#metallic paint is fun but it looks good from exactly one very specific angle

[thekendallkathryn]

Presenting glamourous Hollywood prince Mingyu

#I was in the mood for glamourous mingyu #or several actually #seventeen #fanart #mingyu #traditional #seventeen art #sketchbook #metallic #character study #but like the visual kind? #the earrings and tear were very last minute additions to balance all the gold #metallic paint is fun but it looks good from exactly one very specific angle #mixed media #my art #seventeen fanart

[cateringisalie]

Village: Resident Evil ramblings

(Some spoilers)

Ethan Winters is a goddamn idiot.

I say this without a shred of nostalgia; I first encountered him in RE7 and feel less than nostalgic towards the guy. RE7 without the benefit of the former entrants was a FPS horror and pretty good. Though you couldn’t escape that the characters you remembered were the Baker family and Mia; Ethan was a walking camera with a gun and some very simplistic emotional responses (fear, rescue wife, escape, swear occasionally). Having now run through the whole sequence of games, Ethan stands out starkly as the blandest and least interesting protagonist the series ever produced. He is possibly worse than Piers. Village updates Ethan’s personality. A bit. Well. Not really. Still got that fear, still got the swearing. Still got a mind to escape. But rather than rescue his wife, it’s about rescuing his daughter. I mean; Mia was gunned down and shot a further 9000 times by infuriating series stalwart Chris Redfield a little under ten minutes into the game proper. Not that Ethan really comes to terms with the trauma. By minute fifteen of the game the van you’ve been shoved in by Chris (who doesn’t shoot you for no reason he feels like explaining) has crashed and Ethan’s daughter is missing. Mourning Mia doesn’t actually enter into Ethan’s thought process. Goddamn idiot. Not to say that life with Mia was exactly picturesque; a few years after RE7 the couple are now somewhere nebulous in Eastern Europe in a very lovely house with a distressing number of empty wine bottles in the kitchen. A happy marriage this does not seem to be given Mia doesn’t want to get into the events of RE7 anymore, but Ethan does – but also failing to understand that the cover-up of the incident might be why no one is talking much about the whole mess in Louisiana and that bringing it up both distresses and angers Mia. But; the inciting incident has occurred and we’re propelled into our new scenario. Ethan; once again fish out of water, and its not like we have a choice. This is not to say Village does not repeat the same narrative trick of changing POV character, but there is both less of that, and the Half-Life-style regimented first person view jarringly completely goes out the window in the last quarter. It was less than consistent at points, but sparingly when occasionally and jarringly camera angles shifted to depict an introduction. But the game is also perfectly happy to render whole FPS sequences with gun visible and everything as it plays out a story beat, so... I don’t know? Fortunately Ethan’s environment and the setting are much more interesting. The unnamed Village is a satisfying knot of tangled streets, locked doors and environmental obstacles. Enemies don’t respawn per se, but additional enemies are added on subsequent visits to the effective hub of the game. There’s livestock to kill and give the Duke – the merchant playing a similar role to the pirate-like guy from RE4. Duke’s an entertaining character (some have objected to his physical and hugely overweight depiction); chatty and far more knowing than he will let on. He has a dangling thread come the end so perhaps will reappear elsewhere. He’ll sort the gun upgrades, supplies, let you sell treasure and point you towards your next destinations. Which is just as well as the human population of the village dies out somewhere between the first and second hour. No one left and any futile attempts to save people end in almost hilariously disastrous tragedies (no Ethan, don’t go higher in a building that is on fire). Leaving you with Lycans, zombies and gargoyles to fend off. Occasionally there’s some bigger foes on the level of the Executioner from RE5 but nothing on the level of the Tyrants. That kind of thing is left to the Village Lords. The villagers – before they all die – have a curiously unfamiliar religion and praise a figure known as Mother Miranda. She reportedly kept the village safe, but something has changed and now the Lycans run amok and without restraint. Not hard to pin that the reason for the change is Rose’s arrival (or could it be Ethan? COULD IT? No. Man is a goddamn idiot). The only door out of the village you can open is to Castle Dimitrescu and... It feels unnecessary to even get into what awaits. Given fandom have been so noisy about the tall lady and her vampiric daughters since the first trailer. She is so very, very tall. The castle is the first mode of Village. Possibly closest to RE7; Dimitrescu’s daughters are vulnerable based on certain environmental details (read the notes!) but otherwise should be fled from. Dimitrescu herself is invulnerable to everything bar one weapon and you need to work at getting that, so she needs to be fled from. Otherwise, explore the castle, find treasure. Sneak. Solve puzzles. It all looks suitably gorgeous and you get multiple chances to see if as you loop through the rooms and unlock more doors. The Village macro mechanics wrought as micro here. There’s a canny hint at a late reveal in the blunt utility of in-game mechanics to be had too. But – really should have been obvious given their prominence in the trailer – given Castle Dimitrescu is the first level, it means we must say goodbye to the very Tall Lady with knife hands and move onto someone else. In between levels, we get the first reinforcement of a tease from the trailer; the symbol of the Umbrella corporation. Its engraved into a location called the Ceremony Site. Its daubed on a cave wall as high as the Tall Lady. Its on the strange structure you insert the yellow flasks each Village Lord guards. And it means... almost nothing. RE's meta-plot has always been a mess and everyone’s favorite pharmaceutical company hasn’t been so active for a while, so the idea that we might be getting into some interesting weirdness with them again is oh so appealing. And yet – I was disappointed. Despite the repeated glimpses of the familiar white and red logo, the connection ultimately comes down to one letter I found at about 7/8s of the way through. Oswell Spencer – founder of the company – visited the Village years ago and saw the cave painting and adopted it as his logo. Oh. That’s... underwhelming. The same letter does at least prod at wiring Village’s latter reveals into the formation of the company along with tying in some parts of RE5 but if you thought this would be the company or the family dynasty origins or anything like that, you are in for a disappointment. It’s a tease and one that goes nowhere and does little. Oh we might now see how Spencer got into the whole inadvertent zombie making mess but its not a factor in the plot of this game nor does it really change the stakes of the previous. Perhaps I should be glad it’s so frivolous given other retcons in certain other franchises, but it feels so suspect to have drawn the attention and then shuffle the implications out the side-door. At least the other village lords have their own appeals. The second level is RE once again stealing PT (the PS4 demo to announce Silent Hills) given Konami outright don’t care about it anymore. Stripped of your guns and inventory, it’s a claustrophobic puzzle level requiring you to hide with mechanics familiar to both Evil Within and Alien Isolation. That same loop of rooms as you seek out puzzle solutions and hide from a staggeringly distressing malevolent entity. The third is combat light until the final confrontation; the fight staged in a flooded village – oh and Chris who still doesn’t shoot you but refuses to explain anything. And the fourth cheats. Heisenberg is thoroughly entertaining and grabs two levels for his own; an assault on a stronghold and his horrible cyborg factory outside of town. He has Magneto metal powers. Heisenberg is the camp villain to outdo the other camp villains. He’s having fun, he kinda likes Ethan and is oddly on his side. He found time to put together massive signposts to direct Ethan onto the last two levels (a good thing too given his lack of sense). But both levels are lacking. The Stronghold is a relentless firefight against hoards of mook enemies; the factory is overly long and maze-like. I am as tired as Ethan when he exclaims “What more?” And after Heisenberg is dealt with; the long, convoluted lurches to the ending. First person goes out the window. The game dabbles in characters toying with your understanding of what was going on but in a strangely limited way and completely ignoring the other implications of the reveal. Suddenly you mow down more and more enemies than ever before, bullets scarcely a concern. The final reveals of who/what/where/how come through. Not exactly explicable for what’s on-screen, but the effort’s been made to tie Village’s overt supernatural tendencies back into a world setup in RE. Its not magic and those are not truly werewolves. And the villain’s motivation is! Hugely disappointing. Connected as it is to the Umbrella letter, you might hope for something completely out there, but its unsatisfying and feels pretty sexist too. Or at least lacking in imagination to an astonishing degree and yet here we are. The game feels sloppiest as the final boss fight arrives flitting between characters without the shaky but workable character hand-offs RE7 deployed. Back in first person mode to talk to Duke one last time before engaging in.... a relatively simple boss fight. All the boss fights have been pretty easy – there’s nothing on the level of RE6’s sometimes horrendous contextual fights, or the annoying two-player RE5, nor the demanded accuracy of hitting specific weak-points as in RE7. And I don’t mind that. Unload all your weapons and keep your health up. And victory. There are fix-it fics already, but really, I don’t see the point in trying to fix the issue these people have. There’s an obvious setup for a game past this one with a strange throw-away reveal in the end-sequence (whither RE9, Revelations 3 or something else there are no clues as yet). There’s a spoiler for the sting given the end-credits lists a character who didn’t appear in the main game. The sting itself might wind up drawing on the sting from Revelations 2. Village is not RE at its best, but is at least more in the spirit of goofy, campy nonsense than 7. It at least is more at home with playing with the trappings of horror while not actually trying to be outright scary. As with 7, the villains are more interesting and more memorable than the good guys. And – as I found out after completing the game – we were robbed of Ada Wong dressed up like a Bloodborne character somewhere in the game. And that I think is the biggest shame of all this.

#village spoilers #resident evil village spoilers

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars     Episode 3

      Shadow of Malevolence

Okay I have to admit I did not look at the episodes title before giving my review at the end of episode two

  Which was in fact “Rising malevolence,” in which I noted   hesitance towards the seemingly   unfinished project  and     uncertainty       To   whether       it   would       be     finished       or      not      or        if    this      was    just      a   standalone   episode     with      a      semi   inconclusive   ending         Given   that    ‘Ambush’       Seemed      to      be         a     self-contained       story

  Well        I      got      my   answer

 When       I   checked      the     next    episode      title       for       my       ‘next’      segment           So       this        is      going        to        be        a   seralized     Built up      Thing

 Alright

 Point I was actually going to      start with

    Was theorization                About              this          episode’s                 plot                Seeing                  as               how              wildly             different               they                are                   Despite                focusing                  on                 Jedi                Masters                       And                        if                      that                     meant                      that                   we’re                   going                      to                        be                   seeing                       Mace                     Windu                       this                   episode

            How this would mix with the scene                          I’m interested                              in                                Now                            on                             with                           the                         episode

[Logo]

 “Easy is the path to wisdom for      those not blinded by ego,”

  This one is complicated....

On one hand,      Yes, the path to accountability

     “Wisdom”                Is             easy            for            those            not            set            against              it

On the other hand,         “easy,”             the          path         of    accountability           Is       not,         It      takes     noticeable      effort

 but...

You’ll have      fun   doing     it

 Blue

Narrator

“A deadly weapon             Unleashed,”

Deadly, only if you are Plo Koon

Approach space weapon

From

It’s obvious space firing   point

and

Have no one     approaching   a different angles 

Aka don’t use Jedi   Council logic

This really is the Jedi     Council   propaganda station

Ooh    The Separatists’       Ship      Is     called     malevolence          probably   would’ve   known   that

(Had        The       Jump         Cuts          Not      Given        Me       Sea      Sick-      Ness)        My          B         Nvm        Name       makes       perfect      sense

  (Thought            it         meant   Malevolence           As        in       the    overall      feeling,      Makes   sense...)

Unopposed      Again    

Jedi   

enablers

After        A      ‘Daring’    rescue

 The  only      thing     daring         was     Which      Enabler          To          Take       Orders             From           (That           Was             My             Fav orite             Part)

       Sky walker              Prepares     HaHAHAHAHAHA

       You’d think              they’d                      let                him            prepare          anything

       (Also            teenagers                  can’t               prepare)

            Thought;                  I’m really                   Gonna                   Like                 Seeing                Anakin               In             This             Episode              (They            Specifically                  Mention              Him) 

          They            managed                  to              write                Pretty              Realistic                And             Consist ent            Child               Characters                 (With                 Little                 Bumps)                 Last                Time               Around                And                    I’d                 really                  like                   to                 see                  them             continue              that          consistency              with               (maybe)                some                (slight)            bettering

        “Droid          Commander,”

         Oh, who          could that               be...

   “ General grievous,”                Sweet

   [Flighters Landing]

       Omnious

     Oh it’s our ‘good’ guys                 “Strike Force,”

    They’re sending a teenager

   “ As the bulk of our Fleets are   engaged on the front line,”

         You are the sacrificial sleep!

         Also I love how the super weapon   isn’t even a priority

           Like oh yeah that going off    in it’s      own      little    isolated     corner

What must the rest of the    galaxy look like?

“ We’ll    be    on   our   own,”

Plo     Koon          is       just       here         to      babysit

   (And       find       out      who     gave   Skywalker     those    orders)

  “ prepare         our      attack    strategy,”

  “ Thank you      admiral,”

     Okay    first        line       from   Skywalker

    Can’t          tell     anything        yet

Sound   ed    a   bit   sleepy    (?)

Pretty      Okay

Not     exactly   monotonous

But     functional

     The       angle        they          are      holding        on        his         face      though...

  Bit weird

“And general       grievous,”

  Odd

  Softening...                  of voice

 And...   facial..   features...

Whispering         to     each     other

  “ Ha,       the      head     clanker,”

   Okay      other      adult

 “ Skywalker’s        getting      ambitious,”

   No the Council just really wants to throw     teenage bodies at it

   To see what happens...

We destroy general grievous    and the ship will fall with him

No         That’s not how ships   work

   This isn’t ties his   life force

  (That we       know!)

“ just point us to where that         metal head is   Sir,”

      Everyone’s✨        prepared             to            die!

        Yeah!

   “Alright, men settle down”

The fact that they actually      listen to him       on this

“ this is an important mission,”

That’s why they    assigned it to a teenager

       Also, War

There is no     important                  in it

       Battle          over        someone’s       grievances

       (And             a             lack            of      accountability)

“ we destroy        grievous       we can bring       the war                to a quicker end,”

      THAT’S NICE PROPAGANDA        YOU GOT THERE!          Anakin!

 “Skywalker...”

  (I swear if he complements him)

 “ this is an      aggressive        plan,”

    Thanks,          my       handler        came         up        with          it!

    “ are you sure your      squadron        can complete this mission?”

      I don’t know you assigned them

     “Let’s ask them, Matchstick,”

      That’s too much emotion

     “ you           sure            our boys            can            pull              it             off,”

          Little too much emotion

          “Yes, Sir!”

