#no u dont understand this is EVERYTHINg to me its EVERYTHING | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elftwink · 9 months

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to preface this post i am anti-advertising i think we should explode the entire industry but it's sooo funny when you people make posts like "and they don't even work!!" like. sorry to be the bearer of bad news but yes they do. that's why we have to put up with so many despite everyone hating them and thinking its annoying. because they actually work really well and make a shit load of money

#it actually would be way better if they didnt work and made no money bc businesses would abandon them #this isnt like stocks where everythings abstract and is essentially gambling (i dont understand stocks)#like ppl in the ad industry create things. that make a tangible and quantifiable impact on the business #which is then used in further ad planning. it is NOT all smoke and mirrors #like its fake in that the industry is not providing a necessary service the way like. grocery stores are #but its not the level of fake where everything is abstract like theres deliverables #moreover there is an extensive body of academic work specifically on how to make ads more effective #ALSO i think some of u views ads like. as if they have a win condition. which is you buy product #but in current advertising this is pretty rare and comparatively ineffective #which is why you see MANY ads which dont seem to be selling anything in particular. or which have nothing all to do with the product #the 'win' condition for THAT kind of ad is something more like 'viewers remember our name'#like. ex i would say ads for temu have not been effective on me bc i havent bought anything from them #but temu probably thinks they were SUPER effective on me because i talked abt them like 5 different times at work #and i do in fact know exactly what the company does and what they sell #and they were able to capitalize on the reputations of existing companies (wish shein etc) to build their own brand #good idea generator

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saturnniidae · 2 months

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"I should've seen the signs" I feel like Stoick was basically reliving the way he lost Valka.

To him, after a lifetime of wanting nothing but to kill a dragon, Hiccup's suddenly and inexplicably changed his mind. To him, Hiccup saying he can't kill them is just like when Valka refused to and tried convincing others as well, then as a result was 'killed' by one herself.

To him, way Hiccup tossed his weapon and shield to the side then approached Hookfang while speaking about how dragons aren't what people think they are probably bares an uncomfortable resemblance to the way Valka put down her weapon and stared a dragon in the eyes and as a result was taken.

To him, attempting to do anything but preemptively defend yourself against a dragon will only end in tragedy, so he has to do anything he can to stop Hiccup before it's too late.

(And just like with Valka, he unintentionally escalated the situation by trying to protect Hiccup but only agitated the dragon, causing it to panic and react, inadvertently putting someone he loves in danger. again)

Stoick of course, wasn't acting rationally, but it makes sense when you think about how traumatizing Valka's 'death' must've been for him (and how much Hiccup reminss him of her); he watched her get taken, presumably killed, and couldn't do anything about it.

#THE PARALLEL GHSSHRBFK THE PARALLELS #'so everything in the ring was a trick? a lie?' he was so elated when he though hiccup was finally taking after him #he convinced himself so hard that This was the real hiccup he's finnaly going to be a proper viking a real member of the tribe #and he was so proud and glad he finally had something he could connect with his son over #but again he'd convinced himself of all that. he completely ignored everything hiccup had to say #in his eagerness to actually be a Family to actually bond with his child #he was so stuck with this fake image of Hiccup the Dragon Slayer he'd convinced himself of to the point #when it all fell through he felt almost betrayed #betrayed and scared #scared he made a horrible irrational and emotionally charged decision of essentially disowning his son #im not saying stoicks a good parent. hes not. but hes trying and alone and taking care of an entire village as well as hiccup #and all the unprocessed trauma and emotional repression #hes not great but hes not bad either. hes trying.#hes trying and its not enough but at least it got better #i love stoick #parents of autistic kids they dont understand moment #httyd #stoick the vast #stoick haddock #hiccup haddock #valka haddock #httyd analysis #maybe?#hiccup horrendous haddock iii #haddock family #moth.txt #also pls dont tell me abt how valka and the 2nd movie wasnt planned yet. ik that but i like expanding on things #and pondering a characters reasoning for certain decisions bc its fun and makes them all the more fascinating #post rewatch 1am thoughts go crazy (sorry if any of this is like redundant or confusing. im tired) if u read the tags ily

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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lemongogo · 5 months

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can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3

#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists #chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it #i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim #like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations #but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know #like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness #and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty #and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete #and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better #but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard #and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel #one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing #but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping #so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands #but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing #fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht #but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time #SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach #sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)

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disgustinggf · 1 year

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people on this app are funny cuz like u do understand people can be single by choice right? and even if its not by choice theres nothing wrong w that?

