#mostly it's annoying at best upsetting at worst but in this case it's really convenient

[footwine]

The upside of having memory issues is definitely that i can go back to rewatch Monk every 3 years or so and I don't remember the conclusion of like half the episodes

#adrian monk #once i didn't watch for almost 10 years and i remembered nothing #it was like watching for the first time all over again #mostly it's annoying at best upsetting at worst but in this case it's really convenient #i guess you could say. it's a gift and a curse #(insert terrible pun face)

[cinnajun]

ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: zb1 when you're sick

a/n: i love writing stuff like this, mostly because i think how someone takes care of u when ur sick means a lot :)) it’s very endearing to me!

notes: yujin is not included due to his age! just assume y/n has a nasty case of the flu or something lol, i didn't proofread so sorry for any typos!

wc | 2.8k

 from worst to best at taking care of you

gyuvin

i don’t think he’d necessarily be bad at it per say

like gyuvin’s definitely the type of guy to treat you a little bit like a baby when you’re sick

he feels really bad, and he doesn’t like seeing you all upset and unhappy :(

so for the first couple of days he’s good at supplying you with medicine and water, and he does his best to make you meals (most of them are bland convenience store soups and noodles put into bowls but it’s okay)

he also spends a lot of time with you, and, by extension, cheers you up a lot

he will amp his funny meter up like 97% because he wants to see you smile and laugh

even though you can barely laugh because you’re sick and your throat hurts

he also will be very loving when you’re sick which is nice because i don’t see him being extremely touchy when you’re going about your daily life

so you get lots of hugs and kisses even though you keep telling him not to because he will get sick

and that’s where everything goes wrong

the thing is. on day 3 he will wake up sick

no matter what, when you get sick, he will be sick within 72 hours

it’s because he’s clingy and annoying and will nap with you, get ready for bed with you, and eat food with you so there’s virtually no protection from your illness

and as much as he would love to keep taking care of you while he’s sick, he feels just as bad so now you’re BOTH rotting away while whatever sickness you have runs its course

you end up having to call hanbin over because neither of you want to do anything but lay there

so like

enjoy the two days of a very loving and doting boyfriend (more so than usual)

and make sure to tell hanbin when you get sick so he can be prepared to clear his schedule lol

under gyuvin’s (technically hanbin’s) care, it takes about a week to fully get better!

ricky

so sorry to the 04s for this slander

again i don’t think he’d be bad at it he’d just be a little clueless

i think when he gets really stressed out about something he shuts down a little bit too so when your fever is pushing 102 he’s kind of like a sim that can’t figure out how to get past a desk (if that makes sense)

you’ll be like “ugh my head hurts” and he’ll be like oh okay … then twenty minutes later he finally returns with advil and a cup of water

or like you’ll be napping and he’ll suddenly remember that you need to take more dayquil (he’s about an hour late)

and at the end of the day he will get done what he needs to get done just like give him a minute

ricky somehow makes a really good chicken noodle soup (it’s just canned soup) and you always ask him about it and how he makes it!! he tells you it’s a secret (he just slightly modifies canned soup)

i think he’s also pretty good at making sure he doesn’t get sick from taking care of you, too

like as much as he loves you and not being able to hold your hand makes him want to die, he doesn’t want to be like gyuvin and force hanbin to take care of both of you lol

so he’ll wear a mask and wash his hands pretty regularly, but he makes sure to reassure you that he’s taking the necessary precautions so that he can successfully nurse you back to health, and that he still loves you even if he can’t get too close right now :)

i think his main strength in this area is keeping you entertained, though

like he’ll make sure there’s always a movie playing or something, even if you’re asleep

he doesn’t want you to be bored and feel bad

also has an intrinsic belief that not being bored will distract you from the icky feelings

under ricky’s care, it takes a little over a week to get better!

matthew

same with ricky, i think matthew’s not necessarily bad at it, but he kind of shuts down when he finds out

he goes from like doting, loving boyfriend to oh god oh my god oh no oh god

if you give him a bit of time to gather himself he goes from panic mode to question mode

matthew will NOT leave you alone while you’re sick!!! he’s halfway convinced you’re living out your last days!!!! he has to make sure you don’t die!!!!

he also asks you 70 questions an hour

“do you need anything?” “do you want something to eat?” “do you need more water?” “do you want a massage?”

of the 70 questions, maybe about 3 or 4 of them yield the answer “yes” but that’s not 0 so he’s going to keep it up

he’s like baymax or something idk he’s just so stressed out the entire time

he’s like nigh unrecognizable the entire time

you are absolutely aware of the fact that sometimes he leaves the room to call his mom and ask for advice but you pretend that you don’t know for the sake of his dignity

although his constant stream of questions can be somewhat overwhelming at times, you’re very appreciative of his dedication because when you’re sick, you will get anything you need

he will also make any meal you desire even if he’s never made it before, and he really adores the way it makes you smile so then he’s all smiley afterwards <;/3

if he needs to go out to the store to get you something, he will either enlist somebody else to do it or have someone stay with you while he’s gone

so you’ll get a lot of well wishes from jiwoong, hao, and hanbin while you’re not feeling well

when you get better it’s the best day of matthew’s life i’m pretty sure

he remembers what it feels like to not be terribly worried 24/7 so you watch him deflate like a balloon

and then he naps for like four hours

under matthew’s care, it takes 6-ish days to get better!

taerae

taerae’s pretty middle of the road in my opinion

like we learned during boys’ planet, he’s the youngest kid so he received a lot of affection and love when he was growing up

so, when you’re sick, he gives you a LOT of affection

you could be rotting away in bed and taerae will be like “you are the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen” with heart eyes

i think the thing that gives taerae a real leg up though is that his first thought is “oh let’s go see a doctor” and he can drive so you go pretty much immediately

that way, you get flu-specific medicine and get better quicker than you would’ve without

after that, taerae’s sick care is pretty run of the mill

i don’t think he’s too panicked about it because people get sick all the time, and so, unless you’re really, really sick he’s not going to be doting on you 24/7 like matthew would

he’ll still run errands and he won’t cancel plans unless you straight up ask him to (and if you ask he will without thinking about it!!!)

and he makes sure you’re taking your meds, drinking water, and eating three times a day

but life doesn’t stop, you know??

it’s nice because when you’re sick, sometimes all you want is to be left alone for a bit and that’s exactly what taerae does for you :)

also, because he’s continuing on with his life, he won’t get sick from you so you won’t have any of that guilt on your shoulders

one special thing taerae does when you’re sick though is sing you to sleep

sure, when you’re not sick, he’ll do it from time to time but he’s very consistent when you’re not feeling well!! he’ll get the guitar out and sing you a lullaby or two

he will also sing you awake </3 and he wakes you up to eat!!! so it’ll be a cute little made up jingle about it being breakfast time … it’s very heartwarming

under taerae’s care, you get better in 5 days!

jiwoong

i think he’s very similar to taerae in this respect, so he’s also in the middle (but a little bit higher up)

jiwoong is older and more experienced with stuff like this so he’s very businessy about it

when you wake up with a fever, you’ll head to the doctor and get your tamiflu or whatever

from then on it’s just a waiting game i think

the main difference between taerae and jiwoong though is strictly experience

he’s very routine when it comes to taking care of you

you eat breakfast, he gives you dayquil, goes out to get anything you ask for…it continues

jiwoong is also really good at knowing when you want him around and when you want him to leave you alone

but he’s always generally around, and will cancel plans (without telling you) so that he can make sure he’s available if anything goes wrong

he’s good at planning for the worst case scenario without being worried about it, too, so he’ll have a backup plan in place if you (for some reason) start getting worse rather than getting better

jiwoong is great to have around when you’re sick because he’s good at cooking, too

he will bring you the most delicious soup you’ve ever had in your life and will literally juice oranges so that you can have fresh orange juice

he doesn’t tell you but he’s a little manic about what you’re consuming when you’re sick because he doesn’t want you to throw up or get sicker because of what you’re eating

he also gives really good bear hugs when you’re sick

like the best bear hug of your life

when you trudge out of the bedroom in the morning to eat breakfast and open your arms for a hug he will gladly envelope you into the most comfortable thing you’ve felt in weeks

they’re obviously no different from his hugs when you’re not sick but for some reason they’re just so much better than when you’re not feeling well

under jiwoong’s care, you get better in 4-5 days

zhang hao

TOP 3!!

hao is so lovely to be around when everything is normal, so when you’re sick he’s like a saving grace almost

he actually notices you’re sick before you do

he wakes up one morning, looks over at you, and notices that your cheeks are flushed and you’re making a kind of unhappy face

he takes your temperature and is like >:0 oh no

so you literally wake up to him holding a gatorade and a bowl of rice and you’re like ??? what

“you’re sick”

“i am???”

and then a couple of hours the symptoms really kick in and you’re like “how are you a genius…” but he’s just observant lol

while you’re sick, he dials up the zhang hao charm like 7000% and makes sure that you know he loves you more than anything and that he will do/get anything you need until you get better

and he will ensure that you don’t feel guilty that he’s taking time off of his everyday life to dote on you

i think, in general, hao is so good at catching your illness before it’s really able to set in that your symptoms tend to be fairly mild throughout the time that you’re sick (thus, you get better faster)

and he’s good at making sure you’re staying clean too

he knows how awful it is when you get sick and you don’t have anyone to help you out, so you just end up feeling gross and disgusting all the time

so he makes sure you’re doing your skincare (he will literally do it for you if you need him to) and that you’re showering when you need to yk

and he gets “anonymous deliveries” of little treats throughout the time that you’re sick (he asks hanbin to pick some things up and put them at the door lol)

when you get better, hao will take you on a date to celebrate (and he lets you pay so you’ll truly crush any guilt you felt for interrupting his daily life)

under hao’s care, you get better in 4 days!

gunwook

this might be a hot take but i think gunwook would be so nice to have around when you’re sick

i also think, like hao, he picks up on it before it even happens idk

he’ll see that one of your friends got sick after you hung out and he just knows

he will preemptively make you take theraflu, and you think he’s being stupid but then you wake up with a fever

he’s like “i told you”

gunwook would be panicked in a way that you have no clue, so it’s out of sight and out of mind

but in all actuality he’s blowing up the zb1 gc like wtf do i DO!!!

everyone’s first recommendation is to make sure you don’t end up like gyuvin (sick and unhappy) LOL

but half the things he does are recommendations from jiwoong, hao, and hanbin so make sure to thank them at some point!!

because he takes tips from the pros he ends up being a pro you know

and he finds out ricky’s super secret (canned) soup recipe so he’s got that on lock too

essentially gunwook is the product of the rest of the group’s experience … like the answer to one big equation lol

the one thing he doesn’t listen to is everyone telling him to like not be constantly close to you

i’m a believer that gunwook rarely gets sick (his immune system is like on steroids) so he spends the entirety of this period hanging out with you

naps with you, goes to bed at the same time as you, watches whatever you’re watching, etc

obviously he’s washing his hands pretty often but he’s still hanging out with you, which makes you feel very happy and loved :)

afterwards, you’re very thankful and appreciative and gunwook will take all the credit for the techniques other people supplied him with

at some point you’ll probably catch on but you won’t say anything lol

if he’s happy, you’re happy!

under gunwook’s care, you get better in 3-4 days!

hanbin

i feel like this was obvious

this man is literally a mother

you feel like your mom is taking care of you the entire time you’re sick

when you wake up and tell him you aren’t feeling well he does the mom thing (puts his hand on your forehead) and can actually conclude you have a fever by doing that

and then he’ll tell you to go lay down while he makes breakfast lol

it’s seriously like your mom is taking care of you, i cannot overstate this

he’s giving you cold washcloths and handing you cough drops every 2-3 business hours

he asks what your symptoms are and goes “hmm” before disappearing from the room and returning with the exact remedy you need

hanbin quite literally hates the idea that you’re nothing less than happy, so he will do everything in his power to make sure you’re getting better while honoring your wishes at the same time

so if all you want to do is sleep, he’ll let you sleep

or if you want to try and still be productive, he’ll let you help with the dishes or do your own laundry if need be

being sick under hanbin’s care is so nice because you don’t feel like the world has stopped just because you’re sick, you know

the way he takes care of you keeps you feeling strong enough to do something other than lay about all day

and you don’t really get to the point where you feel like death is imminent (i assume this is a universal experience for everyone)

and he’s not too worried about you being sick as he’s worried about you getting better and not having any residual symptoms you know

also makes yummy and delicious food for you so that’s a big plus LOL

you get better so fast that it’s barely a bump in the road

you think god accidentally gave hanbin special powers and you’re glad you get to be the main benefactor of them

under hanbin’s care, you get better in 3 days!

thank you for reading!

#cinna.zb1 #zb1 x reader #zerobaseone x reader #zb1 fluff #zb1 scenarios #zb1 headcanons #zb1 reactions #jiwoong x reader #zhang hao x reader #sung hanbin x reader #hanbin x reader #seok matthew x reader #taerae x reader #ricky x reader #gyuvin x reader #gunwook x reader

[svtkillua]

little lion man > 2

rating: [pg-13 / angst] pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader x todoroki shouto warnings: cursing, lots of yummy angst >:)) word count: 11.3k listen while you read here!

join the discord!

ch.1 + ch.2 + ch.3 + ch.4 (final) + alt. ending

A broken heart was a nuisance, an annoying leech that sucked the life out of you every moment you paused to think about the pain it was spreading through your limbs. Every second you spent with your mind not occupied you wanted to scream and cry. It felt like your emotions were burning embers and anytime you paused to give it oxygen the fire would grow and consume you til you were nothing but ashes.

You  had been on a roller coaster for a week straight, you had highs and lows and every dip and turn was filled with Bakugou. He was in your favorite songs and covering your walls. He was in your brain and in your vision and filled your senses down to your atoms that made you alive. Sometimes you felt angry, sometimes you felt happy, but mostly you felt so incredibly sad.

You’d managed to, mostly, get Bakugou off your case after repeatedly insisting you’d just been surprised and upset at the possibility of losing him. It wasn’t technically a lie, you were definitely surprised when he’d announced his plans to get engaged. To say you hadn’t seen it coming would have been an understatement.  You conveniently left out that your heart had been crushed and that you’d never suffered a pain more severe in your entire life thus far. It had felt like you got hit head on by a speeding train that you’d been too slow to dodge.

Now was the hard part; to continue to act like you were okay, like you couldn’t wait to watch him get married and see them began their happily ever after. You were pinning your emotions to the back of your mind and tying them down with a neat little bow because you needed to. You would be the best friend Bakugou deserved and yearned for right now, even if it made you feel like your insides were rotting.

All of it was frustrating. It was frustrating he didn’t love you but you so unwaveringly loved him. It was frustrating he could so easily tell when something was wrong with you and made it so much harder for you to lie. It was frustrating that every moment alone felt like torture because all you could think of was him with her and there was nothing to distract you. He had been your distraction when you’d been hurt before, and now he was unknowingly the cause and couldn’t be the cure.

Maybe you’d just feel this sad, heartbroken and lonely forever. Maybe you’d always be stupidly in love with someone whose heart was taken. Maybe you were foolish for thinking you could’ve had a chance if you tried harder. Maybe you’d be alone and in love til the day you died with someone you’d never have and would never want you. Maybe that was your fate in life, to have a permanent fake smile and empty feeling in your chest.

