#my system was disturbed

[that-local-punk-kid]

me, carefully preserving the untouched half of the surface of the peanut butter because of that one Kalvin and Hobbes comic strip: *joy*

also me: *opens the jar this morning to find the surface Disturbed* ... WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS

#it was my roomie #it's ok i was just upset because she didn't ask first #and because i was not ready to not see my perfect half #my system was disturbed #and i was not ready #roommates #roomies #sharing stuff #pls ask things first #it's mostly always ok #i just need to know

[engravedlives]

misc band/music blinkies

#carrd #carrd resources #carrd stuff #neocities #neocities resources #webcore #website #aesthetic layouts #blinkies #system of a down #korn #evanescence #type o negative #depeche mode #mindless self indulgence #msi #joy division #nine inch nails #pierce the veil #the cure #siouxsie and the banshees #pearl jam #aphex twin #alice in chains #my chemical romance #mcr #rage against the machine #deftones #disturbed #jack off jill

[coquelicoq]

System Collapse, ch. 3, p. 39: "I saw I had four private messages waiting from Arada, Amena, Overse, and Pin-Lee. I can’t do that right now. Pretending I’m fine for Mensah was hard enough."

8, 165: "Then he sent me a note back: So, you may not know this, but I read your letter to Dr. Mensah, the one you sent when you left Port FreeCommerce. I think you’re absolutely the right person to write this. I can’t handle that right now so I’m just going to archive it for later."

10, 212: "As I led the humans into the hangar, the contact with AdaCol2 started to drop. I sent, End session, acknowledge. It sent back, End session. There was a pause, then: Be safe. I can’t deal with that right now."

emotions: install "people respect and care about me" updates now!

murderbot: remind me later, remind me later, remind me later--

#would you like to schedule a time for updates to be automatically installed? #mb: hm. how about...the heat death of the universe #i do like the idea of mb scheduling Have An Emotion Time like it's just blocked out on the calendar #the feed equivalent of the Do Not Disturb little door handle hanger they have at hotels. Emotions In Progress #ART suggests some alternatives to the biohazard & radioactive material warning icons & mb puts them up on its door #to be like don't come in here. this is not a place of honor. no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here. what is here #is dangerous and repulsive to us #the murderbot diaries #murderbot #system collapse #system collapse spoilers #mb sc #my posts #f

[adhd-chaos-queen]

An ADHDers room may seem messy, but this habitat is its own very sensitive eco system.

It should under no circumstances be tampered with.

If you move one thing just the slightest bit, they'll never find anything ever again...

#my adhd #adhd #adhd mood #adhd post #adhd inattentive #adhd brain #adhdlife #adhd memes #adhd humor #adult adhd #my mom picked up some of my stuff #and now everything is out of order #it might have seemed chaotic #but i had a system #and now it's disturbed

[tojisun]

my dad just said he likes my playlist. im gonna stop listening to music actually

#^^ thats ghost band** (papa nihil) // **not the band per se but part of their narrative #playlist included bands like: system of a down; disturbed; dio; blue oyster cult; korn; gojira #i dislike my father #well its complicated but yk. i just dont know how to situate it #sun rambles

[mossy-rot]

reading about autistic meltdowns is crazy. in retrospect maybe that time i ended up sobbing self isolating and lashing out at people because I couldn't figure out how to set up my laptop the same way it had been before might've been because of The Autism

#i cannot deal with changes to things I deal with regularly #i need to have my phone and comp exactly the same lest I Suffer bc i use them every day #also perhaps i would get so upset over my mom cleaning my room (although being a nice gesture) is because she would move shit to places- #i didn't know and messed up the system i had #also fuckin. executive dysfunction. that's some shit isn't it #i had to move to a new desk early in my job to run a different room and the desk setup was different and I Was Struggling A Bit #also people trying to calm me down during meltdowns is significantly worse and i read a bit that was like. #'trying to interject into the meltdown may cause additional sensory overload. it's most safe to let the person self-regulate.' well shit #that's about right huh #autistic burnout also seemed very familiar and its a little disturbing just how close everything hits #anyways im probably autistic. good night #mossy's rambles #text post #luci's rambles #autism #neurodivergent #autistic things #autistic adult #autistic experiences #if anyone would like to add to the pile and tell me im autistic feel free ig. ive already been peer reviewed

[fortune-maiden]

Finally caught up on the novel!!

