#my love for them only grows

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[eatingsomegreeneggos]

My uh- My hand slipped 🌟

#fanart #my art #tadc #tadc fanart #pomni #tadc pomni #ragatha #tadc ragatha #femslash #buttonblossom #pomni x ragatha #lesbians #uhh I have nothing to explain myself with #I just had a vision based on only having seen the pilot and you what that's enough #yall know im out here shipping characters whove never seen each other and like whos stopping me #and even better every time i get a nice comment in the tags of people being excited finding fanart for their ships I grow a bit stronger #anyways theyre cute. love them #theyre so me actually #oh yeah also #the amazing digital circus

[yashley]

Did she keep you trapped?

#critical role #ygifs #fearne #cr3 #the way fearne Immediately needs to liberate trapped creatures with a desperation that makes my heart ache :) comedy?? nah Trauma :) #a lonely little girl growing up in a nightmare and her heart is so big she only sees the dream #and she grows up believing with all her love that her parents Love her. her nana Loves her. and they'll be together one day. #and then it's growing up realizing just how dark the shadows were around her but no her home was always lovely it has to be #and it's not their fault if something hurts. if anything it's hers right. shes the solution for them of course she was the problem after al #the nana she loves can't be the hag who took her for a prize the parents she's searching for can't have left her behind. #her home was never a cage she just Has to free every trapped creature she sees #she'll laugh lightly and often and shrug it all away because it's not heavy. it doesn't hurt her. she's fine. she's fearne. #love nana morri to death also a thousand percent sure she modified little fearne's memory A Ton to keep her :). #how times did fearne try to run away crying only to be given a grin and a postcard and those fears are just one more thing taken from her #and it's all so lovely and nothing hurts and she's totally fine #my galpaloway

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #madam lan #A-qing #Band AU #(Reminder that Madam Lan's design inspiration goes to Qourmet!) #Madam Lan may have been the winner per vote count but there were so many strong advocates for A-Qing! #I played around with a few versions of what the 'poll winner' art was going to be and ultimately decided I wanted them both. #As any good theater love knows though - The battle for leadership was a ruse. They *all* get a chance to be featured. #Cooperation was the real end goal! However I do think these two have the best frontman energy of the group. #Or at least 'crowd favourite' energy. I also really loved hearing what people thought their vocal styles would be like! #This was probably one of my favourite polls to do and I love drawing these characters a lot B*) #I'd love to spend a bit more time in this AU so count on me bringing it back. #One thing I keep feeling like I need to redeem myself on is Madam Lan's Translucent skirt. I have *not* done the concept justice yet. #It is such a crack-platonic ship but I want to think Madam Lan and A-Qing would enjoy each other's company. #Possibly also with JYL as well. They can be like mutually beneficial therapy dogs to each other. #Madam Lan never got to see her kids grow up into teenagers after all. She only had sons. Never daughters. #Even if she saw her kids once a month we do know she treated them with so much love and kindness. #She would bite the shit out of YZY for yelling at JYL. What a sight to see. A-Qing would also start biting (for fun).

[ride-a-dromedary]

[May I kiss you?] I was hoping you would ask.

#BG3 #Wyll Ravengard #Halsin #wyllsin #bg3edit #otheredits #my stuff #please ignore how crappy these gifs are i promise i will make good ones again i just had to get this done #because *screams into my hands* #they make me unwell they're so cute #them in their fancy attire makes this look like duke!wyll and his strange hermit wood elf suitor #who also happens to be a powerful archdruid wearing heavy finery like he only does once in a blue moon - but you wouldn't know #because he spends all his time praising Wyll and doting on him and talking about his orphanage #you think part of little wyll's fantasies of growing up and falling in love and fairytale romances involved a bear #sweeping him off his feet literally and figuratively? #i had to uninstall the mod for wyll's pointy ears and teeth a sad day