          Like that              but much less emotion  

         “There hasn’t been a mission              shadow squadron            couldn’t             complete!”

         Which Plo   Koon should know

Having their       service records

   “That’s right,  minimal casualties,”

   Some asshole          still died

          In this petty war

     “ Maximum          efficiency,”

       Maximum              pettiness!               Sir!

       “That’s                us,”               We’re enablers!

           “ I admire your confidence     pi-”

            But?

           “Even so, minimum casualties may be enough to prevent you from breaking     Grievous’s     defenses,”

                ‘ You don’t throw your troops willy-nilly into harm’s way        boring,’ - General Plo, probably

               ‘Master Plo is right,”

              “Ahsoka” orders

             “ it’s bound to be                     well protected,”

           Ok, here we’ve got a role reversal this time -             it’s Anakin being over emotional -  with           Ahsoka being on point              Interesting              But            still         worth       criticizing

        Children don’t talk like that

    “ Master Skywalker        seems to inspire       great confidence,”

   Still       focusing      on     Plo

 And his   re assumption         of   authority    over   Ahsoka

  So     so     far

  We’ve got Ahsoka taking      orders from     Plo

 And Anakin under   Chancellors’ control      (Possibly till     the end of   the series) though       with Obi-Wan    showing   possibilities       of       a   second   contender       And      Plo   showing   vested   interest      (Though          unlikely)                  Considering we don’t know how much time each Jedi spent with Anakin and it’s generally assumed   Obi-Wan   spent    the   most   time   around    him

 Until the Chancellor           Just keeping track

  You could say          that someone gave       Anakin orders obey the       Chancellor           But there’s no hesitation      when        he      orders        Anakin        Like      with   Obi-Wan

 Making      me     think    these      two      are    neck        and   neck...

 just     keeping      track     to    see   who’s   screwing    over   who

 In this power dynamic

“ he does lead by example,”         Little     risky    there

Still leaning in      on   the     monotonious

Ship leading out out Red sparks

   You could homie?!

   Like that thing is sparking!!

   That can’t be alright!

   Ship is a fecking safety hazard

    Before it even left the dock!

    Oh, wait that’s fire

       My bad

     They are not good homie

       Point taken

       Also your strategy is to     back up in live fire

       Ship literally puts   herself      in all of the live fire

    What kinda-

    Is that supposed to be reassuring

  * General       grievous       coughing*

            you good-

     Possible   assassination         target ?

     “-escort”

      Pretty          Sure         that        was a decoy ship

     They         just         stood        around         and         let         you       shoot        them

       Like pretty sure they weren’t even trying

       I didn’t even see any escape pods this time around

      The last transport is fleeing   General

      Or pretending to?

      Would’ve been nice to see that

      Never mind          there it is

      They           won’t            get          far

      Just         kind          of          floating         like         that

       Like          are         their        engines          even           on

     Charge          the       plasma       rollers

   “ They’re         moving           to        attack          position          sir?”

     Which           is          what?

     We’ve        never        actually         seen         this       weapon’s         firing            to       action     compared         to        the       rest        of       the        ship

  Either   getting     just      a   close-up        of        the     firing        port

 Or   the   ship       running      away      from      it

    Never        this         thing’s       direct         area         of         effect

    (Probably because the Jedi       never think        to            go          either         left          or           right,)

      And           it’s         painted            as             a            sort              of            ‘end              all                 be                all                weapon,’

            (Despite                 every                    time                   we’ve                  seen                   it’s                 effect,                  there                    being                      a                 clear                   radius

   A logic sin more than a storytelling one

                            And                              farther                              proves                               my                              resolve                                that                               Anakin                                was                                sent                                  on                                   a                                   baby                                 mission

                                 With                                     enhanced                                  importance                                      put                                     on                                        it

                                 “Are                                        we                                   clear                                     to                                   make                                    the                                   jump                                    to                             hyperspace?

                                Took                                  Anakin                                     like                                     five                                  seconds

                                  But                                           at                                     least                                        it                                establishes                                      that                                     these                                    guys                                       are                                      more                                  accountable                                          than                                         Plo                                          (and                                        likely                                          the                                         Jedi                                       Council)

                                       Fire                                          ion                                       weapon

Oh hey Count Dooku is there in     holographic form

Neat

Did   say   he   had    to    be   somewhere    else    so  that makes sense

Also oh no   they’re at the same exact place   Skywalker was

And can be rescued very   easily!

(Even if     not!)

  We’ve      lost      all    power

Surprise,     surprise

 Very     light   shooting

  Well     they     died         of     their     own     stupidity

 (If   they   didn’t    get     an   escape    pod)

 Boy    this     is          a      lot      more     fun     when   they   aren’t     shooting   back        - said every   Narc ever

“ I still          can’t      seem           to        hit   anything,”

   Dude...

 Grievous        Hits          A         Robot

   Dude      you   program         med      them

   Don’t     abuse      your    Roomba?!

    Just       don’t        be         a         dick

    “ Grievous,”

         Oh                he            actually             has             more             lines              in            this

  “ Those battle droids are expensive,”

    Hmm,

      And a bit of a personality

    Good for him

     When we saw him   last time he didn’t really     say        or do     much

   Except for the last scene   where he emoted            kinda scared

        Of course how     power levels are bullshit                Especially                 for            humans                But             that            was          chilling

      “The         Jedi         are       never         so       harsh       with      their-”

  A little moment of   things

  Also possibly teasing Grievous due to the     last time we saw them,     Dooku had threatened to report Grievous     to Sidious and we opened up       with         that   coughing line

(is it supposed to be   laughing? I can’t    really tell   and sorry      if I’m   jumping to     incorrect     conclusions       with       That-)

 “Clones,”       - With their child soldiers -

      Or I guess soldiers

      (Based on their          reaction)

   Then, again

   Positive grooming        Is still         grooming

    And Anakin   gets a fair bit of both

       (Verbally             speaking)

     The care   these Jedi           show for their          Troops

      Hahaha - ha

      Like if they had been shown to be   remotely accountable

    Like still breaking the toxicity   rule

   And looking back   And referring to them  

Too many    Unwarranted

 Times   

Causing   distress

 Okay

 But here it is not the Jedi’s treatment that has gotten     the better

It’s Grievous’s treatment...        that has gotten worse

 He brought the standards are lower      so that the Jedi seem nice

 Which is a pretty hard thing to do           Those enabling     assholes

  “A weakness we shall continue to exploit,”

       Yeah, toxicity!

      Screw being nice to people

         Or even a smallest sense of accountability!

         Honestly, I’m kind of pleased               This is the first time we’ve seen them plan any sort of   malicious attack

         Up to this point it’s been I want to screw up   Yoda’s day, and I want       to do     it,       now

       Juveniles        shenanigans

          This               is                the             first             time             we’ve             ever             seen              them              have                an             actual                 plan

           And                   I               Hope              they             get                 a                scale               of              escalation              

          Going              from                 Whoopy              cushions                to                 War         

            Really earning that enabling insult I’ve been throwing at     Yodi and            all the other          Jedi

     “ I        have         the        coordinates             for          a        new       target,”

    What??

    You’re          in         war!

     They         know            and        are      planning        to      mess      your           shit               up

   Still I like the fact they are     in fact    planning      to   mess   something     up

 Good       Job

 “ The     Republics...”

  Oh   cool     a   base     (medical)

 “Secret”

Okay...

  “Outer Rim”  Okay!

   “Medical        station...”

    Wait, no      you can’t do it that-     there’s people on there!

     Seriously          1 to 10

       Went from let’s go to blow the Jedi, to let’s go screw up    medically ill people

      Real quick....

         I mean I guess it matters who’s on there...

     “ it’s unprotected,” 

     “ 60,000 wounded    clones,”

        Oh,       well they did agree for     War

   On one hand          it’s pretty clear with my stance is on death vs accountability           On the other,           Enablers

      Well....             Looks like we’re not getting that         scale           of     escalation        today            Still           I         do         like        how        they        set           it        up

    And...     the   consistency        they        have       going

The       more     consistent       a   villain       is         the        more      fun        and   terrifying        they        are

 I’m also assuming all those clones in the introduction are going to die from tragic means

  Fully irony

Possibly    with    one   dude      left     to   enjoy     it

A mark on their casualty         record...

We will do them a favor

  That eye twitch

Like   are you sure about this,        dude?

🔹Welcome to enabling ✨

    “ Misery”

    This job is misery...

  “ There would be no place for the Jedi to send   their wounded,”        Except where they send their   non-clone wounded

  Like             we’re skipping right                                           to

Bombing           And destruction          Of hospitals            (This being apparently          the only one       in the entire    galaxy,”

 No   one   else   knowing   first   aid

Or     not   willing     to       enable     this   bullshit

    During a war...

 “And they will die,”

Geez     I was just joking about no one knowing                                                 any first aid

That’s what we’re going with

OK       harsh                   geez Guess to the bombing of a hospital...

“ it will be my pleasure, my Lord”

  Will it though?

 I feel very confident leaving the ship under your command      General

    Do you though?

   Like that’s a nice   complement

   But do you?

“General!”

    Shit’s          gone wrong

Hey, there ware those     escape pads...

Several minute.....after everyone else     Supposedly got blown up

 What ship....

Oh wait is that ship they just got electri.......

Did they just get blown up.....?

Like     you’re still      telling me       They don’t have       any sort of         Back up         power source      for this     now?

 WHOO     -O

 Jedi    Council

 With leaders        this bad    who needs enemies

   /j

 “ Target get those escape pods,”

   Those escape pods       should be        well out of        sight

   “ I have a   reputation to uphold?”

 Didn’t you lose them last time?

   Like I know pride

  Oh - back these guys

  I suppose

Then again I suppose we didn’t need that

 Since       it was just showing how ruthless         this guy was    And our ‘brave’....             totally not gonna die through tragic means              

       * as well as          Ironic

                                                                                                                Soldiers

‘Lol’

  Aawwwwww

    It’s        adorable!

(The Worrying   since the other guy       has        the expert        of tech          on         their         side

     Easy           To           Hack)

       The          only        acceptable             Garbage             Friend                 : )

       “lol”              It’s            Very          Cute

      And         R2-         D2             Nice

   Which       one’s        mine?

   Wouldn’t you      know?

  “ You’re       with        me,”

    “ you’ll          be         my        gunner,”

     Both         of       them       now       have        too       much...   

    emotion

   [Ahsoka       turned        back]

     This          is        either        going           to          be         OK          or         very           bad

     Asoka turns around with a pretty surprised frozen reaction

    ERRR

    “ What? I need someone to watch my back,”

     That, Just no

      Bad line             read...

    “Broadside could do that.....”      That, just no

     The clanky animation

      The enthusiasm

     The         Voice

     It is just really isn’t working together

      Which is a         shame

     Because child characters does can generally be excused for their       stiff actions

   But...not here

     Bad

   This really isn’t working

  Just

    No-

  Ack-

 Skip- - -

 “ you      don’t       like       my      flying,”

   There is just so much wrong with     this...

   ......

Well       I needed a break

  The switch to Skywalker

   To

   The Admiral?

   The last episode it was the introductionary Cut scene that did me in, this time I get the feeling it’s going to be the   character   interactions      (Specifically    Skywalker and      Ahsoka’s)    Conversations

Like it’s not the most        Egregious   example      Just a     little too     much   emotion

But then   it ramps   it up

And the   dialogue

And the Anim-

(-Ack-)

That   scene    just       does       not      work

     Now hopefully contin      -uing

 At a much slower pace-

  The Admiral

  -Ack-

   The acting

    Is not getting      better

   Might have to     skip      this episode        At least     the Asoka      parts

  (Ashame)

 “only general grievous   would go out the clones      that can’t fight back,”

       Why?

      Are you talking like a Narc pretending to be a baby with the     pursued lips

         Doing that   faked pouting         ‘thing’?

   TRAIN WRECK!

     I’m skipping

    Up to 17:03

      Plo looks strict

      That’s   All         I can deal with           in that whole                conversation

      (Sorry)

   On wards;

 Oh, a cool looking space station!

   And cool looking aliens

   And a strangely   smooth  sounding      voice

   “Transports,”

   It is not      possible

  To Evacuate all the wounded        in time

   Well get the    Jedi Council

   Have them play          Distraction

     Or just straight        kick those guys back

    Just because it can take a while doesn’t mean you consign everyone to death

     Also hear that - if they still manage to get everyone on the ship there’s no place for them to go

    Oh, so well I’m totally buying

   That the Jedi Council pull something       out of their ass

    Like ‘we do’

    I’m just noting   that

    This mission was     doomed     from the start

 Everyone       was   doomed      to      die

Completely       of      their         own     accord

  Human        beings       can       lift     mountains      when     stressed      enough

   Can’t      tell      me      any      of     this   nonsense    happens      on   accident

Playing   Death   tag   with   bullets

    Especially              from              Mister              no          mistakes

     “You         must           try,”

       Yeah         Doctor           Who                      is             fully                 prepared                 to              let             people             who            played             Death              tag              die

          Like              they             admittedly             signed                up                 for                   it

You know   in the movie     I jokingly   called   this guy     COMs        Guy

   But now that really is        starting to come true

   Like;           Does he have nothing      better to do?

 Then       moderate the     Coms?

Like   up   to   this   point   it made sense

Obi- wan     was     trying        to     communicate        with     Anakin

Makes   sense   that   his   guy   would pick up

But   why   here?

Like Aniken’s   launching an   assault       On Grievous’s     ship   his admiral      should      be   busy     As   the   rest    of   his   crew

And     an    in   superior    or   someone    further    down     the   chain     of   command     should    be   handling   that

“You   won’t   stand      a   chance   against       their     battleship,”

  And    I’m   not   putting   faith        in   my   child   soldier   superior

Obi-Wan

    Got     caught   snitching

   “ I      only      just    received     word,”

   Because       the     COM‘s   officer       was     busy

  Jumping       the        chain          of     command

 “ we’re   sending   troops      to       help     you     and      I’m       on        my        way,”

    This is why we don’t skip over things     Admiral

   (And maybe this is      brought up)

     Thank          you        master        Jedi

“ If they reach us in time,”

  “Do you really think they can stop that thing?”