#yall have to understand that relationships arent everything #im sorry ur so hurt that i dont wna get to know ppl here #(or irl for that matter)#but trying to put me down cuz im single is funny cuz i could pull ur mom nd ur dad #ur favourite tumblrinas #and also ur friends (well if u had any cuz its clear that u dont if u spend ur day harassing random girls on tumblr)#i just dont want that atm #personal txt

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7roaches · 4 months

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sorrry ppl who donr follow me for utmv dtuff & sorry canon-strict ppll but nm & killer r soo incredibly important to me can u imagine being the embodiment the literal proof that there is bad and pain in this world or being the loowest of the low & then you have a silly bestfriend who u loveclove love lovr love so mjch & ur so fucked up u dont know where u end & your reluctant life purpose begins but u have a silly bestrfriend who wraps your wounds and youure all he reallyneeds & hes all you really need do you get it. do you get it. do you get it.

#cool posts #delete later maybe #utmv #nightmare sans #killer sans #‘they hate eachither in canon’ I DONT CARE 🔥🔥🔥 ‘they only like being evil’ I DONT CARE 🔥🔥🔥🔥#actually thats not true i do care that they r evil & i do think theyre evil & like being evil #theyvhate eachother sobmuch they love eachother so much they r indifferent to the other theyvwoukd kill eachother for a greater purpose #they have to see eachothers faces every day for decades mimicing some memory of the past they get to see eachothers faces every day with the #warmth accumulated over being obligated tonsokeone for so long hed saw off his arm if he was chained to him hed take a bullet for him & he h #as before and will again and agoan and again #DO YOU GET IT. DO YOU GET IT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND #i have have have to draw this out words arent enough i canr explain clearly enough they r such deep in depth characters to me.#just interpret everything i say as correct #its also 1am. but i canr forget this i have to type it out even if its shittty #what daydreammjng every wakng moment for 6 years about 2 guys does to a mf #i also think this applies no mayter how u interpret their relationship #ok ok ok i’m ok im fine im normal im so normal im done

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sc3n3kitt3h · 1 year

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IM LIKE IF A BOY WAS A MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL WAS A SCENE FAG

#SCENE ART #FUNKY COOL ART #T SLUR TW #F SLUR TW #CONTEXT: MY MOM CALLED ME A TRANNY AND A FAGGOT DURING AN ARGUEMENT WITH ME AND HER AND MY DAD #IT DOESNT REALLY BOTHER ME ANYMORE THEYRE DUMB AND CONFUSED AND THEY ONLY LISTEN TO FOX NEWS ABOUT ANYTHING EVER #AND THEY THINK MY BABY FOOD MADE ME AUTISTIC #SO THEIR OPINION ON MY IDENTITY IS STUPID AND WRONG #ANYWAYS I WAS KINDA PISSY ABOUT IT SO I MADE SOMETHING KINDA EZ TO FEEL BETTER AND GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF DOING DIGITAL ART #CUZ IM STILL GETTING USED 2 MY NEW TABLET!!!!!!!!! SIMILAR MODEL SO ITS NO BIGGIE BUT STILL #ANYWAYS IF U COULDNT TELL IM IN A BIG CAPSLOCK MOOD TODAY 4 WHATEVR REASON LAWLZ #ANYWAYS ANYWAYS YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! POSITIVE VENT THING IF U WANNA CALL IT THAT #IM NOT SAD ANYMORE CUZ I HAVE FRIENDS AND THEY THINK IM COOL!!!!!!!! AND I THINK IM COOL TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I FINALLY LOVE MYSELF AND ITS SO POGGERS IT WAS SO WORTH IT #AS IN EVERYTHING WAS!!!!!!#AND THIS IS VERY VAGUE BUT THATS FINE CUZ I DONT REALLY WANT ANYONE ON HERE 2 UNDERSTAND LOLZ. OR AT LEAST ALL THE RANDOS FOLLOWING ME #ILY ALL IDK WHO U R THO XD AND U DONT HAVE 2 KNOW MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE STORY #BUT I DO WANT IT TO BE KNOWN SOMEWHERE THAT IM VERY HAPPY AND EXCITED TO BE ALIVE DESPITE EVERYTHING THATS HAPPENED #AS IN EVERYTHING YOU ALL DONT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT #AND I FINALLY LOVE MYSELF AS MUCH AS I LOVE EVERYONE ELSE EVER EVEN MY DUMBFUCK PARENTS!!!!!!!!!#IM SO HAPPY IM ALIVE IM SO HAPPY UR ALIVE TOO :) EVEN IF I DONT KNOW WHO U R (IDK WHO IS AND ISNT READING THIS)#SO I HOPE UR ALL HAPPY WITH URSELVES 2 AND IF UR NOT I HOPE U CAN BE ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AND SPEAKING OF DAYS (AS IN 12AM FOR ME AS OF TYPING THIS) I HOPE U HAVE A GOOD 1 TODAY >:D <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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opikiquu · 1 month

