#my middle-school self has been triggered XD

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Can you talk about autistic Hawk/Eil

Sure, I’d love to!!!

Credit where credit is due, of course--I got a lot of my Autistic Eli headcanons from @jackonthelongwalk, who’s got a little more authority to speak on the subject since he’s actually autistic and whatnot. I mainly just saw his takes and was like “THOSE ARE GOOD TAKES” and adopted all of them XD Although I DID come up with a few of my own headcanons!!! I’ll just compile everything here.

~Eli tends to be pretty particular about physical touch, and a lot of the time he doesn’t really like it. Over the years, Demetri’s found that one type of touch that Eli’s okay with is shoulder-squeezing, and it kinda becomes their thing. Typically Demetri giving Eli a quick shoulder squeeze helps comfort him and makes him feel safe by basically reassuring him “I’m here for you, I’ve got your back.” You can see Demetri give Eli a shoulder squeeze in 2x09 when he’s comforting him about Moon, and he does the EXACT same one in the school fight in 2x10 just before kicking him into the trophy case. I think it was his way of saying “even though we’re fighting right now, I still care about you” and that kinda helped snap Hawk out of his near-psychopathic rage. In Season 3, he’s still shitty to Demetri, obviously, but it’s more controlled, not as unhinged or feral--even when Hawk breaks his arm, he hesitates a LOT before and regrets it IMMEDIATELY after in a way I’m not sure his UNCHECKED RAEEEGE self would have during the school fight.

~Over the years Demetri develops kind of a sixth sense of when Eli is about to have a meltdown. He’s able to pick up on super minute changes in body language, changes in the way Eli speaks, small alterations in Eli’s general temperament--basically anything that indicates he’s getting overwhelmed. That’s actually how he discovers the shoulder squeeze tactic--Demetri realizes he needs a quick way to comfort and reassure Eli when he can’t go in for a full hug (like they’re in the middle of class or something) so he can calm Eli down a bit and stop him from having a meltdown. Mainly because Demetri knows the bullies will have a field day if Eli cries in front of the other kids, so the shoulder squeeze develops as sort of a way to protect Eli from this.

~At some point after Demetri first started using the shoulder touch/squeeze on Eli, Eli started also using it on Demetri to quickly communicate affection/appreciation. Demetri isn’t nearly as touch-averse or picky with physical touch as Eli, and would’ve been okay with a number of physical touches, but he’s honestly super touched that Eli saw him doing a thing and was like “Oh hey!!! Demetri does this thing to me and it makes me feel safe and loved, so I’m sure it’ll do the same if I do it to him!!!” It kinda becomes their special touch, and becomes somewhat of a silent “I love you” (although obviously these two clueless idiots are led to believe it’s ONLY platonic love for many, many years XD). You can see Eli give a little shoulder pat/squeeze to Demetri at the beach party in 1x09!!

~Eli really does not like being touched around or under the chin, mainly because this is how bullies like Kyler touch him and it’s triggering for him. Demetri basically never touches him here. Even after they get together and start getting intimate, Demetri tends to touch/stroke Eli’s cheeks or the side of his head if he wants to touch his face, but he avoids touching Eli’s chin like the plague because he knows how much Eli dislikes it. This is something Eli really deeply appreciates--even Moon wasn’t able to catch on to the fact that he didn’t like having his chin touched, and he was too obsessed with coming across as “tough” to her to admit that it bothered him. Moon didn’t mean any harm at all, of course, she just wasn’t able to pick up on his more subtle indications that he wasn’t a huge fan of chin touches. Demetri has come to pick these indications up by second nature.

~The whole thing Demetri does at the beginning of the show where he kinda talks “for” Eli (the thing that, ironically, people loooooove to blast him about for being a “terrible friend”) I think is largely done because Eli is autistic. Eli seems to have a lot of social anxiety right from the get-go--he doesn’t even verbally greet Miguel when he first sits with him and Demetri and Demetri introduces Eli. Eli just kinda awkwardly smiles and nods at him. He’s obviously not great with social cues either, which we see later on--he’s so PAINFULLY oblivious to the fact that Piper is super not at all into it when he tries to hit on her in Season 2. I imagine after a number of social blunders in their youth, and seeing just how uncomfortable and anxious social situations made Eli, Demetri took the reigns and did a lot of communicating FOR Eli to take some of the pressure off of him to talk. I’d argue that once Demetri is taken out of the picture, we can see in full force JUST how socially anxious and uncomfortable Eli really is--he seems damn near terrified trying to stand up for himself against Johnny when Demetri’s not there. He’s lowkey stuttering and tripping over his words, his voice is shaking. He nearly leaves the room in tears. He’s used to letting Demetri be his voice, and this seems to be what makes him feel safest and most secure. When this is taken away, he has to find a new way to protect himself--hence, possibly, the entire Hawk persona.

~Eli has a lot of issues with emotional regulation and often feels emotions really, really strongly and gets overwhelmed by them--as an ADHDer, this is a struggle I understand SO MUCH. When Eli gets really overwhelmed with strong emotion, he tends to have meltdowns. These can be either sadness-based meltdowns (like we see in the flashback) or angry meltdowns (like we see when he beats Brucks up). Due to his emotional regulation issues, Eli has a really hard time hiding his emotions or stopping a meltdown once it kinda onsets--this is why he tends to “bawl” at movies. Once he starts crying, he can’t really stop, or reign it in--it just keeps coming. He also can’t really hold it back--his emotions tend to force their way out, whether he wants them to or not. This is also why he goes so HARD when he’s angry--wailing on Brucks, throwing punch after punch at Demetri at the school fight, getting carried away and attacking Robby’s injured shoulder at the tournament. His anger (and other emotions) tends to just kinda explode out, and he has a really hard time reigning them back in and keeping them in check. Demetri, ever the voice of ration and reason, can help with this--and probably has a lot, historically. With Demetri less and less in the picture and their relationship on the rocks, Eli’s emotions just seem to get even more wild and uncontrolled, particularly his anger. Part of the reason I think Demetri and Eli work so well together--Eli tends to get very caught up in his emotions (no shame in that--I’ll admit I do too!), and needs someone to help him keep his feet on the ground and be the pragmatist who helps him keep things in perspective.

~Karate is most definitely a special interest for him. It lowkey takes over his life and he makes it damn near his entire identity--big special interest energy. And Demetri (at first, at least) is lowkey so supportive!!! Like he goes to the all-valley tournament to support and cheer Eli on, despite not having any personal interest in fighting and seeming to think the whole thing is the kind of dumb macho shit that goes against everything his nerd identity stands for XD But he goes to the tournament anyways to clap for his boyfriend best friend’s badassery!!! The real MVP!!! Also special interests in general (not unlike ADHD hyperfixations) tend to be very random, hence why seemingly out of nowhere Eli gets absolutely OBSESSED with karate.

