#my phone doesn't literally have a person scanning everything i do every second like a video feed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elliebear666 · 1 year

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My daddy thinks I find him boring because I have so many problems with paying attention to him when we talk on the phone and sometimes in person... but like... that's not the case. I genuinely want to hear and process everything he says, but I'm so easily distracted and my mind jumps from thought to thought that I can't get sometimes even half of what he's saying.

I talked to my mom about it and she suggested that he ask me questions and keep me engaged. He asked if he should condense what he says and I'm like... I said "it's fine, I'll just try harder to focus." But the harder I focus on focusing, the less information I actually process. Next thing I know, I've zoned out for ten or fifteen seconds.

Like... I do this with my mom too. All the time. She said she recognizes when I'm distracted or zoning out, and has learned not to take it personally. Which I appreciate...

Idk, if I'm on the phone with him and I turn off all the lights and it's at night, I have a better time managing focus because visual stimuli aren't there to distract me. It helps but it isn't a fix.

At my old job, they wouldn't make me a cashier because they didn't think I could sit still and focus on the job. They worried I'd wander off and get distracted... which is absolutely fair tbh.

I think my ADHD (predominantly inattentive) has affected me a lot more than I realised. Like... I actively have to work hard to focus on literally any conversation I'm having. It isn't natural or easy for me. It is a challenge.

I'm constantly forgetting and misplacing things. I lose my phone all day every day. I forget to do things I tell myself over and over that I need to do. I forget to pay my bills so my mom helps me. I forget all of my therapy homework. Hell, sometimes I forget to eat and drink water.

Like, I'm surprised I did so well with D&D. Like, I think it was on part because I was very interested in D&D and the creative aspect. Plus, the DM is always engaged. Now, playing more as a character, it is very hard to stay engaged and I find myself instinctively going for my phone or losing track of what's going on. It doesn't help that it is online and not in person.

As a kid, my dad definitely kept us engaged and I love the roleplaying aspect of DND. It kept me interested.

When it comes to video games, I mostly find that my attention is best kept in shooters. They're fast-paced, they're stimulating, they're engaging. I love RPG's but I'm realizing that I'm constantly getting distracted and all the time need to re-read journals and check maps or I get lost, frustrated, and quickly bored. Like, I'll read the journal, close it, forget what I read, and then reread it again. Sometimes three or four times before it really sets in. I get really into a game at first, often times, but find it can be nearly impossible to actually BEAT the game. I have an entire library filled with games I started but never finished. If they were too complicated to learn quickly, or too difficult to progress and get that dopamine hit, or too long, I'd get bored and give up then go back to what stimulated me.

So... back to my daddy. I think I'm genuinely falling in love with him. But like... I hope the ADHD med I'm taking will help me focus better on conversations because that's a real issue. At my job, I'd be given instructions, and then around 50-70% of the time, I'd get distracted and forget what I was doing before I got from A to B, even if I constantly repeated the instruction in my head.

I honestly was so upset about my issues, that I literally went to my doctor and had my brain scanned for brain damage. But there was none... so...

Back to daddy. He said he'd try to meet me half way, which is so thoughtful. I'll try to lower distractions, and he will try to keep me engaged. I think that will help.

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danfanciesphil · 7 years

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Love your writing! A prompt for you: I'd love to see Phil reacting to people saying he doesn't love Dan as much as Dan loves him which I think is stupid??

So, if you’ve read my fic Birthday Sex then you will know that I do not buy into this trope whatsoever, which i must say is a big reason I wrote it. I really just do not see where people are coming from when they say that Dan loves Phil more?? Maybe at the very, very beginning of their relationship it kind of seemed like Dan was a bit of an obsessed lovestruck young kiddo (spoiler: he was) but firstly, it’s important to remember that we don’t get to see everything the two of them say to one another and we already know that Dan tends to share a lot more with the public than Phil does. For example, when has Phil ever (barr his Draw My Life and a few other sparse instances) ever revealed anything serious and personal about himself? Whereas Dan just yesterday opened up about something so deeply intimate that it’s honestly baffling he had the courage at all. My point is that it’s highly, highly likely that there were things said between them behind the scenes that we just did not have any knowledge of whatsoever. I’d draw your attention to the Video That Will Not Be Named as an example, because obviously (if you choose to ignore dnp’s ‘explanation’ and see it as real/true) then it was NEVER meant to be seen by anyone except Dan. Think about that... if youtube hadn’t glitched, that video would not exist to us. How many more videos are there like this one? How many texts and phone calls and private conversations that are probably WAY more schmaltzy and incriminating??

Not only this, but as a follow up point, Phil is older, and he is maturer than Dan. The latter possibly gets less true as time goes on and Dan grows as a person (what a fantastic man he’s becoming I stg im so proud), but certainly up until now, Phil has been the adult of the two of them. Don’t try telling me he acts like a child either, because that’s not the same thing - he’s an entertainer for a family friendly YouTube channel, it doesn’t mean he isn’t a millionaire/business owner/well-educated, successful man. I find it not only silly that people expect him to be fawning over Dan every minute of the goddamn day on camera in order to prove his affection, but just ridiculously unrealistic. He’s a 30 year old man. If he is with Dan, then he’s been in a committed relationship with him for years. They’re over the honeymoon stage. They’re into something far more serious and committed now, and it’s a kind of love that doesn’t need to be shown at all times.