    If they assume some level of accountability

    Yes

     I’m sorry a better way of putting it was responsibility

   It’s still tox responsibility

   But    using    their   brains

   Initiative

  Tox initiative          is         what        I’m thinking      about

So that negative outlook        isn’t helping

“It is our only hope”

       No...

    Not really

  There’s-

Ships Are   all     of   these   supposed     to   be   medical   ships?

Person

Ad      mir   al

Launch        The         Fighters

    ?

I’m honestly surprised   that the council forces       managed to be organized enough    To fly     in     formation

I hope   

you know     what you’re doing   Anakin

‘ I hope you’re following       my orders’

Well if I don’t I won’t be around to hear the   I told you so

  The emotion             Needs to be lower

“ that’s        reassuring,”

   The fact that he’s suddenly developed            unchildlike behavior?

  Not.. too bad

    Not movie bad

  But edging too close for my comfort

      Not tox         levels yet

  Take your shortcut

  And I’ll take the long   route

You know     this could’ve been a great moment         To contrast       Obi-Wan         and         the        chancellor’s         ordering           style

   Specifically             The      comment         “Take        your     shortcuts,”            And          the   possible   betrayal         Of        the     chancellor       lead      up

  “But      you     better       be     there   before      I     arrive,”

 Or     what?

Probably     just      trying     to    find    out    who   ordered   Anakin

 “i’ll       be   there     Obi      -     wan

“R2        -     Ooie”

   Oh     yeah        let’s      put      the   apprentice        in     the       most   exposed        part

   Great         idea    

whoever     gave    those   Orders

 “Cut      the     chatter   Ahsoka,”

  Hey     that     line   worked!

Fighter  escort   ready

Wait   why??

Wasn’t    his   troops   injured?

Shouldn’t      he      be   helping         with     the     evacuation?

  You    know   having      a   personal   connection?

Also   connecting   back     to     Anakin’s    troops?

(Going off the offensive defensive theme)

Seriously,   what   happened,       back      in     that   meeting        that     made        this      the      plan

  “This        is    Admiral        (U-Lot-in)                ?”

    Now       he’s          on    command

  “ Good        hunting         sir,”

 “ Okay, boys,”           Too        much     personality

   “ Drinks             are           on          me,”

      Great          just            don’t           fly          into           the          one         major        weapon

         Or             stand           around          doing         nothing

   Aka      don’t       be       Plo        Koon

Like     I   love   how   they   just   side     eye     ing     this   bas   tard     like      “it’s”       “Going”      “to”    “be”         “so”        “easy”

Mean     while       Plo     Koon        is      like,       :|

           Like                  you                 die              next

           (Dude watched as a unit died     you can’t tell me he isn’t planning on getting them in front of that the     plasma cannon)

             “I can already taste it”

 Eat   shit     Plo     Koon

               Then again this is a squad with a minimum casualty rate      So they are clearly the Mom friends

                In this pile                   of enabling

                Ship

                   Less    emphasis                          on                        the                        shark                         design

                        As                         anyone                           else

                     (Also, forgot earlier:                              Tragic irony)

                      Including                               the                               ship’s                            location

                       “ What’s taking so long,”     

                        “ I want to be there,”

                        “ Before too many wounded clones            escape,”

                        That’s   something                   a hero says

              “Sorry,                       Sir,”

What       a   polite   droid

   A   large   nebula

“They         told       me     this     ship     was       fast,”

   Dude     you’ve      been         on      this      ship,        you     know      how        fast       it       is

 Also     it’s   HUGE      Or        Supposed      to      be

Common     sense    dictates        it’s        not      going         to         be         as          fast           as          a        speeder

    Ooh          Setting          The           Scene

   Navigate       through       shortcut...

   “ We’ll           be         alright,”

      You          tell        anyone         else        about         this?

    “ A       nebula        can         be        very     unpredictable,”

     So,       why        are          you         here?

    Clearly          you      knew      the      plan

“ I   would   advise   caution,”

          “Don’t worry master Jedi we can hold our   own,”

        “We’ll hold your   hand,”

       “Right             Shadow          Squadron?”

     Aww, that’s nice

      “Copy           that,”

         Re-assurance

            Over               Con                  Fid                   Ence

“Does     any     one     care-”  

SHUT-        I’m        Sorry       But         This         is        Reach     -ing        Movie        Levels               Of         Toxic         Children      Writ     ing               Child-         ren           Aren’t            Devel       -Op      -ed         Enough          To          Be      Male-cious           Never            Mind         This!

   Bad           Writ          ing

    “Of       course             we        care         snips,”

     That’s-          not         how      children        talk

    Think             I           Might’ve-

     “We’re            Still          Going          Through             That           Ne              bul                -a-”

          [That                    line                  is                  so                   creepy]

            New timestamp:                          9:24                        Entering                          the                       nebula                       seems                           pretty                               well                             done                         and                          I                         can’t                          wait                          to                                  see                                more                              of

                      Back                             to                            the                        station

                    Weirdly                         Designed                          Shuttles

                     (Looking                            a                       ��      bit                             more                           beat                              up                           Than                           they                           actually                                 are                               Due to the logo and                                 insignia                                Placement)

                           The evacuation is proceeding slowly    ma’am

          How?!                 Like we are led to believe that they were shuffling        out patients       at that rate

   But how??

   Even          if         all         the     patients      were     dragging      their      feet          I     don’t       think       it     would      go     this   slowly

And   these    are   soldiers Standard        don’t slouch-       Stereotype

Some of them   can clearly move                   right?

(Otherwise   what kind of         heckin   hospital        is     this?)

Those     emergency   vehicles      to      be   moving      in     and     out      a     lot   faster

(This       is       a   bunch         of     systematic     paperwork   designed      to     kill    you,   slowly   speed,”

                     Also only two                                 -four                                  evac                                Vehicles

That’s     Titanic    levels      of      bad   planning

   In general       I don’t really call          Logic    storytelling       Sins        but        I’m     struggling         to   come       up   with          any     explanation           of     why         things       would      go      that      slow        and         it’s      bordering         on       the        author        literally      forcing     everyone       into       their      rooms

  The author isn’t playing sad music and trying to make us feel sad about these obviously preventable cas.

  But     still               I     honestly     hope      the     storytelling      gets     better     (and    smarter)          Slightly

  “We       have       to       move        the      patients       in     stable     condition      first”

   You    weren’t    already       doing         that?!

  Also      no     you     move      the   patients            in      the     most   vulnerable     condition        first       because       they        are       less       likely         to        survive    

    You          can           get          the        people            in             the          most          stable         condition             to            help            you   

          And               if              shit               does                 hit               the                 fan                   and                  the                  ship                   does                 reach                   the                 station                   most                    likely                       to                     survive                       (And                   continue                   increased                      speed                      rate)

                   This                       isn’t                              (Disease)                     triage                      system                        lady

                 They can’t catch a                         cannon ball                     to the face                   because they’re                      around                              a                     person                       who                          was

                    ALSO?! HELLO?!                    Shouldn’t there be idk ALARMS                               going off??

                        Like I know you don’t want to alarm the patients but Idk this seems like the occasion

                      * I don’t know if this place even has a working       sprinkler system

                       Like everyone’s about to die and                          everyone’s just chill with it                                    Everyone’s just                        accepted death

.....

Like there are steps there      and we see   none of them

IDK, this one just   seems the most   unrealistic and   hard    to   buy

   “ The more critically injured will             have to wait”

           For what?

       A cannonball to the face?

   “But what about the bacta tanks?

    Many of those men         Can’t be moved at all,”

    ???

      Okay,              That’s really             stupid

         Like             beyond              stupid                 Even        life support         can         be       moved

They been at war for how long?

This medical station          is a       fecking     nightmare

   A    straight      up     trainwreck

No     wonder       the     transportation      is     taking     so     long   

And     (The         Cap       Ab      L    e)      people       in    the    hospital        aren’t     flee     ing

There     aren’t    any

 “I know Commander,”

   I made it that way

    By not putting any time        or resources into researching         movable        Bacta          tanks             As the hospital’s head

      Should be fired

  - cheapest excuse       for non existent      tension         ever

   Close up

   -Ewwww

  “Guide         the patients that can be moved onto        transports,”

     Again          what were you doing       before

  “ At once, Madame,”

 In the next 3000 years

 No urgency

     Whatsoever

    [Inside the Nebula]

     Dusty

     Nice

  “ The soup        is thick,”

    So...

     “ can you see anything,”                    Don’t look away!

        “ just keep your eyes on my thruster                    Shadow 2,”

          Did- you not give them instructions -     on how to navigate the thing

        What if you get     lost-?

          “The scanners are useless,”

            You typed it once, on your ship

             Also-

             No other to navigate

             “this is old fashion flying,”

              Anakin has gone full boomer

              “You have to feel your way through to stay on course,”

Asoka’s face              Sums up     my emotions          

     Annaaaakin have you been hitting the shrooms?

     Like the tone of voice

     And the animation

     Something in that nebulae         is driving Anakin a little loopy...

     Can’t even blame drugs

       It’s just un          ...canny valley

    Creeps me       the fuck out

   “- Ahsoka,        clear your mind,”

        Ok,             Master            Plo          and           Anakin           are             now           out            of             it

      Clones,           you            want             to             speak            up                and                stop               the            shroom                  trip

      “Youngling”             Gross

        “I can’t see anything   at all,”

“I always know   where I’m going,”

That one clone has the force confirmed?

  “ Yeah, where’s that     Broadside?”

   Called out      “I’m going to blow up that   battleship,”

      Fair point

  “A Clear a path if ever there was one,

  Yet you somehow missed

  Ohh, blue

  I really like blue

The slower move to the          back of the ship is nice     too

More   acceptable     red

“ We    have      one     para sec,”

Oh     so     they’re     getting     closer

Hospital might be 3/4 done

3/4′s       being      the   amount   left

Casualties with this attack

  They’re already wounded

 And the hospital   has probably     already   done   that

“ There’s              an       incoming       transmission            from       Count             Dooku,”

  You      mean      he       left?!

“ General       grievous,”      Stiff

“ I have a received information from         Lord       Sidious,”

 Yeah    how    did      that     -conversation-   go?

“ The       republic       has           launched           a     small      strike       team,”

When was this information was this   information   received?

Also, they sent the teenager

And   probably    got lost   in a   nebula

“ To    attack     the   male          volence,”

To     attack   the   car

“ Our       ship         is     unstoppable,”

  No     they’re    just   stupid

Also;     Weren’t     you    just   bitching   about      it      five   seconds      ago

“Skywalker        is   leading      the    mission,”

 Again;        the       teenager

   He           can      follow      orders

    And    nothing      else

 “ Do     not   underestimate     him,”

   He     might      be     given     orders           by            someone     with     slight      bit    more   accountability

 * Or       toxic      initiative

 “Ha        if     anything     Count,”

 “It        is          Skywalker         who   underestimate             this        ship,”

    You        really        like       this       ship       don’t         you

    And       It’s     power

   Again, ship

  Back        to     the     dust   cloud

“So     sky     guy     how     do    you   know   about     this    shortcut?”

   Don’t         like         the          way        it      was     asked

    But        still          a      valid      question

    It’s       an          old         smuggler’s     route

Aight

Pilots   used     to    talk   about      it     on   Tattooine

   Fair

 But also       did they say      ‘tell everyone’        right       after?

     Or was that the Jedi?

    “ smugglers’ route         that makes me feel better,”

         HaHA

    ��      So funny...

         “ AlMorrow run,”

       “Al Morrow Run?!”              *Slightly panicked*

     Plo       you         know       this       shit         was          going        down

 “I   think    I’m    picking     up      a      contact,”

 I ThOuGhT the SCaNnErs     DIDN’T WoRk

“ Skywalker       listen        to       me,”

 Listen      to     the     guy       that     got     his     fleet   killed

 * 3/4      but       still

   We       need       to     turn   around

  You     can     turn    around     General

Every    one     else        is    High      on    Mur     der

 “ if   we’re   going      to    catch   grievous,”

 Another   Contact

“ this     one’s    much         larger,”

  Still,       just   smugglers

   “Is      the     nesting     route,        ~~~           ~~~”

  Again     they’re        just     smugglers

 Another

 Sounds

   Oh       it’s      just      an   animal    

that’s    fine

Taking   evasive   action

Why?

 You’re      made       of     metal       it’s     made      out      of     flesh

  Also     not       the      least        bit     threatening           at         all

    Also      cute       visual

    * R2- D2           beeping*

     Those        Gasovers          are          huge

      Yep          sure          are

     Don’t       shoot          or        they’ll        panic

Thank you,    Mister-    I-         want           to-       turn-          back-       because         of          completely          harmless           animals

Also the smugglers picked a pretty very scenic route

      “I’m        about          to       panic,”

 Completely     irrationally

“There’s so many of      them!”

 Don’t   sound     so   panicked

  Aww

  How did you      miss that?     You can       stop in         space       mate

   “ I’m        hit!”

   “i’m an idiot!”

    Pull        it        together       match       stick

    A     Valid    criticism        Also    Ha   matchstick     is     on     fire!

 “ I’m       okay            I      got       it,”

 By   doing   absolutely   nothing

These       things      are     going       to     make        a      meal      out      of     us

* SHut       up     Ahsoka

 Always     lineup     behind       me 

  Why?

   Oh       evasive      maneuvers      *smack*

  Dude...       that was your own fault

  Hurry,         they will not follow us             beyond the nebula

     Dude,        stop having a phobia about it           These are just      space      whales

   That one looks   hungry

  Nah it’s just smiling   at you!

 Seriously     Asoka     is trying     to start      an   international    incident

  Plo     Koon      is        not    happy

 “We’re     coming      out      of      it,”

 Seriously,        does     everyone     have       a      fear      of     the     space   whales

 Out     they     come

  “ let’s      hope      your     shortcut     pays     off,”

 Oh     yeah     cause           they      were      just       going         to         let       the     troops       die

   Or      Obi-Wan       is

   We’re        not         far    behind        Grievous       now

    Oh      yeah       he’s        still        in       blue

This     Could’ve   worked

Oh, no wait   

It’s Obi won

 “ 50%       of      patients   evacuated,”

  How?!

 “That’s        not     good   enough,”

  Again,        how      did      they     even    manage         that?!

 “ They’ll      never        be     finished...”

  Hey     you   wanna     know     why?!

