#maybe i redo the whole thing

[fooltofancy]

do i turn my apartment into a greenhouse OR do i completely redo the basement in my estate IDK i'm suffering

#... i have Ideas. #that are going to require me to run so so so many dungeons but i have IDEAS #.... i already started redoing the basement but idk #it makes no logistical sense to put a greenhouse down there lmao #maybe i redo the whole thing #idk dude i am bad at the walls i don't wanna redo the walls upstairs #i AM gonna redo the ceiling up there so it has exposed beams #but i haven't decided how i wanna do that yet #in the most cost effective way possible #need to draw but i can't focus #i think i'm gonna redo the basement #and sort of do what i was doing in there in the apartment #as much as i like the stupid #church aesthetic of that space rn #i'll make like half of it a church and half of it just cozy #baby mode blogging #CONTEMPLATING #canon ilya spaces are all just like a pile of pillows in the corner and takeout on the floor lmao this is just personal vanity

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to start this post so now im just doing it sorry

Phantom gets called cat like by the other heros all the time. Hell some of the league members have even joined in after he met them. Fuck you superman how dare you out his purring

Problem is his new power he started developing. Telekinesis. And it’s very hard to control. Now if he looses focus he starts knocking stuff off shelves or off tables.

Frostbite told him he would keep developing powers till his ghost side was grown but he thought it was done. How many more powers does he need!!!!

#lord I hate this post #like I wanted to do the whole thing crazy but im so tired #and it has been in my drafts for a good while now #I hyped it up too so now I look even harder at how crap it is #danny phantom #dp x dc #dpxdc #I just wanna go to sleep yall #maybe I will #fuck this I don’t even care any more #is what is is #liz is about to depress herself outta the blog again #rip #happened at 100 followers and 800 followers #I just gotta stop giving a shit about it #why does it matter so much to me #god these tags are horrible #maybe ill redo the post later #but I know yall would enjoy the concept #too bad it’s gonna be attached to my shit ass posy #sorry yall #im not in a good state of mind #but im fine I promise just tired and peobably sick #work really screwed me over and im atressed to the nines about it #ill be fine #it’s fine #im ok #enough tags im a hit post now even though I hate this post

[arklay]

RESIDENT EVIL → THE WESKER FAMILY

To the public, little is known of the families behind some of the world’s most renowned bioterrorists, but the question remains: did they play a role in causing their children to walk down the path that they did? Or are these individuals simply ambitious criminals with delusions of grandeur?

For Diana Wesker (née Afanasyeva), her introduction into the bioweapons black market trade was upon discovering her employers were using her research into limb regeneration with salamanders to further their experiments in creating enhanced soldiers, instead of developing human therapies with which she was recruited for. Although the prospect of using biological weapons in the military did not appeal to her, the concept remained fascinating for her own selfish endeavours. Born on the 27th of October, 1963 in Sydney, Australia to Russian immigrant parents, Diana had harsh expectations placed upon her at a young age, ones that no matter how hard she tried she could never live up to. Her mother, Tatyana, was an unfeeling woman, absent for long stretches of time with little regard to how it affected her daughters, much more concerned with her craft as an accomplished opera singer. Viktor was no better. A strict man whose role as father and ballet master blurred, he pushed his girls to one day follow in his footsteps. Whilst Sofia enjoyed ballet, and went on to become a professional ballet dancer, Diana’s heart was set on going into the field of biology. She wished to make a name for herself, separate from her family – to which she succeeded.

Diana was married to former U.S. Marine, Dave Monroe, for only a year until he was declared dead in 1992 after succumbing to injuries sustained in a horrific car accident. Foul play was ruled out while Diana played the role of the grief-stricken widow, but in reality, she had snapped after years of mistreatment at her husband’s hands, and opted for something she could pass off as an accident to be free of him. For years she believed he was dead – and he was, legally – but that proved to not be the case when he found his way back into her life again in 1999. Unbeknownst to her, she had been lied to by the police and coroner, who were paid off by her employers when they took Dave’s body for themselves and used him as one of their first test subjects in developing supersoldiers. Before he could ever hurt her again, Diana’s second husband, Albert Wesker, tracked the man down, captured him and tortured him, before allowing Diana to get her violent and bloody revenge.

