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atpaftmoom-bily · 3 years

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Thoughts about Erik, why Wilhelm wasn't allowed to come out, and more.

Be warned, this is long, confusing, and I'm not even sure if I made any valid points. But I had thoughts on Young Royals, with no one to talk to, so here you go.

I've seen various different takes on Erik and what people thought his reaction would have been if Willie had come out to him, most of them being positive, and some as well saying how sad it was that Willie never got to come out to his brother. I have a different take, but bear with me it's gonna take a second to get there.

Something that I found interesting in the first place was that when August found out it was Simon and not a girl, he just seemed shocked, but not in a homophobic way that I had kind of been expecting.

Additionally, let's take a look at the comments on the video, I've split them up into three different groups. General comments (disbelief, surprise, pity, etc.), comments sexualizing them, and negative comments. (I've translated these as well as I could as they were not all captioned, but if I've made a mistake feel free to let me know!)

General Comments "OMG Have you seen this?? The Prince is gay!!!!" "Who's the other guy?" "I'm dead" "Finally some news to put Sweden on the map!" "Poor boys, I feel sorry for them" "So clumsy to get caught on film" "I know where he lives!" "I think the video is fake" "Love for the boys"

Sexualizing Comments "Royal porn" "Sexy" "Love" "Sexiest video ever"

Negative Comments "How will the monarchy survive this?" "The end of the royal family, time for Sweden to become a republic!" "Never been ashamed about being Swedish until now" "Class traitor! Your mother cries for your sins"

Now, there are quite a few things I want to point out about Sweden that I feel should be taken into account here. Of course, we don't know the exact dates that the show took place, but we do know it is modern-day, and though it is a work of fiction, I am going to assume that anything that is currently true in Sweden at the moment, give or take a few years, would also be true in the Young Royals universe.

The first point I would like to make is that Sweden is one of the most LGBT-friendly countries, even being named the most friendly country in 2019. Looking back in history, 1944 was when Sweden decriminalized sexual relationships between consenting adults of the same sex, though it was still thought to be an illness. However, in 1979 it was no longer considered an illness. Fun unrelated fact, but Sweden was the first country to legalize gender change in 1979. (If you'd like to read more on LGBT rights in Sweden here are some resources. One. Two.) If Sweden is that progressive and is that LGBT-friendly, then I wondered what the problem was with Willie coming out, so I dug some more.

I'm American, so my understanding of many parts of the world is unfortunately skewed or incomplete, but I'm working on changing that. However, because of this, one thing that surprised me in my research was that the monarchy in Sweden is more of a unifying symbol than anything else. They have no political affinity or formal powers, but rather "the King’s duties are mainly of a ceremonial and representative nature." Of course in the case of Young Royals, the Queen inherited the throne, and Wilhelm would after her.

Something else I found interesting about the monarchy in Sweden is that the current Queen, Queen Silvia, did not come from a line of nobility, so when Queen Silvia and King Carl Gustaf married in 1976, it was highly unusual. (See more on the Swedish monarchy here.)

There is one last thing I want to point out about the current King and Queen. "In summer 2000, King Carl XVI Gustaf and Queen Silvia of Sweden made history when they ate under the rainbow flag at Djurgårdsterrassen, a Stockholm restaurant owned by gay owner Arto Winter. At that time, the decision was seen as controversial, and played a valuable role in moving conversations forward – while making the royals’ position abundantly clear." (Source)

Now, of course, I understand the difference between a fictional work and real-life situations, but at least in my opinion, these same ideals should carry through to the show that we see. If the King and Queen in real life have been openly supportive of the LGBT community since at least 2000, then although specifics might not be the same, some of those ideals should carry through to Young Royals, so what is the problem, right?

I'm not trying to erase the reality of homophobia altogether, because of course, that exists. We even see in the show through comments that there are some people who are worried about the state of the monarchy, are disgusted, or downright still think that not being straight is a sin, but we also see other comments as well. If Wilhelm were to come out, what would happen? Would there be some backlash? 100%. Would there be people who would support him? Also 100%. Would it make his life harder? Probably, but would he be happier? In my opinion, yes, but I guess that's a question that Wilhelm would have to gauge on his own.

Now I want to look deeper at the conversation that Wille has with his mother, the Queen, in the car on the way home so he can give a statement to the media. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.

---

Wilhelm: Why can't I just have a relationship with him? And not say anything. Just live a normal life.

Queen: You're the crown prince. And that's a privilege, not a punishment.

Wilhelm: Yes, but I didn't ask for this!

Queen: Well, nobody has ever, ever asked for this! You are the only one who can take over the throne after Erik. Don't you understand that? You are so young. When you're young, love feels like the most important thing in the whole world. When I was your age, I too had an unfortunate romance. That was before I met your father. What I mean is, is it worth it? If you feel that the attention you've been getting so far is unacceptable, it's nothing compared to what you will endure for the rest of your life. We have a chance to cover this up, I urge you to take that chance. You may not get another."

---

Something I find interesting is how much Willie just wants to live a normal life, which I get. He is under so much pressure, from being a role model, his brother's death that he hasn't even had time to process, preparing to be king someday, and (kind of) being outed to the entire world, but at least his school. It's enough to make anyone want to live normally. I think the biggest thing we have to think about here is the Queen's question as well. Is it worth it? She is right of course, the attention he will get will always be there, but I do think that Willie would be able to find a way to be happy along with being King. It shouldn't have to be a case of either-or, and ultimately I don't think it is.

Now I'm going to move back to Erik, and really, this ties everything back to the start where I mentioned I had a different take on Erik's reaction to Willie being not straight. I think that Erik already knew. It would make sense for a variety of reasons. In the show, it is obvious that the two of them have a good relationship. We also hear Erik tell Willie, "you can trust him, he's like a brother," in episode one when speaking about August, showing that trust is something strong between them as brothers. I'm not exactly sure how old Wilhelm is meant to be in the show, but I estimate somewhere around sixteen. I would like to assume that sometime before attending Hillerska, he may have had a crush or felt some attraction to a guy. We also can see from their phone call in episode three, that they're not afraid to joke around with each other about such things, meaning that Erik would most likely be the first person that Willie would go to about such things.

Another thing that makes me believe Erik already knew has to do with people assuming that Simon is the first guy that Willie has liked. Now, I know things are not the same for everyone, but if we consider what happens when the video is posted, and Willie had to deny it is him, we can conclude that being anything other than straight in their family is not okay, simply because they are royals, and the media attention will be too much. Imagine you've known your whole life, you can't be something, the first instance you encounter that, you're probably not going to give in right away. I'm talking at least some minor internalized homophobia here or something.

So put that into the context of Simon and Willie's first kiss in episode two. Simon kisses Willie twice before Willie says "Well, I'm not... I'm not... Stop! Wait, wait, wait!" and immediately pulls Simon back towards him. Let's reflect back to episode one where Willie says "I’m not… I’m not allowed to speak about political issues." I'm not allowed. Of course, there are TONS of restrictions on what he can and can not do, kissing guys, probably being one of them. But if he was going to say I'm not gay or I'm not like that, why would he instantly pull him back in, contrasting what he was just going to say. In episode three, Willie does say, "I'm not like that," which makes sense. He's had time to think and isn't in the heat of the moment. What other explanation can he give? Sure, he could say he's not allowed to be like that but saying that would admit that he is. It's a circle, a very messy circle, but it is a... loop.

Going back to what I'm supposed to be talking about here, Erik. This isn't Willie's first rodeo, but Erik was there for the first. One last thing I want to talk about is the phone call that Erik and Willie have in episode three. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.

---

Erik: You've met someone.

Wilhelm: I, uh... Yes, okay, but I... I don't think we're a couple or anything. I don't know what it is but can we just...

Erik: I get it. I get it. You don't have to tell me any... I don't wanna hear any details. Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions and-

Wilhelm: They don't care about me. 'Cause you're the Crown Prince that they have opinions.

Erik: I don't get it. Why are you sitting in your room sulking when you have a crush to hang out with?

---

Firstly, Erik refers to Willie's crush as completely gender-neutral. "You've met someone" could very easily be "you've met a girl". The same goes for "you have a crush to hang out with". Very well could have been "you have a girl to hang out with". Sure, it could be completely coincidental, but we live in such a heteronormative society that it would just make sense for Erik to use female-gendered words. Unless, of course, he knew.

Secondly, "Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions". This sounds very much to me like, enjoy your time while you can be yourself without backlash because soon you won't have that privacy. While I feel that, yes, the same may happen with anyone Willie was to date, him having a same-sex partner multiplies that, by a lot.

In conclusion, Erik knew Willie was not straight, Willie should come out, but when he is ready, and August is a really deep character that people don't give enough credit to. Gosh, I hope I covered everything, I probably forgot so much, but it's fine. Please let me know your thoughts if you've made it this far into the post.

One last thing. I hope you'll notice how in this post, I never referred specifically to Wilhelm's sexuality, and I did that for a reason. I often see gay used to label him, and though I am unsure if that's being used as an umbrella term or specifically as in he only likes men, I think it's really important to realize that they're specifically making him unlabeled. In this youtube video Edvin Ryding, the actor who plays Wilhelm, says "What we're trying to do... We're not labeling Wilhelm's sexuality. I think that's good because it's like, it portrays that it's okay that way too. You don't have to. You shouldn't have to come out. It should be allowed to be a bit fluid, a bit out there." I just think that it is important as it's another type of representation that is not seen often.

#young royals #prince wilhelm #simon eriksson #wilmon #simon x wilhelm #young royals netflix #wilhelm yr #simon yr #august yr #erik yr #netflix #edvin ryding #omar rudberg #malte gårdinger #ivar forsling

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fangirlfreak08 · 3 years

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Young royals episode 5

Ok august just delete the video! Talk to wille about it but just delete it

Where is Alexander?!

Ngl I though they were singing the ‘don’t go wasting your emotions’ line from lay all your love on me then. That would’ve been ironic

Oh shit Alexander’s suspended

He’s gonna snitch

It’s very obvious it’s them guys though ain’t it?

