#maybe im going crazy but there's just something about eve's expression there

[breathinginthissilence]

after myself and @bonos-grindcore-sideproject had a chat about genetics being fun today, i stumbled across this picture of Eve (and Jordan) and all i could think of was this picture, with a splash of Ali thrown in for good measure:

GENETICS, AMIRITE?

#bono #dont mind me #maybe im going crazy but there's just something about eve's expression there #im fine

[myownprivatcidaho]

HOWS THE CRUSH GOING GIRL IVE BEEN GONE FROM TUMBLR SO LONG I FEEL LIKE IM TOO BEHIND ON THIS

HIII EL OMG. so sorry it took me a minute and a half to answer this. ok SO. like im about as expressive as darcy pride & prejudice and emotionally available as bruce springsteens dad so its taken me a while to convey any type of interest. but i did it. it took WEEKS but basically heres what happened (and ik you know some of this stuff but yknow theres shit i gotta call back to for reference ashgsdg)

- realized he had a thing for me after he tried getting my number and so i sat next to him every week in ass flattering jeans thinking that was me making advances. this was done as i also never looked him in the eye never talked to him never looked at him when he talked and generally just didnt acknowledge his existence. (like reflexively ive just found it imperative to never ever let on that i like someone so i had to like. really really really jump that hurdle & overcome it)

- realized he was sort of backing away like he didnt think anything was gonna happen because. yknow i wasnt ACKNOWLEDGING him. meanwhile he was always being sweet and helpful and all that jazz. so i was starting i was STARTING to mope about how everyone leaves me because i can never show that i want them etc just total victim complex stuff before i Shut That Shit Down. i decided i was gonna get this guys number and on god i was gonna TALK to him and then he would see. then he would fucking see.

- finally was able to get his number but i made it as impersonal as possible just reflexively. this was right after getting another classmates number and then i approached him (by lowkey running after him) and said smth like "hey can i get your number. .. i need more people in this class's number" so. yeah so i got it and texted "hi! this is sia" so he had my number but this was 2 seconds after as i was walking away so.

- was totally distraught he never responded even though thats really not the type of thing you necessarily respond to. so i was so TORN UP like i was totally making advances by sitting next to him in ass flattering jeans i got his NUMBER so whats he waiting for im totally doing all the work here. and then it hit me .... this guy has absolutely no reason to believe that i like him. ive never ACKNOWLEDGED him i never looked at him i was twirling my hair over him on here but meanwhile in person i seemed like the most indifferent fucker on the planet. also that meant i wasnt showing interest by sitting next to him every week in Jeans but giving him just an extremely hard time instead. shit.

- so i talked to my sister about it. which i never do like she tells me everything i dont tell her everything but. like shes got a gf so she knows SOMETHING about emotional availability in intimacy so. i spilled my problem and basically she was like. flirt with him i was like NAUR. and she threw out other suggestions and i kept rejecting them and she was like jesus christ sia. she settled for saying "how about you start out with looking at him when he talks" and i was like "BUT PEOPLE WILL SEE" and she was like. "so?" i was like. hm. good point. so there was that and then she was like "check him out maybe too. and let him see it" and i was like OKAY. OKAY I CAN DO THIS. so i DID IT. and he SAW. i was on about it here for days like he saw i was acknowledging him and THEN he caught me looking at his hands. his nice ass hands. and SO he started flexing them more hes insane. hes insane. and THENNNNN he started doing fingering gestures hes bonkers hes batshit (i was straining my peripheral vision to watch so i couldnt tell if it was his index & middle finger or middle & ring. but either way. hes fucking crazy.)

- so i was like OKAY. im gonna wear my slutpants. and thats when i sent you the pics for an Opinion much appreciated bless you :')

- HE WASNT FUCKING THERE. so i was like OKAY. OKAY. fuck it im texting him and so i DID.

- turns out he is comically slow at responding. every fucking time id respond id get torn up over him taking fucking 5ever to respond. this was about the time The Anon came into my inbox and blessed me with encouragement that their now-boyfriend used to take SUPER slow to respond and they, also, would be crying pissing throwing up etc until hed respond again. so i was like OKAY I CAN DO THIS

- the next class after our slow ass conversation sorta ended after taking a literal week to exchange a net total of like 8 texts like. we sat next to each other again and we were able to just talk a little. he is SO easy to talk to and so friendly and so FUNNY its like. i like you so bad. and then i did my scene and basically i was crying on the floor and shit and like he was super helpful and encouraging as always and at one point he was like giving notes and he looked me in the eye and i looked HIM and the eye and it was so nice to have that. we werent iffy or nervous and he didnt seem worried about Saying The Wrong thing it was just. peaceful and still. yknow. ALSO his pupils were dilated as hell ive said it before ill say it again ppl with light eyes are SEETHROUGH. bless him

- SO i wore my slutpants AGAIN the next week. that day like i think we both got so iffy we barely talked. after some sorta musical chairs he ended up sitting in front of me AND I WAS WEARING NY SLUTPANTS. musty wail dot jpeg etc. we started that class like sorta talking and then i think we both got so iffy and nervous we barely talked and like. when id say something he Would Not turn around to look like even when everyone else did (pretty small class) like he was looking Dead Ahead like. girl. and then i was crying and throwing up again before realizing like. the times he DID look at me were. holy shit. like i mean he was just. 🧿👄🧿 like he looked So. idk i dont want to say head over heels cause that feels egotistical but. jesus its like. wow. keep looking at me like tgat please. not even a horny type of looking it just kinda. :'). like made my heart melt. still not over it. ALSO he like straight up smiled at me while i was talking. i think he really likes kids and especially now bc this was one of the few times he turned around to look at me and i was talking about one of my neices and he was just :') like straight up like grinning and has SUCH a beautiful smile. i used to think "your smile makes my day" was one of the cheesiest most obvious romantic compliments but. jesus christ man its TRUE.

- so after that i wore the slutpants One Last Time before it got too cold. this was a couple weeks ago before thanksgiving break which was this past week (so no class :/). BUT. so he was about to sit in front again and then Noticed my pants and then like. backtracked JUST in time. like he went to the front abd then was about to walk along the front row and was gonna sit right in front of me but THEN i heard him go "is this someones pencil?" and i looked up and he picked up a pencil lying right next to the chair next to me and then he SAT. DOWN. IN. THAT. CHAIR. it was a nice save. sorta clumsy and would be indiscreet if anyone knew we've been eyefucking for like 3 weeks now but fortunately thats not the case.

for reference:

- SO. that class went well. he didnt even try being discreet checking me out cause he KNOWS i was wearing them for him because its part of What We're Doing. like i wore the slutpants and he returned the favor by flexing his hands/did fingering gestures for me to look at cause he knows i like that. at this rate its like we've been playing a game where we do something the other likes to look at and then the other returns the favor by doing something they like. also we'll purposefully mirror each others body language a lot but ESPECIALLY before and/or after we're like. being Playful. its all flirting if youre insane enough.

so yeah thats all the recent shit and i have COME TO THE CONCLUSION. if nothing happens before the end of the semester then on the last day im GONNA ASK HIM OUT!!!!!!! stupid excited also he made some jokes im still laughing at a week later hes so funny also it turns out he was homeschooled which kinda follows i wondered once or twice but. idk how to explain it just sorta Makes Sense. like at least in texas leftist dudes are already usually pretty sweet but hes like. kinda Extra sweet like theres another component there. was kinda surprising cause otherwise he doesnt initially give off HomeSchooler Vibes cause hes just really laid back and also clearly fucks (and is a fast learner who returns favors and generally likes making people feel good and has nice hands that he knows how to use man this is gonna be GOOD). but yeah i can see the homeschooling influence. he seemed kinda surprised tgat i was homeschooled because i Do Not give off those vibes yknow i put in effort to purposefully seem more confident and assertive and sure of myself and experienced than i actually am. but just as well because tgat wall has Got to come down i feel like half of whats made this take so long is im way too guarded and quick to shut down my emotions or even just my own general authenticity so. YEAH thats been that HOW ARE YOU DOING?? id love to hear how lifes been for you :DDD

#IM SORRY I TOO FUCKING 5EVER TO RESPOND IM SORRY I WASNT IGNORING YOU #elsie tag✨ #tennet #long post #but fr how are you its been so long since we talked :( #also cant believe im drawing out like fucking illustrations and shit im losing it huh asdhdgh #archived.crush

[alreadyblondenow]

King Taeyong | 3

Taeyong x ballerina!reader // SMUT, FLUFF, ANGST, fantasy!au Summary: You welcome back Taeyong in your life after he left you for almost a year. Maybe its because your feelings never left in the first place. Now that he’s back, he’s more transparent and honest with you. Promises over promises, is he going to keep his promises this time?  Word count: 5k Warnings: Unprotected sex, swearing, mentions of other idols, pairing of other idols but not too much, death of someone  Note: -The fantasy part is already here. I tried to keep it short and simple, didn’t want to overdo it.  -Imagine a Narnia kingdom setting hihi Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Seeing Taeyong again after for so long was something you’re not looking forward to happen. Even though you imagined him coming back to you, now that its real you’re like a statue. You have million things to say to him but non came out in your mouth. You wanted to yell at him, curse at him but you can’t. It’s been a long time but what you feel for him never left.  

You made coffee for the both of you still trying to escape the gaze from Taeyong’s eyes.  Those beautiful eyes that will make you fall in love with him again any second. Those beautiful eyes you used to lock eyes with while he’s making love with you.

“Y/n, I’m sorry” he broke the silence but his voice was almost a whisper. It made your heart sink, suddenly you’re hurt again. Tears falling because you don’t know what he’s sorry for. Are you sorry because you went away? Are you sorry because you’re breaking up with me?

“But can you please, come with me?” he added. You were so confused because you thought he’s here for closure.  “Baby please, just please. I’ll explain later. ” the pet name gave you shivers, hearing him call you with fondness again makes your heart warm. Out of respect and curiosity, you grabbed any coat you could find. Putting the cupcakes to the fridge, and leaving a note to Jaehyun, ‘I went out with Taeyong.’

Seeing Taeyong with his two bodyguards Jungwoo and Lucas is something normal, but seeing more than two bodyguards in front of your apartment sure is not. You try to count them in mind and they were at least eighteen. Why does Taeyong has eighteen bodyguards today?

His bodyguards addressed him as “Your highness,” as if he’s really a king or someone from a royal family. “The car is at the back of the building” a man in black suit informed Taeyong without any expression. Just a stern look in Taeyong’s eyes. What is happening. Is this some kind of joke.

All is settled inside the car and you sit as far from him crossing your arms and biting your lip from time to time. He came closer to you touching your knee with full bravery but you moved it away. “I promise all will make sense later” he said, keeping his hands to himself not trying to touch you again. Everything thats happening right now looks like a joke to you, some sick prank.

“I missed you. so much” he started talking again, annoying you with his sweet gestures.  You still gave him the silent treatment that he deserves but deep inside you wanted him to know how much you missed him too. And that you waited for so long but he never came back.

Finally, the car stopped. When Taeyong opened the door, the light coming from the outside was weirdly different from your perspective. You got out of the car still squinting trying to recognise where on Earth did he take you.