It was all affecting you more than you could let on, though you were mostly convincing, sometimes even to yourself. It was like your brain had turned to stone and got chipped to pieces too small to make coherent thoughts other than how awful you felt at times. You just needed to ignore the gnawing in your chest that had been so consistent lately it was becoming a part of you. Then you would be fine, you had to be.

For Bakugou.

He was obviously worried about you, even after the long phone call and a few days passing. He’d been calling more frequently and every time his voice would waver on the edge of concern when your tone wasn’t quite right. Whether or not he trusted what you had told him didn’t matter, because you could hear the worry lacing his tone when he’d repeatedly asked if you were okay. It only solidified your decision to put your feelings aside and focus on him, because you loved him too much to egg on the anxiety you were causing him. Besides, there was no reason for the both of you to be living a pained existence.

Convincing yourself that locking your feelings behind a perfect smile would be easy had been step one, though in the far parts of your mind you knew it wouldn’t ever work. Now, you just had to actually put that thought into action and try to be there for him. Perhaps the self sacrifice would persuade the universe to give you a break.

The wind whipped at your cheeks as your eyes squinted into the cool air blowing your hair away from your face. Your feet made soft clapping sounds against the pavement as you took a quick peek towards Bakugou’s building, the large inconspicuous residence you hadn’t been to in months. Perhaps it felt more intimidating because you’d be alone with Bakugou for the first time in a long time. The thought made your abdomen twist uncomfortably, the wind shifting directions, your jacket flitting open.

The sky was a pale blue and dotted with soft looking white clouds, the streets slow but bustling as workers fled their jobs for lunch. The day wasn’t nearly as ominous looking as your last time seeing Bakugou had been, but your mind still felt restless as the front door came into view. Your fingers were wrapping around your phone before you could dwell on it, plucking it from your coat pocket, fingers to drumming across the glass.

To; Bakugou [ 15:04 ]:

I’m here come let me in it’s cold!

Coming over for a late lunch had been Bakugou’s idea after you’d been seemingly sticking to phone calls rather than visits in person when he had free time. He’d been complaining about it and you could only tell the boy no so many times before he’d multiply his suspicions and assume the worst. He opened the door after a few minutes, a breathtaking grin on his face as he promptly reached out and tugged you inside.

You were met with a gush of warmth as the door closed behind you, a content sigh slipping out as you hung up your coat and slid your phone into your back pocket for safekeeping. He flashed a relaxed smile as you slipped your shoes off, his body pulling yours in for a hug the moment you stood upright. You tensed for a second when his body molded into yours, but took a shaky breathe to relax, slithering your own arms around his waist.

“Missed you.” He hummed mutely and slowly slid his arms off of you, his tongue poking out to wet his lips as he looked down at you. His hands moved to your shoulders as he held you at an arm’s length, eyes examining your entirety.

“We talked on the phone yesterday, Katsu.” You quietly laughed and patted his chest with your palms out flat, dipping your body away from him as you moved further into his home. Something about being here had always made you feel content. Maybe it was because it smelled like he did when you’d hug him so tight he’d burn into your senses.

Your eyes flickered around the living room you hadn’t seen in so long, landing on picture frame after picture frame filled with photos of him and Camie. Sure, there were some mixed in of yourself, his family and the boys, but you could tell without counting that most of the new items in the room were featuring her. From the baby pink teddy bear sitting on a desk in the corner, to the several photos of the two of them dotting the white walls, her presence was made known.

Hatred wasn’t something you felt for her but jealousy without a doubt was. It wasn’t that you disliked yourself, you just had an ever expanding nagging in your brain reminding you of all the things she had you lacked. She was smart and graceful and kind and oh so beautiful, according to Bakugou. She had gotten his affections just by being herself and you were resentful that you being you apparently wasn’t enough to do the same. Not for him, at least.

He cared about her and that was so immensely obvious just by having seen the two of them interacting. It made your confidence deflate. All the things you so badly wanted to do with Bakugou, she would get. The memory of her kissing his lips and holding his hand replayed in your head like a sick movie designed to make you ill and you had to take a deep breathe to try to push that sickness away.

You followed Bakugou’s retreating back towards his kitchen, away from the taunting photos, where he’d set up a small lunch for the pair of you. A small smile spread on your lips as you sat, eyes watching him move around his kitchen to get you both drinks. You could see his lips moving but his words weren’t registering in your conscience, though he seemed to be talking about what he ordered you for lunch. All you could focus on was how relaxed he looked there in the kitchen with you, chuckling to himself about how much food he’d bought.

Little moments like this had been what made it so simple to develop feelings for him. He just seemed so close to you in those minutes when he was the most himself he could be, just talking about his day and moving without thinking. When you were alone like this he wasn’t Bakugou Katsuki the hero, he was Bakugou Katsuki, your idiot of a best friend who loved to make you smile.

Had you really been that stupid for thinking that maybe, somewhere, in the deepest parts of his heart, he had been falling in love with you too?  Had it been stupid to think that these moments alone had felt just a right as they had to you? How was it possible for you to have been developing such different feelings every single second of your time together? You had only ever been watching him when he had never really glanced at you, not in the way you yearned for.

“Here we go.” Bakugou sighed, finally settling into his seat, placing a mug of your favorite tea in front of you before he sipped some of his own. You noticed he was using the mug you’d sent him a couple months ago while he was on tour, shifting your eyes to his face as you picked up your utensils.

“Thanks, Katsu.” You smiled a small but genuine smile as you took a bite, your smile spreading as you took another, much bigger one. Bakugou’s light laughter made heat rush along your face as you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Shut up, I haven’t eaten all day.” You defended halfheartedly, taking another bite before snapping your chopsticks towards his face, which only made him laugh a bit harder, his head shaking from side to side.

“You just look cute with your cheeks all puffed out like that. Like a chipmunk or something.” He commented, using his finger tip to poke one of your food filled cheeks, making your eyes roll.

The two of you fell into your easy rhythm so quickly and it felt like for just a few minutes you didn’t have to keep your guard up. You didn’t need to pretend you were happy because simply being with Bakugou made you so much happier than you wanted to admit. You wanted so badly to hate him for making you feel this way, but you just couldn’t seem to.

You were both sipping your tea, plates mostly empty,  a huge amount of leftovers on the counter. The kitchen silent besides the quiet ticking of the clock on the far wall behind you, as it had been for a few moments since your conversation died out. His eyes had averted from yours when the silence fell, your own taking advantage of the beat in conversation,  trailing over the lines of his jaw and neck. You watched as his muscles moved when he swallowed and let out a small huff of air, it sounding a little strained.

His fingertip was dragging lazily along the rim of the mug he had set down, a drip of the brown liquid rolling down the side of the cup and pooling onto the table below it. Your knee bounced under the table as he took a slow inhale before he spoke, the anxiety bubbling in your stomach.

“Were you mad at me? The other night, I mean? Were you mad?” His eyes were avoiding yours as the words slipped out, perhaps because he knew this was the tenth time he’d asked you the past week if he’d done something wrong. To you, he had done something hugely wrong by loving Camie instead of you, but you couldn’t exactly tell him that without telling him everything, and that was a conversation you definitely weren’t having right that moment.

“Why would I have been mad at you Katsu?” You took a second to compose yourself before you spoke, not wanting to give yourself away or say something you shouldn’t. You knew if you kept avoiding this conversation he’d eventually grow agitated but you also had to tread carefully or he’d start figuring things out.

You lifted your cup up to your lips, which puckered to blow some of the steam away before you took a drink. His eyes shifted over to your, moving from your hands, to the mug, then up to your eyes, his own masked slightly by his lashes and messy, spiky pieces of hair. He ran his fingers through it to push it aside.

“I don’t know, I just…  I just feel like something changed, like we changed. I don’t want you to think that just because I’ll be married to Camie that we’re going to be any different. I wouldn’t ever let that happen to us.” His bottom lip tucked up under his teeth as he scrunched his face up some. His ruby eyes squinted closed as his lip slowly slipped out from under his teeth, lips pursing as he debated his words. “I know that everything seems really sudden, we’ve only really been together a year. I shouldn’t have expected you to be ecstatic when you barely know her.”

His voice was quiet but felt so loud in the space surrounding you, the air reverberating with the sounds. Everything had changed when he told you, you changed and you knew he could see the shift. The way he’d hugged you when he left made it obvious he knew you weren’t okay even if he appeared to be telling himself you were. You couldn’t have been sure why, maybe it was because Kaminari had walked in on your conversation, or perhaps it was because Camie had been there.

“She’s just so incredible, she’s so special to me. I don’t even know how I got lucky enough to get her. The idea of losing Camie now…” He trailed off his little rant, eyes moving away from yours and down towards his cup, staring at his spoon as he swirled it around. His head shook slightly as he tilted his head upwards so his eyes were on you again.

You were sure you loved him more than Camie never would. How was it possible for him to not see that you meant so much more to him than a friend? How could he for a second think that no one who love him again when you always had?

“I just, I can’t lose you, either of you. I need her but I need you too, so badly.” Bakugou’s gentle tone felt like he was trying to calm you down, like he didn’t want to awaken the sadness in your heart he wasn’t sure was there inside you. “No matter what happens with me and her I’m always going to care about you and need you, here, with me.”

Was it possible to be dumped by someone you were never dating? You felt like he was giving you the talk when all you’d ever done was daydream from a safe distance about what it would be like to be his. Why did he feel the need to explain how much he needed her when you didn’t need convincing that he was in love with her? You thought you were the only one not acting like yourself, but seeing Bakugou’s eyes now darting between yours made you question that.

“Katsu, I know you love her, I know you need her. Relax. You know you don’t have to explain yourself to me.” It was the truth, Bakugou never needed to explain himself to you, and right now you didn’t particularly want him to. You could only listen to him fawn over her so much before you’d start feeling like you were being suffocated. “I just want you to be happy Bakugou, no matter what.”

He stayed still for a moment, his fingers having grown motionless against the cup as he focused in on you. He was scrutinizing you, trying to read your thoughts and find out your very secrets you were struggling to hide. You’d thought you’d been convincing but perhaps you weren’t as good of an actress as you had thought.

The obnoxious ringing from his phone got the attention of both of your gazes, his screen lighting up and flashing with Camie’s name. You bit down hard on your bottom lip, standing up with your dirty cup and heading towards the kitchen sink as he cleared his throat behind you before answering.

“Hey…Yeah, sorry we were eating lunch.” You could hear bits of his conversation as you turned the water on and rinsed your cup out, glancing at him over your shoulder as he retreated from the room, phone pressed to his ear as his voice caught your ears again. “No, it’s just me and her.”

A quiet sigh left your lips once he was out of your line of vision and you tilted your head downwards, damp hands gripping the countertop. You could feel yourself getting worked up as you repeated him talking about her in your head.

In the movies and books they always made it seem like getting your heart broken was one quick moment, but it wasn’t. It was so slow. It was all consuming and would build and build until you finally couldn’t take it anymore. It would kick at your chest and turn your skin deep purple and blue. It would throw hammers at your ribs and rip apart the bones before yanking out your heart. It would squeeze it tightly and cut off the blood flow and make that pain grow and grow til it was all too much.

It was breaking you, the only question was what would be the final push to ruin you. How many more words of his love for her could you take?  You were barely making it as it was, your eyes were lined in dark circles makeup couldn’t quite cover up, your body sluggish and mind in a fog. You could only ignore the silent pain for so long before you were going to lose it, despite how hard you were trying to make it okay.

You placed the cup in the dish rack before padding your way through the house, looking for Bakugou, spotting his back in the crack of his bedroom door. Judging by the sound of his muffled voice he appeared to still be on the phone, his messy hair moving slightly as he shook his bit of head you could see.

“…just haven’t been alone for a while, that’s all. You know I wanna see you, too.” Was all you picked up as you walked past, going into his makeshift study. It was a small room with a desk, some bookshelves and a little keyboard in the corner. You shut the door behind you as you sighed, rubbing the bridge of your nose. You dropped down into the chair at his desk, using your foot to kick off the ground and give it a light spin.

The room was hushed besides the sound of the world outside coming through the barely cracked open window, the curtains fluttering in the breeze coming through. His space was littered with crumpled up papers and stacks of books and magazines so high you were surprised they hadn’t toppled onto the ground yet.

You sighed quietly as you slid your phone from your pocket, hair falling into your face like a curtain you were too lazy to move. You hummed to yourself as you noticed you had a text waiting from Todoroki and opened it with a tap of your finger, eyes flickering over the words.

Todoroki [ 15:44 ] :

Do you want to come over and watch a movie later? I got that new mystery thriller you wanted to see.

Your fingers drummed over the letters as you sent a quick response back, before setting your phone back into your pocket.

To; Todoroki [ 16:02 ] :

Sorry, was eating lunch with Katsu. That sounds great, I’ll text you once I’m home.

Your fingertip slid along the edge of the desk as you rocked side to side in the chair, eyes trailing along behind it before you paused, noticing his top desk drawer was ajar. Curiosity got the best of you as you slowly gripped the edge, giving it a gentle tug open. It was mostly junk, scrap papers and little notes tossed inside to be reread later. You moved to shut it when it caught your eye; a small, black, velvet box tucked safely in the back corner.

The air felt thick as you halted your movements, unable to tear your eyes away from the unassuming object as your lips parted to let out a sharp breathe. You hesitated before picking it up, your mind going a mile a minute at the possibilities of what could be inside. You held the box delicately in the middle of your palm, as if it could snap and bite you if you touched it wrong. Your breathing felt too labored, chest too tight as you rested your fingers against the top. The sinking feeling in your chest making you gulp for air as you shifted your weight anxiously.

The room felt to silence as you pulled the lid open and your eyes were met with a beautiful diamond ring. It took your brain a second to catch up with what you were seeing, the panic spreading through your veins before you could register that the box had contained exactly what you dreaded. It sparkled when the light hit it as your hand shook and you felt like the universe was mocking you, laughing at how pathetic you’d become.

It was incredible how a stupid piece of jewellery could make your mood plummet. You’d let your guard down too much today with him, you’d forgotten the reality of what was going on outside of the little bubble you’d climbed inside. You’d been idiotic to think you could pretend your feelings into nothingness, foolish even for even giving that kinda thought an ounce of your time. Your fingers shook some so you squeezed your hand tighter around the black velvet, bottom lip beginning to tremble instead.

It definitely wasn’t anything to scoff at, a large teardrop shaped, crystal clear diamond in the center. It had two smaller pink gems on the sides of it, the entire band covered in rosy stones with delicate gold swirls protruding behind the teardrop shape. It screamed Camie. It was elegant and graceful and the pink tones reminded you of the color her cheeks turned when she blushed.

You felt like you could vomit, staring at the perfect stone and thinking of how much it seemed like her. She was just as perfect, just as elegant, just as graceful.

It was no wonder he loved her and not you.

The trepidation that crept up your spine made your entire body tense up, like you’d been shoved in a bath of ice water. Your nose scrunched as you tried to swallow, aware of your loud breathing, fingers snapping the lid shut before you could stare anymore. All you could picture was him slipping it onto her finger and the image made you want to run so far away. Seeing the ring in person only solidified the plans he’d told you, you just hadn’t imagined you’d be seeing it beginning to happen so fast.

