#must stop it before it happens

[xinhua-jun]

somebody stop me before I fall back headfirst into one piece

#i can feel the hyperfixation coming #must stop it before it happens #because though I love my op self #(​it brought me so much joy) #I am still very into mxtx atm #and if both clash I’m gonna burnout lol #one piece #📌

[lightningidle]

Fig's line "I don't think I'm an artist, I think I'm just a good friend" has not left my head at all. Just...

You're Fig Faeth and your horns came in over the summer and you pick up the bard class as a form of adolescent rock 'n' roll rebellion, and it works! It's exactly the outlet you need! You give a guy you just met drumsticks and you start a band and it's good enough that within a year and a half you're touring. You are, in every sense, good at being a bard.

And then, finally, your junior year, you start to take it seriously. Your art goes from an outlet and a form of rebellion to a practice. A discipline. (Can rebellion exist within a discipline?) Your classmates know what they want to do with their work. They all have a thesis statement. And yeah, there's cohesion in the music you make, but you've never had to think about why you make it. You've never sat down and dissected what it is about bass that speaks to you. You've never poured over your lyrics to pick at any deeper meaning. Why should you? You don't play music for a grand design, you do it to... huh, why do you do it?

(Your art is the one form of self-expression that feels as safe as Disguise Self does, because even if you're pouring your heart onto the page and then screaming it in front of thousands of people, it's not like you're really making yourself known. You can sing I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm furious, and your fans will sing it right back, and there will still be the distance between performer and audience to keep your heart safe.)

Now you're being asked to look inward to explain the artistic choices you're making, and you can't help but recoil at that, because you'd rather do anything than look inward. Meanwhile, your classmates have no problem with it, so you start to wonder if you're a real artist at all. Can your art be authentic if it only exists to bolster a thesis statement? Has your art been unauthentic this whole time because you've never really thought about a thesis statement before? Is that what makes it art, and not just the next track on somebody's teen angst playlist?

You can't think about yourself— acknowledging your own existence makes you want to puke. So if your music is an extension of yourself, (and it is, even if it's just because the spotlight reveals only what you want it to,) you can't think about your music. You can't. You have to. Your grade depends on it.

You're Fig Faeth, and you keep multiclassing because you'd rather be a good friend than a great artist. If introspection is what great art demands, then fuck it. You must not be a bard at all.

#Dimension 20 #fig faeth #fhjy #Idle Chatter #my last two years of college were when I started to get more and more nauseous about my own art #because I wasn't being taught how to make the art I wanted to make #the whole curriculum's focus was on gallery art #which infuriated me! I wanted to make art that didn't have to involve twelve layers of meaning and metaphor to be considered good!! #so I drove myself into the ground time and again trying to make (miserable) work that I thought would fit the criteria of a Real Artist #anyway it's been 4 years and I'm just now picking at why I don't enjoy creating anymore so Fig's whole arc has hit home in a major way #ALSO. AAAAALSO. THE ADHD STRUGGLE WE SEE WITH BOTH FIG AND KRISTEN. LOVING SOMETHING BUT STILL STRUGGLING WITH FOLLOW THROUGH #BEING TOLD YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH WHEN IT'S SO FUCKING HARD JUST TO GET WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY IT'S HARD FOR YOU #it was easy and now that the rubber's hit the road it's hard for you but not for others so it must be YOU that's the problem #you must be lazy or stupid or just not suited to this after all even though it's part of a pattern that has been happening all your life #if you were good enough or cared enough then surely the discipline would come easily to you! the way it comes easily to all your classmates #SCREAMS I gotta stop before I write a second essay in the tags. I'm so normal you can trust me to be normal about D&D characters

[aroacehanzawa]

i'm going to be real with you guys for a moment. i don't think i'll continue following bsd much after this point

