#not just cause of that but also cause my school is being generally a jerk

[penguicorns-are-cool]

I love how Aaron and Andy are portrayed in You Are So Not Invited To My Bat Mitzvah

we all have an Aaron and an Andy in our Jewish schools and camps

they're the biggest jerks and when they're in high school they're gonna say so much antisemitic shit and say it's ok cause they're Jewish and also just generally be such huge jerks

It was so validating to see Aaron portrayed as a loser and Stacey call Andy out for being such a jerk, like those are the kids who threw rocks at my cabin at camp and now they're being called out in the like one Jewish tween film we have.

love that

#you are so not invited to my bat mitzvah #andy goldfarb #jewish #jumblr

[intosnarkness]

I was raised in a very Christian household, used to get on this website for teenagers and young people to mingle among other people in the faith and I had a friend who was what she called a Messianic Jew. From memory I can’t really remember the differences, I’m strictly just curious. It always fascinates me how different being raised in Jewish household can be compared to Christianity, a lot of similarities but a lottttt more big differences.

I'm not sure what your exact question is here, but I'm going to answer "what is a messianic jew?". If that's not what you meant, please let me know.

Messianic Jews are people who call themselves Jewish while believing that Christ is the Messiah.

And here's why I have a problem with that:

The first thing we have to do is define "jew", which is a lot harder than you think. Jews are an ethnoreligious group. Very simply, that means that to be "Jewish" is both an ethnicity and a religion.

My family is ethnically Ashkenazi Jewish; when we entered the diaspora we went to the Holy Roman Empire, then Germany, and finally settled in Eastern Europe. When my mom did a DNA test, she got "96% Ashkenazi Jewish" on her results. It is a group that can be traced through DNA as well as culture and location. (More about Jewish Ethnic divisions.) You cannot become an Ashkenazi Jew unless you are born as one, just like you cannot become Hispanic or Latino unless you are born as one.

Now, my family is also religiously Jewish, meaning I grew up in Jewish traditions. I went to Hebrew school, I became Bat Mitzvah when I was 13, and I hold Jewish values and a Jewish outlook. Anyone can become a religious Jew through conversion. It's not easy, but it can be done and is done all the time. Once you convert, you are considered no different from people who grew up in the faith, and I was raised that it is forbidden to ever ask if a person is a convert.

So, a religiously Jewish person can be of any ethnicity and an ethnically Jewish person can be any religion. Therefore, it is possible to have a Christian Jew- that is, an ethnically Jewish person who has converted to Christianity. There are actually a lot of these, in no small part due to things like the Spanish Inquisition, which allowed conversion as an alternative to death or exile. It's why people like Madeline Albright are possible; she was raised Roman Catholic and didn't know she was ethnically Jewish until she read about it in the Washington Post.

Okay, so that's our definition of terms. A Jew is someone of the Jewish ethnic group, a person who practices Judaism, or someone who is both.

Now, we have to ask ourselves, what is a Messiah? Messiah, or Moshiach, is a Hebrew word for King. And depending on what kind of Jew you ask, he may or may not be coming. Remember, if you have 5 Jews, you have 6 opinions. We don't agree on much. And for the record, I was taught that it is every Jew's job to make the world as good as possible and get us as close as possible to the Messianic age, because Moshiach will only come when he is no longer needed. This is part of what Tikkun Olam is, literally "repairing the world". But the general thrust is that, if he is coming, Moshiach will rebuild the temple in Jerusalem and usher in an era of peace and prosperity for Jews.

Because Jesus did neither of those things, he does not fit the Jewish requirement to be Moshiach. So Judaism believes that Jesus was a false messiah. He said some good shit, but he wasn't The Guy.

So, a person who believes that Jesus is Moshiach cannot be religiously Jewish. It just doesn't jibe with the rest of it. They can be ethnically Jewish, but that's not in general what Messianic Jews mean.

Now, I also have a knee-jerk "oh fuck that" reaction to messianic Judaism, specifically Jews for Jesus, because they have run themselves for years as a covert conversion front. Cause Jesus is only going to come back when the Jews are all either in Israel, dead, or Christians. So convert 'em. It's deeply unsettling to me. I don't want to call it genocidal, but it does seem to hinge on the destruction of groups of people, so.

IDK if that answers your question, but that's what I've got for now.

[rabbittwinrithings]

How happy are you with your current follower mods you've created? Whether that is stage of development, general features, appearance, things like that.

While I'm at it, what do you think of the followers you authored as characters, personaility wise?

Oh shit, man, this is loaded. But I don't mind it. This may be some strays thoughts.

So first off, I love my characters. In fact, I've never gotten attached to character's I've written so much like my custom voice followers. And it amazes me how much I will feel for them. There was a moment in time where I was having a hard time writing a scene where one was super angry, and for that week I, in real life, was so angry for them. I actually had to step away for a bit to calm myself down and make sure I wasn't actually causing any harm with that anger.

I have moments where I will think of Khash and, idk, it's so weird, start crying and think of how proud I am of her and that's she's made so many friends and so many care for her, as if I am a real mother thinking about her daughter.

I feel this way towards the other's too. I'll look at Varrick and think 'You're doing so good. And you're trying your best, I'm so proud of you.' Or Caryalind and say 'I promise things will get better. You've found your tribe, they'll protect you.' It's so odd and I never thought of that aspect before writing them.

-

Next, personality-wise, every follower I make has a piece of me. There are two writing advice I take to heart a lot, and that's 'write what you know,' and 'write what you want to know,' though I take them both two different ways. With 'write what you know' I look at how I want that character act, what they're like, etc. Caryalind wears his heart on his sleeve, Varrick wants to protect others, Fir has problems socializing, Disnel has ties to her culture (which is native American coded,) and Khash, well, Khash is a lot of different stuff about me mashed into one. I try and have my character's have parts of me in them.

This also goes with 'write what you want to know,' when it comes to their conflicts or problems, those are parts of me too, but mostly taken to insane extremes. (I can't say Khash's yet cause it would be spoilers for her questline.) Fir has social anxiety and depression of being a shut-in, Caryalind has done stuff in his past he percives as unforgivable and yet it was done in ignorance, Varrick is dealing with religious trauma, and Disnel deals with anger towards the disrespect of her culture and wanting to become closer to it.

Because of writing stuff that I too was having issues with, I was able to find personal solutions to issues or shed some light on them, even if they aren't completely, or even partly, fixed.

I also want to add that there followers have parts of me I wish I had. Khash and Disnel both are very un-bashful about who they are, and that's something I wish I had. Disnel says weird stuff, and her laugh is off, but she doesn't care. She doesn't stop and think 'oh, was that weird, do the people around me think that was weird?' I wish I was like that now. Or Khash is who I wish I was as a child/teen. As someone who was bullied horrifically throughout elementary, middle, and high school, I wished I didn't care what other's thought and was just myself.

(But to be fair, Khash also has an attitude of 'why should I care what others think when I have my family,' Which was something I felt strongly as a kid despite now having self-cofidence issues.)

I do want to point out though, my follower's all having daddy issues got nothing to do with my personal life. My dad is fuckin' awesome!

(Funny enough, a line from Khash where she quotes Marlok about how a certain type of bird "are jerks," is taken by quote from my dad. We were sitting on his front porch bird watching, and I was taking notes for Khash and what she would like about nature, and he said that so I wrote it as quick as I could.)

-

I don't have much to say about appearance. I love how all the followers look, but even then I'm not picky. Like I adore seeing replaces and seeing how people interpret them. I may not agree with them 100% of the time, but I don't care. I love seeing my character's get reimagined like that!

out of all the followers, these two for Varrick and Caryalind are my favorites!

Obviously, though, I add little quirks I like to all of them.

I adore Khash's little stuck-up nose.

I love Caryalind's curly hair.

I love Varrick's fashion sense.

I love Fir's striking eyes.

I love how flat Disnel's side profile is.

Okay, maybe there is more I could say about their appearances, but I'm sure it would just be more 'I love (insert some detail about them.)' cause I just love how they all look!

-

Stage of development is a tricky one cause I have mixed feelings about it. School has really kept me away from my followers, and it hurts, but with summer break I've found I have the time to finally work on them.

I recently been working on a road map of the followers to hopefully see what all I need (at least for the initial release for some,) and want.

Caryalind should have an update soon.

I'm hoping to get the first half of Varrick's romance up during the summer.

I want to get most of Fir written and implemented over the summer.

I hope to get Disnel out by the end of the summer. (Not completed, but still a good chunk of stuff there.)

And Khash, is another matter I will discuss at the end...