~Just a random little headcanon I have (I think I mentioned it on one of my general headcanon posts), but I like to think after Eli adopts the whole “Hawk” persona, he gets a special interest in birds of prey in general for a little while. Like back before he’s too “tough” for anything even remotely related to “nerd shit,” he watches nature documentaries on raptors and the whole 9 yards and constantly rambles excitedly to Demetri about how badass he thinks they are, and how cool it is that they can “literally hunt mice from the sky and shit” (probably an exact quote from him). Demetri finds this sudden new obsession both amusing and kind of endearing--but as always, he shows an interest in it and accommodates it as best he can. I imagine he’s seen Eli go through a number of special interests over the years, and is a pro by now on how to handle them (my own childhood best friend is a fellow ADHDer, and he was CONSTANTLY getting new hyperfixations--I imagine it was something like that XD).

~The whole “Hawk” persona in general seems pretty autistic, speaking of that--like it’s almost entirely based in mimicry and masking. Like Hawk pretty frequently mimics Johnny’s expressions, body language, and speech patterns, and (at least at first) Miguel’s fighting style. He also starts to mimic a lot of Kreese’s problematic views and general “never accept defeat” attitude in late Season 2 and Season 3, setting his good old Bastardization Arc in full swing. The whole Hawk thing could easily be masking, especially given how exaggerated and overdramatic Eli’s facial expressions, voice, and actions tend to be when he’s trying to be Hawk. When he slips back into “Eli” (or how he was before he adopted the mask), it’s usually around Demetri (i.e. the Doctor Who conversation)--which makes sense, since Demetri “gets” Eli better than most people and Eli doesn’t have to mask or overexaggerate his expressions or statements to communicate effectively with Demetri. They’ve known each other so long and Demetri is so familiar with his body language and mannerisms that Demetri is able to pick up fairly easily on what Eli’s trying to communicate/express without Eli having to work too hard at getting his point across. It’s why Eli’s expressions and body language aren’t nearly as exaggerated around Demetri, even when he’s trying to intimidate him--he knows he doesn’t have to overstate what he’s doing to communicate with Demetri.

~Relating back to the social troubles and social anxiety thing, I think Eli has always had trouble communicating verbally, hence why he’s so quiet at first. And even when he does get more talkative, a lot of it is mimicking other people’s speech patterns and ideas (namely Johnny’s at first)--it doesn’t really feel like him talking. Even alone with Demetri, he tends to prefer to let Demetri do the talking, hence Demetri saying Eli’s a “man of few words.” He often prefers to communicate nonverbally through body language, and when he DOES communicate verbally, he does it somewhat sparingly and chooses his words carefully, not usually bothering to say things he doesn’t mean (if he isn’t masking, anyways). THIS is why Demetri was so ready to accept such a short, concise “I’m sorry for all of it” from Eli instead of a long, drawn-out apology for each individual thing he did wrong. Eli knows he doesn’t have to bother masking to communicate with Demetri, so he’s not going to bother saying something that isn’t genuine. Eli has never been the greatest at articulating his thoughts verbally either, so TRYING to apologize for each individual thing he did to Demetri would be extremely hard for him, and Demetri knows this. This is why he accepts Eli’s apology without question and doesn’t expect him to elaborate on it. He knows Eli’s communicating a lot more than he’s actually saying aloud, if that makes any sense, and he cares more about the entirety of what Eli’s trying to say rather than just the spoken part. And Eli definitely communicates he’s genuinely remorseful through his actions as well--saving Demetri from the Cobras, teaming up with Demetri afterwards to help Deme’s side win the fight, straight up openly  BETRAYING Kreese and Cobra Kai AT GREAT PERSONAL RISK TO HIMSELF (especially if Tory’s threat is anything to go by!!!) in order to go back to Demetri. Honestly, given everything he knows about Eli and how he operates, expresses himself, and communicates, I highly doubt Demetri expects at all for Eli to go on a long, detailed rant about how sorry he is and is honestly just grateful to have Eli back in his life.

~I think at the beginning of the show, Demetri puts a lot of work into helping Eli feel as safe and secure as possible--possibly in part because Eli’s autism makes him feel kinda isolated as a “freak” or “outcast” or what have you. Demetri makes an effort to crack jokes and make Eli laugh when no one else will, possibly to help Eli feel more relaxed and at ease. And Demetri’s reluctance to try out karate could be a kind of misguided overprotectiveness on his part--he’s spent a lot of time building up their own little world for them where he can keep Eli relatively comfortable, and he’s worried anything that interferes with that or shakes up the status quo is going to stress out or overwhelm Eli too much. Demetri wants to keep things as they are, because even if it’s not perfect, and they still get bullied on the regular, at least he KNOWS how best to help Eli and help him feel better (or at least he thinks he does) in their current situation (i.e. “I think we’d rather spend our afternoons playing Crucible Control than getting hit in the face”). If they were put into a drastically different new situation, he WOULDN’T know how he should best assist and support Eli with it, and that scares him a lot--because he’s ALWAYS kind of intuitively known how to help Eli, and the thought of anything changing that makes him terrified that without him, Eli is going to get really hurt somehow.

I think that just about covers everything--might add more stuff if I think of it! Definitely go check out @jackonthelongwalk’s blog for more quality, in-depth autistic Eli content!!!

#hawk x demetri #demetri x eli #binary boyfriends #hawkmeat #eli x demetri #demetri x hawk #elimetri #eli moskowitz #demetri cobra kai #miguel diaz #johnny lawrence #john kreese #kyler cobra kai #moon cobra kai #autistic eli moskowitz #cobra kai #cobra kai season 1 #cobra kai season 2 #cobra kai season 3 #hawk #demetri #eli #my askbox

[sariahsue]

I just saw your take one Lilo&Stitch's approach to child protection and I was wondering if you could give some advice on how to write realistic stuff in this matter? I've been meaning to write a foster care/adoption fic and I do know the system in France must be at least a little different - and I will get down the research hole once I have a bit more time - but do you have any advice on how to write the kids reactions, the way parents deal with everything, the bonding part... things like this, so I can avoid clichés.