 “ General      skywalker           still        has         a      chance        to       catch    Grievous,”

Because     you’ve     done   absolutely    nothing

Except   comment

 “ If      he     does        we     have       to       be           ready,”

   What!?

   “Yes           Sir,”            I       already      knew   this Back         to        space

 Every        -one        form        att       ing

Plo   Koon     looking    out    his    window

 Dude     on     fire

 What       is      the       Damage         To           Your         Ship?

  He     already       said     his       stabilizer   was     out

 This is just highlighting     that he’s a      dead    man

  At this point

   Designated      weak          link

  “Just         a     scratch         Sir,”

   Not     when       you       were   yelling     about          it       two     seconds     ago

 “ Don’t      take      any       more    un      necess     ary      risks,”

  Are you gonna stop        and fix his shit       or you just gonna      constantly       rem him out       for it?

   “ if          we        lose       even       a       single     ship,”

 Weren’t you just advocating for       eugenics  a few        moments ago?

  The mission        is that        much      closer         to      failure

Wow you assumed authority       is really putting the pressure       on these guys

   Also...

“ Understood     Master Plo,”

   You’re a failure

   But we didn’t lose any ships           And I didn’t

   “ Sir, another contact

   “ I thought           those things,”

    Seriously       not everything is          space whales

   Not following us         coming out of         hyper-space

   The Whales??!  A ship

   Oh that’s interesting     too

   I like the Sharks vs      whales        Design

   They       got       going       here

   I     hope        they        use      them       against    General       grievous              To      show          the        problems         with     harming      innocence

   And        a       great     metaphor       for      accountability

  “The   malevolence,”

  Here        we      go

 Time to kick   ass

   Wait

   Okay

   Why didn’t  we see the station behind our       heroes?

  Why were they in open       space?

   Why aren’t they shown in front of General Grievous    in this shot

    Is that’s supposed to be them?

   “ A squadron of a Republic fighters are        approaching,”

   Oh so they’re there         somewhere

      “Skywalker,”              Teenager

      Launch fighters         and             actually bring           the ship           around

       That’s             actually             a             smart             move

        “ There are several             medical transports              surrounding            the           station,”

        Dude          you’re involved in combat right now        why would you relay that information?

        Also            hey mate               you really want to screw with the           station?                Turn             the           power               off

         There             they              are

          Intense               death             music

           Target                the             transports                first

              Who                  has                  no                 emergency                 engine,                 boost                 or                backup              power                  supply

         I want           every           single           ship        destroyed

     Yeah you really need to a heavier      ship

   If you were planning to       play things this close

  Instead of distracting     them

  With the     Station

    (And transp    orts,)

 Clearly out of fire   range

 “Roger, Roger,”

Would’ve  been clever      if     one of the droids      screwed up  As revenge      for killing      The earlier         droid      Showing     Grievous      getting       screwed     over       by    his    own   petard

Well          They shot the       ambulance          Those          Apparently can’t do       hyperdrive

    I love that guy’s       reaction         Like      Well         we’re       dead

   Surprised          they        don’t        have      emergency        power          on          board

 Given     that    reaction

 “This        is       too      easy,”

    Yeah         it         is       even          for         orders

    Slow         Order     -s

    We’ve got fighters coming in

    Very       slow       ly

    Like        a      video        game

 “ Charge         the         ion       cannon,”

     But        sir         our            fighters        will           be        caught          in            the          blast

       Back to that theme of     don’t abuse your.   in -     superiors

  Fire       at       my        command

   The        dangers       of       assumed       authority       And           the         lack          of          taking           initiative

      [Also            a           bit          about          humans          ability             to            do            so

       And         echo      chambers

   “ your         fancy          flying            is          making               it                 difficult,”

        They’re               robots;                 are               program                 med                to                be             unpredicta           ble                 and            organiz               ed

         You���re        just         a bad           shot

     “Fire,”

      Well         don’t           just         dodge

    “Make       towards           the        edge          of          the          ray,”

       Oh            so        we’re       actually         going      acknowledge         That         And   that          Plo         Koon         is       just          an       idiot

   Give        it      everything        you’ve        got

  Why

 “ shadow          2          your         speed            is        dropping,”

     Oy!          Stop        distracting         him!

   Assu     -med         Autho       rity

   “What’s          W     -rong,”

    I mean       isn’t that the same dude     that got his stabilizer           taken out?

    Isn’t a    question      what’s    wrong

Nothing, sir,         just trying to       keep it  together,”

Voice says     liar

 You       can     keep         it         Match        stick

 *Spark

  They put so much pressure on him   he exploded

  Seriously all that thing does is        turn your power off

  Someone       could’ve       covered      him

   Took           Him         Back

   As    there      are      no     fi      ghters-

   Oh      great       took     someone          else        with        him

      Who          Couldn’t            Dodge

       Also,    

     whoa,    

      whoa,    

     whoa    

       wait    

        how  

        can  

        you    

        drop  

          in    

        altitude          

             In SPACE?!

          Like     Foul play          On         Storytelling!

 You   cannot   change      the      laws         of       physics         for         a          cool      set       piece

Especially when several other scenes     (even       plots)      depended        on         it    working!

 It’s not immediate                   (Or bad       Enough)          To warrant      A           “Tox!”

   That’s        the          fate          they            avoided

   “Shadow            Squad         ron,”

   This          is not the time        for a         quiet moment

     That         should be a two minutes      are you there

    Call          In

  (When they realize       they aren’t being shot      at)

   And that’s it

   (No Asoka       knowing the answers       because why)

    “Tag”           Poor        dude

    Needs           to         learn           to         dodge

    Also          just not gonna verify that from anyone else        are we

   “It looks like Skywalker has failed,”

    Again           Teenager

    Also hey he lost        two guys

    Mission         failure

    And Obi-Wan             the adult             responsible                for this                mess

     Nowhere             to be               seen

       Didn’t              he                   give              Skywalker                an                  ultimatum              to              be                  there                 before                 he                   was?

           Shouldn’t he be arriving at the same time as              Grievous?

   He lost almost half           his ships

   He had like       Five

  “We should go,”           Oh yeah        never mind the           unconscious patients         that are only in that         circumstance        because        you didn’t-

  “ I will stay,”

  POINTLESS!

  Back to fighting

  Good

 “ Stay          on           course,”

     Ok                guys            you              know            what                 to                  do

           Do                the                  exact               opposite                 of               what              Plo                 Koon                 orders               you                 to                do

He       lost         his       whole     fleet

All       deflectors     double         front

How do they not already know     this?

“Master,”

What?!

Why         would              you          just           randomly        say          his       name?

“ We         need          a      new       plan,”.          WHO             MADE     HER         Chief     Strategist??

One bullet       shot       nearby;

“ we       need               a        new     plan,”

“ we       can     make        it         Ahsoka,”

Question             ing             your        authority?

   “ let         them         come,”

    They           can             just            bomb            the            shit                 out                of             you

    “Prepare            the              ion          cannon,”

      When           they’re               on                top              of              your            ship

      “First             we               will          destroy             the              medical           station,”

    Should’ve.             done             that             a                  bit              of               time             ago

     Still         works

    But         wouldn’t           that             just      manage           to              turn          their           power         off

“ and        we           will             finish            off            Skywalker,”

      Again              he             lost             two            ships

Everyone’s         ready         to        pro-       claim       him       dead

Plo       Koon       Must     Be      A       Ghost

  -Fleet

   “I        have          a        bad       feeling     about     this”

Boss       gave         an       order       to     attack       a       hospital

Somehow      still           not         exactly       closer       to        the     ship

Bad      Aim

“We’re         too          close       loosen        up,”

Who     made     you         Leader

Whelp

“Ion           Cannon,       ready,”

“They’re          targeting             us,”

They’ve been targeting you this     Whole time

     No surprise

Alarms         should           be           blaring

[Tumblr Refresh]

[Giving up an almost complete mission for an idea that might just barely work is a bad idea

Ahsoka is not commander

There is no way that should’ve     worked

Ahsoka      gets      unjust      credit

   “Three Republic ships,”

Oh, goodie

Did Obi-Wan...

 Rainbow     explosion

 Obi-Wan   literally   waited    for     the     last   possible   moment

There’s no way he could’ve been that   slow

Anakin     do you copy

 How the     heck

Congratulations       it looks like       your mission        was a      success,”

  Without      your help

   And beyond any logic

   Partially

  But Grievous       is still alive

  How       do    you??

The   battle     was   pretty   rough    on   my   men

You   haven’t   said   bullshit

Ahsoka.       has     been     answering        all     the        questions

 We’re     heading     for     the   medical   station,”

 No   one   got   that   badly   injured

“We’ll     take     it     from   here”

Hope so

Since     Anakin       is     supposed     to     be     a     child

 And       his       ass     would’ve   gotten   kicked!

 [Obi-Wan... don’t let Grievous     Go]

Back   Here   again

  “ you didn’t do so bad yourself”

Screen       writers     killed     off      a   character     with   selective     physics       so        he’s     happy

  “Ah, excuse me?”

  You     did   nothing     this   entire    time

“ My   suggestion         to       change         the       plan,”

Com   pletely        Irrational    ly

“ From a   certain point of   view,”

  Don’t get   snippy

 You have no reason to be   snippy

Blah, blah

Wrapping things up...

   Cheap

That’s how I would describe this episode quality

   Not referring to actual production value

  (Though the Asoka and     Anakin scenes have a noticeable drop            in quality)

   Nearly      earning       a       logic sin         Of “tox”

  I normally don’t criticize      aesthetic         choices

  Given that this is a     war movie           (Based off one   at least)         And unsatisfactory   end  ing  s

Are     par   for   the   course

I really     think it could’ve   done better      in   terms   of   satisfactory    Setting     up      a       lot       of     plot    points     that    could’ve     came      into      play [General     Grievous’s    requirement      to     chase       things        down       to        protect       his      reputation...)    ]

 Most notably

How     ever

That it seem to be trying to make me to eat every compliment I had given to it’s prodecessor

 [Seeming more like an apology for everything the previous episode than an actual finished product

   - Plo Koon getting an actual successful role

The characterization of the child characters was       worse

The tension     was   worse   off....

Nearly   earning     that       logic      sin     from     me

Excluding the increased intelligence from the villains

 Which I did like

I hope to see things     get better

Continuing on...

[theeurekaproject]

Sex Gradus

"All right, Christ, I'm coming!" Athena begrudgingly got out of bed, though she took the topmost blanket with her, wrapping it around her shoulders like a cape. Whoever was at the door would just have to deal with seeing her in her pajamas; after about 22:00, she got dressed for nobody and nothing. The apocalypse could happen and she'd show up wearing a onesie; she simply couldn't be bothered.

She padded over to the door blearily, rubbing at sleep-clouded eyes. It was probably a package she'd ordered when she was drunk and decided to go on an online shopping spree. Those were always exciting, though they threatened to get her evicted for not paying rent when she spent her entire paycheck on whatever she thought looked good at 4 AM when she was wasted.

To her surprise, there was no package or envelope waiting for her. Another loud, frantic knock sounded, followed by a panicked voice. "Athena? Athena, let me in!"

"Carina?" Athena opened the door, blinking. "What the hell?" She looked like someone had decided to practice painting using her face as a canvas. Makeup swatches in very pale shades dotted her neck, and she wore foundation that was much too light to match her skin with fluorescent red lipstick that belonged on an underground meretrix more than it belonged on a Scientia. Somebody had tried to braid her hair, but her severe, shoulder-length haircut was too short for it to work, so the half-braided tendrils fell limply next to her ears. Her entire body, from head to toe, was covered in glitter.

Athena blinked. "You look like an eight year old's arts-and-craft project gone wrong."

"Yeah, I know. I know. I—" She cut herself off. "You know what? That doesn't matter. I have to talk to you. Right now."

Athena sucked in some air. "Are you in trouble? Wait, am I in trouble?"

"Maybe."

"Shit. If they ask who I am, you don't know me!" Athena didn't think they'd actually go after her for her comments, but that was foolish in retrospect—they could go after her for whatever they wanted. The Magistratum could be chasing her for any number of reasons, actually, ranging from underage drinking to movie pirating to saying things she wasn't supposed to about Alestra and her family.

"No, the police aren't after you or me or anyone, yet," Carina said, reading Athena's mind. She took a deep breath to calm herself and sat down at the edge of the messy, unmade bed, wearing an anxious expression.

"Okay." Athena felt a surge of relief, though her heart still pounded in her chest. If the police weren't involved, she was fine… probably. Now that she thought about it, Carina had a tendency to get like this. She'd done something similar last year when they took their calculus final; she came to Athena's room, panicking, at about two AM, stressing about how she'd fail and crash and burn. She took the test the next day and passed with a 98, while Athena, who hadn't even bothered to study, slid by with a 66 and a lot of notes written stealthily on her hand. Knowing Carina, this anxiety was probably because of something equally as dumb.

But she'd also just spoken with royalty earlier that day, so it was also not out of the question that she'd received bad news.

"What did Cipher want?" Athena asked, preparing herself for the worst, but expecting something mind-numbingly dull.

Carina bit her lip. "Not here. There could be bugs." "Bugs? Who would bug a Scientia's quarters?" Athena scoffed. "I'm definitely not that important." "We might be more important than you think we are."

Athena narrowed her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just… don't trust this place. Don't trust any place where someone could possibly hide something."

"Okay, well, if there are cameras here, you're acting super shady and that's bound to raise some red flags," Athena said. "But if it'll make you feel better to go someplace else…" She was half-hoping that Carina would feel guilty about dragging her out of bed and rescind her plead to leave the apartment, but there was no such luck.

"Yes. Yes, it would." Beads of sweat rose around Carina's hairline.

Athena was surprised at that. Ordinarily, Carina was polite almost to a fault; if she was making someone get up in the middle of the night to go galavanting around all Eleutheria, there had to be a damn good reason for it. And if that reason involved the royal family—which it probably did, seeing as Carina spent all day at their oversized mansion—Athena didn't want to miss it.

"Hold on," she said, kicking off her slippers to put on more sensible sneakers. She could only find one sock, so she disregarded the thought of wearing them and figured that she'd just deal with the blisters later. "I know where we can go." "Do you, uh, want to change first?" Carina asked, eyeing Athena's stained pajamas. They were covered in the visages of the titular characters from Freep and Wuggle, a children's show featuring adorable talking aliens who taught young Scientias about the wonders and horrors of science. Athena had started watching it again semi-ironically, but she'd quickly found herself unable to stop quoting Freep's soliloquies about the nature of entropy, and her enjoyment of the show had gone from ironic to dead serious.