Sometimes I feel bad for not making more or quicker updates. Some mod authors are absolute gods at it, and I wish I could update as quickly, but I also try not to get myself upset about it. This is meant to be fun for everyone, including me. Part of me says it's selfish, and another part then hits and says 'no, that's not.' (If you couldn't tell, anxiety is something I struggle with pretty badly.)

Okay, now the thing about Khash, cause I really didn't want to disrupte any flow with above is her questline has created such a huge headache, at first. I made Khash when I first learning the ck and the same for more complicated questing. Because of this, her questline is a huge, buggy mess. because of that, and seeing the state Khash's esp is in, I decided to try and make her from the ground up again, along with additions and changes. Cause like, now, a questline like her's is a cake walk from what I've done in Ganval and Disnel's stuff. I just didn't know how to do it at the time of making Khash. But this also means Khash's development and update will take much longer than I hoped. While the lines are going pretty steadily (I think I started rebuilding two weeks ago and half of the of lines are implemented,) It's voicing that will probably take the longest. This is because I haven't done Khash's voice in perhaps a year and my throat isn't used to it anymore. because of that, voicing lines will take the longest time to do. But, for a sneak peak, some other additions are:

New introduction quest

More inventory room (Khash will have a backpack the player can toggle on and off.)

And I really hope to give her some kind of pet.

There are other obvious ones like how I want to add her adoption. I would also like to add more questions for the player to answer about themselves. Khash didn't know much about Marlok's past, and if she is looking to the player as a new guardian, she wants to try and learn more about you. But these are still up in the air, aka, not written, so I don't want to promise anything until it is for sure written.

Hopefully this whole reboot will fix alot of her bugs, story issues, and other stuff in the og mod.

With all that said though, I hope to have an update or a good chunk of each follower done by the end of the summer. I'm not sure where that will put Ganval in development. I started Ganval just for fun set design, and then thought it could be a good quest portfolio piece. But with how much questing my current followers are getting, I think just themselves are good portfolio pieces.

Sorry for just this huge wall of text. I may have gotten a bit carried away. But I hope this all answers the question really well. I know writing all this did help me get some thoughts I had out of my brain and out there.

Love y'all!

#for those that don't want to read everything #I talk about how I feel for the followers #Then how they relate to me #Then how they look #And finally development stuff #I wanted to add in the tags cause I know some may want to read the development stuff without all the rest #khash the argonian #varrick veil #Disnel the Changeling #Caryalind Thallery #Fir Jald #Ganval

[ghost-recs]

hey :) it's very cool that you're making such organized rec lists! you probably don't mean any harm by this but is rating them necessary? by recommending them you are already telling people that you like them, and saying what you enjoyed about them is also great!

but rating fics on a scale from 1-10 and putting your opinions into the general tags/ tagging directly so that the writers that- i'm guessing largely did not ask for your criticism- are very likely to see it creates an uncomfortable atmosphere

i know that at least for me i would not enjoy being putting next to other authors like this, and having a rating put on a fic that i worked hard on and that is therefore probably very dear to me would feel discouraging. many authors on your lists also explicitly state that they are not looking for criticism on a hobby they want to simply enjoy

again, i assume that you mean absolutely no harm and simply want to help others find fics they might enjoy, but this luckily isn't school, we can simply enjoy things without having to grade them

this divide in fandom, where artist are treated like 'content creators' and readers as the 'consumers' is a larger issue that way too often causes artist to lose their joy in being active in fandom.

fan art should be about community, after all we're all just some people with a shared love for our favourite characters

so please, let's share and support the fan fiction ( and fan art in general) we enjoy in a way that doesn't feel like a product review

Hey! :) I just wanted to address this before it becomes something that I never intended/wanted it to become.

In no way, shape, or form am I trying to offend or criticize anyone when I recommend works. My “ghost ratings” are purely my personal preference out of my favorite fics. It is an easier way for me to organize my lists based solely on my personal taste and preferences. The ratings are not meant to be a grading system. They don’t measure the quality, quantity, or even the content of the works. What they show are simply which ones I preferred over others.

I will admit that choosing to add my own personal rating is to let others know which fics were my favorite. But first and foremost the entire point of making these lists is to share the love of these works. I enjoy adding the ratings just to show personal preference. After all, everyone has pieces of writing, fics, or fan art that they prefer over other ones. It’s fun to gush a little extra over the works that you most enjoy!

Again though, it is not meant to be a critique. I am not trying to offer advice or pretend that I could do better. It never crossed my mind that someone would view these recs as a “product review,” and that is my own fault for not thinking it through from that perspective. I don’t view these artists and writers as “content creators” and the readers as “consumers.” We ARE just one community! :)

That all being said, I am deeply sorry if I have offended anyone or crossed a line. I never meant to do that and truly just want to share fics that I enjoy with others. To any writers, artists, and readers that I’ve offended with my ratings, I apologize and I hope you will forgive me.

I have decided that my ratings are not worth the risk of possibly discouraging others. It would break my heart if I knew my recommendations were doing that to others. I will be taking down all my ratings and will not be adding more to any future recs.

Anon thank you for discussing this with me in a kind and helpful manner. And for not assuming that I’m trying to be a jerk and tear others down.

I love you all! I love all of you artists and the love for the fandom that we share! Thank you for bearing with me, and have a great day/night!🫶🏻

#apologies!!

[caernys]

car jacking and other crimes

relationship: derek hale x stiles stilinski, romantic pairing (part one— kmart grandmas)

summary: derek’s life is hard, okay? it’s more difficult than it looks. especially when a hot er tech tries to coerce him into stealing his own car.

notes: also posted on my AO3 account, kitkat_katsuki

Look, it’s annoying when people say it, and he knows it’s annoying; but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a little bit of truth to it. Derek’s just going to say it. Good looks are a pain, okay? They’re insufferable. They cause problems at every turn and you can’t go anywhere without middle aged women objectifying you in filthy, filthy ways. (It’s a sad bit of truth that the most action he’s gotten recently was a 53 year old kindergarten teacher calling him a “hot chunk of ass” at the downtown K-Mart.)

His good looks are a special breed of annoying, though, seeming to solely attract complete psychopaths. There was that whole mess with Kate, where she tried to burn his fucking house down, and then Jennifer, and then Jeremy, which was a whole other thing. Laura calls him romantically cursed. He calls Laura stupid, but it’s not like she’s actually wrong.

It’s also horrible for going under the radar in any way whatsoever. He just doesn’t like talking with strangers, okay, and having every single one turn around and point at him when he’s walked past isn’t exactly likable either. And putting on a baseball cap and a mask just makes him look like some jerk-ass C-list actor who had his  Daddy pay for acting school, so.

It’s a lose-lose.

There’s also this weird thing with teenagers asking him out, hoping to live out some weird dating-an-older-guy thing, he guesses? It’s creepy, is what it is, and Derek is not trying to go to prison. He’s too emotionally unpredictable and picky for life behind bars. (He doubts prison guards have an average of 45 minutes a week to listen to their 27 year old son moan about being forever lonely. Truly, his mother has a gift.)

But, anyway, when the skinny looking kid approaches him, he supposes it’s another one of those deranged teenagers. It’s not a difficult assumption, going off of his superhero t-shirt and worn flannel. He also just has that general annoying aura that Derek usually associates with them. Like tragedy is about to strike at any given moment and all the peanut butter cookies are gone.

Then again, that’s kind of the vibe that he gives off, so maybe he can’t judge.

The guy’s moving alarmingly close, though, quickly moving past hey-let-me-go-get-a-better-look to hey-let-me-go-interact and Derek does not like that development. He tries to veer subtly to the left and pulls his leather jacket slightly tighter around himself. The kid is not deterred. Damn.

He whirls around and flails slightly when a hand lands on his shoulder. The nerve.

“Look, I don’t want to go out with you, kid, so一”

“You look like you know how to steal a car一”

“What.”

“What.”

#derek x stiles #derek hale #stiles stilinski #teen wolf #teen wolf fic #teen wolf au #teen wolf fanfiction #derek and stiles #romance #derek is a dick #stiles is a bad criminal #because he always gets super guilty last minute #derek can’t stop getting objectified by women who are more than twice his age #it’s getting to be an issue

[goat-yells-at-everything]

Post surgery update

So.

Yesterday was interesting to say the least.

My fear that they wouldn't find any endo actually came true.

Well, they found 2 tiny spots on my colon but didn't remove them for fear of damaging the healthy tissue. Doc said it just wasn't worth the risk and he is sure its not the cause of my pain.

Thankfully, he didn't stop there. He actually believed me, despite being such a jerk at the pre op appointment, so he took the time to look and see what may be there. He found several blood veins that look almost black and several sections of different organs that were also very very dark.