You don't have to answer though, feel free to ignore all this akdjwja I just figured there's no harm in asking XD

Yeah, sure! (To anyone else reading this who has a fic, feel free to send me a message if you have questions!) I’m definitely not the most knowledgeable person, but I know quite a bit. And I’m sure things are a bit different in France (hopefully their court system is better - yikes!) but I think the human element would be pretty similar, so here we go. 

First off, know that everyone is foster care is having a rough time constantly. Foster kids, workers, parents, foster parents, foster siblings. And no one knows what’s going on long term. There’s always a lot of uncertainty. Will the kids go home soon? Are parental rights going to be terminated at the next court date? Who knows???

The birth parents, at best, are going through a really tough time in their life, made worse because their kids were taken away from them. Some care about their kids, but they’re extremely self-centered and have zero parents skills. Some are manipulative and see foster care as free babysitting, and as long as they get to see their kid for an hour or so a week, this arrangement is fantastic for them! At worst, they’re just horrible human beings who abuse children. In general, most parents are clueless and selfish and pretty manipulative. They say they’re good parents and have no clue why their kids were taken away, even though their kid has cigarette burn marks on their back, or had to eat out of the garbage to survive because the were left alone for hours at a time when they were four, or worse. They have no clue at all what their behavior does to their kids, and they refuse to listen to anyone who tries to explain it to them.

No matter what type of parents they were, their kids ALWAYS love them and want to go home. Every single one of them. No matter the age. No matter what their home life put them through. Some of them aren’t old enough to understand why they can’t go home. Some have been in foster care for years and hardly remember living at home but still want to go home.  

It makes for complicated foster relationships sometimes because the kid will be attached to both birth and foster parents and feel guilty or conflicted or disloyal, or they’ll try really hard not to be attached to the foster parents in the first place. (I can think of only one exception to this. Two sisters who had been put into another home and liked the foster family and decided that they were going to be adopted by this family and were very excited about it... except the foster family had no plans to adopt them. I never learned what happened there.) 

And this is before accounting for the mental health struggles that often accompany the trauma most of them have been through. Some kids come in with anxiety that makes it difficult to trust new people. Some kids’ behavior is so extreme that it’s difficult for foster parents to take care of them, and so the kid moves around constantly. (If their behavior is too bad, they can sometimes be put into either a group home or residential, either temporarily or permanently.)

Parents are also entitled to visits, usually either weekly or every other week, at least while the goal is reunification (which is always starts out as). Before the pandemic, these usually took place in the DCF (Department of Children and Families is what it’s called in my state) office or in a visitation center. Sometimes the court orders that the visits be supervised so they don’t start promising their kids that they’re coming to get them next week. Often the workers think that sitting down the hallway not listening counts as supervision. 🙄 

With the pandemic, kids have been meeting over Zoom. That’s being phased out pretty soon here. Kids are almost always triggered by these visits. I mean, they look forward to them usually. Some kids are mad at their parents and don’t want to talk to them, but almost always, they want to see their parents. And almost always whatever behavior problems they had before is extremely worse for the next 2-5 days. (Which is terrible if you get a visit every week.) Some parents bail on these visits regularly. Some consistently bail on only birthdays and Christmas. We’ve learned not to tell the kid that they have a visit coming up until we know it’s definitely happening, or sometimes only right before we’re planning on leaving to go, because the anticipation of a visit is triggering or because getting stood up by your own mother is traumatizing. Sometimes you can get the kid’s therapist to write a note asking for the visits to be less frequent for the kid’s sake, but often that just means every other week instead of every week.

For foster families welcoming kids into their home, it’s a little different. They’re often more stable, and their whole life isn’t shifting around them. They’re just getting one or two kids into the family. The home dynamic is going to be a little different. Nothing huge, compared to what the foster kids are going through. It often depends on the kid how fast you get attached. Sometimes you know kids are only going to be there for a month because their normal foster family had to deal with an emergency, but the plan is to take them back soon. Sometimes they’re adorable babies and you get super attached really, really fast. Sometimes they’re so unhappy and scared that they make your home life completely miserable. Sometimes you’ve seen so many kids come and go over the years, and they’ve all left eventually, and your heart becomes guarded to protect you from that pain. But you get attached eventually anyway. 

And sometimes your parents are given a newborn whose goal is reunification and it’s love at first sight even though you don’t know if you can keep him, and then he’s put up for adoption when he’s two and you adopt him SO HARD. And then you make future foster kids upset because you can’t adopt them too. :( And even though they get adopted by friends of yours, they still feel conflicted over it four years later. 

You would think that a kid raised completely in their adoptive home from birth would have no problems, and sometimes that’s the case. Sometimes they still get upset about the adoption when they’re older because the foundational belief they have about themselves is that their mother didn’t want them, even though it’s not true. 

(This is the real-life story of my brother. We are the only family he’s ever known, and he’s 13 now, but he still has issues over being adopted. The other boy is 16 and is doing much better with his new family now, though he still has some issues. We had him for a very long time, and we were all happy that we know his adoptive family well because we stayed it contact with him, which almost never happens when a foster kid leaves.)

Oh, I forgot one thing. Usually when kids first get to your house, they are perfect little angels for a while. Depending on the kid, it’s either a couple days or maybe even three months. It’s called the “honeymoon period.” Once their subconscious realizes that this is a safe place to work on their issues and they aren’t in physical danger, they start to process what they’ve been through. It comes out in a variety of ways. Behavioral issues, bedwetting, explosive anger, nightmares, etc.

A note about social workers: All the workers (at least in my state) constantly have too many cases. Like, double what they’re legally supposed to have. Most of them try hard to keep up. Some DO NOT CARE. Some are fantastic and put extra time in to go to the kid’s end-of-the-school-year recitals and build a relationship with them. They’re in charge of organizing visits and making sure the kids have everything set up and are generally important in the kid’s life. They’re required to visit once a month and make sure foster parents have all the right paperwork and arrange dentist visits and bring them to all their therapy appointments. (FYI, You get a piece of paper that says you’re the legal guardian. You have to show it to schools and doctors when you make arrangements for the kids. My mom also keeps a copy in her purse, just in case a kid starts screaming “HELP! SHE’S NOT MY MOM” in the middle of the store or something. It’s never happened, but you know, just in case.)

Also, you would think that they’re the constant in the kid’s life, but if the birth parents move, the case gets transferred to another office in the state, and so the social workers switch. I sincerely hope that’s not how things are done in France because it’s garbage for a lot of reasons.

Okay, I’ve written you an essay, but I hope it was a useful essay! Let me know if you have any more questions!

