#my pathetic ass was so happy when i found that bad idea quote it's actually embarrassing

[childofsquidward]

Tumse Pyaar Hua // Love Will Find A Way (Taarey Drabble Series) x x

“You scaled my bedroom wall like a freaking weirdo-” “You thought it was charming!” “Absolutely not, now hush, I’m having a moment.”

#moodboard #aesthetics #my fics #childofsquidward #d3 fic #lwfaw #taarey #d3 #i absolutely forgot that this was in my drafts #my pathetic ass was so happy when i found that bad idea quote it's actually embarrassing #someone said the fic reminded them of 'bad idea' from waitress and i just ran with it #also them holding hands was a GREAT find because taani's dress was pink and rey's blazer was a dark red #i'm so sad that the dude in that silhouette pic looks nothing like rey #whereas the girl sort of has taani's jawline so it evens out i guess

[snacc-noir]

Unseal and Reveal pt2

Ao3

Part 1

Adapted from this post

Summary:

Adrien asks Marinette to fake date him after his father finds a pink ‘love note’ containing just her name on it

— but it was really the emergency note Ladybug gave him in case he needed to know her identity

Adrien has screwed up. 

But before anything begins, he’d like to make it very clear that he’s only ever had good intentions, believable smiles, and incredible lying ability – no matter what his friends say (“You once told Alya you had a great dentist so Marinette wouldn’t be suspicious”), because he’s kept the fact he’s Chat Noir under wraps and no one has been the wiser. 

Then again, Chat Noir is stylish, handsome, incredibly dressed, insanely hilarious, im(pecc)ably ripped, totally— 

Yeah, so Adrien just can’t live up to that (If it came down to it, he’d totally fall in love with himself if circumstances allowed.), and thus his identity is pretty secure , unlike his self-esteem on a good day. 

Specifically, today. 

Because he has screwed up.  

So yes, he’s somehow the best and worst liar ever, which probably likens to how it isn’t his secret identity that he Accidentally (three underlines for ‘accidentally’) reveals, but, uh, someone else’s. 

Ladybug’s. 

He knows Ladybug’s identity.  

But hey! Hey— remember, her idea. It was never him who suggested the ‘let’s write our names on letters in case we need to know in an emergency’, as that was definitely her. 

He’s screwed everything up, but it was definitely her. 

“Did you know? ” 

“Duh,” his kwami’s gravel voice says, “I know everything.” 

Adrien’s hands are rousing his hair so much at this point he might expose himself as Chat Noir if anyone went by his lean windows. “You knew this whole time!? That Ladybug is– That she’s– That—”  

All air escapes him in a corrupt elongated syllable. He flops on his Extra King size bed with silk sheets and fluffed pillows, almost knocking his model agency’s branded hydro-flask onto the desk adjacent with three exorbitant monitor screens. Oh, how difficult his life is.  

“You’re so pathetic.” 

He is.  

“This is hilarious.” 

It is not.  

‘“What am I supposed to do, Plagg?! Call her? ‘Hey love of my life, it’s me Adrien, but you also know me as Chat Noir. I accidentally found out your identity and long story short, my household thinks we’re dating and wants you over for dinner. Are you up for fake-dating and not killing me, please?” 

His kwami skulls a camembert roll. “I’m down for that idea.” 

Adrien pegs a sock. 

“How are you so calm?” 

“I shrugged in the face of dinosaur extinction. Your damsel in distress crisis – you’re the damsel, by the way – and ‘oohhh no, I’m so in love’ hullabaloo is nothing.” 

Adrien’s frown deepens. “I don’t sound like that.” 

“You do. Your voice goes like eee .” 

“What? No it doesn’t” 

“You’re right, it’s more like ahhh . ” 

The heat in Adrien’s acid eyes smarten. He crosses his arms, huffing in a way he hasn’t since early childhood, and glares at his ceiling. “I’m done talking to you.” 

He isn’t, of course, as there’s only one person in his life he can complain to about his array of #RelatableTeenBoy issues, like ditching your favourite topic of Physics one class to cater to a Giant Baby akuma (again) and being late due to lack of places to change into your skin-tight cat suit (you know; just those little things). And by Hawk Moth’s insufferable menacing he isn’t letting that outlet fall from under him. He needs to clear his thoughts, because believe him, there is a lot to sift, and it doesn’t help when part of this whole catastrophe has left him with the knowledge that— 

“Marinette is Ladybug!” 

Plagg has moved to Adrien’s three-panelled computer desk and is clicking through something. “I’m so glad you’ve caught up.” 

“And if she’s Ladybug, that means,” he goes on, white overshirt sleeves now uneven as he animates his words with a pillow, “she was just saying to me – to Chat – she was in love with him to save her identity! And there’s another boy she’s in love with! And–! And I might know who it is!” 

“Who?” Plagg asks, the volume juxtaposing his welder’s. 

“I said 'might’.” 

The keys click louder. “You mean because you know Ladybug in real life you could have met him before? Or you actually know him?” 

“I don’t know! I just know that Marinette’s… She’s in love with another guy.” The earlier exhilaration drains and his chest feels hollow and soul-sucking. “Wait– I can’t ask her to be my fake-girlfriend!” 

The destructive god scrolls through the itemised shopping cart to double-check his fromage orders without any fear of his owner noticing. Well you obviously don’t have a choice. Your dad wants her over for dinner. Besides, it’s Ladybug, remember? She’ll do anything to help a friend out.” 

Ladybug. 

Marinette. 

Of course.  

There are still many things that don’t add up (Multimouse: just how?) but of course. 

He can’t risk his own identity and hers to his father. He must keep the façade up. And if that mean s falling on his knees in front of who unarguably should be the most glorified woman in the world, crying to her to please just be his fake – very much, but unfortunately fake – girlfriend.  

He will. 

He’ll do it right now. 

- 

“I can’t believe you chickened out.” 

Walks to school, even with the cost of waking up earlier, are always more refreshing than drives in cold silence. The freedom here is less pale, and he can hiss at Plagg all he wants with only the dignity loss of onlookers noticing him crankily talking to himself. 

“Oh wait, yes I can. Because you’re a coward~. ” 

“I did not ‘chicken out’,” Adrien snaps. “And I’m no coward. I just— I need to speak to her in person instead. This way, she didn’t have to receive an unwanted call so late.” 

 “You mean six?” 

He huffs. “Marinette needs all the sleep she can get.” He pokes the creature back into his overshirt. “She’s always so busy. Even you’ve seen her collapse in class. Wait—!” 

The only one that waits is himself, columned with the line of trees ahead, locked in the interval of his soap opera as his audience darts for a shiny rock near a fire hydrant. 

“Because she’s Ladybug too! Of course! Of course! This makes so much sense! She’s so tired and overworked! It’s no wonder she’s all over the place – in the best of ways, I mean, she’s literally adorable when she’s frantic. Wait, have I always thought that? Have I always seen Marinette as the cutest thing ever? Her spluttering is so endearing. And if she’s already so tired, I can’t make her fake date me, too! She’s already so stressed! I’d literally be the scum of the earth if I even dare—” 

Plagg is staring at him with flat interest. Humbly aware of his judgement, Adrien swallows, letting the air untense and clams his hands – eager to narrate his animated allegory – in his pockets in strife to get a grip.  

He sighs. 

“What if I mess it up, Plagg?” 

He inventories his new rock in Adrien’s satchel. A hymn of silence roots in the place of what should be a snide remark. But there is no fed-up comment, just a kwami wriggling under his overshirt out of sight and a solemn voice that issues from it,  

“Kid, you’re partners. You work together. You forgive each other. You trust each other. And if Ladybug trusts you,” he sticks his head out a little more, “find it in you to trust yourself. You won’t mess this up if you put her and her identity’s safety first, which I know you will, because you love her and you’re a great hero.” 

Adrenaline dampening, Adrien smiles.  

“Thanks, Plagg.” 

- 

Marinette has never believed in bad luck until she met Chat Noir (fifty Mr Pigeon akumatisations this year with a feather allergy? The next lucky charm is going to be an Epi-pen) and for a while, she didn’t believe in good luck, even with being Ladybug. 

But that was then. Back then, meaning like, ten minutes ago before she was invited to stay back after PE by Adrien. 

Right now, though? Right now, she’s decided she’s going to hand-sew a bedazzled shirt embossed with, “Goddess of Luck” to wear while Ladybug on patrol (and on the back, a quote she woke up to on Instagram this morning: ‘“can also kick ass” – Adrien Agreste’ (she took ten screenshots when he posted that)), because Marinette has good luck.   

“You’ll be doing me a huge favour,” the ass-kicking quoter says on an afternoon she has not planned to receive the most exciting request of her life. 

And you know what she says? 

You know what the stuttering girl who may as well trademark the word ‘GAH’ she falls that much, says? 

You’ll never guess. 

No really, you won’t. 

Because turns out, Marinette Dupain-Cheng is more than just accomplished. 

So what if she thrones the winning title of a Gabriel fashion comp? What even matters of being class president and an all-around likable person? Who takes notice of another fashion mogul inviting you to live in New York because of your talent? ––An invitation you had to decline because, you know, being Paris’ zero-pay superheroine has a sprinkle more of importance. And oh, did she mention she’s Ladybug? Because she’s Ladybug. A superhero.  

But none of that matters right now. 

“I’d be happy to help.” 

Because she’s said yes.  

She—Marinette McStutter Dupain-Cheng—has said yes with her mouth (not vague hand animations over blubbering nonsense) to Adrien, and although her muscles are locked with their key over the Eiffel tower (and the tiny detail that her thoughts are screaming so much she can’t hear a thing of his relief and numerous ‘thank you’s), she’s still said yes!  

Screw every other accomplishment. She’s said yes to being Adrien’s fake girlfriend. 

Ladybug? Nah, that’s Mrs. Fake Agreste to you.  

Good luck is real.  

Okay but sure, ‘Fake girlfriend’ doesn’t exactly live up to ‘Very real girlfriend’, but being a fake isn’t that bad! She’s seen Lila do it every day for months – oh, hang on, no actually the term ‘fake’ has very negative and huge implications, then. However, in Marinette’s heavenly-blessed case, ‘fake’ means she’s doing a very big favour for a friend and is going to get more time with Adrien – just to name a few positives.  

“Seriously Marinette, you have no idea how much this means to me. I can’t believe I’m so lucky to have a friend like you.” 

‘Oh honey, I’m the lucky one. ’ 

“It’s– It’s no problem! Yeah! Really, I’ll come to dinner, no problem! It can’t be too hard. I can be your girlfriend! Eugh– Pretend girlfriend. It’s not hard being in love with you! I mean– Ugh!” 

The monstrosity that is the never-shutting-up hole in her face is blocked off by frantic hands, stifling the last of her eloquent groan. But peering up, she realises she really has underestimated how much this means to Adrien, because he looks like he’s poised on a cliff of ecstasy ready to fall – eyes verdant, big, and lushed over with a hue of moisture that twinkles, and a smile so bright and toothy the sunlight hollowing out the remaining shade of the PE stadium glints off it.  

In fact, her mess of a speech is such a compliment to Adrien that her locked-limbed body is suddenly engulfed by his. Startled in delightful senses of the word, she squeaks, and he quickly pulls away, face a few rose tones darker than before as his hands twitch at his side unsurely. 

“Uhh, I guess we have to get planning.” 

She watches in transfixed attraction as Adrien picks both their schoolbags up, finally blurting (without any squeak, she may add), 

“Y–Yes. We do.” 

(she didn’t say any stutter, so shut up.) 

“Would your father let you come over right now since school’s almost finished?” 

He casts a look to the exit thoughtfully. His flawless side-profile in high resolution before her, she sees the corner of his mouth quirk up in an unsettling familiar way, as if his whole charisma shifts to someone else’s.  