#i take back what i said about being excited for what's to come. i mean i am. in a very general impersonal way. #but the way the series is going. if the ending of the anime is going to be followed by the manga in a similar direction #is just very different from the silly armed detective agency vs port mafia authors with superpowers slightly high-stakes slice of life #that i originally signed up for. i've felt this way the whole decay of angels arc and just stuck around to see what happens #and because i care about the characters. bsd was always a character-focused manga for me #but the direction it seems to be taking is this massive epic entire-world-at-stake military scifi drama #where super epic power-up style ability weapons (and one-off overpowered nameless ability users are introduced and killed off in the same #scene. like the time manipulation catgirl) take the forefront at the expense of actual character focus and character development #like why are most of the (original) cast completely unaccounted for in what was meant to be a satisfying ending. #did asagiri forget that atsushi is the main character. why did tachihara's and sigma's arcs get cut short like that. #and frankly i feel like bsd started to take this direction from storm bringer onwards. the focus and scope of it is very different #to for example the untold origins or dazai's entrance exam or even 55 minutes. but if i were to theorise i would say that the scope of #the current direction of bsd must have started germinating during the 55 minutes light novel. if you can see what i mean #anyway more importantly i find that the tone is now entirely different from early bsd. it's just not the series that i fell in love with #so i think it's best that i stop here before letting it turn sour like jujutsu kaisen is to me now. #i have the manga (and anime) that i can reread (rewatch) up to the perfect crime arc whenever i want #i can reread the sskk fight of volume 20 whenever i want. i can revisit sigma and nikolai's chapters. there's wan. there's the light novels #and there's the wonderful fanfics and fanart and so many metas to read. that's what brings me joy more than the series itself nowadays. #that's all. end of era i guess. to an extent

[lesbiradshaw]

just started thinking about bradley as a teenager struggling with his emotions both pre and post his mother’s death/fall out with maverick but not wanting to reach out for help because a history of mental health problems can get you disqualified from enlisting in the service. happy saturday guys.

#that boy should have been in therapy from ages 2 on up like. #i def hc that carole took him to someone when he was younger but bradley probably stopped going once he was older and was given the choice #but like. idk. picturing carole trying to bring up him going back after she gets sick because she KNOWS he needs to talk to someone #and maverick cant be there all the time. but bradley says no because hes a teenager and hes started thinking about how to make himself + #appealing to the navy and that opens a whole other can of worms where carole sees that but doesnt want to deny him #because she can see hes already having a hard time with things as they are. #mav trying to convince him to go and bradley pointing out it’s hypocritical because maverick doesnt like talking about his feelings either #i just think people ignore his trauma So Much. they only pay attention to the maverick and goose bits #but they fail to consider how even before the maverick stuff happened bradley had a lot to deal with from a very young age #he spent most of his life on his own! he lost the people he loved most OVER and OVER… #the amount of trauma that must have come flooding back when phoenix (&bob but phoenix is clearly bradleys closest friend) had to eject #i think thats why people painting him as angry & agressive because of the scene where he yells at mav never sits right w me #that moment is so incredibly raw for both of them. bradley lashing out when hes just been triggered is not that surprising???? #anyways. #carolcore #bradley rooster bradshaw

[fisheito]

OMG. that means... Cloaca Crew........

WAIT.

✨C l o a c a C r e w✨

#is there a way to turn someone's tags into regular text or must i continue turning words into jpgs like a savage? #blade walks into the bathroom too and goes “oh?? u talking about the stall??” #“it's great! my voice bounces around while i'm in there so singing is super fun. here lemme show u” #cut to scene where it's blade crowding eiden/yakumo/rei into one stall and making them sing to test the bathroom acoustics #blade wears a hard hat while swimming in the shark tank #does it make sense? no. but blade does not want to be left out of the hat game. safety first! #did i go down another abyss of articles about owl and shark anatomy to confirm cloacas before i drew this? yes. #the tags tho #olivine (ever the caring coworker) tries to stop edmond from gorging on sugary carrots but edmond will outrun him #or stuff his face so fast that olivine cannot stop him #several hours later u just find edmond curled up on the ground in the rabbit pen #bc of tummy ache. #he is under a mountain of fluffy potatoes (bunnies) trying to comfort him #olivine knew this would happen so he's out there gently extracting edmond from the pile and coaxing him to rest properly #i wonder what the staff room fridge looks like. #WHO PUT AN ENTIRE KING SALMON ON TOP OF MY SALAD #anyway. they can probably eat relatively normal humanish food. #or maybe that fridge is just a decoy fridge (and a place for edmond's full 3 heads of lettuce) #and the real lunch fridge is in the back with all the “animal food storage” #u open it up and it's just a pixellated blur of gore #blame all the carnivores working here. they demand fresh meat. #zookeeper au #yakumo #eiden #rei #blade #edmond #olivine

