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godshideouscreation · 2 years

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Any advice on how to get attention for my feet pics?

I'm just going to be honest with you because someone obviously wasn't. You are not going to get rich selling feet pics. The market is literally so saturated with feet pics the first time one of these dumb celebrities said that they made a million dollars in one day selling feet pictures because everybody signed up to do so. And honestly I have a lot of regular customers but only a very small handful out of the hundreds I work with are even into feet. What makes your feet pictures different from the rest? I mean the models who work mostly in the foot niche spend money on pedicures constantly, they have feet that look good or are interesting in some way. High arches or the toe to foot ratio, wrinkles on the bottom or not.

Y'all are so ready to get rich off this supposed vast foot market but I can't tell you how many thousands of people ask me the same type of question all the time because they're not getting anywhere. Honestly the people who have gotten somewhere are doing it because they did their research on the fetish itself instead of just assuming that any crappy cell phone picture is going to make them rich.

If you want to make money off foot porn, And are willing to do the work that goes into SEX WORK (because guess what, when you're selling fetish content, you're doing sex work and everything that comes with that, safety being a big one) then I suggest you get to watching on pornhub or Manyvids free videos honestly and figure out what the fetish is all about before you go trying to peddle it. I'm just speaking from experience, that you're not going to be able to make sales on a fetish if you don't have any idea, anything about the fetish. Because the people that are into that fetish will sniff you out in a second if you don't know shit.

And if this comes off as harsh to you I'm sorry but sex work is literally my job. It has been for the past 9 years. I can't tell you how many people I've seen come and go in that time period who think that they're going to get rich quick, and then when they actually start having to put in the time and energy into it they realize that it does take time and energy. It is WORK. If you want to stick it out in this industry then you have to do the work.

I don't have a problem mentoring people, I don't have a problem with people asking me for advice on a specific topic. But I'm not going to sit here and tell people who have no idea what they're doing... how to do my job for free. It takes time out of my day, time away from my work, and in my experience less than half the people who come to me for advice even stick it out in the first place for even a month. So why would I want to waste my time? Especially for somebody who's anonymous? Like I'm assuming that you don't have accounts set up specifically for SW or you would have just messaged me on them? So you're already not taking your safety into account when you're trying to be selling these pictures? I do work with a lot of people in the industry who are new, many I signed up to Onlyfans or Fansly, and I don't have a problem with that. Because they are putting in the work that they need to. What I have a problem with is you expecting me to fix your business model.

And honestly you're probably going to think I'm a total bitch for saying all of this but it's the truth. Sex work is just not for everybody.

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slytheringa27 · 2 months

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Cell Phones in Dramione

Does it bother anyone else when a fic that's set any where from 1 year to 9 years after the battle and the characters are using smart phones (taking pics on vacation or having group chats)? Like the iphone didn't come out until 2007 and the first camera phone (crappy little flip phone) wasn't until 2002/2003. I get its fic and a lot of time is canon divergent, but certain little details get under my skin and this is one of them.

#dramione

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mossandrock · 1 year

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Who wants some really really crappy cell phone pics of my snek in his redecorated digs? Well you're getting them anyway!

#my pets #snake #herptiles #rasputin

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castle-dominion · 8 months

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castle 6x19 the greater good

the gates sister episode liveblog (the gateser good)

wow yucky table wow bloody man wow girl taking a pic!

That's actually a cool idea

RC: C’mon! How much fun would that be? (her jaw drops) And talk about an appropriate, if not slightly on the nose, metaphor. A bride and groom together, side by side, as they go through the ups and downs, the twists and turns, and the loopty-loops of life? KB: Castle, I love you. But I will not marry you on a ride or up in space or on a slide. RC: I bet Dr. Seuss got married somewhere fun. (DID he get married in his wife's livingroom?"

Oh no the wedding list episode. My parents got married in the slavic hall of our town, I think it was abt 50 people? 500? No it was 50. Yeah. I kind of wish I could have been there bc it was a lot of fun but I was years away from being born. Well ig I can see my step-mom's wedding. haha. divorced parents.

RC: That way we can determine exactly how big a rollercoaster car we need to build.

Lol "& I will get the phone"

Hey it's one of the other detectives!

RC: I’m being serious. Getting married is an intimate act and our ceremony should reflect that intimacy. (pause) And that way we can all fit in one car. Ryan, how do you feel about rollercoasters? KR: *walks over and screws up his face.* Ooh, make me nauseous. Why? At least we know ryan's getting invited. & some ryan trivia for ya, rollercoasters make him nauseous. That's also just a thing that happens as you become an adult tho.

