#more like a test one yknow

[bmpmp3]

11 fish

#art #traditional art #watercolour #inspired by the fact that in my studio classes recently - i and every other student who does watercolor or ink based work #always inevitable has viewers more drawn to our swatch test pages instead of our actual work LOL #i dont mind it too much i get it but it is funny so i thought yknow i have this tiny pad of watercolour paper that i dont feel like using #for normal drawings (too small) so i drew a shitty fish on each page and used it as a tester page whenever i was doing my #for-fun cartoon drawings <3 not looking at it at all just putting down the colour to check the consistency of paint #i think its kinda fun. its an interesting conundrum because that pure spontaneous quality u get from my test swatches Cannot be emulated on #purpose. i can get close and loosen up. but inevitably unless i make all my normal drawings test swatches while colouring in other stuff #my normal drawings will never truly have this quality. which i dont mind! but i thought itd be funny to find a way to still make something #with this intangible test swatch quality since people like it a lot! and it does look neat #also each one was a specific painting session. some were smaller sessions with only a few colours used #and some were really long sessions! and of course u can see how much brown and black and beige i use #and u can spot the traces of rosie in the green and pink HJKSDAHJKDSl hes always here #very interesting thing to play around with! i'd like to do something like this again i think

[sundial-girl]

GOOD LUCK

me walking out of that exam knowing i prob bombed it

#ask #JOKING (sorta) #I SAW THIS LIKE. AFTER I FINSHED THE EXAM YKNOW BUT THANK YOU #god you wanna know what the worst part is. cause i gotta confess something The Guilt #i secretly got intel on the test qs from someone who took it earlier than me (tuesday) and was in anothe one of my classes #SO I KNEW WHAT WAS ON THERE. BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE I DID BAD 😭 i should've studied more fuckkkk. #whatever its done at least even if most of the answers are prob wrong. maybe ill get partial credit idk #I WANNA GET OUT OF HEREEEE. CLASSES OVER BUT IM STILL NOT FREE YET. BUT SOON

[rad-claid-plaid]

was talking to the bf earlier and he was deeply shocked to learn that some methods of birth control over the years have negative effects and actual serious detriments to health. and like lawsuits surrounding them. stuff like blood clots or bone density. and I had to tell him that it's not a new thing that women's contraceptive risks are brushed aside

#like ofc i love contraception and having access to it but some are safer than others yknow #like the fucking yaz lawsuits or ones youre not supposed to be on for more than x years or they fuck your bones up #the only answer is more rigorous testing and trials to ensure womens safety #and just mote funding for womens healthcare in general

[kangaracha]

what's a really unfortunate discovery in my life in the last two years is that my boss told me i was racing against my beeper counting seconds last year and confiscated it (secret skill unlocked: can count to fifteen seconds in your head with extreme accuracy) and i'm like he cannot be for real with this, how do you Race Time. and then i play guitar against a metronome and You'll Never Fucking Guess What My Fatal Flaw Is

#'roo are you subconciously racing the metronome' YES I AM AND I'M BAFFLED #HOW did this man watch a horse gallop through a pair of binoculars and know that i am locked in mortal combat with the passage of time #truly insane #anyway we're uh. gonna get better at yknow. letting beats pass. #i think as with horse riding i play music more accurately without the metronome #or possibly i just do whatever i like #i distinctly remember my violin teacher never being able to change the way the uhhhhhh what do you call ems #the one concerto i had i just decided how it sounded and that's how it was and were my notes all a consistent length? pfff no #it sounds good though #oh that's the other thing i never got to do like level testing or whatever for any instrument ever? #but i randomly found out last year that i was at least like intermediate like halfway through the levels or whatever for violin? #false advertising i keep telling people i learnt nothing in eight years #but also can i technically pull off a 3 page concerto? yes. do my hands shake so much my bow sometimes jumps on the strings? yes. #anyway this seemed like a funny story for the masses #get to know you time with roo

[milo-is-rambling]