The origins of Albert Wesker’s involvement in bioterrorism, alongside his twin sister, Alex, are much different than that of Diana’s. The two hail from London, Canada, but unfortunately, they hold no memories of their lives there, nor what happened to their biological parents when they were eight years old. Agents of Oswell E. Spencer, an aristocratic billionaire and eugenicist, took the twins from their home and executed their parents as per Spencer’s orders. Albert and Alex were then placed in a home funded by the Spencer Foundation where they were given new names and a privileged upbringing. They had access to the best education possible, free to pursue whichever field they decided, but it was by no accident they both went into virology and bioengineering; at home, their adoptive parents – agents whom they believed to be their real parents – instilled them with the beliefs of Oswell E. Spencer, harbouring disdain for war and pestilence, and believing humans to be an evolutionary dead-end in need of a rebirth. They were only two of the hundreds of children “adopted” as part of what is known as Project W, a plan intended to develop an advanced race of human beings. The most promising candidates were headhunted by Umbrella Pharmaceuticals, the twins amongst them, where they went on to create bioweapons for the company founded by none other than the man who had handpicked them for his plan. The final stage of this was to infect the thirteen Spencer saw fit, however, only two survived; Albert received the intended effects, now possessing superhuman abilities, however, Alex was only offered more time to live due to her terminal degenerative illness.

In the summer of 1995, Diana was working undercover within Umbrella to gather development data on their projects for her company. Here, she had a chance encounter with Albert, an intelligence officer at the time, which permanently altered the course of her life. The two were never seen far from one another’s side, marrying in 1998, and they went on to become notorious in the bioweapons industry. The development of the Uroboros virus was where things took a turn for the worst. Although Diana’s infection was successful and she bore abilities that rivalled her husband’s, the plan itself did not succeed as they had hoped, and almost cost Albert his life at the hands of his former subordinates.

Now, they work within the shadows, with Diana declared missing and Albert believed to be dead. Their legacy, however, lives on with the mark they left on the world. As visionaries in their field, they influenced bioterror attacks carried out by countless individuals and organisations. In turn, they also inspired others to fight against such atrocities. One such person happens to be Albert’s son from a former relationship, Jake Müller, whose existence he was unaware of.

#mine. #oc: diana #pair: ewskers #click for better quality cause it's large & tumblr ate it ♡ #hii so happy birthday diana !! queen is 60 today :] #um. there's no template cause i made this from scratch...i couldn't find any i was vibing with so i was like you know what lmaoo #i'm sorry for the essay...it was meant to be just a short rundown of the family but well...that happened. typical leah fashion... #oh and guys. did you know that there's a limit to the amount you can put in one blockquote? that's why the rest is just left like that caus #i didn't like how it looked with a blockquote each paragraph...cause the spaces between were unever. you understand 😔 #with the tree i was also going to include weskids adoptive parents but i couldn't figure out how to arrange it all & make it look nice !! #cause i also wanted to have spencer in there as well cause he's a big reason why the weskids are the way they are...was maybe gonna include #sherry as well. like connected to jake (hehe) and then do her parents too but that would've made things so wide & it's already big enough #yes. i hc that albert & alex are biological twins. just for clarification there :] i don't think i added anything else that isn't canon or #implied with canon. cause the weskids were put in homes (or at least whatever ''controlled environments'' means) where they were monitored #by umbrella but were unaware of it. so yeah. i don't think i really changed much there !! #honestly i could've kept rambling cause there's alex's whole situation. there's my lore with jake's mum. there's way more with the ewskers #but it's already so long & i can't be concise so there's that lmaoo oh also diana's grandma. so much stuff #also meant to say the weskids birthday in that ramble. it's january 15 1960 :] they are capricorn sun leo moons but alex was born earlier s #their rising signs are albert is a scorpio rising & alex is a libra rising !! #had to redo the image cause typo on diana's birth year for some reason lmao so if that messed up the formatting i will sob

[redo-rewind-if]

Hey everyone! Here's this week's progress report! I've gotten a decent bit done this time around.

Next Update (Chapter 3):

Intro Scene (if not on music fest route): 100%

Music Fest Routes (Solo, V, and Amara): 100%

Club Pyre Path: 38%

August Part 2 Electric Boogaloo: 0% (not started)

Avoid Death (Eventually?): 0% (not started)

Work Time! (End of Chapter): 0% (short outline, not started)

The intro and music paths are completely written! Finally! The music fest paths were actually killing me lol. I added way too many different branches.

I'm working on the club pyre path right now, and let me tell you, things are about to get spicy. 🌶🌶🌶

#redo; rewind if #interactive fiction #if game #progress report #im hoping by this time next week to have the club pyre path mostly done #maybe even completely finished depending on how things go #once i get the whole chapter written it should only be a week or two before i can get the next demo out depending on how long coding takes #i have too many different paths and variables now so itll probably take longer rather than shorter rip

[icewindandboringhorror]

I got these shoes from someone recently but thought they were way too plain looking, so I set out on a quest to customize them with some sharpies and charms and miscellaneous ribbon I had in my craft drawers. Mostly sky themed (clouds, rainbows, rain, stars, etc.) because that's my favorite aesthetic, but I had to include some cat imagery as well, of course lol.