The damn perfect ring represented so much more to you than just being a ring. It was everything you weren’t, everything Bakugou loved and cherished all wrapped around in gold and covered in diamonds. It was everything you’d never be and never have and everything you wanted so bad it was crushing you inside. How could you have been so naive to let yourself get here? How could you let your heart be swayed so easily by one boy to the point where he held your whole being in his palm and could toss it aside whenever he pleased? You were just a stupid girl with stupid feelings for a boy who didn’t seem to understand how he could, and was, affecting yours with every move he made towards her.

A single tear slipped down against the side of your nose, your curled up hand rubbing it away as you pushed the box back in place and slammed the drawer shut with your knee. Your hands shook as you walked over and sat idly on the small cushioned bench in front of his keyboard, fingers curling into your palms to make hard fists against your thighs. A shaky breathe fell out as you squeezed your eyes closed, now thankful for the curtain of hair shutting the room around you out.

Your head lifted up towards the ceiling, eyes opening back up as another tear slid out of the corner, spilling along your temple and skimming the shell of your ear, your hand raising to absentmindedly wipe it’s wet trail away. You felt like you weren’t in your body anymore, like your systems had all shut down and put you on low power mode. You were weak, too weak to really cry and too stubborn to address the agony in your bones that was screaming for attention.

You turned your body towards the keyboard, back to the door as you stared down at the pristine white rectangles, mind blank. The keys were untouched while the actual body of the keyboard was littered with little notes and lyrics he’d apparently not wanted to forget. He had a little piece of music you’d given him to practice awhile ago set on the music stand, his messy handwriting all over it.

You wanted to leave. You needed to leave. You felt like you were drowning but no one could see you struggling.  Like your lungs were filling with water and you couldn’t scream for help, only now the water was pain and sadness and you couldn’t scream for help because no one could know you were being killed. No one could know because he couldn’t know.

Your fingers slid over the keys before you really thought about it, barely using pressure to play a somber tune, trying to simultaneously fill the void of silence but also quiet down the sound of your heart pounding in your ears.The emotions you had bubbling just below the surface made your body slouch forwards, eyes run dry but feeling tired.

Why was it that the one you wanted was the one you couldn’t have? Why did you have to fall in love with someone like Bakugou? He had become your everything without even knowing it. He was the sun and the moon and all the stars in the universe and you were just an admirer who stared at it all from a telescope. You’d never even gotten close to capturing him but somehow in your mind you had thought you would.

The quiet melody you played blocked out the sound of Bakugou sighing as he came in the room, but the sound of the door closing caught your attention enough to make your fingers stop their movements. His body sunk onto the bench beside you, a heavy exhale coming from his lips as his hands ran over his face unceremoniously.

“I’m sorry that took so long. It was Camie, she said to tell you hello.” Bakugou spoke with a half convincing smile, his forehead leaning over and resting against your shoulder. You could tell he was put off now, but didn’t want to push it, your mind lingering to the box hidden in the desk as his body relaxed against your side.

You hated how effortlessly he could make your nerves multiply at this proximity, he was barely even touching you but he somehow seemed to have total control over your body. Half of you loved having him so close, loved feeling his lips press into your covered shoulder and hearing his breathing slow. The other half of you, however, dreaded having him like this as it only seemed to make the painful state of your heart more prevalent. You could feel his tense muscles relax against your side, his breathing slowly evening out to his normal pace.

“Teach me to play what you were playing.” He broke the few minutes of silence with his voice, nudging you with his elbow and straightening his back out. His eyes flickered over the keys before he turned his head to look at you, his hair falling further against his forehead. “I’m a good student, I promise.”

You stared at him for a moment before silently nodding, seeing the small smile tug on his lips before you let your fingers repeat the quiet tune, your free hand rested on your lap and tapping the beat into your thigh. You glanced over at him once you finished, nodding towards the piano to indicate he should try.

He nodded his own head, fingers reaching forward and starting to slip ungracefully between each note, hitting the keys a bit too hard to make the melody sound right. You let out an involuntary quiet laugh, making him pout and turn his upper half towards you as he spoke.

“Don’t laugh at me!” He grumbled like a little kid, even stomping his foot lightly to make it the full package. It was almost funny how quickly his mood had shifted from disgruntled and quiet to his usual playful, hotheaded state.

“I’m sorry.” You quipped, laughter quieting down as you shook your head at him and tried to calm your nerves, “You’re just hitting the keys too hard, it has to be more gentle, like this.”

You shifted towards the instrument again, biting down on your bottom lip as you let your fingers float through the melody. You were barely ghosting over the keys, just enough to make an audible sound. Your body moved with the notes, throat vibrating with hums as you let the sounds fill the room.

When you glanced over at him to see if he was paying attention, you noticed his eyes weren’t on the keys, or even your hands, but on your face. He hadn’t noticed you were looking at him, he was too in his head to realize he’d been caught staring. Something about the way his eyes were glued to you, with his lips parted and his breathing slow made your stomach tie into a knot.

You cleared your throat, reaching over and patting his knee with a sigh, which seemed to pull him from whatever was going on in that brain of his. You felt your mind going fuzzy as you shook your head at him.

“You’re a horrible student, you’re not even paying attention.” You scolded, narrowing your eyes at him as if you were mad. He just flashed you a sheepish smile and laughed quietly, bumping his shoulder lightly into yours as he muttered a small apology. For a moment you swore you saw a blush on creep onto his cheeks.

“I got it now.” He defended, hands once again resuming their place on the keys, moving too quickly and too aggressively through the tune, perhaps even worse than before. You rolled your eyes, adjusting your body so it was closer to his before letting your hand fall on top of his above the keys.

“Like this, Katsu..” You mumbled, fingers laying atop of each of his, his body stilling for a moment before beginning to move with your guidance. You tried not to focus on how soft his skin felt against your palm, not daring to look at his face as you swallowed thickly. “You see? Soft, it sounds better this way.”

“Yeah.” His voice was quiet, like speaking too loud would be alarming with how pressed together your bodies were. You finally let your face turn towards his again and instantly realized it was a mistake. You were way too close and at this distance you could see every single detail Bakugou Katsuki had.

His eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks as his eyes flitted across your face, his tongue poking out of his soft looking lips to wet them. You could see all the tiny details on his face, like the tiny scratch on his cheek from fighting with whoever and how his long eyelashes danced upon his cheeks. His thigh was pressing into yours and your hands were still overlapped though his was no longer moving, which stilled yours. Your nerves that had felt so fried the past few days were suddenly running on overdrive and your brain wasn’t moving well enough to process what was going on.

He let out a shaky breath as his eyes focused in on yours and held them in place, his free hand lifting up and pushing your hair back behind your ear as he spoke.

“Thank you.” His voice was soft, but sounded loud in the silent space around you, his calloused fingers lingering there by your cheek and not moving away. His fingertips dragged across your cheekbone, thumb grazing the corner of your lip just barely but the touch felt too intimate. Your heart was pounding so hard you could feel the blood pumping through your veins, making your fingertips feel like there were drums banging in them.

You couldn’t move, glued to the spot as his hand under yours turned, your palms flush as he slotted his fingers through yours, his other hand slipping away from your face, leaving what felt like burns behind. His eyes moved away from yours and instead to behind you, towards his desk. You were close enough to kiss him, just a tilt of your head and your lips could be on his. Your ribs felt bruised from how hard your heart was thumping into them.  

Your eyes flickered over his face as his eyes remained glued to his desk and you silently wondered what he had said thank you for. Was it for, badly, trying to teach him to play the song, or something else? What had you done that was worthy of a thank you, and why was he holding your hand so tightly the longer he stared across the room? Why did he have to be so beautiful with the light flooding through the window casting a glow over his features? Why did it have to hurt so much to love him?

He swallowed hard, his thumb brushing across the face of your hand as his eyes finally moved to yours, a quiet sigh reaching your ears. He looked serious, his eyes definitive as he stared at you.

“Have you…have you ever thought ab-”

“Babe? Are you guys here?”

Camie’s voice cut off whatever Bakugou was going to say, his hand slipping from yours and his body springing away as if you’d scorched him. He was immediately standing up, eyes darting around the room, looking anywhere but at you as the door to the room opened, Camie’s smiling face meeting the both of yours. You felt an odd sense of nerves course through you for a moment, like you’d almost been caught doing something secret and immoral.

“What are you doing here?” Bakugou asked, his hand raising to scratch the back of his neck. He cleared his throat to try and clear out the waver in his voice, his body moving him a step closer to her.

“I got done with my class early and thought I would bring you guys some dinner.” Camie smiled brightly, giving you a polite wave hello before moving over to wrap her arms around her boyfriend. Bakugou glanced over at you once quickly before he wrapped his arms around her small middle, lifting her off the ground slightly when he stood up with her in his grasp. Her playful gasp and loud squeal had his laughter floating out so easily.

Watching him shift all his focus to her felt crushing, like the moment she showed up you no longer existed. Every step he took towards Camie was a million more away from you. To think for a second there you’d been imaging he was going to kiss you. Were you really that delusional?

The way they so simply made each other happy made you wanna scream. Camie was busy chatting away about her class to Bakugou, his head nodding though judging by the look in his eyes you could tell he wasn’t listening. His eyes were following her lips as they moved, his hands grasping her hips so she didn’t drift too far from him, but his brain wasn’t digesting the words.

You’d been living in a fantasy for a moment and Camie walking in brought you back to reality. You couldn’t keep letting yourself do this, you couldn’t give into how badly you wanted to be with him because this was what always followed. It wasn’t just self sacrificing, it was self destructive.

You tore your eyes away from the pair of them as you slid your phone from your pocket, throat constricted as you quickly texted Todoroki.

To; Todoroki [ 16:47 ]:

Change of plans, would you be able to come get me from Bakugou’s please? I don’t want to walk home, it’s too cold out.

“Did you wanna stay and eat with us?’ Bakugou’s voice met your ears as he spoke to Camie, your eyes on their feet as they shuffled closer to each other. You silently wondered if they’d forgotten you were in a room, Camie had barely even acknowledged your presence the entire time she’d been here. Your phone buzzed with a response, making you glance at it.

Todoroki [ 16:48 ]:

On my way, I’ll be there in a few minutes.

Camie’s giggling made you gaze up again, her trademark blush spread across her cheeks as Bakugou lightly let his fingers tickle her sides, his smile a tad more relaxed than it had been a minute or two ago. You rose to your feet, which made Bakugou look in your direction once quickly, his grip on Camie loosening enough for her to turn her body towards yours.

“I should probably get going, actually.” You said with a forced smile, desperately wanting to get out of the room you were trapped in with the happy pair. Because the truth was you weren’t fine, you weren’t sure you’d ever be fine. You were a wreck and you were forcing things to seem okay because you were too scared to face what may happen if you admitted they weren’t.

Remembering that engagement ring was hidden in the desk beside you made your blood run cold. Your fingernails dug half moons into your palms, bottom lip trembling as the tears threatened to spill while you desperately tried to force them down, starting to move out of the room. How were you supposed to do this? How did anyone do this? Those romantic movies were such shit, no one would want to fall in love if they knew this was how it was going to feel.  

You hadn’t known, and look where that got you.

“You don’t have to go.” Bakugou’s voice clicked in your mind as you exited the room, his footsteps trailing behind you as you made your way back towards the living room. The pictures of them on the walls now felt like they were there to mock you, to remind you that you weren’t wanted.

“We’d love to have you eat with us.” Camie insisted, appearing by Bakugou’s side as she slid her hand slowly into his, her sweet face twisted into a small frown as you slid your shoes back onto your feet. You hated how she answered for the both of them. Then again, Bakugou had invited her to join you both on behalf of the two of you. Maybe he just didn’t care if you wanted her there or not.

“It’s alright, you guys should have some alone time. Todoroki’s on his way already anyway.” You insisted, tugging on your jacket and noticing how Bakugou’s grip on her hand relaxed. Hers only tightened however, her body shuffling about as close to his as she could get without actually being against him. It made your body burn seeing how perfect they looked together, a vision of beauty and pain to your heart.

The room was mute for a moment as you got your jacket situated and buttoned up properly, fingers weaving through your hair and pushing it back off your face while Bakugou just stared. He pursed his lips slightly and then folded them in on themselves, making his mouth a straight, hard line. He looked dejected which you couldn’t quite understand. He had Camie here, he invited her to stay. Why would he be frustrated you were leaving? You knew he wanted you to like her but surely he didn’t expect you to be their constant third wheel.

Camie seemed to notice his quiet state and leaned up, kissing his cheek and frowning in concern as her free hand lifted up and cupped his chin, moving his face towards hers as she quietly asked if he was okay. The worry was clear on her features, her eyebrows furrowed as her thumb drew gentle circles on the curve of his cheek, his head barely nodding in response. You were beyond grateful to hear the knock on the door, turning your body and tugging it open without hesitation.

Todoroki stood with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, a dark colored sweater on his top half making him look soft. He had been looking at his shoes, his head lifting up when you answered and a smile spreading on his famous lips.

“Hey.” He spoke, stepping forward to pull your body into his hard chest, arms holding you tight for a small hug, your eyelids fluttering shut and savoring the warmth of his sweater covered chest against your cheek. “You ready to go?”

You nodded and pulled away from him, turning to bid the couple a goodbye, Bakugou staring at you with that unreadable look on his face again. His eyes were on your back, then on Todoroki, his jaw clenched uncomfortably and his free hand balled up into a loose fist. You moved your body forward to his, his demeanor relaxing as he slid his arms around you.

His hug felt different than Todoroki’s, his was hard and made your body crush into his, his palms encasing your back like a shield and his breath fanning across your cheek as he leaned his head down. You were surprised when his lips puckered against your cheek considering Camie was beside him, but she didn’t seem to have much of a reaction other than an uncomfortable clearing of her throat.

“I’ll see you later, Katsu, thank you for lunch.” You said quietly, pulling from his tight grip and rubbing your hands along your forearms anxiously. He simply nodded but said nothing back as you turned away from him. You followed Todoroki out the door, taking a deep breath of the crisp air outside once the door clicked shut behind you. Your muscles were achy and sore as you moved towards the car, body exhausted from the few hours there with Bakugou.

You felt like you’d gone through every emotion, from happy to sad to confused and back again. Your ability to keep it together was becoming paper thin, your mind foggy and begging to just be silent for a few hours. The tiny rope holding you together was being plucked apart string by string and was ready to snap.

The only question was when.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The taste of the expensive alcohol on your tongue was doing little to dull your senses in the crowded expensive restaurant. The private back room you occupied was lavish, with high ceilings and a dazzling chandelier that sparkled in the dim lighting. The air felt hot and the music was so inaudible it might as well have been turned off.

Your dress was too stuffy, your thighs sticking to the faux leather seat beneath you as you shifted and tugged the too thick material. You were uncomfortable here. Uncomfortable under the gleam of all the expensive things.

Uncomfortable in the stupid dress that made you feel like you were being choked. But most of all, uncomfortable being sat at the end of the table where you had a perfect view of Bakugou and Camie, side by side and feeding each other bites of their dinners.

You didn’t know how you’d been forced to come to Camie’s birthday dinner, Bakugou had insisted she wanted you to come and since most of the boys were coming you’d given in. You were sat between Kaminari and Kirishima. Midoriya, Sero, and Todoroki were across from you at the large wooden table. You hated being here. You hated being subjected to watching the happy couple kiss and hug all night long like some form of specific torture catered towards your secrets and insecurities.

