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elejah-wonderland · 5 months

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_elejah_au

Love is in the Air

_a tvd fanfic_part 4

a/n: a little light-hearted love story, set in Rome, Italy.

I know Valentine's is a month away...but I'm in the mood to write a totally human AU Elejah story.

The next morning, Elena got up pretty early and after a very quick shower, dressed in a shot, choosing just a pair of skinny jeans, white shirt, wrapping a small red spotted scarf around her neck.

She then looked at herself in the mirror, ruffling her hair in her hands trying to decide what to do with it. It was short. She just applied a bit of the magic hair spray her hair styles gave her. And drying it up quickly, she looked at herself in the mirror smiling happily. Applying a red lipstick, and a mascara, she checked herself once again.

The whole looked screamed - so 1950s, so Audrey Hepburn, so rockabilly, and she smiled - why not.

Slipping her flats on, and grabbing her bag and keys, she floated out of the apartment.

A bit later she glid at full speed on the rented bicicletta through the streets of the old part, across the piazza with a basket full of fresh vegetables, flowers and bread from the market, she skidded to a stop beside a fountain, and securing her bike, sat down in a cafe near by to have her morning cappuccino and a brioche.

Ordering her breakfast, looking at the people passing by, taking photos near the fountain. Her heart buzzed dreamily at the thought of Elijah.

"Dance?" Elijah's voice, soft, sweet, and yet so manly, still rang in her ears bringing back all she had often replayed in her head when she went from one heartbreak to another. That one dance was a food for her #imagine how it would have been if only I had not gone away that day.

And then, there he was, sitting next to her in Rome, and asked her to dance again.

At the same time, Elijah stopped typing, and took a sip of the espresso he had made earlier. He looked out through the window and grinned, his soul springing up with the memory of the night before.

Flashback

"Dance?" Elijah said putting his hand out to Elena.

Elena nodded, and took her hand and there, immediately, goose-bumps raced all over her skin. Making a small mental breath, they came closer.

As she leaned a bit to him, her scent engulfed him, taking control of all his senses. He pulled her slightly to him. He could feel shiver up.Together as one they moved slowly to the music, transporting them both to their dance so many years ago back in Mystic Falls.

Lost in their little world, they continued to sway , to another song, not bothering that all eyes were more or less on them. A couple sitting not far, looked at the pair. "Sono così innamorati. Che meraviglia!"

And if it wasn't for the waiter clumsily breaking a glass, they would have most probably stayed this way, moving to eternity, or at least till they were asked to leave, because they had to close.

"Thank you - for this dance" Elijah said politely with a small smile crossing his face.

"You are so welcome - oh, there is your pizza!" Elena exclaimed as she saw the waitress now taking the plate with the scrumptious dish to their table.

"Oh, it smells so good even from there" Elijah said as the walked to the table.

Talking some more about his book, and the idea behind his sequel, they shared the pizza between them, having Elena succumb to its delicious waft.

"Ah, it's raining again." Elijah commented as he looked outside.

"I've got an umbrella," Elena said ,"the spring in Italy is a layer of sunshine and a layer of rain. Always be prepared to have an umbrella, even though it seems like you don't need it. It's a common misconception that the climate in Rome Italy is Mediterranean."

"Wow, you are talking like you live here"

"Well- I read that. I get prepared." Elena said. "Also I have spent last four months in Florence and Venice. You don't want to experience the flood in Venice. Not easy and so not attractive. But, when it is not raining, it's the most fairy-tale like place on Earth."

"You love Italy, don't you?" Elijah said taking a sip of wine.

"I do. Shooting in Florence was great too. You also chose to set Angel Heart in Padua. Seems like Italy is special to you, too." Elena said.

"My fondest memories are always connected to Italy." Elijah then said.

"Yeah?"

"Yes. My best friend lives here now, too. I am staying in his apartment."

"Oh?"

"You know him - well, he used to date Rebekah back then in college. Stefan Salvatore."

"Stefan? Really? Wow - how come?"

"His grandfather was Italian - and they returned to live in Italy. I don't know if you know, but he and his brother were brought up by them, as their parent's died when they were little. Anyway, he is an art historian, and teaches at the John Cabot University. It's an American university in the heart of Rome." Elijah replied.

"Right. And - uhm - how is Rebekah? I - well, I know she was the editor of Vogue, and I know that she got her own designer line out now. Actually, I have seen her designs on New York fashion week."

"Then you know that she is ass-kicking," Elijah said,"it has always been her dream to have her own label."

"You will not believe this - uhm - a week ago - I chose a dress from her to wear on the Premiere of 'Dark Beauty' - huh - and now meeting you here - it's like," Elena now stopped gulping a bit, and took a bit of wine.

Elijah made a little sweet sigh and looking at her, "Like it was meant to be."

Elena raised her head, another gulp bolted out, "What?"

Thinking that he had participated himself, Elijah turned to the window and briskly changed the subject, "It's pouring down."

"You can have my umbrella and I will take a taxi if it doesn't stop. Deal?" Elena then said.

"Deal. But then you will have to let me pay you back for saving me from getting drenched - I invite you to Carbonara a la Elijah."

"Ok. But you will have to let me make some salad-"

"Agreed. Tomorrow at six - my place - uhm - Stefan's place."

Elena nodded, and as he paid the bill, they were on their way to their respective apartments. Elena left in a taxi and Elijah walked back with the umbrella, smiling from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat.

Now, Elena paid for her cappuccino and made her way back to her apartment. The sun was up in the sky flickering down on her as she cycled through the streets, her heart jumping radiantly.

Was this really meant to be?

#elejah #elena gilbert #elijah mikaelson #alternative universe #tvd imagines #fanfiction #love is in the air #part 4

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itlivesproject · 1 year

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What would the LIs wedding would mc look like?

This question is a little bit tough, since it depends on the MC! So we'll just share what the LI's ideal wedding would look like.

Lincoln:

He'd want something super small. More than like twenty people and he'd start feeling overwhelmed. He'd only want his closest friends and family members there (and by family not his dad, but like cousins or grandparents on his mother's side. yeah i don't think matty is invited srry). honestly he probably wouldn't mind just getting married at city hall with only you and like, three other people, but if you don't do that he'd probably just want to rent an air bnb with a beautiful yard and have a small reception outside followed by a catered dinner with his favorite foods. He'd definitely wear a barong and incorporate some other filipino marriage traditions into his wedding, such as lighting the unity candle and eating rice cakes. After dinner, you'd spend the night dancing with your few guests until the two of you leave for your night alone ;) That being said, this is Lincoln's ideal wedding. If you wanted something different, he'd be willing to follow your lead and go along with what you want for the wedding, as long as it's not too big or crazy.

Amalia

She would want something formal, nice, organized, and beautiful. She would be happy to take total control of planning. There's really no need for a wedding coordinator if Amalia's the one you're marrying. She'd want a lot of people to be there -- her family and friends and professors and teachers in her life who mean a lot to her. She'd find the perfect, most beautiful venue and spend hours there, figuring out where everything would go and how it would all fit together. She'd love to have an outdoor wedding with beautiful gardens and fountains. Her vows would be incredibly romantic, heartfelt, and eloquent, and everyone would start crying. After you get married, you'd sit down to eat at fancy lovely tables with place settings. You'd have all types of fancy rices and freshly made juice and lasagnas and chicken and beef and salad, basically all you can eat. The different bridal parties would perform fun, sexy dances for each other and after that, the party would quickly turn up in excitement. At the end, you'd get driven off in your car together and head off to your honeymoon ;)

Abel

Above everything else, Abel wants his wedding to be fun. It probably wouldn’t be anything particularly fancy, but he would want a nice heartfelt ceremony. Something small if only because neither Abel nor MC have very many family or friends. Still, they’d invite everyone, and Abel would definitely shed a tear during the ceremony. Afterwards he’d have an after party that goes down as one for the record books. A band, mariachis, endless dancing, piles of food, nonstop alcohol, a massive cake big enough for everyone, and another just in case. He would spend most of the night with MC, twirling you around the dance floor. He’d dance with each of his siblings and then all of them together. He’d also drag all of his closest friends onto the dance floor, and yes this means the ILW crew. He’d probably get pretty tipsy, and be the happiest drunk on earth, gushing to everyone about how awesome his spouse is. Everyone has fun at Abel’s wedding, otherwise he doesn’t consider it a success.

Jocelyn

Jocelyn wouldn’t have many preferences when it comes to a wedding between herself and MC. She already knows that she wants to spend the rest of her life with MC, so this is just a formality so that the rest of the world knows it too. But if she had to choose a few things, she’d want the wedding to be somewhere meaningful in hers and MC’s relationship. Her friends (which really just consists of the ILW crew) and her family would be invited, so it would likely be pretty small. She’d get food catered from her favorite restaurant, and would have a live band for music at the reception. She’d dance for hours upon hours with her new spouse, and when people start to head out she’d sneak away with you for some alone time >:) As for her culture, there's a tradition in Chinese weddings where the bride's new shoes can't touch the ground until she gets to their new home, so the groom has to carry her from her old home into their wedding home. Jocelyn might not care for tradition but she will carry her spouse alllll the way home (picture her carrying MC up 17 flights of stairs to their apartment). But in all honestly, she’d be perfectly happy with whatever MC wants to do because all she cares about is being MC’s for the rest of their lives.

#ask #anon #lincoln mcquoid #jocelyn wu #amalia de león #abel flint #ilw lis

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jade-everstone · 5 months

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Art Goals for 2024

This post is a mirror of a post on my website (here)

It’s a few days into the new year. While the feelings of uncertainty from 2023 still lingers, I set myself a handful of goals going forward to give myself some sense of direction, 8 in fact, though I’ll mostly be focusing on my art-related goals here.

Technical improvement isn’t a major focus this year (I mean, I just did 4+ years of that lol). I think it’s time to focus on more external factors of art, like gaining some stability, pouring more focus into doing it part-time while maintaining the personal side. As well as strengthening skills not directly related to illustration. It’s something that’s fell to the wayside until senior year of college, and now that I’m out of school I think at least for this year I can let these factors overtake direct art improvement.

Finish PC-Mania!

My short webseries! This was launched as part of my senior thesis, but has had multiple hiccups in terms of production. This year I want to smooth out those bumps & be able to wrap it up by the end of this year. The reason I say by the end of this year? My drafts are roughly 40 pages, and even with my other plans for this year I’ll have more time on my hands to focus on comics. So I’m pretty confident I can wrap it up regardless of how it happens.

Launch Support Streams related to my art

This one was inevitable. Even if it’s a goal of part time vs. full time, I want to be able to do art as a career. Meaning I have to have some form of income to be able to continue doing it comfortably. This one will need time to sort-out though since there are hurtles; Notably my overall lack of reach, as well as inflation times.

Lack of reach is likely due to struggling with consistent posting (even reposts & WIPs slip by me), not wanting to completely bend my practices to algorithms, and migrating between platforms. So that one may be harder to sort-out while keeping it fair to my self & my limits. Inflation is tricky. Art is a luxury afterall, and when the cost of living has skyrocketed across the board I don’t blame people for choosing food and rent over art. I’m likely going to keep it to one-time payments & tip jars indefinitely since I don’t want to launch subscriptions in a time where people looking to cancel them to make ends meet. Plus, with my issues with consistent posting, I’m not in a position to be doing subscription-based works & would also like to better sort out my boundaries before even considering (ie: I don’t want anything that could potentially lead to people feeling entitled to my attention).

I still want to try pushing for commissions & freelance, even with a lack of success over the past few years. Though I also want to look more into online shops & tabling since last year, all of the money I made from art was from IRL sales. So it’s a matter finding those events that are original-art & zine friendly (I’m uninterested in monetizing fanart beyond commissions. Fanart to me = Personal art & I’d like to keep it that way). As well as researching more into online shops as a means to get things out there outside of the convention space.