They do need to plan; to run away together, where only they share this odd secret - a place alone together where they'll look each other eye-to-eye and practice their sonnets of love to construct a believable facade for his father-

“It’s more fun sneaking to my girlfriend’s house, isn’t it?” 

That time, she squeaks.

And comes to the daunting realisation:

Marinette is screwed. 

#I’ll add the @s in the replies cos I know people wanted a part 2 #it took me YONKS to effectively post this #also thanks again to the person who created the idea to let me do this #it’s kinda steered from the envelop theme and a full-fledged fake dating au I guess #miraculous ladybug #ml fic #adrienette #adrinette #identity reveal #original content #em writes

[gay-jesus-probably]

Bisexuality didn't "feel right" as a label because you're biphobic and will do anything to distance yourself from bisexuality. Get well soon, the bi community will be here when you're ready.

Are you the raging homophobe anon back for round two or a new guy? ...It doesn’t really matter, you people are all the same.

If you are the same anon, then now I’m extra pissed off at you because do you have any idea how difficult it is to make fun of your messages? You’re making this really hard for me. First you send a five word ask declaring me a homophobe with no details, and it took a lot of thinking to come up with a vaguely funny response to such a lackluster prompt. You’re a really bad improv partner.

And now you send me this shit. Sorry everybody, no jokes today, now I’m actually just fucking furious.

Let me tell you a story, anon. When I was an innocent little twelve year old back in the far of reaches of 2011, I first discovered Tumblr, and soon enough I was learning about different genders and sexualities, and began exploring my own identity. As you already know since you’re sarcastically quoting me talking about my own fucking feelings, I’d been having a minor sexuality crisis for several years at that point, since gay, straight and bisexual were the only label I’d known before then, and none of them fit me. Despite me trying all of them. Multiple times. You condescending piece of shit.All this was resolved by me stumbling across a post defining pansexuality, and that being the first and only sexual identity that’s ever actually felt right for me. It clicked instantly, and has continued to be my sexuality for literally a decade now.

But back when I first started entering the queer community, pansexuality was actually pretty controversial. So was bisexuality. The two were just lumped together actually, because according to the exclusionists back then, bi/pan people are attracted to the opposite sex, and therefor are basically just straight. Actually they rarely cared enough to bother differentiating between bisexual and pansexual people, they just lumped us all in together as a bunch of heteros pretending to be gay for attention and oppressing the real gays. What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be gay for attention. So there I was, a twelve year old queer kid with a brand new identity, being welcomed by a bunch of exclusionists angrily yelling about how I was definitely just a hetero faking it for attention, and being pansexual was Wrong and Bad. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

I didn’t do that.

Let’s jump forward a few years. I was older, and still perfectly confident in my identity as a pansexual. I hadn’t considered any other parts of my identity. Why would I? I just never really thought much about gender. Then shortly after my fourteenth birthday, I watched a short film online about a trans boy figuring out his identity and working up the courage to come out to his mother. I don’t remember what it was called or most of the details. All I remember was the last scene where the boy and his mother got into an argument about him not feminine enough, which ended with him screaming that he wasn’t a girl. And then I unexpectedly burst into tears because neither was I.

So that was a fun surprise. Once I pulled through that unexpected sobbing breakdown in the middle of the night and re-evaluated my entire life, I realized that yeah. I really wasn’t a girl. I wasn’t a boy either. Fortunately by then I knew that nonbinary people were a thing, so I had plenty of options. I spent awhile feeling things out and experimenting with different labels and pronouns before finally settling on agender and they/them pronouns. Which was great! I felt better than ever, and was confident that I had my identity down and everything would be fine. But everything was not fine. Because I’d been so happy about the biphobia dying down that I hadn’t quite noticed the exclusionists switching targets. Now the nonbinary people were lying. What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be queer for attention. The ones who wanted to medically transition were declared to actually be poor confused trans people who couldn’t get over their internalized transphobia to accept their True Identities. And the rest of us... well, we were just a bunch of cishet special snowflakes playing at being trans for attention, and oppressing the real trans people. I wasn’t agender. I was a cis girl making up fake identities for attention, and calling myself nonbinary was Wrong and Bad. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

I didn’t do that.

Step forward a few more years, now to eighteen year old me. There’s no dramatic revelations or long struggles this time, just a slow realization. Because I’d been single for years, and I wasn’t bothered by that. I actually enjoyed it. Marriage didn’t sound very appealing. Neither did dating. I’d dated people before, but I wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to; it was just... the thing I was supposed to do. I found people attractive, sure. But I hadn’t wanted to flirt with anyone. Actually, now that I was thinking about it, had I ever felt romantically attracted to anyone? I didn’t even want romance in fiction! So I experimented. Went on some dates just in case age made it more appealing (it didn’t). Began calling myself aromantic, and was pleasantly surprised to find that the longer I used it, the better it felt. It was right.

But once again, the exclusionists were back and even angier than ever. Because now aphobia was in full swing. After all, asexuality wasn’t really queer. It’s just not having sex! It’s basically straight! What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be queer for attention. And the aromantics, oh the aromantics who weren’t asexual were even worse. Because everyone knows that love is what makes us human. How could someone not feel romance? Us aro people weren’t just lying about our identities, we were pretending to not have feelings so that we could get away with using people for sex without commitment. Being aro meant I was an abusive sex crazed monster taking advantage of all the poor innocent allo’s. I wasn’t aromantic. I was a sexual predator making up a fake identity to take advantage of people, and even though I wasn’t actually sleeping around calling myself aro was Bad and Wrong. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

And I didn’t fucking do that.

Look. I’ve been here for a very long time, and I have dealt with so many versions of exclusionist bullshit. Every aspect of my identity has been met with random fucking strangers online smugly informing me that I was wrong about myself and they were right. And that’s just the ones that wanted me to pretend to be something else; about half of the exclusionists didn’t make any attempts at conversion therapy, and instead skipped straight to suicide baiting. I’m not even getting into the actual homophobes I’ve had to deal with, or the TERF’s that have come after me under the assumption that I’m a trans woman. My point is, I’m pretty fucking used to this sort of thing.

This just hurts a little more, because like I said earlier, the first round of exclusionism I faced was just expanded biphobia. And the bi/pan community banded together in the face of that. We weren’t the exact same identities, but we were being treated the same, and we were similar enough that nobody really minded the difference. It was wonderful. Bi and pan people were a tightly knit group, and that was a sense of community I desperately needed when I was young. I’ve been seeing this coming for awhile. There’s been increasing amounts of bi people getting drawn in by exclusionist bullshit, and I’ve seen anti-pansexual sentiment growing. I just... really hoped it wouldn’t get this far. It’s sad, y’know? It feels like losing an old friend. I’m really disappointed that you think trying to force people out of their community is right. It’s fucking pathetic, and I hope that someday you’ll rediscover basic compassion and realize how much damage you’re doing to yourself and others. This sort of thing doesn’t help the bisexual community. It drives people away. It’s like the damage that TERF’s have done to the lesbian community; this sort of thing poisons the whole well. I hope you re-evaluate what you’re doing and find a more healthy mindset.

...But also at the same time: Who the fuck do you think you are? Take your condescending bullshit and shove it directly up your ass you fucking waste of oxygen. How the fuck dare you. Do you realize the fucking audacity it takes to claim to know someone's identity better than they do? You self centered egotistical douchebag. Your parents should feel ashamed for having raised such an utter failure of a human being. I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but I can already tell you beat off twice a day to how fucking clever you think you are. If you ever darken my inbox again you’d better be damn sure you keep it anonymous, because if I find you I’ll kick your fucking teeth in, you smug piece of shit.

#i spent like two hours on this lmaoooo #no regrets tho this is some damn fine writing

[sterekloveaffairs]

Kiss me, I hate you - Peter Hale

Author: sterekloveaffairs

Characters: Reader x Peter Hale, Scott McCall, Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski

Warnings: language, threats

Word Count: 1,857

A/N: This was a request from @doviesdawelshie : I tried to make it as close to your request as possible, I already had a story started, so it was quicker to finish that idea, if you’re not satisfied, please let me know and I will try to write a new one, it might take a little while longer, but I’d hate for you not to be happy with it, so let me know what you think!

We had never been the best of friends, and we probably never would be. Peter Hale was the perfect example of everything I hoped I’d never be. He was selfish, rude and downright evil, without remorse or consideration towards other people. That was all bad enough on its own, but I would probably be able to handle it much better if he didn’t feel the constant need to meddle and get involved in things that were none of his business. Or if he hadn't bitten my little brother Scott. I had always been very protective of him, and when I went off to my first year in college, I had been worried sick. It was during my Christmas break that I had found out what had happened. And I would never forgive anyone even just thinking about hurting my baby brother. So yeah, excuse me if I was a little tense around Peter Hale.

I knew I wasn’t the only one that was bothered when he once again showed up at pack meetings in Derek’s loft or decided that his opinion was of crucial importance to whatever we were dealing with at that time. I could often see Derek’s muscles tense, or Stiles rolling his eyes. However, I was the only person actively engaging in conflicts with Peter. I had zero tolerance for the man and absolutely no problem making that clear to him. I did not keep my mouth shut, and Derek and Scott were often forced to physically intervene, when Peter and I kept on working each other up until the point of no return. They only did that because I was human though. They knew that there was little chance of survival for me if Peter decided he was sick of my comments.

Today was one of those days. The faeries had been messing around in Beacon Hills for quite some time now, and we decided it had been enough. So we called a pack meeting to discuss the topic, and of course Peter showed up, and of course he figured that his opinion was the most important one. Add that to the usual derogation he radiated when talking to the pack -because, and I quote, they were just a bunch of silly teenagers-  and you can just imagine the fumes coming from my ears. But maybe that's just because it was Peter, because when Derek literally called Stiles a delusional idiot, I didn't really care. Completely disregarding my bias towards Peter, I could feel myself getting more and more wound up with every word he said and eventually with every breath he took. He had thrown me a few looks, but Scott had warned me before coming here that he didn't need the usual crap between me and Peter, so I had decided to just ignore him and not even acknowledge his existence. Unfortunately, I am not the best at keeping my body language subtle, so when I rolled my eyes and let out a sigh after yet another comment –I don't even remember what he said, that's how fucking useless it was- his head shot up and he glared at me as if he was trying to burn a hole through my skull. He probably was, asshole that he was.

"What is your fucking problem?" He snarled, and I nearly missed the 'Oh God not again' that Stiles muttered.  It took me a few seconds to take a breath and switch from my annoyed facial expression to a sweet, innocent smile.

"Why are you assuming that there is a problem?" I asked, "Besides you just being a stuck up know it all again and people getting seriously sick of it?" I saw him clench his fists and from the corner from my eyes I noticed Derek and Scott subtly inching closer to us, to jump in between if necessary.

"Stuck up- Listen here, missy, as far as I know, I'm actually contributing to solving this issue instead of just sitting around doing nothing but being a spoiled little brat that is only here because being supervised by her brother is the only way she will not get herself into some sort of trouble that might end up killing her because she can't keep her damn mouth shut!" Peter was on the verge of losing control, and somehow it pleased me a lot that I managed to get him so wound up. I mean, there he was, the self-proclaimed alpha of Beacon Hills and he was set off by a human woman. Way to go, tough guy.

"I was not saying a thing until you asked me a question. A stupid one, for that matter, but I did not expect anything else." He stood up, and so did I, because I would be damned before I let someone like Peter Hale try to intimidate me. Derek stepped in front of Peter, Scott put his hand on my shoulder.

"Scott, back off," I said calmly. Peter grinned.

"They're just proving my point, sweetheart. If I wanted, I could crush you like a bug."

"Then why haven't you? Aren't you supposed to be the mighty werewolf that has Beacon Hills shivering in fear? And you're backing off because of your nephew and a teenage boy. Some werewolf you are."

"You have no idea what I'm capable of, you might want to be careful what you say to me, bad things might happen next time you're wandering around on your own for once, without your brother to save your sorry ass." Scott growled at Peter, I pushed his hand away from me and stepped around him, determined to not let Peter win.