Just pay the person who does the tests

I love his boyguards 😂

There just like yeah ok the crown prince of Sweden is gay and they’re making out that’s cool oh really the waters cold? Well that’s interesting

I would lowkey go to this school for the dressed up dinners

I love how they’re just having sex to gunfire and explosions

That sleepover is goals

Like honestly, it’s amazing

Don’t get mad at her felice

The drop of hair like 🤭 ☕️

I love Madison so much. She’s my spirit animal

YESSSS BESTIE GOALS

SUCK IT AUGUST!

Whoop she’s cheating. Don’t know who either of them are but I ship

Go down on the principal 😂😂

Oh god. He’s looking for a reaction

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck

I didn’t think it was possible to hate august more. I was wrong

The party was not last night but okay

Wilhelm. Not everyone Is royalty.

Oh no they’re fighting

Come up with a plan

Simon 😭

They’re yelling 😂😂

Simon NO YOU CANT SAY THAT TO WILLE

NO HES HITTING HIMSELF 😭

Whos he talking to?

Now he’s gonna help him and august is gonna be a dick

Stop watching your cousins non consensual sex tape you perv

Uh oh

I stan headmistress. She’s elite.

Damnnn. See you should’ve liquidated your fancy land and you would of been fine

But why is that rowing machine bit hot?!

Aww wilhelms gonna fix it

Wille istg

August. He’s the crown prince. Just listen to him

Ok but to be fair august had it coming

#JusticeForAlexander

It looks like they’re all in a cult

Or they’re summoning a demon

Oh my god back the hell off mom

Yes felice! Go felice!

Awww they made up

Ffs what’s he doing now?!

No no no no no august!!!!

Of course he has the wallpaper that comes with the phone

Sara.

Omg stop smirking

This song is amazing anyone know what it is? The samurai swords one

Cult

This is so over dramatic. Are fancy boarding schools like this?! Is Sweden like this?!

How do they remember the words??

Ha you screwed up!

Her majesty should take the money back

Oh shit

August you utter twat

Poor wilhelm. Poor Simon

#young royals #prince wilhelm #august young royals #Simon young royals #felice young royals #Sara young royals #Alexander young royals #justiceforalexander

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alexiaugustin · 3 years

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hi why do you say that young royals is a bad show? im just generally asking, not trying to cause drama! :) because i (also an ex skammie gotta admit) really liked it! mostly because there was no nonsense drama between the main couple like there often was in skams 😭 and the characters just felt very real. and the girl friendship was just lovely in there. i know people bring up the whole 'its not relatable they r royals pf' but for me it was fun to watch while keeping in mind to not take it so seriously. and i also loved how it showed how "accepting" the monarchy wants to look but they are quick to push out their own people for being different. waiting for your answer! have a good day!!! 😁❤

hey anon, i don't hate young royals at all!! i have no idea what post/tags made you think that i do but it must be some kind of misunderstanding- i absolutely cannot stand the fandom (at least the tiktok fandom i haven't really checked the tag on tumblr but from what i've heard it's not much better on here). there are so many people who consume mlm media in such weird ways and im really just tired of hearing people go "this is the show we've all been waiting for!! BEST queer rep since skam!!! i will literally die if they don't renew this show i need it like i need air to breathe!" and then those very same people probably don't even remember the names of any characters besides wilhelm and simon. like. write an essay about felice' character development and her friendship with sara. and while we're on it spare some thoughts about how the writing could be improved in s2. be quick. im not sure if most people could answer this.

and then again.. people obviously have double standards when it comes to cis mlm media compared to any other queer media.. you can bet that people would have been critical of the outing scene or the writing in general if this was a wlw show but since it's about two dudes people aren't even trying to have a few thoughts about it apart from.. OMG IT'S SO CUTE!! obviously not everyone is like this but most of the reactions i see are and it's SO annoying. wtf*ck fandom 2.0 truly.

but apart from that i absolutely agree with your ask.. i think that the character were all really real and actually felt like teenagers (i know that the actors are young which already helps but the writing also made them feel like teenagers as well which is good). the show was barely four hours long but i really liked the complexity in simon's family and their dynamic.. his relationship with his mum and sara.. the diffrent ways they feel about their father (honestly i would have loved for them to dive a bit more into simon's feelings about having to buy alcohol for the party to get in, wilhelm calling him drunk and simon picking him up.. like if you asked me basing their conflict on the problems that had to do with alcohol combined with simon wanting to be out n wilhelm still being in the closet would have been a FAR better cause of relationship problems then yet another outing storyline). loved felice's and sara's enemies to friends development and how supportive the girls were of each other instead of pulling some misogynistic rivalry plot between them. also don't get me wrong, i definitely think that wilhelm and simon's relationship was very well written and a good example of healthy teenage relationships, that underlines the importance of good communication. i think that wilhelm could have been a bit more developed as a character on his own because i found myself being way more interested in simon and his family life at times soo.. i would love to see a second season but if they do cancel it i would mostly mourn the loss of never seeing simon, sara and their mum again

#when simon was outed and his mum hugged him.. i cried a lil you love to see wonderful parent rep #young royals #ask #wishing you a good day as well anon!!💕

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prince-simon · 2 years

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I stumbled upon your Prince Simon AU insta posts the other day, which I really liked, and then I discovered there was a whole fic with them and thought I'd give it a go. I didn't think I could enjoy a Young Royals AU so much but I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. I read through the chapters in less than a day, I just couldn't put my phone down.

I never knew how much I needed Prince Simon until now, my beloved. Everything about the story is so good: the storylines, the dialogues, the sarcasm, the feels, the occasional angst (got me scared for Erik), the amount of love between Simon and Wille, the unconditional love and support Wille receives from Linda, Erik, Wilma, and how he is welcomed and accepted by Simon's loved ones. I also never thought I'd love (and miss) long-haired Simon (Omar) that much (THE MESSY BUNS).

Anyway, this is getting long, I'll stop now. Just wanted to pop in and say how much I love it. I can't wait to see what happens next!

hiii omg that means so much!!! thank you!! i'm so happy you enjoyed the ig posts and that they made you wanna read the whole fic! i can't believe you managed to read through it in less than a day! it's a monster ahahah

prince simon aaahh my beloved indeed. i also did not realise i'd end up loving and needing him as much as i do haha

sorryyyyy about erik aaahh but hey- wille and simon got together bc of that so that's good right???

long-haired simon is superior 😌 it just makes sense? for prince simon? idk why ahhaha i could not imagine him with short hair

and by all means, you can make these asks as long as you want, i'm smiling so much reading them!!

thanks again!! for reading and reaching out 💗

#prince simon au #young royals #ask #anon

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lizzybeth1986 · 5 years

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Quick Thoughts on TRH Book 1, Chapter 3

• I'm hoping that if I have this chapter out early enough (doubtful, because compiling and organizing my screenshots takes time, and my drafts often don't save which means there are times I will have to replicate whole paragraphs from scratch. But fingers crossed!), I might try and do revisits of the first book. I did four of those chapters last year, and I think now - when we're looking at some of the stories told to us in Book 1 from a new lens - is a good time to explore that first book again.

• I hope the read more issue is resolved by now. It made posting quite hard the last time. In the meantime these are the tags you can block: #long post, #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs.

• Thanks a lot to @pixieferry for her Hana playthrough, @thefirstcourtesan for her Drake playthrough screenshots and the Abhirio YouTube channel for the Maxwell playthrough screenshots. Not much of those are up, because of lack of space to put up the pictures and the fact that this particular chapter wasn't specifically LI centric.

• Title: Your Kingdom Awaits.

Alternative Title: Tell Me What's Gestating in My Womb Today, Cordonia! A Cordonian Ruby? An Autumn Glory? A Granny Smith?

• Three chapters in and I'm getting more and more baffled by this story by the day. There's stuff I like. Some of the characters I still love. I have fun looking at the little hints, the bits of symbolism, the callbacks. I love theorizing what we'll be doing next! But all of this needs to be glued together by a coherent storyline and this just isn't it.

• Even if we push aside the gross inequalities in balance (re: character development), there's still so much that just doesn't make sense. Why is there so much rush. Why is everyone in this country (and outside) so invasive and entitled over this one noble's child? Why are we doing such insane scales of prep over a process that is in itself is so unpredictable? Why am I learning about Cordonia's allies/potential enemies in such a vague and shoddy fashion? And most of all what kind of bullshit Royal Council is this???

• But I'll elaborate on all those questions later. For now let's move on to the chapter!

• If you didn't buy the corgi in Book 2, they ask you if you'd like to buy it now at the beginning of the chapter. Possibly that may affect the entry of the second corgi in some way? Idk.

• Esther, the Queen of Cordonia is also still the queen of winging it. You'd think they'd have planned a look for her (esp given the amount of time they could spend on the train) and gotten her ready by the time they reached there, not scrambled around for an outfit the minute they reached Valtoria.

• The LI tells the MC that they're fixed an appointment with the best obstetrician they could find, and we will be going there to ask our preliminary questions plus get a check up. I was wondering if in Hana's case they would be going to a fertility specialist instead.

• In any case, Bertrand volunteers to help us with an outfit for the last time in a short while, because he's traveling to Texas to prepare for their wedding. (we're going there too, but later. I'm not looking forward to another round of Savannah-worship - possibly with an added side of Bianca-worship - no thank you).

• Bianca's ranch is called the Walker Ranch, after Jackson's last name. Why Jackson's?

• Our OOTD!

Electric blue with a gold belt and a black and white border on the neckline, accessorized with a necklace (I think it's pearls set in gold?) and a brooch pin in the shape of a crown.

I kinda like this one and knowing the way this team operates when it comes to outfits most of the time, I'm pretty sure the colour scheme was chosen on purpose. With this outfit, the MC is presenting herself in the national colours, with a tiny signifier of what her future role might be. Either as Queen or as mother of the future heir to the Crown. This is an outfit that would send a message during Liam's announcement, whether she is (symbolically) wearing that crown or not.

• I'm obviously not very comfortable with the implications that would go with that outfit (esp if she is not the Queen), but I can't deny it does its job.

• The MC can opt to go for either being poised, acting like a diva or being very casual in her approach. Whatever she does the crowd pretty much worships her.

•

So everyone except Liam has someone (media, a fan, common people) approaching them as a way of showing how famous and revered the entire group has become in Cordonia. Liam doesn't need one coz he's anyway getting his moment with his big speech in front of the Valtoria manor.