#foster care #adoption #birth parents

[system-of-a-feather]

I should sleep but instead I’ll share a bit more about myself

Sleep is for loosers anyways jk for real sleep is important to your mental health you really should try to get decent sleep if you can

Anyways, I had asked about it earlier cause I was reminiscing back to the old days a bit so I figured I would just go on an old man’s tales of the old days. Don’t worry this shouldn’t have much of any potentially triggering content. Its just kinda a look back on where I started and where I’ve come since I split off or at least a bit of a general one. So if you like, grab some marshmellows, pick up some chocolate and lets enjoy some smores by the fire. (Keep reading below if interested; ps its kinda really long XD)

Honestly, its been mentioned a bit around here that I am, in fact, not the original host of the system and while I have taken very strongly to my role as host and my system has come to respect me (at least for the most part) as the host and “leader / commander” in the alternative role descriptions our system likes to use from time to time, I honestly have only been in this role for like... the past three or so years of the like... ten or twelve (depends on if you count when I split off or when I actually began interacting actively with the world) years.

Like for some background, I split off originally in order to help the previous host and trauma holder (who weren’t in communication) handle and adjust to life while we moved schools twice in a single year. From what I know prior to my split, our system was very dependent on hanging out with our friends as a way to keep trauma from surfacing to the host or something similar to that and the host before I split off was a bit of a shy child. My family made a really bad decision with a move that sent everyone in my family into various bad mental states and to cut the unpleasant info out of it, the host at the time couldn’t handle or adapt to the new school that had a horrifically different atmosphere from our old one. None of the ways she was able to have fun or connect with others were capable and with a even worse condition house and a lack of friends, it essentially caused two splits. One was Lucille and one was me, almost around the same time for similar, related, but different reasons.

For me, I know my main role was to be able to make friends, maintain friends, and to make sure school life wasn’t a problem and that we could constantly have someone to be around when we were younger. Back in the day my main job was to be charismatic, make friends, and create stable and sturdy social connections with everyone so that one of the largest important coping mechanisms could be saved.

Admittedly though, even though I did fill the role needed and did create wonderful webs of connections and friends, even though I did make friends by taking outcasts of each school I went to in order to make stable relationships, honestly a mix of our family’s toxicity and a lot of bad luck with friends moving made it so few friendships lasted more than a year. It made it rather hard for anyone to hold host and I believe for the longest many years no one was a consistent host - something that was considerably concerning given we wouldn’t start communicating or being actively aware of each other for another six years.

Anyways, a lot of the repetitive failures honestly made me loose a bit of faith in people and humanity for a few years and I kind of retreated to online where I became an edgelord and went under the idea of “I really don’t care about the real world and my real life anyways, we aren’t gonna live that long anyways and my life will figure itself out” and engrossed myself solely into being an “online social” personality for a long while from the ages of like twelve until like... sixteen. 

It was honestly a mistake I suppose as me abandoning the real life wasn’t abandoning my life like I thought it was as much as it turned out I was abandoning an important duty in a system I didn’t know I was part of and such action not only led me into being put into a lot of abusive relationships with online people, but also left our life horrifically unnurtured, barren and dry. During the time I popped in from time to time to help with club activities, but for the most part managing our real life was left to Aderis (who scared everyone away out of defense), Lucille (pre-integrated being an introverted know it all), and a trauma holder that avoided everyone. Our club life flourished and we had a group of friends in our band activities as it was the only part of the real world I would end up being out in and caring about enough to foster, but outside of that our life was barren. Sometime in that period, Aderis had made contact with me and everyone vaguely got to know each other, but considering a lot of denial and other abuse and trauma was going on then, we never properly established an understanding of DID or our system or even full recognition of each other - or at least I didn’t.

In a sorts, it lead to the point where apparently the trauma holder that was vaguely taking host was getting so sick of existing and was so envious of the beautiful life I was hosting online that it became a huge problem that apparently was the driving force to get us into therapy. I don’t really know too much of the specifics but it had caused a massive internal war over if we should destroy my online life as to force me to actually come back and try to help fix the mess our real life was at, or if we should just give up on having a real life and foster in the one I was building online. It was a internal conflict that actually had Lucille and I worried that it might end up to self harm or rash decisions and it was enough to get us to push for therapy which we eventually got.

Through the first few months of therapy it was noted by a not-dissociation specialist that what I was going through sounded a lot like DID but that wasn’t addressed further than him attempting to integrate what he identified to be “the online personality” and the “offline personality” by bringing someone who can bridge the two worlds and assist in integrating the two parts. Of course, being he wasn’t a professional in DID or dissociation, it didn’t quite work out properly, but it did get me actually focused on our real life a bit more. I was put in a position where I had to try to transfer what I did online to the real world and I did so by bringing a somewhat trusted individual into communication with me online. 

At that point I had kind of forgotten how to be super charismatic irl and so I kept a lot of the more personal conversations online and rather than bridging me and the semi-host (as we didn’t really have a host), it rather got me somewhat interested in the real world again - or at least gave me something beyond my online world that meant something to me. I fostered a strong relationship with this individual and I took it upon myself to try to keep this relationship working as it was the first time in ages that someone in the real not-online world that seemed to intend to stay around us and it gave me some hope to my otherwise jaded view on the world.

It was honestly a lot of work being in therapy and trying to find this middle ground of managing online and offline and trying to get both domains to work in our system’s life, especially when I took the initiative to consider dating that person that really seemed to stick around and have enough faith and patience with me and our system to work with us, especially since the system wasn’t entirely on board, and especially sicne even then, we had no clearly defined host.

A lot of back and forth happened, a lot of alters trying to sabotage each other, a lot of really poor mental health and poor adjustment, and then two or three things too many happened and the trauma holder that was semi-host seemed to fall entirely dormant leaving the host position completely open and with the system a bit shook.

In a sense, due to the fact that Aderis was going through things at the time, Lucille was insecure on his existence, and the other active known member was a child, I was kind of kicked out to fill the role - especially considering the person we were in a relationship was considered to be my partner and my decision and my responsibility at the time. Plus, of all the alters in the pool that could have picked up host at the time, the most socially capable for managing a life was of course the alter that was MADE to be social and to create friendships and reach out to individuals.

I suppose in a sense it was natural that I was the one that got kicked out. Honestly, I don’t see myself to be as socially capable or charismatic as I am told I am and honestly I personally struggle a lot from time to time with friendships and relationships due to a lot of the personal things I as Riku have been through and how being online almost exclusively for three or four years messed with my understanding of social rules and interactions and all that, but honestly, it was generally at that moment that the system kinda just forced me to handle a heccin lot.