"You're the one who looks like a little kid who had way too much fun playing in Mommy's makeup bag, and you're asking me to change?" she asked, partially because Carina really did look that stupid, and partially she could pry Freep and Wuggle from Athena's cold, dead hands.

"Fair enough." Carina sighed. "Then let's go, quickly. It's important."

It was late enough that the lobby was almost deserted, save for occasional smatterings of nightshift workers and busied staff. A few young girls who'd clearly snuck out of the educational facility on level 361 stood in the corner, giggling and whispering; they scrambled off when Athena and Carina passed. Athena smiled at them, remembering how it felt to sneak away when she was that young—exciting, adventurous, bold. Now it was just routine.

"Okay," she said, "first, we gotta get to that creepy abandoned biologics lab a little ways down from the blood pharm on level 228 of the Trinity lab building. It's pretty dangerous there, so we're gonna have to go fast." Carina's eyes widened.

"Dangerous?"

"Yeah, there are all sorts of horrible diseases there that nobody ever thought to clean up. Don't worry too much about it, though—I've been there a bunch of times, and I only got anthrax twice."

"Anthrax?!"

"It's treatable with phage therapy, whatever that is," Athena shrugged. "Anyway, the cameras there don't work too great, since everyone's been too scared to go in and replace them since the Ebola breached containment. But I don't really want to stick around there, because bleeding out of my face holes doesn't sound fun." \

"I… I don't even want to know," Carina said, shaking her head.

"Then we have to take a different elevator all the way down to level…" She counted quickly on her fingers. "31, 30, 29, 28… 21. We have to go down to level 21. You'll see."

"That's really dangerous," Carina said shakily.

"We'll be fine. Kalyn showed me the way around."

"Okay, but do you trust Kalyn?"

"Listen, do you want to get someplace without cameras or not?" Athena asked. "Because you sure as hell won't find anywhere that's totally safe up here. Sure, the lower levels are risky, but isn't it riskier if we just stay up here and just hope and pray that nobody's watching?"

"Fine," Carina conceded. "Can't we at least wear, I don't know, masks or something? This seems—"

"Come on." Athena grabbed her arm and practically dragged her into the elevator. She stopped protesting momentarily, her features turning from irritated to worried again. Athena's heart skipped a beat. She knew she shouldn't be taking advantage of her friend's stress, but at the same time, the anticipation was impossible to ignore. If this turned out to be big, this could be her golden ticket into power and importance.

She barely breathed as she ran through the abandoned lab, primarily because she didn't want to catch super-anthrax, but also because she wanted to hear what Carina had to say so badly she found it difficult to focus on anything else. Seconds dragged on like minutes; running at top speed wasn't fast enough. By the time they piled into the dingy old elevator on the lowermost floor of the ancient complex and began plummeting down to the surface of the Earth, Athena felt like she'd burst at the seams from the stress of waiting. It took all her strength to put a finger to her lips and say "no, not yet!" when Carina opened her glittery, lip-glossy mouth.

The whole carriage shook as they sank towards the Underground, sending a rush of adrenaline through Athena's entire body and turning Carina's face a sickly green. They landed at an awkward angle in between two floors, exactly where Athena had expected. She kicked the door open—she wasn't very strong, but it was extremely corroded—and jumped out, a fall of about five feet. Carina followed hesitantly.

"This way." Athena pointed to a doorway half-covered by boxes and bright yellow tape. An illegible sign written in ancient English hung on the doorway, held to the wood with faded silvery-gray adhesive strips.

The interior of the building was a maze. It had been a functioning office once, then a historical display, then the decrepit mess it was now, a ruin smattered with crumbled walls and gaping holes where bombs had hit. It was a relic of a war that had happened a long time ago, something about the country of Arcadia; Athena hadn't paid enough attention in history class to remember the specifics. It was hallowed and hollow, burned down and burnt out, and that was all that mattered.

Through a passageway half-blocked by shards of broken glass and crushed metal pipes was the target. It was a tight squeeze, though both Scientias were short. Carina breathed sharp, claustrophobic breaths as she dodged sharp pieces of shrapnel that nobody had ever bothered to clear away after the facility was shut down. Athena remained steadfast, eyes on the reward of finally getting Carina to spill the beans.

"All right," she said, emerging from the capillary-sized passage into a larger, hollowed out space. "We're here."

"Where's here?" Carina demanded, looking afraid. She stared at the sparkling lights that surrounded them—they were cocooned in a swathe of blinking electrodes and exposed electronics, most of which were entirely nonfunctional.

"Kalyn and I found it one day when we were exploring," Athena explained. "These are the bombed-out remains of a supercomputer from like an eon ago. It was called Timotheus."

"The Timothy Davis supercomputer?" Carina asked, eyes wide. Of course she knows what that is, Athena thought. Nerd.

"Yeah, whatever you want to call it," Athena shrugged. "Anyway, Kalyn swears to me that it's totally safe in here. I don't think the government even knows this place still exists. They'd have torn it down years ago if they knew. So…." Carina opened her mouth and shut it again.

"Come on," Athena whined. "I'm dying!"

"Okay," she said, "but you have to swear not to tell anyone. It doesn't matter if what I tell you is right or not, it could get us both killed if someone found out that I knew and I told you."

"Damn, this must be pretty important." Athena tried to sound chill, but inside she was quivering.

"So all that elaborate stuff was just, well, Aleskynn being Aleskynn," Carina began. "You know how she is—well, you've never met her, but she acts exactly like how you'd expect a princess with all the money in the world and absolutely no responsibilities to act. Like–"

"Like a spoiled brat."

"Yeah. I mean, she has some redeeming qualities, but—okay, wait, I'm gonna ramble again." Carina took another steadying breath. "So, we were talking, and she kind of offhandedly mentioned that everyone in the royal court hates Acidalia. And apparently she's not exaggerating; they really, really, really dislike her, to the point where most if not all of them want her dead."

Athena was, admittedly, slightly surprised by that. "Really? Most people I know don't hate her, even if they don't love her, either. She's better than her mother, supposedly."

"Well, according to Aleskynn, they absolutely detest her. I don't know if you knew this, but she's not legitimate—at least not in the purest sense of the word. She has a claim to the throne under the Code, but it breaks tradition, and they do not like that. And she's also half-Martian."

"I did know that." Athena thought back to a few months ago when someone had called her a tinfoil hatter because she'd made a comment about it. Screw you, Maevyx from Biologics, she thought. I'll show you.

"But that's not all of it," Carina continued. "Aleskynn also said that nearly every noble house is planning to kill her at some point—"

"Aren't they always threatening to kill each other?"

"Yes, but this is different. Since when has Generalis gotten along with Vulgaris and Communia? Agrestis hates every other noble house in the court, yet somehow they're in agreement with everyone else about hating a Cipher, but just this one specific Cipher. That sounds weird, doesn't it?" Athena nodded, feeling gears turn in her head. Truth be told, she didn't know half as much about the intricacies of the court as Carina did; she always envisioned herself among the nouveau-riche rather than with the stuffy old-money aristocrats someday. But if any of the (admittedly terrible) fantasy films she'd seen were right, it was rare for every noble house to suddenly agree with each other. That just didn't happen when people were constantly grappling for power.

"That's very weird," Athena said. "And suspicious."

"So I sort of, kind of mentioned that to Aleskynn—how strange it is, I mean. And she all but admitted that nearly everyone with the court is working with the Novagenetica."

"What." Athena said it flatly, like it wasn't a question.

"And they're going to assassinate Acidalia sometime this week," Carina added, her voice dropping to a whisper. "House Generalis—the same house that pulled a gun on her at the coronation—says she'll be dead in two days."

"Wait, you mean there's an actual plot to assassinate her right now?" Athena asked, eyes wide. "And Aleskynn told you about this, like it was nothing?!"

"Not just a plot to kill her, a plot to do it and pin it on someone else, just like they did with that soldier boy. And I was very much not supposed to tell you about anything. I'm still questioning whether telling you was even a good idea, but I figured you're the only person I know who has some ability to help me."

"That's fair. For all my shortcomings, I am pretty well-connected." Athena smirked. She felt like a side character in a cyberpunk movie, like a badass hacker the protagonist would just happen to come across after receiving a tip from a shady guy in a bar. She knew absolutely nothing whatsoever about hacking—she could barely make her laptop run a simple word processor—but it was still a nice feeling, so she relished it as much as possible. "Did she tell you anything else?"

Carina shook her head. "I don't think she honestly knew much else. I mean, she's Aleskynn Cipher, she's not well-known for being perceptive and shady."

"Ain't that the truth." Athena recalled an interview of Aleskynn that she'd read in a gossip magazine once. They kept asking her about political issues and her sister's ascent to the throne, and she'd responded with nonsense every time. It was like when Athena was a little kid and she answered every science question with some bullshit about photosynthesis—she had no idea what it meant, but it sounded like sufficiently big word. The whole interview was like that, but Aleskynn used words like "antidisestablishmentarialism" instead.

"She did, however, tell me that she'd make me a royal advisor if—when—she took the throne, though," Carina added. "I'm not sure if she'd ever actually do that, or if her mother would let her."

"A bunch of Nova maniacs letting a Scientia into a position of power?" Athena asked, suspicious. "Something tells me that wouldn't happen."

"Something tells me you're right," Carina agreed. "I don't think she really realizes the consequences of what they're planning on doing. Talking to her is like talking to someone who's lived in a bubble their whole life. She was going on and on about how great it would be when she became the Imperatrix, but had no idea what she'd actually do once the crown was hers. She literally told me 'well, that's what advisors are for, isn't it?' As far as assassinating her older sister... she acts like it's totally normal and consequence-free."

"Wow, either she's a total sociopath or they had a really shitty relationship." Athena said.

"I think it's the second one... well, I don't know if I'd define it as shitty. More like nonexistent. Aleskynn thinks Acidalia is a 'Martian whore,' and I don't know what Acidalia thinks of her because I've never seen them interact with each other."

"Well, if someone called me a Martian whore, I probably wouldn't want to talk to her, either." Athena suddenly felt bad for the Imperatrix—both because seemingly everyone wanted her dead, and because growing up with someone as annoying as Aleskynn Cipher sounded horrific.

Carina sighed. "I suppose that's besides the point now, though. All I know is that they're going to kill Acidalia, and they're going to do it soon. And that means seven more years of Alestra—"

"Yikes."

"And then Aleskynn will be on the throne with her for God knows how long," Carina finished. "And even though I don't hate Aleskynn, she would be an awful empress."

"Agreed." Athena didn't know Acidalia whatsoever, but she had to be better than her mother or her sister—not that the bar was set very high. Still, having a semi-competent Imperatrix was far better than having a bunch of Nova fascists and one stupid tween at the helm of the solar system's biggest empire. There had to be some way to stop her from dying.

Athena racked her brain for a solution. It was as simple as letting Acidalia know somehow what her family was planning—if she knew the lengths they were willing to go to get her out of the line of succession, she might be able to get the hell out of there before someone put a bullet through her brain. But how on Terra could they just talk to the Imperatrix Ceasarina of Eleutheria like that? Athena didn't really know how royalty really worked, but she was pretty sure Acidalia-Planitia Cipher didn't just have a phone number or email address to send a warning to.

She thought briefly of direct messaging her on social media, then immediately dismissed that as a stupid idea. Acidalia probably got trillions of messages a day—she would never notice anything Athena sent. Besides, she probably didn't even manage her own accounts.

No, it would have to be someone close to her—someone who could walk up to her and be listened to. A noblewoman, probably, or some insanely high-ranking soldier or police chief. Even then, they'd have to be friendly with her. Otherwise she'd be wary of listening to them—if so many people truly wanted her dead, she wouldn't be willing to take what a stranger told her at face value. (That is, if she had an IQ higher than 4, which Athena somewhat doubted, seeing as she was related to Aleskynn.)

But who was high-ranking, had direct access to the palace, and had a friendly relationship with Acidalia Cipher? Athena couldn't think of anyone, especially not anyone she knew.

"I don't know what we're supposed to do," Carina confessed, looking lost. "I don't even know why I told you. It's not like we can change anything."

"No, I'll come up with something." Athena suddenly remembered a concept she'd learned in a communications class they'd made her take in eighth year. She'd thought it was so stupid at the time—why would an Astrophysica need a communications class? But they had told her one useful thing—the theory of six degrees of separation. No one person was really separated from another; the world was a network. If person A was trying to reach person B, there was a virtually guaranteed chance that A knew someone who knew someone who knew someone and so on, all the way until someone knew someone who knew person B. If you knew the right people, you could reach anyone in a relatively small amount of steps.

But who were the right people?

Athena thought of the most important people she knew. Most of them were work bosses, people who only slightly higher ranking than she was. She knew Carina, who knew Aleskynn, who knew Acidalia, but there was no way she could go that route when Aleskynn was actively trying to kill her own sister.

But, outside of the normal chain of command, there were other ways to gain power. They were less legitimate, less common, and less legal, but those pathways still existed. And Athena knew Kalyn, whose mother was supposedly a leader in some criminal enterprise. If she truly was as powerful as Kalyn made her sound, she'd probably made bribes with some wealthy Magistratum, who probably knew politicians, who knew more politicians... and the chain continued, all the way until someone knew the highest-ranking politician ever.

"Okay," Athena said. "This is a long shot, but I have a plan."

#eurekaproject #on the edge of eureka #POV Carina #Athena #fun fact: I changed the name to SIX Gradus like the number on some sites #because I was afraid it would get flagged for inappropriate content #if I kept sex in the name #even though it literally is the number six #anyway #writing problems

[brittababbles]

Have you ever done a soulmate au? If so could you do one for Frank Castle? Maybe the reader is a vigilante like Frank? 😊✨✨✨

Gun in the Face of Destiny – Frank Castle xreader.

Author’s Note: I hadn’t done a soulmate AUbefore. I actually had to look up what it was. Interesting concept. I’ll tryit.

 Firefights were… well, you wouldn’t say theywere fun, but they certainly were a good alternative to a zumba class when itcame to getting your heart rate up.

