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#no one knows how to be fuckin normal abt sh

od-vents · 4 months

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Hate having a scratching stim tbh

Coz like, when it happens, it's one of those stims that goes for a while before being able to stop it.

With how I sit criss-cross a lot, the scratching will most likely end up on my legs. One time, just chilling in my room. My sis came in, and me being in shorts having completely forgot abt the fuckin scratchin, red scratch lines basically all up my legs an shit. AND SHE ASKS IF I WAS HARMING MYSELF AGAIN

Like. Thanks for caring, but. It's not cut marks? It's just. Scratch scratch scratch. That's not self-harm.

She brings it up to dad minutes after she left my room, and now I'm just sitting, on the verge of fucking tears coz I can hear them fucking talking abt me.

I hate having this stupid stim, coz if it continues, if they see more of the scratching marks, I know they're gonna want to end up seeing if I have SHed in easier to hide places. I don't want to have to go back to the hospital. I don't care if my last visit was just 2 weeks. It sucked there. I faked it just so I could leave, and I'm so certain my sister caught on to that a bit after I had left(this was a few years back, btw.) And she knows my fucking mental health has be shit and gotten shittier.

And I know it's bad. But I'm so scared that if they do end up seeing if I've made new SH scars, they will find them. Coz I was fucking stupid I didn't even think about hiding the few well enough.

And if I start wearing baggie clothing again, they'll get even more suspicious abt it all coz it's getting warmer here.

I just. I fucking hate all of this. I hate that I can't just be in an okay mindset without it deteriorating and shrivling back into whatever the fuck is going on rn. I hate how recently I've just been wishing I could just be what the majority of the world considers "normal" and that I've just been masking its behind a fucking "teehee :3"

I'm not okay. I am not fucking okay. But the courage to speak up and ask for help, to just reach for someone to talk to irl without having a breakdown and hiding behind a fucking smile and being "a good daughter/sister/aunt" again. That courage just isn't there, and I don't think it ever will be.

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noecat · 7 years

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88 qn tag meme

thank u 2 the lovely @jiminieboi for tag!!

holy shit this was long,,listen i tag no one but my wife @wingjk bc im literally too lazy to breathe rn

the last:

1. DRINK: passionfruit red tea. it was too sweet i wish i’d gone w green but that’s too sour,,,,honestly a representation of my personality as a whole

2. PHONE CALL: school friend who was wondering where i was

3. TEXT MESSAGE: if messenger counts, @wingjk bc i was going to sleep

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: come back home by bts

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i don’t recall!! perhaps a couple weeks ago?

have you:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: don’t call me out like this

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: not really? i dont regret many things

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: ha

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: yes

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: listen

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: i don’t get drunk

top 3 favorite colors

12. black

13. pink

14. in your area

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yes and i love them

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: L I S T E N

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: rarely, but yes!!

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: yall. assholes. love to gossip. and i love finding out about it so it’s a mutually beneficial thing

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: doesn’t everyone change me to some degree?? yes, though i do think a lot of the char dev ive undergone was internally motivated and not bc of a specific person,,,i just want to treat people better.

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: yes and i Love Them

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: ppft no who the fuck even facebooks in the year 2k17,,,tho,, @wingjk hmu ;(

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: none

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a kitten !! listen he’s an asshole but i love him

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: as in legally?? i wish!! hopefully soon

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: ha ha dont talk to me

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: i overslept today bc my sleeping schedule is,,,,,very good,,,,,,,,,,,

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: readin fanfic rip

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: hobi. wheres. ur. mixtape. where. also MY BDAY IS IN LESS THAN A MONTH !!! LOVE ME !!!!!!

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: uhm yesterday

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: listen,

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: the sweet sound of everyone being loud as fuc

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: i dont think so ??

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: people breathing around me

lost questions

34. MOLE(S): ya

35. MARK(S): scars ?? i fell into a ditch once and i still have the scars from that,,also depression isnt ideal

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: to be a lawyer

37. HAIR COLOR: brown but im gna bleach it someday

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: short-ish

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: not romantically but i am currently interested in someone, yeees

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: sometimes the planets alighn just right and i say something quotable that im proud of

41. PIERCINGS: that havent healed completely already ? 2, in my ears

42. BLOODTYPE: red

43. NICKNAME(S): q, ‘that asshole’, kyu

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: not looking

45. ZODIAC: leo

46. PRONOUNS: im agender. i strongly prefer it/its for Reasons but some of yall fucks take offense bc ‘but u are not an object!!’ and like. listen. if u think that using ‘they/them’, which i do not want to be called, is somehow more respectful to my identity ??? ? ? ? i dont rly have much to say. in spaces where people are less tolerant and presentation overrides id, i go by she/hers.