Stuff is happening!!

#villains are destined to die #rip Derrick but I do feel bad for the Duke :( #also Eckles #the yandere direction he went it was still partly Penelope���s fault #but also the way the system works in regards to affection is horrifying #with the other LIs it’s subtle since Penelope is developing a real camaraderie with them as well #but with Eckles and to a lesser but still noticeable extent Winter #they’re pretty much bound to her because the affection points say so #Winter saying that he’s ready to give up his morals for her is just disturbing #(Callisto also does it which I’m not a fan of) #(this is why the Duke is my favorite. he’s not bound by the system like the others) #(aww who am I kidding I love Derrick in all his hateable glory too)

[xhanisai]

The lack of empathy and basic thinking that people have on the internet is so concerning honestly.

A lot of wars in the world are caused by horrible leaders, governments, and groups which in turn end up getting so many innocent people dragged into it who don't support them and don't want to do anything with it.

#delete later #i'll try my best not to mention about the ongoing wars again #but my god i am sick of seeing online people cheering at pictures and videos of Palestine getting their ass fucking kicked over and over #again and blaming all the innocents living there for what a resisting group is doing #and i have seen so many innocent russians ukrainians palestinians and israel people beg for NO WAR #it's the people who aren't part of the war that's fanning the flames and propaganda and flooding the internet with gory and disturbing imag #it's so easy to sit back at home and go on your phone and point at one whole ass country and deem them as the most evilest thing to ever ex #st #but have you done your research??? #do you know how the education system work in those countries??? #do you know if said countries were even allowed to elect or have a say on who leads them??? #do you know if the civilians had a choice or not to fight? and why they're fighting? and how long? #this world has always been so cruel to people who native to their own countries honestly why am I surprised

[bardkin]

been doing some internal questioning that boils down to “is it the auADHD or i am plural in some way???”

and i’m. not sure if i want to know the answer. at least not yet.

#ensiger #possibly plural #this post is brought to you by a monoconscious culture post that hit a lot harder than i thought it would #'wait how long have i been me. when did i stop being the other guy' #also a lot of the Dragonheart Collective's essay points in Dissociation. & internal thought voice. #the only point in Identity disturbances that really hit was - #Feeling like you weren't born in that body & that you simply appeared one day inside of it. #like. i sometimes feel like ''I'' is more than one internally. #like i'm One Person in the way a cartoon character can be animated/storyboarded by multiple artists. #does that make sense as like?? a plural thing??? #or is that just the depersonalization & bees in my brain?? #also that like. the 'current me' stepped into my body & 'replaced' whoever used to be here. i have (most) of my memories & shit but just. #i'm not totally sure if this is a 'i have grown and changed since i was a child' or 'i'm a different person in every sense of the word.' #i kind of stewed on this questioning a couple years(?) ago when i was first learning about multiplicity. but nothing ever really came of it #bc digging further into it didn't feel useful. all the stuff i was reading didn't feel like it was lining up with what's going on in here #i've recently been doing some reading on monoconscious & median systems but. #i don't want to act on anything until i Know. or at least until i Know More. #also i'm about 90% sure my kintypes are not headmates/alters/etc. they feel like / similar to my gender & not. ''extra Me's'' so to speak

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all another "I suspect this is atypical but idk how atypical" question, this time about blood sugar! Okay, maybe a few questions

if your blood sugar is in the fasting blood sugar range, but you aren't fasting, does that count as low blood sugar?

2. Is it normal to have low blood sugar symptoms at not-technically-low-blood-sugar levels (today, 93)? Like, especially when it's that way when you have not been fasting, but also in general

3. How do you word "hey doc my records say you took my blood sugar when I was fasting, but I wasn't fasting. That was like an hour, hour and a half after lunch and I'd downed half a gatorade before I walked into the office and my blood sugar was in the 80s. Is that...maybe...a problem? That it's happened twice?" in a way doctors will care about?

