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jemmo · 1 year

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that final scene in this ep of utsukushii kare. it feels like someone just ripped out my gut, slashed it open and trampled over the bloody remains. i want to sob. I want to out loud, fat tears, shaking my body sob. but all im stuck on is hira’s brokenly confused face, kiyoi on top of him grabbing onto his clothes and crying, an absolute tornado of emotion the likes of which he’s never shown, all to hira, all because of hira, and yet hira sits there and it’s like the storm covers him but he’s inside this impenetrable building and not a single drop of rain hits him. he knows it’s raining, he can hear it battering down on the roof, but it’s just rain. he doesn’t understand the full extent, doesn’t know the wind is ripping down trees and lightening is cracking the sky in two. and because he’s inside, he doesn’t need to know, doesn’t care to know, doesn’t want to know. hira will happily stay inside, in his bubble, in his constructed world, and he will be alone, and he will suffer, but that’s alright bc he’s not out there.

it’s like he’s gotten used to the internalized problems he faces, and they stick with him, almost a comfort to him now, in that he’ll see them when they’re not there. the external things that make him worried and anxious now, they’re less so, but hira still is that high school kid, getting picked on for his stutter, that faded into the background. he’s stuck there, and he’s never grown past it, and there’s almost a security in not growing, not changing, even if the thing you’re stuck as is worry and anxiety and invisibility and self doubt and constant internal doubt and criticism and lack of confidence. at least he’s used to it. at least there isn’t anything new to challenge him. and it shows, bc whenever he is challenged, in the sense that something that doesn’t fit he’s established world and role happens, he puts himself down and apologizes, like it’s a practiced, default reaction. that’s how he got through before, it’s how he learned to get through. but now, in the place he finds himself, in the situation and relationship he’s in, this is not a place for that reaction. the people he’s around, kiyoi, he doesn’t need hira to put himself down. he doesn’t need apologies. he wants understanding. and hira just resolutely refused that, said that he not only doesn’t understand hira, but that he doesn’t want to, and he’s not going to attempt to. and I don’t think he could have said anything more heartbreaking to kiyoi. all he has ever wanted was for someone to see him and understand him and love him for it. hira gives him love, unendingly and uncritically. he’s love is irrespective of anything kiyoi does or says or feels. it’s love of an idea, of a theory, of a concept in a pretty shell. it’s not love of the human inside, it can’t be, bc he just said he doesn’t want to understand that person, and without that there can’t be love. you can’t love something you can’t see or comprehend, that there’s a person kiyoi that isn’t the god kiyoi there is in his universe.

and the thing is, I think hira could’ve understood kiyoi, back when he saw a side of kiyoi that no one else did and still showed him love. I think down the line he could’ve gotten to know that person more and liked him, but the thing is, it’s different bc of kiyoi’s feelings. bc kiyoi’s feelings contradict so much what hira believes about himself that he can’t understand him. it’s easier to not know kiyoi that way and stick to his established universe, rather than understand kiyoi fully, bc in that he has to reevaluate everything, about himself and his place in the world and kiyoi’s place too. that is not an easy task. and it’s not that hira wouldn’t, I don’t think. I think there is a feasible future where hira recognizes that choice he can make and chooses kiyoi, chooses to challenge himself out of love for kiyoi and a want to understand him, and maybe even a want to understand and love himself. but bc he doesn’t recognize that as a choice he can make, he can’t do it. and I think that’s what hira needs to face, which I think is more than kiyoi and his feelings and care for hira can manage to accomplish. hira’s mental dissonance is gonna be a work in progress, it’s just a matter or him realizing it and getting to a point of actually working on it. the only thing is, in the meantime, can kiyoi be patient with hira, and the hurt he makes him feel? should he? bc when hira outright refuses to understand, when it feels that rigid and definite, when there’s no feasible future where he will understand, what’s the point? that’s the heartbreak. that hira is constantly worrying about forever, but he just denied a forever with kiyoi. and the problem is him, just not for the reasons he thinks he is. he needs to realize there is no forever with kiyoi the god, bc gods don’t last forever, they’re ephemeral, they’re fleeting. there can be a forever with kiyoi though, the man, the person, the human being, he just needs to step outside, into the storm, and let it soak him. bc when he gets to stand with kiyoi in the rain, he’ll see it’s worth it.