Drake - Donnie Brine from the CBC speaks to Drake, positioning him as a man of the masses, the person that the Cordonian people see as their representative. Drake is woefully unprepared and freezes, blurting out that "things are great" which probably might end up becoming a meme on Cordonian internet later. Random Cordonian Woman from Applewood saves him by confirming this statement even though her trees have yet to grow and the tax problems are pretty much making her life "not great".

Maxwell - Where are Jiro and Camellia from Applewood? I like little Marco and Valerie but I hope they're not the only kids PB is going to be showing every time they need to show children. Marco approaches Maxwell and the MC both to sign his copy of Maxwell's book, and Maxwell takes care to do a dramatic signature that will not "obscure the picture of his face". I'm giggling at that image.

Hana - Valerie approaches Hana with a handmade flower necklace, presumably with a pattern made from "the Lee family crest". Now either Lorelai's family in Cordonia have the same surname as Xinghai, or Xinghai got himself a house crest for some reason. Either way, to toss out a detail like that so casually (a family crest is something that passes down through generations, esp in noble families) without even thinking of the logistics of it...(when an entire book of yours has been dedicated to sigils and crests) is pretty lazy.

BUT. In good news this means that my longtime speculation that Hana's mother's house had flowers as part of their court of arms is correct! (I was also right about a couple other things, like Maxwell's ancestors and Liam's mother being alive when Olivia was brought to the palace. YAY! 😁)

• We now move on to Liam's public announcement. Which sounds kinda weird whichever way you look at it. A married Liam announces that he and his wife are on a mission to enjoy babymaking and a single Liam announces this:

(Screenshots from a Hana playthrough by @pixieferry)

I will translate what both Liams are saying into Cordonian:

Married Liam: We don't have an apple cinnamon bun in the oven yet, but we're definitely having fun kneading that dough nudge nudge wink wink.

Single Liam: I'm neither making apple buns nor kneading dough. I'll leave that to my friends the bun-making experts here. I'm just gonna park my butt outside the oven door along with the rest of Cordonia.

Sounds weird? You're welcome. It was meant to sound weird.

• Esther finally reunites with her corgi Joy! I wonder if at some point she'll meet up with her horse Celestia and red pandas Hansel and Gretel too xD

• Mara tells me safety checks have been done, but...it's Mara saying that, so I'm not sure I'm quite convinced. The alternative is Bastien, so...we're kinda screwed I guess.

• The group then discusses the future foetus, and Liam takes this opportunity to hint at their childhood history. You know what that means? DIAMOND SCENE!!

•

(Screenshots for Asian Liam from my playthrough, Black Liam from @pixieferry and White Liam from @thefirstcourtesan)

LOOK AT THE WEE LITTLE KIDDIES AND LIAM'S MOM OMG AAAAAA.

As far as I can tell, among the kids the sprites for all three Liams and Drake are very much new, and the rest come from variations and changes to different faces. Maxwell's face is a copy of Simon from THoBM (only the mouth is slightly different), Hana's has a lot of similarities to young Kenna in TCaTF, but with pigtails instead of tiny buns. Olivia's is a little harder to place but I think there are plenty similarities between hers and RoE Camellia's face. For Queen Eleanor they used Young Mary's (MC's mother) sprite from D&D in accordance to whichever Liam you chose. Perhaps the only Mary sprite not used here would be the brown/Indian one, because Liam's ethnicities mainly feature White, Black and Asian. She even wears Mary's opera outfit (that incidentally Mary also ended up wearing to her wedding lol).

• Somehow they forgot that Maxwell was supposed to be a cute chubby little hippo who was loved by his mother.

• I'd like for Black Liam to grow more hair on his head because the curls on his younger self are lovely 😍

• Since most of the childhood tales revolve around the experience of growing up in the palace, this build up to the diamond scene begins with the MC asking questions about each of the boys (Liam, Drake, Maxwell).

- Little Liam and His Crown: Liam claims he only wore those during state occasions, but Maxwell (who admittedly didn't see Liam as much as Drake did but saw him often nonetheless) saw him practically sleep in the thing, and Drake has pictures to prove it lol.

- Grumpy Drake: Maxwell and Liam agree on Drake becoming grumpier as he grew older, but disagree on what metaphors to use to describe it. Maxwell favours "scratchy bark on a secretly loveable tree", and Liam claims he is "whiskey maturing in its barrell". ("oh", I want to ask Drake, "so that's what they call 'old grain mash' these days?" 🤣 This is my revenge for him referring to wine as old grape juice back in Book 2). No prizes for guessing which metaphor Drake liked better.

- Banning Maxwell from Palace Rooms: Maxwell's lucky he has a king for a friend because apparently before Liam jokingly and unwisely decided to give the man a royal pardon Maxwell was banned from all the good rooms 😅

• Hana clearly hasn't lost her touch when it comes to epic savagery. "I imagined you guys like the Three Musketeers, only...less French". 😅😅

• This diamond scene is split into three parts. You have the fun 'adventures' of the little boys (and later Olivia) at the palace, split in between by a slightly more sombre tale of little Hana's loneliness. The narrative voice in all three is very much that of a child, and focuses on Liam's and Hana's imaginations, so as to make their childhood stories more real to us while still providing us background information about the country's recent history (the "recent history" bit doesn't apply to Hana, though, since she is in China at the time).

- Pirate Adventures at The Palace Courtyard: Liam, Drake and Maxwell pretend to be pirate kings, battling rivals on the palace courtyard. After rescuing Maxwell from being stuck on the branches of a tree, the trio decide to continue their adventures on the gardens that are his mother's brainchild, but are stopped by a palace guard. Liam is briefly saddened by this, but is comforted by Drake and Maxwell. The boys then decide to continue playing in the palace kitchens. This scene begins by focusing on the antics of the little ones, but is really about the changed atmosphere in the palace that the boys themselves were too young to notice at the time.

(We also find out which place in TCaTF the Beaumonts originated from, since young Maxwell refers to himself as a pirate from Panrion in both scenes that he is in *cue Lizzy looking very very smug because I've been saying the Beaumonts were from Panrion/someplace in Ebrimel since way back in Book 2*)

The MC has options to respond to this tale (either about whether they were always this naughty, or about the increased security in the palace). In response to her question about the three of them, the boys tell us that Liam was known for being a free spirit and would skip many diplomacy meetings before he even met the other two (again, Constantine, Liam was A CHILD). If you ask the question they want you to be asking, however, about the increased security in the palace, Drake and Maxwell will tell you the security wasn't as strict earlier, and Liam will explain that the royal family had recently received threats at the time, and his parents were a lot more tense and on-edge than usual. Either way, you either get to know a bit about the political atmosphere at the time, or realize that little Liam wasn't the heavily burdened one we met on that first night in New York.

- Pretend-Teatime with a Young Hana: Hana continues on this thread of conversation by focusing on the bond between the boys, commenting on how she never grew up with that kind of experience. To which Drake and Maxwell have these reactions:

@Drake, pls fall on a cactus.

@Maxwell. Honey. She said this to you yesterday. She's probably said this more than once. You've seen her parents!! Wtf kind of friend are you if you can't even take what she said seriously the first time?

@Hana pls get yourself better friends 😭

Like @callmetippytumbles said in her response to this scene, I have no patience for this kind of selective stupidity.

So Hana's scene is technically a call-back to something she once told the MC back in Book 1 Chapter 6, when they were on their way to the post-Derby tea party with Queen Regina. At the time, Hana spoke of her parents not allowing her toys because they thought them frivolous, and how she had to make do with whatever was lying around instead. We actually see this happen in reality here. We see her PoV of what her inanimate objects do, we see her practicing court etiquette on these objects with her tea set, and we see her leave space for her asshole mother even though Lorelai doesn't deserve that much respect or consideration. There is a lot to unpack in this scene and I want to do that in my General Thoughts section later on...but for now I'll just say that it broke my heart, and not just in an "oh poor Hana" way.

- The Attack from Lythikos: I love this sequence too, not only because it shows us Olivia, a younger Constantine and Liam's mother Eleanor, but because the narrative framing in itself alludes to what happened between Lythikos and the Capitol earlier through the pirate story. Liam and Olivia still speak in the language of their story, but the sequence actually plays out what happens in their real lives. Olivia attacks the pirates, but is left desolate, sword broken, at the end of it (just like her parents tried to, and died in the process - leaving an innocent Olivia alone without support). Liam offers her terms that would give her safety and protection, and in return, she asks to be Pirate Queen and for Drake's sword - which he reluctantly gives.

Constantine mistrusts Olivia and attempts to limit her natural abilities and instincts, but it is Liam's empathy, support and validation of her pain, that eventually makes her the steadfast ally that she becomes as an adult - not Constantine's paranoia. Had Liam followed Constantine's lead, the chances of Olivia falling into the trap of subscribing to her aunt's beliefs would have been much much higher, and Constantine would have found himself at the receiving end of a self-fulfilling prophecy. The narrative may also be implying how deep Eleanor's own impact on her son must be, long after her death, since the narrative frames him as adopting her way of dealing with situations often.

In any case the narrative allows us to see the children as they were before their individual tragedies changed them (except in Olivia's and Hana's cases - where they were still struggling to survive the situations they were in), and allows us to see what shaped them into the adults they are today.

The MC then gets to ask one of two questions: either why Constantine treated Olivia so badly, or about the arguments his parents were having. We learn from these that this incident was shortly after Liam became friends with her and his parents brought her to the palace (this references both Liam's conversation about Olivia to the MC in Book 1 Chapter 7, and Lucretia's complaints about Constantine "keeping Olivia hostage" in her diamond scene in Book 3).

• Possibly this may not be the only scene of its kind we will see. Possibly the next few may be Drake-centric, since we may actually meet Bianca in a few chapters. But these scenes may definitely have an impact on dialogue later, just like how learning of the assassination attempt in Drake's Italian Restaurant Scene and Eleanor's death in Liam's Fydelia Balcony Scene in Book 2 are referred to later (if bought) in the hospital scene with Constantine.

• In any case, we leave the past in the past (for now), and move towards Valtoria's throne room. Where we meet Penelope, just back from her first canine fashion show, Kiara who tells us she has everything kept under control (you always do boo 😍) and Madeleine who is all up our uterus.