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im going to be so annoying all week

#agghagahah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HYYESAAHHHH #★ arin rambles #BRO BRO PLEASLE #PELASE #my apology for everyone. I have to make it now . Sorry. If youre following me destroy that notif button you dont wanna hear how worse i will #get #actually no just Unfollow entirely #ITS THE ADHD #PLEASE. HE IS SO . COOL. his trailer is so awesome IVE REWATECHED IT 3 TIME SNOW.#I LOVE HIMMMMMMM SO MUCHHHHH #I LOVE HIM SO BAD I JUST ADORE HIM PLEASE #HES SO PRETTY. JAW DROPPING. ICONIC. LIFE CHANGING. THE TEARS IN MY EYES. GENUINELY SOBBING RITHT NOW IT S SO OVER #aventurine likers hold me. Nobody understands. Everyone is scared of me im too crazy #actually its everything wrong with me . Hes ruining my life #i dont struggle as an aventurine liker i actually excel at this its my full rime job now #‘9 to 5’ no i work 9 to 9. Every hour is dedicated to him #im glad uguys agree with me thannk uou i was starting to think i was a freak #Well i am but im glad someone else agrees hes cool #Hes so pretty im so happy #I CAMT WAIT RILL WENDENSDAY PLEASE IM GONNA FREAKIFN BLOW UP #I LOVE AVENTURINE. I LOVE AVETURINE.#i get so happy when i see him i get a little violent its unsettling .#like im like shaking my hands and jumping around my room and then u blink and im bashing my head against the floor #its carpet. Im ok. But like not but i am #DUDE. I LOVE. THIS GUY. EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM #i needto. Just. Okay brb gonna watch ir like 20 more times ill see u guys next year im going into a Aventurine induced coma #this makes me realize people read my tags. Oh dear. Sorry everypony #i apologize for my behavior. I will get so much scarier.#HES SO COOL. HES ACTYALLU SO COOL. LIKE HOW CAN SOMEBODY BE SO COOL.#oh god OH LORERDRDRDDDDDDD WHEN I GET YOU BOY WHEN I FIND YOU. WATCH OUT. WATCH OUT I WILL GET YOU.

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bmpmp3 · 30 days

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i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!

#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to #that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know #but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look #like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies #dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS #plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song #and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal #again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness.#plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like #yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more #OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit #love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning #im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY #i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy #but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like #emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness #its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool #addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic #but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english??????#people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys #this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like #the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth #but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me.....#a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd #i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying #about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement

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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months

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...