[tigirl-and-co]

i wish i was good at art so people would be interested in my ocs.

except that's a lie. i don't even really enjoy making art besides doodles. what i love is writing. so i think what i actually want is for everyone to fall in love with reading.

and like obviously i get it. im weird. i spent a large part of my youth reading wikis for games i never played, shows i never watched. i still do tbh. i have always loved seeking out superfluous information. bc it was *like* reading a story, except you only had the separate pieces and had to put them together like puzzle to get the whole story

it's a bit like history, now that i think about it.

and i LOVE finding somebody who has OCs with thousands of words of backstory. that's the fastest way to get me interested. a simple doodle and then a wiki entry of information.

idk. i guess im just venting a bit. it feels a bit unfair. every pro-OC post is geared towards artists. people who love to draw. but I just don't. i mean yeah i like making little doodles, but frankly it's about the same enjoyment i get from solving basic math equations.

and fucking obviously i love and treasure all my artist friends. if you are seeing this and you love to draw your OCs, I love you. I would never begrudge you your happiness.

it's times like these i wish forums hadn't really died out. i want a community. i want to make that connection. but i feel ignored bc my talents don't align with the current state of things in the greater community.

whatever. whatever. i just hate venting bc i worry about making people feel bad but sometimes I feel bad. and ive never been able to talk about feeling bad without getting yelled at. Which isn't healthy, of course, and I know that, and Im slowly trying to break the habit of just shoving it down. and Ive had a drink so im willing to be more open so uh. there, i guess. i feel like dogshit that i have neither the energy nor the inclination to draw my OCs and that it's literally fucking impossible to get your OCs noticed through writing. nothing really to be done about it. that's just how life goes. not all hobbies are meant for all people.

#titi talks #vent #all the time in my youth i would tell myself I'd just get good at drawing and then draw so-and-so idea #but it's been like a decade now. so frankly i think it's just not going to happen #like i said ive had a drink (and a strong one at that) so my ability to reason is slightly impaired #but ive mostly accepted it. ive swallowed down the bitter pill that nobody but me cares #and it's not like i haven't tried art! but it just takes so much goddamn energy to produce a result worth anything #my arts a bit shit. and that's fine! no shame in that #but it hurts a lot to post into a discord art channel #that has a RULE that you must acknowledge the previous poster's art before you may post your own #and STILL get fucking ignored. like they broke the rules to ignore you and everyone after agreed with it #or when you say 'this is the one thing I am proud of being able to draw' #and somebody you hold in high esteem goes #'hey do you wanna see me do that better and in a quarter of the time?' #AND AGAIN THIS IS NOT TO DISPARAGE THOSE WHOSE TALENT IS IN ART #YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND VALUABLE #i just wish *I* had some value #my talents earn me nothing. and it hurts. #and ive even stopped writing bc i don't have the energy often #and even if i did it's not like anybody gives half a shit

[icomefromthemountains]

Hello mutuals I am horrified and saddened to report that I have once again delved too greedily and too deep and spoiled an important moment involving my favorite character in my current media fixation for myself

#I was being so careful I swear #well it’s been out for 50 years so I have nobody to blame but myself #why must I google things and have a brain and put 2 and 2 together #it happened with the poppy war- the magnus archives- and many many more #it keeps happening what do I dooooooooooo #<<<stop engaging with the fandom and stop googling things before you’ve finished it you dipshit #echo watches stuff #mash

[yardsards]

i think the issue with having an extremely inconsistent sleep schedule is not that your overall daily schedule will be out of wack (i am quite fine with changing schedules) but rather that all hours of the day are Schrodinger's Bedtime. like, going to bed just feels like An Option at all times and this leads to a lot of laying in bed almost dozing but not really sleeping