The reason the veins would be dark is blood has been pooling and not being pushed back to the heart like its supposed to be. The areas of organs that are dark are from a lack of proper blood flow to the area over a long period of time.

The reason for this isn't 100% clear. The only option that is clear is when the the valves in the veins veins aren't positioned properly. They should bend in the direction of blood flow but sometimes they bend backwards causing a space where blood can pool. But the condition can be present without the mal-positioned valves so doctors are still trying to nail down all the reasons.

In general, the condition is called abdomino/pelvic congestive syndrome. It tends to mimic endo symptoms and is actually helped by the same medications used for endo control. So it makes sense that the depo helped as much as it did. The condition is fairly common in women with PCOS, too.

Mom said the doc is working on getting me a referral to a vein specialist. I see my doc on tuesday for my post surgery follow up so I'll be able to actually talk to him then about things and find out when I get to see the new doc.

Sadly, this likely means a bunch more tests and likely another surgery later this year. Hopefully I can push it all off till after my externship and certification test so I can finally be totally finished with school and not worry about it anymore.

Hopefully I'm on the tail end of this 20+ year journey. An answer. A definitive treatment plan. Maybe some pain relief.

Maybe it'll finally be over.

#goat update

[randomidiocyncrazies]

Gwitch ep 4

just watched ep 4... some of my thoughts under the cut

Guel: i actually liked that Guel is still kind of an abrasive jerk; it’s obvious that his “apology” to Miorine wasn’t genuine, and he only did it because his sense of honor compels him to abide by the duel results. Coupled with the conversation he has with his brother about not pissing their dad off any further, it may signal Guel doubling down on supporting the shitty practices of the mega-corp culture (probably shown to the audience by obeying his dad), even though a part of him that had a brief taste of freedom knows it’s wrong.

also, the “it’s not like I’m actually interested in you” tsundere comment had me laughing... but it’s also kind of sad in a way if he is actually telling the truth? Suletta’s comments after their duel is the first time in his life he’s felt seen, and his first instinct is to get married because he can’t conceptualize any other way to keep this moment of happiness. On the one hand, I think it’d be cool if Guel genuinely isn’t romantically interested in Suletta, and the proposal is purely a knee-jerk expression of Guel enjoying being valued for something he’s proud of without hidden expectations. On the other, the whole situation is such an archetype in fictional romance situations that it’s hard to imagine them not following up on it. (That said, I don’t foresee Suletta reciprocating the interest; Guel may sacrifice himself to save Suletta at a critical moment down the line though.)

Chuchu: lmao it was soooo satisfying when she clocked that bully out cold! I also think it’s kind of funny that the proctors for the piloting exam 1) do not give a fuck about sabotage + literal brawls and 2) let failing students redo their makeup test until they pass. I mean, (2) makes sense because all the kids got into the school because of their connections to corporations, so they probably can’t actually fail anyone because it might cause political trouble if they failed someone who is well-connected? (I do kinda question the lax attitude about the brawl and the genera lack of safety precautions though? A lot of the top corporations have their heirs attending the school; all it takes is an accident, and you can put a lot of corporations out of commission, or at least wipe out a large portion of the next generation easily.)

Another thing that I thought was cool is that Chuchu was initially cheering for Suletta—to the point where her dorm-mates are like “um she’s from space too”—and it’s only after Guel’s failed proposal that she gets angry and writes Suletta off as one of “those carefree Spacians” since she thought the whole thing is a stupid love quarrel. It makes sense why she changes her mind about Suletta later on.

Also, while Chuchu certainly is abrasive against Spacians, I was not a fan of how Miorine basically said “reverse racism” without acknowledging the unequal power dynamics between Earthians and Spacians. I’m a little worried that the show is gonna go the route of “uwu can’t we all just be nice to each other” and tone police individuals from the oppressed group, when the power balance is inherently skewed. Like... I hope Miorine realizes later on that her comment was tone-deaf at best, but I honestly don’t know what to expect.

Miorine: her status of having no support system/no power despite being the president’s daughter is reinforced here—she lives in her father’s office instead of a dorm. Since she’s a ‘prize’ for the Holder, it makes sense that she doesn’t technically ‘belong’ to any House i guess?

Now, I get the feeling that a ‘Rembran House’ doesn’t exist, despite Delling being the highest authority in their hellscape corpocracy—since Houses/dorms are affiliated with the sponsoring companies, I wonder if this suggests Delling doesn’t actually have a platform to sponsor (multiple) students (or is otherwise constrained). He’s the head of the Benerit Group, but he seems to rely on personal power/charisma (for lack of a better word) rather than a corporation as his power base?

If the above speculation is on the right track, I think it’s really interesting that Miorine and her father share the trait of being individualistic; I hope Miorine’s arc involves a deeper understanding of group/community dynamics and connecting to a support system. Right now Miorine has no friends, other than arguably Suletta. When they’re in trouble/need help from others, Suletta is able/willing to ask others for help (though nobody is really willing to help); in contrast, Miorine tries to do everything herself—she can’t rely on anyone because her father undermines her autonomy at every turn for pretty much her entire life. I look forward to the dynamics between our leads and see if they’ll start to take traits from each other.

Suletta: I think Suletta is a really interesting character in that she seems a little contradictory? She’s both a confident badass (in Aerial) and a shy, stuttering mess (in social interactions). I like that she’s a beast with Aerial, but needs help with the basic stuff that the school teaches; it gives off the feeling that she’s an ace in a very specific field, but needs help in other areas. Her dream is very sweet, and sets up a nice contrast with Miorine’s “live only for yourself” mentality.

The sequence with her having to retake the makeup test over and over again really got to me: it’s a huge blow to her self-esteem since it’s happening in public, and even as an audience i could feel the stress/panic of failing over and over and over again with the added pressure of the bullies laughing and Chuchu complaining about the retakes cutting into her own test time.

Spacian/Earthian conflict: okay, so it’s mostly referred to as a racism problem, but it’s really a race/class intersectional issue. I am a little worried that the show will just... kinda equate the two without exploring the nuance between these two axis of oppression (after all, there should theoretically be rich Earthian companies, and we know there are poor Spacian corporations in low standing), but I’m happy to see where the show takes us.

I kinda hope the link between the corpocracy and nationality is made clearer—the main ‘location-based’ conflict is between Earth and Space because all the big companies are based in space colonies (while Earth is seen as just a place for sweatshop factories at this point), but what about the conflict between ‘rich space’ and ‘poor space’ (i.e. the situation of Mercury)? If the whole thing is ruled by a corpocracy—and we know it’s a cutthroat environment judging by ep 1—then what about the people from the same space colony who work for different companies? (e.g. if Peil Technologies and a 3rd-rate company both have established bases on Planet A, what are the dynamics like on Planet A between the employees of these 2 groups? Is there really a concept of ‘civilians’ that aren’t in some way part of the corporate structure?)

Also, I do kind of wonder what the slow acting spray that the bullies used are for in the wider world-building context. Again, I think a lot of the details and concepts are very cool, but I hope it ties back into the bigger picture as opposed to just being there for the Rule of Cool.

#gwitch spoilers #gundam #gwitch #ric reacts

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

The Many Siblings of Izuku

Since I posted Bi Buddies, here is my list of the siblings of Izuku and the way the universe works cause yes I figured it out:

Midoriya Hisashi is old money and has had around five wives as he believes in helping to repopulate the planet. He's homophobic due to this, and a jerk in general. He's on his fifth wife so far, and she is pregnant with his eighth child.

Kids:

Nishiya Shinji. Eldest child, 29 when Izuku is in UA. Is also Kamui Woods. Shinji is the only child of Hisashi's first wife and is intersex. (He decided to use he when he was about five and stuck with it). Hisashi demanded tests to be done on him early on, discovering he is infertile due to this. Hisashi wanted another child, but his wife refused so he divorced her. Later, Shinji's mother died and he was sent to live with Hisashi who was married to his second wife. Shinji greatly dislikes his father and struggled as a child. He found himself resenting his brother Izuku (born to Hisashi's third wife). He picked on him and rubbed his Quirkless status in his face, boasting about being a hero. Later, Izuku actually helped him with his Quirk and Shinji got served a lot of humble pie. He's ashamed of how he treated his brother, and attempts to make up for it. The reason he's still a rookie despite being in his late twenties is because he was a sidekick for a very well paying hero in order to fund Izuku's middle school so that he could be away from his bullies and to fund therapy. Shinji also arrested Bakugou once and is the only reason Bakugou stopped physically bullying people. Shinji lived with his second and third stepmom after Hisashi left Japan.