[moeblob]

kitty kitty kitty

#fe three houses #felix hugo fraldarius #listen ok hear me out ok there is a wonderful duo i know online #who have a lovely orange cat named ferdinand and i love him and this is ONLY a problem #because i now have a funky lil orange kitten boy myself and his name is Caramel Latte and i keep #almost calling him the wrong name and im so embarrassed w myself #but after spending a year looking at someone elses cat via photo spams when i can its like #aha thats the name of a Cat #anyway i love my lil fella my lil guy #and we adopted him and his mama and they were basically living upstairs in the guest room to be Safe and Sound #bc i am the only resident upstairs and so its quieter #and so for a week the mom would come to my room and just MEOW at 4am #and id be like ope my turn #and then i would leave my room and go to the guest room and play with Caramel Latte and his 4am zoomies #im designated other parent and its truly an honor ok #my dad would be like oh no cant find the lil guy and im like ohyeah ? bet? and he would RUN ON OUT and sit on my foot #Latte loves me a lot...te..... #and i showed a lil video of him to someone on discord and her response was #his ears are too big for his lil head #and its true he has huge ears and i wuv him and he will grow into them eventually its fine he is hardly just over a month old #anyway kittens my beloved

[robinmage]

one thing i really appreciate about jinshi's character is how he has NEVER once actually had any intention of succeeding the throne. every time the idea is brought up he immediately detests it. so hes giving maomao as much as he possibly can, even though maomao has many qualms about it due to their difference in social status, but jinshi DOESNT CARE because hes NEVER cared about or wanted the status of crown prince! its been nothing but a burden to him! from his perspective the ONLY thing keeping the two of them apart are outside influences. he has no doubt within himself-- hes horribly down bad, in fact. but unfortunately his stupid JOB is getting in the way of him skipping off into the sunset with his favourite little cat

#jinshi literally maiming himself infront of the emperor and empress: “can you please fire me so i can marry the girl of my dreams” #emperor: “no. now go to the west capital relatively unsupervised with the girl of your dreams andpromise REAL HARD u wont something stupid” #also not to mention i think maomaos problem isnt that she doesnt want to marry jinshi bc she doesnt care about him-- she cares abt him A LO #which is precisely why shes convinced herself she cant marry him. she wants whats best for him and #she wholeheartedly believes that marrying her is the EXACT OPPOSITE of whats best for him. #like she has. yknow. not the prettiest of backgrounds. growing up in a brothel might do that to you #shes mentioned before- shes basically a commoner. she has her biologicaldad but hes more of a wildcard selfmade man with no real connection #and she doesnt even like him. #but she just CANNOT comprehend that someone would sacrifice so much for her and ask for nothing in return but her company #i just love them a lot your honour. #the apothecary diaries #the apothecary diaries spoilers #for the anime/manga onlies #READ THE LIGHT NOVEL #kusuriya no hitorigoto #kusuriya no hitorigoto spoilers

[canonkiller]

do you consider your self made?

#my art #self portrait of sorts #been musing a lot on disability recently and how being relatively freshly unable to do Most Things has changed my perspective on things #for a long time growing up i was fixated on the idea of being An Impact On The World yknow? mainly the next Big Writer #(and that it would be sooo impressive that everyone would make my books bestsellers when i was only 12 because it was That Good) #and i mean. obviously that didnt work out as originally planned because i was 12 and learning. but I've felt a lot like #I've kind of built my sense of self on those big achievements. even if they were only big to me. and a lot of them #are now out of reach or very difficult to reach. and it's been a lot to. recontextualize #to take what ive been told my whole life and ignore it in favor of just being being enough. #things will happen as they happen. i havent earned anything by suffering but it hasnt ended the world either #im here doing what i Can do for as long as I'm able to do it. and thats all i need to be for now #just making sure that i Do do the things i can do rather than assume i can do them later #anyways. love you #cw: #top nudity #artistic nudity #the dreaded ambiguously presenting nipple #if you put any pro weight loss eating disorder shit on here ill kill you btw #my body is sexy because im in it and im still alive. not because its struggling to stay that way #lindwormposting

[todayisafridaynight]