#eliot posts #i BRIEFLY got my sleep schedule back on track but then i got sick had to sleep all day to recover and now it is Bad again #and then before that it was STABLE for a while but... #i was going to sleep at sunrise every day #which was Bad #bc by the time i woke up it would be almost sundown #so time completely stopped feeling real #fuck the winter darkness i am moving to the fucking equator as god intended #we must ALL come to brazil (or ecuador or kenya or whatever) #but seriously tho like why is my default circadian rhythm to FALL ASLEEP AT SUNRISE #it has always been like this and it happens in all seasons #(isn't too bad in the summer tho bc there's more hours of sun and also student schedule lets me Live Like That) #i am constantly battling my body to adhere to a somewhat normal sleep schedule #bc alas being a member of society means i have to be awake and doing stuff at certain times #scheduling meals and activities a certain way and avoiding blue light does NOT fix shit #keeping a regular schedule can help sometimes but is‚ again‚ an uphill battle against my body #i should honestly try getting one of those seasonal depression sunlamps and staring into it at like 10 pm every night #trick my brain into thinking it is sunrise (and therefore time to sleep) #(also i tried melatonin supplements once and it made me feel like my bones were trying to slither out of my skin #and i had a panic attack and didn't sleep that night. so i am too terrified to try THAT again)

[necromancy-savant]

Sometimes I worry that I haven't taken good enough care of my ears, but then I'm in physical pain from how loud not only friends and coworkers in the same room keep their music but how loud my neighbors and the people in the parking lot blast it

#I'm convinced that both temperature and volume are things I perceive extremely differently from every other human ever to exist #I can hear snoring beneath me at night #I put in my earplugs but I can still feel the vibrations #through the fucking floor and through the walls #go to a doctor before you die in your sleep ffs tbh #but at least that person takes care of their baby unlike my last neighbors #I hear crying every once in a blue moon and it sucks but it stops within minutes bc they promptly meet their baby's needs #at my old place it would be 12 hours a night of screaming and screaming and no sleep bc they ignored it #and in the day it would be boom boom boom crash crash glass breaking everywhere cry oh what happened #you left your baby unattended and she got injured for the fifth time today bc you just leave her alone in the house all the time #you let your 1 year old to stomp around and break things and injure herself every 15 minutes #while you laze around just admit you never wanted children and give her to someone who will take care of her ffs #that kid is going to be suicidal by first grade due to lack of attention to her basic survival needs and I feel horrible for her already #I also saw two very young boys on that porch one time #with no shirts and with just shorts on in the snow just bashing the porch with sticks out of sheer boredom #I was considering intervening bc my paranoid ass thought they must already have frostbite

[hella1975]

the pill is fucking with my hormones again which naturally brings me to my constant conflict of 'is pursuing my passions more important than appeasing my hometown' and seeing as the big issue here is 'if i publish gay fantasy stories they will think im Weird :((' the conclusion i came to was 'i need to start being a little bit weirder all the time so that they're less surprised by it'. like yes queen start microdosing on weirdness to acclimatise your small town you're so normal about things

#i really wish id let myself be weirder at secondary school and hung out with weirder people #bc then people wouldnt be as surprised by it #but NOOOO i went 'i want to be COOL and go to PARTIES and hang out with the bitchy popular girls <333' #like that is the environment im in rn so imagine i turn around one day like 'anywayyy this is what ive been writing for the past two years' #i think they would all have a stroke. or punch me #possibly both actually #but like honestly on the one hand my brain is screaming like BEING SEEN AS WEIRD BY YOUR HOMETOWN IS THE WORST #POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN TO A GIRL THIS IS SOCIAL SUICIDE #and the other part of my brain is like my dude we have not cared about that kind of thing since before the pandemic what is the issue here #like honestly the worst thing THE WORST THING that can happen is people laugh at me and thing it's a weird hobby #and the kind of people doing that would not be people im spending any extended period of time with either #like that is it #people are dying babe get your head out your ass #idk i really hope this is a mindset i grow out of like im very comforted by the fact it's a very stereotypically teenaged mindset #my hope is in my 20s i gradually stop giving a fuck and find a tight knit group of small weirdos that Get Me #and i just wind up publishing something #AND BECOME AN OVERNIGHT SUCCESS AND EARN MILLIONS AND THROW IT IN MY HOMETOWN'S FACE AND- #anyway thank you im done ranting now. as you were #at ease soldier #you guys must see the word 'hometown' in my posts and go ohhhh fuck here we go #im not sorry btw

[alecmagnuslwb]

Loving that Archie’s arc this season is largely unknowing gay ally

#riverdale #archie andrews #cheryl needs a boy to get her family off her back? archie has no questions! #kevin must be stopped from being with a woman? archie will blow up the building before he lets anything happen! #and next week maybe he gives reggie just a little welcome to the team kiss huh?