"I don't need his protection. I can't help that people actually like me enough to not set me on fire and slit my throat." I could see his nostrils flare, his eyes locked with mine. They got slightly darker, and I ignored the chills that slowly crawled up my spine. He didn't though. He smirked once again, slowly walked towards me.

"That's right, silly little girl. You do know what I can do." I could feel the tension grow thicker, but I refused to look away. Yes, all of my instincts were screaming to back away. That means I'm not an idiot. The fact that I didn't budge, did mean that I'm in fact the biggest idiot walking this earth.

"Go ahead and try to threaten me, Peter. That's all you're good at anyway. Trying to overpower anyone that sees you for what you really are: a pathetic little man that has nothing to offer but teeth and claws." I could hear Stiles face palm himself, mumbling something about 'that mouth is going to get her killed' but I was too caught up to respond. Peter was close enough now for me to feel his breath on my skin, and I would lie if I said I wasn't at least a little scared. And impressed. I mean, I strongly disliked Peter, but I was not blind or stupid and I had fairly good taste, so I would have to admit that Peter was beyond handsome. Icy blue eyes, sharp jaw, broad shoulders and a shitload of muscles. When he stood in front of me like that, the chills running down my back might not all be explained by a little hint of fear. But he was outrageously annoying, and that was only proof that personality could kill all the charm of good looks.

"I'm getting so sick of your attitude," he hissed, stopping in his tracks when the next step would definitely be on my toes.

"Believe me, that feeling is completely mutual," I spat towards him, still not looking away, "and something else, if you-"

My words were muffled by nothing else but Peter's lips. He moved too fast for me to jump away, or to do anything for that matter. I squealed softly, wanted to pull back, but he put his hand –surprisingly gentle- on the back of my head, pulling me into him. His lips were softer than I could have ever imagined, and my mind and body were flooded with emotions. Disgust was one of them. How dare he kiss me and invade my personal space like that? How dare he assume that I would agree to this and use his physical strength to keep me in this horribly unexpected position? Confused disbelief was the second one. How exactly did this happen? Where in this conversation did he move from 'I might not kill you myself but I would probably celebrate if someone else did' to 'I can no longer resist you, kiss me like there is no tomorrow'? And why did he think that it was the same for me? And oh God, why did I not dislike this as much as I thought I would? Why am I not struggling nearly hard enough to show that I do not want this? Why am I even FUCKING allowing this to happen?

I pushed him away, and despite my strength not sufficing to overpower him, he did let go. He licked his lips while looking at me, and somehow that sparked an enormous rage inside of me. I raised my right hand and slapped him across the face, ignoring the fact that it had probably hurt me more than it had hurt him. But it was a very hard slap. His head turned to the side, and he chuckled.

"How dare you," I said softly. Where was my bitterness? Where was the anger I had meant to put in my voice? Why did I regret no longer kissing him?

He looked back at me, opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, I forgot all about NOT liking him and practically jumped him. I kissed him again, and this time I could feel even more passion. He put his hands on my waist, somehow my arms locked behind his neck. And boy, did he kiss me back.

I forgot all about the world around me, until I noticed Stiles gagging. I pulled myself away from Peter.

"Am I supposed to hit you now?" He smirked. I huffed.

"That’s because you interrupted me."

"My apologies. What were you going to say?" I could feel his hands caressing my sides, and somehow I felt really weird. What just happened? And I couldn't help but notice the slightest hint of sarcasm in his words. Asshole.

"As if you care." My voice suddenly sounded sharper again, and he let his hands fall away, as did I.

"That is by far the most disgusting plot twist I have ever seen," Stiles said.

"Shut up, Stiles," Peter said harshly. I frowned.

"Don't think for even a second that I will tolerate you being like that now!" I hissed. How was this possible? One second I can't get close enough, the next I feel like punching him in the fucking face again. Why was he such a dick?

"Same goes for you," He said darkly before turning around, grabbing his coat and walking through the door.

Something told me that this was far from over.

#teen wolf #teen wolf fanfic #fanfic #peter hale #peter hale x reader #scott mccall #derek hale #stiles stilinski #peter hale fanfic #fluff #fanfic request

[rosesnlavender]

Obsession: Mystic Messenger V Route

So this recently came out after Mystic Messenger got a whole new layout. The old layout was cute but the new layout has more of a space/ tech advance feel to it. If you’re interested in taking a peek at the old layout (there’s been 2 layout changes so far), take a look back at my 2016 Christmas Mystic Messenger Special post (it’s been almost a year and I haven’t even finished the post; I haven’t even finished all the routes for the special...).

Moving on, I have approx. 2 weeks until school starts so I have just the right amount of time to play through one round of the new route. Now if you’ve read my first Mystic Messenger post, you’ll know about my rant on V. I really wanted an Unknown route so I hope they’ll come out with that as well.

As I’ve started writing this post, I have not yet opened up V’s route. However, my mindset as I’m going through this THIS ROUTE WILL NOT CHANGE THE STORYLINE OR DIFFER IN STORYLINE. I SINCERELY HOPE that the story will continue as it was and that my baby Seven will also have a happy ending.

Here’s the promo vid if you’re interested.

I would not recommend reading this unless you already know what happens in this game and/or played this game up to both the secret ends. 

I WILL NOT STRIKE-THROUGH ANY SPOILERS FROM THE CASUAL AND DEEP STORIES ON THIS POST BECAUSE I’M ASSUMING YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT’S UP.

Straight to the bottom is the TL;DR like usual but it’ll only appear after I’ve finished the post which is when I’ll finish the route.

This will be a long ass post with the usual format (if you’ve read these before):

Unlocking V’s Route

Beginning V’s Route

Finishing V’s Route

Endings Completed

Final Notes

TL;DR

Time Table

Unlocking V’s route

Alright, since I downloaded the new update at around noon, I’ll be opening up the sequence and going throughout the day and I’ll restart at midnight. 

So first things first. Look at this new start screen.

I don’t know how the route is going to work but I personally don’t really like the idea of the MC being a second love.

The head and quote goes through a cycle of all the characters and their difference sayings.

That “Another Story” wording really scares me. I PRAY TO GOD IT DOESN’T STRAY FROM THE ORIGINAL STORY.

On the side note, HOLY HELL 300 HG! Thank god I have barely enough saved up.

I KNEW IT. “This story unfolds 2 years prior to the original story.” It’s going to be a different story. Though surprisingly, I’m not too mad about it. Two years prior means everyone is blissfully unaware and my baby Seven hasn’t been hurt. Hmm. How long was it since Rika “died” before the original story? Kind of looking forward to this. That “Other surprising content” though.

80 CGs?! GETTING MY MIND READY. I really hope the artwork is the same as the original story and not like the weird occasional change in style like in some of the specials. It’s also cute how V’s album now has special photo squares unlike the usual ? logo.

Umm jumping ahead cause I’m really excited about this, 

GUYS. GUYS. GUYS. 

THERE’S AN UNKNOWN ALBUM.

CAN I HAVE HOPE FOR AN UNKNOWN ROUTE.

Beginning V’s Route

Anyways, moving back, I will now official start the route (before I restart it at midnight later tonight).

Look at this new layout. Green backgrounds means that there’s a new status.

There’s a shit ton more CGs which I really hope are in the original artwork style. There’s also a shit ton more guests. Like literally doubled the amount that was there before. If it took 5 routes to unlock all those guests, I wonder how big this party will be this time around.

I’m also really liking the MC profile.

So my hunch was correct, the story is set around half a year after Rika’s “death”.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.THE PROLOGUE SOMEWHAT BROKE THROUGH THE FOURTH WALL. PLUS WE FINALLY GOT UNKNOWN’S NAME! I mean not his REAL name but like an alias like most of the other characters have.

So the premise of this route goes like this: You are technically kidnapped by Ray (Unknown) and taken to what probably is Mint Eye HQ. You’re essentially locked in another room to “test” out this messenger game that Ray supposedly developed. The messenger game concept is literally like inception. Ray even gives you the promo poster picture of all 5 main targets. He tells you they’re AIs and that you’ll have to plan a party. The same game concept. Except in the dialogues, you can somewhat flirt with Ray. But while I say flirt, there’s a hint of a ummm manipulative atmosphere where Ray will sometimes flirt back but it’s basically just to play with your feelings and keep you there to use you. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is how it turns out later.

On a side note, Ray’s emojis are so cute. But I’m not sure if I’m liking his whole fuchsia/magenta Victorian aristocrat outfit. It’s a different look then what we’re used to in the original story 2 years down the road. I wonder what happened. Or is it just because he needs to manipulate the MC that he’s wearing this? His hearts are also in that fuchsia/magenta color.

Back to the game, although the format is the same as the casual and deep stories, there will be more appearances from Ray hacking in. You really interact more with V and Ray in this route.  I know it’s suppose to be V’s route but I’m all about flirting with Ray right now. Even though I know it’s probably not gonna end well.

On another side note, they weren’t kidding when they said HG for 24 skips vary.

A whole 165 HG to skip 24 hours ON THE FIRST DAY. I’m quite curious as to what to expect next.

On a whole new other side note

The phone calls now come with a whole new contacts section WITH 2 EMPTY BUBBLES. OMG WHO ARE THEY FOR?

Finishing V’s Route So I went through the bad ending for common route 3 (or so it’s labeled in the history chat, which is just missing all the chats before the branch after day 4) and restarted it. I didn’t exactly read them yet since I was kind of salty going through it. I’ll probably read them after I’ve finish the normal/good ends.

The first actual game play I’m going through is just choosing the choices that I want. I don’t care if this ends badly or not. I’m still kind of salty about V. I’m really all about flirty with Ray right now. I think that since this is fairly “early” in the time period, I don’t think Ray has been drugged and brainwashed and as mentally unstable as he was in the original game. So I really feel for ray and I’ve been all about flirting with him. And honestly, while I don’t like how occasionally you’ll see his unstable ultra possessive state, I actually totally agree with him on this:

You can still see his deep rooted misguided hate for Seven through the fact that he doesn’t even mention his name but Ray actually does have a clear understanding of the RFA members. It makes you wonder how he found out about this or was he smart and clear headed enough to infer this from reading the chat logs when he hacked in.

Side note: The following is a rambling of a storyline for Ray inspired by the chat above and one of the prologue bad ends. 

For a Ray route, I’m kind of thinking it could also be set 2 years ago from the original story line and the MC could still be kidnapped by Ray on the streets but it could be that the MC is actually an undercover agent tasked with bringing down Mint Eye. As they slowly interact with each other, the MC would see that Ray is just brainwashed and they would slowly fall in love but the MC can’t stay very long. 

After uncovering the truth and bringing down Mint Eye, the MC would deliver Ray back to Seven (hopefully all the RFA members had their eyes opened, including V) for Ray to get the help he needs. But even though Ray gets help and recovers quickly because it hasn’t been that long that he’s been drugged and brainwashed, Ray is still very dependent and loves the MC that he uses his hacking resources to track her down. The RFA members sees this and decided to help him. MC is found to be president of a security company by day and underworld boss by night. 

Since MC can’t leave, Ray decides to join her and Seven decides to follow. Seeing this the rest of the members follow (with Vanderwood because Vanderwood follows Seven and Seven’s original agency is afraid of MC’s company so there’s no problems). The members still hosts party with Ray as the party coordinator now. The only thing that’s changed is the RFA name. 

This is pretty much my little imagination on a Ray route. It would be fun to see the MC actually have more of a background. It’s pretty weird how the MC is just roped into the storyline with no regards to her previous life. Does no one care that she just disappears? 