And like... talking about adjusting from being an alter formed primarily to establish and maintain friendships to being the host and person in charge of a lot in the system, I could go on about that on its own for ages. It is honestly something I both gripe and grumble and am really critical on myself for not doing “good enough” but it is also something I am pretty proud to say I feel I have been managing pretty good all things considered.

I do wonder how the trauma holder that stood in as a kinda-host after the original host refused to be host is doing, and I really hope she is alright and I honestly know she isn’t but I hope one of these days I can build this life to be healthy enough, stable enough, and safe enough that she can come out of dormancy and recover as she deserves to. 

Currently, she is honestly in a really unstable state to the point keeping her dormant is one of the highest priorities of our system as she is honestly really dangerous to us and we aren’t in an environment that can support and safely provide a place for her to recover, so honestly, if nothing else, I hope that one of these days I can make this life a life she can be safe in.

I do deal with some of the thoughts of “I stole this life from an individual” or at least I used to struggle with them a lot, but I like to think of it more as me saving and rescuing this life for someone who couldn’t handle it anymore. 

And in the end, we are all the same individual. We are all working towards the same thing, and if there is anything I can do with the honor it is to be the host of the system and to get this much time out and to have this much direction over how we drive this life, I want to make my system happy and safe.

I dunno. Its just some sentimental thinking I was going on about to myself before since I was thinking back to when I was a protector and when all I had to worry about were social issues and picking the most reliable trust worthy people to add to our lives and replacing them as fast as possible when they left to maintain stability. Back when all I cared about and had to worry about was building social circles, and now I gotta do that among all sorts of other things.

It was a simpler time, but I am happy of where I am now. I suppose when I was “just a social protector” one of the largest hobbies I had was finding people that were less fortunate, rejected by the cliquey social groups of our school, and creating a bit of a safe place and a friend to have so they wouldn’t be lonely, and from time to time I would get them involved with other more popular individuals and it was great to watch them grow and succeed socially after being the social rejects for being blind or “fat” or awkward or shy. When I went online, I took a strong liking to helping people out and helping people feel a little better about themselves and letting people have a person they can talk to.

I suppose upon becoming a host, I just expanded my external duty inward and now I have a team that I love dearly that I want to make happy and to give them the best life possible.

I suppose in a sense, even as a host, I still strongly come from my roots as a social protector and thats nice to think about from time to time.

Anyways, thanks for joining me at my campfire and roasting some marshmellows. I dunno if any of you guys got anything of substance from my old man stories reflecting on my old duties and how thats changed some over time, but thanks for listening in.

-Riku (Host)

#alter: riku #did #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid #personal

[shirewalker]

tag games!

I’ll just tag a few people and then you choose your fave games, ok?

tagging @alarkvling​ @artemeis​ @ohmystarsy​ @captainvkirk​ @theleiaskywalker​ @lilabard​ @detmeter​ @starkova​ @caradocdearborn​ @julliettesferrars​ @roryglimore

all games under the cut

1st game! Ten Questions Tag Game

tagged by @aesterea​

How messy is your writing process?

Not as messy as it should be, I think. I’ve always been a perfectionist and unlearning that when being creative (doing first drafts, etc) is HARD. So I can’t say it’s messy-messy, but I try to make it a little messier so I can move on with things xD

Do you plan/outline before you write?

Oh yeah, yeah I do. Sometimes it’s just a paragraph with the general gist of the thing, other times I just develop the story in my head, but I always do some level of planning/outlining before writing. I wouldn’t be able to do it any other way tbh.

Which OCs are dearest to your heart?

The four MCs from my nano novel. I love them, so much I have to stop myself from fixing everything in one go xD 

Has your own writing ever made you cry?

Nope, not really. But it takes a lot for books in general to make me cry and it’s always, always when I do a reread. You’d think I was ready for the cry triggers? Well, THINK AGAIN.

How much of yourself do you think you put into your characters?

Probably more than some people would like? I try not to do self-insert, but we’re always bound to take inspiration from ourselves. As to avoid doing it all in an obvious and ridiculous way, I try to take bits of myself and put them in different characters. A habit, a taste, a crazy situation, etc.

What do you hope to achieve through writing?

To change the world~* Lol, to tell my stories, to make others dream with me. Why do we tell stories if not to change something about the world and make others dream?

How would you describe your style?

Still trying to figure that one out.

What works of writing have influenced your style the most?

Austen, Agatha Christie, LOTR, Shatter Me (Mafi’s writing is epic ok??), The Lunar Chronicles... Every book I’ve ready has influenced me in one way or another.

Do you have a “support team”? Who’s in it?

My fanfic readers? askflakj I don’t think I have a support team other than them tbh xD

Which OC would be your best friend in real life?

aaskhdajfls I don’t know. Maybe Jean and Maeve from my nano novel. But tbh, the four Roses being my friends? That’d be awesome, ok? I’d finally have my knit-tight group of friends :’)

My questions:

What’s the earliest story you remember writing?

Which do you prefer to write? Short stories of longer ones?

Do you think your writing is ready to be seen by the world?

Which OC would be the best company when writing and which would be the worst?

Do you have a favourite world you’d give anything to visit?

Any writing rituals? Special place, special time of the day, special medium to write a draft on, etc.

What’s your favourite genre to read AND to write? 

Do you have friends that write too?

If you could have a writing cottage anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Favourite author and how have they inspired you/your writing.

2nd game! 5 Things

tagged by @alarkvling​

5 things you’ll find in my bag: wallet, a book, water, food, bus card 5 things you’ll find in my room: books, my bookmark-making materials, a dreamcatcher I bought last year from an american indian, my first nikolina piece printed and framed <3 5 things that make me happy: rainy days, reading an amazing book, talking with my friends for hours (it’s been a while since that tho..), a warm cup of milk/cappuccino/hot chocolate, my nerdy otps 5 things i’m currently into: writing, drawing, bookmark making, shovel knight, nikolina lol 5 things on my to-do list: pass driving code exam, have a fun bday, be a better person, improve my writing, get a decent job.

3rd game! Music Game

tagged by @artemeis​

rules: set your entire (I don’t have all my music in one place lol) music library on shuffle and report the first ten songs that pop up.