• She mentions King Bradshaw from Auvernal and his "impossible to control" wife, then mentions a Queen Amalas immediately after without bothering to tell us where this person is from. WTF? At least tell me the name of her goddamn country if she's another person!! You'd just have to say Queen Amalas of ChickenFeetonia and I would understand.

• ...you're telling me the Queen of this country (in my playthrough) has barely looked at a map of the place she's ruling or checked out who rules what?? You're telling me that the Royal Communications Director is STILL going to give her a gazillion flash cards to read something that she could sum up in five minutes, at the very last minute? Bitch what have you been doing this entire time? Touching up your manicure??

•

@Penelope: No you're not.

@Kiara: STOP ENABLING HER, KIKI, AND GET YOURSELF BETTER FRIENDS.

@Madeleine: Pls fall on a cactus.

• Madeleine hasn't been here for even five minutes and already I've had enough of her entitled ass. "Little apple gestating in your womb"...just...I can't. Ugh. Get your nosy nose out of my oven!!

• Remember how I told you guys about how apple analogies may be used to denote fertility? (mostly because RoE spoke of this apple cutting ceremony and it was a very obvious indicator towards apple metaphors being used to describe pregnancy and childbirth).

• I facepalmed when Kiara agreed with her but she's also probably thinking "well see this is why they call me the smart courtier. I don't have to deal with this shit anymore and now you do" (she isn't wrong).

• WELL HELLO OLIVIA.

• She informs us that we're expected at the solarium. I have a solarium?

• Apparently it was Mara's honeymoon gift to us. More like her "sorry Bastien and I screwed up last book" gift, I'd say.

�� So wait where was this roster Liam was speaking about in the last book's epilogue? I see one Cordonian noble and one Englishman who until my wedding wanted to have nothing to do with Cordonia, and who's now bleating "our country, our kingdom, we're under attack" like a panicking patriotic nanny goat.

• Why can I not see Emmeline here, who is clearly the expert on her duchy? (I mean like. Landon is nice, but I'd really like to see more women in this Council too). Also does Kiara's inclusion into the Council cancel out the presence of her father Hakim, who is a seasoned diplomat and might possibly have some really good suggestions for dealing with these foreign powers (and seriously he'd be a better option than Godfrey anyway).

• Now Esther has a suggestion! Let's see what it is...

• A royal ball, apparently. Which...given the company, I'm sure it probably would be appropriate but I'm pretty sure we'll need to have more than that in place. I'm pretty sure the people in this council should either be finding out whether the person making these suggestions knows anything about these issues or whether she is simply talking out of her ass. This was a problem last book as well. The MC rarely feels the need on her own to explore these situations more, is okay with just learning things last minute and rolling with it and has the same solution to everything. It's either tours or balls but very little actual exploration of the situation. (I mean there is even a point where she barely shows any empathy at Portavira - even though they're still reeling from a bunch of natural calamities - and thinks it's appropriate to tell them to come for her wedding anyway. No wonder Liam panicked and started giving her diplomacy lessons, stat!) I'd actually take the MC seriously if she were doing her research and her suggestions weren't so shallow and one-note.

• Hana is grinning and giving justifications like this suggestion makes sense. STOP. ENABLING. HER. HANA.

• I especially want to know what Liam's experiences with these dignitaries have been. Both last chapter and this one, I'm seeing him in a position where he is defiant and digging his heels into whatever ideas he is having, but I don't know the context yet and would like to make sense of that. From whatever I've read so far...Liam took the year following Leo's abdication to familiarize himself with taking the front seat in negotiations, and probably may have been familiar with this kind of situation and the kind of people involved even before he became Crown Prince. It makes me wonder how difficult negotiating with them has been, and I want to see why Liam is so done with these people, so fed up. We're missing some context here and I think learning at least a little more than these scraps would have been better for everyone.

• I like that they remember Kiara as the only one outside of the charmed six to get a seat in this council (Kiki deserves the best). I also liked how succintly she summed up Drake and Hana's points about what the heightened taxes are doing to the people as "a reminder that we're not just here for ourselves".

• I find the entire idea of Drake Walker being the sole commoner representative in the Council laughable, especially in a narrative where every other commoner barely has a face, hardly has a name, and almost never has a voice. A man who has spent a huge chunk of his life in a palace, and who I've hardly seen even interacting with a commoner in the story...I'm expected to believe he will have great insights on commoner issues?? Even in this meeting, it's Hana who does a better job explaining this situation (she's the one highlighting the tax issues) than he does. Then again this Council also somehow gave a seat to Duke Karlington - a man who literally never had Cordonia's best interests in mind last book, and who only ended up attending our wedding because we had to be brought in as family counselors to settle HIS family disputes (I mean lol Godfrey how can you call this wedding a disaster when it caused you to magically become so "patriotic"!)

For God's sake, I want to see other commoners on this council. I want people who are actually living these experiences highlighting their issues. This is an issue I have with the MC too. She started out a commoner herself a waitress who wouldn't even flinch at the sight of rats in a dumpster. For someone of that background and who has possibly lived under the worse circumstances than some Cordinians themselves, you'd think that she'd have questions and show interest in how the people who aren't owning lands and are regular individuals on the street live their lives, and whether things are okay for them. But she's so immersed in the world of nobility that she rarely ever even tries to come out.

• Before Liam takes into account everyone's points and comes to a conclusion, the MC has the opportunity to give them her opinion. She can either say that we can't trust anyone, which Godfrey agrees with, or that an alliance would be good for Cordonia, which Godfrey views as naive, OR (and I didn't expect to like this response but I actually do) that she's a waitress from the States, and wouldn't know all that much about this situation. To which there isn't much of a reaction as such, but that's kind of what seems different about this book compared to the others.

• Once the meeting is wrapped up, our LI and Maxwell/Hana whisper in a corner about a surprise they have in store, and take us upstairs to show us what it is. If you're marrying any of the other three, Maxwell is the one who has arranged and picked out themes and colour schemes for the nursery. If you're married to Maxwell, Hana takes over this role.

• Ooooh. New (I think!) baby music! Nice. Very lullaby-like.

• Every design has these basic components:

a crib with a pillow (which I think will be updated later)

a couch nearby, likely for comfort when the mother wants to breastfeed (the updated versions seem to have a footrest)

a table with a lamp

three empty frames (also to be updated. I'm guessing for one of those "my first hand/foot impression" kind of thing and maybe even photoshoots etc)

a ceiling lamp/chandelier

a hook, also on the ceiling.

The two updated versions have footrests, updated lamps and ceiling decorations, additional carpet and customized designs (except for the crib and the pictures and the hook, which I think will be updated later). The Royal Glam theme is all reds and golds, very luxurious and very Valtoria. The Fairytale Forest theme has more whimsy, with bears, foxes, leaves, flowers and apples on the wallpaper, wood paneling, a beautiful golden lamp. Very pretty. Both seem to reference the MC's journey in TRR: her being either a Royal and the closest thing to one, and her journey being very fairytale-like (remember, the same logic was used for Hana's "something blue" gift for the MC's - where she views her as Cinderella).

• Only problem is...who exactly buys a nursery before they have a baby! Especially considering how unpredictable pregnancy and childbirth can be.

• We now meet Dr Ramirez for an appointment. I'm not sure about her suggestion that prenatal vitamins etc they will deal with after she has conceived. I know a number of people who did pre-pregnancy appointments and vitamins and folic acid were on the top of the list of things they'd start a routine with.

• As expected, all the appointments go roughly the same, with the usual answers to the usual questions (one about sushi, another about morning sickness and a last one about potential complications). The MC and LI are in the clear, and can start preparing - but apparently shouldn't stress. LMAO. Thank you doctor, I'm sure that will be easy to do in this country 😂

• Hana's goes differently, and it's clear this doctor's visit was primarily written to address her situation with the MC. The tests go differently, the suggestions given to them are different, the questions the MC asks (one about choosing donors, when they should start, and who should carry the child). The bombshell that immediately follows this is:

Wow. Seriously. Wow. You couldn't find a more temporary reason for why the MC has to be the one conceiving? It has to be something that would make her overall ability to conceive almost impossible?? (and this we find after one test? No follow ups?) I recall someone putting up/reblogging these screenshots with a caption about how the narrative pretty much took Hana's entire ability to conceive from her, and it's so true - and so disturbing when you place it in the context of how they've dealt with her issues so far (more on this later).

• In Hana's playthrough, she struggles with implications of this news, but constantly tries to veer the focus back to "well at least one of us can is able to have this baby". Twice, she is shown moving away from her pain to ask about the other possibilities for the MC.

• Anyway...we now move to the next morning, when the couple wake up to bad news - and it's concerning the pictures taken during their honeymoon. Given that Maxwell/Hana is holding a magazine when they tell the MC they found out who was responsible...I wonder if it's one of our news outlets. Or whether it's a foreign media rep.

• So I guess this complicates things at our Ball, since we're already on thin ice and this news would have spread to those other dignitaries as well. So we're going to have to deal with whatever implications come with those pictures (perhaps a spin on the royal gang having fun while Cordonia is in a national crisis? Who knows. It would be hypocritical of Cordonians and people from other neighbouring countries to judge the couple over the babymaking that they themselves were enforcing on these two!)

• In any case...royal ball this week. And in the universe of PB's stories that usually means some shit will go down.

General Thoughts and Observations:

• The funny thing about the MC's responses now is that her heightened position now seems to allow her to get away with a lot more than she used to. Now if she gives a joke response, the media and people laugh with her rather than at her. If she is a diva, the crowd will lap it up. I'm guessing what the book is trying to imply is that these are the people she has won over and doesn't exactly need to worry about, and now the ones she will have to convince are from other, more powerful countries - ready to back Cordonia into a corner anytime.

• As you can tell by now, I absolutely loved the childhood sequences. They sounded like children, most of the narrative lines up with what was already said in the previous series, and there were some interesting narrative devices used here.