Barnes Hannah/Midoriya Hana. Second child and eldest daughter. Is 25 when Izuku in in UA. She's Quirkless as well, and is very rude to people who are rude back. Her mother is British-Japanese and as such, Hana has two sets of names. Hana is a pretty cheerful person and has always enjoyed gymnastics. Her aunt was a former circus performer who taught Hana how to do aerial silks, and Hana was sold. At age seventeen she ran off with a boy she met who lived on the streets to join the circus. Her mother was NOT pleased. Hisashi married his second wife, but divorced her after she learned of Shinji and why Hisashi divorced his first wife. She was furious, and Hana is also angry. Hana is one of the stars of the circus she works at, while her boyfriend/fiance/husband/no one knows is a fire performer. Hana is close with Izuku and taught him a lot, such as gymnastics, aerial silks and parkour. She is also close with Shinji and often emails him.

Midoriya Izuku. Third child, sixteen in UA. Izuku is Quirkless and the second son of Midoriya Hisashi. His mother had a terrible pregnancy and after it could no longer have children. Hisashi stuck around just long enough he didn't seem a complete ass for leaving but did divorce her. Izuku grew up close with his elder siblings, but did get bullied by Shinji. At least until at age six where Izuku managed to help Shinji figure out his Quirk fully. Experiencing a lot of bullying, Izuku only began realizing what happened wasn't okay when Shinji managed to help pay for a better school along with therapy. He began learning from his sister early and wishes to be a hero with the skills she taught him. His mother began dating Pixie-Bob when Izuku was eleven, and the Wild, Wild Pussycats are 10000% supportive.

Lucy and Jane Gordon. The fourth and fifth children of Hisashi, born to his fourth wife. Both are ten when Izuku is in UA. They have little to no contact with their siblings in Japan, other then occasional emails or calls. Both want to be fashion designers and both have Hisashi's Quirk.

Diana Gordon. The sixth child of Hisashi, born to his fourth wife. Is eight when Izuku is in UA. Like her older twin siblings, has little contact with her Japanese siblings. Has her mother's Quirk which lets her see in the dark.

Melody Gordon. Seventh child of Hisashi, born to his fourth wife. Is five when Izuku in UA. Has Hisashi's Quirk. Much like her older siblings has little contact with her Japanese siblings. After Melody was born, her mother finally divorced Hisashi upon reaching out to Shinji as 'oh a hero child?' and got the fully truth about her husband.

Unborn eighth.

Random Notes:

-Would it be interesting to have Izuku go to Kirishima's middle school? Or should I go with someone else to be his best friend in middle school. I don't wanna break up the DekuSquad. I love our trio... But maybe adding another person would be fun. Hatsume? I feel like that's overdone though, ngl.

-Imagine Izuku wearing cat eats cause Pixie-Bob totally decided he's part of their agency even if he won't go into rescue. Plus he does parkour- CAT.

-Shinji is very private about his family so imagine Izuku being Izuku and still stepping in for the sludge villain when it attacks Bakugou. Imagine Shinji screaming and then hugging him, saying he can't lose his brother. Imagine.

-I am really tempted to make Hana's boyfriend be Dabi and have this even MORE AU then normal.

#bnha #bnha au #the many siblings of izuku #kamui woods is izuku's bother #dabi may/may not be his brother in law #wait could I add hawks #can i add hawks? #should I add hawks? #unknown ninth sibling hawks?

[heycoyotegirl]

@fishyyyyy99 Starting a new post cause I didn't want the old one to get super long :P

I don't even know if the other sub ships Daxton, so much as they simply hate Ben. I'd even be okay with the hate if there wasn't so much censorship there. And the sub that I posted on definitely has a Benvi bias with a few Ben super fans (who didn't even really ship Benvi in the past) who post a huge amount about Ben. They don't hate Paxton, but they treat him like he's this boring, uninteresting character which I completely disagree with.

Yeah, I get deleting comments if they're unnecessarily rude/clearly trolls/arguing in bad faith, but it'd be nice if there was a reason given, so it doesn't seem like people's comments are being deleted just because they have opposing views. I did see a couple people hating on Paxton in a post on the Ben stan subreddit, but that could've just been an outlier. I admittedly haven't spent a lot of time on there because I a) don't use reddit that often in general and b) found the fixation on Jaren Lewison kinda weird and off-putting. Either way, Paxton is definitely an interesting character if you're willing to look past the fact that he's more introverted/reserved than Ben and Devi.

While it's fun to read the analyses of Ben on the Ben stan subreddit, it does not scratch my itch to read detailed analyses of other characters so I'm glad I found you.

Aw thanks!! Sorry I’m not faster at replying lol

Thank you for acknowledging that a good love triangle has two viable romantic options. Benvi was always more enjoyable to me because of the existence of Daxton. Ben is fun to watch when he does all that pining. As for why I prefer Benvi to Daxton, before I even knew that Benvi was going to be a ship, I wanted them to be a ship because I love enemies to lovers. And I always loved their friendship. But especially in season 3, Ben and Devi started reminding me of my best friend and myself (whom I'd definitely be very attracted to, if I were attracted to girls).

That’s fair! And you’re definitely right about Ben being at his best when he’s pining.

I normally enjoy enemies to lovers, but Ben and Devi don’t totally hit the beats I tend to want with that trope. And since it’s not my absolute favorite trope (that’d be fake dating), I was more looking at which guy’s personality/vibes seemed to mesh better with Devi’s, and imo, that was Paxton.

Also I felt like what Ben really needed was stable friendships (and therapy), rather than a romantic relationship. To me, Benvi felt like they were at their healthiest and most mutually beneficial when they were just friends. Whenever they were together—or trying to get together—it just seemed to create problems and conflict.

(I’m happy to elaborate on any of this; I just didn’t want to be anti Benvi unprompted lol)

Ben and Devi seemed to really enjoy each other's company in a way that they never enjoyed anyone else's (I know that not everyone may agree with this)

Yeah, my knee-jerk reaction is to disagree lol, but do you have examples/scenes that give you that impression? Ironically, I was grieving for a good chunk of last year (not a parent; don’t worry), which made my already not-great memory even worse, so my recollection for season 3 is spotty.

and they just retreat into their own world which really reminds me of how I am with my best friend even though we don't have a banter-y dynamic like Benvi. That really, really sealed the deal for me. To me, season 3 Benvi is basically just best friends to lovers and I really want my boyfriend to be my best friend too.

Huh, I’ve never thought about this before, but I wonder if the reason Benvi’s banter doesn’t always land for me is because I have a banter-y relationship with my friends (and my academic rivals back when I was in high school), so I’m more picky about how banter is written.

Now that you mention it, I agree that Lindsey's interest in Paxton was not well-developed, but I assumed it had to do with what he did for Eric.

Yeah, I figured it was because he helped Eric, but I still didn’t believe it. Like, she’s at least 22* and meets Paxton when he’s 18**, which is the same age that some of her students will be by the end of the year, since she’s teaching a senior class. And she literally calls him out for his immaturity and then less than six months later starts dating him??

She’s wanted to be a high school teacher since she was in high school, so it feels kinda creepy/like a lack of boundaries that she’d be willing to date someone who, only a year ago, was a student at the school where she’s teaching. Especially since it’s not like Paxton knew that college wasn’t for him and confidently entered the workforce. He’s abandoning his goals and floundering around trying to figure out his life. Even when he goes back to college, he’s still in that weird, not-quite-an-adult period, where he’s still figuring out how to be independent. Which is a hugely different stage of life than Lindsay, who’s a college graduate pursuing her career goals. (And that doesn't even get into the whole long distance thing)

I dated someone one (1) year younger than me when we were both in university, and I sometimes felt like he was annoyingly immature. If I wanted to be a teacher in a high school, I would have a hardline stance about only dating people closer to my age than students’ age. Also imagine if the genders were swapped and it was a guy who had graduated college who ended up with a teenage girl after influencing her life goals? People would have way more issues with the pair.

A mentor-mentee relationship would’ve made much more sense. And, honestly, Lindsay doesn’t have any narrative significance beyond “Paxton’s girlfriend” that couldn’t be filled by another character. Becca or Devi could’ve called him out for being immature and/or giving up on his goals. Devi’s tutoring and encouragement in season 2 could’ve inspired him to pursue a career in teaching. Or it could’ve been Mr. Shapiro who convinced him to become a teacher—Facing History was the first class that Paxton really pushed himself and succeeded in, after all.

Also, it just feels kind of gross to pair Paxton up with an older, much more mature woman, after all the weird sexualization and cougar attention throughout the show.

