#maybe not bc anxiety LMAO

[doc-jyo]

happy birthday charlotte 🥺💗 my most favourite girl

#charlotte flair #ashley elizabeth fliehr #HER DAY ONLY ! #4hw #wwe #😰 yucky tag #i love her sm #feeling bold might message her on ig or comment on a post 🙏🙏🙏 #maybe not bc anxiety LMAO

[sunsetzer]

On one hand, I want a final fantasy 6 remake, because the game is criminally underrated and the amount of fan content (which is all absolutely fantastic btw) is Not Enough for my neurodivergent, hyperfixating brain.

On the other hand, that would inevitably encourage more people to join the fandom, which would be great, except it seems these days the bigger a fandom gets the more toxic it becomes, and I really like what we have going on over here in our little corner. We all just love the game and its characters and nobody fights about who should and shouldn't date who or who you shouldn't like because they're ~problematique~. Nobody's trying to make one ship morally better than another, nobody's calling anyone names or threatening to doxx people who don't agree with their opinions. It's so peaceful and I love that for us. We're just vibing. Moisturized. Unbothered. In our lane. Flourishing.

#as someone who was in an extremely toxic and chaotic fandom and lowkey still traumatized #to the point where I'm afraid to mention which fandom it was/what my ship was #i have to say #i genuinely love it here #i was nervous at first sharing my ships and headcanons but everyone is so chill i was worried for nothing #thank you to everyone I've interacted with who has made this fandom a healing experience for me #i shudder to think about what some of the people i interacted with in a previous fandom would do with ff6 #probably would take edgar's flirting at face value and call him problematic for objectifying women #instead of considering the narrative and what we know about him and the way he actually treats women #my man drinks loving and respecting women juice he's not a creep #or that weird moment with relm that admittedly made me double take before i realized what he meant #theyd have a whole campaign against him lmfao #bc those people boil characters alive until they're just a formless pile of tropes and stereotypes #and seem to disregard all positive aspects of a character they don't like which is fine #but then they go and try to force other people to think like they do and ugh #theres a lot of silly moments in the game and aspects of these characters that make them well rounded and realistically flawed at times #and i fear that would get lost in the chaos if the floodgates opened after a remake #maybe im just jaded lmao #im jaded and i have anxiety so im always thinking about The Worst Case Scenario #the collective positive spirit of the dwellers in this fandom might actually foster a positive space if more people were to come in #ff6 #my post #i was gonna say maybe this is bc we're mostly adults #but that falls flat when i remember how some of the most toxic and immature people in some fandoms are grown ass adults #who bully each other and younger fans #and some of the most mature and cool people were actually younger #maybe ff6 fans are just built different lmao #also idk how old anyone else actually is there might be teenagers here i just don't think about it a lot

[chryblossomjjk]

...

#first therapy session went well ! #i didn't cry which is v surprising lol #maybe bc we didnt go too in depth about things but #therapist already picking up on things i didn't like #never really thought of myself as an anxious person #depression was more so what stuck out to me #but like therapist was like bestie... u sound more anxious than ur perceiving #like i put that i don't struggle with social anxiety bc generally in a group of people im pretty outgoing #but like my coping skills are isolation lol #and i often turn down invitations bc of my insecurities #and in general just hate being perceived despite wanting it #like i literally havent answered any asks on here in months bc #im afraid of what people think of me #and im scared of interaction #but im also dying for human connection lol :')) #i also avoid men completely bc trauma so yeah #and it all stems from a deep deep belief that i am not worthy of love n wOw im sad but like we can only go up from here right :')) #LMAO SORRY THAT THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG HAS BECOME BUT #idk this is my diary fr #anywho sorry for everything #will most likely delete all these rants bc its embarassing lol but #love you all #and im so sorry for not answering the asks #thank you for reading my fics #your comments mean sm to me truly #love you endlessly

[tavina-writes]

currently trying to think if I remember any situations in Jin Yong wuxia where a family preferred sons over daughters (especially as like, a socially mandated thing) and coming up short.