• I think the third sequence especially drives home the point about what Liam did right, even as a young boy, and what Constantine refusing to look past Olivia's lineage to see her as an individual could have cost him. Constantine's ruthlessness and lack of genuine care for his bonds/friendships (eg. Hakim) had him in a position where he was unable to relate to anyone beyond his own tiny bubble (even his own wife Regina was taking countermeasures to make the best of his horrid plan), and had him make decisions that did more harm than good. For instance, take what he did to the MC, for no fault of her own other than that he didn't think she'd be a good Queen. Not only was what he did utterly disgusting, but it also would have made his own family a subject of shame in the country (which is why Constantine practically begs her never to expose him, because then Liam would be paying the price). Imagine what would have happened if Constantine didn't agree with Liam and perhaps Eleanor, never brought Olivia to the palace, and Liam had never shown her his constant support. Liam's genuine empathy in this case pretty much ensured the safety of his own line.

• I also love the implications of that sequence. Constantine is so wrapped up in his fear that he tries to break what Olivia considers most precious (Zenobia the sword in this case, but this could allude to her parents' deaths and later, her possible marriage to Liam at his Coronation). Liam attempts to fill that gap by taking her in, caring for her, and giving her the tools to continue being the Lythikos fighter she has always been.

• There are a few TCaTF references in the palace scenes: Maxwell mentions Panrion twice, and Olivia calls her sword "Zenobia" in honour of her historical hero (she still speaks of Zenobia with something akin to worship during the Winter Festival in Lythikos).

• Olivia's dress is also modelled on Zenobia's, with the same colour and bodice embroidery. In fact most of the clothes are very similar to their adult garments: Drake still wears denim, Maxwell favours dark colours (still should have been chubby though), Liam's clothes are similar to his casual wear minus the ascot, and Hana wears pink, with flower designs on the skirt.

• What I like most are the narrative voices for both Liam and Hana, who are the ones narrating these stories, and how rooted in their imaginations the scenes themselves sound. But there are significant, heartbreaking differences in how we see their imaginations play out:

Here are a few samples of narration I've managed to save from Liam's PoV. Notice how Liam and his friends are so into their little game that they find adventure in everything? Notice the language they use to describe themselves and what they are doing? Once-defiant topiaries shaking in fear at their antics. "Liberating" chocolate tarts. "Conquering" the upper floors. These boys are playing out their dreams and showing us the kind of men they would want to be. The heroes. The victors. The ones everyone looks at with awe and reverence.

This is also not a story Liam is creating alone. Drake and Maxwell happily join in, sink into their characters and display their heroics alongside him. Olivia also joins in and holds her own, and when Liam's father tries to break her spirit, Olivia shows Liam her trust and faith in him by using the language of the game.

On the other hand, here is what the narration technique in Hana's tea scene looks like:

There is a lot to unpack here. A lot. There is perhaps more in this one scene of Hana's than there is in all of Book 3, where she was pretty much pushed to the sidelines.

We were told in Book 1 that Hana had to get creative because she wasn't allowed toys. This was told to us in a rather matter-of-fact way, by a person who was normalized in this way of life and who hadn't yet realized just wrong her upbringing was or how damaged her self of self was. It's perhaps easy to forget this bit of dialogue if you were reading it for the first time because at the end of the day it's spoken of without much gravity.

It's when you see it play out in front of you, in little Hana's voice, from an adult Hana who will now view this entire sequence very, very differently, that the tragedy of it all really hits you. At such a young age she is forced to make do with the little she has: the little she has in terms of things to play with, the little she has in terms of relationships. What the MC says after that sequence is half-right, it's sweet how Hana used her imagination in spite of her parents' rules and strict lifestyle. But what that misses is the burden experiences like that would place on a child in her earliest, more formative years. What stand out to me the most in this sequence are these:

- The most obvious: the use of a 'tea party' to teach herself etiquette and diplomacy. In the present, Hana tells the group that "a lot of what I learned about courtly negotiations, I learned from the tea table". This is the level Hana chooses to focus on after telling her tale, to soften the blow of the story itself.

- The fact that despite her mother's treatment of her, Hana still leaves space for Lorelai. Still wants to believe the best of her, still wants her involved in her life. Lorelai denies her her support and comfort, which is the initial layer to her injustices against Hana. In a lot of ways, even now - Hana is still leaving space for Lorelai, giving her chances to improve, trying to educate her on respecting her boundaries better. It's a long, exhausting process, and Lorelai doesn't deserve the many chances Hana keeps giving her, but Hana is also a person who struggles to completely cut off from the people in her life, controlling and emotionally abusive though they may be.

- At the end of the day, the objects she is giving a life and a personality to, are inanimate objects used for other purposes. Not toys, not real friends. Every last one of them. Miss Doily is kind and caring, Princess Sinckerdoodle is jealous and gives a damn about etiquette (I like how you can see allusions there to Olivia and the MC in the Bakery Ball dialogue!). But they're essentially all objects that cannot move the way her narration describes them as moving. Even dolls and toys, inanimate though they are, are made for the express purpose of allowing a child to participate in pretend play. They can be given a voice, their limbs can be moved, the child can easily turn such a space into an active space with the use of her toys. The doily, the napkin, the sock...these are things Hana will have very little actual control over. They will not be able to move the way she wants them to, do the things she wants them to. Everything has to be happening in her head and there is very little outlet for her other than the few things she has at hand (a similar example of of Hana using scraps we will also find in Book 2, where she draws whiskers on a rock to replicate a toy mouse).

Look again, at the differences in the way Liam narrates his tale and how Hana narrates hers. Liam's is also a fantasy, also uses inanimate objects. But supporting him in building this imaginary universe are his friends, and the parents who both don't stop him from immersing himself in this imaginary world, and have a safe normal (for now) life to return to when those "adventures" are over. On the other hand, Hana has to do the heavy work...in every way. She has to imagine not only the background of what is happening, but also what the objects in front of her are like, what they will do, how they will interact with her, how they will interact with each other.

If I had to replicate such a scene into film, the loneliness of this sequence would perhaps hit harder. A large, empty room. A tiny girl. A tea set and several strange items - and none of them actually move. She is sitting alone, in the dim light, in the silence, talking to these objects that will never respond so she pretends they do, just to chase away that yawning, aching feeling of not having a single friend. All she gets in return is silence. All she finds in front of her is space, and more space. The kind of space that could swallow a child in its emptiness.

And in the center, is a seat left empty. For a mother who doesn't believe her daughter is worth the time.

I think there will be very few who will appreciate the strength it takes to survive a lifetime of that, and that's sad.

• The little Hana sequence reminds me of the animated film Cinderella, particularly in how the main character uses dreams and imagination as an escape from her life of drudgery and the abuse she faces daily. Particularly the song "Sing Sweet Nightingale", where Cinderella's dull world bursts into vivid colour through the soap bubbles that emerge from the washing bucket.

It's a beautiful, soft, almost surreal little sequence...but when you strip it all down to its basics, what you're essentially seeing is a woman so abused by her family and so trapped in this life she does not deserve, that she has to grasp at straws to find joy. Or in this case, soap bubbles.

What Hana faces in her home is perhaps a little more similar to Rapunzel's situation in Tangled than Cinderella's, but there are definite similarities in the way both characters use their imaginations to soothe and comfort themselves. She is forced into a situation where her imagination - and these things that can't respond to her - are all she has, and the only ways she can keep herself safe and happy. That's way too big a burden for a child so young to bear.

• I wonder if there will be more than the memories. Perhaps documents, news clippings, research material that the MC can use to dig further into what's going on in this country. It's possible, but it's also possible that memories will entirely be how we unravel this mess. I was speaking to @thefirstcourtesan the other day and she mentioned that Bianca and Bastien would both be pretty good sources for finding out more - Bastien, after all, had a lot of respect for the second queen and was close to Jackson, and Bianca would have heard certain things from her husband or witnessed something at the very least (and if they were friends, that angle too). I probably would add Lucretia and maybe Anton (if we see them and if they cooperate), Bertrand or someone new who knew Bartamely (if we can find out more about the Beaumont house that would be lovely!), the Lees, and...Francesco? (I still haven't forgotten that Bertrand mentioned him as being a friend of Liam's mother). I also want to see what new information Olivia got from the last time she did her research on any hidden deals or laws that could endanger the kingdom. There are quite a few possibilities in terms of what we could find and how it can be presented, so I'm looking forward to that. This scene was a good start.

• Having said that, this was something they should have been addressing the previous book. If they hadn't spent so much of their focus on all the wrong things, we wouldn't have as much ground to cover as we do now. And I'm not sure they've learned their lesson enough that we will not see the same mistakes repeated this time.

• Why is the system in place to inform and update the MC on what's happening so poor this time. At least earlier, we'd have a fairly good idea of what would be happening next, even if some important stuff was done last minute. Now the explanations themselves are poorly formed and done without proper thought on whether the MC/readers might understand what's going on or not. It doesn't look good on the story, nor does it look good on those characters esp the MC. This is stuff she could have maybe gotten away with as a suitor. But now she is Duchess/Queen, and an influential figure. What looked good in her days as a suitor won't look so good on her now.

• The Royal Council could be a way forward - for the nobility and royalty-heavy narrative to something that shows us more perspectives from the people who really form the backbone of this country - the commoners who actually populate Cordonia's lands and duchies, whose hard work likely keeps the economy running. Just one Drake isn't adequate for that kind of representation - not when he very rarely addresses their issues in the first place. Please tell me there will be more in that Council because the Council as it stands is in no way an improvement on the status quo.

• I've said more than enough about how bizarre and downright OOC Liam sounds, but I do think we should not ignore the context - the fact that every single individual involved is making these demands of the MC and expecting her to save their country through her child without really checking if she has basic knowledge or other resources in place (such as information about the rulers she is meeting). That includes the LIs. It's very easy to make just a character or two a convenient scapegoat, but let's not forget that there isn't a single person in this entire narrative that is bothering to examine the implications. Not a single.

• What really got me angry...was the Hana doctor sequence. Maybe two books ago it would have just hurt - but more on the level of "it hurts to see Hana like this but I have hope for her". Hope that she would have the space to grieve something she had lost before she could ever even have it, hope that the narrative would validate her pain and encourage her healing. But I can't even hope for that anymore.

This is a very very painful, complicated situation to put a person in. And yes, sometimes those are things you want to talk about and finding out you can't have children when you've always wanted to have them is a very real, very difficult situation - and there is a lot you can explore in terms of how a person with these conditions would feel. But the thing is...Hana has already been on the receiving end of multiple tragic storylines. I have already seen enough and more of her in pain. What I'm not seeing is a good - or even adequate - payoff that validates her painful journey and allows for a release of those emotions. I'm constantly seeing more tragedy, less triumph. I'm not seeing enough satisfactory resolution to those many many issues, and I've spent three books just watching her hurt be brushed aside both by the people who bully her AND the people who are supposed to be her friends (let's be real, they're doing it even now). And now is supposed to be a good time to pile up another difficult situation on her???