#the person behind the yarn #medical mention #I make sure I have protein and complex carbs and eat smaller meals more frequently #but - wait I think I figured it out #well. why it's happening again now not why it happens in general #usually I have this under control but after I have an allergy flareup I'll be off kilter for days to weeks #depending on the severity of the allergic reaction #but like three times in the last two days I've been on the edge of a stress-induced allergic reaction and haven't needed a benadryl #so maybe it got close enough to disturb my blood sugar??? #my endocrine system is all fucked up and I know that can impact blood sugar #fun side effect I only figured out a week or two ago: #apparently sometimes low blood sugar can trigger a release of some adrenaline #which I did not know because my body kinda...did not have any extra adrenaline #but now I am on corticosteroids so I DO have some reserves #and it means I get high blood pressure when I get lowish blood sugar which has not happened for me in the past #so that's. something. probably good??? to be able to have noticeable adrenaline reactions to things???? but not fun

[espectres]

THE CLOUDS FALL DOWN and they are of crushing rubble and hazardous rods of metal. Puddles of blood dry quickly, and there is no shine that rattles through them as you step there, worn-out snickers pressing on the cement painted with liveless rust. It makes you think of the dead, the lives which has been turned upside down, tossed around before giving in under the weight of heartless cruelty, just like their bodies under the weight of their homes. You stand there in the middle, stranded and small and lost between the jagged ends of torn buildings and your own weariness, mesmerized with how you could look on the dead, the cold limbs and rotting flesh and eyes that speak of unfathomable last terrors- and still, you feel absolutely nothing. 

Because it isn't death that twists your gut brutally, and it isn't the unsightly things that unsettle you- never quite has ... & never will. It isn't death that brings you here, carrying your heavy limbs and restless mind and bright eyes along. They never really lose their shine, your eyes, even rimmed from tearing and hooded by sleepless nights, it's not really their choice, no matter how you look at it, it's never really your choice, either. They stare at everything and nothing, your eyes, at the chaos where you once stood, unstoppable and determined; at the city lights in the distance, how can they go on like nothing has happened ? at the hand that burns by your side, it hasn't recovered from your own recklessness.

What were thinking, anyway ? Housing all that energy within your core ? Was it empowering; to know that you've kept going for months ? Was it relieving; to feel how it fizzled and bubbled and thrived in your veins, alive and overwhelming and threatening to simply burst and kill you ? 

" Shou-chan, " A familiar voice asks, you've been aware of her for a while now, refusing to acknowledge the company as your whole being hides out of sight, stubborn and upset and uselessly invisible. You listen, though, you always do so, carefully. " Do you blame yourself ? " 

You raise your head, your powers falter away and so does your orientation, apparently, because you stare again, but it's as thought you've suddenly forgot all cognitive skills, looking so lost. Maybe you are lost, maybe it's answers that you've come here to find, to find out where did you go wrong, to stop your mind from thinking of what has been and what's to come and what could've been, to help you ease the frightened beating of your heart that refuses to cease, you're so ... you're so afraid ! What are you afraid of ? Isn't it over already ? What worse could possibly happen to you ? You don't know, you don't know, you don't know anything anymore. 

Intead there is the weight of life sitting ever so gracelessly on your shoulders, and the phantom press of hands against your throat, pressing onto your feeble pulse, and you can't talk, you can't move, you can't breath and you're terrified like you've never been your whole life. You couldn't do a single thing, you couldn't change a single thing, you could have done better, if only you'd have been stronger, if only you'd have known better- 

" You never had a chance. " She smiles, she might as well kick you in the stomach. But her eyes are kind in a way, just like your mother when she calls to check on you, just like your healer when he takes care of your reopened scars. None of that mattered, none of that could help you, none of that could save you. None of that could stop you from trying, even if you never had a chance - were you so wrong ? Was it all so pointless ? 

" It was completely out of your control. " She walks away, then. Leaving you behind to your staring and your confusion, the fresh wounds in your hands and the unshed tears, the palpable race of your heart and the unamed, chronic ache in your chest. 

#ショウ ; distortion confronts both heart and mind. / writing. #wheeewww i finally got this outta my system. omg #writing in second person pov is always fun for shorter things like this!!! #also vague oc cameo cuz i can & i Will #also this whole thing is vague in general. i tried thinking of smthing w/ shou in the middle of the culture tower chaos sometime after wda #but like. i wanted it to be a little understandable even for those unfamiliar w/ mp100 adcafcsfsfsfxz #( <- is failing & flailing miserably ) #i go back to lurking ... then maybe slep #death / #disturbing imagery / #gore / #not really just in case #ask to tag / #suicidal ideation / #i got a little dramatic w/ the whole power reservation thing. but 3 months worth is too much. have u seen shou??? HE'S SO SMALL...