*I was curious, so I checked the California Commission on Teacher Credentialing, and she'd either need a baccalaureate (for a CL-505p Substitute Teaching Permit) or to still be enrolled in a four-year school, which we know she isn't, since she said she graduated. But with a permit, substitutes can only cover for a teacher for 60 cumulative days. And since she seems to be working there for pretty much the entire school year, she probably has full teaching credentials, which could add at least a year to her time at college.

**I did the math, and his birthday would be December or early/mid January

I will say that I was really annoyed that they made such a huge deal of her slow-mo entry because it felt to me like they were undermining his feelings for Devi. But I've since become okay with it because even Des had a slow-mo entry for Devi and we all know that that was NOT the superior relationship.

Honestly, the slow-mo entry thing seemed weird to me, too. I think it felt like a Devi-specific quirk, 'cause she always cared about looks and popularity more than the other characters. It both felt ooc for Paxton and like they were doubling down on the physical attraction to make up for the fact that the emotional connection between them hadn't really been that well developed.

I was actually okay with Devi not actively pursuing anyone in season 4. I feel like she finally was okay with not being in a relationship and would have been happy even if Ben hadn't come and confessed his love to her. She knew what she wanted and had already asked him out, he was the one who had to work through his issues in season 4. She was even happier to be with Ben but would have been happy single too. And I liked that. It showed growth to me. However, I do wish that there had been a scene in which Paxton had actually expressed interest in pursuing a relationship with her (it's a pity the teacher thing prevented that), and she actually had to make a choice about whether she wanted to pursue that or not. I'd have felt the same way even if Daxton was endgame. I'd have wanted Ben to make his interest known and for Devi to actually have to either reject him or Paxton.

Oh, I didn’t mean that I wanted her to actively be chasing after a guy; you actually articulated my point better than I did: Her rejecting Paxton should’ve been solely her choice, rather than something influenced by the situation. Because as it stands, we don’t actually know if she would’ve rejected him in s4 if his job hadn’t been a factor. It takes away some of her agency to make decisions about her love life if one of her possible choices would get someone fired.

I think it probably would've made sense to have a scene where El and Fab ask if she's crushing on anyone after her breakup with Ethan and have her say that she's happy to focus on school/hang out with them and find some guy in college. (Or a scene with Dr. Ryan that conveyed the same message.) Devi spent the past three seasons chasing after guys, so it'd be nice to have it be in the text that she doesn't feel the need to do that anymore, rather than having it be subtext.

Like, I don’t have any issue with her pining after Ben, but there were times when she seemed more resigned to the fact that nothing would happen with him towards the end of season 4, rather than actually content and comfortable being single.

Also, I agree that Daxton wasn't well-represented platonically in season 4 either. They really did Daxton dirty.

Literally every scene with them could've been platonic (at least on Devi's side) as long as they kept the emotional depth of their friendship, and I would've been happier with the season. I feel like a lot of the relationships this season were either completely forgotten about or sidelined/shallower than past seasons, which was super disappointing.

#my post #nhie discussion #anti benvi #(not really but I didn't feel like censoring the post so it's gonna show up in search and i don't want people to get mad at me) #this post is so 2012!tumblr of me #tbt to when you couldn’t reply to your own post so you’d create a new post linking back to the first just to say ‘thanks’ to someone

[penig]

Scot’s The Talisman Readalong

Seems I’m putting more literature than sims on here right now, but it’s not my fault Dracula Daily happened or that I’m stalled doing sims writing right now, which was a legit response to the August I had (I think I’m almost ready to go back to Widespot, but almost isn’t yet and also the game is crashing a lot), and @oldshrewsburyian seems to feel lonesome in her Talisman Readalong comments, so I may as well spill what I’ve got.

I haven’t read The Talisman before. Ivanhoe didn’t blow me away enough at 13 (unlike Dickens at 12 and 13, when I read all the novels in chronological order; I think Scot just isn’t funny enough to appeal to middle-school me) to tempt me on to a novel about the Crusades, a series of wars I’ve always considered particularly stupid, even back then. But now that I’m in my 60s I figured, eh, why not? The e-book was only 99 cents. I’m reading slowly on purpose, interspersing it with queer historical romances, so as not to run ahead of the book group, which does seem to be rather small. Next chapter for me is X, so I have the brakes on. At the moment nothing profound has struck me, but I find that I keep running it past middle-school me, which I don’t normally do even when reading books written for her age group, which pads out the ideas a bit.

• Middle-school me is sitting up and taking notice of the Saracen, the eastern cavalier, the Moslem, the Emir, the eastern warrior - wow, these two have fought, called truce, eaten and drunk together, exchanged highly personal views on things like marriage and religion, and agreed to travel together awhile before, in Ch. III, one of them finally brings up the question of what their names are. Sir Kenneth, Knight of the Leopard, though obviously the hero (being not only Christian but blond and Scottish), is a bore, of pedestrian wit at best, and kind of a jerk, but Sheerkouf, Lion of the Mountain, is suave and sassy and potential crush material. I’m afraid middle-school me has so far drunk the milk of imperialism unawares as to have had a bit of a fetish for the Exotic. Even grownup me hopes devoutly for the whole enemies-to-friends process and will be disappointed if he doesn’t play a major, crushworthy, role in the book. • Ooh, Sheerkouf is part djinn! Definitely crush material, please feature him enough in this story to give middle-school me something to work with! • The hermit, however, needs therapy. You don’t scourge yourself like that if you don’t. Repentance is all very well but it does no one any good without atonement and how is he supposed to do anything constructive to atone out here in the middle of nowhere? Torturing yourself is not a virtue, dude - get off your ass and feed the poor or something. Preferably something that addresses the sort of wrong you did in order to get so down on yourself. (That’s all grown up me; middle-school me had not yet considered this question at all, ever.) Presumably his great sin will be revealed as plot-relevant at some point, or it’d hardly be made such a mystery of now. • Rats! After the djinn bit I was half ready to believe Sir Walter was giving Sir Kenneth actual miraculous visions. I would have had less trouble suspending my belief about the secret door if there’d been miraculous visions, but now I’m asking all sorts of inconvenient questions about who made the chapel and why these women are here and where they’re hiding and where’s their knightly escort and where’d the rosebuds come from, because I doubt very much roses bloom in the landscape described? The fact that one of them is Sir Kenneth’s lady love to whom he has never spoken and whose history and interior life we get a rundown on without any indication that the woman can speak doesn’t help. Edith - her name is Edith, supporting my contention that one generation’s dowdy middle-aged name became so due to a previous generation’s conviction that it was Romantic causing them to give it to too many girls who turned out to be ordinary women. I hope she gets to say and do a few things before the book ends. • I also notice that Sir Kenneth is doing the whole courtly love pure and chaste from afar thing and Edith has more real-world ideas on the subject. • Middle-school me is angry at Scot for calling the dwarfs ugly and talking about their behavior and conversation as if he assumes it to be natural to them and not a show put on, passive-aggressively, when big people are around. I bet they sweep that floor perfectly well when they don’t have an audience. But this is what knights and such people think dwarfs are like so by golly they’ll just be like that. Presumably they’ll have a role to play later, too, and I cringe in anticipation. • And then we change scene to the English camp and Richard the Lion-Heart. I’ve never really liked Richard the Lion-Heart. He wasn’t a very good king, as far as I can tell. And he’s not making any great impression on me here, either. • Wow, Sir Kenneth is humble and practical enough to live in the same miserable tent as his squire and servant and dog, and to give his sick squire the good bed, but also proud enough to insist on retaining as much ground in the camp as he needed when he had a proper knightly following. That’s actual character stuff beyond “valiant knight of his time,” good for him. • Finally getting some exposition on things like what Sir Kenneth’s mission was and where the women in the Chapel came from is not helping me buy into them particularly. How the heck did so many of the women in camp, including Richard’s wife, just slip out (and presumably back in again by now) without causing a huge stir and gossip? • Wait - Engeddi? That whole hermit/secret chapel business is in the plains of Engeddi? As in Vineyards of Engeddi? From the Song of Solomon? Hoo boy, if you’ve ever read the Song of Solomon this knowledge definitely puts a more down-to-earth spin on Sir Kenneth/Edith, whether he acknowledges it or not. • And King Richard isn’t buying the whole courtly love deal, either, from the hints he’s dropping, which is hard lines on Kenny boy, who is not, in fact, daring to hope for anything even as tangible as those rosebuds. (Where are those, anyhow? No way he just tossed them out. Are they dried somewhere in his luggage, or concealed next to his heart, waiting for a crucial moment to fall out of it?) • Wow, this whole camp is a nest of jocks and vipers, huh? This sort of thing is exactly why I think of the Crusades as a series of train wrecks that never should’ve happened. • The physician is behaving really well in the face of a lot of rudeness. Just give the king some medicine already! I hope we go to Saladin’s camp. His entourage can’t be any worse than this, and Sheerkouf is presumably there. Definitely the most attractive character so far. There’s nothing particularly wrong with Sir Ken but there’s nothing particularly right with him so far, either, except for taking care of his people.