Everywhere you look seems so foreign in your eyes, you’re positive that you’re not in your own country. Impossible, you cant believe what you’re seeing right now. Is this a dream? A castle is right in front of you, one that looks like it came from a storybook. Tall, wide and overwhelming for your eyes but nonetheless it welcomes you. Seeing people bow before Taeyong, convinced you that this might be a dream, or a nightmare because Taeyong is in it.

This cant be real.

When the two of you are finally alone in his so called office... in his kingdom, you wanted to wake up. Thinking about opening your eyes over and over again, forcing yourself to wake up. Seeing Taeyong in a dream hurts so bad it makes your heart heavy, you cant take it anymore.

“you’re not dreaming” Taeyong surprised you with a kiss being brave again. You slapped him in the face, hard. Your hand burns from the slap “it’s hurts right?” Taeyong asked, “That means you’re not dreaming”

No, it cant be. Taeyong? A king?

Everything that’s happening right now is like a big pill that’s hard to swallow. The moment you saw Taeyong on your doorstep, asking you to come with him, his kiss, the castle, is all too much and hard to believe. You asked Taeyong again what is this place but you get the same answer, “My kingdom.”

“Oh please Taeyong, not that bullshit again” you said hard and stern. He rolls his sleeves and let out a heavy sigh. He’s not forcing you to believe him but he wants you to believe on every word he’s about to tell you now. He clears his throat, and made you sit on the couch with him.

“I was away for a friend’s wedding. He’s a good friend of mine and I couldn’t miss his wedding” he breaths in and exhales sharply,  “the wedding was perfect and everyone was having a good time, until… someone shot the groom, my friend, Taemin, right before my eyes. His wife... died too” his steady voice is not so steady now, you see his hands shaking while telling you more of what happened and to be honest you dont know if you should believe it.

“It was a fucking massacre we should’ve known better. Johnny lost his girlfriend too” he reaches for your hand and smiled when you didn’t nudge. “I was thankful… Really thankful that you were far from me during that time. Many people died that night. A lot of kingdoms right now are facing big problems. My kingdom needed me y/n, thats why I couldnt go back to you.”

Feeling his touch again made you want to wake up more. Praying that you really wanted to open your eyes now. Too much, everything about this dream is too much. “Doyoung, Johnny and Yuta are now looking for the last assassin, and it’s in your world. We figured, its there to hurt me, to kill you” there was a moment of silence, he came closer to you, his lips touched yours again. You didn’t slapped him this time. His soft lips made you want to stay in this dream more, if this is a dream might as well drown in it.

You hugged him tight, you both fell on the floor with a loud thud. He chuckled but you see tears in his eyes, “look babe were on the floor again” you dried the tears on his eyes with your thumb and laughed with him. Suddenly happiness hits you like a truck again just like the day you met Taeyong for the first time. “Can I kiss you again?” this time its you who initiated the kiss, you kissed him deeply with love.

He asked you to changed your clothes so people in his kingdom wont think your clothes are weird. The maids picked a simple beige garden dress for you though It was kind of long for your liking but it was surprisingly lightweight and beautiful. In other words, you looked like a princess. Get it together y/n, you’re a ballerina for goodness sakes think of it as a costume.

The place looks exactly how fairytales described it. High ceilings painted with clouds and angels, open roof for the everyone to admire the beautiful sky, fresh breeze, people wearing fancy dresses, knights guarding every corner of the palace and Taeyong....looking like a prince fresh out of a story book. You wait at the big balcony watching the sun set in front of you almost looking like a painting. “Im sure you have a lot of questions” Taeyong interrupted your thoughts.

You scoffed, “Lee Taeyong, you have no idea”

“Im sure I can answer them all. Fire away”

“Well, you can start by telling me the truth and tell me stuff I need to know. Parents? Siblings? ....Allergies?” You shook your head, “personal stuff Taeyong”

He’s calm expression melts your heart, he’s always like that. You felt him kiss your exposed shoulders his arms encircled on your waist. “I’m still your Taeyong. Just add the word king” he let out a soft chuckle but you gave him a look telling him you’re serious. “Okay, tiger. chill” he hugged you tighter letting his warm breath hit the shell of your ear, “I lost my parents when I was 8 from the same assassins that killed my friend Taemin. I have a sister but she’s in your world living peacefully without any memory of this world. I dont have any allergies” he turned you around so you’re facing him, he missed being this close to you. He doesn’t say it but he’s so turned on right now, his gaze never leaving yours.

“In your world, you call my world... a fairytale. There is magic lurking in this world but nothing too crazy don’t worry. No harry potter type of situation.” He winks.

“I want you to meet someone very important to me, one of these days I’ll bring you to her. She’s someone special and she helped me shaped my life and with my duties as king” you nod silently.

Taeyong secretly worries about you, to be honest he worries for you and your mental state while living with him here in his kingdom. Is it really okay with you? Do you still see him as the Lee Taeyong as your number one fan and not as the highest king in this world?

“Y/n.. please be honest with with me. Dont hide what you really feel right now.”

“Baby. You were gone for almost a year, it was a lonely time for me. I appreciate your effort for explaining everything even though its too much. I’ll get there. I hope you understand that.” he nods changing the subject and showering your face with kisses.

“How are you?” Taeyong asked sweetly like how he usually do.

You let out a small laugh, and told him everything he missed. That you were devastated, sad and lonely when he was gone and that he missed the opportunity of meeting your parents during Christmas eve. “Im sorry. Im sorry for not being normal enough to make you happy and provide normal stuff-“

“Dont say that” you cut him off, “You’re more than enough for me Taeyong. Dont say stuff like that” he’s still guilty but you comfort him nonetheless you never want to feel sad anymore. Not now that you’re in each others arms again.

Taeyong prepared dinner for the both of you while you’re out roaming the castle grounds. He made a picnic style dinner setup at the balcony of his chambers making you comfortable on your first night here in his kingdom. “Yum!” you let out a groan out of excitement and told him you missed his cooking.

“You know, I planned to have my own bakery. I already took care of the loan and the bank will help me make my dreams come true” you sounded really excited while telling him what you’ve been up to while he was away. He was happy that you had everything under control and you made the planning all by yourself. “Actually I could help you out. Forget about the bank, I can help you. Let’s find a decent place for your bakery when we get back” Of course your super rich boyfriend will help you out because he loves you so much.

You knew Taeyong loves seeing you do what you love, and you know Taeyong offered help because this is his way of taking part in your life. Again. And you love him more for it. “Yeah. Lets do that” you accepted his offer with a smile, feeding him a potato chip with a mouthful of guac. Just how he liked it. “How about you Taeyongie, whats new?” you made him think hard. “Hmmm. Well, do you accept interns?” You laughed hard and loud your giggles echoed in his room.

“What Im serious! I can taste everything you make, clean tables, anything you like me to do” There’s the Taeyong that you know. The simple man with a great sense of humour that you fell in love with. Now that you’re talking about dreams, you confidently told him about the life you wanted to build with him when all this is over, telling him you cant wait to go back and be with him again.

“If you’re going to marry me someday. I want a baby girl... now, I know you need a prince as an heir....” Taeyong laughed so loud enough for the whole castle to hear. Brave of you to tell him that you want kids in the future.

“But I want to have my own mini me. And maybe if we get lucky, you can have your own mini you” you continued and Taeyong is still laughing.

“I’ll help you buy our house when I save enough from the bakery. We will make love from sun up until sun down. Never ending happy mornings with you. Tie my hair until we grow old and everything in between, I just want to be with you until I die” Even though it made Taeyong laugh so hard, he can’t help but have butterflies in his stomach the whole time you were talking. He wanted the same thing too.

“I promise. We will have a normal life.” he kissed you to seal his promise.

After dinner you took a shower in Taeyong’s garden bathroom. Never getting used to what this castle can do, it really surprised you how a bathroom can be so magical. Taeyong’s bathroom smells like fresh flowers everywhere, maybe thats why Taeyong smells good all the time. It feels good to be in Taeyong’s comfortable clothes again. He gave you his favorite sweater and a pair of comfortable sweatpants. You only wore the sweater and underwear, not bothering to wear sweatpants.

As you got out of the bathroom you see Taeyong laying in bed with a book on his hand, topless and flashing his wide broad shoulders. You remember nights at your apartment when he waits for you in bed while he’s playing games on his phone. He looks so handsome. You crawl towards him feeling his soft bed and snuggles beside him comfortably. “Finally. Some alone time with you” he kisses you softly, carefully nibbling your neck and slowly tugging the sweater that he gave you as if he’s testing waters.

You were impatient so you removed it already showing off your breast to him. He gently kisses your body marking it like how he used to. His touch and kisses are still the same you thought. Oh how you missed this feeling. You crave for Taeyong and he can see that you’re eager “Slow down baby. We have all night” he says while drawing small circles on your thigh. It makes you crazy how he’s taking time with you and how he slowly devours your skin while you crave for him entirely.

He quickly switched positions with you, now kissing your lips slowly going down to face your pussy. Gently spreading your legs in front of him, you let out a gasp and a choked  moan when Taeyong blows cold air at your slit, making you shiver. He smiles at you before he finally licks your pussy, slow and deep. His tongue starts from the bottom slowly goes up to your clit and gently kiss it. Catching your first orgasm for the night, Taeyong overstimulates you while you ride your high. Your moans are load and sharp he cant help but smirk and feel proud of his work.

“Baby are you planning to wake up the whole castle?” leaving wet kisses on your left breast and bites your nipple.

“Babe just fuck me already” you beg, feeling his hands kneading your breast, playing with your nipples with his thumb. You’re so focused on what he’s doing with your breast, you didn’t notice he’s spreading your legs wide for him preparing you before he finally fucks you. Without warning he inserts two fingers already to stretched your cunt. You yelped and tried to grasp anything from bed, you feel like your energy was slowly fading until you surrender in his touch. He chuckled.

This is not funny Taeyong. “Lee Taeyong im almost the-“ you warn him but he lets you cum on his fingers. You whisper sweet words to him expressing how much you missed him and it made the sexual tension more intense. Lining his cock on your pussy, coating it with your essence and slowly he gets deeper and deeper inside you. It feels so good. He fucks in slow pace, taking his time before going faster. You let out a string of moans, encircling your arms on his neck feeling his back muscles.

Slow, fast, deep and sharp thrust. He’s taking his time, fighting his urge to cum before you. Little did he know you cant take it anymore, you’ve cum so many times when he was fucking you slow. You tried pushing him away but you’re too weak. Taeyong fucked you again and again until you don’t respond to him and he let’s you sleep. He took care of you before joining you, made sure you’re clean. “I love you y/n” he whispers before sleeping beside you.

Taeyong slept like a baby beside you. It was his first time getting a good sleep from months of longing you. Telling himself he will never let anything come between the two of you ever again.

And it went on like this for days, weeks, even months while you’re stay in his kingdom. You became used to the castle grounds already, roaming around as if you’ve live there for a long time. On your way to Taeyong’s office, you see Taeyong with a beautiful woman almost your age wearing a beautiful dress, she has gorgeous long straight blonde hair and her skin is as fair as Taeyong’s. You got jealous for a second but maybe he’s Taeyong’s cousin or whatever.

Taeyong saw you and quickly introduced you to the beautiful princess in front of you.

“Y/n, this is Sorn. My fiancé”

Your what Lee Taeyong?