The River by The Family Crest

Tell Me If You Wanna Go Home by Keira Knightley

La Vie En Rose by Louis Armstrong

Superstar by Broods

Make You Believe by Lucy Hale

Coming Up Roses by Keira Knightley

Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift

Howl by The Family Crest

Conscious by Broods

So It Goes... by Taylor Swift

4th game! I’ve never...

rules: list 10 curious things you’ve never done and tag 10 people

I’ve never had a sleepover

I’ve never had my first kiss

I’ve never worn contacts

I’ve never been to a nightclub

I’ve never gone farther than Seville (outside country)

I’ve never had birthday surprises (the good ones ofc)

I’ve never seen snow other than the tiny flurry we had over a year ago (so like, not the kind you see all white and stuff)

I’ve never been to another continent

I’ve never had bff(s)

I’ve never seen a musical on stage

5th game! Get To Know Me

tagged by @becpunzel​

How tall are you? 154 cm which is a itsy bit over 5ft...? *shrugs*

What color are your eyes? Blue+grey+green.

Do you wear contacts and/or glasses? Glasses

Do you wear braces? No, and never had.

What is your fashion style? Cute? Girly? *shrugs* I don’t know but it’s something like that xD

When were you born? 14th March 1991

Do you have any siblings? A younger sister

What school/college do you go to? I have a degree on animation.

What kind of student are you? The kind that has to do well lol.

What are your favorite subjects? History, art, books...? xD 

What are your favorite movies? Tangled, Star Wars, LOTR, Clueless, Laws of Attraction, Pacific Rim, Inception, Mad Max: Fury Road, Megamind, The Princess and the Frog, Ghibli movies, The 10th Kingdom, etc 

What are your favorite pastimes? Reading, writing, drawing, trying to talk with friends I haven’t talked in a while, playing games, photography, bookmark making, making edits for books/shows/ships I love <3

Do you have any regrets? I think we all have those.

What’s your dream job? Something I’m good at and I enjoy doing and allows me a happy life.

Would you like to get married? Yeah, I would. Gotta do everything else before that point in life, starting with being remotely appealing for dating haha..

Do you want kids? Maybe one day yeah. It’s not out of the question but it’s not a must-do either.

How many countries have you visited? 2

What is your scariest dream? I went to a christmas party with all my ex-classmates from various moments in my life and I was ignored the whole dinner, my gift got stolen and no one tried to help. Probably not a traditional scary dream but it was a big-fears-fest

Do you have a significant other? Hahahaha, no.

not doing the music part since I did it in the other game already xP

6th Game! Another Get To Know

tagged by @alexclovere

Age - 26 soon 27

Birthplace - Portugal

Current time - 1:46 pm

Drink you had last - water

Easiest person to talk to - the rare close friends

Favorite song - I have a lot but lets go with a classic: Can’t Help Falling In Love

Grossest memory - (: Last year, the week before my bday. It was so much fun! not! AND SO GROSS AND AWFUL D:<

Hogwarts house - Slytherin

In Love - no :\

Jealous of people - always a little

Killed someone - ofc not wth

Love at first sight or should I walk by you again - I think you have to walk by several times and even then there’s no guarantee *shrugs*

Middle name - I don’t have

Number of siblings - one sister

One wish - a good job

Person you called last - my mom

Question you are always asked - job?????

Reason to smile - in spite of things being bad, it always gets better, even if it doesn’t feel like it. also, cute pets!

Song you sang last -Tell Me If You Wanna Go Home by Keira Knightley

Time you woke up - 9:30 am

Underwear color - huh

Worst habit - either thinking the worst is happening or thinking I’m friends with someone when they probs don’t even remember I exist

X-rays - it’s been a while

Your favorite food - pizza, homemade

Zodiac sign - Pisces

#tag games #alexclovere #tagging you so you can see since tumblr doesn't let me @ you #here's a spam of tag games pick your fave and do it! or not ofc xD

[elsirason]

Please, don’t go - Prologue

| Chapter Index | Next Chapter

Introduction: The story you are about to read is the one about Arkin and me. Yes, I know it's a strange name: he’s Norwegian. If you asked me how we met, I could not answer you. I just know that we became a couple that indefinite morning of the kindergarten’s first year and we bureaucratically haven’t break up, yet. Reality is that we were "engaged" for those three years, but with the beginning of elementary schools, my parents divorced and I had to moved with my mother in another town. I still remember the moment I told it to my two best friends. Paolo pulled on a small sad smile and raised his hand to say good-bye to me, Arkin did not even look at me, preferring to keep his eyes on the ground. Always kind and altruistic, my Paolo; always capricious and proud, my Arkin.

Elsira’s Notes: Hey everyone! I’m a little excited right now, this is the first time a traslate a multi chapter story... I truly hope it turn out at least okay xD Just wanted to tell some things, before you start to read. This story is one of mine, “original”, like is said here. I don’t know how much of you know about Italy and its lifestyle, dialects, etc., but I swear these were the main things that gave me real trouble during the traslate, and right now my biggest hope is I didn’t do a mess like I always do...!

I have some other stories I would like to traslate and post in here, but... You know... It will take some time. A lot of time. If you know Italian, you can find all of the story I have already post here. There are mainly Dragon Ball’s fanfic tbh, because that’s the fandom I was more active when I started to write.

Some quick notes about the structure of the story and then I will be quiet, I PROMISE:

The story rating, categories and terms are principally these: PG13 | Slice of life | Hurt/comfort | CW | Love triangle | Romantic | 

At the top of every chapter there will be a cit. that means something with the chapter itself. 

There will be two kind of chapter: the one in Camilla’s POV and the one in Arkin’s POV. Every time the point of view changes, it will be separated like these ***** Camilla POV ***** / ***** Arkin POV *****. Also, flashbacks are common, especially at the beginning.

That’s all for now, thanks for reading this, now I leave you to the story ~ 

“His eyes, they use to shine so bright.”

To begin with this story, a brief introduction is needed, in which I explain how everything started. First of all: hi everyone! I’m Camilla and the story you are about to read is the one about Arkin and me.

Yes, I know it's a strange name: he is Norwegian. Or rather, half Norwegian. His mother is from Arendal and before my friend born, his parents had decided that if a male was born, the name would have been chosen by the mother, while if a female was born, the name would have been chosen by the father. A boy was born, so his mother had a free field and decided to call him like a character of her own culture who had fascinated her when she was young. I have no idea who he is, I know only that Arkin has always been proud of his name and has always raised it to the utmost of its beauty as a child.

If you asked me how we met, I could not answer you. Not ‘cause I’m mean or shy, it’s just that our first actual encounter has happened so long ago that I really cannot remember it. I only remember the first time he gave me a kiss, on the cheek, innocent and kind, like the age we had. I recall the first gift he gave me, immediately afterwards: a small heart-shaped card which inside he had drawn the two of us, while giving me the same note. It was an horrible design, even for our tender age, but he was never good at drawing.