Back to the first play, all I can say is Ray is too precious and my saltiness for V is starting to fade. It’s still there, but it’s fading. AHHH. Flirting with Ray gave me a bad end after Day 4 branch. I choose answers that flirted with him but at the same time I didn’t want to fucking join Mint Eye. Ahh. Time to restart. The second game play I finally got into V’s route. BUT I’M OFFICIALLY SALTY AGAIN. THE SALT DILUTED WHEN I WAS FLIRTING WITH RAY BUT IT CAME BACK STRONG WHEN I DECIDED TO GET THE GOOD END IN V’S ROUTE. His stupid pathetic ass is STILL hiding things from the members. He asks Seven for help but makes him go the round about. V wants to make everyone hate him and feels pathetic but he doesn’t deserves everyone’s hatred. He’s not seeing how he’s hurting them and only thinking about himself. The choices in the game is so annoying I want to smash his face. I seriously do not want to play this route. I just can’t with him. I’m only in it for Ray. If V wants to put a pity party for himself then go ahead but leave everyone else out of it. THEY’RE ALREADY INVOLVED. Keeping them out isn’t helping anyone! I especially hate how he uses Seven’s trust for when he knows Seven will feel betrayed when Mint Eye is exposed. In the original story, Mint Eye progressed by 2 years. TWO FUCKING YEARS he tried to do something on his own. AND WHAT DID HE FUCKING ACCOMPLISH? NOTHING. Honestly, I don’t know if I should continue for the good route or just do what i want to fucking do.

WHAT THE FUCK. I AVOIDED RIKA LIKE THE PLAGUE AND STILL GOT HER ENDING. WTF.  Endings Completed

Bad Ends

Prologue 1 ‎✔

Prologue 2 ‎✔

Common Route 3  ✔

...

...

Normal End

Good End

Final Notes

The CGs are smoother than in the original story and honestly love them more than the ones in the original story.

TL;DR Time Table

#obsession #mystic messenger

[evakfanficsrecs]

EVAK FANFICTION RECS / PART 12

Hi, hello everyone! <3

It’s been a while since my last masterpost and I figured now would be the perfect time to post this anyway since... you know... after today, there will be no more of the real thing. So consider this as a kind of fix-it gift from moi, which you can devour when we’re all sad about the show ending. I would include the cheesy ‘Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened’ quote, but that would be kind of hypocritic since I’m already bawling my eyes out myself, so... yeah. Enjoy these fics at least! :)

Lastly, Skam might be ending, but I promise you we’re not going anywhere... As long as there are fics to recommend, we’ll be here with new rec lists at hand & ready to reply to all your asks/requests! 

As always, the list is divided into oneshots and chaptered fics.  My personal favorites are tagged with a “ ★ ”. Completed chaptered fics are tagged with a “ ✓ ”.

Now, without further ado, all the fics can be found under the cut. Have fun!

*

ONESHOTS:

i could probably just curl up in you. by milominderbinder Summary: Isak is away at a cabin with the guys when he gets a text from Even. “hey, babe, did you take my favourite hoodie?” He is, of course, outraged that Even would accuse him of such treachery. The fact that Isak is wearing the hoodie at that very moment has nothing to do with it.

take it slowly darling, this time i'm feeling a change by ahana Summary: The first time he saw Isak Valtersen.

It's Okay to Not be Okay by okaywhateverokayyes Summary: Isak's thinking about the pieces of paper that Even still leaves him in the morning- about parallel universes and how he writes all these words that somehow are strung together to sound more articulate than Isak could ever make them sound- And it dawns upon him, what all of it means.

when your heart is bleeding, i'm coming to get you by cosetties ★ Summary: uni!au; Isak doesn't exactly expect his hookup from last week to be the love advice columnist at the school newspaper he's working at. He also doesn't expect to fall even harder for him than he already has, which is a shame, really, since Even's crushing on someone else.

i never sleep (‘cause sleep is the cousin of death) by Evenbechbaesheim Summary: Isak’s just had enough. He can’t fucking sleep. It’s never been this bad, and with the doctors news, he fears it’s about to get a whole whole lot worse.

and now my heart is ready by verlore_poplap ★ Summary: Isak's only eighteen, Even proposes a lot, everybody cries and - surprisingly - no one makes a joke about Isak being a teenage bride.

scream for air to breathe by highpraises Summary: “Can I fuck you?” Even asks, fingers mapping out the soft skin Isak bares to him, squeezing and kneading as he licks a stripe up his neck. “What else do you think I’m here for?” His voice is quiet and Even grins at him before pushing him back onto his bed. Even never dropped out of Bakka and meets 16-year-old Isak at a party.

the best place to begin by milominderbinder Summary: It's funny how fast you develop habits when you live with someone.

Where There's Tea, There's Hope by colazitron Summary: Isak knows how to boil water, he promises. He understands the basic concepts of physics, okay?

and i'm so proud (of being loved by you). by milominderbinder Summary: Isak's eighteenth birthday is only three days before Oslo's pride parade. To Eskild, Even, and the rest of his ridiculous friends, this apparently makes it the perfect opportunity to combine celebrations.

almost like calling it love by piginawig Summary: fake dating!au; “I have to go to the party,” he stated. “I have to show him that I’m okay, I’m pre-med with perfect grades and yeah, maybe I’m single, but-“ “What if you weren’t single?” Even said suddenly, biting his lip.Isak choked. “Um, what?” “Like, what if you took a boyfriend to the party?” “I don’t have a boyfriend, Even,” he said, frowning. Even didn’t look deterred. “What?” “I could be your boyfriend.” Isak choked again. “Like, pretend,” Even clarified, and Isak felt slightly sick.

I'd follow you anywhere by reasoniwantyoutostay Summary: Even bounded up the 4 flights of stairs to their apartment. As he reached for his key to unlock the door he paused. Was that music coming from their apartment? He leaned his ear against the door and then pulled back with a confused look. Maybe Isak was watching TV? But why would he be watching that?

(Drunk) In Love by verlore_poplap Summary: Isak falls in love at first sight. Too bad he's drunk off his ass when it happens.

The Dials of Life by wordsarelifealways Summary: Isak has lived with Asperger's his whole life, and without a doubt his least favourite part is the hypersensitive times.

Who, With Pancakes, Is Poor? by colazitron Summary: When Isak wakes up, it's to a warm, sunny day, and his boyfriend making pancakes. What could be better than that?

take it in your heart now, lover by cuddlesevak Summary: Isak's date doesn't show up so he calls a cab, and the cute taxi dirver takes him to a lot of places in just one night.

the adventures of stanley the matchmaking parrot by hippopotamus ★ Summary: In which Even and Isak are ridiculously obvious, and Jonas’ wingman skills are second only to a parrot’s.

if you know you're in love and he feel like the one by highpraises Summary: “Are we going to your place?” Isak asks, when they’ve been driving for just a couple of minutes. “Nah, my parents are home,” He says softly, running his thumb over the ridges of Isak’s knuckles. Isak’s brow furrows and he chews his lip to the side, humming lowly. “So… the car? We’ll park somewhere?” Isak asks, smiling shyly.

home is wherever i'm with you. by milominderbinder Summary: Everyone seems to assume it's Even who asks first. Even is the romantic, after all; he's the one who does impulsive things, and he's the one who talks about the future like it's inevitable. It only makes sense that he'd be the one to first think up such a seemingly ill-advised idea. But actually, it's Isak who turns around one night when they're cuddling in Even’s bunk bed, Even’s hand twined in Isak’s curls and guitar music playing in the background, and asks, “Do you want move in together?”

La Ritournelle by Tristeza ★ Summary: Isak and Even are exes. A funeral brings them back together.

Forget The World by verlore_poplap ★   Summary: Hence, Isak resigned himself to being the ninth wheel and consoled himself with the knowledge that Even was always good for some solid kush and he'd just light up for four days straight. The more he thought about it, the better it sounded in Isak's head. Yeah. This weekend was going to be fucking awesome.

slid the panties right to the side, ain't got the time to take draws off by highpraises Summary: A self indulgent (sexual) day in the life of Isak and Even.

Beat that Record by Dutten Summary: Fuck Jonas. All of this is his fault. Fucking Jonas. Or, the one where Jonas tells the squad about making a girl come untouched more than once and Even gets ideas.

keys to the universe by idontshaveforsher_yesyoudo Summary: "The day the pride parade takes place is beautiful.” Or, Isak and Even at pride. There's glitter, pan pride and dancing and everyone is happy.

you can keep me up (keep me up all night). by milominderbinder Summary: neighbors!au; Isak Valtersen has a nemesis, and it's whoever lives above his room at the kollektiv. Every night, all he can hear is loud, endless mystery noises. Has his neighbour taken up carpentry? Trampolining? Raising cats? Whatever it is, Isak is both pissed off and sleep deprived, and it's not a good combination.Unfortunately, most of that anger goes away the moment he meets Even Bech Næsheim. He might be a bit too cute to count as a nemesis.

i fill the tub up halfway then ride it with my surfboard by highpraises ★ Summary: Isak turns his head, and looks directly into Even’s eyes for the first time since he sank into the tub. “You’ll take care of me,” Isak says stupidly. “Yes,” Even agrees immediately. He leans forward and kisses Isak on the mouth, and then adds, “Endlessly.” “Take care of me,” Isak whispers, lids heavy and breaths coming out quicker already.

you're the one i wanna grey with by cosetties ★ Summary: They've only been dating a month, so Isak shouldn't be pathetic enough to miss Even this much when he's only gone for a weekend. They're taking this completely chill, but Isak is starting to realize that he has no chill when it comes to Even.

hey good looking, what you got cooking. by milominderbinder Summary: “The first rule of cooking,” Even says, looking Isak very seriously in the eyes and handing him a spatula, “Is to always be prepared for anything.” Isak blinks. He accepts the spatula, but considering they aren't even stood in the kitchen yet, he's not particularly sure what he's supposed to do with it. “I feel like that's not the first rule of cooking. Isn't the first rule of cooking probably something to do with not giving people food poisoning or chopping your finger off with a meat knife or something?”

would you do me the honors? by cammm Summary: Even loves Isak. So much that he's going to ask him to marry him. He gets some of their friends involved to help him make this happen. He wants everything to be perfect. Isak gets a text from Even telling him to come meet him in the bathroom they met at Nissen. Confused, Isak goes. Only, Even isn't there. Jonas is. Which leads him here and there collecting roses and notes at locations that hold memories. Many of the big pivotal moments for Isak and Even are revisited, leading up to an Evak proposal.

Call me when you've broken up with your girlfriend. by kingkylo Summary: What if Even had never showed up to Isak's place the night of that pre-game? What if Isak learned to move on, and three years later, gets a message from an unknown number. And that number just so happens to be Even.

Home by unsungyellowraincoat Summary: Eskild visits Isak and Even's home for the first time.

another breath and i'm up another level. by milominderbinder Summary: They pass the joint back and forth for a little while, mostly quiet, until they've both had enough to start feeling a little buzzed. It's a cool summer evening, not cold but with a gentle breeze washing over them through the open doors, and they have nowhere to be. Nothing is urgent, and right in that moment, they can both just completely chill. Then Even looks up and says, “Wanna shotgun?” Isak’s mouth goes dry.

Hugs Heal All by smilexdarling Summary: Isak and Even have an argument, so obviously they hug it out the next day like the soft boyfriends they are.

Hold On Tight, It's a Roller Coaster Ride We're On by sugarbeat24 ★ Summary: Isak finds himself in line for a roller coaster because of a bet. He meets Even, who is determined to help him concur his fears and help him win that bet! “And what was the bet exactly?” “That I wouldn’t be able to ride the Top Thrill Dragster without chickening out or throwing up,” Isak grimaced.

city of stars, are you shining just for me? by cuddlesevak Summary: Isak and Even have sex for the first time and it's an emotional rollercoaster for both of them. One that ends up being the best thing that's ever happened.

i put my make up on, it's friday night and i won't be long by lovedisak Summary: The first time Isak tries make up is when he's dating Sara. Or, Isak's journey wearing make up.