Who was gonna tell me that reading is fun sometimes

#I will bring shame to my eight year old self NO MORE!!!! I LIKE READING AGAIN!! YIPPEE!!! #I think I seriously enjoy reading about the brain and body and trauma like it’s so strange to spend two hours laying in bed with a book but #it’s so nice #I really enjoyed science growing up even into high school I just didn’t have the patience or motivation to finish essays #and my freshman year science teacher got fired halfway thru the year after they found out she didn’t have a teaching license and then my #class got split up into an advanced science teachers class who was way ahead of everything we had learned and then I hated the class and #science in general then in sophomore year I had another shitty teacher who didn’t care about teaching and I literally would find recourses #and send them to the teacher to put on the projector and then I would talk thru the resource that’s fucking real I literally had class #periods where I TAUGHT my sophomore year science class. GAHHHH I still get so bad at that fucking teacher I don’t even remember her name but #she pissed me off so bad cause she paired me with the two guys who always made fun of me just bc I was smart and they were annoying. anyways #depression and adhd and boredom happened and I almost failed that class but still passed in the end and then in junior year during covid #I was taking a biology class and an anatomy class that was supposed to be seniors (seniors did the advanced class and they offered regular #class to select juniors) and I ended up being the ONLY junior who wasn’t doing the advanced course. like. everyone else got assignments and #I had to ask hey what’s the easy version of that assignment cause I’m technically in the easy class even tho we’re in the same class period #and then Covid and I stopped caring at all about anhthing and then dropped out of school and moved down the entire coast so yknow. #I never stood a chance at being good at science but I’m realizing I might actually be passionate about it cause I have been since I was #little I just kind of ignored it and forgot but like. for one birthday I got a telescope and for one Christmas I got a microscope. like it’s #well known to everyone but me that I like science apparently oh my god what’s wrong with my brain !!!! anyways. #I like science now it’s weird to feel passionate about learning I haven’t done that in a long time #oh my god when I took my GED test my highest score was in SCIENCE AND NOT ENGLISH #THIS IS ALL SO OBVIOUS I LOVE SCIENCE WHY AM I NOT DOING SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE RELATED TO SCIENCE

[arolesbianism]

Draws Shake with a generic blue background for the 500th time

#keese draws #oc #ocs #oc art #furry art #furry #furry oc #I actually drew this a couple days ago but shhhh #also I decided to test giving it paw scars and I kinda like it? idk if I'm gonna stick with it tho #mostly cause Im not sure its entirelyy realistic #like her recovery did take much longer that it was supposed to and even afterwards she tended to chew at the general area a lot #but also I dont think theres any real reason the fur around the scars wouldnt have grown back yknow? #its one of those situations where it rly is just abt how much I think they add to its design #and with me more or less removing its glowy rings I do like the idea of adding new splashes of green to compensate

[iinmysights]

brb gonna wallow in my misery for a sec

#Ravage.txt #dl #my adviser and i are both bad at math on the fly so for a brief 20ish minutes after my appt i thought i could graduate on time if i took #just one extra class but no. if i did that i’d still need 10 more credits. damn. that hurt. #AND i gotta tell my mom that i can’t be an hca anymore bc my dumbass didn’t look at the schedule for the skills test and thought it was #something else and now there’s no more training opps before my due date n bc i’ve been doing the online work for a while (i think sept?) #she’s gonna be mad at me and super snarky/passive aggressive for at LEAST a week. AND my dad will get in on it too 😑 #this one horse keeps trying to full on bite me nonstop too. and i have to deal with that twice a day 6 days a week if i can get saturday off #(idk when i can ask for a specific day off weekly). and i’m tryna figure out if i wanna pay a lot more for a custom neon sign or get a #refund and pay even more later on when i get more spare cash (price was $310 and the seller offered to do it for $190 but i didn’t read the #item desc so i thought it was like. $45 total on a major sale for the whole thing not a single character). just. frustrations all around #yknow. AND actually shit i still need to get some stuff for my car looked at ughhhhh there goes even more money and time and energy #i’m so tired i’m so tired. i just want a break. a long fucking break. preferably it starts and ends with a bullet to my brain

[ghostlypawn]

i cant enjoy american medical procedurals bc all i cant think about is wow ur rly racking up that patients bill there huh…..