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza series #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #masato arakawa #ryo aoki #snap sketches #AH jumpscare #i aint drawn aoki or masato (funny as hell i have to distinguish) in forever BYYYYYEE i miss him. i want him to be even more dead #my favorite genre of masato art is aoki killnig him so its my turn to do that. kinda. in spirit #Understandably its always aoki as the aggressor but i wanted to ask myself Can I Flip It #evidently aoki wasnt happy even with all of his power and all.. it makes me wonder how much his self hatred exists in aoki #A LOT EVIDENTLY LMAOOO but im having issues trying to articulate what i mean #aoki is very much a persona Fake Through And Through so sometimes i wonder if aoki ever gets tired of having to act all the time #he's on edge all the time and constantly trying to figure out how to use people instead of just. chilling LMAO GROW UP #he refuses to let himself be genuine and vulnerable with others yet at the same time he wants the love that comes with that #sure his new persona gives him the life he wanted but its gotta be wild to think 'people only like me for what i can do for them' #its hard to accurately describe what i was thinking while drawing these i just know i like rattling masato in a can #there's just so many layers to him it makes my brain itch SOOOO bad #having the love and sincerity he said he always wanted but not being able to see it because of his own self hatred... wild... #relatable... im gonna throw up... he still sucks tho lol...... #ok bye im gonna contemplate drawing something moody cause i guess it's a moody sunday idk sue me

[magistralucis]

her name is milkshake. go girl give us nothing 🤗

#isopod #roly poly #woodlouse #woodlice #magic potion #armadillidium vulgare #would you believe this is the second time she did this in a row which is how i even got to film her in the first place 🤣 #god i love isopods. they are SO DRAMATIC when they fall over no matter how briefly #anyway hi hello isopod lovers i keep isopods i have porcellio scaber and armadillidium vulgare (magic potion + gem mix + wildtype) #i've kept them for some months now but only recently have felt somewhat confident in my husbandry to talk about it #i was kind of negative towards them at the start not going to lie i never really liked 'bugs' all my life #but those little dirt shrimp have changed my way of thinking and for the better. they are just. they're just so nice #milkshake here is (i think) the first a. vulgare mother in their current tank and i look forward to seeing how her babbies grow

[turrondeluxe]

How old do you think the turtle tots are in the comics/art you've shown? (like, roughly, how it's their development)

will probably be a bit long because of pics so!

^ a few weeks after being mutated (basically still newborns, very small)

^ Around 6-7 months! Can be seen crawling around the house

^ Roughly around 8 months old (already starting to string together syllables)

^ Around 3 years old! (Yi is VERY smart for her age)

^ Around 4 years old!

^ extra silly fun fact! they started purring being only a few days old!

#THESE MIGHT NOT LOOK MUCH DIFFERENT FOR YOU GUYS BUT LITTLE KIDS DO SO MUCH PROGRESS AND #GROWING UP IN SUCH LITTLE TIME OK. THESE LITTLE MONTH DIFFERENCES MEAN A LOT. #especially when we are talking about like the start of crawling walking and the start of them doing chirps squeaks and sounds that lead to #actual words #ofc by chirp and squeaks im specifically talking about turtle tots lmao #please dont spect your actual kids to do chirps or smt hahsagh #kids developing is truly crazy dude!! they be going!!!!!! #just realized i have yet to draw them older asjhfjs maybe soon #baby turtles are still so fun to draw! fun shaped!!!! #miguel ohara jumpscare because i just realized thats the only purring tot ive drawn until now lol #i think my friend who is a preschool teacher would be very proud of me because of this post HWHEH #ask #peepaw and babies au #i really need to answer more of the peepaw asks i love peepaw asks :']

[shallowseeker]

My fave thing about Jack on rewatch was realizing how internally unlike Sam he is, despite the symbolic, structural blocks of being a “gifted kid.” Emotionally? Nah.

Not if you’re paying attention.

I feel like @dawg-motif really helped me puzzle that out re: Jack’s valuation of blunt honesty and need for space and processing. And after that, it’s like Jack’s entire arc clicked into place for my brain.

There is such a temptation in fandom to assume he’s a copy-pasta of Sam because of his “doomed child” motif, or that he’s like Cas because of his literal-mindedness and sass. But emotionally? Not even close.