Gee ess wed or gunshotwound are both much faster than gee ess doubellyuw. I vote we switch w to being pronounced dubbellyeuw to being pronounced wed.

lol cash taped to his chest *ryan considers it* Maybe he doesn't have a landline & she didn't want to use her cell. anonymity. She is after all a woman just like the one who took the pic of him. The pic makes me think proof; contract killer

it is a crappy photo tbh Ah venezuela my beloved. Maria: He was a scholarship kid, so everything that he got was through hard work. Except for the scholarship money. (Well still, getting a scholarship IS hard work)

KB: This place is either the engine of capitalism or the poster child of greed and corruption Me: Uh yeah that's kind of how it works. Of course we are not talking about meritocracy here. There is no "or" there. Beckett: depending on the paper you read Me: oh

The invisible hand of hte market lmao

KB: Wait, he owns his own island? We should definitely invite him to the wedding. you're already married to a man who owns land on the moon.

Jamie Burman: Killing. Are you capable of it? Because if you are, I will make you rich. Open hunting season! Holy crap I hate these people

Yeah man... sure would get results... Ooh wait beckett's jacket is nice! (Also nice shirt) to the 65th floor from which floor? I mean that would be good exercise but... are you starting one or two floors down? (or up) or are you starting 5 or 10 flights away?

Yay big. Love it. Yeah man! You keep walking you don't think a thing! Dear god the amphetamines you put on this earth for people torun 40 clicks an hour are being used to look at spreadsheets faster. (but yeah I have definitely moved around my medications to get through the work day before.)

On the PALM of his hand? that is not 5-4 days that is 4-5 hours!

my man was wired up!? Is the rest of the cops in on nthis? Oh Lord! She says! I love gates sm! Oh yeah gates is married she probs changed her name. (unless the audio commentary was right & she IS married to a woman. Then who knows) My sister!

Title card!

Love it, the sister rivalry. hatred. family. ELIZABETH WESTON sry capslock. Has the same "look" gates gave to castle

Ah it was recording not streaming! Oh yeah capitalist like that? Yeah man EW: We’ve been trying to mount a case against him for years. Insider trading, securities fraud. We know he’s doing it, we just haven’t been able to get proof.

EW: Victoria, this investigation is ongoing and exposing it to Mr. Burman or anyone at J.P Harding would break federal statutes. But I thought that this something that you and your team needed to know. VG: I’d certainly say so. Yeah y'all r right... Only significant. Which sis is older? Gates right? VG: Oh, well, now you do. *coldly* LOVE IT LOVE IT.

RC: A subtle chill? More like a polar vortex. I’m guessing something happened between them in the past. Something deeply personal that Gates does not want us to know about. RC: I’ll give you a dollar if you ask her. only a dollar? & can't she get you to uy her a coffee anyway?

Wow outfits!

"had words" is such a way of saying things. RC: How is it not relevant? The video shows you leaving together. Two hours later he’s dead. JB: It’s not relevant because I didn’t kill him. Yeah man! You might say "I have to disclose to you information that would cause me to become a suspect, however I would rather you hear it from me instead of finding it out yourselves. I had a discussion with him. We were at odds. I did not kill him." Or not because never tell the cops anything.

Worked up for a business deal? didn't you see him earlier yelling at his money individuals to make another company bleed? he has a usual table at le cirque

Hire someone sure but hiring killers is expensive, even for a rich guy like him. HOLD ON I JUST REMEMBERED TWO EPISODES AGO. SARA MASKI OR ENOLA MARKOV OR W/E HER NAME WAS-- SHE WAS A CONTRACT KILLER FOR BRACKEN/SIMMONS/LOKSAT & SHE USUALLY USED A KNIFE TO KILL. DICK COONAN ALSO FAVOURED HIS KNIVES & KILLED FOR BRACKEN/SIMMONS/LOKSAT!

RC: Speaking of your sister-- VG: let's not.

Hm, becks' desk buddy has stuff on it. Hector Nunez doesn't have a ~ over the second n tho... they saw him buy a package from this guy & at some point they also caught him with cocaine on him & they said you do what you have to do to get thru the work day

Are you sure? He was a devil he'd never get mixed up with even if you loved him as a kid?

Ooh love the music! bring esposito he speaks spanish. Hey which countries speak portugese (& I know a few speak french) as their colonial language? I mean in the americas. well besides quebec which by a linguistic standard is latin america. I do know that a lot of ppl still speak their native languages which is awesome (up here in canada even us natives barely speak any most of the time, & some places esp the caribbean have lost their languages almost entirely. only a few words that have been adopted into local dialects or other languages. rly sad.)