#yknow when patient has unknown thing #and they have multiple theories and test out each and everyone one u til its some niche thing no ones heard of #and its like welp thats another $800 test …. oop and another one…. one that one looks even more expensive…. #uk medical shows are just like. the nhs is dying btw everyones suicidal bc theyre not getting paid for their overworking.

[catzgam3rz]

GOD YOU SAVED YOUR ASS BECAUSE IF YOU DIDNT KNOW WHO ARIANA GRANDE WAS I WOULDVE SLAUGHTERED RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW just thought you shouldve known ☺️

God Goobie you have no idea how valid someone thinking I don't know who she is IS though

I live under the BIGGEST FUCKING ROCK pop culture-wise, I repeatedly will have to google or stare in full confusion as someone tells me about a very prominent and well-known actor or singer it is seriously all the damn time lol

#rambles #answered asks #goobiestar #goobie #i KNOW there are people who are also like this and I shake your fucking hand dude #it really doesn't help that I don't usually give a rats ass about the artists behind music like I really don't care #same thing kinda about actors but I tend to recognize them a little more often especially if they're a lead in smthn I like #oh worse than both of those though is like popular media everyone ELSE watched while I grew up #like yknow Spongebob or Hannah Montana (Specified because I was distinctly banned from watching both lol) #(and jhonny test but idk how universal that one is lmao)

[prehistorictriforce]

i am going to drop out of college i swear to FUCKIGJGN god… i’ll do it… don’t test me… however the fuck many more years of this shit NO!! i can’t do it bros!!!

#hella venty tags just fyi #gotten to the point that i just want the most boring repetitive bullshit job i don’t need passion anymore i’m so done #just give me some boring ass tasks no one else wants to do idc anymore i just don’t #i’m not smart enough for this shit i hate tests i hate essays i hate the way they make us learn #i used to love learning so much but i just Don’t Want To anymore #and that SUCKS. yknow there was a time i wanted to get my phd. #now i’m not even sure i’ll be able to get my associates #i’m case y’all can’t tell i am NOT enjoying my classes this semester #midterm week has me ready to go lay down in the forest and become one w the moss #how did they manage to make shit like philosophy and anthropology. things that i VERY MUCH ENJOY. be so stressful and upsetting #these are things i LIKE and things i WANT TO LEARN ABT and yet i just want to give up so bad #i just don’t care at all anymore. and it sucks because i LIKE my philosophy professor. he’s a really nice guy #but the workload is insane and this midterm is even more so #don’t even get me started on anthropology. that was supposed to be MY CLASS. #i was supposed to be ALL OVER THAT SHIT. instead i have the worst professor i’ve ever had and i can’t even make myself WANT to do this work #it’s so fucking upsetting. i used to care abt learning and knowledge and school. i used to. but holy fuck #especially learning online like it’s great for some aspects but professors do NOT understand workload online #i’ve got two and a half hours before this fuckin midterm. then i have another essay to do for anthro and then a midterm for anthro #both due by tomorrow night. and i forgot i have a concert tomorrow night too. fuckkkk i don’t wanna go man. i don’t #i’ll shut up now but fucking fuck

[zarnzarn]

Fuck yaar it's one of those days where u are either dissociating or depressed all day it sucks ass

#girl i came to ten minutes ago with and realised i was testing the sharpness of a knife against my thigh #not like in a self harm way just like it wasnt cutting the fabric well and i was so zoned out the next move was to test it against skin #AND today was so SHIT cause like half the day was pure dissociation. i mean it. zoned the fuck out. #i told one friend that i had a bunch of messy scribbles for a brain atm and i was speaking to her through the static #she is an absolute trooper but NOT doing that again lmao the self consciousness afterwards was too much #and it sucks too cause i wanted to greet someone today but i just. brain switched off. #honestly im gonna admit this once in th tags once but i was kinda scared cause i was actively railing against my brain to wake up #and couldnt #and then came home and mom had thrown away these old boxes I really loved and we fought then #and yeah actively holding back the urge to kill myself while trying to get her to stop screaming is Not Fun #i wont actually ever do it cause pride and knowing theres more out there than this #but like. windows right there yknow. knifes right there. #probably shouldnt traumadump on my girl again tho. she deserves better. #does not eating when hungry count as self harm lol. probably. #lmao these tags are a cry for HELP girl let's tag all the warnings #vent post #suicide mention #suicide tw #self harm mention #delete later #also please do not worry abt me. i am not going anywhere i am just in mental shambles