Like I think there are plenty of situations where powerful men/families/sects only have one child and that child is a daughter. And this is neither weird, highly remarked upon, or considered odd in any way. Nor is anyone feeling pressed to come up with a son in the future.

Ren Yingying from XAJH, Yue Lingshan from XAJH, Huang Rong from LOCH, Guo Fu (from ROCH) for a good portion of her life (16 years of it, also Guo Fu wasn't displaced bc one of the twins was a boy, NOR were her parents trying to have more children on purpose), Yang Guo and XLN's daughter from ROCH/HSDS, Gongsun Lu'e from ROCH, etc.

Also their status range from like 'extremely important and visible family in the jianghu' to 'actually not all that well known' so it's not just a "well our family is powerful so who gives a fuck" kind of situation.

Like these are male dominated books, there are more men than there are women in Jin Yong's books (there are really cool women in his books though), but there's almost none 'oh no how will a girl inherit!' left beef. The girl will learn martial arts, like it's hard?

I think this is also relatively true of Gu Long books too, so at some points I'm left ??? at the discourse re: inheritance and gender in MDZS fandom bc I don't think it's actively stated anywhere that women aren't supposed to inherit? Or aren't allowed? or are less capable? or that there's a strong societal prejudice against it? Just. It's a danmei so most of these positions are occupied by men. Like, there are maybe five whole women and even less among the juniors. Who and how and why will they inherit if they don't exist.

#this isn't actually meta #I'm just tagging it that way bc I'm having a thinky thought again #like there's a surprising number of only or eldest daughters in Jin Yong's writing #and nobody is remotely commenting about this #like all of HYS's associates meet his daughter and they're not like 'man you should've had a son are you getting a son soon' #NO they're like 'oh my god I wish EYE had a cute daughter' #meta #my meta #I'm thinking about this in terms of like how people discuss inheritance or genderswaps in MDZS #bc I don't....I don't actually think the sects in MDZS (as they are in canon) would... #seriously have an issue with girl heirs? #like maybe the lan bc lan yi was so unpopular but like they tried one female sect leader at least lmao #like idk I just see this in fic/post canon fic a lot where there's this anxiety to have a son and I'm just left standing there like #'idk if this world is actually that misogynistic in this way #this seems like it's been transplanted from the imperial/royalty/nobility inheritance crisis genre'

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something' #like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :) #if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away. #and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?' #dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

[shima-draws]

Just saw a video that made me wonder

#Am I insane. Am I the only person that generally tries to go for just a basket #Or holding everything in my arms stacked #Carts are so loud! And they take up so much space!! And I’m always afraid I’ll accidentally run into someone!! #Maybe that’s just my anxiety talking but idk. I want to see if other people share the same thought process #Or if I’m just crazy and I should be getting a cart bc that’s the normal thing to do. LMAO #Shima speaks #Polls #Tumblr poll #Poll

[supernovaa-remnant]

okay not that anyone asked but I feel like I'm just in a really odd state of calm like I'm detached just enough that whilst I am still invested it's more of a "I'm just gonna sit back and be a part of the ride and see where this all ends" I know I've used this metaphor a million times but yes the world is on fire but I'm waiting to see what will come from the ashes

#idk I just feel like. this is definitely the end of a chapter. but I'm very willing to see what the next chapter will bring y'know? #also I think that nothing from this situation could be as emotionally devastating to me as the w//lbur situation sooo #that's probably playing a part in my reaction tbh #anyway sorry for yapping about this a lot maybe I should take up journaling #oh also I'm so serious literally all this could've been handled privately #I doooo get anxious bc of this sometimes though but that's just side affects of my anxiety disorder I'm getting anxious daily anyway lmao #stella rambles

[carrionsong]

xime's inspiration/brain problems list :] JSVGNBYUS IS THIS ANYTHING.... does anyone understand. where am i