#The Talisman #literature #medievalism readalong #reading with an earlier version of myself

[borathae]

Hey sibi, I’m kinda new to your blog and saw that you’re demisexual. For a while I’ve realised I’m also demisexual but just never put a label on it and always called myself “selective” with people. It kinda took me a while to come to terms with this cos I thought I was fucked up for not wanting to engage in hookup culture and have struggled to find someone because of that. You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to but I wondered if you wanted to share your experience being demisexual too?

I am hehe! I love being demisexual. I never really felt bad or "broken" for not wanting to engage in hookup culture because I have always been incredibly introverted and even before knowing I was demi I hated nothing more than the thought of onenight stands or hookups. Back then I just "blamed" it on my introversion. So not engaging in those things have always been normal to me and honestly they are normal idk why society thinks you have to do that when it reality you really don't lmao. Like, do you even know how many "pregnancy scares" or "STD/Is scares" I witnessed through my high school friends who did engage in onenight stands. Like, I already bought 5 Plan Bs, not for myself but some of my ex-friends who once again fucked a stranger without a condom fajdsjfa. Like no thank you Sir, I rather not. Just do what you feel comfortable with. Period.

No but on another note. So for me it was always normal that I didn't want to fuck strangers, let alone kiss them or lets be honest even engage with them cause drunk straight Austrian men are yuck. And then I realised that I legit feel no actual sexual attraction to people in general except for when I have a romantic emotional connection with them (it always takes me at least four to five months to want to sleep with a partner and that's only when they actually have positively affected me emotionally. If not, then honey you're not even gonna see me naked lol).

I would honestly recommend really getting to know how you can get yourself off. Obviously only if you are comfortable with masturbation. But legit, ever since I learned how I can make myself shake on my own, I realised that sex with other people is so overrated HAHAHA I haven't actively searched for a relationship since a few years now just because I'm having so much fun with myself fjadjf like who gives the best dick? that be me bitch. And my social contacts I get through hanging out with my friends. I have very deep connections with my friends and quite frankly, I don't really miss relationships? you know being in a romantic relationship isn't everything, I learned that and now I'm not looking. If the dream man does come around and sweep me off my feet I'm not gonna complain, but for now Imma jerk off like wild and meet my friends HAHAHAH

#asks #anon #sex ed

[anime-lover-forever-1127]

Klaroline ABC - Allure of Darkness

Allure of Darkness

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Disclaimer - (Cause fanfiction is tricky ground and I hope not to offend the creator of the original story and get sued)

I do not own "The Vampire Diaries", it belongs to its original creator Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, and L. J. Smith. This is only a fanfiction, it is a piece of nonprofit work - that I was inspired to write by the original work. Please support the official release of "The Vampire Diaries". All of the characters come from the original work, a lot of the lines/text/scenes come from it as well. Most of the media - such as the art and illustrations, gifs, video's, etc. used in this fanfiction - are from the web. To fit the story, images can/are also edited (usually by me) using various apps and websites. So these images aren't mine; just edited a lot of the time.

Also if you own a picture or Video that I found online, and you either want your name added, or me to take it down. Please contact me and we can talk it out. P.s. I also ask that you do not copy my work and/or publish it onto any other website.

Warnings: mild Elena bashing, I am writing this through Klaroline tinted glasses - well being high on Klaroline ;) (This is a Joke - Know it kind of ruins the joke - But to be clear I'm not really high), Spoilers for The Vampire Diaries Season 4 Episode 17, Some angst - because this was the episode that Klaus was a complete jerk to Caroline (And regretted it literally as soon as the words left his mouth)

Word Count: 2.1k

Prompt/Summary: Allure of Darkness ~ Do I really need to say more?... Yeah, I may need to... It's basically me writing (So you can really feel it) my version of the "Allure of Darkness" (and two more) scene(s) with a lot of Klaroline.

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Today's Special

"The dance between darkness and light will always remain— the stars and the moon will always need the darkness to be seen, the darkness will just not be worth having without the moon and the stars."

~C. JoyBell C.

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"Don't underestimate the allure of darkness, Stefan." I said, my eyes meeting Caroline's as she glanced at me, her finger pausing on the corner of the page, unable to continue its action. "Even the purest hearts are drawn to it."

I completely tuned out Stefan, my senses only focused on the blond beauty next to the bookcase.

Her heart beat had sped up, but her chest stopped moving as her breath got caught in her lungs.

I couldn't stop my lips from turning up in a triumphant smile, my words clearly had an effect on her.

Stefan broke the tension in the room that was beginning to generate by laughing it off.

"Still, I'm sure it'll all be fine." I said casually, letting my hands drop to my lap.

Caroline snapped out her trance, "I- I think I found something." She said, struggling to regain her composure, but she couldn't keep out the breathlessness from her voice, not completely.

She carried the large book over to the desk, "Symbolic Figures In The Dark Arts. Didn't Bonnie talk about Expression Triangles?" She asked. "Here."

I sat up straighter, didn't Kol go on about Expression Triangles, and how witches on Expression were no different than rabid animals.

Caroline pointed at a large, intricate drawing of a triangle. Stefan glanced at the text on the other page, "In some schools of magic such as Expression, human sacrifice can be used as a focus for power. It is rumored that the addition of two supernatural sacrifices compounds the mystical energy, creating an Expression Triangle."

Caroline's fingers trailed over the pages, "Humans", she said, pointing at the top of the triangle, "That was the council fire." Her finger then traveled to another symbol, "Demons, Klaus' hybrid failures."

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a failure." I scoffed, "What's the third?"

Caroline's eyes widened as she brought her hands to her mouth, "Oh, no."

My eyes glanced at the page, and let out a huff. This wouldn't be good.

The Bennett witch was missing, and Silas likely had his claws in the teenage love sick witch that would once again so everything to ensure bloody Elena Gilbert's happiness.

"Bloody witches." I cursed.

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Caroline and I were walking through the woods, towards the location of one of the potential sights of the last sacrifice.

For the past five minutes she kept trying to convince me to let her lead, "I just want to see where we are."

"You know, when we split up you did have the option of going with Stefan." I reminded her, not looking up from my phone. As simple as the suggestion was, I was glad she had chosen to come with me.

Ripper Stefan may have saved my life, but currently, I wouldn't trust him with a goldfish, because unless the fish suddenly transformed into Elena Gilbert, Stefan would hardly pay it any intention. So I had absolutely no desire to intrust Caroline's safety to him, when we had a two thousand year old immortal on the loose.

"Yeah? And leave Bonnie's life in your hands? Fat chance." Caroline scoffed. "Do you even know how to read a map?" She asked.

I slid my phone into my pocket and rolled my eyes. "Yes," Honestly, I was alive when the notion of maps were invented, I was alive as continents were newly discovered. "And do you know who taught me? My friend Magellan."

"Wow! You had a friend." The blond said, in a fake amazed voice. "Was he drawn to your darkness, too?"

I smirked, my words had stuck with her. They are having a lasting effect on her. "Actually, I was referring to Damon and Elena when I said that," I teased, poking around to see just how deep those words had hit. "but clearly it struck a chord with you."

"It's because it's not true!" She denied, not even believing her own lie. "There is no allure to darkness."

I stopped walking and turned around to look her in the eyes. "Really?" I asked in disbelief. "So you've never felt the attraction that comes when someone who's capable of doing terrible things for some reason cares only about you?" This wasn't about the doppelganger or her brother of the week. This is about us.

"I did once," She admitted, allowing me to hope, but she crushed it with what she said after, "but it turns out some people can't be fixed. People who do terrible things are just terrible people."

I forced myself to put on my usual mask of indifference, because if I didn't, she would clearly see the hurt I felt when she took back her words.

"We're here," I sold her in an hard voice, causing her to flinch slightly, "although judging by the lack of witches, here is not the correct location."

----------

Sunlight was beginning to shine through the trees when I finally finished digging all 12 gravels. Caroline was sitting on a rock nearby, lost in thought about what she just did.

[Klaus and Caroline are in the woods. It's daylight. Klaus shoves a shovel into the ground while Caroline sits nearby.]

"There. Twelve graves for twelve witches." I said, throwing the shovel aside. "Like it never happened." I rolled down my sleeves and turned to face her, the broken look on her face nearly made me stop what I was about to say, but she needed to know exactly what her actions caused. "Only it did happen, and now Silas has everything he needs to open the gates to hell on earth."