A cloud of smoke by ForEvenAndEver (yuraxchan) Summary: “I've made a list of pros and cons of why you should stop smoking, babe.” Isak grabs a paper folded in four conveniently left on the table the night before, clears his throat and looks at Even to make sure he's listening. He is, of course. Although, he looks adorably confused this early in the morning. Isak stares at him for longer than necessary, admiring the view of Even with puffy eyes and his hair in disarray, still rumpled from sleep. Or, Isak tries to make Even stop smoking by using his charms as a distraction.

tell me who the fuck you wanna be by thekardemomme Summary: In Isak's very, very short life, he's only kissed four people. He hasn't stopped kissing Even.

love must be made, and made new (all the time). by milominderbinder Summary: After moving in to their new apartment together, Isak and Even go grocery shopping for the first time. Featuring: illegible shopping lists, Even's weird food obsessions, and a conversation about what, exactly, it takes to make a home.

Spaces Between Us by allyasavedtheday ★ Summary: Isak cuddles into him, nosing at Even’s cheek and leaning their temples together. “I think they miss you.” “Really?” he whispers, hardly daring to hope.Isak nods against him. “They asked if you’d want to see them again.” “What did you say?” “I said it’s up to you.” * A fix-it fic for Even's storyline in season 4.

boy, you make me make bad decisions by hippopotamus Summary: uni!au; In which Isak is way too drunk, way too dramatic, and his ex is making out with someone else.

The Way To A Boy's Heart by GayaIsANerd Summary: “Stop that, you’re messing up your hair, and we both know how much work that takes!” Isak took his hand and hugged Even from behind. “It’s good! Everyone loves your pasta. You don’t have to impress anyone, it’s just Sana and Yousef. It will be okay.” “Promise?” “Promise!”

Boys of Summer by XioNin Summary: Even has no idea why he's standing in a room full of pretty, shirtless boys, but he is not complaining. 

i won't deny it, i'm not trying to hide it by highpraises Summary: Even traces his fingers along the choker and Isak digs his nails into his shoulders as Even slips his fingers beneath it, tightening it just enough for Isak to squirm, his laughter dying out. “Even.” “Do you like that?” “Yes,” Isak whispers breathlessly. Or, snapshot fic of Isak and Even's sex life, featuring chokers.

take me over, take me in. by milominderbinder Summary: Eskild is suddenly waving the order ticket in front of his face, and -- oh. Right there, in the little box on the online order form that says ‘Delivery instructions?’ someone has typed out, send the cute delivery boy. This is why Isak hates online orders. Nobody would ever say something like that if they actually had to call up and ask, but a picture of someone putting that special request had gone viral or something, because now it seems like they get some idiot asking for a cute delivery boy basically every week.

chokers and crop tops by cammm Summary: Isak wants to surprise Even with wearing a crop top and a choker in bed, so he turns to the people he knows can help him out: Eva, Noora, and Vilde.

He’s too good for me by JulietteGD Summary: Isak’s reaction to The Video.

somebody in here, it’s your birthday. by milominderbinder Summary: On the morning of Isak’s eighteenth birthday, he wakes up early – to the sound of someone relentlessly calling his name, the smell of waffles, and the sight of a very beautiful boyfriend, already fully dressed and beaming the crinkly-eyed smile Isak loves so much, with an armful of terribly wrapped presents. It turns out, Even has a few surprises in store.

it’s my birthday and i’ll get fucked if i want to by highpraises Summary: "Should we go?“ “We can’t go, it’s your birthday.” “I get to decide, it’s my birthday.”

audience of one by verlore_poplap Summary: The morning after his eighteenth birthday, Isak reflects on his new favorite film, The boy who couldn’t hold his breath under water.

let us cling together as the years go by by sargentblue ★ Summary: It’s been sitting in Even’s front pocket for a while. He could feel the weight of it against his leg throughout the day, and Even feels like it sticks out like a sore thumb, but Isak (or anyone else, for that matter) hasn’t noticed.It’s not surprising, really. Isak is not very observant at the best of times and the only time he really notices if anything is going on in Even’s pants is for very different reasons. Very different indeed. It’s safe to say Even’s a little bit on edge for the duration of the gathering. Asking someone to marry you is no small feat. * (Or: Even proposes on Isak’s birthday.)

meet you under the summer sun. by milominderbinder ★ Summary: Oslo is struck with a heatwave. Even and Isak try a few different ways of keeping cool.

here, on bended knee by thekardemomme Summary: “So.. You've been hiding a ring for an indeterminate amount of time and your secret was exposed from your friend trying to hijack the sex toy he gave you for use on poor freshmen pledges?” “You really have a knack for making situations sound totally ridiculous, but. Yes, that's the gist of what went down.” Or; Jonas tries to find handcuffs in Isak's closet. Instead, he finds something else.

It’s easy come, never go by LostInAdmiration Summary: Being a parent was terrifying. It was exhausting and stressful and Isak hadn’t slept properly in weeks. He barely felt like he could take care of himself, so taking care of such a small thing that totally relied on him was truly nerve-wracking. Isak relayed all of this to Jonas during their weekly meet up. It had become more like monthly, since Jonas lived a few hours away from their home town now, and Isak was always so busy. Still, every time they reunited it was like no time had passed at all. Jonas snorted and rolled his eyes as Isak complained. “He’s a dog, Isak, not a baby.”

21 Roses by germericangirl Summary: Even is thinking of a great gift for Isak's 19th birthday, and what would be better than a marriage proposal?

special collections by kittpurrson Summary: uni!au; The one where Even is a) a virgin, b) a librarian, and c) hopelessly into Isak Valtersen.

Dundyne, sval by colazitron Summary: Since it's summer now, Even suggests they get a summer duvet. A double, of course, because sharing is caring. That means a trip to IKEA. 

Save the Date by tangledupin_blue Summary: The proposal. Isak was silently glad there was no balcony or nudity involved. In fact, he was a little surprised by the simplicity of the proposal, after all the grand gestures Even had made in the last few years for birthdays, anniversaries and reunions.

The Way You Say I Love You by piginawig Summary: All the ways Isak and Even say "I love you". A series of AU drabbles.

The First Rule of Fight Club by HazyCosmicJive Summary: Isak starts working out at a Gym to relieve stress and becomes smitten by one of the regular boxers.

Don't Wanna Walk Alone by cwtalton Summary: "I will, you know," Isak says. "Will what?" Even asks, confused. "Marry you."

CHAPTERED:

Rays of Sunshine and Blood by nenela16 Summary: Even sees an angel in the bus and can't stop thinking about him. The angel makes his soul less dark but he doesn't know if it is enough to save him.

You and Me, We're Crazy by wylielx Summary: mental institution!au; So, he climbed and the realization hit him. A bird was flying over his head and he knew that this would be the only way. He reached the top and smiled as the sun smiled back at him. He spread his arms out and let himself be taken by gravity. His smile faded when another realization hit him. He wasn’t flying. Or, Even checks himself into a mental institution after a fairly bad episode and nothing seems to change until it does.

Drowning in your love by depressed_mermaid_53 Summary: Even is captain of the swim team. Isak and the boy squad join the team. In this universe a pool is a bigger part of their story.

Doctor Patient Confidentiality by skambition ★ ✓ Summary: “Male, maybe late 20s, didn’t carry an ID. Was hit by a car. Broken ribs, lots of internal bleeding, his left hand needs some work, a lot of crushed bones. Punctured lung. His heart frequency shows irregularities, but we’re not sure why. Unconscious. The driver called, he’s in surgery, too.” “Okay, thanks”, Isak said, got his rubber gloves and went into the OR. He was good at fixing people. And he knew it.

Let It Be (All Night) by verlore_poplap ✓ Summary: A collection of (steamy) oneshots in which Isak rides Even, they have honeymoon sex, Even finds Isak's sex toy, there's porn with feelings, dysfunctional dynamics and Even bottoming for the first time. Mostly in that order.

Stars Shine Bright Above Me by bashfulisak ✓ Summary: childhood friends!au; For once in his life, Isak Valtersen knew what it was like to have a best friend. Many, actually. But Even was special to him in a way he didn't quite understand. So many mixed feelings and emotions at once, but Isak being the young boy he was ignored them. When Even has to move a few days before they start middle school together, Isak is crushed and has not the slightest clue how he's going to make it without him by his side. All alone, by himself, the only thing reminding him that Even is out there somewhere is the stars that shine bright above his head and he knows deep down Even is staring at the same sky, but day and night don't matter.

tethered by verlore_poplap Summary: Isak's sixteen years old when he realizes he's in love with his teacher.

take me to the stars by iriswests ★ Summary: HateToLove!au & friends with benefits!au; Isak thinks Even is pretentious and impractical. Even thinks Isak is arrogant and uptight. They’re not each other’s biggest fans, even if they do happen to have spectacular sex on a very, very drunken night. And Isak doesn’t mean to do it again, but he does, anyway, so now they’re establishing ground rules and deciding that maybe they can keep doing this, no strings attached, no commitments, no feelings, and, most importantly, no need to stop disliking each other. And then it’s not quite that simple anymore.

Out of my reach, but always in my eye line by Anonymous Summary: Even can read minds, until the day he can't. He can't tell what's so special about that blond boy. It shouldn't be that big of a deal but Even soon finds himself obsessed.

Never knew how much it meant to you by Rosycheeksandfreckles Summary: “Jeavla drittseck”, I say to the guy who walked into me. Or did I walk into him. Yeah that’s probably what happened. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve looked where I was going”, I say with a smile and the guy smiles back and smirks. “You should be careful with what you say. Maybe you bump into someone who understands you”, he says in Norwegian. And then it hits me. Fuck. Me.

Coffee's For Closers by BeccyTheChopper Summary: coffee shop!au; Isak is struggling to recover from the mess he made over his crush on Jonas, when he meets a cute and flirty barista.

get you wild, make you leave by Evenbechbaesheim ✓ Summary: Not much is different. Just, Isak and Even meet a few years later than planned, and it isn’t at kosegruppa. It’s at a drug addicts anonymous meeting.

These Mountains To Move by verlore_poplap ★ Summary: soulmates!au; Isak's not even sixteen yet and his life's already screwed. Apparently that Hollywood actor guy-- Even Bech Næsheim-- is his soulmate? Excuse him but... what the hell?!

It's Like Here by sasnill ✓ Summary: Late nights, mountains, creative endeavours, an ever-expanding to-watch list and the future: a quiet weekend.

you're everything, everything by isakbechnaesheim Summary: “Wait, how does he have normal classes? He can’t hear.” “Isak, you small baby. Could you get any more ignorant. He has an interpreter! Ya know, sign language?” Magnus then proceeds to make a bunch of ridiculous made up hand signals, including some crude ones. Jonas chokes on his beer laughing. “Okay, whatever. Get out of my house you assholes.”

Let Me In by milk_o_vich ✓ Summary: “What are you doing here?” Isak asked, unable to keep the anger out of his voice. Even’s eyes were wide and a little unfocused, flitting over Isak nervously. He was quiet for a long time, rain hitting the pavement outside, and Isak became kind of aware that Even must be freezing in his thin, damp t-shirt. Even pressed his lips together, then said, voice hoarse and quiet, “Can I stay here tonight?”

I'll Never Let Go by lovelyevak Summary: Titanic!au; Prince Isak Valtersen was boarding the titanic as an engaged man, and well not a happy one for that matter. Even Bech Næsheim was looking for adventure, and better days so he knew gambling away both his and his best friend Jonas's money was the best idea, especially after seeing that beautiful boy get on the ship. They once said the heart is as deep as the ocean, and it was true. They never let go.

Never Have I Ever by Sabeley ★ ✓ Summary: roommates!au & friends with benefits!au; "What's it like to kiss a boy?" "I could show you." Or the one where Isak and Even are roommates who make out on occasion (in a completely platonic way, of course).