Better-establish OC Lore & Worlds

This one is likely gonna be harder than it sounds. Because on one hand I am excited about these project, but I’ve always struggled with getting ideas-to-paper. While I don’t want to claim much since I don’t have an official diagnosis as of writing, I’m very sure I have ADHD meaning getting down schedules, and getting projects done before I jump to another interest has been a long-term struggle. It’s part of what hampered PC-Mania & reach, and hampers my ability to put more info about the projects I’m working on & are excited about (hell last year, I think I ended up drawing Io way more than art for said projects…).

I don’t know if there’s any “ADHD-friendly guides to maintaining projects before you forget them” out there (I’d argue most project guides & tips I’ve seen don’t consider it), so I’m pretty sure I’m on my own in this department. Currently I’m thinking about leveraging my website for this since it’s meant to be a work archive as is, and even if progress is inconsistent it’ll at least give me a central hub to link back to.

If you are curious, the main one I want to establish is Doverhill! It’s where a PC-Mania takes place for reference, and it’s set in modern times in the fictional town of Doverhill MA. Perfectly normal, except for the occasional paranormal encounter. The main cast that has to deal with them are a group of friends & neighbors who live in an apartment complex together. Story-wise it’s an episodic comedy about the sheer absurdity that is life. Even if it’s not a hard world-building project, it deserves a central hub to link back to.

The other one I’m debating on is Fang and Iron, a dark-sci-fantasy world building project about demon-hunting androids. But I think it needs more time in the oven, and I don’t plan on making it a main focus for a long time.

Learn Blender for making assets & Blocking

I’ve thought about the other skills I’d like to strengthen & learn for future projects, notably writing skills, drawing mecha, desktop publishing software, and 3D. But I picked learning 3D, since I feel like this one will have a ton of versatility in terms of making references for myself. If you’re wondering using 3D assets for references is extremely common, especially within the world of comics where you need to re-draw backgrounds and props. So having knowledge on how to block out scenes in blender will help massively in the long run, especially when my schedule starts filling up again.

(now I just need to finish that donut)

Shorter Comic Project?

I’m considering this one optional, but if I can squeeze in another smaller 8-16pg comic or zine along the lines of 9:15 Slushie I’d like to. I have an Idea I want to do for it (an idea that existed before 9:15 slushie did!) so the next step is carving out time to make it happen

Those are my main art goals of 2024. For the other 3 main resolutions of mine, I’ll list a short summary of those instead:

Get a job alongside art (I’ll need it. Bills be upon me + even with help from family members, I’d like to transition into being self-sustaining & be able to front the costs for my supplies & projects going forward)

Get my Drivers License (Also needed, especially if I want to continue tabling & other hobbies, and for getting to whatever job I end up at)

Get better at IIDX (and by extension BMS) so I can say I suck at normal 7’s vs normal 4’s lol (my only “hobby” goal of this year. I’ve wanted to get into IIDX for a long time too, so since I’m planning on getting my license & income anyways, I’ll see if I can squeeze this one in)

#rambles #2024 #art goals #new years resolution

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ivebeensetonfire · 1 year

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I am not a wealthy man, but I am a rich, rich man.

I’ve spoken to many people who have a deeply saddening and often reductive view of relationships in general, but especially friendship. This view is often expressed through a surprised or sometimes horrified response to an anecdote of how I choose to love those around me. Some examples include:

“Your roommate only pays you a hundred dollars a month in rent?? Why??”

“Where is your car? Wait, ~insert name here~ is still borrowing it? And you’re okay with that?”

“Why are you cooking for your friends and hosting all the time? Do they at least pay you for the food?”

These examples are just a few of what I’ve heard within the last few months. They show me a glimpse into the mind of my inquirer, and it’s something that breaks my heart. It says to me that they do not understand what it means to love those around you will all you have.

Too often we are told to look out for el numero uno, and let those around us figure it out for themselves. And yes, I understand and am well aware that there is a difference between loving those around you, and being a very convenient doormat with which they clean their boots.

However, because of our intense societal indoctrination toward individuality, we can quickly lose sight of the fact that love works on an inverse economy. That is to say, the only way to be rich in love, is to give more of it away.

I love those nearest to me often, and loudly. I tell them that I love them, tell them what they do well and what their strengths are. I encourage, uplift, listen, and empathize. I hug! I bring trinkets and small gifts to those who would enjoy them. I serve and assist those who would appreciate it, and I spend quality time with others. These are the core of what I do for those around me, and most will agree that they are wonderful and necessities for healthy relationships, provided they are reciprocated.

But my love does not stop there.

My roommate pays me a hundred dollars a month in rent. For reference, I own my home, and it is a good size space. I hear over and over again, from others and even my roommate that they hope I’m not being taken advantage of! I appreciate their concern, but they do not understand, that this life to me is so much more than money and savings. I am able to provide not only a shelter for my friend, but a home. A space to call his own, and to take comfort in. The rent helps, but ultimately is not necessary for me to be able to afford it. The true good in the situation is that I may spend more time with my friend, and can help him on his path through life!

When a friend of mine had a terrible car accident, and her vehicle was totaled, she was unable to find another due to low income, bad credit from an insurance screwup, and a famine of cheap cars.

What most people would have done is offered sympathy, maybe a few bucks toward saving for a new one, and a “Such is life, dear friend, I am sorry.” Not me. Not in my world. Due to life circumstances, I’m blessed to not really need a car. I drive my work truck mainly, have my motorcycle for recreational transport, and live near/in a small city that allows for walking. So, I lent her my car. For 6 months she drove it, and paid me monthly for the privilege (what she could to help with the payments). I was amazed at how those who knew praised me at the beginning, and then rapidly turned to confusion and even ridicule as the weeks turned into a month. From “that’s so kind of you!” to “is she taking care of it? She’s not trashing it is she? Is she even looking for another car?? Be careful she’s not taking advantage of you!”

These were people who know both me and this friend of mine, mutual friends! They were so focused on the material possessions and the idea that I might walk a mile up the road in the snow, that they lost sight of this fact: someone would have been walking up the road in the winter to the grocery store, and I would rather it be me than my friend.

I feed my friends. I live on a tight budget, and shop carefully to be able to feed myself for a week. When friends come by, I do not know if they’ve eaten yet, and if anyone sets foot in my home, I do my best to feed everyone, regardless of my situation. Despite how often I end up feeding my meal prep to a host of friends who’ve turned up for quality time, I always seem to have enough money and food for the week.

I do not tell these stories to brag, or boast on my own kindness, but to illustrate that this is how I believe each should love those around them. Love with your actions, your words, your time. Love with all you have, yes, even if it’s your possessions.

Because of this attitude I carry, the values that I hold, and the actions that come from them, I confidently say that those whom you love well may not always return the favor. That, however, is no reason not to try. Have I loaned money and never seen a cent in return, and even been scorned by the person to whom I lent? Yes. Have I fed someone or helped them and then learned that they had betrayed my trust or friendship? Yes. Have I given everything to one, and had them spit on it and abandon me? I have.

Nevertheless, I have kept trying. I love, I love as hard as I can. And when my life came crashing down around me because of aforementioned abandonment, those who truly mattered, the ones whom I had loved and asked nothing from in return, they came flooding to me. They saw a chance to repay the love I had given and shown them, and they jumped at it. They poured out time, effort, money, food, care, and love. I was overwhelmed by the support I saw when I needed it most. This is opened my eyes to the fact that I while I do not make very much money, I am an immensely rich man, simply in love.

All because I chose to love with everything.

I would ask you: do you love with everything? Or do you withhold?

As you consider, Remember: loving is not licking boots. Be assertive, set and maintain boundaries, and care for your immediate needs first. Once that is done, then look and find a need you can fulfill in another.

Love fearlessly my dear friends.

#love #kindness #friends #friendship #how we should treat people #how to be a person #how to be kind #anti-doormat league #no bootlicking allowed

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darlingjmiller · 10 months

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It’s my last night living independently before moving back in with my parents tomorrow so here’s a list of things I will miss about my current house:

my house is on a hill so whenever I walk home I get a great view of the mountains in the distance

the sun rises on my balcony side and I wake up to sunshine in the warmer months

having a balcony

the soccer field behind my house is popular with dog owners so I can see and hear dogs from my window every day

I live under a flight path, which would be annoying to most people, but I love watching the planes

functional dishwasher and clothes dryer (never had before, very helpful for my ND ass)

my bedroom is upstairs and has an ensuite bathroom so I only had to leave my room to eat

I can completely sit down in my shower

Most of these things are luxuries I’ve never experienced before and it was beautiful/so very helpful while it lasted.

However my rent was 2/3 of my weekly income and since moving in the rent increased 3 times. I have regularly had to choose between buying food or life saving medication, or food and rent/paying utilities. I am very fortunate that I still have the choice/opportunity to move back home; because I know not a lot of mid-20s queer Australians have that luxury.

Goodbye my friend 🫡

#as a ND person having a dishwasher saved my life #cheers to the rental crisis forcing me to move home #personal #elle posts #moving house #moving home #housing crisis #australia #queer #and the dryer was a nice touch

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gurggggleburgle · 1 year

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me having a depressive episode and drinking since noon and eating coffee beans because i have so little left to live for in my life and i can't find the motivation to care that i'm going to be homeless and starving in about 3 days because rent no longer includes food and i can't find the will or just ability to get a better paying job so i might as well let my family choose my entire life from here out anyway because that's what is always the most relevant aspect of any attempts of my own to live my life. i fuck up because i'm a worthless loser of no value and should have finished ruining my body forever by sticking my hand in the meat slicer at work since i already can't draw anymore anyway but i can't let anyone know that because i still have to give some illusion that i'm still physically abled but i can't even hold chopsticks correctly anymore let alone draw for ten minutes:

and for the scum villain musical that lives in my head rent free shang qinghua and shen yuan confront each other post the abyss and as they're working on their plan discuss why PIDW became what it did but they discuss it in the terms of the hell of making a stage production and the changes that can happen between previews which implies shen yuan came to literally every preshowing they had which is a psycho move. the dialogue leading into the song goes something like

"What even happened to this play? I saw the initial showings. I saw what you had and every new viewing it got worse and worse! It's hardly the same play" SY

"You think I don't know that? You think I'm not aware of how many rewrites and workshops went on every rehearsal. You think I wanted it to turn out like this?" SQH

"Then why did you let it become like this?" SY

"Why? WHY? WHY?????" SQH we lead into song. i just have lyrics. i'm no composer so go with me on this. I imagine the lead in is like a twangy acoustic guitar

"The nature theatre is cutthroat and sharp. And to make profit you have to play it smart."

"And easy. Ambition is rarely- ever- awarded."

"Get too ahead of the game and you will be just shorted. The stage is limited and the score is set and match."

"You do what you must. The script that we trust, to put us in the place we need to be. Inevitably. A gamble that is meant to fail. But you stand through with and you do it so you can pay the bills."

"So what if the motivation doesn't make sense? So what if the final act is lacking in being tense."

"The sponsors say through out the drama- add a lotta- ROM COM ELEMENTS!"

"You cut and take all the things you like. Praying one more day to keep on the lights. Just for one chance at fame and to have people see your name."

He stops singing to hold up pages of the prop script, "Every showing a new comment from a new critic and investor was piled on. Oh, Shen Qingqui is focused on too much for being such a minor character. Is this supposed to be a thematic parallel? It's not very strong. Maybe just cut it. Maybe you need more comedic numbers in the third act? Have you considered making the play a harem."

"More anime. More wish fulfillment! More things that sell!!"

Lead back into singing but still kinda singtalking, "And you just go along with it. Because it's been three weeks and you haven't eaten anything but fucking ramen noodles and soy sauce packets you stole from work. The heat hasn't been on and it's winter and at this point you're just done trying to have an artistic vision in the collaborative joy that is musical theatre."