47. FAVOURITE TV SHOW: i dont watch them anymore but ill always have a special spot in my heart for hannibal and my earliest experiences w bbc sherlock (ahahah can u believe i used to be a sh blog tho)

48. TATTOOS: not yet!! i want to get mine right the first time

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: technically ambidextrous but ive been using my right hand for so long (bc u dont rly realize how inconvenient literally everything is w left hand until u try it skdfjgfg) that it’s now my dominant one

50. SURGERY: yes, but minor

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nop but ive shaved it all off once

52. SPORT: used to sail, used to kayak, now i possess no skills. i actually ish i did have a sport i play regularly, but, i am a Lazy Fuck,

53. VACATION: aksdjfd i dont rmbr !! i travelled a lot when i was young. now we just go to neighboring countries over breaks sometimes.

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: not converse low, that’s 4 sure

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: nothing, but hopefully about to

56. DRINKING: nothing, but hopefully about to

57. I’M ABOUT TO: eat, drink, go home

58. WAITING FOR: senpai to answer my anon ask. senpai pls. senpai im dying here i only get wifi sporadically for like 10 min at a time senpai plsease

59. WANT: see hoseok irl someday, to not fail my year end exams, to have a good future after this. if we’re going wildly unrealistic, give me financial stability and the power to play piano proficiently.

60. GET MARRIED: honestly i think this would depend on where i am in life, where my partner(s) is/are in life, and what we want out of our relationship (plus, my generation supposedly killed marriage, so)

61. CAREER: listen i used to want to be a lawyer real bad before i grew up and realized im a fuckign depressed idiot who cant do shit so now im just hoping for some kind of stable job that i wont hate,,,,,,i lean towards the social sciences, and they’re what im best at, but my fucking dumb ass is currenly taking natural sciences instead because ????? no fuckin clue, past me, what the fuck,

62. HUGS OR KISSES: i dont like hugs much, so kisses. though i do like to cuddle ??? i think ??? theoretically ???? normally i just dont let ppl touch me

63. LIPS OR EYES: lips

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: couldn’t care less but theres smth hot abt someone being taller than me (unrelated news kuroo is 187cm holy shit fuck T O W E R O V E R M E)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: as in ?? romantically ?? to be friends with ?? if it’s the former, almost definitely older. for the latter, i prefer older, but personality matters more than age does.

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: dont care. tho if u have arms that could snap my neck,

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: as in me ?? listen im both. im both. but if we’re talking partners, i imagine kuroo is plenty loud, so that,

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: listen i dont care as long as it’s enjoyable and mutually beneficial

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: hm

have your ever:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: nop

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nop

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yes, but found them

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: ya!!

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nop

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: not intentionally ??

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: : l i s t e n

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nop im a good upstanding citizen

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: as in irl ?? i dont think so

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: hm, no, i,

do you believe in:

80. YOURSELF: ya im great. im a piece of shit but *insert trash can not trash cannot meme*

81. MIRACLES: nah

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: nah

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah. attraction, maybe

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: do what u want !!

85. ANGELS: @wingjk is one so i can confirm

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): van, iv, jess are u a best friend or am i reading u wrong, id say drea but she’s my soulmate, id say nastya but she’s my wife and will complain i friendzoned her

other

87. EYE COLOUR: greenish

88. FAVOURITE MOVIE: casino royale !!! also all the ghibli things were my childhood

#q.txt #.txt

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misterbitches · 4 years

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first thing fuck the anon who was rude to you 😤😤 but DON'T BE SORRY FOR YOUR ANSWER that kind of thing was exactly what i was expecting from you when i told you about this drama lmao i really like reading your thoughts about this kind of stuff , not to mention i also learn a lot \o/ could i ask you why you don't like lee min ho? i thought he was cool in the series but i'm not gonna lie : i was not here for the romance i could not care at all about them (1)