[oflgtfol]

everyones all like wah i have wrist problems bc im an #Artist yeah well waht about ganglion cysts. Wheres my ganglion cyst gang at

#brot posts #i think this is the first time i puvlicly said whats wrong with me. lmao #and even then i have a weird version of it that like nobody else has 😔 #everybody else can get a diagnosis instantly bc the cysts are very obviously visible outside #but not me baby it took me four doctors appointments and an MRI in both wrists to get a diagnosis #bc mine are so small and embedded deep inside #which also means that they tore my ligaments and caused so much more pain than normal ganglion cysts should (: #i was essentially walking around with chronically sprained wrists for like four years #i say was cuz i think the cysts have finally disappeared since i dont have flareups nearly as much/as bad as i used to #so whenever my wrists act up nowadays i think its probably just the. yknow. longterm side effects of having 4 year long sprains #i cant know for sure without another MRI and its been years since i last got one (for the initial diagnosis) so like. lol. whatever #wait i also had x rays done before the MRI. they obviously did not find anything in the x rays but i think i should mention that #they also had me get bloodwork done to test if i had LUPUS like #it took fucking forever to get a diagnosis it was wild 😭

[charlieism]

literally all i want is to go in for an autism diagnosis or something

#every like. test ive taken online is always like yeahhh probably? but not super strongly right #but i fundamentally am bad at filling in those kinda things bc idk what the threshold for answers like strongly agree agree etc is #and i dont always agree fully w one part of the question but i will strongly agree with half of it so like what then #and all the things abt social interactions like. i CAN meet people and i am good at it but thats bc ive LEARNED what makes ppl comfortable #its like putting on a little character. im still me im just acting more confident and extroverted bc that makes everyone happier. LEARNT IT #honestly tho like even if i went in and they like nah u just a bit weird. itd be good. bc then at least id know for sure yknow #i let go of this a while ago but i had a MASSIVE conversation w my sister yesterday abt all these fucking traits and things we've done our #whole lives some of them overlapping but just like. a lot of internal things. that we dont think are normal neurotypical behaviour. we got #v in depth abt it but most of that stuff isnt on the questionnaires obviously i guess lol. like idk if itd be autism or whay #but i stg its something and she swears on her life she thinks so too and wanted us diagnosed when we were younger but mum wouldnt hear it. #but at the same time like is it masking or am i actually just introverted and an actor. is me never looking ppl in the faces unless we're #alrdy friends which leads to completely not recognising ppl i should know neurodivergent or just me. is the way i remix words and say them #aloud to myself vocal stimming or just weird. my constant need to fidget w rings and hair? not that weird. my little routines while driving #like tapping my foot when we pass a driveway? who knows. #ID LIKE TO KNOWWWW i want some conclusive results lmao #jay rambles

[sevens-evan]

chuck is such a FUCKING good show. holy shit

#evan watches chuck #i forget abt it for awhile and go oh it’s like silly and nerdy and fun #and then i watch one of the more intense episodes and i feel my entire soul leave my body #just rewatched the christmas episode where they get trapped in the buy more #god. the ENDING. both yvonne and zachary’s acting is just. fucking nuts #when sarah walks into the store and you can See her drop the spy persona and put on Cover Girlfriend Sarah #who at this point is like 50% actual sarah #and chuck’s just. utter devastation #like he has to have known she’s killed people yknow but it’s just #god. what a show. what an episode #this and the red test episode together are just. chefs kiss

[gibbearish]

a weird little thing abt me is i will definitely mock shitty ai art but it never feels right doing it about the hands simply by virtue of the fact that a lot of them look indistinguishable from the hands i was doing years ago when i first got a drawing tablet