Clipping hairy Ah dancing my beloved I learned how to play pool the other day. My little brother is SO good at math & has such long arms that we were ahead most of hte time & even on a team with me (I SUCK) we lost by literally one ball to my older bro (who plays a lot of online pool) & my uncle's gf (who doesn't play much but knows how).

Whatever it is: I didn't do it. My man looks genuinely torn up abt this. HN: Who did this? RC: Well we were thinking you. HN: RC: ...might be able to tell us.

Maria said hector nunez tried to get peter in the gang, but hector said he didn't let the gang take peter.

Oh yeah this is all about money. Suisse federal smth. Yeah ofc. HN: I wrote it down in case something went wrong. Smart man! lol becks is taking a pic of som1's phone!?

Gates looks so nice. It was very need-to-know in the first place bros. oOH ESPOSITO OUTFIT! RC: seems kind of passwordy to me! RC: Hacker voice, "We're in!" Castle you've done it again! JE: :| Won't clip

wow $25m is a lot. JE: some expensive sand

Another way? Going to talk to your sis. Oof. Love how they have similar enough looking gals to be sisters. We know she's Black, but she's like,, north african black not sub saharan. She has those awesome cheekbones. Ooh AG! that's what beckett worked under! Oh greater good episode title. Hey isn't the point of not playing the game.. gates' entire thing? Isn't that why she went into internal affairs? Ah letter vs spirit. Another one? This has happened before?

(was she EVER going to be on the list?)

Why would you sit there with the headphones only half on? Do they.. hurt your head? KR: (sighs) I feel bad for Gates. My sisters can never work together. I tell you, when the two of them went at it, oof. (I thought he had 3 sisters... unless he was talking about victoria & elizabeth.) JE: I wouldn’t mind going at it with Gates’s sister. BRO. (reminds me of the audio commentary JE/JH: "I'll win her over. I keep winking at her & blowing her kisses.") & ryan also only puts the headphones half on! (at least they are headphones, not playing this out for the whole world.)

Let me hear the spanish. I am hard of hearing Let Me Read The Spanish! I always love it when russian or spanish or apparently mandarin show up & the characters can speak it. We should have gotten more of alexis speaking french tho. Also I loooove esposito's tie (& his tie & outfit mix) & ryan too rly pretty <3.

over 100! OVER 400! world famous ISH but you don't need to invite your international fans castle! & there is bound to be some crossover. I REMEMBER THE FACT THAT AUNT THERESA POSTED CRAP ABT HIM ON FACEBOOK I LOVE HOW THEY BROUGHT IT BACK Martha my beloved. To clip or not to clip? That's why I have a baby brother (or sometimes big brother) beside me to keep me in line. Alas neither is here. Well I decided to clip apparently.

pic of her & her sis in the desk. how RECENT was their falling-out? (also they are way more Black in that photo than they are as adults wow)

ONLY THREE? Martha u know this is HIS wedding not yours... Btw has castle ever had any step-dads or really good mom's boyfriends? like uncle chet who was uncle to both alexis & rick bc he is not quite family but he is also married in so he is family in law... Nearly 600...

KR: (he thinks) I have a lot of relatives that hate me now. (clipping this lmao) & grabbing a pic of some outfits.

Of COURSE I've heard of armando garcia! I love this consolate guy Mexico city?

Is it really that easy to change your identity? No way. He also totally would have been found.

Find the truth. Are internet cafes real?

Ooh also really nice slightly purple colour & green shirt I like castle's look. & you can see ryan's phone in his pocket /pos Ew watching ppl's dealing in internet cafes? gross.

Why would she blame you? you're just doing your job. Like when becks was in the ag's office & everyonne was mad.

Gates backstory moments: He skimmed a few eight balls off the very boss Elizabeth was building her case around. When my office caught him reselling it, she came to me. Begged me not to file charges. Asked me to think of the greater good. (she pauses) I did my job that day, too. IT HAS BEEN THAT LONG?

you're not telling her that he compromised her case, you're saving her from him having sabotaged your case!

Jamie Burman stole it bc he knew where it was now? Stephanie goldmark, did you really just... leave your computer like that? & did the rest of you have permission to search her computer? unless it is a work computer in which case you can do anything you want ig. HOLD ON THE CAPTIONS CALL IT BERMAN THE TRANSCRIPT SAYS BURMAN IDK WHAT IS GOING ON.