• Whenever Hana has been forced into situations that hurt her, her emotions and thoughts have always been pushed to the sidelines - unless and until it was to elevate the MC to a pedestal in Hana's eyes. Hana has rarely - if ever - been given the space to speak out against injustices done to her, has rarely been allowed to have an opinion on people who have harmed her.

When the narrative should have been validating what Madeleine put Hana through, they opted to create sympathy for Madeleine instead...and had her completely minimize what she did to Hana ("I'm sure Hana will be willing to let bygones be bygones").

When the narrative should have been allowing her to discover what her sexuality was, they opted not to talk about it at all. They opted to make her MC-sexual instead. Even with the "alternative LI" they planned for her (*pukes*), they focused more on Madeleine's feelings than Hana's.

When the narrative should have allowed her the space to explore what her parents did wrong and arm her against their faulty arguments about her being the "delicate flower" who cannot survive without them, the writers opted to push her into a 'solution' that was still centered around her usefulness, not her emotional state. Her 'happy ending' with her parents involves constantly educating them on how to treat her with respect, a suffocating, draining process for a child with her background.

When the narrative should have - at least - given her a good wedding, after showing us what dreams she had for it, a wedding where she was treated like a bride, not a bridesmaid, her writers did exactly the opposite. She is more skilled than the MC yet it is the MC that gets the duchy. She is the creative one who comes up with the polo moves yet it is the MC that gets the credit. She is the one that didn't have a chance to fully plan her own wedding the way she wanted earlier, yet the same MC still treats her like her wedding planner rather than a bride. In not one of these situations is she ever allowed to vent about or even speak of what this is doing to her.

Maybe they will give her a chance to explore this difficult journey, maybe they won't. But how dare they push another tragic, difficult (to her) truth such as this, when they have barely allowed her to voice discontent or pain on a host of other issues!

Piling more pain on top of the pain a character already has, isn't going to make your character better developed. Allowing them the space to feel and show those feelings to others will. Thinking of worthy resolutions to those issues, will. If you want to be fair to Hana, center her in her story. Expand on her origins. Focus on story not skills. And validate her pain goddammit!!

• Sigh. Until next time, folks.

#long post #the royal heir #trh quick thoughts #trh qts #king liam #hana lee #maxwell beaumont #drake walker #olivia nevrakis #trr kiara #trr penelope #trr madeleine #bertrand beaumont

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nerdyskeleton · 7 years

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wow i wonder who this anon is wow omg wooww so secret omg, wow. XD anyway if i pay you will you write simon taking a bullet for nahyuta because i have to see your words telling that story.

*looks into the camera like she’s on the office because she just wrote Simon Blackquill getting shot for the second time* link on ao3

under the cut for dramatic length

Knowing he and Apollo fought tofind the truth always fills Nahyuta with righteous satisfaction. They walk out ofthe courtrooms together, and he immediately focuses on Simon, who stands talland dark and foreboding by the red columns flanking the grand doorway ofTehm’pul Temple. Rayfa rudely cuts in front of her older brother to move closerto Apollo. Though Taka rests on Simon’s shoulder, and Nahyuta is still ratherterrified of the bird, he reaches to plant a kiss on his cheek.

“That was far too short, Sad Monk,”Simon scolds. “You blatantly missed three very effective arguments.”

Apollo blanches and sighs, “No way,Prosecutor Blackquill, that lasted long enough.” His bangs droop as he rubs atthe indents the beads left on his forehead.

Rayfa joins in next to say, “Yutybarely fought Apollo on my insights!”

“You always complain of having torefine them if we argue too much. Besides, you skipped back to your seat next to Simon, Rayfa; you couldn’t waitfor the séance to be over.” The monk sticks out his tongue in response to herown.

They spend some time bickering likechildren, with Apollo trying to calm things down every once and a while.Nahyuta looks over briefly to see Simon scratching at Taka’s neck, yet shepulls away from him and squawks quietly. He gives her a look, like he’sdisappointed in her behavior or embarrassed by her rejection. He hides thelittle smile on his face and turns back to the conversation at hand.

Taka suddenly screeches deafeninglyloud and pushes off of Simon’s shoulder. Simon flinches at her movement,probably because she dug her talons into his arm; Nahyuta jumps a little,because he expects her to attack him. But Taka flies high into the air andcircles their little group before going higher. She shrieks; Simon visiblytenses next to him. Nahyuta looks to the sky to find her swooping down towardsthe roof of the temple. Simon’s eyes are following her every movement, andNahyuta chooses to watch him, now.

And very abruptly, Simon Blackquillshoves Nahyuta as hard as he can. The bang of a gunshot ricochets across thetemple walls. Taka cries once more.

Once he recovers from being tossedto the side, Nahyuta grips at himself, expecting pain to blossom somewhere.When it doesn’t come to him, he turns to Apollo and Rayfa, who both appearunscathed. Apollo drags the young girl out of the open. Nahyuta looks next tohis terrible panda boyfriend who pushed him…out of the way.

His stomach twists like a wringedneck as he steps around to face Simon, who has yet to move since the boomingshot. He grows ill and cold at the sight of his labored, wheezing breaths, andhis skin is certainly paler than normal. Nahyuta hates that he knows how badthis is already. Simon’s eyes lose focus, and they don’t gain it back atNahyuta’s command of his name.

“Simon? Are you hurt?” It’s astupid question – he knows it.

He surely has a lovely, sarcasticresponse for Nahyuta, but instead, Simon opens his mouth and all that comes outis blood. He coughs more and more, some of it splattering Nahyuta, but he needsto catch the man, as he’s collapsing like a tidal wave. Hot crimson stains hisclothes as Simon moans and shudders against him. Then he is still.

Nahyuta can’t say anything. Hecan’t make a sound. Nothing that he could say or do now would fix what has justhappened. He just stands there while supporting Simon and tries not to noticehow limp he’s come, how much blood he’s already lost. Is Simon literally goingto die in his arms? He’s absolutely a deadweight; he’s held Simon before, buthe’s never been this weak and limpand bleeding out. Precious seconds are ticking by. Why is he just standinghere?

The only time Nahyuta makes a soundis when guards suddenly seize him, and paramedics appear behind Simon. Theywrench them apart. The medics have trouble accommodating all of Simon’s deadweight, and the sight horrifies Nahyuta.

He calls his name weakly whilebeing manhandled and literally dragged away back into the temple, so he is nolonger out in the open and in anymore danger. A pitiful cry escapes his throat,though no tears fall from his eyes, as he catches glimpse of the medicssurround Simon. He is led down to the dreary basement of the temple, and Rayfahas already been secured in the little room. A guard forces him into a ricketychair next to his sister, and then they take their own seat by the door. Rayfais obviously staring at him.

Hours pass, and Nahyuta fills thetime with worse and worse scenarios of what could be happening. Forty-fiveminutes in, the fact that Simon is most likely dead and cold forms, and try asNahyuta might to force it away, it doesn’t go away.

He wants to do something, but heknows there’s nothing he could actually do. He’s not a surgeon, and he can’tfix Simon’s very real problem with a sardonic comment and a threat ofbanishment. Eventually he begins to pace the cramped room, but after two hours,he’s practically worn a trail in the floor. The heavy door swings open, and aguard beckons them both out. Two flank Rayfa, and Nahyuta is practicallysurrounded by burly people. As selfish and terrible as a thought it is, hewould much prefer one of these noble people sacrifice themselves instead ofSimon.

It is dark by the time they getback to the palace. Apollo stands just inside the gates, and he looks beyondexhausted.

“You want to get out of thoseclothes, and then we’ll go to the hospital?” he asks his older brother. Nahyutadoesn’t understand for a minute, but it suddenly clicks that Simon coughed up(what felt like) massive amounts of blood on him. He fingers at the stains,knowing that sort of thing happens with an injured lung or stomach. He can onlypicture what happened on the temple steps before he was mercilessly pulled awayfrom his panda.

“Is he dead?” He just needs to knowthat.

“Still in surgery. They are prettytightlipped,” Apollo explains, “but I think if you show up, they’ll tell youeverything.”

He could still die.

He waits until Rayfa is gone withsome guards before addressing another one with, “What happened to the assassin?”

The guard looks a little uneasy.“He was…mutilated. By Prosecutor Blackquill’s hawk. Pretty much tore his faceclean off.”

“Where is Taka?”

“No one knows.”

“What!” Nahyuta grows angry, but heknows it’s about the wrong thing. “You’ll find that bird even if it takes alldamn night, do you understand?”

“I-I was going to take you and Mr.Justice to-”

“No. You will find that terriblebird and bring her to Simon’s room. He needs someone there for him. I don’tcare if the doctors deny her – tell them it was a direct order from me.” Heexhales. The guard skitters off but not before giving a look to Apollo. Herests a hand on Nahyuta’s shoulder.

“Do you want to go see Blackquill?Amara said she would take things over while you’re there with him, until hewakes up.”

“Did you alert Athena?”

Apollo is clearly taken aback. “Uh,yeah. I called her a few hours ago. She told me she was going to bullyEdgeworth into getting her a jet. She’ll be here in the next few days.”

“I’ll have a place ready for herhere, unless you wish for her to stay with you.”

“I guess it’s up to her…Nahyuta,are you okay?”

He looks at the annoying goldenbracelet on his wrist. “Has anyone contacted Aura? I will, if no one has yetdone so.”

“How about you hold off on thatuntil you have more to tell her than just ‘Your brother’s been mortallywounded,’ okay? Do you not want tosee him?”

“You said yourself he was stillbeing operated on. N-No point in wasting my time.” He can’t sit idle while themedical team works to save his life. The image of Simon practically vomitingblood keeps flooding his mind, and there has to be something that can get it tostop. He knows sleep won’t help, and he knows that sitting in an uncomfortablechair in a hospital will only force his imagination to run wild. Therefore, theonly thing to be done is every thing.