All of Your Pieces by lowbutliving Summary: uni!au; Even’s world is turned upside down in a matter of minutes his first day back at uni. What was going to be an easy year turns out to be a lot more complicated, when he suddenly sees a boy who soon is all he can think about. The worst part of it is, he doesn’t even know his name. Or: Even and Isak are low-key stalking each other, but none of them have the courage to take the first step.

Summer Love by Chips2 ★ Summary: Even has just finished University. He decides to spend summer at his parent's holiday house in the Norwegian countryside where he has been coming since childhood. He knows Isak, one of the locals, who has recently graduated from high school and is spending his break helping his dad out at his kayak shop. Or, two boys from different backgrounds, both embarking on new chapters in their lives who find their worlds intertwined during their holidays and on one particularly hot summer break.

will you share your soul with me? by hippopotamus ★ ✓ Summary: There’s a school camping trip at the beginning of Isak’s second year. He’s not sure why he agrees to go, especially when he remembers how difficult it is for him to sleep anywhere that isn’t his own bed. It turns out he’s not the only insomniac on the trip.

I Would Do It Again by cuteandtwisted ★ Summary: dare!au & uni!au; "I dare you to hook up with him." "What? The blonde guy?" "Yes, the blonde guy." Or Even gets caught up in a dare, and Isak loses a little bit of himself in the process.

Library Science by paytontanner Summary: Eskild gets Isak a job at the library. Isak knows Even from the school hallways, but he gets to know him when he starts checking out books at the library. And Even is definitely there just to check out the reading materials. And not to get Isak to fall in love.

stay a minute by grinsekaetzchen ★ ✓ Summary: "The leads of Even Bech Næsheim’s new 'Romeo and Juliet' adaption were announced yesterday, with Eva Kviig Mohn taking to Twitter to confirm, ‘Looking forward to playing Julieeeeet’. Her fellow Romeo was announced shortly after to be Isak Valtersen, which his publicist confirmed today. It seems that this will be Norway’s new star-crossed pair of lovers." In which there is a tumblr fandom that is dying every time new information for said version of 'Romeo and Juliet' drops, Even is a beloved director and Isak - well, Isak would just really appreciate it if his mind would stop surprising him with memories at the worst moments possible.

to the bone by cabret ✓ Summary: It’s going to be a grey day, Even thinks. It’ll be one of those. All ash in the wake and none of the fire from before.

now you're covered in the colours by agonied Summary: The one in which Even sees the world in colours.

safe by cammm Summary: uni!au & neighbors!au; Isak had never even met Even before, but there he was, pretending to be Isak's boyfriend to get him out of an uncomfortable situation. Is this the birth of something... new? Fresh? Magical? 

Things I Yearn to Remember by daigina Summary: Anastasia!au;  In the midst of a revolution, the royal family of Norway is executed. But rumor has it the Crown Prince's body was never found. A decade later, and two poor conmen need tickets out of Norway, where the political climate grows tougher each day, and a whole lof of money. Their answer lies in a poor shop assistant with golden curls a lost look in his eyes.

Gratulerer Med Dagen, My Isak by XioNin ✓ Summary: It’s Isak’s 18th birthday.

Old Money by twentyonetwentyone ★ Summary: Pretty Woman!au; After a series of hardships and childhood trauma, Isak Valtersen is forced into the gruelling world of street prostitution, a nightmare in which he feels completely alone. Even Bech Næsheim is the bored adolescent heir to a billion dollar empire, living in a penthouse and listlessly spending his parents money in attempts to ease the existential despair. When Even pulls up to Isak's corner in the early hours of a dreary Thursday morning, neither of them can expect how similar their respective desires are, despite their vastly different social rankings.

Bassline by riyku Summary: Isak opens up the email from his editor, skims through it for the tenth time, snagging to a stop on phrases like serial piece and North American tour coverage, boots on the ground and big opportunity. His response is quick and vague, that he'll let her know tomorrow morning, although he's known the answer from the jump. (Or, Isak is a Norwegian ex-pat, fresh out of NYU with a journalism internship, who bags an assignment covering a band from his former hometown of Oslo on their first North American tour. It takes him about three seconds to realize he kinda has a thing for the bass player).

–A

#even bech næsheim #isak valtersen #even x isak #isak x even #evak #evak fanfiction #evak fanfics #evak fanfics recs #evak fanfics recommendation #evak ff recs #skam #skam fanfiction #masterposts

[thesinglesjukebox]

KATY PERRY FT. NICKI MINAJ - SWISH SWISH [3.36] *types "sports" and "feuds" into subhead, gets 100000000 pageviews*

Mo Kim: "Cartman is introduced to Katy Perry's songwriting staff, who turn out to be a group of manatees. The staff, who live in a large tank, pick up "idea balls" from a large pile of them, each of which has a different animal, quote from direct-to-DVD sleeper hit Bring It On 4: The Bringing On Of The It, or gentrified black slang term written on it, and deliver them, five at a time, to a machine that then forms a verse based on those ideas. Katy Perry refuses to sing if any idea ball is removed from their tank, making critique an unfeasible practice with her. Cartman secretly removes a ball from their tank, causing Katy Perry to stop working, and then convinces the Capitol Records president that she is spoiled and abusing the executives' generosity. Cartman convinces the president that they need to show them what is what. The president decides to pull the new Katy Perry album before its release. Cartman feels victorious, but Taylor Swift shows up, saying that she just convinced the president to tack a 2014 Nicki Minaj verse he found in his Recycle Bin onto the end and release the damn song anyway." [2]

Thomas Inskeep: If you thought "Look What You Made Me Do" was petty, you haven't heard nothin' yet. Clumsy lyrics, a bad early '90s house retread track, a guest verse so phoned-in that Minaj sounds bored doing it, and worst of all, Katy Perry herself, the saddest virus in pop music. Fortunately, it seems that pop fans have developed an immunity to her, based on the pathetic chart performance of her current album and its attendant singles. That sound you hear isn't a "swish," it's Perry's career circling the drain. [0]

Ryo Miyauchi: Genius insists with all its investigative power that this hater-pop is personal, but Katy Perry throws limp jabs that rings anonymous as the dance beat behind her. At least Duke Dumont's wheelhouse is more reliable to entertain. [5]

Crystal Leww: How is it that Duke Dumont is credited as a producer for basically taking Maya Jane Coles and Fatboy Slim production and then somehow making it bad? [1]

Katherine St Asaph: "Walking on Air" was the best track on Prism, and I'm still not sure how Maya Jane Coles isn't everywhere for how much she's influenced pop, so the synthesis was bound to be both good and ascribed to no one involved. "Things have changed from true believers of the music to a more commercialized version of what used to be," said Roland Clark about his infinitely sampled "I Get Deep," so I'm sure he's just thrilled about his words trickling up uncredited, via Fatboy Slim via Duke Dumont, to a Katy Perry song. (He's not disowning it, at least.) If you're very charitable you might see this as Duke Dumont trying, as all pop-house producers do, to prove he Knows His History, but perhaps not, given the aforementioned infinite samples and how Katy's team uses it as a reaction GIF. But at least it belongs in a house track -- unlike the hook (probably Starrah), which belongs in a track that draws out its menace, or the verses (probably Sarah Hudson; evidence), which belong in Pink's "Can't Take Me Home" and in the care of several more editors. (Editors one and two: "what the fuck?" Editor three: "And every bad lyric has nothing to do with basketball anyway. If you're going to keep glomming onto sports because they're now the monoculture that music is not, at least stick to the metaphor." Managing editor: "STOP BEING MUSIC GEEKY.") Everything suggests the kind of song that only coheres with the memes and fake context. Yet somehow it works: the unsweet tea to Meghan Trainor's Arnold Palmer of "Me Too," a machine that looks inexplicably polished. [7]

Madeleine Lee: Finally, a pop single with a house beat that I don't like! I mean, the beat is fine, but I can't enjoy it over the lyrics, which are supposed to be fierce but just sound silly in their mix of bizarre analogies (my personal favourite: "a tiger...don't need opinions from a shellfish") and parroted clapback phrases. Even the robo-voice sample is bad -- that long pause inserted before "what the fuck" is the sound of an air ball. [2]

Nortey Dowuona: A thin, slipping bassline over flat drums. Katy sings blandly. Nicki spits a sharp-toothed verse that is there and then gone. [5]

Frank Kogan: Swish kiss plish, wish the lyrics were different from this. Aside from them, the sound is weird and emphatic and grabby as if she were a Rick James protégé, and jolts me to happy attention. Of course Teena Marie, the Rick James protégé, would've run a thousand rings and wings and epicycles around this. But this track is great for using just a touch of Teena and then continuing to bear down on that little touch, getting all it can out of its little somersault. [8]

Maxwell Cavaseno: The "dance like dubstep" line by Nicki is the perfect thing to overstate as to why both artists have been failing to hit their marks. In Perry's case, there's been an insistent attempt to change what's working for her and mimic other people's successes when, considering how the personality-bleached "Rise" was a home run for her, that's the last thing she needed to do. And Minaj's verse-by-numbers, complete with unnecessary sung outro and dustbin bars, feels like someone who's been sleepwalking since 2012. It's a bitter irony: someone desperate to change who never needed to, and someone too stubborn to recognize how antiquated they've become. Plus, this bad Duke Dumont hijack of Maya Jane Coles doesn't even sound like anything plugged into what was hot at any particular time. From the melodies to the cloying attempt at a catchphrase, it feels so disconnected from any real attempt at a hit to the point you wonder why this was released as it was. Greater songs have been kept out of sight. [2]

Will Adams: In the aftermath of Perry's promo campaign for Witness, a fever dream of live streams and awkward celeb collabs in feeble support of Katy's Great Awokening, "Swish Swish" doesn't look so bad. On first glance it seemed as noxious as it read on paper: more references cherry picked from a position of privilege smooshed together with more reverse engineered memes, from Backpack Kid to the cameo sopped video. Yes, the song itself still isn't great. There's still too much reverb, and there's still some unfortunate scansion and even more unfortunate use of the English language. But the sonic references make a difference; Maya Jane Coles' continued influence on pop is a trend I warmly welcome, and if "I Get Deep" needed to get a reboot for the mid-late '10s, keeping it tied to its house roots is a thoughtful choice. "Swish Swish" is at its best when the excess surrounding it is ignored. [5]

Alfred Soto: Apparently this is an "anti-bullying" track! It's not my job to learn intentions, not when "Swish Swish" is a mishmash of incongruous and unhappily cobbled samples, strange vocal choices, and an inapposite Nicki Minaj cameo.  [2]

Alex Clifton: Look, I tried to give this a point for Nicki Minaj singing "I already despise you" in the sweetest way, but I can't do it. "Swish Swish" is the blandest Katy Perry song I've ever heard, which is really saying something. Much as I loathed "Bon Appetit," at least that had, er, memorable moments. Nothing here stands out, a sin for a diss track: the beat is half-assed, the insults are weak ("you're 'bout as cute as an old coupon expired" -- what on earth does that mean, Katy?), and the delivery is emotionless. A song about being the baddest bitch on the block who kills people needs swagger, which has never been Perry's strong point. Say what you will about Taylor Swift, but at least in "Look What You Made Me Do" she sounds icy and in charge. Perry doesn't even have that going for her. [0]

Stephen Eisermann: Nicki's verse is a blast -- quick-witted, fun, and catchy -- and deserving of a much better song. But here, it's just a silver lining on a dark ass cloud. Nothing about this song comes across as sincere -- where Taylor's vindictiveness comes from a place of actual anger, I just don't think Katy cares enough to fight with her. And that's totally fine, but there is no need to fake it! Also, the release of this song feels so weird considering she went on a reconciliation press tour earlier in this album cycle, no? [3]

Joshua Copperman: Swap the two artists around, replace the video with literally anything else, and it's much better - all the pieces are there, including the Duke Dumont-produced beat, but the "old coupon expired" lines aren't iconic; they're dumb. Same with the video, which tries to be a mess and succeeds too well. At least Nicki seems to know what is what. Katy, on the other hand, does not know what is what. She just uses dated memes in her already overblown video struts. What the heck? [5]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

#Katy Perry #Nicki Minaj #Swish Swish

[trendingnewsb]

I’ve Been Drawing A Comic Every Day For My Girlfriend For 5 Years (20+ New Comics, NSFW)

Hello, my name’s Pete, I’m a UK-based illustrator, and ever since I began dating my partner Kellie 5 years ago I’ve been making her illustrations based on our lives together. We also have a 2-year-old daughter now, Poppy, and I love to capture all the funny and important moments from our daily lives.