#also honestly had NO IDEA that real converse have that star logo on the INSIDE not the outer part??? why the hell would you want it on the #inner portion where nobody can see it?? my entire life I always would have sworn it was on the outer facing portion.. #I think these would be perfect IF they were just slightly taller (top part higher above ankles instead of just weird hard material digging #right into your ankle whenever you walk) and if they were actual good platforms. they're so short. It's good that 'chunky' shoes are gettin #more popular as they've always been my favorite Look ever since I had these shoes with roller skates that pop out of thebottom (not heelys. #but like. before those. it was two whole entire roller skate wheels like a normal pair of roller skates) and the bottoms were so tall and #clunky and it made my feet look giant (because it had.. entire wheels in the bottom pockets lol). so #I've alwatys been into the aesthetic but . still I find a lot of the 'brands jumping on trend' are too short of platforms #OR they're plafrorms with a raised back/heel/wedge which to me is not aesthetically good and also makes them exceptionally uncomfortable to #wear compared to just plain completely flat chunky platform bottoms. ANYWAY.. if these shoes had a 3 or 4 inch platform I think they'd be #cooler. however for what they are it's still fine! and I like them more now that they actually have some sort of anything to them and #aren't just plain white. The weird thing is that the material it's made out of (maybe some sort of leather or something) absorbs sharpie? #the color changes over time. You draw a mark and then leave it for a few days and it either fades into being barely there or has changed #colors. so I had to go back in and redo parts. ALSO the shoe chains are so funny because I did NOT have the right tools for them #I don't have the stuff to make bracelets or open and close the little rings. they're held onto the shoe with just safety pins and the actua #little rung things that hold the charms on half of them are like broken or the metal is just jam smushed together bent and warped hhbjhjhb #I actually like the back a lot where there's the irridecent star thing hot glued on there. it's cool and shiny. and the clouds #are sparkly on the main parts of the shoe though I'm not sure how well it shows up in pictures #ANYWAY... shoegs..... If I were rich this is one of the things I would definitely custom order from craftsman #why would I spend like thousands of dollars on plain ass shoes that are just expensive because they're a Luxury Brand when I could literall #like pay people to create me custom shoes to my exact specifications?? I could have like 5 inch flat platform boots with fur andclouds #and cat shaped holes in the bottom with LEDs in them with pom pom and charms and etc. etc. etc. Like as gaudy and excessively over #decorated as I want lol.. AND they could have skates in the bottom somehow!! ghjgbhjb #this on top of all the custom wizard costumes and period clothing I would order.. Like i LOVE customizing things. I love everything in my l #life being as particualr as possible and cultivating every experience I have to meticulously meet my own specific criteria as much #as is possible. If I had the money to I would never buy something from a store again. EVERYTHING I owned from furniture to clothing #would be either made by me - or mostly - comissioned from craftsmen. custom tiles for my floors. custom bed. custom table. #even like. custom toilet. custom sinks. etc. etc. ouGGH... but yeah.. anyway... shoes..

[nilonne]

I wanna redo some dialogues of my story. I get irritated when I think about it.

#inconsistent nilonne #i might redo the face of some ocs too #I’m going through a phase lol #I might cancel the whole thing again maybe it’s the gemini in me talking idk

[bananasfosterparent]

We can't fix all our fractured bones And that's just it... It's better off we don't, Love.

Written in the Scars (Anki Remix)- Galantis (ft Wrabel)

What "scars" means for Astarion is obvious, but for my Tav it's her face scar and lightning scars on her legs, which she got as a young girl, during the lightning storm that awakened her powers as a storm sorcerer. And it represented the beginning of her servitude to the smuggler's ship she grew up on.

Emotionally for both, it's also the building of trust, willingness to be vulnerable, and to not let things and people of their past dictate their future.

The story written in their scars was not the story they were told to believe...it was something much, much greater.

.

.

.