#im on my rant shit but oh my god what an ep #like seriously #if I were ever to get the bravery to make a video essay it’d be on utsukushii kare #and it’d be 7 hours long of me incoherently rambling sobbing screaming and foaming at the mouth #bc this show is just that good #like never before have I wanted to crawl inside a character like hira #and never before have I wanted to hold and cradle and love a character as bad as I do kiyoi #they are everything #and this #this is how you do s2 drama #this is how you take a couple that have gotten together and show that things are not perfect just bc they kiss #there is so much more to a relationship #and so much more depth for character investigation and growth and struggle when a relationship is established #that’s when the real work begins #when you take something just beginning a small flame and try to build it and and stoke it into something that can survive and last and burn #forever doesn’t just happen it is created #and hira needs to find a way to make it #utsukushii kare #utsukushii kare 2 #my beautiful man #my beautiful man 2

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cryptids-lobelia-garden · 2 months

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I managed to pull this together in the middle of an Absolutely Horrible work day! Yay! (Writing this is probably part of what got me out of a stress and caffeine induced panic attack) Unfortunately I didn’t get it edited on time to post on time, but Hey! It Exists :D Anyway, people should write more characters having autism shutdowns. It’s very frustrating being barely able/unable to talk (I am autism btw)

Anyway, this one’s very environmental. I feel like the timespace distortions in PLA could have been a LOT more horrifying, and I’m here to deliver! Warnings: animal attack (again), uuuuhh what do you call this.. time and space are being bent and torn around him and it is some sort of cosmic horror or something idk what that term means exactly I just know it’s what comes to mind, but uuuh yeah this one’s kinda tame actually.

All of mine so far have been pretty tame, let’s be honest. I promise I can write other stuff we just haven’t gotten to the Good Stuff I Have Planned yet