I still own that card.

I don’t know after how much this happened since when we know each other, I only know that from that day, that indefinite morning of the first year of kindergarten, we became a couple and, to even today, we have not bureaucratically break up yet. We have been "engaged" for the duration of kindergarten, although I liked another child, the third member of our group: Paolo. We were indivisible, the three of us. Every day we played together, spent the hour of the nap next to each other, we were seated next to each other in the canteen, in the classroom and on the bus; we often spent time together after school, until dinner time. We also slept together, sometimes.

They were the best friends I could ever have wanted to have and that I've ever had.

With the beginning of elementary school, however, everything has changed: my parents divorced during the first year of school and I had to moved to my mother, in another town. Although not far away, the only occasion our group met was during the catechism time, on Saturday afternoon.

I remember I did not like the catechism at all, but there were the two of them, and that was enough for me to wake up my mother from afternoon rest and drag her out of the house to avoid losing a minute of it. I did not want to miss even a second to spend with Arkin and Paolo.

This situation lasted for few years, because in view of the first communion I had to start attending the catechism of the church of my new town.

I still remember the moment I told them. We were on the swing, swinging cheerfully when I stopped out of the blue and said that, from the following week, they would not see me there again. They were both shot dead, looking at me with their bright eyes. They had asked me if I was joking, I had answered no.

We were all three in silence, until my mother's voice had reached us. I had come down from the swing and headed to the car, turning back halfway and making a shy greeting with my hand. Paolo had pulled a small smile in response and raised his hand, Arkin had not even looked at me, preferring to keep his eyes on the ground with a grimace on his face that was supposed to hold back the tears. I was hurted, but I could not say that I expected different behaviors.

Always kind and altruistic, my Paolo; always capricious and proud, my Arkin.

I have neither seen nor heard them until one of the worst days of my life.

It was summer, more precisely on August 21, 2010, the month still most unbearably hot of my existence. It was the first year I did not spend the summer holidays to seaside and I was walking with my best middle school’s friend. We were walking down the street with our fresh Estathé, chatting cheerfully, when we decided to go to the newsstand to buy some magazines. We headed to our destination when, coming in, my eye had fallen down to the preview of newspapers outside the newsstand.

I still don’t know what was driving my eyes that moment: fate, karma, God, Santa Claus, Son Goku, Jack Frost, call it however you want to, but I was completely paralyzed at the entrance of the newsstand. I had seen the photo of a young teenage boy at the side of the page; below, the caption with his name and on the top the title I still remember as if I still had it in front of my eyes: "A thirteen-year-old boy dies while playing soccer." I felt faint and fell to my knees, as the tears were limping over my face. It was a silent crying, one of those who made you out of the rest of the world, no matter what might happen around you. Without sobbing or shaking the chest, because already too painful, so that the body is afraid of doing any movement, risking to trigger some kind of self-destructive mechanism.

My friend and the newsagent came close to me, telling me things that I could not hear. I was already in my bubble of despair. All that looked to my eyes was my friend's face and filling my mind there was just a word that I could not metabolize in any way: dead.

I went to the the funeral alone and in secret, I did not want anyone near me.

I was sneaking away from home while my brother and my mother still slept, leaving a written note that I was going to look at the rowing training of the senior, since they were the only ones to have permission to sail without the trainer. I had taken the bike and pedaling those two and a half hours distancing me from my old town, thanking God that on Sunday’s morning most people prefer to sleep rather than stay on the road.

I still remember the overwhelming church, the summer's irrespirable air, the coffin of my childhood friend in the midst of everything; the pain broke my chest, but it remained hidden. I had been on the sidelines all the time, unable to look away from the damn cash. The memories of the boy I knew had aroused my mind and rolled one behind the other at a hallucinating speed. There was nothing else at that moment.

I hadn’t even had the courage to go to his parents for condolences, sure they would not even recognize me. To this day, it’s still something that I regret.

The only glimmer of lucidity I had, happened when I saw Arkin: it’s impossible not recognize those two sapphires. He had spent two shaky words for Paolo: he who had grown up with him, he who had always been close to him, he who was present that day, he who was the one who had called the ambulance and had tried to give him a cardiac massage meanwhile, he who had accompanied him to the hospital and had waited for medical records despite everyone trying to get him home to rest. He, in spite of everything, who would always consider him his best friend.

Before returning to the bench, our eyes met for a brief moment. I remember very well the feeling of that moment: I felt just to die. I didn’t know if he recognized me, because he didn’t make a note, but it didn’t matter: I had felt bad, those blue eyes had hurt me.

Years have passed, the pain for Paolo has made it bearable with time. I did not pass it, or forgot it, I just hid it. I have never been able to overcome the deaths of the people I care about, I can only hide what I feel and then release it at the most appropriate times, like when I’m alone at night and I can cry as I want, without risking anyone hear nor see me.

Except Gru-gra, my half-wild cat, but I’m not ashamed of it.

Now that I've completed this introduction, I can proceed with telling you the story I promised you from the beginning. And that's what I'll do right now, starting with the next page! Yeah, from the next page, because now it’s 3am and if someone find me still awake I don’t know how I will see tomorrow…

Camilla

Hope to know what you think and, if you find any error or have anything to say, feel free to tell me! By comment or ask, even as anon! I want to do better ^^

See you next time ~

#please don't let go #elsira writing #rating:pg13 #slice of life #CW #love triangle #romantic #hurt/comfort #POV #Arkin #Camilla #traslation #writing

[kalimarsdreamlog]

Dream 157: Some of the most Convoluted Time Travel I've ever Dreamt up!

Dreamt I had a friend named Heart and either a brother or boyfriend named Soul. I’m gonna go with platonic with a bit of extra trust and protectiveness. He could travel forward in time while I could travel back. Later in life our kids had powers too. One could slow time down and the other could speed it up.

And man, the time loops I had to deal with! I had time loops just for sleeping!

Woo okay so let’s see… The best place to start describing the dream was on the bus on the way to school. Soul and I figured that we could cover for each other if something went wrong with our powers. Powers were not uncommon in the populace, and sometimes they appeared physically and sometimes only through action. This was before My Hero Academia was a thing. On the bus I was sitting next to a girl who had soft fluffy fur covering her upper body. Because of how covering it was she actually didn’t need to wear a shirt. Her name was Heart. Anyway she was super soft and I basically hugged her the entire way to school. (Oh pretty sure those kids I mentioned were named Diamond and Pearl. My dreams’ naming skills man, they’re so strange!) She didn’t seem to mind much, in fact she was grateful that I wasn’t making fun of her. We became fast friends. I think Soul was jealous.