It's dumb and silly but I made this and I'm proud of it 😭 HERE take this low quality gifset with lyrics from the song that perfectly sums up the relationship between my evil Tav and AA. I have recordings from my past runs with Efe, so I figured I might as well do something with it all lmao

Here's the song embedded, if you don't wanna click the link :P

#efenity #ascended astarion #astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion x tav #tav x astarion #bg3 #baldu #baldur's gate 3 gifs #bg3 gif #this took not as long as I thought it would and the font is silly and the whole thing is dumb #but I had to get it out of my head lmao #also i know the last two gifs with the chorus are the worst of all of them #they were the first ones I made of the whole set #I plan to redo them I guess #maybe with a better selection for the visual? #idk I'll worry about it later maybe lmao

[digital999placebo]

comic that I will probably never get around to finish. monologue is from a fic that i dont remember if i posted, read beneath cut hehe

“Eh— Hallo?” Ludwig’s voice sounds raspy through the line, having heard the small click as the phone was picked up. “Are you there?”

Feliciano takes another drag, and Ludwig must hear the way his cigarette crackles as it burns because he speaks again, “Is everything okay?” 

Feliciano watches the phone in silence and can see the letters of the words Ludwig speaks seep out of the receiver. Ludwig shuffles on the other end, marks the silence with an inhale.

“I— I thought I saw you in Berlin last week,” he goes on in Feliciano’s silence and his voice is closer to the phone. Feliciano takes a swig from the flask. “On the U-bahn, there was this man who looked just like you from behind, he had that ribbed tank top you always wear beneath your shirts and so I grabbed his shoulder and— it wasn’t you. His nose was crooked and his eyes were green and when I looked at him from behind again I didn’t understand how I could’ve ever thought that was you. He was much paler… I thought— I think— I don’t know how to say it…” 

Feliciano takes another drag from his cigarette, another swig from the bottle and then resumes biting on his nails. He stares at the phone as if he could somehow see Ludwig through the miles-long telephone wire, undoubtedly sitting in his office behind a pile of papers filled with repeating numbers. Ludwig opens his mouth and it must be dry because Feliciano can hear how his lips part. 

“I think I miss you so much I see you everywhere.” 

Feliciano can’t help the sob that comes out of him, wrenched somewhere from the depth of his chest, and he has to put the bottle down before he drops it. 

Again, Feliciano hears Ludwig’s long inhale on the other end and can imagine him tugging uncomfortably at his tie like he always does when he has to open up, biting at his moustache and carefully raking his fingers through his waxed hair. 

“Do you feel the same way?” 

The question is so quiet that Feliciano barely hears it over the buzz on the phone.

He picks up the phone with his empty hand and presses it to his ear. The plastic is cold against the side of his face and vertigo ebbs just outside him, waiting for a full take over and he parts his lips, releases his tongue and moves it into position for words but comes up empty. He’s so incredibly filled with shame about everything that his throat has physically closed itself in terror of giving away his guilt. He takes hold of this throat and pulls at the skin just above his collarbone until it hurts as though it’ll somehow make the words come to him. The cigarette’s butt burns hot. The wall in front of him grows larger until it fills his entire vision with its white colour and has that spot always been there? The little dark one? It looks like a cigarette burn or— or something. 

“Forget I said anything,” Ludwig quickly says and then the line goes dead in Feliciano’s hand.

Feliciano blinks. The wall has gone back to its normal size. Feliciano puts the phone into place and any shame he has gives away to disappointment.

#ITS unedited cut me some slackkkk #BUT I LIKE IT SO ILL POST IT #maybe I will finish it… #touch it up a bit we’ll see #it’s p old so I’ll have to redo the whole thing #it’s during their break up alas #read my 1000 posts to get the context #gerita #hetalia #hws Germany #hws Veneziano #999art

[magpie-to-the-morning]

The shower door that has been some form of busted for literal years has FINALLY been replaced!!!!

#I’m really unhappy with the fact that #I’m now stuck w a smaller shower #it went from 37ish to 34 inches #basically that contractor was clueless #but the literal dozens of others I tried #wouldn’t do a curved shower door install #so it is what it is #maybe in a few years #I can redo the whole bathroom #but there are other things I want to do first so #might just have to live w it #grumble grumble #Champagne problems

[medicinemane]

And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem #shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide #what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne #...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain #and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make #but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves #not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here' #it's sick; it truly is #but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better #we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair #only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide #the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same #you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help #that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink #get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope #we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said #'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die' #I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up #I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure #and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty #my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows) #...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more... #and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet #it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last #...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind #I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die #and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income #given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now #mm tag so i can find things later

[highlifeboat]

Maybe it's controversial, but I would say, having her "bits" out would be better. Artistic nudity, y'know :p

(And if you think peepee just by itself looks funny... Not funnier, than popcorn underwear XD /lh)

I don't know if that's controversial tbh. Nudity in general should be less stigmatized. (Cuz. Y'know. Being nakey isn't exactly a sexy thing on it's own)

