #than drawing #also wait it's literally like less than 2 months til summer holidays so i will literally have time to play m/gsv oh god #if my laptop can cope then i guess summer 2024 will be my m/etal gear resurgence. my rising revengeance resurgence 🔥 #i was looking back at some old art the other week bc i was sorting thru my old computer files and all my art scans are on there and i was #like good god the proportions the cringe etc. which is good because it means i improved. but also there's some old stuff thats kind of #“better” or more fun or something than some of the recent stuff despite the technical ugliness and im like .yearns for that sparkle etc #also i miss the where's ocie era it was fun.i need to do it again in some form it would probably b quite rejuvenating to get sillay again

[maburito]

Man....I hate having a job.

#Like I really hate it #Or maybe I just hate my job #But yeah not a fan #On the one hand : I have money; I'm independant; I got some cool coworkers and nice customers #On the other I have way way way way way less time for myself; i constantly feel too tired to do things I enjoy #and I have to deal with shitty coworkers and shitty customers #also like; been at this job for two years and it's been a constant mess #and we're understaffed as fuck right now #Wanna leave so bad but can't find another job #sorry sorry i just felt like ranting #but yeah god i hate it #I wanna be able to live free and independant while still not having to work every day of my life godamnit #I wanna do stuff!!! I wanna go out and see friends!! I wanna go to the pool !! I want to bicycle! I wanna play video games!! I wanna draw!! #Literally had an ''interview''' with my boss and while she is nice and definitely better than the shitty boss from 6 months ago #she gently reproached me to ''only work for money'' LIKE??? MA'AM YES #WHY ELSE WOULD I BE WORKING #YOU GUYS ARE PART OF A MULTI NATIONAL OF HOTELS WHO HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH MONEY TO HAVE MORE EMPLOYEES #YET INSIST ON UNDERSTAFFING TO SAVE MONEY #ALSO IVE BEEN HERE 2 YEARS #AND HAD 4 DIFFERENT BOSS IN THOSE 2 YEARS #ONE NEW BOSS EVERY SIX MONTHS #WHY WOULD I FEEL MOTIVATED #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #okay im done

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

tag limit hit ho gayi yaar

#haan toh main kya bol rahi thi. #haan unhone sab itna jaldi kiya cheek pe kiss bhi kiya i was like arey please no aap rakho itne saare paise i can't 😭 #cause she already bought me that hoodie for like 700 rs #she was like i can't be here for your birthday na #bhai meko toh rona hi aa gaya itna saara pyaar i swear mere parents ko iska 1% bhi nahi hai mujhse😭😭 #and money has been tight bachpan se cause shit happened in like 2013 or something and since then we've all been single #mindedly striving for highest paying jobs best education and now that she's finally there (touchwood) #i think it means a lot to her being able to spend money freeely for her loved ones #and with her idk i do believe that she loves me yes because she said ek baari when she was crying because kuch kuch hua tha #but also attending meeting office ki online rote hue sob karte hue kyunki parents time dekhkar thodi na ladte hai #and i didn't know how to help her and i knew they were. fighting subah se and she hadn't eaten anything so i made her cornflakes ka doodh #(her fav) and gave it to her table pe but it just made her sob much much harder and she couldn't drink it😭 #but later on she said ki im so thankful i have you mujhe dikh raha tha ki you wanted to help but you didn't know kaise karu still you tried #and just you being there was enough in that moment #like i don't know why im thinking all this today maybe because bua is here home and she was home that time too it happened in front of her #all this she's the only person who knows what kinda shit dad does #and just. past few weeks i really genuinely wanted to kms like i would sit in morning class and i would look down at my hands and see the #veins and think one cut and it would all be over you're so tired i know you can rest now #it got so bad that i started wearing full sleeve clothes only so i couldn't look at them #but now. i won't say it's completely gone that feeling but like #i want to live because so many plans i have to with my sister how can i leave her alone #like not just for her but for me for us i want us to be happy together like we planned #like yk us as a unit doing things we've always dreamed of visiting places and bachelorette parties and clubbing and living with her and her #bf/husband when i need somewhere to run to and going on a no budget shopping spree and storing ice cream tubs in our house #like they used to do in american movies and her having kids me getting over my disgust for them helping her raise them clean them being #the masi and #I DON'T KNOW OKAY OMG😭 #i felt so loved finally after a long time SACH MEIN real way mein #oh pata hai she also offered to pay mere tui ki fees bc i was complaining to mom ki papa kaise taunt maarte hai😭 #like it's 20 fucking thousand waise toh kam hi hai but as a salaried person it's still a lot 😭