Or worse, there can be as assumption that his “performing!Jack” is how how he actually feels about things... Falling for Jack’s sunshiney ditzy act is like falling for Dean’s mythical Marlboro man act.

#jack stuff #jack + emotions #jack needs space #jack’s emotional interiority #jack mary-dean kline winchester #sam holds a special place in jack’s heart #but honestly they don’t really get each other despite that they love each other! #only sam’s initial pep talk really lands #the more jack grows the less effective sam’s style is for him #which is FASCINATING #jack doesn’t rationalize morality at all #he’s much more likely to get bothered and sharply call out hypocrisy #the cop he killed #jimmy novak in the draft outline #jack can get annoyed with sam and cas if he views them as looking down on his intelligence #no cas i’m not as dumb as everyone seems to think lives rent free in my head #chuck calls him *too stupid* in season 15 #this is a campbell motif #all brawn no brains #this is something dean and mary would understand #this tendency to be underestimated #it affects cas a little bit but cas seems to play it strategically #only a few writers emphasize his lost duck persona the vast majority emphasize his tactician element #mary gets it for class reasons #dean too

[nyatbinary-81]

@vulpixisananimal sifstem art jumpscare!! more specifically i got bored and decided to mess around with sif and mal's outfits.

#my art #this is how I think theyd present themselves either in person or in headspace. the slouchers <3 #sifs outfit is simple; the boots i always give them (but with star laces for funsies); loose sweater; simple pants #the pants are Meant to be jeans but isat doesnt Specifically Have Jeans so. theyre just Pants. #the sweater is slightly looser bc sif doesnt seem like a Form Fitting Clothes kinda guy to me but hes Trying to be more open #on particularly good days theyll roll the sleeves up or wear a sleeveless one methinks #even if everyone Knows abt the self-harm scars its hard to Look at them. #i also associate them being more open with them not wearing an eyepatch. esp bc hes the only one of the three to go without it #for mal (or 'ami' as i like to call it) i wanted smth reminiscent of a mourning outfit bc mal du pays means homesickness #and i picked 'ami' as a nickname bc ami means friend :] at least according to my basic translator. i dont speak french <3 #ami's outfit being dark is also reminiscent of the inversion thing its got going on in canon. #ik the veil is starred in the original but i think ami would want the fewest reminders of home. on account of The Issues #(actually if i can come back to sifs laces sif also has issues with reminders of it bc of the memory loss but the shoelaces are His Choice— #—which gives them a form of control over it and they can keep it subtle or undo it if he wants. which makes it easier) #anyway. i put amis hair in an updo and smoothed the hat bc i think ami wants to be Unremarkable. Unknown. so it keeps its silhouette Simple #(it still keeps the pins. theres smth comforting abt them. they shine like stars and theyre not stars and theyre not Home. but theyre You.) #and i kept the long hair i gave loop. dont ask me why its so long when the canon hair is short. maybe their hair kept growing over the loop #OH and i drew ami in a side profile bc Silhouette and also bc i think itd make an effort to keep people away from its blind spot #andddd i think thats about it? plus i actually managed to keep this one within a reasonable timeframe. #if their hair changes lengths/the proportions change between drawings. no they dont 💛 peace and love and body craft #OH AND YOU FINALLY GET TO SEE WHAT I MEAN ABT SIFS BOOTS BC THESE ARE THE BOOTS I GAVE THEM ON MY REGULAR DESIGN ARENT THEY NEAT #i did actually try to give sif a different font but nothing Works for them like the pixel font. i cant explain it. #i think 'ami' would be a nickname that mira gives it. bc. shes Fantasy French. and its a sort of 'youre more than your yearning/loss' thing #me every time i think abt sifstem: yeah they just rotate in my head. nothing major #me every time i talk abt sifstem: oh hey im almost at tag limit again #au Good what can i say