I will say the undies do ruin the vibe pfff

#maybe i'll redo it #or edt it at least idk that i really wanna redaw the whole thing #asks #horror lady00

[rosezemlya]

randombutloved said: I don't think Link would want his help after meeting Rauru for the first time 😂 but still a good point haha

From the notes I was writing up for myself as I was prepping to go through and do a re-write of the Return, on describing Rauru's relationship with Link:

Link - took care of him magically in the Sacred Realm while he slept away the seven years between the child period of Ocarina of Time and the adult period, woke him up when the time was right, delivered several extremely bad pieces of news to him in the following minutes, and officially launched his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad adult period - not ENTIRELY Rauru's fault, but it's hard for Link not to put some of that on his shoulders anyway

So... you're definitely not WRONG...

#loz rr #am still planning to attempt a re-write #it's just so painful to read my old writing #and I don't want to do an actual redo of the whole thing #just a rewriting to make the writing not so... me a couple million words ago #but god it's hard #maybe update return to include or foreshadow the world-building that happened later in real world time

[viscerism]

having adhd and trying to be productive by telling myself "okay i can't do this other thing that i want to do until i finish this task" and then purposefully fucking up badly enough on that task so i can be like "well there's no fixing it now i guess i start doing this other thing then!"

#scythe speaks #i have to brute force my way through tasks every day even when i'm on meds but my subconscious STILL finds a way around it #this is infuriating #i am constantly at war with my own mind #and i know i'm just going to have to redo the whole fucking thing later because of this #just because my fuckin dopamine is all out of wack #*taps my frontal lobe* hey. can you maybe fucking function for once

[bambino1294]

the absolute severity of the change in my ability to work quickly post-covid is insane

#rambles #I don’t think I’ve talked a whole lot about my post-covid issues but 🤩 thriving #pretty much confirmed that I will be failing my third year because I’ve stared at the same documents for two entire days #and nothing has changed #and I keep going through these phases of trying not to feel like a failure or like I’m a complete idiot #but it’s kinda hard 🧍🏻‍♀️ #you go into something like university with a goal or an expectation #and then thing after thing keeps going wrong and you don’t know if it’s your fault or if there were things you could’ve done differently #I have a lot to talk about with my therapist when I finally start that up again 😀 #but I’m trying to find joy in my writing #finishing projects and working on my original wips #just anything that won’t make me feel as useless and stupid as my uni work has this year #and I have hospital appointments to go to and friends to see and job hunting to do #so I’m hoping it stops feeling like my life is over sooner rather than later #and maybe when I’m up for it I can redo the year someplace else #and get away from the the admin team that’s been useless all year #anyway I got off track #health = sucks #but I’m a few steps closer to official diagnoses for my physical pain at least #and one waiting list away from dealing with my brain 👍🏻 #that’s my second rant of the week #I won’t be personal again for another 28 business days at least #rant

[polaraffect]

I started thinking about dark academia again this week and just had the most productive 3 hours of the past couple months. maybe i need to get back into this aesthetic fr

#damien.txt #listen aesthetics are fake humans are diverse etc etc but. it's getting me to do school work #also like idk it's making me participate in life again. i feel a little bit of optimism for the future again #i spent time outside reading today which hasn't happened since like a whole semester ago #idk i think maybe i'm just the type of person that Needs to romanticize my life otherwise i get depressed #also not to psycho-analyze myself but i place a lot of value on intelligence and i've felt particularly behind in that regard recently #so by embracing an aesthetic that highlights intelligence it creates an atmosphere in which i can feel intellignet again #which therefore boosts my confidence and all that. or maybe i'm just pretentious. who knows #anyways yeah sorry in advance if i go back to being a dark academia blog 💀💀 #edit: NOT ME SPELLING INTELLIGENT WRONG IN MY THING ABOUT NOT FEELING INTELLIGENT NOOOO #it's too much effort to redo but 💀💀💀💀

[here4theheartbreak]

Wahhhh so excited; my first comeback, first albums (that I bought new, I have some older secondhand ones ofc) - and I managed to pull San, plus WooSan’s drawing characters 🥹🥹🥹 I am so happy.

(And coincidentally pulled all 3 of my closest friends’ biases as well, and the bias of the person who dragged me into Ateez in the first place 😂)

#ateez #about me #my collection #I need to redo my kpop shelf #4 groups #plus some stragglers #really is too much #bah…. #idk how to make it all fit #esp bc some groups’ albums #I wanna display right #bc they’re pretty af #maybe I’ll redo the whole thing #rn I have plushies up top #if I move them I’ll have space #🤔🤔🤔