"So you cut and take all the things you like. Just doing your best just to get it right. Hoping one more moment that you can make it work all the same."

"The score is mess. I'm doing my best! And if it can still be a hit- that's all I want from this!"

"It's not okay but you go on through it. Push and shove all the thoughts put to it. Knowing that it's for the best to make it all a big success."

"The tentpole is awful which for this is unlawful. The opener's a rip off but you try just play it though. The script is manic- don't worry or panic."

"That's how the whole game is played. If it's a satire too soon on market it will fail. For a social commentary the timing must avail. Romance seems easy but the market is fickle. Hamilton was big but Great Comet still failed."

anddddddd i don't have anymore than that..... please forgive but. basically song is 90% our hamster man being meta about creative industry because my favorite element of svsss regarding him is how he's a complete meta comment from the author about the hell of having to make art that makes money and not what you want. whether the original draft would have been a better book or not is irrelevant to the fact that his motivation was completely based in profit and if there is one thing musical flops make me think about is how being ahead or thinking up a new idea for a musical doesn't mean you'll succeed. Remember Dear Evan Hanson swept the tony's and The Great Comet shut down. The Grinch musical was weirdly a huge finacial hit despite being souless as hell but Elf the Musical which was weirdly a passion project struggled.

good art is sadly not always profitable

#svsss musical #svsss #scum villian self saving system #scum villain #scumbag system #shang qinghua #svsss sqh #sqh #scum villian #op is very much not okay

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frogsandfries · 1 year

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I'm so mad about this stupid fucking relationship

I'm so fucking stupid. Why do I just let people take advantage of me? My ex always had to be in charge of the fucking narrative and strike hardest and first-est. She had a fucking free meal ticket off me, free rent and utilities for three fucking years until she finally found someone dumber than me and even more desperate for a crumb of affection and recognition.

Relationships are supposed to be teamwork, between at least two people. So why do I always end up with these schmucks who make me feel like I'm doing it all myself. Like, waow, you pay the bills when the checks come in and that's all you fucking do all month. Oh, sorry, credit where credit is due, you also bitch about how I'm not earning enough for us to save and for you to have quadruple the clothes that I have.

Nah. That's what babies are for. If you were just sitting there and choosing not to make shoes or help me with the crops, I have a weird feeling you wouldn't be getting much to eat. I can obviously fucking do everything around here on my own but produce sperm. Why do I need this person weighing me down, making more messes that I have to clean up and I'm the only one who cares about the consequences of letting my kitchen run away with itself.

You know goddamn well when they get back, my ex is going to blame me for the fucking roach problem. She can't take fucking responsibility for a goddamn thing. It's fucking incredible. Like, the mountain of empty soda boxes--of soda I don't fucking drink--should be a fucking sign. The bedroom looking like an explosion in the back of a Goodwill should be a fucking sign. The shit in the toilet that there's no way I could have produced. Should. Be. A. Goddamn. Sign!!

Maybe I'm fucking neurotic for caring about how clean my home is.

Maybe being a fucking au pére to my own fucking parents fucked me up.

I don't fucking care. Adults take responsibility. Adults clean up after themselves instead of leaving it for the maid, because adults don't want to live with bugs. And most adults can't fucking afford a fucking maid. And a maid won't fix the fucking problem if you don't do your own goddamn dishes, you spill food all over the place, and throw food packaging and garbage all over the fucking kitchen.

But she'll blame me, behind my back as she has to my face, for starting it 🙄 I'm not over here pretending I'm perfect. I probably did like, leave ramen seasoning packets and lids as I rushed to eat my lunch at work. I've never left a food wrapper for a fucking month.

I'm so angry, and I'm being unkind to myself.

I'm not the one who spent over three years lying and being disingenuous. I'm not the one who ended the fucking relationship, knowing for weeks, if not months, that that was my intent, and cashed the fuck out on someone else's fucking dime, and doesn't realize or appreciate how sociopathic that is.

I'm not even pretending I was a perfect partner. After a point, I stopped trying to be a spouse because I knew at some point, the relationship would have to end--either because we were going to have a child, or I wanted to start separating my finances, something, whatever..... The relationship was only benefiting one party. Although that party wants to claim that I'm abusive because, after being awake for four to six hours by myself, I might wake them up, impatiently reminding them that there's plenty for them to be doing to participate and make me feel "dear". Week after month after year, they chose not to.

I don't fucking believe depression is a fucking barrier to taking care of yourself. I've been to points where I don't want to get out of bed. No one is going to take care of me. This has been proven over and over--and the ones who claim most loudly to want to take care of me are the most full of fucking shit. You have to put one for in front of the other, take a fucking shower, rinse your fucking dishes, get off your ass and step away from the fucking computer.

I don't know what the fuck it's supposed to mean that a relationship not be 50/50. In this world, it has always taken a village to come together and get through life, season by season. Nowhere in history do you see a village, a neighborhood, a community, dragged through by one stolid individual. If I'm working forty hours a week, the least the other adult in the home, taking up space, using the electricity and water that I pay for, can do is--and I said this over and over--just. One. Thing. Just one. Put the dishes in the washer, you don't even have to start it. Put the meal in the slow cooker. Get a few items from the grocery store. I'm not even asking that my spouse necessarily work and earn money, but if you must, make it easy for me to earn the money.

I was far more patient and kind and tolerant than my ex had any right to and I can't stand that they had to have the last word. I can't stand that they used me and lied to me over and over and over, every single fucking day. I don't believe that she can be an independent fucking adult, but she can sure be not my fucking problem with her fucking enmeshed dependence.

Eventually, I'll be moved out, into a fresh new apartment and I'll finally have space to stop being stuck on it.

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missjackil · 1 year

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I posted 201 times in 2022

104 posts created (52%)

97 posts reblogged (48%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@missjackil

@small-scale-majestic

@samshinechester

@nancylou444

@durinsbride

I tagged 163 of my posts in 2022

Only 19% of my posts had no tags

#sam winchester - 36 posts

#gofundme - 35 posts

#sam and dean - 27 posts

#charity - 25 posts

#dean winchester - 23 posts

#supernatural - 23 posts

#help - 22 posts

#spn - 19 posts

#boost - 14 posts

#jared padalecki - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 51 characters

#and still complaining almost 2 years after it ended

My Top Posts in 2022:

What did i miss?

Ive been working all day but my twitter blew up with people losing thier shit over something good in the J2 world?? Can someone enlighten me?

59 notes - Posted February 10, 2022

Once Upon a Covid...

I am a single mother of an adult daughter and as many of you know, last month our car broke, and soon after we both contracted Covid. It was a pretty harrowing experience, we both missed a lot of work, she was out for 10 days, and I was out for 15. We live paycheck to paycheck with no savings, so this is devastating. Between the 2 of us, we lost nearly $2,000 in pay not to mention the $500 +/- it's going to take to get the car fixed, not to mention towing.

I started a GoFundMe page and though many of you have donated, we're not even 1/8 to goal. We have had to use what's been given thus far for food and Uber to and from our jobs.

Tomorrow is payday (bi-weekly) for both of us, it will be for 3 work days for her, but a big fat 0 for me until 2 weeks from now, so we won't have enough for food and Uber for the next 2 weeks until our checks are back to normal. However, no bills can be paid in the meantime and they're ALL due, (rent and water are past due) and while we need to use Uber, it will be as though I'm not working at all.

It costs me $10-13 per day because I don't live very far from work and can get a ride home but it costs my daughter about $70 per day because she works farther away. So spending $80 per day eats a day of work for every day we don't have a working car.

We will never recover from this without a miracle.

So please donate and/or share our GoFundMe page on any SM platform you can or donate directly at $MissJackiL on Cash app

Thank you! ♥️

60 notes - Posted August 17, 2022

Happy 40th Birthday to my favorite man on the planet!

Thank you for making this old rock a brighter place to live on! I love you Big Guy! 😍♥️

60 notes - Posted July 19, 2022

Sam Winchester is bae

This is the hill I choose to die on.

190 notes - Posted May 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Sam Winchesters first words on Supernatural "Do I have to?" Really set the tone for his next 15 years.

317 notes - Posted July 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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sarisinema · 29 days

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Was Mark Right to Screw up his Friends? - Thoughts About the Plot of Trainspotting

6.05.24 - Blog Post #11

Based on Irvine Welsh's novel of the same name, Trainspotting opens with Rent's Choose Life speech. Choose Life is the name given to the anti-drug campaign of 80s Britain. People from Eskişehir know that posters are hanging by the pharmacy door of Anadolu University saying “Say no to drugs, stay in life”. Choose life is similar to that. But what kind of life are junkies supposed to choose? According to Rent, a typical civil servant life: Dishwasher, car, mortgage, kids, 9-5 shifts, etc… While Rent lists these things, we see the characters for the first time, the part that interests me is how Tommy and Spud are introduced.

Introduction of the Guys

The Guys (from left to right): Tommy, Spud, Begbie, Sick Boy, Rent (Mark)

In the opening scene, our guys are on the field, Spud is in goal. Spud ship a goal from the other team, everybody gives him the "Oh My God" look, and Spud dances and takes the ball. I had the feeling that no one here had any respect for Spud. On the other hand, Tommy gets cornered by two opposing players and calls his friends for help, but no one helps him. When Tommy gets fucked up later in the movie and his so-called friends leave him alone, I felt like it was symbolized beforehand with that scene.

After telling us about the wonders of heroin, Rent says: "The worst thing about being an addict is that you have to listen to a bunch of shitty guys." Of course, Begbie is the shitty guy. First, we see Begbie in front of a pool table, downing his drink in one gulp while saying something like, "I would never put that chemical in my body." Later we see Tommy with his girlfriend Lizzy, he has her under his arm, he says he would never do drugs and takes a drag from his cigarette. Begbie is addicted to violence, fighting, adrenaline, alcohol, and cigarettes. (He made a mountain of empty cigarette packs in a few days while squatting in Rent's London flat). Tommy is addicted to Lizzy, and when she leaves him, he channels his addiction into something else, heroin. Also, Mark mentioned that his mother had a "socially acceptable" drug addiction - painkillers. All of these people have addictions that society approves of, but since heroin is illegal, they feel entitled to criticize another addict.

Mark's Relationship with His Friends

Throughout the movie we see Mark going back and forth between quitting heroin and leaving his friends, it's a vicious cycle. Rent reflects the psychology of an addict quite well, at least we don't see him say "I quit!!!" and then stop putting chemicals in his body (like in most movies). Or that after all sorts of dramatic events (all caused by the indifference caused by the drugs they use), everyone goes back to using heroin as if nothing happened. Everyone has a different opinion about the motivations or psychology of Rent. I have some ideas of my own.

Rent likes heroin, he likes the fellas. This environment, this dump, has been his comfort zone for years. No one thinks they are doing anything bad, they steal to get drugs, they cheat doctors, they pocket their parents' stash, they live in garbage houses and they have no sex life. Rent knows there is another life, but he despises that life, and at the same time he cannot see the way forward with this group of friends and this lifestyle. As the movie progresses, especially in the second half, Rent begins to despise and resent his friends and their choices, as if a voice in his head keeps saying, "What are you doing here, get out." But Rent is not only addicted to heroin, but also to his friends. He doesn't know what will fill the void when he leaves them. Even when he goes to London, the ghosts of his old life haunt him, Sick Boy and Begbie come and invade his apartment. Even when he returns for Tommy's funeral, he finds himself working as a drug dealer. His "friends" eat his food, sell his stuff, pull knives on him, go through his bank accounts, inspect his stuff even though they know it's clean, the list goes on and on. The more he gets rid of his addiction to rent, the more he sees these people in a different light: losers who will never change, who will do anything for drugs. Mark realizes that what they have in common is not the same mindset or the same interests, and that the only thing that holds them together is that they are all addicts.