"You were just gonna let Bonnie die." Caroline argued, trying to justify her actions.

" I know arithmetic isn't your strong point," I said, stalking towards her, "but one is still less than twelve."

Caroline stood up, angry, "Yeah, but that one is my best friend."

"You tell yourself whatever you need to so you can sleep at night." I said, giving her a cruel smile.

Caroline's eyes widened as what I said finally put her past the denil and angry stage and straight into the depression as the dreadful realization of her actions kicked in, "I just killed twelve people."

She began to gasp for breath, as tears began to well in her eyes.

"Hey." I said, placing my hands on her arms to still her,"Hey. You look like you're in need of comfort."

Caroline gave me a shaky nod, and raised her head to look me in the eyes, her wide blue eyes, glossing over with unspilled tears nearly made me stop, but the wound of her denial from only hours ago was still fresh, and fueled my angry, pushing me onward as I smiled cruelly at her, "Why don't you find someone less terrible you can relate to?"

Caroline paused for a moment, turning her face away from me so I wouldn't see her tears fall, and flashed away from the clearing.

I felt a lump form in my throat and regret claw at my chest as I smelled her lingering scent, for once my newfound hybrid scenes were a curse as I picked up on the lingering scent of the salt from her tears.

I let out a chuckle, the kind of laugh you let out when you can do nothing but laugh at your own foolishness.

I should know the allure of darkness the best, after all darkness and light can only coexist. You can't have darkness without light, but without the darkness, the light can't truly shine.

Despite everyone's contrary beliefs, it wasn't just her light that drew me to her, but the darkness that danced underneath that light that intrigued me.

When she's no longer tied down by the ones she calls friends, or their judgment, she'll make a magnificent vampire.

I know she will.

And I wanna be by her side and see it happen.

I want to be there with her.

Be by her side, every step of the way.

----------

[Glimpse Behind The Curtains, Into Caroline's Thoughts]:

"I did once," Caroline admitted, caught up in the little world that was just them for a single moment.

Where there was no doe-eyed elena to remind her that Klaus killed her Aunt Jenna and turned her into a walking blood bag.

That she was expected, that she was supposed to bury down her feelings for Klaus; will Elena walk around Damon, who Caroline still had nightmares about. when I thought he was worth it,

"but it turns out some people can't be fixed." Caroline added, quickly reminding herself that she couldn't let those feelings out. She saw a hint of hope in his eyes, that made what she said only worse.

She hated knowing that she was crushing his heart, but she knew if there was a single crack in the dam, the rest of them would just flood out.

And she couldn't deal with that now.

Not now.

Not with Elena wanting the cure, and Bonnie in danger. She had to push it all back, all for her friends. "People who do terrible things are just terrible people."

----------

Yes, I did basically recycle that summary. Who actually caught me from the beginning?

But yeah, easily one of my favorite lines from The Vampire Diaries, and even this ship. But mostly because I believe that it could actually apply to Caroline as well. (and there's definitely an appeal there - I so much as see a "Dark Klaus" or "Dark Caroline" tag, and my finger is clicking before I even read the summary). I was originally going to make it third person, but I thought it would be much better to see it from Klaus' eyes. (And I couldn't help but start writing Caroline's thoughts in there as well, so I figured it would be a fun little thing to throw in underneath it, since I already wrote it).

I also don't get how (More like why) Klaus screwed up the golden opportunity to get closer to Caroline (Especially considering he dug 12 graves for her that night). But if anyone actually saw the scene for even a second you could see that he regretted it the SECOND the world left his mouth!

Anyways,

KLAROLINE FOR LIFE BECAUSE I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP!

#klaroline #Klaroline ABC #Klaus Mikaelson #Caroline Forbes #Klaus #Caroline #tvd #tvd fanfiction #the vampire diaries #the vampire diaries fanfiction #fanfiction #Vampires #Hybrids #Witches #Bonnie #Mild Elena Bashing #Stefan Salvatore #KLAROLINE FOR LIFE BECAUSE I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP!

[redsoapbox]

Two More Acts Named for Have Yourselves a Merry Indie Christmas Volume I and Volume II

The first of today’s bands is New York’s Caramel Snow. The upside of working on a project such as this is that there is a very real possibility that you will discover a band or twelve that takes your fancy. When Christmas has come and gone, and I have a chance to listen to some non-holiday music, Caramel Snow will be on the shortlist of newly unearthed music that demands investigation. The band was kind enough to sketch out some background details of the song and a few thoughts on the art of songwriting for this blog: 

“The song is about a guy who falls in love with a homeless girl around Christmastime.  He can’t spend much time with her on Christmas Eve because his family is visiting for the holidays. He can’t bear the thought that she will likely be alone, out on the streets, in the cold, with a major storm predicted. He wants to protect her, but she doesn’t want his help. She has her pride and has earned the confidence that comes from being a survivor.  She is wisely apprehensive of men offering kindness.  He understands, but finds it difficult to accept, as his feelings for her are genuine.  He realizes he can’t give her anything without putting her in a position of unwilling obligation.  He sees that perhaps he is the one who is in need.  By the end of the song, she walks away, but pauses to smile back at him, hinting she might be coming around to appreciating his attention. 

When I was invited to contribute a Christmas song for an album to benefit the homeless, I immediately said yes, because a songwriter NEVER says No, and the cause appealed to me.  Once committed however, I was thinking Christmas = Happy Holidays!  Homelessness = Saddening Social Problem.  Could I address both in the same song without being preachy?  It would kill me to try and write a “We Are the World” type of bombastic, self-righteous anthem (no disrespect to the Richie/Jackson collabo).  Of course, “thinking” is the absolute worst way to approach songwriting.  After I stopped thinking about it, the idea just appeared, and also how to go about it.  Write about characters, and how their POV’s don’t quite align. Show don’t tell.  Don’t be abstract or analytical. Be general about feelings, but specific about details. Throw in a twist. Provide a resolution, but leave things open ended.  Anyway, I tried my best to follow those guidelines.  I hope this album project succeeds, and I look forward to hearing all the other submissions”. 

Massive thanks to the band for creating the song, “All Alone on Christmas Eve” especially for the album. Below is “A Dropout from the School of Love”.

caramel snow (caramelsnowmusic.blogspot.com)

Crocodiles

I only chanced upon Crocodiles just as the album was being finalised (many thanks to the band for coming on board in super-quick time), and in all honesty I haven’t had much of a chance to delve into their back catalogue either. However, during eight months of Xmas-related research, I’ve come to trust the incredible Christmas Underground 100%. Here’s what they had to say about the Crocodiles track that will appear on Have Yourselves a Merry Indie Christmas -

‘YES! Reinvigorated!!! San Diego’s Crocodiles have brought me back from the Christmas-mix brink with their rip-roaring “Christmas in Hell.” Sickness! Unemployment! Fascists! Jerks! Christmas! This is that song I needed to feel like my mix is going to happen this year’.

Meanwhile, here is “Wait Until Tomorrow”, another ace track from the band.

[chryzure-archive]

Got any spare ChrysiJacks pontypool au details? 👀

AAHHHHH //GOES CRAZY, GOES WILD//

right when the first horde of the infected came to the radio station, chrysi accidentally cut her hand while trying to drag jacks away from the horde. she’d gotten it caught in the door, and her cursing ended up being echoed by the horde—which really freaked her out.

that whole “those are my words. why are they saying my words?” is spoken from a very shell-shocked chrysi. that’s about the point when jacks knows that chrysi would never mess with him like this. that’s when he lets himself worry over her injury.

‘course, faye doesn’t like jacks, so she makes jacks go back on the air to relay the obituaries and gets pleck to grab the medical kit.

unseen by chrysi, jacks is worriedly looking at her through the sound booth’s windows whenever he can glance away from the list of deaths. this is not unseen by pleck, nor filly.