Maybe laughing from behind the metal table youwere hiding behind wasn’t exactly subtle. Probably would have been wiser tokeep your mouth shut. You poked your head out from behind the table and tookvague aim at the two guys shooting at you. They had better guns than you. Youhad better luck than them. You heard the bullets ricochet and then a shout ofpain.

Gotcha, you thought.

You glanced back over your shoulder at theterrified kitchen staff huddled behind you. A total of five of them, not asingle word of English spoken between them. Your two semesters at NYU and onefailed Spanish class didn’t exactly prepare you for this situation.

But they made a damn good Ropa Vieja.

You were sort of hoping that the pair of 8mmswould’ve been sufficient tonight. The fact that you’d packed a backup .22 inyour back pocket was inconsequential – a .22 wasn’t going to take these idiotsout.

There was a deafening bang from the oppositeend of the galley kitchen that made everyone jump.

“Keep your head down!” a deep voice echoed.

Fair enough. You ducked back down behind yourupturned table and mimed “keep down” to your Cuban friends. Some things must’vebeen universal; they all nodded and managed to get lower to the floor.

Keep your head down. There was something vaguely familiar about that phrase.

Bullets flew overhead. Big ones. Whoever thisguy was had even better guns than your opponents. Sure, you’d think with yourconnections you’d be able to get your hands on better firepower than the twohandguns you’d toted along tonight. A skinny daughter of a local mob boss thatliked to go out looking for a fight ought to have better protection than ametal prep table and a pair of handguns.

But what was the fun in playing fair?

You shrugged at the cooks behind you. Theygawked back, apparently flabbergasted by your casual response to being shot at.

The fiasco at the other end of the kitchendidn’t last long. Whoever was taking out these dudes was a pro. When therepeated cracks of automatic weaponry came to an end, you popped your head backup to see what the damage was.

You hoped the Cuban cooks had hazmat suitsstored somewhere.

“Overkill much?” you called to the onlyremaining standing figure.

He was dressed head to toe in black, standingwith his back to you. From this angle you couldn’t identify the exact weapon hewas carrying, but it was big. Your stomach tightened, once again regretting openingyour big mouth as he turned slowly to look at you.

That’s when you saw the skull painted acrosshis chest. The Punisher. Shit.

Well, great. Panicking, you hid again, turningto the kitchen staff and waving your hands to get their attention.

“Get out! Get out!” you hissed, waving towardthe door frantically.

They seemed to get the message and, one at atime, began to crawl in the direction of the back door. When the heavy, bootedfootsteps behind you stopped, however, the five of them looked up, theirexpressions horrified.

You looked up, directly into his face.

“What’d you say?” he asked, his nose wrinklingslightly as he scowled down at you.

“I said, ‘overkill much?’” you answeredthoughtlessly.

His expression went from a scowl of annoyanceto a slightly disturbed frown, like those two words were bizarrely significant.You couldn’t imagine why. Nothing that ever came out of your smart mouth waswhat you’d consider significant.

“What’re you doing in here?” he finally said,his voice still tantalizingly wary.

“Um… trying to stop a robbery?” you saidhonestly, “Though you kind of took care of the stopping part for me.”

Hegawked at you for a moment longer, the offered you a hand. You took it,puzzled, and allowed him to pull you to your feet. On the way up you caughtsight of the mark across your wrist.

Keep your head down.

There it was, scrawled across your wrist inuntidy writing that’d you’d never anywhere beside that spot on your wrist. Youdidn’t remember ever not having it. Your mother had explained that it was thefirst words your soul mate would say to you. Hers had faded after she’d met youdad, but you’d still been able to read it when you were little. “Excuse me,miss. Is this yours?” You remembered it so clearly. You’d wondered all yourlife why your soul mate would open with “Keep your head down.”

This situation really wasn’t clearing that up.

He didn’t let your hand go when you were onyour feet, instead opting to awkwardly shake it.

“I’m Frank,” he said, still looking a bitstunned.

“[Your name],” you answered letting thehandshake carry on for far past the point of convention.

Apparently he realized how long this handshaking business was going on and released you hand hastily. You just stared athim, unable to think of anything to say. He tugged at his jacket, pulling upthe sleeve to reveal his right wrist.

Overkill much? You recognized your own loopy penmanship.

“Huh,” was all you could say.

Your staring at each other was interrupted byscrambling and Spanish babbling in the background. The cooks had stood,evidently under the impression that the violence had come to and end, anddiscovered the mess of human remains at the opposite end of the kitchen. Youcouldn’t understand a word of it, but their tone suggested that they were lessthan thrilled with the discovery.

“We’d probably get out of here,” you said toFrank, “Before the cops show up.

“Oh. Yeah,” he said, visibly shaking himself.

You grabbed your guns from the floor and thepair of you dashed out the backdoor just as the sound of sirens echoed from thefront of the building.

“You wanna hit the roof?” he offered.

“Yeah, I guess. My apartment isn’t far fromhere.”

The climb up a nearby fire escape was stilluncomfortable. He followed you as you leapt from roof to roof, surprisinglyquiet for his size. He wasn’t particularly talkative, which you appreciated,since you were trying to work through this startling development.

You’d only kind of believed the whole soul matething in the first place. You knew it happened, but some people never foundtheir matching person. And with such an oddly specific phrase across yourwrist, you’d assumed you’d be one of those people.

You hadn’t expected this.

You considered yourself a B-class vigilante.You didn’t have powers, didn’t have any particular special skills. You’dlearned to fight coming up in a mafia family, sure, but mostly you’d just beentrying to help out where you could. You’d been trying to make up for some ofthe horrible things your father and brothers did every day.

You’d been alone for a long time. There’d beenboys occasionally, particularly when you were younger, but few of them werecomfortable with the variable bloodshed that surrounded you. You’d sort ofgiven up on human companionship in favor of a good fight.

Reaching the roof of your apartment, you poppedopen one of the glass panels and climbed down onto a ladder that was proppedagainst the skylight. Once upon a time, your apartment had belonged to a verywealthy man with a very large obsession with exotic plants. The currentlandlord had converted the building into a series of rather quirky apartments.Since he owed your father more money than you cared to think about, you’dgotten the spacious former-greenhouse.

Your feet hit the floor of the loft and youlooked up to see Frank calmly following you down the ladder. You watched him,admiring the easy movement of his body.

The Punisher. Jesus Christ. You reflexivelyrubbed at the mark on your wrist.

Once he was all the way down, you took theladder in hand and use it to poke the open glass panel, causing it to snap backshut. You then paced to the wall and picked the light switch.

“Excuse the mess,” you said casually, headingfor the spiral staircase that led to the lower level.

The sound of the skylight closing had eliciteda loud bark from downstairs. The barking only increased in volume as you camedown the stairs.

“Hey, Peaches,” you said to the boxer mix asshe met you at the bottom of the stairs.

Peaches had been your exclusive companion sinceyou’d found her a year ago. She’d been a tiny, crying little creature thatsomeone had left in a trash can. She’d had her eyes closed still when you foundher. It’d taken several trips to the vet, more puppy milk replacer than you couldcalculate, and a rather shamefully taken loan from your father for the expensesto save her,  but you’d do it all againfor the dog. Now a little over a year old, she was still a gangly puppy with abit more growing to do, but she was strong and sleek and considerably moreaffectionate than you thought you deserved. You were maybe a bit too lenientwith the “no jumping” rule, and let her stand on her hind legs to lick yourface. It was good to have someone that was happy you were home.

Frank was circling the spiral staircase as youand your dog had your nightly reunion. At the sight of the strange man,Peaches’ hair went up on the back of her neck. She gave a deep, warning growlas he approached.

“Easy, pup,” Frank said.

“Peaches!” you scolded.

The dog looked at you questioningly, and thensniffed Frank’s outstretched hand curiously. Apparently deciding that he hadn’tyet merited losing any fingers, she gave him a mistrustful look before trottingback to her food bowl in the kitchen. You followed her, flicking on the lightsof the lower level of your apartment.

“Like I said, excuse the mess,” you muttered.

What you were referring to were the paintings.At every vertical surface, and several of the horizontal ones, canvases ofvarying sizes and states of completeness were leaning, laying flat, or hanging.Your paints were scattered haphazardly across the floor. The cacophony of colorwas reflected back in the glass that made up the entire western wall of theapartment.

“Did you paint all of these?” Frank asked,taking in the sight.

“Most of them,” you called back, your headburied in a cupboard in the kitchen, searching for a can of dog food forPeaches.

“They’re amazing,” he muttered.

You looked over your shoulder to watch him forminute. He’d stopped in front of one of your closer-to-finished pieces.Variations on a theme by Van Gogh. The canvas was mostly back, with red andbrown swirls of paint. You’d been aiming for some kind of expression of what aparticularly nasty night on New York’s streets looked like, whilesimultaneously trying to filter it through what you’d imagined yourschizophrenic idol would have seen.  

“They’re alright,” you commented.

You lapsed into a comfortable silence as youdished out Peaches’s dinner and Frank took a seat on the sofa, gazing around atthe paintings. After making sure her water bowl was full, you reached up intothe cupboard and pulled out a couple of k-cups.

“Coffee?” you asked, “Hope you don’t mindblack. I don’t keep cream in the place.”

Frank smirked at you.

“Smartest thing you’ve said all night,” hesaid.

You nodded and, once it was brewed, brought himthe first cup of coffee. You watched him carefully as he took a sip, his nosewrinkling slightly. He kept his eyes on you, tracking your movements as youbrewed a second cup for yourself, then cross the room and sank into the chairacross from him.

“So now what?” you asked, cupping your handsaround the mug of steaming liquid.

Frank shrugged, taking another sip from his ownmug.

“I don’t know. Are you actually expecting tobase a relationship off a few words carved into our wrists?”

“No,” you said quickly, staring down into yourcoffee.

You glanced up at him. He was really ratherhandsome, in a way you’d never considered. Not pretty at all, but there was acertain strength in his face. Strong features, not without scarring. His darkeyes were fixing you with an intense stare powerful enough to make even yousquirm. Usually being the focus of someone’s attention didn’t bother you. Butnot everyone was Frank Castle.

“Maybe,” you mumbled.

You heard him sigh.

“Sweetheart, you don’t deserve this,” he said.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“Me,” he said simply, “You deserve someonewhole. Someone not so fucked up.”

You gazed at him blankly for a moment, then putyour coffee on the end table and stood up in front of him. You pulled the edgeof your shirt off, showing him the still-healing slice just above your lefthip. Then you turned to show him the scar across the right side of your neck,then the dappled burn scars that stretched from your right shoulder to your midback. There were more, in places you weren’t ready for him to see.

“Do you know why I do this? Why I go out everynight and let someone beat the shit out of me?”

“Because you want to help people?” he guessed.

You shook your head.

“Nah. I wish I was that selfless,” youcommented.

He frowned at you.  You sighed.

“I’m doing this because when they land a punchon me, at least I’m feeling something. Look, soul mate you might be, but youneed to be at least a level four friend to unlock my tragic backstory. Let’sjust say I didn’t grow up in a situation where I was around of lot of…nurturingpeople. I guess I didn’t learn to feel things like a normal person. And now…”you sighed, “Pain is a feeling. I can’t even say it’s a feeling I like. It’sjust a feeling.”

Frank looked at you, his eyes a bit empty.

“So,” you finished, “I wouldn’t say anybodydeserves this either.”

He shook his head at you.

“There’s no way to talk you out of this, isthere?”

You flopped down into the couch next to him.

“Look, I’m not asking for forever. I’m justsaying,” you held up your wrist, showing him where the words marked your skin, “Maybewe should give this a chance. Maybe we should just see if this isn’t purelyrandom chance. Maybe it’s more than mathematics. How will we know if we don’ttry?”

“And if it doesn’t work out?”

You smirked, leaning over to reclaim your coffeecup.

“Then you seem just as likely to put a gun inthe face of destiny and pull the trigger. But I know I’m miserable and you don’tlook like you’ve been having the time of your life lately either.”

He looked at you skeptically, then raised hismug in what appeared to be a toast.

“To destiny?” he offered.

You smiled and clinked your ceramic mug to his.

“To destiny.”

#frank castle #frank castle imagine #frank castle x reader #soulmate au #swbwrites #request

[roseymoseyberry]

Bite the Bullet (one-shot)

Look. Look.

We all make choices sometimes.

And somtimes those choices lead to the realization that you might just like Megatron with red minibots.

Anyway, shout out to @canonmorelikecanyounot (18+ blog) because this is entirely her fault for her tags about Megatron flirting with Cliffjumper while in gun mode.

And man was it fun to write some v indulgent smut while also getting to play around with g1 silliness.

Title: Bite the Bullet

Series: G1

Ship: Megatron/Cliffjumper

Rating/warnings: Explicit for not so safe or sane gun play, one of the characters being in their alt-mode, technically dubcon since Megatron is a prisoner (but he’s v into it), annnd yeah. It’s gun fucking and Megatron is the gun.

For a refresher course on what exactly Megatron is like as a gun, here’s the main cartoon ref I used and the real life inspiration for his alt-mode.

“So you’re that type of mech, hm?”

Cliffjumper’s frown deepened and he barely turned his helm to glare over his shoulder.

However, he quickly found it was difficult to know where to point his glare when the enemy was stuck in his alt-mode. If he was a car it would be easy, and Cliffjumper had some idea of where to look at a flight-mode. He wasn’t dumb.

But it was a harder call when the leader of the Decepticons was a gun.

The muzzle maybe? But it was turned away from him since Megatron was laid out on the prison berth parallel to the cell barrier. The scope would have been his next guess, but it was also aimed at the wall. All Cliffjumper could see was the butt of the gun and the trigger and all along the bottom edge of the barrel.

Slag though, Cliffjumper almost didn’t mind since it gave him the excuse to drag his optics along the full length of the gun.

No, not gun. Not just a gun.

Megatron.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The minibot kept expecting the gun to move, to at least twitch or roll, anything. He couldn’t fully comprehend the fact that anyone could have an alt-mode that completely lacked mobility.

But Megatron just continued to lay there in the exact same spot as when Optimus placed him there the day before.

“I should think it’s obvious, Autobot,” Megatron replied, his tone amused. Cliffjumper’s hands fisted at his sides and his frown tightened.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?!”

Megatron’s laugh grated on his audials.

“You like my form, don’t you?”

