it’s just. Grief. it’s as bizarre and random and unfathomable as an alien coming down mid ceremony despite always talking aliens. despite dedicating your entire life to them. despite naming a fucking city for them. still. it is impossible to understand and to fully imagine until it is right there in front of you and still! still you can do nothing but stare. that little alien giving and taking and arriving and leaving no matter what they say or do. happening despite! the clock being unable to be understood and comprehended until the day the alien (grief) comes. no time left to prepare. no time to stop it. bc you can’t. bc it just is. bc it’s just happens. and it confuses everything. playing a character that is mourning his wife while mourning your lover who wrote your story. who picked you. your the wife who played my actor. use your grief. trying to do grieve right which is an impossible task! it cannot be done! even if it is a grief that can be expressed which this movie implies that it cannot! it just is! you will never understand it and it will never have more of a meaning than what it is but we can do nothing but try and try and try anyway! despite!
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omg I love this by @steddieas-shegoes, but for some reason that scene from Ted Lasso immediately popped into my head when I was reading it? Thus, this:
It's not long after Steve and Eddie finally slept together for the first time that Eddie walks into the house to Steve holding a baby, a baby with curls and big amber eyes.
And he doesn't want to assume, but it is dressed in a pink onesie, so he's gonna go ahead and say she's a girl baby. And Eddie definitely knows there's normal things to ask about a surprise baby, like what's her name or who's is she or, even, where'd she come from, but nope.
"Is- Is she mine?" he says, eyes widening and a hand drifting up to his chest.
Steve just looks at him, a bemused smile spreading across his face,
"Eddie, we had sex, like, a week ago."
"Riiiight right right, sorry, yeah bad math" Eddie says, huffing out a laugh. 'Cause yeah, it's the math that's the issue.
Steve turns to head back into the kitchen, blithely adding as he goes,
"And if memory serves, you finished on my-"
"Woooah nonono!. Steve! You can't- That's not-" Eddie says rushing after him, stopping in front of Steve and the baby.
The baby who looks up at him with giant eyes and fingers in her mouth and looks so much like SteveandEddie that Eddie's brain is still trying to work out some sort of science or magic that would explain this situation because he suddenly wants it to be-
And Steve's just looking at him with the most gentle half smile and crinkly eyes, but Eddie just shakes his head to clear his thoughts, gently covers the baby's ears, and says in the most scandalized tone he didn't even know he had in him,
"There's no reason to get into the science of it all in front of the baby, Steve!"
Steve smiles wide at that and he heads to the sink, patting Eddie on the shoulder as he goes,
"Well, why don't we get her a bottle and then we can discuss the science of it all while she naps, hm?"
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wowza's!
i drew @clownpalette 's sona pal ;v;
it's better than last time, for sure
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