“Nahyuta!” Apollo looks furious andperplexed with his older brother.

“What, Apollo! I am doing whatneeds to be done. If you are finally finished asking me the same inane question,I will call Simon’s sister to tell her what has happened. Please inform mymother, if you happen to see her, that I will carry on my duties as normal.”

Nahyuta storms away. If he is topossibly live a life without Simon Blackquill, he might as well begin preparingfor it now. Besides, there is no doubt in his mind that Simon will have nothingto do with him after this ordeal. Nahyuta had been too care free thisafternoon, and he let his guard down. Simon, pragmatic and alert as always, wasthe only one to react. He will surely hate Nahyuta for his inobservance and forletting this happen to him. Athena will hate him, too. Aura already dislikeshim, but this will not improve her opinion of Nahyuta at all.

Nahyuta shuts himself into hischambers and gathers his work together. He has some cases to go through, aswell as ensure the guilty party from the trial earlier today is punishedappropriately. He has some waiting to do before he is able to call the prisonAura is held in. He forces himself to complete some work until the prison canaccept his call.

Nahyuta calls the warden and waitspatiently for the buffoon to connect Aura. The conversation goes about as wellas Apollo claimed it would, as Nahyuta merely informs her of what little factshe knows.

She curses him out for an obsceneamount of time before finally screaming, “If you let my little brother die, Iwill break every royal bone in your body.”

“The doctors are doing all thatthey can, Aura.”

“I’m never forgiving you for this,you stupid monk. How could you let this happen?”

“I wasn’t aware of the danger.Simon pushed me out of the way before I properly understood what washappening.”

“Yes, because you’re never aware ofwhat is going on around you. What else do you know about him? Is he awake?”

“I have yet to hear anything.”

“Well, go and listen forsomething! He’s going to call me the second he can, and he’s going to get hisass back here. I don’t want him going over to your shitty kingdom again.”

“Yes, I’ve had the same thought,Aura.”

“Don’t patronize me!” she screamsinto the receiver. “I meant what I said! I’ll kill you, Sahdmadhi.”

“Athena will be here in the countryshortly.”

“Oh? You going to have her killed,too?”

“Aura, please.”

She hangs up. He swallows, feelinguneasy that someone else shares his same thought process. Simon should not comeback here to Khura’in. It is obviously dangerous, and Nahyuta cannot take thatchance. So, if by some miracle, Simon still isn’t dead, he will not see him again.

He works through the day andignores all visitors, including Apollo, who just comes by to see if he canforce food into Nahyuta’s stomach. He refuses to eat, and he still isn’tsleeping. The monk only recently changed out of his clothes from that day.

Amara finally forces her way intohis room to tell him that Athena has just landed in the country. Thankfully,his mother refrains from comments on his appearance, as it is surely ragged andunkempt. As he glides through the palace halls, Nahyuta tries to get his flathair up into something manageable. He’s just managed to force it into a bunwhen the main entrance swings open, and Apollo and Athena timidly cross thethreshold.

Athena approaches them both. Shelets her bag slip over her shoulder as she throws both arms around Nahyuta’sneck. He accepts the hug and tries to offer words of comfort to her, but she’spulling away and insisting she be taken to her best friend immediately.

Nahyuta realizes he has no ideawhere Simon is being held in the hospital, so he sends Apollo a pleading lookto take them there. Guards, obviously, follow close behind. No one in thehospital questions the trio when Apollo brushes past the people at the entrance.They ride the elevator up a few floors, stopping off on the seventh floor.

Nahyuta offers to take Athena’s bagand return it to her room at the palace, since she brought it along with herfor some reason. She tells him not to worry about it, and his heart sinks.

“Have you talked to him?” she asksNahyuta.

“He’s…been asleep every time I havecome by.” Unfortunately, both immediately detect his lie. Apollo rubs at hisbracelet, and Athena’s brows draw together at that statement. She must detect therelief in his heart at that statement. And also the fact that’s a blatant lie,since he hasn’t been by.

It’s obvious where Simon isresting, since there’s another damn guard outside the other rooms in the hall.He eyes Athena but steps aside immediately when he sees Nahyuta is accompanyingthem.

“You go in and see him, Athena,” hesays, tugging at the bag on her shoulder. “I’ll speak with someone aboutgetting rid of this for you.”

“Nahyuta, it’s really okay. Justcome inside and sit. If he’s not awake, I want to talk about what happened withyou.”

He inhales, and Athena’s pushingopen the gray door before he can truly prepare himself for what’s inside. Apollodrags him inside, as Athena’s preoccupied with plopping right down on the bedand squeezing at Simon’s hand.

He’s got an IV in the crook ofelbow, which surely provides a cocktail of pain medication and nourishment forhim. Tubes run in and out of him, with one thick one protruding from his mouth.Practically the only indication that he is alive is the incessant beeping ofthe heart monitor, because his chest barely rises and falls with his breathing.They have him propped up just slightly, but the pillows behind his back areslowly slipping downwards, and he absolutely cannot be comfortable like that. Nahyutadesperately wants to throw everyone from the room and wish away the pain or putit upon himself and gather all of Simon Blackquill into his arms and cradle himclose; he wants Simon back, and he wants him to be healthy and to live the lifehe deserves, which is far, far away from himself and brings no more pain orsacrifice.

Nahyuta has barely felt anythingthe past few days, but he suddenly has trouble holding back tears. Oh god, notnow. Apollo is watching him carefully as he backs away and eases himself intothe chair by the door. There’s an empty chair on the other side of the bed,which the monk absolutely refuses to sit in, despite Athena’s insistence.

Yet not wanting to be idle, hewanders over to the shut curtains and wrenches them open to get some sunlightin here. However, Taka is perched on the branches just outside the window, andshe screams and pecks at the window. Nahyuta shouts in surprise, takencompletely off guard in his overly exhausted state.

“Let her in!” Athena demands.

Apollo interjects, “I tried to lether in, but the hospital doesn’t want her here!”

Nahyuta no longer cares about thebird complaining at him through the window. He’s hyper focused on thefluttering of Simon’s eyelids and the quickening beeping of the monitor. Theymust have made too much noise for the poor man to sleep peacefully. Athenanotices it immediately, too, and she’s grasping his hand tightly. Nahyuta isglad that he’s standing so far away from the bed, since he knows without adoubt he would not be able to handle looking him directly in the eyes.

“Hey friend,” Athena whispers. “Youhave a giant tube sticking out of your mouth, so don’t try to talk, okay?”There’s a pause and then she asks, “How are you? Oh wait – never mind.”

Nahyuta turns away to give Taka hisbest apologetic smile, but she hates everything about him and is also a hawk,so it does not do too much. While he’s facing the other direction, he hearsAthena laugh; perhaps Simon rolled his eyes at her question.

“I’m glad you’re okay. At least,you look pretty good, all things considered. Apollo told me where the guy gotyou. That must have been terrible.”

Nahyuta can’t stand here and listento this. He tears open the window to let Taka swoop in, and then he’s movingquickly to get the hell out of there. Athena shouts his name, and Apollo evenstands up to bar him from leaving.

“Nahyuta! Where are you going?”

Apollo spins him to face the two.

“I have things to take care of.” Heensures that he looks directly at Athena. Slowly yet unexpectedly, Simon’sother hand reaches up to paw at the tube stuck in his throat. He tugs justslightly, but Athena scolds him and puts his hand in his lap.

“It sucks that you can’t talk, Iknow, but,” she says, yet Nahyuta does not hear the rest of it, because he isout the door and down the hallway before Apollo can snatch him.

A few hours later, Athena findshim. She is not happy with him. Apparently, Simon is not either.

“I can’t believe you’re being so selfishabout this, Nahyuta,” Athena says calmly, yet with a hint of very real anger inher voice. The little thing around her neck flashes red.

“Pardon me?”

She shuts the folder he’s beencompiling all evening and grounds out, “Simon’s seriously regretting this wholesaving your dumb life business.”

“Oh? He told you that?” he askedsarcastically.

“Yes, because he was so furious with you for running away earlierthat he wouldn’t stop pulling on that tube. The doctor had to come in and takeit out for him so he didn’t injure himself. Any more than he already has,thanks to you.”

Those words hit hard. He knows thatSimon’s just barely escaped death because of him, and it is one of the worstthoughts he’s ever had. It’s been many months since Nahyuta has felt thishelpless and powerless, but the feeling is disgustingly familiar, and it needsto go away before he breaks down.

“You blame yourself, don’t you?”she asks. Her voice is so much softer this time. “Simon thinks you do, atleast. He knows you really well, and I like to think I know you well enough atthis point.” She leans against the desk he is working at.

“Of course…not.” He’s never beenmore upset with himself. His actions lately have been childish and desperate,and he hopes things are not ruined between him and Simon. After running fromhim, he tried to think of anything, something that he could say to explainhimself and to tell Simon how sorry he is for letting this happen. No words inEnglish or Khura’inese were adequate enough.

Athena sighs. “Well, whether or notyou do, you need to speak with Simon.”

“Yes, I am well aware.”

“When are you doing to do it?”

“Whenever he’s awake. I can’t forcea conversation with him if he’s asleep, of course.”

“You saw how easy he woke up thisafternoon. Let’s go tomorrow, so that he can get some sleep and calm down fromhow angry he is with you. Work the rest of the night to distract yourself andcome up with a good enough apology for my best friend, while you’re at it. I’llcall Aura, too, since I heard from Apollo it went very badly for you.” Shepushes herself away and leaves the room without another word.

Still, words escape Nahyuta. Hedoes not sleep again for the third night in a row and has taken to simplyliving off of twenty minute naps whenever he cannot handle staying awakeanymore. It is difficult to describe his feelings and thought processes in thiswhole ordeal, especially when Nahyuta has trouble discerning where the thoughtscame from in the first place. How can he defend himself in front of hissacrificial prosecutor? If Simon is truly so angry with him, perhaps there isno use in arguing and explaining.

For once, Nahyuta is thankful forthe bureaucracy of his position, which requires him to be at the Dance ofDevotion in the morning with Rayfa. Though he spies Athena in the audience,looking sour. Taka rests on her shoulder. They must be keeping watchful eyes onhim to ensure that Nahyuta gets to that damn hospital room to see his damn Simon.