Day 5: Reckless

Takes place some time after the battle atop Mount Coronet. (After day 4 of this event, far before day 3, which happened before days 1 and 2)

~~~~~

Volo should have known this would happen when a strange energy started to fill the air. He should’ve known this would happen when sparks started to fly.

He thought he had more time before it did, thought he could pick a few more berries from this tree and run.

He should’ve known better than to test his fate, especially in a distortion that he had indirectly caused. Arceus has a sense of humor, after all, and Volo is no stranger to the cruelty that fate seems to love to bring him.

Scents from past and future flow into the air, and he can hardly breathe, stumbling as the ground morphs and shifts under him. One moment, he’s standing on the grassy hill, and the next, a structure he doesn’t understand appears out of nowhere, trapping him inside.

He scrambles his way out a window and brings his fingers to his mouth, whistling as loud as he can.

But Toge doesn’t come. She can’t hear him in the storm.

I could die here.

The realization sends chills down his spine.

He’s been confronted by his own mortality plenty of times in his life. It’d be a surprise to hear someone hasn’t, really, in a world as dangerous, as cruel as this one. Wild Pokémon attacks that aren’t immediately deadly can still be incredibly dangerous later, after all, and there’s a myriad of other dangers in this world.

Volo happens to be particularly good at getting himself into bad situations, and fate has always seemed to be especially cruel to him. He’s faced death plenty of times.

But it’s never felt so close.

He could run from murderers and wild Pokémon. He managed to strike a deal with Giratina when they met, he learned everything he could forage so he would never starve, he had even escaped the wrath of a particularly powerful zoroark, which is an impressive feat, considering the fact that even the normal zoro put plenty of people on the death toll.

But he can’t run from this. Not when he can’t breathe and the ground itself doesn’t seem to work as it should, flickering in and out of existence at the drop of a hat.

He curses himself for his stupidity as a terrified steelix shrieks, a sound like boulders tumbling down a mountain. It’s moving too quickly to see where it’s going, barreling straight towards Volo.

He just manages to dodge out of the way, ducking and rolling behind a tree- but an electric attack hits him, and he shrieks as his whole body jolts from it, falling to his knees.

It’s hard to move, he’s shaking, his muscles are spasming.

He can’t run.

Paralyzed.

I’m going to die here.

Something falls into his hands, a strange device. Some sort of bracelet, with a thick, flat face.

It lights up as he touches it.

He frantically presses back against the tree as an alpha raichu steps forward, holding the strange device up.

He’s about to move to throw it in desperation-

And then something he touches on it creates a shield of pink and blue energy, surrounding him just as the raichu tries to hit him with a Thunder.

He can breathe.

Volo scrambles to his feet, catching his breath. “Is this- some sort of shield..?” It moves with him as he walks- no? It’s moving with the device.

He scoops it off the ground, shaking his limbs out to try to get the rest of the electric attack out of his system, and he sprints towards the outside of the distortion, carrying the device with him. The ground materializes beneath his feet, holding steady even as it breaks around him, and he thanks fate for finally giving him something good.

Some attack hits the shield, and he yelps as he’s thrown, but he isn’t hurt by anything except his own bad landing. Scrambling back to his feet, he runs the rest of the way out, jumping through to the outside of the bubble of distorted land just as the timespace storm starts to swirl.

Terrified pokemon shriek as they’re swept into it. Volo nearly throws up as he sees human remains inside, swirling with the rest.

And, in a flash, all of it is gone, leaving no sign of what just happened but specks of shimmering pink dust, floating softly to the ground.

He’s in a cold sweat, shaking as he stares at where he was almost swept away. The trio would RUN INTO these. For FUN, to collect the things inside.

What the HELL is wrong with them!?

He takes a few shaky breaths, collapsing to his hands and knees. The device makes a clicking sound as it wraps around his hand, but he pays it no mind for now.

Okay.

Okay, I’m okay. I’m alive. I’m okay.

..I have nobody to blame for that except myself. I shouldn’t have stayed when the storm started to gather. And for what, a few handfuls more of berries? That wasn’t worth the risk!

He stares at the strange device, which has moved to his wrist. There’s numbers on the front, though he’s not sure what they’re for.

It’s a miracle I made it out. And it’s because of this wondrous device..

It’s locked itself around his wrist somehow. He can’t see the locking mechanism- it looks like a clean band, aside from the face. The only sign as to its origin is some strange lettering on the side, though he doesn’t really recognize the characters. He knows he’s seen them somewhere before, though.

With some experimentation, he figures out he can move the device up and down his arm, but he can’t take it off. It’s comfortable no matter where it is, fitting perfectly to his skin, but it won’t go over his hand, despite obviously having the capability of doing so.

Fascinating..

Okay, he’ll deal with that later. He stands, making his way back to the little camp he’s set up.

He’s still feeling a little stiff with the after effects of a fairly mild electric attack paralysis, but he’s not too hurt- he must’ve not been hit too bad, thankfully.

Volo sits at camp, dumping out his bag and counting the supplies he’s managed to gather.

If he finds a way to preserve the food, what he has gathered today will be enough for a few days. So the progress towards what he and his Pokémon need to survive the winter is slow, but it is progressing.

The extra berries he grabbed are enough for two extra meals for Toge, so there’s that, at least.

Was it worth the risk? No, not in the slightest. Not when he can easily gather that safely.

But does it make him feel a little better about it?

Absolutely.

He looks up as a shadow falls over him, quickly moving to catch Toge as she flies into his chest. “Hey!”

She squeaks happily, shaking her bag- and that’s the sound of a bunch of apricorns. He can also see the leaves of a few different edible plants and medicinal herbs sticking out.

Volo smiles, cuddling her close. “Thank you, sweetheart,” he murmurs, burying his face in her feathers with a quiet sigh. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

~~~

PARADOX DETECTED

A young woman leans over to look at the alert, brushing curly red hair out of her eyes. “Oh! Well, that explains where he got his watch.. That is a dangerous paradox, wow. Very lucky it didn’t break anything. Dialga must have helped..” She sighs, tapping a few buttons on her watch and sending a quick message to Management. “..Dragons. I need to figure out how Eclipse got it off so I can update the security systems.. What a bother.”

#whumprilday5 #whumpril2024 #Whumpril #🌻Volo #distortions should’ve been scarier #like. I understand pla isn’t a horror game BUT #there’s so many things in it with the capability to be Absolutely Horrifying #Hisuian zoro. various ghost types actually (Pokémon in general).#the distortions are just the start #honestly if they had the time I wonder if gamefreak would’ve made more to them than just purple bubbles filled with strong Pokémon and item #maybe they wouldn’t have. but a guy can dream #anyway I am. Struggling how tf does electric type paralysis work #my explanation in my head is the electricity magically sticks around for a lil bit #and it keeps the paralyzed one still #stun spore is of course a poison and not electricity #but for electricity paralysis stuff to not be permanent you’ve gotta fudge things a little I think #pokémon whump #is surprisingly difficult bc there’s so many weird logistics things that you can’t just search up #bc pokemon ARENT REAL :((((#god. I wish I had a sylveon #I feel like a sylveon would be a pretty good starter pokemon #I mean they’re just a dog.. cat.. fox.. thing and they love you #ANYWAY enough rambling from me! hope y’all enjoy #oh yeah also #⌚️Melissa

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