It all felt too much, them so in love, the sound of her friends loud laughter and chatting, the way Kaminari kept catching you staring at Bakugou, the tight anxious feeling in your chest every time Bakugou took a second to glance your way, all of it. Your nerves were at max capacity, body nearly buzzing from the emotions bottled up inside you and all you wanted to do was go home.

You sighed quietly, taking another sip of your drink as you glanced over at Kirishima, who had let out a bored grumble, making you crack a tiny smile. The youngest boy looked like he’d rather be anywhere but there, his arms folded lazily over his broad chest and the corners of his lips just barely turned downwards as he spoke.

“I don’t like her.”

You nearly choked on the sip of your drink you’d just swallowed, Kaminari’s large hand clapping at your back to make sure you could breathe while Midoriya’s eyebrows narrowed across the table at Kirishima.

“That’s not polite, Kirishima.” He scolded, taking a small bite of the food in front of him. Kirishima scoffed quietly as he sat up properly and picked up his own drink, speaking as he lifted it up to his lips.

“Don’t you think this is all a bit much for a birthday party?”

You bit down on your bottom lip as you set your glass down, eyes skimming over the other boys as they remained tight lipped, though Kaminari was bouncing his leg beside yours. Your last birthday you’d spent watching movies and eating pizza with Sero, Kirishima and Tokoyami while Todoroki baked you a cake and Bakugou insisted he did all the decorating. You’d just assumed this was going to be a small dinner, not this lavish affair it seemed to have become, her friends all in expensive looking outfits and the prices on the menu you’d seen astronomical. You could understand Kirishima’s distaste for location choice, it wouldn’t have been your first choice either.

“She’s been all over him all night like she’s trying to show him off.” Kirishima added and set his glass down after taking a swig, his hand overlapping as he folded them neatly in front of his body at the table. “So I don’t like her, period. I don’t really care if that’s rude.”

You took a glance down towards the other end of the table as Midoriya started lecturing Kirishima, muting out their conversation and letting your eyes wander over Bakugou as he took a bite of his food. Camie was chatting away with her friends beside him, his tongue poking out to lick his lips off as his eyes glanced over at her.  His arm moved slightly from its grip around the back of her chair, instead wrapping around her shoulders. A smile tugged on her lips that made jealousy rage in the pit of your stomach from the simple gesture. It killed you to know you’d never have that with him, as much as you were trying to pretend it wasn’t hurting you.

You were scared of what would happen when you let the floodgates open. How were you ever going to move on if you let yourself feel just how deeply those emotions for Bakugou ran? You had been rooted to the same spot for so long hoping that maybe, just maybe, the impossible would happen, but deep in the back of your mind you knew that time was never going to come. That was becoming more obvious with each passing day.

When Bakugou’s eyes flickered towards your end of the table, he paused for a moment, gaze catching yours and you held it, swallowing down the lump that threatened to grow in your throat. He stared at you hard, his expression not changing and his eyes too hard to read from so far away, though you doubted there was any meaning behind them. He’d been distant the past few days, like you’d hurt him and he was pulling away and while it stung, part of you had been thankful for the time to try and put yourself together.

But you missed him, gosh did you miss him. You missed him every second you weren’t with him, even when being with him was murdering your mental state. It was like he was a drug and you were an addict waiting for their next fix. Only with Bakugou, coming down from the high felt more like plummeting off a cliff and landing right on your back, all the air being thrown out of your body along with any signs of happiness.

When Camie turned towards him and spoke something into his ear, his eyes moved away, a smile on his lips as he responded to whatever they were talking about. You pulled your own eyes away, feeling a pair burning into your face and looking over at the source. Todoroki, who you’d caught sending you looks all night. He’d been like your saviour all week, letting you stay at his place when yours felt too lonely, never asking any questions or pushing you to tell him why you weren’t acting like yourself. You knew he had noticed, if anyone was perceptive it was Todoroki, he never missed a thing.

Kaminari cleared his throat beside you, fingertip poking your cheek and gaining your attention as he smiled sweetly in your direction, nodding towards your plate of untouched food as he spoke.

“Are you okay? You’ve barely eaten.” His head tilted to the side, a small frown spreading on his pouty lips and his shoulders slumping, as if your lack of consumption completely deflated his mood.

“I’m alright, just not very hungry. Don’t worry, Kami.” You smiled faintly at him, patting his hand lightly and kissing his cheek, his head bobbing up and down as if he understood. Of course you weren’t hungry. How could you be hungry when you kept watching him kiss her? It made you want to expel everything in your body every time you saw it.

You sighed quietly and pushed your chair out, excusing yourself as Camie’s friends all quieted down to hear the story she was telling them. Bakugou’s fingers were drawing lazy shapes on her bare shoulder blade, your eyes tearing away as you made a silent b-line for the restroom, desperate for a second alone.

The minute the bathroom door closed behind you, you sighed heavily, leaning your back into the hard black door and closing your eyes. You were on the edge of a mental breakdown, your brain on overdrive to even keep you functioning. You were holding too much in. You didn’t want to hurt anyone else’s heart in the process of hurting your own, but could barely handle the feelings consuming you alive.

Your body moved over to the large mirrors above the sink, eyes wandering over the black lace dress that landed mid thigh. You always thought made you look good. Now you thought it made you look depressed, the fabric climbing halfway up your neck and covering the entirety of your arms, it hugging your hollow figure too tight to hide any imperfections you thought you had. It was a stark contrast to the lilac strapless number Camie had gone with. It only amplified how different you both were, neither bad, but one clearly superior in the eyes of Bakugou.

It was a terrible feeling to watch yourself be replaced. Of course you were never the one who filled Bakugou’s heart, but Camie was slowly taking your place in every other way. She was whose pictures covered his walls and whose presents littered his shelves. She was who he sang songs to late at night over the phone and she was the one who kept his attention when she was in the room. You were becoming more obsolete every second she became more relevant.

After a quick splash of water and a few deep breathes, you adjusted your body to stand up straight, hair pulled half back up off your face for once. You slowly pushed the heavy bathroom door open, giving yourself a mental pep talk as you exited the hallway towards the backroom, aware of the eery silence that filled your ears. Why did it make your skin crawl to hear so little chatter?

You scrunched your face up just as you entered the room, confused as to why Bakugou and Camie were standing and no one was speaking, Bakugou’s back to you and Camie’s eyes flickering to yours for a second, before focusing back on him. That was when his body sunk down to the floor and onto one knee, your body halting all movement.

This wasn’t happening.

This couldn’t be happening.

But it was.

Right before your very eyes were you watching Bakugou Katsuki crush the very last piece of you.

Gasps filled the air along with excited squeals as he looked up at her, Camie’s delicate hand lifting up to her mouth and covering it in shock, her own eyes filling with tears just as yours were, only hers were of happiness and yours most definitely were not. You saw his reflection in the mirror on the wall, his hands holding open the same velvet box you’d found a few days before, the ring sparkling under the faint light. The world felt like it stopped spinning, your lungs stopping all functions as his eyes met yours in the reflection for just a second, his firm expressing softening for just a second before his eyes tore away from yours, the words flying past his lips without a second thought.

“Camie, will you marry me?”

Hearing the words out loud was the final snip to the string holding you together. Everything began to crumble apart inside you, your cool exterior melting away. Her friends had all burst into cooing and clapping at her exclaimed yes, your body the only one unmoving while the girls all rushed over to see her ring. Your feet started carrying you backwards, your eyes burning and blurry as you saw his body turn towards yours for just a glance. Camie gripped at his arm and pulled him tight to her side as her friends all congratulated them, everyone fawning over them.

Kaminari was staring at Bakugou, then at you, then back at Bakugou, Kirishima complacently beside him looking unimpressed. Todoroki was already moving towards you, pushing past the crowd around them to get to you as you backed up out of the room, whipping around to leave. Your body pushed forward, bumping into a waiter and spilling a drink on yourself but you didn’t stop, rushing out the front doors uncaring about the scene you were causing.

You burst out the front and felt your resolve crumble completely, your body collapsing forward as you stumbled out and a choked sob ripped from your throat. You couldn’t hide it anymore, you didn’t care if it was selfish, you couldn’t pretend you were okay. You weren’t okay, you were so damn far from okay.

The air was filled with the sounds of your loud crying, your entire body shaking as you looked around for somewhere to go, some sign of what to do, struggling to breathe. All you could see in your head was Bakugou down on his knee in front of her and his voice repeating over and over.

He was everywhere, you couldn’t escape him. He was in your head making it hazy and in your eyes making them burn and boil over. He was in your lungs squeezing your airway til it was crushed and nothing could pass through. He was in your very nerves making sure you felt each and every touch he’d ever given you then ripped away. He was in your heart tearing out every last string holding it together until you snapped. You couldn’t do it anymore, it hurt too much.

You struggled to stay standing, seeing spots of black as you tried to stretch straighter. The door behind you opened but you were too weak to turn away. A pair of firm arms enveloped you and that only seemed to make your next wave of tears so much stronger. They were spilling down your cheeks and wetting your flushed skin, the cool wind blowing making your cheeks feel frozen.

You gripped at the strong body’s shirt and bawled into the chest, nostrils flared and mouth wide as you tried to get in oxygen. Your eyes screwed tightly shut as you blocked out the sound of the world around you. You recognized the feel of the hand stroking your hair and dug your nails into his back.

“I love him, Todoroki.” You sobbed, the words coming out choppy, trembling lips having difficulty forming the syllables. “I love him so fucking much.”

“I know.” Todoroki whispered, his grip around you growing more firm as he lifted you off your legs when they went to give out. You’d tried so hard, so so hard to ignore your feelings and you just couldn’t anymore.

You were never going to be his first choice. You were never going to get to hold him and kiss him and tell him how much you loved him. You were never going to be his entire world like he had been yours. Camie was, perfect Camie who had everything you didn’t, and now she had him too.

“Why doesn’t he love me? Why does he love her and not me?” You croaked, arms constricting around his shoulders as his hands gripped below your thighs to keep you steady. “Why am I not enough?”

Todoroki didn’t say anything, his thumbs pressing soft circles into your skin as he kissed his heart shaped lips into your forehead. You bit down hard on your bottom lip to try and hold back the screams you wanted to let out. You tasted metal and released it, using a hand to wipe the tears and snot off your face to no avail. Your eyes wouldn’t quit flowing, like a busted pipe that had been blocked up for years and finally sprung free.

Everything was falling from your lips too fast for you to comprehend, every coherent thought spilling out in cries too loud for such a public space but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, this had been a long time coming.

“I tried so hard to be happy for him. I tried so hard.  Nothing I do is making it any easier, it hurts to look at him. I hurts to think about him, I just want it all to stop. “ You faintly felt one of his hands leave your thigh, the other hand sliding across your backside to stop you from falling to the ground. You heard keys and lifted your head slightly to see he was carrying you to his car parked near by, your voice muffling when you laid your head down against his chest. “I can’t do it anymore.”

His hands slid off your body as he leaned you into the door on your own two feet, a hand on your hip to make sure you wouldn’t fall, before turning toward the door to unlock it. Your crying was subsiding but the ache in your chest was only growing. The tears started coming back however when you heard the door of the restaurant open and footsteps rushing your way.

Bakugou was jogging towards the pair of you, Kaminari hot on his trail and you felt your whole body start to seize again, the tears returning tenfold as you covered your face with your hands, turning into Todoroki as he moved to cover you from Bakugou’s worried figure.

“I’m taking her home, she doesn’t feel well so just go back inside, okay? Go celebrate.” You could make out Todoroki’s words despite the way you were hiccuping as you tried to choke back your crying. Even when you were having a breakdown you didn’t want Bakugou to know, you didn’t want to ruin his night. You wanted to smack yourself for caring so much.

“Shut up, Todoroki.” Bakugou snapped, trying to get around Todoroki who was unmoving. Bakugou’s hand reached out to touch your arm, but you flinched away, turning your back to him and facing the car as your knees shook, hand clamping over your mouth to keep your crying silent. “Please look at me, please? Please talk to me, stop shutting me out. Please?”

The concerned begging made it worse, he was the reason you were like this. Had he just proposed tonight to make sure your heart was broken as possible? Did he love to be the one to make you miserable? Did he make sure you were there to see it so you wouldn’t keep thinking maybe he could love you too?

“Fucking go inside Bakugou, you’re making it worse.” Todoroki snapped and his figure tensed behind you. Your back shook with each gasp for air you took, vaguely seeing Kaminari touch Bakugou’s shoulder in the rear-view mirror.

“Katsu, cmon. She doesn’t want to talk to you right now.” Kaminari’s unusually soft voice met your ears, the only one who seemed to be calm in the entire situation, though when his eyes met your reflection in the mirror, his face screamed concern. Whether it was for you or the distraught Bakugou you weren’t sure.

“Will you both fucking shut up and let her speak for herself!” Bakugou snapped, the sound of his feet moving making you clam up, his figure coming around Todoroki who was still trying to block Bakugou from seeing you. The moment Bakugou’s face met yours from over Todoroki’s shoulder, his entire face fell, your own twisting in anguish as you started crying harder again, looking away from him.

“Why..” He started quietly, his hands lifting as if to reach out for you but Todoroki smacked them down, yanking open the car door so you could get inside, effectively creating a barrier between the two of you.

“Because you’re an idiot, Bakugou.” Todoroki sighed, shutting the door once you were inside and instantaneously muffling the voices outside the door. You chest was trembling with every inhale you took, hands shaking as you dug your nails into your thighs and squeezed your eyes shut. Everything you had was broken, everything felt ruined and tarnished and sick.

You didn’t feel like you anymore and you didn’t think you’d ever feel right again, not now. Not now that you saw him choose her right before your very eyes. Right after he looked at you did he shatter everything you’d been so desperately hoping for. Your heart you had so willingly given him he tossed to the ground and smashed under his expensive shoes, then crushed the pieces to dust so they could never be put back together. He did it all with five short, little words.

You couldn’t love someone who wouldn’t ever love you, not anymore.

When you dared to glance out the window you could see Todoroki coming towards the driver’s side door, Kaminari trying to tug Bakugou toward the restaurant. Bakugou’s eyes were glued onto your tinted window, not listening to a thing the taller boy said, a pained expression on his face that paled in comparison to the agony in your chest.

Camie’s head came out from the doors, concern painted on her features as she slipped between Kaminari and Bakugou, her arms sliding around her fiance and hugging him. Her ring glittering in the nighttime lighting made you tear your eyes away, the car moving finally and taking you away from there. You shivered but you weren’t sure if it was from the temperature or from your heart rate.

You felt empty, even as the tears fell silently down your cheeks and slid onto the dress that bunched around your thighs. Your heart was gone and your lungs were empty and your brain was consumed with all the things Bakugou had ever done that made you hurt the most. You heard his voice telling you she was the one. You felt his fingers rubbing into your palm as he held your hand and his lips pressing into your cheek. You saw him kissing her and holding her and getting down on one knee. You felt everything he’d ever done that made your heart ache, and all you could do was sit there and take it.

Bakugou wasn’t yours anymore.

He never was in the first place.

And you were an idiot for ever thinking he could be.

Todoroki’s hand wrapped around your knee, rubbing the ice cold skin as you chewed on the inside of your cheek, willing yourself to just breathe. You took slow, deep inhales through your flared nostrils, body twitching from the erratic cries your body was still producing.