(pt 2!): JUNG EUN CHAE DESERVED BETTER ON THIS SERIES and oH OH I SEE YOU LIKE WOO DO HWAN SUPERIOR TASTE AS EXPECTED i heard he's gonna be in another drama soon! and hell yeah i watched my country and i'm still not over the ending my mans hwi and seon ho deserve a better ending not to mention that the good old homophobia had to give them female li ( and that's all those women were 🤢 how hard is it to write better stories for women?)

i think the previous one may be from my (now defunct) film blog from grad school. it was about blackness in film so it literally says (this is a nicer way of me putting it: [get abused and die n word] lmao which i wouldnt mention but im very not happy rn so i will complain

i honestly hate LMH’s acting. and als (and this is very very me) he was dating suji and their age gap just eternally pissed me off. i heard he was terrible with park min young and didn’t defend her at all when she was attacked (they dated after his drama city hunter) and idk. i’m tired of hearing about these actors with alal these young it girls. just a combo of things.

i haven’t gotten back to it and i dobt i would like it now but city hunter? idk if you have seen it. it is from 2012 but at the time it SLAPPPPPEEEDDDD. like i LOVED that show so i had to be able to put up with him somehow i watched it like 5 fucking times LMAO. i was also a big kim woo bin fan and i was probably rly snooty about him not being lead in heirs. it’s so silly, all my problems with these people seem so far away but yea.

what was the romance like? idk if you have seen goblin either but fuck. it’s not even kim go eun’s fault and tbh i feel kind of bad for her (also there was this like rumor she was going out with this actor and his text messages to her are SOOOOO WEIRD and i just felt really bad for her? and creeped out? lol) she’s a good actress too! then i saw lek 5 eps of govlni and swore ms eun sook was my MORTAL ENEMY.

ohhhhh MY GOD OK U WATCHED MY COUNTRY. I DINT EVEN WATCH THE LAST EPISODE. IF U REPLY TO THIS PLS TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS LMAOOO. i fucking couldnt do it i was like THIS IS SO FUCKING DUMBBB

and 1000000% part of the issue is that seolhyun cannot act and she desperately needs voice training (her tone ....like bitch how do u cry with the SAME DAMN VOICE i was crying 10m ago and i cant even speak normal!) and then all the women. fuck i think the owner of the gisaeng palace (forgot what that’s called) was probably the best and that was like...towards the end. and that ugly jawn getting with one of the gisaengs? also her face was so distracting bc her jaw. omfg i just. :(

i wish they could have like been together without that girl there (hwi and SH obvi!)

and they had SH (right?) like the girl char too? also what the FUCKKKK WITH HIS LITTLE SISTER? SHE WAS LIT THE ONLY FEMME CHAR I LIKED. i remember being shocked and my friend was like “bitch it was a fuckin red-ass herring” and i kNOW i just lIKED HER???? SO I WAS LIKE???????

if you haven’t seen nokdu flower i super recommend. it has all the things you brought up of course but the peasant revolution is an enormous feat of class solidarity. and i am like almost positive the men back then were trash to women but there’s some things i have never seen done in a drama and am very happy about. the female characters are real cool. like even if one doesn’t know how to fight (which isnt the case) the mind is actually sharp.

and because it’s hard to put characters or people that were so...hm...commonly exploited? the ex slave owner that raped his slave before she was freed (jo jeong suk’s character, half bro of the other MC) was seen as a fucking rapist. like actually. and i havent seen that happen really at all. dramas are so rare to have leading women be abused in any like..very sexual? way. i hate to say “penetrative” bc that is never close to the breadth of the pain that abuse brings but it’s like you’re only truly ruined if you are forced to have a penis inserted into you. and when male characters were disgusting, the audience knew how we were supposed to feel about them.

gisaengs are also “technically” slaves. at one point they were fucking owned and the hold barely stopped there. so i fucking hate speaking of these really prolific women as if there was a choice in the matter. does it even count if you literally cannot afford anything else? i cant remember, but i’m pretty sure NF was not too bad abt this.

it sucks cos like....automatically you want to like female characters but when they are flawed and just written so poorly it is so glaringly obvious. and i’m not a fan of being handed scraps and liking a woman just bc she’s there. in fact it’s even more insulting. how fucking hard is it to write people we can even extract a little bit of like...hm humanity from? it really isnt hard lmao. patriarchy :)

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