But Mark is also no saint.

After he steals the sex tape of Tommy and his girlfriend, he knows this is the reason they broke up but he never reveals it, even when he is "clean" he does Tommy no favors other than giving him money when he knows Tommy is in a bad mindset - if that can be called a favor - he does not visit Spud when he is in jail, even when Dawn dies he tries to get high before the baby's mother does; the list goes on and on. In the last scene of the movie he says, "The truth is, I'm a bad person, but that's going to change, I'm going to change."

So was Mark right to fuck those people?

I think the group splits into two: Tommy and Spud and Begbie and Sick Boy. Begbie and Sick Boy deserved whatever they got. That's what Rent says anyway. Sick Boy is a manipulative asshole who can pull himself out of the hole he fell into, and he is of no use to Rent. Begbie is even worst. He is aggressive towards Rent, you can say he's aggressive towards everyone, but he despises Rent, Rent is just a dirty junkie in his eyes. The reason Rent can't get Begbie out of his life is not because he sees him as a friend, it's because he's terrified of him. I think Mark's sympathy for Spud comes entirely from pity. He's the naive Spud who can't get anything done, who nods his head at whatever anyone says. Mark is protective of Spud despite his selfishness, but when the going gets tough, he's just playing along because it's obvious that Spud's not going to be able to do shit. In the hotel scene, we discussed with friends the last look and wait for Spud before Rent swipes the money, some said that Rent was waiting at the door to convince Spud to “come and run away with me”, some said that Spud's last nod was not a “can't come” but a “look Begbie will fuck us both, don't do it, we'll get burned” gesture. I think Rent realized in the bar scene before the finale that Spud is vulnerable and can't break away from his friendships. When Rent says what he would do with the money, Spud didn't say anything about breaking away from Edinburgh or his friends also he didn't take Mark seriously in the scene where he pointed to the money. In the same scene when Spud tries to stop Begbie, his hand got cut but no one helps him- The bar scene is definitely the scene where Mark's strings broke.

Mark knew that Sick Boy would somehow steal the money if he didn't take it. Also, Begbie would probably threaten everyone and get more money for himself. But what about what he did to Tommy?

Mark had indirectly caused Tommy and his girlfriend to break up, and he doesn't reveal that he was the one who got the sex tape so it is basicly Mark's fault that they broke up. Let's say that he couldn't tell the truth because what he did was so shameful, but he could have been a good friend and would try to stay by Tommy's side. But what did he do?

Tommy was upset because he broke up with his girlfriend, and Mark, supposed to be Tommy's friend, gave the boy heroin without blinking an eye because he got the money - let's say he did it because he needed the money. Then later on he saw the state of Tommy's apartment, the state of his clothes, his lack of money, and gave him money, not helping him to get clean from heroin- And here, too, me and my friends had different opinions about this "favor" that Mark did by giving Tommy cash. While I thought Rent's smile was mean, others didn't think so. Let me explain why I think so. My first impressions of Tommy were the following (I'll cross out the ones that Mark doesn't have): He is handsome, he has a girlfriend(x), he has a regular sex life(x), he plays sports(x), he has a nice apartment(x), his parents obviously send him money(x), his only habit is smoking(x), he is confident, etc. etc.

Mark didn't really like Tommy.

I think Mark harbors an inner resentment against those who follow a path other than the junkie life. The choose life speech at the beginning of the movie is almost indistinguishable from the choose life speech at the end - Rent is about to choose a new life and yet he can still talk about this life in a hateful tone. That's why I think he's also full of resentment towards Tommy - that's why we never see him trying to help or regretting it, even though he indirectly arranges Tommy's end. He's upset when he sees Tommy and his apartment in that state, but when he gives Tommy money, he smiles, and it's not a comforting smile, it's a “You thought you were shit, you thought you were better than me, look, the tables have turned” kind of grin. Or, In some other scene, the guys had gone somewhere out of civilization, by train. There Tommy just says, “It's nice out, let's go for a walk, aren't you proud to be Scottish”, he's just trying to encourage his friends to go for a walk. Its all for nothing tho. After all, people who can only release hormones through chemicals are not going to want a natural antidepressant like walking. Rent screams at Tommy out of blue, because he cannot stand him being happy or hopeful. I think Rent is in wrong when it comes to Tommy, but no one else deserved any sympathy in that friend group.

To sum up, Rent's main problem was that he had an addictive personality, which made him lazy, unreliable, and addicted to his friends. When he eventually had a chance to break his chains from addiction, he was also able to cut his friends immediately, but I don't think we can blame him for it.

Trainspotting is still the best film about addiction and bad friends, who make you worse, not better. These type of friendships can be even deadly when you are young and naive. Stay away from people like Sick Boy for example... (or Mark, they are all evil.)

BONUS: That Epic Choose Life Speech

#trainspotting #irvine welsh #danny boyle #ewan mcgregor

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newberyandchai · 8 months

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From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler (1968)

Jim: What are you reading? Abby: From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. Jim: Best book. Abby: Yeah, but I've read it before. Jim: So have I. Hey, question: If you had to spend the night in the Met or the aquarium, which would it be? Abby: Definitely the aquarium. Jim: Definitely. Yes. Glad you said that. You don't wanna help me with some of my sales, do you? 'Cause I'm kind of swamped. Abby: Sure.

It's the most mundane Office quote to devote any brainpower to remembering (although my name popped up, which is a plus), but this was my only exposure to From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler before picking it up at the bookstore in the kids' section a few months ago. I thought it might be one of those amazing, fast-paced mysteries that involved a group of quirky kids getting trapped in a museum or an aquarium, somehow chancing upon a crime taking place and catching the criminals before any police have a chance to get involved... but nope.

This was a really boring book and I didn't like it.

...I could stop there, but since my last post didn't include any kind of synopsis of the book in question, here you go: A very young girl decides to run away from home with one of her brothers and hide in the Metropolitan Museum of Art until she teaches a lesson to her parents in appreciating her more. The siblings aren't discovered by anyone for several days, which leads to very exciting descriptions of bathing in the museum fountain and hiding in public restrooms while the security guards do their nightly rounds. They sleep in a centuries-old bed and buy food from the nearby automat (if that gives you any idea of the timeframe) and are constantly worried about how many cents they're spending on food and transportation, etc.

But to get to the meat of the story, the girl quickly becomes interested in determining whether a new statue supposedly by Michaelangelo is really an original or a fake. They follow some "clues" and write to the museum, but they receive an unsatisfactory answer in the P.O. box they rent for this specific purpose. In the end, they visit a (slightly rude) rich old lady outside the city who gives them an hour to look through her file cabinets to find out the truth about the statue's origin.

Without spoiling the ending (although I'm sure you can probably guess how everything turned out), it was disappointing. There wasn't any kind of antagonist aside from budgeting concerns, which is hard to take seriously these days when they're talking about the difference between 16 and 20 cents. Something about knowing they're sleeping in an extremely ancient bed that someone was murdered in freaked me out a little, too, and it didn't seem thrilling so much as stressful.

There was a bit at the very end about needing to have a secret -- how knowledge that no one else knows transforms you, even if no one else knows. Claudia (the main character) is desperate to know the truth about the statue because it will make her exciting and important, which is something she doesn't feel at home.

"Returning with a secret is what [Claudia] really wants. [The statue] had a secret and that made her exciting, important. Claudia doesn't want adventure. She likes baths and feeling comfortable too much for that kind of thing. Secrets are the kind of adventure she needs. Secrets are safe, and they do much to make you different. On the inside where it counts."

I'm not sure I entirely agree. The thing about secrets (or maybe a better word in this context is the truth) is that people can choose to see them as lies that sad people concoct for all kinds of pitiable reasons. Lies are (among many other reasons) sometimes created to make people feel important when they don't have anything exciting to share or contribute (I'm thinking of a certain someone saying something along the lines of boasting to be able to solve the Russia-Ukraine war within 24 hours of taking office...).

I think the book's quote insinuates that if you know your secret is real, that's what gives you your own sense of value — but deep inside the adult side of my brain, I think I might be too concerned with the believability aspect. If something unbelievable (or even extremely believable) is true, but everyone else believes it's a lie... is it really true? (Inside the current political landscape of the U.S., it appears even reality is debatable.)

And I'm pretty bad at keeping secrets as it is, so never tell me about any surprise parties.

I would rate this book a 5/10 and Unrecommendable. It did not meet my expectations and went from being very practical (how to very practically and frugally live in a museum for a few days) to more abstract (~secrets change you~) in ways that didn't add up to a satisfactory ending for me.

Your mileage may vary.

#booklr #books #currently reading #newbery #newberyaward #newberymedal #reading #from the mixed-up files of mrs. basil e. frankweiler #e.l. konigsburg #books and reading #book review

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96smalll-gute · 9 months

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Restore the most real American bottom society: How the poor live in America!

The America we know from movies and TV shows is always glamorous. New York's Times Square is full of successful people in suits and shoes. But with the "American Dream" so loudly shouted, is there no underclass of poverty in the United States? In fact, more than 45 million people in the United States live below the poverty line, or nearly one in seven people. What was their life like? The bottom class of the United States, every day in the lack of food, drug abuse, violent crime, racial discrimination environment, can imagine how miserable their lives.

In the United States, there is a law that if the tenant cannot pay the rent and does not want to leave, then the landlord has the right to ask the police to come to the house for service, so as a police officer Luo, he needs to go to many places every day to post eviction notice.

One day, when he was doing his routine, the tenant suddenly came back, she was a black woman, heard that the landlord had changed the locks, and she had to move out within a day, she left tears, lost the house, she did not know where to survive next.

There are not many such people in the United States. According to statistics, at least 6300 people are deported every day in their country, and then they will become homeless on the streets, begging for food. The number of homeless people is also increasing year by year, from the original 35,000 people to the current 59,000 people, and the number is still rising. Los Angeles is now the capital of the homeless.

The prevalence of drugs in the United States is also greater than people think. A drug epidemic is spreading on Kensington Street in Philadelphia. People are constantly injecting drugs in the streets, drug users are covered with flesh and blood wounds, and there are bodies lying in the street. "It's like a zombie movie," said a local drug addict.

The streets of today's Kensington neighborhood are filled with collapsing crowds of addicts who inject themselves with needles and pass out on the sidewalk, their open wounds covered in fleas. There are also naked drug addicts stumbling onto the busy road. "This is the worst I've ever seen, but I think the worse is yet to come." This is just a glimpse of the American drug life.

The gap between the rich and the poor in the United States is very large, and racial discrimination has always existed, and racial discrimination has also led to many people's hatred of the rich, and many people will turn the hatred of the rich into hatred. Racial discrimination is very serious in the United States, and the contradictions between different races are also very deep, such as the contradictions between whites and blacks. And these conflicts eventually turn into violent crimes. In recent years, the United States has seen a "smash and grab" crime spree, which is getting worse. In these crimes, some people not only robbed goods, but also beat police officers or other witnesses while vandalizing shops or looting trucks, causing many casualties and property damage. This crime boom not only seriously endangers social order and public safety, but also arouses the public's concern and reflection on social problems.

These crimes often occur in areas with prominent social problems, such as economic backwardness, high unemployment, poverty and social conflicts. Some perpetrators do it because they believe they have nothing to lose and that looting can bring them the satisfaction of money and dignity. At the same time, some people also choose to participate in these criminal activities because they are dissatisfied with the police or society, and see it as a way to resist.

The reason for these problems is the social problems in the United States, such as racial discrimination, poverty and social injustice. Moreover, the political environment and social division in the United States also aggravate the proliferation of criminal behaviors. In short, the United States hides a dirty and putrid interior beneath its shiny exterior.

