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attilarrific · 2 years

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A Musical Chairs update? On my dashboard? It's more likely than you'd think.

Anyway, a very kind follower requested an update to Musical Chairs but from Lan Xichen's POV. Did I ever intend to include Lan Xichen's POV in this fic? Nope! Am I absolutely willing to sell out my artistic vision in this time of crisis? Oh, yeah, for sure.

Enjoy! This does directly follow this, and I am aware it has been a hot minute, so if y'all need to remind yourselves wtf's going on, the masterpost is here.

“I’m making breakfast,” Lan Xichen says gently for what must be the fourth time.

Jin Guangyao’s expression flickers into something anxious and slightly hunted for the barest second, though frankly the fact that Lan Xichen even saw that is worrying. It transforms into a smile in the next moment, quick enough that the fear might have seemed imaginary if Lan Xichen weren’t so very used to people who can’t seem to ever tell him how they actually feel. He sometimes thinks, ruefully, that a lifetime with his brother prepared him in a way nothing else could have for falling in love with the best actor in Hollywood.

“Xichen-ge,” Jin Guangyao says, looking patient and kind and emotionally stable, which would be far more convincing if he hadn’t been trembling when he’d collapsed into Lan Xichen’s arms earlier. “I can’t ask you to—”

“You didn’t,” Lan Xichen reminds him. “I decided to.” He thinks about saying I find cooking relaxing, because Jin Guangyao will almost certainly let him do this if it sounds like he’s doing Lan Xichen a favor, but—usually Jin Guangyao protests twice when Lan Xichen tries to take care of him and then stops, looking pleased. The last time Jin Guangyao had tried this hard to not let Lan Xichen do anything for him, it had been right after that first big fight with Nie Mingjue.

It had taken Lan Xichen years of friendship to realize that Jin Guangyao doesn’t actually like doing things for other people, that his habit of solving his friends’ problems isn’t born out of any kind of enjoyment, but out of some transaction-based affection system that makes sense only to him. A system that Jin Guangyao always has to be winning.

Lan Xichen usually takes pleasure from the fact that Jin Guangyao will let Lan Xichen tip the scales ever so slightly, but he’s slowly started to learn that if Jin Guangyao won’t, it means he’s worried about something, and that something is probably Lan Xichen deciding their relationship isn’t worth it. More than once, Lan Xichen has considered trying to explain how very much that isn’t going to happen, but he’s too aware that if he tried, he would mostly get a lot of complete and utter bullshit. Some of it would likely even be true, but figuring out which parts might be beyond even him. With Jin Guangyao, it’s not always best to come at ideas from the front.

“A-Yao,” he says finally, “being able to take care of you makes me very happy.”

Jin Guangyao blinks at him twice and then ducks his head. Some of his hair falls into his eyes, messy and all the more charming for it. It’s devastatingly attractive. “Xichen-ge,” he says. “You’re so kind.”

Hmm, Lan Xichen thinks fondly, finally allowed to turn toward the kitchen without further protests. It’s really even odds on whether Jin Guangyao has managed to accept the idea that he doesn’t need to do Lan Xichen any favors or simply the idea that allowing Lan Xichen to do things for him is doing Lan Xichen a favor, but, well. Close enough for now. He’ll keep working on it.

He puts some water in the kettle for tea and starts to get the ingredients for something light and simple, and when he turns back to glance at Jin Guangyao, he’s greeted with a brilliant, grateful smile. That’s probably deliberate, as is the slight reduction in shoulder tension, but it doesn’t particularly matter. Jin Guangyao likes when Lan Xichen is kind to him. That he also wants Lan Xichen to know that he likes it is beside the point.

“Do you think Wei Wuxian will get up in time to eat?” he says, because as much as he doesn’t particularly want to remember that Wei Wuxian is here, pretending he isn’t won’t make him not be. And if he is here, and he’s awake, then it would be rude not to make him breakfast as well. Especially since he’s currently helping Jin Guangyao in a way Lan Xichen apparently can’t. Lan Xichen should be thankful.

“You want to cook for Wei Wuxian?” Jin Guangyao says, sounding amused. “Xichen-ge really is kind.”

Lan Xichen winces. He’s spent what feels like half his life trying very, very hard to like Wei Wuxian and failing miserably, because while he’s fully aware that Wei Wuxian’s total obliviousness to Lan Xichen’s little brother’s feelings isn’t anyone’s fault, it’s still—well. And the fact that Lan Xichen got off a plane this morning and saw six different tabloid photos of Wei Wuxian and Jin Guangyao kissing extremely thoroughly didn’t exactly make that easier. He clears his throat. “He’s only here because he’s helping you. Naturally I should cook for him.”

A brief silence, and then Jin Guangyao says, voice small, “I should’ve asked you. Before I called him.”

For a very confusing moment, Lan Xichen thinks Jin Guangyao is suggesting that he should’ve asked Lan Xichen to be his fake boyfriend, which would have been an interesting conversation, but then he realizes. “A-Yao,” he says. “You don’t need to ask my permission. Besides, it’s not as if Wangji doesn’t know it’s fake, so you’ve barely done anything at all. I’m not upset.”