Does he not know abt the investigation or is he faking?

*deletes you forever!!!!* *you still exist as metadata*

Peter/armando: I came to the US believing in the American dream, so I worked hard and tried to be honest in a corrupt government, plants drugs on me, threatens to destroy my future, all because you need someone to testify? How am I supposed to still believe? I did everything I could to play by the rules, but no one else does. So by the time you hear this, I’ll be gone. Remember that one cop who was doing a demonstration at a school on, well basically how to plant drugs on someone? & then he had two kids volunteer to do a demo & the kids pretended one was in labour? Yeah I'm just thinking about them.

Oh no she's going to blame herself for goldie doing that

following our captain's lead! Beckett & Gates are the best. I love them. I love their relationship.

Weston: but at least I won’t embarrass myself in court presenting evidence that is untrue.

THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AGAIN!

KB: I think we have to decide why we’re actually having this wedding. I mean, are we doing this not to insult hundreds of people or are we doing this for us? some of those people would go only bc they don't want to offend you. You should get a wedding photoshoot done now, send a photo & a non-invitation saying "sorry we missed you. We don't have the space for everyone we want to invite, but we still wanted you to have some wedding pics. luv u bye." "We're getting married! *both of them dressed up in wedding gear blowing a kiss to the reader*." On the inside it says, "We're getting married in (season). If you would like photos, please let us know." & then don't invite them. Idk. Idk! screw this, the only reason he's inviting half those ppl is so they don't feel left out that he's inviting their mutual friends.

just "you" no name? Not "me & you" why did one write on the left & the other on the right? Weird. Also totally expected rick to write alexis & stop there. HEY I REMEMBER MADDIE! you don't need to invite gates' family. Just her & a plus-one. & that is just one, not her sister & kids!

I would invite: my parents, my bros, my step-mom (but none of her kids unless the one son wants to come which he probably wouldn't bc it's loud & boring & he's autistic so like.. noise), two friends from culinary school, maybe a third, possibly a fourth but then I'd get into the "If I invite them I have to invite them" trap so only those two, my crew from jr high (& the parents of only one), a family friends 1, family friends 2, no other family friends bc I'm not close w them, & then I started writing it down. My grandparents & aunt & uncles. No family past that, partially bc they live not-close, or at least that's my excuse. & then my 3 martial arts instructors & that's it. Not my older bro's friends I like, nobody from work, none of my second cousins or mom's cousins or dad's cousins, even tho I'd love to invite a lot of them. Probably not that new friend I made. Nobody online. I could get more martial arts friends, my violin teachers, & my old educational assistants- actually yeah I'd invite the person I used to consider my best friend+ until it moved away for college, but tbh probably not our other friend or anyone from the pride club any year, not my hot/cold friend, you know what? I definitely WOULD invite my ed assistants. Not the most recent ta tho, none of my other fave teachers. This stuff is easy. I'm sure after I post this I'd remember so many ppl I need to invite or could invite but wouldn't if I was keeping the list small. Like mu bus friends. All the ppl I included in my "note" a few years back. Actually yeah no yeah that was a very similar experience. I didn't have a lot to say to a lot of people, but I wanted to get everybody sometimes I gave ppl their own pages bc I included a specific person from the group they were in & didn't want to exclude them. I wouldn't invite my childhood best friend. (tho I did invite my jr high crew). None of my international friends-- actually yk what I WOULD invite them. Let them take a vacation here at the same time! Well no I wouldn't. but still. Not my inuit/dutch high school friend. Anyone I had a sleepover with? Not that friend, she was a little bit physically abusive, not those family friends but I like them for sure, not the childhood one, already the middleschool ones, nobody from Camp... Yeah. (just finished the below paragraph) I remembered some more family friends... & forgot them. ig they weren't important enough to invite. choire? no. Moved south? no. mum's friends? no. Crud I can't remember.

edit: I forgot my best friend from late jr high

Moving on, that's the end of the ep. They are just going to re-up their lists. You know what they should do? Whitelist each other's lists. say "yes these people, the rest can be cut" w/o saying "no these people, & we still have to cut more"

fudge I shouldn't have done that, now I feel like writing down every person I have ever fricking met & labelling them yes or no. Oh. I'm so frustrated because I'm not on my meds. but i'm too fucked up to get up & take em. I'm fucking stuck & I don't want to get up until I remember the thing. Adhd based issue here but I need my mood stabilizers. fuck & the typing of my bro is so loud & annoying & hell even I'm struggling to type rn.

just let me end the post idk how to end the post in a way that sounds complete & good to post.