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projectintd · 2 years

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Food Security Challenge Assignment

Pre -challenge Reflection

Poverty chooses no one. Life can be cruel sometimes, and poverty and homelessness can happen to us all. When I hear the word homelessness, it is easy to think of people who have drug addiction, laziness and uneducated. Although I know that for every person lining up at the food bank or monetary assistance has a story to tell. These misfortunes may vary from as simple as unemployment to a serious situation like an abusive relationship, physical or mental health problems or emotional stress caused by death of family members.

Income and social status is the most important social determinants of health because the level of income determines one’s overall living condition. Access to food may be limited and each of us is vulnerable to be in this situation. That is why it is so important to educate ourselves and learn how to balance between our needs and wants.

Food Security Challenge

The food security challenge is one of the two blogging post assignments that I have to do in my Intersections in Global Health course. As described, the food security challenge will be related to the weekly income proportion as required by our instructor. A $25 budget will be allocated for food expenses.

This challenge will give me a way to experience the struggle with food security of a person living with an income below the poverty line. Rent has gone up as well as the gas and food prices in Red Deer which makes it even more challenging to make ends meet. For this assignment, I will be using my one week budget of $25 to spend for food and I will post a blog tracking my seven-day food security challenge.

With my weekly budget of $25, I have to be smart and check out flyers to compare the prices before buying my groceries. In this way, I can maximize what I can get with the amount of money I have. The food and drink I am buying will be able to sustain me for the whole week while doing my normal daily activities. I am not allowed to eat anything else other than the small supply of food I have.

How Far Can My $25 Take Me

I have been doing groceries with my wife for our family so I know where to spend my $25 and get the most out of it. At Walmart, there were items of the same brand that were way cheaper than other grocery stores. That time, I had to set aside the branded ones that I used to buy and settled for the Walmart’s Great value ones.

I used to have a different variety of food in my breakfast but this time eggs will be enough. There will be no more Tim Hortons coffee so I have to find the cheapest 3 in 1 coffee if I can find one. I have to weigh my produce like bananas and apples or pears and even bring my calculator with me so I can track my expenses and to avoid the embarrassment at the counter by putting back some of them because it is over my budget.

My journey

I am going to start this food challenge this week because there is not a lot of family gatherings happening where there will be lots of food and drinks and I will be tempted! I do not want them to feel bad because I will be ignoring their invitations while doing this challenge.

I know in real life, people who are in poverty situation does not have the opportunity to pick the best date to eat or not to eat because there is nothing on their plate. They are on it even though they are not feeling well or under emotional stress.

After buying my groceries for the week with my $25 budget, I am ready to start my food security challenge and I will be posting a blog to track my seven-day journey.

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mochegato · 3 years

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Even the Losers

Chapter 9

Chapter 1 Chapter 8

Marinette stopped a few feet from the corner of the restaurant at which M. Wayne had made their reservation in order to collect herself. She checked her reflection in the restaurant’s darkened windows to make sure nothing had changed in the past few minutes. It wasn’t that she wanted to impress M. Wayne, but she didn’t want to make him think less of her either. She wanted to be perfect for him and yeah, maybe, she wanted to impress him, make him want to stay… this time.

She brushed her bangs out of her face a little rougher than she intended to, trying to force those thoughts out of her head and punish herself for thinking them in the first place. This wasn’t about making him like her. She lived this long without him. She didn’t need him. She’d be just fine without him. She had been so far. It didn’t matter if he didn’t love her. It didn’t matter if he didn’t like her. It didn’t mean she was unloveable.

She watched as her reflection deflated. It just meant that one of the two people who were biologically programmed to love her no matter what, didn’t. That he fought through biology to brush her off. She shook her head and stood straight up again. But! But, that didn’t make her unloveable. Jagged did the same to Luka and Juleka and they were two of the most amazing people she knew. They weren’t unloveable, and neither was she. They repaired their relationship and so could she.

This was about adding to her family, not filling a hole in her life. There was no Bruce Wayne shaped hole in her life. His opinion of her didn’t matter. His opinion of her didn’t change who she was. She was going to be who she was around him and if he didn’t like it, she lost nothing. She would still have an amazing family. She would still have amazing friends. She would still be loved.

This was about him fitting into her life. Not the other way around. This was about her deciding if there was a place for him. If she wanted him there, to give him a chance or not. This was about getting answers so she could make those decisions. She took a breath. This was about giving him a chance to speak and for her to listen to what he said.

She nodded to her reflection resolutely and pushed through the doors to the restaurant’s waiting area. Her eyes widened incrementally seeing the lobby. It screamed luxury and exclusivity. Only certain people were allowed here and Marinette was confident if she hadn’t been meeting Bruce Wayne, she wouldn’t be considered one of those people. The maître d’ eyed her with a sneer that looked so at home on his face it must have been his normal expression.

She gave him a nervous smile. “I’m here for a reservation under the name Wayne.” The maître d’ looked her up and down and gave a curt nod. He walked toward the doors to the dining room without saying anything to her.

Marinette smoothed down her hair one last time as the maître d’ led her through the doors to the dining area. She clutched her purse so tightly her knuckles were turning white. She really hoped Tikki had found a different spot to hide in, because otherwise it had to be incredibly uncomfortable for her. Marinette was focusing all of her tension into her hand and forcing the rest of her body to relax so she wouldn’t appear as terrified as she actually was. Now if she could just get her heart to start beating in a regular rhythm, she’d be all set.

She gave a nervous smile to Bruce as he stood to greet her and struggled to remember any part of the pep talk she had just given herself a few minutes ago. Because as soon as she saw his relieved and excited face, she started forgetting. It was not about wanting to see that expression on his face and knowing she was the cause. This was about her. She should not be filled with anxiety about making him lose that expression and wanting to walk away. He was proving himself, she wasn’t proving herself.

“Marinette!” He gave her a warm smile and held his hand out to shake hers while she went in for a cheek kiss greeting at the same time. He chuckled awkwardly and quickly shifted his hand to her arm as he kissed her cheek as well. He nodded to the maître d’ and pulled her chair out for her. As soon as they were alone, he sat down anxiously. “Thank you again for agreeing to meet me. You look nice.”

Marinette smiled and nodded to him. “So do you. And thank you for agreeing at such short notice.”

He chuckled nervously. His eyes darted between her, his glass of wine, the menu, really anything as he searched for his next words. It shouldn’t be this hard. He spoke to boardrooms of hostile and dangerous businesspeople. Speaking to his daughter shouldn’t be harder. She wasn’t going to destroy a city. She wasn’t going to undermine entire groups of people just so she could make a few more dollars. She wasn’t dangerous… well, not to anyone but him. With him, she had the power to destroy his heart with just one word.

“I ordered a merlot if you would like some. If not, I can call someone in…”

He started to get up to call someone over, but Marinette lunged at him to get him to sit down and not draw attention to them, knocking over his glass of merlot. Marinette’s eyes widened in horror. “Oh no, no, no, no,” she whimpered helplessly. She grabbed a few napkins to clean it up. Why? Why did her clumsiness have to act up now? In front of M. Wayne. Why did she have to be such a klutz? She could feel the tears stinging her eyes as they tried to escape.

“Marinette,” Bruce cooed gently. He gently gripped her wrists and pulled them away from the table. “Marinette, it’s okay. It happens. You should see a normal dinner at the manor. If there isn’t at least one spill or something isn’t broken, we start thinking someone is sick.” She finally looked up at him apprehensively and he could feel the breath leaving his chest. His eyes softened and he tried to give her an encouraging smile. “It’s fine. We can just move to another table and I’ll leave a big tip.”

Her eyes widened even larger and she looked around. “We can’t just…” She stopped when she noticed the empty restaurant. It was prime dinnertime, or at least it was in France. Maybe a bit early, but not uncommon. But this restaurant was completely empty. Not even families with kids. And there was no way M. Wayne would choose a restaurant that nobody liked. “Do Gothamites eat dinner really early? Or really late?” she whispered, not wanting to break the silence that engulfed them.

“Hmm?” Bruce hummed in confusion.

“There aren’t any… It just isn’t as crowded as I would expect,” she explained. “Not that that doesn’t work in my favor in this case.”

“Oh,” he nodded his head in realization and gave her a soft smile. “No, not as crowded as the place usually is. I rented it out.”

“You rented out the entire restaurant?” she whispered incredulously. “At the last minute?”

Bruce’s smile widened at the astonished look on her face. “I didn’t want people gawking at us all night or taking pictures and the manor is rather hectic.” He grimaced slightly at the thought. “Not to mention, we’d have just as many gawkers there. And I wanted this first meeting to be just between us. So I made sure we had some privacy.”

Marinette shook her head. “Right. Forgot. Rich.”

Bruce chuckled too. “Yeah, I forget sometimes too.” He sat at a table next to the one they had been sitting at.

Marinette scoffed lightly and joined him at the new table. “I doubt that.” She slapped her hand over her mouth, her eyes going wide as she stared at him. “Sorry. I’m sorry. That was… so rude,” she stuttered. She dropped her eyes quickly. She mentally berated herself for sabotaging this so efficiently. She doubted she could do it more effectively if she were trying.

Bruce shook his head. “No, not at all. You’re not wrong. And a lot more polite about it than Jason would have been. Or Stephanie.”

Marinette looked back up at him through her bangs. “Oh… um… okay.”

Bruce squeezed his eyes shut behind his menu. He was screwing this up so badly. Instead of making her feel more comfortable, he was making her increasingly nervous and doubtful. He pursed his lips as he searched for anything to talk about to lighten the mood. “I hope you like it here. The food is really good.” He had to stop himself from physically slapping himself for that terrible non-sequitur. His entire job was to say things in an engaging, elegant way. It was a skill he’d started honing decades ago. Where was that training now?

Marinette opened her menu as well with an anxious smile. “Great. I’m starving.”

“Hi Starving, I’m your father.”

Marinette blinked a few times at him, trying to catch his eye but he was staring blankly at his menu. “Did you just…”

“I admit to nothing,” he answered flatly, still staring at his menu.

Marinette continued to stare for a few seconds before breaking down into giggles, the tension that had been building since she entered the restaurant breaking with his joke. “I… I can’t… believe you sai… said that,” she gasped out between laughs.

He watched her with an amused glint in his eyes and a relieved smile. “Do not tell your siblings. Dick will pout for a week that he wasn’t here to hear it.”

Marinette let her giggles die down and nodded. She looked up at him with a much more relaxed smile. “Not known for your sense of humor?”

“No, definitely not,” Bruce shook his head with a grin. He set down his menu to focus on Marinette. “Jason used to tease me mercilessly about it.”

Marinette quirked her head to the side, an amused smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “And was Jason a comedian or he just liked to tease you?”

“A little of both. Dick is more of our comedian. He’s usually the first to make a joke… to lighten the mood. Stephanie will make a fool out of herself to get you to smile, or herself. She likes being over the top. But Jason, when he was a kid, was excited about everything. Everything in life was new and exciting. He was constantly smiling and bouncing from thing to thing. So optimistic.” Bruce’s eyes unfocused as he remembered the first year after Jason came to the manor.

Marinette furrowed her brow in doubt. Not a single one of those words were ones she would use to describe Jason from the time she’d spent with him. Maybe her translation of the words was wrong? “Jason? Jason Todd. Your son Jason.”

Bruce chuckled wryly. “Yes, that Jason. “ A pained expression flashed across his face morphing into a sad frown he didn’t even try to hide. “A lot changed over the years. Some… things happened about eight years ago. It changed all of us.”

Marinette let out a dry laugh as images of Hawaiian shirts and rock giants flashed through her head. She turned back to her menu to avoid his eyes. “I can understand that.”

Bruce furrowed his brow, a guilty frown settling on his lips for a few seconds before he plastered on a smile. “Now he’s more likely to make a sarcastic remark than a joke. But, he’s fiercely protective of his family, maybe more than any of the rest of us.”