#this week sucks. i hate everything #i dont wanna read all these fucking papers #i dont wanna fucking talk about them #how tf am i supposed to generate a hypnosis and be like oh ill use X methods when i barely understand wtf is going on #like??? this is y u dont take classes outside ur specialty i guess #rip my fucking gpa i guess bc this semester is not starting off on my side #fuck it. im going to bed. ill try to get a lot of sleep and hopefully wake up in a better mood #i just wanna do lab work. y make me suffer reading?#ugh. its a good thing im on mood stablizers #unrelated

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scatterpatter · 5 months

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Every time i cringe when old of mine gets notes again, I then get this kinda swell of pride

Like man I never would've thought that a silly doodle I did in the middle of a hyperfix in 2019 would over 4 years later bring a smile to someones face

Like how many times I've gone down internet rabbit holes and found fanart over a decade old but still managed to bring a smile to my face, how many abandoned fics and comics and art people dont really think abt anymore still bring me joy when I stumble upon them

And I might not be proud of my old work because I've improved and I get embarrassed because I know I could do so much better if I re-did it nowadays, but like thats not the point. When I made it way back when it made me happy, and while it's not up to my personal standards anymore, it still makes other ppl happy. Other ppl arent holding my old art to the standards i am.

My one lil moment of joy that sparked a doodle inspiration kinda went across time and brought a smile to someone else's face way down the line when im not even really in the fandom that doodle was for anymore

AUs I've since gone back and went "eugh" with because I know I couldve approached them with better designs and writing nowadays, even tho I don't think it's good enough, someone else does, and like. thats just. thats just nice.

Idk. I dont have a point to this. I just hope that stuff i make today makes ppl happy years down the road. That's a nice thought.

#esp since i just cant make art as much as i used to. still coming to that reality and still making peace with that.#i mean if we wanna get real deep abt it- like- how do i put this #thanks to ~the horrors~ i feel severed from the self i was back then for lots of reasons. and my memories are faulty at best #so when ppl interact with older stuff it lets me bridge that gap a bit yknow? it even helps me remember a lot from back then #not to traumadump or anything but yknow how it is. sometimes survival is severance and forgetting everything in order to forget the bad #so its nice to have people bring up remembering the good #but again i dont really have a point to this i just find it sweet that ppl still find joy in old stuff even if that old stuff makes me crin #its why i aint planning on nuking any of my inactive sideblogs anytime soon #ESP my fnafblr. i may not be super into fnaf anymore but i want that blog there still because it really made me happy back then #and yeah to my fellow artists i recommend not nuking old art unless its something you REALLY dont want associated with u anymore #(very understandable if u do. i nuked some old dnd art for those reasons so dont feel guilty if u ever do)#something something 'beauty of internet preservation'#uh idk #personal #i guess

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rewritingcanon · 5 months

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i know people go thru shit all the time but if you post about ur friends and the person ur dating online talking shit about them and you let ur followers bash them in the replies or something…. ur weird….

#family is diff bcuz u dont choose ur family so if theyre acting like shit i understand it’s something to let off steam #but even when its family its like… hmm. unless ur parents or something r genuinely evil why u letting this anon talk shit abt ur mum?? 🤨#and talking shit abt ur partner/friends online makes me violent!! break up with them if u dont like them easy solution 👍#or if not just deal with it irl like a normal person and dont air ur personal shit out to people u know will back u up in everything…#nothing gets me more aggro than a victim complex sighhhh #these r strangers on the internet babes theyre not ur mates (even tho sometimes followers do be acting like that)#like ik internet friends exist but that is not what im talking about #stop inviting people to hate on other people ur supposed to love its not cute at all its so weird ur a weirdo #and yes this includes when ur friends/partner is in the wrong. thats not ur green light to act cringe #not hp #rant #if ur scared this is about a particular person on here its not its about A LOT OF PARTICULAR PERSONS EVERYWHERE and im tired 😔

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beautifel · 7 months

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seems like my heart does nothing but break lately

#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level #for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her #still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions #Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later #jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this #not fair not fair at all this is evil #and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences #i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it #i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity #is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike #Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even #LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it #what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol #hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather #kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter #how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there #n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng #or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak #n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own #well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her

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theoryofarson · 1 year

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our dining table first kiss up there for kisses of all time for me