“Ge,” Jin Guangyao says, very quietly, but Lan Xichen doesn’t get to find out what he was planning to say next, because a phone rings loudly, interrupting them.

“Mine,” Jin Guangyao says instantly, sounding extremely tired. “I silenced it for most people, though, I couldn’t deal with—anyway. Sorry, Xichen-ge, I should at least check to see who it is.”

Lan Xichen turns around, automatically assuring him that it’s fine, which is how he sees the faint, resigned exhaustion cross Jin Guangyao’s face upon seeing the caller ID. It matches the dark circles under Jin Guangyao’s eyes. If it’s a conscious expression, it just means Jin Guangyao’s asking for something. Lan Xichen’s crossed the room in three steps to pluck the phone out of his hands before he even realizes he’s done it.

“Ah,” he says when he reads the name on the screen. “Let me get this.” When Jin Guangyao looks like he might protest, he simply hits accept, lifts the phone to his ear, and says cheerfully, “Hello, da-ge.”

“Xichen?” Nie Mingjue says, sounding surprised. “What are you doing there?”

“Visiting,” Lan Xichen replies easily. “I got in this morning.”

“I hear Wei Wuxian got there last night.”

“I believe so, yes,” Lan Xichen says, like he hasn’t seen pictures of Wei Wuxian greeting Jin Guangyao with his tongue.

“You know they’re not dating.”

Lan Xichen does know that—is, in fact, very grateful to know that—but that’s probably not what Nie Mingjue really means. He hums noncommittally and glances at Jin Guangyao, relieved to be the one who picked up. While he knows neither of his friends ever starts out looking for a fight, that doesn’t mean there wouldn’t have been one. Jin Guangyao’s too bitter to be patient right now, and Nie Mingjue’s too blunt to be careful. It was much, much easier when the two of them could talk without constantly interpreting everything in the worst possible way. “One second, da-ge,” Lan Xichen says. To Jin Guangyao, he mouths, Sorry, gesturing at the food and raising his eyebrows.

“Sure,” Jin Guangyao murmurs, quietly enough that he won’t be heard through the phone. “Thank you, Xichen-ge.”

Lan Xichen brushes it off, smiling at him before walking away. He waits until he’s in Jin Guangyao’s bedroom with the door closed before he says, “All right, I can talk now.”

“Sparing his feelings?” Nie Mingjue says, sounding amused. “I’m not sure he has any.”

“Da-ge.”

“All right, all right, I’m sorry. You’re right. So?”

Lan Xichen sits down on Jin Guangyao’s bed, leaning back against the headboard. He’s realizing now that this isn’t the bed Jin Guangyao had when he was dating Qin Su. He’d noticed around the time of the breakup that Jin Guangyao had bought a new frame, but it’s probably a new mattress as well. New sheets. Back then, he’d simply assumed that it was a petty moment during what seemed an extremely emotional separation, but now he’s starting to understand. Jin Guangyao had kept so many things Qin Su had bought for this house, but he’d gotten rid of furniture, and he’d done it very quietly, as if he didn’t want anyone to know.

“So?” he repeats, feeling newly horrible about the whole situation. About how isolated Jin Guangyao must have felt. About the fact that Lan Xichen has never managed to convey to him he doesn’t have to be perfect, or even particularly good, Lan Xichen will love him anyway.

“So he’s fucking pretending to be dating that mess of a rock star. So he’s pretending he’s gay—not that I’m not delighted he’s decided to come out after all, but I think we can both agree he also likes women—and also that he never dated her. I don’t know about you, but I remember him dating her. They couldn’t fucking keep their hands off each other as long as there weren’t cameras around.”

“And?” Lan Xichen says patiently. “Who cares?”

Nie Mingjue snorts. “Naturally not you. I’m just wondering if it’s ever occurred to him to tell the truth in his entire life.”

Lan Xichen hums, not quite agreeing and not quite disagreeing. “If it hasn’t, I wouldn’t expect it to start now. You saw the tabloids.”

“It’s not like he knew,” Nie Mingjue says defensively, and Lan Xichen smiles. “If he explained that, people would be sympathetic.”

“Maybe,” Lan Xichen agrees. But maybe not. Jin Guangyao spends his life in a defensive crouch, waiting for the next attack, and as much as Lan Xichen wishes he wouldn’t, he doesn’t have anything other than optimism to suggest he shouldn’t. “He’d have to fight against Jin Guangshan’s PR.”

“Someone ought to hit that bastard with a car,” Nie Mingjue says, disgusted. “His best friend’s wife, fucking hell.”

Lan Xichen doesn’t think of himself as a violent man, but there is something very satisfying about that thought. “Do you remember,” he says suddenly, “after the breakup? When A-Yao came to your place?”

“Yeah. Shit.” Nie Mingjue pauses. “That’s when they found out?”

“Apparently.”

“No wonder. I guess now we know why they ended it.”