Marinette thought back over their interactions and slowly started nodding. “He seems like it.” She paused when the waitress came in to take their orders. She smiled politely while the waitress was in the room, acting the part of a dutiful, happy daughter rather than a temperamental stranger who took her frustrations and insecurities out on him without letting him explain. And that’s what this was about, letting him explain. But before he could do that, she needed to make sure he knew she wasn’t mad. Well… that she wasn’t going to attack him anyway.

As soon as the waitress left, her shield was gone. She could no longer hide behind the façade. Now she had to face him. She looked down and squeezed her eyes shut. She took a beat before she looked back up at Bruce. “I wanted to say sorry for how I behaved when you came to my hotel room. I wasn’t being fair to you. I only found out about you a few days ago and then the world found out and then you were at my door. It was a lot all at once and I did not handle it well, so I’m sorry.”

Even with half her face hidden from looking down as she spoke, Bruce could see the shame radiating from her expression. When she finally looked up to make eye contact he had to force himself not to gasp at the guilt and pain in her eyes. His heart clenched at the sight. He hated seeing her look like that. He’d do anything to keep that look off her face. That was his job. That was the entire point of what he’d done. But he failed. He might have failed at it so far, but he was going to make up for it now… if she would let him.

His hand shot out almost too quickly to see and gently squeezed hers, hoping that at least that level of intimacy was allowed. “No, I invaded your space. I forced a confrontation before you were ready. I knew I shouldn’t do that. Sabine… your mother warned me not to do that and I did it anyway. I’m sorry for that. I didn’t… I didn’t want to lose my chance to…” He looked down at the table and frowned trying to get his words in order.

“I didn’t want you to leave before I could talk to you, to try to connect and explain.” He looked at her almost desperately. “You were here, right here. So close. I couldn’t let you slip through my fingers again, not when I knew you knew. Not when I didn’t have to keep it a secret anymore.” He frowned and looked down at his glass, pulling his hand back into his lap. He suddenly chuckled wryly. “If there was ever a good reason to begin with.”

Marinette sucked in a breath not ready for this conversation yet. She thought they’d ease into it. Get comfortable, then get into it. But apparently M. Wayne’s approach was to rip the Band-Aid off. Dealing with uncomfortable situations was definitely not an inherited trait because her method of avoiding any uncomfortable conversations in increasingly unlikely and embarrassing manors until the entire thing festered into a debilitating, unnecessarily explosive fiasco, was not a technique she picked up from her maman either.

Bruce looked back up at her with a determined look. “Marinette, you had a right to react. You had… have a right to be upset or hurt or both. I deserved it. Believe me, I understand that. I’ve gotten worse from your siblings for less. Don’t feel like you have to apologize to me. However you react, I can take it and I’m not going to walk away again. But I am hoping that you being here means you want to move forward, you want to try.” He looked up at her questioningly, an edge of fear in his eyes. “Do you?”

Marinette let out the breath she’d taken in. She looked down and pushed a strand of hair that was still in place behind her ear, letting her fingers linger so she had something else to focus on for a moment. When she looked back up, there was a more determined look in her eyes. “Yes. I… I want to listen. I want to understand.”

Bruce nodded with a grateful smile. “Thank you. I know this is a lot and it hasn’t been fair to you and I’m sorry for… everything.”

Marinette nodded. “Thank you.” They both sat and looked in the vicinity of each other uneasily, both waiting for the other to say something first. Marinette tapped her fingers together while she waited for him to continue speaking, to give the explanation he’d promised.

Bruce was waiting for… he wasn’t sure. Inspiration maybe. He’d thought through what he wanted to say. He’d gone over it all, but somehow seeing her in front of him, looking in her eyes and seeing her vulnerability laid bare, none of his excuses seemed like enough. None of them seemed valid, but then again, they never were.

After a few minutes of silence, he finally spoke up. “When you were born, I was younger than you are now and I didn’t think I’d be able to be a good father.” He frowned at the table. “And in my head it was better for you to not be with me at all. I thought I’d bring you down. But your mother…” he gave her a wan smile, “she was always strong and good. I knew she would be an amazing mother… without my interference. I thought you had a better chance away from me and Gotham and in my idiot mind that meant cutting off all contact.”

“But you took in other kids,” she pointed out timidly.

Bruce nodded and flicked his eyes up to hers before looking back down in guilt. “I didn’t intend to. I came across Dick about awhile after your mother took you to France. He lost his parents. They died, were killed in front of his eyes, like mine had been. He was angry and violent. He needed someone and I thought I could help. I might not be a good parent, but I could help him… keep him from becoming… me.”

Marinette’s brow furrowed sympathetically. “Would that be bad?”

Bruce cringed slightly, remembering how he was at the time. “Yes, it would have. Anger and desperation? They can do bad things to a person.” He looked at her pointedly. “Makes you make terrible decisions.”

Marinette nodded in understanding. She understood how far desperation could drive a person. She understood how dark some people could go. She understood how bad things could get if they continued unchecked. She’d fought those people. She’d helped defeat one of them. And no matter how bad the battle was, it was always harder handling them after they were defeated, when all they had was their grief.

“Jason… he came a few years later. He was alone and on the streets. He was tough and smart and so excited about life, but he was never going to get the opportunity to do anything on the streets.”

“And you wanted to help him too,” Marinette finished his unfinished thought.

“Yeah. He needed someone to let him be a kid, let him be passionate, to love him like a parent should. And I couldn’t leave him there. And Tim… he kind of snuck in and declared himself family. He wasn’t wrong. He is. He came along after Jason… was gone. He filled a void I didn’t even know I had until he stepped in. And I hope I’ve done the same for him. He didn’t have the best childhood either. And now… I can’t imagine the family without him.”

Marinette gave him a small smile. “Sounds like he adopted you.”

Bruce nodded absently, his eyes taking on a far-off focus as he remembered the past. “Sometimes children are smarter than their parent. In the case of my kids,” he looked up at her meaningfully, “all of them, it’s true.

“They didn’t have a better choice… you did. And in my idiotic self-destructive mind, I was helping you. I was convinced for more than a decade that the best thing I’d done in my life, the most selfless, was walk away from you, not force you to have to suffer with dealing with me. But I was just afraid and selfish. I made a stupid choice. By the time I realized how monumentally I’d screwed up, Jason was gone and by the time I got my head back on right, Damian was here and Damian needed all my attention.”

“You didn’t have Damian since he was a baby?”

Bruce shook his head. “No. I didn’t even know about him until he was ten. Then his mother just dropped him off with me. His childhood…” Bruce let out a long breath. “His grandfather taught him since birth that he needed to earn love, or as close as he’s capable to love. Damian’s mother told him he was better than everyone else… so you can imagine the kinds of issues we had for quite a while.”

He gave a proud smile. “He’s made such a big change since he came. He’s grown so much.”

“You sound proud,” she observed poignantly.

Bruce’s smile turned bittersweet. “I’m proud of all of my kids. You’re all amazing people. I don’t know how I ended up with so many amazing kids.”

She smiled and hoped it didn’t come off as awkward as it felt. “So what about Duke? And I think Jason mentioned sisters.”

Bruce nodded. “Cass is the only one I adopted. Stephanie is just around enough that she’s essentially a child. Same with Barbara. I ran into Cass while I was travelling. Her parents were mentally and physically abusive to the point that she didn’t speak until she was a teenager.” Marinette gasped. “She’s a lot better. She communicates with us a lot, mostly through sign language. And Duke… Joker tortured his parents because they saved me once.”

Marinette gasped and grasped his hand, squeezing it. When he met her eyes she gave him another encouraging squeeze and a warm smile. “They’ve all come such a long way. I’m sure a better parent could have done more but somehow we’ve all become a slightly dysfunctional family. Watching them… It’s amazing to see how far they’ve all come. They’ve all had to fight so hard, go against so many obstacles.”

“It sounds like you’ve done a lot of work with all of them. And they’ve grown amazingly with you watching over them. They were incredibly lucky to have you,” Marinette said quietly a strained smile on her face, no longer making eye contact with Bruce. She took back her hand to take a drink of her wine.

Those were valid reasons. She could admit that and she didn’t begrudge them the better life being with M. Wayne afforded them, but still… She fought frowning at her lap. It all made sense. Every step made sense. They needed someone and he could provide, so he did. From an objective perspective. It made sense. Did it make her a bad person if that didn’t make her feel better? What did it say about her that she was still hurt? That she still was angry, felt betrayed? That it wasn’t enough?

Bruce’s face fell as he watched her change in demeanor. His chest clenched. “I never stopped thinking about you and how you were doing. I never stopped loving you.” He reached out for her hand but let his hand dropped when she didn’t offer it readily. “I know you don’t feel that way about me, you just met me, but I’ve loved you from the moment you were born. And I know it’s hard to see and I don’t show it well… at all… but I’ve always tried to make sure you were taken care of, that you never wanted for anything. I’ve kept up on your life to make sure.

“And I need you to know it was never because I didn’t want you. It was never that I thought my other kids were better than you in any way. It was never because I didn’t think you were good enough. I didn’t think I was. I thought you deserved better than I could ever give you, better than you could get in Gotham. But running away wasn’t the way to do that, and I realize that.” He was unsure how to interpret the wide eyed look Marinette was giving him, but he plowed on, needing to say it anyway.

“I really did intend to try to connect. That’s why I went to your final showing. I showed pictures of your work to someone on the fabric project and said I happened to see you there.” He chuckled lightly and shook his head. “I thought I’d have to do a bunch of conniving behind the scenes to get Lucius to use you. But as it turns out, he’s just as excited to get you on the project as I was. He mentioned you to me after you spoke with him.”

Marinette smiled. It was small and self-conscious, but significantly better for Bruce to see than the strained smile she’d had earlier. “M. Fox is a very nice man. I liked speaking with him a lot.”

“And he is quite fond of you.” Bruce smiled fondly at her but his smile quickly turned conspiratorial. “I think he likes you better than he likes me, actually.”

Marinette straightened up in her seat. “I plan on accepting his offer to consult on the project.” She looked up to make eye contact with Bruce. Her body tensed slightly in preparation for her next words. “If… if that’s okay with you.”

Marinette gave a small, uncertain smile when she saw Bruce’s brilliant smile. “Yes! That’s great to hear.” His face turned serious. “What does that mean for… do you want to…”

“I was hoping to take you up on the apartment offer as well… if that’s still an option.” Marinette looked down again, her anxiety back. “It will help Max while he settles in and I thought I could use it while I figure out how the project is going to work and what the requirements on my time will be.” She tapped her fingers together, unable to control her fidgeting. She looked up nervously. “I thought it would also give us a chance to see each other more and your other kids.”

“Absolutely. It is absolutely still available. If you want your own apartment, I can get a penthouse for you. Or you’re welcome to stay at the manor,” he rambled excitedly.

“M. Wayne,” Marinette interrupted. Bruce immediately sobered at her serious expression. “I don’t need special treatment. I don’t need you to buy me things. And I don’t know how long I’ll be in town. Adrien and I are trying to figure out where we want to set up and I’ll need to start taking commissions again.”

Bruce nodded. “I understand. Sorry. I got excited and got carried away. Rich, you know… it’s how we show love.”

Marinette’s face immediately soured as she thought of Adrien’s and Chloe’s childhoods. “That’s not love you’re showing. I’m staying to get to know you and your family, not get things.”

Bruce blinked at her a few times. “Right. I know that. I never thought it was,” he assured her awkwardly. He took a sip of his wine and glanced around the room. He suddenly perked up. “Speaking of commissions, I was hoping we could finally commission you… if that’s okay!” he added quickly. “I don’t want to put pressure on you. I’ve just been waiting to get something made by you for years.”

Marinette blinked a few times and looked down. Her brow furrowed. She fought letting out a sigh. “No, you’re right. I should.”

“We’ll pay you, of course,” he insisted.

Marinette rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to charge you to make something for you.”