[allrebelswillbreakloose]

you know what's good - being slightly high and listen to fucking heavy metal

#trivium #420 friendly #420 #music #metal #heavy metal #pantera #a7x #avenged sevenfold #skid row #disturbed #metallica #soad #system of a down #bullet for my valentine #il nino #mastodon #personal #washes away the demons in me

[haahka]

#i needed to get this out of my system its been disturbing my focus #jeff satur #kinnporsche #kinnporsche cast

[bandzboy]

it's insane to me how back then my teachers thought i had a problem because i didn't participate in class or barely talked with anybody when i was just fine and because of that they would always send me to psychologist and my mom would go insane because every single one of them would tell her i didn't have a problem so after all of that i genuinely thought there was something wrong with me when it's just... my personality...?

#they thought they knew more about me than my own mother #who raised me and knew how i was #and to think that many people probably went through something similar is quite harmful #because i think it had a lot of influence in who i am today yknow #i get that teachers want the best for you (well most of them some of them are not that good people like yknow everyone in life) #but basically assuming a student has some disturbence #because they don't participate in class is crazy #when introverted people exist????????????????? #i always felt bad for being an introvert bc of these people #like why can't kids be introverted #also the fact that if you don't participate in class your grades will be influenced by that is such bs #anyways the education system just truly don't care about students and it sucks #tris.txt

[bones-sprouts]

every lesbian relationship has one who dresses super goth but won't step foot into spirit halloween bc it's too scary and one who dresses like a whimsical little farm boy and laughs manically at every death in a horror movie

#speaking from experience #my girlfriend only wears black does trad goth makeup talks about vampires 24/7 and listens to a fuck ton of system of a down #she made me stop halfway through explaining FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS to her because it was 'too disturbing' #meanwhile i am just a little guy really i wear my old lady sweaters and my favorite vocal stim is going BLOOD AND GUTS AND GORE!!!!!!!!

[gentleoverdrive]

[March/1 of ?] Can you feel that? Oh shit!

Have you ever felt that, as an online culture, we "backed" the wrong horse in the memetic zeitgeist? Right now you're probably wondering what the hell is it that I'm talking about specifically, but rest easy: I am indeed talking about how Disturbed's "Down with the Sickness" fucking sucks and how we should've memefied "Stupify" instead.

---- The argument is simple: Better overall instrumental performance AND way funnier/more annoying vocal stylings. If you think I'm high on fumes or something, hear for yourself.

---- If you're listening to crappy butt-rock, at least go for the track that has something going on for it throughout, instead of just one mildly interesting hissy-fit on a song that also includes a skit that sounds like the best acting Robert Downey Jr. ever did, it's all I'm saying. ---- On second thought, Dan Donegan is a "Cancel culture" whingy shithead that makes me embarrassed that I use the same guitar brand as he does and David Draiman is an all-around garbage person, so I think that's way funnier (even if unintentionally) than anything they have ever put to tape. Here's a cool song by an awesome band that I still love instead...

Anyway, I'll probably go back to writing about anime and Fire Emblem because that's all it ever seems to interest people when I type out these journal entries/brain droppings. Love a duck!

#journals of an old bastard #music mindset #nu metal #butt rock #music memes #disturbed #disturbed reference #songs becoming memes #old man yells at cloud #nothingface #nothingface reference #things I wrote that I immediately regret writing #it was the lack of coffee in my system I swear to Amaterasu #I've sorta made peace with the fact that I'll probably remain one of the many “fire emblem randos” to most people #Distubed is also like the ultimate nu-metal/butt-rock “singles” band. Their “dud-to-stud” ratio is like 1:9. #Compare and contrast to Nothingface whose last three albums were certified wall-to-wall slappers. #Disturbed is still somehow less annoying than Kid Rock #who besides being annoying and untalented is boring as shit #Also he's on his fifties and still goes by “Kid Rock” lmao. #Youtube