#.txt #si #xime #this looks like crap lmao. i could probably redo it bc its a lil wonky n uneven but WHATever its fine. #look at my neuroses and brain problems boy #xime tries so hard to be chill and normal/easygoing but hes a goddamn mess of unmedicated anxiety/adhd/depression u_u #doing sooo much to be dependable/kind/helpful. to hide how empty they feel all the time bc she doesnt know how to ask for help bc its so #overwhelming!!! but if they can be useful.... then hes not a failure. finding real happiness in a society that slowly kills u is so hard. #but maybe w/ these assholes' help... she can find it. one step at a time ;;; at least they r masc and hot. at least they have that. jsgvfys #sowwy its so depressing but yknow. the Horrors. #he gets lost in his own thoughts soooo easily. tends to spiral if left to themself. she needs someone to help bring them back down to earth #but usually theyre chill and can be a little smartass-y with the matsus bc its fun to mess with them :3 quiet at first but once something #helps them open up and he Floods someone w an infodump then they can unwind a bit around others ;3; #its 2am. GOOD NIGHTTTTTT AUUUUUHGHGHHHH

[manasurge]

.

#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity #am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about #i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy #why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies #this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most #i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out #it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself #i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk #also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it- #- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop #i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me #not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE #no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me. #not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse #but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about #-everything lmao #stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse #delete later probably idk lmao

[mustangs-flames]

.

#bad idea but i went on twt for like 5 secs and immediately saw a post saying *all* tmc aus are bad #and now i'm just sat here like 'cool. thank you. sorry you aren't filled with joy and whimsy' #(trying not to get anxious over it bc i'm sure the person wasn't trying to be mean but like... there are some really interesting/good au's- #out there. it's not everyone else's fault that you haven't looked beyond the very popular ones to find one more in line with your interests #anyway yeah. i'll shut up now lmao #sorry for the vent(?) does it even count as one though? #just my anxiety finding things to latch onto lol #idk maybe someone should make a post/compilation of au's in the fandom that are interesting that often get overlooked #might help change some people's opinions on it #i'd do it myself but i don't really interact much with the tmc fandom. i'm just on the edge of it lmao

[noxseraph]

💌 hehe i think this is our first time actually interacting so im really touched you sent me an ask, you seem really funny and have a mega cool aesthetic and tbh seeing you and hallow tagging each other in stuff and being cute as hell makes me smile so much lmao thanks so much for the follow back i'm excited to be mutuals 🥰

omg that means so much to me thank you!!!!! i'm excited too!!!!!! if you'd be up for talking i would be really happy to, i love talking to all of my mutuals!!! and yesss hallow makes me so happy its amazing 💖

#and btw yes i do mean ALL my mutuals! #the only reason i haven't messaged is bc im worried causing anxiety for some of you lmao but maybe i will start doing it #and see where it goes <3 #tysm kiwiiiii !!!! 💝💌

[izzy-b-hands]

At what point do i stop bothering to differentiate between the panic and anxiety attacks when they just. meld into each other and seemingly feed off each other

#text post #i have been fighting my brain since i woke up bc like. I dont actually feel anxious?? abt work or anything else but #my brain has the WE ARE NOT SAFE DO NOT REST DO NOT BREATHE WRONG OR SO HELP YOU GOD neon sign flashing constantly today #All ive succeeded (lol) in doing is most of the dishes (couple need to soak) a failed filming and now #i would like a couple hours of Minecraft before work #but i am uncertain the brain will allow for it lmao #had to come back upstairs to my room after dishes bc brain just. freaking out. too open. too many windows. #anyway. apologies if im not as available as i intended to be today #good thing is thus far i don't work the upcoming week/weekend so i can catch up then #try and finish some drafts and talk to friends more and everything #im babbling in the tags willing myself to stop sweating and snap out of what i think is actually an anxiety attack but #no idea on what the trigger was since all i did was wake the fuck up #back to music to help and maybe Minecraft until work #thank u all for ur continued patience with me ❤️

[skelekins]