The ceremony is over shortly.Nahyuta often takes his time exiting the temple, but Athena has other planswhen she charges up to him and drags him through the crowds. The throngs ofpeople surely part for this angry red-head and her angrier looking hawk and notfor their king-regent. They enter the main doors of the hospital and are thisclose to making it into an elevator when obscenely pregnant woman stops them.She asks him to bless her with the strength of the Holy Mother.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” Athena cuts in,“but Prosecutor Sahdmadhi has his own guests to attend to.”

As close as they are and as much asAthena enjoys teasing him, Nahyuta gives her a stern look and says, “I willjoin you upstairs shortly.” She is not pleased but goes anyway. This givesNahyuta just one last chance to appear collected and calm in front of Simon. Hecan gather his thoughts as he prays over this woman.

When that is done and he sends thewoman off to her infantile doom, an old man taps him on the shoulder andrequests the same thing for him. He is blessed, as well, and Nahyuta is able tomake his escape after. The ride up to the elevator is terrifying, and he feelslike the rest of the people can hear how fast his heart is beating inanticipation.

He finds the tiny room and reachesto knock, but he holds off. The door is shut, so this must mean that he andAthena are having an important conversation. He would not wish to disturb that.Until a nurse wanders up and does that for him.

“Prosecutor Sahdmadhi, sir!” sheshouts. “This is a surprise! We’ve been wondering when you were going to comeback. You left in rather a hurry yesterday.”

“Yes, I had other concerns toattend to.”

“Of course you did.” He cannot tellif she’s being serious or not. “You can go in there any time you like, sir. Hisfriend just went in to see him a few minutes ago.”

“Yes, I wonder if you might knockfor me? I don’t wish to disturb them if they are discussing something dire. Youknow.”

It’s a flimsy excuse, and he feelslike a coward, but he can’t face angry Simon Blackquill and Athena Cykes. Notlooking and feeling so weak and tired and afraid like this. It doesn’t look asif the nurse knows what he means with “you know,” but she does as she’s told.

She pokes her head into the roomand says in a saccharine tone, “There’s a royalvisitor out-”

“Nahyuta,” Simon barks. It makes both him and the nurse jump, so sheis scurrying away as fast as her legs can take her. Despite the angry tone, heis so glad to get to hear Simon’s voice again. Before the heavy door shuts,Nahyuta grips the handle and shuts himself inside the room. Athena is back inher spot on the bed, with Taka resting at the foot of the creaky mattress Simonhas been living on. The man himself sits mostly reclined still, but his eyesare more alert, and he has some semblance of color in his cheeks. Athena isstill clutching at his hand tightly, though his other one clearly works verywell when he points menacingly to the chair on the other side of the bed. Nahyutafollows the silent instruction and sits.

It is very quiet until Athena says,“I just told him how much Taka loves Her Mercifulness.”

“Yes, she is the second favorite toyou…Simon.” For some reason, saying his name is incredibly difficult. “Rayfaoften jokes Mother prefers Taka over me.”

“I do, as well.”

He swallows, familiar annoyanceblooming in his chest. So glad Simonis not holding his tongue back. Athena tries to hide her surprised laughter,but it’s hard for her. She does love making fun of them both.

When she recovers, she actuallystands and announces, “I’m going to get up and go for a run. Maybe call Aurawhile I’m out, too. I heard she reallyyelled at the sad monk, Simon.”

“I can imagine she did. He mostlikely deserved it, too.” She squeezes his hand one last time before leavingthe room. Simon adjusts himself and settles as comfortably as he is able intothe pillows. His eyes are shut, until they open a moment later and starestraight at Nahyuta.

“Hello,” Simon says.

“Good morning.”

“You’ve been selfishly absent as oflate, Sad Monk. Why is that?”

“I have been busy. I was not ableto halt everything so that I might sit by your bedside until you wake up. Andin any case, I have been taking time alone to reflect on what has happened.”

“Ah, yes, and what have you come upwith?” He lets a hand fall, palm faced upwards, so that Nahyuta might hold ontoit like Athena was. Nahyuta does not, though, and he sits back in hisuncomfortable chair.

“This is a dangerous kingdom, and Iam a powerful, important individual here. Perhaps it would be best if we removedthis danger from your life.”

The heart monitor speeds upfractionally, but Simon ignores it to say, “If I may repeat in simpler terms,Nahyuta?”

“Of course.”

“I take a bullet for you, and youare attempting to end our relationship in the first moments we have alonetogether?”

“It needs to be done quickly.”

“I argue it does not need to bedone at all.” The monitor beeps louder. “Is this truly what you want, Nahyuta?”

“You must be kept safe, Simon, andthat is not happening here.”

“Perhaps I will never return toKhura’in, then, and you will come to Los Angeles each time we wish to see eachother.”

“No, I want you to be safe,” herepeats, “and you cannot do that near me. I must be far away from you.”

“And what will happen when you, inthis outlandishly dangerous countryof yours, are struck and killed? You die, and I am left in a world without you?Which, to be entirely honest, must be much simpler and less stubborn.”

“Do not manipulate me so you comeout on top of this conversation, Simon Blackquill. I have made my decision.”

“Mine is of no importance?”

“Not when lives are on the line.Not when yours is, and I am able todo something to protect it. I spent so long powerless, with no ability to makemy own choices and save those who needed to be saved. I have this power, and Iwill exercise it.”

“Christ, not this again.”

Nahyuta rises from the chair, hisanger rising, too. “Simon,” he starts, but the man cuts him off.

“If this is your entire agenda forthe day, you may leave,” he grinds out. “I am exhausted and am in no mood todeal with your pretentious, delusional beliefs. Is this all you had to say tome?”

Of all the nerve! After hearing howfurious Simon supposedly was with him for running out yesterday, and this ishow Nahyuta is treated. His anger spikes, and he removes his prayer beads infrustration and fury. Simon laughs at that, giving him an infuriating and alltoo familiar smirk. He hates that look on his face, and he hates that Simon hasthe audacity to laugh at him like this.

“I promised there would be no moredeaths at my hands, Simon. Your death will not be one of them!” Simon is notsmiling anymore. “I have too many deaths weighing on my shoulders, and I willbe unable to carry yours as well! I know I could not live the rest of my lifeknowing you were dead because of me. Ican barely stomach the hundreds of others whose deaths I have already caused.”

He throws the beads at Simon, whichis probably not the best idea, considering his rather fragile state. Theythankfully pelt him in the chest, where he is unharmed.

“You speak to me now as if I amsome goddamn moron, but you were the one who made yourself a sullen target inmy place! What is more reckless and ill thought out?”

“I know there was no thought putinto it, Nahyuta. I jumped quickly to save you.”

“At your own expense, Simon! God,do you have no ingrained need for self-preservation?”

“Do you recall when I went to prisonfor seven years for Athena?”

“This is entirely different.”

“Oh, is it? You just spoke of yoursacrifices, so am I not to ignore my own? You act surprised that I have donethis for you, meaning you have completely forgotten about the things I did forAthena.”

“That circumstance is different,Simon, dammit!”

“How?”

“It is! It is!” Nahyuta is losingcontrol, and he will snap any moment now. “She was not aware what you weredoing for her. I have been too fully aware of the sacrifices you have made forme that have landed you where are you.”

“Nahyuta,” Simon snaps, “explain tome how you have any right to be angry with me for letting you live.”

“You’re not understanding what I’msaying,” Nahyuta answers unhelpfully, feeling a hysterical laugh form in histhroat. “I cannot talk to you right now.” He snatches his rosary up and turnsto leave, but Simon shouts his name. The monk turns to him, exasperated and onthe verge of tears, though the feelings disappear as he watches Simon struggleto sit up. His mouth opens in a silent grunt of pain, so he falls back heavilyagainst the pillows.

This does it for Nahyuta, whopractically stumbles over his own feet to push him deeper in the pillows. Theystare at each other for a moment, and Nahyuta knows his eyes are watering as helooks at Simon so up close and personal for the first time in days. He recallsthe dead look in his eyes when he collapsed into his arms.

“If you’re going to cry, then cry.”

In a flat second, Nahyuta setshimself down on the bed and lets himself sob. In between heaving breaths, hesays, “You can’t be hurt because of me, god, Simon, I can’t let it happen.”

Simon sighs and reaches to pullaway Nahyuta’s hands from his face. He tugs harder on the hands and getsNahyuta to move forward just slightly, so that Simon wraps him in a hug. If ithurts him, he makes no indication of this. Nahyuta is not sure how long theystay like this, but it has to be for quite a long while. When he pulls away,Simon whispers, “God, you’re an ugly crier.”

“I know,” he wheezes.

“Do you feel better?”

“I want you to come back to Khura’inafter this,” Nahyuta blurts out.

“I know – there was never adifferent plan. I was never going to listen to that nonsense, Nahyuta.” Hebrushes his bangs away. “And I cannot make guarantees that I will remainunscathed, just as you cannot make the same promise to me, despite how much Iwould wish you to. Nahyuta,” he states, “I would face this pain ten times overagain if it meant you were unharmed.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I would. And I can’t have youdoubting our love and loyalty for each other when I say this.”

“I never doubted it; I don’t doubt it, currently.” He rubs athis wet eyes. “I hate that I caused you pain.”

“Have I ever told you how trulypainful and hellish being in love with you really is?” Nahyuta bursts out laughing,not expecting the comment. Simon continues, “Yet if I did not think yourstubborn, terrible self and the agony that you bring upon me is not worth this,I would be gone already.”

“I know.”

Simon smiles. “Are you over thisridiculousness now, Nahyuta? Or would you like me stabbed, so you can delivermore bad news?”

“The pain you bring upon me might not be worth it,” he snaps, yet he isunable to keep from smiling softly. Simon does not answer that comment, and heinstead wordlessly gets Nahyuta to lay next to him. His inked hand strokesthrough Simon’s tangled hair, soothingly and gently.

“Will you tell me in detail howpoorly your conversation with my elder sister went?”

“Just so you may laugh at me?”

“Yes.” Simon laughs.

Nahyuta sighs, but he’s never lovedthat laugh more.

#asks #ace attorney #blackmadhi #simon blackquill #nahyuta sahdmadhi #writing #this is my fourth assassination prompt I love it #how dare you make me write this fame #HOW DARE #Anonymous

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