You gave him a look. A look thats saying you’re confused, mad and at the same time you want to punch him. Then you remembered the time when Jaehyun introduced himself as your future husband, you think this is his way of getting even. But he wasn’t kidding at all.

“Arranged marriage when we were both still young. I hope you understand” the princess speaks and reached out a hand full of sparkling rings. You wonder which ring Taeyong gave her. You didnt have a choice but to be nice.

Taeyong and Sorn are now talking inside his office about some royalty shit you thought and you can’t help but sulk. Yuta noticed that you’re bothered by the thought of Taeyong having a fiancé, hoping he could help you feel better he explains the situation further.

“Don’t worry y/n, it’s only for formality. This royalty shit is crazy and Taeyong needs a “queen” to rule here so he can be with you from time to time in your world” you thought that the idea was fucked up. “What was he thinking?” You almost shout but Yuta laughs at you.  “I told you. This royalty shit is crazy. A lot of sacrifices needs to be done”

“I love her y/n” Yuta finally confess. “To protect this world. To protect my kingdom, I have to let go of Sorn” your heart aches for what Yuta just told you. How can the world of royalties can be so cruel to good people?

Yuta and Sorn were young and in love for as long as they can remember. So deeply in love, that they plan to help each other’s kingdoms by marriage someday. But Sorn’s family faced problems and they needed help immediately, so the royal court’s decision is to arrange her for marriage. The royal court is so obsessed with finding Taeyong a queen and they saw Sorn as a good opportunity. “Duty before self” Yuta explained.

“Why didn’t you volunteer your kingdom? Is that too selfish?” You asked, trying not to sound rude.

“My kingdom is not that rich to solve her kingdom’s money problems. Thats why I’ve been  saving money in your world and be as rich as possible. That’s how I help my father with being king for now “

You cant believe this tragic love story that you’re hearing from Yuta. Just the thought of it makes you scared, that even though two people deeply love each other if fate is not in their favor, you can’t do something about it. Feeling bad about oversharing his feelings, Yuta told you not to worry, for Taeyong loves you so much and his kingdom equally.

You didn’t notice that you fell asleep while waiting for Taeyong to join you in bed. You felt soft kisses on your cheek, Taeyong waking you up in the middle of the night. Softly stroking your hair telling you to shush and follow him. Guiding you as you follow him to dark places that you’re not familiar with, you finally arrived to where he’s taking you.

You squint a little, seeing candles lit up, different flowers scattered on the floor, you’ve guessed you’re walking on an aisle with Taeyong. Doyoung, Yuta, Johnny and....a priest is waiting at the end of the aisle. Gasping as you realised, you’re about to get married.

“I was actually going to ask you to marry me over dinner tonight but-“ you cut him off and kissed him. “I’ll marry you.” You sad with a smile and hugged him tight. Crying tears of joy already.

You both proceed to this secret wedding that he organised. It was simple, just like you’ve always wanted. Genuine like him and sincere like his love. Taeyong promised to give you a proper wedding when you both get back to your world, but you told him you wouldn’t trade this wedding for anything.

Doyoung, Yuta and Johnny are happy for the both of you. They’ve seen Taeyong suffer enough without you and they all think that you both deserve to be happy. The three princes congratulates the both of you and telling them they’re more than happy seeing their Taeyongie marry happily someone he loves.

“Just dont be too loud fucking tonight or the castle will know somethings up” Johnny jokes making Taeyong punch him on his arm.

You spend your honeymoon enjoying the cold breeze around the palace. Sitting on the grass while watching how the castle turn yellow because of the soft sunrise. Taeyong got you beautiful flowers from his garden, tying it in a perfect knot making a small bouquet. He told you that the last assassin is dead and finally you can go back to the human world.

Just like the sunrise, you watch Taeyong be happy beside you. Remembering every detail of this beautiful moment. He noticed you were staring at him for a while now and he cant help but make you laugh by showing his wedding ring. Reminding you that he’s your husband from now on. Taeyong completely changed your life.

It was almost afternoon when you finally wake up from your sleep and still couldn’t believe that you’re married to this handsome guy kissing you. For the second time, Lee Taeyong is waking you up from your beautiful sleep by kissing you until you acknowledge him. “Lee Taeyong what do you want?” You asked him forcing yourself to open your eyes.

“Good morning... wife” and that alone made you smile. Taeyong thought your smile was so bright but it never hurts his eyes.

“I need you to meet someone important today” he’s now kissing your neck. Seriously this guy. “Last three days before you leave this kingdom by the way” he chuckled. “Everything will go back to normal once we go back. I promise.” He gave you one good kiss before leaving to prepare for breakfast.

He told you that you’re meeting the kingdom’s witch, a nice witch who helped him to be the king that he is.  “Ruby is like my secret weapon. She warns me and gives me knowledge with all the decisions that I make for the kingdom.”

Ruby is a witch that tells Taeyong what the future holds for his kingdom. She never tells what will happen entirely. She didn’t want to ruin the natural order of the universe, she can only warn his king and give him choices to make good decisions.

When you arrived at where you believed Ruby lives, a pond inside a cave, you thought that maybe Ruby likes fishing. You peeked at how deep the pond is and you see coins and, random things under the water that are all solid gold.

“Anything you throw in this pond turns into solid gold” he winks after he explains.

You saw the water shine as Ruby comes out of the pond with all her glory turn into this gorgeous human in front of you. From being a mermaid with golden fishtail. A mermaid witch, you thought. And she is naked in front of your husband with only her golden hair covering her boobs. Wow.

“Y/n, this is Ruby.” Taeyong broke the silence. When Ruby took a step further out from the water, she turned in a much decent human, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you y/n. Congratulations.” She smiled sweetly to you.

Ruby was nice to you and she offered to read your future. You didn’t want Ruby to show you your future to be honest, but you did it for Taeyong. She asked for your hand, holding it while she looks directly in your eyes. You saw what she saw. And there’s no need to tell Taeyong about it. You both giggle like little girls after you both saw your future, leaving Taeyong really curious.

In the future that Ruby showed you, you will have a little girl. And you will live like how he always promised for the both of you. Its pure happiness. “Thank you Ruby. It really means a lot” you told her with sincerity.

But little did you know, Ruby just showed you the future that you wanted to see. Not showing you your true future. She asked to speak to Taeyong privately and you respectfully left them talking.

Ruby did the same thing to Taeyong, but without the filter.  She showed Taeyong the challenges and pain he will put you through if he continue this married life with you.  “Your highness, Im afraid you’re not going to be the father of the child” Ruby showed Taeyong what you saw in her eyes earlier. It made him smile but he felt a pang of pain at the same time.

“Don’t get me wrong your highness, the child will come from you. But you will not be present as her father in her life.” Taeyong was confused. Ruby continued showing him more, and his world crashed. His heart feels heavy, he feels broken than ever. Taeyong is scared to the bone right now, but he trusts Ruby with his life and he is positive that Ruby wants what’s best for the kingdom and him.

Taeyong saw how his kingdom suffered from a famine while he was away from the kingdom living his life with you in the human world. He will have no other choice but to leave you again for the kingdom needs him. The famine will last for a year, and your pregnancy will not be the healthiest. You will lose the child and it will drive you to killing yourself. He saw how Doyoung told him the news that you passed away and it made him crazy. Taeyong turned into a mad king and the whole kingdom suffered in other words.

“Your highness now I ask of you.... to do the same thing as we did to your sister and prevent everything whats about to happen. We will create a life for y/n, a beautiful life without you in it” Ruby explains with a heavy heart.

Taeyeon. Taeyong’s sister is living well in the human world without any memory of the kingdom. Taeyeon was with their parents when they were killed and the incident traumatised her. To save her from being crazy, they gave her a potion for forgetting everything about the incident, the kingdom, Taeyong, everything.

Taeyong didn’t have much choice. He didn’t want to hurt you and kill yourself that will indeed make him crazy for good. Although its wrong for him to decide on his own, he still agreed to Ruby. He told her all about your dreams, the normal life you long with him, and the bakery you wanted to be successful with.

“I want her - I want her to have a peaceful life when she wakes up. A life without sadness, make sure she’s never alone or lonely. Be sure to never let her give up dancing because she loves her craft so much. Let her explore new things” Taeyong sniffs and continues to instruct Ruby. “She wants a bakery, let it be so successful customers will always buy every masterpiece she bakes. Please let her be with someone who truly loves her the same way I will.”

It really hurts him to pass you on to someone, it breaks his heart thinking of another man having you. “Please let that man be Jaehyun” he could only trust you with Jaehyun. Ruby hands the potion to Taeyong with a heavy heart. “I know you just got married. I’m sorry my king”

Your husband cant look you in the eye right now, but he stayed brave and put the small bottle in his pocket. “I’m still curious on what she showed you babe” Taeyong said, faking a smile. You let out a loud laugh without knowing what he really feels.

“Oh its a secret” you told him with a big mocking smile.

“I love you, y/n” he smiles ever so sweetly before your eyes.

Noticing his beautiful rose scar, and gently stroking it with your thumb. “I love you too, Lee Taeyong.”

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #cznnet #nct taeyong #nct smut #nct fluff #nct angst #taeyong smut #taeyong fluff #taeyong angst #nct #nct scenarios #nct imagines #fantasy au

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Ayato Sakamaki (Story 10 + CG)

This chapter was amazing, prepare tissues because I literally cried an hour over this (╥_╥) I loved this so much, I hope you do too! ♡

Place: Outside - Forest

Yui: (From that point we’re trying to go to the Scarlet mansion, but it's hard to find it—)

Hey, Ayato-kun. Is it really around here?

Ayato: ...

(Admin note: this cutie got lost iM-)

Yui: (He‘s silent... don’t tell me...)

Ayato: Well, if we just continue walking we‘ll get there

Yui: (I was right! I thought he‘s silent because he’s thinking about a strategy but we‘re just lost in the forest)

Laito: So you mean, we‘re lost in the forest?

Subaru: We’re getting more and more lost. Is that really your intension!?

Kanato: It‘s literally the worst. I'm so tired and I can’t walk anymore

Subaru: We should sit down for a second. We all need to rest for at least a little

Laito: If you don't know the way, you should‘ve told us already

We just continued walking and now we can't tell where we are anymore

Ayato: Ah! Shut up! If you walk according to what I say, we‘d arrive soon!

Kanato: You‘re so confident with your none existing skills. That confidence just caused us to get lost in the forest

Yui: (Haha, seeing it this way, I am glad that the usual reverse winding routine returned)

(But it's a little hard to go around in this forest forever)

*footsteps*

Yui: ... ah

(... my consciousness is fading)

(I wasn’t blood sucked or anything but, I might be tired from walking all the time)

(But if I say it now, I may be annoying to everyone. Let's try to be patient a little more)

*footsteps*

Kanato: I can’t walk anymore. When will we reach the scarlet mansion?

I won‘t walk one step further then this until you can direct the way!

Laito: I‘m tired too. Can’t we go home already?

Subaru: It's a mistake that Ayato is the head of this. We should just return home

Ayato: Okay, fine! Well then look around and look for the way!

Subaru: Heh? We just followed your instructions! I‘m not taking orders from an idiot anymore

Ayato: What did you say!?