((unrelated to chrysijacks, but this is where faye starts getting super infected—via asking pleck to please grab the med kit, but she got stuck on “please”))

actually related to chrysijacks, jacks just about broke through the sound booth windows when dr. howe showed up and dragged chrysi away from the infected faye. partially because jacks was worried about this stranger and if he’d hurt chrysi, and very, very secretly because he was jealous that dr. howe was holding chrysi’s hand when he dragged her into the sound booth. he knows damn well that dr. howe is chrysi’s type, on paper (dark hair, dark eyes, glasses—jacks is fucked.)

then the guy gets infected and sacrifices himself, which is alright by jacks. good. he’d have been the one to kill (kill, kill, kill) howe himself if he’d stuck by chrysi’s side any longer.

oh yeah, jacks’s infection was also partially caused by his murderous jealousy :) yes, he felt rlly bad about killing that little girl, but he also wanted to kill the hot doctor. irritating.

anyway, after all the radio station stuff, when they get picked up by the scientists to be experimented on, chrysi and jacks take to whispering to each other in fated. initially, they thought it would be fine to talk to each other at a normal volume, since it would be in another language, but they got yelled at by the scientists. jerks.

but you know what? at least jacks gets to lean super close to chrysi and whisper and glance at her lips enough times for her to break out smiling, and whisper, in english, “do you want to kill?” YES, HE WOULD. HE WAS BEING SO VERY PATIENT AND SUBTLE, AND NOW HE GETS A LITTLE KISS AS A REWARD.

when chrysi figures out that jacks is missing music (everyone is, honestly—the scientists are very strict on keeping them in the most desolate, clinical setting possible, and everyone is just about to go insane), she manages to sneak into the room with loudspeakers and puts on a classic waltz.

when she gets in trouble, she very belligerently claims that there are no lyrics, and as such, no risk of further infection—and if they don’t want to have everyone speaking in english and infecting everyone, then they better start treating them a little better.

she managed to get more freedoms for the group in general—less of a lockdown situation, and more like a boarding school one. they can walk around the facility a bit more.

anyway, the music thing is important because chrysi and jacks like to dance together. again—lots of talking to each other very closely, and it always turns into kissing (killing). sometimes they’ll discuss their favorite songs in fated—which are rarely ever sung aloud, since music in particular is very potent magic in the fated tongue. and yes, they do sing sometimes. it’s very important.

technically everyone was given their own room, but chrysi is prone to sneaking into jacks’s room every night. jacks attempted to do the same, but he’s just not as sneaky as chrysi. he hasn’t figured out how she moves so silently and how she’s so unseen by the guards.

chrysi, in particular, really struggles with being held captive. she would rather be out there, helping the scientists study their captured subjects, or being out in the field and seeing what the infected do in the wild. after all, she spent the majority of the outbreak being trapped in a tiny radio station. her curiosity is killing her.

….you know, i actually haven’t considered what would happen were chrysi to actually get infected, but… honestly? i think jacks would be so desperate and panicked, since he knows how it feels to lose control over your own tongue.

i don’t really know what word chrysi would get stuck on, but i know that jacks finds it a lot more difficult to find a vaccine for it. he just holds her close and tries to will away the virus by sheer force alone.

if there weren’t anybody there, jacks would probably end up getting his throat ripped out by an infected chrysi. but that’s the bad end only.

because, let’s be real: jacks is more likely to get infected again than chrysi is to get infected. he’s a lot less prone to thinking his actions through.

#.asks #m.filly✨ #s.chrysijacks #pontypool au #i mostly like thinking abt the aesthetic of a white clinical dorm room #and chrysi and jacks still taking the time to dance together and enjoy themselves and be in love

[shrieking-banshee]

It's honestly incredible to me that people who treated you horribly throughout your childhood and teen years have the audacity to send you a friend request on social media.

None of them probably remember the horrible things they did but boy do I remember.

I remember my family crowded around the grave of our dog that my dad was digging and us being heckled and mocked by a neighbor girl. We were all going through a hard time, especially my dad. It was his dog. He ended up throwing the shovel on the ground and running after the little jerk. This same person used to bully and relentlessly harass my brother and myself. This same person caused a lot of grief and misery for the other neighborhood kids. She was a menace through most of my childhood and yet she dropped me a friend request. Hell no.

This girls sister also tried to friend me, her sister is a psychopath who tried multiple times to murder and harm peoples pets in our neighborhood. She was a sicko and it terrifies me that she has a child now. Nobody who enjoys torturing and killing animals should be within a mile of a child. I hate their entire family if I'm being honest, they were all awful.

I remember the girl who stole my school supplies through out elementary school, even though my family could barely afford what we had. She kept stealing my shit and at lunch time I would have to sneak back to the classroom and rummage through her desk to take my things back. I remember through out middle school that same girl was a bully, she took every opportunity to be as nasty to me as possible, every opportunity to try to get me in trouble with the principal and/or vice principal. One time she did succeed and I ended up in ISS for almost a week over something that was not her business at all. She was a serial thief, a liar, a generally cruel and nasty person. She dropped me a friend request the other day actually, which gave me the opportunity to block her, so I did.

I wish these assholes would not find me. I don't want to even remember they're alive. I don't want to know that they have reproduced and have children they probably treat like shit or are turning into just as toxic people as they are. I would just simply like to live my life without being reminded these people exist.

#*banshee screams #*past drama tbh

[foxymoxynoona]

one thing i've noticed about myself reading your posts is that i have very high standards (i don't think that's a good thing 😭) damn. i've started to notice that the only fanfics i've been able to finish are the ones where jk stays true to his feelings for oc. let me explain, when our pitbull hybrid, jk, received an offer to have a rutting partner, he said no. and i know the whole context, i know that if he accepted it wouldn't be a betrayal with oc because they had nothing and for a hybrid having a rutting partner doesn't mean romance! i know that perfectly well, but if he accepted, knowing that he could go through it alone (even if it was and it was heavy) even so, if he accepted, he wouldn't be being true to his feelings, he wanted oc, he imagined her all the time, he wanted her long before he realized it and long before she knew and they got involved, i really can't express how deep and adorable i find this character. he could very well have stayed just to relieve himself and it wouldn't have meant anything, right? but i really think he would have felt bad about himself afterwards, that he would have felt bad for going against his feelings, and if at some point, before getting involved with oc, he thought she liked him, i think he would have felt bad too for maybe hurting her "feelings". like i said, i understand the whole context, i know the theme was a hybrid fanfic, and i know that in real life many men don't have that sensitivity towards themselves. but it was such a beautiful thing to see in your work about the indigo sea and something i also noticed in your work about the lonely blue egg, oook that penguin was a bit of a jerk to my little oc bird, even though he was dazzled by a purebred penguin that he always wanted, many people may have different opinions, but I believe that he felt empathy, and was faithful to the principle that you don't hurt or lie to a woman you care about, even if everything there was misunderstood. What I see lacking a lot is respecting a person as a human being and having the principles of not lying, not hurting, genuinely caring, having empathy… all these things. Anyway, I'm going to end here because I think it was all very confusing, and it sounded a bit misandric but I swear it's not, it's just that speaking in a more generalized way is easier 💖

I had a LOT of time to think about this during school drop off this morning LOL and sorry you're getting my soap box 😂

This possessiveness of all a partner's physical/romantic exerience is a really interesting concept --and also one that can cause a lot of damage in real life. It's obviously something that gets romanticized a lot in writing --even in my own writing, as you point out! There's just something so good about a man who loves his one woman more than anything else in the world! And vice versa, of course! But I have some thoughts!

I think this romantic theme/trope has some roots in harmful gender stereotypes that state a woman's love is pure and wholesome and her whole life and a man's is fickle and insincere and a means to an end. So we fictionalize men who "love" like women. This is unfair to men (who are not incapable of body-consuming love as a rule) and women (who can and do prioritize other things in their lives above romantic attachment.)

I think some possessiveness of partner has roots in competition for resources that dates aaaaall the way back to our primate ancestors. I have a hypothesis that for many folks as they get older and have security in romantic relationships, this eases up. I can remember feeling sick at the idea of my crush havign any romantic entanglement with someone else. I also grew up in a very restrictive purity culture religion.

Which sort of ties to point one, that I think there's something comforting in seeing a man live in the "don't be a slut" rules that society really presses for women. The opposite --accepting that multiple past or even future romantic & sexual relationships have absolutely no bearing on the depth or sincerity of a current relationship-- is scarier to those of us who were raised on those rules, I think, because there's morality involved. Having multiple relationships (obviously not secretly at the same time lol!) is morally neutral but many cultures, religion, and patriarchy apply moral rules to it.

I won't keep going LOL. And this is definitely not to say we can't or shouldn't read or write this kind of stuff. Read your comfort stories! Bask in tales of what you find romantic and comforting! Whether that's something like this of dead dove do not eat stories, stories can be anything. Ban no books.

I just also know I like to break analyze and break through things like this with my writing 😎 and now you've got my really thoughtful about how my own upbringing and my adult process of working away from that "moralizing" still crops up in my stories, or how that comes across even if I think I'm playing with different concepts. I think this happens a lot in fandom! You get soulmate fics or fuckboy fics and not as many right in the middle of "hey most people are going to have multiple relationships in their life." SO prepare for that even though you said you don't liek that LOL SORRY 😘

Thank you for giving me so much to think about in the school drop off!

#asks #anonymous #personal #my writing #sea of indigo