#its so naturalistic #their little laughs...the mutual understanding of like. this is awkward and silly but thats ok and i am so so so in love with u #minoru says the whole thing was so unromantic and on the one hand hes right and thats what makes it wonderful #but on the other hand everything about the scene and the leadup to it was the PEAK of romance to me #like ive never seen more perfect romance tropes done more perfectly....#the pep talk leading to an epic change of heart....#the 'get your man' running sequence where each of the lovers starts running to find the other and they meet in the middle #the conversation where one thinks theyve already been rejected and that they know thats what the other is going to say #until the other says no!! listen!! you DONT know what i feel!!#and im not good at expressing my feelings but im going to try!!!#the hug first. always gotta be a hug first #and how it ended withe ringing in of the new year and the 'tastes like meat bun' and theyre still holding hands and everything....#oh it was all so perfect my romantic little heart cant handle it #our dining table

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steelycunt · 1 year

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omg you’re WELCOME tumblr.com for the collab of Ridi x Siken I take gifts in the form of german cars or freshly baked pies just an fyi!!! Hmm okay can I pls have either 3 or 5! xx

HELLO BAB! FIRSTLY cant thank you enough for this ask game its wreaked absolute havoc on the dash xx SECONDLY sorry this is so late! i am the slowest of all time xx its kind of long though so there's that!! and THIRDLY: i went with five in the end!! some post-moon angst xx

He’s been in there nearly three hours, now. Sirius has done the dishes, changed the sheets, sorted the cluster of plastic bottles and blister packs and jars of ointment on the bedside table into the precise order in which they’ll be needed. Dug out their Muswell Hillbillies record, since they were talking about it the other day. And Remus is still in the bathroom.

On the other side of the door, all quiet. Miserable bleed of the dripping faucet, but nothing else—no movement, no jostled water. They left the kitchen window open. A draft rocks through the flat.

“Remus?”

He thinks maybe he ought to knock. He doesn’t. The bathroom isn’t thick with heat, as he expected, and Remus doesn’t turn to face him: he’s hunched over in their narrow alcove bathtub, the hair at the nape of his neck slick and sweat-curled, his knees against his chest. The start of a bruise, splayed out over one of his shoulder blades.

“Hi. Hi, you.” Sirius wipes his hands on his jeans, kneels by the bathtub. Remus’ pyjamas, folded in a pile on the lid. “Everything alright? Can I do anything?”

Remus looks at him—or, rather, looks vaguely at his collarbone. He’s bitten his bottom lip bloody, and his eyes are red. Damp, like he’s been crying. When Sirius touches his face, it’s clammy, beneath a sheen of cold water.

“Sorry,” Remus mumbles, "I’m—yes, m’fine.” His voice is chafed, dusty; he digs the heels of his palms into his eyes, the dark thorns of his eyelashes. Rasp of raw skin up his forearm that’s yet to scab over. Pinkish tinge to the bathwater. “I’m sorry. Shit, god. Sorry.”

“Oi, no. None of that, Moons. What’s the matter?” Sirius swipes his fingers through the short, sticky hair at Remus’ temple, flicks away a tangle of dirt in it. So much of last night is still raked up against his body, gathered in the soft creases at his arms and thighs.

Leaves rotting on the forest floor. White moon, lodged there in the black like a bullet in an X-Ray, or a tooth through skin. The way the delicate bones at the wrist sound when they snap, like twigs: radius, ulna.

He deserves a gentler night than that. He always does.

“I’m not…m’sorry,” Remus shakes his head, a thinness to his voice that sours Sirius’ insides. “I just don’t—I don’t feel very good, and I wasn’t ready to get out, but I can’t—”

“What is it that’s playing up? Is it your hip again? I can—”

“No, I mean—” Then his shoulders jump, and something catches in his throat; some scraped-up, shuddering noise: “I don’t—feel good, Sirius,” he chokes out, blinking quickly. “I’m just so, so tired, all of the time, and—and it never fucking stops, it’s always so much. It’s so much, every month, and it doesn’t—doesn’t ever end, and sometimes I can’t do it, I can’t.”

Sirius watches the outline of Remus’ ribs, the way they heave. The divots between them that he has traced out so many times. In the corner of the bath, there’s the scummy soap dish that for whatever reason currently only offers a pack of fags: Cadets, white box and red stripe, which neither of them smoke. His jeans, wet at the knees from splashed water.