Yes.

that was me being messed up.

amen.

yes that was castle episode. amen. all good.

love you bye.

edit: I realize why I was so messed up. I was late taking my meds & starting my period. Speaking of which, I need to take my testosterone shot today

#castle 6x19 #castle 6x19 spoilers #castle 6x19 quote #the gates sister episode

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fonulyn · 4 years

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the whole squad

#piers nivans #chris redfield #merah biji #marhawa desire #excuse the blurry quality #i don't have a scanner at hand right now lol #so these are all crappy cell phone pics :'D #but i want them in my blog #so #i'm going to make everyone deal with them #lol

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thecaroliner · 5 years

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🎁

Favorite gift you’ve ever received :

oooo so about uhhh 4 christmases ago I think my friend bought me this huuuge official Kataang family portrait print...its matted and everything. I got it framed for my birthday 3 months later and it hangs above my bed.

#crappy cell phone pic in the dark heh #ask meme #its bigger than it looks in this photo #idk the exact dimensions #i think this will always be my favorite gift ever #thanks sarah uwu #if ur readint this lol

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flutiebear · 5 years

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Rowan nearly dropped the soap-slicked mug back into the sink. He glanced over his shoulder to watch as Erik - messy haired and clad only in his underwear - meandered into the kitchen.

His boxers were decorated with a pattern of jalapenos, with the words ‘Too Spicy’ printed across his ass. Rowan knew that only because he was the one to put them in Erik’s stocking last Christmas. Certainly not because he looked

- “November Rain,” @anytaintedcreature

#my fanart #dq erik #modern!au erik #anytaintedcreature #fic: november rain #ITS DONE #I'm not wild about how the color came out #i might go back to it and lay down a few more layers #feels really washed out in this crappy cell phone pic #but!#i think maybe it's time to move onto something else instead #perfect is the enemy of good #anyhow #y'all should go read this fic #it's amazing #flutie teaches herself to draw

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blithefool · 6 years

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One handed push up with cat. A morning routine.

#aizawa shouta #eraserhead #my art #crappy cell phone pic #ho boy there is nothing to do at work today #bnha

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melancholyprince · 6 years

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here’s the two rocks. the top one is what made me want to make one inspired specifically by Cleo... the second one is the result. they’re still drying obviously but they’re dry enough now i doubt the colors will really shift more. i’ll seal them when they’re totally dry.

#the cleo one had navy too but it didnt end up showing thru #this is wasteful when it comes to paint but its 50 cent walmart paint lol #these are crappy cell phone pics #my junk

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skyburned · 3 years

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I’m rewriting and reworking just about everything I’ve done on this particular set. Well not everything but a lot of it. Got a lot of shit going on personally and I don’t want to watch the news because I’ll go insane so I’m doing something else that’s driving me insane.

I’ll tell you what, dealing with almost vertical roads is nothing compared to realizing I’ve misplaced my default cell phone. I’d already stopped and started because: wrong clothes; missing pose boxes I thought I’d installed; crappy terrain that won’t take a bridge (spent a day on that before basically giving up - photoshop is your friend - and if it’s not friendly enough I just won’t look in that direction); can’t find those fake road pieces anywhere; none of my default roads look right so the road pieces wouldn’t help anyway. I gave up on the cell phone. Those phones are almost impossible to pose perfectly. What is up with that? Is there some OMSP somewhere that works with the cell phones?

I gave up on some other ideas because they were ridiculously hard and not worth the effort. (Why make him stare at a thing when I can just put a pic of the thing and there’s an assumption he’s staring at it because who else would be doing the staring?) I cut back on conversation - pages and pages of the stuff reduced to 2. For some reason that lotskirt size increase to 120 isn’t working for me now, which irritated the hell out of me at first but now it doesn’t matter because the terrain is monstrous.

Here are some shots. Text is not going up here, too much for tumblr. I’m just venting.

#sims 2 #sims 2 random venting

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lunaloonylovegood · 5 years

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Had fun at the GOT7 concert tonight!

#another crappy cell phone pic #we had seats in the 300s but got put in the 100s #my post

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therobotmonster · 4 years

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SCORPONOK LIVES!

I don’t normally do before/after pics with my deep paintings, but trying it out here. Crappy cell phone picture + deep style and photomanipation = giant robot fun.