His spark felt as if it had stopped cold in his chest. Cliffjumper gaped at the Decepticon before squaring his shoulders and pinching his lips tight. His head turned away sharply to look at the wall.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, so can it, rust bucket.”

“I think you do.”

“I said can it!”

“Your friend wasn’t subtle,” Megatron continued, unperturbed, and Cliffjumper felt his face heat up. No, he supposed Bumblebee’s “Behave” with a wink when they had switched off was pretty obvious. It wasn’t exactly something he was shy about admitting to normally – they all had their kinks, some so specific that his seemed mild in comparison – but Cliffjumper wished now he had kept his big mouth shut.

He was gonna get Bumblebee back after this. Maybe a good right hook to the noggin—

“You want to frag me, don’t you, little Autobot?”

Shame sparked across Cliffjumper’s circuits as he felt his array warm and his interface protocols online in a hurry.

“Sh-shut up!”

“You do,” Megatron said, dragging the last vowel out mockingly. Cliffjumper’s engine growled, even as his face burned. “No need to be ashamed. You’re hardly the first, and you won’t be the last. I am well constructed after all, and you will not find a more destructive weapon to hold in your hands.”

Cliffjumper gritted his dentae. He shouldn’t rise to the bait, he knew that, but he hated the feeling of unspoken words on his glossa.

“So you’re a nice gun. So what? What would I want with you anyway?” Cliffjumper spat out.

The gun hummed with obvious delight.

“Oh, I’m sure you’re well aware. It’s quite something to hold such power in your hands, to touch and perhaps to even taste that strength, isn’t it?” Cliffjumper’s fingers twitched and his mouth watered and his spark pulsed quickly in his chest. “And I know you’ll agree that to have destruction at your fingertips and taunt fate with it pressed to your frame can bring about a rush like none other.” His plating shifted and, slowly, spread out so that the growing heat could leak out without needing to turn on his cooling fans. “And while you may be small, Autobot, you won’t have any trouble taking my barrel inside you, will you?”

With the clamping together of his thighs, Cliffjumper’s valve throbbed behind his panel.

Frag.

“I’m not stupid, and I’m sure as slag not suicidal, so why don’t you--”

“But you are interested.”

Cliffjumper turned on his heel to glower at the Megatron again, his arms crossed over his chest. “Not in having you blow me up from the inside out!”

The gun cackled and Cliffjumper’s plating flared irritably.

“Is that all that holds you back? Then rest easy,” Megatron insisted casually. “In this form, while I am much more powerful, I am otherwise in most every other way the same as any other gun. And I assume you know how to safely indulge yourself, hm?”

Cliffjumper ground his dentae until he could swear he tasted sparks on his glossa. It didn’t help to fight the burning heat flooding his face or to ignore the distinct sensation of lubricant slicking his valve.

“You honestly think I’ll believe you can’t pull your own trigger?”

Primus, it was so weird to have this conversation when Megatron didn’t move at all. His voice was all that Cliffjumper had to go off of.

Did that immobility really go that far?

“Why else do you think I would let my lieutenants have the pleasure?”

A shiver raced down Cliffjumper’s spine at the thought of that very pleasure, to squeeze that trigger and feel that recoil for himself, because it – he – had to have a nasty kick. Frag, he would give anything to feel that for himself.

“And—and what do you get out of this?”

“Relief from the processor-rusting boredom of not only being a prisoner, but unable to move at that,” Megatron explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. However, his voice took on something too much like a purr when he continued, “And it’s not every day I find such an appreciative audience. I would very much enjoy having an adorable little Autobot like yourself lapping at my muzzle.”

If Cliffjumper didn’t know better, he’d think his face was melting off from how boiling hot it felt.

His hands were clenched so tight he was scrapping paint off his palms.

“Better yet would be the desperate clenching of your valve as you come undone around my barrel.”

Cliffjumper managed to keep the whine from escaping his vocalizer.

However, he lost the battle with his interface array as his panel opened with an audible shlick.

“Shut up!” he spat when Megatron began to snicker, and despite himself, Cliffjumper reached up to offline the cell barrier.

Compared with the rest of the hefty weapon, Megatron’s stock seemed nearly delicate. Thin and round and long, the only interruption to its sleekness was the lip where one half could slide into the other to collapse the stock.

And that lip caught on Cliffjumper’s anterior node as he rocked his hips along the slick length, trapping the stock between his valve lips to rub himself against. A grunt escaped his open mouth and his hold on the grip tightened.

“Sensitive, aren’t you?”

“And you never shut up, do you?!” Cliffjumper complained as he pressed the stock harder against himself. Finding a position had been awkward, but finally the Autobot had settled for straddling the stock and leaning over the rest of the gun so the muzzle faced away from him. One hand braced against the berth while the other was wrapped around the grip of the gun, fingers stroking and squeezing the unyielding metal as best he could while holding the rest of the gun to his frame, slowly warming it with how hot his frame was in comparison.

Another roll of his hips had Cliffjumper’s node catching on the stock’s lip again and he groaned as he repeated the motion yet again.

“Yet you persist. Am I that that irresistible, Autobot?”

Cliffjumper hated how the taunting only had his hips bucking harder.

“Arrogant glitch!”

But there was no denying the fact that Cliffjumper couldn’t take his optics off the length of the gun. The weight of Megatron in his hand grounded him while the beautifully maintained chrome caught and held his attention as it glittered and shimmered with his every movement. His forefinger stroked the trigger guard longingly while he leaned further forward, following the lines of the barrel as he got close enough that it wouldn’t take any effort at all to close his lips around the side of the long cylinder.

His hot ex-vent fogged the sleek metal.

Cliffjumper licked his lips before gritting his teeth.

“Go on then. Why not take a little taste?”

As much as the minibot wanted to argue, the fact was he wanted that taste badly. Cliffjumper told himself that surely just one lick wouldn’t be so bad. Just along the side, nothing dangerous, just a taste.

One small stroke with the tip of his glossa though only made the cloying hunger in Cliffjumper’s spark worse, made the chasm of need that much deeper, and a whine was out of his mouth before he could stop it. Megatron tasted like cleaner and ions and smoke, and Cliffjumper opened his mouth wide to flatten his whole glossa around the curve of the barrel, dragging along the completely unmarred surface, letting his senses be consumed by the heady taste. It only strengthened the closer his glossa lapped towards the muzzle.

“Take what you want.”

Impulse beat out self-preservation. Cliffjumper had to tilt his chassis, letting his forehelm rest on the berth and his hips tilt up so that he could shift the angle of the gun. Within a few moments he managed to get it just right so the stock was still pressed hard against his valve but the muzzle was aimed right at his face.

And that managed to give him pause for a second as the realization of just how stupid this whole thing was hit him.

Unfortunately, it also set his face aflame and lubricant dripped freely along the stock.

Cliffjumper opened his mouth and shifted the gun -- Megatron -- until the muzzle was between his lips and his glossa could plunge into the interior of the barrel.

The taste was caustic and burned his glossa and his proccessor swam in the overwhelming rush of arousal.

His hips jerked down hard on the stock captured between his valve lips, his anterior node finding the stock’s lip again to grind back and forth across, and his calipers clenched on nothing as overload took Cliffjumper by surprise. Cliffjumper clamped his thighs together as a moaned curse tumbled out of his mouth, muffled around Megatron’s barrel.

“What a good little Autobot,” Megatron purred from between Cliffjumper’s legs, and the minibot hated how it prompted another throbbing wave of pleasure through his array.

Cliffjumper was quick to lift his helm up and away and spit out a “Frag you” as he pushed up onto his knees. Megatron’s barrel had lines of his oral fluid streaked across it, his hammer and scope had splatters of transfluid across them, and his stock was absolutely soaked, drips of lubricant falling from the length to pool on the berth. Cliffjumper’s frame shuddered at the mess he had left all over the gorgeous gun and the burning taste of danger on his glossa. A low simmering heat reignited in his array before it could even fully cycle down from the overload.

“I’d much rather frag you.”

Cliffjumper licked his lips and his calipers cycled opened in preparation for what it already knew he would let it have.

Megatron had been aimed right at his helm and hadn’t pulled his trigger.

Maybe couldn’t.

"Fine. Why the frag not?"

It was on his back, servo around Megatron's barrel as he pressed the muzzle in past the soaked rim of his valve, staring down at the Decepticon's gorgeous alt-mode as he pierced himself on it, that Cliffjumper finally noticed the way the scope glinted at him. It was slight, easy to miss.

"Can you see outta that thing?"

"Perhaps," Megatron answered, his tone amused as it had been the whole time, but there was something deeper to it now, gravelly in a way that put even his usual voice to shame. "Would that stop you?"

The edge of the muzzle grated along Cliffjumper's valve walls as he pulled it deeper, just on the edge of pain, and it pulled a moan from his lips.

"If your talking didn't, then I dunno why you think that would."

Megatron chuckled and the scope lens flickered again.

That was one question answered at least.

Not that it mattered really. Not when Cliffjumper had the long, unyielding length of Megatron's barrel pushing in, bit by bit, stretching him so gloriously.

Once Cliffjumper had as much of it as he dared press into his frame, he carefully pulled and pushed the gun, slowly thrusting it into himself.

"F-frag--hah!"

"Is that really all you can take, Autobot?"

Cliffjumper grit his dentae and offlined his optics, wondering if he couldn't just ignore Megatron as he took his pleasure. But only a few seconds passed before he gazed down the length of his body again, watched the way the Megatron’s barrel disappeared past his stretched rim. The most powerful gun Cliffjumper had ever held in his hands, and his throbbing valve was enveloping it in wet heat. Each time he dragged it out, the way his lubricant shone on the black metal was too gorgeous to not watch glitter.

"Come now. Let me fill you completely.”

Cliffjumper’s hips jerked and his hands pushed before he could even think to argue.

Inner calipers gave way and Cliffjumper threw his head back with a shout as the muzzle kissed the very back of his valve. His outer most calipers cycled down as the edge of the muzzle was engulfed, settling snuggly around the thinner barrel and holding the entirety of the muzzle inside his frame.

Keeping Megatron trapped in his fluttering valve as Cliffjumper overloaded around him.

Cliffjumper arched his back as he whimpered, defenseless against the raw pleasure assaulting his sensornet as he shuddered.

“Mmm. Very nice.”

“Get melted,” Cliffjumper muttered breathlessly, internally embarrassed by how little fight was actually in his voice. In fact, he sounded well fragged, static hissing around the edges. It was with trembling hands that Cliffjumper carefully pulled the gun from his abused valve, pausing when aftershocks would have him clenching around the muzzle again.

Once free, Cliffjumper set Megatron down on the berth next to him, parallel to his frame, and then offlined his optics to give himself a moment to come down from the charged high. His valve felt empty but satiated.

“You made such a spectacular spectacle that I suppose you deserve something as a reward, don’t you agree?”

Cliffjumper onlined one optic and turned his head to glower at Megatron.

“I got what I wanted.”

“True. But I imagine that this will only sweeten the memory.”

Before Cliffjumper could think of anything to say to that, Megatron’s alt-form started to hum in a way that had nothing to do with a vocalizer. Cliffjumpers sensory systems were blinded by bright light and a deafening blast. The shock was enough to have his frame moving instantly, jumping and pushing himself off the berth to roll onto the floor with a yelp.

When Cliffjumper managed to reboot his optics and online them, it was to see the gun falling from where it had slammed against the wall from recoil, clattering to the floor.

And when Megatron’s form finally settled, it was with the muzzle nearly aimed at Cliffjumper.

The minibot stared, mouth agape, legs splayed open and frozen in place while his spark thundered in his chest.

“You—you—!”

“I never actually said I couldn’t pull my own trigger,” Megatron supplied, his tone smug, clearly pleased with himself.

And, despite himself – despite the spark-chilling realization that he had placed his life at Megatron’s mercy for an overload – Cliffjumper’s frame shuddered and his valve throbbed.

That damned scope flickered again, watching him.

Frag. Frag, frag, frag.

“You really are a fragged up little Autobot, aren’t you?”

Megatron was teasing him, and worst still, it nearly sounded like praise as well.

Cliffjumper’s face burned and outrage flooded his systems.

With an audible snap his panels closed and Cliffjumper scrambled to his feet, his engine growling threateningly.

“I outta throw you in a smelter myself, you no good slag-sucking decepti-creep!”

Megatron cackled as Cliffjumper berated him, occasionally slipping into genuine laughter when Cliffjumper demanded he stop laughing because he was being serious, slaggit!

Worst still was that Cliffjumper couldn’t just leave. He was the guard on duty, so he couldn’t leave Megatron alone down here, and he definitely couldn’t leave all of the sticky evidence of his activities with the Decepticon prisoner behind for anyone to find. Cliffjumper was pretty sure he would rather take a bullet to the processor than have to face Optimus if his leader knew what he had done.

Cliffjumper was stuck with the mouthy Decepticon for the rest of his shift.

So if he got a little enjoyment out of thoroughly cleaning Megatron’s gun form from his muzzle down to the end of his stock while cursing him out, well, Cliffjumper deserved something for his trouble.

“Soundwave.”

His lieutenant didn’t so much as look at him, busy with decrypting the code that held Megatron trapped in his alt-form. There was no doubt in Megatron’s processor though that he was listening. If ever there was a mech capable of multitasking efficiently, it was Soundwave.

After all, he had managed to keep Starscream distracted while sending Ravage to slip into the Autobot base, rescuing Megatron before the Autobots could even come to a consensus on what to do with their prisoner.

“What’s the name of that red minibot?”

This time Soundwave’s head did swivel to face Megatron’s scope.

“Cassette’s designation is--”

“No, no, not Rumble.” Megatron paused for a moment when Soundwave continued to stare at him. “Or whichever one painted himself red this week. I mean an Autobot.”

Soundwave’s head tilted.

“Three Aubobot minibots feature red paint.”

“The one with horns then.”

“Two Autobot minibots fit that description.”

Megatron growled. “The trigger happy one then!”

Soundwave’s head straightened as he nodded and said, “Minibot’s designation is Cliffjumper.”

“Cliffjumper, hm? A fitting name.” Megatron watched as Soundwave returned his full focus on the code that would soon free him again.

He couldn’t help a quiet chuckle to himself.

A fitting name indeed, and one Megatron would be sure to remember.