Laito: I admit, I hate to stay here forever. It's bothersome, but stop fighting over it

Subaru: Damnit, I wish I could‘ve prevented Ayato from the beginning

Kanato: Theres no other way. Let’s look for a place to rest

Yui: (I wonder if this is all right... It would be nice if we could get to Reiji's mansion safely)

Ayato: It's strange, their memories are gone and yet the act like they never lost them

Yui: Yes, everyone acts like they usually do

Even if their memories are strange, you won’t lose your true identity.

Ayato: Well then, you hated me for not acting like I usually did when I lost my memories, didn’t you?

Yui: ... huh?

Ayato: The bad things I did to you, how I treated you...

♡Roses♡

Ayato's arm: Ah, I wanted to touch you more... but, I ended up hurting you the entire time.

Yui's cheek: Don’t look at everyone like that... the way your eyes are staring at me now, they really make me feel a little stronger.

Ayato: I only did that because my memories were insane

but, in your eyes I saw how afraid you were.

Or was it Ruki who told you that I couldn‘t control my strength and I‘d kill you like that?

If that crazy figure was the original me...

You might’ve ran away someday and never remember my name...

Yui: (Hey, Ayato-kun, were you always troubled by your feelings like this?)

— it‘s okay

because there’s nothing wrong with Ayato-kun anymore.

I will stay by your side, now and forever. That's fine, isn't it?

Ayato: You...

Looks like you became tougher

Yui: That might be true, but only when I‘m with you

Ayato: Idiot, you‘re truly fine

Ayato: But, I guess this is a good thing. Please don‘t leave me as well *kisses*

Yui: *kisses*

(...his kisses... are warm and soft...)

(Please feel relieved, Ayato-kun. I like you no matter what happens, nothing can hold me back from falling for you again)

Ayato: Moments like those are making me feel like all the bad things never happened

Yui: (His mood has returned to it’s usual condition. That‘s good... it’s all right now)

Let's meet Shu and Reiji-san and go home together

Ayato: In this ambience, you shouldn’t mention the names of other men.

I already told you that I‘m the only one for you. It's almost time to realize that...

*Ayato bites Yui*

Yui: Ah...

(He‘s bitting my earlobe! It’s painful but on the other side it tickles a little bit... !)

S-Stop...

Ayato: Nope, I won’t. Your reaction is interesting and I won’t stop here.

But you didn’t resist my punishment. So that’s for you... *kisses*

Yui: Ngh... *kisses*

(My body feels hot... the power of his kisses are getting me every time)

(I want to kiss him more like this. I want to be here forever ...)

Kanato: Excuse me. Why are you playing instead of doing your chores?

Yui: (Kya, Kanato-kun !? He probably saw the previous kiss... !)

Ayato: Tch, none of your business

Kanato: If you don’t hurry up we’re going to leave you two here

Yui: Huh? You found a way already?

Kanato: Obviously

Yui: That’s...

Kanato: Now let’s hurry up so we can return home soon and I can finally sleep peacefully

Subaru: Hey. I hope you’re not joking about that

Laito: Oh? You really found a way out of here?

Kanato: You all are useless. I'm on the way to the mansion already, so please hurry up and follow me

Yui: (It‘s rare that Kanato-kun acts like this. Is that really the Kanato-kun I know...)

Place: Scarlet Mansion — Outside

Kanato: — Here it is. That’s the scarlet mansion

Ayato: Seriously, we found it

Laito: Ahh~ finally

Subaru: ... ugh

Yui: Thanks to you Kanato-kun. Thank you so much!

Kanato: No, you don’t need to thank me

Yui: (I wanted to thank you, Kanato-kun .... but something seems wrong)

(If you look at the words and expressions of Kanato-kun, I‘d become anxious. But why?)

*time passes*

Subaru: Hey, don’t push

Ayato: I’m not pushing. You’re just taking too much space

Laito: Ayato was it, wasn’t it? You’re literally taking space for two people

Kanato: I can barely manage to sit here. Please go further away

Yui: Hey, everyone. We’re still hiding you should be a little more quiet ...!

Ayato: You should be quiet. Your voice is the loudest right now

Subaru: Hey look there. I can see someone coming

Yui: ... huh

*someone appears*

Kino: How bothersome. Why do I need to go outside with Yuma

Yuma: The same goes for me with you. I can’t handle your appearance

Ayato: That’s Yuma and the other one is Kino

Subaru: They’re leaving the mansion. I wonder where they plan to go?

Laito: Maybe a reconnaissance?

Ayato: This could be our chance. It’s true that only Shu and Reiji are in the mansion right?

Yui: Yes, I’m sure about that

(I’m really going to meeting Shu and Reiji. I feel kinda nervous ...)

(The other day Ayato-kun was just seriously injured, but what should I do if this happens again ...)

(No, this time I can count on Ayato-kun. Somehow we will make them remember their memories and ask for cooperation!)

(If neither Shu nor Reiji's memories return, then... I don’t know what to do)

(I should think positive! Let's do our best!)

Ayato: OK, we’ll get in immediately. Let's go!

Kanato: I’ll wait here because I’m too tired to walk anymore

Laito: I won’t go either, but do your best

Subaru: If you want to go there, go for it. I’ll wait here

Ayato: Hah?! Hey, what’s with you all!

Laito: You see, it would be a problem if those two who just left would come back. So we’ll watch over here

Right? Subaru and I will warn you if something happens

Subaru: I can decide things on my own. The point is that you just want someone to stay with you

Kanato: I will watch over here as well. Please bring me some delicious sweets from the Scarlet mansion

Ayato: You all...

It's alright, if I'm going in alone, I’ll bring as much information as possible!

Subaru: So said that when we started walking already. Now hurry up and go in!

Yui: Hey Ayato-kun. I’ll go with you...

*Yui struggles to walk*

Yui: ...huh

Ayato: Hey, what are you talking about? You can barely manage to stand

Yui: (That’s right... my feet are weak and my head hurts)

(If Ayato-kun wouldn’t support me, I’d fall over)

Sorry, I’m stumbling a little

(Should I give it a shot? I came so far and I can’t give up now —)

Ayato: Are you really okay?

Choices

1) — I’m okay (white) ♡♡♡

2) — Should I wait here? (black)

— I’m okay♡

Yui: Yes, I’m fine

Ayato: If you say so. That’s good tho. But if you can’t walk anymore, tell me immediately

Yui: (Is he worried about me? Ayato-kun is... so gentle...)

— Should I wait here?

Yui: All right. It’s probably better to stay here and not get in your way right?

Ayato: No, if you stay behind me, you won’t get in trouble

Yui: Yes. All right

end Choices

Ayato: It's dangerous to go with me, but if you stay here, I can’t guarantee laito won‘t do anything weird.

So that why, you should walk behind me. Don’t go anyway else

Yui: Yes understood! I won’t leave Ayato-kun’s side!

(I will go along with him. It was a good decision)

Place: Scarlet Mansion — Corridor

Ayato: Good, we managed to get in through the window

Yui: Yeah, we got in the house. Is this ... the Corridor?

Ayato: Why is nobody here then? Let’s head to the livingroom

Yui: Yes

Place: Scarlet Mansion — Living room

Ayato: Hey! Is anyone here?

Yui: Ayato-kun! We’ll be found if you yell around like that!

Ayato: What are you saying. We’re searching for them anyway, so we need to make them notice we’re here

*Shu and Reiji appear*

Shu: ... be quiet. You’re too noisy

Reiji: Looks like Eve is paying us a visit, Shu. You should welcome her friendly

Yui: Oh, Reiji and Shu-san!

Ayato: Ha, I knew you two are in a place like this. It’s only usual that you’re in the living room

Shu: Don’t act like you know us. We just waited here because we knew your next movement

Reiji: You’re right. Seems like the rat really got trapped in our mansion.

That’s why, it‘s really nice from you to bring Eve directly to our mansion already. We should thank you.

Ayato: Tch, stick that thank you wherever you want. I won’t give her to you in the first place.

Reiji: You still are pretty disrespectful, even after you lost the last fight. Now Shu, let‘s get Eve this time

Shu: ...yes

Yui: (Reiji and Shu got up. I guess I can't prevent a fight anymore)

(But the real purpose is to restore their memories, but Ayato-kun forgot about this, right?)

(I hope we can return to a normal family again …)

#ayato #ayato sakamaki #chaos lineage #diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers ayato #chaos lineage translation #translation #ayato sakamaki translation #diabolik brothers #sakamaki #ayato sakamaki chaos lineage translation

[pitifulschwein]

sex is so overwhelming. i haven’t even done it yet. but I met someone who I think there’s like a 60% or 70% I'll have sex with eventually. I really like him. I haven’t known him very long yet but I like him. I don’t trust him entirely yet, obviously. I'm nervous to meet him, but excited (we met online but live in the same city). but I've spent the last two years or so obsessing over the idea of having sex. I've been filled with very intense dread over it for so long. I met him and he is the only person I've ever been able to see myself losing my virginity to. I don't even believe in the concept of virginity, I think it’s stupid and made up by men. but it’s just easier to use the term for the sake of this post. but he’s nice and understanding and patient. so far. he’s made it clear to me so far that he understands and values consent. we have a lot of the same or similar kinks. he’s not into feet or piss or whatever. there’s a couple things he’s into that I'm not 100% about but nothing whatsoever that just makes me wanna ghost him. I've told him I want my first time to be more “””””vanilla””””” just more simple and not too intense or kinky. and he seems to be 1000% okay with that. just glad to have me however. I've told him I need to hang out with him a few times before we have sex at all. I have good intuition and I can tell he is genuinely a good person. but however I feel, I'm still going to be as cautious and as safe about everything as I possibly can. the first time I see him, I’m going to tell at least three people (my brother, and two of my girl friends) exactly where we are, every location if we go to a few places idk. my therapist suggested I tell them that I'm going to let them know I'm okay every hour and if I don’t check in, to call the police for me or something like that. he asked if I would be free to come over to his place the day before thanksgiving or on christmas eve. I thought I could do it and even spend the night before thanksgiving, but then I talked to my therapist a couple days later and he made me realize that me and this dude are definitely getting ahead of ourselves. I definitely was just blinded by my own feelings at the time, and not thinking very much about my own safety. so I told him I'd rather meet in public a few times before doing anything like that and he seemed a little upset that I was feeling uneasy about it but still understanding and everything. but maybe by Christmas Eve we will have spent enough time together in public that I'll feel safe going to his place

anyways just the concept of sex is so overwhelming and it’s driving me crazy. I've been obsessing over sex for years and dreading it. but in the last week I've been doing a ton more research about it. the actual act of having sex, protection methods, STDs, abortions if I get pregnant somehow. I always thought/hoped that my first time would be with a woman so that would have been one less thing to worry about (plus I probably wouldn’t have to worry about pain as much lol). and foreplay and making out (i’ve never even kissed anyone yet lmfao im such a pussy ass loser lmfao). I don’t know how to suck dick. I'm scared I'll fart or sneeze or both or something even more embarrassing like what if I just pee in his bed while he’s fucking me???? I think I'd immediately just die from embarrassment lmao. I'm scared of what facial expressions I'll make or how my fat will move around and look so disgusting and I won’t be able to angle it away or pose a certain way like I can in photos. 