Neither of them had ever been able to figure that out, and Jin Guangyao has always refused to say anything other than variations on ‘we decided we were better off as friends.’ That had been particularly unconvincing in the first few months after the breakup, when Jin Guangyao and Qin Su had seemed unable to even look at each other, let alone be friends.

“Hey,” Nie Mingjue says abruptly, “now you definitely know they’re not getting back together. Not that I’m supporting your terrible taste in men. But you’re already there, he practically falls all over himself fluttering his eyelashes at you whenever you smile at him, he’s not still in love with his ex—”

“That is not why I’m here,” Lan Xichen says, sitting up straight. “And this isn’t the time. He’s pretending to date Wei Wuxian—”

“Yeah, meant to ask, how do you feel about that?”

“—and he’s very upset.” Lan Xichen takes a deep breath. “I’m here to see if I can help, that’s all. He needs a friend right now, not—not a date.”

“I know I’ve tried to explain this to you before, Xichen,” Nie Mingjue says, “but if there’s one person in the world who can take care of himself, it’s him.”

“I know that.” Nie Mingjue makes a doubtful noise, and Lan Xichen says firmly, “No, I do. But why should that matter? If he likes when I’m kind to him, when I take care of him, when I treat him gently, why should I stop just because it isn’t necessary?”

“Fucking hell. He’s not nearly nice enough for you.”

Lan Xichen sighs. “Considering my three favorite people are you, him, and my brother, I don’t know how you’re under the impression that I’m looking for nice.” Nie Mingjue barks out a loud laugh at that, and Lan Xichen smiles. “Anyway. I know you don’t like when he lies, but with this—da-ge, you know the press is going to ask you about it.”

“Oh, I get it. You want to know if I’ll lie for him.”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen says. “Will you?” When Nie Mingjue doesn’t say anything, he adds, “Please.”

Nie Mingjue groans. “What if I just say that I won’t comment on this shitshow? No, I’ve got it—my only comment on this shitshow is that Jin Guangshan deserves to fucking go to jail.”

Lan Xichen blinks a few times. “That’ll probably work. Just not commenting might not, but saying Jin Guangshan should go to jail—they’ll pay more attention to that than whether or not you’re confirming A-Yao’s story. I think.”

“Perfect. Tell him I agreed to that. And if he doesn’t like it, he can tell me himself, got it? Stop playing go-between. We’re adults, we can act like it.”

When Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao are in the same room, they absolutely don’t act like it, but Lan Xichen decides not to point that out. “Thank you, da-ge,” he says. “I’ll convey your support.”

“Who’s fucking supporting what,” Nie Mingjue snaps, and he hangs up.

Lan Xichen rolls his eyes. Oh, yes, they can act like adults. That’s very apparent.

When he goes back out to the kitchen, Jin Guangyao’s head immediately jerks up from where he’s standing by the stove. “Xichen-ge,” he says carefully, “is everything okay?”

“Of course it is,” Lan Xichen says cheerfully. “Da-ge told me he won’t say anything about your relationship with Qin Su. Or your relationship with Wei Wuxian. His only comment to the press is going to be that your—that Jin Guangshan should be in prison.”

Jin Guangyao winces. “My father won’t be pleased to hear that. Da-ge knows he can be vindictive, right?”

“I don’t think da-ge particularly cares,” Lan Xichen says, pleased when that gets a rueful smile out of Jin Guangyao. “He also said your relationship with Qin Su wasn’t your fault.”

Jin Guangyao’s eyes widen. “Really?”

“And that he wanted to hit Jin Guangshan with a car.”

“Oh, no,” Jin Guangyao says, though he doesn’t actually look that unhappy about it. “I hope he doesn’t say that to the press.”

“He might,” Lan Xichen admits. “I’m sorry you ended up making breakfast after all.”

“No! Xichen-ge—Xichen-ge, I—” Jin Guangyao swallows. “I should be the one apologizing. Or thanking you. Both. I don’t know what I’d do if you—”

Lan Xichen steps forward and wraps his arms around Jin Guangyao without a word, and Jin Guangyao immediately returns the hug, crushingly tight, a little desperate. This is what Lan Xichen has never quite figured out how to explain, to Nie Mingjue or anyone else: if Jin Guangyao acts upset and like he wants to be held, what it usually means is that he’s upset and wants to be held. Sometimes it also means that he’d like you to ignore something or to stop being mad at him, but since Lan Xichen is very good at paying attention to two things at once and also rarely mad at him, that’s never seemed particularly important.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he says gently, pressing his lips to the top of Jin Guangyao’s head. “You don’t ever have to worry about that.”

Jin Guangyao definitely doesn’t believe him, but Lan Xichen has their entire lives to prove it. He’ll get there eventually.

#modao zushi #the untamed #musical chairs #musical chairs update #xiyao #things i write #wow this got long #i have both watsonian and doylist explanations for why their relationship looks like this in this verse #because it's clearly fairly different than in canon #part of that explanation yes is 'jgy doesn't kill people here'#anyway enjoy!

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