#The end is extra silly but i couldn't help making the joke #there are a lot of small tfs with red in their paintjobs haha #fanfiction

[itsworn]

Ask Anything, Your Tech Questions Answered

Bench Bleed Blues

Randy Flick; via CarCraft.com: In just about every article concerning swapping out a brake master cylinder, we are told to bench-bleed the unit before installing it (for obvious reasons). It has always been my practice to bolt the master cylinder in place—leaving the brake lines unattached—attach the bleeder lines, and use the brake pedal to pump and bleed the cylinder. This always seemed easier than wrestling the unit while it’s in a vice and possibly spilling brake fluid when I transfer it to the firewall. Is there really any difference in my method versus bleeding the unit on the bench, or have I been doing it wrong for 50-plus years?

Steve Magnante: Good question, Randy. I’ve also taken to mounting the brake master cylinder to the car and rigging temporary shorty lines from the pressure ports back into the reservoir. As long as care is exercised and paint-friendly synthetic fluid is used, it gets the job done. However, this doesn’t answer your core question as to why bench-bleeding has been recommended for decades. I think there are a few answers. First, before the mid-1950s, most American cars had their brake master cylinders mounted beneath the floorboard—not on the firewall, where access is much easier. This underfloor master-cylinder mounting was a result of evolving vehicle architecture that placed the brake (and clutch when applicable) pedals on pivots mounted under the floor. If you see any older car with a brake pedal jutting up from the floorboard, you can bet the master cylinder is mounted under the car. Service isn’t fun.

As vehicle designers sought lower body profiles in the 1950s, they needed to squash cowl height. Once the cowl height was reduced an inch or 3, the hoodline, beltline, and roofline could follow suit. To compress the cowl height, designers turned to so-called suspended brake and clutch pedals that worked from pivots mounted under the dash. This opened the door to relocation of the brake master cylinder to the engine side of the firewall, where a simple rod could be used to meet the brake pedal in the car. The groundbreaking 1955 Chevy’s low profile was enabled, thanks to a switch from 1954’s through-floor brake pedal and undercar master cylinder to a suspended brake pedal and underhood master cylinder. By 1955, most Chrysler and Ford models had also made a similar switch, though many Rambler/American Motors and Studebaker offerings stuck with old-fashioned, through-the-floor brake pedals into the early 1960s.

If we focus on those pre-1955 cars with their awkward, hard-to-access, underfloor brake master cylinders, bench-bleeding prior to installation was virtually mandatory. Doing the job from under the car was far more difficult. And remembering that vehicle repair and maintenance regimens go back to the day after the first automobile was sold, by the mid-1950s more than a half century of momentum existed. Mechanics with years of experience of pre-bleeding master cylinders on the bench stuck to the process even after the 1955 revolution took hold. So did the factory service manuals, likely as a fool-proofing.

While modern master cylinders are a virtually perfected art, once in a while, a blooper unit gets through quality control. If a single lip seal is installed on the piston backward or if a drilled passage isn’t complete, the master cylinder will malfunction. The process of bench-bleeding ensures closer, hands-on contact than in-car bleeding, and if a problem exists, remedy is quicker than if it is bolted to the firewall.

So I’d venture to say manufacturers are making the end user the last line of quality control by urging them to bench-bleed before final installation.

Finally, not every vehicle places the master cylinder in the expected horizontal position, where air-bubble chasing via bleeding is most easily accomplished. Take a close look at many rear-wheel-drive GM cars of the 1960s through 1980s, especially those with power brake boosters. The master cylinder is mounted at a 17-degree angle with the front end positioned higher than the tail. Likely done to scoot the booster assembly up and away from the engine’s driver-side valve cover, the non-horizontal orientation renders a certain percentage of the reservoir empty since a wedge-shaped air void is created when the cover is secured in place. Does this non-horizontal mounting complicate in-car bleeding? It shouldn’t, but psychologically it’s an oddity and, in some situations, could help hide reluctant air bubbles.

To sum it all up, if done with care, in-car master cylinder pre-bleeding is just as effective as bench-bleeding. However, in that rare instance when a manufacturing flaw renders the unit inoperative, isn’t it better to discover this fact before you’ve expended the time and effort to mount it?

This 1954 Plymouth Savoy brake master cylinder is typical of the old-fashioned mounting scheme. Once bolted to the frame under the driver-side floor panel, access is nil. Bench-bleeding is a must. In 1955, Plymouth switched to a modern, firewall-mounted master cylinder. The circular hole in the floor is where you add brake fluid. A metal snap-in cap seals the floor after service.

Hot Rat

Glenn Hiller; Haddam, CT: I’ve been following your writing since the late-1980s and hope you get this question about my 1969 Chevelle. It has a standard 454 crate motor upgraded to 10:1, 292 hydraulic-cam, cast-iron, rectangle-port heads, long-tube headers, 3-inch pipes, loose converter, 4.11 rear, HEI ignition, and runs 11.40s in stock trim. I’ve owned the car for more than 25 years, so I have an intimate mechanical relationship regarding everything. After roughly 10 years of running since complete rebuild, the radiator core separated from the tank. I brought the radiator to the local radiator shop, and they rebuilt it with a four-row core and the same copper tanks. It was much heavier after I got it back. After a complete flush of the radiator, heater core, block, and so on, I installed the new radiator. A quick glimpse in the GM Performance Parts catalog shows water pump No. 12484890. I could not locate this water pump locally, so I picked up a standard cast-iron water pump. After installing all components—including a Mr. Gasket high-flow, 185-degree thermostat—the car runs perfectly, but instead of running hot at idle and cooler while driving, it now runs cool at idle (185) and hotter on highway (210+). The fan is a direct drive with wide, flexible blades. The car would previously climb to 215+ at idle. Any thoughts on what happened?

Steve Magnante: Hey, Glenn, thanks for being a loyal magazine customer. You’re part of the devoted core that’s keeping paper alive. Though it feels like I’ve been writing since the late-1980s, my very first nationally published magazine article appeared in the July 1992 issue of Chrysler Power. It was a one-page review of the old IMC 1:25-scale Dodge L700 plastic truck model kit from 1969. My Car Craft debut was in the April 1994 issue and took the form of a two-page color feature story on Denver Nuggets NBA basketball star Tom Hammonds III’s 7-second street Camaro.

Enough about me. Your Chevelle is really cranking! Low-11s with a stock-displacement 454, 10:1 compression, and 4.11 cogs is very good. The reversal of cooling tendencies—from too hot at idle to too hot while cruising—is a puzzler. Have you tried reinstalling the water pump that was in the car before the radiator was rebuilt? And why did you change it in the first place? And what triggered your thinking that you needed the GM water pump (PN 12484890)?

Working from these clues, let’s break it down.

The PN you sought (and couldn’t find) is a cast-iron, long-style unit of the type often included on Chevrolet Performance (nee GM Performance Parts/GMPP) 454 and 502 crate engines. Clearly, you’re hip to the whole long/short pump housing situation or you’d never have been able to assemble the engine to learn it now runs hotter.

Since you don’t specify exactly which “standard cast-iron water pump” you substituted for it, I’m going to bet you accidentally got a reverse-rotation unit from the parts man. The reverse-rotation pumps came into being when GM went to serpentine accessory drive architecture on production vehicles in the late-1980s. Due to the double-sided drive capability of the serpentine belt and pulleys, the water-pump rotation was reversed and a specific impeller-vane design was applied to pump the coolant properly.

By contrast, the classic V-belt, pulley-drive water pumps turn the pump impeller clockwise (as viewed looking at the front of the engine). Both pumps are made with long and short housings and will bolt to the front of the block without obvious signs of trouble. But if you run a reverse-rotation pump with a V-belt, the high-speed efficiency of the impeller will be poor and coolant flow will be degraded. Down low at idle and low rpm, the error won’t be obvious, especially now with your increased-efficiency radiator helping to mask it. But get it spinning and making power on the open road and the reduced coolant volume and speed won’t allow the radiator to do its job.

I’m betting you accidentally bought and installed a reverse-flow water pump. Take an hour or two and swap the unit for one of the many pump offerings seen in catalogs from Chevy Performance, Summit, Edelbrock, Jegs, and others. Just remember to stay away from pumps sold for serpentine-belt applications (I’m assuming your traditional-themed Chevelle uses a V-belt).

While you’re at it, make sure the suction side of your radiator hose has a non-ferrous, anti-collapse coil inside it. Better yet, source a molded hose with integral stiffening construction. I’ve written about it here before, but without support, pump flow at high engine speed can collapse the suction hose and greatly reduce flow. Since it only happens during high rpm and the hose quickly returns to shape, this can be a frustrating hide-and-seek overheating problem. Enjoy your big-block Chevelle and thanks for reading Car Craft for all these many years!

Gaseous Gas

Amy Ping; via CarCraft.com: I have a 1972 Nova that I bought back in 1985. It came stock with a 350ci and three-speed standard shift on the floor. I installed a Muncie shortly after I bought it. I rebuilt the 350 with flat-top pistons, Dart heads, Crane 0.480-lift cam, Torker II intake, and 650 double-pumper Holley carb. I used to have an electric fuel pump and now have a stock-type pump on it. Now when the engine gets up near around 200 degrees after sitting in traffic, it acts like it’s running out of gas. I have put a 1-inch spacer between the carb and intake and rebuilt the carb. This did not help much, if any. I always run 93-octane pump gas. Do you or any of the readers know what’s causing this and how to remedy it? Thanks for any help you can give me.

Steve Magnante: Before we get to your fuel-delivery problem, let’s take a moment to admire your Nova. When your car was built in 1972, the muscle-car scene was rapidly dying up. Thanks to changes in consumer demand, an energy crisis, and government/insurance crackdowns on younger drivers and factory performance offerings, Chevelle SS output tumbled from more than 62,000 in 1970 (all of which were big-blocks) to 24,946 in 1972 (now with the anemic 307 two-barrel as standard SS power). Camaro output was down by 36 percent in 1972 (versus 1971) and the SS396 option was in its final year with only 970 big-block Camaros built.

By contrast, the 1972 Nova was a huge success and Chevrolet bean counters enjoyed total sales of 349,733 cars, of which 260,215 were two-door coupes like yours. So why did Nova sales soar into the stratosphere—1972 output marked a 79.5-percent gain over 1971—while Chevelle and Camaro nose-dived?

The answer lies in Nova’s ability to trick curious insurance adjusters into thinking it was a humble economy model. While the basic 250-cube six-popper was pretty tame, any V8-powered Nova was capable of decent performance. In particular, the 350 small-block in your car served as a great jumping-off point for bolt-on enhancements, as you’ve demonstrated. But it’s the three-speed stick that sets your Nova apart. Though you’ve swapped it out for a better four-gear Muncie, whoever ordered your car new was probably working his or her way around the option sheet in efforts to stay below the radar—and insurance surcharges for the four-speed and Nova SS package (of which 12,309 were built nonetheless). What I’m saying is that your 350, three-speed Nova was an early insurance blockade runner, a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

So why isn’t yours getting fuel when hot? Well, from the symptoms you describe, it sounds like you’ve got a classic case of vapor lock. You see, when gasoline is exposed to localized heat in the fuel system, it can begin to vaporize and transform from a liquid into a gas. Since the mechanical fuel pump bolted to your engine was designed to move gasoline in its liquid state, not in its less-dense gaseous state, flow from the fuel tank to the carburetor’s float bowls ceases because of these hot spots.

The carb spacer is a step in the right direction, but rather than a spacer (which adds plenum volume), you really want a carburetor heat isolator. These can be made of hard wood, plastic, and other materials, but their duty is to help prevent heat from soaking its way from the intake manifold to the carburetor. The cooler temperature might be helpful in keeping the gasoline in a consistent liquid state.

However, I think your trouble is located before the carburetor. Check for any places where the metal fuel line is close to a heat source like a header tube or muffler case. If so, reroute the line away from heat. Insulation is also available to keep the metal fuel lines separated from heat, and you might also consider a good, old-fashioned cool can. Either homemade from a large metal can with a coil of fuel line inside and packed in ice or a premade unit from the aftermarket, cool cans have a long history of solving vapor-lock hassles.

As for the mechanical pump, that’s OK, but why did you remove the electric pump that was previously in place? Electric pumps are another defense against vapor lock because they help to keep the fuel column moving and reduce the time it is in contact with any existing hot spots. You don’t need a huge pump for your application, just a simple unit with a built-in regulator set for something like 4 to 6 psi. Bigger pumps are OK, but often force the need for a pressure regulator to tame their flow from 9-ish psi (unregulated) to lower levels.

Your mention of using nothing lower than 93-octane gasoline is good for those flat-top pistons (and probable 10:1 squeeze), but has little bearing on vapor lock. The fuel formulation, not octane rating, is at the core of vapor-lock issues. And with certain parts of the country forced into using ethanol-spiked fuel, the vapor-lock problem escalates because of alky’s lower vaporization temperature threshold. Grab a carb isolator, reroute those fuel lines, wrap a bit of insulation on critical areas, and run an electric pump and you ought to see a noticeable improvement.

More Info Summit Racing; [phone]; SummitRacing.com

Baked Brakes

Steve Magnante: This isn’t a reader-supplied item, but during a recent visit to Strange Engineering, I learned something of importance to users of carbon brake rotors. When doing maintenance, never ever spray aerosol brake cleaner on the rotors or pads to remove stains. It turns out these carbon-based rotors absorb foreign substances like a sponge and can become polluted. The best plan is to work as cleanly as you possibly can to avoid the need for cleaning in the first place.

If you do get contaminants on the rotors and they become polluted, are they scrap? No way, just strip them bare of all non-carbon components and bake them in the oven at 500 degrees until they don’t stink anymore. Did I say stink? Oh yeah—during the heat cycle, any oil, fingerprints, brake fluid, grease, and so on is going to cook off and create nasty fumes. Once the stinking stops (usually 30 minutes to an hour), you’ll know the rotors are as clean as they can be. Don’t worry about harming the rotors with heat. The oven’s 500 degrees is nothing compared to the 1,200-plus degrees they’ll face in normal service. And as for the brake pads, they’re also made of carbon and can be oven-cleaned along with the rotors. Now you know.

Certain late-model Corvettes are offered with carbon-ceramic brake rotors. Though not as absorbent as straight up carbon-carbon rotors, they can also be decontaminated in an electric oven.

More Info Strange Engineering; [phone]; StrangeEngineering.com

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