I’m terrified I'm going to forget to google and research one thing and it will be the most important thing. I know I need to ask him about whether he’s been tested and if he’s clean and everything but Jesus that’s going to be so awkward and embarrassing. but I know it’ll be so so much worse and like devastating if I find out he gave me something a few weeks later. what I do get sick? or what if I get PREGNANT?????? I know already that if I get pregnant somehow then I'll want an abortion. it’s just a matter of how to do that without my parents ever finding out about it.

I just got out of a serious relationship and have been in a very vulnerable and depressed state of mind. there was a few days we just talked like friends and flirted a tiny bit and it was kind of great and kind of a relief. I haven’t cum nearly as much as he has throughout our online intimate relationship so. and I started taking my antidepressants again and on top of the breakup and my depression/stress levels/anxiety being out of control lately, I haven’t really been in the mood anyways. so it was nice tbh. I love talking to him anyways. he seems to like talking to me too, just normally. he told me just talking to me in a normal platonic way turns him on still (I don’t think he would have said that if he thought it would make me uncomfortable) so win/win I guess. but then I tried to be all seggsy again and it didn't work out and I got kind of panicky and oof and he suggested we not talk for a little while so I can have time by myself to process things and actually start feeling better. in the moment I felt more mad and sad and annoyed at him for not wanting to talk to me for a while but now I realize that was actually a really nice fucking thing to do for me. he seems to really care about me and my mental wellbeing and safety and all that. so. that’s nice.

I'm just terrified of getting pregnant or getting an STD. those are my biggest fears about losing my virginity, but I'm also scared about so many little things. idk how to do anything. what if the way I make out is so gross? and he hates it? or I'm just boring as fuck during foreplay or actual sex. idk idk idk. it’s just a lot. but I'm doing my research and trying to take every single possible precaution and be as smart about it all as possible. 

[ca-3]

For the honesty hour thing: So, how did you fall in love with Sakuya, and want attracts you to his character? Im interested in this!

Lol girl did I ever tell you that I love you?

It took me awhile to answer this because I needed to collect my thoughts about it. AHAHA TAKE A SEAT EVERYONE. Okay gosh where to begin….. THIS IS LIKE THE INTERVIEW I WAS WAITING FOR. HA.

Well, as some people know I wasn’t extremely fond of Sakuya when I first started Servamp about….7-8 months ago? I didn’t hate him or anything, just didn’t really care for him at first. (but that kinda goes for quite a bit of characters really, but everyone grows on me at some point. ^^)

I think what really got to me was after learning about his past and how it affected his motives, relationships and current situation in the series.

So many aspects about his characters just make so much sense but I feel like are just kinda looked over……. probably cause his backstory was kinda glazed over real quick, in my opinion at least. (Like why dammit? I have so many questions still, this series can’t do this to me.) It just really kills me inside, especially the more I thought about it and the more I think about his character.

I’m gonna kinda express some of my new random thoughts on his past , cause this intrigues me oddly: (Kinda theory time right now whoooo) AND ALL IS WHAT GIVE ME SO MANY FEELINGS MY GOSH.

Just thinking about the extent of the abuse he must’ve suffered is something that really boggles my mind…… We know it went on for years, those 6 years before his “death” and then probably a few more before that obviously, when his sister was still alive. Who’s knows how long she had to endure it though? She was much older, Sakuya was about 9 at the time, and she appeared to be High School (or maybe Middle School can’t really tell with the uniform.) 

She was also the one covered in bandages after all, and we couldn’t see any visible scars or injuries on Sakuya. So she obviously took all the beatings so he wouldn’t have too most likely but after when she died I’m sure things got worse for poor little Sakuya.

But this is my other biggest thing about the abuse he went through…

How come he never tried running away?

We all know his parents threatened to do the same thing to him as they did to his older sister, but could he really not just try and leave before anything happened? Maybe not until he got a bit older.. but still….

Was his parents that controlling? I doubt his parents even cared enough to hunt him down if he did run away…. So why didn’t he try? Did they really keep him that locked in? Its so hard for me to imagine him being and feeling that hopeless, did he have zero fight inside him?

It’s hard to imagine him not fighting back in the slightest. But he could have been a very different person back when he was human too, of course. Maybe more meek and submissive… again who knows. (To be honest, I am extremely curious about to what most of the vampires characters were like before they were vampires and who and what they did before as well.

But anyway, do you think Sakuya put up with it…

Because it was ALSO a loyalty thing??!? I’m making no jokes here. Hear me out, even if he hated his parents(I’m sure he did obviously, even though he never explicitly said he did, because we had Tsubaki tell his story, and not Sakuya.)

Do you think he never tried running away or whatever, because he just felt like he just couldn’t? Like he was betraying something? Maybe not his parents, just because “They are my parents…. whether I like it or not. I have to listen to them…”

But maybe because of his sisters death? Like he felt like he had to endure it like she did for him?? I mean…. he was told:

“You don’t want your sister’s death to be a waste, right?”

YOU GUYS GET WHAT I AM SAYING HERE RIGHT? History can repeat itself….

(This boy is gonna kill me with his conflicted ass)

Maybe there wasn’t actually much physical abuse doing those years… Maybe at least for as long as he did what they said and stayed out of their way and kept their secret. But I kinda already talked about this part in a post about what I think happened to his parents after he became a vampire. (I am very sensitive about this topic alright?)

We know they killed his sister so they could get insurance money(ughh so sickening) but did they really try to kill Sakuya for more money? They would only be two people at that point…… so that’s why a part of me is like, “there’s gotta be a greater reason.” The best conclusion I came up with was “They killed him because maybe he tried to TELL someone.”

Think about it. Sakuya hates lies, he had to lie his whole life basically. He takes it very serious and to heart. WE KNOW THIS.

We know he only kept it a secret because he was threatened and didn’t want his sister’s death to be in vain…. But maybe he eventually cracked under all the pressure… And maybe tried speaking about it or was planning too and then… That was also the day he died…… Damn…. I just stabbed myself in the heart.

So yes, his past is a big factor on why I found him so interesting initially when I was new to this fandom/series, I was really hoping we would see his past elaborated a bit or learn more and see what he does and how on earth Mahiru was gonna “save him.”

I could go on and on about these two as well. Not in a shippy way…. but friendship or romantic, considering his past it makes sense to why he’s attached to Mahiru. Again in another post where I “defended his character” I guess you could say, I talked about how Sakuya’s “screwed up friendship methods” and how he really dug himself into a hole. -__- But I was saying its almost hard to blame him for going about the way he did. BECAUSE IT JUST MAKES SENSE SADLY.

Sakuya is a real lonely and distant kinda guy. After he sister died I’m sure he didn’t have much light in his life then. No one to talk too, no one who understood. No one who loved him. I’m sure growing up during those 6 years he was probably afraid to get close to anyone. What was school like for him then…. did he really have no friends at all for 6 years? It’s crazy to think about right? His childhood was anything but normal…. 

But then he received a “second chance” after Tsubaki found him and I’m sure Mahiru’s kind-hearted nature really drew him in, it’s not wrong for him to really want a friend, yeah he did go the complete wrong way about it, but unfortunately lies and deceit is all he knew how to do. He found some light in his life, and he was willing to do anything to hold on to that for as long as he could. Also HE KILLS ME because he regretted lying to Mahiru so much and did all the awful things he did/said, BECAUSE HE WAS HOPING MAHIRU WOULD HATE HIM and have his Servamp KILL HIM because he felt that was the only way to apologize for everything. and BOIII did that really kill me. AND THEN MAHIRU FORGAVE HIM STILL and now look at where he is with his conflicted loyalty….

YOU SEE WHERE I AM COMING FROM AVI!?!? AHHHH.

-inhales- ALSO ONE THING I NEED TO GET OFF MY CHEST BECAUSE THIS REALLY BOTHERS ME. Before ANYONE says “Mahiru is too forgiving about the whole fake memories thing and shouldn’t have forgiven Sakuya or be his friend.” Cause I HAVE heard someone say this and it makes me angry.

BECAUSE then you are ALSO SAYING:

Mahiru shouldn’t have forgiven and accepted Kuro for his past and all his sins and regrets, that he never shared with him. Also for attacking Mahiru that one time, lets not forget.

Mahiru shouldn’t be friends or ever trust Lawless because he’s killed so many eves and killed all of Tsubaki’s subclass and who knows what else he’s done?

Mahiru shouldn’t be finding a way to stop Tsubaki without killing him, because he’s not worth it.

Mahiru shouldn’t be trying to save Tsurugi either because he’s also done bad things.

AND SO ON.

SO SCREW EVERYONE WHO SAYS THAT. Cause you’re basically saying NO CHARACTER deserves happiness. -exhales- Sorry I just feel very strongly about that and I forgot to mention this in my defense post awhile ago. I feel better now~

So about Sakuya’s damn conflicted loyalty between Tsubaki and Mahiru. How are things gonna go from here?.WHICH ROUTE MY GUY? I WANT TO KNOW.

Tbh he’s kinda similar to Tsurugi in a sense (a certain someone kinda opened my eyes about that) that the whole “afraid to start something new because this is all that I’ve ever known and honestly I don’t know how to feel anymore?” kinda sense.

Although Tsurugi is debatablely the saddest character in servamp right now (backstory and current situation and all ARE WAYYY more painful.) 

What? Just cause Sakuya is my fave didn’t mean I’m completely biased about him. He sad. But not the SADDEST. I just thought I would mention this cause the parallels kinda fascinate me.

I WANT SAKUYA TO TAKE SOME ACTION. HE’S FREE NOW RIGHT??? What’s he gonna do now??? What’s he planning to do!?!? STILL WAITING HERE.

. Ughh its probably gonna be awhile until we get anything about Sakuya again. Which is fine. Cause its not his arc right now.

 WE GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS IN THE MANGA. MUCH MORE PRESSING THINGS INDEED.

But still I’m extremely curious… To what he might do in the future…. I mean Sakuya and even Lilac are still running around freely unlike the other melancholy members at the moment? So will he somehow be involved with that later??? Will he find Tsubaki??? WHERE ARE YOU MY BOY?

Ughh I’m having Sakuya withdraw lol… I hope he gets to do something exciting or important soon…. Tanaka strike is TEASING ME by putting him in so many recent official arts but then NOT IN THE ACTUAL STORY. WHYYYY. (well we do see Sakuya in a recent bonus chapter so….)

I HOPE THAT MEANS STRIKE PLANS TO INCLUDE HIM AGAIN SOON. I’ll take it as foreshadowing *sobs* Strike obviously hasn’t forgotten about him….so JUST waiting and watching now.

Waiting and watching….

Sorry, that got so angsty above I wanted this post to be positive too.. So here are good/fun things I like about him:

Even though he character design absolutely baffles me(yes I mean the hair) I gotta say I really love it~ His hair is really something original that’s for sure. HA. His design also helped immediately catch my attention to him also I may have a bit of a “stripes bias” ahaha I own A LOT of stripe shirts myself lol always have and always will.

He owns a lot of pink accessories and wears pink a lot too! LET. BOYS. WEAR. PINK. YES. YOU. GO. MY. BOY.  He rocks it fight me.

He’s cool and I’m kinda curious on what his subclass ability is. If there is even one for him. Weapons seem to be his specialty. (F.E knives, chainsaw(which I am still trying to figure out how magically pulled out in AN ELEVATOR!?! And can make a sword outta blood apparently.