[ivorydragoness44]

#murtagh #murtagh morzansson #murtagh book #the inheritance cycle #christopher paolini #eragon #murtagh: the world of eragon #i'm back again #More Murtagh news #Apparently it'll 'touch' on what has happened with Murtagh #I mean. I'm sure through his thoughts we'll get this and stuff like that. #Like something will remind him of what he had to do under Galbatorix's control etc #I must stop before my brain starts to theorize everything that could happen in this book 😅 #Youtube

[stargazingpsychotic]

At this point I hope the next time will be successful, either in that I do manage to leave or I do something so bad it can't just be brushed off and I have to get any form of help since I cannot keep going like this

#how many times have i gone through this now? #how many times do i have to be lied to #is there a limit to the number of suicide attempts and being able to get help? because for the last couple hours ive been so scared #what am i doing to me? why cant i stop it? #why is it that what i say is read as lies to them? #how many times must i beg because no one believes me. what makes me seem a liar #the delusions consume me and only in the times i can see it can i aks for help. but no. its all lies. because its so obviously false #what must i do to be heard #i regret saying anything about being trans #because that's such an easy excuse for them #yeah. havent spoken to you and no intention of listening. but you tried to kill yourself because youre trans #that was a whole appointment #the fear because even if i wanted help when suicidal (which isnt often because of trauma and delusions) i wont get any and i could just die #fuck them and their suicide prevention. where is it? #its traumatic enough going through an attempt. worse when the reality hits you at the lowest of times #it will happen before sunday thats for sure. best time to do it #the way they defend each other when they say something awful and i just want an apology or for someone to acknowledge it isnt kind

[dlnqnt]

i know im too far gone an satc fanatic bcus i just found a writing flub in and just like that... s2e2 these writers need me on their fact checking team

#harry just said his mother's been dead for 10yrs but that is a lie #he & charlotte have been together/married for over ten yrs at this point #and his mother had to have died quite a while before they even met in satc #bcus the only reason their relationship could even progress was bcus #harry promised his dying mother he would marry a jew so their kids could be jewish since judaism is matrilineal #and charlotte stops the convo after that saying i cant rebut any of this since u brought up ur dead mother #and i say she must have died some time before even meeting bcus harry wasn't anywhere out of spirits when they met #he was back at work being his quirky lil lawyer self #i just feel like if he had just sat shiva and all that he probably would have shown a lil bit more mourning or wtv #anyway it was like literally integral that granny goldenblatt was dead prior to this or else char x harry never even would have happened #i have rewatched satc like 20 times dont even look at me #also doing some math harry and charlotte have been together at least 16yrs minimum 17yrs by the end of 2023 #also like they went and gave natasha the last name najinski in ajlt s1 when carrie literally said that as a joke so like #um. the writers need me they just dont understand

[encrucijada]

i think it really is time to accept i have creative burnout.

#i always get moods where none of what i'm writing interests me but it usually goes away after a while #but this time it's been happening in shorter lengths of time... so think i must face the truth... #god it just Sucks when writing is all you like to do but you can't bring yourself to do it #i don't want to Not write but it's not good for me to force myself to do it #i'm also so tired all the time which does not help. #this has been going on since camp nano when i tried snd failed to write that i'll never fall asleep au #words just... aren't working for me... everything i write reads stiff #i keep stopping before i even properly start things because i Know i'm just gonna drop it anyways #something is gonna make me drop it. i'm like a dog that's been trained to expect disappointment #i just.... want my brain to pick something and commit. for once. #also yes literally worst timing to open commissions lmao. i might close them. write the one i got and... sort myself out #pia.txt

[soft-persephone]

What secret curse has been placed on Oscar Isaac to make movie adapters throw away the source material? To completely assassinate these characters beyond repair and create a new fandom so abysmal from the original ones?

#it’s happened TWICE! #we must stop it now #before there is a third! #Oscar Isaac #moon knight #spiderverse #miguel o'hara #someone save him #softie watches things