Luckily she had the same first period as me so we sat next to each other. Some people started giving her a hard time for her state of dress and it was making me angry. So angry in fact that I accidentally time traveled three days into the past! Rats. When time traveling I appear in the same place as where I started from, so instead of appearing at home with Soul (where I had been those three days before) I ended up in the classroom three days prior. It was a weekend then, so I didn’t freak anyone out by appearing out of nowhere. I sighed. Thank goodness I hadn’t been to this school before, so I could go the next two days without running into my past self. That explained why I hadn’t been introduced as a new student before. I passed the next three days without running into my other self flawlessly, smoothly taking her place when she disappeared during class. To me it was a waste of three days of my life, but what could I do about that?

Meanwhile in Soul’s class, something similar was happening with him. I don’t remember what caused it, but he got so frustrated that he accidentally triggered his powers too. What a great first day of school! Guess school wasn’t really for us.

I didn’t see him for another week. I was starting to get worried when I finally saw him at school again. He told me how he’d gotten so frustrated that he accidentally went a week into the future where he was still mad, but suddenly didn’t know any of the material from the last week. Time traveler problems! So I went back a week in the past again, (now there were three me’s on that day!) pretended I was Soul, and took thorough notes on all of his classes that I could give to him when he appeared in the future. I kind of started to worry that our rate of aging would go differently. What took him one day to live took me seventeen! It felt like I hardly ever got to see him.

During the week and three days of time travel I stayed in various places. There hadn’t been any duplicates at home before, so I couldn’t go there now in order to keep a stable timeline. To outsiders, it looked like I only slept three hours a night. In truth I slept nine most nights, but they were just squished into the same three hour interval. That was pretty fun.

We decided that school wasn’t for us after that, (so much for me making up his week!) since our different schedules wreaked havoc on our timelines. At least if we stuck together we could travel together, effectively keeping our aging rate the same.

We used a conveniently timed field trip to ditch school forever. We grabbed a few of our friends each so that we could actually have social lives where we planned on going, then took over one of the parked busses and drove to the nearest coast.

(A brief interlude, Soul and I also used time travel to get out of tough spots. There were some interesting stories. About to get attacked by nomads? Go forward or back a few days! They won’t be likely to stay long. Stuff like that. We’d also pass notes to ourselves at different times to make sure we stayed true to the timeline and didn’t screw anything up.)

I guess we managed to get a boat and go out to this teensy little island out in the middle of the ocean somewhere. Being in such close quarters with the people we took, we got to know them really well. We were being chased by people. I can’t remember why. We hoped to lose them in the open sea, and we did a pretty good job by the time we reached the island. The island was once a getaway that my mom tried to make. Apparently she used to have money, because the building on the island was magnificent. Soul disappeared again shortly after settling in.

Well whoever was chasing us finally found the island after about a week. Most everyone conveniently happened to be in the same room as me when it happened, so I got them all together where I could have them all follow me quickly. I figured if the (let’s call them) raiders thought we had escaped or moved on that they would leave the island for good, maybe after breaking some stuff. Which meant I had to find a hiding place they could never ever possibly find. In most dreams I suck at this. But this time I was a time traveler in a tricked out getaway on a deceivingly sized island that once belonged to my mom. I had everyone wait where we were and I traveled back maybe ten minutes into the past. Hopefully ten minutes would be enough time to find a hiding place. I ran to the farthest hallway in the back that had a lone black tile in the middle. What looked like a style choice was actually a trap door. I lifted it up and slid down the ladder below. It dropped into a long hallway. I followed the hallway to its end. It was hard to tell, but the back wall was a door that led to a bathroom. It looked like it used to be my mom’s. I don’t know why it was so hidden but I’d take it. In the wall beside the sink there was a place that wasn’t quite smooth on the corner. Another tile, but this one was white like the rest around it. I pulled on that and saw a cozy triangular room. Perfect. By the time I ran back to the group my ten minutes were up, and I arrived right after I had disappeared to ten minutes ago. They were bewildered but willing to follow, and I led them back to the secret room. The raiders weren’t likely to find the first trick tile, but if they did and found the bathroom they wouldn’t think to look any deeper. Fool you once, twice, but thrice? They had no reason to think that far.

I did a head count. Heart and Soul were missing. I couldn’t let that happen. So I traveled back, again, to try to find the two and get them to the triangular room.

I found Heart in the atrium on the bridge between the left and right second floors above it. There was no way I could get to her in time. Not with raiders banging on the doors already. I couldn’t go back and save her two minutes ago without creating a paradox since I could clearly see she was still there. I could only travel backwards, not teleport! I wasn’t going to wait longer and then go back because I didn’t trust myself not to make a paradox with that too, but then I had an idea.

Keeping in mind all the places things were and where I had been, I traveled all the way back to when we were just settling in, the last time and place I had seen Soul. I found a pen and paper and wrote down exactly when and from where he needed to travel, then tracked him down and gave it to him. I told him to prepare whatever he wanted, but to probably leave soon. Then I hid in that hallway until the day the raiders came. Without running into my other self, I herded everyone to where the other me was so that when the time came everyone would be together like had happened before. I waited until they were gone then went to the atrium, waiting in the shadows for Soul to arrive.

He suddenly appeared next to Heart, grabbed her, and ran to where I had told him to on the paper, where I was now. (He could run faster than she could, and this way there was no yelling involved to alert the raiders of our presence) We ran so fast to that hallway that I was using walls to run on to help me turn faster. I got the two down the trap tile (which had been left open the whole time in my haste, woops) and pointed them down the hallway. We had arrived just after the last me, which meant other me had already traveled backwards so there would still be only one me in the triangular room at a time. If that makes any sense. I can try to draw the time lines for you if you want.

I closed the tile behind us so I wouldn’t have to do another trip backwards to fix it before the raiders got there. We silently waited in the room. Soul would sometimes travel forwards to give us some space by not existing for a while, but for the most part all we could do was wait. A couple people managed to sleep. When we decided it was safe to come out the raiders were gone. The building was an absolute mess of broken things, but apparently they had done as I had hoped and moved on. We had a sword fighting tournament to celebrate. XD

End of dream!

-

Has anyone here seen Made In Abyss? Nanachi looks so much like Heart it’s not even funny. Her voice and is really different though. 

-

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FAQ

#dream 157 #dreams #time travel #heart #soul #school #time sis (rewind) #time bro (fast forward)