#like id have the right number of fingers obv but like. putting the thumb on the wrong side #fingers bending weird directions or connecting in weird places #weird anatomy at joints‚ freaky nails‚ bad proportions‚ bad perspective‚ etc etc etc #people say 'this isnt ai like in sci-fi its just machine learning' but to me its a lot more interesting to look at it as #'this isnt ai like in scifi /yet/' #like yeah the stuff ai does in fiction isnt possible at this point but like. i find it difficult not to wonder if this #is the ai version of infancy stages yknow? like. #ppl go 'its cant write its own stuff its just recycling stuff its been fed' as if thats not kinda how people . learn to talk? #idk i just find it hard to agree with arguments that act like where we currently are at is the furthest these technologies could possibly #evolve in our lifetimes #'it just makes things up' you mean like toddlers going on long winding rambles about unicorns and monsters or w/e #'it cant do art good' you mean like a child? or even just literally Anyone who doesnt know how to draw yet? #like. idk. i feel like people are trying very very hard to insist the ai of today is still the same as it was in the clevverbot days #and that its impossible to evolve any further #people want to cling to the old days when ai stuff didnt pass the turing test by a much wider marging than it tends to now #dont want to admit that it does indeed sometimes surpass the turing test and likely would be able to even moreso were it #not for restraints #(see: that one stock trading ai that did insider trading vs various chatbots not bring allowed to write disparaging things #about copyrighted people or w/e) #if ai stuff was still truly indistinguishable from human works then we wouldnt need to spend so much time #hashtag exposing things as being ai generated #and i just think its bad to‚ in pursuit of that‚ mock things that are like. just stuff all beginner artists struggle with #i guarantee you there is not a single artist out there who hasnt drawn a hand that made them want to curl up and die at least once. #i got very off-topic there but swung it back around at the end there so. hashtag win #origibberish

[justareallyboredfangirl]

my heels have been raw for a WEEK now from the flats i wore to my interview last week. i had to go out, get a decent looking outfit JUST for it, had to put on some makeup -i don’t wear makeup-, had to buy a cheap ass pair of dress shoes from walmart to go with it, couldn’t just show up in my old tennis shoes… only to get there and for all the guys i was up against to be wearing jeans and their tennis shoes like they just came from the gym- and MOST of them got the job. every single woman in there was dressed nice, hair done, modest yet professional clothes, PRESENTABLE. and almost every guy was dressed like they just came from a bar. idk.

they tell you not to have blue hair or visible tattoos or piercings “BeCaUsE nO oNe WiLl HiRe YoU!!” and so you never dye your hair like you want to, you dress nice, you put effort into your appearance for this one day, you wear uncomfortable shoes that shred your heels and you have to wear bandaids for the next week, you give your most thoughtful answers to the interview questions, and it still might not be enough. meanwhile Mr Burger Grease Stained Shirt McGee beside you in his beat up sketchers bullshitted all his answers and landed the job

#i shouldnt still be thinking about it. but i just had to change my bandaids AGAIN and my heels dont look like theyre getting better at all #theyre still raw #it was a group interview and the only other lady in there didnt get the job #only a couple guys out of thr entire pool for my time slot were dressed Nice #like not in their every day casual clothes. one guy wore a marble looking maroon suit jacket which i respect the hell out of #he got the job. #but almost everyone else was in casual wear. hell I was the only girl in pants!! business type pants but still #ALL the women were dressed up. only a few of us made it through #a lot more effort was put in on our part. and yet #idk. im not trying to articulate any specific point here. just kinda cant stop thinking #about how none of the guys are having to wear bandaids on their heels for a week #after their 4 hour interview process #i was only in the damn things for 4 hours. from start to the time i already had the job and drug tested it was only ~4 hours #just my life #vent #im not complaining that they got the job…its just the fact that they didnt put half the effort into looking presentable as we did yknow? #why did i have to put concealer on to be taken seriously. why couldnt i have gone in in my old tennis shoes and still gotten the job #because LAST time i went in for the same interview i DIDNT wesr makeup #and i DIDNT wear flats. i went in in my tennis shoes and formal-ish pants and a sweater and didnt get the job #im not saying how i dressed this time is what did get me the job…but i know that i put more effort into looking the part of an interviewee #this time and i did get the job. so idk. did it make a difference? it was the only thing i did different this time so i have to think it did #idk. i guess i just would like to see the same amount of effort put in. either that or dont make ME put in so much effort. #let me show up in MY casual wear and MY comfortable shoes. #idk. my heels hurt and its annoying