#deepstyle #neural network art #generative art #transformers #scorponok #transformers earthrise #maccadam #fanart #digital painting #digital art

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diyunho · 4 years

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The Joker X Reader - “Ghost Driver”

When The Joker says you’re his, it means you’re essential to him because he needs your services for his own gain; it literally has zero affectionate connotations. Turbo is The King’s Ghost Driver and although she’s a legend, her life is far from perfect.

Part 2

“Where’s all your stuff?!” Frost asks since the apartment is pretty much empty.

“Gave it to Adam,” you sulk. “He wouldn’t sign the divorce papers so I gave in; I don’t even care… I’m glad he’s out of here.”

Jonny gazes at you in silence, a million words rushing through his mind and The Joker’s henchman can’t articulate anything close to what he would like to vociferate besides foolish small talk:

“How are you holding up?”

“Not sure… I don’t even know what the hell happened to us…It used to be so great and then he started making comments about my weight, gossiping with his friends behind my back, then cheated… I couldn’t handle it,” Y/N confesses although Frost is already acquainted with the dreadful story of her crumbled marriage.

“Not what the hell happened to us,” he decides to underline his personal opinion. “I think the question should be what the hell happened to him: you didn’t do anything wrong. And I believe you look perfect,” he mumbles the last sentence.

“What was that?” you search the fridge for his favorite soda.

“Nothing... nothing…”

“Here you go,” you offer the cold Fanta to a distraught companion.

“Thanks, Y/N. Here’s the money for tonight,” he gives you the envelope. “As usually, half now , half after the job is done.”

“OK,” you accept the terms without issues because it’s how The Clown Prince of Crime pays for your services. “Jonny, why is there an extra thousand dollars in here?!”

“Ummm…” the man tries to find a reasonable explanation yet Y/N can’t accept his strategy.

“Should I text Mister Joker and thank him for the bonus?”

“Nope,” he bites on his lip.

“I appreciate it,” you return the extra cash to Frost. ”I’m fine. Really.”

“Well…” he takes the bills and stashes them in his wallet, “… let me know if you need anything, alright?”

“I promise I will, “ you smile. “I swear on my Turbo honor,” the joke makes him smile also.

“Hey Y/N… I was thinking… maybe one of these days, if you feel like it, we could… and it’s entirely up to you, no pressure… maybe you would want to… ”

Frost’s phone keeps ringing and he retrieves from his suit’s pocket, annoyed about the interruption.

“It’s Audra,” he huffs while declining the call.

“Might be important,” you sort of urge him to answer.

“Meh, I doubt it. She will chew my ears off regarding our relationship that ended 3 months ago. I’m not interested,” he strolls towards the exit due to another pressing matter he has to attend. “I have to go, Mister Joker has a meeting soon; I’ll see you later, Y/N.”

“See you,” you wave and lock the door when your cell alerts of an incoming text from The Joker.

Downloading two pictures… Pictures?!

“Oh…my… God…!” you hold your breath when the first image depicts a totally naked King of Gotham reflected in the mirror at his gym and squeal when the second one shows a close up of his mid-section.

“Oh my God!” you burst out laughing as you admire the unexpected missive. “Heeeelllo Mister Joker,” you mutter and actual phrases pop up on your screen.

“I sent these to the wrong number, Y/N. Ignore and erase them!”

“Of course, sir!” you immediately reply with no intention of doing it for the moment.

Why?

The hilarious error shook you up from apathy and it’s worth saving those pics for a bit longer since you can’t remember the last time something got your attention after the messy divorce.

***************

11:49 PM

The Joker is the first one to get in the car next to you, firmly clutching to his suitcase full of diamonds freshly stolen from “Diamond Emporium” store on Glissan Avenue. You notice the other goons sneaking to the cars deliberately positioned around nearby streets for tonight’s robbery. How come J doesn’t go with them?

The dilemma is simple:

The green haired menace typically arrives with his regular crew when he plans heists but has Y/N pick him up after the job is done.

“Hi Mister Joker,” you greet your employer.

“Hey,” he acknowledges your presence. “Did you delete the pictures?” The Joker gets straight to the point.

“Yes,” you lie and tell the truth in the same time: you erased the whole body image but kept the close up one for future reference.

“Good. What did you think?” the hasty interrogation prompts a careful chosen response.

“You look very…,” and you pause in order to find the correct term since a tiny mistake could set him off. “… Healthy, Mister Joker.”

“I do,” he huffs quite pleased with your statement.

You wish to add more but Frost and the new hire squeeze in the back seat awaiting orders.

“You’re in luck kid,” Jonny places a box filled with precious gems at his feet. “Your first assignment and you get to meet Turbo.”