“I just—I want to feel okay,” Remus breathes, knuckles scratched beneath his eyes. “I don’t feel okay.”

Edging closer to the bathtub, Sirius tries to stamp his voice into something more solid: “Okay—okay, hey, look.” He presses the side of Remus’ head to his chest, kisses his hair and his burning cheek and the bump of bone at the top of his spine—sorry about all that broken skin, sorry there’s only loose change in my pockets, sorry I can’t hide you anywhere.

“Look,” he says after, “we’re alright. We’ll be alright again, you’ll see, Moony. My Moony.” His hand slips down to Remus’ neck; he knows exactly where to feel for his pulse, proof of the desperate kick of his heart. “I love you, and…and I’ll make you feel okay. I will, every single time. You don’t have to do a thing.”

He reaches past him for the washcloth, hanging limp over the faucet. “I’m sorry,” Remus repeats, with a cough. “I—I don’t know why, sometimes.” He pauses. “I’ve made your shirt wet.”

“No you haven't,” Sirius lies, just for the sake of it. “Fuck, though, you must be knackered. I’ll get a takeaway later. Indian, if you like.”

Remus nods. Sirius starts the hot water running again; Remus opens the packet of Cadets, takes five snaps of his fingers to light one. His hands are still jittery. He does this shy, sad smile, as if to say sorry, again.

“You have to know—you’re the very best thing I’ve got, Remus,” Sirius tells him, quietly, fingertips still against his pulse-point. Steady, darling bass beneath his skin. Ash in the water. “The very best thing, so. Sit forward, will you? I’ll wash your back.”

#pov the mould is still talking #also this is dedicated to the other anon who also sent me five!! i see u too mwah xx #i had a variation of this scene written months ago ive been WAITING for the r bathtub breakdown moment. its been BREWING #i cant tell if i. really like this or absolutely loathe it im so sorry. its late here now though ill have to decide in the morning xx #its just. you literally dont understand i need to hug him so bad. i need to feed him strawberries and brush his hair im sooooo serious #hes everything to me...hes everything to sirius too...his boyfriend better hope he can fight....#i have uhh. three more!! i told you id do it you never shouldve doubted me xx #r/s #ridi drabbles #my fic

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bo0zey · 2 years

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Did I miss "back from the war" recreation or is that not happening

OK so i've been meaning to address this for a while because it’s actually something i've been genuinely annoyed/sad/upset about; my original plan to recreate the post was to go to riot fest & have someone take pics of me during MCR live in person (caption wouldve been something like ‘when will mcr--omg they;re Back from the Warfdskns’ lol idk). i ended up 2nd row from the barrier & i was like OMG bc i didn’t expect to get so close & i was like ‘WOW these r gonna b such GR8 PICTURES!!i;m so lucky!!this is gENIUS!’ & so my plan was literally going according to/even better than planned right?? i mean the fact that i was ~a few feet away from the stage n was ~1.5hrs away from seeing mcr LIVE??? my plan was going along SUSPICIOUSLY well..everything was falling into place TOO perfectly...it was almost to good to be true right??? IT WAS. everything went to shit & my plan fell thru during the last band before MCR when my body suddenly fell victim to the effects of being crowd crushed for >7 hours straight; i experienced syncope & was pulled over the barrier & out of the pit by security.

sooooo, you didn’t ‘miss’ anything; the post was supposed to be recreated at the concert, but the universe pulled an uno-reverse on me when it remembered i’m on the universal ‘Do Not Ever Allow to Be Truly Happy’ list lol. i meant to post an update abt my failed plan afterwards, but tbh the actual event in itself made me wanna fr kms, and i felt even guiltier/worse for being unable to fulfill my promise to u all bc i fr planned on recreating it at the concert. 'ok but u were still at the concert after u got pulled out’ ok physically yes but mentally N-Ooo. due to the hypoxia (lack of blood blow/oxygen to the brain) i’d obtained secondary to being crowd crushed PLUS the psychological trauma of being removed against my living breathing dying will from the pit (btw the psychological trauma has nothing to do with being crowd-crushed but im not gonna get into that turmoil rn lol), i was stuck in an altered mental state for the remainder of the concert. i was dissociated for mcr’s entire set until i woke up the next morning & it took ~3-4 days for my body to fully recover from the physical trauma of being crowd crushed.

i still plan on recreating the post eventually, but tbh it’s not rlly my top priority atm bc 1) i still can’t come to terms w/ the fact i lost my 1 n only chance to experience MCR live & 2) imo seeing MCR live was the perfect opportunity to recreate the post & that clearly didn’t work out for me sooo now i have no idea how else i can top that idea :( .