 But I don’t really trust the animes canon….) Also his little black strap things have a function??? THEY ARE ALIVE. WHAT

Look how happy Mahiru makes him. His smile is precious. He loves his friend so much I cry. I want them to be together and be friends again.

All the Tsubaki and Sakuya shenanigans make me laugh. One minute he’s crying to Mahiru “please don’t kill him” and the next you’re trying to put the guy into a fox trap. What even boi.

WANTS TO BE CALLED SAKKUN HOW CUTE IS THAT.

Has the best “yandere” expressions.

HE PRETTY STRONG and has great potential to be truly terrifying and useful. UNLEASH THAT POTENTIAL YOU GREEN EMO CHILD.

Another random thought I had was what would have things been like if Mahiru did choose to tell Sakuya about Kuro in the beginning like he originally planned? Might’ve still gone down the same way. But who knows?

(I could keep going tbh)

But for now I’m just gonna sweat about the BIGGER MATTERS THAT ARE CURRENTLY HAPPENING IN THE MANGA RIGHT NOW. HA….

Thank you for asking Aviiiii~

#SCREAMSSSS #servamp #ca3 asks #too-many-goddamn-fandoms #sakuya watanuki #watanuki sakuya

[infamousoverwatch]

Clichés: Chapter 2

Someone asked me to tag them in this so they could know when it was updated...but i’m a moron and didn’t write their url down. So if you wanna be tagged/mentioned when there’s an update, send me an IM or an ask. I’ve added a button on my blog that will allow you to read Clichés in chronological order.

Once your blush faded away and you were composed enough to not look like an idiot that was in love with their boss, you went to go talk to your other boss, the one that you weren’t majorly crushing on. Not that Jack Morrison wasn’t attractive with those stunning blue eyes and sexy blonde hair and fit, muscular body with arms that probably felt like heaven lying in… what was the point again?

You walked up to him just as that bitchy reporter was leaving. You could see the frown on her pretty face as she huffed and turned away, walking towards the elevator with purpose. Jack groaned once she was out of sight, those blue eyes you had just been thinking about rolling in annoyance.

“Didn’t think she was ever gonna leave.” He huffed, turning around and sitting on top of your desk. You moved to stand beside him, offering a comforting smile.

“How’d it go?” You asked him, eyes darting to the mug of coffee resting dangerously close to the corner of your desk. The coffee you made that morning was no doubt cold and gross by now, but if it spilled, you’d have to clean it up. Or the janitor, Jamison, would and he could be a little intense. Luckily Jack seemed to notice the mug on the brink of suicide and picked it up before he accidentally knocked it over.

“She didn’t take it well, but she’ll be out of our hair for now,” He informed her, “‘World’s Okayest Secretary’?” He read the text on the mug, deep chuckle escaping his lips.

“Yes, it was a Christmas present from Mister Reyes.” You recalled the memory fondly.

You had been working on the morning of Christmas Eve, boredly typing away at your computer, checking through the bosses schedules and making sure their appointments were correct, all the usual stuff, when Gabriel showed up at your desk. He knocked his fist against the wood of your desk to capture your attention. It had startled you, but you were always happy to see him (and think about him. Which happened a lot. Especially at night, whenever you were lonely…). He moved his hand from behind his back and showed you what he was holding. It was hard to tell what it was from the shape, as the red and white christmas tree ornament decorated wrapping paper made it look like a crumpled newspaper inside another crumpled newspaper. He handed it to you with a huge a grin that took your breath away (God you wished he would grin at you like that all the time) and you were so stunned it took a moment to take it from him. It took even longer to unwrap the present, tape gripped at every turn, corner, and curve. When you finally managed to discard the wrapping paper, you let out a sharp laugh. A white, slightly misshapen mug with the words ‘World’s Okayest Secretary’ painted in large block letters. When you looked up at him, his grin practically blinded you. You stuttered out a thank you, face flushing when you realized you hadn’t gotten him anything because you deemed it inappropriate. After telling him that you hadn’t gotten him anything, he laughed, deep and rumbling, echoing to your very core. It felt like butterflies had been caught in a tornado in your stomach. The feeling got stronger as he rubbed his hand on your head and told you it was okay, that the best present would be you continuing to work hard.

It was then that you started to think maybe your crush wasn’t so much of a crush and more of you being hopelessly in love. And then you started planning what to get him for Christmas the next year.

“Y/N?” Jack calling your name snapped you out of your trip down memory lane.

“Oh, sorry, what?” You asked, embarrassed that you had been so entranced in your memory you didn’t hear your boss talking to you. Jack didn’t seem to mind, and offered a kind smile before uncrossing his arms and standing from your desk.

“I asked if you’d like to get a drink with me?” He repeated.

What. Wait. What? Was he asking you on a date? No way, right? No way. Yeah totally no way, he’s just being nice.

“There’s this nice bar a short walk from here. It’s already almost 7, I say let’s call it a night and celebrate another day of work survived,” He joked, “Besides, I could really use a drink after talking to that girl.”

Yeah, he wasn’t asking you on a date. No way. Just… co-workers out drinking.

“Oh, sure.” You agreed, eager to leave work. Free drinks didn’t sound bad. Maybe it’d help get your mind off Gabriel. Or you could do the opposite and ask him about Gabriel, or inquire about the whole marriage situation.

Jack grinned, teeth shining bright as always, eyes crinkling with joy. He was very much like a golden retriever. The thought made you giggle as you walked to the elevator with him, stepping in and hitting the button to the lobby floor.

The bar was a lot more quaint than you thought it would be. You figured it would be something fancy, but it was rather average. It was still nice; dim lighting, bartenders in suits, colorful drinks with fancy umbrellas, quiet alternative rock music playing in the background, well furbished booths, stools, and tables. Not like the rundown shitshow you were used to.

Jack, clearly familiar with the place, lead you to free table in the back of the bar, away from most of the people. Ever the gentleman, he pulled out your chair for you and if you keep blushing like this, your face will turn red permanently.

“I’m gonna get us a drink. Any idea what you’d like or should I surprise you?” He asked, gesturing to the bar with a nod of his head.

Fuck, you had no idea what to order.

“Uh, surprise me?” Your meekness made it sound like a question, and you mentally reminded yourself to work on your confidence. Which was currently very lacking. Well, work on faking the confidence at least.

Jack didn’t seem to care, and offered a quick nod before turning to the bar and hailing the bartender's attention.

‘This isn’t a date. This isn’t a date.’ You thought to yourself, silently watching Jack interact with the bartender as he leaned on the bar. Your eyes trailed down to his ass. ‘I really need to stop looking at his ass. I can’t believe I have to work for two incredibly attractive men. If only this were some romantic movie. A rom-com or something. Two handsome CEO’s pinning over an average girl… such is the dream.’ A huffed laugh escaped your lips at the thought. That stuff only happened in movies and fanfiction. Terrible movies and fanfiction, full of clichés and cheese.

When he returned, it was with a glass of scotch in one hand and an obnoxiously multi-colored drink with a crazy straw in the other. He sat down in the chair across from you and slid the colored drink your way.

“One of this place’s specialties. Super fruity and not a lot of alcohol.” He explained, watching your reaction as you took a sip from the crazy straw. It was definitely very fruity. It tasted more like candy than alcohol. It wasn’t too bad, though. Just… different. It kinda tasted like you had taken a bite of every fruit in existence at the same time, had half a teaspoon of DayQuil, then drank koolaid made with 60% koolaid powder, 5% water, and 35% sugar. Still, you plastered on a smile and thanked him. At least you could keep the crazy straw, even if you did get diabetes.

“So how are you holding up with all the changes?” Jack inquired, striking up a conversation.

“It’s a little hectic. Not too much has changed, just double the workload.” He made a humming noise and oh shit you just casually complained about work to your boss. “Not that I'm complaining or anything! I mean, I can handle it! It’s not a big deal.” You quickly explained, voice getting higher as you tried to defend yourself.

Jack chuckled and took a swig of his scotch, swirling it around in the glass as he swallowed, enjoying the soothing sting it left.

“How-How about you? How’s working with Reyes, side-by-side?” You asked, “Especially with that whole ‘gotta get married in six months or we’re fucked’ thing.” You added casually, the instant regret of asking rising to your face.

Jack looked at you surprised and curious, not expecting you to bring that up, let alone know about it.

“Gabe told you about that?” He asked, the surprise clear in his voice. You didn't understand why it surprised him. You would have found out eventually. It seemed unlikely that something like this would go under the radar of the press.

“Yeah. Uh, should he not have?” Now you were concerned. Was it supposed to be some super secret thing? Did he only tell you because he was stressed out? Jack’s easy going chuckle soothed your nerves slightly. You took another sip of your drink to try and relax, immediately remembering it was mostly sugar and fruit and not nearly enough alcohol to provide any soothing effects. You tried not to let the gag escape your lips.

“No, no,” he started, “It’s fine. I just… didn't expect him to tell anyone. He’s not really fond of the idea, if you haven't noticed.” He took another sip, actually it was more of a chug. When he set the glass back down, it was empty.

“He’s not like… dating anyone?” Holy shit why did you ask that. You shouldn't have asked that.

Jack looked at you with a raised brow, a small smirk curling his lips. He knew. He knew, he knew, he knew. He knew that you are so sickeningly in love with Gabriel.

“No. Far as I know, he’s single. But he doesn't like being forced to mingle by his dead father.” He explained as he watched your expression intently. You tried so hard not to show your relief and to just play it off as professional curiosity. Instead, you just giggled at his attempt at a joke.

“Gossiping about my father, eh chicas?”

Speak of the Devil.

Don’t worry, there’ll be more Gabriel in the next chapter lol.

#overwatch #gabriel reyes #Gabriel Reyes/reader #reader/Gabriel Reyes #reader insert #reaper #reaper/reader #reader/reaper #reader #reaper x reader #reader x reaper #office au #cliches #clichés

[ilygsd]

odfidk: 300718

me and my mom fighting and it brings up memories from like 1-2 years ago when we were fighting all the fucking time, partly bc she was depressed and idk i just found it annoying or smth. idk why. its so mean of me to be so cold and just constantly scream at her and be angry at her even though shes sick and struggling financially but now when i hear her crying again i just cant........ stand it. i get so fucking angry its brings be back to 7th grade again and it totally pisses me off. i feel like seems playing the victim but i know she doesnt line i know its hard for her and she's been through stuff too but i just........... i dont feel anything. i dont feel any compssion or empathy at all i just feel ANNOY.