(⁎⁍̴̆Ɛ⁍̴̆⁎)

#skelekins speaks #thinking about skeleton Kelek a bit more #and remembered one concept was him still being a hiding surface monster #so he gets even more flustered with skeleboys #maybe a little excited to share but then gets anxious bc he knows they like his soft human form #[granted he probabaly still enjoys his human form to an extent I have not considered that much] #I mostly just thought the idea of him being 🤩😳😖 was cute #I’m gonna work on my other projects tho I swear lmao #ps I’m sure whatever skeleboy he was with cousnapsgh would reassure him #but gotta project anxiety onto the boy 🤷‍♂️ #(despite my cough Kelek can be shipped with others lmao just 🥰 snaps

[shima-draws]

Told my boss that NO I cannot take over customer phone calls because my anxiety will literally not be able to take it. And I’m being SO brave about it,

#I say this as I’m sitting here shaking and on the verge of having an anxiety attack. AHA #Shima speaks #She called me yesterday morning and was like. Hey your coworker is drowning and I KNOW you hate phone calls #But she really needs help #And I was like. Yeah okay. Maybe I can do this. #Fast forward to last night. I’m in bed hyperventilating bc no I CANNOT do this #My mental health has already been Bad for the past few months bc I’m already working overtime for this job #And now to take on the One thing I generally get anxious about? Bro. It’s gonna kill me. 100% no exaggeration #So I called my boss this morning and was like hi I’m so sorry I said I would but I actually can’t. I deadass had an anxiety attack #just THINKING about it last night #And she was like omg no I get it. I have anxiety too I know what it’s like. It’s debilitating sometimes #So she said I didn’t have to do the phone calls and now I’m like YIPPEE #And she said hey that was a really brave thing to do. Speaking up like that and making it clear when you’re not comfortable with something #Me still shaking and holding back tears: Thank you I’m being SO brave about this rn #Anyway I’m still coming down from the near panic attack I had before I called her to tell her lmao #It’s been a rough 24 hours. I’m fine (lying) #I’ll BE fine now that I don’t have to talk to angry customers on the phone tho 🥰

[didderd]

gonna log off for the blackout in abt 10 minutes.

see you guys in a few days <3

#some of u have access to me via discord #specially since i just joined kaz's server #(prob not gonna talk much if at all bc anxiety. but i'm there lol) #but the rest of u i'll miss <3 #can't wait to get back n dump the art i'll have by then lol #including tac's ref sheet #n maybe even tou's #maybe #(ik a few days isn't that long. but it'll feel like a week for me prob lmao) #didderd talks #tumblr blackout

[cervinelich]

"Everyone always leaves/abandons/rejects me =C" is such a huge red flag for me. Saw someone saying this on social media the other day and knee-jerk instinct was "blockblockblock"

#like I understand it can feel like you are constantly being abandoned or rejected especially if you have rejection sensitivity #but in my personal experience this often comes from assuming the worst of the people around you due to anxiety #and often translates into not communicating your needs and wants to friends and assuming they should behave a certain way intuitively #and this has been used MANY times to accuse me of being a shitty person for not... knowing exactly how someone wants to be treated #and then being accused fucking constantly of not caring enough because I didn't know??? what someone wanted??? #I also was kept on the hook with SEVERAL different people saying “everyone always abandons me =C” #to put me in a position of never settings boundaries with them bc then they would have an extreme fear reaction I was “leaving them” #and I'm talking about like if I tried to tell one of them to please not call me at 1AM every night when I had work the next day #I tried to ask one of my friends if we could spend *slightly* less time together bc we were attached at the hip and he had a MELTDOWN #asked one ex if I could go hang out with friends without her and she called me sobbing in the middle of the hangout to get me to come home #idk maybe this is just a particular trigger for me afjvbsdklfj LMAO but if someone says “everyone abandons me” #I am immediately suspicious that they are expecting too much of their friendships and not communicating and allowing boundaries #LONG RANT SORRY