#i have an idea but i’m not sure if it’ll work...imma need mcr 2 pull thru n meet me halfway on this 1 lol #anywyas i h8 talking abt riot fest i feel like every1 h8s me whining abt it too lol #i was so angry and upset with the world and myself. i really tried so hard to stay conscious;#ppl were asking if i was ok & i kept nodding yes because i didn’t want to be pulled out of the pit bc #then i’d lose my spot + my ONLY chance to see MCR live & so up close.#next thing i know i’m being pulled over the barrier by security and WHOOSH into dissociationville i go.#they were too much for my brain to handle so i’d just fall back even more into that weird dissociated state #i honestly would have preferred to not have even attended the concert. like HONESTLY 100% deadass i wish i didnt even go.#like imagine urself in my shoes lol i went from being 2nd row from the stage to like 70000 rows away.#yall dont understand how awful it is to have such a golden opportuntiy to be 1 hr n a few feet away from the band who saved u #to having it all ripped away from u in literally a matter of seconds #if i’d just stayed home my 12y/o little wouldn’t have had to experience the psychological trauma of having everything to having nothing.#my 15/16 year old teen wouldnt have had to re-live the experience of realizing there’s nothing left #in this world to comfort/protect/save her OR her childself #22 year old me realizing i failed them and all the other parts of me. i cant be happy i cant have shit in this world #i couldnt have my mom but at least i had mcr right??? nope lol that got ripped out of my fingertips too #i cant even begin to describe the emotional damage/psychological blow the situation had on me bc like #i cant even put it into words and i know nobody will truly understand/believe me when i say how heartbreaking & detrimental this #situation was for my already fucked up psyche. or they’ll think im exaggerating but its like u dont get it #ive lost so many things and people i spent my entire childhood/adolescence maladaptive daydreaming.#at age 12 mcr became my escapism for ~4yrs straight bc they were the only thing that made me happy #while all the other ppl in the real world in my day to day life were making me wanna kms everyday #like ik it sounds extreme/dramatic but ??? i mean i dont even fully understand my reaction tbh.#i think its just mcr used to be my happy place n then i get to see them live and its just an absolute nightmare #and the fact that i was dissociated from their concert when they used to be the only thing to keep me grounded to this earth???#truly i wish i didnt even go like i cant even listen to their music anymore without wanting to crawl out of my skin #when the only thing that made u feel alive made u feel deader than ever inside....yeahhhhh not fun!!#its a heartsinking feeling i hate it so much i wish i had a doever #mcr #when will mcr return from the war

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potatobugz · 1 year

Text

biggest problem with writing is that I have all the ideas and themes I want to express in my head, but when I try to write it down the words come out. wrong

#rambles #.......yes this js about the pip and damien friendship thing #and like. everything kn general #guys u dont understand i have so many ideas for things but i cant write them or draw them or animate them and it is kiiling meee #btw i posted like. two chaoters of thay fic. to ao3 #(first time using that site to post things actually)#um. not sending the link. cuz im scareds #but i wont actively try to hide jt at least if u find it and read it then thats pretty cool #i havent wrote them meeting yet so its me trying to characterize damien and pip respectively and struggling. at thay #be patient with me ;_;#THIS POST ALSO GOES FOR REAL LIFE TOO. WORDS IN MY HEAD DONT COME OUT RIGHT EVER JTS SO FRUSTRATING!!!#BWAAAA #yet we stay optimistic #i will try 2 write more today :)#maybe somefay when writing comes easier to me and im satusfied with my works i will. rewrite this #but im learning im trying #writing is the hardest thing ever forever #ive also learned that i should Probably Stop Using Commas So Much

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