The drawings are a mixture of tender, romantic moments combined with silly, crude, and very British humor.

We were previously featured here, and we got such an amazing response we thought we’d share a collection of our recent illustrations. Our followers (who are an incredibly supportive and kind group of people) love to watch Poppy growing up in our posts, and all the relatable relationship moments Kellie and I share.

More info: Instagram

My favourite part of just about every day is when I come home from work and Poppy is waiting excitedly at the window for me. As I approach our house I always hope she’ll be there, patiently peering out. It’s so beautiful to see her face light up when she sees me, and the way she eagerly runs to the door to greet me and tell me what she’s been up to all day …

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Every night when Kellie and I are ready to sleep we say goodnight, roll over…. and go on our phones. Own up if you do too

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

We like to surprise each other with unexpected dry humping when the other is doing household chores—As our popularity and audience has increased this last month it’s meant that for the first time we’re encountering trolls and negativity. Bit bummed out by it to be honest Thank you so much to everyone that’s been nice and supportive, you’ll never know how much we appreciate it. —…..

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Seconds after walking through the front door Kellie will change into her pyjamas, beaming with joy at the blissful comfort they bring .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie suffers with postnatal depression, and Pete also suffers. Life can be hard sometimes. .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Last night I had to be firm with Kellie

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

So Kellie often thinks she’s lost her phone. She gets all flustered and panics, thinking it’s gone forever. It’s always, without fail, been in her bag the whole time haha

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

All week I’ve been a bit of a pathetic, self-pitying mess because I’ve got a cold. I get all miserable and melancholy when I’m sick and I’m shit company. Sorry Kellie

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

I noticed an empty space where a plant should have been. Turns out it was the latest victim of our plant curse.

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This is one of my bad habits that Kellie finds amusing/infuriating .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Yesterday we dismantled Poppy’s cot and she helped me build her first little toddler bed. She was so excited about it and eager to help

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

If I leave my phone unattended when I’m getting ready for bed sometimes Kellie secretly changes the wallpaper to some graphic gay porn and waits to see my shocked face .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie woke me up worrying she was concussed. (She was fine )

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie got me with a surprise hump-attack in the kitchen. Excellent form and creativity, full marks

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

After bathing Poppy I love to wrap her up all cosy and say to her she’s ‘snug as a bug in a rug’. She says it back to me now and it’s adorable. .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie is infinitely more important to the smooth running of our household than me. I’m a daydreaming procrastinator with a knack for silly voices, Kellie gets shit done

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

When Kellie is hungry the situation can escalate quickly. You need to get her some food fast, or get the hell out of there .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

When I exercise at home Poppy likes to join in and tries to imitate the positions I get into —– Welcome to all the new followers! I think most of you have come via boredpanda.com – thank you We were planning on doing a giveaway when we reached 10k followers… we now have over 20k haha. So this week there’ll definitely be a giveaway of some sort – feel free to suggest ideas. Did people like the personalised illustration we did last time or would rather signed prints? Let us know. Much love from Kellie & Pete ❤️ . . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

After every bathtime Poppy and I throw our towels on the floor and run around the house naked, giggling and doing silly dances. — There’s still time to enter the giveaway on our last post – win a personalised version of any of our illustrations- go go go! —- . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This is what happened when I turned over to sleep the other night. Kellie can be all sleepy and telling me she’s tired, but as soon as I roll over to sleep she comes alive and desperately craves attention . All the dialogue I use in the illustrations are actual quotes by the way haha — We’ll be picking a winner for the giveaway tomorrow evening (GMT). You have one more day to enter if you want to win a personalised version of one of our illustrations. — We’re on the homepage of the Swiss magazine Annabelle, and there’s a lovely article about us on The Daily Mail too – welcome to anyone who’s discovered us today — . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Every night when we lay down to sleep Kellie pleads with me to scratch her back. I think it may be her favourite thing in the whole world …. Thanks for all the responses about prints! We will definitely be selling some soon, but we need help choosing which ones to print. Can you comment to let us know what your favourite illustration of ours is? The most popular will be up for sale — . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

There’s nothing Poppy likes more than bum bouncing on the bed. (Okay, boobs – she likes boobs more. But only just. )

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie had sunburn on her shoulders and now I kinda like peeling the skin off like a monkey — . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Over the past month from out of the blue a cat has been paying us visits on a daily basis. He hangs out at our place so much now that we started buying him food. We call him ‘Cat’. — We now have a Facebook fan page We had lots of comments from people who don’t use Instagram but who really wanted to follow us, so from now on we’ll be reposting there too. You can find us at http://ift.tt/2zzc2Xs – give us a little follow if you like ☺️ —- . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Poppy does this adorable running cuddle that I call The Dash-dash Cuddle.

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie has OCD about switches being turned off, so before leaving the house she will stare at the hob for an eternity, checking and triple-checking that everything is turned off. And then have one last check. Just to be absolutely sure. — . . — We’re overwhelmed by all the kindness shown on our last post about trolls. So much positivity and support, Kellie and I are both touched. Often the most vocal people are the negative ones, so it was wonderful to see how many of you out there across the world enjoy our art. You’re amazing . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

For Poppy’s Birthday we bought her a mini Micro Scooter. We’d been telling her for ages how she was getting her own one and when she unwrapped it she almost exploded with happiness — 80k followers! Amazing You’re the most supportive and uplifting people and Kellie and I feel honoured to have you all following us. We take great pleasure in reading all of your positive and funny messages. We’re so grateful for each and every one. Have a great weekend guys . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Sometimes Kellie will be eating food really noisily right next to me, and I’ll passive-aggressively let her know its irritating me — – PRINTS ON SALE IN 2 DAYS TIME!! Kellie and I are busy getting all the illustrations scanned in and cleaned up ready for printing. We’re both really excited about launching the shop, we have plenty of ideas in store for the future if these are popular ❤️ . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

I’m not entirely sure how, but the other day when I was getting dressed we found ourselves in a situation where I goaded Kellie into whipping me across the ass incredibly hard with a plastic backscratcher (with my pants pulled up like a thong) . . — PRINTS ON SALE TOMORROW! Worldwide shipping available, various sizes and framing options if required ❤️ . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Poppy has started doing this adorable thing that we call the Koala Cuddle. When you’re carrying her she’ll wrap both her arms and legs around your body and if you’re really lucky she’ll tell you she loves you — Our shop is now open! 🤗 International shipping available Follow the link in our bio and bag yourself a print of my melted cock . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

One of my favourite silly dance moves to make Kellie laugh is what I call the Squat Crab dance. I basically lower myself into a squat position and then bounce sideways across the room like a hyperactive crab until Kellie cracks up laughing 🦀 — — In the next couple of weeks we’ll be adding GREETING CARDS to the shop! Who’s in? . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This morning’s clean socks excitement. Kellie takes care of us . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Sometimes when Kellie is in a silly or bored mood, she might try to make me suck a pretend dick. — — Haha often some of you say you do the same things we do, but I’ll be amazed if anyone else does this — — Greeting cards for all occasions coming to the shop in the next week or so. Keep an eye out. Link to the shop is in our bio. International shipping available ❤️ . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

When we’re eating dinner Poppy silently offers me every spoonful to cool down for her. It’s so adorable. . . I’ve been looking at the analytics for our page and it’s really interesting. Apparently Bangkok is the city with the most of our followers in! We had no idea. Say hi if you’re in Bangkok . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Poppy loves to bake with Mummy. She sits on the floor and helps with the mixing and the sprinkling and the pouring . . . Thanks to everyone who commented on our last post. Your support and kindness means a lot. Sorry to hear so many of you suffer as well, but hopefully us posting about it at least made you realise you’re not alone. Take care everyone. . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Every night when Kellie and I are ready to sleep we say goodnight, roll over…. and go on our phones. Own up if you do too . . . We’re in the process of sorting out greeting cards, we’ll keep you posted. In the mean time prints are still available from our shop – link in our bio. Hope everyone had a great weekend . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie really enjoys when I sing in the car . . . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

The other day when Kellie was in the supermarket buying dinner she said she could hear my voice telling her to buy the expensive versions, like a little devil on her shoulder. (Kerry Katona is a British reference, she’s the face of one of the budget supermarkets in the UK) . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Poppy loves it when I play dolls with her. I’ve always got really into it and do things like make them climb up surfaces strenuously, panting and out of breath as they get to the top haha. She finds it hilarious and always asks me to do it now. I wonder if she thinks the dolls are really alive or if she just likes watching how into it I get . . (See also the Kung-fu baby post from a while back) . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

The time I stood with my penis hanging out, acting natural and waiting for Kellie to notice . . . . (Sort of inspired by the Ryan Reynolds comedy ‘Waiting’ ) . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This is a typical scene for us about 4am, with Poppy asserting her dominance and Kellie seeking refuge at the foot of the bed so Pops can’t smell the boob milk 🥛 . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

I don’t recall how it started but sometimes at dinner Poppy will suddenly stop eating and raise her plate up, or slide it forward, or do something with her cutlery, starting an impromptu game of follow the leader. Kellie and I follow along as she goes through a series of actions, silently, until we all start giggling and get back to eating dinner. . .. Sorry for lack of posts this past week – very busy with work . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This happened one morning last week. Kellie was adamant she had a legitimate grievance here, but I think my explanation of ‘I was asleep’ was sufficient . . Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend. It’s a sunny bank holiday here in the U.K. – niiiiiice .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

When Kellie woke up with a spot on her face this week her description was brilliant . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Poppy loves it when I pretend to make baby feed her. It’s a guaranteed way to get her to eat, and she loves the entertainment too

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Something Kellie said to me one night last week when I attempted to sleep facing her . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

If I’m really lucky, Kellie may occasionally treat me to a pedicure. I think I enjoy it slightly more than she does .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

The perils of being a pale-skinned English guy on holiday in a hot country . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie and I differ when it comes to bath routines. I get in practically as soon as the taps start running, whereas Kellie insists on waiting around for ages until the bath is totally full. How about you guys? . . . There’s still time to request a print to be added to our shop I’m adding a new batch at the weekend. There’ll also be a discount code for a limited period so keep an eye out . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Whenever poppy needs help getting up onto something, or down, or is tired walking, I make it fun by using rocket jumps. I’ll pretend to press a few buttons on her back (setting the jet pack up) and attach the fuel, then we’re off . . . New prints in our store – and for the next 2 weeks there’s 25% off! Use discount code HZJGJK. Thanks to those who have purchased in the last few days, we love you ⚡️ . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

The other day when we went for a coffee I tried to introduce Kellie to the pleasures of a flat white. It was a little too strong for her and she spent the rest of the day telling me she felt weird . . There’s still time to enter our 90k GIVEAWAY for the chance to win a signed print of your choice (from any of our drawings, not just those in our shop). See our last post for details . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This last week or so with Poppy have been very difficult. She’s going through a phase of bad tantrums where she screams at us as loudly as she possibly can, demanding what she wants (even when the demands are ridiculous and make no sense) . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

And the winner is….