[miekasa]

worst tropes

men dating women in the same career/field as them an get silent/bitter because she's having a big moment/is more accomplished than him

men dating women in time-demanding careers and then are upset that their careers demand their time

men with podcasts

men dating independent/emotionally unavailable women and then are upset that they are independent/emotionally unavailable

men who can't drive

best tropes

friends to lovers

men who can drive

love on purpose, love that's intentional, love that's not rotten work because it's you

#mie.txt #been watching two shows back to back where the female lead is not only insufferable but so is her choice in men #as are all the other side characters' boyfriends #its crazy to see just how terrible a man's influence on writing women is #bc it's not even in women its in how they take back men that are the worst that are bad for them #and how hes always forgiven and grows but she doesnt #im not usually a movie watcher either but ive been using them to time my studying and GOD male directors are the worst too? #its so strange to think about because yeah men as a class are so intentionally sinister when theyre in power #but also so blissfully unaware when theyre subject to the influence of those in power that they end up (accidentally?) gaslighting everyone #else around them #idk idk idk idk idk #idk boys in real life can be and are so cute when theyre in love #theyre so so so cute #so why is that so hard to translate on screen #or like... why the unwillingness to do so???? #anyway...... hiiiiii im finished w my semester does anyone wanna talk about levi and gojo 😁😁

[shorlinesorrows]

qpr jean and neil. that's all i'm gonna say.

do you see my vision?

#i might add onto this later but right now I'm too busy crying #“misplaced forever partner” ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT DESTROYED ME #neil ordering a hit to keep jean safe changed my brain chemistry #i need them to be friends #i need them to call each other and gossip and send each other stupid memes that only they understand #i need them to slowly grow closer as they heal until one day they can finish each other's sentences #and they ocassionally make super dark jokes about their trauma out of the blue (they bet on how people will react competitively) #i need them to call each other derogatory names but get Super Upset whenever anyone else talks shit about the other and offer to kill them #and i would love them to reclaim the spots next to each other that riko set #and make them their own #they're not partners on the court but they sure as hell are partners in life #the mcs ever #at one point andrew and jeremy are just looking at each other across a table at a restaurant as these two bicker #and realize they have somehow both become the Third Wheel despite the fact that 1) there's four of them and 2) jean and neil aren't dating #the amount of queer platonic pining i could fit in these traumatized people #the: “i'm lowkey obsessed with you but I Really don't like you romantically and I don't know what to do with it” #and the: “oh thank hell me too i thought i was even weirder than i already am. wanna go harass the fbi with me?" #jeremy and andrew watch this trainwreck both exasperatedly and proudly you can't convince me otherwise #cannot convince me that these four won't somehow end up living in each others pockets even if they live 1000 miles away #kevin pops in frequently as his usual wonderful diva self #anyway i'm going insane how yall doing #neil josten #jean moreau #all for the game #the sunshine court

[spoofyleaf]

Sometimes I remember that my whole house was so obsessed with the show Merlin, that we named the first tree we planted in the yard Merlin.

When it was given to us 11 years ago it was hardly a scraggly stick, and now it looks like a giant bush

Artist rendition

#this is the first year it has like!! actual bark!!! #only the middle/ main trunk #I’m so emotional over this tree you guys don’t even know #he won’t stop growing branches on the bottom #so he just looks like a huge bush when leafed out #then another tree we planted the same year looks like a Maple Tree TM #I love all the trees in my yard #every day when it’s warm enough I tell them all they’re doing a great jobs #and one who burnt during a really hot summer didn’t grow for YEARS #but we didn’t give up on it #no sir #we cut off the burnt limb #we kept telling it that it was doing great #and last year!!! it finally started growing new twigs!! #it grew more than like 5 leaves!!! #and this year so far there’s already a LOT of growth!!!!!! #and one tree I got from a childhood best friend like 5 years ago has absolutely taken off #like holy hell #the tree was a sapling from the tree from her backyard #it was my favourite tree growing up #it’s were we were kids together #guys no you don’t get it #we slowly fell out of friendship and then years later she texted me #‘hey you know that one tree you used to love? do you want a sapling from jt otherwise my mom is throwing it in compost.’ #‘she thinks you don’t care about this tree anymore but I know you do’ #*sobs* #Spoofy tambles