Bruce shook his head. “You run a business. I’m commissioning the business. I can cover our commission.”

Marinette huffed and narrowed her eyes at him. “Compromise. You pay for materials. Nothing more.”

Bruce narrowed his eyes back at her. “Materials and time.”

Marinette huffed out a laugh. “Okay fine.”

Bruce grinned. “I’m excited to work with you. I wasn’t kidding. I’ve wanted to commission you for years. I’m a fan of your style and art.”

Marinette opened her mouth but closed it quickly when the waitress came back in with their food. Bruce leaned back so she could set the plates down. “Speaking of, how would you feel about going to the art museum tomorrow and then maybe get some lunch after?”

Marinette nodded. “Oh yeah, there was an exhibit that looked interesting.” She nodded to the waitress and thanked her. The waitress lingered for just a moment before leaving the room.

“Would 9 work for you? Oh, no wait.” He scrunched his face in annoyance. “I have a meeting at 10. It should be done by noon though.” He looked up and gave her an earnest look. “I’ll make sure it is done by noon. How about lunch then art museum?”

Marinette smiled and nodded. “That sounds good.”

“Great. I can bring the keys for the new apartment. Now, I’ve done all the talking. Tell me more about you. Tell me about your friends.” He took a bite giving Marinette his full attention while Marinette talked about her friends and how they had all met and some stories about their time together.

She started out slowly, building up more confidence as she spoke. The more she spoke the more comfortable she was with what she wanted to say. The quicker she was able to filter out what information she didn’t want to share. She wasn’t ready to give him much yet, not enough to do anything with, not more than he could probably get from searching Instagram or Tik Tok, but it was a start. A start to what exactly, she wasn’t sure. But it was a start to something.

Tags:

@maribat-bdbwm @jayjayspixiepop @redscarlet95 @alice-hazelwood @deathssilentapproach-blog @unoriginalmess @alyssadeliv @emotionalsupportginger @frieddonutsweets @when-no-wings-do-broomsticks @toodaloo-kangaroo @colorfulmongerpsychicranch @iloontjeboontje @wolf-for-life @maribatserver @aespades @prettylittlebutterflie @imarivers8 @ certainmuffinbagelcalzone@ritacrow-blog @unoriginalmess @demonicbusiness @kking13 @lady-bee-fechin @blur-of-colours @kittenmywaythrulife @kashlyn @loysydark

#maribat #bio!dad bruce #bio dad bruce wayne #roynette #Even the Losers #prompt - dad jokes

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angellesword · 3 years

Text

MAGIC SHOP | JJK (08)

Description: You and Jungkook were best friends who were in love with each other. What would happen when Soojin, your half sister who you’re trying to impress, told you she’s in love with Jungkook too?

Alternatively:

“Would you believe me if I said that I was scared of everything too?”

Genre: childhood best friends to lovers, family drama, angst, fluff, idiots to lovers, pining, slice of life au.

Pairing: Architect!Jungkook x Architect!Reader (side pairings: Reader x roommate!Jimin | Taehyung x Yoongi)

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: none

Series: CHAPTER 7 | CHAPTER 9

Chapter’s OST: Talk by Kodaline

"Where is he?" Yoongi didn't sound annoyed when he asked this. He knew he should be but then he realized he was more worried than angry.

"In my room," you responded. Yoongi gave you a quick nod before rushing inside your bedroom.

You were left standing in front of your apartment door, waiting for Jimin who you guessed was parking his car.

You wondered if your roommate was upset too. You couldn't blame him if it was the case. You knew it was cruel of you and Taehyung to bail on your double date with him and Yoongi tonight.

However, if you were given a chance to redo this night, you would probably still choose to go home with your brother.

Pretending was becoming taxing on your part. You were sure Taehyung felt the same way as well. He was done acting like he could walk inside a fine-dining restaurant and pay for his meal. Yoongi said Taehyung didn't need to worry about things like bills—that he got it, but your brother was too proud to allow that to happen.

Taehyung and Yoongi had been dating for almost two years now, yet the former still felt abashed when money was involved.

He was so opposed to the idea of Yoongi treating him well. Taehyung didn't like the idea of him leeching off of Yoongi for money. You, on the other hand, were done acting as though you weren't hurt every time you see your brother struggling because of this.

Taehyung burnt himself out by keeping his promise to pay back Taemin. As far as you knew, he still owed your father an estimate of eight hundred thousand dollars. Taehyung had no idea how to pay off his debt, considering that his bank account had zero balance now.

He couldn't even afford to pay rent that's why he usually stayed in your shared apartment with Jimin. Taehyung's excuse was that he didn't like staying alone in his place so he'd rather sleep on your couch.

Yoongi asked your brother to move in with him but the Taehyung refused, saying he wasn't ready to take their relationship into another level. You and Yoongi knew it was a lie. It broke your heart every time Taehyung made lame excuses like this.

You wanted him to be able to freely express his life struggles to you. You would never judge him. It was okay to admit that he turned down Yoongi's offer because he didn't want to be dependent on him, that he didn't want to feel like he was 'useless.'

There should be no shame in admitting that you were having a hard time. It was a normal thing. Many people experienced it, but even if only the minority experienced it, we should still be understanding since not everyone was privileged, some people were struggling just to survive—this was Taehyung's case as of the moment.

He was a freelance model and he's still working as a curator, not at his mother's company though. Taehyung hadn't spoken to his parents, not even to his siblings. You were the only family member he talked to.

Sometimes you felt guilty thinking that one of the reasons why Taehyung turned his back on the Kims was because he wanted to help you forget.

"Come to New York with me," your brother offered this to you a week after you broke up with Jungkook.

You were miserable. You were having a hard time pushing Jungkook away. He was so persistent, begging you to take him back, saying things like he would do whatever you asked him too.

But you couldn't. Everyone knew he and Soojin were getting married. You couldn't afford to shame and hurt your sister like that.

"I could hook you up with this company. They're looking for a graphic designer. You're perfect for the job..."

You had to admit that you were skeptical about Taehyung's preposition. Sure, you wanted to get away from Jungkook, but not to the point of leaving Seoul.

It felt too rushed. New York was a foreign place, you hadn't been there before. You didn't know if you could survive there.

"I don't know, oppa..." You expressed your doubt, fortunately Taehyung knew exactly what to say to successfully coax you.

He said you had nothing to worry about since he would be there for you. Taehyung also promised to introduce you to Park Jimin, his best friend since high school.

Apparently, Jimin was the sweetest person in the world and you needed someone like him in your life. Taehyung thought that the universe wanted you to be close to Jimin since it so happened that the latter was also looking for a roommate.

Originally, Taehyung planned to move in with his best friend to save more money, but he figured it would be best if you took the opportunity instead. As said, your brother wanted you to hit it off with Jimin. Apart from this, Taehyung believed he was better off alone.

He was wrong though. Few months after moving back to New York, Taehyung realized he couldn't handle his expenses.

He needed a roommate too. Sometimes he hated himself for turning down Yoongi's offer, considering that the sole reason why Yoongi decided to go to New York was to be with Taehyung.

Your brother wasn't stupid. He was certain Yoongi was in love with him. The long distance type of relationship wasn't working anymore. They both crave each other's touches and kisses.

A few months after you and your brother left Seoul, Yoongi called to say he had been offered a job in New York too. He said he accepted it despite Taehyung's opposition.

It wasn't like Taehyung didn't want to be with Yoongi. Your brother was just upset that his boyfriend was making all these sacrifices for him. Yoongi was a well-known fashion designer in Korea. Why would he want to be an assistant of a fashion designer here in the United States?

It was absurd. But Yoongi didn't complain. He never did. Many months later, his patience and hard-work paid off.

Yoongi was able to close deals with different clients using his own name. He wasn't hiding in the shadow of his boss. He wasn't an assistant anymore. This was also the reason why Yoongi wanted to go out on a double date with you, his boyfriend, and Jimin tonight.

He wanted to celebrate his success with the people he loved, but Taehyung's 'mood' ruined Yoongi's night.

"Hey," while you ruined Jimin's.

"Hey you." Your roommate's voice was laced with exhaustion upon seeing you waiting for him at the door.

Your heart recoiled at the sight of his tired face. You were aware that his job as a professor was exhausting, it didn't help that he and Yoongi waited for two hours in that restaurant only to end up leaving and not grabbing something to eat.

"I'm really sorry about tonight," you smiled apologetically. You hated disappointing him.

"At least I saved some money." He laughed and this was when you came to know that he was holding a box of pizza.

A smile bloomed on your face.

"Is that garlic and shrimp?" You couldn't contain your excitement. Jimin chuckled and nodded at you, pleased that you appreciated the food he brought.

"Yay!" You grabbed the pizza box, rushing towards the kitchen so you could open it.

Your stomach grumbled, your eyes turning into the shape of a heart as you grabbed a piece of pizza.

"So good!" You moaned, relishing the taste of your food for tonight. Jimin grinned, handing you a can of beer.

You gladly took it. Jimin knew you so well. Pizza and beer were your favorite food combination.

"Corndog’s sold out," your roommate mentioned as he grabbed a slice of pizza for himself.

Your smile faltered. Yeah, right. How could you say that pizza and beer were your favorite when nothing could ever top corndogs, your favorite brand of probiotic drink, some chocolate bars, and Jungkook's smile?

"Is everything alright?" Jimin asked softly when he noticed your frown.

"Yeah."

Should he believe you?

"How's Tae?"

"Better, I guess? Yoongi's with him right now." You wanted to give them some slices of pizza. Taehyung's probably hungry, but then you didn't want to disturb him and Yoongi. Maybe they're still in the middle of a serious conversation.

Your brother's most likely explaining to his boyfriend why his mood suddenly turned sour. Yoongi asked you to tell him the truth, sadly you felt like you're not in the position to tell him anything.

You didn't even understand what's running inside your brother's head, and so you simply texted Yoongi and Jimin this: have to take a rain check for dinner tonight. sorry. Tae oppa's not feeling well.

"What about you?"

Your head snapped up to meet your roommate's thoughtful gaze. "What about me?"

"Are you okay?" Jimin sounded so sweet that your heart was filled up with so much warmth. Taehyung's right. You needed someone like Jimin in your life.

"I'm fine," you lied. You're not. Lately all you could think about was him and what could've been. "Wanna watch Breaking Bad and hate on Walter White?"

The worry painting his face vanished when you mentioned his favorite T.V series.

"I still don't get why you hate Mr. White when a whole Skyler White exists." He gasped dramatically, shaking his head before making his way to the living room.

You sighed, smiling albeit the pain in your chest. You couldn't help but compare the two men who had a huge impact in your life. The first one never forced you to share, he was very easy to reassure that you're okay, the other man, on the contrary, wouldn't stop until he's sure you're really feeling better. He liked prying into your personal life, acting like he could stop your despair.

Your chest ached because between the two men, you didn't know who you preferred.

Yoongi and your brother couldn't be bothered and you were certain it was because they're busy fucking. It was Taehyung's way of making it up to his boyfriend.

"He's getting so worked up over a fly! Gosh, he's so annoying!" And your way to make it up to Jimin was trying to keep your dislike of Walter White to yourself. Keyword here? Try. It was so hard not to talk shit about Jimin's favorite fictional character.

You tried. But you couldn't anymore.

"oh gosh," you pouted when you noticed your roommate's being too quiet. "I'm not supposed to rant because I know you're mad at me."

That broke his silence.

"I'm mad at you?" He looked at you as if you're crazy. "Why would I be mad?"

"Uh..." You winced. "Because I bailed on our date?"

Jimin laughed. He actually laughed! The corner of his mouth twisting upwards.

"I guess I haven't made myself clear about that, huh," he rubbed his chin, realizing that he didn't explicitly tell you it was okay, that you didn't owe him anything.

"I like you..." He confessed, uttering your name. "You know that, right? I'm glad you even agreed to go on a date with me."