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie and I had a rare cinema date at the weekend, to watch Blade Runner. It felt like there were 3 of us on the date though… . . . Blade Runner 2049 is sublime by the way. If you’re a fan of the original, go see .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Urinal etiquette . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

When Kellie and I are having a disagreement there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to piss her off… . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2i200Pf via Viral News HQ

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[trendingnewsb]

I’ve Been Drawing A Comic Every Day For My Girlfriend For 5 Years (20+ New Comics, NSFW)

Hello, my name’s Pete, I’m a UK-based illustrator, and ever since I began dating my partner Kellie 5 years ago I’ve been making her illustrations based on our lives together. We also have a 2-year-old daughter now, Poppy, and I love to capture all the funny and important moments from our daily lives.

The drawings are a mixture of tender, romantic moments combined with silly, crude, and very British humor.

We were previously featured here, and we got such an amazing response we thought we’d share a collection of our recent illustrations. Our followers (who are an incredibly supportive and kind group of people) love to watch Poppy growing up in our posts, and all the relatable relationship moments Kellie and I share.

More info: Instagram

My favourite part of just about every day is when I come home from work and Poppy is waiting excitedly at the window for me. As I approach our house I always hope she’ll be there, patiently peering out. It’s so beautiful to see her face light up when she sees me, and the way she eagerly runs to the door to greet me and tell me what she’s been up to all day …

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Every night when Kellie and I are ready to sleep we say goodnight, roll over…. and go on our phones. Own up if you do too

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

We like to surprise each other with unexpected dry humping when the other is doing household chores—As our popularity and audience has increased this last month it’s meant that for the first time we’re encountering trolls and negativity. Bit bummed out by it to be honest Thank you so much to everyone that’s been nice and supportive, you’ll never know how much we appreciate it. —…..

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Seconds after walking through the front door Kellie will change into her pyjamas, beaming with joy at the blissful comfort they bring .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie suffers with postnatal depression, and Pete also suffers. Life can be hard sometimes. .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Last night I had to be firm with Kellie

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

So Kellie often thinks she’s lost her phone. She gets all flustered and panics, thinking it’s gone forever. It’s always, without fail, been in her bag the whole time haha

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

All week I’ve been a bit of a pathetic, self-pitying mess because I’ve got a cold. I get all miserable and melancholy when I’m sick and I’m shit company. Sorry Kellie

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

I noticed an empty space where a plant should have been. Turns out it was the latest victim of our plant curse.

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This is one of my bad habits that Kellie finds amusing/infuriating .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Yesterday we dismantled Poppy’s cot and she helped me build her first little toddler bed. She was so excited about it and eager to help

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

If I leave my phone unattended when I’m getting ready for bed sometimes Kellie secretly changes the wallpaper to some graphic gay porn and waits to see my shocked face .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie woke me up worrying she was concussed. (She was fine )

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie got me with a surprise hump-attack in the kitchen. Excellent form and creativity, full marks

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

After bathing Poppy I love to wrap her up all cosy and say to her she’s ‘snug as a bug in a rug’. She says it back to me now and it’s adorable. .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie is infinitely more important to the smooth running of our household than me. I’m a daydreaming procrastinator with a knack for silly voices, Kellie gets shit done

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

When Kellie is hungry the situation can escalate quickly. You need to get her some food fast, or get the hell out of there .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

When I exercise at home Poppy likes to join in and tries to imitate the positions I get into —– Welcome to all the new followers! I think most of you have come via boredpanda.com – thank you We were planning on doing a giveaway when we reached 10k followers… we now have over 20k haha. So this week there’ll definitely be a giveaway of some sort – feel free to suggest ideas. Did people like the personalised illustration we did last time or would rather signed prints? Let us know. Much love from Kellie & Pete ❤️ . . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

After every bathtime Poppy and I throw our towels on the floor and run around the house naked, giggling and doing silly dances. — There’s still time to enter the giveaway on our last post – win a personalised version of any of our illustrations- go go go! —- . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This is what happened when I turned over to sleep the other night. Kellie can be all sleepy and telling me she’s tired, but as soon as I roll over to sleep she comes alive and desperately craves attention . All the dialogue I use in the illustrations are actual quotes by the way haha — We’ll be picking a winner for the giveaway tomorrow evening (GMT). You have one more day to enter if you want to win a personalised version of one of our illustrations. — We’re on the homepage of the Swiss magazine Annabelle, and there’s a lovely article about us on The Daily Mail too – welcome to anyone who’s discovered us today — . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Every night when we lay down to sleep Kellie pleads with me to scratch her back. I think it may be her favourite thing in the whole world …. Thanks for all the responses about prints! We will definitely be selling some soon, but we need help choosing which ones to print. Can you comment to let us know what your favourite illustration of ours is? The most popular will be up for sale — . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

There’s nothing Poppy likes more than bum bouncing on the bed. (Okay, boobs – she likes boobs more. But only just. )

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie had sunburn on her shoulders and now I kinda like peeling the skin off like a monkey — . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Over the past month from out of the blue a cat has been paying us visits on a daily basis. He hangs out at our place so much now that we started buying him food. We call him ‘Cat’. — We now have a Facebook fan page We had lots of comments from people who don’t use Instagram but who really wanted to follow us, so from now on we’ll be reposting there too. You can find us at http://ift.tt/2zzc2Xs – give us a little follow if you like ☺️ —- . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Poppy does this adorable running cuddle that I call The Dash-dash Cuddle.

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie has OCD about switches being turned off, so before leaving the house she will stare at the hob for an eternity, checking and triple-checking that everything is turned off. And then have one last check. Just to be absolutely sure. — . . — We’re overwhelmed by all the kindness shown on our last post about trolls. So much positivity and support, Kellie and I are both touched. Often the most vocal people are the negative ones, so it was wonderful to see how many of you out there across the world enjoy our art. You’re amazing . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

For Poppy’s Birthday we bought her a mini Micro Scooter. We’d been telling her for ages how she was getting her own one and when she unwrapped it she almost exploded with happiness — 80k followers! Amazing You’re the most supportive and uplifting people and Kellie and I feel honoured to have you all following us. We take great pleasure in reading all of your positive and funny messages. We’re so grateful for each and every one. Have a great weekend guys . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Sometimes Kellie will be eating food really noisily right next to me, and I’ll passive-aggressively let her know its irritating me — – PRINTS ON SALE IN 2 DAYS TIME!! Kellie and I are busy getting all the illustrations scanned in and cleaned up ready for printing. We’re both really excited about launching the shop, we have plenty of ideas in store for the future if these are popular ❤️ . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

I’m not entirely sure how, but the other day when I was getting dressed we found ourselves in a situation where I goaded Kellie into whipping me across the ass incredibly hard with a plastic backscratcher (with my pants pulled up like a thong) . . — PRINTS ON SALE TOMORROW! Worldwide shipping available, various sizes and framing options if required ❤️ . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Poppy has started doing this adorable thing that we call the Koala Cuddle. When you’re carrying her she’ll wrap both her arms and legs around your body and if you’re really lucky she’ll tell you she loves you — Our shop is now open! 🤗 International shipping available Follow the link in our bio and bag yourself a print of my melted cock . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

One of my favourite silly dance moves to make Kellie laugh is what I call the Squat Crab dance. I basically lower myself into a squat position and then bounce sideways across the room like a hyperactive crab until Kellie cracks up laughing 🦀 — — In the next couple of weeks we’ll be adding GREETING CARDS to the shop! Who’s in? . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This morning’s clean socks excitement. Kellie takes care of us . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Sometimes when Kellie is in a silly or bored mood, she might try to make me suck a pretend dick. — — Haha often some of you say you do the same things we do, but I’ll be amazed if anyone else does this — — Greeting cards for all occasions coming to the shop in the next week or so. Keep an eye out. Link to the shop is in our bio. International shipping available ❤️ . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

When we’re eating dinner Poppy silently offers me every spoonful to cool down for her. It’s so adorable. . . I’ve been looking at the analytics for our page and it’s really interesting. Apparently Bangkok is the city with the most of our followers in! We had no idea. Say hi if you’re in Bangkok . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Poppy loves to bake with Mummy. She sits on the floor and helps with the mixing and the sprinkling and the pouring . . . Thanks to everyone who commented on our last post. Your support and kindness means a lot. Sorry to hear so many of you suffer as well, but hopefully us posting about it at least made you realise you’re not alone. Take care everyone. . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Every night when Kellie and I are ready to sleep we say goodnight, roll over…. and go on our phones. Own up if you do too . . . We’re in the process of sorting out greeting cards, we’ll keep you posted. In the mean time prints are still available from our shop – link in our bio. Hope everyone had a great weekend . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie really enjoys when I sing in the car . . . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

The other day when Kellie was in the supermarket buying dinner she said she could hear my voice telling her to buy the expensive versions, like a little devil on her shoulder. (Kerry Katona is a British reference, she’s the face of one of the budget supermarkets in the UK) . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Poppy loves it when I play dolls with her. I’ve always got really into it and do things like make them climb up surfaces strenuously, panting and out of breath as they get to the top haha. She finds it hilarious and always asks me to do it now. I wonder if she thinks the dolls are really alive or if she just likes watching how into it I get . . (See also the Kung-fu baby post from a while back) . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

The time I stood with my penis hanging out, acting natural and waiting for Kellie to notice . . . . (Sort of inspired by the Ryan Reynolds comedy ‘Waiting’ ) . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This is a typical scene for us about 4am, with Poppy asserting her dominance and Kellie seeking refuge at the foot of the bed so Pops can’t smell the boob milk 🥛 . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

I don’t recall how it started but sometimes at dinner Poppy will suddenly stop eating and raise her plate up, or slide it forward, or do something with her cutlery, starting an impromptu game of follow the leader. Kellie and I follow along as she goes through a series of actions, silently, until we all start giggling and get back to eating dinner. . .. Sorry for lack of posts this past week – very busy with work . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This happened one morning last week. Kellie was adamant she had a legitimate grievance here, but I think my explanation of ‘I was asleep’ was sufficient . . Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend. It’s a sunny bank holiday here in the U.K. – niiiiiice .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

When Kellie woke up with a spot on her face this week her description was brilliant . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Poppy loves it when I pretend to make baby feed her. It’s a guaranteed way to get her to eat, and she loves the entertainment too

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Something Kellie said to me one night last week when I attempted to sleep facing her . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

If I’m really lucky, Kellie may occasionally treat me to a pedicure. I think I enjoy it slightly more than she does .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

The perils of being a pale-skinned English guy on holiday in a hot country . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie and I differ when it comes to bath routines. I get in practically as soon as the taps start running, whereas Kellie insists on waiting around for ages until the bath is totally full. How about you guys? . . . There’s still time to request a print to be added to our shop I’m adding a new batch at the weekend. There’ll also be a discount code for a limited period so keep an eye out . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Whenever poppy needs help getting up onto something, or down, or is tired walking, I make it fun by using rocket jumps. I’ll pretend to press a few buttons on her back (setting the jet pack up) and attach the fuel, then we’re off . . . New prints in our store – and for the next 2 weeks there’s 25% off! Use discount code HZJGJK. Thanks to those who have purchased in the last few days, we love you ⚡️ . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

The other day when we went for a coffee I tried to introduce Kellie to the pleasures of a flat white. It was a little too strong for her and she spent the rest of the day telling me she felt weird . . There’s still time to enter our 90k GIVEAWAY for the chance to win a signed print of your choice (from any of our drawings, not just those in our shop). See our last post for details . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

This last week or so with Poppy have been very difficult. She’s going through a phase of bad tantrums where she screams at us as loudly as she possibly can, demanding what she wants (even when the demands are ridiculous and make no sense) . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

And the winner is….

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Kellie and I had a rare cinema date at the weekend, to watch Blade Runner. It felt like there were 3 of us on the date though… . . . Blade Runner 2049 is sublime by the way. If you’re a fan of the original, go see .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

Urinal etiquette . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

When Kellie and I are having a disagreement there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to piss her off… . . . . .

Image credits: kellie_and_pete

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2i200Pf via Viral News HQ

#IFTTT #Viral News HQ