“It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.” Todoroki’s gentle tone fell on your deaf ears, your nails digging into your thighs so hard they left angry red scratches in their wake. It felt like the earth was opening up and swallowing you whole. You swallowed hard, eyelids falling shut as you tipped your head to the side so it rested against the cool window.

You lifted your legs up, his hand slipping away as they bent in front of you on the leather seat, your arms wrapping around them. You had goosebumps risen along your calves, your body slouching into the door. You could see your face in the rear view mirror when you opened you eyes, your complexion gaunt and eyelids rimmed in smeared black.  Little grey streaks were spread across your face from the wind blown tears mixing with your watered down mascara, your lip swollen from biting down so hard. You looked like you had finally given up, like nothing in the world could take away the pain in your heart.

“I don’t think I am, Sho.” You whispered, voice cracking as you let your eyes slip back shut “Not this time.”

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou #katsuki #bakugou angst #bakugou fluff #bakugou smut #bakugou x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #mha #mha x reader #todoroki shouto #todoroki #shouto #todoroki angst #todoroki fluff #todoroki smut #todoroki x reader

[ceescedasticity]

SFear Supplementals

I decided I'm not going to post any SFear supplementals on AO3 until the next chapter of Collateral has gone up, and anyway the fandom is... preoccupied... at the moment, but I did finish some stuff. Obviously will make zero sense without the main fic.

Supplemental #1: Reunion in the Land of Mist and Glowworms

When the sensation of being watched snapped back into place, Martin startled so badly he dropped a steel imp out the window directly on top of a hydrogen imp, and they both vanished into colored polygons.

"I'll just go get that grist for you," Peter said, and swooped out the window.

Martin let him go. The feeling wasn't as strong as it was in the Changed world, probably no worse than an average day in the Archives, but it was much more than anything he'd felt since the tunnels whited out around him, and he couldn't help but hope.

The two remaining steel imps were still busily destroying furniture, but it wasn't like he had any emotional connection to the strange little mock-lighthouse the Game had left him in. (Some of the furnishings were oddly reminiscent of childhood. That wasn't a plus.) The only thing he couldn't afford to lose was the laptop. He grabbed that and made for the stairs to the roof.

It wasn't a very tall mock-lighthouse, but it was the best vantage point around. There wasn't a lot to see, apart from a glimpse of the nearest "consort" village, and mist, and as always the eerie light of the glowworms in the sky. (What were they even hanging from?)

And… a spot of sickly green glow, on the other side of a hill, the opposite direction from the village.

It might have been wiser to be concerned, but…

Slamming the 'lighthouse' door open on the way out annihilated another imp, which he couldn't even feel bad about at this point. He circled the side of the building away from Peter and made for the hill at a run.

(There had been another ice ogre roaming around, but it seemed fairly slow. This should be fine.)

He saw the glowing green… Eyesprite before the human figure accompanying it, but Jon called, "Martin!" at almost the same time, and then Martin was skidding down the hill and then they were hugging. The laptop made it more difficult, but who cared.

The Eyesprite stared at them from three meters away.

"Sorry I couldn't get here sooner," Jon said, into his shoulder. "I was, ah, I lost consciousness for a little while after entry. Well, for several hours."

Martin pulled back, alarmed. "Are you okay?" Jon didn't look hurt — possibly a little manic, but not bad. A little more… Beholding-y than he'd looked in the tunnels, but much less than the post-apocalyptic standard. "Was it because of the fears being weaker?" He'd been a little worried about that—

"No," Jon said. "Well, yes. Partially. I mean — that's about whether it's because of Beholding being weaker. Whether I'm okay is yes. It's an adjustment, and Knowing is, uh, complicated, but— I'm okay." He smiled. "More okay than I've been in a while, I think. It's sort of a long story — the short version is that Skaia filled in the, the holes the Eye's weakening left, and that's had some complications but— It's good."

"That—" Martin stopped himself. Yes, the Eye was the devil they knew and Skaia the devil they didn't, but if Jon thought this was better and was glad about it Martin didn't have to push him now. "I'm glad."

Jon had been… slightly hopeful, when they'd discussed the Ritual of Skaia, back in the tunnels — but mostly desperate. His pitch for this alternative had focused on removing the Entities into a different pocket dimension and trapping them there, rather than unleashing them into the multiverse. He'd admitted it was more of a gamble than Annabelle's plan, and involved all of them jumping into the pocket dimension, too, and that was meant to be survivable in a successful ritual but there were no guarantees — and he'd all but begged them to do it anyway.

(It hadn't been too hard a sell, once it became evident that there really was a Ritual of Skaia and Jon wasn't suffering an overdue psychotic break but really had picked up something out of the Hilltop Road rift. Nobody had actually liked Annabelle's plan. This… had potential.)

(Martin had asked Jon if he thought he could survive this. Jon said he didn't know, but he could live with it.)

He was really hopeful, now. Like he actually thought things might turn out okay.

"I'm glad," Martin repeated, and hugged him again. Jon sighed, and leaned into the embrace.

Then he said, "We're about to be attacked by some sort of ogre. If you don't have any moral objections, I'll just destroy it."

"Oh, for—" The first ice ogre that showed up had trapped him on the roof for over two hours before Peter got annoyed and (probably) threw it into the Lonely. "Yes, get rid of it. Wait, you can still smite things?"

"If I Ask underlings what they are — ask imps or ogres, at least — they immediately dissolve into grist."

"Convenient." Martin didn't want to hunt underlings but he was really not a fan of underlings.

"Quite."

The smiting was much less dramatic than avatar-smiting had been — like Jon said, just a question and immediate disappearance. Unsurprisingly Jon looked more… Beholding-y while doing it, though far from the worst Martin had seen him.

The Eyesprite stared at them from three meters away.

"The, um… some of the, uh, eye cloud looked like they had funny pupils?" Martin ventured as Jon collected the grist. "Like a, um…"

"A stylized sun," Jon said. "Yes, that's the Light Aspect symbol. I hadn't noticed that before, but it's not surprising. There's a bit of a… territorial struggle going on in there."

A territorial struggle in his head? That didn't really fit with Martin's definition of okay, but fine. "Is that your Aspect? Mine's Blood, which according to the sprite has something to do with connections between people, but still."

"And Light has to do with information and knowing things," Jon said dryly. "And supposedly luck, although I don't think I got much of that part."

"Ah. Ouch."

"It does sound better than Blood, though. Glad you were able to get something useful out of your sprite."

"I noticed yours doesn't seem very, uh, talkative…"

"Well, not at the moment— Oh, Christ."

The Eyesprite was staring at them from one meter away.

"Back off," Jon ordered, and it drifted back a few feet. "Sorry. Is it making you feel too… beheld?"

"Not too bad. Though I suppose I have a fairly high tolerance by now." Hmm. "Mine got, uh, quite a bit less… Lonely-feeling after it, er…"

"Turned into Peter Lukas," Jon supplied. "Sorry, I took a look at how everyone was doing after I woke up. I could have tried to skip you, but…"

"I don't mind," Martin assured him.

"There wasn't too much detail."

"Really, it's fine. You said you looked at everyone, was everyone—"

"Peter," Elias — Jonah — interrupted, "is right on the other side of that hill, fighting the sprite instinct to come and talk to all of us."

Martin flinched violently; Jon looked sick, but immediately snapped "Not that one!" and the sprite went back to just being an Eye.

"Has it been doing that the whole time?" Martin asked, horrified.

"Not the — the whole time, it's, it's been trying out other people." Though he was still clearly shaken, Jon glared at the sprite, which… possibly looked chastened. "It hasn't been him for quite a while, actually, I thought it had gotten the point."

"Not something you can Know?"

"Well, I could try, but I couldn't verbalize it without doing a whole statement about it. Knowing is… complicated."

Huh. Well, they probably wanted to avoid that. "Maybe it wants to play mind games with Peter?"

"Not that Peter's very good at them," Jonah said smugly — not as Elias, this time, but definitely Jonah. It wasn't as much of a kick in the chest for Martin — different face, different voice despite the same way of speaking — but Jon looked just as sick.

"Don't. Be. Jonah," Jon snapped, and glared until the sprite went back to an Eye.

"Yeah, that's looking likely. Just a minute." Martin jogged back up the hill, and, yeah, Peter was hovering (figuratively and literally) just on the other side. "Peter, just… go away."

If Peter wanted to talk to Jonah again, too, it evidently wasn't enough to outweigh the desire not to be near anyone. Martin didn't have to say another word before Peter disappeared into the mist at high speed.

When Martin got back to Jon, the Eyesprite was still just an Eye. "Okay! That seems to be taken care of for now."

"For now," Jon said. "It's… I haven't tried to Know this, but this one insisted on following me when I left my planet. It's possible they can't go too far from us. In which case it will be near… your sprite again, and I need to get it to turn into something or it will upset everyone who isn't used to putting up with Beholding anyway…"

"It can find someone other than Jonah," Martin said firmly. "Come on, let's go back to the… 'house'." He offered a hand, and Jon took it, and they started up the hill. "I was going to ask, you said you checked on everyone? Melanie and Georgie and Basira, they're…?"

"When I checked they were all alive and unhurt and… no more out of their depth than we are, I think. Also, uh, I don't know if I managed to explain how I was filling out the roster to get players for all the Entities?"

"You… tried." No one had asked when Jon originally said they didn't need to scrape up nine more people somehow, and by the time someone had asked he'd been half in a trance and only intermittently responsive. "You said something about statements and contracts?"

"Yes. What that means is— No, wait, this is going to be a long story, so first—" Jon stopped, and turned, and caught Martin's face in his hands, and smiled. "I love you, Martin. I'm so glad we got this chance."

"I love you, Jon," Martin said, and kissed him. "You got us this chance."

#not my medium not my genre #other fic #crossover classpects

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #479

“war sends our sons to slaughter  /  another failed attack; there is no turning back”

Have you ever boycotted something? Yes: Chick-fil-A. Homophobic, transphobic pieces of shit. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you, and not returned it? Yes, a video game when I was little. I was so mad, lol. Do you vent a lot on social media? No. I don't want people to get annoyed with me. What was your first bill you started paying on your own? I haven't been responsible for any bills yet. What is your favorite charitable cause to donate to or volunteer for? I can't/don't do either really, but if I could, I'd probably donate to uhhhh... suicide prevention organizations. As for volunteering, definitely something with animals. Have you ever dated someone who wasn’t at all your usual type? No. What is something you have no patience for? Waiting at the doctor's office. Have you ever received a misdiagnosis? Yes. What’s that you’re listening to? I'm watching Gab play The Evil Within 2. What kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? We're a couple. What is your biggest accomplishment in life? Still being alive. What is one thing that you really wish you could understand, but don’t? Political stuff. Economics. Have you ever been tutored or tutored someone yourself? I had an Algebra tutor the last time I was in college, and I had to strangle an anxiety attack down because I wasn't understanding the material AT ALL and felt so dumb and annoying. I never did it again. What was the last thing you said out loud (singing doesn’t count)? "It's really embarrassing," to Mom. It really is fucking humiliating that my ankles are swollen from walking/standing more and pushing my desk chair back against the resistance of the carpet. That's pathetic. I'm trying to focus on the fact it's good my body is even reacting to moving more, though. Is everything you have on actually yours? Yep. Do you ever just randomly drive around when you’re upset about something? I don't drive, but if I did, that would NOT be my method of de-stressing. What was the last act of creativity you displayed? Writing an RP post. What’s your favorite department in Wal-Mart? Uh, I guess where you can go see the plants and flowers. Do you find kite flying boring? I LOVED it as a kid. I'd still probably find it kinda fun. Do you have any interest in visiting Japan? Yes, but it's not a massive interest. I've heard the humidity can kill a bitch, and I am NOT into that. Have you ever run a cash register? Yes. I sucked. Have you ever worked as a server? No. Have you ever done the Bratz challenge on YouTube? No, but I saw James Charles do it and it was v unnerving, holy shit. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? Carve. What was your worst experience in high school? My depression as a whole. How much did your senior prom dress cost you? I don't remember. Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship? Three, if you include my current one. Which part of your body is the most muscular? Uh, nothing? What is the first site you check when you get online, generally? KM. Are you good at creative writing assignments? That's my forte. In elementary school, I actually won a I think county-wide creative writing short story assignment. Not to brag, but I've always been very proud of that, ha ha. Or would you rather just do an informative essay? That's easy for me too, but I prefer writing creatively. Are you more attracted to the badasses, or the goody-goody types? Definitely the goody-goodies. The "bad guys" have never appealed to me romantically. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did if I really wanted to ask something or was confident in an answer. What is something BIG you want to do with your life? Make a difference, somehow. What do you think of people who own wild animals? Do NOT just casually take in animals from the wild. That's selfish and just generally disgusting. If you're going to keep an animal generally described as wild and undomesticated, you'd better have a license and deserve that license. Know what you're doing and be certain that keeping the animal in captivity is in the animal's best interest for its unique case. Are you good at explaining things, in general? NOOOOOOOOO, I suck at that. Do you like visiting the mall? Why or why not? Not our mall, no. Its stores suck/are extremely limited, and SO much crime has happened there. Do you like window shopping? Why or why not? YESSSSSSS, mostly on Morph Market, a mostly reptile selling hub online. You can browse TONS of breeders and literally thousands of reptiles, especially ball pythons. They even have a tarantula section I like to look at sometimes. If you lost your job/home/etc., who would likely help you? If I'm losing my home, I'm assuming my mom is gone, so my dad. Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? We were a couple and I felt like I was supposed to. At that time I didn't see him romantically, but I desperately wanted to. Funny how we're back together and I've no reservations against kissing him now. Feelings change, for sure. Plans for tonight? Girt and I will probably play some WoW Classic together. We've started playing that together, and it's lots of fun with him. :') Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Actually, no. Have you ever been kissed in a car? Yeah. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I know Girt does. Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? My mom. Who last made you smile? Girt, 'cuz he's a sweetheart. Where is your mother? She's in bed in her room. She feels like shit. Like, you would think she WASN'T vaccinated, though her long-time doctor has said she'd probably be dead without it while having Covid. Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars. Think about your biggest mistake, would you go back and change it? I absolutely would. Are you dating the person you last kissed? Yeup. What is the most immature item you own and actually use? Um. Idk. Do you always take a shower after you have sex? I... didn't know people did this? Like I know women are advised to pee after sex, but full-on showering? No. Do you like chocolate popsicles? Oh hell yeah. Are your parents proud of you? They claim to be. I don't see how. Are you interested in the ocean? Yeah; it's inarguably so fascinating. Hot dogs or hamburgers? I prefer burgers. Have you ever been to a Chinatown in any of the cities you’ve been to? No. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. Do you have any dietary restrictions? No. Have you ever turned down a job offer? No. What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? A dog named Cali that was a boxer mix. Do you ever pray, even if you don't believe in God? What exactly is the point if you don't believe in God...? Anyway, I don't. Have you ever been to Mexico? No. Have you ever gotten stuck in quicksand before? No. What's the shortest or longest length you've ever had your hair grow? To around the small of my back. The last nest you saw - was it a bird nest or a hornet's nest? I think a bird's? Do you enjoy Jeff Dunham? I don't know if I'd like him as a person, but I do think he's a funny comedian. Who is your favorite character from Frozen? I was never into the movies. I do think Elsa is kinda cool (no pun intended, lol), though. I like that she has her flaws. Did you finish high school? If not, do you plan on doing so? I did. Have you been in a simulator that mimicked a submarine or rollercoaster? A rollercoaster, yes. How often do you go out to eat instead of cooking for yourself? Mom and I try to avoid fast food for our health. We do a pretty good job at it, but sometimes for convenience's sake, we do eat it. What is the largest family of siblings that you know of? This is probably gonna come across as very judgmental, but... it really bothers me. I don't know how many kids she has now, but one of the dance moms from the studio has SO many children; I've completely lost count. Now if you want that many kids and can provide for them, that's cool. But that's not the case. She uses the "if God wants me to have a baby, then it will happen" mentality, and I'm just like... um, no hunny. Poor choices are leading to kids you're not adequately providing for. She uses no methods of protection and literally has twins whose room is a fucking closet. Ugh it just really bothers me. What foreign languages were offered to you at school? A whole lot. Only Spanish and I believe French were offered as in-school courses, but there were lots of online classes. If you were required to take a course right now, what would you choose? Photography. Team Biden or Team Trump? Over my dead body would I have voted for Trump. My vote went with Biden. What is an animal native to your country that may not exist in others? Bison are factually exclusive to North America. Note that bison and buffalo are different. What are some of your favorite autumn activities? Taking pictures of fall scenery. <3 What are some of your favorite winter activities? Going out in the snow. :') Especially with a camera. Do you eat a shit-ton the week before your period? uuugggghhHHHHHH yes Wendy's, McDonalds, or Burger King? Wendy's. What's the weirdest question you've ever asked Alexa? I've never asked Alexa anything. Do you prefer your apple cider to be warm or cold? I've actually never had it. Do you prefer your coffee hot or iced? Y'all know the story of me and coffee. Can you sing the alphabet backwards? I can't. Have you ever sent flowers or chocolates to yourself before? Ha ha, no. Is there any meat that you won't eat? Yeah, fish and ANYTHING that comes from a wild animal. Does your cat use anything other than it's scratching post as a scratcher? When we got him a scratcher WITH CATNIP, the lil butthead ignored it. -_- He scratches the carpet instead. Did you go through a vampire craze before? Are you still going through it? Nah. Have you ever forged your parents' signature on a poor test paper, etc? No. Has a bird ever pooped on you before? Omg, no. I'd die. Have you ever been sprayed by a skunk before? No. Are black jellybeans delicious or disgusting? I HATE them. Have you ever rolled down a grassy hill before? I have! I miss that.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''black rain'' by ozzy osbourne