The young man opens his mouth in amazement as you move the fingers from your right hand in the air instead of a proper introduction.

“You’re Turbo?! I thought you’re a guy!” Nick blurs out and Frost punches him in the head, displeased with the observation.

“Sounds empty,” you growl while The Clown snorts.

“My Ghost Driver A GUY??!! Ha-ha-ha-ha!” the unnerving, screechy noises make the newbie shrivel up. “Turbo, A GUY!” he continues to amuse himself before giving Nick a psychotic glare.

“I’m…I’m so sorry, I meant no disrespect,” he nervously stutters especially since J called you “his”.

The poor bastard’s oblivious about what the label implies in The Clown’s universe: when The Joker says you’re his, it means you’re essential to him because he needs your services for his own gain; it literally has zero affectionate connotations.

“Where the fuck did you find this buffoon?” you chew on your gum, irritated.

“He’s Richard’s nephew,” Jonny sucks on his teeth.

“Uncle Panda is infinitely smarter,” Y/N barks at the revelation.

“I’m truly sorry,” Nick apologizes again and you cut him off.

“Save it!... … I hear sirens,” you slowly inhale and The King calmly articulates:

“I forgot to mention I accidentally triggered the silent alarm.”

Translation: he did it on purpose.

You snicker at the first lights blinking in the distance, excited to have some fun after stressing so much in the past weeks. The vehicles belonging to the gang scatter in different directions as you step on the gas pedal, accelerating towards the numerous police cars answering to the 10-64 code.

“That’s my girl!” J cracks his neck, already hyped at the adrenaline rush burning his veins: The Ghost Driver is perfect to offer him what he craves and she always delivers.

That’s why Turbo is his.

************

4:37 AM

“Hi…Mister…Mister Joker…” you attempt to talk without slurring.

“It’s Ella,” his girlfriend snarls.

“Why…where is he?” you guzzle down half of glass of wine, adamant in having a chat with your boss.

“Well, after you two had a merry time being chased by cops all over town, he came home and now he’s sorting out the diamonds,” the woman bitterly reports.

“I wanna talk to him,” you sniffle and drink some more alcohol.

“You just saw him. I’m sure it can wait until tomorrow.”

“I’m sure it can’t!” you shout. “I just received important information he’d be i…interested in,” you finally make it through the whole sentence.

Ella stomps in the living room, vexed at your behavior.

“It’s Turbo,” she shoves the phone in his fingers. “The bitch is wasted!”

“What did you call me?!” the appalled Y/N is about to burst when The Joker’s deep voice resonates I her ear.

“Yeah?”

“Sir,” you correct your bitter tone. “I h-have very important news!”

“I’m listening,” J ignores his woman as she cusses you out.

“I have to tell you in person, sir. Let’s go on a date and I’ll reveal the entire shocking...”

“Huh?!”

“I have crucial information…”

“Quit repeating yourself!” The Joker interrupts. “You’re not making any sense. Go to sleep and we’ll catch up after you sober up.”

“But I wanna go on date Mister Joker,” you gulp the rest of the wine and prepare for a fourth round.

“Why, because I look healthy?” J mocks and Ella sighs, not understanding the odd conversation she’s witnessing. “… …. … Hello?”

A loud thud, then dialing tone at the other end of the line.

“I think she passed out,” The King of Gotham concludes, not particularly worried at the sudden halt of your monologue.

***************

3 Days Later

The late meeting is almost done: the buyers already purchased the diamonds J had for sale, among them your ex-husband Adam that has a small crowd gathered next to him; he’s supposedly famous for his crappy attitude enjoyed by jerks sharing the same ludicrous humor.

“You know I’m sensible when it comes to challenges and I couldn’t grasp why she doesn’t want my help in shedding a few pounds. What’s the harm in that?! I love curves but sometimes I don’t, ya’ know?” he winks and the group laughs.

The Joker is arranging money in duffle bags, his concentration diverted by the impromptu comedic performance. What the heck are they yapping about?

Frost is certainly in a foul mood: J can guess his trusted henchman is worked up since the usual chilled Jonny can’t control his anger.

“What’s wrong with being voluptuous, hm?” he addresses Adam and it clicks for The Joker: this is about Y/N.

“Nothing at all,” he smirks and the laughter around the room dies out because not too many dare screwing with Jonny Frost. “I was merely emphasizing that if a woman can’t lose weight, she’s doomed. Y/N lost me, how is she going to get another stud if she…”

“Perhaps she’s not interested in pieces of shit; definitely had her share!” Frost grumbles at the absurd remarks.