idk why i am like that. my older adoptive brother used to live with me, mom and lil sis bc he was depressed too and didnt have anywhere to live and i was so pissed. i went to this rich white school and i hated having divorced parents, a mom who was depressed and i couldnt afford all the other things the other kids could. now i realize what they got was fucking insane like they travelled abroad 2727 times a year and only wore designer brands at age 13 like who the fuck can afford that. but back then it made me feel like shit and my relationship to money is just....... even now i cant buy expensive shit. or yes i can, like computer snd stuff but i cant buy expensive clothes or make up cus i feel like such a brag and i still kinda feel like that cus dont like money but i also want money imd sving like s crazy person i have quite much money and i feel quiltat cus i have a lot but i still feel poor and i still cant get myself to spend. and my childhood was ever rough, my parents always made sure to give us what we needed (even if it wasnt like ine if those ugly juicu picture outfits for 100$ each) but i still hated the fact that my dad has to pay for mom and we had to live with him more just bc mom was depressed or not financially stable. i hated to hear them talk abt money and as the older sister i always felt responsible

it was hell back then and im soooo glad we're through that but ive always been the bitch dramatic annoying difficult kid that no one liked. and i was that bc....... idk i have so much anger and sade as within me i guess and also cus well.... then my lil sis wont have to do all this fighting. she was mostly quiet and if she was sad she was sad on her own (or maybe talked to mom a bit sfter). i think she was svared of me back then and i dont blame me i was very very aggressive and im still very aggressive when fighting

im just so frustrated. idk why im such s mean bigch i just cant stand it. maybe i feel guilty?? maybe im svared? idk but when i hear my mom cry i just want to go up to her and slap her. i remember when they divirced and i was like 11. it was like lodig a family again tbh, no it WAS losing a family again. i was always proud over our family but after that it was hell. and i constantly blamed mom and dad for adoöting us, then divorcing snd then getting fucking depressed and low key poor. i was so angry abt mom divorcing dad and i didnt even care why. its so insenditive bc i remember she called dad an enotional abuser and i can low key undersyand what she means but its more like my dad just not being able to express his feelings and he delas with it like pretending nothings wrong which is frustrating ss hell. were fighting a lot too cus he refuses to see things and hes always this positive hoe like..... anyways i blamed her and i saw her as my enemy. thats a problem i have i alwyas see people as friends or enemies and nothing in between. i always think ppl want to hurt me, even my own boyfriend. wow ive been so mean to him too. a mistake and i avt like hes the worst fkn scum on earth just trying to stab me. i blamed mom for everything and the worst thing is that when she says "shes okay with it", me blaming her snd she undersyand its i just grt even more angriper and frustrated and i just cant stand that goody goody. same with my boyfriend when i was treating him like trash and he forgave me i was like........ bitch no

i dont know why it id like that. its like in pushing people away. i obviously do, i realized. i always thought i was the one clinging onto ppl and them ababdoning me but im actually pushing them away bu being a dramatic bigch snd always starting drama when im not satisifed. i started drama with my friends cus i felt like they didnt like me which was actually justified tho cus they beger invited me to anything  and they cut off ppl if they one day decided they didnt like them so i was constantly scared snd wanted more attention eve tho they gave me everything. and obviously that fucked shir up and they cut me off snd i went BANANAS.

why do i always go bananas. its happening iver and over again. i alwyas go bananas and im always so hateful. my attitude to everything is like: "ITS ME!!!! IM THE CICTIM!!!" i really have an inferior complex dont i?? but i also kinda have a superior complex too? where it ink im better. but i think my superior complex is like s defense mechanism to my inferior. im like a bully but more of a drama queen. i remember when my ex bff called me a drama wueen i was soooooooo offended and now i realize bc its true. i am a drama queen but not bc i think its fun fighting thats why i got offended. ppl always think k want to start fights and like to start fights and...... its kind sture but not really. its true that i always start fights and that i feel like i have to fight allt he time but its simple bc of what i justs aid; i feel like i always have to fight and win. life is a constant battle for me, everyones after me. i have to fight even though im anxious all the time im fighting.

i dont understand why im so mean all the time. like when my mom is crying or when she was depressed or when me and my boyfriend are fighting and im so mean i make him cry i dont feel anything. i once said to my dad "now i understand why mom divirced you" and i didnt even feel bad about it. i just get annoyed, especially at my mom. i just want to tell then to shut the fuck up and when i was younger i literally did. my parents got divorced, my mom got ptsd, our money.... :// and i literally just blamed her for everything. for breaking up with dad, adopting me and my sister, divorcing, getting sick, getting bad economy. i hated her and i was such a mean little bitch. we fought constantly for years and even though its better now...... its still there within me. i was fighting with her again today and heard her crying and i just..... wanted her to stop. not because i care but because it makes me feel bad or something i dont know? oh yes, that must be it by the way. its probably guilt. yes its definitely guilt. even when she forgives me and even my boyfriend forgives me for being mean i get even more annoyed and it MUST be because i feel even more guilty?? i dont undersyand though why am i alwyas so mean. its really true i feel like the world is against me. i see people as friends or enemies and nothin inbetween like my boyfriend can make a mistake and i can get so fucking angry bc i think he wants to hurt me or something which is horrible. hes literally crying, telling me that he's been there for me all this time, when i wanted to die, when i fought with my parents and lost all my friends. hes telling me; "ive only been trying to help you. ive only been kind to you. why do you think i want to hurt you. i love you. why cant you see that"

just thinking back at those words gets me teary. hes so right but at moments like those i cant see or feel it. im blinded by.... i dont know. paranoia? hatred? fear? at that moment i refuse to see the truth in his words and instead i grow even more annoyed. and then i feel guilty and i try to shut him out which im doing by blaming him. i once forced him to break up with me just to blame him for it. thats some psycho shit and no matter how much im trying to undersyand i dont undersyand my own behavior but i also know im the first one to declare WAR as soon as someone criticize me. only my boyfriend can criticize me (when im stable, uhhh when im not stable im afraid i would be very very very mean to him). i only tteust him. but im also so guilty. hes too nice for me and we all know its true. im just using him. im using him. first i used him for his love and undersyanding. and now im not even in live with him anymore. now i use him because of everything we've been through, because i trust him better than anyone and because im svared of being alone and unloved. i dont know if i live him or if thats just some sick shit an abuser would tell themselves to keep staying with their target. i'd like to think i love him but maybe i only think about myself. maybe im only living on his love anyways because i sure as hell dont live myself. can i really say i love jim? look at me. im sad and i feel bad im about to text him i love him but then is top myself.... is that only me manipulating him? manipulating myself? i want to believe i love him to make me feel ebtter? ir would make sense considering how much i use him tor reassure myself. ive beeb doubting our relationship a lot and everytime i use him as a comforter to tell me everything will be fine.

i feel like im always mean and scare people away even though i want them to stay with me. even though i want to love them. why is it like that. why do i always feel so fucked up

sometimes im afraid to show this side and sometimes im not.

in struggling between moving on from the disgusting person i was but like..... i dont wanna escape. i feel like im only ignoring her snd i dont deserve it. i feel like im still that person no matter how much i try to move one idk. maybe its time? maybe it would feel better if i apologized but i just.... cant. im too proud. they both apologized to be snd in the moment i accepted and apologized to them too but now..... i dont know. sometimes i feel like i was a complete bitch and everhthing was my fault which it was. i was having a war with myself and i dragged them into it. i was paranoid and thought they only wanted to hurt me. but st the same time i also KNOW they did things that werent very smart. i dont think they did it on purpose like i think back then but...... fuck it was stupid and im still mad about it. i just felt so abandoned and humiliated and the reason i got so depressed back then was because i realized its because of who i am. similar things have happened before but i just kept going cus i thought they were dumb af but now i really realized i got issues. snd im afraid i wont ever be able to make a real friend if i cant fix it

i feel like i have to hide it and if i hide it and cant show it im a bad person and ppl will judge me and hate me (justified)

im trying to be positive and the better im feeling, the less mean i am but like...... im still mean and abusive.

#diary #odfidk

[legos-lass]

@astrolindsey​ u dont have to read all of this youre my fiance and ik you love me already

1. Favorite (Reprise)

honestly part of your old (reprise) from the little mermaid (alan menken) just THOSE HIGH NOTES MMM. i love theres a fine fine line (reprise) from avenue q cuz its adorable but it is like two lines so.

2. already answered

3. If you could go back in time to see a certain production, which one would it be?

AMERICAN IDIOT WHEN BILLIE WAS ST. JIMMY. NO EXPLANATION NEEDED.

4. Who should write a musical?

i would watch the shit out of an existentialist comedic musical written by bo burnham. hes so hilarious and his songs are so catchy sjiowehefhe.

5. The routine you recreate when home alone:

every. part. of. one. day. more. from. les. mis. simultaneously.my bio used to be something like “my main hobby is recreating all eight parts of one day more by myself” and it is still true. but also hello! from bom but it fails miserably because i try to act out all the parts oof ouch.

6. A duet you’d love to perform and with whom.

if you were gay from avenue q with me as rod and john tartaglia as nicky. now hear me out ik john is supposed to be rod and rick lyon is supposed to be nicky but 1. rod is like My Role™ and as much as i also love rick, john was my fave member of the obc and ik he can do different voices well so...yeah hes gonna be nicky now so i can sing with him.

7. A musical everyone can learn from.

here we go again but avenue q. wowie zowie i like went through a midlife crisis the first time i listened to it but for now actually? changed? my? life? and everyones a little bit racist i mean cmon read my bio. theres so much about it that is so useful even if it seems a bit pessimistic. also elder price from bom learning to use his mission to actually help others and not just to be treated really well if heaven is some good shit but avenue q wins cuz i wasnt religious to begin with.

8. already answered

9. Favorite person to play (insert role)

okay well im gonna fill this in myself and say elder price and say MY BOY THE ETERNALLY PERFECT NIC ROULEAU I CANT BELIEVE I GOT TO SEE HIM ON BROADWAY AND MEET HIM!!!

10. Best digital #ham4ham

uhhhh well like i said in my last post i dont like hamilton really so i have no idea what this means sorry

11. Make up a name and the ingredients for a Waitress pie.

okay well ive only just started listening to waitress and im not nearly as creative with names (or passive aggressive with them) as jenna but uh i really like chocolate pie but ive never seen a nutella one so. yeah that sounds delicious. the name would be something about remington leith idk.

12. already answered

theres no 13 i guess cuz it is unlucky lmao

14. Express your love for the orchestras!

*inhales* GOD THE ORCHESTRA JUST MAKES THE MUSICAL. GO LISTEN TO ANY SONG FROM LES MIS AND TRY NOT TO GET CHILLS FROM THE INSTRUMENTALS I DARE YOU.

15. Favorite musical written by (insert composer, lyricist)

well lynz youre a FOOL and didnt send me a composer or lyricist so im just gonna reiterate that i love les mis it has been my favorite musical for so many years and i cant believe that my friend ryan saw it on broadway and i didnt.

16. Which part (or parts) do you sing in One Day More?

but especially my love eponine

17. A line that never fails to make you laugh.

runs to get my official avenue q script that i spent $20 on to make sure i get the line perfectly right

rod: well--i have this friend--

christmas eve: nicky?

r: no no--another friend. and i think he has a very big problem. i think--ithink my friend is (whispers) gay

ce: what wrong with that? you know rod. gay people make major contribution ro art and philosophy and literature for many hundreds of years now

r: but my friend isnt an artist--hes a republican. and an investment banker.

ce: ew. well tell him to stay in closet then. he good for nothing.

r: (a moment) ...well okay! great! thanks for the advice!

ce: yeah i wouldnt want a friend like that!

r: thanks again!

ce: bye now (she goes inside)

rod: bye bye! (beat. to the audience) ...shit.

18. An upcoming production you’re excited for.

DEAR EVAN HANSEN US TOUR

19. Do you have any funny misheard lyrics from a showtune?

yknow im sure i do but i cannot think of any right now...all i can think of is i used to think (on my own) “the trees are full of starlight” was “the tree’s are fluff’s delight” i have no idea what that means but it made sense to my young mind

20. A musical you would NEVER see with your parents.

avenue q. hahahahahahaha no puppet sex with rebecca and michael. but lets be honest my mum wants to go back to the city to see it off broadway since only i got to see it and if shes gonna buy me a ticket im totally seeing it again idc.