[all-things-tmnt]

Thoughts on “Requiem” and “Owari”:

It all has led up to this...not just this season, but this entire series so far has been inching us closer and closer to this ultimate battle. Super Shredder is stable, and taking no prisoners; not even Karai. With all reserves long forgotten, Shredder sets out to claim his ultimate revenge that he’s been after for so long, but now the turtles are out for revenge as well. This is it; the final battle, and there will be pain, struggle and loss. What’s going to happen? Let’s break down this season four finale. I don’t know if you want spoilers are not, but they can be found under the cut, so if you don’t want them, don’t keep reading. If you think you’re emotionally ready for "Requiem,” I promise you that you aren’t. If you still want to watch it, click here.  If you think you’re stable enough after “Requiem” to handle “Owari,” it’s here.

A requiem is a term used – mostly in the context by Catholics – to describe a mass celebrated to honor the dead. Hint, hint. Owari– Japanese for “close” or “end.”

Interesting things in “Requiem”:      - Shredder gets stabilized just in time for the finale. Greeeeeaaaaaaatttttttttt timing.      - Aren’t Footbots supposed to be adaptive? Shouldn’t they be better at fighting Shredder? I mean I get he’s more powerful now but these Footbots aren’t performing like that normally would.      - I wouldn’t say there was ‘no emotional reaction’ there. He did pause briefly to identify her...but I will say it’s unsettling to see him be able to kill her and not care now. That spelled trouble. The one advantages the good guys had is gone.      - The writers themselves are even openly acknowledging here that they parallel their parody shows on the finale. I’m dead.     - The stairs joke had me rolling.      - That awkward moment when Chris Bradford sticks his butt in your face.      - That even more awkward moment when after he sticks his butt in his face, the child still willingly accepts the piggyback ride.      - Okay...the fall thing was a little too in your face. (Mainly because this episode got spoiled for me and I already know what happens at the end but I mean even if I hadn’t, I would have figured it out from that alone.)     - This entire Leo-Splinter scene in the dojo hurts me and I’m not ready to talk about it here so we’ll just save it for the break downs.      - Super huge appreciation bullet for the fact that Karai and Shini went to hide with the Mutanimals because they knew their old lair wasn’t safe anymore. Karai has gotten so much wiser and Shini is just awesome so...     - That predictable moment when 10 seconds after you point out the place you’re staying is safe from your biggest enemy, the alarm indicating that your biggest enemy is there goes off.     - “Is anyone actually watching the monitors?” - Shini / me. Also, Shini’s sassy pose is my life.      - @ me *is upset we missed like half of what apparently has been the greatest battle ever.*     - Shredder: “I AM HERE TO KILL ALL OF YOU.” *Leaves without killing anyone.*     - Why does Raph say, “hurry, Leo!”? Why not “Hurry guys!” or even “hurry, Sensei!”? Why is it specifically Leo? Hahaaa.     - Splinter literally pulls Karai out by her arm. So you know how painful that would be assuming that even worked? Don’t ever tell me her arm was not disconnected by this action.       - The fact that Leo knows CPR appreciation bullet. (I want back story on how he got trained in that.)      - The fact that Leo was the only one who reacted in that way dis-appreciation bullet. (I think it should have been Donnie, personally.)     - LEO’S FACE WHEN HE SAVES KARAI IS MY FAVORITE MOMENT OF THIS EPISODE HANDS DOWN.     - Splinter having that vision telling him which enemies went which way only further fuels my theory that HE KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN but also kinda kills it because if he knew then why would he send half the team after the wrong pair and I just don’t know what’s going on anymore.      - Not saying Splinter’s advice wasn’t good or anything but what on earth does “leading from your heard” have to do with this situation, exactly? If anything, Leo is using his heart to voice his concerns about this plan not being good at all.      - Four seasons in and Leonardo is still the worst driver I have ever seen. (Seriously, he’s lucky there were no people on that sidewalk.)     - Revisiting old areas for fight scenes makes me happy.      - #ThrowbackThursday #ThrowingItBackToTheLastThursdays     - The rocket-shooting horses are a bit much...     - I super appreciate going back to the Wolf Hotel for this battle, because I recognized it as the first place the turtles fought Shredder before Raph even said it, so I’m already both aead of the curve AND pumped.      - 2012 forever throwing that full moon in my face...but seriously, nice entrance.      - Um, Splinter’s back should definitely be broken– no, he’s fine? Okay. Moving on.      - Casey going to catch Raph warmed my heart...even though he fell off the building as a result. He was okay in the end...but seriously, Casey moving to save Raph like that. Best friend points.      - You’re gonna try to convince me that Splinter can take the beating he took and keep fighting, but April gets on little but and she’s useless? April is (arguably) more or less the most powerful being on that rooftop because of her powers and she only uses them when it’s convenient. (She could literally levitate Shredder off of that building and drop him if she wanted to.)     - It was so nice of Shredder to pause and wait for Splinter to get over there in front of April and Raph before he started shooting. He’s such a polite villain.      - I’m just sitting here wishing we could watch Donnie’s fight more because he’s all over that carousel showing off how adaptive he can be in a fight and we have to sit here and watch the Leo-Season-Four-Trope where he gets hurt/almost dies only to be saved by someone else at the last minute.      - Pretty sure Leatherhead just casually murdered Rahzar and we just kinda breeze through that so I mean...okay...     - YOU WANT ME TO SIT HERE WATCHING THIS AND BELIEVE THAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS BATTLE WITH SUPER SHREDDER, APRIL HAD TIME TO FACETIME DONATELLO AND ASK FOR HELP. I CAN TOTALLY BUY THAT SHE WOULD CALL, BUT SHE LITERALLY JUST SKYPED HIM FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE BATTLE.      - That awkward moment when Splinter pauses and it’s the typical moment of, “the good guy has the chance to end this now but stops for whatever reason, thus allowing the big dramatic thingy that’s about to happen to happen.”     - I think we all hate Shredder just a little more for calling Splinter, “brother” just now.     - Leo’s scream is so confusing. I mean it’s implied that he saw Splinter die, but Splinter was stabbed after Leo screamed? I don’t get the placement of that scream.     - Also, Seth Green’s scream is 11/10, would recommend, one of his best moments in this show if not his absolute best.      - Seth Green’s moment when he says “father...father.” is 151827367289128372891827284/10 definitely recommend, I want that on my tombstone when I die and I want the quote to be credited to Seth Green. Like, guys, I’ve heard that line too many times at this point and it still gives me chills.      - Also, look at Leo’s eyes. Look at how huge they are. I’ve sucked at pointing this out for a majority of the episode, but the eye animation has been so incredible.      - They really love giving April the super saiyan hair these days.     - SUPER APPRECIATION BULLET FOR CASEY AND THE 1990 REFERENCE. THEY EVEN DID THE “OOPS” LINE.     - Leo’s hand on Splinter’s torso is literally shaking while he’s holding Splinter’s body. Like, the animation in this episode and the attention to detail...I can’t. It’s so good.      - Seth Green’s line of, “no, please...” is 94875483920938478290938476718928374382938478912837891028374829128374678912387483923847678292394723985649024889342089429172095739874829462398794060/10, definitely would recommend and at this point, I’ll probably have “I survived Seth Green’s performance in Requiem” tattooed on my body at some point in my life being 100% serious. Guys, Seth has KILLED IT in this episode. I can’t even believe how great he’s doing.     - On a far less serious note, I know this is a children’s show and we can’t really see blood or anything totally graphic, but Splinter looks surprisingly well put together for someone who was just stabbed through the chest and thrown off a building to crash onto the ground and fall to his extremely untimely death.     - I lost it when Mikey said “poppa...” I lost it.     - I lost it again when they all carried his body away.     - I refuse to feel anything over Shredder still being alive because I knew that was the case but still slightly annoyed.      - This is probably not something I should point out considering the trauma we all just went through, but...Where is Slash? They literally left Slash on that rooftop.  Interesting things in “Owari”:     - I’m actually so glad they buried Splinter out at the farm house and that they had all of their friends and allies there to wish him goodbye, because Splinter really did touch so many lives.      - PIGEON PETE IS THERE. OH MY GOD THERE HE IS!!!     - KIRBY O’NEIL IS ALSO THERE. LOOK AT THIS GATHERING OF ALL OF 2012′S LEAST RESPECTED SIDE CHARACTERS!      - Seeing April in her old outfit threw me for a second. Hahaaa.      - They totally got me with that shot of all the turtles by his grave. I really thought Leo was going to be alone there. So when he faded and his brothers were still there, I was surprised. Good for you, 2012. You still have some surprises for me.      - Drugs are bad, Leonardo. No but seriously, if vision Splinter becomes a regular thing, I would be okay with that, because one; it showcases and highlights just how much Leo depends on his father and how lost he is without him (especially with that “I can’t go one without you, father...” line) and two; it keeps Hoon Lee in the series.      - Even in the hospital, Karai’s makeup is still fierce enough to kill a man. Slayyyyy.     - Seeing these five interact like siblings is the happiest thing I’ve seen in this series in ages and I feel like I’m alive again.      - Casey’s new mask appreciation bullet.      - Black outfits appreciation bullet.     - Okay, so...I gotta say the goofy dialogue bugs me a little bit. This is supposed to be a serious moment where they’re gearing up to end their greatest villain, and avenge literally every wrong thing he’s done against them...and we get dialogue about toes. Like, I know we have to throw in some light stuff for the children watching...but that’s the best they could do? It feels like they’re not taking this moment seriously; both the turtles and the writers.      - I guess Leo finally canonically said Booyakasha.      - Love the concept of having to battle our way through the woods.      - The arrows gave me flashbacks to season two’s finale. Feels.      - The lighting in this whole forest fight sequence is 10/10, would recommend.      - April’s powers confuse me more and more with every fight.      - I’m pretty sure Raph just murdered Fishface.      - Yes, because Super Shredder would be lying in bed chillin’ like a villain.      - NO 2012. DO NOT TRY TO CONVINCE ME BAXTER STOCKMAN WAS HAPPY AS A FLY. We have seen him complain numerous times about his mutated for and make multiple attempts to become a human again. I do not buy that whole monologue and refuse to believe that Stockman wanted to remain a fly.      - I cracked up when Donnie called him “Michael.” You guys, I seriously cracked up and I don’t even know why.      - 2k3 references all over the place in this funfest of an episode.      - We’re wasting a lot of episode time taking out enemies that are not the Super Shredder...     - Casey should have been dead. Casey should have definitely been dead by the time they finally shut down those traps. Although I will say I laughed at the emojis.      - SINCE WHEN CAN APRIL EVER DO THAT? SINCE WHEN CAN SHE MAKE A FORCEFIELD? WHAT EVEN ARE HER POWERS ANYMORE?      - Incase you guys had forgotten that Leo was now suffering from extreme amounts of pressure to be leader now, Tiger Claw was given a line to remind you of all of that.      - I’m sorry but Leo’s lines in his fight with Tiger Claw are so lame and I’m dead.     - TIGER CLAW KEEPS PET TIGERS AND I’M EVEN MORE DEAD.     - SINCE WHEN CAN APRIL JUST FLOAT ALL OF HER FRIENDS? I AM SO DONE AT THIS POINT. LOL.     - Oh, there’s Shredder. Nice. We have...five minutes to defeat him, if we want some sort of closure scene after this. If we don’t want that, we have seven minutes. Aaaaaaaaand, go.    - Aaaaaaaaand Casey and April don’t even get to do anything. Nice.     - It’s canon that Raphael’s best insult in the moment they all starred Shredder down was “freak nut.”    - It’s canon that Michelangelo’s best insult in the moment they all starred Shredder down was “cheese grater.”    - Serious appreciation bullet to the camera angels and choreography of this fight. It was so cool to watch all the turtles fighting in sync for a few moments and landing hits.     - Also absolutely LOVED watching them attempt to retromutate Shredder. Like seriously, A+ choreography for this entire fight sequence.     - At least April gets to be somewhat useful in this fight...    - GO MIKEY GO MIKEY GO!    - Super appreciating this Mirage-ending setup. I knew Ciro wanted to go this route to close this arc but seeing it actually happen with the 2012 spin on it is really cool.    - Watching Leo question Shredder while they were fighting one on one was really interesting, and even more so when Shredder paused and actually questioned what he was doing for a single second. But Leo didn’t even give him a chance to finish the thought, which absolutely raises so many questions. Where could that moment have gone had Leo not immediately stopped Shredder from contemplating his destiny? Like honestly, the curiosity is consuming me right now.    - I’m really glad Super Shredder paused long enough for Leo to have that vision of Splinter.    - THANK YOU 2012. OMG. THANK YOU FOR RECREATING THE CLASSIC MIRAGE ENDING. I WILL FOREVER WISH THAT IT COULD HAVE BEEN SPLINTER TO END IT ALL, BUT I’M ALSO MORE THAN PERFECTLY CONTENT IT WAS LEO. LIKE, GUYS, THAT’S THE CLASSIC ARC AND SEEING IT REINCARNATED IN WHAT HAS BEEN A GREAT SERIES SO FAR REALLY JUST DROVE IT HOME. I’M SO PUMPED RIGHT NOW. ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE WAS ALWAYS THE POSSIBILITY THAT NICK WASN’T GOING TO LET CIRO AND BRANDON DO THIS ENDING. LIKE SERIOUSLY, THE FIRST TIME HE PITCHED IT TO THEM, IT GOT SHUT DOWN SO HARDCORE. BUT THAT WAS SO LONG AGO AND I’M JUST SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW. GUYS. GUYS. SEND AN AMBULANCE.     - Well...that ended fairly quickly. I mean we don’t even get to see them celebrate or hug or anything.    - Yeah Leo delivered the final blow but it was actually a team effort to get there and everything else so...can we throw some recognition to the others, too? No? Okay...    - This ending scene feels really final. We still have season five and possibly other seasons beyond this, but as far as the main story goes, this does feel like an ending and I’m pretty grateful for that.     - Here’s to you, season four. You ended on a high note.  If you’re still alive (no pun intended there) after all of that, let’s try to keep hanging on for these break downs. I’ve already said this in the bullet points, but I’ll say it again; this finale was spoiled for me about a week ago on my dashboard because someone didn’t tag their spoilers...but I digress. The point of this breakdown is to talk about that little moment with Leo and Splinter in the dojo. I think it makes a lot of sense that Leo would be the one to confront Splinter about his “being distant.” See, the thing is, Splinter and Leo are so close, and to see how much the thought of eventually losing Splinter scares Leo in this opening scene is a reminder of that. It’s a pretty subdued moment from an emotional standpoint, as in there’s no snapping or lashing or anything. Just Leo trying to keep his composure as his father reminds him that one day, he’ll be on his own, and it was just a really sweet moment...but it begs the question, did Splinter know what was going to happen? I think he did. He seems very calm while telling Leo he’s going to be gone one day, and very adamant in reassuring Leo that when that day comes, Leo can handle it. The fact that Splinter had been meditating and “distant” prior to this scene strongly hints that maybe...just maybe, Splinter knew something like this was going to happen. And that makes everything totally heartbreaking. Also, side note: I super appreciate Splinter telling Leo that saying he was chosen “because he asked” at the time to temper his ego was a phenomenal explanation and as a person who has spent the last four seasons bitter over the fact that it was because Leo spoke up that one night in the dojo, I feel like I’m at peace. Hahaaa. The voice acting in "Requiem” was the best it has ever been, but there is one actor who so greatly out shined everyone else. Do NOT ever try to argue with me and say that "Requiem” wasn’t Seth Green’s absolute best performance as Leonardo in an episode. Don’t ever try to, because I will fight you until the day I die that Seth Green has never impressed me more than he did on this one. From the way he screams to the way his voice breaks when he’s calling his father, I had chills throughout this entire episode when Seth delivered lines. Since his first episode, I’ve always felt like Seth was trying to fit into the role. And it was especially difficult for me to see him as Leo, who is my favorite, because of his acting roles in the past, like Chris Griffin in Family Guy, or the evil son from the Austin Powers movies. In the beginning, you could tell he was new and awkward, and it made me miss Jason Biggs as Leo more than ever. But he slowly grew into his role as the leader and blue and I’ve slowly adapted to his voice. Now, with this episode under his belt, I can honestly tell you guys I love Seth as Leo, and I couldn’t even imagine this episode with anyone but him voicing the blue turtle. I just can’t even...I’m still so awestruck at how great he did, and I couldn’t ever praise him enough for this episode. Give him an Oscar or an Emmy for part one.  ...Which makes it weird to see how he kinda lacked a little in “Owari.” I don’t know what it was, but honestly, Seth fell short of the bar he set in that first one in the second half for me. Not saying he didn’t do okay...but after hearing his voice crack and break and just leak pure emotion in that first episode, I was honestly expecting the same level or greatness I’d seen in “Requiem” to be present in “Owari,” especially considering the big events that happen in that second part. Part of me believes it was mostly due to Seth not having as many like earth-shattering lines and screams like he did in part one. I mean, granted, we went from “no, please...” and “father...father” in “Requiem” to “you’ve used up your nine lives, pussy cat,” but still... Granted, he did have some good moments in “Owari,” too, like his conversation with Splinter and even his conversation with the Shredder, but for me, it was no where near “Requiem’s” level of awesome. So now that we’ve seen what Seth is capable of doing in this role, I hope we get more dramatic moments in season five, specifically so we can hear Seth’s talents come out again. It would be a crime not to. Alright, let’s talk about the big event of the first episode...Splinter’s death. This is tricky to explain, because there’s things I loved about this and things I don’t like about it, but overall, I think this death scene did more good things than bad. So let’s talk about the bad and end it with the good. And no, I’m not saying I’m glad Splinter’s dead or it’s great he’s gone.      - The thing is...this is about the fourth time we’ve watched Splinter die. Yes, fourth, if you think about it. First, in the season two finale, Shredder threw him into the drain thing and for a few minutes, we had to assume he was dead, even though it was immediately explained that he had survived at the very end of that same episode. Then, we have the death at the end of season three in “Annihilation Earth,” when he died to be brought back to life via time travel one episode later and ultimately saved from that death 15 episodes later. Finally, the third one came in “The Super Shredder” and/or “Darkest Plight,” where after their battle with Shredder, Splinter pulled both he and himself into the chasm near the underground city, and the turtles had to go searching for him an episode later (you might not consider that a death but some of us do, especially when April has the line, “I can’t sense him”). Anyway, the point is, we’ve seen this happen, three times before this instance, and it kind of pushes me to believe this isn’t anything new, which feels a little short for me. I always expect new and exciting things from season finales, and this wasn’t new and exciting for me. And, because I’ve seen this happen, it doesn’t emotionally phase me as much as I want it to...which sucks, because this should have so much of a bigger impact than it did.      - I think what’s most offensive to me about Splinter’s death is not that it’s been repeated so many times, but that of all the characters in this show, Splinter was the one who deserved to die the least. Not just because he was a good person and he did so many good things and he raised these four heroes and all of that...but honestly, the man never got any resolve. And I guess you can argue that that’s what makes this death so dramatic, but honestly, like I’ve already said a bunch times, we’ve seen this happen already. This is a man who’s lost everything so many times before, and was given fleeting moments of happiness to compensate for that. You know what we never got? A moment where Splinter and Miwa could be happy and honor Tang Shen together. A moment where this father and daughter, after being ripped apart for so many years and so many times by so many horrific circumstances, like kidnapping and death and mutations and etc., could truly just breathe and enjoy each other company for the sake of finally being done with all of the bad and work on building a future with their little family all reunited. Or many a moment when Splinter could have meditated and been at peace knowing that everything was truly past him and nothing like that would happen again. OR SPENT MORE TIME WITH HIS SONS (OTHER THAN LEO!) Because we’ve seen some good moments between Leo and Splinter in the series, but moments with the others were far and few. There was just so much Splinter needed in life that he never got, and so much that he deserved and we as viewers who watched him go through all of those terrible things in his life deserved to see. Splinter deserved true peace and happiness after all of this, but he’ll never get it. It makes me feel like the writers said, “Splinter dying would be a good big dramatic event to stick in this finale so let’s just got with it.” Honestly, I would have been happier if they’d like paralyzed him or made him lose a limb or something. As long as he was alive and got to exist knowing that everything was finally over and that he and his sons AND DAUGHTER could be happy together. Karai didn’t even get to say goodbye to the father she was just starting to know, and honestly, she is seriously just a victim in this show as well. But, because I’m not totally cynical, I can say that of all the times we’ve seen Splinter die, this was the best one in the worst possible ways. This was, without a doubt, the most violent death we saw Splinter experience, hands down. He was stabbed through the chest back in season three, but this time, he fell off a building. And he hit the ground. And his sons watched it (and definitely heard it, but that’s an entirely different thing, I’m sure; point it, it was beyond scarring.) And you know what they did right this time around? The writers made sure nothing else was going on when this happened. The Kraang weren’t invading, the world wasn’t ending, none of it. It was just stillness and silence as they Splinter is impaled and then thrown off the building to his death. You know what the best thing the writers did this time is? We get to see the emotion. We get to see the initial reactions. We get to witness the boys break down and hear them cry in agony as they come to terms with the fact that this time, there is no undoing this. We’ve never gotten to see the boys break like this before (aside from Raph freaking out in the season two finale), and it’s about time we got to see it happen. In fact, the emotions we see are so perfectly laid out and heartbreaking, that you can totally forgive the fact that this is not anything new. It’s almost like we can overlook Splinter’s previous deaths, because it’s finally the proper emotional response and it’s like we’re really seeing this for the first time. Watching these four boys break down at the loss of their father is the most beautiful thing this series has done so far, and the reactions are a part of what has solidified “Requiem” into my list of top favorite 2012 series episodes. These reactions are what I’ve been waiting for every time we’ve seen Master Splinter die, and I feel like all that waiting might have made it the more impactful. But seriously, props to the voice cast for their super deep cries of pain and the animation team for the mannerisms we see, like the shaking and the curling up and everything else. This death scene was hands down the best we’ve ever seen.   Next thing I want to break down is each character’s reactions to Splinter’s death, because each one was hella interesting and if I don’t break them down, the stress will kill me.      - We gotta start with Leo, because he absolutely had the most shown reactions, as in, this episode showcased him the most, and I know that upset some of you. I’ve had quite a few messages telling me that this episode was so painfully Leo-centric, that it almost wasn’t fair at all to the others that went through the exact same thing as he had been; the loss of their father. And to some extent, I agree with you and feel we should have seen a little bit more of the others...but I’m actually completely fine with the way this panned out and that we saw Leo so upfront. It’s not because I’m biased and because Leo is my favorite, but more so of how the way this episode has been structured and how the series overall has shown us how close they are. I’ve never seen Leo, or any of the turtles, refer to Splinter so much as their father in one single episode. It’s like Leo was reminding us the entire time that he’s more than just their teacher, but he is their dad, and hearing it so many times made watching them lose their father all the more unbearable when it happened. But looking at Leo specifically, can you imagine how scared he is? How that conversation he had with Splinter a few hours prior just had to be replaying in his head? How Leo realizes that he is truly and completely on his own now? Leo’s always had Splinter to guide him when he didn’t understand things, and he’s still so young. That safety net is gone, and Leo is all too aware of that. You can hear it in the way he begs for Splinter not to be dead. “No, please...” He’s saying, “please don’t leave us. Please don’t leave me; I can’t do this on my own. I’m not ready. I need you.” All of this mounting pressure and responsibility that has just fallen on Leo is why they showcased him the most here, and it’s evidence from expression and emotion that Leo has never been more lost in his life. And he can’t even speak, because he’s trying so hard to be strong, but even he can’t stop himself from crying. And the little moment he remembered, when Splinter gave him his katana...my heart hurts, because he was definitely remembering how Splinter had told him that he knew from an early age that Leo would be the leader some day. And look at him now. Dear God, my chest is ripped open and I am bleeding out.        - Donnie is so broken that he can’t even speak, which in itself is something we don’t see regularly. See, Donnie is always the one who has a way of explaining things. Donnie always knows what’s going on and how to process the events around him, because he’s the smartest being in the group and probably in all of existence. Here, he’s utterly silent. Here, he can’t understand what’s happening or why. All he knows is that he’s hurting beyond measure and he can’t for the life of him figure out how to make it stop. He can’t fix this. There’s no equation he can solve or no one thing he can invent that can undo what has been done. Nothing he can do can bring his father back. His father, who didn’t always understand his inventions but who always supported him in making them. His father who always had a way of teaching him the things he couldn’t figure out on his own and who raised him since day one. His father, who was his biggest support system in life and who never failed to be there for him no matter what was going on. It’s gone. It’s been ripped away from him in the worst way imaginable. And he’s faced this loss before, but there was always something else to focus on. Wether the Kraang were invading or the world was ending, Donnie always had to put his pain on hold to focus on something else. But now, there is nothing else. There’s just the death of his father, and Donnie has never known that one could hurt this badly. Nothing scares Donnie more than being unaccepted, and the one person who accepted him the most is gone. So all he can do is just cry.      - Casey is behind Donatello in the background and his response is pretty interesting to see. He just folds his arms and looks away like he’s too tough for this whole thing, but really, he’s so hurt to have lost Splinter. We never really saw them as close, but I’m sure they had their moments, and honestly, look at the timeline. Casey was scared beyond reason when he first met Splinter, because rats were Casey’s phobia in the beginning. But overtime, Splinter helped Casey conquer that fear, and I’m sure Splinter helped Casey in other areas as well. In the beginning, Casey couldn’t even look at Splinter because he was afraid of what he would see; now, it’s the exact same principle, but for entirely different reasons. And that in itself is tragic.       - If you didn’t feel like you were being stabbed repeatedly when we saw Mikey, you weren’t watching the right scene and I encourage you to go back and actually watch it. Michelangelo is the child of this group; he is the most innocent and the most pure. And he just lost his dad. Mikey can’t even breathe; seriously, when you listen to him before he’s able to say “poppa,” he’s struggling to breathe, and that’s exactly what I would expect from Mikey. As scatterbrained as Mikey can be, he’s not stupid, and Mikey definitely understands the gravity of this situation. He understands the finality of death, and how this time, there’s no bringing Splinter back. It’s a sharp contrast to how we saw Mikey handle this scenario the first time in the season two finale...when he was the one comforting Raph and telling Raph that “Splinter would be okay.” Now, he’d got no one to console him, because they’ve all lost the same thing, and Mikey knows this time, it’s not going to be okay. He can’t have his father back this time. And no one thing that anyone could say to him would make this okay. Nothing is going to take that pain away. Especially when you remember that Mikey actually saw Splinter hit the ground. He observed and heard Splinter’s body smash into the concrete as he and two of his brothers desperately tried to catch him and failed. He heard Leo, who he’s always known to be in charge and on top of things scream in recognition that they failed to do anything useful in this situation. We see Mikey collapse into sobs while still holding Splinter’s hand in the end, and my soul is totally crushed for him.       - We actually see Raph walk up to the group and it’s very evident that he’s still in complete and utter shock. It’s like mentally, he hasn’t fully processed what just occurred. And seeing it first hand hasn’t made it any easier to understand. But now everything’s slowed down and he’s forced to face this heart-wrenching reality that his father is gone. His father, who has always understood him when no one else did. Who always was quick to forgive and empathize with his temper issues because everyone else around him failed to get it. The one person who understood him better than anyone is gone. The one person who raised him to understand that his anger did not define him, and who taught him how to channel and control his rage. That support system is gone, and Raph must feel like he’ll never have that level of understanding in his life again. Splinter never failed to reassure Raphael that his anger issues were a part of who he was and that he could use it to bring about change and positivity rather than destruction. Can you imagine losing the one person who has never given up on you since day one, because he was once where you were in life. Raph can’t, and yet, there he was, suffering that exact loss. All he can do is cover his face with his hand and wipe the tears away, because even though he’s the tough guy in the group, even he isn’t strong enough to hold back the tears.       - We don’t see much of April’s reaction initially. Well, we know she was angry, because she shot Shredder off the roof with a psychic blast powerful enough to shatter a cement wall. But sadness-wise, we only get a quick glimpse. But because we’ve seen how close April and Splinter are over the series, that quick little shot of her and Casey walking behind the turtles sadly is all we need to know April feels like she’s lost her own father. In a lot of ways, Splinter did father her. Splinter was always there to help her, wether it was training, offering her a place to stay and protection or anything in between. And April cannot believe she lost that in the ways that she did. Splinter was April’s adopted father, and the two of them were so close since day one. They might not be related by blood, but the loss hurts her just as much as if they were.  You know what upsets me a lot in this finale? how little a role Karai got to play. I mean, seriously, the girl is one of the biggest aspects of this story, and she didn’t even help get to avenge her father. Or get some payback for all the hurt and suffering and lies she experienced in her lifetime. Karai deserved just as much a happy ending as Splinter did, and in a lot of ways, she is happy now, and I like to see that. But at the same time, I wish we could have gotten to see her take some of her own happiness for herself. Watching her fight for 30 seconds in part one and then lying in a hospital bed to be told her real father was dead and not get to see her kick some butt like we know she can hurt a little.  The pacing for “Owari” was all over the place, and not in a good way. I mean, I get that it was a nonstop battle episode, and I think it definitely had to be...but this episode would have been A LOT better if we could have spent two full episodes on breaking into Shredder’s evil fortress. Seriously, 2003 gave this arc like a full four episodes, and they took their time to really go through getting to the final battle with Shredder. In this episode, much like 2003, the turtles have to go through all of Shredder’s forces before they get to him, but they gave themselves four entire episodes to do just that, and a full episode to battle the Shredder. Here, we have literally 22 minutes to take out MULTIPLE henchmen AND THEN Super Shredder himself.  The ending of “Owari” is a decent wrap up for the main story. They did a pretty good job tying up the main plot, but there’s still a lot of unanswered questions and loose ends that worry me. What about Timothy and his story? If Rahzar and Fishface are still alive, will we see them again and will we retromutate them as well (honestly I was kind of hoping for that to happen)? Will Leo and the others still have visions of Splinter in the future (or is it just Leo since he’s considered the most spiritual in this series)? What about other mutant villains we’ve seen over the last four seasons, like Snakeweed or Spiderbytez? Those are just the tip of the ice burg; there’s still a lot left that I hope we get resolution for in the coming season or seasons, depending on how far they was to take it. This finale ties up our major story, but we need to address our other side stories as well. Don’t let me down, season five.  I guess I’ve ranted enough, so let’s get ready to close this out with final thoughts...but there’s just so much to say. Looking at season four as a whole, it had a lot of weak moments for me. I felt the space arc dragged at times and the resolution to “Annihilation Earth” wasn’t as strong as it should have been. I also felt a little cheated with April’s corruption arc and how all of the build up led to one episode and a resolution I wasn’t totally a fan of. Leo’s constant trope throughout the season – especially in the space arc – of almost constantly dying and getting hurt got super repetitive and annoying at times as well. There were moments of this season that drove me absolutely nuts and there are definitely rants of mine to prove that. However, season four wasn’t a total loss. For all the chaos and discord, they also had some really high points; I felt that some of the episodes we got were the best of the series overall.  When I compare these two episodes side-by-side, I think “Requiem” wins out. While I appreciated the Mirage-based ending and the brilliant filmography and choreography of “Owari,” it just didn’t hit the emotional levels “Requiem” did. “Owari’s” fast-pacing hurt the episode as a whole a little bit. I was really excited to see Leo deliver the final blow, but I think the other characters deserved to get more hits than they got. We had to go through so many other bad guys before we got to Shredder, and Shredder was the whole point of this episode. They did a great job in the time they were given, but they should have given themselves more time. Expand on Raph (maybe?) killing Fishface. Show us Leo’s reaction to Tiger Claw’s comments after they had a moment to stop and for him to process them. Let Donnie struggle to believe that his retromutagen really didn’t work for a few minutes. Give Mikey a few more epic shots as he swings his nunchucks in battle. It was all just so rushed. And the moment when Shredder was actually pondering what Leo had said to him about destiny...where could that moment had gone had we had more time for it? When you rush an episode, you lose the potential for those things, and you can argue that we already had so much emotion and grief to deal with from having to see Splinter’s death, but this episode called for even more expansion on that in so many moments, and we just didn’t have the time for it. We didn’t even get to see the boys run up to Leo and jut all process that their brother had both survived and ended the ultimate battle they’ve all been fighting for years. There’s no way they held those reactions in until they were all on the rooftop with Karai. So many things needed to happen that didn’t. "Owari” was a good episode, but for me, “Requiem” shined so much harder. It did an excellent job in setting us up for the final battle with the Shredder, which ended entirely too quickly. All of the little details and development that went into “Requiem” really showcased how wonderful this show can be. From little things like the animation of the eyes with the pupil shrinkage and expansion to how hardcore the cries and dark moments were, it was a phenomenal episode with very few flaws. I wish that “Requiem” could have been the episode to lead up to the two-part finale, and not have it as part one of the finale itself. So for “Requiem,” I’d give it a 9.5/10 and “Owari” gets a 8/10. We’re not through yet; season five is coming. Honestly, “Requiem” set a new standard of episodes for me in this series. I want to see those same emotional highs come out in the future of this series. We’ve already established that things can get insane in this show, but season four overall especially. We saw everything from more violent action to actual character deaths to so much more pain than we’ve ever seen, and I’m extremely optimistic that season five can keep this momentum going. Like Casey said at the very end, Tiger Claw is out there and he has a serious revenge complex now. On top of that threat, we have so many loose ends to go back to as well. There’s a lot I want to see in season five as well. I want to see Karai and the turtles team up more; maybe even live together. I want to see the turtles struggle to adjust to life without Splinter for a while; Leo learning how to be a leader truly on his own, Raph have outbursts and no one to empathize with him, Mikey try to cope without having a dad, and Donnie go through life without Splinter’s wisdom and guidance to reassure him. I want to see Alopex come back as the fight with Tiger Claw gets more sever. I want to see Casey continue to improve. I want to know just what the hell April’s powers are, because they keep changing. Hahaaa. So much. So many things. And I’m confident season five can take us there. If anything, they’ve already promised us more multi-episode arcs, which will be cool.  Season five will begin with “Scroll of the Demodragon,” in which the turtles meet new foes after they were sure they’d defeated all the old ones.  We have a bit of time in between now and the season five premiere, so let��s talk about this finale, and about season four as a whole. Send me all of your thoughts here. Previous review for The Tale of Tiger Claw here. All season four reviews here. All episode reviews index here. Podcast review here.