Finally, I just want to add that apart from all I’ve said - neither of them (imo) show much sign of being madly in love with the other at all? I mean, you have to remember that we are a fandom, and it’s so easy to pick apart something and pull out the bits you want to fit your ideal picture. There is evidence of them being a couple, yes, but there’s also evidence against it! Neither of them refer to one another as ‘boyfriend’ or ‘partner’ and I honestly doubt they ever will! Dan is not constantly gooey over Phil, and the same goes the other way around. It baffles me that people can dissect every one of their looks and actions (I’m guilty of it too of course) and come up with these absurd headcanons such as “AWW DAn looks so in love here, and Phil looks so indifferent” because it’s just... it’s just completely ridiculous?? You have nothing to base that on whatsoever apart from a half second clip from a video - the leap to conclusion is beyond crazy.

Idk I am aware i went off on a little ramble here, but this kind of thing is where the phandom descends into a total clusterfucky mess. It’s good to take a breather every once in a while and remind ourselves that the things we do know about the boys is very limited. Our ‘evidence’ from the past is still just a bunch of tweets and videos, none of us know them. I don’t want to destroy any ships, because personally I think there’s a LOT of mystery and confusion shrouding their relationship which could absolutely mean something else is going on, but again, I’m not going to make any mad assumptions about anything because at the end of the day I just don’t know.

ANYWAY. Nothing wrong with writing FICTION about this, and that’s what you’ve asked for, so here my love! Thanks for the question (none of this was aimed at you btw! I know you’re just asking in general about the topic, I just wanted to share my thoughts on it).

Got a prompt for me? Click here! (Please be aware that due to an abundance of prompts, your prompt may take a few days to complete - but thank you all for submitting so far!)

The comment catches his attention, and Phil isn’t sure why.

He’s scrolling through the comment section of the latest DanAndPhilGAMES video, a smile playing on his mouth as he reads everyone’s reactions to Dil’s latest adventures.

It’s a treat he allows himself very rarely nowadays, to look through the comments. As Dan once said, it can be like picking through a minefield. Sure, the vast majority of the comments will be overwhelmingly positive, filled with adoration and appreciation of them both, lulling him into a false sense of security and then BAM! One will jump out, jarring him with its nasty words, or its negative perspective. Reading a mean comment can, even now, when there are literally thousands of nice once to combat it, throw Phil off-kilter for days.

It can make him second guess every creative instinct. It can make him snappy and irritable, or just glum.

This comment, though not exactly mean per se, is one such instance. He tries to ignore it, to just scroll past and move on with his life. It’s just a shipper comment, after all. That’s what he and Dan call them. Around half the comments they get on their videos are from the ‘shippers’. It’s fine. Usually neither of them pay any attention to them whatsoever.

But this one has been upvoted 600 times. It has dozens of replies attached to it, clearly a topic of hot discussion. Phil scrolls back up, gnawing at his lip, and lets his eyes scan over the words again:

It’s so sad when Dan says something funny and looks at Phil all hopeful but Phil just ignores him. Heartbreaking to know that Dan will always love Phil more - ever since 2009. 3

Phil closes his laptop, wishing the words would dissolve from his brain. He shuts his eyes, but they burn behind his retinas, bright and jarring. Where do they get this stuff? Is that truly what people believe?

He reopens his laptop and scrolls back up to the video, dragging the slider over the bar at the bottom of the window, scanning his and Dan’s faces for any signs of what that subscriber had said.

As he scrolls through the video for the sixth time, squinting at the screen, he feels Dan flop down onto the sofa beside him, crunching something. Phil sits up, turning to Dan with warm cheeks, feeling caught out.

Dan raises an eyebrow at him, glancing at the screen. He offers Phil a crisp from the packet in his hands.

“Watching phan videos again?” Dan asks him, smiling.

“Just... checking the comments on the Dil vid.” Phil tells him, and Dan sighs knowingly, placing the crisp packet aside.

“Oh God, what’ve they said now?” Dan asks, shuffling towards Phil in order to see.

Phil wonders if he should even mention this to Dan; it seems like it might be worse for him to know the fans seem to think this way, after all. Inevitably though, Phil breaks, not able to think up a good enough lie.

With some reluctance, he scrolls down to the comment, and waits for Dan to read it, chewing his lip.

“Oh,” Dan says in a strange voice, sitting upright. “That’s... I thought it was gonna be like ‘gay emo dicks’ or something.”

Phil laughs a little, but it’s a hollow, unconvincing sound. “You know that... that’s not true, right?”

Dan looks at him, something small and fearful hidden deep in the recesses of his eyes. “Yeah.”

He doesn’t sound very convinced, and it worries Phil immensely. “You’re my whole world, Dan.” Phil tells him with complete sincerity; Dan looks away, obviously embarrassed by the loaded emotion. “I know it sounds melodramatic. But you are. You’re my best friend, my favourite person in the world. I love you so much it’s crazy.”

There’s a choke to Dan’s voice when he next speaks. “Yeah,” he says again, sniffing. “I dunno where they get their weird ideas, tbh.”

Phil pushes his laptop off his knee, reaching for Dan and pulling him in. He holds him tight, pressing firm kisses into his soft curls. “I’m sorry if it ever comes off that way.” Phil tells him, voice a whisper of itself. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel that I might not... love you as much.”

Dan shakes his head. “Don’t be stupid.” He pulls away a little, looking up into Phil’s eyes, his smile watery. “I know how much you love me, you sap.”

Phil surveys him carefully, scanning his face for signs of a lie. Eventually a smirk creeps onto his lips, and Dan zeroes in on it, confused.

“Well,” Phil purrs, leaning forwards until their lips brush. “If you ever need a reminder...”

Dan snorts with laughter, trying to wriggle free of his grip. A few kisses later, however, he seems to give in.

#idk what the fic was im sorry #thanks for the prompt bae #prompts #anon #ellen answers

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