You bit your bottom lip.

"But liking me doesn't mean you're not allowed to get mad at me."

Jimin chuckled again, amusement was dancing in his eyes. He lowered the volume of television before turning to face you.

"But I'm not mad. I know what I was getting myself into when I told you how I feel about you. Liking someone means you should also accept the risk of getting hurt, you know?"

You shuddered, heart thumping. You felt like your head was spinning.

As usual, Jimin simply giggled at your reaction.

"You're acting as if liking someone is such a scary thing..."

"It is." You replied, voice still mixed with slight fear. "Love too. Imagine waking up one day only to realize that someone has the power to hurt you."

You made that mistake once. You're still paying for it now. Love...be it romantic familial, or platonic, it still hurt the same. You made sacrifices for them, making yourself your last priority when it should be the top one.

"Imagine waking up every day realizing you have the power to make someone's life a little bit better, and doing it." Jimin retorted and for the first time, you couldn't answer.

You simply rested your head on his shoulders, grabbing the remote to increase the volume of whatever episode of Breaking Bad you were watching.

At the end of the episode, you saw Walter White closing his eyes, finally dozing off, a yawn escaped from your lips and before you knew it, you fell asleep too.

You jolted to consciousness when you heard your phone rang.

Grunting, you immediately answered the call even though an unknown number was ringing you. Jimin was sound asleep beside you. You couldn't risk waking him up.

"Hello?" You squinted, sleepiness still staining your eyes. "Who's this? Why're you calling me in the middle of the night?"

There was a pregnant pause on the other line, making you huff and yawn in annoyance. Was this a prank call?

"I'm gonna end this call if you don't speak." You yawned again when the caller still didn't say anything. "Goodnight—"

"Wait!" The stranger said before you could hang up.

Your heart suddenly skipped a beat. The voice of this caller sounded familiar—too familiar to the point that you could feel your stomach stirring.

"It's Jungkook," he mumbled. "Jeon Jungkook..."

He said his name as if you'd ever forget that. Your stomach continued to protest.

"I'm sorry for calling you so late..."

You were holding your breath, unable to speak.

"But it's an emergency."

"Emergency?" You startled, very awake now. Jimin stirred in his sleep because of your abrupt alerted movement. "Where are you right now, Kook? Are you okay? Did something happen?"

You stood up, pacing back and forth. Jungkook was silent once again. You felt tears filling your eyes. Why was he taking this slow when he said it was an emergency?

"Y-Yeah," his voice was shaky, as though he was having a hard time. Your heartbeat doubled as he said this:

"You and Taehyungie-hyung have to go back here in Seoul. The whole family needs you."

#jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #ficswithluv #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #jungkook best friends to lovers #jungkook best friend #armywriterssupport #jungkook x female reader

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vannyvancan · 3 years

Text

“nice to meet you“ Roommate!Shinsou Hitoshi X F!Reader Part 1

MINORS DNI

my masterlist

Tw for : Assassin!Shinsou theme, female reader, gun usage, slight insecurity (?), NSFW for the most part on the later chapters, drug usage, corrupt government talk, harassment

This was the worst timing of your life. It was September and you knew time is going to pass quickly to chilly December. Even though late summer's breeze made it pleasurable to go out in town to run errands, the increase of supply demand made you squeeze out what little energy you had for the office job at logistics. Barely earning your required minimum wage in the small flat that you owned, your life was miserable for your financial conditions. Then your dear neighbor friend gave you an idea.

"Put up a roommate flyers? You can definitely share expenses with someone to ease your wallet"

Its not like it was a bad idea. You had roommates in the past in your time in college, you just were afraid of the mess you'd usually come back to once your classes would end. Now that you are an adult woman with a job, it seemed almost silly. Still wearing your summer loose shirt and shorts as house-wear you were basking in what little warmth summer had to offer, you looked out of the flat window to gaze at the orange sunset while preparing your fliers, the mixture of pink and purple ombre sent your mind in a state of serenity. For a moment you had forgotten your financial worries.

If only there was a way for you to excel more at your job and earn more, you've tried to, but the corrupt system only allowed privileged people on the spot.

The thought sent you back to reality and you grimaced, sighing and turning your head back to the paper you reread the information on it.

„Looking for a roommate at Address XXX, phone number and e-mail contact info...“

It was really neat even, you made a cutout for each number and email paper so that people can pluck it and consider it. You sent out fliers and continued on with your day.

The moment you sent out fliers around your workspace, around your building and in the most populated places in the town, the realization settled in that you'd be sharing expenses with some total stranger, you didn't have any friends that needed help, almost everyone that you knew off was either married and living with their partner or busy helping their parents and therefore still living with them. You had asked your closest friend, Uraraka if she needed it as a temporary stay before she moved out of country, but her plans caught her working on the other side of the city and was too far away from you. She probably had a similar situation like you so you felt bad.

You only hoped that the person that would knock on the door and be your roommate would not end up harassing you, make a mess more than you usually make yourself, or like your pessimistic parents would say, kill you.

Within two days, you get a call early morning, startling you awake.

Flying out of bed to pluck your phone out from charger you coughed out your morning voice and looked at the unknown number on the screen, swiping the green phone you answered. You were curious on the sort of person you'd have this conversation with. Maybe you were a bit naive, because on one hand you were anxious, but you sure were also exited to have a person in this soulless flat.

"Hey... Is this the right number for a roommate flier?"

You've never heard a voice such like his. Spending your almost entire life in that neighborhood you've grown accustomed to voices such like your local sweet lady at supermarket, the friend from work had much more boring voices. But this guy seemed to have come from the outside. Perhaps Uraraka knew of him? You could ask, but doubtful.

Maybe he came to work temporarily? Your mind raced with questions as the mysterious, low voice left you speechless and it took you some time until he asked again

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

"Oh- y-yes I'm sorry!"

„My name is Shinsou Hitoshi, I was wondering if we could discuss about it further and meet up somewhere? Preferably an hour from now, at... Midoriya's Lounge Cafe? Sounds good?“

God, his voice sent your legs wobbling and it was only 7:05 AM on Saturday. He obviously had energy to do it now and you were barely awake, about to pass out by the mere vibrations from the speaker.

„Sure! Thank you for considering my place. Let's meet up there.“

Waking up fully you dressed up, plastered some make up on and stormed out, you also made sure to hide whatever leftover clothing from your living room in your bedroom to hide any nasty appearance if he decides to come here.

The stroll was short, the cafe he proposed was a 20 minute walk from your place, you weren’t sure if it was a coincidence that he chose this place or if he was considerate for choosing a place close by, but you were grateful for it.

8 AM and the cafe was rather busy at Saturday morning, good thing was that there was a lot of free space between tables, you'd usually pick this place to have a peace of mind when it was afternoon lunch break and you weren’t much hungry.

Now entering, the door made a small 'ding' from the doorbell, marking your entrance, your eyes scanned the area to find anyone who would be remotely looking at your direction. You didn't know how Shinsou looked like, but he could of easily tracked on the contact info how you looked like.

You made an eye contact with an individual staring at you, were his purple eyes staring back at you the whole time? The gaze sent the hairs on your back of your neck stand out. He was intimidatingly dangerous, it was apparent. His arms seemed to have enough strength to crush both of your wrists with just his one hand, his tall figure managed to find comfort in the armchair, knee poked a bit on the side and you could only guess how tall he truly was judging by his sitting position. The only coloured thing he wore was the purple strap adorning his black pants and t-shirt. The strap also matched his eyes and wild hair. It sure was in unusual colour, but you didn't question it since the owner of the said lounge was green haired.

He slowly tapped a finger on the table two times while looking at you.

'So this is Mr. Shinsou?' You questioned yourself, it was only logical, to whoever else he might invite to come sit beside him? Gulping a lump in your throat, you approached him, setting a bag on the other chair you noticed a sports bag was beside him. Was this all of his luggage? He didn't seem to have much if he was ready to move in right now, maybe he was only a temporary stay? Maybe he just came out from a gym.

Of course, it was 8 AM. And the man now sitting across you seemed to be the type to buff himself a lot, you held in your breath again once your gaze set on his exposed forearms and how tight his black shirt hugged his figure. It took you good amount of time to introduce yourself to him, but he seemed to be patient enough to let you get comfortable.

„Hello! You must be the one for the flier, my name is Y/N. It's a pleasure to make acquaintance.“

„Nice to meet you. I ordered us coffee if you don't mind?“ He smiled lightly

„Oh I don't mind, I love coffee in here, I'm a regular.“

After a short greeting, you two had a small talk on his and your state of living, you were sure he was going to be a semi-distant person, judging by his work schedule that makes it almost impossible to meet him throughout the day and night, you were kind of worried, but didn't judge much since it was his job of choice, he never said what he did though.

„Well you could say I'm a night owl. I go where I'm asked, taking calls left and right. Don't worry, I earn enough for your rent.“ He crossed his legs and laid back on the armchair, letting his arms rest on each side of it. You didn't say it but you were especially enjoying the view.

You were quiet careful when it came to relationships, ever since you had your heart broken in hopes of finding one, it made you feel insecure if you'd ever find a soulmate. This man made it seem like he was a big fish to catch, and you were out of his league so you quickly established it before any further thoughts entered in your mind.

„Great! So you want to come to my place now to look around before deciding? There's a guest room where you can leave your stuff.“

The indigo haired man nodded, after you had drank your morning coffee, you both payed for it and left, he took his sport bag and you eyed him curiously. You barely know him and now you know now he is going to come and live with you. Its not like you had much of a choice... you had to save on something, you were starving, and he came by quickly to come and live with you. As exciting as it is to have an attractive individual come and live with you, it also terrified you.

The walk back to your place was quiet, occasional questions slipped out from your mouth. Asking about his food preference and anything he didn't like to make his stay more comfortable. He seemed pretty open about anything.

„Is that all of the luggage you are taking with you or are you going to come back with more?“

„No, this is all.“ He responded, short and concise. „I'm a man of simple needs.“

God he should stop talking, or more like you should stop asking questions like a curious kitten, his voice made you jump on the phone but it was a stuggle to be with him in lounge to hear him talk as well. Once arriving, you struggled to find a door key for a second and you opened it to reveal a simple flat.

„Here we are.“ You looked at him and let him enter first.

You weren’t going to let your guard down still, if he was going to do something behind your back you at least wanted to have a little bit of chance to escape. His foot stepped inside, softly stepping on the plush carpet with his dark shoes he inspected the area almost innocently. You sighed in relief and entered after him, closing the door behind you.

„On the right is a door to the guest room.“ You said as you took off your jacket and tossed the key to the stand. „There's a bathroom in here and my room in on the left. If you ever need me just knock on the door alright?“

„You doubt that I don't have manners? Careful you might lose a roommate now.“

He turned sideways and grinned at you. There was something about this individual that's going to be a handful for you, nevertheless of how little you are going to see him throughout the day. After the short tour, he signed a contract of living with you. As you suspected, he was going to be a temporary stay in the city, he promised to be out of your neck in six months, after that, he was going out. He gave you the first pay and shortly after that he was phone called by someone on his end.

'Busy bee, isn’t he?' You thought to yourself as you watched him leave, shrugging the thought away you glanced curiously at his bag in the room that he left.

'It's not polite to look at other people's things.' You hummed and closed the door to now Shinsou's room. Feeling the unease fading away now, you decided to not worry yourself about other people's things as you had too much of your own.

Dialing the phone now yourself you sent a message to your friend.

[Today] 'Hey, Uraraka? Want to go out someday? I have so much to talk about! <3 '

#bnha shinso hitoshi #shinsou hitoshi x reader #shinsou hitoshi #shinso hitoshi #shinso hitoshi x reader #bnha shinsou #shinso x reader #shinso #bnha reader insert #mha shinsou #mha shinso x reader #god wtf so many tags

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