The Joker has no clue about what’s going on, yet he won’t deny today’s entertainment is far from boring.

“Give me a break!” Adam scoffs. “Who’d sniff her tail if she refuses to get skinnier? Ooohhh, wait a minute, we might have an admirer,” he arrogantly slides your cell out of his coat. “I was browsing her pictures and what do you know? A gentleman sent Y/N a picture of his junk three days ago. I am deeply sorry, my bad. She does have somebody sniffing her tail. What kind of loser sends images of his dangling goodies to another dude’s wife?!”

“Ex-wife!” Jonny sneers whilst J’s calculation leads to an easy verdict: you kept one pic.

“Whose junk is this?! Is it yours?” your estranged spouse accuses Frost without any evidence.

“It’s my junk,” The Joker’s serene revelation makes everyone freeze: they have no idea how to react at the puzzling escalation of events.

Is he bluffing?!

“I wasn’t aware I require permission in order to text whatever I desire to whomever I want.”

Awkward silence and Frost approaches Adam, boiling with indignation.

“Why do you have Y/N’s phone?”

Your husband doesn’t have a chance to justify his action: Jonny’s punch throws him to the ground, immediately followed by his unsettling ultimatum.

“You son of a bitch, what did you do to her?”

Your former husband gets on his elbow ready to attack when The King’s stern inquiry stops his motion:

“WHERE.IS.MY.TURBO?”

****************

After 1 hour

Frost lifts you higher in his arms while you keep wheezing, trying to regain control.

“I’m sorry…I attacked you,” the weakened Y/N whispers. “I thought you were Adam...”

After being abducted and left to starve for the last 3 days, you had one clear purpose: to kill the guy that did it. Adam surely crossed the line with his despicable plan of making you lose weight: he creeped in your apartment, kidnapped you and took you to his home where you were chained in the cellar until Jonny found you. The basement was dark and you couldn’t see, that’s why you used whatever strength you had left in order to attack the individual responsible for your misfortune.

Turned out it was actually a rescue party although Frost is now the proud owner of a beautiful bump courtesy of Y/N.

“No problem,” Jonny takes you to his SUV, carefully laying you down in the passenger’s seat. “How’s your head?” he wipes the dried blood on your cheeks since Adam knocked you out unconscious while you were talking to The Joker after the heist.

“I’m OK,” you start crying, mostly mad at yourself for being such an easy prey, yet you didn’t see it coming.

“You know… It’s OK not to be OK,” Frost opens a bottle of water and gives it to you. “I’ll take you home, you can take a shower and I’ll have the doctor come for an emergency evaluation. Are you hungry?”

“I’m so hungry,” tears stream down your face and Jonny has a great proposal.

“I’ll order some food and if you want me to I can stay with you. After you feel better, we could… and it’s entirely up to you, no pressure… maybe you would want to…”

The Joker rolls his eyes, deciding to emerge from the shadows.

“Wow, this is painful to watch. Frost believes he’s still in high school: basically he’s asking you on a date. There, done. No need to beat around the bush. Jesus!” J scolds about a subject he shouldn’t mess with. “I have a heist next week, you better be good to go by then!” he gestures at the confused duo. “If you’ll excuse me, I have my own date to honor. We’re done here, yes?”

“Yes sir,” Jonny replies for both, unwilling to split hairs with The Joker and his obnoxious aberrations. “Here’s your cell,” he returns the item to you and you snatch it, relieved. You seem to have an outburst of energy as you unlock the secured folder.

“Where’s Adam?”

“I don’t know, we had an altercation at the warehouse then he scrammed,” Frost reports, ogling a strange looking Y/N typing on her phone.

“He won’t be able to hide,” you grin and send the attachment to The Joker.

*************

“We’ll be late for dinner,” Ella kisses The Clown. “I’m not a 100% positive why we had to waste precious time and come for her,” she pouts and drags him after her towards their vehicle.

J’s phone chimes and he stops in his tracks, not expecting a message from you seconds after the encounter.

“Mister Joker, you were very generous to share pictures with me.

Allow me to do the same.

Your Turbo.”

Imagines downloading and he’s not sure what to do when pics appear one by one: frames taken by the private investigator you hired to follow Adam when you suspected he was cheating. The bastard was diligent, but he was eventually caught in the act three days ago.

Who’s the woman he’s with?

The Joker’s Queen.

“What’s wrong?” she frowns at the visible switch in his temper.

The Clown ruthlessly slams Ella against the hood while her cell also receives a text from Y/N:

“Who’s the bitch now?”