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2k12 #reqiuem #episode review #owari

[mathematicianadda]

More Great Ways to Annoy a Mathematician

Which Ratio is Truly Golden?

I find it troubling that the golden ratio has so little in common with the golden rule.

Like, if you did unto others 1.618 times what you’d have them do unto you, then we’d all wind up exhausted.

And if you’re only doing 1/1.618 times unto them, then isn’t that a bit lazy?

  A Puzzle About Rates

I’ve always enjoyed those puzzles like, “If 3 chickens can lay 3 eggs in 3 days, then how long will it take 100 chickens to lay 100 eggs?” They’re counter-intuitive (e.g., in my example, each chicken lays 1 egg per 3 days, so the answer is also 3 days), yet deal only with simple constant rates.

So what if the rates weren’t constant? Like in, say, a bureaucracy, where 20 times more people will accomplish only 1/20th as much?

(Sorry for putting the answer upside down. It reads: “Please complete the attached form (Z302: Aggregate Task Completion Rate Information Request) and we’ll process your inquiry in 4-6 weeks.”)

  In this case, “a mathematician” refers specifically to Matt Parker, whose excellent book Humble Pi discusses the first two of these mistakes.

  The Asymptote of Happiness

Lots of poets have found asymptotes a convenient literary symbol – the idea of eternal striving is a resonant one (even beyond the eternal striving of the struggling algebra student).

  I love me some Raymond Smullyan.

Sorry again for putting the answer upside down. I dunno why I thought that was a clever idea. Mostly just forces you to turn off the auto-rotate setting on your phone.

Anyway, it reads: “Ask anything. You should already know not to buy lowfat yogurt.”)

  Proving a New Theorem

Not that I’ve ever felt this myself. I’m just speculating.

  P-R-E-N-A-T-A-L

What is parenting, if not a neat LARP?

(LARP = Live-Action Role-Playing Game, for those of you with less geeky acumen than I anticipate my audience to have.)

By the way, my friend Rayleen once described to me a brilliant comic, where one person asks, “When’s the baby due?” and the other person is drawn with a small horizontal stick figure emerging from their stick torso. (See? It’s such a good comic, I can just describe it.)

  The Sales Pitch for Math

I think a lot about the different arguments for math, and the ways that they support or contradict each other. Is it a beautiful art? An urgent set of universal civic skills? Key preparation for technical professions?

The answer is yes to all three. But not for all math, and not all at once – and attempting to blend the purposes can lead to a muddle.

  The Meaning of “Let”

It’s always tickled me that the mathematician’s verb “let,” which sounds so chill and laissez-faire, is actually a binding command.

  “All Happy Families Are Alike; Every Unhappy Family is Unhappy In Its Own Way”

I wrote a bunch of these a few years ago. This one has the benefit of being true: all circles are geometrically similar, but not all ellipses are.

(The same is true, by the way, of parabolas and hyperbolas. The former are all the same basic shape, just zoomed in or zoomed out, whereas the latter constitute a whole family of different shapes.)

(Chew on that, Tolstoy.)

  The Court-Appointed Translator

I wrote this little dialogue after listening to a great episode of The Allusionist, before it turned out that Game of Thrones would suffer the worst collapse in storytelling that I have ever experienced.

Oh well!

As my wife said, “At least this way we’ll never have to bargain with our daughter about when she’s old enough to watch Game of Thrones. The ending is so bad, in 10 or 15 years no one will be watching it anymore.”

  Identity Politics

This is a really dumb pun.

Also one of the more popular cartoons in this list.

Go figure.

  Another Dumb Pun

This one is inspired by that time Malcolm Gladwell referred to eigenvectors as “igon vectors,” and Steven Pinker blasted him for it, at which point Gladwell blasted Pinker for something else, and eventually we all lost the thread and just went about our days.

And if you want more godawful matrix puns, I’ve got ’em.

  I don’t know what day you’re reading this, but guess what? It’s also a bad approximation of pi! So go ahead and celebrate!

(Though if you want some very clever alternative pi days, check out Evelyn Lamb’s page-a-day calendar, which includes a Pi Day each month, and not where you’d expect!)

  Uncountably Many Wishes

After I posted this, there was a bunch of discussion on Twitter about whether I’d mischaracterized the Axiom of Choice, which is totally possible, in which case, oops.

Also, some folks pointed out that it’s pretty greedy to wish for uncountably many wishes, when you could just as easily wish for countably many.

To which I say: What’s the point of a magic lamp, if not to have greed be your undoing?

  Maximization vs. Minimization

For lots of optimization problems, maximizing makes sense, but minimizing doesn’t. (Or vice versa.) An example: What’s the largest rectangle you can make from 4 feet of wire?

It’s the 1-by-1 square, with an area of 1 square foot.

But what’s the smallest rectangle you can make (in terms of area)? Well, you could make the 1.9999 by 0.0001 rectangle, which has a very tiny area…

Or you could make the 1.999999 by 0.000001 rectangle, which has an even smaller area…

Or the 1.99999999999999 by 0.000000000000001 rectangle, whose area is microscopic…

…and so on.

I hope that was worth it! And I suspect it wasn’t! Anyway, moving on.

  More thoughts here.

  The Villainous Mathematician Explains His Plan

Clearly this villain should be assigning more group work.

Anyway, I for one am curious to know how a complex-valued currency might work. I’d pay a hefty fee for an accountant or tax attorney who can turn imaginary assets into real ones, or real debts into imaginary ones.

  The Cat on the Bed

I found it very hard to draw a decent space-filling curve.

Also, to draw a decent cat.

  Only Slept Four Hours

This is how I feel about anyone who sleeps less than 7 hours in a given night.

  Axioms of Life

This is my version of that xkcd about kitties.

Also pretty well summarizes parenthood. I still enjoy a cerebral geek-out, as I always have; but I also really enjoy holding my daughter in my arms and calling her the world’s best monkey over and over.

  How Many Stars?

I would totally read a graphic novel about the dating life of Georg Cantor.

The problem is that no one is going to write this graphic novel except for me.

Oh well. I’m under contract for two more books at the moment, but after that will come TRANSFINITE LOVE: THE ROMANTIC ESCAPADES OF A SET THEORIST.

  Quick-Draw Answers

Drawn from an actual experience, in my first week teaching 7th grade. I hadn’t really figured out how to tee up a problem-solving experience yet.

  Twenty Questions

Drew this one for a Jim Propp essay. Recommended as always!

  A New Proof

A teaching friend of mine had a whole list of proofs that 1 = 0, which he busted out at various developmentally appropriate points in grades 6 through 12.

I love that. Curious how far you could get writing a book of proofs that 1 = 0, each introducing a key idea in mathematics…

Maybe that’ll be my next project after the George Cantor romance novel.

  E = mc

Philosophical question: Is this a pun?

The case against: “A pun is a joke that plays on words that sound similar but mean different things. This isn’t doing that.”

The case for: “A pun is a joke that plays on linguistic expressions with similar surface features, but different deep meanings. This is doing exactly that: the premise of the joke is that an exponent and a footnote are both denoted with a superscript, yet mean very different things.”

So I guess this has a deep resemblance to puns, but lacks a surface resemblance… which is itself, not very pun-like.

Ruling: Not a pun!

  “The Exception Proves the Rule”

I guess you hear this inane phrase less often these days. But there was a time, kiddos, when people could hear a devastating counterexample to what they were arguing, and then blithely say “the exception proves the rule” with a straight face.

  The Math Sequence

I’m pretty agnostic on the math sequence. But I have strong intuitions that Star Wars should be screened in the order: IV, V, I, II, III, VI, and so on. (I view the sequels as pretty optional. Prequels too, for that matter, but if you limit yourself to the original trilogy, it’s a boring problem.)

  The “Same” Age

A lot of people on Facebook seemed to read this as though the right-hand character was creeping on Ariana Grande. Not my intention at all! I just wanted to pick a mid-20s celebrity. Could’ve just as easily been Bieber.

(My primary association with Ariana Grande, by the way, is her performance in the short-lived bar mitzvah-themed Broadway musical Thirteen.)

  Lemniskate

I’m not sure there’s a joke here.

I’m fond of this drawing anyway.

  Linear Child

Michael Pershan, the internet’s most relentlessly analytical math educator, inexplicably loved this joke, so I call it a win.

Someone on social media speculated about the position by which this linear combination had been “conceived,” which I found quite vulgar and upsetting (but which I also sort of invited by drawing a comic about procreating vectors).

  If P, then Q

Where do we draw the line between logical succession, and outright stalking? I leave that to the courts.

  Loons and Lunes

Sometimes I just want to do a cute drawing that has no joke in it, okay?

  The Vertical Line Test

I’m actually skeptical that the phrase “vertical line test” has any value. To me it feels like a fancy name for a fact that doesn’t need a fancy name. And, as in the two-column-proof version of geometry, giving fancy names to facts that students should be reasoning out for themselves can become obfuscatory rather than clarifying.

  Whose Fractal is Whose?

Please join me in making “Patricia gasket” a thing! E.g., “Did you know Copley Square in Boston is the approximate shape of the mathematical figure known as a Patricia Gasket?”

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