21. Musicals can introduce you to new cultures, interests, fancy words and so on. Name 3 things you’ve learned form musicals.

bom: literally everything i know about the church of jesus christ of latter day saints is from this musical except for polyamory and salt lake city.

hamilton: alexander was NOT a president. i really dont care about us history whoops

les mis: I Learned Im Not Straight Because Of Samantha Barks

22. Favorite OBC.

avenue q mmmmm love u john tartaglia

23. Cast recording you know by heart.

les mis movie sountrack i literally have like 98% of this musical memorized

24. Cast recording for a long car ride.

grease (movie soundtrack) is a bop and my whole family likes it *fingerguns*

25. Favorite Miscast performance.

i havent listened to too many and ik this one doesnt really count but idc cuz i love it. nic rouleau singing go the distance from hercules is my sexuality.

26. already answered

27. Showtune of the day:

im gonna go with two by two from bom cuz im listening to it right now and suidfuesrf it just kills me -the fucking chicken waddling walk ass choreography -WE ARE THE ARMY OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST oflatterdaysaints -ORLANDOOOOO I LOVE YA ORLANDOOOO -PUTT putt golfINGGGGG -arnold: thats me thats me hello. kevin: oh. hi! in the most fucking “:)” voice ever

28.  Who would play you in a musical about your life?

i would hope samantha barks (les mis 25th anniversary and movie eponine) cuz we have similar ranges and shes so beautiful and she is my Favorite Theatre Actress

29. Who would play your best friend in a musical about your life?

im gonna go with dana steingold (ave q current kate/lucy) really for no other reason than shes adorable and has a versatile voice and seems really sweet. i feel like we would be friends in real life.

30.  Who would play your romantic interest in a musical about your life?

honestly like maybe ben durocher (ave q current princeton/rod)? idk he just has a voice that i love and looks adorable in his glasses

31. already answered

32. Describe yourself with 3 musical theatre characters.

eponine from les mis (what a surprise), kate monster from avenue q, sophie from mamma mia

33. A character that inspires you to be better. (does la la land count? im counting it) mia from la la land cuz she has a similar personality to me but less Anxiety which ends up helping her achieve her dream. i want to be like that

34. A showtune that always puts you in a good mood. bend and snap from legally blonde idk it’s just so fun and makes me feel confident it is nice

35. A showtune that makes you feel melancholic. there are worse things i could do from grease

36. Best showstopper. i believe from bom oh my gosh when i heard nic rouleau sing it live for the first time i had GOOSEBUMPS and it has just the right amount of humor to bootedit: OH JUST KIDDING LOVE U BOM BUT DEFINITELY BEING ALIVE FROM COMPANY OH Y GOD. I CANT CHOOSE BETWEEN NEIL PATRICK HARRISS’ VERSION AND RAUL ESPARZA’S THEY BOTH GIVE ME SHIVERS

37. A place you consider to be your Santa Fe. this must be from a musical i havent seen? idk well it looks really beautiful and not very busy so i guess...oakland? it feels like home to me

38. The name of the prettiest theater you’ve been to. eugene o’neill theatre (bom on broadway) was lovely. i had standing room only tickets so i didnt really get to experience it cuz i was stuck in the back under the mezzanine (still great view though) but i looked around a bit during intermission and the was very royal looking and they had a nice bar area upstairs with CHAIRS I COULD USE

39. The most intense scene from a musical. mmm thats tough. from the little ive seen of moulin rouge so far the tango de roxanne part looks really crazy. so is the cell block tango from chicago. or honestly a LOT of american idiot...i love how badass letterbomb is

40. A great cover of a showtune: i really love this male cover of maybe this time from cabaret (i found this thanks to hetalia 2p!america fanart lmao)

41. Put your phone on suffle and write the first 2 showtunes that appear. 1. master of the house from les mis (10th anniversary)2. mamma mia from mamma mia (original cast)

42. Best design of a Playbill. i love effective minimalism so once

#hope youre happy lynz but this was actually really fun #watchmeliveandstuff

[songsofhartbig-blog]

all from the aesthetic ask list (:

BLESS YOUR SOUL I LOVE THESE QUESTIONS

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?  - about an hour ago, accompanying myself on guitar! Toying with the idea of a cover album ;)

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? - This one is gonna be really sad but I would wanna know what song was playing when my best friend got into a car accident 

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? - That’s a really tough one, honestly. Probably just making it to this point.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise? - The first one that came to mind when I read this is one of my favorite ones with my best friend. We were at a house party back in May, quite drunk, having a good time. We were socializing with different people for a few minutes, and suddenly I hear her yelling for me, and when we find each other, all she does is hold up a box of the card game Uno and goes, “FUCKING PLAY UNO WITH ME!!” (Uno was like one of our things because we’re dumb). So, of course, I was like “HELL FUCKIN YEAH!!” Drunk Uno at a house party, and we got a pretty big game going, but people started losing interest so it ended up just being me and her playing for a few more minutes. So “the only ones at the house party playing Uno” became a joke and one of my favorite stories/memories :)

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? - I feel like I would, but I honestly couldn’t answer what I would change. This is one of those situations where it’d be difficult to choose until you’re truly in the situation.

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? - Of course! I haven’t gotten as far as to really rank anything, but the top ones would probably be to travel to so many different states/countries, skydive (basic but true), and zipline!

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. - The first person that came to mind when I read this one is a certain someone. I won’t specifically say their relationship to me, but let’s just say we’re…close. Their soul radiates sunshine; constantly brightening people’s days, whether they intend to or not. It just comes natural. By far one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, this person does not have a mean bone in their body. They’re funny in such a unique way, and it works for them, and always has me cracking up. So supportive in everything - for example I was really drunk one night and I was texting this person and told them I was gonna sit down and write a movie, and their response? “Write that movie, I’ll help if you need me to!” Not only things like that, but has been helping me with big life decisions too. Their smile can light up the darkest night, their eyes are big and beautiful and anyone could stare into them for hours. Their hugs could melt a frozen heart. I’m so lucky to know them.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? - Definitely. I have a very loving family that have provided and still provide the best they can for me, while instilling good values and morals in me

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? - I don’t think it was very long ago, maybe like 3 weeks ago?

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. - The person I described in the pantone question. The description of them should be a good explanation as to why :)

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? - I’ve never done it before but who’s to say it won’t happen at some point

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? - Funny enough, it was with the person I described in the pantone question, it was on New Years Eve (I’m always up at 3 AM but no one else usually is to talk to), and I was in bed, VERY plastered, going through twitter, and the person texts me out of nowhere (different quotes are the multiple texts): “luuuvvv uuuu” “so much” “i hope you had a good night” “you honestly made mine” “happy new year❤️” and then for like half an hour we drunkenly continued talking about how much we love each other and how lucky we are to be in each other’s lives. It was quite cute.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? - That’s so much pressure. I honestly can’t even answer that.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? - BEAUTIFUL. RESPECT AND APPRECIATE BROWN EYES. FROM THE GOLDEN BROWNS TO THE DARK BROWNS.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. - “It’s not the end, I’ll see your face again” - a line from one of my favorite songs of all time, and a nice reminder that my best friend’s passing wasn’t the full end, and I’ll see her again someday.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? - U ok?

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? - I know I would start with buying a lot of records and clothes and travel a lot because I have low impulse control

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? - I definitely am. I think of it as like a blessing and a curse, sometimes. It’s good to be forgiving and let bygones be bygones but I’ve definitely been guilty of forgiving people who didn’t deserve my forgiveness.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. - It’s 2 AM so we’re gonna shorten this to like a few words: you’re gonna regret that.

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? - punk definitely, even though I’m hardly even punk lol

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. - I love tattoos! I have two and definitely want more, and I really like them because they tell a story in at least a small way. Significant tattoos tell a story, and even ones that don’t necessarily have meanings have a story - the person likes that design enough to put it on their skin. Piercings I have no problem with. I don’t personally have any but who am I to judge people who have them? They’re expressing themselves.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? - Not at all, only foundation to cover up my blemishes and such. I don’t wear a lot of makeup bc I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m constantly running late already, so adding a makeup routine to that would just be…bad

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. - I’m gonna be 100% honest: One Direction really effected my life in some great ways. Not only do I love their music, and they’re some good lookin boys, but the common likeness to them is the reason I have some of the friends that I do, and the reason I’m very close to some of my best friends.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. - BE NICE TO PEOPLE, IT’S NOT THAT HARD. 

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. - I’ve been to Justin Bieber (I was 11), Warped Tour twice, We The Kings, All Time Low twice, One Direction twice, 5 Seconds of Summer twice, Ed Sheeran, Panic At The Disco, and Bo Burnham (Im counting that as a concert cause he does music). They all made me feel a lot of different things, but to keep it short and sweet since it’s late and Im answering every question; I remember feeling pure joy and euphoria during all of them.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? - Well, of course I would want a letter from my passed on best friend, saying everything she’d want to get off her chest. But if it has to be someone living, I don’t even know. There’s a lot of people in the world that I wanna hear a lot of things from.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? - I have a desk, and it’s pretty organized, only because the only things on it are a lamp, my laptop, wallet, car keys, alarm clock, bracelets, and glasses

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? - get in pajamas, wash my face, brush my teeth, slump out. Nothing very amazing lmao

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? - my questionable actions lol

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? - funny that this is a question because I’ve been debating doing something new. Probably just a tad bit lighter and shorter. Nothing crazy for now

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? - Again, so many people to choose from. Too many, and I’m tired (sorry I have a tendency to get boring)

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. - 1) my best friend back. Probably could’ve guessed that one. 2) happiness and success for everyone 3) the return of the original That’s So Raven

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. - honestly probably this past year. I was broke so I couldn’t buy a costume, but I was going to a Halloween party so I needed to throw one together. Borrowed one of my grandpa’s hawaiian shirts, threw on a baseball hat, wore socks and sandals, put a camera around my neck, and BAM. Tourist.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? - Somehow, at least that I can remember, I’m pretty good at not doing *very* terrible things when I’m drunk/high/both. Probably the worst was when cops were at a house party and we were all running, I saw half a bottle of Bacardi on the table I was running past so drunk me took it LMAO

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? - kill someone

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? - Probably only see one person, because there’s too much good music to be limited to one song. The person? I’ll get back to you on that one.

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love. - yes, but it was with someone that didn’t love me back. And as much as that hurt, it was kind of nice knowing I can feel emotions - like when I got butterflies when I saw them, or when I smiled so big because their name popped up on my phone.

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? - The only reason I wouldn’t rock really really short hair is because I already hate how I look with my hair in a ponytail, so I can’t imagine how much I’d hate super short hair on myself. But other than that, hell yeah

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? - we actually don’t have a Starbucks where I am (closest one is like 30-45 minutes away in a different city), so I’m gonna give you my Dunkin Donuts order: caramel latte, hot when it’s cold out, iced when it’s warmer out. Would definitely trust my neighbor to order it for me because we go to Dunkin together all the time :)

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? - The people in it

Thank you, kind anon, for letting me ramble about myself for entirely too long! Very much appreciated, love you!! :)))